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January 11, 2024 40 mins

Brian's raw and inspiring journey from the depths of addiction to over three years of sobriety offers an intimate look at the resilience of the human spirit, a theme we're honored to share with you. As he recounts his experiences of redefining his identity and safeguarding the well-being of others in his roles at Crossbridge and as a behavioral health technician, you'll find yourself rooting for his triumphs and moved by his dedication to aiding those at the start of their recovery.

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Unpolished Recovery.
My name is Trey.
Most stories of recovery startwith how bad addiction was, how
they entered recovery and howgreat life is now.
That's a polished story.
Today we're going to hear astory from Brian.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
My name is Chris.
I'm your co-host of UnpolishedRecovery.
Would you jump right into it,Brian?
Is that good?
You got a remarkable story.
You're definitely one of thesuccess stories that come
through Restoration House.
Do you kind of want to give usjust an overview of who Brian is
today?

Speaker 3 (00:29):
Yeah, I'm a recovering addict.
Used over 20 years, since I was11.
I've got just over three yearsclean.
What do you do for work?
I work at Crossbridge full-timeand I work part-time in the

(00:52):
treatment center and just as abehavioral health technician.
What's?

Speaker 2 (00:58):
your role through Crossbridge.
I know that of course, I havethe luxury of knowing what you
do for a living, but for peoplethat want to know, what is it
that you do at Crossbridge?

Speaker 3 (01:09):
I am a program monitor and I just ensure the
safety of the participants anddrug test clients.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, Well, I personally know you do a lot
more than that.
I guess that's just the.
But I do know that you ensurethat the environment does stay
safe, but you also make surethat participants have access to
resources.
You share your own personalstory with them.

(01:38):
You know, kind of help themthrough that early recovery
process.
It's vital to have other peoplethat's done it before around
you.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
Yeah, early recovery is definitely not easy.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Brian, I'm curious.
You have a full-time job here,but then you're saying that you
also work in another treatmentcenter, and I'm just curious
what drives you to do more thanjust work full-time?

Speaker 3 (01:58):
Well, honestly, I have a passion for recovery.
It means a lot to me because Ibelieve that addicts are the
only people that get to livelife twice.
We've been through hell and nowwe get to be actually living
instead of just existing, soit's been a passion for me.
I've always wanted to work intreatment, so it's actually like

(02:23):
a dream come true.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
I can imagine working in sober, living five days a
week, 40 hours a week and thengoing to inpatient most or
28-day programs give or take,but I imagine that would be
different ends of the spectrum,right.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
It really is.
In treatment we try to get themto stay there no matter what,
because give them a chance.
And then here at sober living.
It's like if you don't do right, then you're going to have
consequences.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yeah, everybody's process is different.
We've seen that here.
Right, so you had said that youstarted using 11.
Was that the first time youever took any narcotic or
alcohol?

Speaker 3 (03:17):
That was the first time I started drinking.
My parents would give me littlesips of wine and beer when I
was about six to eight years old, but then I decided to drink
actually to get drunk at 11years old, yeah.
And then you said it went onfor about 20 years.
Yeah, 20, 22 years off.

(03:39):
And on, what is your?

Speaker 2 (03:41):
drug of choice More, More.
What do you got?
So you were also a participanthere.
Yes, I was A restoration house,you were a graduate, and that
was some time ago two and a halfyears ago when you graduated.
And how did you come torestoration house?

(04:02):
What was the process that getyou there?

Speaker 3 (04:05):
Well, I remember I was in and out of recovery and I
was at another sober living andI was sitting in my room
getting loaded, begging God totake my life and I OD'd and my
roommates found me.
They called 911, I went toRolling Hills, which is a psych

(04:27):
hospital, slash detox and Idetoxed there.
Then I went to Buffalo ValleyTreatment Center and I stayed 35
days there and they found thisplace and said it would be good
for me because it was recovery12-step and Christian programs,

(04:50):
so they thought it would fit myneeds.
I came here, been here eversince.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
How many times have you been in the treatment?

Speaker 3 (04:59):
I've lost count.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
Really yeah.
So you gave an asthma overeight.

