August 20, 2024 • 25 mins
What if you could transform your self-worth and find peace amidst professional challenges? This week on "Unpacking Truths," we're thrilled to be joined by Joy Mitchell, who shares her powerful journey of advocating for herself and establishing boundaries in the face of stereotypes. Joy's experiences shed light on how respecting oneself and maintaining healthy boundaries become crucial, especially with the guidance of strong female role models like her mother. Through faith and prayer, Joy illustrates how boldness and courage emerge to affirm one's worth.
Ever wondered how negative self-talk can impact your creative and professional life? We dive into the harsh realities of comparing ourselves to others, particularly in the context of photography. By reflecting on scripture and the belief that each person is crafted with divine purpose, we reveal how to reframe our mindset towards self-worth. Learn the importance of celebrating others' successes and the detrimental effects of negative speech, and discover how intentional positive self-affirmation can nurture and sustain a sense of self-worth.
Join us as we navigate the internal struggle of questioning our talents and passions, such as art and singing, and the role of faith in overcoming self-doubt. Joy and our hosts emphasize recognizing and overcoming the lies that cloud our perception of worth, and how prayer and imagination can help maintain a positive mindset. We invite you to share your experiences and tools that helped you discover your worth in Christ, fostering a supportive community. Remember, you are loved, and we're here to walk this journey with you.
Help share this podcast with others, so they can experience the freedom of God's truth, and we unpack it together! Like, share, subscribe or visit unpackingtruths.com for more info!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, pastor Mo here and we are excited to invite
back my incredible sister inChrist, because you guys liked
her so much, joy Mitchell.
She is not only an amazingwoman, she is an artist, a
photographer.
Raised on the south side ofChicago, the youngest of five by
(00:20):
a single mom right Shout out tosingle moms whoop, whoop.
And today we are going.
Oh, she's a mother too and awife.
Very incredible, just does itall right.
And she works in highereducation as well and guides the
lives of college students.
So, yeah, you do a good job,girl.
You do a good job, the Godworking through you.
It's all about God workingthrough you.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I'm Pastor Kendall.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
And I'm Pastor Mo.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to Unpacking Truths, where we dive deep into
God's timeless truths for ourlives today.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Grab your coffee, open your hearts and your minds.
Come take this journey with usas we unpack God's truths.
So today we're going to betalking about a topic that is
near and dear to my heart.
I think it's something men,women, all different ages, we
all work through, and it'sfinding our worth, and so often
we find our worth in things thatare not as God had intended
right.
So, whether it's from outsidesources of, like, social media,
(01:18):
culture, different things likethat, family even, and so
growing up.
Well, first off, let us define.
How do you define self-worth?
Speaker 3 (01:28):
How do I define it?
Well, I think for me, it's apositive view of how you see
yourself.
I think it's also connected toyour values and what you allow
to enter into your space or howyou allow people to treat you.
I live by the rule of thumb ofyou have to teach people how to
(01:51):
treat you.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Speak into that a little bit.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
So I think if you allow people to dump on you or
to disrespect you, that is howthey will treat you.
And because I value myself, I'mlike no, that's not what's
happening today.
So I try to really challengemyself, to like challenge people
or situations when I feel likeI'm being disrespected or not
(02:17):
valued or not considered, and so, for me, all of those pieces
like being valued, beingconsidered, being respected,
being included are important tome for what self-worth is.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Okay, when I think I love that, when I think of worth
, I kind of think of the abilityto be free, right, like freedom
in Christ, absolute freedom.
I am so secure, I amunapologetically me and kind of
having being so differentiatedfrom people, meaning that, like,
(02:51):
what they do and say doesn'taffect me at the core of who I
am right.
So, like Jesus does itperfectly, and I think he's an
incredible model for it and Iaspire to be like him.
I do not hit that all the time,but I love what you said, how
you want people to treat you acertain way, so you kind of
(03:12):
guard that and you, how do youuse your faith, though, if
someone is maybe coming at youin an aggressive manner, or how
do you stand in your worth?
What does that look like?
Lived out?
Speaker 3 (03:27):
I think, for me, of course, starting with prayer,
because it's not always easy tobe bold and courageous, and so I
pray, I try to pray that God,you know, gives me that
opportunity, give me theopportunities where I have to,
you know, practice those skills.
You pray to practice thoseskills.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I mean.
What I mean by that is like—I'm like, keep those people away
from me, god.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Because I feel like God gives—when you pray for
certain things, I feel like Godwill give you the opportunity to
rise to the occasion.
So I think sometimes, even ifit's uncomfortable, I'll try to
challenge myself to do that.
So even if it's uncomfortableor weird, because I think
healthy boundaries are importanttoo, right yeah, and if I value
(04:13):
who God created in myself, thenI shouldn't allow just any type
of treatment towards myself.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Well, where did that come from for you?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
towards myself.
Well, where did that come fromfor you, that sense of worth?
I think for me, just especiallylike with growing up in my
career, having experiences whereI did not speak up, where I was
concerned about even being likethe angry black girl because,
that's a stereotype where if youspeak up or if you are
assertive, you're angry.
