October 31, 2024 • 56 mins
This episode of Virago 24-7 takes you through our hosts' personal tales of gratitude, self-reflection, and growth, inspired by the thoughtful practice of the Jesuit Examen prayer. Join Lyanette, Shiney, and Briana as they shed light on embracing life's unpredictability, from the relief of good biopsy results to the comfort of supportive relationships in navigating personal trials and triumphs.
We explore the idea of adjusting to life's curveballs and discovering purpose beyond our initial plans. Lyanette shares her journey of becoming a stay-at-home mom, highlighting the importance of finding joy in the present and letting go of unhelpful comparisons. The discussion touches on dealing with grief, family dynamics, and the powerful notion of JOMO—Joy of Missing Out—as a path to self-awareness and fulfillment. Through heartfelt stories, we underscore that it's never too late to make a pivot, challenge expectations, and rediscover happiness in unexpected places.
The conversation takes a deeper turn with explorations into motherhood, overcoming addiction, and finding purpose beyond traditional roles. Our stories are a testament to resilience, from confronting the fear of relapse to celebrating new job opportunities. We reflect on parental aspirations, inspired by literature, and the significance of embracing our emotions and faith during life's transitions. Throughout, the value of processing emotions healthily, leaning into supportive friendships, and the wisdom gained from personal growth journeys are brought to the forefront, reminding us of the unique paths we all tread.
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
(00:46):
Hello everyone, viragos in thehouse.
I have Shiny Hello, brianna, hiand me, leonette, welcome,
girls, welcome.
Thank you, yes, thanks forbeing here.
Thank you for having us.
How's everyone doing?
Wonderful?
Let's get into it.
We have.
(01:07):
We had our friend Justin comeand he's like you know what,
ladies, I'm going to help youguys out.
Justin has a productionbackground and so today is like
a guinea pig day, test run, atest run of a format.
Yes, yes, it's the pilot.
Yeah, pilot, yeah, it is.
Even though it's episode like90 something, it's the pilot.
(01:29):
So if you guys hate it, let meknow.
If you love it, let me know.
If you're indifferent, let meknow, or not, if you hate it?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
don't tell me, though .
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Brianna doesn't like stuff like that.
I'm okay with a littlecriticism.
So, no, justin, when he over,he was telling us about a Jesuit
prayer and I'd never heard ofit, but it's called the examine,
and so, um well, I'm going toread it.
I'll read it, cause I Googledit.
So the examine is a dailyprayer and it's a method of self
(01:59):
reflection that helps peoplenotice God's presence in their
lives, which is really cool.
And this is what Virago is allabout Self-reflecting, learning,
growing, healing, all the goodstuff, and basically it's being
grateful, like looking aroundand seeing what you can be
grateful for I love it, whatevents throughout the day, and
(02:20):
then also looks at like what,any regrets or anything that
you've done that you could havedone better, and so I want to
try that exercise and see whateach of us has, what highlights
and what hurdles, and it doesn'thave to be today, it could be,
for, you know, the past week orso.
(02:41):
So, shani, what is your?
Speaker 3 (02:42):
highlight and hurdle.
Can I pass and think on it fora few minutes and you guys go
first?
Yes, ma'am, thank you, shinyBree.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I would say my highlight has been short story
or long story short.
I got a puppy about two yearsago and I'm in the middle of
going through a divorce rightnow and I didn't foresee being
able to bring my puppy.
She's a bigger, golden doodle.
I didn't foresee being able tobring her to my apartment, but I
prayed about it and thoughtabout it and in my heart I just
(03:14):
felt like it was the bestdecision to bring her to live
with us.
So we did that this week andshe has been absolutely
wonderful it's.
I've fallen in love with herall over again and she's been
amazing.
So that's definitely been myhighlight of the week.
That's good.
It's been really great.
I'm, I'm stoked.
And then I would say my hurdlehas been I have a 17 month old
(03:37):
and he's teething.
So we've had a lot ofgrumpiness and a lot he's, you
know know, taking motrin likeevery six hours, poor little guy
, and a lot of sleepless nights.
So that's been my hurdle, butI'm just thankful to have a
happy baby that's teething, or ahealthy baby that's teething,
rather.
But it's been.
It's been tough.
There's been a lot of, a lot ofor lack of sleep, I should say.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
But yeah, those are good.
So for me, I told you all aweek or two ago was it two weeks
ago?
About my biopsy that I had todo yes, and so we did it.
We did it on Wednesday a weekand a half ago or two weeks ago,
and then I was going to Dallas.
So that Friday I got the callat the airport we're in line,
(04:23):
we're bougie.
We like to check in our luggage, even though they are
technically carry-ons, butbecause we get for free, we
don't do bougie bad and bougieNice shirt.
Shiny, she has a cute shirtthat says bad and bougie.
With what's her name?
Betty.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Boo, betty Boo.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
And a witch hat.
So I'm standing in line withyou know, philip, and our two
little ones, and well, they'renot little, but they're little
to me, khalil and Corinne, 16and 14.
We're on our way to Dallas togo to watch a football game and
this whole time because evenBrianna was like you're so calm
and yes, I was calm and thewhole biopsy experience was
(05:02):
actually lovely.
The nurses were amazingNorthside Hospital here in
Georgia and they just hold yourhand throughout all of it.
So I felt very comfortable.
It wasn't bad at all.
But a little part of me was likeprepare yourself, just in case,
just in case, Just get thatmind going, in case it's not
(05:26):
what you want to hear.
So we're standing in line, myphone rings and I'm like I gotta
get it, I gotta get it and I'mlike hello.
And she literally just went inand was like I want you to have
a wonderful weekend.
It was nothing.
Now we know for next time,cause they put a little marker
in there like a teeny, tinylittle thing, and it shows,
shows, it'll show up in the nextmammogram.
That way they know that that'salready been looked at.
(05:48):
And literally tears just comeflowing from my face and I think
it was like relief, because Ican tend to act like I'm a
badass, but I'm not.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I am that is the bad I am, I a badass, but not all
the time.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So anyways, it was like relief.
Yeah, so no cancer.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
How often do you have to go now?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Just regular Just once a year.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I don't know what is it now?
I thought they said if you haveclean scans, it's every three
years, no, or once a year?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Okay, I just for me it was three years, because I
haven't been in three years Iwould still say recommend next
year.
Yeah, I'll go next year, soyeah, yeah, yeah, that's right,
they changed the past.
Yeah, so no cancer hallelujah,thank the lord.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And then, honestly, I'm not trying to be all like
weird and be like, oh, nothingbad has happened.
I don't have any examples likethat because, guys, I've had a
very long emotional year.
So finally, I feel peace andcalm and the kids and everything
is good.
So I have something sosuperficial.
(06:55):
It's superficial, it's notanything that's happened to me,
but anytime I have big emotions,I want to find out where
they're coming from.
Yeah, so we watched adocumentary on Netflix and I and
I want to know why it's atrigger, why am I being so
passionate about this?
And the emotions that arecoming up are frustration and
(07:17):
like somewhat, a little bitanger.
But I watched a documentarywith really called what called.
What's it called?
Sweet Bobby, sweet Bobby.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
My.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Catfish Nightmare, yes, and I'm not going to give
anything away, but it's aboutcatfishing and I think my
trigger is.
The reason for this podcast isthat I want everyone to be aware
, self-aware and aware of theirsurroundings and to not get
duped, and to be strong and tobe, you know, a warrior, yes,
(07:46):
and so when I see women fall inthe other direction, there's
something that goes off insideme instead of empathizing, I
want to shake them.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, instead of being like sadfor someone, I get like annoyed
, and so I'm like maybe I needto dig more into that.
So, anyways, that was my hurdleis trying to figure out why
(08:08):
that bothers me so much,especially that that's not my
life.
But I just want a better lifefor others, you know, and a
better well with all.
So, yeah, those are my twothings.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
I think.
I think you do have empathybecause it frustrates you, for,
on their behalf, it may notpresent the way that you would
like it to, but there is someform of empathy there.
I think you do have empathybecause it frustrates you on
their behalf.
It may not present the way thatyou would like it to, but there
is some form of empathy there,because you're like you want to
shake them so that they can belike what the hell is wrong with
you In the first 10 minutes.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
There was like 80 signs.
I'm like that was a sign.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That was a sign.
10 out of 10 recommend no.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
No, it was good.
It was good.
I don't want to give anythingaway, but anyways it's.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
I just yeah, you're right, it's the rescuer in you.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Yeah, that's what it is, yeah and we've talked about
that.
But yeah, we gotta get get overthat yeah shiny, have you
thought about anything?
mine is gonna piggyback off ofyours a little bit.
I'm gonna go generalized becausewe haven't done this, this type
of form, before, but and I'mjust excited about it, I know my
highlight is that I would saymy life in general has been a
(09:13):
journey and I am I have alwaysbeen a very naive, very hopeful
person and I always saw it was agood thing.
But actually it's not.
It's you, we teach people howto treat us.
So I was teaching people thatI'm so laid back that you can
walk all over me, and so thehighlight for me is that on this
(09:37):
journey, I have been seekingknowledge, like just like you
said, like so strongly wantingto learn about the psychology of
people, because that's trueempathy, right Putting ourselves
in someone else's shoes.
So for me, I read 50 psychologybooks, every different kind,
(10:00):
and I found it so fascinating.
But what it really taught me islike like everybody has their
journey, their choices, theirinfluences based on their life,
and neither one is better thanthe other.
And for me, I feel like I mayhave just woken up, but I am
(10:20):
awake.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Awesome, I love that.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Yeah, my hurdle was already kind of already looped
in there.
Yeah, I love Awesome.
I love that.
Yeah, my hurdle was alreadykind of already looped in there.
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
I love that, all right.
So I chink ears, brie, brie,over here, you're 30 years old,
I am, and this week, when I waslike, what do we talk about?
What do we talk about?
I was on Instagram and I sawthis video with Gabrielle Union,
(10:52):
who's an actress.
If you don't know her, googleher.
I love her.
But, yeah, she's awesome.
She's awesome.
But she was basically talking to30 year olds.
She's like this is what I wantto tell all 30 year olds and
basically what she was sayingit's time isn't running out,
there's no race and there's nocheckered flag.
She said that you, you knowthat someone waves at the end of
your life saying she did it all.
(11:13):
She, you know, and so you havetime, because you keep saying
and I want to get into this alittle bit deeper after I read
what she said.
Anyways, I'll read it and thenwe're going to get into it,
because there's a lot that shesaid that I was like that's we
need to talk to.
Bravery Travel is one of them.
Tell people how you really feel, which I don't think you have a
(11:34):
problem with that.
Don't lie to your therapist.
She said be okay to not be okayand then be okay with missing
out because staying in is morefun anyways, she says.
And so it got me thinking.
Let's talk about that.
Like what, shynna, you and II'm going to be 45 in a few days
(11:54):
, actually, and you are right inthat vicinity, in that vicinity
, and so let's talk about whatis it that we would tell a 30
something year old?
And like, what did we learn inour 30s?
What we would tell a 30something year old?
Because, brianna, you're atthis point in your life that
you're in a transition phase.
Yes, you are getting a divorce,you have two little boys, which
(12:20):
is going to make you a singlemom.
So you're 30.
So you're in transition, lotsof change.
And just, I keep hearing yousay things like, oh my gosh, I'm
too old for this, or oh my gosh, I can't believe at 30.
And we're looking at you likegirl bye with that, like you're
still so young.
And you know, certain thingsthat I thought about were to
(12:41):
really like.
So in my 30, I feel likestarted blossoming at 35, but
that's besides the point.
35 was like for me, the magicnumber.
But I didn't really know mypurpose because at 30, I was
pregnant with my third child.
I'm a stay at home mom.
I never thought I would be that.
(13:01):
I knew I always wanted to bemarried and I knew that I always
wanted to have children.
But I thought I'd be a workingmom and like kicking ass
somewhere and traveling and justlike a mover and a shaker.
That's what I always felt deepinside of me and that's what I
thought that I would do.
So, being stuck at home with mythird kid on the way at 30 years
old, I mean, you know I was ashappy as I could be at that time
(13:26):
, but I just finally, I thinkwhy 35 is the magic number?
Maybe I should have startedsooner.
Was I started thinking aboutwhat my purpose is and what God
has for me?
Like, why am I here?
