December 31, 2024 • 39 mins
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What if overcoming fear and vulnerability could lead to a life filled with intentional joy?
I'm thrilled to welcome the extraordinary Rhonda Parker Taylor, an American writer, entrepreneur, and academic researcher.
Rhonda takes us through the riveting journey of creating her debut novel, "Crossroads," and shares how visualization and discipline played pivotal roles in achieving her dreams. Get ready to be inspired by her personal stories of perseverance, including her experience of nearly losing her manuscripts, and discover her invaluable advice for aspiring writers on the power of small, consistent steps.
Ever felt trapped by others' expectations? Rhonda delves into how applying her research skills from her doctoral studies to her novels has enabled her to craft characters that are as richly detailed and psychologically complex as real people.
Navigating comparison and self-doubt can be daunting. Rhonda emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care to avoid the pitfalls of neglect and emotional turmoil.
She shares profound insights from her suspense thriller, "Crossroads," highlighting the consequences of ignoring self-care and the crucial need for internal love and self-focus.
We wrap up by discussing the magic of building meaningful relationships and the collaborative efforts that underpin success. Whether you're a dreamer, a writer, or anyone striving for a more intentional life, this episode is packed with inspiration and practical wisdom.
Meet Rhonda Parker Taylor
Rhonda Parker Taylor is an American writer, entrepreneur, and academic researcher. Her debut novel, “Crossroads,” a suspenseful masterpiece, was released in February 2023.
Rhonda’s diverse writing spans from educational works to fiction, and she is well-known for her research on emotional intelligence. Her academic achievements extend to being a prominent leader presented at the United Nations Global Compact Committee.
Connect with Rhonda:
rhondaparkertaylor.com
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Music created and produced by Matt Bollenbach
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hi and welcome to Untethered with Jen Liss, the
podcast that's here to help youbreak free, be you and unleash
your inner brilliance.
I'm your host, jen, and in thisepisode we're going to talk
about living a life ofintentional joy by putting
yourself first.
Let's dive in.
Hey there, unicorn, it's Jen.
(00:33):
Welcome back to the podcast.
On today's episode we haveRhonda Taylor Parker.
This is such a delightfulconversation with Rhonda.
She's an American writer,entrepreneur and also an
academic researcher.
Her debut novel, crossroads,came out in 2023, and it has
been deemed a suspensefulmasterpiece.
(00:53):
What we talk about in thisconversation with Rhonda is
everything that led to hercreating this book, why she
created it and really herjourney along the way that has
led her to this point.
She's incredibly introspectiveand really her personal passion.
She came on the podcast.
Of course she wants to shareher book with the world, but she
said it's really just a passionpoint for her to come on a
(01:15):
podcast like this where she cantalk about the things that have
really helped her to pursue herdream of writing and getting
this novel out into the world.
So she really came on thispodcast today to inspire you,
and especially if you're awriter, but really if you're
anybody, to stop puttingeverybody else first and start
putting yourself first.
(01:36):
Start putting your passionsfirst and your actual vision and
your dreams for this magicallife.
So, without further ado,welcoming to the podcast Rhonda
Parker-Taylor.
Hi Rhonda.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Thank you, it's so good to join you today.
I can't wait till we have aconversation that everybody can
relate to and understands thatwhen we stay disciplined and
practice positivity, we canalways have our dreams.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Oh my gosh.
That is so much of what this isabout, and right before coming
into this conversation, you weresharing with me.
This is a passion moment for meto be able to come and share
just your true passion for whatyou just shared there that we
can all follow our joy.
We can truly live the life thatwe came here to live, and
(02:25):
there's so many listeners ofthis podcast that want to be
authors.
There's a lot of people whowant to write.
That might be their particulardream.
There's other people who that'snot their dream.
There's other things.
That is their thing.
But it's so beautiful to haveyou come on because you're
actively living that dream.
Your book is in Barnes Nobleright now.
You have it on the shelf.
(02:46):
And I just went the other daywith a friend who's in town.
She's in town for a writingworkshop and we went into a
bookstore and we stood in frontof the nonfiction section and I
said, okay, envision your bookright here on the shelf.
And you're there.
So I would love to hear fromyour perspective, what does that
feel like?
What does it feel like to havethat moment?
(03:07):
It might not be your firstmoment, but you're getting to
experience that right now.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Well, I would first say that you taking your friend
and going into a bookstore isthe first moment, because you
have to visualize.
And for me, I had visualizedfor years writing the great
novel and I wrote it, and then Isat and let it sit on my desk
(03:33):
for a couple of years before Idid anything with it.
And the reason is that I had toface my fears and all my life,
you know, and all of us canrelate to this, because we all
have fears and we don't want tomake ourselves vulnerable and
we're like what if people don'tlike it?
Or what if they don't like me?
Or maybe you're overconfident,but then that fear holds you
(03:57):
back because what if it's notsuccessful?
And that might define me.
So there's so many reasons thatwe have fear of following our
dream.
And then one day I went to do Ineeded a document because I'm
still in academia and I was like, oh yeah, I wrote that in this
time period and I went to getthem this is how old, how long
(04:18):
it's at a floppy disk and Ipulled it out and stuck it in to
get that other document and itwas corrupt and it had all four
novels on there.
And I'm looking over and I'mseeing where I printed them out
Way back then.
You printed everything too,because you didn't know how
stable things were going to be.
And I'm like, oh my goodness,if I don't do this, I'm going to
(04:42):
be like all those other peopleout there that they say the best
novels are in people's closets.
And I was, you know.
And then my sister had to talkto me, you know.
She's like well, what's holdingyou back?
And I'm like well, you know,I've been working on this for
this customer and this projectfor that customer.
And then I had just, she's like, but what about your projects?
(05:05):
And then I had to.
I've always been a glory in aperson, and a person that wanted
to have dreams, I'm like.
But I love helping people and Ilove making them, you know,
make their dreams come true, andthat's, you know, what I've
built my, my consulting on ismaking sure that, academically,
people are strong.
And I had to make a plan for me, though, you know, and that's
(05:27):
where I really had to thinkabout it.
If I don't, if I didn't make aplan for me, my, you know, my
bucket list of dreams were onlygoing to be built on the ones
that I had built on helping andmentoring others, cause I do
have those dreams too, so I sovisualization is very important,
(05:48):
and so the so going to thatbookstore first, and then the
other thing is staying committed.
You have to stay committed toyour, to that plan.
And what I tell those that areout there that say, oh, I've got
a great book at whether it befiction, nonfiction cause I do
both, I do academic.
One page a day of your ownwriting and your novel is done
(06:09):
in a year.
That's not a big commitment oftime for people.
One page a day, you know.
And then what you can do isthen you can take action.
You make it into smallerobjectives and there you go, you
know.
And so, yeah, it was a dream andit's coming to fruition and I
(06:31):
had success.
So I would tell anybody and anydream they have, I don't care
if it you know you want what.
The best home that you can have, that's.
That's a dream too, becausethat's that's something during
the pandemic I really focused on.
It was my home, and that wasmaking sure that every that's a
dream too, because that's that'ssomething during the pandemic I
really focused on.
It was my home, and that wasmaking sure that every room has
a piece of me.
So whatever that dream is, itdoesn't have to be an overnight
(06:55):
boom instance.
You know instant gratification.
Just put it into small chunksand stay focused and and and.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Isn't that fascinating.
It goes down to the littlestthing.
What you just said about yourhouse and putting that little
piece of you in every room.
I had this realization in mykitchen the other day.
I have a dream of a verybeautiful kitchen and I
visualize that beautiful kitchenall the time.
So we had a great kitchen whenwe lived in Kansas and we moved
to Oregon and it's not what itwas.
And so I have this visual and Ihad this thought the other day.
(07:28):
I can make this kitchen thebest kitchen that it could be
and I can just keep it asbeautiful as I can.
