October 6, 2025 • 25 mins
What if the most sacred part of you is the one that laughs too loud, dances in the kitchen, and tells corny jokes at the worst possible time—and what if that part deserves VIP treatment? Today I share personal stories about being “too much,” the difference between genuine effort and a polished “representative,” and why your playful side needs protection, not a muzzle.
As we move, I talk about the moments that taught me to guard my joy: a partner who shut down when I danced, the thrill of nightlife in New York, and the loneliness that followed when I hoped a crowded room would translate into deep connection.
Schedule play like an essential practice. Revisit the music that formed you and notice what comes alive.
Name the people who welcome your unfiltered self, and if you can’t name them yet, start building that circle with small, brave steps. Your joy isn’t frivolous; it’s fuel for resilience, presence, and better relationships.
Connect with Me
Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianasmindandmoves
Website: unbreakablemindandbody.com
Email: info@unbreakablemb.com
Download your Free 5-Min Pre-Workout Guide:
https://tiana-gonzalez.mykajabi.com/likeyoumeanit
Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome back to the show.
I am your host, Tiana, and Ihave a question for you.
Do you have someone in your lifethat you can have fun with, that
(00:48):
you can let loose with, that youcan be silly with and play?
Now, by the end of this episode,we are going to dive into this
in depth.
And I have a few more questionsthat I'd love for you to either
jot down or come back to theepisode to contemplate.
(01:12):
And this is an important topicfor me because I truly believe
that so many of us are livingauthentically, yes, in certain
aspects of our lives and in whowe are.
But I'm curious if we areintegrating all of the different
facets, angles, layers, andcomplexities of who we are into
(01:36):
one being.
Now I will say this.
I do believe that if you work ina professional setting, yes, you
can be authentic.
However, of course, it should befiltered because it is more
important that you execute yourjob well, that you are of
service, and that you aregetting the job done to the best
(02:00):
of your ability with the toolsand resources you have at your
disposal, and that you aremeeting, if not exceeding,
expectations for whatever thatis.
Now, in your personal life, Iwould suggest removing that
filter so that you can be you.
But then we dive into ourpersonal relationships.
(02:23):
And I recall when I was a kidand learning about dating and
you know how to act properly andhow to be courted and all of
these things.
I remember being told, well, thefirst year or so, you're not
(02:43):
really dating the trueindividual, you are dating their
representative.
And it's only after you'veinvested some time that you
start to see the true colors.
Now, I believe there's a fineline when we're talking about
romance and dating and love.
There is a fine line betweenpretending to be someone that
(03:06):
you are not, and perhaps holdingback a little bit to give your
best effort when you aregenuinely interested in someone,
when you are genuinely lookingto make a romantic connection,
and you want to put your bestfoot forward.
(03:28):
But that's a slippery slope anda delicate line that there's no
right or wrong way to navigatethat because different strokes
for different folks.
Now, this topic is hot for mebecause I've recently
encountered with two differentpeople in my life, one in my
(03:49):
personal life who's very specialto me, and then one who is also
special to me, and she is one ofmy colleagues at work.
Where in both instances,separate times, I would say with
my colleague, she mentioned itmaybe four or five months ago,
and with the other party in mylife, this has come up in the
(04:12):
last month, where they saidthings to the effect of, wow,
you're really funny.
And I didn't know you had thissilly, goofy, playful side to
you until recently.
Now, for the professionalsetting, it would make sense
that I would hold back with someof my joking and playfulness and
(04:33):
being silly and giddy becauseit's more important for me that
I am respected than liked.
And when I'm in work mode, I'mvery much focused on what I'm
there to do, who I am there toserve, and making sure that I
(04:53):
provide the best experiencepossible.
So, yes, it would make sensethat I'm not necessarily
expressing myself in my mostauthentic, silly way, but yes,
definitely still authentic in myfocused fitness professional
way.
(05:14):
Now, in the other instance, thiswas a matter of feeling
comfortable in the otherperson's company and feeling
safe enough to let down my walland to show more of my personal
side, more of the silliness thatI have, and be vulnerable.
(05:38):
And that's scary as fuck.
And I know you you will probablyagree with me.
About six years ago, I wasdating someone.
I've I've shared this storypreviously, but I was dating
someone, it was very brief, butI liked this guy.
And he saw me dance per possiblyone time he's watched me dance.