Speaker 3 (05:04):
Oh yeah, I'd say at least 20 in and out.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
So you're a professional yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yeah, I had a counselor tell me I was
treatment savvy one time.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
And you know I get no judgment from me, because I had
a lot of failed attempts andeach time I thought it was it
and.
But the truth was when I was ina controlled environment I
could thrive.
But as soon as I got in thatposition where I had to deal
with life on life's terms, youknow, I didn't hang in there
long enough to develop copingskills.

(05:37):
But I'm sure you've been askedthis quite a bit but why was
this time different than allthose others?

Speaker 3 (05:44):
Well, first I've had enough pain.
I got tired of hurting myselfand others.
Second, restoration house gaveme a way to build on that
recovery that I've accumulated.
For instance, I eventually gotmy license and then about six

(06:04):
months later I got a car andthen I'm working and driving and
with the car comes a lot offreedom.
So I'm actually able tofunction in everyday life
without the use of chemicals andI'm able to, you know, do what

(06:25):
I want to do within the realm ofwhat I'm allowed to do.
But you know, I go to a lot ofmeetings.
I just do the right thing forthe most part, not always, but
yeah so how many it's?

Speaker 2 (06:43):
so you know, as a participant, their participants
are required to go every daysome type of meeting, some of
those outside AA and they someare in house things.
But you know, like we mentioned, you graduated two and a half
years ago, but you're sayingthat you continue to do those
things.
Is that correct?

Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah, yeah, I believe .
All I believe, all I have is adaily reprieve and that every
day I wake up with untreatedaddiction.
So I have to do certain thingseach day to keep that addiction
in check, otherwise it's goingto get the best of me and, you
know, a relapse isn't going topop out in front of me and say,

(07:24):
hey, here's an eight ball orsomething.
It's going to gradually,gradually work itself up towards
a relapse and like, forinstance, if I don't make my bed
and I don't get away from mydaily routine, then I'm in
danger.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
That's a good way to look at it.
Daily reprieve, yeah.
So what's different today, atthree years in recovery, than it
was those first six months ofyour sobriety?
Like you're still doing thesame things, but what are some
of the things that are different?

Speaker 3 (08:04):
Well, the first three months in recovery I obsessed
about using probably every day,if not more than once a day.
Now I really I have thosefleeting thoughts, but I really
don't obsess about it.

(08:25):
I know what to do with thosethoughts, whether I call my
sponsor, talk to you or anotherrecovering addict, go to a
meeting, pray, meditate, readliterature, whatever I have to
do.
Also, if you remember my firstmonth here, I was unstable on my

(08:47):
medications with the mentalhealth and was off my rocker and
you were going to have me go tomet crisis stabilization.
But I saw my doctor, got mymeds right and, you know,
started to work in the programand doing a lot better.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
So I'm glad you mentioned that because you know
now that you have, now that youwork in treatment, you see that
co-occurring disorders arepretty common.
I know from my own personalexperience a lot of my relapses
were a result of not taking careof my mental health.
Just the stigma growing up thatyou know, as a man I'm supposed
to pull myself up on bootstraps.

(09:32):
You know whatever emotion is,just push it down, that's kind
of appropriate babe.

Speaker 3 (09:38):
That's the way I grew up too.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
And you know, when I actually got around some people
that had experience andexplained it.
You know I got an assessmentand you know didn't cure me, of
course, of my issues, but thehighs and lows aren't so severe.
Do you mind to share whatdiagnosis that you're at?

(10:00):
Sure?

Speaker 3 (10:01):
At 12 years old or 11 years old, I don't exactly
remember because I started using, but I was diagnosed with
Tourette syndrome and if youdon't know what that is, it's a
neurological disorder thatcauses involuntary ticks and I
was made fun of a lot growing upand kind of never felt part of.

(10:26):
I've also been diagnosed withbipolar disorder.
I take medications for both andmy life's manageable.
It's not cured, like you said,but it is manageable and I deal
with it the best I can.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
I'm curious.
Oftentimes people find a reasonto blame their addiction or
alcoholism on something thathappened in their life and I'm
curious if there were times inyour addiction that your mental
health was your reason that youhad an addiction.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yeah, I would blame that.
I would say nobody loves me.
I'm different.
That's why I'm using.
If you had my life, you woulduse too.
But I got past that once Iaccepted truly accepted the fact
that that's how God made me.
That's when I could begin tostart to heal.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
If you will, and I'm sure you've been able to because
of your experience with that.
I'm sure you've been able tohelp other people that are
struggling at the same pointbecause you know, first step,
getting educated on it, and noteverybody's been at position
where they just think they'rebroke.
I did.
I thought I was broken, that,whatever everyone else had, that

