February 17, 2025 • 56 mins
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What if your self-worth was tied not to what you do, but to what you've healed? Join us as we explore this profound question with holistic practitioner Nicole Harmony. Through her deeply personal journey, Nicole sheds light on the powerful process of recognizing and mending emotional wounds. By examining the role of childhood experiences, particularly with emotionally unavailable caregivers, we uncover how these dynamics often replicate in adulthood. Her story is a testament to the reciprocal nature of healing, where mending oneself can also create space for others to heal.
To learn more about Nicole, or to book a session, visit https://nicoleharmony.com/
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Episode Transcript
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Josh Porthouse (00:00):
The views expressed in this podcast are
solely those of the podcast hostand guest and do not
necessarily represent those ofour distribution partners,
supporting businessrelationships or supported
audience.
Welcome to Transacting Value,where we talk about practical
(00:22):
applications for instigatingself-worth when dealing with
each other and even withinourselves, where we foster a
podcast listening experiencethat lets you hear the power of
a value system for managingburnout, establishing boundaries
, fostering community andfinding identity.
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'myour host and we are redefining
sovereignty of character.
(00:42):
This is why values still holdvalue.
This is Transacting Value.
Nicole Harmony (00:49):
First of all, you have it within yourself to
heal yourself.
Everybody's like oh, I'm ahealer, I'm a healer.
No, I will never heal you.
That is not my job.
My job is to create and holdspace for you to heal yourself,
because you have it within you.
Josh Porthouse (01:05):
Today on Transacting Value.
How do you know your ownself-worth when maybe you're
emotionally unavailable?
More importantly, how can youeffectively communicate it, gain
awareness and develop it to thebetterment of yourself, your
family, your friends and allyour other relationships?
Today on the show, we'retalking with holistic
practitioner Nicole Harmony allabout her insights, her advice
(01:29):
and her recommendations on howto do it.
I'm Josh Porthouse, I'm yourhost and from SDYT Media.
This is Transacting Value,nicole.
How are you doing?
Nicole Harmony (01:39):
I am absolutely fabulous today.
Josh, thank you for asking.
How are you?
Josh Porthouse (01:43):
I'm good, I'm good, you know, for asking how
are you?
I'm good, I'm good.
You know I don't get manypeople asking me that I start
with a greeting and then we rollinto the intro and things tend
to go the same format every time.
But I think you're one ofsingle digits that have been on
the show so far that actuallyasked me in return.
Nicole Harmony (02:02):
Wow, wow, that's interesting.
Yeah, no, it's a reciprocation,right the way that life is
supposed to be.
Josh Porthouse (02:11):
Well, that's just it, isn't it?
That's not the way that it is,though I think oftentimes, you
know, we start to get into thisroutine or this rhythm, how we
want to be perceived or how wetend to act, or whatever that
pattern of behavior happens tobe, and then it just sticks.
Even though we're not trying tobe rude, it just is.
For example, before I get totalking about me being
(02:34):
emotionally unavailable, let'stalk about how you got into
identifying emotionalunavailability as a primary
focus to get you started.
So how about in the next coupleminutes?
We just set the stage first.
Who are you, where are you fromIf you could, I guess,
summarize that and what sort ofthings are shaping your
perspective on the world as itapplies to all these things?
Nicole Harmony (02:57):
So, yeah, that's a loaded question as to where
I'm from.
Question as to where I'm from,I so originally I'm from Texas,
which is where I currently amrecording this.
I spent majority of my life inFlorida, st Pete specifically,
that is.
If I'm going to call home, thatis what I call home.
But recently I have called homein Asia Southeast Asia,
(03:22):
thailand specifically and I planto go back there in April.
So you know what, when peopleask me where home is, home is
where my heart is and home isinside of here.
It doesn't have anything to dowith where I hang my hat.
It's, you know, it's within me,and so I've started to identify
with that more as peoplecontinue to ask me where are you
(03:45):
from?
So that's it for in a nutshellfor me, for where I'm from.
I know that's probably longerthan two minutes, but to answer
your other questions, how I cameupon the emotional
unavailability that isdefinitely a deep question.
My dad was emotionallyunavailable to me and I didn't
(04:09):
have recognition of this untilprobably my late 30s, early 40s,
and I'm 51 years old, so it wasvery much late in life.
Josh Porthouse (04:19):
You're 51?
Nicole Harmony (04:21):
Yeah, I'm 51.
Josh Porthouse (04:25):
Oh good genes, I guess for you.
Nicole Harmony (04:26):
Thank you.
I think actually getting rid ofthe emotional baggage helps to
reverse the aging.
Getting rid of the junk thatyou're holding on to helps to
reverse the aging.
When I look at a before andafter picture of me, back when I
was still very much in the darkabout what had happened to me
(04:48):
as a child and the abuse that Ihave experienced within
relationships, both professionaland sorry my car accident
concussion sometimes gives me alittle bit of brain freeze but
romantic, romantic, intimate andprofessional relationships, you
(05:11):
know you can experienceemotional abuse.
You know, through all of them.
And it wasn't until probably2012 is when I started.
No, 2010 was when I reallystarted to dive deep into the
emotions.
And when I look back atpictures of myself before 2010,
(05:33):
and even actually after that,you can see the age reversal
that I have experienced in thelast few years when I really
started doing the deep dive, thework, the work with the
psychedelics you know, theayahuasca, the psilocybin and
then also doing the emotionalhealing on myself through the
(05:54):
support of others who mentorsand just you know me, myself and
I as well and then finding thework that I actually facilitate
as practitioners, as holisticpractitioners, people who create
and hold space for others.
When we hold space for somebodyelse to heal, we inevitably
heal a portion of ourselves aswell, and so when we are
(06:17):
creating that space, we'rehealing those parts of us too.
So the healing happens everysingle day.
So, yeah, of us too, so thehealing happens every single day
.
So, yeah, I mean, reversing ofthe age is kind of inevitable
when you start doing the deepwork on yourself.
But anyway, I just sidetracked alittle bit.
But my dad was emotionallyunavailable.
I didn't realize it until Istarted reading books on just
(06:41):
different daughter wins, youknow with the father wins, and I
recognized all of these pointsof references that these authors
were making and I was like, wow, that's me.
And so I reached out to mysisters, and my sisters have
kind of a different point ofview and perspective on my dad's
(07:02):
only flesh and blood.
My two sisters were adopted byhim and so they look at him as
their savior.
But I had to kind of take areally hard look and be like,
yeah, I mean, he's an amazingperson, he's an amazing provider
.
He just doesn't know how to beemotionally available for the
(07:24):
women in his life.
I have two sisters, my mom, wedidn't have any brothers, there
were no other men in the family,and he just didn't know how to
because he wasn't taught how toand his grandpa you know his
grandfather wasn't taught how to, and so it was a generational
trauma and curse that kind oftrickled down to me, and then I
(07:44):
became the breaker of the chain,right which there's a lot of us
in this lifetime right now, andso I started doing a lot of
work.
It was dark a lot of the time,and every single relationship
that I've had with a man was areflection back to the
relationship with my father, andin good and in bad ways.
(08:08):
And so I really had to start,you know, kind of taking a look,
and thank God my dad is stillwith us, and at that time he did
still have his faculties.
He has since become, you know,extremely mild cognitive
impairment within the brain, andso I was able to have a couple
(08:29):
of really good years of having,you know, deep introspective
conversations, and I actuallyreceived the validation and the
apology that that youngerversion of me was really needing
in order to push past it.
And now we have cultivated thisbeautiful relationship and I'm
(08:50):
able to be honest with him andsay openly you know how I felt
as a child and again receivethat validation.
You know being able to be feel,seen and heard was monumental
for those younger versions to beintegrated back into to my soul
.
So yeah, did I answer yourquestion?
I'm not sure.
Josh Porthouse (09:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah .
So there's.
There's a lot of things, Ithink, that everybody brings in
as they grow through life,unwittingly so, like in your
case.
What was it, then, thattriggered you?
Instead of looking in, I got tolook back, or instead of
looking forward, I got toreflect.
What was the trigger?
Nicole Harmony (09:32):
The failed relationships, I was the common
denominator.
Josh Porthouse (09:35):
Oh, interesting yeah,
Nicole Harmony (09:38):
I mean when you go into your relationships and
you give it all you got, itstill fails.
You have to start taking a hardlook at yourself and what
you're bringing in.
What traumas and distortionsare you bringing into the
relationships?
What challenges are being shownto you?
I mean the Latin have thisbeautiful explanation and
(10:03):
definition of what arelationship is and it's where
the soul goes to heal.
People feel like they get intoa relationship and it's going to
be all rainbows and unicorns,but your intimate relationship
is going to push you and reflectback to you and show the dark
spots that need to have thelight shown on in order for it
(10:24):
to heal, that need to have thelight shown on in order for it
to heal.
And if you do not have theframework and the skill set in
order to move past and shiftthrough it and the support, then
the relationship is going tofail because the younger version
is going to want to sabotageand it's going to want to run
because it doesn't want to facethose shadows.
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Nicole Harmony (11:22):
The younger version is going to want to
sabotage and it's going to wantto run, because it doesn't want
to face those shadows.
Josh Porthouse (11:31):
Okay, all right, so that makes a lot more sense
now.
See, because I saw a little bitabout you before we got to
record and I kept seeing innerchild, inner child, inner child.
I kept seeing inner child,inner child, inner child, and to
me that meant more whimsical ormore sensitive or maybe less
resilient or less flexible,right, but now basing some
(11:56):
degree of behavior off of thatkind of cognition, I think
changes everything.
Yeah, because, yeah, I guess itis sort of a self-sabotage, but
then how do you identify somesort of a group or some sort of
a family system in any kind ofrelationship where you start to
feel comfortable withoutaccepting how things were,
(12:17):
because then you have toreinvent, right?
Nicole Harmony (12:22):
I'm going to need a little bit more clarity.
I'm not following and thatcould be my concussion.
Josh Porthouse (12:25):
No, no, no.
So what I mean is, if you haveto let go of whatever was, then
you have to reinvent to a newversion your thought process,
your behaviors, yourrelationship, conversations,
biases, whatever.
So how do you?
find a new comfort system then.
So how do you find a newcomfort system then, as you're
starting over, but as an adult?
Nicole Harmony (12:46):
Right, Absolutely.
Yeah, you just, you know, Iwant to say you kind of just
have to throw spaghetti at awall and just see.
You have to really kind ofcheck in with your body and see
what is dysregulating yournervous system.
You know the emotions.
Do you have the skills set inorder to regulate your emotions?
(13:07):
So I grew up in a householdwhere my mom was extremely
affectionate but my dad wasemotionally unavailable.
So I have since seeked outwomen that are very loving and,
you know, huggy and cuddly, butthe men have been emotionally
unavailable to me.