(06:02):
And I was just dancing aroundthe kitchen, and he got so
freaked out, so scared, he helike shut down, clammed up, ran
away from me.
And when I approached him andsaid, like, you know, why did
you just do that?
Why did you just walk into theother room?
And he said, I'm intimidated byyou.
I can't dance like you.
And I said, No one's expectingyou to dance like me.
(06:25):
I'm expressing myself andfeeling the music.
I'm not asking you to competewith me or even keep up with me,
but you don't have to run awayfrom me.
It's almost as if I'm showingyou a side of me and you're
shunning it or dismissing it, orit makes you uncomfortable.
Now, this is definitely a himproblem and not a me problem,
(06:47):
but it was eye-opening to saythe very least, because I love
to dance.
It is my most favorite thing inthe world to do.
And so I understand it may be alittle intimidating.
But when you love someone orwhen you care for someone, even
(07:09):
if you're not great at it, youcan still support them and you
can still encourage them.
And so it was at that momentthat I realized eh, this
probably isn't gonna really workout.
And it didn't.
And after I ended it, I rememberrepeatedly beating myself up for
(07:30):
even lingering for a little bitof time after that incident
because this person made me feellike I had to hide a huge part
of who I am in order to beaccepted.
And fuck that.
That's not acceptable.
That's never gonna happen again.
(07:51):
But through that experience, Irealized that perhaps I could
filter a little bit of my toomuchness until I felt
comfortable enough to show moreof it.
Not because I want to hidepieces of myself, but because I
(08:15):
want to be more selective aboutwho deserves to experience the
best of me.
I hope that makes sense.
So I have now recently made thisconnection where I do feel I can
play and joke and be silly andhave fun, and I have this
(08:36):
connection at work as well.
And it's been so much fun tohave someone I can feel safe
with to be fully meet at alltimes.
And I think that that's reallyspecial.
Now I'll never forget the night.
I want to say this was probably,I don't know, 17, maybe 20 years
(09:00):
ago.
And I went out to a nightclubwith friends in New York City,
and there were name tags at thedoor, and you could playfully
put on your name and then wearthe sticker name tag around
throughout the night.
And don't you know that I wrotethat my name was fun?
(09:20):
So I was walking around with aname tag that said, Hi, my name
is Fun.
That got me into a lot oftrouble.
But it was so indicative of thekind of playful person that I am
and that I used to be a littlebit more boldly.
I also wore a fake mustacheseveral times when I would go
(09:42):
out and just pretend like I was,you know, fully rocking a
full-blown Yosemite Sam mustacheand just be silly.
I probably wouldn't do that now,but I definitely did that a lot
in my 20s, just being silly,being playful, having fun,
(10:03):
getting into cosplay, whateveryou want to call it.
But I definitely struggled at afew times in my life with
balancing the different sides ofme.
I remember in my mid-20s to late20s having three very distinct
groups of friends or groups ofpeople.
(10:23):
I had my professional network,the people who I worked in
commercial real estate propertymanagement with, people who I
worked in engineering andconstruction with, and people
that I went to college with.
I went to Binghamton University.
The second circle of people wasmy bodybuilding friends.
These were the health knots, thepeople competing in bodybuilding
(10:47):
shows, the folks I saw at thegym day in, day out.
And the gym is interestingbecause it can become like a
social hour and similar to a baror uh a local hangout
environment in the sense thatpeople let their guards down in
the gym, especially when it'syour home gym, when it's your
(11:08):
routine.
You go there at the same time,the same days of the week, you
see the same faces, you getcomfortable.
And so you let your guard down alittle bit more.
And then the third group ofpeople was my nightclub friends.
Being a club queen in New YorkCity, I certainly had a huge
network of acquaintances, andwe'll call it so-called friends,
(11:32):
and I'll touch on that in asecond, that I would see at
various parties throughout thenightlife circuit, different
clubs, different uh DJs, typesof music.
I could almost pinpoint who Iwas going to see at various
events because I knew the typesof music that certain people
enjoyed and what DJs they werefans of.
(11:54):
You know, before the days ofFacebook and social media, we
had message boards.
And I remember being on threedifferent message boards.
This is so cheesy, and it'sdefinitely dating myself.
But back in 2003, 2004, all theway up until probably around
2007, I was a member on thesemessage boards.
