March 6, 2025 • 31 mins
What’s on your mind, unicorn? 🦄 Send me a text!
What if the secret to confidence isn’t believing in yourself—but simply taking the first step? 🤯
In this episode of Untethered, we’re diving into something sneaky that might be holding you back: the joy breaker. This is the invisible threshold your nervous system sets on how much happiness you allow yourself to experience.
Ever noticed how things start going really well, and then—boom—you sabotage? Yeah, that’s your joy breaker in action. But here’s the good news: you can expand your capacity for joy by intentionally noticing and savoring the little moments—like truly receiving a compliment or letting yourself feel the sun on your face.
Taking bold action isn’t about forcing or hustling—it’s about making it fun. When you build your life and business from a place of joy, confidence naturally follows.
And if you’re wondering how to take that first step, Leigh Burgess’ BOLD framework is here to guide you: Believe, Own, Learn, Design. Inspired by Adam Grant’s wisdom, we’re flipping the script on confidence. Instead of waiting to feel ready, what if you could look at your past wins (yes, you have them!) and use them as fuel to take your next bold leap?
Press play, and let’s get untethered. 🎧✨
P.S. This episode ends with a few minutes of light breathwork.Â
🔥 Ready to step into your next level? Join us at Island Awakening in Saint Martin from June 4-8, 2025! Let’s rise together. 🌴✨
đź’« Claim your spot now: jenliss.com/retreat
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Music created and produced by Matt Bollenbach
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hi and welcome to Untethered with Jen Liss, the
podcast that's here to help youbreak free, be you and unleash
your inner brilliance.
I'm your host, jen, and in thisepisode we're going to talk
about what it takes to believein yourself and take sustained,
bold action.
Let's dive in.
Hey there, unicorn, it's Jen.
(00:33):
Welcome back to the podcast forthis Thursday thread.
It's a Thursday thread.
Today we are threading a littlebit out of Lee Burgess's episode
on Tuesday.
I have a last name that ends inSS and it's so funny.
We're like the list isS-S-S-S-S-S.
So I understand, lee, theproblem that comes with having a
(00:57):
last name that ends with twoS's.
She was on the podcast onTuesday.
Totally cool, if you haven'tlistened to that episode, I'm
pulling out a thread that Ithink is so Tuesday.
Totally cool, If you haven'tlistened to that episode, I'm
pulling out a thread that Ithink is so key and so important
, so you can go back and listento that episode later if you
want to.
But what we're talking aboutthroughout her podcast?
She has a book about being bold, like in general being bold,
(01:21):
and there's general being boldand there's whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's so many things involvedin being bold, but the very
initial thing that it is that itstarts with is taking action
and taking bold action to,because to be bold, you have to
make a decision that I am goingto be bold and then we have to
(01:43):
actually physically take theaction that allows us to.
Now, what is the B that she hasin bold?
Because her process is believe,own, learn, design, bold, which
I think are.
All of those are just suchfabulous things Belief we need
(02:04):
that.
We need ownership, got to belifelong learners and we are
designing the life that wedesire to live.
Now, these are the ways thatI'm looking at her framework.
She has all of the ways thatshe talks about and speaks about
her framework, but that beliefpart is so important.
(02:24):
And here's the thing Sometimeswe struggle with confidence in
our own beliefs.
We struggle with reallystepping in with confidence.
We struggle with takingconfident action because we've
got these little beliefs and soit's like the chicken before the
(02:45):
egg, the cart before the horse,like which thing is coming
first and what do we do and howdo we take action here.
So I wanted to thread out thisidea of taking sustained bold
action because let me read you apost from Adam Grant A lot of
people probably know Adam Grant.
(03:06):
He is in the psychology space,specifically working in the
corporate world and helpingpeople to do their best work,
simplifying what Adam Grant does.
But if you don't know who he is, that's who he is, and he often
says these very profound thingsand this post that he shared
the other day.
He said confidence doesn'talways come from believing in
(03:27):
yourself today.
It often stems from recallingthe obstacles that you overcame
yesterday.
A history of resilience cansilence self-doubt.
Challenges conquered are cluesto hidden strengths.
Past progress is proof offuture potential.
(03:47):
So here's what he's saying invery simple, simplistic terms
Confidence comes after theaction that you take.
Confidence does not necessarilycome directly from the belief
that you have.
Our human brain has to see thatwe have taken action.
(04:12):
Our human brain has to see thatwe have had results, because
then the results reinforce theresults end up creating belief.
So we have to take the actionin order to have the confidence,
in order to have the belief.
If we just sit around and thinkabout it, we're never going to
(04:32):
actually get there.
So this is the very first thingand this is the premise.
This is the baseline for whatwe're going to talk about today.
Confidence does not come firstand belief does not come first.
Your confidence and yourbeliefs come from actions that
have been taken.
So your limiting beliefs, forexample, come from actions and
behaviors and things that youlearned in the past.
(04:54):
That's where those beliefs camefrom.
They came from action.
So how could we possibly expectthat our beliefs are going to
change again, that we can changeour beliefs, without taking
action?
The action comes before theconfidence.
The action comes before thebelief.
(05:15):
Now, in order to create thelife that we want to live, in
order to get to 90 years old andlook back and say, dang, that
was a good life.
Heck, yes, my most magicalunicorn life, it came to reality
.
I lived it.
Amazing, I'm leaving thislegacy of glittery magic in the
world, or whatever that means toyou.
(05:37):
We have to create sustainedaction.
We have to create sustained,aligned action.
We have to create sustained,bold, beautiful, bright, magical
actions.
Sustained action that's whereyour next level is going to come
(05:57):
from.
That's where true, new found,ingrained, awesome belief is
going to come from.
One of the things that Leetalked about is point number two
.
So point number one isconfidence does not come first.
