February 3, 2025 • 34 mins
Family adventures often come with an unseen layer of stress and anxiety, especially for parents. Through candid discussions about personal experiences, Raya and Duane explore the realities of family travel, mental health, and managing anxiety, reinforcing the message that feeling overwhelmed is a normal part of the journey.
• Tackling the stress of family travel and managing expectations
• Sharing personal anecdotes about stressful travel experiences
• Discussing the impact of mental health on travel dynamics
• Encouraging positive reframing of travel experiences
• Highlighting the importance of community support and shared stories
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you've been seeing travel influencers all over
Instagram and TikTok having themost magical vacations while
you're experiencing stress andanxiety and hard things on yours
, we're here to talk about thattoday and assure you that you
are not doing it wrong.
If you've ever experiencedanxiety on a trip, this episode
is for you.
Listen in Hi, I'm Raya.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
And I'm Dwayne.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
And we are your hosts of the Travel Party of Five
podcast, where we share how wetravel as a family of five
around the world.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We will also share how we use points and miles to
travel as affordably as possibleand sometimes even completely
free.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
So if you're wanting to travel more with your family
but you're not sure how, we'dlove for you to listen in.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
So welcome to our podcast, where we hope you learn
a thing or two to get youcloser to your next trip.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
welcome back hi, friends, thanks for listening.
Welcome back to travel party offive podcast.
This episode is going to air onfebruary 3rd, which is monday,
and today is Sunday, february2nd, so we're recording this
almost in live time and weshould all congratulate
ourselves because we made itthrough the 87 days of January.
(01:33):
Yes, so we have kind of adifferent topic to talk about
today, but before we get intothat couple of things, so first
of all, we're going to talkabout a couple of cards that
currently have elevated offers,one of which I think is a really
good offer.
So the first one is the Unitedbusiness card currently has an
(01:57):
elevated offer where you canearn 100,000 United miles after
spending $5,000 on purchases inthe first three months.
There is a $99 annual feeassociated with the card, but
that fee would be well offset bythose 100,000 United miles.
This is a fantastic offer.
You already have this card.
(02:18):
Not sure if you know that, butyou have this card and I think
our signup bonus was 70 or75,000 points.
I don't think it was elevatedwhen you applied for it.
So you can't apply for this.
Obviously, you already have itand it hasn't been a full year
yet.
I do not have this card andwould consider applying if I
(02:41):
hadn't already opened two creditcards in the month of January.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Disk is disk.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Which we talked about in our last episode.
So how that kind of happenedand that was not the plan, but
it happened.
So I think if this elevatedoffer is still around in like a
month ish and we're well on ourway to meeting the minimum spend
on our second card, I wouldconsider applying for this
because United so we're inPhoenix United miles can be used
(03:13):
for a lot of things.
You can book like Air Canada,through them you can book a lot
of things.
But for us, the reason Ispecifically applied for you for
the card last year was we wantto plan a Yellowstone trip and
there are some decent pointsflights from Phoenix on United
to Bozeman, montana, and sothat's likely what I would use
(03:35):
those points for, combined withyours.
So probably we could get usthere and back using those two
sign up bonuses.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Typically, how long do these elevated offers last?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
It depends.
So some of them it's like amonth, some are longer.
I don't think there's an enddate on this offer yet because
it was just announced, so we'lljust have to wait and see.
But if it's still available atthe end of the month I would
consider applying for it myself.
Of the month, I would considerapplying for it myself.
(04:08):
So we don't have affiliatelinks for cards really, so I
can't link it.
I looked up Dwayne's referrallink and it was only 75,000
points.
So if I were you and you wantthis card, I would Google United
Business Card and find one thathas 100,000 mile link.
If it's less than that, justknow that you can do better and
keep searching.
I would never want to givesomeone a referral link to a
(04:29):
card that wasn't the highestoffer out.
So the other card that has anelevated offer right now is the
Marriott Bonvoy boundless creditcard.
This is, oh sorry, going backto United.
That's a business card also, soit's not going to count towards
your 524 spot.
So another plus for that cardthe Marriott card.
Again, the Bonvoy boundlesscredit card is a personal card.
(04:52):
It will count towards 524.
It has an elevated offer.
I don't think it's a greatoffer Personally, you are going
to earn 100,000 Marriott pointsafter you spend 3,000 in
purchases in the first threemonths, and then you also get a
$150 statement credit after youmake your first purchase in the
first 12 months.
(05:12):
So I guess that I mean.
Yeah, why do you think twonights at a basic property and
like barely one night at aluxury Marriott Gotcha?
So it's just not a ton ofpoints for Marriott.
(05:33):
I mean the $150 statementcredit, like I guess that's fine
, but I don't know.
There's also a lot of rulesaround the Marriott cards and
like there's a certain order inwhich you should apply for them.
I'm not fully up on all thatyet because we haven't dived
dove.
We haven't dove into theMarriott cards yet dive it um,
(05:57):
we are going to open one in thenext few months because we do
have a Marriott stay this summer, which I will absolutely need
to use a card for to get themost bang for our buck, because
we're have a Marriott stay thissummer which I will absolutely
need to use a card for to getthe most bang for our buck,
because we're going to pay cash.
But I don't think this is thecard, especially because I'm
already.
I'm 424 and you're 524 rightnow.
(06:18):
Actually, you might have justdropped below down to 424.
But a personal card would takethat right away, and so we're
not ready for that.
So those are the two updatedoffers that I am aware of out
there right now.
If you have any more that youare aware of, send us a message
on Instagram at travel partyfive.
We would love to hear from you.
(06:38):
I answer all messages that weget.
Um, I also thought, before wedive into our main topic, which
is around anxiety whiletraveling, that we could do a
quick reintroduction ofourselves, because I think we
have some new listeners.
Our traffic has jumped up a bit, which is fantastic, so thank
you all.
Yes, we appreciate you If you'veever left us a review or
(07:02):
anything like that, shared ourpodcast with a friend.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
we greatly appreciate it yeah, and if you have any
feedback, you know send it to us.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yes, on instagram.
Um, I've debated making afacebook group.
Facebook seems to be how a lotof podcast uh hosts are able to
like dialogue with theiraudience.
Um, I've considered it.
I don don't really know.
I don't know, I don't know thatI have a lot of time to
moderate a Facebook group.
(07:31):
I also don't know how big itwould be.
I have considered it, so Iguess, if that's something of
interest to anyone, send me amessage on Instagram and let me
know.
But okay, so quick intro to whowe are.
My name is Raya, my husbandthis is my husband, dwayne.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I am very much the P1 in our Points and Miles world
and he is the P2.
I do all of the applyingplanning, making sure we've met
the minimum spend on cards.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
She's my accountant and travel agent.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
And Dwayne gets the email saying congratulations,
you're approved for a new card.
And he's like okay, so it'sminor identity theft, we'll call
it, but it's done withpermission, so it's fine.
We are based in Phoenix,arizona.
We have three kids.
Their current ages are 11,eight and almost 5.
And what would you?
(08:26):
How would you describe ourtravel style?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I mean it's, it's all planned by you, which is great.
It's, you know, to the T.
That's why you know you're mychild age.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Well, so like okay, if we're on a scale from like
budget to bougie, like where dowe fall?