You know and I think I had,especially in my career I had to
(04:49):
grapple with that a lot becauseI would get you know you're not
flowery enough in your languageFlowery yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I didn't see any flower.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I didn't hear any flowers in your language At all
Like yeah, like flowery, okay,or you know just well, you know
you have an attitude.
I'm like I don't have anattitude, I'm fine.
I'm just telling you how I feel.
So I think I've had to like,just, I got to a point, I just
got tired of it.
You know, and that's just anexample, but just getting tired
(05:28):
of allowing, you know, people orsituations to rule me and I'm
walking away upset or I'moverthinking and I'm, you know,
just doing too much.
And so I think that has nowespecially getting older,
because I think there'ssomething about just as you get
older, like I'm in my laterthirties, and I think just as
you get older and moreexperienced, you stop caring
about certain things.
You're like I'm not acceptingIs that wisdom or we're just
(05:49):
tired.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I think it's a mixture of both.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I think it's a mix of both, because I feel like I can
address it in a professionalway, yeah, and then I sleep at
night and I'm peaceful becauseI'm not just allowing anything.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Right yeah, what are some experiences that you
believe have really fosteredyour sense of self?
Speaker 3 (06:11):
I think some of my experiences, I would say, is
having other strong women tofollow after.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Was your mom a strong woman she was.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Okay, god rest her soul.
You know, I watched my mom.
My mom was a survivor, so Iwill watch her, um, and I would
say, do you think?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
your mom carried self-worth Like she.
She demonstrated that.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I think my mom um, it's complicated my mom
definitely had low self-esteemfor various reasons.
I don't think my mom grew up ina space where the conversation
and even me I didn't really growup necessarily in a space to
see like this is the example ofself-confidence and all of those
(06:57):
things.
I think the way I process, I canwatch and know what I do or
don't want, and so I'll try tolean into that when I have my
own experiences.
Like for me, my mom didn'tnecessarily talk a lot about
beauty standards and stuff likethat.
I think I saw that a lot morewith my sister and I think I
(07:20):
just kind of developed it inthat and I've always been drawn
to strong women.
I think, starting with my mom,she taught me how to take care
of myself and how to survive ina lot of ways, but that was her
experience and I think as I'vegotten older too, just
understanding my mom poured fromwhat she had and then, in the
spaces that she didn't, I feellike God gave me other women and
(07:43):
opportunities to kind of learnand even going to college, like
you just get a different view ofthe world and experiences and
then you learn more and then yourealize.
Okay, this is what I like, orthis is what the standard is for
me.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Or I like how that woman or man, like how they
carried themselves or theconfidence they had.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yep, okay, one of my really good best friends.
I would kind of watch her.
I watch people so like justcertain things that she would
talk about.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
You're a photographer .
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Yes, you watch people I do, and so just kind of
listening and hearing aboutdifferent things.
I would want to learn more andjust experience different things
and challenge myself to haveexperiences that I've not had or
learn information that I've notlooked at before.
Also, being an artsy person, Ithink that kind of played into
(08:36):
like even just things that Iwanted to do for me, like trying
different things.
So what like?
Speaker 1 (08:41):
equaled worth in maybe your family, even just
things that I wanted to do forme, like trying different things
.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
So what like equaled worth in maybe your family, I
think it was more so in myfamily.
I think a lot of the worthpiece came with again the
survival piece.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Okay, so like, if you're strong, independent, a
survivor, taking care ofbusiness, you know, taking care
of your responsibilities.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Yeah, and education was also important too.
Okay, my mom was the only oneof her sisters to go to college.
Wow, so I wasn't first gen, soI got.
You know, I watched my mom andthen my sister went to school.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
And then I decided to go to school.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
So seeing, that that too was important.
She modeled that then for you.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
She did, and then I went away.
My mom, of course she was incommunity college.
My sister went to communitycollege.
I went away.
I wanted to get out of thehouse.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Yeah, You're like I need to get.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
I went away.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Get far away.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yes, my dad did not.
My dad worked as a bus driverCTA bus driver for like 30 years
.
Worked as a bus driver CTA busdriver for like 30 years.
So he definitely was.
I have a bit of both with myparents.
Just that hard work isdefinitely something that's
value and I think sometimes I'lldo that to a fault and I have
to, I realized I don't I've notstopped and smelled the roses as
(09:57):
much as I should have.
I think I was so hell-bent onyou know, get your degree be
done in four years, which I did.
I went to school year-roundbecause I was like I got to
graduate in four years and justreally focusing on all of these
accomplishments but not enjoyingthe fruits of my labor and the
opportunities that God gave me,I wasn't taking the time.
(10:17):
Like it was a lot of people incollege.
They would go you know placesduring like spring break and
stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, like, oh, I'm going to take this time off.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I'm going to go.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Yeah, yeah, I was working.
I'm going to go experience this.
I will say this with mydaughters my oldest one, she
does that.
She's like, oh, I think I'mgoing to take, you know, do any
internships?
I'm going to go travel Europeand backpack with her and my
brain is like, what are youdoing?
Like who has time for leisure?
(10:45):
Like this.
Yeah, it's time to work Right,but that's because worth right
came from working really hardand the more you produced in my
family, that's how of worth youwere, and the irony is not
produced for you but produced togive it to me.