And the difference that thatshift has had for me every time
I go in that kitchen andrearranging the things that are
in there and making it feel goodfor me, is such a massive
difference.
So what you said about doingthe little things that can make
a difference for you right now,Organizing it, you know, like in
(07:51):
the kitchen that's a big onebecause you end up with such.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You're visualizing it that way, so I get the kitchen
100%.
I love to cook, you know.
I found, and, um, that's one ofmy love languages is cooking
for for myself and others.
And I found that my kitchen wasnot.
I didn't have the pantry space.
I didn't have, you know, thethings in the pantry I needed.
(08:18):
I couldn't find them once I gotthem there.
So at first it was like, oh, gobuy all this stuff.
But then it was like, okay, nowyou can't find any of it
because it's pushed in a back ina closet or a cupboard or
whatever.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
And you're right.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
So then you have to start rethinking.
Okay, how do I organize it intoa way that keeps me motivated
to make that kitchen the bestthat it can?
Speaker 1 (08:43):
be motivated to make that kitchen the best that it
can be.
Okay, you told me that you havehad quite a journey to get you
to this point.
I also find it fascinating thatyou write both nonfiction and
fiction.
So I'm curious what has led youto the place that you're at now
, being in academia also writingfiction books?
What inspired you to get to theplace where you are now?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Well, I love reading, and so that would be the first
thing.
And in business and inacademics I'm going to say
there's no tolerance formistakes.
You know, you have to.
Everything's got to bescholarly, everything has to be
accurate.
You have to, you know, have acertain tone in it.
(09:30):
Actually, writing was one of myweaknesses younger and I was in
a business meeting.
This is non-academic, but I hadput together a proposal on how
to create a whole new dialingsystem for, on how to create a
whole new dialing system foractually it was a student loan
company that I worked for andgave it to my boss and it was a
(09:51):
new boss, so I wanted to get apat on the back or some good
feedback, and we ended upimplementing it.
But the one first thing that hesaid is you used the wrong
insurer.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
You know, and I had to go findin the document where I'd used
I-N instead of E-N, you know,and you're not even thinking
(10:14):
about the detail, even thoughyou've written it in detail, but
you're not thinking about that.
I was mortified, I washumiliated and I realized you
know what.
I was mortified, I washumiliated and I realized you
know what it's not.
It's about the weakness, andthat's making you mortified.
Who cares if there was a typo?
It was about that.
I wanted to excel and I wantedmy skill level to show, and so I
(10:42):
I decided then and there, allthese ideas in your head, and at
that point I think I'm stillworking on my master's, not my
doctorate in school, with all ofthe things that were in my head
, I needed to accomplish them.
I needed to excel for me, notbecause my dad wanted me in
business or my mom wanted me tobe an accountant or any of those
(11:07):
things.
I needed to excel for what Iwanted.
So that's when I decided to getmy doctorate.
It's when I decided to surroundmyself with other educators
that would help me become thebetter version of myself and
that would follow behind me andme follow behind them as a peer,
(11:29):
so where I, we can support eachother in a positive way, so
that much like a peer groupwould be for editing, you know,
or like a beta reader would be.
We, we did that with each otherthrough our doctoral programs,
and so the transition wasnatural.
(11:49):
If a person thinks thateverything's creative and novel
and fiction, it's not.
You have to do the research too, and for me, I used that
practice of research in my novel, so I think people will see it.
So a good example is mycharacter develop is not a
normal creative, just brainstormwho they are.
(12:11):
First of all, I figure out,okay, who is is it a male,
female?
And then I go shopping for whathouse they look, look, they
live in.
I go in on Amazon and look, foryou know if it's historical, if
it's been historical, but thatwas 1983.
I'd say, okay, what outfits dothey wear?
Is she a conservative person?
(12:32):
Is it a more liberal person?
And then I and I literallycreate a world that they can
live in.
But then I say, okay, that'senough about the physical
attributes.
And I think that's where somenovelists stop.
They describe rooms andeverything so much.
And I said, okay, what do theythink about themselves?
(12:55):
So when you go to a doctor, I dosoap notes all the time for
some of my doctoral students andyou go in and you report what
your sickness is right and yousay, okay, I got a sore throat
and my heart's racing, and thenthe doctor writes that down.
But then they start askingquestions about every system in
(13:16):
your body and they document it.
So if you've ever gone to your,like my, they've documented
every what they see.
So they first write what you'vetold them about yourself and
then they write in their, your,my chart, everything, every
system.
You know what their, what theresponse is.
And then they also.
(13:37):
But if you look at it on thedoctor's side rather than just
the patient portal if you youhad access to it it also says
things like dressedinappropriately for the weather
has a flat effect, and so I usethat DSM, which is the
diagnostic for mental health, todescribe what that person's
(13:58):
issues are, whether it besomething that they've had five
bad events in their childhood,so they're at a high risk for a
stroke when they get older, youknow, or you know, do they have
anxiety?
So when every time somethingchanges, their heart races.
And then I know like I knowthem better, I know them like
(14:19):
they're the person next door ormy friend, that I know their
entire history.
And it helps me get past thewriter block Because now I've
got this historical context ofthe person.
So they're in this room and, ifanything else, I can describe
how they're feeling.
I can describe what theirbehaviors are going to be like.
(14:41):
Are they going to be agitated?
What their behaviors are goingto be like?
Are they going to be agitated?
Are they going to have a cough?
Because they've been smoking,you know, three packs of
cigarettes a day for, you know,40 years and they're developing
emphysema, you know.
So I try to take that researchbackground and apply it in the
novel.
(15:01):
And then, because my passion ispeople, I try to depict the
person in a light, not just asif they're the good guy or the
bad guy, because it's suspense.
I try to show the good in themalso.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Because people are complex.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Yes, so, so like, for instance, even though someone
was there, when, when the firstvictim was murdered, he has a
decision to make.
He's known the person thatmurdered murdered her his entire
life.
So is he going to actually takethe state stands or is he going
to go ahead and take, you know,take the hit and go to go to
(15:47):
jail with him and that internalstruggle that he has?
But he also knew the victim andhad a crush on the victim.
And so it's like this.
I hate to say it can happen toany of us, but you could get in
the wrong car at the wrong time.
Hate to say it can happen toany of us, but you could get in
the wrong car at the wrong time.
(16:07):
It's all about our decisionsand our behaviors in those
decisions that make a differencebetween suspense of your own
life or not.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, I think it's really cool.
Obviously you're so lit up bythis and you're following all of
your passions, but you'vebrought your passion for
research and really digging inand also your passion for people
and really understanding thebehavior of people and you're
bringing that into your work andyour work has traveled with
that and just gotten strongerand stronger and better and
(16:39):
better along the way.
I would imagine the more andmore you bring all of those
interests of yourself into whatyou do.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I think that's an accurate assessment.
And then also, as you matureI'm not a young chick anymore
you learn that self-care is abig part of following your
dreams and many people think ofself-care as just eating right
and exercising.
But self-care is also yourmental and spiritual growth and
(17:12):
being able to achieve thosedreams.
And if you're not, when you getto the final resting place,
you're going to have regrets.
They say most people go throughmidlife crisis because they
haven't followed their dreamsworkplace you're going to have
regrets.
They say most people go throughmidlife crisis because they
haven't followed their dreams.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
What does that self-care mean for you?
What are some of the thingsthat you do that really support
you?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I think the first thing is I've learned to accept
who I am, for for years Istruggled with, I would say,
insecurities, self-doubt,wondering if I measured up, so
accepting me for who I am.
(17:55):
I come from very high,achieving family members.
My dad was an entrepreneur thatstarted his business in a barn
and now it's a midsizemanufacturing company.
And for many times I put thecarrot and measuring stick to
what everybody else thought Ishould be and what my life
(18:20):
should be looking like.
