Barefoot and Braless

What if you could transform your life simply by choosing better friendships? We’re sharing our personal journeys of reevaluating relationships and understanding the true essence of authentic connections. Shiney and I explore the emotional complexities of letting go of toxic friendships and the empowering feeling of surrounding ourselves with uplifting people. From heartfelt anecdotes to moments of honest reflection, we reveal the significance of setting boundaries and embracing the natural evolution of relationships.

As the whirlwind of 2024 sweeps us into new routines and unexpected changes, we talk about adaptability and finding balance in the chaos. Whether it’s diving into yoga or navigating the back-to-school season, we discuss how these shifts have impacted our personal growth and relationships. We delve into the nuances of friendship dynamics, particularly the tricky process of deciding when to cut ties. Through candid stories, we emphasize the importance of direct communication and honesty to foster healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Building genuine friendships is more than just finding like-minded individuals; it’s about creating safe spaces where vulnerability and authenticity are welcomed. Shiney and I share the joy of supportive conversations and the transformative power they hold. From managing lateness with a touch of humor to the serious realization that true friends value you for who you are, our discussion is a heartfelt celebration of growth, empowerment, and the irreplaceable value of genuine friendships. Join us as we navigate this journey and invite you to connect with your own stories of friendship and self-discovery.

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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!

Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up, my fellow Viragos?
I am so happy to be here.
Today's show will be withactually with Shiney, but first
I just wanted just to let youall know that the show today
that you are about to hear isabout friendships, and not just

(00:23):
friendships.
Shiny and I wanted to talkabout this because we have
evolved in the last few years,like we're just in a place where
we don't want to tolerate anyshit from anybody and we're done
faking and we're done actingand like we're okay with certain

(00:44):
things and the way people speak, um and act.
And I think we have been in thetolerant stages of our lives
and moving forward as we'vegrown and, um, have come to
certain terms with who we wantto surround ourselves, with the

(01:07):
people that we want to fill ourcups with, and deciding that
those people that have beenaround for so long, that just
don't really belong in our worldanymore, that it's okay to let
them go.
So this conversation issomething that we've had

(01:29):
one-on-one and so let's talkabout it.
Maybe other people are goingthrough it or maybe other people
feel like, oh, just becauseI've known this person for so
long, well, now I'm stuck withthem forever, even though they
don't bring me joy, or eventhough I leave a situation with
them feeling more deflated orempty or you know, and you just

(01:52):
feel like, well, nothing big hashappened to warrant me.
You know, to push them away orcall our friendship quits, but
realizing that it is okay to dothat, it's okay to say you know
what, it's been fun.
This worked for me in my 20s,in my teens, in my 30s, whatever

(02:12):
the case may be.
It doesn't work for me rightnow and a lot of us stay the
same.
We don't grow.
Some of us are all growing, butwe're just growing in different
directions and that's okay.
So today's conversations isabout friendships the kind of
friendships that we want aroundus, the kind that we don't want
around us and allowing ourselvesto be okay with letting things

(02:36):
go and being at peace with it,because we're getting older and
we don't have to put up withother people's bullshit, as I
said before.
So enjoy today's show aboutfriends letting go, keeping the
ones that we love dearly, andjust knowing that moving forward

(02:58):
.
We only want to surroundourselves with certain people,
so enjoy around ourselves withcertain people, so enjoy.
Hi, I am your host, nette Talley, and you are listening to
Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women

(03:21):
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Hello everyone, we are gatheredhere today because I told you

(03:53):
I'd be back with some recordingsand here I am with the one, the
only, shani.
Sorry if I hurt your ears.
Oh, wait, wait, let me do thatagain because I interrupted you.
Shani, yo yo yo, I'm here.

(04:15):
Yay, what it is.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
What it is.
It's been a while and I'm sohappy to be back.
Oh my gosh, I'm so happy tohave you back.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
Okay, so I've seen Shiney, so it's not like I
haven't seen her, but you guysare just seeing her for the
first time, or hearing her forthe first time, and we're so
happy, I'm so happy.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
I'm so happy.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
I'm so happy to be back.
I've been MIA.
I let the people know what'sbeen going on with me last week,
so now I'm ready to likecontinue with my peeps and talk
about shit.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
And that's okay, because you're living life.
That's what we're doing Exactly, and now that you're back,
everyone's so excited.
I hope so.
High five listeners.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
Hello, hello, we're happy to be back.
So Shiney, what's?

Speaker 2 (05:01):
going on with you so much.
It's 2024.
The year is flying.
It really is, I mean, summer'sover.
Our kids are in school.
Yeah, some people are reallyhappy.
I mean, I think all of us arehappy.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Well, this is what I was saying on last week's
podcast that I've been in mybubble, in my little sad,
ever-changing bubble.
It wasn't one thing, it was afew things that happened, you
know, over the months where Iwas like, if that happened by
itself, I can handle it.
But then this happened.
So you know, I've beenemotional.

(05:40):
But then when I looked up andrealized, hey, leonette, there
are other people around you,I've realized that a lot of
people are going through atransition period, a lot of
people are going through achange period, and so I'm not
alone.
No, you are not alone, I'm herewith you.

(06:02):
I am here with you.
We've been drinking a few,didn't notice.
We've had one bottle of I don'tknow what it is, it just says
classic dry white wine.
And then this one is like arosé, but it's in a different
language.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
We had a fabulous day .
It's been good.
We were just rolling with theday.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Well, there were some compression, so so our, our
afternoon did not go as planned,which that's how I prefer my
life to be.
It's just, you have one waythat you want things to end up,
but God has other other thingsthat he wants you to go through.
But yeah, absolutely.
We were supposed to record likesix hours ago, yes, but here we

(06:49):
are six hours later, and Ithink that that's just an avenue
of life right, yes.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
We just we can't go every way that we plan to.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
We have to be able to switch directions when we need
to.
That's right and that to beable to switch directions when
we need to.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
That's right and that's what I'm learning.
So, now that I'm out of mybubble, my funk we are here and
we'll talk about many things inthe next coming months, because
there's a lot to talk about, buttoday we will talk about
purging people from your life.

(07:26):
We've been talking a lot aboutfriendship, hiny and I, so we've
been doing yoga.
Yeah, gosh, I'm a little bitmore bendy.
I've been flexible, so Shiny'sbeen doing it for a while.
Yes, and if y'all have beenlistening to me, yoga has never
been my thing until recently,and I really, really, really,
really like it.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yes, I love it.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
I think you just have to have your mind set to it.
My mind wasn't ready a fewyears ago and I feel like now
I'm ready for something calmingand soothing.
And I mean, it's not reallysoothing while you're in it,
while you're doing it, but whenyou're done it's wonderful.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
Absolutely, and I feel like the place we go to has
every type of yoga.
It has sexy yoga, it has badassyoga, it has steamy hot yoga.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
Yes, where the sweat is just dripping down our bodies
.
Yes, that one's really hardactually.
It sounds real sexy when I sayit, but that kicks your ass.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yes, and you leave there feeling like you can
conquer anything, and I feellike that's how you should feel
after a good workout.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
That's right.
So we've been you know, her andI have been hanging out and
we've been talking about certainthings and just how we're ready
in this time in our lives tojust surround ourselves with
just like amazing people thatare going to lift us and help us
move forward in our lives.
And I sent you a quote and Idon't have my phone on me, but I

(09:00):
sent you something and I waslike huh, cause you all know,
you guys all know that I havecut off some friendships
throughout the years and peoplethat have been in my life for
many, many years that just youknow, just I don't want to say

(09:21):
serve you anymore because thatsounds very harsh.
But I feel, like I've saidbefore, like there's a season
for everybody and there's areason.
There's a season and there's alifetime.
So we've been really talkingabout certain people that have
been in our lives and I sentthis thing to Shiny the other
day because I read it and I waslike oh, is that me?