Action comes first.
Number two in order to createsustained, bold action.
(06:20):
You will only be consistent indoing this if you are having fun
.
It's the only way to beconsistent, and let me tell you
why you have to do it.
And fun to you is not fun to me.
Your way of fun, what fun meansto you, is your own fun.
You can only be long-term likeultimately long-term consistent
(06:46):
if you're having fun and thisrelates directly to the
conversation that she and I werehaving about burnout Because
you can shame and you can hateand you can self-flagellate your
way into doing big, scarythings.
You can say I hate this aboutmyself and so I'm going to
change.
You can say I'm just going topush myself through, even though
(07:08):
this sucks and even though it'smeasurable, and I'm just going
to keep stuffing all of myactual feelings and thoughts
down and I'm just going to pushthrough.
We can do that.
We can be mad at ourselves anduse that as something that
propels us forward.
We can use outside achievementto propel us forward.
(07:30):
That's not always bad, butsometimes we do it way too much.
We can use the approval ofothers to propel us forward.
We can use all of these thingsthat are involved in not feeling
worthy enough and not feelinggood enough in order to try to
keep us going, which is how mostof us high achievers and
perfectionists, that's how wehave moved through life a lot of
(07:53):
times, until the point where werealize, oh my goodness, what
am I doing?
Which is where so many of usare at why we start listening to
a podcast such as this one, areat why we start listening to a
podcast such as this one.
We can get ourselves to acertain place that way.
Eventually, though, you're goingto be burned out.
When you get there, you'regoing to be tired, you're going
(08:15):
to be exhausted, you're going tobe misaligned, you're going to
be doing things that actuallyare not enjoyable for you.
You're going to feel shame andmaybe even regret around some of
the things that you did inorder to get you to the place
where you're at.
Maybe you feel like you climbedon people, or maybe you feel
like certain things just didn'tfeel good, or you worked for a
(08:36):
company that you don't evenalign with their values.
You don't love the things thatthey're creating, but you're
doing it because it was helpingyou to get that achievement.
It was helping you move to thenext level, improve your worth
to the world so that you couldfeel valuable.
It kept you busy.
We can use that.
We can use that to propelourselves to a certain place and
(09:00):
eventually it's all going tocome tumbling down.
That consistency it will notmaintain for us in a safe and
healthy way.
There will come a point whereyour body is going to say enough
of this.
This is not working for me.
You will hit that point.
Very few people make it to thefull-blown end of their life
(09:24):
with that.
The people who are mostsuccessful, who are in their
maybe 70s and 80s and stillcontributing to the world, is
because they are doing it in away that is so rewarding and so
fun for them.
When you're having fun, let'sremember when it comes back to
(09:44):
our nervous system and thephysical things that are
happening in your body, whenyou're doing things that are
enjoyable for you, these don'thave to be huge big things.
It can be the teeniest, tiniestlittle things in your day, but
you're just really enjoying them.
Your parasympathetic nervoussystem is getting activated,
(10:04):
part of your brain that is themost human, the most modern part
of your human brain, the partof your brain that other
creatures on this planet do nothave.
We all have this limbic-likebrain that is the fear center
brain.
But this modern part of yourbrain, it's activated when
(10:26):
you're having fun, when you'rebeing creative.
That's why there's so muchcreativity therapy Like there's
actual creative therapy that youcan do.
I have a friend, angie Bailey.
She's been on the podcast.
If you want to go listen to herepisode.
She teaches something calledcalming calligraphy.
And she started doing thatbecause she was a nurse who was
(10:47):
so freaking, burnt out, waskilling her, her thyroid was
going crazy.
And the same was true for mewhen I was a hairstylist.
I was just pushing myself andpushing myself and pushing
myself and just striving andstriving and going for this
level of income and clients andbusyness that I thought would
bring me this feeling of success, this feeling of fulfillment.
(11:10):
In the process, I completelylost my fun.
I completely lost my body'snatural ability to heal itself
because I was never having anyfun.
I wasn't having any fun in thatjob anymore A job that at one
time was fun because I startedfocusing on the wrong things and
I started driving myself fromthat state of shame and wanting
(11:37):
and needing and not from theplace of enjoying and delighting
in the fun little moments.
You will only be long-termconsistent if you are having fun
, and I'm teaching a podcastcourse right now.
I know this episode is going tocome out quite a bit later, but
right now I'm teaching apodcast course and our focus is
(12:00):
continually on fun.
When we start to get stuck on ohmy gosh, what is an RSS feed?
Where do I put it?
What do I?
Oh my gosh, this editingsoftware.
It's like we step back and wesay and we make silly faces and
we get up and we dance or wetwerk or we go for a walk or we
do whatever it is for you.
(12:21):
It could be going and hoppingon your bike and going for a
ride, it could be pulling out acalligraphy pen, it could be
going and getting in the bath.
We do something that is fun forus.
To bring us back to theremembering that podcasting is
fun, I want to start a podcast.
This is something I'm excitedabout.
I wish I had had these toolswhen I was a hairstylist,
(12:43):
because I could have steppedaway and said oh my goodness, I
remember this is so fun for me,this is so much fun, and I would
show up to work and serve myclients from such a beautiful
space.
What could I potentially and Ihave no regrets about this, by
the way I know that I went onthe journey, that I went on for
a reason, but I would love toimpart this on more people in
(13:08):
the place that you are at.
You can show up today and saywhat feels fun to me, what feels
fun in this job today, and ifyou're not having fun, it's like
okay, what feels fun?
What might shift my energy?
For me Sometimes we can't jumpall the way to fun that feels
like oh, fun does not feelpossible.
(13:29):
What might be enjoyable for meright now?
What would give me a break?
What would feel better thanthis?
Because a lot of times, what weare doing is like.