Because that's where my nervoussystem felt normal, felt
(13:31):
comfortable.
Because the ages of zero andeight years old, your beliefs
are created, your belief systemsare created.
And if your baseline isemotional unavailable, men are
safe to you, then when you goout into the world as an adult
and you start to date and a manis overly supportive, then
(13:51):
that's not going to necessarilybring you peace because it's
going to dysregulate the nervoussystem, the baseline Again, it
feels safe when they are notavailable to you.
So you're going to createscenarios to make them
emotionally unavailable.
That creates the friction inthe relationship because the man
(14:12):
may want to be available to youbut you're trying to change
that.
You're trying to change himinto something that was your
baseline, was your safety, anduntil you actually have
recognition of this and you haveshifted and integrated these
parts, that's part of the workthat I do.
You integrate these parts sothey're not out there sabotaging
(14:36):
, they're not out there tryingto make the decision and create
the scenarios to get you back toyour baseline of having
emotionally unavailable men inyour life.
Does that resonate?
Josh Porthouse (14:46):
Well, a little so when it comes to, for example
, emotionally unavailable menand generational traumas.
That's sort of my MO.
So everybody that I've talkedto at least that I remember
talking with throughout myentire life has said why are you
so distant?
Why are you so cold?
What is it, um, you know about?
(15:07):
Pick a relationship, uh, thatjust turns you off about it.
Why can't you be moreaffectionate?
These types of comments, but Ifeel normal.
I don't feel like I'mostracizing people or
intentionally distancing anybody, or you know, I'm engaging to
the extent I feel appropriate.
I'm just not emotionallyengaged, I'd say 90% of the time
(15:31):
.
But until this conversation Idon't think I ever attributed
any of that sort of, I guess,loosely behavior to anything
generational.
But as soon as you brought itup, it was Absolutely.
Nicole Harmony (15:49):
I had all the hair on my body just stood up
when you said that.
Josh Porthouse (15:51):
Yeah.
Nicole Harmony (15:52):
That's beautiful that you were able to make that
awareness and recognition.
Josh Porthouse (15:56):
Well, I mean, that's only half of the equation
, isn't it?
I mean, what do you do withthat kind of insight?
What do you do with that kindof insight?
Nicole Harmony (16:04):
If you're a client and I was I would start
asking a series of questions.
You know where, when was it,who was it that was emotionally
unavailable to you?
And then you know again, withthe dialogue, figuring out when
that first time that you feltlike you didn't have the
affection from that primarycaregiver that you wanted to
(16:27):
receive what need went unmet, atwhat age.
And then we start to practicethe memory integration technique
, which is a series of questions, a sensory exercise, you
meeting that younger version ofyourself, going in and champion
as the adult, breaking thecontract of keeping you safe,
because that's essentially whathe is doing right now.
(16:50):
Is he's keeping you safe fromemotional connection?
Because that's not, he's notused to that right, because he
experienced non-emotionalconnection, emotional
unavailability.
That's where he feels safe.
Like you said, this is all thatI can give, because this is all
that I was taught.
The expansion isn't there, mm.
Josh Porthouse (17:14):
Okay.
Does this always have to happenwith this process, with a coach
, with a winning second party,or can support of another, of an
emotional healer?
Nicole Harmony (17:40):
Like.
That's kind of how I found thiswork in the first place was in
2010.
I worked with an emotionalhealer.
She uncovered a memory that Ihad suppressed.
I didn't even know it was thereand it wasn't sexual abuse or
anything like that.
But I carried that belief ofI'm not worthy, I'm not worthy
of love, I'm not safe for 30years or something like that.
(18:04):
It was when I was eight yearsold.
So I uncovered it when I was 35, 27 years later and it was
stapled to every singlerelationship, every connection,
every life decision that I madefor the next 27 years.
So for me personally, I feellike when it is the darkest of
the spots, that it's almost likea blind spot and sometimes we
(18:27):
can't see it without somebodyelse a skilled professional to
help you see that and have theskillset.
Now, as I am right now, I havethe skill set and I have the
support out there.
But I also have the skill setmyself that I can do, you know,
emotional releases and thingslike that on my own.
(18:48):
But I would say that theaverage person walking around on
the street without some sort ofdeep work or introspective
experience cannot processsomething like that.
It's not just going to dissolveon its own because it's deeply
rooted.
It's almost like a weed thathas grown such huge roots.
(19:15):
A rainstorm is not going tocome and wipe it away.
Wash it away.
Does that resonate?
Josh Porthouse (19:22):
Yeah, yeah.
Do you think maybe it'scultural and not just
generational?
Nicole Harmony (19:29):
Oh, definitely.
Josh Porthouse (19:30):
I mean, that's gotten worse, yeah.
Nicole Harmony (19:32):
Yeah.
Josh Porthouse (19:32):
Because it gets reinforced and repeated.
I mean inculcated, I think, isa better word.
Nicole Harmony (19:40):
Yeah, absolutely my dad.
He is a pastor's son.
His dad or I think it was hisgrandfather was part of the
church as well and so this was,but he wasn't.
My dad wasn't, this was, but hewasn't.
My dad wasn't, but he justwasn't.
He gave to his church and notto his family.
(20:02):
And even when I have theconversation with my dad, he
still defends my grandfather andI have to tell him it was not
okay for you to not feel, foryou not to have a voice.
I mean, I've had to do a littlebit of work with my dad, just
helping him integrate, you know,parts, those younger parts of
(20:24):
himself, just to kind of givehim a better life.
You know, because the anxietyand the depression can be
overwhelming, you know, whenthese parts are just out walking
around.
And to answer your question, togo back to, yeah, it's not just
(20:46):
generational, it's definitely acultural thing.
And if you look at differentcultures outside of, like the
westernized cultures, I mean itcan be even worse, you know.
And the ones where they are,you know, the little boys are
brought up to be men right awayand they're not even allowed to
have a childhood.
(21:06):
You know, I would be interestedto see these different cultures
and how they are reacting andwhat level of anxiety and
depression that they'reexperiencing, because they're
still humans, even though theyhaven't been in the Westernized
culture, they're still humans.
Has anybody asked them?
You know what they wereexperiencing not being able to
(21:31):
have a childhood and having tostart working in the rice field
to the age of eight years old.
Josh Porthouse (21:35):
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Nicole Harmony (22:01):
Has anybody asked them?
You know what they wereexperiencing not being able to
have a childhood and having tostart working in the rice fields
at the age of eight years old.
Josh Porthouse (22:15):
Okay, well, let me try a different perspective
then.
So by rice fields I assume youmean more eastern hemisphere
type cultures or rooted yeah,sort of agrarian type cultures.
Right zero to eight years old,you just have to work because
you got to survive right.
So it's right, it is what it is.
(22:35):
But so a childhood in thatregard maybe just qualifies
differently when the bias or thebaseline is a westernized sort
of more I don't knowtraditionally playful childhood
uh where you have the luxury tobe able to not worry about
survival as often or at all.
Yeah, but how do you think thatstacks up to if we use a
(22:58):
baseline and I'm not apsychiatrist, I'm not even a
neurosurgeon but how do youthink that stacks up against the
sort of prevailing standardthat, if your frontal lobe isn't
really even fully developeduntil your mid-20s, that the
majority of individuals thatjoin first responder occupations
(23:18):
in the Western Hemisphere,service members in the
Department of Defense in theWestern Hemisphere, albeit 17,
18 years old, are still learninghow to embrace the world, find
their place emotionally, respondto triggers, but conditioned to
respond from a distanced, moreostracized position.
Is it going?
Nicole Harmony (23:41):
to be the same result.
Are you talking about the twodifferent cultures being within
the military?
I'm talking about two differentage groups, two different age
groups.
Josh Porthouse (23:49):
So you're saying zero to eight not having a
childhood, but theoretically 17,18 years old is still young
enough to not need to care in aWestern hemisphere.
So in a parallel concept, right, is there still the same degree
of emotional detachment orunavailability then from adults
that are experiencing this at 17to 18 compared?
(24:09):
To adults that are experiencingit zero to eight.
Nicole Harmony (24:12):
Yeah, absolutely .
I mean, you know, the zero toeight years old, that's just the
, that's the baseline that thepsychiatry, whatever
neuroscience, um, uh, groupings,whatever, the, the division of
created.
So again, I don't like to speakin absolutes, but when you so,
(24:37):
if you have the Easternhemisphere, the zero to eight
years old, and you don't havethe childhood, and then you go
into the military and thefrontal lobe hasn point, so just
going towards the military,let's just break that down for
(24:59):
just a second.
Again, the concussion is alittle bit throwing me for a
loop right now, but when you are17 to 18 years old, I actually
have a client that experiencedsevere trauma in the first years
of the military as a man, andthe distortions that he
experienced in the military werevery similar to things that he
(25:20):
experienced in his childhood,and so I was able to help him
connect the dots.
When we have that baseline ofzero eight years old, the brain
will inevitably try to recreatescenarios to go back to that
baseline and that that could beabuse, and so it's going to seek
(25:41):
out scenarios, if you believein this type of thing where we
co create our reality, right,and thoughts become thoughts
become things.
And so if you are in a positionand I know a lot of people are
not going to agree with us butif you are in a position and I
(26:01):
know a lot of people are notgoing to agree with this but if
you are in a position whereyou're experiencing sexual or
physical abuse, then I would betthe house, bet the farm on it,
that you may have experiencedsexual or physical abuse in your
childhood.
Josh Porthouse (26:17):
Okay, the farm on it that you may have
experienced sexual and physicalabuse in your childhood.
Okay, well, gaining exposure,gaining experiences and just
growing up, I think helps right,because then you start to learn
other ways to perceivedifferent events and other
applications of whatever youjust perceived, right?
So what role do you thinktravel has on healing any of
(26:43):
that or increasing aself-awareness around any of
those traumas?
Nicole Harmony (26:48):
that's a beautiful question because the
travel, for me, has reallyhealed a lot of my soul.
Just being able to zoom outfrom the Western culture for me
personally has been monumental,especially being over there
during the election, this pastelection, and being able to
(27:09):
witness what was going on withinsociety that when you're here
you're so indoctrinated andingrained into it.
But when you can zoom out andheal those parts of again the
indoctrination that we areexperiencing in the healthcare
system, for example, being overthere and being able to receive
(27:32):
healthcare that would havepossibly put you into bankruptcy
in the United States, it's justa part of healing yourself
being able to know that youdon't have to follow every
single other person.
You have it within yourself tomake your own decisions.
(27:54):
You have it within yourself.
Well, first of all, you have itwithin yourself to heal
yourself.
Everybody's like oh, I'm ahealer, I'm a healer.
No, I will never heal you.
That is not my job.
My job is to create and holdspace for you to heal yourself,
because you have it within you.
I did five ayahuasca ceremonies.