I don't know if that's yourfamily too.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
No, but my family was more.
So I kind of felt like it wasalmost like a marriage, because
growing up so with my siblings,I have two on my father's side,
two on my mother's side.
So growing up in my I grew upwith my mom.
So the way our dynamic worked,when I was able to work we all
contributed to the house.
So to me it felt more like amarriage, Like we would put our
(11:25):
money towards the bills, or Iwas assigned certain bills that
I paid, and so it just, you knowit made me grow up quicker, but
I think it helped me to valuelike a hard work ethic.
But I also had to figure out away to kind of to pull away some
of the toxic pieces of that,because it came from a place of
fear.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
How has God helped you do that Like?
How do you feel God hasinterplayed in that?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
I think for me kind of going back to like realizing
the spaces where there was afear.
So fear of being poor, becausewe were Right and I kind of had
this duality, because my dad wasblue collar, worked hard.
I would go to his house on theweekends but at home we had, we
were on food stamps and weworked and you know.
(12:13):
So, living in that environmentit kind of created a fear.
Even now, sometimes I'm likemoney.
Did you feel a?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
low because I remember when I was on public
aid right and so with mydaughters and even before you
know I had kids my mom was,because when my dad left she
really left destitute, and so itwas so embarrassing going into
the grocery store and seeingsomebody from my high school
behind that check.
(12:41):
You know, it was beforeself-scanner time and I was like
so my worth right came frommaybe how much money you had or
you know, or this idea of notwanting to, and I just remember
feeling really low self worthwhen I was on that during that
time, when I was young.
Did you feel that at all?
I didn't, and I guess just theway it didn't, did you feel that
?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
at all.
I didn't, and I guess just theway it didn't feel like we were
poor, like I didn't knownecessarily that we were poor
because, again, my mom wouldsurvive, so she would take $20
and get groceries and of courseeverything was cheaper but we
would have our full meals andthings of that nature.
So I think I didn't feel thatway.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah Well, I had the link card, so I had like food
stamps, so I had to take themout.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
I wish I could get a link card.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I had to take it out in front of the kid and I was
like, oh man, here's my EBT card.
Like you know, and for yeah, ifI had 20 bucks.
So that was the embarrassingpart yeah, yeah.
Right yeah, no.
(13:49):
I think I guess it was justthat's what I knew, so it didn't
feel like you know, like Iwanted to hide it per se, right,
and I, for me, I found that,like, finding my worth, even in
that, is having to reframe, likeyou know.
What does God say about who Iam?
Yeah, right, and whether youknow, whether we have money or
not, or we're on, what is itinside of me that feels
uncomfortable with taking outthis food stamp card?
(14:11):
Yeah, and why do I think itdefines me, and so that was
something I had to wrestle withand really go back to scripture
to be reminded of who I was, andso that was like a defining
factor for me for, like, worth.
What have you found have beensome areas where you'll feel
(14:32):
yourself struggling withself-worth.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I think for me.
So, like I said, I dophotography right and I think
every time I'm about to do likea gig, I in my mind, I'm like
these pictures aren't going tobe as good as such and such as
or because I'm self-taught yeah.
Um, and I think so.
It's like that, that voice,that negative voice, and it
(14:57):
always comes.
Yeah, and it's like that, thatvoice, that negative voice, and
it always comes.
Yeah, and it's like for mechoosing to if I'm going to lean
into it and listen to that orif I'm going to combat that and
fight against it, and I feellike the way to I choose to
fight against it and I think,the way to also combat that is
to speak a word.
So I'm like, I think, even withlike, looking at scripture about
, like self-worth.
(15:18):
I feel like, at least in what Iviewed, there's a lot of
scripture that talks aboutconfidence or being strong,
being courageous.
You know, coming against fear.
I think in reading scripturethere's more examples and
opportunities where it's reallyat least in the revelation that
I got from it that is speakingto your self-worth.
(15:41):
So like, if I know like Godcreated me, you know from the
womb, like clearly withintention and purpose, because
God doesn't do anything thatdoesn't have purpose, surely I
have to value that because forGod to craft me, that is a
beautiful thing, that's divine,that's a miracle.
So if I start there withself-worth, that helps me to
(16:07):
again kind of reframing my mindand how I view myself.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Do you think that sometimes we look at things like
from a mindset of scarcity,sometimes we look at things like
from a mindset of scarcity andthat's like I can't appreciate
this other person's work becauseif I do, it somehow takes away
from my work or my photographyor my preaching as a preacher,
like I can't oh you know, causeit's so easy to compare.
(16:32):
And I think that's how thetempter gets us to compare
ourselves when God, I think,wants us to find joy in their
preaching, or joy in like lookat how awesome you are, god, and
how abundant you know, how muchabundance you have just to pour
on of us of creativity or aword, or like that's, I think,
(16:53):
god's lens.
And then I and I find thetempter so good at it, right,
getting us to question ourselvesor doubt ourselves.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, and I think for me it's looking
at things from a deficit andthat has been that's one of my
struggles.