There's the story of a manwalks into his friend's house,
goes over to visit his friendand he hears this banging sound.
(13:50):
He's like, oh my gosh, what isthis?
He goes into the man's livingroom and the man his friend is
just beating his head on thewall, just over and over and
over, beating his head on thewall, wall.
And the guy who walks in islike dude, what are you doing?
And his friend stops, looks upat him and says it feels so good
(14:15):
when I stop.
This is what we are doing toourselves so much in our
day-to-day lives.
We are pushing ourselves to thebrink and using that as our
method of getting enjoyment andusing that as our method of
getting some kind of relief.
We don't have to do that.
(14:35):
That's not the way.
That is ultimately like.
That guy's going to have abloody head and he's eventually
going to be forced to stopbecause he will have literally
no more energy and his head'sgoing to be bleeding and he's
going to pass out.
That's what happens to us withburnout.
Instead, what he could havedone was turned and said oh my
(14:55):
gosh, I believe that I need abreak right now.
What can I do for myself?
Maybe I go grab myself abeautiful cup of tea.
Maybe I go grab myself abeautiful cup of tea.
Maybe I dance to a song.
Maybe I pause and go dosomething else.
Maybe I read a fiction book,for goodness sakes, because I've
been reading so much self-help.
So number two I hope that'ssinking in for all of us.
(15:17):
In order to live our mostconfident, live our best lives,
to change those beliefs that wehave currently, we have to take
sustained, bold action and theconfidence to take that action
does not come first.
The action comes and then theconfidence and you will only be
(15:39):
consistent.
Consistency comes when you arehaving fun.
Long-term consistency that isgoing to drive you where you
want to go okay.
Are having fun?
Long-term consistency that isgoing to drive you where you
want to go okay.
Number three this is where weget into the fun issue and the
guy beating his head against thewall.
You will only feel okay havingfun when your nervous system
believes it is safe to have fun.
If you've listened to thispodcast a while, you've heard me
(16:03):
say this before, but we can allbe reminded every day.
Your nervous system has a setpoint for fun, just as your
nervous system has a set pointfor how much irritation it can
tolerate.
We all know when our nerveshave flipped and we're like I
cannot take it anymore.
For me, one of those things issomebody chewing with their
mouth open, making mouth noises.
(16:23):
There is only so much that mynervous system could tolerate.
I flip.
The same is true for fun.
You have a set point for fun.
I call that your joy breaker.
Your breaker box for fun canonly handle so much juice and
once it hits that limit, itflips.
So we can only handle so muchfun.
For some of us that is sominimal.
(16:44):
It is so minimal the idea ofhaving fun, of somebody saying
go have some fun, go dosomething enjoyable.
We can't even Our nervoussystem is.
The set point is very, verytight.
It can't handle much juice.
But the good news is you canchange this.
You can re-teach your body thatit is safe for me to have fun,
(17:06):
and that begins with lettingyourself really enjoy the teeny,
tiny moments, really enjoy it,really receive it.
Somebody gives you a compliment.
You soak it up, girl, soak upthat compliment.
What does it feel like for meto really enjoy the fact that
one of the one of the thingsthat you can say is I receive
(17:28):
that, I receive that thank you.
Pause when somebody tells you acompliment, like our automatic
sometimes is to say oh, you too.
You can say you too, if thatfeels honest and true.
Sometimes we say you too, whenwe don't mean you too.
That's different.
But when somebody gives youthat compliment, I receive that
(17:48):
Thank you.
And then we can say you knowwhat I really love your earrings
, those are really fun, theymade me smile.
So then it comes from thisgenuine place, and people love
to give each other complimentstoo.
So fully recognize that that isa gift.
When you do receive, we'realways doing glittery exchanges
with other people in the worldthrough energy, and so when
(18:12):
somebody offers you a compliment, it's their energetic gift to
you and they want you to receiveit.
They don't want you to say Idon't want that.
That is one of the tiniest ways.
There's lots of ways that wecan expand our joy breaker, but
compliments is often a placewhere we struggle, and so it's a
really awesome place to start.
Another place you can start isenjoying simple pleasures.
(18:33):
The next time that you go on awalk, really feel the wind like
the breeze on your skin, reallyfeel the sun shining on you,
notice the color and the textureof the leaves, notice that
really nice sensation.
If you're on a hike and you'refeeling the crunch beneath your
feet of the rocks on your shoesand not only noticing it and
(18:59):
sensing it, but noticing how itbrings a sense of delight into
your body this is signaling toyour nervous system oh, she
likes this.
Oh, this is good.
Oh, I'm going to bring her moreof this.
And so then the next day, whenyou're having a hard time at
something, you think, oh, youknow what would feel good is to
go for a walk, as opposed to ohyou know what would feel good to
(19:20):
keep beating my head againstthe wall so that I feel some
relief when I stop.
So, number three you will onlyfeel okay having fun when your
nervous system believes that itis safe to have fun, because it
currently is tapping that joybreaker and saying, uh-uh, you
have surpassed your limit, myfriend, you are too juiced and
(19:43):
you know that that's not true,that you want more joy, you want
more abundance, you want tolove your job, you want to love
your life.
So let's expand that joybreaker.
Number four as you have fun, asyou start to have more fun this
is really our conclusion tothis process you will take more
action and become more confident.
(20:06):
You will feel safe being bold.
As you get out there and youbegin to enjoy your life in all
of these tiny little ways, it'sgoing to do what I just
described.
You're going to want to takethose actions.
You're going to want to do thethings that you love, and it's
going to magnetize more of thatbecause you're more confidently
(20:30):
shouting out to the universe andto everybody around you.
This is what she's here for.
This is the life that she ishere for.
You're automatically settingthose boundaries.
You're automatically beginningto own what is here for you, not
the head beating against thewall stuff.
That's not the stuff thatyou're here for.