We lean more towards budget.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
But if we're on a scale from like budget to bougie
like where do we fall?
We lean more towards budget,but sometimes we can get a
little bougie.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I'm the bougie one, I mean.
But I also like okay, we're notsuper budget travelers.
We're unlikely to stay in aHyatt place unless there's no
other option.
We are aiming for the higherend properties because that is
more relaxing to me.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Well, yes, but we get them on points.
So I mean that's what.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
I lean towards yes, yeah, okay, true, we are booking
on points, but they cost morepoints than a.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Like a cheaper hotel too, yes, but if you say, if you
tell me you booked a hotel onpoints, I consider that free.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Okay, yes, that's true, I mean it is free for the
most part, but, yeah, so I woulddescribe us a little budget, a
little bougie, with more towardsthe bougie end.
I prefer to stay in nicerproperties because I think, as a
mom, going on vacation withkids is stressful and that is
(09:46):
how I make it feel moreluxurious.
For me, everyone has their own.
You know, things that matter.
Things that matter to me arelike really good service, really
nice rooms, like somethingthat's aesthetically pleasing I
find enjoyable.
Turned down service I loveturned down service.
Oh, and robes like a good robe,even though I don't always wear
(10:08):
them.
A good robe and like a tub in aroom Love it.
A sweet, yes, it's my favorite.
So that's kind of our travelstyle.
We predominantly use points andmiles.
We got started pretty heavilyinto points and miles in 2022.
But I took my first flight onpoints actually in 2018.
(10:29):
I just did it all wrong and Ididn't know it at the time.
But in 2022, I kind of learnedhow aggressive you can be and
since then we've gone prettyaggressive, I would say opening
10 to 15 credit cards a year.
Between the two of us.
Our credit has stayedincredibly stable in my case, or
in your case, it has gone upsignificantly, like over 100
(10:51):
points.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yes.
So, well, let me really go backto the budget part and why I
say that.
So sometimes we go to San Diegoand Raya would rather make a
lunch for that day than to goout to eat.
So that's why I lean moretowards the budget side.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
You have to pay for gas.
If you're driving, you knowthere's other things that cost
more money than it would if youwere staying at home, right?
So when we drive on road tripswe go to California fairly
frequently, at least once ortwice a year.
Usually we always stay onpoints, but I mean our food.
(11:38):
There's five of us and ouroldest eats like a full adult,
like he eats more than I do.
So a food budget for a familyof five is pretty high, so I'm
always aiming to just cut thatdown a little bit by saving one
meal a day that we eat in ourhotel room or wherever, at the
pool or whatever.
So we try to bring things likesandwich stuff or uncrustables,
(12:00):
chips, fruit, carrots, anythingthat doesn't need a ton of
refrigeration but maybe can keepcold in a cooler and the kids
can eat that for one meal a dayLike that is my goal, and then
the other two meals we pay for.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
So that's why Dwayne thinks I'm budget, but I think
I'm bougie, because doing thatallows me to spend money on a
dinner that's probably a littleexpensive and not stress about
it, and that is a vacation to me.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
See, I'll go out for breakfast, lunch and dinner and
not stress about anything.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Yes, but that's because you don't pay the bills.
I pay the bills.
I mean it's combined money, butwho's the one who makes sure we
have all the money to pay thebills?
Is it you or is it me?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
It's you, but it could be me.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I mean it could be, but if it were you, then you
would be packing a lunch.
You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I don't know about that.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Anyways, this has gone off on a tangent, Going
back to points and miles.
So we've been doing points andmiles pretty aggressively for
about two years.
The first year we made it toMaui, california, a couple of
times, san Diego and Oceansideand, oh, disneyland and
(13:19):
Washington DC.
And then last year we did CostaRica.
We did again San Diego andOceanside.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Just the two of us went to the Grand Cayman.
Oh yes, Yep.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Also just the two of us.
We did Albuquerque and anotherSan Diego night, yep, okay.
And we also did Kauai last year, all on points, all flights
booked on points and all hotelsbooked on points.
This year we have upcomingtrips to Paris, spain, japan and
(13:56):
again back to Europe.
Back to Europe, paris andGermany for Christmas markets.
So it is a big internationalyear for us.
Oh, we're also going to Cabo.
Oh, yes, and Duane and I willgo to Cabo for a couple's trip
our yearly couple's trip.
We try to aim for at least onetrip a year, just the two of us,
no kids.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Somewhere bougie.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yes, we're going to stay at the Cape, which is a
Thompson Hyatt in Cabo, andwe're also going to stay at the
Waldorf Astoria in Cabo.
So pretty excited about that.
But that's a little bit aboutus and kind of our travel style.
We book most of our trips afull year in advance.
So right now I'm thinking aboutwhere we're going to go for
(14:40):
spring break 2026.
My initial plan was Belize.
I'm kind of starting to secondguess that because there's just
not a lot of great pointsoptions and it would be a pretty
expensive cash trip.
Some other front runners wouldbe like Aruba, st Lucia,
something similar to the GrandCaymans but different.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
I wouldn't be mad if we went back to the Grand.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Caymans.
I mean, we had a great timethere and the kids would have
loved that property.
They would have.
They would have.
What I'm trying to find issomething that's similar but in
a different place, so we can gosomewhere different.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
And I mean the beach.
There there were no waves andthe water was shallow.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Beautiful, beautiful beaches, it was beautiful, yeah,
okay, so I already mentionedall the places we went in 2024.
And I think that can kind ofbring us into our main topic,
because 2024 was a fantasticyear for our family.
We traveled the most we everhave.
I mean, don't you agree?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And there was a lot of good things that happened in
2024.
But it was also an incrediblystressful year and when I look
back on it, I remember feelingmore anxiety and stress on trips
than anything else.
Do you feel that way, or it'sjust me?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I mean it's sometimes , but I feel that way when you
get that way, you know.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Like my, stress is making you stressed.
Yes, that's interesting.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Okay, but I'm not stressing about what you're
stressing about, if that makesway.
You know, like my stress ismaking you stressed.
Yes, that's interesting, okay,but I'm not stressing about what
you're stressing about.
If that makes sense, I meanwell, yeah, I know that.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah, I'm why stress about everything.
So before we dive into thistopic of anxiety and like stress
on trips, I first want to saywe are not doctors, we do not
have all the answers and thisepisode is not going to fix you
or really even offer a ton ofsolutions.
I don't think mostly.
(16:32):
I just want to put this outthere because I think Instagram
and podcasts and TikTok andwhatever on the internet is
mostly just a highlight reel ofall the positive things.
Right, like look at this luxuryresort you can book on points.
Or look at these experiences mykids get to have because of
points and miles and all thosethings are true, you can do
(16:54):
those things, they areincredible experiences.
But I think it leaves out theother side of it, which is that
traveling is stressful ingeneral, but doing it with three
kids, or any kids, really is awhole different kind of stress.
And if you're using points andmiles and doing these things and
not feeling the joy and thepleasure that you should or I'm
(17:16):
sorry, not that you should, butthat, like Instagram tells you
you should feel, let's say itthat way then you're not doing
it wrong.