Like stop crying over whatwasn't or what could have been
or should have been.
What can I do now with what'sbeen given to me and do
(13:50):
something with that?
And so that's what I startedasking myself around 35, because
you know I had her at 30 andthen, you know, for a few years
I was a hot mess because there'sthree little kids and toddlers.
Yes, Like you said yeah, they'reteething and they're this and
they wake you up.
So, finding my purpose and ifyou can find it now, my gosh, I
(14:12):
wish I would have found likethat feeling of okay, we're just
, we're just switching courses,like we're just pivoting.
We're pivoting.
I wish I would have known thatpivoting was okay, but I was
just so like deep in thisshoulda, coulda, woulda, and I
see that in you where it's likestop, look at it, and what can I
do now?
(14:32):
What?
Yeah, just pivot.
And then the other thing iscomparing yourself, like you're
30.
Oh my gosh, I'm divorced.
Oh my gosh, I shouldn't bedivorced.
Oh my gosh, I'm divorced.
Oh my gosh, I shouldn't bedivorced.
Oh my gosh, I shouldn't havetwo baby daddies.
Oh, like all this, oh my gosh.
And cause, you're probablycomparing yourself to other
people and, oh, what are otherpeople going to think and what
are they going to say?
(14:52):
Who gives a shit Like?
Who really gives a shit?
And everyone's just doing theirbest and running their race and
, yes, somebody might look atyou and judge you.
Who?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
cares, but then they're not your people.
Yeah, like who cares.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
That's something they need to work out, like how I'm
getting frustrated over sweetBobby, oh yeah, yeah, dear Lord,
kimja, I think is her name, ohmy gosh.
Anyways, yeah, I'm like, that'snot my circus, not my monkey.
So you know that's her life.
So those were a few things,shiny Dia, do you?
Speaker 3 (15:24):
have anything.
Well, I was thinking what thethings that you said, that the
Gabrielle Union said, and yousaid being OK with being at home
or not, not being involved insomething, it's Jomo, the joy of
missing out.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Oh, I love that the joy.
Actually, I saw that recentlyand I that should be on a shirt
and we should all wear it, Iagree.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Yeah, jomo is awesome .
Yeah, it is, yeah, it's, it'struly like the letting go, which
is what you were saying, wasyou're telling Brie, you know,
not to like, live your life now.
Don't, don't go back.
Right, like comparison is thethief of joy, right, and?
And you, if you compare, youreally are taking away from your
(16:11):
happiness.
And the truth is, you have tothink the grass is greener where
you water it.
And so, as soon as we learnthis, like leonette, even when
you said I, I wish, I I wish Idid that, I wish I knew my
purpose, but even stop you there.
Yeah, because that's not whatwe're going to do either.
Yeah, we are going to.
(16:32):
We're going to, right now, behappy that we're together.
Yeah, yeah, and we're going tolive in the present, because
people are like sleeping.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
What do you mean by sleeping?
I mean, I understand, butelaborate on that.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Meaning people are just happy to do the same thing
every day on repeat.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
And are they happy though?
Speaker 3 (16:57):
No, that's why they're not.
And the truth is we have towant to learn, want to grow and
want to change, and we wantbetter every day.
If your morning isn't good, youwant your afternoon to be good,
like start as soon as possible,and just like what you said,
how you want people to beself-aware, you know, lift each
(17:19):
other up, like as soon aspossible.
That we can do that, I think,because that's really living,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, and one of the other things that I feel like
you're already doing, brie, isbeing self-aware and knowing
Like for me at that time.
I've talked about this adnauseum about my dad passing
away.
35 was that magic numberbecause I finally decided I was
33 when he passed away.
And that 34 was like a fogbecause it was a year of just
(17:52):
being just grief strickenbecause we didn't have the.
We didn't have like the bestbond.
Um, yeah, he was my dad.
I loved him.
I'm his daughter.
Yeah, I know he loved me, butit wasn't like this close, like
oh my gosh, like this you guysknow, and didn't you feel like
there was a lack of closurethere?
too.
Yes, there was some closure,but it happened and then he
(18:14):
passed soon after.
So I wish we could have donesomething with it.
But my communication skillswere lacking, and, yes, that's
learned behavior.
My communication skills werelacking, and yes, that's learned
behavior, and I'm 30 somethingyears old and I'm not going to
beat myself up about it.
I was aware that, okay, whensomeone dies is final, and we
(18:37):
didn't communicate well.
We kept a lot of stuff toourselves.
It would explode because wedidn't talk about our feelings
on a regular.
So I'm like that, that's not.
I can't continue doing this.
So I had to reflect and thenwant to change and decided like
I have to start somewhere.
So, speaking my mind at thatmoment, don't hold onto things,
(19:00):
cause you will just tick like abomb and like explode like a
bomb and then everyone's justlike left, frazzled.
I feel like with you, you're,you're already on your way with
that, because for the longestyou know, share about your
alcoholism if you want and I I'mso proud of you because you're,
finally you know it's an issuewithin you and and it's not
(19:26):
really the alcoholism and Idon't even want to shed light on
that it's the things that droveyou to do that right, or you
know the other things about yourlife and upbringing that forced
you to want to to numb yourself, self-medicate.
Yeah, and now you're acceptingthose things and you don't want
to live there anymore.
Yeah, and I'm just so proudbecause that's a big step.
(19:48):
There's so many people thatjust pass away with, never
learning that lesson yeah neverbeing self-aware, never even
some people are afraid to lookat that.
It's like, if I, if I'm gonnachange, I have to acknowledge
that these things happen.
I have to acknowledge thatshitty stuff happened to me and
I have to like, feel thosefeelings again.
(20:09):
Nobody wants that.
No, you know how much crime thethree of us have done?
Yeah, because we are looking atourselves in the mirror.
Yeah, and realizing get yourshit together.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
A shit ton of crime yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
So shiny.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
And I was going to say really quick that when I was
30 years old, I wasn't marriedyet my sister got married before
me and she's five years younger.
So, and you know my culturally,you have to, you know you have
to look the part too.
So I worked out every morningand evening, like before and
after work, and I was eventhinner than I was even at my
own wedding, and I was eventhinner than I was even at my
own wedding, like I had to, likeit's as if I had all this on me
(20:47):
, that I wasn't like there yet,yeah, but now, looking back, I
would tell anybody that there isno race and there's no rules.
So that you know that's.
I just wanted to share that.
That I think Brie's so lucky,don't, thank you.
Yeah, yeah, I feel pretty toshare that.
I think Brie's so lucky, thankyou.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yeah, I feel pretty lucky.
Good, I think, to touch on that.
I think as a human, I have mygood days and my bad days, right
.
So my bad days are obviously asa mother, I think, is where I
struggle the most.
As a mother, I feel I have highexpectations for the way that
my children grow up, and I comefrom a very unhealthy childhood
(21:28):
and a lot of trauma and a lot ofemotional baggage that I never
want my kids to feel.
So, on my bad days, I feel likeI'm I'm hard on myself in
regards to being a mother, likeI want my kids to have a forever
home, my kids to have a foreverhome.
(21:48):
You know, I want my kids tohave to see a healthy marriage
in a way that I wasn't privy tountil, you know, I was a
teenager and so I just my baddays are that like I do feel
like I'm in a race, like my.
My oldest son will be 12 nextmonth and I have a toddler, of
course, but I just I feel likethere's a hurry to get that done
while he's still little and Ifeel like his childhood is.
(22:08):
You know, time is running up onme and I think I'm a very
constructive person of myself.
I give myself a lot ofcriticism and but I do try to
make it constructive.
So it is hard but I do.
I do listen and it has beenreally helpful hanging out with
you guys and talking with youguys, because I leave here and I
do feel like a badass and I dofeel like I've come a long way.
(22:31):
I will say an advantage not totoot my own horn, but an
advantage that I do have is onmy good days I am always looking
for something to be gratefulfor.
A year ago I would not havepictured myself living in a
small two bedroom apartment withmy kids and being a single mom
and and job hunting and all ofthese things.
I wouldn't have pictured that.
(22:51):
But on my good days I I lookaround at everything I have and
I really am very fortunate.
I have two beautiful, healthykids and I do have my own
apartment.
I haven't had many places thatI could call home in my 30 years
of life.
So I think I think there aregood days and bad days, but the
hearing stuff like this isextremely helpful because I
(23:12):
think for the most part it helpsyou feel not so alone Like
other 30 year olds feel this way, or when you were 30, you were
feeling this way.
So I think I think I more.
I have more advantages than Ido disadvantages, and all of my
advantages are mental.
Just like you talked about myalcoholism, it took me so long
to to finally accept the factthat I was an alcoholic, and
(23:33):
I've touched on this before.
But being a young alcoholic issuch a a hard thing to accept
Like I will never be able todrink again.
I will never, and not in ahealthy way.
Obviously I I can, but if Iroll the tape through, I know
how that ends every single time,and so it's.
It's you kind of have to turnevery negative thing about
(23:53):
yourself into some sort ofstrength, and so I've dug as
deep as I could fucking dig tofind the strength of being an
alcoholic, and and for me that'sthat's how that has what has
helped me the most coming out ofit and accepting it.
And then also I like to, assoon as I meet somebody, I like
to make somebody aware.
(24:13):
So there's no room forconfusion, there's no room for
for weak moments, there's noroom for any of that.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Um, I mean that is gross because I've known you
since you were.
I mean, technically I've knownyou since you were 16, um, but
like, know you, know you?
I mean you were a teenager andthen early 20s, when you and I
were really getting to know eachother and hanging out and
drinking when you were 21 andand all that.
So I've seen the progression,I've seen the growth.
(24:42):
I've had to pick you up off thefloor, I've had to literally
cuss you out because I'm likewhy are you doing this shit?
Again my shoes on me, likeliterally drag her.
Yeah, like she's like weakeningat Bernie's, like listen,
you're gonna have to put onefoot in front of the other and
we're gonna, we're gonna walktogether.
But I'm so proud of you becauseof that and it's so freeing,
(25:03):
because I one thing that Ialways keep telling you if you
focus on yourself, your sons,everything else will fall into
place.
And the other day, you and Iwere talking and you're like we
were getting our nails done, andyou turn and you said I just
don't want to jinx it, becauseeverything's going so well right
now, because you've beenfocused and you've been
(25:24):
proactive.
And you I just see a differentBrianna and you are afraid that
that's something bad's going tohappen.
And I said, oh my gosh, when Iwas your age, I did the same
thing.
Like you feel, like you can'tbe happy because, finally,
everything.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Unworthy, yeah, or or you're on your toes Like why is
everything going so well?
Speaker 1 (25:47):
That's something really big.
Where's Ashton Kutcher?
Am I about to be big type shit,you know yeah, um, yeah, and but
the thing with with that,that's another lesson is that
you know I think it's a tom hankquote, I don't know if it's him
, but I think I heard where hehe says something about when
things are great, this too, thistoo, shall pass.
(26:08):
And when things are shitty,this, uh too, shall pass.
I'm sure he said it in a verymore eloquent way, but it's
basically saying that all thingswill pass, whether good or bad.
Yeah, and I told you because Ihad to learn it myself, because
I was that the same way, likethis is too good to be true and
there's a bomb about to drop,yeah, that's gonna make all of
this stuff mean nothing, andright now, everything's good.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
But when she like a puzzle right now.
Like my puzzle pieces were allfreaking scattered and you're
like you didn't know what to donow all of the puzzles and and,
and you know, with, with help ofmy own, all of the puzzle
pieces are kind of aligning liketoo perfectly right now and
like quickly too, yes, and I'mlike this puzzle is about to be
ugly as shit.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Something bad's about to happen because some kid's
gonna step on my puzzle.
You know some kid's gonna comeand be like my toddler.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yeah, um take all the puzzle pieces away.
It is such a um I I try to findthe positive in everything.
It's such a good and badmindset.
It's a bad mindset because youdon't feel like you're able to
enjoy the good things that arehappening, because you're so
anxious and awaiting thenegative things to come that are
.
You know, like you said,they're inevitable.
The good times will pass too.
(27:19):
But also it's a good thingbecause, a positive thing,
because I am so appreciative ofall of the good things, like I
don't take any good thing forgranted.
No good thing in my life do Itake it for granted.
And I don't want to dive toodeep into this because I have
struggled a lot with religionall throughout my life.