And then I realized, wait aminute, but that's not who I am.
So I don't have the big house,I have the smaller house with
more property, and so that'sself-care for me.
I love my animals, so I, youknow, I watch the nature as it
(18:40):
comes through on my property.
I get coyotes, I get opossums,I get everything.
I mean just about everythingthat you're going to have in the
Midwest.
And then practicing every dayin my home, not just making sure
it's beautiful, but like that,I reflect on every window
Because, see, you can designyour house internally and out
(19:04):
externally, but do you look outthe window and enjoy what you've
done?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
that's big so I.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
So I go and as I open up the blinds I look and say,
okay, what out there can beimproved, what's out there maybe
it's an animal that I seerunning through a squirrel or
something and then what's outthere that can bring me joy?
And then when I take my dogsout for a walk, instead of
(19:36):
roaming the neighborhood, Ifirst do the property and enjoy
who I am and who I've built.
Now that could go the same wayif you live in an apartment.
I've lived in apartments before, so it doesn't have to be a
large home, is my point.
You may not be intended to haveit.
(19:57):
Maybe that upkeep isn't whatyou're supposed to do,
especially like.
Could you imagine being asingle mom, you know, and then
having three acres to try tokeep up with, or you know that
that that would be impractical,you know.
So you design it around whereyour life is today and enjoy
that and embrace that.
(20:19):
If I compared myself to mysister, she is very excellent,
driven, but her life and herdreams are different than mine.
She has a very large house andshe travels with her.
She takes her dogs to dog showsand shows them, and so her life
(20:39):
is very different.
Mine is more in, I'm morereflective and home oriented and
she's more out of the homeoriented, but she's still
fulfilling her dream and I, youknow, and she's practicing the
same kind of intentional lifeLike I.
She was driving to Wisconsinthis week and I was like, okay,
(20:59):
so what on that drive can you do?
That's intentional, but youcan't, you don't have time in,
and so it was like call my great, our aunt, who's, you know,
nearing 80.
And some of the things that youcan do that brings intentional
joy and then finding the lessonsof the things that you've done
wrong and working them out, youknow.
(21:21):
So those would be the thingsthat I would say is self-care
for me and that's developingthose relationships in my home
and my.
We all have down times in ouremotional being, but those kinds
of things bring you back toreality and that life is just
(21:43):
not that difficult.
We have difficult moments.
I've lost a son to a gunfire,we've all had difficult moments.
It gets you through thosemoments when you have a daily
practice that brings youself-fulfillment.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Yeah, I'm so sorry to hear that about your son.
What you say you say that wassuch wisdom because you've lived
it that those things point youback to what does bring you joy
and when we can do that.
That's such a powerful.
It's such a powerful shift tohave people in this world who
have come through something thathard and you've come through it
(22:22):
to the point where you canpoint back to this is what
brings me joy is just really,really huge and speaks a lot to
the person who you are.
Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
I think that if anybody out there is going
through a hard time, we havechoices and the first one is get
out of bed and you know, I havenot had an easy life, but I've
learned from those ups and downsand we all are going to have
(22:53):
ups and downs.
So the first one is your mentalhealth and get up and put one
foot in front of the other andfind that you can believe in
yourself, no matter what thecircumstances are.
And if your bills are this highand your income's this high,
you know, get rid of first, getrid of all the duplicates and
(23:18):
those notices that you'recramming in your junk drawer
because you don't want to faceit.
Once you face it, it's not asbad as you think it's going to
be.
If it's a death of a loved one,same thing.
I've cared for a mother that'shad cancer.
I've cared for a father thatdied of emphysema.
I've cared for you.
Know you, just once you facethose negatives, you realize,
(23:44):
okay, god's going to carry methrough this.
Whatever your God is andhowever you define it, Facing it
, turning inward and facing itwe will.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
We live in a society that really likes to just kind
of put the blanket over thingsand try to try to mask the pain
and all the ways, and so thathaving the courage to turn in
and face it when you're ready toface it, it's like not always
expected that you do it likeright away, get over it.
That's not the way that weprocess.
But in that right moment whenit's time to face it, that's
(24:14):
really huge.
Otherwise it turns intosuffering.
You know, it's like sufferingis an option.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
And you know it.
Not only does it turn intosuffering but, like you said,
you have to learn coping skillsfor yourself.
You know it's a process.
Give yourself that process.
You know whether it be okay.
Today, all I got to do is getout of bed and put my clothes on
.
That's progress, that's.
(24:45):
You know that's all part of it.
But always continue to realizethat you're put here on this
earth to be successful at yourpurpose.
It doesn't have to be a bigpurpose.
Some people think, oh, buteverybody else is doing so much
that doesn't matter.
Is that what you're intended tobe?
I know many people that say I'mretiring by 55 or 60 or
(25:06):
whatever.
No matter what, I'm not goingto do this rat race all my life.
I want to be able to work in mygarden.
I want to be able to do youknow.
So that's okay.
You know that's your dream,that's.
You know that's what it's allabout.
It's living your purpose andrewarding yourself for those
accomplishments.
Maybe that's how you getthrough the work rat races.
(25:29):
Knowing that, hey, this thing'sgoing to end.
I'm like I don't know if Icould ever not stop working.
My dad was the same way, so itwas behavior.
So you know everybody'sdifferent.
I don't know how to turn it offlike that, but maybe one day I
will.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Yeah, maybe that's part of your purpose.
You'll find out.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Find another project.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
I don't ever see myself not working either.
I'm one of those people that Iand fortunately I recently had
an astrology reading and all ofthese readings done and she's
like your career is your purpose, so please stop feeling guilty
about the fact that you love towork, because you just love to
work and that's what you'remeant to be here to do, and so
it's like whatever brings youjoy what you're saying, you're
(26:13):
meant to be successful at yourpurpose.
That's such a powerfulstatement, rhonda.
Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
And I think that not only just that, for sharing that
, and I think that not only justthat, you got to stop.
We got to stop comparingourselves to each other.
You know, you're a beautifulwoman.
I should be able to appreciatethat and not become what I call
a hater.
Same thing with why are we, whyare women in the workforce
holding other women back ratherthan supporting them in their
(26:43):
journey?
You know, men, even if theydislike each other, sometimes
will open up the door for theother person so that they can
follow in right behind them.
You know, it's important thatthat comparison and in social
media we do it all the timewe're always like they're
prettier, they're stronger,they're faster, they've got more
money, they've got betterclothes.
(27:04):
But if we can stop comparingourselves to other people's
worlds, our purpose will rise.
And some people are like Idon't even know what my purpose
is.
Well, are you looking ateverybody else's world instead
of looking at your own worldworld?
If I'm looking at my neighborsor if I'm looking at somebody
(27:25):
else's world, how am I evergoing to find the?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
purpose for my next project.
So true, so true.
And your journey is just amasterful example of you
actively living this.
Do you have any?
And you mentioned earlierself-doubt, some of these things
I call those tethers.
You know anything comparingourselves to others?
That's another tether, that's,you know, rooted in other things
, but we all tend to have.
When I've had conversationswith people, they're like oh
(27:53):
yeah, there's this one thatkeeps coming back for me.
Is there one that seems to comeback for you time and time
again?
This thing that you just haveto keep working through?
And what works for you to workthrough that thing?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
For me, it's putting others first instead of myself
first.
It rises its head a hundredtimes a day for me.
So I have had to learn thatit's okay to say no, or it's
okay to see if they can strugglethrough it themselves.
(28:24):
First.
I want to jump in and solve itfor them.
You know we can do this, let'sgo.
And they may not even be readyfor it, and they may never be
ready for the changes that theyneed to do to get there.
So, and not taking thoseprojects to a point when I say
projects like the mentorship andthe time that it takes for
(28:46):
mentorships to a point that I'mliving their life and making the
decisions for them I would makedecisions for everybody in the
world if I could and make theirlives all better every day.