They just aren't showing you therunning in the airport to catch
a flight or the four-hourflight delay you waiting three
hours for your room to be readyyes, what it's like to actually
(17:36):
have a kid with a stomach bug onvacation in one room, with your
whole family in one room andone bathroom like airlines, lose
your luggage.
Yes, things like that don't sellin quotes.
They don't sell, so peopledon't talk about them as much.
But I can assure you that everysingle family on vacation has
(17:56):
experienced at least some ofthese things.
So you're not doing it wrong,you are normal, like.
If you are feeling this way,you are normal.
So let's just give a couple ofexamples.
We've talked about this a lot,but in Costa Rica, one of our
kids had a medical issue.
We had to visit an urgent careand then a public hospital.
(18:17):
Based on the findings of thedoctor at the urgent care.
I mean, that was.
That was pretty stressful forboth of us.
That was terrifying.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yeah, because we were in Costa Rica.
We had to go to a publichospital that was an hour and a
half away.
First they sent us to a privatehospital, then we got there, it
was the weekend and they wereclosed.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
The guy was like, oh no, we can't see you until
Monday, and it was Saturday.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Then we had to go to a public hospital that was right
down the street where theyspoke hardly any english yeah if
any at all I had to go in withour son alone.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
They wouldn't let duane in.
We have a whole podcast episodeabout it if you want to go back
and listen.
It's like costa rica, manuelantonio part one or something
like that.
Um, but it was just, it wasstressful.
It put a damper on thebeginning part of our vacation,
also in Costa Rica.
I don't even know if we've evertalked about this on the podcast
, but we went to a beach one dayand the beach was beautiful and
(19:17):
it was meant to be just a fun,relaxing day and Dwayne and I
were talking and the kids wereplaying in the water and all of
a sudden we looked over and allthree of them were gone, okay,
like vanished into thin air,disappeared not one of my
children anywhere in sight and Ilike went into the water.
There were other people in thewater.
I was asking in English, eventhough they didn't necessarily
(19:40):
speak English, like, but I'mclearly panicked and I'm asking
like did you see three kids withgoggles?
And one of them kind of pointslike oh yeah, I think they went
over there and he points to likeanother part of the beach, but
that was only accessible throughthe water and my daughter was
at the time barely four.
She's very tiny and she cannotfully swim Like.
(20:00):
She can play in the waves, butshe cannot swim in like deep
water.
So I like I was in a full onpanic waves but she cannot swim
in like deep water.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
So I, like I, was in a full-on panic.
So this is one of thoseinstances, instances where her
stress was making me stress,like I knew in my head that the
kids were fine, because youwould have people would have
been screaming if three kidswere like in the ocean, drowning
or you know there would havebeen a big fuss.
None of that was happeningbecause the beach was pretty
full, like there would have beensome kind of sign that these
(20:30):
kids have have vanished or arein in distress I literally
thought the ocean stole allthree of my children and I was
sobbing, freaking out and likehave you?
Speaker 1 (20:41):
but okay, have you ever seen me freak out like that
ever before?
No, no, I haven't so again.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
that's why I was starting to stress In my head.
I knew the kids were fine.
They must have been justsomewhere else along the beach.
I knew the ocean did not sweepthem away.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Well, I was panicked.
I never thought someone tookthem.
That was never my fear.
My fear was that they drowned.
That was my fear.
But turns out there was a likeI don't even know what to call
it a lagoon, like a very shallow, like less than one foot of
water area, behind a bunch oflike trees and bushes and stuff,
(21:22):
and that's where they were.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
We walked by it when we know our daughter came
running by.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
So then we saw her and then I literally thought at
least one of my kids is alive.
That's what I thought.
That was my first thought whenI saw her.
And then duane was much morecalm and was like, where are
your brothers?
And she's like, oh, they'reover there and they were all
completely fine.
But I I genuinely think that Istill have like ptsd from yes,
(21:47):
you from that.
Yes, that was terrifying to meand I don't think we've ever
talked about that.
But again, stressful okay, notnot a vacation, not not like a
relaxing vacation.
Vibe um in kawaii, one of ourdifferent kid had a stomach bug.
It was the weirdest stomach buglasted for like three days.
(22:09):
She would throw up a few times,then she would be fine for the
rest of the day and we wouldthink, oh, she's better, and
then the next day we wouldrepeat it all over again.
Very strange yes and when you,when one of your kids gets sick
on vacation, especially if it'ssomething that could be
contagious, not only am Istressed that they're sick, but
(22:30):
I'm also stressed that everyoneelse is going to get sick, right
, except for me.
Dwayne never gets sick, ever.
Okay, all the kids will getsick and then I will get it, and
Dwayne is always just walkingaround with this halo around him
because he's God's favoriteNever a germ.
So that's annoying, but I mean,it's good to know that if I'm
(22:52):
down for the count, I don'treally have to worry about you.
What is it like to be God'sfavorite?
It's pretty good, okay, so Ithink, like on top of the
sickness and whatever that canhappen, you're in a new
environment, right?
So not only that, but you'reworried about your kids being
(23:12):
you especially.
You should talk about this.
You're worried about the kidsbeing loud and disruptive in a
hotel room.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
This stresses you out more than it stresses me out.
I mean, yes, just because I wastaught to be considerate, you
know, to those around you.
And when they're running up anddown the hallways making
freaking noise and jumping onthe beds and hitting walls, yeah
, it stresses me out, for sure.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
I mean, sometimes the kids will be talking at normal
volume and Dwayne will be likeshh, be quiet.
It's like well, you don't haveto whisper.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
When all three are talking at normal volumes, it's
loud.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Yeah, the other thing , like, on top of all of those
things, right, that can happen.
I, as a mom, I don't think thishappens to you.
Okay, I know it doesn't happento you, but if something happens
to one of my kids because of atrip that I planned or an
excursion that I organized, Iwould never forgive myself.
And so I think about that whenI'm planning a trip to, like, I
(24:13):
basically plan around my anxietyand what I know I can and
cannot tolerate.
And I don't even know if Irealized that I was doing that
until I started writing out likean outline for this episode and
trying to think through, likewhat happens in my brain.
You know, like, will we ever doa cruise?
Probably not anytime soon.
(24:42):
Like, we went on a boat trip inKauai in October.
It was fun.
I will say it was fun.
The kids had a great time.
I don't know that I fullyenjoyed it because I was so
terrified of our littlestdaughter well, our only daughter
, but our youngest fallingoverboard because she is teeny,
tiny.
The waves are huge.
The boat is pretty rocky.
I'm comfortable on a boat.
I grew up boating.
I'm not comfortable with my kidon a boat.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I wasn't stressed at all.
Yeah, what's that like?
It's unstressful.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
So, okay, I was officially diagnosed with
anxiety in 2020, during theheight of the pandemic, I
actually went in to see a doctorum, not went in, but like
virtually saw a doctor for anADHD screening because the
symptoms can be similar and thedoctor, after listening to me,
was like actually, I don't thinkyou have ADHD, I think you have
(25:34):
anxiety.
And since then, I've also had atherapist who labeled it, quote
, high functioning anxiety,meaning it doesn't keep me from
doing things, but I'm constantlyeither worrying or
overanalyzing, like every singleinteraction, both past and
future, like trying to plan forevery single what, if is really
(25:56):
exhausting.