(11:51):
they were able to straightentheir life up.
My mom was broke and I accepted.
You know myself or who I wasright was a big part.
But so do you believe, sinceyou managed like that, that
experience is, you know, a childbeing made fun of and stuff

(12:11):
like that you believe that was acontributing factor to where
you at least turn to selfmedicating or yeah, yeah, it
really was.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
I believe addicts use a lot because of trauma they go
through and start to become thereal deal and pass that
threshold before when theybecome the real alcoholic or the
real drug addict.
But yeah, I believe that thatplayed a factor in it.

(12:43):
Plus, when I used, I love thefeeling it gave me.
It was like a wound up.
Spring was inside of me, andonce I used, it's just you know
what I mean.
So it's just, the consequencesgot so great and I was hurting

(13:07):
everybody in my life, includingmyself, and so I had to make a
change.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
So I didn't become an addict because I didn't like it
.
You know, I just remember thefirst treatment center.
I went in the counselor likewho in here wants locks getting
high and like nobody raisedtheir hands and I eventually
kind of half raised my I thoughtit was a trick question.

(13:33):
Yeah, it's going to bedischarged.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
Discharged yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
I think it was my very first treatment center and
I didn't realize it then, butyears later that you know coming
to grips with that.
You know that I chose to dothose things.
Yeah, I have trauma, just likemost people I've worked with,
and that's one of the bigdifferences Back then I looked
for reasons to use.
Today I look for reasons not to, and there's a lot more of

(14:00):
those reasons today than when Ifirst started.
But it's just every experienceI went through.
You know success and failurehas contributed to where I'm at
today and you know I appreciateyou being so.
That's one of the reasons whywe asked you to come on, because
I believe you're at a placelike even with you know
imperfections, things youstruggle with, you're open.
Was that always the case?

(14:21):
Where you have you always beenthat open with the things that
you go through, like mentalhealth Typically, like I said,
there's a stigma.
You know, that's not somethingpeople want to raise their hand
and talk about, but it is common.

Speaker 3 (14:37):
Yeah, I haven't always been this open.
I was always embarrassed, I wasashamed.
I was, like I said, embarrassed.
I didn't want to burden anybodywith my problems.
I thought that I'm a man.

(14:58):
I got to take care of it myself.
I thought that outside help wasfor the week and so forth.
But what I've learned inrecovery is that a closed mouth
doesn't get fed, so like if I'mgoing to the doctor and I tell
him, I don't give him all mysymptoms and tell him the doctor

(15:19):
what's going on with me, how ishe going to help me?
You know, and after I realizedthat I couldn't fix this by
myself, I was willing to sharemy story and willing to be open
with people, because I learnedhow to take suggestions.
This time around, people toldme what to do and how to do it

(15:44):
and I said, yes, I will do that,because I tried doing it my way
in the past and it never workedout.
Because Brian gets Brian drunk.
You know, aana keeps Briansober.
The program keeps me clean.
Brian's anonymous gets me high.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
And you know we've had, we know, a lot of people in
recovery.
Each person has their program.
They work, they work theprogram, but they have their
locks and dislikes with meetingsand things like that.
You know what is your favorite.
You're a big 12-step guy, sothat's why I'm bringing this up

(16:27):
Like what is the favorite partof recovery today, Like what's
the activities you enjoy themost.

Speaker 3 (16:33):
Well, I like playing golf, I enjoy going to meetings,
hanging out with friends inrecovery, going out to eat, like
I enjoy big book studies andgetting into the literature more
.
And I enjoy just socializing.
Being a part of makes me feellike a high almost, you know,

(17:00):
just being part of something.
It's cool, it's pretty cool.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Well, I think for so many years we're done.
It's like a slow death and thenwe do get in recovery and we
give it a chance and we actually, like you mentioned earlier, we
start living.
It is like being high, likewe're actually progressing in
life, we're becoming the bestversion of ourselves.
It would be that day and itdoes.
It changes everything, butwhether in a storm, sometimes,

(17:30):
what's some of the you gotanything that pops up like
during the last three years,most difficult time, what was
the biggest wall you had to getover?