And so then what ends uphappening is they'd become
dependent on me, not on day, andyou know.
So then what ends up happening?
Is they become dependent on me,not on themselves.
(29:06):
And so to me, I have to remindmyself I am not God.
I cannot make their livesbetter.
All I can do is support them intheir own journey.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
What does that do for you when you come to that place
?
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Well, at first the stress is off my shoulders,
because when you take ownershipof somebody else's stuff, what
ends up happening is theirsuccess or failure becomes your
goal and objectives.
And so if I'm doing that, I endup doing their paperwork.
I end up doing their paperwork,I end up doing their you know.
(29:42):
So it takes the stress off.
Show them you know, show themhow to do it for themselves,
where to get the resources.
So it takes the stress.
And if they don't choose to takethe step, especially when it
comes to, like, starting theirown business, everybody wants to
know.
You do business entities andyou do academic.
How do you do it?
(30:03):
What should I do?
And you tell them?
And then they and you doacademic.
How do you do it?
What should I do?
And you tell them, and thenthey don't do it.
They want you to do it for them.
Okay, that's a pretty cost, youknow, but if they don't ever
learn it themselves, how arethey going to run their own
business?
So I am disabling their abilityto find their dreams if I take
on everybody else's stuff andjust do it for them and I.
(30:27):
So it's a relief to staydisciplined to saying, okay,
this is where you go, this ishow you get it, this is how much
it costs, or whatever it mightbe, and then work on, help them
work on those skills.
If it's a confidence of what'sholding them back, why are you,
you know, holding yourself back?
Help them address the fears andsupport them through that.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
What a potent realization that when we take on
so much of other people's, westart to take on their purpose.
We're actually keeping themback from living their dreams.
Can I ask you a random question, if you were to go get a
massage, where do you feel mostof your stress?
Where are you most tender?
Where do you hold all of yourstress in your body?
Speaker 2 (31:08):
That's funny, because I go get massages and I go to a
chiropractor because I do havea bad back.
I feel it, depending on what itis that I'm doing.
I either feel it in my neck or,as my husband says, you sit too
much, you're going to turn intoa chair.
Or, as my husband says, you sittoo much, you're going to turn
into a chair, and my lower back,because that's where my spine
(31:28):
is, and then you end up gettingheadaches, you know, because
you're too tense and so Idefinitely.
Those are the two areas that Icontinually have to work on.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
It's just interesting no-transcript very clear that
(32:11):
it's like this is the thing thatI really struggle with, and yet
it's the really powerfulmessage that you're here to
share with people and thatyou're sharing through your work
is like your purpose, it's yourpurpose, follow your purpose.
It's like we'll get sosidetracked by trying to help
everybody else and you'retelling people come back home to
you and you've been on thisjourney of really understanding
it at a deep level and you'recontinuing to move forward with
(32:34):
that and probably get thosereminders all the time and those
massages are helping yousomatically.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Oh, definitely.
And as we go through life, wehave to remember that.
You know, there are emotionsinside us that brew up and in
Crossroads I chose to use threeof those emotions that happen
when we're not doing self-careand then we're not practicing
(32:59):
our purpose, and those are angry.
When you're angered, there's areason, there's an emotional
response to that Fury and envy.
And if all three of those, ifyou do not address them in
yourself, you could be the onethat's doing the perpetrating.
And it may not be killingsomebody, but it could be
(33:23):
emotionally killing somebody.
It could be the wrong words, itcould be the wrong actions.
So you know, when we practiceself-care and try to find our
own purpose, we don't find out,fine, we have to lash out to
other people.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Because those emotions, they come out sideways
.
That lashing out is like we'vestifled it and we haven't
properly processed it, and theycome out sideways.
That lashing out is like awe've we've stifled it and we
haven't properly processed it,and it comes out sideways.
Beautiful Everyone, please gocheck out this book.
It's the after listening tothis conversation, everybody's
(34:00):
going to want to, because I feellike it's the culmination of
everything that you are sharinghere.
Tell us if there's anythingthat you want people to know
about this book and why theyshould check it out.
Please share.
Rhonda.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
So Crossroads is a 1983 suspense thriller.
It's similar to like an AgathaChristie kind of clues
throughout it.
It deals with people that don'tpractice life balance and what
ends up happening.
It is a crime thriller, thoughwhat you need to know about the
journey in Crossroads is it'sthere to help you also
(34:29):
understand how your individualchoices affect your daily lives.
Just remember that the thingsthat we've talked about in the
podcast is when you follow yourpurpose and you have a passion
for it, what you end up doing isyou set yourself up for success
.
But if you don't, when anger iscruel, fury is overwhelming.
(34:50):
But who can stand beforejealousy?
Envy makes the bones rot, andthat's actually a proverb.
If you don't address and focuson your internal love for self,
that envy will literallydeteriorate your whole body.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Goosebumps.
There's so much truth in whatyou just shared there, thank you
.
Thank you for writing this bookand best wishes on the
continued success of it.
I have one final question.
I ask everybody who comes onthe podcast when do you see the
magic in the world?
Speaker 2 (35:25):
on the podcast.
Where do you see the magic inthe world?
Oh, the magic in the world isthe relationships you connect
with others.
I firmly believe that a goodexample for me is my book would
not have been as successful if Ihadn't partnered with a good
publishing company.
That also introduced me toMeryl Thuneway and she read the
book and she endorsed the book.
(35:45):
She wrote the foreword and thenshe released a beautiful
depiction of what you can learnfrom that book on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
It's really beautiful .
It's on her website, so gowatch that.
It's really beautiful.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
So if you partner yourself with a good connections
whether it be a good spouse, agood sister, a good brother, you
know a neighbor then you knowthose connections really is the
magic.
You know you can accomplish somuch with good connections.
It's those negative ones thathold you back.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Yeah, thank you for sharing that.
That's a really, reallybeautiful reminder to each of us
that those connections reallymatter.
I'm so glad to be connectedwith you, and now everyone who
listens to the podcast isconnected with you as well.
Where can people indeed bestconnect with you?
Speaker 2 (36:31):
I try to make it simple.
Rhonda Parker taylorcom is mywebsite.
Um, all my social media isunder Rhonda Parker Taylor, also
Rhonda's with an H, and shootme a shout out.
I'll shout, shout out back andfollow me However you want to,
whatever one one of the socialmedias that you that you prefer.
(36:51):
I'm on Instagram, facebook,twitter.
I'm even learning old dogs, do,do, do, do tricks, tick, tock.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Look at you, heck yeah, you're better than me.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
I am learning.
So, yeah, follow me, howeveryou want to follow me, and I'll
be glad to exchange pleasantries.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
So beautiful and go get the book.
Of course it's in all theplaces.
Thanks so much for coming onthe podcast, rhonda.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Everybody have a great day.
Be blessed.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Oh, my goodness.
There were so many amazingtakeaways from this conversation
with Rhonda.
I'm just going to share acouple of the things that I
wrote down, because I can'tcover them all in Thursday's
thread.
In Thursday's thread I willpull out a piece, so stay tuned
for that.
But I just had to share a fewof these things because one of
the big things that she talkedabout was really doing it for
you, and we can't do it forourselves until we fully accept
(37:50):
who we are.
Who are you?
What do you want out of thislife?
Look out the window andappreciate the things that you
have, while also dreaming of thethings that you really, really
desire, and make it happen.
Just make your dreams happen,not your sister's dreams, your
parents' dreams, yourgrandparents' dreams, your
colleagues' dreams what are yourdreams?
(38:10):
And then make the choice tostart making those happen.
And another huge thing that shetalked about was that it's okay
to let other people struggle,because that's actually part of
their journey.
You can be there to supportthem, you can help them and you
can lend your support whereverit is needed.