(09:41):
Do I need to self-reflect?
Because I don't think I'mperfect, anything that I can do
better in my life?
I want to.
But I sent her a thing.
It says a friend who becomes anenemy after a little
misunderstanding, has been anenemy all along.
I can't see, let me read itagain.

(10:04):
Okay, a friend who becomes anenemy after a little
misunderstanding has been anenemy all along.
They were just pretending.
So I was like, well, was I justpretending when I had my
friends or was it real?
I don't think I ever came intoanything thinking I'm someone's

(10:25):
enemy or that they're my enemy.
And Shiny was like we need totalk about this on the podcast.
And every time we went for awalk the other day and it's like
we're talking about friends andlike people that we don't deem
to be our friends anymore, weneed to talk about this on the
podcast.
So, shiny, what have you beenholding for us?

Speaker 2 (10:48):
Well, I was going to say, when you sent me that quote
, I thought it was interestingand I wrote you back saying I
wouldn't be quick to be an enemyto a real friend.
So I didn't really understandit fully, um, because I can't

(11:10):
even think of myself that way,because of of the way I am.
I feel like I approach everyfriendship, um, you know, truly
and and try to be, you know, godeeply with it, but when I
realize, um, that it's hit, it's, I was going to say what it was

(11:36):
to.
What you were saying earlier isperhaps we outgrow some people.
Um, as we get older, ourfriendships are so different in
this age group or this phase ofour lives, as as mothers, as
women, as wives, as you know.

(11:58):
And as we get older, I feellike we our needs are are
different too.
Versus when we were kids, itwas easy, I mean, and I would
think that actually, a highschooler would probably say it's
not right.
They would say it's different,but it's easy, meaning it's

(12:22):
small fries, yeah, it's smallfries, yeah.
And I feel like, as we get older, there's a lot of judgment
towards the things that we do.
It could be our marriages, theway we parent, the way we run
our household, so many things,and I feel like that gets in the
way of the friendship, andunnecessarily, because really a

(12:48):
friend is a friend, no matterhow you parent, how you are in
your relationships, how you liveyour life.
The friendship should benonjudgmental.
That's how I feel and that'sreally how I try to carry myself

(13:09):
, because who am I to judge?
But unfortunately, I feel formyself I've entered, or I have
been in a phase of my life wherefriendship has been harder for
me and I have always said youand I have talked about this

(13:33):
because you've said this to mebefore that I always felt like
friendship was something thatcame easy to me.
God it's, it really is God'sgift to me.
I have had the same friendshipsfrom high school to childhood,
you know, from college, Like Ifeel like once I make a friend
and it's, it's, it's really last, it lasts, it's everlasting.
It happened today.

Speaker 1 (13:54):
So we were supposed to record.
And then we you all knowBrianna.
So Brianna has been on the showmultiple times, so she texts me
.
She's like hey, I just need tobe around you and talk to you
about something.
I was like, sure, come over,Shining's coming over.
So the three of us sat and wechatted.
But I was like, hey, I havesomething at five.
And so this was around two,around three o'clock.

(14:14):
I'm like I have a facial that Ibooked, so you're all welcome
to come over, let's record.
But I got to be somewhere atfive.
So we got in deep conversationand here comes five o'clock
rolling around.
So Briana's like, oh, I got togo pick up my son.
I said, shiny, you're comingwith me.
So I go to this place called theice box and it's where you

(14:38):
freeze.
You go into like this, it'slike a refrigerator, but yeah,
that's like a refrigerator, bigand it's cold.
It's real cold in there.
I don't know how cold it is,but it's really cold and I
haven't been in there in a while.
But you go in there for likethree minutes and it's supposed
to help with any ailments youhave.
It's supposed to help with yourmind, spirit, body, soul, all

(14:58):
the things.
But then they have these chairs.
It's compression, my gosh.
And they put these big oldboots on your legs and they
squeeze your legs right.
It's amazing.
So I said, shiny, while I'mgetting my facial, you can sit,
because I was getting a minifacial.
I'm like it'll be 30 minutes,you can sit in the chair.
You could get squeezed and wewere running late.

(15:19):
So I walked in the girl thatnormally helps with a customer.
So I went to the back and gotmy facial.
I'm like she'll take good careof you.
By the time I got out, shiny andher are like literally besties.
They exchanged phone numbers,they are going to have lunch
together, dinners and celebratebirthdays and probably

(15:42):
anniversaries, and she probablyset you up on, you know, on
dates and stuff.
I was just like what ishappening?
And it was 30 minutes.
Guys, I was gone for 30 minutes, maybe 35.
And she already made a new bestfriend at the icebox and that's
the kind of person shiny is.
So you're so right about thatbecause literally happened today
and she's like so the girl youknow knows who I am.

(16:05):
She's like Leannette.
She's the best I'm like I know.
That's why she's my friend.
She's amazing.
Thank you for bringing her in,and it was all because I was
like, hey, we got to go so wecan come back and record it was
it was.
It just shows that you that's,you're not wrong Like people
gravitate to you.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
Yeah, thank you so much for saying that.
I, um, I truly believe that thereason I have such wonderful
good friends in my life isbecause you have to be a good
friend to have good friends, andI feel like this is a topic
I've always wanted to talk aboutbecause I feel like in our

(16:48):
phase of life, there are so manywomen and people you know
struggling for friendship andI'm sure you've read this or
heard this on a video that thenumber one way for you know to
increase our longevity isconnection, and that makes

(17:11):
complete sense.
It's the people in our livesthat keep it full.
You know, it's not the home welive in or the places we've been
or how much money you have.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
It's happy people make a happy home, and I truly
feel very, very blessed for myfriendships, and I mean, I feel
that about you, I feel likethat's what we have in common is
that I know we both feel veryblessed, um, with the wonderful

(17:49):
friendships and the and thevariety of friendships that we
have, um, and we've we've talkedabout this before, um, but
there are people that come intoyour lives and I know so many

(18:17):
famous people say this but for aseason, for a reason and for a
lifetime, is has taken its timethat that we just walk away with
, with thankfulness, you know,and so you know, a lot of the

(18:38):
things that I've struggled with,that I honestly come to terms
with is when you've hadrelationships for so long and
then they just abruptly end, oror or maybe they're not abrupt,
maybe there's certain thingsthat have led up to that, and
it's just like, yeah, you're notmy friend anymore, but you were
at one point such good buddiesor good friends and realizing so

(18:59):
when shiny and I were walkingthe other day, it was basically,
you know, us trying to digestor dissect, because shiny, I've
seen listen, I'm seeing adifferent kind of shiny, because
she is not the hiney that I met.
This girl's like not blocked,not, I'm done.
I was like, well, damn, here Iam analyzing Am I being a good

(19:22):
friend Cause I cut this personoff, or I'm done with this
person, and she's like nope Next, nope next.
I said now you sound like LT,because this is how?
No, for real.
So do you mind we don't have toname names, but do you mind if
I share some stories about whywe even started talking about
this?

Speaker 2 (19:40):
I feel like I've got you're right.
I I feel like I've gone, you'reright, I feel like I was a
little baby.
Listen, she's got a hard core.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
So I better watch myself, because one false move
and she'll be.
I'll be calling shiny and I'mblocked.
You're right, I was like well,damn.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
No, you know I think that and you know that and that
was my whole thought process.
Know that I think and thatthat's that was my whole thought
process for a long time.
I always thought that because Iknew how to be a friend and I
really knew like I felt, like Iknew the, I feel like I had

(20:17):
figured out the fruit of afriendship, um and that, and
that you know friendship andthat, and that you know that we
see the good in people.
So I felt that many times, if Imet someone who struggled with
friendship or struggled with,you know, making friends, that I

(20:38):
would somehow show them how tobe a friend and that by modeling
that behavior and being a goodfriend to them, you know, if
they didn't have, like, a reallygood friend, that that's what I
would do.
You know, I would be that forthem.
And what I realized over time,cause it this lesson.

