Episode Transcript
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Danielle La Rose (00:00):
What's up,
homies?
Okay, I'm coming in hot todaywith a topic and an opinion that
may be a little bit unpopular,and you might Just hear me out.
Okay, I'm going to saysomething and then I need you to
allow me to have thisconversation and then you can
come at me with your thoughts,opinions, beliefs, values, all
(00:21):
the things.
All right, because here's thething.
I've been hearing thiseverywhere and I've heard it my
whole life, but even more so now.
I'm surrounded by a lot of girlmoms, which I absolutely love,
and, as a girl mentor, I hearwhat we're selling girls.
And I say selling because youknow, I know that we want our
(00:44):
girls to feel confident.
We want them to know that theyare beautiful and perfect and
fabulous exactly the way thatthey are.
And if you've been in my worldfor some time, hello, you know
that my whole mission in life isto help women and girls look in
the mirror and love exactly whothey see.
Love exactly who they see.
And so by titling this today,you know beauty is not on the
(01:11):
inside.
You may be thinking Danielle,what is wrong with you?
Where have you gone?
Where has your message?
Where has your purpose gone?
(01:31):
Because that is not you, that'snot what you stand for, that's
not how you feel, and I want youto know that it actually is
exactly how I feel and what mythoughts are.
And I know it's unpopular, butI need you to roll with me here
because I'm hearing it all over,right?
We tell little girls, beauty iswhat's on the inside.
Look at someone and see theirbeauty for who they are, and
that's important.
Okay, I'm not again.
You had to go with me here onthis conversation.
Right, like love who they are.
See yourself, for you know yourkindness, your heart, your
(01:54):
character, and that's what makesyou beautiful, that's what
makes you pretty.
How you look on the outside isirrelevant, nobody cares, it's
not important.
Stop worrying about that, right?
And we tell little girls thisand we tell ourselves this, but
we know in reality that's a lie.
When was the last time youactually didn't care about the
way that you looked right?
(02:15):
When was the last time youactually didn't care, right, or
think that beauty wasn't on theoutside?
Here's the thing.
We say this Beauty wasn't onthe outside.
Here's the thing.
We say this all the time tomake ourselves feel better.
I'm sorry, but we do.
We say this to make ourselvesfeel better.
We're hoping that it helpsgirls like love their bodies,
(02:36):
appreciate their bodies, beconfident in their bodies.
Right, that's my mission,that's what I do, and I'm here
telling you that us saying thatis not helping.
It's not necessarily hurting,but it ain't helping.
So if we really want girls andourselves as grown women to love
and appreciate and be confidentin our bodies, we have to come
to grips with fact.
(02:57):
We have to come to grips withreality.
And the reality is is thatbeauty is not on the inside,
beauty is on the outside.
How we see someone, how they'rephysical, how they physically
look, is what we know as beingbeautiful.
Okay, so before I like jumpedon here, I was like, oh my gosh,
(03:20):
okay, let me just go actuallysee what is the definition of
beauty, because I don't know.
I've never really looked up thedefinition of beauty, I just
know what.
I know it to be right.
So I looked up the definitionof beauty and I wrote down here.
I want to share it with you.
There are two things.
Again, you can Google thisyourself, but the definition is
a combination of qualities suchas shape, color or form that
(03:42):
pleases the aesthetic senses,especially the sight.
Second one is a beautiful woman.
Let's just go like what?
Like men aren't, can't bebeautiful, like I don't know.
Anyways, the point is that theactual definition if your
daughter looks it up in thedictionary or Google, which is
(04:04):
our dictionary now, right, if weGoogle this, we know that
beauty is on the outside.
Now we can say all the fluffystuff like yeah, yeah, you're
beautiful, and then said, duh,we know that, we know what we
mean when we say that.
But here's what we're smart, weare smart women and I that's
where I come from with a lot ofconversations, especially around
(04:26):
food and fitness and body imageis that we have to stop
treating ourselves as, likethese, sensitive.
You know, like we have toprotect ourselves and you know,
be careful of our feelings.
Like cool, those things areimportant, but it's really
important to remember that we'resmart.