Speaker 3 (17:40):
Just recently my finances, I struggled, made some
poor decisions and finally Idecided to ask for help because
the pain got so great.
So I went to someone whounderstood finances and talked
to them about it and they got meout of some trouble and

(18:05):
hopefully I won't make the samemistake again.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
So yeah, let it know anywhere.
Brian, I think you're tryingthis recovery thing with more
than just drugs and alcohol.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
It is.
It's truly learning a new wayto live and I didn't know it
getting in it.
I didn't know it for the firstyear.
I was just glad I wasn'tinjecting chemicals in my body
and wasn't going back to jail.
But obviously it's great.
It gave me a new life, likewhat you're describing, and I've

(18:39):
been there with you through theups and downs.
I've seen the growth.
But it is the addiction affectsus in other ways.
Instant gratification doesn'tjust apply to drugs and alcohol
and if it's good makes me feelgood, you know I want more of it

(18:59):
until I get sick from it, youknow so I learned that through
recovery.
But right, so what's some ofthe other like during the During
the last three years?
What's maybe a major turningpoint for you?
Like you know, relate, I know alot of us struggle with

(19:21):
relationships because we Putdown the drugs and the easiest
thing to fill the holes in ourheart is another person.
So did you ever have any issueswith that?

Speaker 3 (19:30):
Oh, yeah, I do.
I still struggle with that.
However, now I've decided toactually give this a chance and
work on myself a little bit moreand Not so much look for the
outside fix for my internalproblem but as to focus on the

(19:52):
internal problem and Really,like my prayer, life has really
taken off lately.
I just I was telling Trey, youknow, right before this.
He asked how my morning wasgoing and I said it's pretty
good.
I started it off with with Godand meditation and reading that

(20:12):
I read every morning.
I read the, just for today.
Every morning I pray, I say thethird step quote, third step
prayer, the seventh step prayer.
Talk to God a little bit andjust be silent and try to listen
for his voice, you know.
And but yeah, I struggle withwomen.

(20:33):
Still, I struggle with finances, I like to Indulge and like any
addict, you know, I used tothink I was different, but what
I've learned through sponsorshipand Other people's stories is
that there's nothing new underthe sun.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
What about, like I said, I have a luxury I know
your story and stuff and I knowFamily's important to you today,
like you know.
How has that process been?
Because you had mentioned thatwe hurt a lot of people and it's
usually people that care aboutus the most is the ones that you
know we hurt and continue tohurt for a while and and then I

(21:17):
know today you have a Healthyrelationship.
How's that process been?

Speaker 3 (21:23):
Well, it was rocky at first but I got to tell you.
Last August I flew out toPhoenix, where my family is out
west, and my mother and fatherthey bought a safe when I was in
addiction and they locked upEverything my mom's jewelry,

(21:44):
money, whatever it was.
Well, my mom would, wouldalways sleep right next to her
purse and I was that guy whowould take out of her purse when
I could and my dad's walletwhen he was in the shower.
And Last August I flew it.

(22:05):
Like I said, I flew out toPhoenix for my dad's 80th
birthday party and they wantedme out there for that.
And I remember going to thestore with my mom and she said
here I have to use the bathroom,brian, will you hold my purse?
So they they began to trust me.

(22:27):
Now you know I am trustworthytoday.
I have integrity today.
It wasn't always that case, butI Felt like I burnt a lot of
bridges.
But really I'm be.
I'm starting to mend thoserelationships that I've Thought

(22:50):
I totally destroyed.
So all my parents wanted wasfor me to be independent, happy,
and you know just a functioningadult functioning adult, yeah,
and.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
Easier said than done right it is.

Speaker 3 (23:09):
I'm still growing up.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
You and me both.
You know that many, but I hadit all figured out yet I know.
I'm not in that crowd, so youknow, but I'd like you.
I've done the same thing like Igot got in this stuff Because I
didn't want to use, because itseemed like everything went to
pieces, you know, and it washell like I would if I was going
through withdrawal or dope sick, you know.
It's a most common term termlike there was nothing gonna

(23:35):
stop me From getting well, youknow, as far as physically and I
could just justify the insanity, you know.
But but when I got in I wasjust trying not to use and then
I learned that it was a lotbigger, you know, with, like I
said, mental health,spirituality, like it.
Recovery applies to every facetmy life, even my relationships

(23:58):
today, you know.
So I definitely relate to thatand I've seen the transformation
.
I know you're very honest aboutyour struggles today, but you
know we might have a long way togo, but we ain't nowhere near
where we started out.
Oh no, and I know even to workhere it's a special to me, you

(24:20):
know.
It's my opinion, is a very bigblessing to work in this
organization Because everyonethat's affiliated with it
whether it's kid power,restoration house, whatever,
like everyone has just a passionto help people and it means a
lot to us.
A lot of us have been aroundhere for years.
So we we feel like we have apersonal investment.