On my last ceremony last year,I told myself I do not need to
(28:18):
do this anymore because I haveit within me.
The medicine is within me and Iknow that that kind of gets off
the track of your question, butbeing able to travel and
rediscover myself without thepitfalls and the, I just feel
like as I'm sitting here tryingto think, just the noise, the
(28:41):
heaviness that we experience inthe westernized culture Needing
to be something, needing to bebetter than the next person,
always having to be a humandoing, not a human being, having
(29:02):
to be a human, doing, not ahuman being and that is
something that I learned how todo whenever I left the United
States and was able to be when Iwas in Thailand.
I remember it was my last timeto be in the water because I got
a cut on my foot and you can'tgo into the water when you have
a cut on your foot because ofthe flesh.
You need bacteria.
So I was laying in the waterand the salinity levels were so
(29:24):
high in this water that youdon't even have to, you don't
even have to try to float, youjust float effortlessly.
And I was looking up at thebeautiful blue sky against these
green jungle, covered mountainswith palm trees, and I was just
like I don't have to doanything other than just float
here in the water and I'm okayand it's not.
(29:47):
I'm not, not, I'm not doinganything wrong by being here,
but in the U?
S or even Canada you know theUK, these other westernized
cultures you would be looked atas lazy.
You would be looked at asunmotivated.
But over there it's different.
Hmm.
Josh Porthouse (30:06):
Is that why you chose to go over there?
Nicole Harmony (30:09):
Yeah.
Josh Porthouse (30:09):
Just for 180 degrees different exposure.
Nicole Harmony (30:12):
Yeah, yep, because I did it for six months
in Mexico and so that was kindof my real breakaway, not
backpacking, I did that inEurope, but breakaway right
after COVID and just livesomeplace else in another
culture.
And I was in kind of Mexicolight.
So I don't really count that.
(30:33):
But I had this block of timeand I'd always been fascinated
with the Asian culture and justthe beauty of Asia, southeast
Asia, specifically.
Bali, you know, was everybody'slike I want to go to Bali, the
secret of Bali, the love of Bali.
He's like I want to go to Bali,the secret of Bali, the love of
(30:55):
Bali, the whole yoga andmeditation.
And I got over there and I waslike I do not see it.
I see tourism, I see charlatansthat are parading around as
influencers that are trying toquote, unquote, heal people, and
it was a huge turnoff.
And so I went to Thailand and Ifound what I needed in Thailand
and that's the reason I'm goingback.
I, you know, I've been backhere for 10 days, 11 days now,
(31:18):
and I'm like already booking myticket back Cause I just, I just
can't.
I especially after being in thiscar accident I see how broken
the medical system is and howmuch red tape we have had to go
through, even though we have anattorney working for us.
(31:39):
Just the red tape that we haveto go through in order to get
any kind of treatment.
I'm like what is going on?
We were injured four days agogoing.
What is going on?
We were injured four days ago.
Why are we having to walkaround in pain just so you guys
can get your ducks in a row andthe red tape cleared?
It's just crazy.
And there you can go to a stateof the art hospital, receive
(32:04):
treatment right then and there.
And it is a fraction of a costover here.
And then again the simple lifeover there, the cost of living.
The doctors over there are notelite, they're just doctors.
They have just studied themedical system, but they're not
the elite of the country.
(32:24):
They don't live in themillion-dollar mansions and
drive the fancy cars and go onthe fancy trips.
Josh Porthouse (32:31):
That's the westernized culture over here,
all right, folks sit tight,We'll be right back on
Transacting Value.
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Nicole Harmony (33:10):
The doctors over there are not elite, they're
just doctors.
They have just studied themedical system, but they're not
the elite of the country.
They don't live in the milliondollar mansions and drive the
fancy cars and go on the fancytrips.
That's the westernized cultureover here.
It's just crazy.
It's very backwards.
Josh Porthouse (33:31):
So yeah, Well, so we don't necessarily have any
doctors when it comes toholistic healthcare, right,
Obviously there's plenty ofpeople that are licensed MDs and
RNs and have all thesecertification things.
I know RNs and have all thesecertifications and things.
But to say holistic healthcare,I think implies a certain
(33:54):
degree of integrity in thefoundation, where it's wholesome
, not specialized in most.
So how do you view that?
Maybe detriment, maybedetriment?
How do you view that qualifierhere in westernized culture
where, if you apply it to, likeI said earlier, service members,
(34:15):
first responders or any type ofpsychographic here, if we can't
find that kind of care becauseit's not covered by insurance or
because it's not something thatexists wherever we're at, what
then are some options to workthrough those kinds of things?
Nicole Harmony (34:30):
wherever we're at.
What, then, are some options towork through those kinds of
things?
I mean, we do have theintegrative healthcare.
Obviously, you're going to haveto pay out of pocket.
I mean, I haven't gone to aWestern doctor.
This is the first time thatI've had to go to one with the
accident in years.
You have to pay out of pocket.
The insurance game that was theother thing that I had a
(34:53):
problem with the other day isthat the insurance game keeps
you bounded to the healthcaresystem.
Right, the revenue that theyhave created, the revenue stream
that they have created.
They are putting you into aplace of fear, making you think
that you need all of thiscoverage.
(35:14):
When, if you do everything rightwith your body you eat healthy,
you exercise, you process youremotions, you meditate daily
then you're going to be healthy.
You're not.
You don't necessarilyeverybody's like oh no, you have
heart disease and that'shereditary.
Well, guess what?
My dad had a quadruple bypasssurgery five years ago.
(35:34):
I went in for the heart scan orthe calcium score scan a month
after his surgery.
Two months after his surgery, Ihad zero.
So don't tell me that it'shereditary.
Everything is reversible.
The genetics loads the gun, butthe lifestyle pulls the trigger
.
So to answer your question isto figure it out and don't allow
(35:59):
a system that is there to putyou, that is put into place to
put you into fear and to keepyou sick, to keep you down.
Figure it out on your own.
Start to pull back the curtainon the wizard, start to see
beyond the veil, start to thinkfor yourself instead of
following what everybody else isdoing.
(36:19):
That's probably going to get mekilled.
Josh Porthouse (36:22):
Well, red pill, blue pill, you know.
So, okay, there's, I think,something interesting.
When you talked aboutco-creating a reality, which is
essentially what you were justdescribing like taking ownership
and accountability over yourlifestyle, that, I think, is
maybe underrated, or at leastunderstated.
(36:42):
That degree of ownership whenit comes to aspects of
masculinity throughoutWesternized culture, or even
femininity, I mean, it's reallythe same where each has their
own sort of strongholds overwhat you do and don't discuss in
public, I think it becomes sortof our responsibility, right?
(37:03):
People like us, for example,that are willing to have these
kinds of conversations andbroadcast them to the public,
for example, or putting it intoa book, or putting it into a
practice and helping otherpeople come to some sort of
closure and direction.
I think that's just theresponsibility that you adopted
and volunteered to take on, butI think some of those things can
(37:27):
be taught in the beginning.
I mean, you mentionedeverything's reversible, which
then I think also implieseverything could start
differently as well.
Yeah, right, so this is asegment of the show called
developing character.
D D D, developing character.
And now it's two questions, buthere's why.
(37:49):
And now it's two questions, buthere's why I think of all the
things that any individualperson has in common in the past
, growing up in the future, whothey become at present, who they
are really, the only thing istheir character, because you
(38:11):
can't control all the othervariables that might impact it.
So I think the qualities thatdescribe and ground our
character, those values are.
If we can start to identifywhat they are, what they were,
what they're becoming, it's alot easier to have a starting
point, a common reference pointmaybe, to grow from.
So my two questions are aboutyour value system.
One when you were growing up,what were some of the values
(38:34):
that you were exposed to or thatyou remember learning as a
child?
My second question is then now,what are some of your values,
if they've changed?
Nicole Harmony (38:44):
Religion was very strong in my household,
especially my dad coming fromhis religious background as a
pastor's son.
So we went to Sunday school andwe went to church on Sunday.
That was a value that wasinstilled greatly into us as
children.
Now, when I started to become ateenager, I was working all the
(39:07):
time.
I was working all the time.
I was working in retail.
So I slowly became disconnectedfrom the church and then I
became fully disconnected fromit.
Whenever I got into my teensand early twenties I moved to
New York.
I tried to go to um, to churchthere, but it wasn't until
(39:28):
probably my 30s that I startedseeing religion for what it was.
And now I really see religionfor what it is and I don't agree
with it any longer.
I don't identify with thedivision that has been created
within the religious sectors.
So that's one value that hasdramatically shifted.
(39:55):
The other values are, you know,just and these are also kind of
trauma responses where you knowdon't make too much noise, be a
good little girl.
Well, that is suppressing whatmay or may not be comfortable
for that little girl.
I do know that there are somemen in my parents' circle that
(40:20):
sometimes spoke inappropriate asI look back, but I was always
told to be a good little girland I was also somewhat
gaslighted sometimes.
Oh no, you're crazy.
They're not thinking that.
And I'm like guess what If I?
Now I know I'm like if, and Iand I definitely speak my voice
now, use my voice.
Now that you don't get to tellsomebody how they feel because
(40:44):
that's how they feel.
So you don't get to say thatthey don't.
All you get to say is I'm sorryif I made you feel that way.
That was not my intention.
Or if I did make you feel thatway, I did not mean to.
How can I make it better?
(41:04):
Not, I didn't make you feelthat way.
You're crazy.
That's like gaslighting 101.
So that's another value Alwaysbe kind to others.
Again, another trauma response.
Yes, we should be kind toothers, but we should also have
boundaries set in place for us.
Josh Porthouse (41:24):
Oh, I see.
Nicole Harmony (41:25):
Because if we're people pleasing all the time,
right, then that's we're pouringfrom an empty cup and we need
to.
We need to still nurseourselves.
So it's interesting how thevalues that I was given, at face
value, they look like everyother value that's given to.
You know, the the Americanfamily, right.
(41:47):
But if you take a step back,you see that if context is not
included into the value, howthey can be interpreted as being
suppressing and again having,you know that trauma attached to
it.
I don't know if that answersyour questions or not.
Josh Porthouse (42:09):
Well, yeah, and you also brought up an
interesting point too, where youmentioned about being kind and
then compared it essentially tolacking boundaries, because
there's got to be everythingsort of in moderation.
That I guess I hadn'tconsidered before because I sort
of always considered kindnesswith, I don't know, maybe just
(42:34):
helping other people or somedegree of empathy or sympathy
maybe, yeah, yeah, but I neverattributed it with boundaries,
taking care of yourself first.
And so then I guess, really,for the sake of time, I only
have maybe three other questions, and this next one is based on
that fact being kind andboundaries Occupationally again,
(42:57):
since we've been talking aboutit, let's stick with, say, first
responders and service membersas an industry.
