September 3, 2023 • 31 mins
Embarking on the path of trauma recovery can often feel like a solitary expedition. But here's the truth: it doesn't have to be. Drawing from both my personal journey and years of professional expertise, I firmly believe that healing is not just possible; it's attainable, and you don't have to navigate this labyrinth alone.
Welcome to the inaugural episode of "Trauma Demystified," where we set the stage for an enlightening journey ahead. Today, we'll begin by laying down some essential ground rules for this podcast.
Ever wondered what trauma truly looks like? In this episode, we dive deep into the intricate world of trauma, demystifying its complexities and shedding light on its true nature.
We'll deconstruct the medical perspective on trauma, approaching it from a trauma-informed standpoint. Along the way, we'll unravel the common symptoms of trauma and explore why identifying these symptoms is often easier than pinpointing the traumatic events themselves. Together, we'll gently navigate these symptoms and uncover healthier strategies for recovery.
Have you ever found yourself grappling with feelings of guilt, shame, self-blame, or other trauma-related symptoms? Know that you're not alone. Throughout this episode, I'll candidly share my personal journey through recovery, including the obstacles I encountered along the way.
So, tune in and let's embark on this transformative journey together. "Trauma Demystified" is here to be your compass, guiding you toward a brighter horizon of healing and resilience.
Learn more about us: https://brighthorizontherapies.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brighthorizontherapies/
Message us: nat@brighthorizontherapies.com
Trauma Demystified is not intended to replace professional guidance, support, medical treatment, or therapy. Please feel free to consult your physician or a mental health professional for any questions about mental health symptoms.
Bright Horizon Therapies is located in the Treaty 7 region in Southern Alberta, which includes the Blackfoot Confederacy, the Tsuut’ina First Nation, and the Stoney Nakoda. This land is also home to Métis Nation of Alberta, Region III. We acknowledge the traditional caregivers of the land and the importance of a commitment to the continued decolonization of our work.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Natalie Jovanic (they/t (00:01):
Welcome to Trauma Demystified, a
podcast by Bright HorizonTherapies.
I'm Natalie Jovanic, your hoston this journey.
In this podcast, I'll draw frommy professional expertise as a
trauma-informed counsellor andcoach, as well as from my lived
experience around healing trauma.
In today's episode, setting thescene, unveiling the podcast
(00:22):
journey, I'll introduce someground rules and what you can
expect from the podcast.
Furthermore, you will get toknow me a bit better and I'll
give you some ideas for traumais and how recovery looks like.
One thing I would like you toremember is that healing is
possible and that you're notalone in that.
So tune in and let's embark onthis journey together.
(00:43):
I'm aware that we're touchingon a complex topic and I want to
give you some ground rules,because I don't know you and I
don't necessarily see what'shappening for you while you're
listening to the podcast.
The first ground rule is takecare of yourself.
If you notice that you haveheightened emotions while
listening to the podcast, pleasetake a break, take a sip of
(01:05):
water, go for a walk and do someactivities to ground yourself.
Throughout the podcast, I willshare theories and concepts and
I hope that they might resonatewith you.
However, I would also inviteyou to use them to reflect on
your own experience, and I wouldalso ask you to take what
resonates and leave the rest.
All of us have a differenthealing journey and some of what
(01:28):
I share may resonate with youand some of what I share may not
at all resonate with you, andso really listen to yourself and
respect your own boundaries.
The episodes will build on eachother so that you can deepen
your knowledge about trauma andrecovery.
So today I will just put someservice information out there
and then over time, we will digdeeper.
(01:49):
I also invite you to ask amental health professional in
your area if you noticedisturbing emotions or anything
like that, and please stoplistening to the podcast if this
were the case.
So what can you expect fromTrauma Demystified?
First of all, I hope that thepodcast Trauma Demystified helps
(02:12):
you on your healing journey andgives you a better
understanding about trauma andrecovery.
I will share concepts andtheories, expert insights and
tools and knowledge I gained onmy own healing journey and also
knowledge I gained by witnessingthe countless stories of my
clients.
Throughout the podcast, we willexplore the various aspects of
(02:33):
trauma and the potentialpathways to recovery and healing
, since recovery is rather aninner process and a rational
understanding.
I will also invite you toreflect on your own life
throughout the podcast.
Recovery from trauma is a bitlike peeling an onion we need to
peel one layer after the other,and there is a parallel with
(02:55):
this podcast.
I am aware that I have a lot ofcontent to share.
However, I can't dump it all onyou in the first episode, so I
see the podcast as a continuousjourney.
In the beginning, we will focusmore on foundational
information and we will digdeeper over time.
Second, I am aware that stigmasare still prevalent in our
(03:16):
society and I think many of theideas out there when it comes to
trauma can be quitestigmatizing and also aren't
necessarily spreading hope forrecovery.
So I hope that you get a sensethat you are not alone by
listening to the podcast andalso that you understand that
healing is possible.
Please know that it might beuseful to also check out my blog
(03:39):
post on BrightHorizontherapies.
com in addition to the podcast,since I can post more graphics
on a website and to give youtime by some idea, I plan to
post a new episode once a monthduring the first week of the
month.
So now let's share a little bitabout myself.
On a warm Tuesday morning inSeptember, my mother died after
(04:01):
a period of great suffering.
I could not imagine my lifewithout her and I had no idea
how my life was going tocontinue.
Her doctor encouraged me to seemy mother's death as though it
had brought her freedom.
Freedom.
I sensed by the energy of herwords that being free must be
wonderful.
Freedom was a concept that Ihad never been known before.
(04:26):
Sadness and pain were what Iknew.
I felt that it may be awonderful choice for my mother.
I was wondering would I have todie first to be able to be free
from suffering?
It was that day, when I was 19years old, that I left home
forever.
I left behind darkness andviolence and began my search for
(04:49):
freedom.
At this stage of my life, I didnot know that I had experienced
trauma.
My childhood was overshadowedby various types of violence.
However, as a child, I did notrecognize the impact it had on
me because it was the onlynormal.
I knew Some of the memories andassociated emotions.
I had buried deep behind aninvisible wall to be able to
(05:12):
survive.
They reappeared over time.
I had many different symptomsthat are associated with trauma.
However, in the beginning, Ifelt too scared to start my
healing journey due to stigmaand the belief that I would be
forever broken.
I needed to work through thesefirst to find a more hopeful
perspective for healing.
(05:32):
After a while, I started myhealing journey and worked with
various mental healthprofessionals.
Some were useful, others wereless helpful.
However, all of them gave me aninsight about what recovery
means.
Now, as a professional, I usethe insights I gained in my
healing to identify thoseapproaches that are helpful and
(05:53):
abandon others.
So how does my story constituteto trauma?
The definition of trauma isthat it is an experience that
overwhelms our central nervoussystem and blocks our capacity
to integrate the experienceemotionally.
Trauma can be related to anevent, a series of events or
(06:15):
enduring conditions inenvironments.
So what do I mean by that?
Just to give you some examplesof events.
Events can be incidences likeaccidents, natural disasters or
rapes.
Enduring condition means thatit's a more stressful
environment and that theexposure to the traumatic event
(06:35):
is more continuous.
So enduring conditions can be,for example, emotionally abusive
relationships, childhoodneglect or being targeted by
systemic racism ordiscrimination.
The other thing I want toemphasize and I will dig deeper
into that in a future episode.
However, we can have eitherimplicit or explicit memories
(06:57):
around traumatic events.
When we have explicit memories,we really remember the event.
We remember the memories and wecan recall what happened in
those moments to a degree.
In this case, it's usuallyeasier to understand that we
have experienced trauma.
Implicit memories are only feltas sensory elements without
(07:18):
words, which means we experiencea bodily and emotional
sensations, but we don't haveany words or pictures and we
feel these sensationsdisconnected from the event.
In this case, it's much harderto make sense out of our
experience and it's often moreconfusing to go through it and
to really reconnect it to whathappened to us in the past.
(07:40):
Overall, we need to say thattrauma is a wound that injures
us emotionally, psychologicallyand spiritually.
It is often more difficult toadapt after trauma happens
because we don't feel a sense ofinner safety and very often our
reactions become more automaticand more instinctual.
(08:00):
So how do we become traumatized?
We need to be mindful that theevent or the environment itself
doesn't determine whethersomething is traumatic.
It is really the individual'sexperience of the event and the
meaning they make out of itwhich, in the end, means if you
and I were to go through thesame experience.
It can be traumatic for me andmaybe it's not traumatic for you
(08:23):
.
So we also usually responduniquely to what happened to us,
according to our inner andouter resources.
For example, if we are childrenand something traumatic happens
to us, we usually don't havethe inner resources to really
integrate this experience, soit's far more likely that we put
(08:44):
memories behind a wall.
However, when we are adults andwe may have already developed
more emotional capacity, it maybe easier for us to just work
through these experiences on ourown and then be aware, like,
for example, how our parentresponds to what happened to a
child can also really make adifference in the healing
(09:06):
journey of the individual.
Also, be aware that they'reoften complex interdependencies
and layers.
When it comes to trauma, weneed to really consider what was
the family context, how were weshaped by our families?
But we also need to considerhow were we shaped by our social
environments, like what is ourintersectionality and how does
(09:29):
society respond to us?
So the experience of somebodywho is black is probably very
different than the experience ofsomebody who is white.
Another way how we can look attrauma is really that we start
to categorize it.
I find the categories of traumahelpful just to understand my
(09:50):
own story and also to identifyneeds for recovery, because,
depending on the category oftrauma that happened to us,
recovery may look slightlydifferent.
So the first one I want totouch on is shock trauma.
So this happens if anindividual has a shock reaction
to a specific event.
In general, apart from someexceptions, shock trauma is more
(10:15):
likely that we can identify it.
So examples for shock trauma is, for example, assaults or
attacks.
It can be car accidents, it canbe falls, it can be plane
crashes or near misses ofaccidents.
Another element of shock traumaare natural disasters like
earthquakes, floods, fires orhurricanes.
(10:38):
On a more personal level, itcan also be stillbirth
miscarriages, sudden infantdeath syndrome or a sudden death
of any loved one.
Another thing where we can haveshock trauma is with the
diagnosis of terminal illness orwhen a family member is
(10:59):
diagnosed with a terminalillness, and I think one element
that is often overlooked we canalso have shock trauma after
surgeries, dental procedures orother medical procedures.
What do I mean by that?
Like, for example, if a youngchild needs to go to the
hospital just because they havea serious illness and is
(11:21):
disconnected from their parents,like this can be a shock trauma
.
Another thing is, if we have areally planned surgery or a
planned dental procedure, westill can experience that as a
shock trauma.
Another thing, another categoryof trauma is developmental
trauma.
So developmental trauma occursduring childhood and adolescence
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.
So it occurs in this criticalperiod of our lives when we
actively develop our personalityand our nervous system, and so
developmental trauma can berelational or it can also be
systemic.
So just give you some examplesAdverse childhood experience
belong in the category ofdevelopmental trauma.
(12:03):
So, for example, if a parentuses alcohol or substances, or
if a child is experiencing orwitnessing violence or neglect
in the home, if there is achronic illness, either for
parents, or if the child has achronic illness, or if the child
needs an invasive medicalprocedure.
Other examples fordevelopmental trauma is systemic
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oppression, racism,discrimination and bullying.
Apart from developmental trauma,we also have relationship
trauma.
So relationship trauma refersto trauma that we experience in
relationships, either with oneperson or with a group, and so
relationship trauma can happenon relationship level or
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community level.
In general, relationship traumacan have a really complicated
impact if the other person wasin a position of trust or if the
other person was supposed to bea safe place for the individual
.
Just to give you some exampleif it was a teacher, if it was a
parent or if it was a partner.
So in the category ofrelationship trauma, we have
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family and relationship violence.
We have bullying, stalkingviolence, robbery, physical
sexual assault.
On a more community level, wehave war and genocide.
So now we move more in thedirection of systemic and
collective levels of trauma.
(13:31):
So in this category, we havesystemic violence and structural
violence, and what we mean bythis are the social structures
and the government policies thatresult in mass losses,
deconstruction of culture andongoing oppression.
So, just to give you someexamples, it's, for example, the
impact of colonization onindigenous people, like
(13:53):
residential school experience orthe 60's scoop in Canada.
