June 11, 2026 • 46 mins
A lifeguard’s whistle, a truck in a ditch, and a tornado watch outside the basement window. That’s the kind of night we’re bringing you, and somehow it still turns into a conversation about marriage, kids, and building a house like we’re responsible adults.
We start with the simple stuff: how the week’s been, what we’re doing this weekend, and why a casino trip sounds fun until you remember you’re trying to be “mature.” Then we rewind to one of our all-time favorite true stories, the day we went to a water park on a hot, hungover morning and gradually turned into the reason rules exist. Tubes, stoplights, lifeguards getting fed up, and the moment we realized we were probably not welcome back.
Listener questions push us into our funniest drinking stories, and they do not disappoint. One involves Crocs in the snow, a misunderstanding about moving a vehicle, and a steep ditch that nearly starts a real fight. The other is a rural-party classic that includes a barn, a window, and a pig that ends up way too close to the action. Along the way we get distracted by storm chasing, debate a Milwaukee battery-powered chainsaw versus gas tools, and share a weirdly wholesome travel story about Northern California and a tiny lodge run by a guy named Jethro.
If you like comedy podcasts with real friendship banter, small-town storytelling, and unfiltered conversations, hit subscribe, share this with a friend who has a “you had to be there” story, and leave a review so more people can find us.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
How was your day, Tana?
SPEAKER_02 (00:04):
Good, how was yours?
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
Pretty good.
Haven't really talked to you thelast couple days.
You've been busy.
You're supposed to be bailing,but Yeah.
I don't see that many bailsgetting made.
SPEAKER_02 (00:15):
No, it's not been.
I I made some last night.
I was gonna make more tonight.
You said we had to come do thepodcast.
So I came.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
Yeah, Dara's trying to back out.
SPEAKER_02 (00:26):
Yeah.
I was.
Guilty as charged.
I apologize.
Oh, it was like Monday.
I talked to you quite a bit.
And then Tuesday and all oftoday.
Like, Tommy left work.
I felt bad at work today.
I've seen you a couple times andI I think I barked some orders
at you and I went the other way.
(00:47):
Like I didn't say even hi, orhow are you doing?
Yeah, you didn't have much time.
Oh, it's been busy.
Good thing we came into thepodcast so we can hang out.
Yeah.
We're gonna still got plans thisweekend at all?
SPEAKER_00 (01:04):
You already forgot.
Was that Friday night we'regonna do it?
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
Oh, whatever you wanted.
Well, I think Remy's out of townFriday night, so.
Why you gotta go when she's outof town?
SPEAKER_00 (01:17):
I don't have to, but she she doesn't care for the
casino as much as I do.
I mean, not that I'm a hugecasino fan, but I mean I'll
spend like$50, maybe a hundred,hopefully win.
SPEAKER_02 (01:30):
You don't put it all on red?
SPEAKER_00 (01:31):
Yeah.
No, I only do half.
That way I at least can do alittle bit of just hitting the
button and watching the pandascratch his butt or butt scoot.
SPEAKER_02 (01:41):
Yeah, butt scooting.
He starts butt scooting, that'swhen it's like you're good.
You're good.
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
Well, what else are you doing this weekend?
SPEAKER_00 (01:51):
Anything?
Well, I might well remembercoming motorcycle.
Get that all ready to go.
Uh no.
I guess Remy asked me last timesupposed to smoke meat.
They're doing like a companyparty thing.
Kind of like our birthday partyfor the company.
(02:18):
What day?
Saturday.
SPEAKER_02 (02:20):
Dang it.
I wanna go to water park there.
SPEAKER_00 (02:24):
Sunday I'll probably be open.
I think.
Water park on Sunday?
SPEAKER_02 (02:31):
Really?
How about you don't jump onDrake shoulder?
Yeah.
Um wants a ride on yourshoulder.
SPEAKER_00 (02:43):
He hopped on there last time.
I think that was right when wegot there.
Yeah, right.
He got on me like a littlescarf.
SPEAKER_02 (02:49):
Um.
Well, if you get time, let's goto the log party.
SPEAKER_00 (02:53):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (02:55):
I'd rather go on Saturday, but.
SPEAKER_00 (02:57):
Are you gonna get kicked out this time?
SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
Nope.
We're not getting kicked outthis time.
What's the weather gonna belike?
I gotta look at the weatherfirst.
Oh, so we can go withoutsideline.
I don't know if we're loadedback there.
71 degrees that it's not thatwarm this weekend.
Did we talk about that?
SPEAKER_00 (03:19):
I don't think we have.
SPEAKER_02 (03:20):
We were just talking about it ourselves last weekend.
Yeah.
So we went to a water park acouple years ago.
Well, I was when we were 18, sothat's good.
Yeah, we just graduated, Ithink.
Yeah.
And I don't know, we didn't gothere with the plans of being
degenerates.
No, we just it was a hot day.
(03:42):
We were like, oh, let's go tothe water park, and we were
probably a little hungover.
Probably.
And we started off fine.
We we did the alpine slide, isthat what that's called?
Or yeah, like the little cartwith the handbrake and we did
that, we did that nicely.
SPEAKER_00 (03:59):
And then they had that thing where like you could
jump off of a net or onto anairbag or something.
SPEAKER_02 (04:05):
We did the go-karts, we didn't even crash.
When we got to the water parkthough, things changed.
And they asked us to not theyasked us to leave.
I thought they said they didn'treally want us back.
We didn't abide by all the rulesthat day.
(04:25):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:26):
We didn't break anything though.
SPEAKER_02 (04:27):
No, we didn't break anything, we didn't hurt anyone.
All was fine.
They just didn't like what wewere doing.
And what we were doing wasn'teven that bad.
Like a slide where you need atube, we'd go down without a
tube.
If you're supposed to go downone at a time and wait for the
little stoplight or like the redand green light to change, we'd
(04:50):
go down together.
Wasn't that bad?
No.
SPEAKER_01 (04:53):
I think my favorite part of that day is you and
Hunter went down together andhanded the and I was just about
to fall, and the lifeguard blowsher whistle, and I stop and I
look at her.
And she was so pissed at us atthis point.
She just said, just go.
And so down I went.
SPEAKER_02 (05:14):
My favorite was the one side where like you slide
down, then it's a pool, and thenyou go to the next slide, and
you slide down, and it's a pool.
It's like all the way down thehill.
And you and Hunter were gettingyelled at.
I think that's when they said wehad to leave.
Yeah, that was when they likeofficially.
These dude, their stop gettingyelled at.
Well, she didn't have us containit, also.
I just hopped on the next slide,went down next one, all the way
(05:38):
to the bottom.
I don't even know why she tookafter us.
Because I don't think we weredoing like that slide, you
really couldn't do anythingwrong.
We were trying to stand up.
That's what it was.
She comes.
This slide kind of follows thecontour of the hill, also, so
you could stand on the likehillside and still like see
inside the pool.
(05:58):
And she just comes running down,yelling, you guys gotta stop.
And so Hunter and I stopped, andnow it goes there, he needs to
stop.
She's screaming at us, yellingat him, and Derek just keeps on
going.
And then, yeah, they're like,You guys need to leave.
And then what happened afterthat?
Remy worked there, so that wasbefore Remy and I were dating,
(06:22):
just barely knew each other fromschool.
And oh what was it?
She they radioed to her that shewas supposed to kick us out, and
she since she knew us fromschool, was like, uh I'll kick
them out.
Like it was almost closing, soshe's like, I'll wait till
closing, and then just kick themout and say I did it.
Well, then we convinced her tocome down the water slide on us.
(06:42):
So yeah, I think she got anasterisk that yeah, that was
honestly a fun day.
I think we uh we should goagain, but not do that.
No, I I think I'd just sit inthe lazy river now.
We're more mature than we usedto be.
Right?
Yeah, both of us are.
SPEAKER_01 (07:02):
Both of us?
SPEAKER_02 (07:03):
I have matured.
Oh?
I have you have matured.
Look at your glasses.
Well, yeah, it looks smart, bro.
What's up with that?
You've been wearing them.
So I got oh, Wiley X's that areprescription.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (07:17):
And so I wore those this week and whatever, and they
didn't give me much of aheadache.
So I'm like, well, I'll trywearing my glasses again.
Seems to be okay.
SPEAKER_02 (07:27):
I can't tell, like, depth perception and size is
kind of hard.
So like working, it's kindahard.
I don't know if you see me allthe time.
I look like this to see actuallyhow big something is or how far
away it is.
When something is?
I piss like that.
SPEAKER_01 (07:44):
That would flop that bad boy out.
Does it look bigger or smaller?
SPEAKER_02 (07:50):
So stuff looks what is it?
It's it looks smaller.
Smaller but further away.
Well, I'm not flopping out mywiener for you then.
Or no, it's it looks closer butsmaller, I think is how it is.
Oh, every it's just hard tojudge stuff.
I'm not flopping out my wiener.
Seems like it's getting a littlebetter.
(08:11):
I'm not doing it for you now.
Why?
Why would I?
I think you should get a littletattoo of yourself above your
wiener so it looks like yourwiener on yourself, so it looks
like giant.
Yeah, just on the tattoo.
You know the funniest part aboutit is I'm not a big guy that
wants a tattoo.
(08:32):
But if I get a tattoo, I eitherwant it down by my wiener or on
my ass.
I haven't decided what I wantyet.
But if I ever get something,it's gonna be somewhere in those
two locations.
I think you know what you shoulddo.
I I think it would work good.
You should get like a littlemonkey like peeking its head
(08:53):
over a ledge.
So every time your ass ishanging out, it looks like a
little monkey's looking overyour pants.
I like the one I saw atRockfest.
It's where's Waldo?
And he has sweat running off ofhim, and his foot stuck in the
crack, and he's trying to likepry himself out.
That was probably one of myfavorites.
You should get a tattoo on yourass.
Made in America.
(09:15):
No.
No, you're not made in America.
Yeah, well.
You look like German orsomething.
Well, I have German in me.
Is that where the last namecomes from?
Do you have a little German inyou?
unknown (09:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (09:28):
Yeah, I'm gonna have a little German, ain't I?
Well, Derek, we got a couplequestions to answer here.
Oh, this one's directed at me.
What is Tanner?
Well, I guess not.
Derek can answer this too.
And I'm gonna let you go first.
Says, what is Tanner's funniestdrinking story from high school?
(09:51):
Now it's not really high school.
I didn't drink in high school,it was just after.
I guess we weren't technicallygraduated when I was hitting it
hard.
Yeah, because that it was in thewinter, so it would have been
like our senior year.
It was our senior year.
I lived on my own, I was donewith school.
Yeah.
But we we hadn't graduated yet.
SPEAKER_00 (10:11):
So I think the funniest is I was talking about
going to like a party where someother people were and stuff, and
nobody else really wanted to.
We were hanging out at a buddy'shouse.
So whatever, we stayed there,drank and stuff.
Well, the buddy that we wereseeing at, his parents had to
(10:33):
leave, and so I had to move myvehicle.
SPEAKER_02 (10:37):
Well, Tanner was way drunker than I was.
He didn't quite know.
You didn't know what was goingon.
I knew exactly what was goingon.
So I go to move my vehicle.
Tanner thinks I'm going to thisparty, and he gets comes around.
You can't drink and drive, youcan't drink.
Like, I know, I know.
I'm just moving out of the way.
So our friend's parents couldleave.
(11:03):
Well, I'm riding with youbecause if you're going
anywhere, I'm going too.
So I'm like, okay, whatever.
That's fine.
So I back down the driveway andpark my truck out of the way so
they can get out because theyweren't ready to leave yet, but
they were going too soon.
So I park my truck.
(11:24):
Tanner goes to get out, and he'swearing Crocs, and there's like
two views.
So he looks up.
I can't walk in the snow with myCrocs.
You have to bring me up to thehouse.
I'm like, okay, I'll bring youup to the house.
No big deal.
I'll just back back down here.
So I pull up by the house.
And I'm like, okay, Tanner, getout.
Nope.
(11:44):
If you're leaving, I'm stayingin here.
I'm like, I'm not leaving.
I'm just trying to park like 20feet back.
So I'm like, okay, I'm parkingdown there, but you're walking
up in your cock.
So I think I did it one moretime.
Back down.
No, I can't walk in the snow.
So finally I pull off.
He still won't get out of mytruck, so I was mad.
(12:06):
So I punched it down to back upjust because like I was pissed
off.
Like, why won't he get out?
What do I do?
And I think I was gonna justlike pull off to the side so he
was still on the driveway, likeso he could walk.
And it's a steep ditch.
Well, my tires spun.
I went down into the ditch, gotmy truck buried on the side of
their driveway, and yeah, I wasready to kill Taylor.
(12:32):
So, from my perspective, Iremember none of the whole croc
talk.
And I was wearing crocs becauseour other buddy went out to
another outbuilding and he tookmy shoes, and that's why I was
in crocs.
I had boots.
And I come to and Derek issitting like this, and he's just
(12:54):
pissed.
And I'm like, what is going on,Derek?
And he's my truck is stuck inthe ditch because of you.
And we get out and we assess thesituation.
And I knew the truck is likeleaning, like, so he's going
like this.
We're at kind of a lean to theside, and I'm just trying to
figure out like, oh, what thehell just happened?
(13:17):
And he is beat rat.
Like, he is going to kill me.
And I'm like, no, Derek, no, no.
I got this.
I run to my truck, walk her intofour-wheel, come around, because
they had kind of a beaten paththrough the yard.
Come around, and I'm ready tohook up to his truck, and
(13:38):
they're yelling at me, you'retoo drunk to pull him off.
I'm trying to help out a buddythat's in a rough situation.
That's allegedly my fault.
So then I park again and I comewalking back down, and he's
still beat red.
And I'm pretty sure you weredrawn.
Yeah, I was I thought you weregonna punch me.
Well, then I won't, I'm like,we'll just leave my truck till
(13:58):
like you know, it's out of theway, like whatever.
And then our buddy's dad waslike, Oh, you don't need a truck
to pull you out.
I can just drive that out.
I'm like, no, we'll leave it,we'll pull it out in the
morning.
Like, just because it was kindof turning into a shit show with
like Taylor not knowing what wasgoing on.
I was just pissed.
I'm like, just leave my truck,it's fine, like whatever.
(14:20):
Well, then he goes to try andget it out and gets it buried.
He thought if he pulled a head,he could get it, and he pulled
it like down into the swamp.
And well, then I'm like, okay,now we need to get it out.
Like, I'm too pissed.
I need my truck out just so Idon't have to worry about this.
And it came right out, theyhooked up.
Yeah, once we hooked up, theycame right out.
(14:42):
Well, we had to pop it a few.
If we would have just hooked upTanner's truck right away and
had someone else drive,probably, it would have
literally just pulled right up.
I unblast out, like I was backto life.
And but they said I was toodrunk.
Well, I knew what was going onat this point.
(15:03):
I knew that somehow, somehow, Iput my buddy's truck into the
ditch.
I don't know how it's my fault,but it is.
And yeah, now he's down in theditch and he's yelling at me,
and I'm trying to help him out.
And but nope.
That was that was that was atrue, you know.
Talk about true test offriendship that night.
(15:25):
I never thought we'd ever getinto a serious fight, but we
were on the edge of it thatnight.
Because I think I was pissed offthat you were pissed off at me.
Oh, yeah.
I had no idea.
I was pretty close.
Well, I think you can I justdidn't want you to drink and
drive.
I wasn't going to.
I wasn't like this.
I mean, I was just a back downthe driveway, but I mean, like,
(15:46):
yeah.
That was not my final.
I don't hear it.
And then I was also so pissedabout myself because it's like I
could have just, you know, keptgoing back and forth, but I was
pissed when I'm just like, ooh,hammer on it.
That's I'm sure part of why.
At least I don't drink here.
(16:07):
Very rarely.
Very rare.
At least I'm a happy drunk.
It's funny when you get drunk.
Most of the time, except onSouth Dakota.
SPEAKER_00 (16:17):
They've got white girl in there.
SPEAKER_02 (16:19):
I don't know what was going on with the old knees,
but I think every time I've everjumped out of the crane, it was
catching up to me out there.
What were you wearing?
You were wearing like, was itfull-length sweatpants or were
they pajamas pants?
Pajama pants.
Yeah, he had pajama pants rolledup to the bottom of his knee.
Walker, oh my knees hurt, myknees hurt.
(16:39):
They were like, it was so badthat you know when you're drunk,
you normally don't feel painthrough that.
I felt it all, I couldn't evensleep that night.
I was like, this ain't good.
But we got over it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:53):
What's going on upstairs?
SPEAKER_02 (16:55):
Four mornings, I think.
SPEAKER_00 (16:58):
Okay.
I was gonna say we haven't got apage.
Oh, yeah, we already got one.
SPEAKER_02 (17:03):
What?
Well, I no pages came through.
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
Oh, Gavin texts me back.
SPEAKER_02 (17:09):
What did he say?
SPEAKER_00 (17:15):
Oh no, he's tearing apart his truck, so sorry,
Gavin.
SPEAKER_02 (17:19):
I'm sure you're gonna listen in the morning
because you're one of ourdedicated listeners.
Speaking of that, you guys needto get hammered on the dedicated
listening part.
SPEAKER_00 (17:30):
Yeah, views.
Views are hurting.
SPEAKER_02 (17:32):
Yeah, they're hurting.
They were doing pretty good fora while.
SPEAKER_00 (17:36):
It's all hard to tell though, because like every
app says something different.
The numbers don't really add up.
SPEAKER_01 (17:42):
Oh boy, I hope our power don't go out in the middle
of it.
They're about to get clapped.
SPEAKER_00 (17:49):
Oh, I wonder if I left my window open.
We'll find out when I go upthere.
SPEAKER_02 (17:53):
Do we need to make a pause?
SPEAKER_00 (17:54):
No, it'll be fine.
I left it open the other day.
SPEAKER_02 (17:57):
Well, they put us under a tornado watch.
You got your chainsaw?
No, I'll have to go home and getit, though, when I'm done.
Yeah.
When you're done, the tornado'salready ooh, tornado forming
east of the county.
Hmm.
This could be interesting.
SPEAKER_00 (18:13):
V10 doesn't need a chainsaw, she'll just move
through everything.
We're gonna have to watch it.
SPEAKER_01 (18:20):
Oh, I wanted a tornado and the No, Sweet W
middle of the podcast.
SPEAKER_02 (18:25):
You just get a tornado.
Wow.
This is not a good podcast thatit could play on our phone.
I feel like lots of like the bigpeople go on their phone like to
look at.
Yeah, they look at they lookstuff up.
Yeah, we're getting legit.
We got something to talk about.
A tornado would be kind ofsweet.
Just all the all the lightsaround us.
(18:47):
The laptop would stay on, Ithink.
Yeah, it's kind of batteries.
Probably not for long, but allthe all the lights around us
show off and freaking roof blowson.
Oh, do you man?
We'd go viral for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (18:59):
We might have to go podcast.
SPEAKER_02 (19:01):
As long as our poster stays.
SPEAKER_01 (19:03):
Yeah, that's gotta stay.
SPEAKER_02 (19:05):
Oh, would you get a taped better?
No, Adela did that.
Wow.
I was bugging her.
Well, good job, Adela.
Thanks for doing that.
We should have been a dartboard.
Throw darts at each other.
Wouldn't that be something?
That'd be fun.
Are you using those dartboardswhere you can play darts with
(19:28):
people like across the country?
SPEAKER_01 (19:30):
No.
SPEAKER_02 (19:30):
Oh yeah.
It's a little video on thebottom, and it like records you
throwing them, and then it showsup on your board.
Yeah, I know a guy that doesthat, and he'll just sit in his
garage, drink beer with hiswife, play darts with people
from like China and all over theplace.
SPEAKER_00 (19:47):
Yeah, it's kind of cool.
SPEAKER_02 (19:49):
Should we get that?
SPEAKER_00 (19:50):
We should.
SPEAKER_02 (19:52):
We need to start like a family game night.
SPEAKER_00 (19:55):
Start playing darts with Chinese.
SPEAKER_02 (19:57):
Twister.
Naked Twister.
SPEAKER_00 (20:00):
I'd only play with you.
SPEAKER_02 (20:01):
Okay, that's fine.
We're gonna answer thatquestion.
SPEAKER_00 (20:09):
When are you guys getting married and having kids?
I don't know.
Sometime in the future, I guessfor me.
SPEAKER_01 (20:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:18):
I don't know.
I was thinking we might as wellpump them out.
Pump your kids out.
SPEAKER_01 (20:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:23):
Well you have to pump them in, then.
SPEAKER_01 (20:25):
Yeah.
I think we need to have a kid atthe same time.
SPEAKER_02 (20:32):
I would think in like three-ish years.
I don't know about that one.
I guess I think I said this inthe last episode.
Our co-worker was talking abouthaving kids.
SPEAKER_00 (20:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:47):
And you know what?
He brought up a good point.
Get it done while you're young.
Both first have to get married.
Why?
Oh, aren't you supposed to getmarried before you're talking
about it?
I'm not, but you don't want togo to hell anyways.
If you're gonna pay child sport,you might as well pay Alam.
I'm just kidding, Rami willnever divorce you.
(21:09):
She probably divorced you.
That's probably what'll happen.
And then enough of this guy.
Y'all, we've been together quitea few years now.
Little ring on the finger,Derek.
Her mom listens to the podcast,and like we talk about rigs
every week, and so now she'slike all obvious.
(21:32):
She doesn't know if we're likehitting towards a ring.
Come on, Louie, keep at him.
Keep at him.
SPEAKER_03 (21:40):
Oh, I'd say three years give or take.
SPEAKER_02 (21:45):
Three years really isn't that long.
Like it seems like a long time.
But like if you think of whathappened three years ago, it's
like, oh, that wasn't that long.
I mean.
You know?
The biggest thing is I want totry and get Either start
building a house like eitherhave a house built or have it
start building or like be prettyclose to the process of that
(22:10):
when we get married andwhatever.
SPEAKER_00 (22:13):
That way we'd have our own place.
And it would be nice to do itget married like before we
really start doing all that, butat least have everything like
ready to go into the work.
SPEAKER_01 (22:25):
Why do you want to get married before you all do
all that?
Just for like finances.
SPEAKER_02 (22:33):
You know, in the state of Wisconsin, they told us
once you get married, it's halftheirs anyways.
SPEAKER_01 (22:39):
Everyone we bought our land, they made that a
special point to tell us.
SPEAKER_02 (22:45):
I'm kind of the same way.
I'd like to have own a house ofsome sort before anything.
That way, you know, the onlyperson that can tell you to get
out is the bank.
Kind of got a fresh start in theplace.
Especially you guys living athome.
SPEAKER_00 (23:02):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02 (23:04):
You know.
You know what though?
Now's the time to have kids,Derek.
You got a built-in babysitter.
Your dad can watch your kid.
Yeah, but can you imagine whatthose kids would turn on like?
He raises me.
Yeah, but I think he's gotten alittle more forgetful from when
(23:24):
he uh tried raising me.
Really?
Uh why?
Oh, mean him.
Your poor dad.
I like your dad.
So mine I'm saying three years,give or take.
I can't put a time frame on it.
(23:45):
Come on.
Might wake up one morning anddecide to just go to the colony
court and almost get it overwith.
Maybe.
SPEAKER_00 (23:52):
You're gonna put a kid in here that same morning?
SPEAKER_01 (23:55):
Might as well.
SPEAKER_00 (23:58):
What if she wants a big white wedding?
She doesn't.
You don't know it.
SPEAKER_02 (24:03):
Every woman might say that.
I don't know.
At least I listen when shetalks.
Right?
You know, looking at this, wemight be in for a tornado.
She's kind of hooking.
Sorry, I'm distracted.
I love chasing storms.
So now there's a there's asecond.
There's a second part of this,but he asked this on the post,
(24:24):
and then Well, do you want tosay who asked her?
Well, it's my uncle.
Uncle Jason.
You better be listening.
He asked if he could ordain.
Well, he asked if he could bethe priest.
SPEAKER_00 (24:37):
And I said he could be the priest at my wedding.
I'd be proud, even though I'mnot related to him.
But I'd be proud to have him bethe priest, even though it's the
ordained.
SPEAKER_02 (24:48):
But uh what would Remy Remy?
I asked Remy about it, and shesaid no.
So, Jason, if you're listeningand Remy, you two will have to
discuss it, and you know, you'llhave to try and convince her
because I think that'd be prettyfun.
Guess for us, it's up in theair.
I mean, just the stuff he sayswhen he comes to the yard and
what I see him about.
(25:08):
I I imagine he's he does apretty killer wedding.
We need to have him on thepodcast because he is a he's
he's nutty.
I tried convincing her.
I mean, at least let him be theDJ.
Like get him Spotify the hawksand see what he plays.
SPEAKER_01 (25:27):
Oh god, and a microphone so he can do that.
SPEAKER_02 (25:31):
Oh he's a he's one of the funnier guys I know.
He's he's the most he's thequickest-witted person I know.
That guy, my or your younger, mycousin asked how a deer got up
on the wall.
And he instantly fired back.
Well, it jumped up there and gotstuck.
(25:53):
I'll never forget.
Like it was she no more got donewith her sentence and he said
it.
But the worst part was is shebelieved it.
Well, that was we died laughing.
Yeah, he's he's something.
Uh like I said, for me, it's upin the air.
Depending on how I get married.
You know, the old Vegas mighthave to.
(26:14):
If nothing else, you should atleast get a picture of you under
like the little whatever thehorseshoe that you get married
under.
What are those called?
The I don't know.
You know what I'm talking about,like the flower thing?
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (26:34):
Yeah, that'd be funny.
He'd be an interesting guy.
SPEAKER_02 (26:39):
Speaking of my uncle, this is unrelated.
When I was a kid, so this guytaught me a lot of things.
He taught me my left and rights,and I don't remember how he did
it, but we'd go to like thegrocery store shopping and he'd
do something funny.
I can't remember that exactly,but he taught me my left and
(27:00):
rights in a funny way.
But then I was a gullible kid,and I'm still gullible.
He made me believe that eatingpancakes, waffles, and I believe
eggs, like anything breakfast-yfood that wasn't like cereal.
It all did something.
It all it put hair somewhere onyour body that when you're a
little kid, it kind of scaresyou.
(27:22):
Like I think I I don't I can'tsay which exact spot, but it was
like, for instance, waffles willput hair on your chest, pancakes
will put hair on your nuts, likesomething will put hair on your
ass, something on your armpits,and for the longest time I would
not eat breakfast.
Like wouldn't do it.
I like I refuse to eat anythingother than like cereal because I
(27:46):
am, and then finally, I think ittook until I hit puberty,
starting puberty where I reallydidn't care.
I didn't work because the hairwas coming no matter what.
You're like, fuck, I'm not eveneating waffle.
Yeah, literally.
We just talked about this notthat long ago.
(28:06):
I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_00 (28:11):
The page.
SPEAKER_02 (28:12):
Yeah, I don't think that was us.
Well, it'd be pretty bad if wewere sitting down here and not
going.
Trying to look at the weathertoo.
I don't know where this thistornado is.
I told our boss today, Iwouldn't line the tornado, and
it would take the whole tin pileand just blow it away.
And I wouldn't have to billanymore.
(28:33):
Yeah, because we'd be out in thefield and picking it all back
up.
Give us something to do.
What's with the chain?
SPEAKER_00 (28:46):
Oh, you ask us all the time.
It's just a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02 (28:49):
Where's the chain like he lives in a trailer post
and his wife?
SPEAKER_00 (28:55):
Is that better?
SPEAKER_02 (28:56):
Be better if you kind of went like this.
And you look like a little catboy.
SPEAKER_00 (29:04):
Yeah, that's better.
What else can we do?
I look like like a Mexicanlobster.
I feel like they always arecalling shirt stuff.
Really?
Well good lobster button.
SPEAKER_02 (29:21):
Oh, I do hate on chains.
I don't know.
Have to add a little blank.
Why?
Why don't you add some ice to itthen?
SPEAKER_00 (29:28):
Oh not flat.
SPEAKER_02 (29:31):
Where's the grill, fam?
I don't know.
I don't want to stay on.
Yeah.
No.
I'll go home and then beat mywife.
I don't know about that.
I think it's all.
(29:53):
I wonder if this thing can hearit.
Oh.
I don't know.
That tornado ain't coming anycloser.
Where's it going?
Oh, it looks like it's gonna gonorth of us if it's done.
I wanted a tornado.
I gotta get my lesbian chainsawat the trees with it.
SPEAKER_00 (30:17):
Maybe it'll come right down how they like doing
that.
No.
SPEAKER_02 (30:22):
I wanna know everyone's opinion.
I got a Milwaukee batteryoperated chainsaw, and Derek
says that is my lesbianchainsaw.
What does everyone think?
SPEAKER_00 (30:34):
They are nice when you need them, but like.
You can't just have a batterychainsaw.
Oh, would you drive an electriccar?
SPEAKER_02 (30:44):
Oh.
Exactly.
Completely unrelated.
A steel chain has like a dieselpackup.
How how is my electric chainspot like an electric vehicle?
And why do I need a gas one?
SPEAKER_00 (30:59):
Because it's manly.
SPEAKER_02 (31:00):
Okay, who cares if it's manly?
What there's there and like, solet's say the tornado comes.
What you bring your threebatteries with?
Run out of battery?
As long as the tree doesn't fallout of my truck, I got a 12, but
I got a plug-in right in mytruck.
Plug it in, charge the battery.
SPEAKER_00 (31:18):
No, I guess I just like having a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02 (31:20):
You didn't think of that.
All the gas.
Well, well, that's because youdrive clunkers and they don't
have plugins for that kind ofthing.
That's what it is.
You didn't think that far ahead.
I got it all figured out.
That thing is a badass machine.
But what's even more badass forMilwaukee is the weed whip.
(31:41):
I want a Milwaukee brand deal.
I would sponsor the hell out oftheir weed whip.
A a battery weed whip, I I wouldnot mind.
SPEAKER_03 (31:50):
They're they're pretty good.
Yeah, man.
I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_02 (31:59):
I don't know.
Should we do karaoke?
I can run up there and no,because then I'm just stuck
doing karaoke.
Why?
Oh.
SPEAKER_00 (32:08):
You would be good at karaoke.
I'm killer at karaoke, at least.
I think I am when I'm drunk.
I don't like karaoke.
SPEAKER_02 (32:17):
You know what?
We didn't talk about Derek'sfunniest drinking story.
What's Derek's dress?
Nobody has.
I'm happy.
SPEAKER_00 (32:25):
Oh.
SPEAKER_03 (32:32):
Well, I have to think, uh Really, you can't just
pop it off.
SPEAKER_00 (32:38):
No.
SPEAKER_03 (32:38):
Why?
Oh.
Drunk.
SPEAKER_00 (32:47):
Oh, I know what it is.
What?
We're at the same friend's houseand we were up in the barn.
And I drank quite a bit becauseI had a puke.
And I puked out the window ofthe barn and the pig started
eating the puke.
And his mom came up and startedyelling at me, the puking out
(33:07):
the window, because the pig'seating the puke.
And she no more like thanfinishes yelling at me.
SPEAKER_02 (33:14):
I'm like, uh-oh, I have to puke again.
I look around, there's nogarbage, he has nothing.
So I run to the same window, Igo and puke right on top of the
pig.
That's your favor.
That's your funniest?
That's probably one of myfavorites.
Not not riding a donkey.
No.
Not wrestling a pig.
(33:34):
No.
There was no puking on the pig.
No.
I think puking on the pig's myfavorite.
God.
That's out of all the shit.
That's what your favorite is.
I think so.
I think it's just so funnybecause she was like she was so
(33:55):
mad at me.
SPEAKER_00 (33:57):
And then I go and make it worse, not even trying.
SPEAKER_02 (34:01):
Why'd you puke?
Weak stomach, I guess.
You don't have a weak stomach.
I do.
I have a hell of a party trip.
One beer, and I will puke.
SPEAKER_00 (34:17):
No, I didn't puke much.
SPEAKER_02 (34:18):
And I was like, I mean, I was definitely drunk.
Like, I was pretty fucked up,but like I've been way drunker
and I'm puked, but.
Well, Della just sent me thispicture and she said this needs
to be talked about.
Oh, the camera picked that badboy up.
Oh, not really.
That's Derek and I.
SPEAKER_03 (34:42):
Two studs.
SPEAKER_00 (34:49):
Yeah, you still have a beard now.
SPEAKER_02 (34:53):
Damn.
I look pretty fly in thatpicture.
SPEAKER_00 (34:56):
You do.
SPEAKER_02 (34:57):
Or a white guy, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:59):
You look like like a 40-year-old guy who's going to
close on his third Airbnb orsomething.
I wish.
SPEAKER_02 (35:10):
I wish I could have that many Airbnbs.
That'd be nice.
Yeah.
I wouldn't be sitting heretalking to you.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
You probably would be.
We just wouldn't have to recordit.
SPEAKER_02 (35:23):
Yeah.
We're not getting paid for this.
No, but that's our attempt tobecome wrecked.
This is our how we're gonna blowup.
This is how we're yeah, but Ihow are we gonna get famous?
Two white dudes sitting in abasement.
Maybe we're on the wrongwebsite.
I think I've watched that.
(35:44):
We're on the wrong website.
SPEAKER_00 (35:46):
No, people are gonna keep liking these, keep sharing
them.
It's gonna blow up, can it?
It's gonna blow up.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (35:56):
And what are we gonna do when it blows up?
SPEAKER_00 (36:00):
Videotape across the country goes to Pina Colada's in
the ocean.
SPEAKER_02 (36:05):
I think you gave me pink eye just sitting next to
you.
Why?
Oh, you just so gross.
That's me.
My eye it's just beenscratching.
I have been.
You scratch it.
Okay.
Oh, don't talk about it.
Don't touch me then.
That's what I gotta talk to youabout.
It's morning I asked Gavin ifhe's ever been sexually
(36:28):
assaulted.
And he's like, no, I don't thinkso.
He asked me, have you?
And I said, yeah.
Myself.
And that kid died laughing.
I wish he was getting angryafter that, because I might even
fucking tip over.
I bet you sexually assaultedyourself.
(36:49):
Tell you.
Alright, I got it.
Sexually assaulting yourself.
Just because we're talking aboutgoing on a different website
doesn't mean we have to start.
There is a washing machine.
No dryer.
I can get stuck in the dryer.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (37:06):
What am I gonna be, your stepbrother?
SPEAKER_02 (37:09):
Hey stepbrother.
SPEAKER_00 (37:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (37:14):
Oh hey, look at that! The shorts I ordered for a
winner.
Just shift.
They screwed me over.
You were supposed to be heretoday.
And I got an email this morningsaid they were delayed.
SPEAKER_01 (37:32):
Just a bad day.
Bad day in general.
SPEAKER_02 (37:36):
I wanna go to the bar.
Do ya?
Yep.
Here we go.
Also over caveat.
What about work tomorrow?
You can do it on over.
I don't want to do I don't wantto work on.
SPEAKER_00 (37:51):
Also over cave, we can go get the whole crew.
I'll pick the whole crew up andwe can.
SPEAKER_02 (37:55):
The whole crew?
You all be hung over except forme.
You look like the star employer.
Actually, I'd hate that becauseI just mean.
It would suck for you.
SPEAKER_00 (38:07):
But then like everyone else would just be like
Yeah, everyone else would justbe hung over and like not
feeling it.
SPEAKER_02 (38:17):
Do you ever feel it?
No.
No.
So we go on disability.
No.
SPEAKER_00 (38:24):
It's tempting, but no.
No.
Would you get bored with life?
I think so.
And like disability, it's notlike you make enough to like
live a good life.
You just make enough to live.
SPEAKER_02 (38:37):
Why do you want to live a good life?
Oh, I'd rather work and youwanted to be a hole.
I do, but I don't want to moochout of the system to be a hole,
huh?
You just want to be a hole.
I just want to be a hole.
Really?
So disgusting.
SPEAKER_00 (38:54):
What?
How is that disgusting?
SPEAKER_02 (38:56):
I want I don't want to do it forever, but I think
it'd be cool for like a year ortwo to just live on the streets
on the ground.
We're surrounded by power, airconditioning.
Yeah.
Why would you want to give that?
I can't wrap it up.
Because I could be swimming in alake right now to say cool.
Why don't we go swimming in alake?
Oh, because we have to do apodcast.
(39:17):
So lightning would strike us andkill us?
SPEAKER_03 (39:19):
Yeah.
Might be worth it.
Yeah?
Well.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_02 (39:32):
How about this?
I'll take out a life insurancepolicy on you.
You take one out on me.
I'll go play roulette.
I don't think you can collect onsuicide, can you?
Why ought to be suicide?
Roulette?
No, like roulette with the stormin the lake.
Oh.
Not like roulette roulette.
(39:54):
I'm like, uh, I think I I thinkthat's considered suicide.
No, I you go first.
You we can use my nine mil.
What about your nine mil?
We'll play your what?
No, I'm not going first.
Why?
I'm not stupid.
No gun works.
It goes bang.
(40:15):
Yeah.
Guns are bad.
Oh, are they?
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (40:19):
Now we'll get some views because people hate on
that and then other people lovethat.
SPEAKER_04 (40:23):
Yeah.
You don't want it.
SPEAKER_02 (40:25):
Guns are bad.
I'm only gonna do the littleclips of it.
I'm just gonna post a videoeverywhere of Tanner.
Guns are I'm not even gonnafinish saying it because I don't
want I don't want a video of mesaying it.
Just a video of Tanner sayingit.
You want me to clip it so thatway you can have it?
Guns are good.
Really?
Not in California.
SPEAKER_00 (40:47):
Everything's bad in California.
SPEAKER_02 (40:49):
Do you know you can get cancer in California like
twice as easy?
All those little stickers areyou know.
In California, you get cancerwith this.
Good thing we're not inCalifornia.
You live in California.
No, I don't.
I want to live in California.
SPEAKER_00 (41:02):
I was actually very impressed.
We went to California when I waslike, I don't know, 14 or 15, my
family did.
I thought the whole state ofCalifornia was just like super
liberal, super populated.
Like I thought you were just inthe city.
SPEAKER_02 (41:18):
No.
Northern California isbeautiful.
Like the country and stuff.
And yeah, we we met some peoplethat were definitely not like
liberal hippie Californians.
Like they're pretty I mean itmakes sense.
Like Oregon's really nice.
(41:38):
Honestly, that whole like fromthe Northern California outfit.
It's like beautiful countryside.
Not that I'm a sightseeing guyor nothing, but I I like going
out there.
That's where we should go outthere.
My favorite hotel or whateveryou want to call it was out in
California.
SPEAKER_03 (41:54):
Really?
SPEAKER_02 (41:54):
We went into was it King's Can?
I don't know.
One of the like state ornational parks out there, but it
was one road in, and then youturned around and it was one
road back out.
SPEAKER_04 (42:04):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (42:04):
We were coming out and it was starting to get dark.
And we drove by just this littleI mean, that looked like maybe
like a four-plex or whatever.
And it had a vacancy sign litup.
So we turned around and stoppedin there to ask if they had any
rooms available.
And the guy's like, oh, I thinkwe do.
(42:25):
Let me ask Jethro.
He owns this place.
His name was literally Jethro.
Jethro?
Jethro.
So he goes out on the porch, heyJethro, we have any rooms
available?
The guy comes rolling out fromunder the truck that's on Jack's
stands with the parking lot.
Yeah, I'll be up there in asecond.
So they go up there.
He comes up.
(42:46):
And I can't remember exactlywhat the price was, but it was
like$400 if you uh used yourcard to pay for the night.
If you do cash, we'll go to youfor$100.
Like, it wasn't even close.
So we're like, yeah, we'll docash.
So you pay cash.
And we end up sitting on theporch until like one in the
(43:08):
morning, BSing with Jeff.
I guess when he was younger, hewas a hellion and ran from cops
and stuff.
And yeah, so we listened to himtalk the most time, but we had
so much fun then.
He said, Yeah, there'scontinental breakfast, just go
in that door over there.
So it was kind of like theoffice, whatever we thought.
(43:29):
So in the morning we go overthere and yeah, just follow us
back here.
We go sit at it was his house.
We're sitting at his likekitchen table, his kitchen
there.
He's opening the cupboards.
Look at we have pancakes orwaffles.
I can make either of those.
Open the fridge.
We have orange juice and milk.
I thought I could throw somecoffee in the pot.
(43:51):
Looks, oh, biscuits and gravy.
We could probably make that.
The sausage might have tofollow.
I mean, literally, it was justis how that was continental
breakfast.
I think we I think we hadwaffles that morning, waffles
and bacon or something.
Do you think Jethro's stillaround?
I think so.
I think it was the SnowlineLodge.
(44:13):
I think it's the name of it.
We looked it up when we got backbecause we were like, we have to
go there again if we ever makeit to California.
It was so fun.
We should take a trip just outto see if we can meet Jethro.
Yeah, our door, our door didn'tlock on the hotel room.
So we were kind of like sketchedout because, like, okay, I mean,
super nice guy and stuff, butjust kind of an odd situation,
(44:34):
so it wasn't the mostcomforting.
And then, yeah, everyone thatstopped there, they'd let you
sign your name in the hallway.
So, like, you know, it had likea hallway that was open to the
outside between the differentrooms.
Yeah, that was just covered withnames, but really that was
probably the most fun we've hadstaying at a hotel.
(44:54):
It was just such a uniqueexperience.
I think we need to take a tripjust to go out.
I don't want to see this place.
How many rooms were there?
I think it was it was three orfour, I think.
Was there a pool?
It'd be funny if there's like alittle kiddie pool on it.
He probably knows of a crook orsomething we could go to.
(45:17):
I think it'd be even better ifhe had like a little kiddie
pool.
I'm sure like just the way thatguy was, I'm sure he'd get a
kick if we told him.
Yeah, we came out here just tostay here.
This thing has such goodreviews.
Podcast on the go.
Yeah, I get Jeff to roll on.
Jeff Wolf.
Well, honey, I think it's maybea good time to under your okay.
(45:41):
Not too long.
Our subscription.
I don't know if we have enoughtime to make long episodes.
I don't remember what we'redoing.
A storm's coming.
I got something in my eye that'sreally funny.
Well, I guess it's a good timeto wrap it up.
Yep.
So remember, like, share, followus, follow and comment.
(46:08):
Help us get out there.
And hopefully next time we havea guest.
Yeah, we're supposed to tonight.
Sorry, Gavin again.
SPEAKER_01 (46:18):
If we can't make it next time, that woman upstairs,
your woman, someone, we'll getsomeone up there.
SPEAKER_02 (46:25):
We gotta do it.
We started by episode 10.
Well, here's episode 10.
We have pretty good.
That episode.
Alright, Derek.
You better get your butt homeshower and make a baby.
How was your day, Tana?
SPEAKER_02 (00:04):
Good, how was yours?
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
Pretty good.
Haven't really talked to you thelast couple days.
You've been busy.
You're supposed to be bailing,but Yeah.
I don't see that many bailsgetting made.
SPEAKER_02 (00:15):
No, it's not been.
I I made some last night.
I was gonna make more tonight.
You said we had to come do thepodcast.
So I came.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
Yeah, Dara's trying to back out.
SPEAKER_02 (00:26):
Yeah.
I was.
Guilty as charged.
I apologize.
Oh, it was like Monday.
I talked to you quite a bit.
And then Tuesday and all oftoday.
Like, Tommy left work.
I felt bad at work today.
I've seen you a couple times andI I think I barked some orders
at you and I went the other way.
(00:47):
Like I didn't say even hi, orhow are you doing?
Yeah, you didn't have much time.
Oh, it's been busy.
Good thing we came into thepodcast so we can hang out.
Yeah.
We're gonna still got plans thisweekend at all?
SPEAKER_00 (01:04):
You already forgot.
Was that Friday night we'regonna do it?
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
Oh, whatever you wanted.
Well, I think Remy's out of townFriday night, so.
Why you gotta go when she's outof town?
SPEAKER_00 (01:17):
I don't have to, but she she doesn't care for the
casino as much as I do.
I mean, not that I'm a hugecasino fan, but I mean I'll
spend like$50, maybe a hundred,hopefully win.
SPEAKER_02 (01:30):
You don't put it all on red?
SPEAKER_00 (01:31):
Yeah.
No, I only do half.
That way I at least can do alittle bit of just hitting the
button and watching the pandascratch his butt or butt scoot.
SPEAKER_02 (01:41):
Yeah, butt scooting.
He starts butt scooting, that'swhen it's like you're good.
You're good.
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
Well, what else are you doing this weekend?
SPEAKER_00 (01:51):
Anything?
Well, I might well remembercoming motorcycle.
Get that all ready to go.
Uh no.
I guess Remy asked me last timesupposed to smoke meat.
They're doing like a companyparty thing.
Kind of like our birthday partyfor the company.
(02:18):
What day?
Saturday.
SPEAKER_02 (02:20):
Dang it.
I wanna go to water park there.
SPEAKER_00 (02:24):
Sunday I'll probably be open.
I think.
Water park on Sunday?
SPEAKER_02 (02:31):
Really?
How about you don't jump onDrake shoulder?
Yeah.
Um wants a ride on yourshoulder.
SPEAKER_00 (02:43):
He hopped on there last time.
I think that was right when wegot there.
Yeah, right.
He got on me like a littlescarf.
SPEAKER_02 (02:49):
Um.
Well, if you get time, let's goto the log party.
SPEAKER_00 (02:53):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (02:55):
I'd rather go on Saturday, but.
SPEAKER_00 (02:57):
Are you gonna get kicked out this time?
SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
Nope.
We're not getting kicked outthis time.
What's the weather gonna belike?
I gotta look at the weatherfirst.
Oh, so we can go withoutsideline.
I don't know if we're loadedback there.
71 degrees that it's not thatwarm this weekend.
Did we talk about that?
SPEAKER_00 (03:19):
I don't think we have.
SPEAKER_02 (03:20):
We were just talking about it ourselves last weekend.
Yeah.
So we went to a water park acouple years ago.
Well, I was when we were 18, sothat's good.
Yeah, we just graduated, Ithink.
Yeah.
And I don't know, we didn't gothere with the plans of being
degenerates.
No, we just it was a hot day.
(03:42):
We were like, oh, let's go tothe water park, and we were
probably a little hungover.
Probably.
And we started off fine.
We we did the alpine slide, isthat what that's called?
Or yeah, like the little cartwith the handbrake and we did
that, we did that nicely.
SPEAKER_00 (03:59):
And then they had that thing where like you could
jump off of a net or onto anairbag or something.
SPEAKER_02 (04:05):
We did the go-karts, we didn't even crash.
When we got to the water parkthough, things changed.
And they asked us to not theyasked us to leave.
I thought they said they didn'treally want us back.
We didn't abide by all the rulesthat day.
(04:25):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:26):
We didn't break anything though.
SPEAKER_02 (04:27):
No, we didn't break anything, we didn't hurt anyone.
All was fine.
They just didn't like what wewere doing.
And what we were doing wasn'teven that bad.
Like a slide where you need atube, we'd go down without a
tube.
If you're supposed to go downone at a time and wait for the
little stoplight or like the redand green light to change, we'd
(04:50):
go down together.
Wasn't that bad?
No.
SPEAKER_01 (04:53):
I think my favorite part of that day is you and
Hunter went down together andhanded the and I was just about
to fall, and the lifeguard blowsher whistle, and I stop and I
look at her.
And she was so pissed at us atthis point.
She just said, just go.
And so down I went.
SPEAKER_02 (05:14):
My favorite was the one side where like you slide
down, then it's a pool, and thenyou go to the next slide, and
you slide down, and it's a pool.
It's like all the way down thehill.
And you and Hunter were gettingyelled at.
I think that's when they said wehad to leave.
Yeah, that was when they likeofficially.
These dude, their stop gettingyelled at.
Well, she didn't have us containit, also.
I just hopped on the next slide,went down next one, all the way
(05:38):
to the bottom.
I don't even know why she tookafter us.
Because I don't think we weredoing like that slide, you
really couldn't do anythingwrong.
We were trying to stand up.
That's what it was.
She comes.
This slide kind of follows thecontour of the hill, also, so
you could stand on the likehillside and still like see
inside the pool.
(05:58):
And she just comes running down,yelling, you guys gotta stop.
And so Hunter and I stopped, andnow it goes there, he needs to
stop.
She's screaming at us, yellingat him, and Derek just keeps on
going.
And then, yeah, they're like,You guys need to leave.
And then what happened afterthat?
Remy worked there, so that wasbefore Remy and I were dating,
(06:22):
just barely knew each other fromschool.
And oh what was it?
She they radioed to her that shewas supposed to kick us out, and
she since she knew us fromschool, was like, uh I'll kick
them out.
Like it was almost closing, soshe's like, I'll wait till
closing, and then just kick themout and say I did it.
Well, then we convinced her tocome down the water slide on us.
(06:42):
So yeah, I think she got anasterisk that yeah, that was
honestly a fun day.
I think we uh we should goagain, but not do that.
No, I I think I'd just sit inthe lazy river now.
We're more mature than we usedto be.
Right?
Yeah, both of us are.
SPEAKER_01 (07:02):
Both of us?
SPEAKER_02 (07:03):
I have matured.
Oh?
I have you have matured.
Look at your glasses.
Well, yeah, it looks smart, bro.
What's up with that?
You've been wearing them.
So I got oh, Wiley X's that areprescription.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (07:17):
And so I wore those this week and whatever, and they
didn't give me much of aheadache.
So I'm like, well, I'll trywearing my glasses again.
Seems to be okay.
SPEAKER_02 (07:27):
I can't tell, like, depth perception and size is
kind of hard.
So like working, it's kindahard.
I don't know if you see me allthe time.
I look like this to see actuallyhow big something is or how far
away it is.
When something is?
I piss like that.
SPEAKER_01 (07:44):
That would flop that bad boy out.
Does it look bigger or smaller?
SPEAKER_02 (07:50):
So stuff looks what is it?
It's it looks smaller.
Smaller but further away.
Well, I'm not flopping out mywiener for you then.
Or no, it's it looks closer butsmaller, I think is how it is.
Oh, every it's just hard tojudge stuff.
I'm not flopping out my wiener.
Seems like it's getting a littlebetter.
(08:11):
I'm not doing it for you now.
Why?
Why would I?
I think you should get a littletattoo of yourself above your
wiener so it looks like yourwiener on yourself, so it looks
like giant.
Yeah, just on the tattoo.
You know the funniest part aboutit is I'm not a big guy that
wants a tattoo.
(08:32):
But if I get a tattoo, I eitherwant it down by my wiener or on
my ass.
I haven't decided what I wantyet.
But if I ever get something,it's gonna be somewhere in those
two locations.
I think you know what you shoulddo.
I I think it would work good.
You should get like a littlemonkey like peeking its head
(08:53):
over a ledge.
So every time your ass ishanging out, it looks like a
little monkey's looking overyour pants.
I like the one I saw atRockfest.
It's where's Waldo?
And he has sweat running off ofhim, and his foot stuck in the
crack, and he's trying to likepry himself out.
That was probably one of myfavorites.
You should get a tattoo on yourass.
Made in America.
(09:15):
No.
No, you're not made in America.
Yeah, well.
You look like German orsomething.
Well, I have German in me.
Is that where the last namecomes from?
Do you have a little German inyou?
unknown (09:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (09:28):
Yeah, I'm gonna have a little German, ain't I?
Well, Derek, we got a couplequestions to answer here.
Oh, this one's directed at me.
What is Tanner?
Well, I guess not.
Derek can answer this too.
And I'm gonna let you go first.
Says, what is Tanner's funniestdrinking story from high school?
(09:51):
Now it's not really high school.
I didn't drink in high school,it was just after.
I guess we weren't technicallygraduated when I was hitting it
hard.
Yeah, because that it was in thewinter, so it would have been
like our senior year.
It was our senior year.
I lived on my own, I was donewith school.
Yeah.
But we we hadn't graduated yet.
SPEAKER_00 (10:11):
So I think the funniest is I was talking about
going to like a party where someother people were and stuff, and
nobody else really wanted to.
We were hanging out at a buddy'shouse.
So whatever, we stayed there,drank and stuff.
Well, the buddy that we wereseeing at, his parents had to
(10:33):
leave, and so I had to move myvehicle.
SPEAKER_02 (10:37):
Well, Tanner was way drunker than I was.
He didn't quite know.
You didn't know what was goingon.
I knew exactly what was goingon.
So I go to move my vehicle.
Tanner thinks I'm going to thisparty, and he gets comes around.
You can't drink and drive, youcan't drink.
Like, I know, I know.
I'm just moving out of the way.
So our friend's parents couldleave.
(11:03):
Well, I'm riding with youbecause if you're going
anywhere, I'm going too.
So I'm like, okay, whatever.
That's fine.
So I back down the driveway andpark my truck out of the way so
they can get out because theyweren't ready to leave yet, but
they were going too soon.
So I park my truck.
(11:24):
Tanner goes to get out, and he'swearing Crocs, and there's like
two views.
So he looks up.
I can't walk in the snow with myCrocs.
You have to bring me up to thehouse.
I'm like, okay, I'll bring youup to the house.
No big deal.
I'll just back back down here.
So I pull up by the house.
And I'm like, okay, Tanner, getout.
Nope.
(11:44):
If you're leaving, I'm stayingin here.
I'm like, I'm not leaving.
I'm just trying to park like 20feet back.
So I'm like, okay, I'm parkingdown there, but you're walking
up in your cock.
So I think I did it one moretime.
Back down.
No, I can't walk in the snow.
So finally I pull off.
He still won't get out of mytruck, so I was mad.
(12:06):
So I punched it down to back upjust because like I was pissed
off.
Like, why won't he get out?
What do I do?
And I think I was gonna justlike pull off to the side so he
was still on the driveway, likeso he could walk.
And it's a steep ditch.
Well, my tires spun.
I went down into the ditch, gotmy truck buried on the side of
their driveway, and yeah, I wasready to kill Taylor.
(12:32):
So, from my perspective, Iremember none of the whole croc
talk.
And I was wearing crocs becauseour other buddy went out to
another outbuilding and he tookmy shoes, and that's why I was
in crocs.
I had boots.
And I come to and Derek issitting like this, and he's just
(12:54):
pissed.
And I'm like, what is going on,Derek?
And he's my truck is stuck inthe ditch because of you.
And we get out and we assess thesituation.
And I knew the truck is likeleaning, like, so he's going
like this.
We're at kind of a lean to theside, and I'm just trying to
figure out like, oh, what thehell just happened?
(13:17):
And he is beat rat.
Like, he is going to kill me.
And I'm like, no, Derek, no, no.
I got this.
I run to my truck, walk her intofour-wheel, come around, because
they had kind of a beaten paththrough the yard.
Come around, and I'm ready tohook up to his truck, and
(13:38):
they're yelling at me, you'retoo drunk to pull him off.
I'm trying to help out a buddythat's in a rough situation.
That's allegedly my fault.
So then I park again and I comewalking back down, and he's
still beat red.
And I'm pretty sure you weredrawn.
Yeah, I was I thought you weregonna punch me.
Well, then I won't, I'm like,we'll just leave my truck till
(13:58):
like you know, it's out of theway, like whatever.
And then our buddy's dad waslike, Oh, you don't need a truck
to pull you out.
I can just drive that out.
I'm like, no, we'll leave it,we'll pull it out in the
morning.
Like, just because it was kindof turning into a shit show with
like Taylor not knowing what wasgoing on.
I was just pissed.
I'm like, just leave my truck,it's fine, like whatever.
(14:20):
Well, then he goes to try andget it out and gets it buried.
He thought if he pulled a head,he could get it, and he pulled
it like down into the swamp.
And well, then I'm like, okay,now we need to get it out.
Like, I'm too pissed.
I need my truck out just so Idon't have to worry about this.
And it came right out, theyhooked up.
Yeah, once we hooked up, theycame right out.
(14:42):
Well, we had to pop it a few.
If we would have just hooked upTanner's truck right away and
had someone else drive,probably, it would have
literally just pulled right up.
I unblast out, like I was backto life.
And but they said I was toodrunk.
Well, I knew what was going onat this point.
(15:03):
I knew that somehow, somehow, Iput my buddy's truck into the
ditch.
I don't know how it's my fault,but it is.
And yeah, now he's down in theditch and he's yelling at me,
and I'm trying to help him out.
And but nope.
That was that was that was atrue, you know.
Talk about true test offriendship that night.
(15:25):
I never thought we'd ever getinto a serious fight, but we
were on the edge of it thatnight.
Because I think I was pissed offthat you were pissed off at me.
Oh, yeah.
I had no idea.
I was pretty close.
Well, I think you can I justdidn't want you to drink and
drive.
I wasn't going to.
I wasn't like this.
I mean, I was just a back downthe driveway, but I mean, like,
(15:46):
yeah.
That was not my final.
I don't hear it.
And then I was also so pissedabout myself because it's like I
could have just, you know, keptgoing back and forth, but I was
pissed when I'm just like, ooh,hammer on it.
That's I'm sure part of why.
At least I don't drink here.
(16:07):
Very rarely.
Very rare.
At least I'm a happy drunk.
It's funny when you get drunk.
Most of the time, except onSouth Dakota.
SPEAKER_00 (16:17):
They've got white girl in there.
SPEAKER_02 (16:19):
I don't know what was going on with the old knees,
but I think every time I've everjumped out of the crane, it was
catching up to me out there.
What were you wearing?
You were wearing like, was itfull-length sweatpants or were
they pajamas pants?
Pajama pants.
Yeah, he had pajama pants rolledup to the bottom of his knee.
Walker, oh my knees hurt, myknees hurt.
(16:39):
They were like, it was so badthat you know when you're drunk,
you normally don't feel painthrough that.
I felt it all, I couldn't evensleep that night.
I was like, this ain't good.
But we got over it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:53):
What's going on upstairs?
SPEAKER_02 (16:55):
Four mornings, I think.
SPEAKER_00 (16:58):
Okay.
I was gonna say we haven't got apage.
Oh, yeah, we already got one.
SPEAKER_02 (17:03):
What?
Well, I no pages came through.
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
Oh, Gavin texts me back.
SPEAKER_02 (17:09):
What did he say?
SPEAKER_00 (17:15):
Oh no, he's tearing apart his truck, so sorry,
Gavin.
SPEAKER_02 (17:19):
I'm sure you're gonna listen in the morning
because you're one of ourdedicated listeners.
Speaking of that, you guys needto get hammered on the dedicated
listening part.
SPEAKER_00 (17:30):
Yeah, views.
Views are hurting.
SPEAKER_02 (17:32):
Yeah, they're hurting.
They were doing pretty good fora while.
SPEAKER_00 (17:36):
It's all hard to tell though, because like every
app says something different.
The numbers don't really add up.
SPEAKER_01 (17:42):
Oh boy, I hope our power don't go out in the middle
of it.
They're about to get clapped.
SPEAKER_00 (17:49):
Oh, I wonder if I left my window open.
We'll find out when I go upthere.
SPEAKER_02 (17:53):
Do we need to make a pause?
SPEAKER_00 (17:54):
No, it'll be fine.
I left it open the other day.
SPEAKER_02 (17:57):
Well, they put us under a tornado watch.
You got your chainsaw?
No, I'll have to go home and getit, though, when I'm done.
Yeah.
When you're done, the tornado'salready ooh, tornado forming
east of the county.
Hmm.
This could be interesting.
SPEAKER_00 (18:13):
V10 doesn't need a chainsaw, she'll just move
through everything.
We're gonna have to watch it.
SPEAKER_01 (18:20):
Oh, I wanted a tornado and the No, Sweet W
middle of the podcast.
SPEAKER_02 (18:25):
You just get a tornado.
Wow.
This is not a good podcast thatit could play on our phone.
I feel like lots of like the bigpeople go on their phone like to
look at.
Yeah, they look at they lookstuff up.
Yeah, we're getting legit.
We got something to talk about.
A tornado would be kind ofsweet.
Just all the all the lightsaround us.
(18:47):
The laptop would stay on, Ithink.
Yeah, it's kind of batteries.
Probably not for long, but allthe all the lights around us
show off and freaking roof blowson.
Oh, do you man?
We'd go viral for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (18:59):
We might have to go podcast.
SPEAKER_02 (19:01):
As long as our poster stays.
SPEAKER_01 (19:03):
Yeah, that's gotta stay.
SPEAKER_02 (19:05):
Oh, would you get a taped better?
No, Adela did that.
Wow.
I was bugging her.
Well, good job, Adela.
Thanks for doing that.
We should have been a dartboard.
Throw darts at each other.
Wouldn't that be something?
That'd be fun.
Are you using those dartboardswhere you can play darts with
(19:28):
people like across the country?
SPEAKER_01 (19:30):
No.
SPEAKER_02 (19:30):
Oh yeah.
It's a little video on thebottom, and it like records you
throwing them, and then it showsup on your board.
Yeah, I know a guy that doesthat, and he'll just sit in his
garage, drink beer with hiswife, play darts with people
from like China and all over theplace.
SPEAKER_00 (19:47):
Yeah, it's kind of cool.
SPEAKER_02 (19:49):
Should we get that?
SPEAKER_00 (19:50):
We should.
SPEAKER_02 (19:52):
We need to start like a family game night.
SPEAKER_00 (19:55):
Start playing darts with Chinese.
SPEAKER_02 (19:57):
Twister.
Naked Twister.
SPEAKER_00 (20:00):
I'd only play with you.
SPEAKER_02 (20:01):
Okay, that's fine.
We're gonna answer thatquestion.
SPEAKER_00 (20:09):
When are you guys getting married and having kids?
I don't know.
Sometime in the future, I guessfor me.
SPEAKER_01 (20:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:18):
I don't know.
I was thinking we might as wellpump them out.
Pump your kids out.
SPEAKER_01 (20:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:23):
Well you have to pump them in, then.
SPEAKER_01 (20:25):
Yeah.
I think we need to have a kid atthe same time.
SPEAKER_02 (20:32):
I would think in like three-ish years.
I don't know about that one.
I guess I think I said this inthe last episode.
Our co-worker was talking abouthaving kids.
SPEAKER_00 (20:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:47):
And you know what?
He brought up a good point.
Get it done while you're young.
Both first have to get married.
Why?
Oh, aren't you supposed to getmarried before you're talking
about it?
I'm not, but you don't want togo to hell anyways.
If you're gonna pay child sport,you might as well pay Alam.
I'm just kidding, Rami willnever divorce you.
(21:09):
She probably divorced you.
That's probably what'll happen.
And then enough of this guy.
Y'all, we've been together quitea few years now.
Little ring on the finger,Derek.
Her mom listens to the podcast,and like we talk about rigs
every week, and so now she'slike all obvious.
(21:32):
She doesn't know if we're likehitting towards a ring.
Come on, Louie, keep at him.
Keep at him.
SPEAKER_03 (21:40):
Oh, I'd say three years give or take.
SPEAKER_02 (21:45):
Three years really isn't that long.
Like it seems like a long time.
But like if you think of whathappened three years ago, it's
like, oh, that wasn't that long.
I mean.
You know?
The biggest thing is I want totry and get Either start
building a house like eitherhave a house built or have it
start building or like be prettyclose to the process of that
(22:10):
when we get married andwhatever.
SPEAKER_00 (22:13):
That way we'd have our own place.
And it would be nice to do itget married like before we
really start doing all that, butat least have everything like
ready to go into the work.
SPEAKER_01 (22:25):
Why do you want to get married before you all do
all that?
Just for like finances.
SPEAKER_02 (22:33):
You know, in the state of Wisconsin, they told us
once you get married, it's halftheirs anyways.
SPEAKER_01 (22:39):
Everyone we bought our land, they made that a
special point to tell us.
SPEAKER_02 (22:45):
I'm kind of the same way.
I'd like to have own a house ofsome sort before anything.
That way, you know, the onlyperson that can tell you to get
out is the bank.
Kind of got a fresh start in theplace.
Especially you guys living athome.
SPEAKER_00 (23:02):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02 (23:04):
You know.
You know what though?
Now's the time to have kids,Derek.
You got a built-in babysitter.
Your dad can watch your kid.
Yeah, but can you imagine whatthose kids would turn on like?
He raises me.
Yeah, but I think he's gotten alittle more forgetful from when
(23:24):
he uh tried raising me.
Really?
Uh why?
Oh, mean him.
Your poor dad.
I like your dad.
So mine I'm saying three years,give or take.
I can't put a time frame on it.
(23:45):
Come on.
Might wake up one morning anddecide to just go to the colony
court and almost get it overwith.
Maybe.
SPEAKER_00 (23:52):
You're gonna put a kid in here that same morning?
SPEAKER_01 (23:55):
Might as well.
SPEAKER_00 (23:58):
What if she wants a big white wedding?
She doesn't.
You don't know it.
SPEAKER_02 (24:03):
Every woman might say that.
I don't know.
At least I listen when shetalks.
Right?
You know, looking at this, wemight be in for a tornado.
She's kind of hooking.
Sorry, I'm distracted.
I love chasing storms.
So now there's a there's asecond.
There's a second part of this,but he asked this on the post,
(24:24):
and then Well, do you want tosay who asked her?
Well, it's my uncle.
Uncle Jason.
You better be listening.
He asked if he could ordain.
Well, he asked if he could bethe priest.
SPEAKER_00 (24:37):
And I said he could be the priest at my wedding.
I'd be proud, even though I'mnot related to him.
But I'd be proud to have him bethe priest, even though it's the
ordained.
SPEAKER_02 (24:48):
But uh what would Remy Remy?
I asked Remy about it, and shesaid no.
So, Jason, if you're listeningand Remy, you two will have to
discuss it, and you know, you'llhave to try and convince her
because I think that'd be prettyfun.
Guess for us, it's up in theair.
I mean, just the stuff he sayswhen he comes to the yard and
what I see him about.
(25:08):
I I imagine he's he does apretty killer wedding.
We need to have him on thepodcast because he is a he's
he's nutty.
I tried convincing her.
I mean, at least let him be theDJ.
Like get him Spotify the hawksand see what he plays.
SPEAKER_01 (25:27):
Oh god, and a microphone so he can do that.
SPEAKER_02 (25:31):
Oh he's a he's one of the funnier guys I know.
He's he's the most he's thequickest-witted person I know.
That guy, my or your younger, mycousin asked how a deer got up
on the wall.
And he instantly fired back.
Well, it jumped up there and gotstuck.
(25:53):
I'll never forget.
Like it was she no more got donewith her sentence and he said
it.
But the worst part was is shebelieved it.
Well, that was we died laughing.
Yeah, he's he's something.
Uh like I said, for me, it's upin the air.
Depending on how I get married.
You know, the old Vegas mighthave to.
(26:14):
If nothing else, you should atleast get a picture of you under
like the little whatever thehorseshoe that you get married
under.
What are those called?
The I don't know.
You know what I'm talking about,like the flower thing?
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (26:34):
Yeah, that'd be funny.
He'd be an interesting guy.
SPEAKER_02 (26:39):
Speaking of my uncle, this is unrelated.
When I was a kid, so this guytaught me a lot of things.
He taught me my left and rights,and I don't remember how he did
it, but we'd go to like thegrocery store shopping and he'd
do something funny.
I can't remember that exactly,but he taught me my left and
(27:00):
rights in a funny way.
But then I was a gullible kid,and I'm still gullible.
He made me believe that eatingpancakes, waffles, and I believe
eggs, like anything breakfast-yfood that wasn't like cereal.
It all did something.
It all it put hair somewhere onyour body that when you're a
little kid, it kind of scaresyou.
(27:22):
Like I think I I don't I can'tsay which exact spot, but it was
like, for instance, waffles willput hair on your chest, pancakes
will put hair on your nuts, likesomething will put hair on your
ass, something on your armpits,and for the longest time I would
not eat breakfast.
Like wouldn't do it.
I like I refuse to eat anythingother than like cereal because I
(27:46):
am, and then finally, I think ittook until I hit puberty,
starting puberty where I reallydidn't care.
I didn't work because the hairwas coming no matter what.
You're like, fuck, I'm not eveneating waffle.
Yeah, literally.
We just talked about this notthat long ago.
(28:06):
I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_00 (28:11):
The page.
SPEAKER_02 (28:12):
Yeah, I don't think that was us.
Well, it'd be pretty bad if wewere sitting down here and not
going.
Trying to look at the weathertoo.
I don't know where this thistornado is.
I told our boss today, Iwouldn't line the tornado, and
it would take the whole tin pileand just blow it away.
And I wouldn't have to billanymore.
(28:33):
Yeah, because we'd be out in thefield and picking it all back
up.
Give us something to do.
What's with the chain?
SPEAKER_00 (28:46):
Oh, you ask us all the time.
It's just a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02 (28:49):
Where's the chain like he lives in a trailer post
and his wife?
SPEAKER_00 (28:55):
Is that better?
SPEAKER_02 (28:56):
Be better if you kind of went like this.
And you look like a little catboy.
SPEAKER_00 (29:04):
Yeah, that's better.
What else can we do?
I look like like a Mexicanlobster.
I feel like they always arecalling shirt stuff.
Really?
Well good lobster button.
SPEAKER_02 (29:21):
Oh, I do hate on chains.
I don't know.
Have to add a little blank.
Why?
Why don't you add some ice to itthen?
SPEAKER_00 (29:28):
Oh not flat.
SPEAKER_02 (29:31):
Where's the grill, fam?
I don't know.
I don't want to stay on.
Yeah.
No.
I'll go home and then beat mywife.
I don't know about that.
I think it's all.
(29:53):
I wonder if this thing can hearit.
Oh.
I don't know.
That tornado ain't coming anycloser.
Where's it going?
Oh, it looks like it's gonna gonorth of us if it's done.
I wanted a tornado.
I gotta get my lesbian chainsawat the trees with it.
SPEAKER_00 (30:17):
Maybe it'll come right down how they like doing
that.
No.
SPEAKER_02 (30:22):
I wanna know everyone's opinion.
I got a Milwaukee batteryoperated chainsaw, and Derek
says that is my lesbianchainsaw.
What does everyone think?
SPEAKER_00 (30:34):
They are nice when you need them, but like.
You can't just have a batterychainsaw.
Oh, would you drive an electriccar?
SPEAKER_02 (30:44):
Oh.
Exactly.
Completely unrelated.
A steel chain has like a dieselpackup.
How how is my electric chainspot like an electric vehicle?
And why do I need a gas one?
SPEAKER_00 (30:59):
Because it's manly.
SPEAKER_02 (31:00):
Okay, who cares if it's manly?
What there's there and like, solet's say the tornado comes.
What you bring your threebatteries with?
Run out of battery?
As long as the tree doesn't fallout of my truck, I got a 12, but
I got a plug-in right in mytruck.
Plug it in, charge the battery.
SPEAKER_00 (31:18):
No, I guess I just like having a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02 (31:20):
You didn't think of that.
All the gas.
Well, well, that's because youdrive clunkers and they don't
have plugins for that kind ofthing.
That's what it is.
You didn't think that far ahead.
I got it all figured out.
That thing is a badass machine.
But what's even more badass forMilwaukee is the weed whip.
(31:41):
I want a Milwaukee brand deal.
I would sponsor the hell out oftheir weed whip.
A a battery weed whip, I I wouldnot mind.
SPEAKER_03 (31:50):
They're they're pretty good.
Yeah, man.
I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_02 (31:59):
I don't know.
Should we do karaoke?
I can run up there and no,because then I'm just stuck
doing karaoke.
Why?
Oh.
SPEAKER_00 (32:08):
You would be good at karaoke.
I'm killer at karaoke, at least.
I think I am when I'm drunk.
I don't like karaoke.
SPEAKER_02 (32:17):
You know what?
We didn't talk about Derek'sfunniest drinking story.
What's Derek's dress?
Nobody has.
I'm happy.
SPEAKER_00 (32:25):
Oh.
SPEAKER_03 (32:32):
Well, I have to think, uh Really, you can't just
pop it off.
SPEAKER_00 (32:38):
No.
SPEAKER_03 (32:38):
Why?
Oh.
Drunk.
SPEAKER_00 (32:47):
Oh, I know what it is.
What?
We're at the same friend's houseand we were up in the barn.
And I drank quite a bit becauseI had a puke.
And I puked out the window ofthe barn and the pig started
eating the puke.
And his mom came up and startedyelling at me, the puking out
(33:07):
the window, because the pig'seating the puke.
And she no more like thanfinishes yelling at me.
SPEAKER_02 (33:14):
I'm like, uh-oh, I have to puke again.
I look around, there's nogarbage, he has nothing.
So I run to the same window, Igo and puke right on top of the
pig.
That's your favor.
That's your funniest?
That's probably one of myfavorites.
Not not riding a donkey.
No.
Not wrestling a pig.
(33:34):
No.
There was no puking on the pig.
No.
I think puking on the pig's myfavorite.
God.
That's out of all the shit.
That's what your favorite is.
I think so.
I think it's just so funnybecause she was like she was so
(33:55):
mad at me.
SPEAKER_00 (33:57):
And then I go and make it worse, not even trying.
SPEAKER_02 (34:01):
Why'd you puke?
Weak stomach, I guess.
You don't have a weak stomach.
I do.
I have a hell of a party trip.
One beer, and I will puke.
SPEAKER_00 (34:17):
No, I didn't puke much.
SPEAKER_02 (34:18):
And I was like, I mean, I was definitely drunk.
Like, I was pretty fucked up,but like I've been way drunker
and I'm puked, but.
Well, Della just sent me thispicture and she said this needs
to be talked about.
Oh, the camera picked that badboy up.
Oh, not really.
That's Derek and I.
SPEAKER_03 (34:42):
Two studs.
SPEAKER_00 (34:49):
Yeah, you still have a beard now.
SPEAKER_02 (34:53):
Damn.
I look pretty fly in thatpicture.
SPEAKER_00 (34:56):
You do.
SPEAKER_02 (34:57):
Or a white guy, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:59):
You look like like a 40-year-old guy who's going to
close on his third Airbnb orsomething.
I wish.
SPEAKER_02 (35:10):
I wish I could have that many Airbnbs.
That'd be nice.
Yeah.
I wouldn't be sitting heretalking to you.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
You probably would be.
We just wouldn't have to recordit.
SPEAKER_02 (35:23):
Yeah.
We're not getting paid for this.
No, but that's our attempt tobecome wrecked.
This is our how we're gonna blowup.
This is how we're yeah, but Ihow are we gonna get famous?
Two white dudes sitting in abasement.
Maybe we're on the wrongwebsite.
I think I've watched that.
(35:44):
We're on the wrong website.
SPEAKER_00 (35:46):
No, people are gonna keep liking these, keep sharing
them.
It's gonna blow up, can it?
It's gonna blow up.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (35:56):
And what are we gonna do when it blows up?
SPEAKER_00 (36:00):
Videotape across the country goes to Pina Colada's in
the ocean.
SPEAKER_02 (36:05):
I think you gave me pink eye just sitting next to
you.
Why?
Oh, you just so gross.
That's me.
My eye it's just beenscratching.
I have been.
You scratch it.
Okay.
Oh, don't talk about it.
Don't touch me then.
That's what I gotta talk to youabout.
It's morning I asked Gavin ifhe's ever been sexually
(36:28):
assaulted.
And he's like, no, I don't thinkso.
He asked me, have you?
And I said, yeah.
Myself.
And that kid died laughing.
I wish he was getting angryafter that, because I might even
fucking tip over.
I bet you sexually assaultedyourself.
(36:49):
Tell you.
Alright, I got it.
Sexually assaulting yourself.
Just because we're talking aboutgoing on a different website
doesn't mean we have to start.
There is a washing machine.
No dryer.
I can get stuck in the dryer.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (37:06):
What am I gonna be, your stepbrother?
SPEAKER_02 (37:09):
Hey stepbrother.
SPEAKER_00 (37:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (37:14):
Oh hey, look at that! The shorts I ordered for a
winner.
Just shift.
They screwed me over.
You were supposed to be heretoday.
And I got an email this morningsaid they were delayed.
SPEAKER_01 (37:32):
Just a bad day.
Bad day in general.
SPEAKER_02 (37:36):
I wanna go to the bar.
Do ya?
Yep.
Here we go.
Also over caveat.
What about work tomorrow?
You can do it on over.
I don't want to do I don't wantto work on.
SPEAKER_00 (37:51):
Also over cave, we can go get the whole crew.
I'll pick the whole crew up andwe can.
SPEAKER_02 (37:55):
The whole crew?
You all be hung over except forme.
You look like the star employer.
Actually, I'd hate that becauseI just mean.
It would suck for you.
SPEAKER_00 (38:07):
But then like everyone else would just be like
Yeah, everyone else would justbe hung over and like not
feeling it.
SPEAKER_02 (38:17):
Do you ever feel it?
No.
No.
So we go on disability.
No.
SPEAKER_00 (38:24):
It's tempting, but no.
No.
Would you get bored with life?
I think so.
And like disability, it's notlike you make enough to like
live a good life.
You just make enough to live.
SPEAKER_02 (38:37):
Why do you want to live a good life?
Oh, I'd rather work and youwanted to be a hole.
I do, but I don't want to moochout of the system to be a hole,
huh?
You just want to be a hole.
I just want to be a hole.
Really?
So disgusting.
SPEAKER_00 (38:54):
What?
How is that disgusting?
SPEAKER_02 (38:56):
I want I don't want to do it forever, but I think
it'd be cool for like a year ortwo to just live on the streets
on the ground.
We're surrounded by power, airconditioning.
Yeah.
Why would you want to give that?
I can't wrap it up.
Because I could be swimming in alake right now to say cool.
Why don't we go swimming in alake?
Oh, because we have to do apodcast.
(39:17):
So lightning would strike us andkill us?
SPEAKER_03 (39:19):
Yeah.
Might be worth it.
Yeah?
Well.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_02 (39:32):
How about this?
I'll take out a life insurancepolicy on you.
You take one out on me.
I'll go play roulette.
I don't think you can collect onsuicide, can you?
Why ought to be suicide?
Roulette?
No, like roulette with the stormin the lake.
Oh.
Not like roulette roulette.
(39:54):
I'm like, uh, I think I I thinkthat's considered suicide.
No, I you go first.
You we can use my nine mil.
What about your nine mil?
We'll play your what?
No, I'm not going first.
Why?
I'm not stupid.
No gun works.
It goes bang.
(40:15):
Yeah.
Guns are bad.
Oh, are they?
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (40:19):
Now we'll get some views because people hate on
that and then other people lovethat.
SPEAKER_04 (40:23):
Yeah.
You don't want it.
SPEAKER_02 (40:25):
Guns are bad.
I'm only gonna do the littleclips of it.
I'm just gonna post a videoeverywhere of Tanner.
Guns are I'm not even gonnafinish saying it because I don't
want I don't want a video of mesaying it.
Just a video of Tanner sayingit.
You want me to clip it so thatway you can have it?
Guns are good.
Really?
Not in California.
SPEAKER_00 (40:47):
Everything's bad in California.
SPEAKER_02 (40:49):
Do you know you can get cancer in California like
twice as easy?
All those little stickers areyou know.
In California, you get cancerwith this.
Good thing we're not inCalifornia.
You live in California.
No, I don't.
I want to live in California.
SPEAKER_00 (41:02):
I was actually very impressed.
We went to California when I waslike, I don't know, 14 or 15, my
family did.
I thought the whole state ofCalifornia was just like super
liberal, super populated.
Like I thought you were just inthe city.
SPEAKER_02 (41:18):
No.
Northern California isbeautiful.
Like the country and stuff.
And yeah, we we met some peoplethat were definitely not like
liberal hippie Californians.
Like they're pretty I mean itmakes sense.
Like Oregon's really nice.
(41:38):
Honestly, that whole like fromthe Northern California outfit.
It's like beautiful countryside.
Not that I'm a sightseeing guyor nothing, but I I like going
out there.
That's where we should go outthere.
My favorite hotel or whateveryou want to call it was out in
California.
SPEAKER_03 (41:54):
Really?
SPEAKER_02 (41:54):
We went into was it King's Can?
I don't know.
One of the like state ornational parks out there, but it
was one road in, and then youturned around and it was one
road back out.
SPEAKER_04 (42:04):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (42:04):
We were coming out and it was starting to get dark.
And we drove by just this littleI mean, that looked like maybe
like a four-plex or whatever.
And it had a vacancy sign litup.
So we turned around and stoppedin there to ask if they had any
rooms available.
And the guy's like, oh, I thinkwe do.
(42:25):
Let me ask Jethro.
He owns this place.
His name was literally Jethro.
Jethro?
Jethro.
So he goes out on the porch, heyJethro, we have any rooms
available?
The guy comes rolling out fromunder the truck that's on Jack's
stands with the parking lot.
Yeah, I'll be up there in asecond.
So they go up there.
He comes up.
(42:46):
And I can't remember exactlywhat the price was, but it was
like$400 if you uh used yourcard to pay for the night.
If you do cash, we'll go to youfor$100.
Like, it wasn't even close.
So we're like, yeah, we'll docash.
So you pay cash.
And we end up sitting on theporch until like one in the
(43:08):
morning, BSing with Jeff.
I guess when he was younger, hewas a hellion and ran from cops
and stuff.
And yeah, so we listened to himtalk the most time, but we had
so much fun then.
He said, Yeah, there'scontinental breakfast, just go
in that door over there.
So it was kind of like theoffice, whatever we thought.
(43:29):
So in the morning we go overthere and yeah, just follow us
back here.
We go sit at it was his house.
We're sitting at his likekitchen table, his kitchen
there.
He's opening the cupboards.
Look at we have pancakes orwaffles.
I can make either of those.
Open the fridge.
We have orange juice and milk.
I thought I could throw somecoffee in the pot.
(43:51):
Looks, oh, biscuits and gravy.
We could probably make that.
The sausage might have tofollow.
I mean, literally, it was justis how that was continental
breakfast.
I think we I think we hadwaffles that morning, waffles
and bacon or something.
Do you think Jethro's stillaround?
I think so.
I think it was the SnowlineLodge.
(44:13):
I think it's the name of it.
We looked it up when we got backbecause we were like, we have to
go there again if we ever makeit to California.
It was so fun.
We should take a trip just outto see if we can meet Jethro.
Yeah, our door, our door didn'tlock on the hotel room.
So we were kind of like sketchedout because, like, okay, I mean,
super nice guy and stuff, butjust kind of an odd situation,
(44:34):
so it wasn't the mostcomforting.
And then, yeah, everyone thatstopped there, they'd let you
sign your name in the hallway.
So, like, you know, it had likea hallway that was open to the
outside between the differentrooms.
Yeah, that was just covered withnames, but really that was
probably the most fun we've hadstaying at a hotel.
(44:54):
It was just such a uniqueexperience.
I think we need to take a tripjust to go out.
I don't want to see this place.
How many rooms were there?
I think it was it was three orfour, I think.
Was there a pool?
It'd be funny if there's like alittle kiddie pool on it.
He probably knows of a crook orsomething we could go to.
(45:17):
I think it'd be even better ifhe had like a little kiddie
pool.
I'm sure like just the way thatguy was, I'm sure he'd get a
kick if we told him.
Yeah, we came out here just tostay here.
This thing has such goodreviews.
Podcast on the go.
Yeah, I get Jeff to roll on.
Jeff Wolf.
Well, honey, I think it's maybea good time to under your okay.
(45:41):
Not too long.
Our subscription.
I don't know if we have enoughtime to make long episodes.
I don't remember what we'redoing.
A storm's coming.
I got something in my eye that'sreally funny.
Well, I guess it's a good timeto wrap it up.
Yep.
So remember, like, share, followus, follow and comment.
(46:08):
Help us get out there.
And hopefully next time we havea guest.
Yeah, we're supposed to tonight.
Sorry, Gavin again.
SPEAKER_01 (46:18):
If we can't make it next time, that woman upstairs,
your woman, someone, we'll getsomeone up there.
SPEAKER_02 (46:25):
We gotta do it.
We started by episode 10.
Well, here's episode 10.
We have pretty good.
That episode.
Alright, Derek.
You better get your butt homeshower and make a baby.
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