True North with Abby & Ryan

Abby & Ryan debrief the entire 83-episode run of the True North Podcast, and then send each other off with gratitude, love, and a splash of nostalgic sadness.
 
 Seriously. Thank you all. Thank you for being on this journey with us, for watching us grow, and growing alongside us. We added the "with Abby & Ryan" to the title so that you could find our podcast amidst all the other "True North" podc...

Ryan is a second-born middle child. Anyone who puts stock in birth order dynamics just learned a lot about Ryan from those two pieces of information.

In this episode, we interview his older brother Brandon, who has lived in Japan for the past several years. We start by discussing the differences between American and Japanese culture, and what it was like to pack up their entire lives into 16 bags and move across the ocean....

**SORRY FOR RYAN'S WEIRD SOUND QUALITY**

Ryan is hung-up on people perceiving him as credible, and is therefore hesitant to openly admit to how woo-woo he is. His concern is that there are people out there who blindly trust in things with no solid reason, and so when he opens up about trusting them as well, he'll be lumped in with the non-critical thinking masses who will believe unfounded things with very little...

What is trust, really? In the first 20 minutes, we settle on this loose definition:

• Trust is about safety. You know what needs to be put in place for you to feel safe.
• If you feel the need to put them in place yourself (because if you don't, you won't be safe), that's the antithesis of you trusting someone.
• If you believe the other person will/has put those things in place on their own (such that you don&a...

Do you ever notice that you seem to have done personal growth that you have no recollection of actually doing on purpose? Abby says no. Hah. It's more probable your values shifted and you just care less now about things you cared a lot about before.

Then we talk about a bunch of other stuff. Just listen to the episode and you'll get it all. Why do you even read these??

TIME CODES:
3:13 - Accidental G...

Reference points! We all have a core set of experiences that we use to contextualize all of our new and incoming experiences. In this episode we unpack why this happens and what we can do about it.
 
 “The best predictor of a child's security of attachment is not what happened to his parents as children, but rather how his parents made sense of those childhood experiences.”
 ― Daniel J. Siegel, Mindsight: The New ...

Last week Ryan said in passing that he's bi. This week, we unpack that.

When Ryan says he's bi, what he's saying is that someone's gender neither helps nor hinders his ability to be physically attracted to them. It's not that he discovered a new part of himself, but rather that he released the compulsory heterosexuality he was taught to internalize.

• If gender is nonbinary, then what&ap...

Before people can talk about God, they need to define what they mean by the word "God."

According to the Tao Te Ching, as soon as you define God, you're no longer defining all of what God is.

So, all we can do is question and riff. That's what we do in this episode.

Key topics:

• Can we know what God is?
• Can we separate God from religion?
• What is God without religion?
• What is religion wi...

We live in a culture of "positive" and "negative" emotions, which really comes down to emotions that we're uncomfortable feeling/seeing, and ones we're comfortable with. In this episode, we unpack this framework.

• There are certain situations where certain emotions are deemed appropriate or inappropriate. But why? People's comfort. Why are they uncomfortable with some emotions? Because...

Abby brings the questions and we ruminate on True Northy stuff.

"Forgive and forget" needs to be replaced by "Forgive and set boundaries." It's less catchy but man does it work better.

"An eye for an eye" (e.g. death penalty for murderers) is a terrible way to handle wrongdoing.

"My job in the life of those I love is to make it safe for them to find their own way, w...

The game is simple. Ryan rolls 5 dice, and both of them reveal what they would say if they could talk to the people they were at the age shown on the dice.

Also Ryan can't #math.

AGES:
2:48 - Age 17
13:00 - Age 23
24:29 - Age 12
42:22 - Age 15

Fun twist ending: Look yourself in the mirror and tell your present self all the things you told these past versions of yourself.

GRAT...

 There's no such thing as "Capital-T Trauma." Emotional trauma is simply any experience that drives us to deny parts of ourselves for the sake of staying safe.

Alexithymia (not feeling our feelings) can be attributed to trauma: we have experiences that drive us to close and lock doors in our "mansions of self," but in doing so, we lock away our access to the emotions attached to those experiences.<...

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
  "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
  Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
  $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses
 
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** 'NOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is leaving the True North Tribe**
 
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Following your True North...

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
 "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
 Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
 $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses
 
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'Nother announcement: Ryan's audio is still bad. Boo.

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Question from a Tribe member: "...

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses

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Also, Ryan's audio is bad cause computers and software are rude.

QUESTION:
a) What's a part of yourself you have di...

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses

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In this episode, we talk about GUILT.

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves — at what we did or did not do.” — Peter McWilliams

**MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is on TikTok @indigoabby**

**SECOND MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses

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In this episode, we dig into what emotional m...

QUESTION: Can you operate in victim consciousness AND be in your True North simultaneously?

Drama Triangle —> Empowerment Triangle
Victim / Persecutor / Rescuer —> Creator / Challenger / Coach

Your "True North Self" is not some unassailably healthy version of yourself; it's the version of yourself that:

• Notices when you're operating in victim consciousness
• Compassionately meets yourself where...

We're switching it up to 10-episode seasons with 2-week breaks between, for the foreseeable future.

QUESTION: How are you a different person now than you were at the end of last season?

• Abby - Learned the importance of rest
• Ryan - Accidentally became an influencer

Can we make progress without setting goals? Yes. Set intentions instead, and stay in the present, meeting yourself with acceptance and compassion...