It also affects other groupsthat are intentionally
marginalized, like peoplebelonging to the queer community
, black people and people ofcolor, and, in general, if
somebody belongs to anintentionally marginalized
community, they have less accessto resources to meet their
(14:13):
basic needs and they often havepoor health outcomes and by the
dynamics of racism andoppression are not okay.
They're still very prevalent inour society, and so we need to
be aware that recovery, on onehand, recovery means to work
with the trauma, but also on howto find ways to protect the
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individual from further trauma,because before society doesn't
change, the life of theindividual will still be exposed
to these dynamics of oppression.
Sustained community-basedtraumatic stress refers to a
form of psychological distressor trauma that affects an entire
community or groups ofindividuals over an extended
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period of time, and this is areally complicated, layered
experience of trauma, because itusually affects the established
relationships in the community,and in this area we have war or
cultural or faith-basedconflicts.
We also have acts of violenceor loss involving the same
(15:18):
relationships without theopportunity to fully recover,
and we also have the events orthe impact of multiple suicides
within a community.
And in general, these types ofevents impact the whole
community and really have aripple effect through the
community, and it often affectssmall and remote communities in
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a more profound way.
The next category of trauma isintergenerational and historic
trauma, and what we mean by thatis the ongoing wounding across
generations which comes fromsystemic and structural violence
and oppression or othercollective trauma.
And while the contemporarygenerations may not directly
(16:03):
undergo the same traumaticevents, the influence of history
persists in the presence andmanifests as disruptive
relationships or changeteachings.
And also we need to be awarethat the effects of trauma can
be intergenerationally passed onthrough epigenetics mechanisms.
So in the end, the traumadoesn't change the gene, but all
(16:25):
does how the gene functions.
Therefore, we may inherit aninherent a tendency towards
either vulnerability orresilience, so this can include
traits like anxiety, depression,optimism, positive or negative
coping, so it can go in bothdirections.
So, when it comes to thesecategories of trauma, and if I
(16:48):
look at my own life, I wasexposed to mainly developmental
and relationship trauma as faras systemic violence, and to
some degree, there is historictrauma in my family, because my
mother and her parents livedthrough the Second World War and
they were exposed to bombingsand other things that happened
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to them and they had to flee.
So all of this likely affectedtheir mental health and I would
also say they lived withunresolved trauma and this
likely also led to the disruptedrelationships in our family.
So, as a takeaway from this isreally be mindful that trauma is
relative and that theindividual experience matters.
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We can have implicit orexplicit memories of trauma and
the categories of trauma canhelp us identify and label what
happened to us and define theneeds for recovery.
So another trait of trauma isthat we often recognize trauma
by the symptoms we are havinginstead of the memories.
As I said before, very often weonly have implicit memories,
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and so we may see the symptoms,but we may not really have all
the understanding of whathappened to us, so that the
symptoms show up.
So before I jump into thedifferent symptoms, I want to
say that the knowledge aroundtrauma is constantly evolving
and the field of psychology isslowly moving from the medical
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system to a trauma informedsystem.
The problem with the medicalsystem is that it always comes
from a perspective of what'swrong with you, so it looks at
the client and their symptomsand tells them what's wrong with
them, and this perspectivereally constitutes to
stigmatization.
And it also doesn't acknowledgethat the symptoms of trauma are
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usually adaptive copingmechanisms to what happened to
an individual.
So we need to be mindful thatin the past the medical system
really contributed tostigmatizing an individual, and
so the trauma informedperspective looks at symptoms
from the perspective of what hashappened to you and explains
symptoms as a result of thetrauma an individual has
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experienced.
So I want to emphasize that ifI read through the list of
symptoms, it doesn't say thatthere's something wrong with you
.
I would really invite you tosee them as adaptive coping
skills due to a traumatic pastor strategies that help you to
regulate a dysregulated nervoussystem.
So recovery means that we areslowly working to navigate the
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symptoms and find healthierstrategies.
So here are the symptoms oftrauma Like for some people it
can be depression, anxiety, fear.
For others it may be anger,irritability, mood swings,
decreased interest, problemswith concentration.
For some people it can beinsomnia.
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I'm often noticing guilt, shameand self-blame.
For some people it can behopelessness, but also social
anxiety or panic attacks.
And what is very common thatpeople either have overwhelming
emotions or that they're numbingtheir emotions, and sometimes
they can be in the constantswing between numbing and
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overwhelming emotions.
Another symptom of trauma is thedysregulation of our nervous
system.
So we are constantly inhyperarousal and hypoarousal,
which is also connected with thefight, flight, freeze and fawn
response, and I will dig deeperinto that in our next podcast
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because I think it's importantto understand that.
But the thing is, first of all,there's nothing wrong to have
fight, flight, freeze or fawnresponses.
Some of it is really ournatural response as a human
being.
If you have experienced trauma,we tend to stay in these states
for very long or we may even bestuck in one of those states.
So just be mindful that it allexists on a spectrum.
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Dissociations are also asymptom of trauma.
Some people may havehypervigilance and mistrust.
Some people tend to havesuicidality and self injury.
Some people have nightmares andflashbacks.
Other people struggle withchronic pain.
Another thing is that eatingdisorders and borderline
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personality disorder are veryclosely related to trauma and
are usually a symptoms of trauma, and addictive behaviors often
help us to regulate adysregulated nervous system.
So in this context, it's oftenrelated to trauma.
So just looking at my own life,I'm aware that my symptoms
changed over time.
(21:32):
I used to have a lot of guiltand shame and self-blame.
I was suicidal.
I also had self-injury,especially in moments when I had
a conflict with my partner.
In the beginning, after I lefthome, I had a lot of nightmares
and flashbacks.
I had a dysregulated nervoussystem and I think in the
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beginning I was more goingbetween overwhelming emotions
and numbing, and over time itwent more into numbing.
So, looking at the symptoms, Iwould invite you to also look at
yourself and explore foryourself what symptoms of trauma
do you notice in yourself.
So now let's jump into recovery.
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And how can recovery look like?
And before I jump into talkingabout recovery just for myself,
I want to say that one of themajor obstacles for me to
recovery were the stigmatizingbeliefs that I had internalized.