(12:19):
And you could create a screenname, you had an avatar, and you
communicated in differentthreads on this message board.
And one of them, the main topicwas nightclubs.
The other one was about onespecific nightclub that no
longer exists called SoundFactory.
(12:40):
It was my favorite club back inthe day.
And so we people would joindifferent rooms and dive into
different threads on varioustopics.
And sometimes people wouldcreate meetups, sometimes people
would post their Halloweencostumes, or they'd say, Hey,
I'm going to Ibiza on thesedays.
(13:01):
What parties should I go to?
And can you make anyrecommendations?
So it was a nice way to build anonline community and be a part
of something.
And so it's through thosemessage boards where I developed
this large network of peoplethat I would run into.
And oftentimes, believe it ornot, I would travel into New
York City alone most of the timebecause I knew I was going to
(13:23):
see people at the venue.
I would never do that now.
This is what happens as you geta little bit older, you start to
become a little bit more scared.
But there was a time where Iwould drive to the city, park my
car, walk on the street in ascantily clad outfit, walk into
an after hours, probably walk inand it would be dark, and walk
(13:45):
out and it would be dark, andthen come home, take a little
nap and go to work the next day.
But you know, when we're in our20s, we've got lots of energy
and we can do silly things likethat.
I had a lot of fun.
I definitely did.
But I had these three differentgroups of people, and I remember
thinking to myself, if I everhave a big party, I'd have to be
(14:08):
very selective about who Iinvite from here and here and
here, because commingling thesegroups could be detrimental to
my mental health.
And I just thought it was sohilarious and interesting to
have so many people in myperiphery from so many different
(14:28):
walks of life, differentbackgrounds, different uh
socioeconomic status, differentincome levels, different
education levels.
And I loved it because it was mynetwork and my world.
But I struggled finding balance.
And I think that for many of us,this is where the conversation
(14:52):
starts to get connected here.
Finding time for fun, it's it'snever just going to show up.
You have to actually prioritizeit and make it important.
And if you have a lot ofresponsibilities, if you have a
lot of bills to pay, if you havechildren that you're supporting,
now it gets tricky because howdo you make time for something
(15:12):
that is a pastime that isn'tgenerating income and that is
not helping your kids progress,whether it's in school or in
their sport and hobbies, or justnurturing them.
So I think that for each of us,it's about finding a space where
(15:34):
you feel comfortable enough tomake time for play and
engagement.
Now, I'm not saying go out to anightclub and spend 12 hours and
after hours.
Absolutely not.
It doesn't have to be that kindof fun.
It can be something a little bitmore health-centric and
something that is simply tobring you joy.
Maybe it's reading books or sometype of art, learning a
(15:59):
language, watching films, walks,riding your bike, dancing, my
absolute favorite.
But either way, I want you toask yourself do you have someone
or a few people that you can besilly with, that you can let
loose with, that you can jokewith?
(16:20):
And I want you to think aboutthat.
And if you don't, then I wantyou to ask yourself why not.
And I want you to ask yourself,why don't you feel comfortable
around maybe your significantother or your partner to let
loose a little bit, to be sillyand to play?
(16:46):
Now the next question I have isreally going back to when you
were a kid.
Think back to when you were inmiddle school and in high
school.
What kind of music did youlisten to?
Yes.
I want you to think about that.
What kind of music did youlisten to?
And do you still listen to itnow?
(17:08):
And if not, how would it makeyou feel to find a couple of
songs from that time of yourlife, put them on, and see what
kind of emotions come up?
See if you still enjoy it.
Think about the memories thatrise to the top.
(17:28):
I know for me, middle school andhigh school, uh, middle school
was definitely hair bands, rockand roll, metal.
I grew up listening toeverything, but I remember
specifically sixth, seventh,eighth grade was a lot of hair
bands, Skid Row, Metallica, GunsN' Roses, Poison, Bon Jovi,
(17:50):
Winger, all of that type ofmusic warrant.
And Motley Crue.
I also enjoyed a lot of earlyhip-hop and Spanish music, as
well as things like LedZeppelin, Pink Floyd, Santana.
(18:10):
So that's really all of that.
And then as I got into highschool, that's when hip-hop
really blew up.
And so that's a lot of the boybands, and then groups like uh
Shy and Silk, and then we getinto a little bit of the
Backstreet Boys.