Occupationally being kindactually directly means
self-sacrifice, because it'syour industry, that's the whole
point of the duty and serviceyou're providing, right, right.
But so what about the boundariesthen, that you can't control?
(43:17):
Because you have to fill yourmission set, you have to fill
your occupation, you have toprovide a service, and so you
don't have the luxury oftentimesto say you know what?
I need to stop for lunch, Ican't take that next patient, or
I need to go to the bathroom.
I can't take that next patientor I need to go to the bathroom.
I can't go check on thatpatient right now.
What, then?
How do we harmonize,necessarily lacking boundaries
(43:42):
and still maintaining being kindas a value system, if that's
something we hold pretty close?
Nicole Harmony (43:47):
And that's interesting that you say that
you know there are so manynurses that suffer from chronic
kidney infections because theyhaven't been able to urinate,
they haven't been able to peefor hours, and that's so.
That's not a that's not aboundary system, that's a broken
healthcare system, because youshould not have so many patients
(44:11):
on your workload that in solittle support that you cannot
go pee.
That is the craziest thing I'veever heard in my life Out of
all of the people that areinvolved in healthcare and the
amount of billions of dollars,trillions of dollars of revenue
(44:32):
that it generates.
And you can't hire an extranurse or somebody that is able
to allow you the relief so youcan sit down and have a meal and
you can sit down and go to thebathroom without having to worry
about it.
First of all, the energyexchange comes into play.
If you have a nurse that isburned out, can't pee, has a
(44:57):
chronic kidney infection, goesin and serves her patient, what
kind of energy is she going tobe giving off to that patient?
Probably not positive energy,right?
Because she's got a bunch ofgunk inside of her.
It's just like with thesurgeons that stand up for 18
hours or whatever it is and theydon't have, and then they make
(45:19):
mistakes.
We should not be sacrificingthe patient's well-being and the
energy that they're trying togather to heal their bodies by
putting the so-called expertsand professionals in there that
they're not even able to behealed wholesome, whole people
(45:41):
themselves.
Right, I guess it's a brokensystem, if anything.
So it's not a boundaries issue.
Now, yeah, the boundaries docome in, but are you able to say
no, I can't, for fear that youlose your job?
(46:02):
I mean.
So again, it's, you can set theboundaries, the system's broken.
So until we repair the system,then it doesn't matter how many
boundaries you have, and that'swhy a lot of people quit.
That's why a lot of people leftthe healthcare system during
COVID because of what hadoccurred.
I mean, everybody says it wasbecause they didn't want to be
(46:24):
vaxxed.
No, they were burned out andthey couldn't even think for
themselves and they didn't haveany time for themselves anymore.
That's when they set theboundary.
Josh Porthouse (46:36):
Yeah, absolutely .
And then the toll that it takeson their families, or second,
third order sort of ripples asan effect of that Exactly.
I mean, at the risk of statingthe obvious here, I got to ask
all of these experiences thatyou've had, these ceremonies,
your travels at this point, alldifferent directions around the
(46:56):
world, and then the experiencesof working with different
clients, and then just your ownlife, what has all of this
actually done to instigate yourown self-worth now, in hindsight
, compared to who you were?
that years ago.
Nicole Harmony (47:12):
Oh my gosh, I have never been so much in love
with myself.
I'm so proud of what I havebeen able to accomplish in the
past 10 years.
To look at myself in the mirroris a completely different
experience than it was fiveyears ago.
(47:33):
I can look at myself in themirror and be proud of the
reflection that's looking backat me.
I don't know if a lot of peoplecan say that truthfully, like
really looking at yourself inthe mirror, looking at your eyes
and the soul that you havebecome and evolved to.
And that's the evolution thatI've experienced and one reason
(47:57):
why I continue to travel,because each leg that I travel
gives that experience back to myclients.
And even though, yeah, I do lovemyself, I love my clients, I
love what I do, I hope I neverhave to not do it Like I'm not
working towards being able tohave my business run
(48:20):
automatically you know, beautomated.
I don't ever want to do that.
I always want to be on thereceiving end of being able to
serve my clients.
Nice Well, that alone ispowerful.
So congratulations, because Iagree with you.
Josh Porthouse (48:31):
I don't think it's very common of being able
to serve my clients Great.
Well, that alone is powerful.
So congratulations, because Iagree with you, I don't think
it's very common, unfortunately.
So the fact that you were ableto find some, on one hand,
contentment and, on the otherhand, degree of success in it,
that you can sustain it, I think, says a lot.
So yeah, absolutelyCongratulations.
Nicole Harmony (48:49):
Thank you.
Josh Porthouse (48:50):
Of course.
My last question, then of allthe things that you have done,
if anybody wants to become aclient or wants to follow along
with your journey or any futureblogs, or merchandise or books,
or whatever your travels becomein the future, where do people
go?
Nicole Harmony (49:05):
NicoleHarmonycom .
That has every single thing onthere.
I'm sure the link will be inthe show notes, but it's
N-I-C-O-L-E-H-A-R-M-O-N-Ycom.
There's a couple of freebiesthat you can download.
You can book one-off sessionsif you so desire.
You can book a free sessionwith me to see how I may support
(49:25):
you and give you the differentofferings that I have.
At that moment.
I do Akashic Records readingsas well.
This is something that I justintroduced, that's new within
the last six months.
I believe into my practice and,yeah, the memory integration
technique is about to blow upinto a global type of way.
(49:46):
I have been kind of holding itclose to me for the last two
years, just making sure that theresults that I was seeing were
going to be sustainable and um,repetitive, and they have been
um each time that I allow umthat space create and allow that
space for my client to heal,specifically with memory
(50:06):
integration technique.
It's 100% effective and I'venever I've never seen anything
like it.
I've curated it over differentthings that I've learned and
things that have just beendownloaded to me via source, if
you believe in that kind ofthing and um.
But it's time for otherpractitioners to learn the
(50:27):
technique so I can bring itglobal.
That way, more and more peoplecan heal.
So of course, this is in theprocess right now.
Josh Porthouse (50:36):
That'd be cool, all right, well, so, first off,
nicole, you're exactly right Toanybody who's new to the show,
if you click see more or showmore, depending on the player,
you're streaming thisconversation on.
In the drop down descriptionfor this conversation you will
see links to NicoleHarmonycomand you'll be able to find some
information there, which is apretty sweet opportunity from
(50:56):
the sounds of it, becauseeverybody's then getting in on
the ground floor before thisexplodes.
So that's pretty exciting.
Also, nicole, just for your ownedification, if you're
interested, we have a lady who,uh, at the time of this
recording, hasn't aired yet, butwe've already spoken and she'll
be on next season with thisconversation as well.
(51:18):
Um, her name is Janelle Klassen.
She wrote a book called nursingthe nurse and that's exactly
what she talks about.
Uh, she's out in Australia.
Uh, we've also had a guy comeon the show.
His name's Novin JC.
He's actually in, or splits histime between, indonesia and LA,
and his entire focus is flowstate and what it's done for him
(51:41):
in movie production and theentertainment industry here in
the States and then what it'sdone for him in his own sort of
private and personal life inIndonesia, and I think there's a
lot of interesting overlap thatyou've just described that you
may find some resonance there aswell.
Nicole Harmony (51:59):
Yeah, I can't wait to listen to those episodes
.
I actually spent 17 years inthe film industry, so I'll be
curious to listen to his yeah,yeah.
Josh Porthouse (52:07):
Yeah.
Nicole Harmony (52:07):
That's actually what got me sick was the film
industry.
Oh, so the workload burnout theworkload, um, just not ever
being right in your job like youwere never.
You were never right.
Everything was always wrong.
Um, it was you.
It was never a good job.
(52:27):
Something was always needed.
Um, and then talk about notbeing able to sit down and eat
or go to the bathroom.
Yeah, 16 to 18 hour days ofhaving to shovel food into your
mouth for like 15 minutes andrun.
I was in wardrobe and then Iwould have to run and go get the
talent dress so the crew thatwas getting done could go back
(52:51):
to set and everything was readyto go.
Yeah, it was.
It was always, always, alwaysabout the budget of all mighty
dollar over time?
Josh Porthouse (53:00):
yeah, it was a lot here in the future.
Come back and we'll talk abouthow it applies to the
entertainment industry.
I think that could be its ownseparate conversation entirely.
So that'd be pretty sweet.
But for right now, since we areout of time, I appreciate you
making it and coming on and justtalking for a little while,
especially right now arounddinner time.
So, first of all, thanks foryour time, your insight, your
(53:24):
vulnerability and your abilityto explain it too, I think,
helps because it's not superspiritual and out of reach.
It's still grounded enough tomake sense and have a practical
application.
So I appreciate the opportunity.
Nicole Harmony (53:38):
Thank you so much, Josh.
This has been an honor.
I really appreciate you.
Thank you so much.
Josh Porthouse (53:43):
Well, thanks for saying that, and to everybody
else who's been watching thisconversation or follow along
with any of our otherconversations.
Thank you, guys, for comingback and tuning into the show.
If you want to hear more of ourconversations, head to our
websitetransactingvaluepodcastcom.
Here's the cool thing on thehomepage In addition to finding
links to all of our otherconversations in the episodes
(54:03):
tab, there's a button on the topright corner that says leave a
voicemail.
Click on it.
You get two minutes of talktime all to yourself.
Here's my recommendation forwhat you can do with it.
One, let us know what you thinkof the show.
Let us know what you thinkabout the questions, my hosting
style, the guests, the topics,the flow of the show, the flow
of the conversation, anythingand all the above.
That'd be great and I'dappreciate it.
(54:24):
I know my team would as well.
But secondly, tell Nicole whatyou think about this
conversation.
Tell Nicole what you thinkabout her practice, what you
think about her background, whatyou think about what she's
doing with it.
Give her some resources, giveher some love.
Let her know things that maybeshe's unaware of, that she can
incorporate, just like she wastalking about her memory
technique, helping other peoplein the future as well, and then
we'll forward that audio fileonto Nicole or get you guys in
(54:47):
touch if that's what you want aswell.
Get you guys in touch if that'swhat you want as well.
I really, really genuinelyappreciate having some time to
talk to you about thisconversation and, again, I think
it's pretty underrated, so I'dlove to have you come back and
do something similar again.
Nicole Harmony (55:01):
Yeah, I would love to Thank you.
Josh Porthouse (55:03):
Absolutely, but for right now, till next time.
That was Transacting Value.
Thank you to our show partnersand folks.
Thank you for tuning in andappreciating our value.
As that wasTransactingValuePodcastcom, we
also stream new episodes everyMonday at 9 am Eastern Standard
(55:33):
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(55:54):
honor and teach the value offreedom for future generations.