That's not what you want.
You want these moments of joy,these moments of splendor, the
(20:55):
magnificence of this world thatexists, and then you start to
notice these are the things thatI'm really here for.
Oh, because your fun is yourclues.
Your joy is your strategy, youractual strategy.
It is actually as simple asthat.
We make it really complicated.
(21:17):
Your joy is your strategy tolife.
You were born with it.
There are things that yougravitated toward as a kid.
There were things that made yousmile, there were things that
made you feel so cozy, and overtime, we got away from that.
So it's coming back home tothat and that from that place.
(21:39):
That is where you create thatsustained, bold action that then
ingrains new beliefs into you,into your system, into your
nervous system, new beliefs thatexist between your brain and
your body.
These are the things that I loveto do, and then more of that
(21:59):
starts to show up for you.
It's the law of reciprocity.
It beginscity.
Your energy is magnetic.
So when our energy is comingfrom this place of I need to
strive and I need to try and Ineed to push we're bringing more
of that into our existence,because it's what other people
are seeing, whether they'recognitively recognizing that or
(22:21):
not.
Energetically, it's what youare attracting at the quantum
level.
So switch it.
And if you doubt all of theenergetics of things, the
magnetism and the quantum andthe field of all possibilities
and manifestation, and if you'veever watched the Secret and
you're like this is all bullshitto me, the way that I look at
(22:43):
it is why not experiment?
Why not play?
Why not play in this field ofsomething different?
Because what's the alternative?
Just continuing to be burnoutright?
Continuing to not be confident,continuing to feel like you
have these limiting beliefs thatyou can't overcome?
Why not try this?
Why not try to have joy as yourstrategy?
(23:06):
Give it a whirl, girl.
I would love to hear how itgoes for you.
So, to summarize, creating thisprocess of creating sustained,
bold action that is going tolead to confidence, that is
going to lead to those beliefs,is this knowing and
understanding that confidencedoes not come first.
We take aligned.
Number two you will only beconsistent if you are having fun
(23:32):
.
So bring little moments of funinto your life.
Number three you will only feelokay having fun.
You're only going to choose thefun when your nervous system
believes that it is safe for meto have fun.
That can be breath work, thatcan be meditation, can be any
(23:56):
number of tools that areavailable to you.
And number four as you have fun, you will take more action and
become more confident.
You will feel safe being boldand you will create those
consistent, sustained, boldactions that lead to a bright
and beautiful life that you willbe so fulfilled and proud of
when you get to the end of it.
(24:17):
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode.
As always on thursdays, I wouldlove to close with a moment of
breath to tune into our bodies,to tune into your awareness, and
we're going to do that today bytuning into the confidence that
already exists in your bodythanks to some aligned actions
(24:39):
that you have already taken.
So if you're able to close downyour eyes with me, I'm going to
invite you to do that duringthis process.
If you're not able to closeyour eyes, if you're on a walk,
you can do this with softeningyour gaze.
If you're driving, you mightgently listen in or come back to
this later.
So, drawing a deep breath intoyour nose and exhaling out
(25:03):
through the mouth Two more ofthose into the nose, out through
the mouth.
Together you breathe andtogether we empty, bringing your
(25:27):
awareness down to your feet,wherever it is that they are
resting.
Your feet are moving, bringingawareness to each foot as it
touches and meets the ground,maybe even pressing a little bit
more firmly, bringing fullawareness to the support that's
(25:48):
beneath you, to the supportthat's beneath you.
Now, when you're ready, we'regoing to begin breathing what is
called the halo, active breathbreathing into the nose and out
through the mouth, into the nose, out through the mouth.
(26:10):
Beautiful, that's it.
As you continue that breath,calling to mind a moment in your
life where you accomplishedsomething, or maybe you were
(26:35):
actively accomplishing something, there's this moment where you
felt a sense of confidence, ofassurance, clarity, this knowing
that I can do it, this knowingthat I did this.
(26:59):
Maybe it was a moment that youtook a bold action, that you
didn't know that you could take,but you did.
It could take, but you did it.
(27:20):
Really remembering that moment,letting the memory infuse with
your current experience, feelingthe memory, feeling exactly
what you felt in that moment,feeling it right now, noticing
how you can feel that in yourbody right now, this thing that
you did Now on each inhale,breathing those feelings, in
(27:45):
seeing if you can expand thosesensations in your body on each
exhale, releasing down into yourfeet, breathing in that felt
sense of confidence and clarityexhaling into the surface
(28:06):
beneath you.
You are so supported and nownoticing how the confidence that
exists within you became partof you and is still part of you.
It exists in the here and thenow because of this aligned
(28:31):
action, this thing that you did,this bold yes, you said yes to
that action.
Maybe you didn't think you could, but you did it.
And now you have thisconfidence in your body, this
knowing you are capable of somuch more than you ever thought
(28:53):
possible.
When you're ready, drawing in afinal deep inhale, expanding
that felt sense in your body,holding that breath at the top,
memorizing this sensation, thisfeeling, feeling the joy of it,
(29:21):
and when you're ready, releasingthat breath through the mouth,
grounding back down into yourfeet, back down into your feet,
with this new sense of knowingthat it is through taking
inspired action that you createconfidence for yourself.
(29:41):
In this knowing and this belief, I am capable, when you're
ready, pressing those feetgently into the floor, reminding
yourself of that support,bringing your awareness into
those physical sensations inyour feet, maybe wiggling your
(30:05):
fingers, blinking your eyes openwhen you're ready, making eye
contact with something in theroom with you, bringing your
awareness fully back into thehere and the now Beautiful.
(30:25):
Thank you so much for taking afew moments to do this exercise
and really expanding theconfidence inside of yourself,
reminding yourself of thosealigned actions that you have
taken and all of the actionsthat you will continue to take
during this lifetime.