(38:30):
And you do have to let peoplego on their journey, because
that's how they eventually aregoing to find their purpose and
build the tools and the skillsto help them follow their dreams
.
So, underscoring that, putyourself first message.
So do stay tuned for Thursday,where I'm gonna pull a thread
out from this episode and go alittle bit deeper.
(38:52):
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode.
If there was something that yougot out of it for yourself, I
encourage you to share it with afriend who might also get that
same thing or might get a littlesomething for themselves.
You can also share it with allof your friends.
Take a little screenshot of theepisode itself, put it on
social media, tag me, tag Rhonda.
(39:14):
She said she's in all theplaces.
You can tag her in all theplaces.
All of the links are in theshow notes.
If you tag us, we will reshareyour post every time.
Thanks again for listening.
You just keep shining yourmagical unicorn light there out
there for all to see.
I'll see you on Thursday.
Bye.
Hi and welcome to Untethered with Jen Liss, the
podcast that's here to help youbreak free, be you and unleash
your inner brilliance.
I'm your host, jen, and in thisepisode we're going to talk
about living a life ofintentional joy by putting
yourself first.
Let's dive in.
Hey there, unicorn, it's Jen.
(00:33):
Welcome back to the podcast.
On today's episode we haveRhonda Taylor Parker.
This is such a delightfulconversation with Rhonda.
She's an American writer,entrepreneur and also an
academic researcher.
Her debut novel, crossroads,came out in 2023, and it has
been deemed a suspensefulmasterpiece.
(00:53):
What we talk about in thisconversation with Rhonda is
everything that led to hercreating this book, why she
created it and really herjourney along the way that has
led her to this point.
She's incredibly introspectiveand really her personal passion.
She came on the podcast.
Of course she wants to shareher book with the world, but she
said it's really just a passionpoint for her to come on a
(01:15):
podcast like this where she cantalk about the things that have
really helped her to pursue herdream of writing and getting
this novel out into the world.
So she really came on thispodcast today to inspire you,
and especially if you're awriter, but really if you're
anybody, to stop puttingeverybody else first and start
putting yourself first.
(01:36):
Start putting your passionsfirst and your actual vision and
your dreams for this magicallife.
So, without further ado,welcoming to the podcast Rhonda
Parker-Taylor.
Hi Rhonda.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Thank you, it's so good to join you today.
I can't wait till we have aconversation that everybody can
relate to and understands thatwhen we stay disciplined and
practice positivity, we canalways have our dreams.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Oh my gosh.
That is so much of what this isabout, and right before coming
into this conversation, you weresharing with me.
This is a passion moment for meto be able to come and share
just your true passion for whatyou just shared there that we
can all follow our joy.
We can truly live the life thatwe came here to live, and
(02:25):
there's so many listeners ofthis podcast that want to be
authors.
There's a lot of people whowant to write.
That might be their particulardream.
There's other people who that'snot their dream.
There's other things.
That is their thing.
But it's so beautiful to haveyou come on because you're
actively living that dream.
Your book is in Barnes Nobleright now.
You have it on the shelf.
(02:46):
And I just went the other daywith a friend who's in town.
She's in town for a writingworkshop and we went into a
bookstore and we stood in frontof the nonfiction section and I
said, okay, envision your bookright here on the shelf.
And you're there.
So I would love to hear fromyour perspective, what does that
feel like?
What does it feel like to havethat moment?
(03:07):
It might not be your firstmoment, but you're getting to
experience that right now.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Well, I would first say that you taking your friend
and going into a bookstore isthe first moment, because you
have to visualize.
And for me, I had visualizedfor years writing the great
novel and I wrote it, and then Isat and let it sit on my desk
(03:33):
for a couple of years before Idid anything with it.
And the reason is that I had toface my fears and all my life,
you know, and all of us canrelate to this, because we all
have fears and we don't want tomake ourselves vulnerable and
we're like what if people don'tlike it?
Or what if they don't like me?
Or maybe you're overconfident,but then that fear holds you
(03:57):
back because what if it's notsuccessful?
And that might define me.
So there's so many reasons thatwe have fear of following our
dream.
And then one day I went to do Ineeded a document because I'm
still in academia and I was like, oh yeah, I wrote that in this
time period and I went to getthem this is how old, how long
(04:18):
it's at a floppy disk and Ipulled it out and stuck it in to
get that other document and itwas corrupt and it had all four
novels on there.
And I'm looking over and I'mseeing where I printed them out
Way back then.
You printed everything too,because you didn't know how
stable things were going to be.
And I'm like, oh my goodness,if I don't do this, I'm going to
(04:42):
be like all those other peopleout there that they say the best
novels are in people's closets.
And I was, you know.
And then my sister had to talkto me, you know.
She's like well, what's holdingyou back?
And I'm like well, you know,I've been working on this for
this customer and this projectfor that customer.
And then I had just, she's like, but what about your projects?
(05:05):
And then I had to.
I've always been a glory in aperson, and a person that wanted
to have dreams, I'm like.
But I love helping people and Ilove making them, you know,
make their dreams come true, andthat's, you know, what I've
built my, my consulting on ismaking sure that, academically,
people are strong.
And I had to make a plan for me, though, you know, and that's
(05:27):
where I really had to thinkabout it.
If I don't, if I didn't make aplan for me, my, you know, my
bucket list of dreams were onlygoing to be built on the ones
that I had built on helping andmentoring others, cause I do
have those dreams too, so I sovisualization is very important,
(05:48):
and so the so going to thatbookstore first, and then the
other thing is staying committed.
You have to stay committed toyour, to that plan.
And what I tell those that areout there that say, oh, I've got
a great book at whether it befiction, nonfiction cause I do
both, I do academic.
One page a day of your ownwriting and your novel is done
(06:09):
in a year.
That's not a big commitment oftime for people.
One page a day, you know.
And then what you can do isthen you can take action.
You make it into smallerobjectives and there you go, you
know.
And so, yeah, it was a dream andit's coming to fruition and I
(06:31):
had success.
So I would tell anybody and anydream they have, I don't care
if it you know you want what.
The best home that you can have, that's.
That's a dream too, becausethat's that's something during
the pandemic I really focused on.
It was my home, and that wasmaking sure that every that's a
dream too, because that's that'ssomething during the pandemic I
really focused on.
It was my home, and that wasmaking sure that every room has
a piece of me.
So whatever that dream is, itdoesn't have to be an overnight
(06:55):
boom instance.
You know instant gratification.
Just put it into small chunksand stay focused and and and.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Isn't that fascinating.
It goes down to the littlestthing.
What you just said about yourhouse and putting that little
piece of you in every room.
I had this realization in mykitchen the other day.
I have a dream of a verybeautiful kitchen and I
visualize that beautiful kitchenall the time.
So we had a great kitchen whenwe lived in Kansas and we moved
to Oregon and it's not what itwas.
And so I have this visual and Ihad this thought the other day.
(07:28):
I can make this kitchen thebest kitchen that it could be
and I can just keep it asbeautiful as I can.
And the difference that thatshift has had for me every time
I go in that kitchen andrearranging the things that are
in there and making it feel goodfor me, is such a massive
difference.
So what you said about doingthe little things that can make
a difference for you right now,Organizing it, you know, like in
(07:51):
the kitchen that's a big onebecause you end up with such.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You're visualizing it that way, so I get the kitchen
100%.
I love to cook, you know.
I found, and, um, that's one ofmy love languages is cooking
for for myself and others.
And I found that my kitchen wasnot.
I didn't have the pantry space.
I didn't have, you know, thethings in the pantry I needed.
(08:18):
I couldn't find them once I gotthem there.
So at first it was like, oh, gobuy all this stuff.
But then it was like, okay, nowyou can't find any of it
because it's pushed in a back ina closet or a cupboard or
whatever.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
And you're right.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
So then you have to start rethinking.