My family believes that peoplewho went to counseling were
crazy, and I was convinced thatI was forever broken, and so, as
(22:37):
a result, I did not even thinkthat positive change was
possible, and I really dreadedto talk about my experience
because I was so afraid ofjudgment.
However, I started my healingjourney indirectly by reading
books from other survivors ofchildhood abuse, and I found a
lot of comfort in reading thesebooks because they told me that
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I was not alone and that I wasnot crazy, and over time, they
really gave me the courage tostart my own journey.
Another obstacle I had was thatI had a part within me that was
very loyal to my family andthat wanted to protect them.
It takes a lot of courage tobring up a difficult family
story in front of a counselor,and I really didn't like the
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judgment, and I also didn't wantto blame them for their
behaviors, because to somedegree, I was aware what
happened to them, and so I wasaware that there was a lot of
unresolved stories forthemselves.
It took me a while tounderstand that it wasn't about
blaming them, but really takingcare of myself and taking
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responsibility about whathappened to me has affected me.
I also need to say that I waslucky enough to find mental
health professionals who didn'tjudge my family and responded in
a compassionate way.
In my 30s I intensified myrecovery.
I worked with a diverse rangeof health care professionals,
(24:05):
whether they were coaches,counselors or facilitators of
family constellations.
I also did a two-year trainingin family constellations, which
was really essential for myrecovery, because people there
were non-judgmental and werereally giving me this space to
explore the depth of what wasgoing on in my family dynamics.
My own healing journey later oninspired me to change careers
(24:31):
and the modalities I'm using asa counselor.
I found it in my healingjourney from trauma and really
deep down the question whatallows people to grow and heal
deeply?
I know that many people come tome come with the idea that they
need to fix something, but onthe other hand, I think it's
often the question what allowsus to grow?
That just allows a morehealthier relationship with
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healing Over the years, thesymptoms of trauma subsided and
I wrote my memoir A Brave TwoStory to stand up against stigma
and give other survivors hope.
Later in life, I experiencedtrauma due to systemic
oppression and, in a way, theskills I had developed in my
recovery from childhood traumawere useful.
(25:15):
However, the journey was morechallenging, since it is a
social dynamic and there's notreally an escape from it.
I will explain a little bit moreabout recovery in this episode,
but I will dig deeper into itover the next episodes, because
I think it really matters thatyou understand what it means and
also that you can choosehealthcare professionals that
(25:37):
really work for you.
Unfortunately, not everycounselor or coach is trauma
informed or works on a modelthat facilitates recovery from
trauma, and so it is really goodto understand what is good to
look for.
So how, in general, doesrecovery look like?
So here's a bit of a previewconcerning what recovery from
(25:58):
trauma means.
First of all, I want toemphasize that recovery looks
different for each individual,and recovery also needs to be
adjusted based on what happenedto somebody.
So my story is my story andyour story your recovery path
may look different.
There are common themes inrecovery, but people need to
(26:18):
start where they are and,depending on the phase of
recovery you are in, you mayneed different tools and also
different modalities.
Recovery from trauma is basedon Judith Herman's phase model
for recovery from trauma, whichmeans you don't need to jump
into your most traumatic storyand very often you don't need to
(26:39):
tell it at all to recover fromtrauma.
So the first step to recovery isreally restoring safety and
stabilize life from anindividual and then, at a later
stage, it's about resolving thetrauma, grieving the losses and
then reintegrating theindividual into their lives.
In general.
For recovery, it means aboutincreasing self-awareness,
(27:04):
recognizing triggers, workingwith triggered parts in a way
that you can manage them.
It means working on emotionalexpression and regulation, and
very often it means to reconnectwith your inner felt sense
without being overwhelmed inwhat's going on, and so every
person has a different journeyto reconnect with their bodies,
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depending on what happened to us.
So there is not really atimeline that you can set on to
that.
That is really an inner process.
The other element is to learnhealthy coping skills like
self-soothing or inner safety.
Another object of recovery isreally to create empowerment for
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the clients so that they canregain a sense of control and
feel like they are able to makechoices, they're able to set
boundaries and they're able toassert one's needs and
preferences.
So very often, when we haveexperienced childhood trauma, we
may not recognize what ourboundaries are and we may not
(28:07):
even be connected to our needs.
So in this context, it reallymeans to reconnect with the
needs and start to identify them.
Very often, recovery reallyinvolves integrating the
traumatic experiences into one'slife story, without it
dominating or defining one'sidentity, so that the individual
can move forward with a senseof wholeness.
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What I find especially usefulwhen it comes to recovery is
really to see emotions anddifficult emotions and beliefs
as parts of us and really startdoing parts work, because it
helps us so that we can start tomanage our different parts and
recognize them, and it gives usmore empowerment on how to move
(28:50):
forward.
I know it may sound weird.
I will go a bit deeper intoparts work in the future,
because for me, it is a centralelement of recovery from trauma,
especially if an individual hasexperienced developmental
trauma.
What I wanna emphasize is reallythe important of connections
for resilience and recovery,though we need to be mindful
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that these connections need tobe supportive and healthy.
And so it is the connectionswithin oneself, as I said in the
past, connections with ourparts, because sometimes we have
parts that we have excited thatwe don't wanna look at.
It is also healthy connectionswithin the relationships we have
and also with the community andthe culture we are part of, and
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so this is a really coreelement of healing trauma.
And this is where I say I wasreally lucky, because the two
years of my recovery I had asupport group that, no matter
what happened or what was goingon for me, they were there for
me and so they gave me the spacewhere I could really go to very
painful places and come back,and I was aware there is
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somebody who cares for me.
And I still remember when Iworked with my own trauma how my
colleagues said to me justrepeat it, breathe, breathe.
So one element of recovery isreally reconnecting with our
breath, because this can be veryhealing.
So in this thing is also, Ithink what is essential for
(30:20):
recovery is in a non-judgmentalenvironment.
So this was a very briefexplanation about recovery.
I will dig far deeper in futureepisodes because this is one of
the core elements of thispodcast and also, like, recovery
is a journey and it is aprocess.
So what is a takeaway fromtoday's episode?
(30:42):
What I would love you to takeaway is to understand.
The trauma overwhelms ournervous system and also blocks
our capacity to integrate andexperience emotionally.