(21:02):
I realized I have to, um, learna lesson I didn't.
Actually I don't learn thelesson.
I have to go through it quite afew times to actually learn the
lesson, um, but I've learned itnow, that, um, not everyone's
meant to be my friend, um, and,and that's okay, and I'm not the
right person for everybody, youknow I.

(21:26):
I may not be the right fit forfor everyone, you know.
That's why certain people clickand certain people don't, and
also I.
What I did learn my lesson iswhen show, when.
When Maya Angelou says whensomeone shows you who they are,
believe them.
Yeah, so I had to learn thehard way Multiple times.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
Well, like recently, we have a mutual friend and so
shiny and I were hanging out inthe springtime we and then you
know, summer comes and we'rebusy and all the things.
So I hadn't seen Shine in a fewmonths and you know she's going
through a big transition periodright now and I knew that.

(22:14):
But I didn't know all thedetails that have transpired
since the summer, since I sawher in May.
So a mutual friend wasinquiring about that.
So I'm the kind of person thatI like me myself a little gossip
, but I don't like gossip likethat.
So if we are all saying thatwe're friends, then I should be

(22:35):
able to come to shiny and said,hey, this is what I'm feeling,
this is what I'm seeing, nooffense, but this is what I'm
observing and say it to herdirectly, not go to this person
over here and say somethingwithout shiny knowing.
So I prefer to be honest.

(22:57):
Or guess what?
If I can't be honest with thatperson, I just keep my mouth
shut and I don't say anything toanybody, right?
So if I can't say it to yourface, then I ain't going to say
it to anybody.
That's my motto, because I'veseen how that can tear people
down with people in my life notjust friendships, other people,

(23:20):
you know, family members andit's just not.
It's.
I've always looked at that aslike, if they're talking about
that person, what are theysaying about me when I'm not
around?
So this friend comes to me andis asking me about Shining.
I'm like, well, I haven't seenher, you know, in like two
months, or talked to her becauseshe's been traveling.
I've been busy, blah, blah,blah.

(23:42):
And so, yeah, acting like she'sconcerned that's how I see it.
She might be within her rightsto feel like I was concerned,
but the way I observed it,you're acting like you're
concerned and then literallyshould I say it, shiny, and

(24:05):
literally just not saying, notbeing kind about shiny, like, do
you have a friend, do you guyshave friends?
That it's like, hey, I'mconcerned about this person, but
dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dahabout that same person.
So are you concerned or do youjust want to gossip about that

(24:25):
person?
So that's what happened and itdidn't sit right.
I'm like, yeah, I haven'ttalked to her.
I don't know, I'm not divulginganything, I don't know what's
happening, right, I don't know.
Why are you talking to me?
I haven't seen you, I haven'tseen her?
I don't know.
And so I prayed on it and Idon't like to start shit, but if

(24:48):
they were me and if someone'stalking about me or inquiring
about me in a way that doesn'tfeel genuine, I would expect
that someone who calls me afriend would be able to come to
me and say, hey, listen, watchout for that person, or this is
so.
I came to shiny after prayer.
I didn't come to her right away, um, I waited like a week or

(25:09):
two and I was like you know what?
We went and had breakfast and Isaid this is what happened.
And this is what this personsaid Do what you will with it,
but I would want to know.
And so here we are and we'vebeen talking about friends and
like, is it right to let someonego?
Do we give people chances?
And, like Shiny said, likepeople don't just do like one

(25:32):
thing, they do multiple thingsthat lead up to the cutoff.
And so we've been just talking alot about friends and
friendships and cutting, and notcutting them off, but just
letting it go, letting it expire, because they don't really fit
our narrative anymore, theydon't really fit our lifestyle
narrative anymore.

(25:52):
They don't really fit ourlifestyle when you're growing as
a person and you're truly likeintentional about it and someone
else is just kind of stayingthe way they are maybe they
think they're growing, maybethey are, maybe they aren't, I
don't know.
We're just not growing togetherit really becomes obvious,
doesn't it?
It becomes so obvious whereit's like I know I've been your
friend for multiple years but,yeah, I can't do this anymore,

(26:15):
and so I felt really I did feelbad, but I felt good after
saying it, because you needed toknow, just like I would want to
know, and just know what'sbeing, what's being said out
there Continue to be friends,don't continue to be friends,
but just know that.
This is what you're dealingwith and which got us on another

(26:37):
friend Damn, we got some quoteunquote friends in this
neighborhood, in theneighborhood of Peachtree
Corners, because PeachtreeCorners is a small big town.
It's a big, small town wherepeople are talking about
everybody.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
It's not, um, I was gonna say it's, it's not
narrowed down just to one city.
I would say that this is a lifelesson.
Yeah, you know I, when I sayI'm blessed with friendship, I'm
talking about the friends thatI've had, you know, from 40
years, 30 years.

(27:14):
You know 20 years.
I mean these are lifelongfriendships and we've, we've,
we've grown together, you knowwe've.
It's not like I'm this perfectfriend who does everything
perfectly and says everythingperfectly and does everything
perfectly and says everythingperfectly and does everything
perfectly, but we've growntogether so much that there's it

(27:35):
has honesty, loyalty, truth,you know, trust, you know
there's all those qualities thatyou would want in any
relationship, you know, romantic, it's a sisterhood or not, like
it's something that you, youwould want with any person.

(27:57):
And I feel like, um, this wassaid to me, so there's, you know
, there's people that are inyour house, there are people
that are on your porch, peoplethat are the friends that are on
your, in your yard.
There are friends that are inyour neighborhood, you know, and
there, you know.

(28:17):
So there's different, like we,we, we all do it.
We just may not have, may notrecognize it.
You know where they are in ourcircles of, of, of friendship,
um.
But what I've realized is andthat's all fine, right, you know
you, you know where peoplestand with you.
But I think, in this time in mylife, right now, what I've come

(28:42):
to realize is I want tosurround myself with like-minded
people, um, and women inparticular.
I want to focus on us liftingeach other up yeah, um, someone
who lifts me up and supports me,and vice versa.

(29:03):
And if that's not happening,they're not on my porch, um, and
that's's okay.
They're not even on your street, are?

Speaker 1 (29:14):
they.
You take that shit to the, tothe next city.
That's how I'm feeling, andyou're right.
Like and, and I used to thinkokay, well, do I need to
surround myself with like-mindedpeople?
It's good to have variety?
Yeah, it's good to have variety.
Yeah, it's good to have variety, but the foundation, it's not
about personality.

(29:35):
Or do you like the color purpleand I like the color red?
Like it's not even that.
It's the foundation of who thatperson is at their core is what
I'm starting to realize that Ineed to surround myself with
those kinds of women.
Like our foundation is prettymuch the same.
Our personalities could bedifferent, our likes and

(29:55):
dislikes are different, but thatfoundation is to me like a
strong indication, whether it'sthe friendships and like
marriage, to me that's huge man.
And I've had to unfollow somepeople Cause I'm just like why?
I don't even know you like that, like done.
I don't even know you like that, like done.
I don't want to see your shithole.
I feel like such a hardcore,badass bitch in my living room.