Also, unfortunately, a lot of itwas related to bad boy
(18:35):
entertainment, and I hate to sayit, but I feel a little shameful
listening to some of that musiconly because of what has come up
recently in the news.
Now, I'm not somebody whobelieves in cancel culture,
especially when there is reallydeep nostalgia attached to
certain art expressions.
But I probably won't play toomuch bad boy music going
(18:58):
forward.
That's just me.
You do you, and I'm gonna do me.
I do have a lot of nostalgiaattached to that music and those
times.
And so, yes, the answer for mewould be yeah, I still do enjoy
a lot of that music, and myinterests have expanded even
further.
Once I got into college, that'swhen I discovered trans, drum
(19:20):
and bass, techno, jungle,electronica, and of course,
techno.
And yeah, I still listen to itnow, absolutely.
So back in the day when we hadour um iTunes, if you put it on
Shuffle on my iPod, it was allover the map.
(19:45):
And that's just the way I likedit.
Now, going back to thinkingabout the club time of my life,
I remember being in a club somany times and hoping, almost
praying and wishing that I wouldmeet someone just like me.
(20:06):
Someone who worked, had theirshit together, paid their bills
on time, and who also enjoyedthe music and the nightlife
scene, and somebody that I couldtruly, you know, connect with on
an emotional and spirituallevel.
And I will say, did I meet a tonof people?
Of course.
Did I make any strong,deep-rooted connections that
(20:29):
turned into something impactfuland meaningful?
I did, but none of them lastedvery long.
So whenever I was in betweenrelationships, I would find
myself looking for my needle ina haystack, looking for someone
who was on my level.
And I'm sure that there wereplenty of people on my level
(20:53):
that could have made greatromantic partners that were in
those same rooms.
But I didn't find them and Ididn't make that connection that
I was looking for.
And I went home many nights,sad, upset, a little lonely,
licking my wounds, and thinkingthat maybe I was just meant to
(21:14):
be alone for the rest of mylife.
I was looking for somethingreally unique and special, and
somebody that could handle notonly the fun part of me, but
also the more serious side.
And that's where I found myselfgetting into trouble a lot.
Now, as I've gotten older, I'verealized that that fun side of
(21:37):
me, that playful side of me, issomething that maybe I don't
want to have so prevalent and inthe forefront.
Like I've mentioned in thebeginning of this episode, it's
something that I hold back alittle bit because I want the
serious side of me to be more atthe forefront and for the fun
and the play to be reserved morefor the people that get it, for
(22:02):
the people that won't cross mylines, for the people that will
respect my boundaries.
So I'm hoping that this makessense for you.
Because I realized that in orderfor me to get closer to the
things that I want in life, Ihad to pivot or change the way I
was doing life, the way I wasmoving through life, the way I
(22:23):
was showing up in various roomsand places and stages and events
and things.
Because the playful side of meis my most favorite side of me.
It's my most sacred side of me,the dancer, the artist, the
singer, the one who sends sillyjokes to people.
She's similar to my inner child.
(22:47):
I want to take care of her.
I need to protect her heart.
And so I discovered that whatworked for me was to not make
her big be quiet and sit down,but really reserve it in the VIP
section for those that I believeare worthy of experiencing it.
(23:08):
And I don't know if this evenmakes sense to you or not, but
it makes sense to the select fewof my life that have turned and
said, wow, you're really funny.
And I had no idea you were thisfunny until just now.
Because that's how I chose tomove through life.
Now, the last question, and thisis something I'd really love for
(23:32):
you to sit with.
And if you have an answer, I'dlove for you to let me know.
Check the show notes so you cansee how to get in touch with me
and tell me do you make time forplay?
Do you make time for fun?
And if so, what uh do you do?
What is enjoyable for you?
(23:55):
And how often do you giveyourself the gift of
experiencing it?
You need to honor your soul andyour heart and your light and
the things that make you smilejust a little bit, guilt-free.
Because when you are in a goodplace, when you feel good, when
(24:19):
you're smiling, when you'rehappy, when you are joyous, that
emanates uh out of you and ituplifts the people around you.
It's similar to what I alwayssay here.
When you work on yourself, thatis the greatest gift that you
can give to those you love andto those around you because you
(24:41):
are making yourself a betterversion of you to step into the
world, to make the world abetter version of itself.
That is your highest power, thatis the best thing that you can
possibly do.