If there's something that reallyconnected with you in this
(30:46):
episode, I encourage you toshare it with a friend who might
enjoy it as well.
If there's somebody in yourlife who could use that extra
little dose of confidence, thatextra support, that reminder to
have fun, if you have lots offriends that could use that
reminder, you can send, take ascreenshot of this episode, put
it on social media and tag me.
I'm untetheredjen on Instagram.
(31:07):
If you tag me, I'll alwaysreshare your posts.
Thanks again for listening.
You just keep shining yourmagical unicorn light out there
for all to see.
I'll always reshare your posts.
Thanks again for listening.
You just keep shining yourmagical unicorn light out there
for all to see.
I'll see you next time, bye.
Hi and welcome to Untethered with Jen Liss, the
podcast that's here to help youbreak free, be you and unleash
your inner brilliance.
I'm your host, jen, and in thisepisode we're going to talk
about what it takes to believein yourself and take sustained,
bold action.
Let's dive in.
Hey there, unicorn, it's Jen.
(00:33):
Welcome back to the podcast forthis Thursday thread.
It's a Thursday thread.
Today we are threading a littlebit out of Lee Burgess's episode
on Tuesday.
I have a last name that ends inSS and it's so funny.
We're like the list isS-S-S-S-S-S.
So I understand, lee, theproblem that comes with having a
(00:57):
last name that ends with twoS's.
She was on the podcast onTuesday.
Totally cool, if you haven'tlistened to that episode, I'm
pulling out a thread that Ithink is so Tuesday.
Totally cool, If you haven'tlistened to that episode, I'm
pulling out a thread that Ithink is so key and so important
, so you can go back and listento that episode later if you
want to.
But what we're talking aboutthroughout her podcast?
She has a book about being bold, like in general being bold,
(01:21):
and there's general being boldand there's whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's so many things involvedin being bold, but the very
initial thing that it is that itstarts with is taking action
and taking bold action to,because to be bold, you have to
make a decision that I am goingto be bold and then we have to
(01:43):
actually physically take theaction that allows us to.
Now, what is the B that she hasin bold?
Because her process is believe,own, learn, design, bold, which
I think are.
All of those are just suchfabulous things Belief we need
(02:04):
that.
We need ownership, got to belifelong learners and we are
designing the life that wedesire to live.
Now, these are the ways thatI'm looking at her framework.
She has all of the ways thatshe talks about and speaks about
her framework, but that beliefpart is so important.
(02:24):
And here's the thing Sometimeswe struggle with confidence in
our own beliefs.
We struggle with reallystepping in with confidence.
We struggle with takingconfident action because we've
got these little beliefs and soit's like the chicken before the
(02:45):
egg, the cart before the horse,like which thing is coming
first and what do we do and howdo we take action here.
So I wanted to thread out thisidea of taking sustained bold
action because let me read you apost from Adam Grant A lot of
people probably know Adam Grant.
(03:06):
He is in the psychology space,specifically working in the
corporate world and helpingpeople to do their best work,
simplifying what Adam Grant does.
But if you don't know who he is, that's who he is, and he often
says these very profound thingsand this post that he shared
the other day.
He said confidence doesn'talways come from believing in
(03:27):
yourself today.
It often stems from recallingthe obstacles that you overcame
yesterday.
A history of resilience cansilence self-doubt.
Challenges conquered are cluesto hidden strengths.
Past progress is proof offuture potential.
(03:47):
So here's what he's saying invery simple, simplistic terms
Confidence comes after theaction that you take.
Confidence does not necessarilycome directly from the belief
that you have.
Our human brain has to see thatwe have taken action.
(04:12):
Our human brain has to see thatwe have had results, because
then the results reinforce theresults end up creating belief.
So we have to take the actionin order to have the confidence,
in order to have the belief.
If we just sit around and thinkabout it, we're never going to
(04:32):
actually get there.
So this is the very first thingand this is the premise.
This is the baseline for whatwe're going to talk about today.
Confidence does not come firstand belief does not come first.
Your confidence and yourbeliefs come from actions that
have been taken.
So your limiting beliefs, forexample, come from actions and
behaviors and things that youlearned in the past.
(04:54):
That's where those beliefs camefrom.
They came from action.
So how could we possibly expectthat our beliefs are going to
change again, that we can changeour beliefs, without taking
action?
The action comes before theconfidence.
The action comes before thebelief.
(05:15):
Now, in order to create thelife that we want to live, in
order to get to 90 years old andlook back and say, dang, that
was a good life.
Heck, yes, my most magicalunicorn life, it came to reality
.
I lived it.
Amazing, I'm leaving thislegacy of glittery magic in the
world, or whatever that means toyou.
(05:37):
We have to create sustainedaction.
We have to create sustained,aligned action.
We have to create sustained,bold, beautiful, bright, magical
actions.
Sustained action that's whereyour next level is going to come
(05:57):
from.
That's where true, new found,ingrained, awesome belief is
going to come from.
One of the things that Leetalked about is point number two
.
So point number one isconfidence does not come first.
Action comes first.
Number two in order to createsustained, bold action.
(06:20):
You will only be consistent indoing this if you are having fun
.
It's the only way to beconsistent, and let me tell you
why you have to do it.
And fun to you is not fun to me.
Your way of fun, what fun meansto you, is your own fun.
You can only be long-term likeultimately long-term consistent
(06:46):
if you're having fun and thisrelates directly to the
conversation that she and I werehaving about burnout Because
you can shame and you can hateand you can self-flagellate your
way into doing big, scarythings.
You can say I hate this aboutmyself and so I'm going to
change.
You can say I'm just going topush myself through, even though
(07:08):
this sucks and even though it'smeasurable, and I'm just going
to keep stuffing all of myactual feelings and thoughts
down and I'm just going to pushthrough.