On behalf of our team and ourglobal ambassadors, as you all
strive to establish clarity andpurpose, ensure social
tranquility and secure theblessings of liberty or
individual sovereignty ofcharacter for yourselves and
your posterity, we will continueinstigating self-worth and
(56:14):
we'll meet you there.
Until next time.
That was Transacting Value.
The views expressed in this podcast are
solely those of the podcast hostand guest and do not
necessarily represent those ofour distribution partners,
supporting businessrelationships or supported
audience.
Welcome to Transacting Value,where we talk about practical
(00:22):
applications for instigatingself-worth when dealing with
each other and even withinourselves, where we foster a
podcast listening experiencethat lets you hear the power of
a value system for managingburnout, establishing boundaries
, fostering community andfinding identity.
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'myour host and we are redefining
sovereignty of character.
(00:42):
This is why values still holdvalue.
This is Transacting Value.
Nicole Harmony (00:49):
First of all, you have it within yourself to
heal yourself.
Everybody's like oh, I'm ahealer, I'm a healer.
No, I will never heal you.
That is not my job.
My job is to create and holdspace for you to heal yourself,
because you have it within you.
Josh Porthouse (01:05):
Today on Transacting Value.
How do you know your ownself-worth when maybe you're
emotionally unavailable?
More importantly, how can youeffectively communicate it, gain
awareness and develop it to thebetterment of yourself, your
family, your friends and allyour other relationships?
Today on the show, we'retalking with holistic
practitioner Nicole Harmony allabout her insights, her advice
(01:29):
and her recommendations on howto do it.
I'm Josh Porthouse, I'm yourhost and from SDYT Media.
This is Transacting Value,nicole.
How are you doing?
Nicole Harmony (01:39):
I am absolutely fabulous today.
Josh, thank you for asking.
How are you?
Josh Porthouse (01:43):
I'm good, I'm good, you know, for asking how
are you?
I'm good, I'm good.
You know I don't get manypeople asking me that I start
with a greeting and then we rollinto the intro and things tend
to go the same format every time.
But I think you're one ofsingle digits that have been on
the show so far that actuallyasked me in return.
Nicole Harmony (02:02):
Wow, wow, that's interesting.
Yeah, no, it's a reciprocation,right the way that life is
supposed to be.
Josh Porthouse (02:11):
Well, that's just it, isn't it?
That's not the way that it is,though I think oftentimes, you
know, we start to get into thisroutine or this rhythm, how we
want to be perceived or how wetend to act, or whatever that
pattern of behavior happens tobe, and then it just sticks.
Even though we're not trying tobe rude, it just is.
For example, before I get totalking about me being
(02:34):
emotionally unavailable, let'stalk about how you got into
identifying emotionalunavailability as a primary
focus to get you started.
So how about in the next coupleminutes?
We just set the stage first.
Who are you, where are you fromIf you could, I guess,
summarize that and what sort ofthings are shaping your
perspective on the world as itapplies to all these things?
Nicole Harmony (02:57):
So, yeah, that's a loaded question as to where
I'm from.
Question as to where I'm from,I so originally I'm from Texas,
which is where I currently amrecording this.
I spent majority of my life inFlorida, st Pete specifically,
that is.
If I'm going to call home, thatis what I call home.
But recently I have called homein Asia Southeast Asia,
(03:22):
thailand specifically and I planto go back there in April.
So you know what, when peopleask me where home is, home is
where my heart is and home isinside of here.
It doesn't have anything to dowith where I hang my hat.
It's, you know, it's within me,and so I've started to identify
with that more as peoplecontinue to ask me where are you
(03:45):
from?
So that's it for in a nutshellfor me, for where I'm from.
I know that's probably longerthan two minutes, but to answer
your other questions, how I cameupon the emotional
unavailability that isdefinitely a deep question.
My dad was emotionallyunavailable to me and I didn't
(04:09):
have recognition of this untilprobably my late 30s, early 40s,
and I'm 51 years old, so it wasvery much late in life.
Josh Porthouse (04:19):
You're 51?
Nicole Harmony (04:21):
Yeah, I'm 51.
Josh Porthouse (04:25):
Oh good genes, I guess for you.
Nicole Harmony (04:26):
Thank you.
I think actually getting rid ofthe emotional baggage helps to
reverse the aging.
Getting rid of the junk thatyou're holding on to helps to
reverse the aging.
When I look at a before andafter picture of me, back when I
was still very much in the darkabout what had happened to me
(04:48):
as a child and the abuse that Ihave experienced within
relationships, both professionaland sorry my car accident
concussion sometimes gives me alittle bit of brain freeze but
romantic, romantic, intimate andprofessional relationships, you
(05:11):
know you can experienceemotional abuse.
You know, through all of them.
And it wasn't until probably2012 is when I started.
No, 2010 was when I reallystarted to dive deep into the
emotions.
And when I look back atpictures of myself before 2010,
(05:33):
and even actually after that,you can see the age reversal
that I have experienced in thelast few years when I really
started doing the deep dive, thework, the work with the
psychedelics you know, theayahuasca, the psilocybin and
then also doing the emotionalhealing on myself through the
(05:54):
support of others who mentorsand just you know me, myself and
I as well and then finding thework that I actually facilitate
as practitioners, as holisticpractitioners, people who create
and hold space for others.
When we hold space for somebodyelse to heal, we inevitably
heal a portion of ourselves aswell, and so when we are
(06:17):
creating that space, we'rehealing those parts of us too.
So the healing happens everysingle day.
So, yeah, of us too, so thehealing happens every single day
.
So, yeah, I mean, reversing ofthe age is kind of inevitable
when you start doing the deepwork on yourself.
But anyway, I just sidetracked alittle bit.
But my dad was emotionallyunavailable.
I didn't realize it until Istarted reading books on just
(06:41):
different daughter wins, youknow with the father wins, and I
recognized all of these pointsof references that these authors
were making and I was like, wow, that's me.
And so I reached out to mysisters, and my sisters have
kind of a different point ofview and perspective on my dad's
(07:02):
only flesh and blood.
My two sisters were adopted byhim and so they look at him as
their savior.
But I had to kind of take areally hard look and be like,
yeah, I mean, he's an amazingperson, he's an amazing provider
.
He just doesn't know how to beemotionally available for the
(07:24):
women in his life.
I have two sisters, my mom, wedidn't have any brothers, there
were no other men in the family,and he just didn't know how to
because he wasn't taught how toand his grandpa you know his
grandfather wasn't taught how to, and so it was a generational
trauma and curse that kind oftrickled down to me, and then I
(07:44):
became the breaker of the chain,right which there's a lot of us
in this lifetime right now, andso I started doing a lot of
work.
It was dark a lot of the time,and every single relationship
that I've had with a man was areflection back to the
relationship with my father, andin good and in bad ways.
(08:08):
And so I really had to start,you know, kind of taking a look,
and thank God my dad is stillwith us, and at that time he did
still have his faculties.
He has since become, you know,extremely mild cognitive
impairment within the brain, andso I was able to have a couple
(08:29):
of really good years of having,you know, deep introspective
conversations, and I actuallyreceived the validation and the
apology that that youngerversion of me was really needing
in order to push past it.
And now we have cultivated thisbeautiful relationship and I'm
(08:50):
able to be honest with him andsay openly you know how I felt
as a child and again receivethat validation.
You know being able to be feel,seen and heard was monumental
for those younger versions to beintegrated back into to my soul
.
So yeah, did I answer yourquestion?
I'm not sure.
Josh Porthouse (09:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah .
So there's.
There's a lot of things, Ithink, that everybody brings in
as they grow through life,unwittingly so, like in your
case.
What was it, then, thattriggered you?
Instead of looking in, I got tolook back, or instead of
looking forward, I got toreflect.
What was the trigger?
Nicole Harmony (09:32):
The failed relationships, I was the common
denominator.
Josh Porthouse (09:35):
Oh, interesting yeah,
Nicole Harmony (09:38):
I mean when you go into your relationships and
you give it all you got, itstill fails.
You have to start taking a hardlook at yourself and what
you're bringing in.
What traumas and distortionsare you bringing into the
relationships?
What challenges are being shownto you?
I mean the Latin have thisbeautiful explanation and
(10:03):
definition of what arelationship is and it's where
the soul goes to heal.
People feel like they get intoa relationship and it's going to
be all rainbows and unicorns,but your intimate relationship
is going to push you and reflectback to you and show the dark
spots that need to have thelight shown on in order for it
(10:24):
to heal, that need to have thelight shown on in order for it
to heal.
And if you do not have theframework and the skill set in
order to move past and shiftthrough it and the support, then
the relationship is going tofail because the younger version
is going to want to sabotageand it's going to want to run
because it doesn't want to facethose shadows.
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Nicole Harmony (11:22):
The younger version is going to want to
sabotage and it's going to wantto run, because it doesn't want
to face those shadows.
Josh Porthouse (11:31):
Okay, all right, so that makes a lot more sense
now.
See, because I saw a little bitabout you before we got to
record and I kept seeing innerchild, inner child, inner child.
I kept seeing inner child,inner child, inner child, and to
me that meant more whimsical ormore sensitive or maybe less
resilient or less flexible,right, but now basing some
(11:56):
degree of behavior off of thatkind of cognition, I think
changes everything.
Yeah, because, yeah, I guess itis sort of a self-sabotage, but
then how do you identify somesort of a group or some sort of
a family system in any kind ofrelationship where you start to
feel comfortable withoutaccepting how things were,
(12:17):
because then you have toreinvent, right?
Nicole Harmony (12:22):
I'm going to need a little bit more clarity.
I'm not following and thatcould be my concussion.
Josh Porthouse (12:25):
No, no, no.
So what I mean is, if you haveto let go of whatever was, then
you have to reinvent to a newversion your thought process,
your behaviors, yourrelationship, conversations,
biases, whatever.
So how do you?
find a new comfort system then.
So how do you find a newcomfort system then, as you're
starting over, but as an adult?
Nicole Harmony (12:46):
Right, Absolutely.
Yeah, you just, you know, Iwant to say you kind of just
have to throw spaghetti at awall and just see.
You have to really kind ofcheck in with your body and see
what is dysregulating yournervous system.
You know the emotions.
Do you have the skills set inorder to regulate your emotions?
(13:07):
So I grew up in a householdwhere my mom was extremely
affectionate but my dad wasemotionally unavailable.
So I have since seeked outwomen that are very loving and,
you know, huggy and cuddly, butthe men have been emotionally
unavailable to me.
Because that's where my nervoussystem felt normal, felt
(13:31):
comfortable.
Because the ages of zero andeight years old, your beliefs
are created, your belief systemsare created.
And if your baseline isemotional unavailable, men are
safe to you, then when you goout into the world as an adult
and you start to date and a manis overly supportive, then
(13:51):
that's not going to necessarilybring you peace because it's
going to dysregulate the nervoussystem, the baseline Again, it
feels safe when they are notavailable to you.
