Abby & Ryan Resist Change

All Episodes

April 23, 2021 • 71 mins

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
- Tony Robbins (probably)

WHY DO WE RESIST CHANGE??

LOSS. There's a loss, which means pain. Even if there's a gain, it's unknown; the loss is always known. Known is more comfortable than unknown.
ANTICIPATION & PREDICTABILITY. A 2016 study showed that "knowing that there is a small chance of getting a painful electric shock can lead to significantly more stress than knowing that you will definitely be shocked." (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/03/160329101037.htm)
CONTROL. Intentionally maintaining a painful circumstance gives a sense of control, whereas moving into the unknown is a loss of your sense of control. Feeling out of control is often more uncomfortable than the pain of the present moment.
ATTACHMENT TO OUTCOMES. A change threatens the possibility of arriving at a specific future you want to reach.

ANTIDOTES:

SURRENDER. Know what you can't control, and stop trying to control it.
PRESENCE. Get out of the past and future, and come back to now.
SELF ACCEPTANCE. Disengage from stories about how circumstances (preferable or painful, real or imaginary) affect your value or identity.

“We are often more threatened by the possibility of a relationship with others changing than the possibility of the relationship with ourselves staying the same.”
- Vienna Pharaon

THE CHANGE CYCLE:

Dissolution - change happens, the status becomes not-quo, and suffering takes hold.
Adjustment - you formulate a plan to adjust to the new thing.
Integration - Your new plan becomes a new way of life.
Maintenance - The new status becomes quo. I realize I'm using that phrase horribly.

*** Moving from 4 to 1 feels like three steps back, but it's really one step forward. It's the Change Cycle, not the Change Unidirectional Linear Progression ***

THE BECKARD-HARRIS CHANGE EQUATION: D x V + F > R

D = Dissatisfaction with the present circumstance
V = Vision for what the future could be
F = First Steps (putting on your shoes and getting to the running trail)
R = Resistance to change

GRATITUDES:

Ryan is grateful for his dad.
Abby is grateful for her clients who are really doing the work.

TIME CODES:
19:43 - The Change Cycle
31:32 - Alexander John Shaia - The four gospels and the cycle of change: https://amzn.to/3tYS1Gt
1:00:12 - The Beckard-Harris Change Equation

WHAT OUR TRIBE IS UP TO: