September 29, 2025 • 28 mins
Trust—it's the foundation of our relationships, our decisions, and ultimately our growth. Fresh from a week at PowerMonkey Fitness Camp in Tennessee, this episode dives deep into what happens when we're forced to build trust quickly and under pressure.
Through the lens of VO2 Max testing, where I guide people through their physical limits while they wear masks and run on treadmills, we explore the fascinating moment when someone must decide to keep pushing or pull back. That split second where pain kicks in, breathing changes, and the body starts to resist—it's where the most profound lessons about trust emerge.
Those who excel aren't necessarily the most athletic; they're the ones who understand when to surrender to the process and trust both themselves and the person guiding them.
This exploration of trust takes a personal turn as I share a traumatic childhood swimming experience that fundamentally altered my relationship with trust.
Whether you're facing high-pressure situations, navigating difficult relationships, or simply trying to determine if you should add more weight to your next workout set, this episode offers insights on balancing risk versus reward.
You'll discover why healing yourself might be the most powerful contribution you can make to healing the world, and why slowing down and creating space for rest might be the counterintuitive key to building unshakable self-trust.
Listen now, and if you find value in these conversations, please leave a review to help others discover tools for building their own unbreakable resilience.
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Website: unbreakablemindandbody.com
Email: info@unbreakablemb.com
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https://tiana-gonzalez.mykajabi.com/likeyoumeanit
Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome back to the show.
I am your host, Tiana, and onthis episode, we're going to
talk about trust.
Now I'm fresh off the plane,back from Tennessee, back from
PowerMonkey Fitness Camp.
(00:50):
I spent about a week in thewoods with my chosen family,
with my friends, learning fromthe best coaches in the world,
facilitating metabolic tests tothe campers who opted to do that
and to enrich and enhance theirexperience at camp.
And this theme of trust came upquite a lot for me the whole
(01:10):
week.
Now, camp is an interestingdichotomy because I have to
establish trust in a matter ofminutes with each person that I
am going to test.
Now, for the resting metabolictest, it's a little bit less
involved because the person islaying in a chair, they can
(01:31):
close their eyes, and we recordthe data.
But for the VO2 Max test, it's awhole different ball game.
And so this is where this themekept coming up throughout the
week of building rapport inminutes, establishing some trust
foundation and communicating.
(01:52):
And in some cases, for me, Iprobably do over-communicate,
but I love to share knowledgeand information in a useful way,
in a way that's applicable toeach person in which I'm about
to test, right?
So for me, it's not so muchabout the athleticism of the
(02:14):
person or their level inwhatever sport they're in, or
how successful they've been intheir career, or how many medals
they have, if they're ahigh-level or high-performing
athlete.
It's about the person.
And it's about connecting withthem in a way where I know that
(02:35):
the words I'm communicating andthe information I'm sharing is
resonating.
And it's becoming an integralpart of what this person is
going to choose to do during thetest.
And then also afterwards, whenthey get the report, when they
get the data, when they find outwhat their heart rate training
zones are, when they learn whattheir VO2 max is, and then they
(02:55):
apply that information in auseful way to continue to
improve themselves, to becomethe next best version of
themselves, to improve theirodds of having a fabulous, long
aging process and just beingaround here longer.
You know, longevity is somethingthat a lot of us take for
(03:19):
granted.
A lot of us don't, but a lot ofus do take for granted.
Now, I want to keep the themereally at the forefront of this
conversation.
And I've talked about trustquite a lot on this show,
particularly learning how totrust yourself, learning how to
listen to your intuition,trusting your gut.
But when you're in a situationwhere you're at the mercy of
(03:43):
someone else's decisions, whenyou're in a relationship with
someone that you love, or whenyou're in a high pressure
situation solo, and you have tomake a decision and you have to
think fast, you need to havetrust in order to do that.
(04:04):
The people who I have found havehad the best experiences with
the VO2 Max test are people whoare highly self-aware and also
recognize there's a point wherethey have to let go, where they
have to somewhat submit to theparameters or the variables in
(04:29):
which we're dealing with.
Now, if it's a first-time testerand this person has never
experienced what this stimulusis going to feel like, it's
somewhat interesting because Ican almost pinpoint.
If I was to record each personon video, I could almost
pinpoint the exact moment whereI see the shift, where I see the
(04:52):
pain is starting to kick in,where I hear the breath really
change, maybe the running gaitchanges if they're doing their
test on a treadmill, which Iwould say probably about 90 to
95% of people do their test on atreadmill or an assault runner,
which is the self-propelledtreadmill.
Uh there's a there's just amoment in time during the test
(05:14):
where I see the click.
And as someone who's done thisfor a number of years now and
who has trained hundreds, if notthousands, of people over the
last several years in varioussports and various disciplines
and different modalities, youknow when your client, athlete,
(05:36):
or the person in front of you isplugged in, when they're on it.
And for the people who aren't,they're still gonna get a great
test result and a greatcollection of data, and they're
gonna have this valuableinformation to use and apply in
a way that's helpful for them.
(05:57):
But if we think back to evenwhen we're younger, I've talked
about this on a previous episodeas well.
When you're in a learningenvironment, it's really
important that you feel safe andthat you feel comfortable in the
environment in which you arelearning.
Otherwise, it makes itincredibly stressful and
(06:20):
challenging.
So for me as a fitnessprofessional, when I have a
client who is questioning leftand right every single thing I
say, or maybe second-guessing,or questioning my approach, it
becomes very frustrating becauseat first it may feel like, well,
(06:42):
this person has trust issues,they don't trust me.
But perhaps maybe it's aboutself-trust.
Maybe they don't trustthemselves.
And so that's where thenervousness kicks in, the
anxiety shows up.
There's this fear knocking onthe door, and it's saying to
them, Oh, ask the questions,make sure you know, cover all
(07:03):
the bases.
We don't want any holes, wedon't want any opportunity for
slip-ups.
And what that can do is paralyzethe person.
Now, the VO2 Max test is reallyinteresting to me because you
have these variables, you havethese different things at play,
(07:25):
and we are intentionally pushingthat threshold and forcing the
person into a very uncomfortablesituation.
It's momentary, but it's stillvery uncomfortable, and it's
high pressure.
And for the coaches and teachersout there that are a little bit
(07:49):
hands-on, like me, you'resweating also.
Your heart is racing, also.
You're watching every hair onthis person's head and looking
at every single aspect to makesure that they are okay or as
okay as they can possibly be atthat moment in time while still
(08:11):
maintaining the pressure.
And it's very troubling at timesand also scary.
I would correlate it to perhapsa parent watching their young
child, maybe it's a toddlerlearning how to swim.
And I've heard from lots ofparents as well as from swim
(08:33):
coaches that you know, sometimesthey they will ask the parent
not to get in the water with thebaby.
They they want them to just stayon the side of the pool because
the parent is more nervous thanthe baby.
And it's a similar sort ofsituation here because I know at
some point this person whotrusts me is gonna feel pain.
(08:57):
And I have to keep remindingthem that yes, that pain is a
little bit necessary, and yes,it's almost over, and yes, you
have to trust yourself, and yes,you have to keep going.
This is intense.
Now imagine taking all of thesedifferent things that I just
rambled on for the last nineminutes and add that you're on
(09:22):
this fast moving piece ofequipment, you have a pack on
your back and a mask on yourface.
That's the intensity of thatparticular test.
And it's so freaking awesome.
Every time I test someone whenthey're done, when we're
(09:45):
measuring their recovery, whichis about two and a half minutes
long.
So yeah, you get to this point,you feel like you're, ah, I'm
gonna crash and burn, right?
And then the test is over, youcan't rip the mask off yet.
So you're grasping for anything,most likely hyperventilating.
(10:09):
Head is, you know, you'reslouched over, most people
catching their breath, and youcan't take that mask off because
we have to record your recoveryfor two and a half minutes.
And there is another part wherethis person has to trust.
So I thought about this a lotbetween each test at night and
(10:32):
on my ride home, and I knew Iwanted to talk about this on
this episode because there wereso many times where I had to ask
myself, am I gonna keep pushingthem or are we gonna peel it
back right now?
And I only have a few seconds tomake that decision, and the
person cannot communicate withme verbally.
(10:53):
It's through body language, it'sthrough listening cues, it's
through their eyes that I haveto make that decision.
And that leads me to the nextthing I want to talk about,
which is risk versus reward.
Now, when I was a kid, my firstexperience with learning how to
(11:16):
swim was tragic.
I was eight years old.
We were on vacation in PuertoRico.
I had never been on an airplanebefore.
So this was the first uh trip ofmany firsts.
We went to Puerto Rico, flewthere from one of the New York
City airports.
I can't remember which one,because I was just a kid and it
(11:36):
wasn't important.
And this was in a time when youcould eat a full meal on an
airplane.
Those days are long gone now.
And I remember being at the poolat this hotel.
We we went, we flew into SanJuan at night, and we stayed in
(11:58):
the city of San Juan that night,and we were planning to drive
out west to my abuela's house.
She lived in a small town calledBarceloneta, which is due west
of San Juan on the island, about35 minutes, maybe a 40-minute
drive, depending on traffic.
(12:20):
And so we were at the hotel, andit was the next morning.
We went to the pool.
I had never swam in a poolbefore.
And when we went to the beach, Ionly went in kind of like up to
my knees.
And I asked my dad, you know, totake me swimming, and he didn't
want to be bothered with me.
(12:43):
So he just said, no, go ahead,jump in.
You'll figure out how to swim.
And so I think the water wasprobably about four feet deep.
And I couldn't stand up withoutit covering my head, but I
remember jumping in andcompletely panicking.
(13:03):
I swallowed a ton of water.
I kept like trying to get myhead up to the surface.
I was really struggling, and mydad just stood there, and I kept
asking him for help, and he juststood there and I asked him
again, and he just stood there,and it felt like an eternity for
me.
And I was so scared.
(13:25):
I was really, really terrifiedin that moment.
And then eventually he gotreally pissed off and came over
to the edge of the water andlike put his arm out.
And I tried to get to him and Icouldn't get to him.
And I don't remember if heactually jumped in the pool or
(13:47):
if I eventually just made my wayover to his hand and then he
yanked me out of the pool.
I scraped the whole side of mybody along the side of the pool.
And I was really upset andshaken and crying.
I was disciplined right there inthat moment that I was the
(14:11):
problem.
That I should have known better.
And if I didn't know how toswim, why did I jump in the
water?
So this was like the worstgaslighting I had ever
experienced.
Because my dad knew I couldn'tswim because he never took me to
swim lessons and never properlytaught me how to doggy paddle.
(14:35):
And then he encouraged me tojump in the pool.
And then I was disciplined for,you know, creating a commotion
at the at the pool.
There was no lifeguard, and youknow, making him look bad.
And that was really one of thefirst times where, you know, the
trust between my father and Istarted to crack.
(14:57):
It's difficult for me to tellthis story because the level of
fear and the amount of confusionI experienced in that moment was
beyond.
I was so traumatized.
I didn't want to ever goswimming ever again.
It was really hard for me toovercome that fear, and I was
(15:20):
not gently parented at all.
In fact, it was quite theopposite.
I was mocked, I was made fun of.
I, you know, I'm sure a lot offamilies have interesting ways
of dealing with things, andthat's just how my family dealt
with it.
There was a lot of dark humor, alot of like, you know, ripping
(15:43):
on each other.
And that's really where thefirst, you know, trust being
broken experience in my lifeshowed up.
Now, of course, there have beenthousands of others over the
years.
I'm 47 years old at the time ofthis recording.
So between me being eight yearsold and now, there's been a lot
(16:05):
of that.
And obviously, we learn throughexperience, through uh
misfortunes and through loss.
And I learned that I couldn'ttrust my dad, which also then
translated into me not feelinglike I could trust myself
(16:27):
because I was challenged to justgo ahead and jump in the pool.
And I questioned my intuition,which said, don't do it, because
you don't know how to swim.
You're just doing it to impressyour dad, and he's not going to
be impressed.
But you did it anyway.
And there's a lot of layershere, right?
(16:49):
But I think that this goes backand is related, this goes back
to a lot of things we've talkedabout on this show.
And I think it's also relatableto a lot of you that are
listening, because we've allfound ourselves in these
situations where the pressurewas put on you, you knew what
the truth was, your inner beinggave you a sense, you felt fear,
(17:11):
or you felt excitement, or youfelt ready to go, you felt
confidence, and then it didn'tgo that way.
And so then you were leftconfused and torn and not sure
what to do next because youthought you were doing the right
thing.
And that happens a lot of timeswhen we're facing tough
(17:32):
decisions, when we're driving,and you know, maybe you're going
a little too fast and you'reabout to miss your exit.
Do you cut over or do you justkeep going because you don't
want to do something that mightbe risky or too risky?
And so maybe you just opt tomiss the exit, get off at the
next one, turn around, and comeback.
And it's in those moments whereyou're being tested.
(17:55):
And it's in those moments whereyou have to learn how to trust
your gut.
But you're only gonna learn howto trust your gut through trial
and error, through makingmistakes.
There's been many times whereI've been testing someone in a
VO2 Max test, and maybe I didn'tmake the best decision.
We still got great data.
(18:16):
We still got a really favorableoutcome.
We still got information thatthis person is going to use and
is applicable to their desiredgoals, and it's helpful.
But maybe we could have squeakedout a little bit more time on
the treadmill, or maybe I pusheda little too far, you know, that
person that probably went andthrew up after the test, or that
(18:40):
was, you know, shot for the restof the day.
It should knock you out for alittle bit, but it shouldn't
take you out completely.
And so there's always gonna bethat risk versus reward
conversation, and you're notgonna get a hundred percent
right all the time.
It would be nice, but that'sjust not how life works.
(19:03):
So when you're flirting withthat comfort zone, sometimes
you're gonna get a win.
Sometimes you're gonna get alesson.
Now, thinking more about trust,it's in those moments where
you're truly being tested.
(19:23):
For example, if you're trainingand you're doing a movement
that's challenging and the loadis heavy, and you're given a rep
range, six to eight, okay?
How do you determine if you wantto stay at the same weight?
It was really challenging, butyou completed all the reps.
(19:44):
Let's say you got all eightreps.
Well, how do you decide if youwant to go up or not?
If you're doing three sets, areyou gonna go up or stay?
If you're doing four sets, areyou gonna go up and stay?
Are you gonna go up each round?
Or are you gonna build?
And if you think you're at thattop weight, but then you finish
(20:04):
the set and you think, ah, thisis a little too easy.
I should probably add a littlebit more for the next one.
You're gonna do that for setstwo, three, and four, the same
new weight, or are you gonnaincrease each time?
So you see how even in a simpleinstance where it's about a
workout and a completing anexercise and choosing the proper
weight, the right dose foryourself, it gets involved.
(20:29):
It's not really black and white,it's not really cut and dry.
I actually said this to a clienttoday, lovely lady, but damn,
she asks a lot of questions.
And I finally said to her, youask a lot of great questions,
however, I will not answer inabsolutes.
(20:49):
Most of the time, it's going todepend.
So the answer to that questiondepends on all the other
variables in the workout.
We were talking about weightselection actually actually on
an exercise, and she said,Should I just do this?
Should I start here next time?
And I said, It depends.
How sore are you?
What'd you do the day before?
How long is this workout?
How many exercises?
(21:10):
How many similar exercises ormovements in the same pattern
are you going to do like this?
Is it two hands?
Is it one hand?
Are you going to do three setsor four sets?
So you see how it's never justblack and white.
There's levels, there's layers.
It's complex.
Just like you and me.
(21:31):
We're complex beings.
So to think that you can alwaysthink in these rational sort of
terms in this space is not fairto yourself.
But if we loosen control, if wethink about things being a
little more flowy, maybesoftening the edges, maybe
(21:54):
allowing for some margin wheremaybe you mess up, maybe you
make a mistake, maybe you knockit out of the park.
It creates a little bit of aneasier vibe, right?
Now I didn't mean to make it alldoom and gloom when I was
talking about my failed firstswimming attempt, but that is a
(22:17):
very true, very real, and verytraumatizing experience that I
had as a kid.
A couple of years later, wewound up having a minor accident
on a boat.
Again, my dad was at fault, andagain, I was the one who got
hurt.
(22:38):
So I've had a lot of traumaaround water and swimming, being
out in open water, being in adeep pool.
It's been a lot for me toovercome.
And these are things I don'ttalk about often, but they're
very true.
(22:58):
So when you're weighing risk andreward, and there's a there's a
pressure cooker going on,there's a clock running in your
mind, how are you gonna make adecision for yourself?
How will you decide what you'regonna do?
Are you gonna jump in the wateror are you gonna play it safe?
And then if you do make adecision and you execute, take
action, you move, and it's notthe best outcome.
(23:21):
Are you going to beat yourselfup or are you gonna learn and
just brush it off, try torecover and move on?
There's no right or wrong answerhere.
It's really just about how youchoose to operate, how you
choose to move through life, howyou choose to treat yourself if
(23:42):
you make a misstep, if you turnleft when you should have turned
right.
And remember, it's not alwaysabout the destination.
In fact, most of the things wedo, it's not at all about the
destination.
We are sold the dream that it'sthe destination, but it's about
(24:03):
who you have to become in orderto get there.
It's about the habits you'regonna create, it's about the
discipline you're cultivating,it's about the quality of life
improvements that you'll bemaking.
It's about bettering yourself tothen better serve the world.
You've heard me say it before,and I'm gonna say it again.
(24:25):
The best thing you can do toheal the world is to heal
yourself.
Do that hard shit, stop avoidingit and slow down.
I recently told someone I don'treally deal well with chaotic
energy.
So when people are like, Well,I'm gonna go here and then I'm
(24:45):
gonna go there and I'm gonna gohere and then I'm gonna hear,
and then I'm gonna stop here,and then I have to come back
here.
No.
I'm gonna do one thing today,and then I'm gonna come home.
And that's my day.
I fucking hate those days whereyou have to go here and come
home.
You gotta go there and comehome.
You gotta go over there and comehome.
(25:07):
I also despise, we're going on atangent.
You know, I go on these tangentsevery episode.
I despise really busy weekends.
Let me tell you something.
I bust my butt.
I really do all week long.
I love what I do, but it's agrind.
(25:32):
And so on my days off, which bythe way, it's very unusual for
people in the fitness industryto have two full days off back
to back.
That is unheard of.
But that is why the company thatI work with is amazing.
So on my days off, I do not liketo have too many things to do.
(25:56):
Before I left for camp, I did alittle consulting work with the
same company that I went to campwith.
We did a pop-up event in NewYork City, and then I had an
event in New York City thatnight.
So I schlepped in the car downand back, and then again down
and back.
(26:16):
I didn't drive on either trip,but it was a lot of traffic and
sitting and people and stimulus,and I was cranky the next day.
I just don't do well when all ofmy time is being taken.
I really enjoy and value myalone time with myself, where I
(26:37):
get to work on this project, thepodcast, where I'm working on
some other things, where I canwatch Netflix if I want, or just
sleep, rest, rejuvenate, paint.
By the way, the same emptycanvas has been sitting on the
easel for a couple of weeks now.
I think I'm gonna get to ittonight.
I really do.
(26:58):
But back to trust, being in yourcomfort zone, being in a
learning environment that feelssafe and weighing risk versus
reward, the more you practice,the better you'll become at it.
(27:19):
The more you do, the more you'regonna learn about yourself, the
more you take action and moveyour body, the more you will
figure out and find out.
And it's only for yourbetterment.
So the next time you findyourself in a situation where
perhaps you're learning oryou're working with a coach or a
trainer, I want you to askyourself if you're really
(27:41):
pushing as hard as you can, andif you're seen in this
environment, and if you feellike you can trust this person.
Because those are reallyimportant things for you to
consider.
It's not always what you get outof an experience, but it's what
you're experiencing.
So that's the how.
(28:03):
And that's what's gonnadifferentiate good from great,
or great from amazing, oramazing from fucking
spectacular.
Not everything is gonna befucking spectacular, but if you
could find that, your life willbe so much richer.
So thank you so much for beinghere, tuning in, and giving me a
(28:26):
little bit of your time andattention today.
I truly appreciate you beinghere.
I love that you tune into theshow.
And if you would do me a hugefavor and give the show a review
and some stars, I would greatlyappreciate it.
You can do that on any platformthat you are tuning in on.
(28:48):
And as always, I'll see you nexttime.
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome back to the show.
I am your host, Tiana, and onthis episode, we're going to
talk about trust.
Now I'm fresh off the plane,back from Tennessee, back from
PowerMonkey Fitness Camp.
(00:50):
I spent about a week in thewoods with my chosen family,
with my friends, learning fromthe best coaches in the world,
facilitating metabolic tests tothe campers who opted to do that
and to enrich and enhance theirexperience at camp.
And this theme of trust came upquite a lot for me the whole
(01:10):
week.
Now, camp is an interestingdichotomy because I have to
establish trust in a matter ofminutes with each person that I
am going to test.
Now, for the resting metabolictest, it's a little bit less
involved because the person islaying in a chair, they can
(01:31):
close their eyes, and we recordthe data.
But for the VO2 Max test, it's awhole different ball game.
And so this is where this themekept coming up throughout the
week of building rapport inminutes, establishing some trust
foundation and communicating.
(01:52):
And in some cases, for me, Iprobably do over-communicate,
but I love to share knowledgeand information in a useful way,
in a way that's applicable toeach person in which I'm about
to test, right?
So for me, it's not so muchabout the athleticism of the
(02:14):
person or their level inwhatever sport they're in, or
how successful they've been intheir career, or how many medals
they have, if they're ahigh-level or high-performing
athlete.
It's about the person.
And it's about connecting withthem in a way where I know that
(02:35):
the words I'm communicating andthe information I'm sharing is
resonating.
And it's becoming an integralpart of what this person is
going to choose to do during thetest.
And then also afterwards, whenthey get the report, when they
get the data, when they find outwhat their heart rate training
zones are, when they learn whattheir VO2 max is, and then they
(02:55):
apply that information in auseful way to continue to
improve themselves, to becomethe next best version of
themselves, to improve theirodds of having a fabulous, long
aging process and just beingaround here longer.
You know, longevity is somethingthat a lot of us take for
(03:19):
granted.
A lot of us don't, but a lot ofus do take for granted.
Now, I want to keep the themereally at the forefront of this
conversation.
And I've talked about trustquite a lot on this show,
particularly learning how totrust yourself, learning how to
listen to your intuition,trusting your gut.
But when you're in a situationwhere you're at the mercy of
(03:43):
someone else's decisions, whenyou're in a relationship with
someone that you love, or whenyou're in a high pressure
situation solo, and you have tomake a decision and you have to
think fast, you need to havetrust in order to do that.
(04:04):
The people who I have found havehad the best experiences with
the VO2 Max test are people whoare highly self-aware and also
recognize there's a point wherethey have to let go, where they
have to somewhat submit to theparameters or the variables in
(04:29):
which we're dealing with.
Now, if it's a first-time testerand this person has never
experienced what this stimulusis going to feel like, it's
somewhat interesting because Ican almost pinpoint.
If I was to record each personon video, I could almost
pinpoint the exact moment whereI see the shift, where I see the
(04:52):
pain is starting to kick in,where I hear the breath really
change, maybe the running gaitchanges if they're doing their
test on a treadmill, which Iwould say probably about 90 to
95% of people do their test on atreadmill or an assault runner,
which is the self-propelledtreadmill.
Uh there's a there's just amoment in time during the test
(05:14):
where I see the click.
And as someone who's done thisfor a number of years now and
who has trained hundreds, if notthousands, of people over the
last several years in varioussports and various disciplines
and different modalities, youknow when your client, athlete,
(05:36):
or the person in front of you isplugged in, when they're on it.
And for the people who aren't,they're still gonna get a great
test result and a greatcollection of data, and they're
gonna have this valuableinformation to use and apply in
a way that's helpful for them.
(05:57):
But if we think back to evenwhen we're younger, I've talked
about this on a previous episodeas well.
When you're in a learningenvironment, it's really
important that you feel safe andthat you feel comfortable in the
environment in which you arelearning.
Otherwise, it makes itincredibly stressful and
(06:20):
challenging.
So for me as a fitnessprofessional, when I have a
client who is questioning leftand right every single thing I
say, or maybe second-guessing,or questioning my approach, it
becomes very frustrating becauseat first it may feel like, well,
(06:42):
this person has trust issues,they don't trust me.
But perhaps maybe it's aboutself-trust.
Maybe they don't trustthemselves.
And so that's where thenervousness kicks in, the
anxiety shows up.
There's this fear knocking onthe door, and it's saying to
them, Oh, ask the questions,make sure you know, cover all
(07:03):
the bases.
We don't want any holes, wedon't want any opportunity for
slip-ups.
And what that can do is paralyzethe person.
Now, the VO2 Max test is reallyinteresting to me because you
have these variables, you havethese different things at play,
(07:25):
and we are intentionally pushingthat threshold and forcing the
person into a very uncomfortablesituation.
It's momentary, but it's stillvery uncomfortable, and it's
high pressure.
And for the coaches and teachersout there that are a little bit
(07:49):
hands-on, like me, you'resweating also.
Your heart is racing, also.
You're watching every hair onthis person's head and looking
at every single aspect to makesure that they are okay or as
okay as they can possibly be atthat moment in time while still
(08:11):
maintaining the pressure.
And it's very troubling at timesand also scary.
I would correlate it to perhapsa parent watching their young
child, maybe it's a toddlerlearning how to swim.
And I've heard from lots ofparents as well as from swim
(08:33):
coaches that you know, sometimesthey they will ask the parent
not to get in the water with thebaby.
They they want them to just stayon the side of the pool because
the parent is more nervous thanthe baby.
And it's a similar sort ofsituation here because I know at
some point this person whotrusts me is gonna feel pain.
(08:57):
And I have to keep remindingthem that yes, that pain is a
little bit necessary, and yes,it's almost over, and yes, you
have to trust yourself, and yes,you have to keep going.
This is intense.
Now imagine taking all of thesedifferent things that I just
rambled on for the last nineminutes and add that you're on
(09:22):
this fast moving piece ofequipment, you have a pack on
your back and a mask on yourface.
That's the intensity of thatparticular test.
And it's so freaking awesome.
Every time I test someone whenthey're done, when we're
(09:45):
measuring their recovery, whichis about two and a half minutes
long.
So yeah, you get to this point,you feel like you're, ah, I'm
gonna crash and burn, right?
And then the test is over, youcan't rip the mask off yet.
So you're grasping for anything,most likely hyperventilating.
(10:09):
Head is, you know, you'reslouched over, most people
catching their breath, and youcan't take that mask off because
we have to record your recoveryfor two and a half minutes.
And there is another part wherethis person has to trust.
So I thought about this a lotbetween each test at night and
(10:32):
on my ride home, and I knew Iwanted to talk about this on
this episode because there wereso many times where I had to ask
myself, am I gonna keep pushingthem or are we gonna peel it
back right now?
And I only have a few seconds tomake that decision, and the
person cannot communicate withme verbally.
(10:53):
It's through body language, it'sthrough listening cues, it's
through their eyes that I haveto make that decision.
And that leads me to the nextthing I want to talk about,
which is risk versus reward.
Now, when I was a kid, my firstexperience with learning how to
(11:16):
swim was tragic.
I was eight years old.
We were on vacation in PuertoRico.
I had never been on an airplanebefore.
So this was the first uh trip ofmany firsts.
We went to Puerto Rico, flewthere from one of the New York
City airports.
I can't remember which one,because I was just a kid and it
(11:36):
wasn't important.
And this was in a time when youcould eat a full meal on an
airplane.
Those days are long gone now.
And I remember being at the poolat this hotel.
We we went, we flew into SanJuan at night, and we stayed in
(11:58):
the city of San Juan that night,and we were planning to drive
out west to my abuela's house.
She lived in a small town calledBarceloneta, which is due west
of San Juan on the island, about35 minutes, maybe a 40-minute
drive, depending on traffic.
(12:20):
And so we were at the hotel, andit was the next morning.
We went to the pool.
I had never swam in a poolbefore.
And when we went to the beach, Ionly went in kind of like up to
my knees.
And I asked my dad, you know, totake me swimming, and he didn't
want to be bothered with me.
(12:43):
So he just said, no, go ahead,jump in.
You'll figure out how to swim.
And so I think the water wasprobably about four feet deep.
And I couldn't stand up withoutit covering my head, but I
remember jumping in andcompletely panicking.
(13:03):
I swallowed a ton of water.
I kept like trying to get myhead up to the surface.
I was really struggling, and mydad just stood there, and I kept
asking him for help, and he juststood there and I asked him
again, and he just stood there,and it felt like an eternity for
me.
And I was so scared.
(13:25):
I was really, really terrifiedin that moment.
And then eventually he gotreally pissed off and came over
to the edge of the water andlike put his arm out.
And I tried to get to him and Icouldn't get to him.
And I don't remember if heactually jumped in the pool or
(13:47):
if I eventually just made my wayover to his hand and then he
yanked me out of the pool.
I scraped the whole side of mybody along the side of the pool.
And I was really upset andshaken and crying.
I was disciplined right there inthat moment that I was the
(14:11):
problem.
That I should have known better.
And if I didn't know how toswim, why did I jump in the
water?
So this was like the worstgaslighting I had ever
experienced.
Because my dad knew I couldn'tswim because he never took me to
swim lessons and never properlytaught me how to doggy paddle.
(14:35):
And then he encouraged me tojump in the pool.
And then I was disciplined for,you know, creating a commotion
at the at the pool.
There was no lifeguard, and youknow, making him look bad.
And that was really one of thefirst times where, you know, the
trust between my father and Istarted to crack.
(14:57):
It's difficult for me to tellthis story because the level of
fear and the amount of confusionI experienced in that moment was
beyond.
I was so traumatized.
I didn't want to ever goswimming ever again.
It was really hard for me toovercome that fear, and I was
(15:20):
not gently parented at all.
In fact, it was quite theopposite.
I was mocked, I was made fun of.
I, you know, I'm sure a lot offamilies have interesting ways
of dealing with things, andthat's just how my family dealt
with it.
There was a lot of dark humor, alot of like, you know, ripping
(15:43):
on each other.
And that's really where thefirst, you know, trust being
broken experience in my lifeshowed up.
Now, of course, there have beenthousands of others over the
years.
I'm 47 years old at the time ofthis recording.
So between me being eight yearsold and now, there's been a lot
(16:05):
of that.
And obviously, we learn throughexperience, through uh
misfortunes and through loss.
And I learned that I couldn'ttrust my dad, which also then
translated into me not feelinglike I could trust myself
(16:27):
because I was challenged to justgo ahead and jump in the pool.
And I questioned my intuition,which said, don't do it, because
you don't know how to swim.
You're just doing it to impressyour dad, and he's not going to
be impressed.
But you did it anyway.
And there's a lot of layershere, right?
(16:49):
But I think that this goes backand is related, this goes back
to a lot of things we've talkedabout on this show.
And I think it's also relatableto a lot of you that are
listening, because we've allfound ourselves in these
situations where the pressurewas put on you, you knew what
the truth was, your inner beinggave you a sense, you felt fear,
(17:11):
or you felt excitement, or youfelt ready to go, you felt
confidence, and then it didn'tgo that way.
And so then you were leftconfused and torn and not sure
what to do next because youthought you were doing the right
thing.
And that happens a lot of timeswhen we're facing tough
(17:32):
decisions, when we're driving,and you know, maybe you're going
a little too fast and you'reabout to miss your exit.
Do you cut over or do you justkeep going because you don't
want to do something that mightbe risky or too risky?
And so maybe you just opt tomiss the exit, get off at the
next one, turn around, and comeback.
And it's in those moments whereyou're being tested.
(17:55):
And it's in those moments whereyou have to learn how to trust
your gut.
But you're only gonna learn howto trust your gut through trial
and error, through makingmistakes.
There's been many times whereI've been testing someone in a
VO2 Max test, and maybe I didn'tmake the best decision.
We still got great data.
(18:16):
We still got a really favorableoutcome.
We still got information thatthis person is going to use and
is applicable to their desiredgoals, and it's helpful.
But maybe we could have squeakedout a little bit more time on
the treadmill, or maybe I pusheda little too far, you know, that
person that probably went andthrew up after the test, or that
(18:40):
was, you know, shot for the restof the day.
It should knock you out for alittle bit, but it shouldn't
take you out completely.
And so there's always gonna bethat risk versus reward
conversation, and you're notgonna get a hundred percent
right all the time.
It would be nice, but that'sjust not how life works.
(19:03):
So when you're flirting withthat comfort zone, sometimes
you're gonna get a win.
Sometimes you're gonna get alesson.
Now, thinking more about trust,it's in those moments where
you're truly being tested.
(19:23):
For example, if you're trainingand you're doing a movement
that's challenging and the loadis heavy, and you're given a rep
range, six to eight, okay?
How do you determine if you wantto stay at the same weight?
It was really challenging, butyou completed all the reps.
(19:44):
Let's say you got all eightreps.
Well, how do you decide if youwant to go up or not?
If you're doing three sets, areyou gonna go up or stay?
If you're doing four sets, areyou gonna go up and stay?
Are you gonna go up each round?
Or are you gonna build?
And if you think you're at thattop weight, but then you finish
(20:04):
the set and you think, ah, thisis a little too easy.
I should probably add a littlebit more for the next one.
You're gonna do that for setstwo, three, and four, the same
new weight, or are you gonnaincrease each time?
So you see how even in a simpleinstance where it's about a
workout and a completing anexercise and choosing the proper
weight, the right dose foryourself, it gets involved.
(20:29):
It's not really black and white,it's not really cut and dry.
I actually said this to a clienttoday, lovely lady, but damn,
she asks a lot of questions.
And I finally said to her, youask a lot of great questions,
however, I will not answer inabsolutes.
(20:49):
Most of the time, it's going todepend.
So the answer to that questiondepends on all the other
variables in the workout.
We were talking about weightselection actually actually on
an exercise, and she said,Should I just do this?
Should I start here next time?
And I said, It depends.
How sore are you?
What'd you do the day before?
How long is this workout?
How many exercises?
(21:10):
How many similar exercises ormovements in the same pattern
are you going to do like this?
Is it two hands?
Is it one hand?
Are you going to do three setsor four sets?
So you see how it's never justblack and white.
There's levels, there's layers.