(24:41):
So anyone that's brought onhere is because they have those
same qualities.
So I know I feel honored andI'm glad that you know
everything worked out where youcould kind of pass on that
experience, strength and hope toTo other guys.
You know we definitely utilizeyou with people that have

(25:02):
similar stories because it's soimpactful that you know you had
every reason to give up and youdidn't.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
It presents is that you have a really good game plan
of how to take care of yourselfwhile spending so much time
Caring for others, and I'mcurious if there have been times
when your focus was on caringfor others and you forgot about
yourself.
How have you gotten to theplace where you have this
strategy of getting up in themorning, prayer, meditation and

(25:31):
reading?

Speaker 3 (25:32):
well, um, it was.
It was told to me very early inrecovery that I have to keep my
program separate from work,that I cannot make work my
program, that I have to go to myown meetings and Work my own
program, get a sponsor stillwork the steps.

(25:54):
I'm going through the stepsagain in narcotics anonymous,
because my first sponsor was inheroin anonymous, and he took me
through the big book.
But, yeah, I just.
There were times that I wouldput work in front of my recovery
and Eventually I would be at aplace where I was just empty and

(26:18):
I couldn't pass on what wasgiven to me, because I look at
it that I'm like this, just avessel, that when I'm empty I
got to fill myself up withspirituality and recovery and so
forth from the meetings, fromstep work, sponsorship, whatever
, and then To pass it on Tosomeone else that is in need.

(26:41):
You know.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
So a lot of your life now is surrounded by Caring for
others who are in recovery, andso I'm curious how do you know
you'd be successful if youweren't working in recovery?
I don't.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
I don't.
I just Recovery is just apassion for me.
Yeah, you know, I've alwayswanted to work in recovery.
Eventually I want to be get mylaid-back and become a therapist
counselor, but I've just alwayshad a passion for recovery

(27:25):
because I've been through it.
I know what it's like and I seethe other side.
It's kind of like going likeI'm at a hill and I see what's
over the hill and on the otherside, and these people are stuck
on one side and I'm like, hey,come on over.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Looking over here.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
You know, and a lot of them won't, a lot of them
can't, a lot of them don't, butthe ones that do, it's very
rewarding.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah, I think we see a lot of people come through and
, chris, maybe you could speakto this better that when people
graduate the program they're asquickly out the door as they can
because they want to see lifeoutside of recovery and to see
that you have a mindset thatlike no, my life is really
really good here and don't evenhave the curiosity to test what

(28:18):
life looks like outside is.
I think probably takes a lot ofdiscipline to choose to stay
where you're at.

Speaker 3 (28:26):
Yeah, I was always told that if it works, don't fix
it.
That's fair.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
Well, and it's understanding that it's a
marathon, not a sprint, right,you know, and it's easy, I've
made that mistake years ago.
Like I completed a program,like I'm good now, right, I'm
cured.
Like I've never went six monthswithout using drugs or alcohol,
I just did it, so I gotta bedone.
And I've rushed into my lifethinking that you know, okay,

(28:53):
all my problems are gonna befixed because I didn't.
I'm not using or drinking,because that's the only thing
that caused me problems, or so Ithought you know.
But I learned that I love thatwe offer the alumni program
because it is a transitionperiod and there's no better.
You know it's a safeenvironment to learn some life

(29:14):
lessons, like finances.
You know, even with that yougot people around that you can
reach out to help for from, andso it is.
You know.
I tell everybody.
You know I stayed here a coupleyears and I'm still clean,
sober today because I'm realgood at planning.

(29:34):
You know I'll make these plans.
I'll have everything figuredout for the next three years
Right right.
The only problem is is, whenI've done that in my life, it's
never worked out, you know.
So it's for me, it's okay to beprepared, but I have to have
that margin to allow God to beGod, for me to be me, and so I
learned that here.