Um, I think my husband helps alot with the balance of seeing
the glass half full versus halfempty and I don't know why.
like, I can definitely be moreof a pessimist or complain about
(17:21):
things, and my mom was similar,and so I have to again that
reframing, relearning how I talkabout things, because you know
you're planting seeds when youdo that, and so I'm like, if my
words have life, I think the wayGod showed it to me was like
every time I speak somethingnegative and I've already been
(17:44):
like all right, god, I've prayedfor this and all of that and
then I speak something negative,I'm literally ripping out those
things from the root.
Like that will sustain me in apositive way.
So you envision yourself doingthat?
Yeah, like, and it's like I'mcompletely, totally diminishing
and combating all of the, all ofthe, the work that I've done,
(18:05):
all the positive seeds that I'veplanted, because I'm just
spewing negativity or not beingmindful of what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
So, as you like, envision those things growing,
you envision yourself alsoripping them out.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Like in a bad.
I mean like the positive things, yeah.
So having to figure out andhaving to be mindful of when I
need to be quiet or just likepraying, that God deals with how
I view me.
Yeah, because again, like it'sI don't know what it is about
where I will question, like thethings that I do, like I love
art, I love singing, I lovesinging, I love painting, but
(18:41):
there's something that'll belike it's not good enough and
I'm like what is that?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Have you been able to figure out?
What is that?
I'm still on that journey.
Have you asked God?
What is it inside of me?
I have, I have.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
That is, I have, and I think I think a part of it is.
I think you know there isgreatness and destiny that I'm
connected to and I think theenemy is, you know, going to
work hard to try to stifle that.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Especially when it plays on that pessimistic side
of who I can be sometimes.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
I love that you're speaking in how we're all
uniquely made God's masterpiece,and it's so true Like each of
us created with intentionalityto be a part of what God is
doing, which is to build thekingdom here on earth right.
One day it's going to be hereon earth and we've all been
placed here a strategic timewith certain gifts and different
(19:39):
identities, right to be livedout to bring to fruition God's
kingdom, and so we are all soneeded.
And so I love that you talkabout not looking at things or
being intentional, about tryingnot to look at things from
scarcity, but that there's morethan enough.
Like we have a God of abundancethat loves to lavish his
(20:02):
children, especially when we'reliving into our identity.
Lavish us with anything we needmove mountains, split seas,
make miracles happen, raise fromthe dead.
Like anything.
We need to live that outbecause it glorifies God right,
yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
And I feel like God wouldn't have crafted me with
talents and gifts and just ideasif it wasn't meant to be used
here.
So I'm like I'm mindful thatyou know the enemy will try to
stifle that, even if it's justwith a thought, because if he
has me there, the work is done,he doesn't have to do anything
else.
(20:39):
If I'm walking it out in thatmindset, it's just easy.
So I think I try to be moreintentional to paying attention,
because it always shows up thesame way.
I mean because he's notcreative, so it's always if I
pay attention.
I always pray that God gives mestrategy to pay attention to
those things, because it alwaysshows up the same way every time
(21:00):
.
It's never different.
So I'm like I have to bemindful of when this is not real
, this fear, you know that'sthat's not real.
So pushing past that, andthat's where my faith comes in,
because I have to, you know, seewhat I don't see.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Right, absolutely Like God, give me your eyes to
see things as you see, and youknow.
Right, absolutely Like God,give me your eyes to see things
as you see, and you know it'sinteresting.
I think back of the psychologyof evil, which is there's always
a truth with a lie on top of it.
Right, and so that's kind ofhow Satan tempted Jesus, like if
you are the son of God, gettinghim to question things.
(21:33):
Right, using scripture to gethim to question is this, should
I be doing this?
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Should I use it?
I have been given power.
Should I be turning this stoneinto bread?
So how?
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Satan takes something that's truth like you created
something, you took a picture,you did something you're a mom
right Truth and then puts a lieon top of it, and I think that's
why it gets so confusing for us.
But I love that's why it getsso confusing for us.
But I love that you envisionyourself stopping and ripping
out any of those thoughts thataren't good for you, or being
(22:04):
careful what you plant out inthe world through your words.
Right, because we're creatorsand I love the scripture keep
our minds focused on Christ andGod will keep you in peace.
Right, and our minds isactually a Hebrew word that
means or I'm sorry, a Greek wordthat means imagination.
(22:26):
So we're supposed to be usingour imagination, as you do, to
almost envision God taking awaythings that aren't true or
planting in us things that weneed to live into, who we are to
live into, our worth, right?
I mean, this is what it's about.
We're doing this together asGod's children, right?
(22:47):
We would love to hear from you.
What has your experience been?
Where have you found worth, forgood or for bad?
How has that affected you inyour life, for good or for bad?
How has that affected you inyour life.
What are some tools or giftsthat you've used, whether it's
scripture or music or whatever?
We'd love to hear that let'shelp each other as we move
through this journey and unpackGod's truth within, discovering
(23:10):
our worth in Christ.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Next time on Unpacking Truths, that they can
struggle and get through hardthings, and so, whether it's our
well-intended, you know goingin and trying to fight a battle
for them, or protecting them bynot allowing them to do things
that seem a little bit risky,you know they all come from a
really good place in us and onthe surface it is protective,
but what we're now learning, andto that point like it's taken a
(23:52):
decade or two to look back andsay, okay, now we can see that
this is not it's protecting,that maybe they're not getting
as many broken arms at the park,or that you know they're, you
know they're.