We know that there are foodsthat are really great for our
bodies and there's foods thataren't great for our bodies.
(04:48):
Okay, like, that's just areality.
We know that working out isreally important for us.
We know, right, like, we knowthat we're smart.
Okay, so give yourself somecredit, you're smart.
And our girls in our lives arereally smart, and when they come
to you and say that they don'tfeel pretty, or someone saying
(05:09):
that they're not beautiful orsomething's wrong with them and
they want to fix it.
That's the society that we livein, and so if you just tell
them like, oh no, beauty's onthe inside, they don't believe
you.
They're going to roll theireyes, they're going to go look
for other options, they're goingto go look for other opinions
because they're like no,actually I know that beauty is
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what she looks like and what shelooks like and what she looks
like, or it's her hair, or it'sher legs, or it's her shape, or
it's her whatever.
That's the thoughts that wehave, and so if we just want to
shun this away because it makesus uncomfy, we're not doing,
we're not helping her and we'realso not helping ourselves.
So I know it's cute and fun tojust be like oh, beauty's on the
(05:53):
inside, but beauty is on theoutside.
So you might be thinking, okay,cool, danielle, like that's
rude.
But now what?
How does this actually help us?
How is that good for us?
How is that good for ourdaughters to know?
Because here's the thing,no-transcript.
(06:14):
And being beautiful is a socialconstruct.
Okay, my sociologist is comingout.
Beauty is a social construct,meaning that it's not real right
.
We as a society have made it tomean a certain thing, right?
So go with me here 50 years ago, 100 years ago, what was
beautiful then is not beautifultoday.
(06:37):
Even think about you yourself,like growing up, like, think
about what was considered likebeautiful right.
Like what?
What did you want to look likeor be like?
Or I had bright red streaks inmy hair because Kelly Clarkson
did it, and I and bright blondeand I look at it.
Now I'm like what?
Like mom?
Why did you let mom, why didyou let me do that?
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Why did you ever think that wasa good idea?
But, of course, she's my momand I probably didn't give her
an option because I'm like no,this is what I have to have.
But that was beautiful becauseKelly Clarkson did it right and
we wanted to be whoever right.
Some people want to look likeBeyonce and some people want to
look like Kardashian and somepeople there's so many things
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that we I idolize I want you tothink about.
Think about like growing up,like when I was, uh, let's say,
college, we didn't wear fakeeyelashes.
There weren't women walkingaround with, like, like, huge
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eyelashes, because it wasn'tcool, it wasn't trendy, it
wasn't beautiful.
There was a long time where,being super, super tan, I can
look back at all my picturesfrom college and see, like
terrible tanning right.
So like that was popular, thatwas beautiful.
That's what you had to do to bequote unquote beautiful.
And so we did those things.
And now not really that trendyat the moment it might be again
(08:04):
later on, but right now it's notand so we get to understand and
we get to realize that beautyis a social construct.
And so when your daughter getsa certain age like, or girls get
a certain age, I think it'simportant to treat them as smart
, intelligent girls and helpthem understand and
differentiate the fact that, yes, beauty is on the outside,
(08:24):
because it's what we see andit's what you desire to be,
because you're told that yourwhole life you're going to walk
through store, grocery storesand see magazines.
You're going to open up socialmedia.
You're going to see movies andvideos and you're going to open
up social media.
You're going to see movies andvideos and you're going to see
music videos and you're going tosee what our society at the
moment considers beautiful.
(08:45):
And so it's really importantfor us to treat her in an
intelligent way in ourselves andto say cool, beauty is what's
on the outside.
However, beauty isn't real.
There's no like this is what'sbeautiful forever and that's
what you aspire to be.
Who decided what beauty is?
There's a $550 billion industry, like, if we're being honest,
(09:09):
that profits from insecurities,and so there's a lot of
leadership there that sayshere's what you want to look
like today, because we got thoselashes for you, we got this for
you, we got that for you.
That can change the way that youlook, and so, but when we can
equip girls and ourselves asadults to be able to look at
something and say, okay, what isthis trying to tell me?
(09:31):
What is this?
Is this trying to pull at myinsecurities?