(30:21):
Delete, unfollow.
You're not my friend, no more.
Unfriend the block.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
I'm such a jerk.
No, I was never, ever in thatmindset.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
Ever Because.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
I just I was the complete opposite.
I thought I want to be friendswith everybody.
I want and I want every.
I want to like everyone and Iwant everyone to like me.
And I realized that's not true.
You know, I'm not not.
Everyone is going to and,truthfully, everyone is going to

(31:01):
make their own version of you,like they're the story that they
make up about you or what theysee about you is really their
version.
I mean and I'm talking aboutpeople outside of my, like close
and not because that's whatpeople do, right, they meet you
and this is the version of youthat they they think, and and

(31:23):
sometimes it can be better laterin time, and sometimes it can
be worse, like it may not bewhat they want, um, but that's
okay, and I think that that'sthe permission I need to give
myself.
Is that it's okay that I'm notthe right friend for everybody?
Yeah, and I I I actually teachthis to my kids is that there's

(31:46):
people you're friends with andthere's people you're friendly
with.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
You don't gotta be mean yeah, you definitely do not
have to be mean.
You know it's okay.
Um, so I um I told that I thinkfriendship is a great subject
to talk about.
I have this book that's calledum.
Women are scary Really.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
What's it about?
It's about friendship and womenbeing scary yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
Cause I think that that's, um, I know we're not
alone.
There's I think there's a lotof, I think there's a lot of
people seeking connection,friendship, um, you know
closeness, and it's truly ablessing that we have that,
cause I know, I know you have itand I know closeness and it's
truly a blessing that we havethat, because I know, I know you
have it and I know you know,and I, and I'm very confident

(32:38):
that I do too, but there are alot of people who don't and want
that, and I think that's great.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
And it's we were talking also about.
You know, you and I are thekind of women that we surround
ourselves with all walks of life, all different ethnicities, all
different, just backgrounds.
And that's what I admire aboutyou, because I'm the same way.
Like we don't just stick to oneculture when, when, anything,
where we love all the people.

(33:08):
But what is funny is like we dosee a difference culturally in
like how we parent or how we umhandle certain situations, and
that could be something thatstands out in a friendship,
because some people are veryvocal and it's like well, I

(33:28):
don't do it that way.
Yeah, well, I don't do it thatway, but I ain't telling you how
to do it but, like certainfriends, feel the need that they
can just tell I don't mind,okay, now, if they're my sisters
, like my, my, like how you weretalking about, like my die hard
ride or die girls, you can,they can tell me whatever and
I'll be like whatevs.
You know what I'm saying, youknow how to handle it.

(33:49):
It's the ones that are quote,unquote your friends.
But they're like newer friends,yes, like the past five, six
years, like, don't tell me, likegirl, you don't know me, like
that.
So the difference, and alsoyou're this culture, you're this
ethnicity and I'm this and weparent very differently.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
Well, you can't travel with everyone too.
I don't come from that.
I feel like that's somethingthat I've learned as well is
that you can't like travel witheverybody because you're
basically living, like you know,this remote home and you
everyone does dinner differently, everyone does bedtime

(34:30):
differently, everyone doesactivities differently.
Yeah, everyone does activitiesdifferently, and I'm I know that
, I'm 100% okay.
If you do you, I'll do me, butI know that that's not how
everybody else is either.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
That's right Because if you don't do things the way
they do it, then there's aproblem.
That's right.
So I think it's goes back tolike me being, you know, wanting
like-minded people, and you'reabsolutely right.
Like we said, culturally, likewe were talking about how, um,
well, I feel like for my kids,um, if we were on vacation, I, I

(35:05):
have traveled with people thatare still on the same schedule,
that they would be at home andtheir kids have to go to bed at
a specific time and a specificway.
Whereas I would be lenient, I'dbe lenient that they're on
vacation as well.
Honestly, if they're having agreat time and they're having

(35:34):
with, with all the other friends, and they're fun, they're
having fun.
You know, having fun.
I'm not going to really, yeah.
And you're having, and you'rehaving a good time yeah exactly,
Um, but I've traveled withpeople who who had a big problem
where they exit the adult timeto put their kids to bed and

(35:55):
they get upset if they're notand they tell the other kids
also, like they may think theother kids are being a bad
influence because they'restaying up.
This is why I don't travel withpeople.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
Yeah, it's been a while I do.
I do girls trips, but like thewhole a thousand families
getting together and yeah, no,that sounds stressful to me.
A lot of people think, oh well,they entertain each other and
we entertain.
No, that's not how I feel.
I don't feel like it'sentertainment, I feel like it's
more work, having to, like yousaid, like having to stay on the

(36:38):
same schedule as someone else.
We haven't done a lot of familytrips like that, with other
people, unfortunately, which myyoungest thinks it's horrible
Like why don't we travel withpeople?
Like I want to have a friendtoo when we go and all the
things, and I'm just like girl,I like my peace and tranquility
on vacation.
So with us there's only a fewfriends that I would be like,
yep, you can bring her, butother than that, it's just the

(36:59):
four of us or the five of us,that's it.
And then maybe like my, youknow, my mom or my brothers or
siblings or something, but no.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
Well, I would say that I know so many people who
do that.
You know they do couples tripsor they do family trips.
I have personally done a lot of.
I mean, I've done a lot of.
You know, friends, trips girlstrips, but I've also done like
moms and kids.
I've done that and it wasn'talways fun for me, they've been
okay.

(37:33):
You know they've been okay.
You know they've been okay.
But I would say that, at theend of the day, the ideal trip
is with people who have, youknow, zero judgment, no matter
how, what you want to do, you do, or if we all are on the same
page.
I mean that's most excellent.
Yes, that would be ideal.
That would be ideal, yeah, butI know that that can't always

(37:55):
happen, because we're right now.
I said I would like to befriends with people who have,
like you know, like-mindedness,that they want the same things
as me.
For me to be expecting someoneto be parenting the same way as
me as well, that might be.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
That's different.
That might be reaching.
That's different.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
That's why you just don't do that, right, yeah, um,
but I um I told Lena we're goingto keep this, keep this short,
but I just really wanted to saythat I think, um, a lot of
people don't um know how to be afriend, because they didn't,
you know, they weren'taccustomed to keeping the friend
for a long time.
Because I think they realizethey think I think a lot of

(38:41):
people you know what I can'tmake um that that statement yeah
, I can't say that.
I can't make that assumption.
Um, I just think that a frienddoesn't have to be in touch with
another friend every single dayin order to be friends.

Speaker 1 (38:59):
Preach.
I love that because a lot of myfriendships are that way.
Don't need to be in contactwith you all the time, but when
we get together, shit's about togo down because we're going to
have fun.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Yes, I would say that that is.
That's the common denominator.
Is that, for me, thefriendships that have lasted the
longest and the truest are thefriendships that when we see
each other or when we talk onthe phone, we pick up where we
left off.
It's not where have you been,or hey, stranger, or I haven't

(39:35):
heard from you for a while,because, truthfully, those type
of statements produce like guiltor resentment or some kind of
hurt feelings.
So if you're doing that tosomebody stop it.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
Nobody wants to hear that.
Nobodyiza.
Nobody wants to hear thatbecause we live our life.
It's.
I think it's interestingbecause people are selfish, so
they think we're just sittingaround thinking about you, no
one's living, like you're notliving your life, shiny, you
should be sitting aroundthinking about that one friend,

(40:08):
and how dare you not call them?
And so that's like very selfishthinking that I appreciate.
Like sometimes you and I, wereally want to get together.
Right, there's times where youand I really want to get
together.
Or hey, let's record.
There's so many times it's likelet's record and we have it and