And the anxiety diagnosis was asurprise to me and I think it
was a surprise to a lot ofpeople who know me well.
Was it a surprise to you?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
I mean it wasn't a big surprise.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
But like I remember my mom was like wait, really, I
think like I would have neverdescribed myself as anxious
Outwardly.
I'm not outwardly anxious.
It's never kept me from doingthings in my life.
I backpack solo through EuropeLike I'm outgoing.
I don't have an issue talkingto people.
Doing things in my life Ibackpack solo through Europe
(26:28):
Like I'm outgoing.
I don't have an issue talkingto people.
Dwayne thinks I talk too muchto people Sometimes and so I
just would never have thought ofmyself as anxious.
But I do think that sincehaving kids, that has greatly
increased my anxiety more thananything else.
Like before I had kidsno-transcript, because I thought
(26:53):
I'm dead Like it's not sad forme, it's sad for everyone else.
That's left right.
But now, as a parent, not onlyam I terrified to die, but I'm
terrified about my kids dying.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I mean, that's pretty normal.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
I mean, I know, I'm just saying it's interesting to
me because I didn't care.
I mean, it's not that I didn'tcare before, but, like I don't
know, it wasn't stressful to me.
So, anyways, the doctor mydoctor prescribed me anxiety
medication and it's like amedication that's not too strong
, wouldn't make me drowsy andshe was like it might even take
like a week or two to takeeffect and I was like, okay,
(27:28):
within 20 minutes of taking thismedication, I was like is this
what normal people feel like?
Like all of a sudden my mindfelt so quiet, like my brain was
not spinning, and I alsonoticed that it gave me more
patience with the kids.
But over time I convincedmyself that I didn't need it.
This is what we do right withmental health.
(27:49):
I was like I don't need it, Ican lower my anxiety in other
ways.
So I stopped taking it, or Iwould only take it on occasion.
And then it's been a few yearsnow.
So in October of 2024, I, afterour Kauai trip because I mean
the level of stress that Iexperienced on that trip was so
high I asked my doctor to represcribe it and I've been
(28:11):
taking it twice a day ever sinceand it does help me quite a bit
.
Actually, I probably couldincrease my dosage I haven't but
it does help me with havingpatience with the kids.
It also just helps my brain tolike stay calm, if that makes
sense.
Can you tell the difference?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yeah, I can definitely tell the difference.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
One of the weirdest things that I've noticed is that
now I can watch new televisionshows, whereas before I could
only watch this, like shows I'veseen because I know what's
coming and I know what's goingto happen.
I could only watch those sameshows over and over again.
So, like Grey's Anatomy,friends, gossip Girl, friday
Night Lights, like shows likethat that I've seen five or six
(28:56):
times, I can now watch newtelevision shows.
What's that like for you?
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I mean it's great.
I've been that way my wholelife, I know, but isn't that
interesting.
It is interesting, but again,my brain doesn't go 100 miles an
hour.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Well, I mean, I know what's it like to be you Again.
What's it like to be God'sfavorite?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
It's unstressful Again.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
That's great Love that for you.
Our whole reason for talkingabout this is I know that I'm
not alone in this.
I know that I'm not the onlymom or parent even that
experiences anxiety like this,and so I think it's okay to have
anxiety and still take the trip.
It's also okay to ask formedication or get help.
It has really helped me and myhope for 2025, and I made an
(29:49):
Instagram post about thisactually like a few weeks ago,
and it had a really goodresponse, which is part of what
made me think we should do thisepisode and talk about it a
little more in depth.
My goal for 2025, and especiallyour travels in 2025, is to find
the glamour I'm calling itglamour and like the luxury and
(30:10):
the happiness of traveling withsmall children and make that my
focus.
We are big believers ingratitude.
At dinner, most nights, we sayour gratitudes, and the kids are
really good about it now, likethey usually start the
conversation, and so I firmlybelieve that what you focus on
expands, and so for 2025, mygoal is to focus on the
(30:35):
positives and the good, andhopefully, when I look back on
our 2025 trips, I can feelhappiness and joy and fun,
because when I look back on 2024, I feel stress and anxiety.
Like that is what I feel when Ilook at our pictures, like that
is what I feel and I don't likethat.
(30:55):
And I mean we choose to do thisright.
Like we are choosing to takethese longer trips,
international trips with ourkids.
We are putting ourselves inthis position where it is
stressful, and so I just think,acknowledging that yes, it's
hard, but there's also going tobe really good pieces that come
out of it, and focusing on thosegood things is my goal for the
(31:18):
year.
That is what I have to say aboutthis.
I told you that we weren'tgoing to solve solve your mental
health problems in today'sepisode, um, but I hope that
maybe me sharing about this andus sharing about this maybe
helps you feel not alone Ifyou've had a trip or two, or
three, or four or five that havenot been as fun as you want
(31:38):
them to be.
What do you have to add?
Anything else?
Speaker 2 (31:42):
No, I just you know, I'm the dad sitting across the
aisle in the airplane that'sasleep while the mom is dealing
with the kids.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
That's not what the people want to hear.
That's not a good look for you.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
It's not my doing, though.
You know all the kids lovetheir mom, so they want to be
next to her, and no one gives af about the dad.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I mean that's not totally true, but also it's
worth noting like we are verymuch equal partners in a lot of
things in life.
Like you do more of thehousehold chores, the dishes,
the laundry, all of that, I domore of the paying the bills,
making sure you know theelectric doesn't get turned off
(32:27):
and you know the pool guy getspaid and whatever.
Like I do those things.
Like we each have our role.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
It's not yes, I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
It's not like I'm over here doing all the things.
Do I plan the trips?
Yes, but I sent you a fewbarcelona tours the other day
and said which one do you thinkwe should do, because I can't
decide.
So it's not.
Yeah, I don't want peoplelistening to think that by you
saying that that you're notinvolved because you are
involved, oh, I'm definitelyinvolved.
(32:58):
Yes, like I.
I generally do all the packingfor a trip.
Like I, I don't pack you but Ipack myself and I generally pack
the kids.
But at the end of a trip, duanepacks everything up, he takes
care of all the laundry, like,and he unpacks everything.
So it very much equals out.
Um, but he's right, the kids dowant to sit near mom.
(33:18):
They fight over who gets to sitby me.
They've probably say mom, 57million times in a day and they
might say dad, like five.
Is it understanding that I'moverstimulated?
Yeah, yeah, it is.
But anyways, when I'm anxious,like, what does that feel like
for you, like?
Speaker 2 (33:39):
again, it's just your anxiety makes me have anxiety.
But I mean, I know where youranxiety comes from, but you know
there's yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Well, sometimes I'll just be like, do you think she's
okay?
Like I just need someone to saylike, yes, she's okay, and
he'll be like, yes, okay.
Like to say like, yes, she'sokay, and he'll be like, yes,
okay.
Like sometimes I just need tohear that you know.
So, anyways, no idea if thiswas helpful, but if it was,
please send us a message onInstagram, let us know, or, even
better, leave us a review oniTunes or Spotify or wherever it
(34:11):
is that you listen.