You know that we feel moresecure, that we know they got to
their friend's house.
You know in one piece, but it'snot.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
It's not letting them feel like they can handle hard
things.
Thanks for joining us on thisepisode of Unpacking Truths.
If anything that we discussedsparked any ideas or you have
any questions, we would love foryou to go to unpackingtruthscom
, or you can also email us atunpackingtruths at locchurchcom.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And don't forget to like, share or subscribe to the
podcast, because you doing thatallows other people to connect
to this content and grow withGod as well.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Until next time, we hope you know that you are loved
.
Hey, pastor Mo here and we are excited to invite
back my incredible sister inChrist, because you guys liked
her so much, joy Mitchell.
She is not only an amazingwoman, she is an artist, a
photographer.
Raised on the south side ofChicago, the youngest of five by
(00:20):
a single mom right Shout out tosingle moms whoop, whoop.
And today we are going.
Oh, she's a mother too and awife.
Very incredible, just does itall right.
And she works in highereducation as well and guides the
lives of college students.
So, yeah, you do a good job,girl.
You do a good job, the Godworking through you.
It's all about God workingthrough you.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I'm Pastor Kendall.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
And I'm Pastor Mo.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to Unpacking Truths, where we dive deep into
God's timeless truths for ourlives today.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Grab your coffee, open your hearts and your minds.
Come take this journey with usas we unpack God's truths.
So today we're going to betalking about a topic that is
near and dear to my heart.
I think it's something men,women, all different ages, we
all work through, and it'sfinding our worth, and so often
we find our worth in things thatare not as God had intended
right.
So, whether it's from outsidesources of, like, social media,
(01:18):
culture, different things likethat, family even, and so
growing up.
Well, first off, let us define.
How do you define self-worth?
Speaker 3 (01:28):
How do I define it?
Well, I think for me, it's apositive view of how you see
yourself.
I think it's also connected toyour values and what you allow
to enter into your space or howyou allow people to treat you.
I live by the rule of thumb ofyou have to teach people how to
(01:51):
treat you.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Speak into that a little bit.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
So I think if you allow people to dump on you or
to disrespect you, that is howthey will treat you.
And because I value myself, I'mlike no, that's not what's
happening today.
So I try to really challengemyself, to like challenge people
or situations when I feel likeI'm being disrespected or not
(02:17):
valued or not considered, and so, for me, all of those pieces
like being valued, beingconsidered, being respected,
being included are important tome for what self-worth is.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Okay, when I think I love that, when I think of worth
, I kind of think of the abilityto be free, right, like freedom
in Christ, absolute freedom.
I am so secure, I amunapologetically me and kind of
having being so differentiatedfrom people, meaning that, like,
(02:51):
what they do and say doesn'taffect me at the core of who I
am right.
So, like Jesus does itperfectly, and I think he's an
incredible model for it and Iaspire to be like him.
I do not hit that all the time,but I love what you said, how
you want people to treat you acertain way, so you kind of
(03:12):
guard that and you, how do youuse your faith, though, if
someone is maybe coming at youin an aggressive manner, or how
do you stand in your worth?
What does that look like?
Lived out?
Speaker 3 (03:27):
I think, for me, of course, starting with prayer,
because it's not always easy tobe bold and courageous, and so I
pray, I try to pray that God,you know, gives me that
opportunity, give me theopportunities where I have to,
you know, practice those skills.
You pray to practice thoseskills.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I mean.
What I mean by that is like—I'm like, keep those people away
from me, god.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Because I feel like God gives—when you pray for
certain things, I feel like Godwill give you the opportunity to
rise to the occasion.
So I think sometimes, even ifit's uncomfortable, I'll try to
challenge myself to do that.
So even if it's uncomfortableor weird, because I think
healthy boundaries are importanttoo, right yeah, and if I value
(04:13):
who God created in myself, thenI shouldn't allow just any type
of treatment towards myself.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Well, where did that come from for you?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
towards myself.
Well, where did that come fromfor you, that sense of worth?
I think for me, just especiallylike with growing up in my
career, having experiences whereI did not speak up, where I was
concerned about even being likethe angry black girl because,
that's a stereotype where if youspeak up or if you are
assertive, you're angry.
You know and I think I had,especially in my career I had to
(04:49):
grapple with that a lot becauseI would get you know you're not
flowery enough in your languageFlowery yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I didn't see any flower.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I didn't hear any flowers in your language At all
Like yeah, like flowery, okay,or you know just well, you know
you have an attitude.
I'm like I don't have anattitude, I'm fine.
I'm just telling you how I feel.
So I think I've had to like,just, I got to a point, I just
got tired of it.
You know, and that's just anexample, but just getting tired
(05:28):
of allowing, you know, people orsituations to rule me and I'm
walking away upset or I'moverthinking and I'm, you know,
just doing too much.
And so I think that has nowespecially getting older,
because I think there'ssomething about just as you get
older, like I'm in my laterthirties, and I think just as
you get older and moreexperienced, you stop caring
about certain things.