Okay, how do I organize it intoa way that keeps me motivated
to make that kitchen the bestthat it can?
Speaker 1 (08:43):
be motivated to make that kitchen the best that it
can be.
Okay, you told me that you havehad quite a journey to get you
to this point.
I also find it fascinating thatyou write both nonfiction and
fiction.
So I'm curious what has led youto the place that you're at now
, being in academia also writingfiction books?
What inspired you to get to theplace where you are now?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Well, I love reading, and so that would be the first
thing.
And in business and inacademics I'm going to say
there's no tolerance formistakes.
You know, you have to.
Everything's got to bescholarly, everything has to be
accurate.
You have to, you know, have acertain tone in it.
(09:30):
Actually, writing was one of myweaknesses younger and I was in
a business meeting.
This is non-academic, but I hadput together a proposal on how
to create a whole new dialingsystem for, on how to create a
whole new dialing system foractually it was a student loan
company that I worked for andgave it to my boss and it was a
(09:51):
new boss, so I wanted to get apat on the back or some good
feedback, and we ended upimplementing it.
But the one first thing that hesaid is you used the wrong
insurer.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
You know, and I had to go findin the document where I'd used
I-N instead of E-N, you know,and you're not even thinking
(10:14):
about the detail, even thoughyou've written it in detail, but
you're not thinking about that.
I was mortified, I washumiliated and I realized you
know what.
I was mortified, I washumiliated and I realized you
know what it's not.
It's about the weakness, andthat's making you mortified.
Who cares if there was a typo?
It was about that.
I wanted to excel and I wantedmy skill level to show, and so I
(10:42):
I decided then and there, allthese ideas in your head, and at
that point I think I'm stillworking on my master's, not my
doctorate in school, with all ofthe things that were in my head
, I needed to accomplish them.
I needed to excel for me, notbecause my dad wanted me in
business or my mom wanted me tobe an accountant or any of those
(11:07):
things.
I needed to excel for what Iwanted.
So that's when I decided to getmy doctorate.
It's when I decided to surroundmyself with other educators
that would help me become thebetter version of myself and
that would follow behind me andme follow behind them as a peer,
(11:29):
so where I, we can support eachother in a positive way, so
that much like a peer groupwould be for editing, you know,
or like a beta reader would be.
We, we did that with each otherthrough our doctoral programs,
and so the transition wasnatural.
(11:49):
If a person thinks thateverything's creative and novel
and fiction, it's not.
You have to do the research too, and for me, I used that
practice of research in my novel, so I think people will see it.
So a good example is mycharacter develop is not a
normal creative, just brainstormwho they are.
(12:11):
First of all, I figure out,okay, who is is it a male,
female?
And then I go shopping for whathouse they look, look, they
live in.
I go in on Amazon and look, foryou know if it's historical, if
it's been historical, but thatwas 1983.
I'd say, okay, what outfits dothey wear?
Is she a conservative person?
(12:32):
Is it a more liberal person?
And then I and I literallycreate a world that they can
live in.
But then I say, okay, that'senough about the physical
attributes.
And I think that's where somenovelists stop.
They describe rooms andeverything so much.
And I said, okay, what do theythink about themselves?
(12:55):
So when you go to a doctor, I dosoap notes all the time for
some of my doctoral students andyou go in and you report what
your sickness is right and yousay, okay, I got a sore throat
and my heart's racing, and thenthe doctor writes that down.
But then they start askingquestions about every system in
(13:16):
your body and they document it.
So if you've ever gone to your,like my, they've documented
every what they see.
So they first write what you'vetold them about yourself and
then they write in their, your,my chart, everything, every
system.
You know what their, what theresponse is.
And then they also.
(13:37):
But if you look at it on thedoctor's side rather than just
the patient portal if you youhad access to it it also says
things like dressedinappropriately for the weather
has a flat effect, and so I usethat DSM, which is the
diagnostic for mental health, todescribe what that person's
(13:58):
issues are, whether it besomething that they've had five
bad events in their childhood,so they're at a high risk for a
stroke when they get older, youknow, or you know, do they have
anxiety?
So when every time somethingchanges, their heart races.
And then I know like I knowthem better, I know them like
(14:19):
they're the person next door ormy friend, that I know their
entire history.
And it helps me get past thewriter block Because now I've
got this historical context ofthe person.
So they're in this room and, ifanything else, I can describe
how they're feeling.
I can describe what theirbehaviors are going to be like.
(14:41):
Are they going to be agitated?
What their behaviors are goingto be like?
Are they going to be agitated?
Are they going to have a cough?
Because they've been smoking,you know, three packs of
cigarettes a day for, you know,40 years and they're developing
emphysema, you know.
So I try to take that researchbackground and apply it in the
novel.
(15:01):
And then, because my passion ispeople, I try to depict the
person in a light, not just asif they're the good guy or the
bad guy, because it's suspense.
I try to show the good in themalso.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Because people are complex.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Yes, so, so like, for instance, even though someone
was there, when, when the firstvictim was murdered, he has a
decision to make.
He's known the person thatmurdered murdered her his entire
life.
So is he going to actually takethe state stands or is he going
to go ahead and take, you know,take the hit and go to go to
(15:47):
jail with him and that internalstruggle that he has?
But he also knew the victim andhad a crush on the victim.
And so it's like this.
I hate to say it can happen toany of us, but you could get in
the wrong car at the wrong time.
Hate to say it can happen toany of us, but you could get in
the wrong car at the wrong time.
(16:07):
It's all about our decisionsand our behaviors in those
decisions that make a differencebetween suspense of your own
life or not.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, I think it's really cool.
Obviously you're so lit up bythis and you're following all of
your passions, but you'vebrought your passion for
research and really digging inand also your passion for people
and really understanding thebehavior of people and you're
bringing that into your work andyour work has traveled with
that and just gotten strongerand stronger and better and
(16:39):
better along the way.
I would imagine the more andmore you bring all of those
interests of yourself into whatyou do.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I think that's an accurate assessment.
And then also, as you matureI'm not a young chick anymore
you learn that self-care is abig part of following your
dreams and many people think ofself-care as just eating right
and exercising.
But self-care is also yourmental and spiritual growth and
(17:12):
being able to achieve thosedreams.
And if you're not, when you getto the final resting place,
you're going to have regrets.
They say most people go throughmidlife crisis because they
haven't followed their dreamsworkplace you're going to have
regrets.
They say most people go throughmidlife crisis because they
haven't followed their dreams.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
What does that self-care mean for you?
What are some of the thingsthat you do that really support
you?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I think the first thing is I've learned to accept
who I am, for for years Istruggled with, I would say,
insecurities, self-doubt,wondering if I measured up, so
accepting me for who I am.
(17:55):
I come from very high,achieving family members.
My dad was an entrepreneur thatstarted his business in a barn
and now it's a midsizemanufacturing company.
And for many times I put thecarrot and measuring stick to
what everybody else thought Ishould be and what my life
(18:20):
should be looking like.
And then I realized, wait aminute, but that's not who I am.
So I don't have the big house,I have the smaller house with
more property, and so that'sself-care for me.
I love my animals, so I, youknow, I watch the nature as it
(18:40):
comes through on my property.
I get coyotes, I get opossums,I get everything.
I mean just about everythingthat you're going to have in the
Midwest.
And then practicing every dayin my home, not just making sure
it's beautiful, but like that,I reflect on every window
Because, see, you can designyour house internally and out
(19:04):
externally, but do you look outthe window and enjoy what you've
done?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
that's big so I.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
So I go and as I open up the blinds I look and say,
okay, what out there can beimproved, what's out there maybe
it's an animal that I seerunning through a squirrel or
something and then what's outthere that can bring me joy?
And then when I take my dogsout for a walk, instead of
(19:36):
roaming the neighborhood, Ifirst do the property and enjoy
who I am and who I've built.