(27:41):
I've been very inquisitive, I'vequestioned if God was real and
kind of where I fit in, you know, in the whole God thing, as I
used to say.
But it's funny because it hasgiven me so much hope and I'm
nowhere near where I want to be,where I feel like I could be
had I had I, you know, tried itsooner or listened sooner.
(28:02):
But I have a lot of faith thatI've never felt before Like I
have so much faith, and it's noteven to attribute it directly
to God.
But that's, that's one of thewell, I'm just saying, that's in
my mind.
I don't directly go to Godbecause that's unnatural for me.
It's unnatural for me to say,oh, this is a God thing.
(28:23):
And something that I want to bevery careful about in in my
spiritual walk that I'm goingthrough now is for it to be
authentic, because before Iwould do it and say, oh, I
believe in God, or wear a crossaround my neck and all of a
sudden I'm this like littleChristian girl no, it was always
or get a cross on your hand atattoo but it was always like so
(28:46):
just what I thought I should be, what I thought people wanted
to hear whether it be you or dador friend, you know like it was
never authentic.
And so now I'm embracing thequestions that I have the moment
, cause I still question, Istill have so many questions Is
God real?
Is this God?
Is this the devil?
Who?
Speaker 1 (29:04):
which one are you, and?
Speaker 2 (29:06):
so I just I still embrace those questions as well
because it it gives me theopportunity and the chance to to
feel those questions and tokind of work through those
questions.
So I I attribute a lot of it tothat as well and that is.
That is a huge difference thatI've made.
I haven't been to church inthree weeks and every Sunday I'm
(29:27):
like damn it, I've listened,but every Sunday I'm like damn
it, I didn't go to church today.
And then I'm like damn it, I'velistened, but every Sunday I'm
like damn it, I didn't go tochurch today.
And then I'm so hard on myselfand I'm like no girl, because
every day it's something that Ithink about which is way more
than I could say.
A year ago I wasn't thinkingabout God.
Every day, something gooddidn't happen and I didn't go.
Was that gone?
Even if I'm not sure, even if Idon't look up to this guy and
go, thank you, I'm like I, mymind is is at the point now
(29:49):
where it's questioning it.
So I think that's a that's abig difference too.
And I think, going back to theage thing, I think it's hard
because my alcoholism has playedsuch a heavy role in my adult
life that you know, I, I thisstarted in my early 20s and now
I'm 30, so in my mind I'm likethis should be over.
(30:09):
Girl, you should have been done,figured that shit out this
should be, over and you know,and then also bringing another
child into the world, dealingwith all of this as well.
So, you know, just going backto the age thing, I think
because it has been, in thegrand scheme of thing, not that
long, but for me way too longI'm like, okay, you were doing
this in your early 20s.
You know you, you're 30, thisshould be over by now.
(30:31):
So that's kind of where thatwhole racing thing comes in into
play as well.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Well, and it's you're .
You're on your way for it to beover.
Yeah, and you're 30.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
And I, I don't want to be I again, I'm not even a
superstitious person, but Idon't want to jinx it but I also
I going back to alcoholism andquestioning things.
I'm like why is it so easy thistime?
Like it's too easy, it's toogood to be true.
You feel like, yes, I'm like,I'm like okay that if something
bad happens which the past sixmonths have been some of the
hardest months in my life, goingthrough this divorce and just
(31:08):
dealing with everything thatcomes with that, mentally and
emotionally, for myself and formy children and even my
ex-husband I soon to beex-husband but I'm like, why has
it been so easy?
Life has been hard lately.
Life has been shit, you know,the past six months.
Why has it been so easy?
And so the positive side of mymind is like, okay, this it's
over, like we're done, we'redone fighting this shit.
It's over.
Like we're done, we're donefighting this shit.
(31:29):
It's over, you know.
But then the other part of meis like not, you know, like like
worried.
Still, I'll always have thatworried and I also don't want to
be too cocky or too naive tothe fact that you know, I am
always an alcoholic.
I'm.
There are going to betemptations in my life, but yeah
, just to go back to that too.
You're doing great Thanks.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
You are.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Thanks, you really are.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I feel, pretty good.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
I felt better than I have in a long time.
You got a job.
I did get a job?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Oh, you did.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
We're going to be working together.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Yes, I'm going back to Innovative Smiles.
Yes, she is.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
That's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
I smiles.
Yes, she is.
That's a big deal.
I worked there.
I worked there for a long timebefore and I left and came back.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
But no, the crazy thing is and, like you said,
your puzzle pieces are literallyfalling into place because you
said you wanted to work there afew months ago, like right, when
you separated and got yourapartment, I remember you saying
do you think you could, youguys would ever have me back,
and at that time we didn't haveany openings, like, and there
(32:37):
was no room for you at all.
Right, and honestly, there wasnothing in sight that that was
looking like it was going tochange anytime soon, right?
So it's like, yeah, no, that'sthat door's not open for you.
Pretty much.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I I mean yeah, essentially we weren't a-holes
about it, but it's funny too,because it it it lined up well
on on urine on the practice end,yeah, yeah, but also on my life
too, or in my life too, becauseI did not want to work for
another dentist.
I've been very adamant aboutthat, but it's all I know.
I'm good at it, like I'm reallyI once I'm in dentistry, like
(33:13):
I'm passionate about it.
I'm good at it.
I have knowledge from it becauseof who I worked for for so long
?
Um, but I didn't want to workfor another dentist because I'm
sorry I've.
In my experience, dentists arebatshit crazy.
Okay, and you have worked forother dentists and they are.
They've been crazy, terribleexperiences.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Oh really, I didn't know yes yes, okay and we can
have a reality show.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
But I think I think people think it's boring, but no
, no, it would not be boringdentists are crazy, and philip k
talley is leonette's husband,is the exception to that, but
anyway so.
So I finally like succumbed to.
My situation was like girldentistry is what you know
you're gonna have to findanother dental office, and so I
(33:56):
started applying at other dentaloffices.
I finally decided you know what,I'm gonna just go back to
dentistry.
And then Perrin, which isLeonette's youngest daughter.
I was driving her to school oneday and she was like why don't
you go back and work at dad'spractice?
And I was like honestly if hewould have me.
I totally would, but I don'tknow that he's open to that or
that there's anything available.
And it was literally that dayor the next day that dad texted
(34:18):
me and was like hey, can you?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
yeah, yeah, someone quit and yeah, and it was just
aligned and we're like wait aminute, so yeah, so she starts
November, 5th November, and thething and the.
Thing with Brianna.
She's a people person and sheknows fill up and she, she just
knows that practice.
The patients are going to be soexcited.
They're going to be so excitedto see you and, yeah, the way it
(34:41):
lined up, because there wasnothing in sight and so, yeah,
now there was an opening andshe's sliding right off, it's a
nerve wracking thing going back,because Leonette's husband, Dr
Talley, is, is I call him dad.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
He's like a dad to me .
So not only is there that kindof pressure to perform
professionally, but it's it'sadded pressure for me personally
that I've added to myself,because he is my dad and I don't
want to disappoint him.
I have disappointed him in thepast.
My alcoholism affected my work,and so so I was very nervous
about that.
But the way that everything haslined up has made me believe
(35:17):
like no, this is meant to belike this is this is where
you're supposed to be and you'regoing to be fine, You're going
to do well, You're going to makehim proud, You're.
You know everybody's going tobe happy to have you there, and
so it's been.
It's been such a blessing thatthe way it worked out because
had it not worked out that wayand I kind of you know, asked
(35:39):
repetitively or whatever, and Ifelt like I kind of forced my
way in.
I would that doubt would be somuch more but the way it aligned
.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Well, I jokingly told her.
I said, girl, I said Phillip is, he's just one of those people.
He puts his mind to it and hegoes for it.
And I didn't know him when hewas little, I didn't know him as
a teenager, but, like he, youcan tell that everything that he
did and touched was successful.
And so I was like I gave him achance.
And look at me, girl.
So stick with him and you'regoing to be great places too.
(36:08):
You got nothing to worry about.
Even in the hard times.
He won't let you feel like it'sa hard time, that's so
wonderful, he is the best bossever.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I'm biased, I know, but he is the best boss ever.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
And I'm so thankful.
I don't know if everyone wouldsay that, but a lot of people
appreciate him.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
And my opinion means the most.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Okay, I'm just kidding okay, I'm just kidding
and I know we're talking about30 somethings and we're going to
move on to something else.
But going back to philip, eventhough it has nothing to do with
our topic, but he, our people,have left thinking the grass is
greener and there's been morethan a handful that want to come
back yes me, this will be myfourth time coming back, dang
girl.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Well, I didn't want to say that, actually it's my
second it's like going back tolike an old boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah Gosh, the toxicity.
I can't get away.
And even he ran into someone ata conference recently and I
don't know we're just braggingabout him, but she introduced I
don't know if it was a high-genas an assistant, but somebody
that worked with him years agoand she said to whoever she was
with he taught me everything.
I know, oh yeah, you told meabout that, yeah, and so, and
(37:12):
the person was like, wow, well,she's really good, so that must
be a compliment.
So anyways, yeah, we're excitedfor you to be back into the
innovative smiles.
My 30s are starting to look up,they are See.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
We are starting a new segment and we're calling it
Virago's Library.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
I was going to say, this is the pilot for all the
segments, all the segments.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Let's see how it works.
But no, we like to read.
I don't know, brie, you kind ofread.
I read true crime books.
Yeah, and I read thriller books.
There's something you kind ofread I read true crime books,
yeah, and I read Thriller books.
There's something about shiny.
Yes, oh my, this is going to beshiny segment.
The thing with shiny you knowthose people that read something
, watch something and then theycan quote it.
(38:04):
Yes, they can quote the name ofthe book, retain it and the
author and what page it was on.
Like, apply it, yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
And apply it.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
And repeat it to you.
She'll be like Leonette.
I read such and such book bysuch and such, and on page 25,
at the very bottom, he saidquote the grass is not always
green on the underside end quote.
That's so funny, and so she'salways sending me something, and
so I said you know what,Instead of just us hoarding it
(38:32):
for ourselves.
Shiny, what have you read?
What have you seen?
What have you?
Yeah, what is it that you haveseen that has been inspiring,
that you would like to share andgive us who, where, how, so we
can read it to you?
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Um well, thank you, you guys are so, so sweet.
I guess this is the nerdy me,the nerdy part of me, because
every other part is so cool,it's admirable.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Your reading is.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
Yeah, oh, thank you, that's my part of my, my
learning, and then I write aboutit.
Yeah, so I feel like that'sprobably how I remember I teach
my kids, because studying is askill, so I teach them that if
you read something you know,write on it.
Or if you learn something,write on it, because that's a
(39:20):
second way to remember it Right.
So I'm going to read somethingthat we learned together last
week, but we didn't record thisto share and, brie, you might
get to it faster than me rightnow, but it was the quote that
you asked me for.
It's on my phone.
Oh, whoops.
Okay, it's in our group chat.
(39:41):
I'll look it up.
Yeah, I was gonna say can youhelp me?
I'll help you.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
yeah, see, I read 50 000 things.
I thought about this quote andI sent it to my friend the other
day because I've thought aboutthis ever since you mentioned it
.
Speaker 3 (39:53):
Well, I just don't want to destroy it, but I mean,
if you don't find it, I can findit, we can.
We can talk about what it'sabout, but it's a heavy quote,
it's one of those heavy hittersand it really makes you think,
not just as a mom, but also as achild.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
It was powerful, yeah , and it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
It's by Carl Jung and he says the greatest burden a
child must bear is the unlivedlife of its parents and what
that.
That's really heavy, but it'san unconscious weight that we
put on our kids and it's it'stoo much pressure.
How do you guys feel?
Because I know we thought aboutit as a teen mom.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
It hits home and the way you said that I think it me
as a mother and a young mom whoobviously I didn't live a lot of
life before I became a mom andthe life that I did live was
shit.
So it hit home for me.
It gave me a whole newperspective and it it makes me
want to be more aware of how Iparent, because it is a
(41:00):
subconscious thing, like youmentioned.
So it hit home for me,definitely.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Yeah, I mean me too, and it's.
Did they expand in the book orwas it just the quote in the
book?
Oh, yes, yes, yes, because sois it more of we're not really
putting it on our kids.
I'm sure there's some parentsthat ride their kids because
they need to accomplish whatthey didn't, but I'm sure
there's some like for me, kaylinrecently, and I think I've
(41:29):
shared this before.