So you're going to createscenarios to make them
emotionally unavailable.
That creates the friction inthe relationship because the man
(14:12):
may want to be available to youbut you're trying to change
that.
You're trying to change himinto something that was your
baseline, was your safety, anduntil you actually have
recognition of this and you haveshifted and integrated these
parts, that's part of the workthat I do.
You integrate these parts sothey're not out there sabotaging
(14:36):
, they're not out there tryingto make the decision and create
the scenarios to get you back toyour baseline of having
emotionally unavailable men inyour life.
Does that resonate?
Josh Porthouse (14:46):
Well, a little so when it comes to, for example
, emotionally unavailable menand generational traumas.
That's sort of my MO.
So everybody that I've talkedto at least that I remember
talking with throughout myentire life has said why are you
so distant?
Why are you so cold?
What is it, um, you know about?
(15:07):
Pick a relationship, uh, thatjust turns you off about it.
Why can't you be moreaffectionate?
These types of comments, but Ifeel normal.
I don't feel like I'mostracizing people or
intentionally distancing anybody, or you know, I'm engaging to
the extent I feel appropriate.
I'm just not emotionallyengaged, I'd say 90% of the time
(15:31):
.
But until this conversation Idon't think I ever attributed
any of that sort of, I guess,loosely behavior to anything
generational.
But as soon as you brought itup, it was Absolutely.
Nicole Harmony (15:49):
I had all the hair on my body just stood up
when you said that.
Josh Porthouse (15:51):
Yeah.
Nicole Harmony (15:52):
That's beautiful that you were able to make that
awareness and recognition.
Josh Porthouse (15:56):
Well, I mean, that's only half of the equation
, isn't it?
I mean, what do you do withthat kind of insight?
What do you do with that kindof insight?
Nicole Harmony (16:04):
If you're a client and I was I would start
asking a series of questions.
You know where, when was it,who was it that was emotionally
unavailable to you?
And then you know again, withthe dialogue, figuring out when
that first time that you feltlike you didn't have the
affection from that primarycaregiver that you wanted to
(16:27):
receive what need went unmet, atwhat age.
And then we start to practicethe memory integration technique
, which is a series of questions, a sensory exercise, you
meeting that younger version ofyourself, going in and champion
as the adult, breaking thecontract of keeping you safe,
because that's essentially whathe is doing right now.
(16:50):
Is he's keeping you safe fromemotional connection?
Because that's not, he's notused to that right, because he
experienced non-emotionalconnection, emotional
unavailability.
That's where he feels safe.
Like you said, this is all thatI can give, because this is all
that I was taught.
The expansion isn't there, mm.
Josh Porthouse (17:14):
Okay.
Does this always have to happenwith this process, with a coach
, with a winning second party,or can support of another, of an
emotional healer?
Nicole Harmony (17:40):
Like.
That's kind of how I found thiswork in the first place was in
2010.
I worked with an emotionalhealer.
She uncovered a memory that Ihad suppressed.
I didn't even know it was thereand it wasn't sexual abuse or
anything like that.
But I carried that belief ofI'm not worthy, I'm not worthy
of love, I'm not safe for 30years or something like that.
(18:04):
It was when I was eight yearsold.
So I uncovered it when I was 35, 27 years later and it was
stapled to every singlerelationship, every connection,
every life decision that I madefor the next 27 years.
So for me personally, I feellike when it is the darkest of
the spots, that it's almost likea blind spot and sometimes we
(18:27):
can't see it without somebodyelse a skilled professional to
help you see that and have theskillset.
Now, as I am right now, I havethe skill set and I have the
support out there.
But I also have the skill setmyself that I can do, you know,
emotional releases and thingslike that on my own.
(18:48):
But I would say that theaverage person walking around on
the street without some sort ofdeep work or introspective
experience cannot processsomething like that.
It's not just going to dissolveon its own because it's deeply
rooted.
It's almost like a weed thathas grown such huge roots.
(19:15):
A rainstorm is not going tocome and wipe it away.
Wash it away.
Does that resonate?
Josh Porthouse (19:22):
Yeah, yeah.
Do you think maybe it'scultural and not just
generational?
Nicole Harmony (19:29):
Oh, definitely.
Josh Porthouse (19:30):
I mean, that's gotten worse, yeah.
Nicole Harmony (19:32):
Yeah.
Josh Porthouse (19:32):
Because it gets reinforced and repeated.
I mean inculcated, I think, isa better word.
Nicole Harmony (19:40):
Yeah, absolutely my dad.
He is a pastor's son.
His dad or I think it was hisgrandfather was part of the
church as well and so this was,but he wasn't.
My dad wasn't, this was, but hewasn't.
My dad wasn't, but he justwasn't.
He gave to his church and notto his family.
(20:02):
And even when I have theconversation with my dad, he
still defends my grandfather andI have to tell him it was not
okay for you to not feel, foryou not to have a voice.
I mean, I've had to do a littlebit of work with my dad, just
helping him integrate, you know,parts, those younger parts of
(20:24):
himself, just to kind of givehim a better life.
You know, because the anxietyand the depression can be
overwhelming, you know, whenthese parts are just out walking
around.
And to answer your question, togo back to, yeah, it's not just
(20:46):
generational, it's definitely acultural thing.
And if you look at differentcultures outside of, like the
westernized cultures, I mean itcan be even worse, you know.
And the ones where they are,you know, the little boys are
brought up to be men right awayand they're not even allowed to
have a childhood.
(21:06):
You know, I would be interestedto see these different cultures
and how they are reacting andwhat level of anxiety and
depression that they'reexperiencing, because they're
still humans, even though theyhaven't been in the Westernized
culture, they're still humans.
Has anybody asked them?
You know what they wereexperiencing not being able to
(21:31):
have a childhood and having tostart working in the rice field
to the age of eight years old.
Josh Porthouse (21:35):
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Nicole Harmony (22:01):
Has anybody asked them?
You know what they wereexperiencing not being able to
have a childhood and having tostart working in the rice fields
at the age of eight years old.
Josh Porthouse (22:15):
Okay, well, let me try a different perspective
then.
So by rice fields I assume youmean more eastern hemisphere
type cultures or rooted yeah,sort of agrarian type cultures.
Right zero to eight years old,you just have to work because
you got to survive right.
So it's right, it is what it is.
(22:35):
But so a childhood in thatregard maybe just qualifies
differently when the bias or thebaseline is a westernized sort
of more I don't knowtraditionally playful childhood
uh where you have the luxury tobe able to not worry about
survival as often or at all.
Yeah, but how do you think thatstacks up to if we use a
(22:58):
baseline and I'm not apsychiatrist, I'm not even a
neurosurgeon but how do youthink that stacks up against the
sort of prevailing standardthat, if your frontal lobe isn't
really even fully developeduntil your mid-20s, that the
majority of individuals thatjoin first responder occupations
(23:18):
in the Western Hemisphere,service members in the
Department of Defense in theWestern Hemisphere, albeit 17,
18 years old, are still learninghow to embrace the world, find
their place emotionally, respondto triggers, but conditioned to
respond from a distanced, moreostracized position.
Is it going?
Nicole Harmony (23:41):
to be the same result.
Are you talking about the twodifferent cultures being within
the military?
I'm talking about two differentage groups, two different age
groups.
Josh Porthouse (23:49):
So you're saying zero to eight not having a
childhood, but theoretically 17,18 years old is still young
enough to not need to care in aWestern hemisphere.
So in a parallel concept, right, is there still the same degree
of emotional detachment orunavailability then from adults
that are experiencing this at 17to 18 compared?
(24:09):
To adults that are experiencingit zero to eight.
Nicole Harmony (24:12):
Yeah, absolutely .
I mean, you know, the zero toeight years old, that's just the
, that's the baseline that thepsychiatry, whatever
neuroscience, um, uh, groupings,whatever, the, the division of
created.
So again, I don't like to speakin absolutes, but when you so,
(24:37):
if you have the Easternhemisphere, the zero to eight
years old, and you don't havethe childhood, and then you go
into the military and thefrontal lobe hasn point, so just
going towards the military,let's just break that down for
(24:59):
just a second.
Again, the concussion is alittle bit throwing me for a
loop right now, but when you are17 to 18 years old, I actually
have a client that experiencedsevere trauma in the first years
of the military as a man, andthe distortions that he
experienced in the military werevery similar to things that he
(25:20):
experienced in his childhood,and so I was able to help him
connect the dots.
When we have that baseline ofzero eight years old, the brain
will inevitably try to recreatescenarios to go back to that
baseline and that that could beabuse, and so it's going to seek
(25:41):
out scenarios, if you believein this type of thing where we
co create our reality, right,and thoughts become thoughts
become things.
And so if you are in a positionand I know a lot of people are
not going to agree with us butif you are in a position and I
(26:01):
know a lot of people are notgoing to agree with this but if
you are in a position whereyou're experiencing sexual or
physical abuse, then I would betthe house, bet the farm on it,
that you may have experiencedsexual or physical abuse in your
childhood.
Josh Porthouse (26:17):
Okay, the farm on it that you may have
experienced sexual and physicalabuse in your childhood.
Okay, well, gaining exposure,gaining experiences and just
growing up, I think helps right,because then you start to learn
other ways to perceivedifferent events and other
applications of whatever youjust perceived, right?
So what role do you thinktravel has on healing any of
(26:43):
that or increasing aself-awareness around any of
those traumas?
Nicole Harmony (26:48):
that's a beautiful question because the
travel, for me, has reallyhealed a lot of my soul.
Just being able to zoom outfrom the Western culture for me
personally has been monumental,especially being over there
during the election, this pastelection, and being able to
(27:09):
witness what was going on withinsociety that when you're here
you're so indoctrinated andingrained into it.
But when you can zoom out andheal those parts of again the
indoctrination that we areexperiencing in the healthcare
system, for example, being overthere and being able to receive
(27:32):
healthcare that would havepossibly put you into bankruptcy
in the United States, it's justa part of healing yourself
being able to know that youdon't have to follow every
single other person.
You have it within yourself tomake your own decisions.
(27:54):
You have it within yourself.
Well, first of all, you have itwithin yourself to heal
yourself.
Everybody's like oh, I'm ahealer, I'm a healer.
No, I will never heal you.
That is not my job.
My job is to create and holdspace for you to heal yourself,
because you have it within you.
I did five ayahuasca ceremonies.
On my last ceremony last year,I told myself I do not need to
(28:18):
do this anymore because I haveit within me.
The medicine is within me and Iknow that that kind of gets off
the track of your question, butbeing able to travel and
rediscover myself without thepitfalls and the, I just feel
like as I'm sitting here tryingto think, just the noise, the
(28:41):
heaviness that we experience inthe westernized culture Needing
to be something, needing to bebetter than the next person,
always having to be a humandoing, not a human being, having
(29:02):
to be a human, doing, not ahuman being and that is
something that I learned how todo whenever I left the United
States and was able to be when Iwas in Thailand.