You're like I'm not acceptingIs that wisdom or we're just
(05:49):
tired.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I think it's a mixture of both.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I think it's a mix of both, because I feel like I can
address it in a professionalway, yeah, and then I sleep at
night and I'm peaceful becauseI'm not just allowing anything.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Right yeah, what are some experiences that you
believe have really fosteredyour sense of self?
Speaker 3 (06:11):
I think some of my experiences, I would say, is
having other strong women tofollow after.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Was your mom a strong woman she was.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Okay, god rest her soul.
You know, I watched my mom.
My mom was a survivor, so Iwill watch her, um, and I would
say, do you think?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
your mom carried self-worth Like she.
She demonstrated that.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I think my mom um, it's complicated my mom
definitely had low self-esteemfor various reasons.
I don't think my mom grew up ina space where the conversation
and even me I didn't really growup necessarily in a space to
see like this is the example ofself-confidence and all of those
(06:57):
things.
I think the way I process, I canwatch and know what I do or
don't want, and so I'll try tolean into that when I have my
own experiences.
Like for me, my mom didn'tnecessarily talk a lot about
beauty standards and stuff likethat.
I think I saw that a lot morewith my sister and I think I
(07:20):
just kind of developed it inthat and I've always been drawn
to strong women.
I think, starting with my mom,she taught me how to take care
of myself and how to survive ina lot of ways, but that was her
experience and I think as I'vegotten older too, just
understanding my mom poured fromwhat she had and then, in the
spaces that she didn't, I feellike God gave me other women and
(07:43):
opportunities to kind of learnand even going to college, like
you just get a different view ofthe world and experiences and
then you learn more and then yourealize.
Okay, this is what I like, orthis is what the standard is for
me.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Or I like how that woman or man, like how they
carried themselves or theconfidence they had.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yep, okay, one of my really good best friends.
I would kind of watch her.
I watch people so like justcertain things that she would
talk about.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
You're a photographer .
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Yes, you watch people I do, and so just kind of
listening and hearing aboutdifferent things.
I would want to learn more andjust experience different things
and challenge myself to haveexperiences that I've not had or
learn information that I've notlooked at before.
Also, being an artsy person, Ithink that kind of played into
(08:36):
like even just things that Iwanted to do for me, like trying
different things.
So what like?
Speaker 1 (08:41):
equaled worth in maybe your family, even just
things that I wanted to do forme, like trying different things
.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
So what like equaled worth in maybe your family, I
think it was more so in myfamily.
I think a lot of the worthpiece came with again the
survival piece.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Okay, so like, if you're strong, independent, a
survivor, taking care ofbusiness, you know, taking care
of your responsibilities.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Yeah, and education was also important too.
Okay, my mom was the only oneof her sisters to go to college.
Wow, so I wasn't first gen, soI got.
You know, I watched my mom andthen my sister went to school.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
And then I decided to go to school.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
So seeing, that that too was important.
She modeled that then for you.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
She did, and then I went away.
My mom, of course she was incommunity college.
My sister went to communitycollege.
I went away.
I wanted to get out of thehouse.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Yeah, You're like I need to get.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
I went away.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Get far away.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yes, my dad did not.
My dad worked as a bus driverCTA bus driver for like 30 years
.
Worked as a bus driver CTA busdriver for like 30 years.
So he definitely was.
I have a bit of both with myparents.
Just that hard work isdefinitely something that's
value and I think sometimes I'lldo that to a fault and I have
to, I realized I don't I've notstopped and smelled the roses as
(09:57):
much as I should have.
I think I was so hell-bent onyou know, get your degree be
done in four years, which I did.
I went to school year-roundbecause I was like I got to
graduate in four years and justreally focusing on all of these
accomplishments but not enjoyingthe fruits of my labor and the
opportunities that God gave me,I wasn't taking the time.
(10:17):
Like it was a lot of people incollege.
They would go you know placesduring like spring break and
stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, like, oh, I'm going to take this time off.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I'm going to go.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Yeah, yeah, I was working.
I'm going to go experience this.
I will say this with mydaughters my oldest one, she
does that.
She's like, oh, I think I'mgoing to take, you know, do any
internships?
I'm going to go travel Europeand backpack with her and my
brain is like, what are youdoing?
Like who has time for leisure?
(10:45):
Like this.
Yeah, it's time to work Right,but that's because worth right
came from working really hardand the more you produced in my
family, that's how of worth youwere, and the irony is not
produced for you but produced togive it to me.
I don't know if that's yourfamily too.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
No, but my family was more.
So I kind of felt like it wasalmost like a marriage, because
growing up so with my siblings,I have two on my father's side,
two on my mother's side.
So growing up in my I grew upwith my mom.
So the way our dynamic worked,when I was able to work we all
contributed to the house.
So to me it felt more like amarriage, Like we would put our
(11:25):
money towards the bills, or Iwas assigned certain bills that
I paid, and so it just, you knowit made me grow up quicker, but
I think it helped me to valuelike a hard work ethic.
But I also had to figure out away to kind of to pull away some
of the toxic pieces of that,because it came from a place of
fear.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
How has God helped you do that Like?