So I want you to think about whoin your life can you have a good
time with?
What kind of music did you usedto listen to?
(25:03):
And do you still enjoy it now?
And then lastly, let me know ifyou make time for play and fun
and when and what.
By going to the show notes, youcan find out how to get in touch
with me.
I truly appreciate your time andattention.
As always, I love you tuning into sit with me and have this
cozy conversation.
(25:24):
If you enjoyed this episode,please give me a five star
review and leave a comment.
It would really help me out.
Thanks so much for being here.
And as always, I'll catch you onthe next one.
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome back to the show.
I am your host, Tiana, and Ihave a question for you.
Do you have someone in your lifethat you can have fun with, that
(00:48):
you can let loose with, that youcan be silly with and play?
Now, by the end of this episode,we are going to dive into this
in depth.
And I have a few more questionsthat I'd love for you to either
jot down or come back to theepisode to contemplate.
(01:12):
And this is an important topicfor me because I truly believe
that so many of us are livingauthentically, yes, in certain
aspects of our lives and in whowe are.
But I'm curious if we areintegrating all of the different
facets, angles, layers, andcomplexities of who we are into
(01:36):
one being.
Now I will say this.
I do believe that if you work ina professional setting, yes, you
can be authentic.
However, of course, it should befiltered because it is more
important that you execute yourjob well, that you are of
service, and that you aregetting the job done to the best
(02:00):
of your ability with the toolsand resources you have at your
disposal, and that you aremeeting, if not exceeding,
expectations for whatever thatis.
Now, in your personal life, Iwould suggest removing that
filter so that you can be you.
But then we dive into ourpersonal relationships.
(02:23):
And I recall when I was a kidand learning about dating and
you know how to act properly andhow to be courted and all of
these things.
I remember being told, well, thefirst year or so, you're not
(02:43):
really dating the trueindividual, you are dating their
representative.
And it's only after you'veinvested some time that you
start to see the true colors.
Now, I believe there's a fineline when we're talking about
romance and dating and love.
There is a fine line betweenpretending to be someone that
(03:06):
you are not, and perhaps holdingback a little bit to give your
best effort when you aregenuinely interested in someone,
when you are genuinely lookingto make a romantic connection,
and you want to put your bestfoot forward.
(03:28):
But that's a slippery slope anda delicate line that there's no
right or wrong way to navigatethat because different strokes
for different folks.
Now, this topic is hot for mebecause I've recently
encountered with two differentpeople in my life, one in my
(03:49):
personal life who's very specialto me, and then one who is also
special to me, and she is one ofmy colleagues at work.
Where in both instances,separate times, I would say with
my colleague, she mentioned itmaybe four or five months ago,
and with the other party in mylife, this has come up in the
(04:12):
last month, where they saidthings to the effect of, wow,
you're really funny.
And I didn't know you had thissilly, goofy, playful side to
you until recently.
Now, for the professionalsetting, it would make sense
that I would hold back with someof my joking and playfulness and
(04:33):
being silly and giddy becauseit's more important for me that
I am respected than liked.
And when I'm in work mode, I'mvery much focused on what I'm
there to do, who I am there toserve, and making sure that I
(04:53):
provide the best experiencepossible.
So, yes, it would make sensethat I'm not necessarily
expressing myself in my mostauthentic, silly way, but yes,
definitely still authentic in myfocused fitness professional
way.
(05:14):
Now, in the other instance, thiswas a matter of feeling
comfortable in the otherperson's company and feeling
safe enough to let down my walland to show more of my personal
side, more of the silliness thatI have, and be vulnerable.
(05:38):
And that's scary as fuck.
And I know you you will probablyagree with me.
About six years ago, I wasdating someone.
I've I've shared this storypreviously, but I was dating
someone, it was very brief, butI liked this guy.
And he saw me dance per possiblyone time he's watched me dance.
(06:02):
And I was just dancing aroundthe kitchen, and he got so
freaked out, so scared, he helike shut down, clammed up, ran
away from me.
And when I approached him andsaid, like, you know, why did
you just do that?
Why did you just walk into theother room?
And he said, I'm intimidated byyou.
I can't dance like you.
And I said, No one's expectingyou to dance like me.
(06:25):
I'm expressing myself andfeeling the music.
I'm not asking you to competewith me or even keep up with me,
but you don't have to run awayfrom me.