We can do that.
We can be mad at ourselves anduse that as something that
propels us forward.
We can use outside achievementto propel us forward.
(07:30):
That's not always bad, butsometimes we do it way too much.
We can use the approval ofothers to propel us forward.
We can use all of these thingsthat are involved in not feeling
worthy enough and not feelinggood enough in order to try to
keep us going, which is how mostof us high achievers and
perfectionists, that's how wehave moved through life a lot of
(07:53):
times, until the point where werealize, oh my goodness, what
am I doing?
Which is where so many of usare at why we start listening to
a podcast such as this one, areat why we start listening to a
podcast such as this one.
We can get ourselves to acertain place that way.
Eventually, though, you're goingto be burned out.
When you get there, you'regoing to be tired, you're going
(08:15):
to be exhausted, you're going tobe misaligned, you're going to
be doing things that actuallyare not enjoyable for you.
You're going to feel shame andmaybe even regret around some of
the things that you did inorder to get you to the place
where you're at.
Maybe you feel like you climbedon people, or maybe you feel
like certain things just didn'tfeel good, or you worked for a
(08:36):
company that you don't evenalign with their values.
You don't love the things thatthey're creating, but you're
doing it because it was helpingyou to get that achievement.
It was helping you move to thenext level, improve your worth
to the world so that you couldfeel valuable.
It kept you busy.
We can use that.
We can use that to propelourselves to a certain place and
(09:00):
eventually it's all going tocome tumbling down.
That consistency it will notmaintain for us in a safe and
healthy way.
There will come a point whereyour body is going to say enough
of this.
This is not working for me.
You will hit that point.
Very few people make it to thefull-blown end of their life
(09:24):
with that.
The people who are mostsuccessful, who are in their
maybe 70s and 80s and stillcontributing to the world, is
because they are doing it in away that is so rewarding and so
fun for them.
When you're having fun, let'sremember when it comes back to
(09:44):
our nervous system and thephysical things that are
happening in your body, whenyou're doing things that are
enjoyable for you, these don'thave to be huge big things.
It can be the teeniest, tiniestlittle things in your day, but
you're just really enjoying them.
Your parasympathetic nervoussystem is getting activated,
(10:04):
part of your brain that is themost human, the most modern part
of your human brain, the partof your brain that other
creatures on this planet do nothave.
We all have this limbic-likebrain that is the fear center
brain.
But this modern part of yourbrain, it's activated when
(10:26):
you're having fun, when you'rebeing creative.
That's why there's so muchcreativity therapy Like there's
actual creative therapy that youcan do.
I have a friend, angie Bailey.
She's been on the podcast.
If you want to go listen to herepisode.
She teaches something calledcalming calligraphy.
And she started doing thatbecause she was a nurse who was
(10:47):
so freaking, burnt out, waskilling her, her thyroid was
going crazy.
And the same was true for mewhen I was a hairstylist.
I was just pushing myself andpushing myself and pushing
myself and just striving andstriving and going for this
level of income and clients andbusyness that I thought would
bring me this feeling of success, this feeling of fulfillment.
(11:10):
In the process, I completelylost my fun.
I completely lost my body'snatural ability to heal itself
because I was never having anyfun.
I wasn't having any fun in thatjob anymore A job that at one
time was fun because I startedfocusing on the wrong things and
I started driving myself fromthat state of shame and wanting
(11:37):
and needing and not from theplace of enjoying and delighting
in the fun little moments.
You will only be long-termconsistent if you are having fun
, and I'm teaching a podcastcourse right now.
I know this episode is going tocome out quite a bit later, but
right now I'm teaching apodcast course and our focus is
(12:00):
continually on fun.
When we start to get stuck on ohmy gosh, what is an RSS feed?
Where do I put it?
What do I?
Oh my gosh, this editingsoftware.
It's like we step back and wesay and we make silly faces and
we get up and we dance or wetwerk or we go for a walk or we
do whatever it is for you.
(12:21):
It could be going and hoppingon your bike and going for a
ride, it could be pulling out acalligraphy pen, it could be
going and getting in the bath.
We do something that is fun forus.
To bring us back to theremembering that podcasting is
fun, I want to start a podcast.
This is something I'm excitedabout.
I wish I had had these toolswhen I was a hairstylist,
(12:43):
because I could have steppedaway and said oh my goodness, I
remember this is so fun for me,this is so much fun, and I would
show up to work and serve myclients from such a beautiful
space.
What could I potentially and Ihave no regrets about this, by
the way I know that I went onthe journey, that I went on for
a reason, but I would love toimpart this on more people in
(13:08):
the place that you are at.
You can show up today and saywhat feels fun to me, what feels
fun in this job today, and ifyou're not having fun, it's like
okay, what feels fun?
What might shift my energy?
For me Sometimes we can't jumpall the way to fun that feels
like oh, fun does not feelpossible.
(13:29):
What might be enjoyable for meright now?
What would give me a break?
What would feel better thanthis?
Because a lot of times, what weare doing is like.
There's the story of a manwalks into his friend's house,
goes over to visit his friendand he hears this banging sound.
(13:50):
He's like, oh my gosh, what isthis?
He goes into the man's livingroom and the man his friend is
just beating his head on thewall, just over and over and
over, beating his head on thewall, wall.
And the guy who walks in islike dude, what are you doing?
And his friend stops, looks upat him and says it feels so good
(14:15):
when I stop.
This is what we are doing toourselves so much in our
day-to-day lives.
We are pushing ourselves to thebrink and using that as our
method of getting enjoyment andusing that as our method of
getting some kind of relief.
We don't have to do that.
(14:35):
That's not the way.
That is ultimately like.
That guy's going to have abloody head and he's eventually
going to be forced to stopbecause he will have literally
no more energy and his head'sgoing to be bleeding and he's
going to pass out.