That helps more people find ourpodcast and we are super
grateful if you've gotten anyvalue from listening to us.
Ramble at all, share it with afriend maybe a friend who might
have travel anxiety too andotherwise we will catch you on
the next episode.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yes, thanks for tuning in.
We appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Thank you Bye.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Have a good one, you.
If you've been seeing travel influencers all over
Instagram and TikTok having themost magical vacations while
you're experiencing stress andanxiety and hard things on yours
, we're here to talk about thattoday and assure you that you
are not doing it wrong.
If you've ever experiencedanxiety on a trip, this episode
is for you.
Listen in Hi, I'm Raya.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
And I'm Dwayne.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
And we are your hosts of the Travel Party of Five
podcast, where we share how wetravel as a family of five
around the world.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We will also share how we use points and miles to
travel as affordably as possibleand sometimes even completely
free.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
So if you're wanting to travel more with your family
but you're not sure how, we'dlove for you to listen in.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
So welcome to our podcast, where we hope you learn
a thing or two to get youcloser to your next trip.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
welcome back hi, friends, thanks for listening.
Welcome back to travel party offive podcast.
This episode is going to air onfebruary 3rd, which is monday,
and today is Sunday, february2nd, so we're recording this
almost in live time and weshould all congratulate
ourselves because we made itthrough the 87 days of January.
(01:33):
Yes, so we have kind of adifferent topic to talk about
today, but before we get intothat couple of things, so first
of all, we're going to talkabout a couple of cards that
currently have elevated offers,one of which I think is a really
good offer.
So the first one is the Unitedbusiness card currently has an
(01:57):
elevated offer where you canearn 100,000 United miles after
spending $5,000 on purchases inthe first three months.
There is a $99 annual feeassociated with the card, but
that fee would be well offset bythose 100,000 United miles.
This is a fantastic offer.
You already have this card.
(02:18):
Not sure if you know that, butyou have this card and I think
our signup bonus was 70 or75,000 points.
I don't think it was elevatedwhen you applied for it.
So you can't apply for this.
Obviously, you already have itand it hasn't been a full year
yet.
I do not have this card andwould consider applying if I
(02:41):
hadn't already opened two creditcards in the month of January.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Disk is disk.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Which we talked about in our last episode.
So how that kind of happenedand that was not the plan, but
it happened.
So I think if this elevatedoffer is still around in like a
month ish and we're well on ourway to meeting the minimum spend
on our second card, I wouldconsider applying for this
because United so we're inPhoenix United miles can be used
(03:13):
for a lot of things.
You can book like Air Canada,through them you can book a lot
of things.
But for us, the reason Ispecifically applied for you for
the card last year was we wantto plan a Yellowstone trip and
there are some decent pointsflights from Phoenix on United
to Bozeman, montana, and sothat's likely what I would use
(03:35):
those points for, combined withyours.
So probably we could get usthere and back using those two
sign up bonuses.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Typically, how long do these elevated offers last?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
It depends.
So some of them it's like amonth, some are longer.
I don't think there's an enddate on this offer yet because
it was just announced, so we'lljust have to wait and see.
But if it's still available atthe end of the month I would
consider applying for it myself.
Of the month, I would considerapplying for it myself.
(04:08):
So we don't have affiliatelinks for cards really, so I
can't link it.
I looked up Dwayne's referrallink and it was only 75,000
points.
So if I were you and you wantthis card, I would Google United
Business Card and find one thathas 100,000 mile link.
If it's less than that, justknow that you can do better and
keep searching.
I would never want to givesomeone a referral link to a
(04:29):
card that wasn't the highestoffer out.
So the other card that has anelevated offer right now is the
Marriott Bonvoy boundless creditcard.
This is, oh sorry, going backto United.
That's a business card also, soit's not going to count towards
your 524 spot.
So another plus for that cardthe Marriott card.
Again, the Bonvoy boundlesscredit card is a personal card.
(04:52):
It will count towards 524.
It has an elevated offer.
I don't think it's a greatoffer Personally, you are going
to earn 100,000 Marriott pointsafter you spend 3,000 in
purchases in the first threemonths, and then you also get a
$150 statement credit after youmake your first purchase in the
first 12 months.
(05:12):
So I guess that I mean.
Yeah, why do you think twonights at a basic property and
like barely one night at aluxury Marriott Gotcha?
So it's just not a ton ofpoints for Marriott.
(05:33):
I mean the $150 statementcredit, like I guess that's fine
, but I don't know.
There's also a lot of rulesaround the Marriott cards and
like there's a certain order inwhich you should apply for them.
I'm not fully up on all thatyet because we haven't dived
dove.
We haven't dove into theMarriott cards yet dive it um,
(05:57):
we are going to open one in thenext few months because we do
have a Marriott stay this summer, which I will absolutely need
to use a card for to get themost bang for our buck, because
we're have a Marriott stay thissummer which I will absolutely
need to use a card for to getthe most bang for our buck,
because we're going to pay cash.
But I don't think this is thecard, especially because I'm
already.
I'm 424 and you're 524 rightnow.
(06:18):
Actually, you might have justdropped below down to 424.
But a personal card would takethat right away, and so we're
not ready for that.
So those are the two updatedoffers that I am aware of out
there right now.
If you have any more that youare aware of, send us a message
on Instagram at travel partyfive.
We would love to hear from you.
(06:38):
I answer all messages that weget.
Um, I also thought, before wedive into our main topic, which
is around anxiety whiletraveling, that we could do a
quick reintroduction ofourselves, because I think we
have some new listeners.
Our traffic has jumped up a bit, which is fantastic, so thank
you all.
Yes, we appreciate you If you'veever left us a review or
(07:02):
anything like that, shared ourpodcast with a friend.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
we greatly appreciate it yeah, and if you have any
feedback, you know send it to us.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yes, on instagram.
Um, I've debated making afacebook group.
Facebook seems to be how a lotof podcast uh hosts are able to
like dialogue with theiraudience.
Um, I've considered it.
I don don't really know.
I don't know, I don't know thatI have a lot of time to
moderate a Facebook group.
(07:31):
I also don't know how big itwould be.
I have considered it, so Iguess, if that's something of
interest to anyone, send me amessage on Instagram and let me
know.
But okay, so quick intro to whowe are.
My name is Raya, my husbandthis is my husband, dwayne.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I am very much the P1 in our Points and Miles world
and he is the P2.
I do all of the applyingplanning, making sure we've met
the minimum spend on cards.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
She's my accountant and travel agent.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
And Dwayne gets the email saying congratulations,
you're approved for a new card.
And he's like okay, so it'sminor identity theft, we'll call
it, but it's done withpermission, so it's fine.
We are based in Phoenix,arizona.
We have three kids.
Their current ages are 11,eight and almost 5.
And what would you?
(08:26):
How would you describe ourtravel style?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I mean it's, it's all planned by you, which is great.
It's, you know, to the T.
That's why you know you're mychild age.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Well, so like okay, if we're on a scale from like
budget to bougie, like where dowe fall?
We lean more towards budget.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
But if we're on a scale from like budget to bougie
like where do we fall?
We lean more towards budget,but sometimes we can get a
little bougie.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I'm the bougie one, I mean.
But I also like okay, we're notsuper budget travelers.