(40:30):
I'll text you, or you'll textme like hey, can I get a rain
check?
Or hey, I just like we'rereally honest, Like I'm just
sitting on the couch watching ashow I don't really want to.
I'm like hallelujah, Thank theLord.
I'm glad you said it first andit is what it is.
There's no hard feelings, you,and I'm glad you that you
canceled, because I wanted tocancel first.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
Well, I was going to say.
That's actually rare because II, so I appreciate it.
I appreciate it too.
I'm just saying I think I hadto learn that.
You know, I had to learn thatbecause I don't think I was, I
don't think it was always thatway.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Really Cause you're like that with me.
Oh, I'm absolutely like thatwith you and I'm absolutely
actually like that with everyonenow.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
But I think, and I'll and I know you've already done
a podcast on this, but you knowdon miguel ruiz, when he he
wrote the four agreements, yep,um, don't make it so pretty.
What's his name?
What his name?
What name is?
She I will.
I like the Latin.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
You said it's so pretty Okay, yes, the four
agreements.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
Yes, and you know he says don't have, you know,
expectations, assumptions, allthat, and I feel like that's
mind blowing information.
You know, these books, thesewonderful, great books, that
that he you know him inparticular have have written you
.
When you read it you think, oh,that makes so much sense, but

(41:56):
really it's, it's a mindset, youknow, not having those
expectations, not making thoseassumptions, don't personalizing
it and doing your best.
So all four for me.
I remember when I read thatbook I thought, whoa,
life-changing, I need to change.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
Well, you're the one that told me about the book.
It took me another year beforeI read it and then when I read
it I was like whoa, I was thesame way.
And then Phillip and his littlelittle friend I shouldn't call
him little and his friends did awhole book club about it and
him and I did a whole podcastabout it because it is it's very
simple but it's so hard to do.

(42:38):
Yes, like it's hard toimplement things like that
because it is in your head, it'svery mind over matter type
thing and that's very hard to do.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yes, but it gives people that we care about
because we truly care, and evenpeople that we don't really know
, so much grace andunderstanding that the world
does not revolve around me.
That's right, and if someonecancels for any reason it could

(43:11):
be I'm clipping my toenails andchewing them.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Okay, I hope they don't.
That is so funny that you saythat, because there's someone I
know that plays with theirtoenails.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
so much we say are you eating toenail soup?

Speaker 1 (43:28):
Girl, but no, that's just, that's disgusting.
That's disgusting.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Okay, clipping toenails, yes, but not eating
them, um, whatever their reasonis, to cancel because it doesn't
matter, that's right, yeah,yeah, because, at the end of the
day, being okay with it, youknow, because it's okay if
someone cancels, because I feellike that's a common one.
If someone cancels last minuteor is late or, you know, doesn't

(43:59):
show up at the last minute, oreven if they cancel with notice,
it's not about us, that's right, it's true.
None of it.
None of it, even if they showup late, because I feel like
that is a notorious problem,that I have struggled, I've
gotten a lot better about it,but I feel like there's a lot of

(44:21):
people, you and I should startthe club of the lateness.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
The late club, yes, the lateness ladies.
That's right, the latenessladies.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Well, I feel like I have really pissed off a lot of
people with my lateness becauseunfortunately, I think and there
is theories on it like it's notrespectful, it's showing that
you don't care as much in allthese things.
But the truth is, for me, and Ifeel like you feel the same way

(44:51):
, it's, it's very cultural.
It is, it's it's very cultural.
I you know, even with all theevents I had in my life, my
girlfriends who were not Indianwould say shiny, is the event
really a two o'clock or shouldwe just show up at three?

Speaker 1 (45:12):
So and I know what it is.
I think in our minds we thinkit is going to take us 35
minutes to get our glow on, ourglow up right, like we're going
to, and then, for whateverreason, it takes longer and
every single effing time ithappens the same way and I don't
know how to get off the hamsterwheel.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
I feel like there's many reasons for me.
I feel like I could be late formultiple reasons and in the
past, when I would get a guilttripped text or call like where
are you, we're waiting, or this,and that I would write back
like guys start the partyExactly.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
Why are you waiting for me?

Speaker 2 (45:55):
And you know, I would think it's kind of comical,
because the fact that they're ata party and they're still
texting me and and I don't meanthis in any way where I'm
thinking like I'm holding theparty and I'm going to come in
and the party starts, I justfeel like a lot of people, you
know, they just feel like ifyou're not there at that time,

(46:19):
the fact that they're textingyou means that the party doesn't
start until you walk in.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
And I feel the same way about me.
Oh, there's a song the partydon't stop.
I walk in, don't stop makingfun.
So when I walk in late, that'sexactly what I say the party can
start now.
I literally will say that andeveryone's like yeah, and then
they forgot that I was latebecause here we are having fun.

(46:46):
But okay, to me that's a Idon't know.
I don't understand that,because if it's like a
one-on-one meeting, I canunderstand a little bit, but if
it's like a lot of people comingto a party, calm down everybody
, I get there.
When I get there, I like tomake a grand entrance.
If you guys are bored with thepeople that are already there,
then you guys need to fix that.

(47:07):
Like something's wrong, likethat you guys are waiting for
little old may to get the thingshappen.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Well, I was going to say um, in college, my friends
manipulated the system.
They.
There were two things they did.
One was, if the dinner's reallyum at seven, they said it was
at six and I think you know what.
That's what's up.
They love me, they're not goingto bitch, they're not going to

(47:34):
complain, they are going tomanipulate the system because
they know shiny struggles yes,with her watch or her time, yes,
and they are going to make sureI'm there.
Yeah, and I actually loved it.
Another one was they arrangedmy clock in my dorm.
They changed the clock time,but then you're going to know,

(47:54):
because I used to do that withmyself.
Well, I didn't know at the time, oh you didn't know.
I didn't know at the time, but Iactually you know what I
actually still do that Like myclock in my car.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
I know, so I can't do it.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
Is nine minutes fast, but you know that.
Oh, I do know that, but I stilllike it I like it, I'm like.
I can get there.
I'll be there nine minutesfaster.
I can do this.
And let me tell you, every timethat I am on time or early, I

(48:26):
go.
If it's a dinner, I go wait atthe bar, or I go wait wherever I
need to wait, and I am so happy.
Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'm here,I'm on time, that's it okay.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
So you are like Tiffany, you've met have you met
?
My friend?
Of course.
So Tiff is the same way.
So me and Adrian did that withher in college because we all
went to the same college.
That's what we did with her,because I'm late, but I'm not
that late, I'm only like a fewminutes late here.
Give or take a few minutessometimes.
Yeah, me too.

(49:01):
But tiffany's like you or youguys could be like 30, 45, an
hour late, and that's what wedid with her.
We would tell her the wrongtime and sometimes she was still
late.
Ask Adrienne, we still bring it.
Yes, and the crazy thing is Iwear more makeup than Tiffany.
I do my hair.
It takes way longer to get.
I'm like girl, I did my hairand I put on makeup and it took

(49:24):
me forever to find it and I'mstill ready.
I'm like what do you do?
It's like she's just like la,la, la, she'll sit.
She says I think she'll dosomething and then she'll sit,
and then she'll do somethingelse and then she'll sit.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
So I'm going to say this whole lateness subject is a
sensitive subject to a lot ofpeople Because they feel very
strongly about it.
I have met people who feel sopassionate about it that they
feel because they've expressedthis to me Right About you being
late.
About me being late or justlateness in general, that like,

(50:00):
say, the dinner's at six, thatcoming at six is already late,
yes, that they need to be thereearly and, honestly, I
completely respect that.
I have no problem with peoplewanting to be early and on time
and I am not trying to bedisrespectful.
I actually, honestly, I feellike I haven't really gone

(50:22):
anywhere in a while, so, um,well you know, if you do, if
anybody out there does want togo out with me.
Um, I'll be on time.
I promise I've gotten reallygood.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
I've gotten better.
I had a pinky promise, corinne,because sometimes, when I'm
taking her to all her manyactivities, we're running late,
and so we had a pinky promisethat she's going to be on top of
her schoolwork without mehaving to harass her, and that
I'm going to get her early tothings.
I had a pinky swear, and so nowI have to the net from today

(50:57):
until until what may.
I have to be on time, shiny.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
I think it's great and, to be honest, I've improved
because I've it's somethingthat I've been working towards,
so I don't want to disrespectany of your listeners that are
on time.
No, no, I think it's wonderful,you know who's like that.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
We all know her.
Tanika, that girl throws anamazing like.
She's very detailed.
We all know that.
Right, you know that she's verydetailed.
She, she will have parties ather house and it's always a
theme and we got to wear theright colors and everything is
like.
She has names for the drinksand she has little ingredient

(51:39):
cards to show you how to makethe drink.
She's very, it's very, tip top.
Just on point, she literallywill say in a text six o'clock
I'll give you five.
I think she'll give us a five,10 minute like leeway, but at a
certain time she is locking herdoor and you cannot come in.