How do you feel God hasinterplayed in that?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
I think for me kind of going back to like realizing
the spaces where there was afear.
So fear of being poor, becausewe were Right and I kind of had
this duality, because my dad wasblue collar, worked hard.
I would go to his house on theweekends but at home we had, we
were on food stamps and weworked and you know.
(12:13):
So, living in that environmentit kind of created a fear.
Even now, sometimes I'm likemoney.
Did you feel a?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
low because I remember when I was on public
aid right and so with mydaughters and even before you
know I had kids my mom was,because when my dad left she
really left destitute, and so itwas so embarrassing going into
the grocery store and seeingsomebody from my high school
behind that check.
(12:41):
You know, it was beforeself-scanner time and I was like
so my worth right came frommaybe how much money you had or
you know, or this idea of notwanting to, and I just remember
feeling really low self worthwhen I was on that during that
time, when I was young.
Did you feel that at all?
I didn't, and I guess just theway it didn't, did you feel that
?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
at all.
I didn't, and I guess just theway it didn't feel like we were
poor, like I didn't knownecessarily that we were poor
because, again, my mom wouldsurvive, so she would take $20
and get groceries and of courseeverything was cheaper but we
would have our full meals andthings of that nature.
So I think I didn't feel thatway.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah Well, I had the link card, so I had like food
stamps, so I had to take themout.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
I wish I could get a link card.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I had to take it out in front of the kid and I was
like, oh man, here's my EBT card.
Like you know, and for yeah, ifI had 20 bucks.
So that was the embarrassingpart yeah, yeah.
Right yeah, no.
(13:49):
I think I guess it was justthat's what I knew, so it didn't
feel like you know, like Iwanted to hide it per se, right,
and I, for me, I found that,like, finding my worth, even in
that, is having to reframe, likeyou know.
What does God say about who Iam?
Yeah, right, and whether youknow, whether we have money or
not, or we're on, what is itinside of me that feels
uncomfortable with taking outthis food stamp card?
(14:11):
Yeah, and why do I think itdefines me, and so that was
something I had to wrestle withand really go back to scripture
to be reminded of who I was, andso that was like a defining
factor for me for, like, worth.
What have you found have beensome areas where you'll feel
(14:32):
yourself struggling withself-worth.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I think for me.
So, like I said, I dophotography right and I think
every time I'm about to do likea gig, I in my mind, I'm like
these pictures aren't going tobe as good as such and such as
or because I'm self-taught yeah.
Um, and I think so.
It's like that, that voice,that negative voice, and it
(14:57):
always comes.
Yeah, and it's like that, thatvoice, that negative voice, and
it always comes.
Yeah, and it's like for mechoosing to if I'm going to lean
into it and listen to that orif I'm going to combat that and
fight against it, and I feellike the way to I choose to
fight against it and I think,the way to also combat that is
to speak a word.
So I'm like, I think, even withlike, looking at scripture about
, like self-worth.
(15:18):
I feel like, at least in what Iviewed, there's a lot of
scripture that talks aboutconfidence or being strong,
being courageous.
You know, coming against fear.
I think in reading scripturethere's more examples and
opportunities where it's reallyat least in the revelation that
I got from it that is speakingto your self-worth.
(15:41):
So like, if I know like Godcreated me, you know from the
womb, like clearly withintention and purpose, because
God doesn't do anything thatdoesn't have purpose, surely I
have to value that because forGod to craft me, that is a
beautiful thing, that's divine,that's a miracle.
So if I start there withself-worth, that helps me to
(16:07):
again kind of reframing my mindand how I view myself.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Do you think that sometimes we look at things like
from a mindset of scarcity,sometimes we look at things like
from a mindset of scarcity andthat's like I can't appreciate
this other person's work becauseif I do, it somehow takes away
from my work or my photographyor my preaching as a preacher,
like I can't oh you know, causeit's so easy to compare.
(16:32):
And I think that's how thetempter gets us to compare
ourselves when God, I think,wants us to find joy in their
preaching, or joy in like lookat how awesome you are, god, and
how abundant you know, how muchabundance you have just to pour
on of us of creativity or aword, or like that's, I think,
(16:53):
god's lens.
And then I and I find thetempter so good at it, right,
getting us to question ourselvesor doubt ourselves.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, and I think for me it's looking
at things from a deficit andthat has been that's one of my
struggles.
Um, I think my husband helps alot with the balance of seeing
the glass half full versus halfempty and I don't know why.
like, I can definitely be moreof a pessimist or complain about
(17:21):
things, and my mom was similar,and so I have to again that
reframing, relearning how I talkabout things, because you know
you're planting seeds when youdo that, and so I'm like, if my
words have life, I think the wayGod showed it to me was like
every time I speak somethingnegative and I've already been
(17:44):
like all right, god, I've prayedfor this and all of that and
then I speak something negative,I'm literally ripping out those
things from the root.
Like that will sustain me in apositive way.
So you envision yourself doingthat?
Yeah, like, and it's like I'mcompletely, totally diminishing
and combating all of the, all ofthe, the work that I've done,
(18:05):
all the positive seeds that I'veplanted, because I'm just
spewing negativity or not beingmindful of what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
So, as you like, envision those things growing,
you envision yourself alsoripping them out.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Like in a bad.