Is this trying to tell me thatI'm supposed to look a certain
way?
Is it trying to sell me aproduct?
What is happening here and whatam I actually trying to achieve
and what is consideredbeautiful now?
And is that why I'm beingpushed in that way?
And is that why I feel the waythat I feel?
And helping her to understand,or ourselves to understand, that
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you know, I might not be ableto look that way because my body
, I'm not born that way.
My hips don't look like that,my stomach doesn't look like
that, my skin color doesn't lookright Like whatever it is like.
I wasn't born that way.
I can still be my own sort ofbeautiful right, and I can still
see myself as beautiful.
(10:14):
And the number one way that Ican get there is first by
recognizing and realizing that,yes, beauty is on the outside,
but beauty is not real.
We have made it up as a societyand what's beautiful where I
live isn't beautiful wheresomeone else lives, Someone who
lives in a different country, inpart of a different culture,
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part of a different time period.
We all have beauty defined indifferent ways.
So there are some cultures thatbeauty is a larger body.
Some cultures beauty is asmaller body.
Some cultures, beauty is havingdark body.
Some cultures beauty is havingdark hair.
Some cultures beauty is havinglight hair.
Every single culture, everysingle time period, every single
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like.
As things change, beautychanges because it's not real,
it's not set in stone, it'sconstructed by society, leading
from a place of how can weprofit as a capitalistic society
, off of insecurities,especially of women, who will
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never, ever, ever achieve ourdefinition of beauty because
it's unrealistic.
And so you know, for me, it'sjust.
I've been thinking a lot aboutthis because so many, right,
moms and girls, we're all tryingto figure out how can we help
the next generation be moreconfident, how can we help them
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have less issues with their bodyimage, how can we help them
truly love who they are andappreciate who they are, and how
can we help them see theirbodies in a way that they take
care of and it's about self-loveand self-care.
And so we can do that by firststarting out and stop lying to
ourselves that beauty is on theinside.
I know what you mean and I'vesaid it plenty of times.
(12:05):
Right, but we get to also notshun our feelings, because when
we say that if someone comes tous and says I'm not beautiful,
or someone says this about me orwhatever, and we say no, no, no
, no, beauty is on the inside,we're really just pushing their
feelings away and saying yourfeelings are invalid Beauty.
You know, don't worry aboutthat when, in reality, the
(12:28):
average woman spends 12.5 hoursa week thinking about her body.
The average woman spends$250,000 in her lifetime
attempting to change her body.
So don't sit here and tell meanother woman, a little girl
that beauty is on the inside,when we're all doing things
changing our nails, changing ourhair, wearing makeup, you know,
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doing things, taking shots andpills, and all the things to get
smaller.
We got to stop lying toourselves and lying to our girls
that beauty is on the inside.
Yes, people are beautiful whenthey're kind and they're helpful
and they have values and moralsand they, you know like, they
stand up for other people, like,yes, that's a beautiful
character trait.
But when we talk about beauty,when we want to feel beautiful,
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we're all talking about what'son the outside, and so we get to
remind ourselves that we aresmart women and we have smart
girls who understand that.
And the way that we can help herfigure out how to use that to
have a healthy body image is byfirst recognizing the fact that
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beauty is a social construct andbeing able to recognize that in
media, in social media, inmagazines, in TV, in all the
different places, to reallyfigure out, like are these my
thoughts or where is this comingfrom and why do I feel this way
about the way that I look?
Because that's going to helpher and yourself step into your
power.
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It's going to help you, like,really truly be able to take
control of your body confidence.
So, no, it's a little spicytopic, a little interesting, a
little different take, but Ihope that that serves you and
supports you and builds up alittle bit of your body
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confidence to know that you cantake action and shift your
mindset around what beauty isand help the other girls and
women in your life do the sameexact thing.
Now remember that you are prettypowerful.
If this served you or you'relike, wow, I never thought of it
that way.
Or maybe you're like you know,I totally disagree with you.
You've got to share this withother people.
Like, feel free to share onsocial, let's have this
(14:43):
conversation, let's talk aboutit and, yeah, I will see you on
the next episode.
All right, bye, friend.