For me, kaylin recently, and Ithink I've shared this before
but she said something about notwanting kids and not wanting to
get married and I was just kindof asking her why?
Well, I want to work and I'msmart enough to put two and two
together.
I'm like well, you can work.
She's like, well, I was likeyou just don't want to turn out
like me.
So I'll say things to her and ifshe doesn't say no because
(41:51):
she's not going to lie about itShe'll say yes, she'll be honest
about it.
She just has a hard timespitting it out.
So I'll interpret things andthen you know she either denies
it or not.
But I said to her you don'twant to turn out like me, where
I stayed home and you know thatI wanted to work and have a
career, and she kind of, youknow, nodded her head and I'm
like but you don't have, firstof all, don't feel sorry for me.
(42:14):
I don't want that pressure onher or that feeling of I don't
want to turn out like my mom andI don't have an ego, so you
know it doesn't make me feel sadabout it Like I'm not like, oh
my gosh, what's wrong with me?
How you?
I have none of those feelings,but I understand that it looks
like, oh, poor Leanna, shedidn't get a career.
(42:38):
But I said I love how my lifeturned out to be.
You know, yeah, in my thirties,you know, 15 years removed, 14
years removed.
Of course, at that time Ididn't see what I see now.
At that time, of course, I waslike, well, it was me, but my
life turned out great.
Was like, well, it was me, butmy life turned out great.
And I was meant to be home withyou guys.
That was my place.
And I became okay with thateventually, like I knew that,
(42:58):
that that I would have my time,and I'm like, and you don't even
have, you don't even have tohave that journey.
So it is, and like, sometimesfor me it's like, well, don't
cry about it, look at around,look at your mom, how she grew
up, and look at your grandmotherand look at everyone else that
came before you.
Be grateful, they got you towhere you are, so be grateful.
So it is that like it's aguilty feeling.
(43:22):
So how do we fix it?
Speaker 3 (43:25):
Did it say?
Well, I was going to say that alot of people gave me a hard
time because of my backgroundand education and that I stayed
home, but I actually have zeroregrets.
I think that it's not for everymom, but I think me as a mom,
it's the most fulfilling part ofmy life ever and I was meant to
(43:49):
be there because I'm actuallyone of those super rare people
that really likes hanging outwith my kids.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
You do you do I do now Same.
I mean, I do too, I do.
I like it better now, at thisage, though, yeah, so I would
say that I'm going to be honest,yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
I mean not that it wasn't hard, because Gavin was a
really hard baby, he cried allthe time, but he grew out of it.
Yeah, and you know, I wasprobably crying too.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
But no, that was a good.
That was a good something toshare because you know it gives
people something to ponder.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
I think my alcoholism is a good example of that.
Like my, I didn't live a goodlife and I didn't go through
like the young teenage partystage or anything like that, and
I became an alcoholic in myearly twenties, after I already
had a child, so of course thatwas a burden on my son.
You know what I mean.
So I think that's a goodexample of that.
But it's just good to even beaware of of quotes like that,
because it's always going to bein the back of my mind now.
(44:44):
I'm always going to think aboutthat and, like I said, I've
thought about it so many timessince you said it.
So I think it's.
I think that's great, I thinkwe're great Next.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
You ready for the next segment?
Let's go the Virago Vault.
What is the Virago Vault, youask?
Well, right now we have fivelisteners and if those five
listeners would send in aquestion, your question will go
into the Virago Vault and wewill talk about said question.
(45:24):
But today, since we have noquestions from our listeners, I
have a question for Briannaabout what we were talking.
Now that we've imparted wisdomon you and you're going to walk
away feeling refreshed andrenewed All thanks to me and
Shiny, you're welcome.
Okay, so you're 30.
You have your apartment, yourboys are healthy, you got your
(45:48):
dog back, you're about to workat innovative smiles.
What are you going to do withwhat we have given you, with
what is like being laid beforeyou at the end of 2024?
So 2025 is going to be kickingass.
What do you see for yourself?
What are your goals?
What are you going to take awayfrom today?
Speaker 2 (46:06):
so I think two things stood out to me from from what
you mentioned, from Gabrielle.
Finding purpose, I think, is abig one for me.
In my mind, my purpose hasalways been to be a mother, and
not that that changes.
That will always be my purpose.
But I also need to find anotherpurpose.
I'm I'm a good mom.
I take care of my kids.
But maybe in a different aspectof my life, whether it be on a
(46:27):
professional level, whether itbe on a mental health level, you
know, helping other alcoholicsI think finding another purpose,
aside from even like kind of myidentity is, is being a mom.
I've been a mom since I was likeseven years old, so that's like
my whole, entire personality,um.
(46:49):
So I think finding a purpose isgood and having a vision on how
I'm going to reach that purposeand being deliberate about how
I'm going to get there, that oneand then something we didn't
like dive too deep into this,but it stood out to me and it's
something that I've had to learnthe past couple of months it's
OK not to be OK.
That is a huge one for me,because I am the type of person
(47:11):
that and it's not even that Iwant to, to not be real with my
emotions.
I feel like I'm very vulnerableperson in general, but I never
want to be a burden for otherpeople.
I never want other people thatlove and care about me or that I
love and care about to to thinkthat I'm not okay, like I want
everyone to think that I'm I'mfine.
All I want everyone to thinkthat I'm I'm fine.
All the time and the past, youknow, throughout my divorce,
(47:34):
leonette I've leaned intoLeonette a lot and she's she's
caught me saying things.
I'll say things like this ishard.
You know, being a single mom ishard and I want more for my
boys, but I should be thankfulthat they're healthy.
I should be and Leonette's likeno, it's okay to be sad, it's
okay, this is tough shit thatyou're dealing with.
It's okay to feel that It'd beweird if you didn't feel certain
(47:56):
emotions like sadness and angerand frustration and all that.
So I think, through this divorce, one advantage that I have is I
have kind of learned that Ineed to process my emotions as
they're happening rather thantrying to keep them away until
they bubble up and I explode or,you know, turn to things like
alcohol.
So I think that's a big one forme.
(48:16):
It's okay to not be okay andit's funny.
I'm going to just say thisreally quick Dr Talley, who I
call dad Leonette's husband, hewill send me these abide
meditations in the morning, andthen there's been a couple of
times that I'm like, I'm likedang, that one really hit home,
like wow, that's a God momentfor me, like he God is talking
(48:39):
to me through a human being onthis earth.
So the other morning I had areally rough morning.
Like I said, my son's beenteething.
My oldest son has been wakingup late for school every morning
.
I have to drive him and Idropped my kids off and I was in
my car driving home and I justlost it.
I just was having a bad morningand I just cried and I was like.
I was like so sad and I'm like,oh, I'm regressing, I'm going
(49:03):
back to, like my sad mindset.
Blah, blah, blah.
I get a text message from mydad and it's literally an abide
meditation and it's talkingabout how to be being okay with
not being okay, and it's sayingyou know, this is the time that
you lean into god or this is,you know, kind of giving you
tips and tricks.
And that made me cry even morebecause I'm like okay, I'm not
(49:27):
regressing, it's okay to be sad,it's okay to have these
feelings.
And then I came over here thatnext day and you touched on that
a little bit and you just likebriefly mentioned it's okay not
to be okay and I'm like damn theuniverse is saying.
God is giving me a sign.
It's okay not to be okay, sothat definitely stuck out to me,
so I think you had asked us.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
we went to church and then we went to brunch with the
family, but I think that wasone of your questions.
How do you know when God'stalking to you?
That's it.
Yeah, Like you don't reallyrealize that it's.
That's the way, like how randomis that that you're feeling
that way and then you get a textand then you come over.
(50:04):
That's not a coincidence.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Those, those are reminders.
Like I said, I still have theinquisitive side that I'm like
there's no way that that God canbe real and that's just a raw,
natural feeling that I have.
And then I have those momentsand I'm like how can he not be?
That that's, that's way toocoincidental, how can he not be?
And I texted him back and I was, I think.
I said like, wow, that one hithome this morning, or something
(50:27):
like that.
So that's definitely somethingI I take, just processing my
emotions.
I think that's a big deal andalthough I'm a mother, I'm still
a human being, I'm still awoman, I still have feelings and
I need to process those in ahealthy way.
Those are the two biggestthings Traveling I'm always down
to travel and comparing myself.
(50:48):
I not because Leonette's sittingnext to me or not blowing smoke
up your ass, but I just I lookup to a lot as a woman, as a
mother, as a wife.
I have a lot of respect andadmiration for your marriage and
that just the type of human youare, and so it is easy to
compare yourself.
And I think the other day yousaid something like yeah, I was
30.
We were talking about and I waslike, wow, you were my age, and
(51:12):
I instantly go to thatcomparative mindset.
I'm like, well, she was 30 shewas already marrying my dad.
She was having her third baby.
They had a house.
She was staying home, you knowand so.
I think it's a natural thing,but to just be more conscious of
that and just to be more awareof that when I am doing that,
being like this is my own walkof life and it hasn't been easy.
(51:32):
But such a a wonderful thing tobe mindful of is that I am in
control of it.
And if I want to be married infive years, then damn it.
I'm going to be married in fiveyears with a little girl named
Vivian oh, you want to name herVivian.
No, I just made that up.
It would be Penelope orGenevieve oh no, genevieve I
love.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
The name genevieve axel was gonna be genevieve if
he was a girl, okay that's sucha cute name.
That's adorbs.
I'm not allowed to say thatcurrent says she said that.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
So like nobody says that, and I have hardcore fomo
too as a as a young 30 year old,I get fomo about things, and
and friendships another thingI've always admired about you is
your friendships.
You have a wonderful group offriends you know, shiny being
one of them and I don't have alot of friends.
I have a friend from highschool and I have my family,
(52:23):
which is, you know, you guys,and but, honestly, at 30, the
friends that I have, they didn'teven exist.
Speaker 1 (52:29):
I was in my own little world, like I said we had
.
I didn't really have a ton offriends at that time.
I mean, you have people, butwhen you get married and some
people aren't the same, so, yeah, you have friends, but not
anybody that you're hanging outwith anymore.
Because you're at 30, yourwalks of life really go off in
way different directions.
So I prayed for, I literallyprayed for this, and around 32,
(52:53):
33, I told Philip, you know, wewould go to the church here down
the street, but we literallywould go listen and then leave.
And finally I was like I'm tiredof walking this path by myself.
I need friends that are in thesame boat, that can relate, that
have similar interests, thathave, you know, small children.
I prayed, I said, just bring mea few.
(53:16):
I said, you know, one or two orthree, maybe five, nothing
crazy.
And then just the floodgatesopened, yeah, and like, imagine,
just yeah, the heavens opening,and then the friends are
falling down, and then I, youknow, started CrossFit and stuff
.
So just, you're fine, you'regoing to, you're going to find
your community at this age.
We're so like.
Speaker 2 (53:37):
I feel like every day .
They're my best friend and welove you.
Speaker 1 (53:41):
Those people are going to fall there.
You're going to get your people.
You will, you will.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
And my people will become your people.
Yeah, and I was going to saysay you already, you already
have a foundation, you mighthave a great foundation, yeah.
I mean, you already have it's.
It's really the quality, and Ifeel like I've had the same
friends as I was a kid andremember I said that this that
Atlanta's been the place Istruggled, so I I've always had
those friends, but we don't.
(54:05):
They don't live here, right?
So when I was in this stage ofmy life, which I've been here 16
years, so it's taking me such along time to realize who are my
real friends here, yeah, yeah,and it's a small group and I'm
so thankful.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
Yeah, and I think and you'll accumulate them, and
then you'll get rid of a few,because exactly.
Speaker 2 (54:26):
I met friends in my early 20s which I did.
They wouldn't have, theywouldn't have been constructive
for me in this phase of my life,the ones I was out drinking
with or had.
I met a nice group of friendswhenever I was a closet
alcoholic or didn't want toaccept it.
Now I feel like I'm in aposition where I'm ready to
accept it.
I'm honest about who I am andthat sort of thing.
Speaker 1 (54:47):
Yes, you're going to be fine.
Yes, anything.
If y'all have been listening tome ever, you know I love my
quotes or I love to end withsomething.
Sometimes I forget, but I'mgoing to be more consistent, or
about consistency, that's.
