In this eye-opening episode, Ce shares what’s really happening when a trauma-impacted child’s behavior looks calculated, controlling, or manipulative. It’s not evil genius (or other automatic fears)—it’s learned survival logic.
Using clear neuroscience, Ce explains how negative reinforcement wires the brain to seek relief from shame, fear, and powerlessness. You’ll learn why your child’s brain sometimes picks control over connection—and exactly how to teach it to choose love instead.
“Control is safety for the child who’s never been safely controlled.”
“When you stop allowing lying work, the brain stops investing in it.”
“Relief rewires faster than reward.” --Ce Eshelman, LMFT
→ Become a VIP Parent and get access to exclusive printables and bonuses -- https://www.patreon.com/posts/143444654
→ Read this week's companion blog -- https://www.lovemattersparenting.com/blog/when-it-looks-calculated-but-isnt
From Ce Eshelman:
Are you searching for a community of parents who will get you; who offer an attentive ear and open arms in the worst of times; who give you a standing ovation for the monumentally big "small steps" forward you make with your child? It is so painful to walk the jagged trail of this parenting journey alone and no one is ever alone in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program. You will feel seen, understood, and actually deeply cared for. We know it as "love." The Society is a virtual program for parents of children who experienced trauma and others who support them or work with them professionally. You don't have to wait a minute longer. We are right here waiting for YOU!
Become a VIP Parent!
✨ Want access to exclusive printables, cheat sheets, and other valuable resources and bonus materials? Consider becoming a VIP Parent for just $5 a month on the UnMuted Love Patreon!
Additional Resources:
📖 Get your copy of Ce's new book: 20 Things Children from Difficult Beginnings Wish Friends and Family Knew
📖 Get your copy of Drowning with My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents
▶️ Watch Ce's YouTube Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@CeEshelman
🧐 Subscribe to the blog: https://www.lovemattersparenting.com/blog
🔍 Check out my websites: LoveMattersParenting.com and AttachPlace.com
📣 Hear the Success Stories: LoveMattersParenting.com/testimonials
👉 Find Ce on Social Media:
🔹 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovemattersparenting
🔹 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lovemattersparenting
Unmuted Love is a free podcast for parents of children from difficult beginnings of adoption and abuse trauma. Ce is an adoptive mom of two, step-mom of two, and an Attachment and Trauma Specialist. The Unmuted Love Podcast is part of Love Matters Parenting Society and .css-j9qmi7{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;font-weight:700;margin-bottom:1rem;margin-top:2.8rem;width:100%;-webkit-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webkit-justify-content:start;justify-content:start;padding-left:5rem;}@media only screen and (max-width: 599px){.css-j9qmi7{padding-left:0;-webkit-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webkit-justify-content:center;justify-content:center;}}.css-j9qmi7 svg{fill:#27292D;}.css-j9qmi7 .eagfbvw0{-webkit-align-items:center;-webkit-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;color:#27292D;}
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