It's almost as if I'm showingyou a side of me and you're
shunning it or dismissing it, orit makes you uncomfortable.
Now, this is definitely a himproblem and not a me problem,
(06:47):
but it was eye-opening to saythe very least, because I love
to dance.
It is my most favorite thing inthe world to do.
And so I understand it may be alittle intimidating.
But when you love someone orwhen you care for someone, even
(07:09):
if you're not great at it, youcan still support them and you
can still encourage them.
And so it was at that momentthat I realized eh, this
probably isn't gonna really workout.
And it didn't.
And after I ended it, I rememberrepeatedly beating myself up for
(07:30):
even lingering for a little bitof time after that incident
because this person made me feellike I had to hide a huge part
of who I am in order to beaccepted.
And fuck that.
That's not acceptable.
That's never gonna happen again.
(07:51):
But through that experience, Irealized that perhaps I could
filter a little bit of my toomuchness until I felt
comfortable enough to show moreof it.
Not because I want to hidepieces of myself, but because I
(08:15):
want to be more selective aboutwho deserves to experience the
best of me.
I hope that makes sense.
So I have now recently made thisconnection where I do feel I can
play and joke and be silly andhave fun, and I have this
(08:36):
connection at work as well.
And it's been so much fun tohave someone I can feel safe
with to be fully meet at alltimes.
And I think that that's reallyspecial.
Now I'll never forget the night.
I want to say this was probably,I don't know, 17, maybe 20 years
(09:00):
ago.
And I went out to a nightclubwith friends in New York City,
and there were name tags at thedoor, and you could playfully
put on your name and then wearthe sticker name tag around
throughout the night.
And don't you know that I wrotethat my name was fun?
(09:20):
So I was walking around with aname tag that said, Hi, my name
is Fun.
That got me into a lot oftrouble.
But it was so indicative of thekind of playful person that I am
and that I used to be a littlebit more boldly.
I also wore a fake mustacheseveral times when I would go
(09:42):
out and just pretend like I was,you know, fully rocking a
full-blown Yosemite Sam mustacheand just be silly.
I probably wouldn't do that now,but I definitely did that a lot
in my 20s, just being silly,being playful, having fun,
(10:03):
getting into cosplay, whateveryou want to call it.
But I definitely struggled at afew times in my life with
balancing the different sides ofme.
I remember in my mid-20s to late20s having three very distinct
groups of friends or groups ofpeople.
(10:23):
I had my professional network,the people who I worked in
commercial real estate propertymanagement with, people who I
worked in engineering andconstruction with, and people
that I went to college with.
I went to Binghamton University.
The second circle of people wasmy bodybuilding friends.
These were the health knots, thepeople competing in bodybuilding
(10:47):
shows, the folks I saw at thegym day in, day out.
And the gym is interestingbecause it can become like a
social hour and similar to a baror uh a local hangout
environment in the sense thatpeople let their guards down in
the gym, especially when it'syour home gym, when it's your
(11:08):
routine.
You go there at the same time,the same days of the week, you
see the same faces, you getcomfortable.
And so you let your guard down alittle bit more.
And then the third group ofpeople was my nightclub friends.
Being a club queen in New YorkCity, I certainly had a huge
network of acquaintances, andwe'll call it so-called friends,
(11:32):
and I'll touch on that in asecond, that I would see at
various parties throughout thenightlife circuit, different
clubs, different uh DJs, typesof music.
I could almost pinpoint who Iwas going to see at various
events because I knew the typesof music that certain people
enjoyed and what DJs they werefans of.
(11:54):
You know, before the days ofFacebook and social media, we
had message boards.
And I remember being on threedifferent message boards.
This is so cheesy, and it'sdefinitely dating myself.
But back in 2003, 2004, all theway up until probably around
2007, I was a member on thesemessage boards.
(12:19):
And you could create a screenname, you had an avatar, and you
communicated in differentthreads on this message board.
And one of them, the main topicwas nightclubs.
The other one was about onespecific nightclub that no
longer exists called SoundFactory.
(12:40):
It was my favorite club back inthe day.
And so we people would joindifferent rooms and dive into
different threads on varioustopics.
And sometimes people wouldcreate meetups, sometimes people
would post their Halloweencostumes, or they'd say, Hey,
I'm going to Ibiza on thesedays.
(13:01):
What parties should I go to?
And can you make anyrecommendations?