I remember it was my last timeto be in the water because I got
a cut on my foot and you can'tgo into the water when you have
a cut on your foot because ofthe flesh.
You need bacteria.
So I was laying in the waterand the salinity levels were so
(29:24):
high in this water that youdon't even have to, you don't
even have to try to float, youjust float effortlessly.
And I was looking up at thebeautiful blue sky against these
green jungle, covered mountainswith palm trees, and I was just
like I don't have to doanything other than just float
here in the water and I'm okayand it's not.
(29:47):
I'm not, not, I'm not doinganything wrong by being here,
but in the U?
S or even Canada you know theUK, these other westernized
cultures you would be looked atas lazy.
You would be looked at asunmotivated.
But over there it's different.
Hmm.
Josh Porthouse (30:06):
Is that why you chose to go over there?
Nicole Harmony (30:09):
Yeah.
Josh Porthouse (30:09):
Just for 180 degrees different exposure.
Nicole Harmony (30:12):
Yeah, yep, because I did it for six months
in Mexico and so that was kindof my real breakaway, not
backpacking, I did that inEurope, but breakaway right
after COVID and just livesomeplace else in another
culture.
And I was in kind of Mexicolight.
So I don't really count that.
(30:33):
But I had this block of timeand I'd always been fascinated
with the Asian culture and justthe beauty of Asia, southeast
Asia, specifically.
Bali, you know, was everybody'slike I want to go to Bali, the
secret of Bali, the love of Bali.
He's like I want to go to Bali,the secret of Bali, the love of
(30:55):
Bali, the whole yoga andmeditation.
And I got over there and I waslike I do not see it.
I see tourism, I see charlatansthat are parading around as
influencers that are trying toquote, unquote, heal people, and
it was a huge turnoff.
And so I went to Thailand and Ifound what I needed in Thailand
and that's the reason I'm goingback.
I, you know, I've been backhere for 10 days, 11 days now,
(31:18):
and I'm like already booking myticket back Cause I just, I just
can't.
I especially after being in thiscar accident I see how broken
the medical system is and howmuch red tape we have had to go
through, even though we have anattorney working for us.
(31:39):
Just the red tape that we haveto go through in order to get
any kind of treatment.
I'm like what is going on?
We were injured four days agogoing.
What is going on?
We were injured four days ago.
Why are we having to walkaround in pain just so you guys
can get your ducks in a row andthe red tape cleared?
It's just crazy.
And there you can go to a stateof the art hospital, receive
(32:04):
treatment right then and there.
And it is a fraction of a costover here.
And then again the simple lifeover there, the cost of living.
The doctors over there are notelite, they're just doctors.
They have just studied themedical system, but they're not
the elite of the country.
(32:24):
They don't live in themillion-dollar mansions and
drive the fancy cars and go onthe fancy trips.
Josh Porthouse (32:31):
That's the westernized culture over here,
all right, folks sit tight,We'll be right back on
Transacting Value.
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Nicole Harmony (33:10):
The doctors over there are not elite, they're
just doctors.
They have just studied themedical system, but they're not
the elite of the country.
They don't live in the milliondollar mansions and drive the
fancy cars and go on the fancytrips.
That's the westernized cultureover here.
It's just crazy.
It's very backwards.
Josh Porthouse (33:31):
So yeah, Well, so we don't necessarily have any
doctors when it comes toholistic healthcare, right,
Obviously there's plenty ofpeople that are licensed MDs and
RNs and have all thesecertification things.
I know RNs and have all thesecertifications and things.
But to say holistic healthcare,I think implies a certain
(33:54):
degree of integrity in thefoundation, where it's wholesome
, not specialized in most.
So how do you view that?
Maybe detriment, maybedetriment?
How do you view that qualifierhere in westernized culture
where, if you apply it to, likeI said earlier, service members,
(34:15):
first responders or any type ofpsychographic here, if we can't
find that kind of care becauseit's not covered by insurance or
because it's not something thatexists wherever we're at, what
then are some options to workthrough those kinds of things?
Nicole Harmony (34:30):
wherever we're at.
What, then, are some options towork through those kinds of
things?
I mean, we do have theintegrative healthcare.
Obviously, you're going to haveto pay out of pocket.
I mean, I haven't gone to aWestern doctor.
This is the first time thatI've had to go to one with the
accident in years.
You have to pay out of pocket.
The insurance game that was theother thing that I had a
(34:53):
problem with the other day isthat the insurance game keeps
you bounded to the healthcaresystem.
Right, the revenue that theyhave created, the revenue stream
that they have created.
They are putting you into aplace of fear, making you think
that you need all of thiscoverage.
(35:14):
When, if you do everything rightwith your body you eat healthy,
you exercise, you process youremotions, you meditate daily
then you're going to be healthy.
You're not.
You don't necessarilyeverybody's like oh no, you have
heart disease and that'shereditary.
Well, guess what?
My dad had a quadruple bypasssurgery five years ago.
(35:34):
I went in for the heart scan orthe calcium score scan a month
after his surgery.
Two months after his surgery, Ihad zero.
So don't tell me that it'shereditary.
Everything is reversible.
The genetics loads the gun, butthe lifestyle pulls the trigger
.
So to answer your question isto figure it out and don't allow
(35:59):
a system that is there to putyou, that is put into place to
put you into fear and to keepyou sick, to keep you down.
Figure it out on your own.
Start to pull back the curtainon the wizard, start to see
beyond the veil, start to thinkfor yourself instead of
following what everybody else isdoing.
(36:19):
That's probably going to get mekilled.
Josh Porthouse (36:22):
Well, red pill, blue pill, you know.
So, okay, there's, I think,something interesting.
When you talked aboutco-creating a reality, which is
essentially what you were justdescribing like taking ownership
and accountability over yourlifestyle, that, I think, is
maybe underrated, or at leastunderstated.
(36:42):
That degree of ownership whenit comes to aspects of
masculinity throughoutWesternized culture, or even
femininity, I mean, it's reallythe same where each has their
own sort of strongholds overwhat you do and don't discuss in
public, I think it becomes sortof our responsibility, right?
(37:03):
People like us, for example,that are willing to have these
kinds of conversations andbroadcast them to the public,
for example, or putting it intoa book, or putting it into a
practice and helping otherpeople come to some sort of
closure and direction.
I think that's just theresponsibility that you adopted
and volunteered to take on, butI think some of those things can
(37:27):
be taught in the beginning.
I mean, you mentionedeverything's reversible, which
then I think also implieseverything could start
differently as well.
Yeah, right, so this is asegment of the show called
developing character.
D D D, developing character.
And now it's two questions, buthere's why.
(37:49):
And now it's two questions, buthere's why I think of all the
things that any individualperson has in common in the past
, growing up in the future, whothey become at present, who they
are really, the only thing istheir character, because you
(38:11):
can't control all the othervariables that might impact it.
So I think the qualities thatdescribe and ground our
character, those values are.
If we can start to identifywhat they are, what they were,
what they're becoming, it's alot easier to have a starting
point, a common reference pointmaybe, to grow from.
So my two questions are aboutyour value system.
One when you were growing up,what were some of the values
(38:34):
that you were exposed to or thatyou remember learning as a
child?
My second question is then now,what are some of your values,
if they've changed?
Nicole Harmony (38:44):
Religion was very strong in my household,
especially my dad coming fromhis religious background as a
pastor's son.
So we went to Sunday school andwe went to church on Sunday.
That was a value that wasinstilled greatly into us as
children.
Now, when I started to become ateenager, I was working all the
(39:07):
time.
I was working all the time.
I was working in retail.
So I slowly became disconnectedfrom the church and then I
became fully disconnected fromit.
Whenever I got into my teensand early twenties I moved to
New York.
I tried to go to um, to churchthere, but it wasn't until
(39:28):
probably my 30s that I startedseeing religion for what it was.
And now I really see religionfor what it is and I don't agree
with it any longer.
I don't identify with thedivision that has been created
within the religious sectors.
So that's one value that hasdramatically shifted.
(39:55):
The other values are, you know,just and these are also kind of
trauma responses where you knowdon't make too much noise, be a
good little girl.
Well, that is suppressing whatmay or may not be comfortable
for that little girl.
I do know that there are somemen in my parents' circle that
(40:20):
sometimes spoke inappropriate asI look back, but I was always
told to be a good little girland I was also somewhat
gaslighted sometimes.
Oh no, you're crazy.
They're not thinking that.
And I'm like guess what If I?
Now I know I'm like if, and Iand I definitely speak my voice
now, use my voice.
Now that you don't get to tellsomebody how they feel because
(40:44):
that's how they feel.
So you don't get to say thatthey don't.
All you get to say is I'm sorryif I made you feel that way.
That was not my intention.
Or if I did make you feel thatway, I did not mean to.
How can I make it better?
(41:04):
Not, I didn't make you feelthat way.
You're crazy.
That's like gaslighting 101.
So that's another value Alwaysbe kind to others.
Again, another trauma response.
Yes, we should be kind toothers, but we should also have
boundaries set in place for us.
Josh Porthouse (41:24):
Oh, I see.
Nicole Harmony (41:25):
Because if we're people pleasing all the time,
right, then that's we're pouringfrom an empty cup and we need
to.
We need to still nurseourselves.
So it's interesting how thevalues that I was given, at face
value, they look like everyother value that's given to.
You know, the the Americanfamily, right.
(41:47):
But if you take a step back,you see that if context is not
included into the value, howthey can be interpreted as being
suppressing and again having,you know that trauma attached to
it.
I don't know if that answersyour questions or not.
Josh Porthouse (42:09):
Well, yeah, and you also brought up an
interesting point too, where youmentioned about being kind and
then compared it essentially tolacking boundaries, because
there's got to be everythingsort of in moderation.
That I guess I hadn'tconsidered before because I sort
of always considered kindnesswith, I don't know, maybe just
(42:34):
helping other people or somedegree of empathy or sympathy
maybe, yeah, yeah, but I neverattributed it with boundaries,
taking care of yourself first.
And so then I guess, really,for the sake of time, I only
have maybe three other questions, and this next one is based on
that fact being kind andboundaries Occupationally again,
(42:57):
since we've been talking aboutit, let's stick with, say, first
responders and service membersas an industry.
Occupationally being kindactually directly means
self-sacrifice, because it'syour industry, that's the whole
point of the duty and serviceyou're providing, right, right.
But so what about the boundariesthen, that you can't control?
(43:17):
Because you have to fill yourmission set, you have to fill
your occupation, you have toprovide a service, and so you
don't have the luxury oftentimesto say you know what?
I need to stop for lunch, Ican't take that next patient, or
I need to go to the bathroom.