That's what happens to us withburnout.
Instead, what he could havedone was turned and said oh my
(14:55):
gosh, I believe that I need abreak right now.
What can I do for myself?
Maybe I go grab myself abeautiful cup of tea.
Maybe I go grab myself abeautiful cup of tea.
Maybe I dance to a song.
Maybe I pause and go dosomething else.
Maybe I read a fiction book,for goodness sakes, because I've
been reading so much self-help.
So number two I hope that'ssinking in for all of us.
(15:17):
In order to live our mostconfident, live our best lives,
to change those beliefs that wehave currently, we have to take
sustained, bold action and theconfidence to take that action
does not come first.
The action comes and then theconfidence and you will only be
(15:39):
consistent.
Consistency comes when you arehaving fun.
Long-term consistency that isgoing to drive you where you
want to go okay.
Are having fun?
Long-term consistency that isgoing to drive you where you
want to go okay.
Number three this is where weget into the fun issue and the
guy beating his head against thewall.
You will only feel okay havingfun when your nervous system
believes it is safe to have fun.
If you've listened to thispodcast a while, you've heard me
(16:03):
say this before, but we can allbe reminded every day.
Your nervous system has a setpoint for fun, just as your
nervous system has a set pointfor how much irritation it can
tolerate.
We all know when our nerveshave flipped and we're like I
cannot take it anymore.
For me, one of those things issomebody chewing with their
mouth open, making mouth noises.
(16:23):
There is only so much that mynervous system could tolerate.
I flip.
The same is true for fun.
You have a set point for fun.
I call that your joy breaker.
Your breaker box for fun canonly handle so much juice and
once it hits that limit, itflips.
So we can only handle so muchfun.
For some of us that is sominimal.
(16:44):
It is so minimal the idea ofhaving fun, of somebody saying
go have some fun, go dosomething enjoyable.
We can't even Our nervoussystem is.
The set point is very, verytight.
It can't handle much juice.
But the good news is you canchange this.
You can re-teach your body thatit is safe for me to have fun,
(17:06):
and that begins with lettingyourself really enjoy the teeny,
tiny moments, really enjoy it,really receive it.
Somebody gives you a compliment.
You soak it up, girl, soak upthat compliment.
What does it feel like for meto really enjoy the fact that
one of the one of the thingsthat you can say is I receive
(17:28):
that, I receive that thank you.
Pause when somebody tells you acompliment, like our automatic
sometimes is to say oh, you too.
You can say you too, if thatfeels honest and true.
Sometimes we say you too, whenwe don't mean you too.
That's different.
But when somebody gives youthat compliment, I receive that
(17:48):
Thank you.
And then we can say you knowwhat I really love your earrings
, those are really fun, theymade me smile.
So then it comes from thisgenuine place, and people love
to give each other complimentstoo.
So fully recognize that that isa gift.
When you do receive, we'realways doing glittery exchanges
with other people in the worldthrough energy, and so when
(18:12):
somebody offers you a compliment, it's their energetic gift to
you and they want you to receiveit.
They don't want you to say Idon't want that.
That is one of the tiniest ways.
There's lots of ways that wecan expand our joy breaker, but
compliments is often a placewhere we struggle, and so it's a
really awesome place to start.
Another place you can start isenjoying simple pleasures.
(18:33):
The next time that you go on awalk, really feel the wind like
the breeze on your skin, reallyfeel the sun shining on you,
notice the color and the textureof the leaves, notice that
really nice sensation.
If you're on a hike and you'refeeling the crunch beneath your
feet of the rocks on your shoesand not only noticing it and
(18:59):
sensing it, but noticing how itbrings a sense of delight into
your body this is signaling toyour nervous system oh, she
likes this.
Oh, this is good.
Oh, I'm going to bring her moreof this.
And so then the next day, whenyou're having a hard time at
something, you think, oh, youknow what would feel good is to
go for a walk, as opposed to ohyou know what would feel good to
(19:20):
keep beating my head againstthe wall so that I feel some
relief when I stop.
So, number three you will onlyfeel okay having fun when your
nervous system believes that itis safe to have fun, because it
currently is tapping that joybreaker and saying, uh-uh, you
have surpassed your limit, myfriend, you are too juiced and
(19:43):
you know that that's not true,that you want more joy, you want
more abundance, you want tolove your job, you want to love
your life.
So let's expand that joybreaker.
Number four as you have fun, asyou start to have more fun this
is really our conclusion tothis process you will take more
action and become more confident.
(20:06):
You will feel safe being bold.
As you get out there and youbegin to enjoy your life in all
of these tiny little ways, it'sgoing to do what I just
described.
You're going to want to takethose actions.
You're going to want to do thethings that you love, and it's
going to magnetize more of thatbecause you're more confidently
(20:30):
shouting out to the universe andto everybody around you.
This is what she's here for.
This is the life that she ishere for.
You're automatically settingthose boundaries.
You're automatically beginningto own what is here for you, not
the head beating against thewall stuff.
That's not the stuff thatyou're here for.
That's not what you want.
You want these moments of joy,these moments of splendor, the
(20:55):
magnificence of this world thatexists, and then you start to
notice these are the things thatI'm really here for.
Oh, because your fun is yourclues.
Your joy is your strategy, youractual strategy.
It is actually as simple asthat.
We make it really complicated.
(21:17):
Your joy is your strategy tolife.
You were born with it.
There are things that yougravitated toward as a kid.
There were things that made yousmile, there were things that
made you feel so cozy, and overtime, we got away from that.
So it's coming back home tothat and that from that place.
(21:39):
That is where you create thatsustained, bold action that then
ingrains new beliefs into you,into your system, into your
nervous system, new beliefs thatexist between your brain and
your body.
