Role Models

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, I continue reading my mother’s letters — one to my father, and one to my sister and me — as she reflects on the choices that shaped her marriage and the lessons she wanted us to learn from it. Through her words, I see how painful examples become powerful teachers, and how role models don’t just show us daughters what to do — they show us what to survive. I also explore the concept of triangulation, a manipulation tactic at the heart of so many family dynamics, and compare it to what unfolds in the film The Talented Mr. Ripley —  where charm, deception, and emotional control become a means of power.  In working on this episode, I realize that my father’s manipulation didn’t begin years into their marriage — it started right at the beginning. 

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes, including suicide, manipulation, emotional abuse, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman (used with permission under Creative Commons license).