(52:00):
It's never happened to anyone.
She'll let them come in if youknow they have a valid excuse,
but she is dead ass seriousabout it.
Wow, and she's the one friendthat I'm always on time for
because of that, wow.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
Because I don't want to hear her mouth.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
And we've been friends for 20 years I'm like I
don't want to hear her mouth.
But she's very serious abouttime and she's like that.
But I'm like, listen, I'm notgoing to hear her mouth.
I get there when I get there,but with her I get there on time
because she always has thingsprepared games or like a
question, Like she always hassomething and I never want to
miss it, and so that's whythat's so cool.
I really want to get there ontime because I don't want to

(52:37):
miss anything.

Speaker 2 (52:37):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (52:38):
Yeah, yeah but she's fabulous, but she's a stickler
for it and I'm like, listen, I'ma free spirit and so I just
want to just get there.
When I get there, I just wantto blow with the wind.
You know, like I should havebeen like a person that lived on
a beach somewhere doing nowthat I love yoga, I could be a

(52:58):
yoga instructor on the beachbrawlers, barefoot and brawlers,
barefoot and brawlers, teachingpeople how to do yoga and just
namaste my way through life.
Absolutely that's what I want.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
I could so see you doing that.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
When we're talking about people having that same
foundation.
That's what I think of Easybreezy, like we're going to have
conflict with people.
That is now what we're talkingabout.
You and I have butted heads.
You and I have butted heads.
Me and Adrian have butted heads.
Who's my best friend?
Tiffany, and I have buttedheads.
Who's my other best friend,tanika, and I could bicker like

(53:36):
sisters, and these are allfriendships that I've had for a
long time and we can bicker andwe can kiss and we can make up,
and that's what it is.
It's just the ones that itdoesn't fit that there like that
mold.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (53:49):
Yeah, so I think it's not about the quantity that
you've known someone.
No, it's really the quality ofthe friendship.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Cause I've known you less time.

Speaker 2 (54:00):
I think eight years now.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
Yeah, so I've known you less time than some of the
friendships that I had, thatI've had to let go, and I feel
closer to you than I ever did tothem.
To be honest with you, same,and it's been eight years and
those were like maybe 10 plusyears, and I'm just like, yeah,
I feel like you are my sisterfor life.
Same, I really do, I can.

(54:23):
My litmus test moving forwardis and this is something that
I've always just not ignored, Iknow it to be true, but I feel
like I could be a freaking hardass sometimes where I'm just
really just quick to just belike nope, next, no, and I don't
want to be that way.
So it's like, let me givesomeone a chance, but, man, do I

(54:44):
get it right every time?
But my litmus test is if Ican't truly be myself, like
truly fully myself in front ofthat person, if I'm holding
anything back, and that speaksvolumes and I need to put you in
the acquaintance category.
You might think we're friends,but even I don't even know, like
I can't put you in a friendcategory anymore and that's what
I would do.
Okay, we're friends, I getalong with you, you know, like

(55:05):
you know as much as I can't putyou in a friend category anymore
, and that's what I would do.
Okay, we're friends.
I get along with you as much asI can.
We're friendly, but I can hangwith you, we can go out to
dinner, our husbands can getalong, we can do all the things,
but you're not seeing all of me.
I'm holding something back.

(55:25):
Why is that?
Why I don't know.
You could be an amazing person.
Maybe there's just a reason whyI'm not fully giving you who I
am, and so I would still befriends in spite of that.
But now I need to listen to mygut.
If I can't be fully myself,then we can't fully be friends.
That's what we're doing movingforward, shani.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
Yes, and you have to hold me accountable.
No, and I feel like that's truefriendship.
True friendship is acceptingeach other as they are, because
we both have best friends thatsay, I mean, I'll say for me,
one of my best friends, shelives in Chicago and over the

(56:11):
years she said some all kinds ofwild ass shit.
Oh yeah, you know who are youtalking to.

Speaker 1 (56:19):
But I love you.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
Yeah, but I don't ever actually think that I'm
like, okay, I love her the wayshe is.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
Yeah, well because these friendships have shown you
who they are.
Like you said in the beginning,they have shown you who you are
so that when there is conflict,you know that this is just a
blip on the radar.
In the depths of our souls, weknow that you, you know who I am
and I know who you are.
The people that I don't seemyself being being fully myself

(56:52):
is because I don't truly trustyou, and that's my biggest thing
.
If I don't trust you, you'llget a snippet of me.
You think you're getting a lotof me because I can blab my
mouth and you can think thatwe're best friends, and that's
why, with that quote that I sentyou, I'm like am I being the
pretender?
Am I acting?
But no, I'm protecting.

(57:12):
I'm truly protecting myselfbecause and I have to stop doing
that Like I really do and it'sjust going to hurt some people
it's going to hurt the peoplethat think that we're friends,
that I'm going to have to let gothe ones that are not my
friends yet.
I just don't let them.
You know what I'm saying.
Like some people, ourneighborhood does a lot of stuff

(57:33):
.
They like a lot of.
We got the wine night, we gotthe book club, we got this, we
got that.
And like people are like, oh,are you coming to that, are you
coming to that?
And I'm thinking to myself Idon't want new friends.
I don't want to fake it, Idon't want.
I shouldn't say I don't wantnew friends.
I shouldn't say that becausethat's not true.
It depends on who that friendis going to be.

(57:56):
I don't want pretend friends.
I don't want pretendacquaintances either.
I just want real.
I just want real.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
I just want real I don't know, I don't know how to
explain it.
No, I, I, I, a hundred percentagree.
I think that, um, my and I,those old, those older
friendships that we have, we'vealready been through thick and
thin, we've already you know.
So, if we act, if if I act afool, honestly she's going to

(58:30):
accept me.
You know, she's going to loveme just as I am.
Newer friendships If I did that, I would be the talk of the, of
the town or the.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
But when I met you, I could tell right away that I
could be fully myself.
Yes, so that's what I mean.
It didn't have to take eightyears for me to be like, oh, now
I'm going to be fully myself.
I feel like I've always beenmyself.
I mean, it took maybe a month,like it took a while.
It wasn't like instant, but itwasn't years either, like I felt

(59:04):
comfortable with you right away.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
But I also feel so I guess I was going to say I agree
, because that you saw that fromthe beginning, that I was
really confident about that,because I don't actually get any
joy or gratification fortalking shit about you.
Yeah, if I have something tosay to you and I really had

(59:28):
tension, or if it's building, Iwill tell you.
And you have, and I have.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
And and and, even if no matter how long it took, or
whatever I'll, I'll tell you Iyou're not going to hear it from
somebody else Exactly, andthat's why we're here today.
Yes, and I was going to saythat is the number one for me.
Once, and this is going to beonce from now on, once I hear

(59:56):
that my name is in your mouth.

Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
That's it.
We're going to pull a WillSmith.
That's what we call pulling aWill Smith, and what is that
thing that?
Um, it's true, Keep your mouth.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
That's that's what we're doing.
You're right.

Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
Listen, there's an evolution going on up in here
and and we are moving forward wehave what is that thing that I
said?
I was like we were on our walkand I was like I heard this
thing about the people thatyou're in.
So like the one with the smallminded, not small minded.

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
Minded people talk about people yeah, average mind
people talk about events.
And brilliant minds talk aboutideas.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
Yes, and Denzel said it, so I had heard that.
But then I heard it againrecently and I was sharing that
with Shiny and I said that is it.
That's the trigger for me.
And I said that is it.
That's the trigger for me.
When I hear people talkingabout others and it's not in a
oh, did you like?

(01:01:15):
I'm not saying we, I'm notsaying that.
I never talk about people in away of this is what's going on
with so-and-so, oh, but it'svery innocent, it's very matter
of fact.
Not tearing someone's characterdown or questioning who they
are as a person.
That's what I.
I don't know what yourdefinition is, shani, but mine
that's my definition is talkingcrap about people.

(01:01:35):
When you are talking aboutsomeone and recreating a whole
character for that person andit's just like and then you're
telling me about that, and it'sjust like I don't know who, what
you're seeing.
But if you're calling thatperson your friend and you're
saying that about them to me,then me as your acquaintance or

(01:01:58):
the person that you only seeevery once in a while, what the
hell are you talking, sayingabout me?
The people that I surroundmyself with listen, we laugh,
we'll crack up about somethingthat happened to so and so if
it's funny, but we really talkabout ourselves and how are how
we improving ourselves.
We talk about what's happeningin our families, with our
children, with our siblings,with our like, but it's about

(01:02:20):
matter of fact things.
And also I love talking aboutideas and goals with certain
people that that, oh, this iswhat we can do.
That's where I am in life.
I don't need to sit around andtalk shit about anyone, and if I
and if I do, I better be braveenough to say it to your face,
exactly yes.

(01:02:40):
And if I can't say it to yourface, and I need to keep that to
myself yes, and that's where weare Mic To myself.
Yes, and that's where we areMic.
Drop Exit, slap Chris Rock Walk.
No, I'm just kidding, Iwouldn't slap Chris Walk.
That was really mean, chrisWalk.
Yeah, walk Rock Dude, we drink.
We're not going to tell themhow much we drink, chris Rock

(01:03:03):
Walk.
You know English is not myfirst language, right?
That's okay.
And so sometimes one of them,so sometimes the Puerto Rican
accent comes down and it's, theysay, iraq, I say every time I
say that the kids are like youspeak English.
I'm like, yeah, but when I waslittle, like Spanish was my

(01:03:25):
first language.
So you know, I remember back tomy infantile stage.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
No, I love that.
That's so true.
So I feel exactly the same andyou know it can be hard to talk
to somebody about somethingthat's bothering them, but I
feel like if the friendship isworth, is worth it, then you,
you talk openly and freely,because having tension between

(01:03:52):
friends keeps distance.
Um, and to me, truthfully, tokeep a friendship for a lifetime
is the friendship must be easy.
Yeah, it has to be lowmaintenance, it has to be
guilt-free.
It can't be like I haven'ttalked to you in forever or you

(01:04:16):
haven't done this or you haven'tdone that.
Truthfully, all of us who havefriendships for a long time,
it's not about keeping score.
It's not about how many timesyou see each other a year or how
many times you talk.
It's really, truthfully, aboutthe quality of the friendship

(01:04:38):
and giving each other grace andunderstanding and being there
for each other, no matter whatpart of life that they're going
through, like we're goingthrough, and without, without
judgment, and if there'sanything to be said, anything
that's bothering either person,that you talk openly and freely,

(01:04:59):
yeah, I mean.
And that's really truly anyrelationship.
You know that you can speak tothe person that you love you
know, platonic or romanticopenly and honestly, yeah, I
mean, that's how I.
I mean that's how I feelbecause, remember I said the

(01:05:19):
connection is, is, is thegatekeeper of, of of a longevity
that makes so much sensebecause it's connecting one soul
to another's.
Is has so much meaning andfulfillment for life.
And and if it weren't for myfriends, with this new time in

(01:05:43):
my life and everything that I'vebeen through, if it weren't for
my friends, I don't really knowwhat I would do.
I feel like it is myfriendships that have been the
most meaningful relationships inmy life.

Speaker 1 (01:05:59):
Well, I love it.
Listen, I got to get on yourgood side, I got to stay on your
good side because this girl islike she's on fire, she's on
fire, she's like next.

Speaker 2 (01:06:13):
She's like that ariana grande song, thank you
next I think you were reallysurprised about my um, my
transformation.

Speaker 1 (01:06:21):
Yeah, I was like oh, you blocked some people.
Oh, you blocked her.
Oh you blocked her, oh you did.
I thought you were just goingto unfollow.
She's like nah, I don't want.
And I said, okay.
Okay, I was very shocked, I was, but you need that for your
peace of mind.
And here we are.
We're moving forward withlike-minded women.

(01:06:43):
We're here to empower and ifyou can't fit the circle of
power, then you gots to go.

Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
Or you and start your own petty circle, or you want
to strive for that.
That's something you want towork on.

Speaker 1 (01:06:59):
But not everybody wants to change, shani.
Not everybody wants to change,not everybody wants to strive
for better.
Some people don't even thinkthat there's anything wrong with
them.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
Okay, yes, for the people who don't think that
there's anything wrong with you,and the problem is everybody
else then that doesn't work,this doesn't work for you, yeah,
but I feel that we are alwayslearning, growing and,
truthfully, for that to happen,we have to recognize our part in

(01:07:29):
it, and I know that I wasn'tlike that before, so you know I,
I took things.

Speaker 1 (01:07:36):
You know, shiny, you're a butterfly now, oh my
gosh, you're a littlecaterpillar.
I went to Callaway gardens thispast summer and we learned
about the butterfly stages,stages of the butterfly.
And now you're a butterfly.
Yes, now you're just going togo spread your wings and fly,
and I got to be right behind youkeeping up with you.

(01:07:57):
Chit, no, I'm so excited.
I'm so excited to be backtalking, and these are the
conversations that Shani and Ihave had on our walks during
yoga Well, not during yoga,because people will look at us
side-eyed, but after yogathere's like a little cafe we go

(01:08:19):
eat.
We've done it twice.
It's really nice.
Actually, the view is reallynice, oh yeah.
I'll have to tell that storyanother time because we're
running out of time, but we'vehad some adventures at that
restaurant and, yeah, it's justsomething that we've talked
about, where we're just wantingto release negativity, release

(01:08:39):
toxicity.
I don't know if this is theyoga that's helping us, like
namaste, like gratefulness.
Everything is just like listento your.
Just like listen to your body,listen to your heart, listen to
your soul, and I'm all about it.
That's where we are and theseare the conversations we've been
having.
I said let's open up the micsand let's talk about it, and so
we just, we just want better forour lives, moving forward.