It is often easier to identifytrauma by the symptoms that are
present in our lives.
Trauma is not a lifetimesentence and recovery is
possible.
(31:02):
The needs for recovery reallydepend on what has happened to
us, so it is an individualjourney.
Well, if you liked this episode,please subscribe to Trauma
DeMystified.
If you'd like to have moreinformation, please check out
our website, www.
brighthorizontherapies.
com.
(31:23):
If you want to find out moreabout my healing journey, you
can find my memoir A Brave TwoStory, a transformational memoir
about healing family ties andrelationships, on amazon.
com or amazon.
ca.
I will publish the next episodein the first week of October.
In this episode, I will explorethe window of tolerance and its
(31:45):
importance for the recoveryfrom trauma, and so I'm looking
forward to hanging out with yousoon and I hope you have a
beautiful time.
Welcome to Trauma Demystified, a
podcast by Bright HorizonTherapies.
I'm Natalie Jovanic, your hoston this journey.
In this podcast, I'll draw frommy professional expertise as a
trauma-informed counsellor andcoach, as well as from my lived
experience around healing trauma.
In today's episode, setting thescene, unveiling the podcast
(00:22):
journey, I'll introduce someground rules and what you can
expect from the podcast.
Furthermore, you will get toknow me a bit better and I'll
give you some ideas for traumais and how recovery looks like.
One thing I would like you toremember is that healing is
possible and that you're notalone in that.
So tune in and let's embark onthis journey together.
(00:43):
I'm aware that we're touchingon a complex topic and I want to
give you some ground rules,because I don't know you and I
don't necessarily see what'shappening for you while you're
listening to the podcast.
The first ground rule is takecare of yourself.
If you notice that you haveheightened emotions while
listening to the podcast, pleasetake a break, take a sip of
(01:05):
water, go for a walk and do someactivities to ground yourself.
Throughout the podcast, I willshare theories and concepts and
I hope that they might resonatewith you.
However, I would also inviteyou to use them to reflect on
your own experience, and I wouldalso ask you to take what
resonates and leave the rest.
All of us have a differenthealing journey and some of what
(01:28):
I share may resonate with youand some of what I share may not
at all resonate with you, andso really listen to yourself and
respect your own boundaries.
The episodes will build on eachother so that you can deepen
your knowledge about trauma andrecovery.
So today I will just put someservice information out there
and then over time, we will digdeeper.
(01:49):
I also invite you to ask amental health professional in
your area if you noticedisturbing emotions or anything
like that, and please stoplistening to the podcast if this
were the case.
So what can you expect fromTrauma Demystified?
First of all, I hope that thepodcast Trauma Demystified helps
(02:12):
you on your healing journey andgives you a better
understanding about trauma andrecovery.
I will share concepts andtheories, expert insights and
tools and knowledge I gained onmy own healing journey and also
knowledge I gained by witnessingthe countless stories of my
clients.
Throughout the podcast, we willexplore the various aspects of
(02:33):
trauma and the potentialpathways to recovery and healing
, since recovery is rather aninner process and a rational
understanding.
I will also invite you toreflect on your own life
throughout the podcast.
Recovery from trauma is a bitlike peeling an onion we need to
peel one layer after the other,and there is a parallel with
(02:55):
this podcast.
I am aware that I have a lot ofcontent to share.
However, I can't dump it all onyou in the first episode, so I
see the podcast as a continuousjourney.
In the beginning, we will focusmore on foundational
information and we will digdeeper over time.
Second, I am aware that stigmasare still prevalent in our
(03:16):
society and I think many of theideas out there when it comes to
trauma can be quitestigmatizing and also aren't
necessarily spreading hope forrecovery.
So I hope that you get a sensethat you are not alone by
listening to the podcast andalso that you understand that
healing is possible.
Please know that it might beuseful to also check out my blog
(03:39):
post on BrightHorizontherapies.
com in addition to the podcast,since I can post more graphics
on a website and to give youtime by some idea, I plan to
post a new episode once a monthduring the first week of the
month.
So now let's share a little bitabout myself.
On a warm Tuesday morning inSeptember, my mother died after
(04:01):
a period of great suffering.
I could not imagine my lifewithout her and I had no idea
how my life was going tocontinue.
Her doctor encouraged me to seemy mother's death as though it
had brought her freedom.
Freedom.
I sensed by the energy of herwords that being free must be
wonderful.
Freedom was a concept that Ihad never been known before.
(04:26):
Sadness and pain were what Iknew.
I felt that it may be awonderful choice for my mother.
I was wondering would I have todie first to be able to be free
from suffering?
It was that day, when I was 19years old, that I left home
forever.
I left behind darkness andviolence and began my search for
(04:49):
freedom.
At this stage of my life, I didnot know that I had experienced
trauma.
My childhood was overshadowedby various types of violence.
However, as a child, I did notrecognize the impact it had on
me because it was the onlynormal.
I knew Some of the memories andassociated emotions.
I had buried deep behind aninvisible wall to be able to
(05:12):
survive.
They reappeared over time.
I had many different symptomsthat are associated with trauma.
However, in the beginning, Ifelt too scared to start my
healing journey due to stigmaand the belief that I would be
forever broken.
I needed to work through thesefirst to find a more hopeful
perspective for healing.
(05:32):
After a while, I started myhealing journey and worked with
various mental healthprofessionals.
Some were useful, others wereless helpful.
However, all of them gave me aninsight about what recovery
means.
Now, as a professional, I usethe insights I gained in my
healing to identify thoseapproaches that are helpful and
(05:53):
abandon others.
So how does my story constituteto trauma?
The definition of trauma isthat it is an experience that
overwhelms our central nervoussystem and blocks our capacity
to integrate the experienceemotionally.
Trauma can be related to anevent, a series of events or
(06:15):
enduring conditions inenvironments.
So what do I mean by that?
Just to give you some examplesof events.
Events can be incidences likeaccidents, natural disasters or
rapes.
Enduring condition means thatit's a more stressful
environment and that theexposure to the traumatic event
(06:35):
is more continuous.
So enduring conditions can be,for example, emotionally abusive
relationships, childhoodneglect or being targeted by
systemic racism ordiscrimination.
The other thing I want toemphasize and I will dig deeper
into that in a future episode.
