Living Arrangements

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, I look at how control can hide behind care — especially when it comes to money, home, and dependence. To an outsider, the letters in this episode look like simple negotiations over housing and money. But when I revisit them, I see how they were really my first understanding of the coercive control my father had over my mother. What my father called generosity was really management — a quiet, calculated form of control. When my father claimed Curtis wanted to live with him, despite Curtis telling my mother the opposite just hours earlier, my mother instantly folded, accepting his version of events without question or double-checking with Curtis. I also reflect on Britney Spears’ conservatorship, as it became one of the most visible modern examples of coercive control, where protection was used as justification for power. My mother’s world was smaller, but the pattern was similar. What looked like practical “living arrangements” was actually another example of my father's abuse.

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, manipulation, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit: Moonlight Sonata, performed by Paul Pitman