(01:09:03):
And I mean, I'm 44, how old areyou?
47.
Yeah, if God gives us another40 to 50 years, let's make the
most of it.
I know 50 is being ambitious.
We're going to be all likecrotchety and stuff.
We want to make the most of it.
I mean that's a long time, butlisten, these past 40 something

(01:09:23):
years have gone by and a lot ofthe things feel like a lifetime
ago.
I want this next stage of mylife to be like a game changer
and that's where I am.
That's where I am emotionallyand mentally and as I was
sitting, you know, with withAdrian a few weeks ago.
Just she's like how are youbeen?
And I was like I just startedcrying because I held on to a

(01:09:45):
lot of stuff.
She's like you know, god givesus ups and downs.
Ups and downs Like this isnormal.
This is always the way it'sgoing to be Like.
Today, you and I are happy,we're smiling.
Tomorrow, something else canhappen that brings us down, so
it's what we do with it.
It's the people that wesurround ourselves with.
It's the ones that lift us upto help us out of our funk.

(01:10:07):
That's that's like afterleaving that lunch with her.
We talked about so many things.
We left rejuvenated.
I didn't leave thinking, oh,she's going to judge me.
Oh, I shouldn't have said that.
Oh, I bet she's going to goback to Tiffany and tell her
this.
None of that.

(01:10:28):
It's a safe space.
I can express myself, I can cryit out, she can cry it out, and
we can leave thinking, wow,that was amazing.
I can conquer the world.

Speaker 2 (01:10:39):
You did that for me today, really, yes.
What did I do?
So this morning I had a fullday.
I took my kids to school and,um, you know, I ran errands and
I I talked to a friend and sheabsolutely loves me.
So I have no, I feel no illfeelings towards her because

(01:11:04):
she's a long-term friend thatI've known for a long time and I
know it came from a lovingplace, um, but I was struggling
because I applied to um Lowe'slast week.
As people don't know that,listen, I am looking for work
and um, and I will do anything.

(01:11:25):
I will do anything that will umbe supportive for um.
You know my family, so I reallywanted the job at Lowe's and
not that I'm a woodworker or youjust want to get paid.
I just I want to, you know, soI've been.
I had been doing the researchfor companies that not only take

(01:11:47):
care of their customers buttreat the people that work for
them well.
So that was what I wasnarrowing down my search to, and
Lowe's was one of them, and Ididn't get the job.
And I haven't gotten a lot ofthe jobs that I've been applying
for, I think two reasons.
Well, two main reasons I couldbe overqualified, or three

(01:12:09):
reasons I could be overqualified.
I could.
It could be because I haven'tworked in a long time.
And number three, I havelimited times that I can work.
So you know it'd have to besomebody that's super
understanding to a homeschoolingmom with really too busy kids,

(01:12:32):
and I'm still really have astrong belief that that God has
a job out there for me.
But today I got discouraged,and that's normal.
So I was upset, I was cryingand you know my friend was
trying to encourage me and Iwill say this as the best advice

(01:12:54):
I can give any person thattoday, when I was upset and sad,
I was telling my friend whathad happened and you know she
was giving me her opinion andI'll, and I will say that an
opinion is the lowest form ofknowledge.
It's a.
I appreciate it and I know it'sa way of someone showing that

(01:13:18):
they care.
But truthfully, it's an opinionand, quite honestly, and I will
say this for everyone, whensomeone is upset or annoyed or
frustrated or any feeling thatdoesn't feel so good, they just
want to be heard, they want tobe supported, they want someone

(01:13:41):
to just listen.
They don't need you know, don'tneed your you to fix it, you to
fix it, rescue, tell us whatyou think we should do.
Any of that.
I would say that trying toapproach the next time someone

(01:14:02):
is telling you something orbitching, that you approach it
in a different way and just sayit's okay that you feel that way
and I'm here and what can I dofor you, instead of telling the
person what you think theyshould do with their lives, and
that we focus just on ourselves,like what we need to do with

(01:14:25):
our lives, and that when ourfriend or colleague or peer or
child or anyone says what theirissue is, that we just really
listen, because communication iskey, but the biggest part of it
is listening.
So I think I was.
I was, you know, of course,upset because I I didn't feel

(01:14:47):
heard.
And then in my calendar I had atime slot open for us to record
and I felt like once I got hereand I was around your energy
and your presence and your heartI felt lifted up automatically.

(01:15:08):
I felt loved, I felt caredabout, I felt important.
That's sweet.
Um, I felt seen and you didn'teven know that I was crying, you
know, in the car on the wayhome and cause I was feeling
discouraged.
Um, I mean, I know inside, okay, tomorrow's a new day.
I, there'll be something outthere for me.

(01:15:29):
That's the right fit.
But even the way you spoke aboutme to that woman at the icebox
like that's the completeopposite of what we were saying.
How we hear someone speakingill about us behind our back and
that's what carries like reallywhat you want to hear.

(01:15:52):
And I think some of it was whenI wasn't even around.
I was back around the corner.
Like the fact that when someonelifts you up and speaks highly
about you when you're not around, those are your people, those
are the.
That's when you know that'syour people.
That they speak highly andwonderfully about you when

(01:16:16):
you're not around.
That's right, yeah.
That's it, cause anyone can sayoh yeah, you're the greatest,
You're awesome.
Yeah, but what are they sayingwhen you're not there?
And you did that for me?

Speaker 1 (01:16:29):
Oh, thank you Well because you're awesome, I think
like I'm not doing it to blowsmoke up your ass.
I don't even know why they thatsaying is a thing.
Who's blowing smoke at people'sasses?
But hey, because it's true Inmy heart it's true.
I wouldn't say it if it wasn'ttrue, thank you.

(01:16:49):
I'd be like, yeah, that's myfriend.
No, I just you know what I'msaying.
Like because you are awesome,and she was raving about you and
I'm like, yeah, she's my friend.
Like I surround myself withamazing people.
Like she just raved about youand it's just like, yeah, she's

(01:17:11):
awesome.
And how fortunate am I to be apart of her life and for her to
be a part of my life, likethat's special.

Speaker 2 (01:17:15):
So well, I I appreciate, I appreciate you
seeing the good in me.
The good people bring out thegood in you.
Um, who don't see that, um,they're a loss, they're a loss.

Speaker 1 (01:17:31):
Man, that's how it went and I thank you so much.
I know this day did not go asplanned.
Um, right now it's like what 10o'clock at night and we we
should have recorded aroundthree, maybe to like four, right
before five, before I went andgot my facial.
But here we are, because wewanted to make this happen and
sometimes the day does not go asplanned and you just have to

(01:17:52):
make the most of it.
Yes, and I love you.
I love you too, and I'm excitedfor what's to come.
We are hopefully going to dogreat things Not, I hope, I know
.
In our spirit, if we put ourheads to it, we got this.
We're doing some great things,absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:18:10):
Absolutely, and we appreciate you, your friendship,
for listening.
I know.

Speaker 1 (01:18:17):
There's five people out there listening.
Hi, hi, five people.
I love you guys.
I'm glad I'm back.
Shiny, you'll be back, right,what's up?

Speaker 2 (01:18:29):
You'll be back, all right.
We're talking about lots ofthings Anytime.

Speaker 1 (01:18:32):
All right, love you guys, thank you for being here
and thank you, shiny Thank you.
All right, bye.
So today I'm going to leave youall with two quotes, one that
Shiny wanted to share and theother that I wanted to share.
So the first one is I've cometo realize that the only people

(01:18:53):
I need in my life are the oneswho need me and theirs, even
when I have nothing else tooffer them but myself.
And the next one that I wantedto share is titled Shifting.
As you are shifting, you willbegin to realize that you are
not the same person you used tobe.

(01:19:15):
The things you used to toleratehave become intolerable.
When you once remained quiet,you are now speaking your truth.
Where you once battled andargued, you are now choosing to
remain silent.
You are beginning to understandthe value of your voice, and
there are some situations thatno longer deserve your time,

(01:19:37):
energy and focus.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago 24-7.
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(01:20:01):
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