So it was a nice way to build anonline community and be a part
of something.
And so it's through thosemessage boards where I developed
this large network of peoplethat I would run into.
And oftentimes, believe it ornot, I would travel into New
York City alone most of the timebecause I knew I was going to
(13:23):
see people at the venue.
I would never do that now.
This is what happens as you geta little bit older, you start to
become a little bit more scared.
But there was a time where Iwould drive to the city, park my
car, walk on the street in ascantily clad outfit, walk into
an after hours, probably walk inand it would be dark, and walk
(13:45):
out and it would be dark, andthen come home, take a little
nap and go to work the next day.
But you know, when we're in our20s, we've got lots of energy
and we can do silly things likethat.
I had a lot of fun.
I definitely did.
But I had these three differentgroups of people, and I remember
thinking to myself, if I everhave a big party, I'd have to be
(14:08):
very selective about who Iinvite from here and here and
here, because commingling thesegroups could be detrimental to
my mental health.
And I just thought it was sohilarious and interesting to
have so many people in myperiphery from so many different
(14:28):
walks of life, differentbackgrounds, different uh
socioeconomic status, differentincome levels, different
education levels.
And I loved it because it was mynetwork and my world.
But I struggled finding balance.
And I think that for many of us,this is where the conversation
(14:52):
starts to get connected here.
Finding time for fun, it's it'snever just going to show up.
You have to actually prioritizeit and make it important.
And if you have a lot ofresponsibilities, if you have a
lot of bills to pay, if you havechildren that you're supporting,
now it gets tricky because howdo you make time for something
(15:12):
that is a pastime that isn'tgenerating income and that is
not helping your kids progress,whether it's in school or in
their sport and hobbies, or justnurturing them.
So I think that for each of us,it's about finding a space where
(15:34):
you feel comfortable enough tomake time for play and
engagement.
Now, I'm not saying go out to anightclub and spend 12 hours and
after hours.
Absolutely not.
It doesn't have to be that kindof fun.
It can be something a little bitmore health-centric and
something that is simply tobring you joy.
Maybe it's reading books or sometype of art, learning a
(15:59):
language, watching films, walks,riding your bike, dancing, my
absolute favorite.
But either way, I want you toask yourself do you have someone
or a few people that you can besilly with, that you can let
loose with, that you can jokewith?
(16:20):
And I want you to think aboutthat.
And if you don't, then I wantyou to ask yourself why not.
And I want you to ask yourself,why don't you feel comfortable
around maybe your significantother or your partner to let
loose a little bit, to be sillyand to play?
(16:46):
Now the next question I have isreally going back to when you
were a kid.
Think back to when you were inmiddle school and in high
school.
What kind of music did youlisten to?
Yes.
I want you to think about that.
What kind of music did youlisten to?
And do you still listen to itnow?
(17:08):
And if not, how would it makeyou feel to find a couple of
songs from that time of yourlife, put them on, and see what
kind of emotions come up?
See if you still enjoy it.
Think about the memories thatrise to the top.
(17:28):
I know for me, middle school andhigh school, uh, middle school
was definitely hair bands, rockand roll, metal.
I grew up listening toeverything, but I remember
specifically sixth, seventh,eighth grade was a lot of hair
bands, Skid Row, Metallica, GunsN' Roses, Poison, Bon Jovi,
(17:50):
Winger, all of that type ofmusic warrant.
And Motley Crue.
I also enjoyed a lot of earlyhip-hop and Spanish music, as
well as things like LedZeppelin, Pink Floyd, Santana.
(18:10):
So that's really all of that.
And then as I got into highschool, that's when hip-hop
really blew up.
And so that's a lot of the boybands, and then groups like uh
Shy and Silk, and then we getinto a little bit of the
Backstreet Boys.
Also, unfortunately, a lot of itwas related to bad boy
(18:35):
entertainment, and I hate to sayit, but I feel a little shameful
listening to some of that musiconly because of what has come up
recently in the news.
Now, I'm not somebody whobelieves in cancel culture,
especially when there is reallydeep nostalgia attached to
certain art expressions.
But I probably won't play toomuch bad boy music going
(18:58):
forward.
That's just me.
You do you, and I'm gonna do me.
I do have a lot of nostalgiaattached to that music and those
times.
And so, yes, the answer for mewould be yeah, I still do enjoy
a lot of that music, and myinterests have expanded even
further.