We're unlikely to stay in aHyatt place unless there's no
other option.
We are aiming for the higherend properties because that is
more relaxing to me.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Well, yes, but we get them on points.
So I mean that's what.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
I lean towards yes, yeah, okay, true, we are booking
on points, but they cost morepoints than a.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Like a cheaper hotel too, yes, but if you say, if you
tell me you booked a hotel onpoints, I consider that free.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Okay, yes, that's true, I mean it is free for the
most part, but, yeah, so I woulddescribe us a little budget, a
little bougie, with more towardsthe bougie end.
I prefer to stay in nicerproperties because I think, as a
mom, going on vacation withkids is stressful and that is
(09:46):
how I make it feel moreluxurious.
For me, everyone has their own.
You know, things that matter.
Things that matter to me arelike really good service, really
nice rooms, like somethingthat's aesthetically pleasing I
find enjoyable.
Turned down service I loveturned down service.
Oh, and robes like a good robe,even though I don't always wear
(10:08):
them.
A good robe and like a tub in aroom Love it.
A sweet, yes, it's my favorite.
So that's kind of our travelstyle.
We predominantly use points andmiles.
We got started pretty heavilyinto points and miles in 2022.
But I took my first flight onpoints actually in 2018.
(10:29):
I just did it all wrong and Ididn't know it at the time.
But in 2022, I kind of learnedhow aggressive you can be and
since then we've gone prettyaggressive, I would say opening
10 to 15 credit cards a year.
Between the two of us.
Our credit has stayedincredibly stable in my case, or
in your case, it has gone upsignificantly, like over 100
(10:51):
points.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yes.
So, well, let me really go backto the budget part and why I
say that.
So sometimes we go to San Diegoand Raya would rather make a
lunch for that day than to goout to eat.
So that's why I lean moretowards the budget side.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
You have to pay for gas.
If you're driving, you knowthere's other things that cost
more money than it would if youwere staying at home, right?
So when we drive on road tripswe go to California fairly
frequently, at least once ortwice a year.
Usually we always stay onpoints, but I mean our food.
(11:38):
There's five of us and ouroldest eats like a full adult,
like he eats more than I do.
So a food budget for a familyof five is pretty high, so I'm
always aiming to just cut thatdown a little bit by saving one
meal a day that we eat in ourhotel room or wherever, at the
pool or whatever.
So we try to bring things likesandwich stuff or uncrustables,
(12:00):
chips, fruit, carrots, anythingthat doesn't need a ton of
refrigeration but maybe can keepcold in a cooler and the kids
can eat that for one meal a dayLike that is my goal, and then
the other two meals we pay for.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
So that's why Dwayne thinks I'm budget, but I think
I'm bougie, because doing thatallows me to spend money on a
dinner that's probably a littleexpensive and not stress about
it, and that is a vacation to me.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
See, I'll go out for breakfast, lunch and dinner and
not stress about anything.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Yes, but that's because you don't pay the bills.
I pay the bills.
I mean it's combined money, butwho's the one who makes sure we
have all the money to pay thebills?
Is it you or is it me?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
It's you, but it could be me.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I mean it could be, but if it were you, then you
would be packing a lunch.
You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I don't know about that.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Anyways, this has gone off on a tangent, Going
back to points and miles.
So we've been doing points andmiles pretty aggressively for
about two years.
The first year we made it toMaui, california, a couple of
times, san Diego and Oceansideand, oh, disneyland and
(13:19):
Washington DC.
And then last year we did CostaRica.
We did again San Diego andOceanside.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Just the two of us went to the Grand Cayman.
Oh yes, Yep.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Also just the two of us.
We did Albuquerque and anotherSan Diego night, yep, okay.
And we also did Kauai last year, all on points, all flights
booked on points and all hotelsbooked on points.
This year we have upcomingtrips to Paris, spain, japan and
(13:56):
again back to Europe.
Back to Europe, paris andGermany for Christmas markets.
So it is a big internationalyear for us.
Oh, we're also going to Cabo.
Oh, yes, and Duane and I willgo to Cabo for a couple's trip
our yearly couple's trip.
We try to aim for at least onetrip a year, just the two of us,
no kids.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Somewhere bougie.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yes, we're going to stay at the Cape, which is a
Thompson Hyatt in Cabo, andwe're also going to stay at the
Waldorf Astoria in Cabo.
So pretty excited about that.
But that's a little bit aboutus and kind of our travel style.
We book most of our trips afull year in advance.
So right now I'm thinking aboutwhere we're going to go for
(14:40):
spring break 2026.
My initial plan was Belize.
I'm kind of starting to secondguess that because there's just
not a lot of great pointsoptions and it would be a pretty
expensive cash trip.
Some other front runners wouldbe like Aruba, st Lucia,
something similar to the GrandCaymans but different.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
I wouldn't be mad if we went back to the Grand.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Caymans.
I mean, we had a great timethere and the kids would have
loved that property.
They would have.
They would have.
What I'm trying to find issomething that's similar but in
a different place, so we can gosomewhere different.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
And I mean the beach.
There there were no waves andthe water was shallow.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Beautiful, beautiful beaches, it was beautiful, yeah,
okay, so I already mentionedall the places we went in 2024.
And I think that can kind ofbring us into our main topic,
because 2024 was a fantasticyear for our family.
We traveled the most we everhave.
I mean, don't you agree?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And there was a lot of good things that happened in
2024.
But it was also an incrediblystressful year and when I look
back on it, I remember feelingmore anxiety and stress on trips
than anything else.
Do you feel that way, or it'sjust me?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I mean it's sometimes , but I feel that way when you
get that way, you know.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Like my, stress is making you stressed.
Yes, that's interesting.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Okay, but I'm not stressing about what you're
stressing about, if that makesway.
You know, like my stress ismaking you stressed.
Yes, that's interesting, okay,but I'm not stressing about what
you're stressing about.
If that makes sense, I meanwell, yeah, I know that.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah, I'm why stress about everything.
So before we dive into thistopic of anxiety and like stress
on trips, I first want to saywe are not doctors, we do not
have all the answers and thisepisode is not going to fix you
or really even offer a ton ofsolutions.
I don't think mostly.
(16:32):
I just want to put this outthere because I think Instagram
and podcasts and TikTok andwhatever on the internet is
mostly just a highlight reel ofall the positive things.
Right, like look at this luxuryresort you can book on points.
Or look at these experiences mykids get to have because of
points and miles and all thosethings are true, you can do
(16:54):
those things, they areincredible experiences.
But I think it leaves out theother side of it, which is that
traveling is stressful ingeneral, but doing it with three
kids, or any kids, really is awhole different kind of stress.
And if you're using points andmiles and doing these things and
not feeling the joy and thepleasure that you should or I'm
(17:16):
sorry, not that you should, butthat, like Instagram tells you
you should feel, let's say itthat way then you're not doing
it wrong.
They just aren't showing you therunning in the airport to catch
a flight or the four-hourflight delay you waiting three
hours for your room to be readyyes, what it's like to actually
(17:36):
have a kid with a stomach bug onvacation in one room, with your
whole family in one room andone bathroom like airlines, lose
your luggage.
Yes, things like that don't sellin quotes.