(29:55):
But it is a process.
I wouldn't take that away.
That second year of me beinghere was the most rewarding.
I learned a lot.
The first year, first sixmonths I did, but, like I think
I really started to learn tolive life on life's terms.
The second year, you know, andas an alumni, we have
accountability too.

(30:16):
It's not as strict, but it is.
And then it gives people achance to decide hey, do I wanna
work in this?
Is it like?
Do I have a passion for this?

Speaker 3 (30:24):
Yeah, yeah, Well, I'm extremely grateful for a
restoration house.
I tell people all the time itchanged my life.
I did the work, yeah, but I wasin an environment that was safe
, it was structured, it wasplanned out thoughtfully and

(30:46):
that it gave me a shot.
You know, because if I was togo anywhere else, like my own
place, if I could afford it, orhome, or my parents, I wouldn't
have made it.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
Yeah, I'm curious either one of y'all's take on
this.
When working in the helpingprofession, it becomes easy for
us to identify our success inwhether or not we've helped
others, and so this happens alot within my world as well, as
I'm sure it does in y'alls, andso I'm curious what steps that

(31:20):
you take and not finding youridentity in how you've seen
other people succeed.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
Well, it's a fine line because when you're working
a 12-step program, the 12-stepis carrying the message.
Yeah, so that's part of howI've had long-term success is
that desire to pass on all thewonderful things people that
have given me.
But working in recovery, likeBrian mentioned he was talking

(31:49):
about that vessel Well, it'seasy for us to be emptied out by
the time we get home, to be dryand we don't have anything else
left in the tank for me, myfamily and things like that.
And that's what's helped medeal with that is like I've got
to hold some back for myself,because if I stop taking care of

(32:11):
myself, I'm going to addictionsat the door, waiting active
addiction, but it is, and I'veseen it through the years with
other friends.
I have that work in treatment.
It is a big concern, that linetrying to have boundaries.
Like anybody, whether you're anactor or not, you've got to cut

(32:33):
the have boundaries.
You're not working on theweekend when you're with your
family.
I think that's crucial and I'llbe here to tell you I've still
got work to do on that Having.
I'm a lot better than I used tobe on it, used to be with it,
but I've seen a lot of peoplefail because of that, not having

(32:55):
those boundaries, getting yourrecovery out of your job because
it kind of goes hand in hand,like you were saying, and I'm
one of those people that alwayspush look, there's your recovery
and there's your job.
Look, if you go work at Walmarttomorrow, guess what you're
still recovering out of here, soyou still got to do that.
It doesn't matter where you work, but luckily we have the

(33:17):
blessing of being here andseeing people transform their
lives.
So you're right, it is aconcern and there's a fine line
there.
But luckily for me, I've hadpeople in my life that have went
before me and done it and theytold me that stuff early, or I
think I might have failed for itI might have, but they were so

(33:41):
adamant like this is great, butwithout balance it can hurt you.
What do you think, brian?

Speaker 3 (33:48):
Well, I think that.
Well, my head and my ego tellsme that I help these people.
But my heart tells me that Godhelped those people and I leave
the results up to God, becauseif it was up to me I'd screw it
up in a heartbeat.
All I can do, like you said,chris, is just carry the message

(34:10):
, just pass on what I was taughtand then hopefully that'll grab
, hold and plant a seed in them.
But when I start taking creditfor stuff and helping another
addict, when I start takingcredit for that, I'm in trouble.
I got to know that God is theone who is healing them and

(34:37):
bringing them to recovery andthe results.
If I start thinking that I'vegot this and I can heal anybody
and I'm playing God, that's verydangerous for me.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
Yeah Well, I mean, chris, you've got to be careful
Stated that like ensuring thatyou're leaving enough for
yourself and your family at theend of the day and and ideally
it's a great plan, but tenminutes before you walk out the
door when something happens andyou empty that tank or Brian,
you live on on site and youpreserve what you need to for

(35:12):
the end of the day for yourselfand and, like, what does it look
like to be able to?
At least for you, brian, livingon site, to be able to say, yes
, the people that you live withtheir recovery is important, but
right now you have to say myrecovery is my is most important
.

Speaker 3 (35:32):
That's where the boundaries come in.
That's where I have to say look, I know you're struggling with
something, but let me findsomeone that can help you.
Yeah, and then I have to taketime out for myself, because I
know that if I'm not full, thenhow am I supposed to pass on?
You know you can't transmitsomething you don't have.