I can't take that next patientor I need to go to the bathroom.
I can't go check on thatpatient right now.
What, then?
How do we harmonize,necessarily lacking boundaries
(43:42):
and still maintaining being kindas a value system, if that's
something we hold pretty close?
Nicole Harmony (43:47):
And that's interesting that you say that
you know there are so manynurses that suffer from chronic
kidney infections because theyhaven't been able to urinate,
they haven't been able to peefor hours, and that's so.
That's not a that's not aboundary system, that's a broken
healthcare system, because youshould not have so many patients
(44:11):
on your workload that in solittle support that you cannot
go pee.
That is the craziest thing I'veever heard in my life Out of
all of the people that areinvolved in healthcare and the
amount of billions of dollars,trillions of dollars of revenue
(44:32):
that it generates.
And you can't hire an extranurse or somebody that is able
to allow you the relief so youcan sit down and have a meal and
you can sit down and go to thebathroom without having to worry
about it.
First of all, the energyexchange comes into play.
If you have a nurse that isburned out, can't pee, has a
(44:57):
chronic kidney infection, goesin and serves her patient, what
kind of energy is she going tobe giving off to that patient?
Probably not positive energy,right?
Because she's got a bunch ofgunk inside of her.
It's just like with thesurgeons that stand up for 18
hours or whatever it is and theydon't have, and then they make
(45:19):
mistakes.
We should not be sacrificingthe patient's well-being and the
energy that they're trying togather to heal their bodies by
putting the so-called expertsand professionals in there that
they're not even able to behealed wholesome, whole people
(45:41):
themselves.
Right, I guess it's a brokensystem, if anything.
So it's not a boundaries issue.
Now, yeah, the boundaries docome in, but are you able to say
no, I can't, for fear that youlose your job?
(46:02):
I mean.
So again, it's, you can set theboundaries, the system's broken.
So until we repair the system,then it doesn't matter how many
boundaries you have, and that'swhy a lot of people quit.
That's why a lot of people leftthe healthcare system during
COVID because of what hadoccurred.
I mean, everybody says it wasbecause they didn't want to be
(46:24):
vaxxed.
No, they were burned out andthey couldn't even think for
themselves and they didn't haveany time for themselves anymore.
That's when they set theboundary.
Josh Porthouse (46:36):
Yeah, absolutely .
And then the toll that it takeson their families, or second,
third order sort of ripples asan effect of that Exactly.
I mean, at the risk of statingthe obvious here, I got to ask
all of these experiences thatyou've had, these ceremonies,
your travels at this point, alldifferent directions around the
(46:56):
world, and then the experiencesof working with different
clients, and then just your ownlife, what has all of this
actually done to instigate yourown self-worth now, in hindsight
, compared to who you were?
that years ago.
Nicole Harmony (47:12):
Oh my gosh, I have never been so much in love
with myself.
I'm so proud of what I havebeen able to accomplish in the
past 10 years.
To look at myself in the mirroris a completely different
experience than it was fiveyears ago.
(47:33):
I can look at myself in themirror and be proud of the
reflection that's looking backat me.
I don't know if a lot of peoplecan say that truthfully, like
really looking at yourself inthe mirror, looking at your eyes
and the soul that you havebecome and evolved to.
And that's the evolution thatI've experienced and one reason
(47:57):
why I continue to travel,because each leg that I travel
gives that experience back to myclients.
And even though, yeah, I do lovemyself, I love my clients, I
love what I do, I hope I neverhave to not do it Like I'm not
working towards being able tohave my business run
(48:20):
automatically you know, beautomated.
I don't ever want to do that.
I always want to be on thereceiving end of being able to
serve my clients.
Nice Well, that alone ispowerful.
So congratulations, because Iagree with you.
Josh Porthouse (48:31):
I don't think it's very common of being able
to serve my clients Great.
Well, that alone is powerful.
So congratulations, because Iagree with you, I don't think
it's very common, unfortunately.
So the fact that you were ableto find some, on one hand,
contentment and, on the otherhand, degree of success in it,
that you can sustain it, I think, says a lot.
So yeah, absolutelyCongratulations.
Nicole Harmony (48:49):
Thank you.
Josh Porthouse (48:50):
Of course.
My last question, then of allthe things that you have done,
if anybody wants to become aclient or wants to follow along
with your journey or any futureblogs, or merchandise or books,
or whatever your travels becomein the future, where do people
go?
Nicole Harmony (49:05):
NicoleHarmonycom .
That has every single thing onthere.
I'm sure the link will be inthe show notes, but it's
N-I-C-O-L-E-H-A-R-M-O-N-Ycom.
There's a couple of freebiesthat you can download.
You can book one-off sessionsif you so desire.
You can book a free sessionwith me to see how I may support
(49:25):
you and give you the differentofferings that I have.
At that moment.
I do Akashic Records readingsas well.
This is something that I justintroduced, that's new within
the last six months.
I believe into my practice and,yeah, the memory integration
technique is about to blow upinto a global type of way.
(49:46):
I have been kind of holding itclose to me for the last two
years, just making sure that theresults that I was seeing were
going to be sustainable and um,repetitive, and they have been
um each time that I allow umthat space create and allow that
space for my client to heal,specifically with memory
(50:06):
integration technique.
It's 100% effective and I'venever I've never seen anything
like it.
I've curated it over differentthings that I've learned and
things that have just beendownloaded to me via source, if
you believe in that kind ofthing and um.
But it's time for otherpractitioners to learn the
(50:27):
technique so I can bring itglobal.
That way, more and more peoplecan heal.
So of course, this is in theprocess right now.
Josh Porthouse (50:36):
That'd be cool, all right, well, so, first off,
nicole, you're exactly right Toanybody who's new to the show,
if you click see more or showmore, depending on the player,
you're streaming thisconversation on.
In the drop down descriptionfor this conversation you will
see links to NicoleHarmonycomand you'll be able to find some
information there, which is apretty sweet opportunity from
(50:56):
the sounds of it, becauseeverybody's then getting in on
the ground floor before thisexplodes.
So that's pretty exciting.
Also, nicole, just for your ownedification, if you're
interested, we have a lady who,uh, at the time of this
recording, hasn't aired yet, butwe've already spoken and she'll
be on next season with thisconversation as well.
(51:18):
Um, her name is Janelle Klassen.
She wrote a book called nursingthe nurse and that's exactly
what she talks about.
Uh, she's out in Australia.
Uh, we've also had a guy comeon the show.
His name's Novin JC.
He's actually in, or splits histime between, indonesia and LA,
and his entire focus is flowstate and what it's done for him
(51:41):
in movie production and theentertainment industry here in
the States and then what it'sdone for him in his own sort of
private and personal life inIndonesia, and I think there's a
lot of interesting overlap thatyou've just described that you
may find some resonance there aswell.
Nicole Harmony (51:59):
Yeah, I can't wait to listen to those episodes
.
I actually spent 17 years inthe film industry, so I'll be
curious to listen to his yeah,yeah.
Josh Porthouse (52:07):
Yeah.
Nicole Harmony (52:07):
That's actually what got me sick was the film
industry.
Oh, so the workload burnout theworkload, um, just not ever
being right in your job like youwere never.
You were never right.
Everything was always wrong.
Um, it was you.
It was never a good job.
(52:27):
Something was always needed.
Um, and then talk about notbeing able to sit down and eat
or go to the bathroom.
Yeah, 16 to 18 hour days ofhaving to shovel food into your
mouth for like 15 minutes andrun.
I was in wardrobe and then Iwould have to run and go get the
talent dress so the crew thatwas getting done could go back
(52:51):
to set and everything was readyto go.
Yeah, it was.
It was always, always, alwaysabout the budget of all mighty
dollar over time?
Josh Porthouse (53:00):
yeah, it was a lot here in the future.
Come back and we'll talk abouthow it applies to the
entertainment industry.
I think that could be its ownseparate conversation entirely.
So that'd be pretty sweet.
But for right now, since we areout of time, I appreciate you
making it and coming on and justtalking for a little while,
especially right now arounddinner time.
So, first of all, thanks foryour time, your insight, your
(53:24):
vulnerability and your abilityto explain it too, I think,
helps because it's not superspiritual and out of reach.
It's still grounded enough tomake sense and have a practical
application.
So I appreciate the opportunity.
Nicole Harmony (53:38):
Thank you so much, Josh.
This has been an honor.
I really appreciate you.
Thank you so much.
Josh Porthouse (53:43):
Well, thanks for saying that, and to everybody
else who's been watching thisconversation or follow along
with any of our otherconversations.
Thank you, guys, for comingback and tuning into the show.
If you want to hear more of ourconversations, head to our
websitetransactingvaluepodcastcom.
Here's the cool thing on thehomepage In addition to finding
links to all of our otherconversations in the episodes
(54:03):
tab, there's a button on the topright corner that says leave a
voicemail.
Click on it.
You get two minutes of talktime all to yourself.
Here's my recommendation forwhat you can do with it.
One, let us know what you thinkof the show.
Let us know what you thinkabout the questions, my hosting
style, the guests, the topics,the flow of the show, the flow
of the conversation, anythingand all the above.
That'd be great and I'dappreciate it.
(54:24):
I know my team would as well.
But secondly, tell Nicole whatyou think about this
conversation.
Tell Nicole what you thinkabout her practice, what you
think about her background, whatyou think about what she's
doing with it.
Give her some resources, giveher some love.
Let her know things that maybeshe's unaware of, that she can
incorporate, just like she wastalking about her memory
technique, helping other peoplein the future as well, and then
we'll forward that audio fileonto Nicole or get you guys in
(54:47):
touch if that's what you want aswell.
Get you guys in touch if that'swhat you want as well.
I really, really genuinelyappreciate having some time to
talk to you about thisconversation and, again, I think
it's pretty underrated, so I'dlove to have you come back and
do something similar again.
Nicole Harmony (55:01):
Yeah, I would love to Thank you.
Josh Porthouse (55:03):
Absolutely, but for right now, till next time.
That was Transacting Value.
Thank you to our show partnersand folks.
Thank you for tuning in andappreciating our value.
As that wasTransactingValuePodcastcom, we
also stream new episodes everyMonday at 9 am Eastern Standard
(55:33):
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You can now hear TransactingValue on Reads Across America
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Wednesdays at 5 pm, sundays atnoon and Thursdays at 1 am.
Head to ReadsAcrossAmericaorg.
Slash transacting value tosponsor a wreath and remember,
(55:54):
honor and teach the value offreedom for future generations.
On behalf of our team and ourglobal ambassadors, as you all
strive to establish clarity andpurpose, ensure social
tranquility and secure theblessings of liberty or
individual sovereignty ofcharacter for yourselves and
your posterity, we will continueinstigating self-worth and
(56:14):
we'll meet you there.
Until next time.
That was Transacting Value.
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