They don't sell, so peopledon't talk about them as much.
But I can assure you that everysingle family on vacation has
(17:56):
experienced at least some ofthese things.
So you're not doing it wrong,you are normal, like.
If you are feeling this way,you are normal.
So let's just give a couple ofexamples.
We've talked about this a lot,but in Costa Rica, one of our
kids had a medical issue.
We had to visit an urgent careand then a public hospital.
(18:17):
Based on the findings of thedoctor at the urgent care.
I mean, that was.
That was pretty stressful forboth of us.
That was terrifying.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yeah, because we were in Costa Rica.
We had to go to a publichospital that was an hour and a
half away.
First they sent us to a privatehospital, then we got there, it
was the weekend and they wereclosed.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
The guy was like, oh no, we can't see you until
Monday, and it was Saturday.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Then we had to go to a public hospital that was right
down the street where theyspoke hardly any english yeah if
any at all I had to go in withour son alone.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
They wouldn't let duane in.
We have a whole podcast episodeabout it if you want to go back
and listen.
It's like costa rica, manuelantonio part one or something
like that.
Um, but it was just, it wasstressful.
It put a damper on thebeginning part of our vacation,
also in Costa Rica.
I don't even know if we've evertalked about this on the podcast
, but we went to a beach one dayand the beach was beautiful and
(19:17):
it was meant to be just a fun,relaxing day and Dwayne and I
were talking and the kids wereplaying in the water and all of
a sudden we looked over and allthree of them were gone, okay,
like vanished into thin air,disappeared not one of my
children anywhere in sight and Ilike went into the water.
There were other people in thewater.
I was asking in English, eventhough they didn't necessarily
(19:40):
speak English, like, but I'mclearly panicked and I'm asking
like did you see three kids withgoggles?
And one of them kind of pointslike oh yeah, I think they went
over there and he points to likeanother part of the beach, but
that was only accessible throughthe water and my daughter was
at the time barely four.
She's very tiny and she cannotfully swim Like.
(20:00):
She can play in the waves, butshe cannot swim in like deep
water.
So I like I was in a full onpanic waves but she cannot swim
in like deep water.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
So I, like I, was in a full-on panic.
So this is one of thoseinstances, instances where her
stress was making me stress,like I knew in my head that the
kids were fine, because youwould have people would have
been screaming if three kidswere like in the ocean, drowning
or you know there would havebeen a big fuss.
None of that was happeningbecause the beach was pretty
full, like there would have beensome kind of sign that these
(20:30):
kids have have vanished or arein in distress I literally
thought the ocean stole allthree of my children and I was
sobbing, freaking out and likehave you?
Speaker 1 (20:41):
but okay, have you ever seen me freak out like that
ever before?
No, no, I haven't so again.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
that's why I was starting to stress In my head.
I knew the kids were fine.
They must have been justsomewhere else along the beach.
I knew the ocean did not sweepthem away.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Well, I was panicked.
I never thought someone tookthem.
That was never my fear.
My fear was that they drowned.
That was my fear.
But turns out there was a likeI don't even know what to call
it a lagoon, like a very shallow, like less than one foot of
water area, behind a bunch oflike trees and bushes and stuff,
(21:22):
and that's where they were.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
We walked by it when we know our daughter came
running by.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
So then we saw her and then I literally thought at
least one of my kids is alive.
That's what I thought.
That was my first thought whenI saw her.
And then duane was much morecalm and was like, where are
your brothers?
And she's like, oh, they'reover there and they were all
completely fine.
But I I genuinely think that Istill have like ptsd from yes,
(21:47):
you from that.
Yes, that was terrifying to meand I don't think we've ever
talked about that.
But again, stressful okay, notnot a vacation, not not like a
relaxing vacation.
Vibe um in kawaii, one of ourdifferent kid had a stomach bug.
It was the weirdest stomach buglasted for like three days.
(22:09):
She would throw up a few times,then she would be fine for the
rest of the day and we wouldthink, oh, she's better, and
then the next day we wouldrepeat it all over again.
Very strange yes and when you,when one of your kids gets sick
on vacation, especially if it'ssomething that could be
contagious, not only am Istressed that they're sick, but
(22:30):
I'm also stressed that everyoneelse is going to get sick, right
, except for me.
Dwayne never gets sick, ever.
Okay, all the kids will getsick and then I will get it, and
Dwayne is always just walkingaround with this halo around him
because he's God's favoriteNever a germ.
So that's annoying, but I mean,it's good to know that if I'm
(22:52):
down for the count, I don'treally have to worry about you.
What is it like to be God'sfavorite?
It's pretty good, okay, so Ithink, like on top of the
sickness and whatever that canhappen, you're in a new
environment, right?
So not only that, but you'reworried about your kids being
(23:12):
you especially.
You should talk about this.
You're worried about the kidsbeing loud and disruptive in a
hotel room.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
This stresses you out more than it stresses me out.
I mean, yes, just because I wastaught to be considerate, you
know, to those around you.
And when they're running up anddown the hallways making
freaking noise and jumping onthe beds and hitting walls, yeah
, it stresses me out, for sure.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
I mean, sometimes the kids will be talking at normal
volume and Dwayne will be likeshh, be quiet.
It's like well, you don't haveto whisper.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
When all three are talking at normal volumes, it's
loud.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Yeah, the other thing , like, on top of all of those
things, right, that can happen.
I, as a mom, I don't think thishappens to you.
Okay, I know it doesn't happento you, but if something happens
to one of my kids because of atrip that I planned or an
excursion that I organized, Iwould never forgive myself.
And so I think about that whenI'm planning a trip to, like, I
(24:13):
basically plan around my anxietyand what I know I can and
cannot tolerate.
And I don't even know if Irealized that I was doing that
until I started writing out likean outline for this episode and
trying to think through, likewhat happens in my brain.
You know, like, will we ever doa cruise?
Probably not anytime soon.
(24:42):
Like, we went on a boat trip inKauai in October.
It was fun.
I will say it was fun.
The kids had a great time.
I don't know that I fullyenjoyed it because I was so
terrified of our littlestdaughter well, our only daughter
, but our youngest fallingoverboard because she is teeny,
tiny.
The waves are huge.
The boat is pretty rocky.
I'm comfortable on a boat.
I grew up boating.
I'm not comfortable with my kidon a boat.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I wasn't stressed at all.
Yeah, what's that like?
It's unstressful.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
So, okay, I was officially diagnosed with
anxiety in 2020, during theheight of the pandemic, I
actually went in to see a doctorum, not went in, but like
virtually saw a doctor for anADHD screening because the
symptoms can be similar and thedoctor, after listening to me,
was like actually, I don't thinkyou have ADHD, I think you have
(25:34):
anxiety.
And since then, I've also had atherapist who labeled it, quote
, high functioning anxiety,meaning it doesn't keep me from
doing things, but I'm constantlyeither worrying or
overanalyzing, like every singleinteraction, both past and
future, like trying to plan forevery single what, if is really
(25:56):
exhausting.
And the anxiety diagnosis was asurprise to me and I think it
was a surprise to a lot ofpeople who know me well.