That's the word of 2025.
I don't remember my word.
I think it was like calm orsomething, but anyways, I found
this on Pinterest.
It says this year I've learnedthree things.
(55:09):
Number one you're not alwaysgoing to get the closure or
explanation you think youdeserve.
Two sometimes you have toaccept something for what it is
and move on.
And three everything reallydoes happen for a reason.
Speaker 2 (55:26):
I love that.
I want to thank you ladies.
Speaker 1 (55:29):
Thank you so much love you, virago.
See you next week.
Bye, thank you so much forlistening to Virago 24-7.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
(55:49):
button and please give us fivestar ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at Virago247, and
on Facebook, at Virago247.
And just connect with us andshare your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
(00:46):
Hello everyone, viragos in thehouse.
I have Shiny Hello, brianna, hiand me, leonette, welcome,
girls, welcome.
Thank you, yes, thanks forbeing here.
Thank you for having us.
How's everyone doing?
Wonderful?
Let's get into it.
We have.
(01:07):
We had our friend Justin comeand he's like you know what,
ladies, I'm going to help youguys out.
Justin has a productionbackground and so today is like
a guinea pig day, test run, atest run of a format.
Yes, yes, it's the pilot.
Yeah, pilot, yeah, it is.
Even though it's episode like90 something, it's the pilot.
(01:29):
So if you guys hate it, let meknow.
If you love it, let me know.
If you're indifferent, let meknow, or not, if you hate it?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
don't tell me, though .
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Brianna doesn't like stuff like that.
I'm okay with a littlecriticism.
So, no, justin, when he over,he was telling us about a Jesuit
prayer and I'd never heard ofit, but it's called the examine,
and so, um well, I'm going toread it.
I'll read it, cause I Googledit.
So the examine is a dailyprayer and it's a method of self
(01:59):
reflection that helps peoplenotice God's presence in their
lives, which is really cool.
And this is what Virago is allabout Self-reflecting, learning,
growing, healing, all the goodstuff, and basically it's being
grateful, like looking aroundand seeing what you can be
grateful for I love it, whatevents throughout the day, and
(02:20):
then also looks at like what,any regrets or anything that
you've done that you could havedone better, and so I want to
try that exercise and see whateach of us has, what highlights
and what hurdles, and it doesn'thave to be today, it could be,
for, you know, the past week orso.
(02:41):
So, shani, what is your?
Speaker 3 (02:42):
highlight and hurdle.
Can I pass and think on it fora few minutes and you guys go
first?
Yes, ma'am, thank you, shinyBree.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I would say my highlight has been short story
or long story short.
I got a puppy about two yearsago and I'm in the middle of
going through a divorce rightnow and I didn't foresee being
able to bring my puppy.
She's a bigger, golden doodle.
I didn't foresee being able tobring her to my apartment, but I
prayed about it and thoughtabout it and in my heart I just
(03:14):
felt like it was the bestdecision to bring her to live
with us.
So we did that this week andshe has been absolutely
wonderful it's.
I've fallen in love with herall over again and she's been
amazing.
So that's definitely been myhighlight of the week.
That's good.
It's been really great.
I'm, I'm stoked.
And then I would say my hurdlehas been I have a 17 month old
(03:37):
and he's teething.
So we've had a lot ofgrumpiness and a lot he's, you
know know, taking motrin likeevery six hours, poor little guy
, and a lot of sleepless nights.
So that's been my hurdle, butI'm just thankful to have a
happy baby that's teething, or ahealthy baby that's teething,
rather.
But it's been.
It's been tough.
There's been a lot of, a lot ofor lack of sleep, I should say.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
But yeah, those are good.
So for me, I told you all aweek or two ago was it two weeks
ago?
About my biopsy that I had todo yes, and so we did it.
We did it on Wednesday a weekand a half ago or two weeks ago,
and then I was going to Dallas.
So that Friday I got the callat the airport we're in line,
(04:23):
we're bougie.
We like to check in our luggage, even though they are
technically carry-ons, butbecause we get for free, we
don't do bougie bad and bougieNice shirt.
Shiny, she has a cute shirtthat says bad and bougie.
With what's her name?
Betty.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Boo, betty Boo.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
And a witch hat.
So I'm standing in line withyou know, philip, and our two
little ones, and well, they'renot little, but they're little
to me, khalil and Corinne, 16and 14.
We're on our way to Dallas togo to watch a football game and
this whole time because evenBrianna was like you're so calm
and yes, I was calm and thewhole biopsy experience was
(05:02):
actually lovely.
The nurses were amazingNorthside Hospital here in
Georgia and they just hold yourhand throughout all of it.
So I felt very comfortable.
It wasn't bad at all.
But a little part of me was likeprepare yourself, just in case,
just in case, Just get thatmind going, in case it's not
(05:26):
what you want to hear.
So we're standing in line, myphone rings and I'm like I gotta
get it, I gotta get it and I'mlike hello.
And she literally just went inand was like I want you to have
a wonderful weekend.
It was nothing.
Now we know for next time,cause they put a little marker
in there like a teeny, tinylittle thing, and it shows,
shows, it'll show up in the nextmammogram.
That way they know that that'salready been looked at.
(05:48):
And literally tears just comeflowing from my face and I think
it was like relief, because Ican tend to act like I'm a
badass, but I'm not.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I am that is the bad I am, I a badass, but not all
the time.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So anyways, it was like relief.
Yeah, so no cancer.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
How often do you have to go now?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Just regular Just once a year.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I don't know what is it now?
I thought they said if you haveclean scans, it's every three
years, no, or once a year?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Okay, I just for me it was three years, because I
haven't been in three years Iwould still say recommend next
year.
Yeah, I'll go next year, soyeah, yeah, yeah, that's right,
they changed the past.
Yeah, so no cancer hallelujah,thank the lord.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And then, honestly, I'm not trying to be all like
weird and be like, oh, nothingbad has happened.
I don't have any examples likethat because, guys, I've had a
very long emotional year.
So finally, I feel peace andcalm and the kids and everything
is good.
So I have something sosuperficial.
(06:55):
It's superficial, it's notanything that's happened to me,
but anytime I have big emotions,I want to find out where
they're coming from.
Yeah, so we watched adocumentary on Netflix and I and
I want to know why it's atrigger, why am I being so
passionate about this?
And the emotions that arecoming up are frustration and
(07:17):
like somewhat, a little bitanger.
But I watched a documentarywith really called what called.
What's it called?
Sweet Bobby, sweet Bobby.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
My.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Catfish Nightmare, yes, and I'm not going to give
anything away, but it's aboutcatfishing and I think my
trigger is.
The reason for this podcast isthat I want everyone to be aware
, self-aware and aware of theirsurroundings and to not get
duped, and to be strong and tobe, you know, a warrior, yes,
(07:46):
and so when I see women fall inthe other direction, there's
something that goes off insideme instead of empathizing, I
want to shake them.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, instead of being like sadfor someone, I get like annoyed
, and so I'm like maybe I needto dig more into that.
So, anyways, that was my hurdleis trying to figure out why
(08:08):
that bothers me so much,especially that that's not my
life.
But I just want a better lifefor others, you know, and a
better well with all.
So, yeah, those are my twothings.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
I think.
I think you do have empathybecause it frustrates you, for,
on their behalf, it may notpresent the way that you would
like it to, but there is someform of empathy there.
I think you do have empathybecause it frustrates you on
their behalf.
It may not present the way thatyou would like it to, but there
is some form of empathy there,because you're like you want to
shake them so that they can belike what the hell is wrong with
you In the first 10 minutes.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
There was like 80 signs.
I'm like that was a sign.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That was a sign.
10 out of 10 recommend no.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
No, it was good.
It was good.
I don't want to give anythingaway, but anyways it's.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
I just yeah, you're right, it's the rescuer in you.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Yeah, that's what it is, yeah and we've talked about
that.
But yeah, we gotta get get overthat yeah shiny, have you
thought about anything?
mine is gonna piggyback off ofyours a little bit.
I'm gonna go generalized becausewe haven't done this, this type
of form, before, but and I'mjust excited about it, I know my
highlight is that I would saymy life in general has been a
(09:13):
journey and I am I have alwaysbeen a very naive, very hopeful
person and I always saw it was agood thing.
But actually it's not.
It's you, we teach people howto treat us.
So I was teaching people thatI'm so laid back that you can
walk all over me, and so thehighlight for me is that on this
(09:37):
journey, I have been seekingknowledge, like just like you
said, like so strongly wantingto learn about the psychology of
people, because that's trueempathy, right Putting ourselves
in someone else's shoes.
So for me, I read 50 psychologybooks, every different kind,
(10:00):
and I found it so fascinating.
But what it really taught me islike like everybody has their
journey, their choices, theirinfluences based on their life,
and neither one is better thanthe other.
And for me, I feel like I mayhave just woken up, but I am
(10:20):
awake.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Awesome, I love that.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Yeah, my hurdle was already kind of already looped
in there.
Yeah, I love Awesome.
I love that.
Yeah, my hurdle was alreadykind of already looped in there.
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
I love that, all right.
So I chink ears, brie, brie,over here, you're 30 years old,
I am, and this week, when I waslike, what do we talk about?
What do we talk about?
I was on Instagram and I sawthis video with Gabrielle Union,
(10:52):
who's an actress.
If you don't know her, googleher.
I love her.
But, yeah, she's awesome.
She's awesome.
But she was basically talking to30 year olds.
She's like this is what I wantto tell all 30 year olds and
basically what she was sayingit's time isn't running out,
there's no race and there's nocheckered flag.
She said that you, you knowthat someone waves at the end of
your life saying she did it all.
(11:13):
She, you know, and so you havetime, because you keep saying
and I want to get into this alittle bit deeper after I read
what she said.
Anyways, I'll read it and thenwe're going to get into it,
because there's a lot that shesaid that I was like that's we
need to talk to.
Bravery Travel is one of them.
Tell people how you really feel, which I don't think you have a
(11:34):
problem with that.
Don't lie to your therapist.
She said be okay to not be okayand then be okay with missing
out because staying in is morefun anyways, she says.
And so it got me thinking.
Let's talk about that.
Like what, shynna, you and II'm going to be 45 in a few days
(11:54):
, actually, and you are right inthat vicinity, in that vicinity
, and so let's talk about whatis it that we would tell a 30
something year old?
And like, what did we learn inour 30s?
What we would tell a 30something year old?
Because, brianna, you're atthis point in your life that
you're in a transition phase.
Yes, you are getting a divorce,you have two little boys, which
(12:20):
is going to make you a singlemom.
So you're 30.
So you're in transition, lotsof change.
And just, I keep hearing yousay things like, oh my gosh, I'm
too old for this, or oh my gosh, I can't believe at 30.
And we're looking at you likegirl bye with that, like you're
still so young.
And you know, certain thingsthat I thought about were to
(12:41):
really like.
So in my 30, I feel likestarted blossoming at 35, but
that's besides the point.
35 was like for me, the magicnumber.
But I didn't really know mypurpose because at 30, I was
pregnant with my third child.
I'm a stay at home mom.
I never thought I would be that.
(13:01):
I knew I always wanted to bemarried and I knew that I always
wanted to have children.
But I thought I'd be a workingmom and like kicking ass
somewhere and traveling and justlike a mover and a shaker.
That's what I always felt deepinside of me and that's what I
thought that I would do.
So, being stuck at home with mythird kid on the way at 30 years
old, I mean, you know I was ashappy as I could be at that time
(13:26):
, but I just finally, I thinkwhy 35 is the magic number?
Maybe I should have startedsooner.
Was I started thinking aboutwhat my purpose is and what God
has for me?
Like, why am I here?
Like stop crying over whatwasn't or what could have been
or should have been.
What can I do now with what'sbeen given to me and do
(13:50):
something with that?
And so that's what I startedasking myself around 35, because
you know I had her at 30 andthen, you know, for a few years
I was a hot mess because there'sthree little kids and toddlers.
Yes, Like you said yeah, they'reteething and they're this and
they wake you up.
So, finding my purpose and ifyou can find it now, my gosh, I
(14:12):
wish I would have found likethat feeling of okay, we're just
, we're just switching courses,like we're just pivoting.
We're pivoting.
I wish I would have known thatpivoting was okay, but I was
just so like deep in thisshoulda, coulda, woulda, and I
see that in you where it's likestop, look at it, and what can I
do now?