However, we can have eitherimplicit or explicit memories
(06:57):
around traumatic events.
When we have explicit memories,we really remember the event.
We remember the memories and wecan recall what happened in
those moments to a degree.
In this case, it's usuallyeasier to understand that we
have experienced trauma.
Implicit memories are only feltas sensory elements without
(07:18):
words, which means we experiencea bodily and emotional
sensations, but we don't haveany words or pictures and we
feel these sensationsdisconnected from the event.
In this case, it's much harderto make sense out of our
experience and it's often moreconfusing to go through it and
to really reconnect it to whathappened to us in the past.
(07:40):
Overall, we need to say thattrauma is a wound that injures
us emotionally, psychologicallyand spiritually.
It is often more difficult toadapt after trauma happens
because we don't feel a sense ofinner safety and very often our
reactions become more automaticand more instinctual.
(08:00):
So how do we become traumatized?
We need to be mindful that theevent or the environment itself
doesn't determine whethersomething is traumatic.
It is really the individual'sexperience of the event and the
meaning they make out of itwhich, in the end, means if you
and I were to go through thesame experience.
It can be traumatic for me andmaybe it's not traumatic for you
(08:23):
.
So we also usually responduniquely to what happened to us,
according to our inner andouter resources.
For example, if we are childrenand something traumatic happens
to us, we usually don't havethe inner resources to really
integrate this experience, soit's far more likely that we put
(08:44):
memories behind a wall.
However, when we are adults andwe may have already developed
more emotional capacity, it maybe easier for us to just work
through these experiences on ourown and then be aware, like,
for example, how our parentresponds to what happened to a
child can also really make adifference in the healing
(09:06):
journey of the individual.
Also, be aware that they'reoften complex interdependencies
and layers.
When it comes to trauma, weneed to really consider what was
the family context, how were weshaped by our families?
But we also need to considerhow were we shaped by our social
environments, like what is ourintersectionality and how does
(09:29):
society respond to us?
So the experience of somebodywho is black is probably very
different than the experience ofsomebody who is white.
Another way how we can look attrauma is really that we start
to categorize it.
I find the categories of traumahelpful just to understand my
(09:50):
own story and also to identifyneeds for recovery, because,
depending on the category oftrauma that happened to us,
recovery may look slightlydifferent.
So the first one I want totouch on is shock trauma.
So this happens if anindividual has a shock reaction
to a specific event.
In general, apart from someexceptions, shock trauma is more
(10:15):
likely that we can identify it.
So examples for shock trauma is, for example, assaults or
attacks.
It can be car accidents, it canbe falls, it can be plane
crashes or near misses ofaccidents.
Another element of shock traumaare natural disasters like
earthquakes, floods, fires orhurricanes.
(10:38):
On a more personal level, itcan also be stillbirth
miscarriages, sudden infantdeath syndrome or a sudden death
of any loved one.
Another thing where we can haveshock trauma is with the
diagnosis of terminal illness orwhen a family member is
(10:59):
diagnosed with a terminalillness, and I think one element
that is often overlooked we canalso have shock trauma after
surgeries, dental procedures orother medical procedures.
What do I mean by that?
Like, for example, if a youngchild needs to go to the
hospital just because they havea serious illness and is
(11:21):
disconnected from their parents,like this can be a shock trauma
.
Another thing is, if we have areally planned surgery or a
planned dental procedure, westill can experience that as a
shock trauma.
Another thing, another categoryof trauma is developmental
trauma.
So developmental trauma occursduring childhood and adolescence
(11:42):
.
So it occurs in this criticalperiod of our lives when we
actively develop our personalityand our nervous system, and so
developmental trauma can berelational or it can also be
systemic.
So just give you some examplesAdverse childhood experience
belong in the category ofdevelopmental trauma.
(12:03):
So, for example, if a parentuses alcohol or substances, or
if a child is experiencing orwitnessing violence or neglect
in the home, if there is achronic illness, either for
parents, or if the child has achronic illness, or if the child
needs an invasive medicalprocedure.
Other examples fordevelopmental trauma is systemic
(12:27):
oppression, racism,discrimination and bullying.
Apart from developmental trauma,we also have relationship
trauma.
So relationship trauma refersto trauma that we experience in
relationships, either with oneperson or with a group, and so
relationship trauma can happenon relationship level or
(12:48):
community level.
In general, relationship traumacan have a really complicated
impact if the other person wasin a position of trust or if the
other person was supposed to bea safe place for the individual
.
Just to give you some exampleif it was a teacher, if it was a
parent or if it was a partner.
So in the category ofrelationship trauma, we have
(13:11):
family and relationship violence.
We have bullying, stalkingviolence, robbery, physical
sexual assault.
On a more community level, wehave war and genocide.
So now we move more in thedirection of systemic and
collective levels of trauma.
(13:31):
So in this category, we havesystemic violence and structural
violence, and what we mean bythis are the social structures
and the government policies thatresult in mass losses,
deconstruction of culture andongoing oppression.
So, just to give you someexamples, it's, for example, the
impact of colonization onindigenous people, like
(13:53):
residential school experience orthe 60's scoop in Canada.
It also affects other groupsthat are intentionally
marginalized, like peoplebelonging to the queer community
, black people and people ofcolor, and, in general, if
somebody belongs to anintentionally marginalized
community, they have less accessto resources to meet their
(14:13):
basic needs and they often havepoor health outcomes and by the
dynamics of racism andoppression are not okay.
They're still very prevalent inour society, and so we need to
be aware that recovery, on onehand, recovery means to work
with the trauma, but also on howto find ways to protect the
(14:35):
individual from further trauma,because before society doesn't
change, the life of theindividual will still be exposed
to these dynamics of oppression.
Sustained community-basedtraumatic stress refers to a
form of psychological distressor trauma that affects an entire
community or groups ofindividuals over an extended
(14:57):
period of time, and this is areally complicated, layered
experience of trauma, because itusually affects the established
relationships in the community,and in this area we have war or
cultural or faith-basedconflicts.
We also have acts of violenceor loss involving the same
(15:18):
relationships without theopportunity to fully recover,
and we also have the events orthe impact of multiple suicides
within a community.
And in general, these types ofevents impact the whole
community and really have aripple effect through the
community, and it often affectssmall and remote communities in
(15:41):
a more profound way.