These are the things that I loveto do, and then more of that
(21:59):
starts to show up for you.
It's the law of reciprocity.
It beginscity.
Your energy is magnetic.
So when our energy is comingfrom this place of I need to
strive and I need to try and Ineed to push we're bringing more
of that into our existence,because it's what other people
are seeing, whether they'recognitively recognizing that or
(22:21):
not.
Energetically, it's what youare attracting at the quantum
level.
So switch it.
And if you doubt all of theenergetics of things, the
magnetism and the quantum andthe field of all possibilities
and manifestation, and if you'veever watched the Secret and
you're like this is all bullshitto me, the way that I look at
(22:43):
it is why not experiment?
Why not play?
Why not play in this field ofsomething different?
Because what's the alternative?
Just continuing to be burnoutright?
Continuing to not be confident,continuing to feel like you
have these limiting beliefs thatyou can't overcome?
Why not try this?
Why not try to have joy as yourstrategy?
(23:06):
Give it a whirl, girl.
I would love to hear how itgoes for you.
So, to summarize, creating thisprocess of creating sustained,
bold action that is going tolead to confidence, that is
going to lead to those beliefs,is this knowing and
understanding that confidencedoes not come first.
We take aligned.
Number two you will only beconsistent if you are having fun
(23:32):
.
So bring little moments of funinto your life.
Number three you will only feelokay having fun.
You're only going to choose thefun when your nervous system
believes that it is safe for meto have fun.
That can be breath work, thatcan be meditation, can be any
(23:56):
number of tools that areavailable to you.
And number four as you have fun, you will take more action and
become more confident.
You will feel safe being boldand you will create those
consistent, sustained, boldactions that lead to a bright
and beautiful life that you willbe so fulfilled and proud of
when you get to the end of it.
(24:17):
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode.
As always on thursdays, I wouldlove to close with a moment of
breath to tune into our bodies,to tune into your awareness, and
we're going to do that today bytuning into the confidence that
already exists in your bodythanks to some aligned actions
(24:39):
that you have already taken.
So if you're able to close downyour eyes with me, I'm going to
invite you to do that duringthis process.
If you're not able to closeyour eyes, if you're on a walk,
you can do this with softeningyour gaze.
If you're driving, you mightgently listen in or come back to
this later.
So, drawing a deep breath intoyour nose and exhaling out
(25:03):
through the mouth Two more ofthose into the nose, out through
the mouth.
Together you breathe andtogether we empty, bringing your
(25:27):
awareness down to your feet,wherever it is that they are
resting.
Your feet are moving, bringingawareness to each foot as it
touches and meets the ground,maybe even pressing a little bit
more firmly, bringing fullawareness to the support that's
(25:48):
beneath you, to the supportthat's beneath you.
Now, when you're ready, we'regoing to begin breathing what is
called the halo, active breathbreathing into the nose and out
through the mouth, into the nose, out through the mouth.
(26:10):
Beautiful, that's it.
As you continue that breath,calling to mind a moment in your
life where you accomplishedsomething, or maybe you were
(26:35):
actively accomplishing something, there's this moment where you
felt a sense of confidence, ofassurance, clarity, this knowing
that I can do it, this knowingthat I did this.
(26:59):
Maybe it was a moment that youtook a bold action, that you
didn't know that you could take,but you did.
It could take, but you did it.
(27:20):
Really remembering that moment,letting the memory infuse with
your current experience, feelingthe memory, feeling exactly
what you felt in that moment,feeling it right now, noticing
how you can feel that in yourbody right now, this thing that
you did Now on each inhale,breathing those feelings, in
(27:45):
seeing if you can expand thosesensations in your body on each
exhale, releasing down into yourfeet, breathing in that felt
sense of confidence and clarityexhaling into the surface
(28:06):
beneath you.
You are so supported and nownoticing how the confidence that
exists within you became partof you and is still part of you.
It exists in the here and thenow because of this aligned
(28:31):
action, this thing that you did,this bold yes, you said yes to
that action.
Maybe you didn't think you could, but you did it.
And now you have thisconfidence in your body, this
knowing you are capable of somuch more than you ever thought
(28:53):
possible.
When you're ready, drawing in afinal deep inhale, expanding
that felt sense in your body,holding that breath at the top,
memorizing this sensation, thisfeeling, feeling the joy of it,
(29:21):
and when you're ready, releasingthat breath through the mouth,
grounding back down into yourfeet, back down into your feet,
with this new sense of knowingthat it is through taking
inspired action that you createconfidence for yourself.
(29:41):
In this knowing and this belief, I am capable, when you're
ready, pressing those feetgently into the floor, reminding
yourself of that support,bringing your awareness into
those physical sensations inyour feet, maybe wiggling your
(30:05):
fingers, blinking your eyes openwhen you're ready, making eye
contact with something in theroom with you, bringing your
awareness fully back into thehere and the now Beautiful.
(30:25):
Thank you so much for taking afew moments to do this exercise
and really expanding theconfidence inside of yourself,
reminding yourself of thosealigned actions that you have
taken and all of the actionsthat you will continue to take
during this lifetime.
If there's something that reallyconnected with you in this
(30:46):
episode, I encourage you toshare it with a friend who might
enjoy it as well.
If there's somebody in yourlife who could use that extra
little dose of confidence, thatextra support, that reminder to
have fun, if you have lots offriends that could use that
reminder, you can send, take ascreenshot of this episode, put
it on social media and tag me.
I'm untetheredjen on Instagram.
(31:07):
If you tag me, I'll alwaysreshare your posts.
Thanks again for listening.
You just keep shining yourmagical unicorn light out there
for all to see.
I'll always reshare your posts.
Thanks again for listening.
You just keep shining yourmagical unicorn light out there
for all to see.
I'll see you next time, bye.
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