Was it a surprise to you?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
I mean it wasn't a big surprise.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
But like I remember my mom was like wait, really, I
think like I would have neverdescribed myself as anxious
Outwardly.
I'm not outwardly anxious.
It's never kept me from doingthings in my life.
I backpack solo through EuropeLike I'm outgoing.
I don't have an issue talkingto people.
Doing things in my life Ibackpack solo through Europe
(26:28):
Like I'm outgoing.
I don't have an issue talkingto people.
Dwayne thinks I talk too muchto people Sometimes and so I
just would never have thought ofmyself as anxious.
But I do think that sincehaving kids, that has greatly
increased my anxiety more thananything else.
Like before I had kidsno-transcript, because I thought
(26:53):
I'm dead Like it's not sad forme, it's sad for everyone else.
That's left right.
But now, as a parent, not onlyam I terrified to die, but I'm
terrified about my kids dying.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I mean, that's pretty normal.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
I mean, I know, I'm just saying it's interesting to
me because I didn't care.
I mean, it's not that I didn'tcare before, but, like I don't
know, it wasn't stressful to me.
So, anyways, the doctor mydoctor prescribed me anxiety
medication and it's like amedication that's not too strong
, wouldn't make me drowsy andshe was like it might even take
like a week or two to takeeffect and I was like, okay,
(27:28):
within 20 minutes of taking thismedication, I was like is this
what normal people feel like?
Like all of a sudden my mindfelt so quiet, like my brain was
not spinning, and I alsonoticed that it gave me more
patience with the kids.
But over time I convincedmyself that I didn't need it.
This is what we do right withmental health.
(27:49):
I was like I don't need it, Ican lower my anxiety in other
ways.
So I stopped taking it, or Iwould only take it on occasion.
And then it's been a few yearsnow.
So in October of 2024, I, afterour Kauai trip because I mean
the level of stress that Iexperienced on that trip was so
high I asked my doctor to represcribe it and I've been
(28:11):
taking it twice a day ever sinceand it does help me quite a bit
.
Actually, I probably couldincrease my dosage I haven't but
it does help me with havingpatience with the kids.
It also just helps my brain tolike stay calm, if that makes
sense.
Can you tell the difference?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yeah, I can definitely tell the difference.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
One of the weirdest things that I've noticed is that
now I can watch new televisionshows, whereas before I could
only watch this, like shows I'veseen because I know what's
coming and I know what's goingto happen.
I could only watch those sameshows over and over again.
So, like Grey's Anatomy,friends, gossip Girl, friday
Night Lights, like shows likethat that I've seen five or six
(28:56):
times, I can now watch newtelevision shows.
What's that like for you?
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I mean it's great.
I've been that way my wholelife, I know, but isn't that
interesting.
It is interesting, but again,my brain doesn't go 100 miles an
hour.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Well, I mean, I know what's it like to be you Again.
What's it like to be God'sfavorite?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
It's unstressful Again.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
That's great Love that for you.
Our whole reason for talkingabout this is I know that I'm
not alone in this.
I know that I'm not the onlymom or parent even that
experiences anxiety like this,and so I think it's okay to have
anxiety and still take the trip.
It's also okay to ask formedication or get help.
It has really helped me and myhope for 2025, and I made an
(29:49):
Instagram post about thisactually like a few weeks ago,
and it had a really goodresponse, which is part of what
made me think we should do thisepisode and talk about it a
little more in depth.
My goal for 2025, and especiallyour travels in 2025, is to find
the glamour I'm calling itglamour and like the luxury and
(30:10):
the happiness of traveling withsmall children and make that my
focus.
We are big believers ingratitude.
At dinner, most nights, we sayour gratitudes, and the kids are
really good about it now, likethey usually start the
conversation, and so I firmlybelieve that what you focus on
expands, and so for 2025, mygoal is to focus on the
(30:35):
positives and the good, andhopefully, when I look back on
our 2025 trips, I can feelhappiness and joy and fun,
because when I look back on 2024, I feel stress and anxiety.
Like that is what I feel when Ilook at our pictures, like that
is what I feel and I don't likethat.
(30:55):
And I mean we choose to do thisright.
Like we are choosing to takethese longer trips,
international trips with ourkids.
We are putting ourselves inthis position where it is
stressful, and so I just think,acknowledging that yes, it's
hard, but there's also going tobe really good pieces that come
out of it, and focusing on thosegood things is my goal for the
(31:18):
year.
That is what I have to say aboutthis.
I told you that we weren'tgoing to solve solve your mental
health problems in today'sepisode, um, but I hope that
maybe me sharing about this andus sharing about this maybe
helps you feel not alone Ifyou've had a trip or two, or
three, or four or five that havenot been as fun as you want
(31:38):
them to be.
What do you have to add?
Anything else?
Speaker 2 (31:42):
No, I just you know, I'm the dad sitting across the
aisle in the airplane that'sasleep while the mom is dealing
with the kids.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
That's not what the people want to hear.
That's not a good look for you.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
It's not my doing, though.
You know all the kids lovetheir mom, so they want to be
next to her, and no one gives af about the dad.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I mean that's not totally true, but also it's
worth noting like we are verymuch equal partners in a lot of
things in life.
Like you do more of thehousehold chores, the dishes,
the laundry, all of that, I domore of the paying the bills,
making sure you know theelectric doesn't get turned off
(32:27):
and you know the pool guy getspaid and whatever.
Like I do those things.
Like we each have our role.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
It's not yes, I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
It's not like I'm over here doing all the things.
Do I plan the trips?
Yes, but I sent you a fewbarcelona tours the other day
and said which one do you thinkwe should do, because I can't
decide.
So it's not.
Yeah, I don't want peoplelistening to think that by you
saying that that you're notinvolved because you are
involved, oh, I'm definitelyinvolved.
(32:58):
Yes, like I.
I generally do all the packingfor a trip.
Like I, I don't pack you but Ipack myself and I generally pack
the kids.
But at the end of a trip, duanepacks everything up, he takes
care of all the laundry, like,and he unpacks everything.
So it very much equals out.
Um, but he's right, the kids dowant to sit near mom.
(33:18):
They fight over who gets to sitby me.
They've probably say mom, 57million times in a day and they
might say dad, like five.
Is it understanding that I'moverstimulated?
Yeah, yeah, it is.
But anyways, when I'm anxious,like, what does that feel like
for you, like?
Speaker 2 (33:39):
again, it's just your anxiety makes me have anxiety.
But I mean, I know where youranxiety comes from, but you know
there's yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Well, sometimes I'll just be like, do you think she's
okay?
Like I just need someone to saylike, yes, she's okay, and
he'll be like, yes, okay.
Like to say like, yes, she'sokay, and he'll be like, yes,
okay.
Like sometimes I just need tohear that you know.
So, anyways, no idea if thiswas helpful, but if it was,
please send us a message onInstagram, let us know, or, even
better, leave us a review oniTunes or Spotify or wherever it
(34:11):
is that you listen.
That helps more people find ourpodcast and we are super
grateful if you've gotten anyvalue from listening to us.
Ramble at all, share it with afriend maybe a friend who might
have travel anxiety too andotherwise we will catch you on
the next episode.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yes, thanks for tuning in.
We appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Thank you Bye.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Have a good one, you.
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