It's complex.
Just like you and me.
(21:31):
We're complex beings.
So to think that you can alwaysthink in these rational sort of
terms in this space is not fairto yourself.
But if we loosen control, if wethink about things being a
little more flowy, maybesoftening the edges, maybe
(21:54):
allowing for some margin wheremaybe you mess up, maybe you
make a mistake, maybe you knockit out of the park.
It creates a little bit of aneasier vibe, right?
Now I didn't mean to make it alldoom and gloom when I was
talking about my failed firstswimming attempt, but that is a
(22:17):
very true, very real, and verytraumatizing experience that I
had as a kid.
A couple of years later, wewound up having a minor accident
on a boat.
Again, my dad was at fault, andagain, I was the one who got
hurt.
(22:38):
So I've had a lot of traumaaround water and swimming, being
out in open water, being in adeep pool.
It's been a lot for me toovercome.
And these are things I don'ttalk about often, but they're
very true.
(22:58):
So when you're weighing risk andreward, and there's a there's a
pressure cooker going on,there's a clock running in your
mind, how are you gonna make adecision for yourself?
How will you decide what you'regonna do?
Are you gonna jump in the wateror are you gonna play it safe?
And then if you do make adecision and you execute, take
action, you move, and it's notthe best outcome.
(23:21):
Are you going to beat yourselfup or are you gonna learn and
just brush it off, try torecover and move on?
There's no right or wrong answerhere.
It's really just about how youchoose to operate, how you
choose to move through life, howyou choose to treat yourself if
(23:42):
you make a misstep, if you turnleft when you should have turned
right.
And remember, it's not alwaysabout the destination.
In fact, most of the things wedo, it's not at all about the
destination.
We are sold the dream that it'sthe destination, but it's about
(24:03):
who you have to become in orderto get there.
It's about the habits you'regonna create, it's about the
discipline you're cultivating,it's about the quality of life
improvements that you'll bemaking.
It's about bettering yourself tothen better serve the world.
You've heard me say it before,and I'm gonna say it again.
(24:25):
The best thing you can do toheal the world is to heal
yourself.
Do that hard shit, stop avoidingit and slow down.
I recently told someone I don'treally deal well with chaotic
energy.
So when people are like, Well,I'm gonna go here and then I'm
(24:45):
gonna go there and I'm gonna gohere and then I'm gonna hear,
and then I'm gonna stop here,and then I have to come back
here.
No.
I'm gonna do one thing today,and then I'm gonna come home.
And that's my day.
I fucking hate those days whereyou have to go here and come
home.
You gotta go there and comehome.
You gotta go over there and comehome.
(25:07):
I also despise, we're going on atangent.
You know, I go on these tangentsevery episode.
I despise really busy weekends.
Let me tell you something.
I bust my butt.
I really do all week long.
I love what I do, but it's agrind.
(25:32):
And so on my days off, which bythe way, it's very unusual for
people in the fitness industryto have two full days off back
to back.
That is unheard of.
But that is why the company thatI work with is amazing.
So on my days off, I do not liketo have too many things to do.
(25:56):
Before I left for camp, I did alittle consulting work with the
same company that I went to campwith.
We did a pop-up event in NewYork City, and then I had an
event in New York City thatnight.
So I schlepped in the car downand back, and then again down
and back.
(26:16):
I didn't drive on either trip,but it was a lot of traffic and
sitting and people and stimulus,and I was cranky the next day.
I just don't do well when all ofmy time is being taken.
I really enjoy and value myalone time with myself, where I
(26:37):
get to work on this project, thepodcast, where I'm working on
some other things, where I canwatch Netflix if I want, or just
sleep, rest, rejuvenate, paint.
By the way, the same emptycanvas has been sitting on the
easel for a couple of weeks now.
I think I'm gonna get to ittonight.
I really do.
(26:58):
But back to trust, being in yourcomfort zone, being in a
learning environment that feelssafe and weighing risk versus
reward, the more you practice,the better you'll become at it.
(27:19):
The more you do, the more you'regonna learn about yourself, the
more you take action and moveyour body, the more you will
figure out and find out.
And it's only for yourbetterment.
So the next time you findyourself in a situation where
perhaps you're learning oryou're working with a coach or a
trainer, I want you to askyourself if you're really
(27:41):
pushing as hard as you can, andif you're seen in this
environment, and if you feellike you can trust this person.
Because those are reallyimportant things for you to
consider.
It's not always what you get outof an experience, but it's what
you're experiencing.
So that's the how.
(28:03):
And that's what's gonnadifferentiate good from great,
or great from amazing, oramazing from fucking
spectacular.
Not everything is gonna befucking spectacular, but if you
could find that, your life willbe so much richer.
So thank you so much for beinghere, tuning in, and giving me a
(28:26):
little bit of your time andattention today.
I truly appreciate you beinghere.
I love that you tune into theshow.
And if you would do me a hugefavor and give the show a review
and some stars, I would greatlyappreciate it.
You can do that on any platformthat you are tuning in on.
(28:48):
And as always, I'll see you nexttime.
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