(35:52):
So I mean, if I don't have itto transmit to someone else, how
am I gonna help them if I'mempty, yeah?
So yeah, I just gotta.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
And I think having a healthy workplace like you know
that that that assists a lot.
Like where we're very adamantabout Dedicating time to
yourself.
Don't, if you're off, don't getinvolved Passing you know, tell
us to go home.
Yeah, we got a boss.
They'll come through here.
Why are you still here?
You know like it does help.

(36:24):
You know it takes him thepressure off.
When, when you work in anatmosphere that that everyone
understands that you must behealthy to be at your best, you
have to take care of you.
But learning to say no, youknow, and it's something I work
on every day, you know, and it'sokay to something everything

(36:45):
doesn't is an emergency, like asa when I was an active
addiction or even Early recovery.
Everything that happened to mewas a absolute emergency.
Yeah, you know, it'd be timeswhen I'd have something going on
two weeks and I'd have to bugyou to death to get an answer,
because it was vital.
But it wasn't gonna happen.
And, and I remember that.
So you know, sometimes when I'mdealing with Participants, you

(37:08):
know, I explain it to them.
Hey, this really is anemergency.
Yeah you know.
So it's like a work in progress.
I tell you it's something youhave to be aware of that.
I have to be aware of day in andday out, because I feel the
effects when I have not donethat.
I Feel it yeah it's mynegativity.
You know, you start startcomplaining about.

(37:31):
You know and Compared to, mylife is good.
Yeah and after everything, I,you know, I've went through the
mistakes.
Like you know, it's hard pressto find a reason to complain
that, my gosh, I can find one.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yeah, sometimes I don't know working profession.
Sometimes I feel like the Jokerand dark night when the house,
when he blows up the hospital,and just walk away from a fire,
like, just like, and I gotta go,like it's really not that big
of a fire, it'll be heretomorrow.
But sometimes I just feel like,just like, well, and I'm just
gonna keep walking away becauseit's time for it's time for me,

(38:09):
you know.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
And then you know when you, you know I went.
I went four years with ourrelationship and you know I met
my wife and and she puts up witha lot too she deserves having
my attention, you know, you knowI've told you she's in recovery
too, so she understands theseconcepts and it's glad to have
that accountability partner,whether it's wife or yeah,

(38:34):
sponsor.
I just like you, I can't do itby myself.
And one thing I heard aold-timer a long time ago at a
Conference where they wastalking about carrying the
message and said because that'sin the day, that's, all we have
is the message and that for somereason at that time it really
struck me, you know, because,like you mentioned ego, you know

(38:56):
can, can play a part.
But when he said that I startedapplying that to every facet,
like even at my job, like I tellmyself that, you know, I didn't
start the program, it's programbe here, tomorrow.
It's been helping people foryears.
I'm blessed to be part of whatgoes on and it helps keep me
that balance.
So I don't think I Of myselfthen I ought to Right, but I

(39:20):
just learned so much through itfor, and they don't even know me
, you know, yeah.
I just carried you know we'regreat recovery in still
everybody stuff you can keepusing.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
My dad always says that if he says something three
times, you know he owns it.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
Well, brian.
Thanks so much, man for beingauthentic, coming in, you know,
sharing your strength and hope,thank you.
That's why Trey and I wanted todo this is that we meet so many
remarkable people and so manysuccess stories and and just
what?
Just generally just wonderfulpeople, and we want people to
know that are struggling.

(40:02):
Hey, it's not easy.
In a lot of ways it's simplebut it's not easy.
But it's possible that you'venot went too far, you have not
exhausted, god's grace and mercyyeah, there's still some, if I
can do it.

Speaker 3 (40:17):
I think anybody.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
I appreciate you come in, taking the time, really
enjoyed hearing it.
Like said, I've heard yourstory a few times and, and
that's just a Piece of it, youknow and you've talked, yeah,
some of the crazy stuff we don't.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
Maybe later on we'll get a chance, kind of, let's
just tell the whole thing yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah well, I mean,
and we know that that addictionIs gonna get better when people
are caring for people, andpeople are sharing their story,
their strength and hope, and sowe know every person's story is
impactful and it matters, and so, brian, thanks for joining us

(40:51):
today.
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