The next category of trauma isintergenerational and historic
trauma, and what we mean by thatis the ongoing wounding across
generations which comes fromsystemic and structural violence
and oppression or othercollective trauma.
And while the contemporarygenerations may not directly
(16:03):
undergo the same traumaticevents, the influence of history
persists in the presence andmanifests as disruptive
relationships or changeteachings.
And also we need to be awarethat the effects of trauma can
be intergenerationally passed onthrough epigenetics mechanisms.
So in the end, the traumadoesn't change the gene, but all
(16:25):
does how the gene functions.
Therefore, we may inherit aninherent a tendency towards
either vulnerability orresilience, so this can include
traits like anxiety, depression,optimism, positive or negative
coping, so it can go in bothdirections.
So, when it comes to thesecategories of trauma, and if I
(16:48):
look at my own life, I wasexposed to mainly developmental
and relationship trauma as faras systemic violence, and to
some degree, there is historictrauma in my family, because my
mother and her parents livedthrough the Second World War and
they were exposed to bombingsand other things that happened
(17:09):
to them and they had to flee.
So all of this likely affectedtheir mental health and I would
also say they lived withunresolved trauma and this
likely also led to the disruptedrelationships in our family.
So, as a takeaway from this isreally be mindful that trauma is
relative and that theindividual experience matters.
(17:30):
We can have implicit orexplicit memories of trauma and
the categories of trauma canhelp us identify and label what
happened to us and define theneeds for recovery.
So another trait of trauma isthat we often recognize trauma
by the symptoms we are havinginstead of the memories.
As I said before, very often weonly have implicit memories,
(17:54):
and so we may see the symptoms,but we may not really have all
the understanding of whathappened to us, so that the
symptoms show up.
So before I jump into thedifferent symptoms, I want to
say that the knowledge aroundtrauma is constantly evolving
and the field of psychology isslowly moving from the medical
(18:15):
system to a trauma informedsystem.
The problem with the medicalsystem is that it always comes
from a perspective of what'swrong with you, so it looks at
the client and their symptomsand tells them what's wrong with
them, and this perspectivereally constitutes to
stigmatization.
And it also doesn't acknowledgethat the symptoms of trauma are
(18:37):
usually adaptive copingmechanisms to what happened to
an individual.
So we need to be mindful thatin the past the medical system
really contributed tostigmatizing an individual, and
so the trauma informedperspective looks at symptoms
from the perspective of what hashappened to you and explains
symptoms as a result of thetrauma an individual has
(19:00):
experienced.
So I want to emphasize that ifI read through the list of
symptoms, it doesn't say thatthere's something wrong with you
.
I would really invite you tosee them as adaptive coping
skills due to a traumatic pastor strategies that help you to
regulate a dysregulated nervoussystem.
So recovery means that we areslowly working to navigate the
(19:23):
symptoms and find healthierstrategies.
So here are the symptoms oftrauma Like for some people it
can be depression, anxiety, fear.
For others it may be anger,irritability, mood swings,
decreased interest, problemswith concentration.
For some people it can beinsomnia.
(19:44):
I'm often noticing guilt, shameand self-blame.
For some people it can behopelessness, but also social
anxiety or panic attacks.
And what is very common thatpeople either have overwhelming
emotions or that they're numbingtheir emotions, and sometimes
they can be in the constantswing between numbing and
(20:04):
overwhelming emotions.
Another symptom of trauma is thedysregulation of our nervous
system.
So we are constantly inhyperarousal and hypoarousal,
which is also connected with thefight, flight, freeze and fawn
response, and I will dig deeperinto that in our next podcast
(20:26):
because I think it's importantto understand that.
But the thing is, first of all,there's nothing wrong to have
fight, flight, freeze or fawnresponses.
Some of it is really ournatural response as a human
being.
If you have experienced trauma,we tend to stay in these states
for very long or we may even bestuck in one of those states.
So just be mindful that it allexists on a spectrum.
(20:50):
Dissociations are also asymptom of trauma.
Some people may havehypervigilance and mistrust.
Some people tend to havesuicidality and self injury.
Some people have nightmares andflashbacks.
Other people struggle withchronic pain.
Another thing is that eatingdisorders and borderline
(21:11):
personality disorder are veryclosely related to trauma and
are usually a symptoms of trauma, and addictive behaviors often
help us to regulate adysregulated nervous system.
So in this context, it's oftenrelated to trauma.
So just looking at my own life,I'm aware that my symptoms
changed over time.
(21:32):
I used to have a lot of guiltand shame and self-blame.
I was suicidal.
I also had self-injury,especially in moments when I had
a conflict with my partner.
In the beginning, after I lefthome, I had a lot of nightmares
and flashbacks.
I had a dysregulated nervoussystem and I think in the
(21:53):
beginning I was more goingbetween overwhelming emotions
and numbing, and over time itwent more into numbing.
So, looking at the symptoms, Iwould invite you to also look at
yourself and explore foryourself what symptoms of trauma
do you notice in yourself.
So now let's jump into recovery.
(22:13):
And how can recovery look like?
And before I jump into talkingabout recovery just for myself,
I want to say that one of themajor obstacles for me to
recovery were the stigmatizingbeliefs that I had internalized.
My family believes that peoplewho went to counseling were
crazy, and I was convinced thatI was forever broken, and so, as
(22:37):
a result, I did not even thinkthat positive change was
possible, and I really dreadedto talk about my experience
because I was so afraid ofjudgment.
However, I started my healingjourney indirectly by reading
books from other survivors ofchildhood abuse, and I found a
lot of comfort in reading thesebooks because they told me that
(22:59):
I was not alone and that I wasnot crazy, and over time, they
really gave me the courage tostart my own journey.
Another obstacle I had was thatI had a part within me that was
very loyal to my family andthat wanted to protect them.
It takes a lot of courage tobring up a difficult family
story in front of a counselor,and I really didn't like the
(23:22):
judgment, and I also didn't wantto blame them for their
behaviors, because to somedegree, I was aware what
happened to them, and so I wasaware that there was a lot of
unresolved stories forthemselves.
It took me a while tounderstand that it wasn't about
blaming them, but really takingcare of myself and taking
(23:42):
responsibility about whathappened to me has affected me.