(14:32):
What?
Yeah, just pivot.
And then the other thing iscomparing yourself, like you're
30.
Oh my gosh, I'm divorced.
Oh my gosh, I shouldn't bedivorced.
Oh my gosh, I'm divorced.
Oh my gosh, I shouldn't bedivorced.
Oh my gosh, I shouldn't havetwo baby daddies.
Oh, like all this, oh my gosh.
And cause, you're probablycomparing yourself to other
people and, oh, what are otherpeople going to think and what
are they going to say?
(14:52):
Who gives a shit Like?
Who really gives a shit?
And everyone's just doing theirbest and running their race and
, yes, somebody might look atyou and judge you.
Who?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
cares, but then they're not your people.
Yeah, like who cares.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
That's something they need to work out, like how I'm
getting frustrated over sweetBobby, oh yeah, yeah, dear Lord,
kimja, I think is her name, ohmy gosh.
Anyways, yeah, I'm like, that'snot my circus, not my monkey.
So you know that's her life.
So those were a few things,shiny Dia, do you?
Speaker 3 (15:24):
have anything.
Well, I was thinking what thethings that you said, that the
Gabrielle Union said, and yousaid being OK with being at home
or not, not being involved insomething, it's Jomo, the joy of
missing out.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Oh, I love that the joy.
Actually, I saw that recentlyand I that should be on a shirt
and we should all wear it, Iagree.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Yeah, jomo is awesome .
Yeah, it is, yeah, it's, it'struly like the letting go, which
is what you were saying, wasyou're telling Brie, you know,
not to like, live your life now.
Don't, don't go back.
Right, like comparison is thethief of joy, right, and?
And you, if you compare, youreally are taking away from your
(16:11):
happiness.
And the truth is, you have tothink the grass is greener where
you water it.
And so, as soon as we learnthis, like leonette, even when
you said I, I wish, I I wish Idid that, I wish I knew my
purpose, but even stop you there.
Yeah, because that's not whatwe're going to do either.
Yeah, we are going to.
(16:32):
We're going to, right now, behappy that we're together.
Yeah, yeah, and we're going tolive in the present, because
people are like sleeping.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
What do you mean by sleeping?
I mean, I understand, butelaborate on that.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Meaning people are just happy to do the same thing
every day on repeat.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
And are they happy though?
Speaker 3 (16:57):
No, that's why they're not.
And the truth is we have towant to learn, want to grow and
want to change, and we wantbetter every day.
If your morning isn't good, youwant your afternoon to be good,
like start as soon as possible,and just like what you said,
how you want people to beself-aware, you know, lift each
(17:19):
other up, like as soon aspossible.
That we can do that, I think,because that's really living,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, and one of the other things that I feel like
you're already doing, brie, isbeing self-aware and knowing
Like for me at that time.
I've talked about this adnauseum about my dad passing
away.
35 was that magic numberbecause I finally decided I was
33 when he passed away.
And that 34 was like a fogbecause it was a year of just
(17:52):
being just grief strickenbecause we didn't have the.
We didn't have like the bestbond.
Um, yeah, he was my dad.
I loved him.
I'm his daughter.
Yeah, I know he loved me, butit wasn't like this close, like
oh my gosh, like this you guysknow, and didn't you feel like
there was a lack of closurethere?
too.
Yes, there was some closure,but it happened and then he
(18:14):
passed soon after.
So I wish we could have donesomething with it.
But my communication skillswere lacking, and, yes, that's
learned behavior.
My communication skills werelacking, and yes, that's learned
behavior, and I'm 30 somethingyears old and I'm not going to
beat myself up about it.
I was aware that, okay, whensomeone dies is final, and we
(18:37):
didn't communicate well.
We kept a lot of stuff toourselves.
It would explode because wedidn't talk about our feelings
on a regular.
So I'm like that, that's not.
I can't continue doing this.
So I had to reflect and thenwant to change and decided like
I have to start somewhere.
So, speaking my mind at thatmoment, don't hold onto things,
(19:00):
cause you will just tick like abomb and like explode like a
bomb and then everyone's justlike left, frazzled.
I feel like with you, you're,you're already on your way with
that, because for the longestyou know, share about your
alcoholism if you want and I I'mso proud of you because you're,
finally you know it's an issuewithin you and and it's not
(19:26):
really the alcoholism and Idon't even want to shed light on
that it's the things that droveyou to do that right, or you
know the other things about yourlife and upbringing that forced
you to want to to numb yourself, self-medicate.
Yeah, and now you're acceptingthose things and you don't want
to live there anymore.
Yeah, and I'm just so proudbecause that's a big step.
(19:48):
There's so many people thatjust pass away with, never
learning that lesson yeah neverbeing self-aware, never even
some people are afraid to lookat that.
It's like, if I, if I'm gonnachange, I have to acknowledge
that these things happen.
I have to acknowledge thatshitty stuff happened to me and
I have to like, feel thosefeelings again.
(20:09):
Nobody wants that.
No, you know how much crime thethree of us have done?
Yeah, because we are looking atourselves in the mirror.
Yeah, and realizing get yourshit together.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
A shit ton of crime yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
So shiny.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
And I was going to say really quick that when I was
30 years old, I wasn't marriedyet my sister got married before
me and she's five years younger.
So, and you know my culturally,you have to, you know you have
to look the part too.
So I worked out every morningand evening, like before and
after work, and I was eventhinner than I was even at my
own wedding, and I was eventhinner than I was even at my
own wedding, like I had to, likeit's as if I had all this on me
(20:47):
, that I wasn't like there yet,yeah, but now, looking back, I
would tell anybody that there isno race and there's no rules.
So that you know that's.
I just wanted to share that.
That I think Brie's so lucky,don't, thank you.
Yeah, yeah, I feel pretty toshare that.
I think Brie's so lucky, thankyou.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yeah, I feel pretty lucky.
Good, I think, to touch on that.
I think as a human, I have mygood days and my bad days, right
.
So my bad days are obviously asa mother, I think, is where I
struggle the most.
As a mother, I feel I have highexpectations for the way that
my children grow up, and I comefrom a very unhealthy childhood
(21:28):
and a lot of trauma and a lot ofemotional baggage that I never
want my kids to feel.
So, on my bad days, I feel likeI'm I'm hard on myself in
regards to being a mother, likeI want my kids to have a forever
home, my kids to have a foreverhome.
(21:48):
You know, I want my kids tohave to see a healthy marriage
in a way that I wasn't privy tountil, you know, I was a
teenager and so I just my baddays are that like I do feel
like I'm in a race, like my.
My oldest son will be 12 nextmonth and I have a toddler, of
course, but I just I feel likethere's a hurry to get that done
while he's still little and Ifeel like his childhood is.
(22:08):
You know, time is running up onme and I think I'm a very
constructive person of myself.
I give myself a lot ofcriticism and but I do try to
make it constructive.
So it is hard but I do.
I do listen and it has beenreally helpful hanging out with
you guys and talking with youguys, because I leave here and I
do feel like a badass and I dofeel like I've come a long way.
(22:31):
I will say an advantage not totoot my own horn, but an
advantage that I do have is onmy good days I am always looking
for something to be gratefulfor.
A year ago I would not havepictured myself living in a
small two bedroom apartment withmy kids and being a single mom
and and job hunting and all ofthese things.
I wouldn't have pictured that.
(22:51):
But on my good days I I lookaround at everything I have and
I really am very fortunate.
I have two beautiful, healthykids and I do have my own
apartment.
I haven't had many places thatI could call home in my 30 years
of life.
So I think I think there aregood days and bad days, but the
hearing stuff like this isextremely helpful because I
(23:12):
think for the most part it helpsyou feel not so alone Like
other 30 year olds feel this way, or when you were 30, you were
feeling this way.
So I think I think I more.
I have more advantages than Ido disadvantages, and all of my
advantages are mental.
Just like you talked about myalcoholism, it took me so long
to to finally accept the factthat I was an alcoholic, and
(23:33):
I've touched on this before.
But being a young alcoholic issuch a a hard thing to accept
Like I will never be able todrink again.
I will never, and not in ahealthy way.
Obviously I I can, but if Iroll the tape through, I know
how that ends every single time,and so it's.
It's you kind of have to turnevery negative thing about
(23:53):
yourself into some sort ofstrength, and so I've dug as
deep as I could fucking dig tofind the strength of being an
alcoholic, and and for me that'sthat's how that has what has
helped me the most coming out ofit and accepting it.
And then also I like to, assoon as I meet somebody, I like
to make somebody aware.
(24:13):
So there's no room forconfusion, there's no room for
for weak moments, there's noroom for any of that.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Um, I mean that is gross because I've known you
since you were.
I mean, technically I've knownyou since you were 16, um, but
like, know you, know you?
I mean you were a teenager andthen early 20s, when you and I
were really getting to know eachother and hanging out and
drinking when you were 21 andand all that.
So I've seen the progression,I've seen the growth.
(24:42):
I've had to pick you up off thefloor, I've had to literally
cuss you out because I'm likewhy are you doing this shit?
Again my shoes on me, likeliterally drag her.
Yeah, like she's like weakeningat Bernie's, like listen,
you're gonna have to put onefoot in front of the other and
we're gonna, we're gonna walktogether.
But I'm so proud of you becauseof that and it's so freeing,
(25:03):
because I one thing that Ialways keep telling you if you
focus on yourself, your sons,everything else will fall into
place.
And the other day, you and Iwere talking and you're like we
were getting our nails done, andyou turn and you said I just
don't want to jinx it, becauseeverything's going so well right
now, because you've beenfocused and you've been
(25:24):
proactive.
And you I just see a differentBrianna and you are afraid that
that's something bad's going tohappen.
And I said, oh my gosh, when Iwas your age, I did the same
thing.
Like you feel, like you can'tbe happy because, finally,
everything.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Unworthy, yeah, or or you're on your toes Like why is
everything going so well?
Speaker 1 (25:47):
That's something really big.
Where's Ashton Kutcher?
Am I about to be big type shit,you know yeah, um, yeah, and but
the thing with with that,that's another lesson is that
you know I think it's a tom hankquote, I don't know if it's him
, but I think I heard where hehe says something about when
things are great, this too, thistoo, shall pass.
(26:08):
And when things are shitty,this, uh too, shall pass.
I'm sure he said it in a verymore eloquent way, but it's
basically saying that all thingswill pass, whether good or bad.
Yeah, and I told you because Ihad to learn it myself, because
I was that the same way, likethis is too good to be true and
there's a bomb about to drop,yeah, that's gonna make all of
this stuff mean nothing, andright now, everything's good.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
But when she like a puzzle right now.
Like my puzzle pieces were allfreaking scattered and you're
like you didn't know what to donow all of the puzzles and and,
and you know, with, with help ofmy own, all of the puzzle
pieces are kind of aligning liketoo perfectly right now and
like quickly too, yes, and I'mlike this puzzle is about to be
ugly as shit.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Something bad's about to happen because some kid's
gonna step on my puzzle.
You know some kid's gonna comeand be like my toddler.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yeah, um take all the puzzle pieces away.
It is such a um I I try to findthe positive in everything.
It's such a good and badmindset.
It's a bad mindset because youdon't feel like you're able to
enjoy the good things that arehappening, because you're so
anxious and awaiting thenegative things to come that are
.
You know, like you said,they're inevitable.
The good times will pass too.
(27:19):
But also it's a good thingbecause, a positive thing,
because I am so appreciative ofall of the good things, like I
don't take any good thing forgranted.
No good thing in my life do Itake it for granted.
And I don't want to dive toodeep into this because I have
struggled a lot with religionall throughout my life.
(27:41):
I've been very inquisitive, I'vequestioned if God was real and
kind of where I fit in, you know, in the whole God thing, as I
used to say.
But it's funny because it hasgiven me so much hope and I'm
nowhere near where I want to be,where I feel like I could be
had I had I, you know, tried itsooner or listened sooner.
(28:02):
But I have a lot of faith thatI've never felt before Like I
have so much faith, and it's noteven to attribute it directly
to God.
But that's, that's one of thewell, I'm just saying, that's in
my mind.
I don't directly go to Godbecause that's unnatural for me.
It's unnatural for me to say,oh, this is a God thing.