Now that could go the same wayif you live in an apartment.
I've lived in apartments before, so it doesn't have to be a
large home, is my point.
You may not be intended to haveit.
(19:57):
Maybe that upkeep isn't whatyou're supposed to do,
especially like.
Could you imagine being asingle mom, you know, and then
having three acres to try tokeep up with, or you know that
that that would be impractical,you know.
So you design it around whereyour life is today and enjoy
that and embrace that.
(20:19):
If I compared myself to mysister, she is very excellent,
driven, but her life and herdreams are different than mine.
She has a very large house andshe travels with her.
She takes her dogs to dog showsand shows them, and so her life
(20:39):
is very different.
Mine is more in, I'm morereflective and home oriented and
she's more out of the homeoriented, but she's still
fulfilling her dream and I, youknow, and she's practicing the
same kind of intentional lifeLike I.
She was driving to Wisconsinthis week and I was like, okay,
(20:59):
so what on that drive can you do?
That's intentional, but youcan't, you don't have time in,
and so it was like call my great, our aunt, who's, you know,
nearing 80.
And some of the things that youcan do that brings intentional
joy and then finding the lessonsof the things that you've done
wrong and working them out, youknow.
(21:21):
So those would be the thingsthat I would say is self-care
for me and that's developingthose relationships in my home
and my.
We all have down times in ouremotional being, but those kinds
of things bring you back toreality and that life is just
(21:43):
not that difficult.
We have difficult moments.
I've lost a son to a gunfire,we've all had difficult moments.
It gets you through thosemoments when you have a daily
practice that brings youself-fulfillment.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Yeah, I'm so sorry to hear that about your son.
What you say you say that wassuch wisdom because you've lived
it that those things point youback to what does bring you joy
and when we can do that.
That's such a powerful.
It's such a powerful shift tohave people in this world who
have come through something thathard and you've come through it
(22:22):
to the point where you canpoint back to this is what
brings me joy is just really,really huge and speaks a lot to
the person who you are.
Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
I think that if anybody out there is going
through a hard time, we havechoices and the first one is get
out of bed and you know, I havenot had an easy life, but I've
learned from those ups and downsand we all are going to have
(22:53):
ups and downs.
So the first one is your mentalhealth and get up and put one
foot in front of the other andfind that you can believe in
yourself, no matter what thecircumstances are.
And if your bills are this highand your income's this high,
you know, get rid of first, getrid of all the duplicates and
(23:18):
those notices that you'recramming in your junk drawer
because you don't want to faceit.
Once you face it, it's not asbad as you think it's going to
be.
If it's a death of a loved one,same thing.
I've cared for a mother that'shad cancer.
I've cared for a father thatdied of emphysema.
I've cared for you.
Know you, just once you facethose negatives, you realize,
(23:44):
okay, god's going to carry methrough this.
Whatever your God is andhowever you define it, Facing it
, turning inward and facing itwe will.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
We live in a society that really likes to just kind
of put the blanket over thingsand try to try to mask the pain
and all the ways, and so thathaving the courage to turn in
and face it when you're ready toface it, it's like not always
expected that you do it likeright away, get over it.
That's not the way that weprocess.
But in that right moment whenit's time to face it, that's
(24:14):
really huge.
Otherwise it turns intosuffering.
You know, it's like sufferingis an option.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
And you know it.
Not only does it turn intosuffering but, like you said,
you have to learn coping skillsfor yourself.
You know it's a process.
Give yourself that process.
You know whether it be okay.
Today, all I got to do is getout of bed and put my clothes on
.
That's progress, that's.
(24:45):
You know that's all part of it.
But always continue to realizethat you're put here on this
earth to be successful at yourpurpose.
It doesn't have to be a bigpurpose.
Some people think, oh, buteverybody else is doing so much
that doesn't matter.
Is that what you're intended tobe?
I know many people that say I'mretiring by 55 or 60 or
(25:06):
whatever.
No matter what, I'm not goingto do this rat race all my life.
I want to be able to work in mygarden.
I want to be able to do youknow.
So that's okay.
You know that's your dream,that's.
You know that's what it's allabout.
It's living your purpose andrewarding yourself for those
accomplishments.
Maybe that's how you getthrough the work rat races.
(25:29):
Knowing that, hey, this thing'sgoing to end.
I'm like I don't know if Icould ever not stop working.
My dad was the same way, so itwas behavior.
So you know everybody'sdifferent.
I don't know how to turn it offlike that, but maybe one day I
will.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Yeah, maybe that's part of your purpose.
You'll find out.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Find another project.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
I don't ever see myself not working either.
I'm one of those people that Iand fortunately I recently had
an astrology reading and all ofthese readings done and she's
like your career is your purpose, so please stop feeling guilty
about the fact that you love towork, because you just love to
work and that's what you'remeant to be here to do, and so
it's like whatever brings youjoy what you're saying, you're
(26:13):
meant to be successful at yourpurpose.
That's such a powerfulstatement, rhonda.
Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
And I think that not only just that, for sharing that
, and I think that not only justthat, you got to stop.
We got to stop comparingourselves to each other.
You know, you're a beautifulwoman.
I should be able to appreciatethat and not become what I call
a hater.
Same thing with why are we, whyare women in the workforce
holding other women back ratherthan supporting them in their
(26:43):
journey?
You know, men, even if theydislike each other, sometimes
will open up the door for theother person so that they can
follow in right behind them.
You know, it's important thatthat comparison and in social
media we do it all the timewe're always like they're
prettier, they're stronger,they're faster, they've got more
money, they've got betterclothes.
(27:04):
But if we can stop comparingourselves to other people's
worlds, our purpose will rise.
And some people are like Idon't even know what my purpose
is.
Well, are you looking ateverybody else's world instead
of looking at your own worldworld?
If I'm looking at my neighborsor if I'm looking at somebody
(27:25):
else's world, how am I evergoing to find the?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
purpose for my next project.
So true, so true.
And your journey is just amasterful example of you
actively living this.
Do you have any?
And you mentioned earlierself-doubt, some of these things
I call those tethers.
You know anything comparingourselves to others?
That's another tether, that's,you know, rooted in other things
, but we all tend to have.
When I've had conversationswith people, they're like oh
(27:53):
yeah, there's this one thatkeeps coming back for me.
Is there one that seems to comeback for you time and time
again?
This thing that you just haveto keep working through?
And what works for you to workthrough that thing?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
For me, it's putting others first instead of myself
first.
It rises its head a hundredtimes a day for me.
So I have had to learn thatit's okay to say no, or it's
okay to see if they can strugglethrough it themselves.
(28:24):
First.
I want to jump in and solve itfor them.
You know we can do this, let'sgo.
And they may not even be readyfor it, and they may never be
ready for the changes that theyneed to do to get there.
So, and not taking thoseprojects to a point when I say
projects like the mentorship andthe time that it takes for
(28:46):
mentorships to a point that I'mliving their life and making the
decisions for them I would makedecisions for everybody in the
world if I could and make theirlives all better every day.
And so then what ends uphappening is they'd become
dependent on me, not on day, andyou know.
So then what ends up happening?
Is they become dependent on me,not on themselves.
(29:06):
And so to me, I have to remindmyself I am not God.
I cannot make their livesbetter.
All I can do is support them intheir own journey.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
What does that do for you when you come to that place
?
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Well, at first the stress is off my shoulders,
because when you take ownershipof somebody else's stuff, what
ends up happening is theirsuccess or failure becomes your
goal and objectives.
And so if I'm doing that, I endup doing their paperwork.
I end up doing their paperwork,I end up doing their you know.
(29:42):
So it takes the stress off.
Show them you know, show themhow to do it for themselves,
where to get the resources.
So it takes the stress.
And if they don't choose to takethe step, especially when it
comes to, like, starting theirown business, everybody wants to
know.