I mean like the positive things, yeah.
So having to figure out andhaving to be mindful of when I
need to be quiet or just likepraying, that God deals with how
I view me.
Yeah, because again, like it'sI don't know what it is about
where I will question, like thethings that I do, like I love
art, I love singing, I lovesinging, I love painting, but
(18:41):
there's something that'll belike it's not good enough and
I'm like what is that?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Have you been able to figure out?
What is that?
I'm still on that journey.
Have you asked God?
What is it inside of me?
I have, I have.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
That is, I have, and I think I think a part of it is.
I think you know there isgreatness and destiny that I'm
connected to and I think theenemy is, you know, going to
work hard to try to stifle that.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Especially when it plays on that pessimistic side
of who I can be sometimes.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
I love that you're speaking in how we're all
uniquely made God's masterpiece,and it's so true Like each of
us created with intentionalityto be a part of what God is
doing, which is to build thekingdom here on earth right.
One day it's going to be hereon earth and we've all been
placed here a strategic timewith certain gifts and different
(19:39):
identities, right to be livedout to bring to fruition God's
kingdom, and so we are all soneeded.
And so I love that you talkabout not looking at things or
being intentional, about tryingnot to look at things from
scarcity, but that there's morethan enough.
Like we have a God of abundancethat loves to lavish his
(20:02):
children, especially when we'reliving into our identity.
Lavish us with anything we needmove mountains, split seas,
make miracles happen, raise fromthe dead.
Like anything.
We need to live that outbecause it glorifies God right,
yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
And I feel like God wouldn't have crafted me with
talents and gifts and just ideasif it wasn't meant to be used
here.
So I'm like I'm mindful thatyou know the enemy will try to
stifle that, even if it's justwith a thought, because if he
has me there, the work is done,he doesn't have to do anything
else.
(20:39):
If I'm walking it out in thatmindset, it's just easy.
So I think I try to be moreintentional to paying attention,
because it always shows up thesame way.
I mean because he's notcreative, so it's always if I
pay attention.
I always pray that God gives mestrategy to pay attention to
those things, because it alwaysshows up the same way every time
(21:00):
.
It's never different.
So I'm like I have to bemindful of when this is not real
, this fear, you know that'sthat's not real.
So pushing past that, andthat's where my faith comes in,
because I have to, you know, seewhat I don't see.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Right, absolutely Like God, give me your eyes to
see things as you see, and youknow.
Right, absolutely Like God,give me your eyes to see things
as you see, and you know it'sinteresting.
I think back of the psychologyof evil, which is there's always
a truth with a lie on top of it.
Right, and so that's kind ofhow Satan tempted Jesus, like if
you are the son of God, gettinghim to question things.
(21:33):
Right, using scripture to gethim to question is this, should
I be doing this?
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Should I use it?
I have been given power.
Should I be turning this stoneinto bread?
So how?
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Satan takes something that's truth like you created
something, you took a picture,you did something you're a mom
right Truth and then puts a lieon top of it, and I think that's
why it gets so confusing for us.
But I love that's why it getsso confusing for us.
But I love that you envisionyourself stopping and ripping
out any of those thoughts thataren't good for you, or being
(22:04):
careful what you plant out inthe world through your words.
Right, because we're creatorsand I love the scripture keep
our minds focused on Christ andGod will keep you in peace.
Right, and our minds isactually a Hebrew word that
means or I'm sorry, a Greek wordthat means imagination.
(22:26):
So we're supposed to be usingour imagination, as you do, to
almost envision God taking awaythings that aren't true or
planting in us things that weneed to live into, who we are to
live into, our worth, right?
I mean, this is what it's about.
We're doing this together asGod's children, right?
(22:47):
We would love to hear from you.
What has your experience been?
Where have you found worth, forgood or for bad?
How has that affected you inyour life, for good or for bad?
How has that affected you inyour life.
What are some tools or giftsthat you've used, whether it's
scripture or music or whatever?
We'd love to hear that let'shelp each other as we move
through this journey and unpackGod's truth within, discovering
(23:10):
our worth in Christ.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Next time on Unpacking Truths, that they can
struggle and get through hardthings, and so, whether it's our
well-intended, you know goingin and trying to fight a battle
for them, or protecting them bynot allowing them to do things
that seem a little bit risky,you know they all come from a
really good place in us and onthe surface it is protective,
but what we're now learning, andto that point like it's taken a
(23:52):
decade or two to look back andsay, okay, now we can see that
this is not it's protecting,that maybe they're not getting
as many broken arms at the park,or that you know they're, you
know they're.
You know that we feel moresecure, that we know they got to
their friend's house.
You know in one piece, but it'snot.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
It's not letting them feel like they can handle hard
things.
Thanks for joining us on thisepisode of Unpacking Truths.
If anything that we discussedsparked any ideas or you have
any questions, we would love foryou to go to unpackingtruthscom
, or you can also email us atunpackingtruths at locchurchcom.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And don't forget to like, share or subscribe to the
podcast, because you doing thatallows other people to connect
to this content and grow withGod as well.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Until next time, we hope you know that you are loved
.
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