(28:23):
And something that I want to bevery careful about in in my
spiritual walk that I'm goingthrough now is for it to be
authentic, because before Iwould do it and say, oh, I
believe in God, or wear a crossaround my neck and all of a
sudden I'm this like littleChristian girl no, it was always
or get a cross on your hand atattoo but it was always like so
(28:46):
just what I thought I should be, what I thought people wanted
to hear whether it be you or dador friend, you know like it was
never authentic.
And so now I'm embracing thequestions that I have the moment
, cause I still question, Istill have so many questions Is
God real?
Is this God?
Is this the devil?
Who?
Speaker 1 (29:04):
which one are you, and?
Speaker 2 (29:06):
so I just I still embrace those questions as well
because it it gives me theopportunity and the chance to to
feel those questions and tokind of work through those
questions.
So I I attribute a lot of it tothat as well and that is.
That is a huge difference thatI've made.
I haven't been to church inthree weeks and every Sunday I'm
(29:27):
like damn it, I've listened,but every Sunday I'm like damn
it, I didn't go to church today.
And then I'm like damn it, I'velistened, but every Sunday I'm
like damn it, I didn't go tochurch today.
And then I'm so hard on myselfand I'm like no girl, because
every day it's something that Ithink about which is way more
than I could say.
A year ago I wasn't thinkingabout God.
Every day, something gooddidn't happen and I didn't go.
Was that gone?
Even if I'm not sure, even if Idon't look up to this guy and
go, thank you, I'm like I, mymind is is at the point now
(29:49):
where it's questioning it.
So I think that's a that's abig difference too.
And I think, going back to theage thing, I think it's hard
because my alcoholism has playedsuch a heavy role in my adult
life that you know, I, I thisstarted in my early 20s and now
I'm 30, so in my mind I'm likethis should be over.
(30:09):
Girl, you should have been done,figured that shit out this
should be, over and you know,and then also bringing another
child into the world, dealingwith all of this as well.
So, you know, just going backto the age thing, I think
because it has been, in thegrand scheme of thing, not that
long, but for me way too longI'm like, okay, you were doing
this in your early 20s.
You know you, you're 30, thisshould be over by now.
(30:31):
So that's kind of where thatwhole racing thing comes in into
play as well.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Well, and it's you're .
You're on your way for it to beover.
Yeah, and you're 30.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
And I, I don't want to be I again, I'm not even a
superstitious person, but Idon't want to jinx it but I also
I going back to alcoholism andquestioning things.
I'm like why is it so easy thistime?
Like it's too easy, it's toogood to be true.
You feel like, yes, I'm like,I'm like okay that if something
bad happens which the past sixmonths have been some of the
hardest months in my life, goingthrough this divorce and just
(31:08):
dealing with everything thatcomes with that, mentally and
emotionally, for myself and formy children and even my
ex-husband I soon to beex-husband but I'm like, why has
it been so easy?
Life has been hard lately.
Life has been shit, you know,the past six months.
Why has it been so easy?
And so the positive side of mymind is like, okay, this it's
over, like we're done, we'redone fighting this shit.
It's over.
Like we're done, we're donefighting this shit.
(31:29):
It's over, you know.
But then the other part of meis like not, you know, like like
worried.
Still, I'll always have thatworried and I also don't want to
be too cocky or too naive tothe fact that you know, I am
always an alcoholic.
I'm.
There are going to betemptations in my life, but yeah
, just to go back to that too.
You're doing great Thanks.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
You are.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Thanks, you really are.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I feel, pretty good.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
I felt better than I have in a long time.
You got a job.
I did get a job?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Oh, you did.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
We're going to be working together.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Yes, I'm going back to Innovative Smiles.
Yes, she is.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
That's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
I smiles.
Yes, she is.
That's a big deal.
I worked there.
I worked there for a long timebefore and I left and came back.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
But no, the crazy thing is and, like you said,
your puzzle pieces are literallyfalling into place because you
said you wanted to work there afew months ago, like right, when
you separated and got yourapartment, I remember you saying
do you think you could, youguys would ever have me back,
and at that time we didn't haveany openings, like, and there
(32:37):
was no room for you at all.
Right, and honestly, there wasnothing in sight that that was
looking like it was going tochange anytime soon, right?
So it's like, yeah, no, that'sthat door's not open for you.
Pretty much.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I I mean yeah, essentially we weren't a-holes
about it, but it's funny too,because it it it lined up well
on on urine on the practice end,yeah, yeah, but also on my life
too, or in my life too, becauseI did not want to work for
another dentist.
I've been very adamant aboutthat, but it's all I know.
I'm good at it, like I'm reallyI once I'm in dentistry, like
(33:13):
I'm passionate about it.
I'm good at it.
I have knowledge from it becauseof who I worked for for so long
?
Um, but I didn't want to workfor another dentist because I'm
sorry I've.
In my experience, dentists arebatshit crazy.
Okay, and you have worked forother dentists and they are.
They've been crazy, terribleexperiences.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Oh really, I didn't know yes yes, okay and we can
have a reality show.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
But I think I think people think it's boring, but no
, no, it would not be boringdentists are crazy, and philip k
talley is leonette's husband,is the exception to that, but
anyway so.
So I finally like succumbed to.
My situation was like girldentistry is what you know
you're gonna have to findanother dental office, and so I
(33:56):
started applying at other dentaloffices.
I finally decided you know what,I'm gonna just go back to
dentistry.
And then Perrin, which isLeonette's youngest daughter.
I was driving her to school oneday and she was like why don't
you go back and work at dad'spractice?
And I was like honestly if hewould have me.
I totally would, but I don'tknow that he's open to that or
that there's anything available.
And it was literally that dayor the next day that dad texted
(34:18):
me and was like hey, can you?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
yeah, yeah, someone quit and yeah, and it was just
aligned and we're like wait aminute, so yeah, so she starts
November, 5th November, and thething and the.
Thing with Brianna.
She's a people person and sheknows fill up and she, she just
knows that practice.
The patients are going to be soexcited.
They're going to be so excitedto see you and, yeah, the way it
(34:41):
lined up, because there wasnothing in sight and so, yeah,
now there was an opening andshe's sliding right off, it's a
nerve wracking thing going back,because Leonette's husband, Dr
Talley, is, is I call him dad.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
He's like a dad to me .
So not only is there that kindof pressure to perform
professionally, but it's it'sadded pressure for me personally
that I've added to myself,because he is my dad and I don't
want to disappoint him.
I have disappointed him in thepast.
My alcoholism affected my work,and so so I was very nervous
about that.
But the way that everything haslined up has made me believe
(35:17):
like no, this is meant to belike this is this is where
you're supposed to be and you'regoing to be fine, You're going
to do well, You're going to makehim proud, You're.
You know everybody's going tobe happy to have you there, and
so it's been.
It's been such a blessing thatthe way it worked out because
had it not worked out that wayand I kind of you know, asked
(35:39):
repetitively or whatever, and Ifelt like I kind of forced my
way in.
I would that doubt would be somuch more but the way it aligned
.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Well, I jokingly told her.
I said, girl, I said Phillip is, he's just one of those people.
He puts his mind to it and hegoes for it.
And I didn't know him when hewas little, I didn't know him as
a teenager, but, like he, youcan tell that everything that he
did and touched was successful.
And so I was like I gave him achance.
And look at me, girl.
So stick with him and you'regoing to be great places too.
(36:08):
You got nothing to worry about.
Even in the hard times.
He won't let you feel like it'sa hard time, that's so
wonderful, he is the best bossever.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I'm biased, I know, but he is the best boss ever.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
And I'm so thankful.
I don't know if everyone wouldsay that, but a lot of people
appreciate him.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
And my opinion means the most.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Okay, I'm just kidding okay, I'm just kidding
and I know we're talking about30 somethings and we're going to
move on to something else.
But going back to philip, eventhough it has nothing to do with
our topic, but he, our people,have left thinking the grass is
greener and there's been morethan a handful that want to come
back yes me, this will be myfourth time coming back, dang
girl.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Well, I didn't want to say that, actually it's my
second it's like going back tolike an old boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah Gosh, the toxicity.
I can't get away.
And even he ran into someone ata conference recently and I
don't know we're just braggingabout him, but she introduced I
don't know if it was a high-genas an assistant, but somebody
that worked with him years agoand she said to whoever she was
with he taught me everything.
I know, oh yeah, you told meabout that, yeah, and so, and
(37:12):
the person was like, wow, well,she's really good, so that must
be a compliment.
So anyways, yeah, we're excitedfor you to be back into the
innovative smiles.
My 30s are starting to look up,they are See.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
We are starting a new segment and we're calling it
Virago's Library.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
I was going to say, this is the pilot for all the
segments, all the segments.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Let's see how it works.
But no, we like to read.
I don't know, brie, you kind ofread.
I read true crime books.
Yeah, and I read thriller books.
There's something you kind ofread I read true crime books,
yeah, and I read Thriller books.
There's something about shiny.
Yes, oh my, this is going to beshiny segment.
The thing with shiny you knowthose people that read something
, watch something and then theycan quote it.
(38:04):
Yes, they can quote the name ofthe book, retain it and the
author and what page it was on.
Like, apply it, yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
And apply it.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
And repeat it to you.
She'll be like Leonette.
I read such and such book bysuch and such, and on page 25,
at the very bottom, he saidquote the grass is not always
green on the underside end quote.
That's so funny, and so she'salways sending me something, and
so I said you know what,Instead of just us hoarding it
(38:32):
for ourselves.
Shiny, what have you read?
What have you seen?
What have you?
Yeah, what is it that you haveseen that has been inspiring,
that you would like to share andgive us who, where, how, so we
can read it to you?
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Um well, thank you, you guys are so, so sweet.
I guess this is the nerdy me,the nerdy part of me, because
every other part is so cool,it's admirable.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Your reading is.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
Yeah, oh, thank you, that's my part of my, my
learning, and then I write aboutit.
Yeah, so I feel like that'sprobably how I remember I teach
my kids, because studying is askill, so I teach them that if
you read something you know,write on it.
Or if you learn something,write on it, because that's a
(39:20):
second way to remember it Right.
So I'm going to read somethingthat we learned together last
week, but we didn't record thisto share and, brie, you might
get to it faster than me rightnow, but it was the quote that
you asked me for.
It's on my phone.
Oh, whoops.
Okay, it's in our group chat.
(39:41):
I'll look it up.
Yeah, I was gonna say can youhelp me?
I'll help you.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
yeah, see, I read 50 000 things.
I thought about this quote andI sent it to my friend the other
day because I've thought aboutthis ever since you mentioned it
.
Speaker 3 (39:53):
Well, I just don't want to destroy it, but I mean,
if you don't find it, I can findit, we can.
We can talk about what it'sabout, but it's a heavy quote,
it's one of those heavy hittersand it really makes you think,
not just as a mom, but also as achild.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
It was powerful, yeah , and it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
It's by Carl Jung and he says the greatest burden a
child must bear is the unlivedlife of its parents and what
that.
That's really heavy, but it'san unconscious weight that we
put on our kids and it's it'stoo much pressure.
How do you guys feel?
Because I know we thought aboutit as a teen mom.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
It hits home and the way you said that I think it me
as a mother and a young mom whoobviously I didn't live a lot of
life before I became a mom andthe life that I did live was
shit.
So it hit home for me.
It gave me a whole newperspective and it it makes me
want to be more aware of how Iparent, because it is a
(41:00):
subconscious thing, like youmentioned.
So it hit home for me,definitely.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Yeah, I mean me too, and it's.
Did they expand in the book orwas it just the quote in the
book?
Oh, yes, yes, yes, because sois it more of we're not really
putting it on our kids.
I'm sure there's some parentsthat ride their kids because
they need to accomplish whatthey didn't, but I'm sure
there's some like for me, kaylinrecently, and I think I've
(41:29):
shared this before.
For me, kaylin recently, and Ithink I've shared this before
but she said something about notwanting kids and not wanting to
get married and I was just kindof asking her why?
Well, I want to work and I'msmart enough to put two and two
together.
I'm like well, you can work.
She's like, well, I was likeyou just don't want to turn out
like me.
So I'll say things to her and ifshe doesn't say no because
(41:51):
she's not going to lie about itShe'll say yes, she'll be honest
about it.
She just has a hard timespitting it out.
So I'll interpret things andthen you know she either denies
it or not.