You do business entities andyou do academic.
How do you do it?
(30:03):
What should I do?
And you tell them?
And then they and you doacademic.
How do you do it?
What should I do?
And you tell them, and thenthey don't do it.
They want you to do it for them.
Okay, that's a pretty cost, youknow, but if they don't ever
learn it themselves, how arethey going to run their own
business?
So I am disabling their abilityto find their dreams if I take
on everybody else's stuff andjust do it for them and I.
(30:27):
So it's a relief to staydisciplined to saying, okay,
this is where you go, this ishow you get it, this is how much
it costs, or whatever it mightbe, and then work on, help them
work on those skills.
If it's a confidence of what'sholding them back, why are you,
you know, holding yourself back?
Help them address the fears andsupport them through that.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
What a potent realization that when we take on
so much of other people's, westart to take on their purpose.
We're actually keeping themback from living their dreams.
Can I ask you a random question, if you were to go get a
massage, where do you feel mostof your stress?
Where are you most tender?
Where do you hold all of yourstress in your body?
Speaker 2 (31:08):
That's funny, because I go get massages and I go to a
chiropractor because I do havea bad back.
I feel it, depending on what itis that I'm doing.
I either feel it in my neck or,as my husband says, you sit too
much, you're going to turn intoa chair.
Or, as my husband says, you sittoo much, you're going to turn
into a chair, and my lower back,because that's where my spine
(31:28):
is, and then you end up gettingheadaches, you know, because
you're too tense and so Idefinitely.
Those are the two areas that Icontinually have to work on.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
It's just interesting no-transcript very clear that
(32:11):
it's like this is the thing thatI really struggle with, and yet
it's the really powerfulmessage that you're here to
share with people and thatyou're sharing through your work
is like your purpose, it's yourpurpose, follow your purpose.
It's like we'll get sosidetracked by trying to help
everybody else and you'retelling people come back home to
you and you've been on thisjourney of really understanding
it at a deep level and you'recontinuing to move forward with
(32:34):
that and probably get thosereminders all the time and those
massages are helping yousomatically.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Oh, definitely.
And as we go through life, wehave to remember that.
You know, there are emotionsinside us that brew up and in
Crossroads I chose to use threeof those emotions that happen
when we're not doing self-careand then we're not practicing
(32:59):
our purpose, and those are angry.
When you're angered, there's areason, there's an emotional
response to that Fury and envy.
And if all three of those, ifyou do not address them in
yourself, you could be the onethat's doing the perpetrating.
And it may not be killingsomebody, but it could be
(33:23):
emotionally killing somebody.
It could be the wrong words, itcould be the wrong actions.
So you know, when we practiceself-care and try to find our
own purpose, we don't find out,fine, we have to lash out to
other people.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Because those emotions, they come out sideways
.
That lashing out is like we'vestifled it and we haven't
properly processed it, and theycome out sideways.
That lashing out is like awe've we've stifled it and we
haven't properly processed it,and it comes out sideways.
Beautiful Everyone, please gocheck out this book.
It's the after listening tothis conversation, everybody's
(34:00):
going to want to, because I feellike it's the culmination of
everything that you are sharinghere.
Tell us if there's anythingthat you want people to know
about this book and why theyshould check it out.
Please share.
Rhonda.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
So Crossroads is a 1983 suspense thriller.
It's similar to like an AgathaChristie kind of clues
throughout it.
It deals with people that don'tpractice life balance and what
ends up happening.
It is a crime thriller, thoughwhat you need to know about the
journey in Crossroads is it'sthere to help you also
(34:29):
understand how your individualchoices affect your daily lives.
Just remember that the thingsthat we've talked about in the
podcast is when you follow yourpurpose and you have a passion
for it, what you end up doing isyou set yourself up for success
.
But if you don't, when anger iscruel, fury is overwhelming.
(34:50):
But who can stand beforejealousy?
Envy makes the bones rot, andthat's actually a proverb.
If you don't address and focuson your internal love for self,
that envy will literallydeteriorate your whole body.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Goosebumps.
There's so much truth in whatyou just shared there, thank you
.
Thank you for writing this bookand best wishes on the
continued success of it.
I have one final question.
I ask everybody who comes onthe podcast when do you see the
magic in the world?
Speaker 2 (35:25):
on the podcast.
Where do you see the magic inthe world?
Oh, the magic in the world isthe relationships you connect
with others.
I firmly believe that a goodexample for me is my book would
not have been as successful if Ihadn't partnered with a good
publishing company.
That also introduced me toMeryl Thuneway and she read the
book and she endorsed the book.
(35:45):
She wrote the foreword and thenshe released a beautiful
depiction of what you can learnfrom that book on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
It's really beautiful .
It's on her website, so gowatch that.
It's really beautiful.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
So if you partner yourself with a good connections
whether it be a good spouse, agood sister, a good brother, you
know a neighbor then you knowthose connections really is the
magic.
You know you can accomplish somuch with good connections.
It's those negative ones thathold you back.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Yeah, thank you for sharing that.
That's a really, reallybeautiful reminder to each of us
that those connections reallymatter.
I'm so glad to be connectedwith you, and now everyone who
listens to the podcast isconnected with you as well.
Where can people indeed bestconnect with you?
Speaker 2 (36:31):
I try to make it simple.
Rhonda Parker taylorcom is mywebsite.
Um, all my social media isunder Rhonda Parker Taylor, also
Rhonda's with an H, and shootme a shout out.
I'll shout, shout out back andfollow me However you want to,
whatever one one of the socialmedias that you that you prefer.
(36:51):
I'm on Instagram, facebook,twitter.
I'm even learning old dogs, do,do, do, do tricks, tick, tock.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Look at you, heck yeah, you're better than me.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
I am learning.
So, yeah, follow me, howeveryou want to follow me, and I'll
be glad to exchange pleasantries.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
So beautiful and go get the book.
Of course it's in all theplaces.
Thanks so much for coming onthe podcast, rhonda.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Everybody have a great day.
Be blessed.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Oh, my goodness.
There were so many amazingtakeaways from this conversation
with Rhonda.
I'm just going to share acouple of the things that I
wrote down, because I can'tcover them all in Thursday's
thread.
In Thursday's thread I willpull out a piece, so stay tuned
for that.
But I just had to share a fewof these things because one of
the big things that she talkedabout was really doing it for
you, and we can't do it forourselves until we fully accept
(37:50):
who we are.
Who are you?
What do you want out of thislife?
Look out the window andappreciate the things that you
have, while also dreaming of thethings that you really, really
desire, and make it happen.
Just make your dreams happen,not your sister's dreams, your
parents' dreams, yourgrandparents' dreams, your
colleagues' dreams what are yourdreams?
(38:10):
And then make the choice tostart making those happen.
And another huge thing that shetalked about was that it's okay
to let other people struggle,because that's actually part of
their journey.
You can be there to supportthem, you can help them and you
can lend your support whereverit is needed.
(38:30):
And you do have to let peoplego on their journey, because
that's how they eventually aregoing to find their purpose and
build the tools and the skillsto help them follow their dreams
.
So, underscoring that, putyourself first message.
So do stay tuned for Thursday,where I'm gonna pull a thread
out from this episode and go alittle bit deeper.
(38:52):
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode.
If there was something that yougot out of it for yourself, I
encourage you to share it with afriend who might also get that
same thing or might get a littlesomething for themselves.
You can also share it with allof your friends.
Take a little screenshot of theepisode itself, put it on
social media, tag me, tag Rhonda.
(39:14):
She said she's in all theplaces.
You can tag her in all theplaces.
All of the links are in theshow notes.
If you tag us, we will reshareyour post every time.
Thanks again for listening.
You just keep shining yourmagical unicorn light there out
there for all to see.
I'll see you on Thursday.
Bye.
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