I also need to say that I waslucky enough to find mental
health professionals who didn'tjudge my family and responded in
a compassionate way.
In my 30s I intensified myrecovery.
I worked with a diverse rangeof health care professionals,
(24:05):
whether they were coaches,counselors or facilitators of
family constellations.
I also did a two-year trainingin family constellations, which
was really essential for myrecovery, because people there
were non-judgmental and werereally giving me this space to
explore the depth of what wasgoing on in my family dynamics.
My own healing journey later oninspired me to change careers
(24:31):
and the modalities I'm using asa counselor.
I found it in my healingjourney from trauma and really
deep down the question whatallows people to grow and heal
deeply?
I know that many people come tome come with the idea that they
need to fix something, but onthe other hand, I think it's
often the question what allowsus to grow?
That just allows a morehealthier relationship with
(24:55):
healing Over the years, thesymptoms of trauma subsided and
I wrote my memoir A Brave TwoStory to stand up against stigma
and give other survivors hope.
Later in life, I experiencedtrauma due to systemic
oppression and, in a way, theskills I had developed in my
recovery from childhood traumawere useful.
(25:15):
However, the journey was morechallenging, since it is a
social dynamic and there's notreally an escape from it.
I will explain a little bit moreabout recovery in this episode,
but I will dig deeper into itover the next episodes, because
I think it really matters thatyou understand what it means and
also that you can choosehealthcare professionals that
(25:37):
really work for you.
Unfortunately, not everycounselor or coach is trauma
informed or works on a modelthat facilitates recovery from
trauma, and so it is really goodto understand what is good to
look for.
So how, in general, doesrecovery look like?
So here's a bit of a previewconcerning what recovery from
(25:58):
trauma means.
First of all, I want toemphasize that recovery looks
different for each individual,and recovery also needs to be
adjusted based on what happenedto somebody.
So my story is my story andyour story your recovery path
may look different.
There are common themes inrecovery, but people need to
(26:18):
start where they are and,depending on the phase of
recovery you are in, you mayneed different tools and also
different modalities.
Recovery from trauma is basedon Judith Herman's phase model
for recovery from trauma, whichmeans you don't need to jump
into your most traumatic storyand very often you don't need to
(26:39):
tell it at all to recover fromtrauma.
So the first step to recovery isreally restoring safety and
stabilize life from anindividual and then, at a later
stage, it's about resolving thetrauma, grieving the losses and
then reintegrating theindividual into their lives.
In general.
For recovery, it means aboutincreasing self-awareness,
(27:04):
recognizing triggers, workingwith triggered parts in a way
that you can manage them.
It means working on emotionalexpression and regulation, and
very often it means to reconnectwith your inner felt sense
without being overwhelmed inwhat's going on, and so every
person has a different journeyto reconnect with their bodies,
(27:26):
depending on what happened to us.
So there is not really atimeline that you can set on to
that.
That is really an inner process.
The other element is to learnhealthy coping skills like
self-soothing or inner safety.
Another object of recovery isreally to create empowerment for
(27:47):
the clients so that they canregain a sense of control and
feel like they are able to makechoices, they're able to set
boundaries and they're able toassert one's needs and
preferences.
So very often, when we haveexperienced childhood trauma, we
may not recognize what ourboundaries are and we may not
(28:07):
even be connected to our needs.
So in this context, it reallymeans to reconnect with the
needs and start to identify them.
Very often, recovery reallyinvolves integrating the
traumatic experiences into one'slife story, without it
dominating or defining one'sidentity, so that the individual
can move forward with a senseof wholeness.
(28:28):
What I find especially usefulwhen it comes to recovery is
really to see emotions anddifficult emotions and beliefs
as parts of us and really startdoing parts work, because it
helps us so that we can start tomanage our different parts and
recognize them, and it gives usmore empowerment on how to move
(28:50):
forward.
I know it may sound weird.
I will go a bit deeper intoparts work in the future,
because for me, it is a centralelement of recovery from trauma,
especially if an individual hasexperienced developmental
trauma.
What I wanna emphasize is reallythe important of connections
for resilience and recovery,though we need to be mindful
(29:14):
that these connections need tobe supportive and healthy.
And so it is the connectionswithin oneself, as I said in the
past, connections with ourparts, because sometimes we have
parts that we have excited thatwe don't wanna look at.
It is also healthy connectionswithin the relationships we have
and also with the community andthe culture we are part of, and
(29:37):
so this is a really coreelement of healing trauma.
And this is where I say I wasreally lucky, because the two
years of my recovery I had asupport group that, no matter
what happened or what was goingon for me, they were there for
me and so they gave me the spacewhere I could really go to very
painful places and come back,and I was aware there is
(29:59):
somebody who cares for me.
And I still remember when Iworked with my own trauma how my
colleagues said to me justrepeat it, breathe, breathe.
So one element of recovery isreally reconnecting with our
breath, because this can be veryhealing.
So in this thing is also, Ithink what is essential for
(30:20):
recovery is in a non-judgmentalenvironment.
So this was a very briefexplanation about recovery.
I will dig far deeper in futureepisodes because this is one of
the core elements of thispodcast and also, like, recovery
is a journey and it is aprocess.
So what is a takeaway fromtoday's episode?
(30:42):
What I would love you to takeaway is to understand.
The trauma overwhelms ournervous system and also blocks
our capacity to integrate andexperience emotionally.
It is often easier to identifytrauma by the symptoms that are
present in our lives.
Trauma is not a lifetimesentence and recovery is
possible.
(31:02):
The needs for recovery reallydepend on what has happened to
us, so it is an individualjourney.
Well, if you liked this episode,please subscribe to Trauma
DeMystified.
If you'd like to have moreinformation, please check out
our website, www.
brighthorizontherapies.
com.
(31:23):
If you want to find out moreabout my healing journey, you
can find my memoir A Brave TwoStory, a transformational memoir
about healing family ties andrelationships, on amazon.
com or amazon.
ca.
I will publish the next episodein the first week of October.
In this episode, I will explorethe window of tolerance and its
(31:45):
importance for the recoveryfrom trauma, and so I'm looking
forward to hanging out with yousoon and I hope you have a
beautiful time.
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