But I said to her you don'twant to turn out like me, where
I stayed home and you know thatI wanted to work and have a
career, and she kind of, youknow, nodded her head and I'm
like but you don't have, firstof all, don't feel sorry for me.
(42:14):
I don't want that pressure onher or that feeling of I don't
want to turn out like my mom andI don't have an ego, so you
know it doesn't make me feel sadabout it Like I'm not like, oh
my gosh, what's wrong with me?
How you?
I have none of those feelings,but I understand that it looks
like, oh, poor Leanna, shedidn't get a career.
(42:38):
But I said I love how my lifeturned out to be.
You know, yeah, in my thirties,you know, 15 years removed, 14
years removed.
Of course, at that time Ididn't see what I see now.
At that time, of course, I waslike, well, it was me, but my
life turned out great.
Was like, well, it was me, butmy life turned out great.
And I was meant to be home withyou guys.
That was my place.
And I became okay with thateventually, like I knew that,
(42:58):
that that I would have my time,and I'm like, and you don't even
have, you don't even have tohave that journey.
So it is, and like, sometimesfor me it's like, well, don't
cry about it, look at around,look at your mom, how she grew
up, and look at your grandmotherand look at everyone else that
came before you.
Be grateful, they got you towhere you are, so be grateful.
So it is that like it's aguilty feeling.
(43:22):
So how do we fix it?
Speaker 3 (43:25):
Did it say?
Well, I was going to say that alot of people gave me a hard
time because of my backgroundand education and that I stayed
home, but I actually have zeroregrets.
I think that it's not for everymom, but I think me as a mom,
it's the most fulfilling part ofmy life ever and I was meant to
(43:49):
be there because I'm actuallyone of those super rare people
that really likes hanging outwith my kids.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
You do you do I do now Same.
I mean, I do too, I do.
I like it better now, at thisage, though, yeah, so I would
say that I'm going to be honest,yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
I mean not that it wasn't hard, because Gavin was a
really hard baby, he cried allthe time, but he grew out of it.
Yeah, and you know, I wasprobably crying too.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
But no, that was a good.
That was a good something toshare because you know it gives
people something to ponder.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
I think my alcoholism is a good example of that.
Like my, I didn't live a goodlife and I didn't go through
like the young teenage partystage or anything like that, and
I became an alcoholic in myearly twenties, after I already
had a child, so of course thatwas a burden on my son.
You know what I mean.
So I think that's a goodexample of that.
But it's just good to even beaware of of quotes like that,
because it's always going to bein the back of my mind now.
(44:44):
I'm always going to think aboutthat and, like I said, I've
thought about it so many timessince you said it.
So I think it's.
I think that's great, I thinkwe're great Next.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
You ready for the next segment?
Let's go the Virago Vault.
What is the Virago Vault, youask?
Well, right now we have fivelisteners and if those five
listeners would send in aquestion, your question will go
into the Virago Vault and wewill talk about said question.
(45:24):
But today, since we have noquestions from our listeners, I
have a question for Briannaabout what we were talking.
Now that we've imparted wisdomon you and you're going to walk
away feeling refreshed andrenewed All thanks to me and
Shiny, you're welcome.
Okay, so you're 30.
You have your apartment, yourboys are healthy, you got your
(45:48):
dog back, you're about to workat innovative smiles.
What are you going to do withwhat we have given you, with
what is like being laid beforeyou at the end of 2024?
So 2025 is going to be kickingass.
What do you see for yourself?
What are your goals?
What are you going to take awayfrom today?
Speaker 2 (46:06):
so I think two things stood out to me from from what
you mentioned, from Gabrielle.
Finding purpose, I think, is abig one for me.
In my mind, my purpose hasalways been to be a mother, and
not that that changes.
That will always be my purpose.
But I also need to find anotherpurpose.
I'm I'm a good mom.
I take care of my kids.
But maybe in a different aspectof my life, whether it be on a
(46:27):
professional level, whether itbe on a mental health level, you
know, helping other alcoholicsI think finding another purpose,
aside from even like kind of myidentity is, is being a mom.
I've been a mom since I was likeseven years old, so that's like
my whole, entire personality,um.
(46:49):
So I think finding a purpose isgood and having a vision on how
I'm going to reach that purposeand being deliberate about how
I'm going to get there, that oneand then something we didn't
like dive too deep into this,but it stood out to me and it's
something that I've had to learnthe past couple of months it's
OK not to be OK.
That is a huge one for me,because I am the type of person
(47:11):
that and it's not even that Iwant to, to not be real with my
emotions.
I feel like I'm very vulnerableperson in general, but I never
want to be a burden for otherpeople.
I never want other people thatlove and care about me or that I
love and care about to to thinkthat I'm not okay, like I want
everyone to think that I'm I'mfine.
All I want everyone to thinkthat I'm I'm fine.
All the time and the past, youknow, throughout my divorce,
(47:34):
leonette I've leaned intoLeonette a lot and she's she's
caught me saying things.
I'll say things like this ishard.
You know, being a single mom ishard and I want more for my
boys, but I should be thankfulthat they're healthy.
I should be and Leonette's likeno, it's okay to be sad, it's
okay, this is tough shit thatyou're dealing with.
It's okay to feel that It'd beweird if you didn't feel certain
(47:56):
emotions like sadness and angerand frustration and all that.
So I think, through this divorce, one advantage that I have is I
have kind of learned that Ineed to process my emotions as
they're happening rather thantrying to keep them away until
they bubble up and I explode or,you know, turn to things like
alcohol.
So I think that's a big one forme.
(48:16):
It's okay to not be okay andit's funny.
I'm going to just say thisreally quick Dr Talley, who I
call dad Leonette's husband, hewill send me these abide
meditations in the morning, andthen there's been a couple of
times that I'm like, I'm likedang, that one really hit home,
like wow, that's a God momentfor me, like he God is talking
(48:39):
to me through a human being onthis earth.
So the other morning I had areally rough morning.
Like I said, my son's beenteething.
My oldest son has been wakingup late for school every morning
.
I have to drive him and Idropped my kids off and I was in
my car driving home and I justlost it.
I just was having a bad morningand I just cried and I was like.
I was like so sad and I'm like,oh, I'm regressing, I'm going
(49:03):
back to, like my sad mindset.
Blah, blah, blah.
I get a text message from mydad and it's literally an abide
meditation and it's talkingabout how to be being okay with
not being okay, and it's sayingyou know, this is the time that
you lean into god or this is,you know, kind of giving you
tips and tricks.
And that made me cry even morebecause I'm like okay, I'm not
(49:27):
regressing, it's okay to be sad,it's okay to have these
feelings.
And then I came over here thatnext day and you touched on that
a little bit and you just likebriefly mentioned it's okay not
to be okay and I'm like damn theuniverse is saying.
God is giving me a sign.
It's okay not to be okay, sothat definitely stuck out to me,
so I think you had asked us.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
we went to church and then we went to brunch with the
family, but I think that wasone of your questions.
How do you know when God'stalking to you?
That's it.
Yeah, Like you don't reallyrealize that it's.
That's the way, like how randomis that that you're feeling
that way and then you get a textand then you come over.
(50:04):
That's not a coincidence.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Those, those are reminders.
Like I said, I still have theinquisitive side that I'm like
there's no way that that God canbe real and that's just a raw,
natural feeling that I have.
And then I have those momentsand I'm like how can he not be?
That that's, that's way toocoincidental, how can he not be?
And I texted him back and I was, I think.
I said like, wow, that one hithome this morning, or something
(50:27):
like that.
So that's definitely somethingI I take, just processing my
emotions.
I think that's a big deal andalthough I'm a mother, I'm still
a human being, I'm still awoman, I still have feelings and
I need to process those in ahealthy way.
Those are the two biggestthings Traveling I'm always down
to travel and comparing myself.
(50:48):
I not because Leonette's sittingnext to me or not blowing smoke
up your ass, but I just I lookup to a lot as a woman, as a
mother, as a wife.
I have a lot of respect andadmiration for your marriage and
that just the type of human youare, and so it is easy to
compare yourself.
And I think the other day yousaid something like yeah, I was
30.
We were talking about and I waslike, wow, you were my age, and
(51:12):
I instantly go to thatcomparative mindset.
I'm like, well, she was 30 shewas already marrying my dad.
She was having her third baby.
They had a house.
She was staying home, you knowand so.
I think it's a natural thing,but to just be more conscious of
that and just to be more awareof that when I am doing that,
being like this is my own walkof life and it hasn't been easy.
(51:32):
But such a a wonderful thing tobe mindful of is that I am in
control of it.
And if I want to be married infive years, then damn it.
I'm going to be married in fiveyears with a little girl named
Vivian oh, you want to name herVivian.
No, I just made that up.
It would be Penelope orGenevieve oh no, genevieve I
love.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
The name genevieve axel was gonna be genevieve if
he was a girl, okay that's sucha cute name.
That's adorbs.
I'm not allowed to say thatcurrent says she said that.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
So like nobody says that, and I have hardcore fomo
too as a as a young 30 year old,I get fomo about things, and
and friendships another thingI've always admired about you is
your friendships.
You have a wonderful group offriends you know, shiny being
one of them and I don't have alot of friends.
I have a friend from highschool and I have my family,
(52:23):
which is, you know, you guys,and but, honestly, at 30, the
friends that I have, they didn'teven exist.
Speaker 1 (52:29):
I was in my own little world, like I said we had
.
I didn't really have a ton offriends at that time.
I mean, you have people, butwhen you get married and some
people aren't the same, so, yeah, you have friends, but not
anybody that you're hanging outwith anymore.
Because you're at 30, yourwalks of life really go off in
way different directions.
So I prayed for, I literallyprayed for this, and around 32,
(52:53):
33, I told Philip, you know, wewould go to the church here down
the street, but we literallywould go listen and then leave.
And finally I was like I'm tiredof walking this path by myself.
I need friends that are in thesame boat, that can relate, that
have similar interests, thathave, you know, small children.
I prayed, I said, just bring mea few.
(53:16):
I said, you know, one or two orthree, maybe five, nothing
crazy.
And then just the floodgatesopened, yeah, and like, imagine,
just yeah, the heavens opening,and then the friends are
falling down, and then I, youknow, started CrossFit and stuff
.
So just, you're fine, you'regoing to, you're going to find
your community at this age.
We're so like.
Speaker 2 (53:37):
I feel like every day .
They're my best friend and welove you.
Speaker 1 (53:41):
Those people are going to fall there.
You're going to get your people.
You will, you will.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
And my people will become your people.
Yeah, and I was going to saysay you already, you already
have a foundation, you mighthave a great foundation, yeah.
I mean, you already have it's.
It's really the quality, and Ifeel like I've had the same
friends as I was a kid andremember I said that this that
Atlanta's been the place Istruggled, so I I've always had
those friends, but we don't.
(54:05):
They don't live here, right?
So when I was in this stage ofmy life, which I've been here 16
years, so it's taking me such along time to realize who are my
real friends here, yeah, yeah,and it's a small group and I'm
so thankful.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
Yeah, and I think and you'll accumulate them, and
then you'll get rid of a few,because exactly.
Speaker 2 (54:26):
I met friends in my early 20s which I did.
They wouldn't have, theywouldn't have been constructive
for me in this phase of my life,the ones I was out drinking
with or had.
I met a nice group of friendswhenever I was a closet
alcoholic or didn't want toaccept it.
Now I feel like I'm in aposition where I'm ready to
accept it.
I'm honest about who I am andthat sort of thing.
Speaker 1 (54:47):
Yes, you're going to be fine.
Yes, anything.
If y'all have been listening tome ever, you know I love my
quotes or I love to end withsomething.
Sometimes I forget, but I'mgoing to be more consistent, or
about consistency, that's.
That's the word of 2025.
I don't remember my word.
I think it was like calm orsomething, but anyways, I found
this on Pinterest.
It says this year I've learnedthree things.
(55:09):
Number one you're not alwaysgoing to get the closure or
explanation you think youdeserve.
Two sometimes you have toaccept something for what it is
and move on.
And three everything reallydoes happen for a reason.
Speaker 2 (55:26):
I love that.
I want to thank you ladies.
Speaker 1 (55:29):
Thank you so much love you, virago.
See you next week.
Bye, thank you so much forlistening to Virago 24-7.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
(55:49):
button and please give us fivestar ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at Virago247, and
on Facebook, at Virago247.
And just connect with us andshare your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
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