Once I got into college, that'swhen I discovered trans, drum
(19:20):
and bass, techno, jungle,electronica, and of course,
techno.
And yeah, I still listen to itnow, absolutely.
So back in the day when we hadour um iTunes, if you put it on
Shuffle on my iPod, it was allover the map.
(19:45):
And that's just the way I likedit.
Now, going back to thinkingabout the club time of my life,
I remember being in a club somany times and hoping, almost
praying and wishing that I wouldmeet someone just like me.
(20:06):
Someone who worked, had theirshit together, paid their bills
on time, and who also enjoyedthe music and the nightlife
scene, and somebody that I couldtruly, you know, connect with on
an emotional and spirituallevel.
And I will say, did I meet a tonof people?
Of course.
Did I make any strong,deep-rooted connections that
(20:29):
turned into something impactfuland meaningful?
I did, but none of them lastedvery long.
So whenever I was in betweenrelationships, I would find
myself looking for my needle ina haystack, looking for someone
who was on my level.
And I'm sure that there wereplenty of people on my level
(20:53):
that could have made greatromantic partners that were in
those same rooms.
But I didn't find them and Ididn't make that connection that
I was looking for.
And I went home many nights,sad, upset, a little lonely,
licking my wounds, and thinkingthat maybe I was just meant to
(21:14):
be alone for the rest of mylife.
I was looking for somethingreally unique and special, and
somebody that could handle notonly the fun part of me, but
also the more serious side.
And that's where I found myselfgetting into trouble a lot.
Now, as I've gotten older, I'verealized that that fun side of
(21:37):
me, that playful side of me, issomething that maybe I don't
want to have so prevalent and inthe forefront.
Like I've mentioned in thebeginning of this episode, it's
something that I hold back alittle bit because I want the
serious side of me to be more atthe forefront and for the fun
and the play to be reserved morefor the people that get it, for
(22:02):
the people that won't cross mylines, for the people that will
respect my boundaries.
So I'm hoping that this makessense for you.
Because I realized that in orderfor me to get closer to the
things that I want in life, Ihad to pivot or change the way I
was doing life, the way I wasmoving through life, the way I
(22:23):
was showing up in various roomsand places and stages and events
and things.
Because the playful side of meis my most favorite side of me.
It's my most sacred side of me,the dancer, the artist, the
singer, the one who sends sillyjokes to people.
She's similar to my inner child.
(22:47):
I want to take care of her.
I need to protect her heart.
And so I discovered that whatworked for me was to not make
her big be quiet and sit down,but really reserve it in the VIP
section for those that I believeare worthy of experiencing it.
(23:08):
And I don't know if this evenmakes sense to you or not, but
it makes sense to the select fewof my life that have turned and
said, wow, you're really funny.
And I had no idea you were thisfunny until just now.
Because that's how I chose tomove through life.
Now, the last question, and thisis something I'd really love for
(23:32):
you to sit with.
And if you have an answer, I'dlove for you to let me know.
Check the show notes so you cansee how to get in touch with me
and tell me do you make time forplay?
Do you make time for fun?
And if so, what uh do you do?
What is enjoyable for you?
(23:55):
And how often do you giveyourself the gift of
experiencing it?
You need to honor your soul andyour heart and your light and
the things that make you smilejust a little bit, guilt-free.
Because when you are in a goodplace, when you feel good, when
(24:19):
you're smiling, when you'rehappy, when you are joyous, that
emanates uh out of you and ituplifts the people around you.
It's similar to what I alwayssay here.
When you work on yourself, thatis the greatest gift that you
can give to those you love andto those around you because you
(24:41):
are making yourself a betterversion of you to step into the
world, to make the world abetter version of itself.
That is your highest power, thatis the best thing that you can
possibly do.
So I want you to think about whoin your life can you have a good
time with?
What kind of music did you usedto listen to?
(25:03):
And do you still enjoy it now?
And then lastly, let me know ifyou make time for play and fun
and when and what.
By going to the show notes, youcan find out how to get in touch
with me.
I truly appreciate your time andattention.
As always, I love you tuning into sit with me and have this
cozy conversation.
(25:24):
If you enjoyed this episode,please give me a five star
review and leave a comment.
It would really help me out.
Thanks so much for being here.
And as always, I'll catch you onthe next one.
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