August 22, 2024 • 42 mins
What happens when life hits you with a whirlwind of personal and professional challenges? Join me, Lyanette Talley, in this heartfelt episode of Virago 24/7 as I break my long hiatus to share the overwhelming journey of the past few months. Amidst the chaos of transitioning out of a managerial role at work, I also faced the emotions of the loss of my stepmom, Karen, to cancer.
I have struggled with the decline of my grandmother's health. Her struggle with diabetes, heart issues, and multiple strokes has led to a rapid decline in independence, ultimately relocating her to the Dominican Republic for better familial support. Despite the distance, I have been maintaining connection through video calls, which has been a source of comfort.
As we navigate these emotional terrains, I also reflect on my recent journey of personal growth and resilience. Shifting my fitness routines to include yoga and Pilates, I've found the courage to step out of my comfort zone and embrace new beginnings. Supported by my husband’s encouragement, I'm more determined than ever to pursue my podcasting goals, embrace criticism, and push forward with renewed energy. This episode serves as a gentle reminder to appreciate your own journey, acknowledge your growth, and move forward with grace and self-compassion. Don't forget to subscribe, rate us five stars, and connect with us on Instagram and Facebook at Virago247 to share your stories.
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, I am your host, lenette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Well, hello everyone.
(00:49):
I'm still alive.
I'm still here.
How's it going?
It's been quite a while andjust wanted to get on here and
give you all an update on what'sbeen going on the past few
(01:10):
months.
So hope all of you are doingwell.
I know I've had some lapses innot recording or not posting,
and those times have always beenwhen you know I'm busy or it's
summertime and we're travelingand I just didn't have the time
(01:30):
to sit.
This is not the case.
I've had plenty of time, butI've chosen to do other things
with that time, and so I just, Ithink I just needed to
disconnect for a little bit.
And I'm just to disconnect fora little bit and I'm just.
I think it's been what sinceMarch, april, since I've chatted
(01:59):
with you all.
But here I am and been tryingto figure out where to start and
I really don't go back andlisten to my shows.
So I have an idea of what Isaid last time, so hopefully I
can continue with what I saidlast time and what was going on
back then.
But what has happened?
A lot has transpired in thepast few months and let's just
(02:19):
get into it.
Let's just get into it Work.
I've realized that I thinkthere's a lot of people out
there that can put a lot ofthings in their basket and they
could juggle many things theirhome, their home, their children
, their husband, their job,their hobbies, their friendships
(02:41):
like they can juggle all of it.
To me that becomes veryoverwhelming and very exhausting
and it takes a lot of energylike emotional energy out of me.
I've realized.
I've come to realize well, I'vealways known this about myself,
but it's confirming andaffirming that I take on and
(03:06):
feel a lot of energy and itdrains me.
So, with working at the officeand being a manager there and
being all in, if I'm going to dosomething and I put my mind to
it, I will be all in, which thentakes away from me you know,
recording or doing the thingsthat I really like or hanging
out with friends, because thenI'm just like exhausted and what
(03:30):
I want to do with my free timeis come home, have a nice meal.
I've been cooking and watchingmy TV and being alone, and I
know that sounds really bad.
My friend Adrian's always likeyou just disconnect and you just
stay by yourself, and that'snot healthy.
I know it looks that way, butfor me I need it for my sanity,
(03:52):
and I'm not alone.
I have a household of people.
I have Philip that I can talkto and I do talk to him, and I
do have friends that you knowI'll vent to, so I don't isolate
completely, even though it doeslook like that.
So I've realized with working atthe office, yeah, I could have
come and still done the podcast,but you know what?
I didn't because I'm tired andthose and those women at that
(04:16):
practice can wear you down andand and suck all the energy out
of you.
So that's what I've been doingand I'm officially not a manager
anymore as of I think it's beenthe end of June, yeah, the end
of June and or beginning of July, I don't know.
It all blurs together butrecently and so I'm no longer
(04:39):
officially the manager, eventhough I was holding the title
with the new manager.
We were holding that same titleat the same time and just
trying to transition things andso now I have time to talk to
you people, which is very, veryexciting.
And it was hard to let go,because I always want to have my
(05:01):
husband's back and I know whathe wants, I know how he needs
things to be done, and lettinggo of that control and allowing
others to learn what he likesand what he wants and doesn't
like is hard, but he's a big boyand he can handle himself and
(05:21):
he can teach them his ways.
I just feel I just always feelvery protective of him and I've
been in protective mode.
So the transition has not beenseamless but, like I said, he is
a big boy and he can handlehimself.
And, yeah, I'm still at theoffice, I'm still working part
(05:43):
time like I was before.
So Corinne just started schoolon Monday, this Monday of this
past week, and yeah, so I get to, you know, hang out with her
and make sure she gets to schooland does her schoolwork,
because she's doing still thathomeschool program and yeah, and
(06:04):
then I get to be here with youall.
So that's that on that.
There's a lot of drama that goesinto that practice.
We call it as the drill turns.
If anybody wants to pick up areality show about dentistry,
it's quite interesting.
I know it might sound veryboring, but there's a lot of
drama that goes on behind thescenes.
(06:25):
And so, yeah, the other thing Iknow that I talked about Karen
and how she was sick with cancerand she did pass away on July
21st, four days after herbirthday, her 65th birthday and
(06:52):
she really wanted to get toHawaii where my youngest brother
lives.
He lives there with his wifeand his daughter and his
soon-to-be baby girl.
There's another baby on the way.
So we're really, really, really, really excited for them and
for us, because I love my niecesand nephews and yeah, so she
(07:15):
really wanted to get there.
I don't know all the ins andouts.
Anthony says that he wants tosee me face-to-face and be able
to tell me.
You know everything thattranspired towards the end.
If you all didn't know, if youguys have not listened to every
episode I have been estrangedfrom Karen, so it was more of
(07:38):
you know they would let me knowwhat was going on.
I try to be there to listen tothem and to my siblings.
And I did go visit her in MarchI believe, and I didn't go back
.
She ended up going to live withmy sister the last few months
and my sister took great care ofher, but she really wanted to
(08:00):
get to Hawaii and Anthony andMonica and, I believe, adam,
they all made it happen.
So Anthony came and they flewto Hawaii and she was able to be
there for another week or so, aweek and a half, and so, yeah,
she passed.
And it's, you know, it's weirdwhen you're estranged from
(08:24):
someone.
And it's, you know, it's weirdwhen you're estranged from
someone, it's trying to figureout, like how you should feel,
what you should feel.
Do you have the permission tofeel any certain kind of way
when you've not had a lot ofinteraction with someone for a
long time, and especiallysomeone that was a big part of
your life since, I mean, sincemaybe first grade, I don't know,
(08:51):
all the years blurred together,but for sure, by the time I was
in first grade that was myfirst memory of Karen, or maybe
a little earlier, but very, veryyoung.
And it's brought, you know,it's brought up some feelings,
some old feelings that I thoughtI had healed from and um it
(09:11):
just yeah, I didn't think I wasgoing to cry.
I am always crying every time.
Every time I'm always crying,I'm always like you know what,
keep it together.
Nobody wants to hear you cry.
But may she rest in peace.
There's no need to say anythingelse than that.
(09:34):
Then rest in peace and, andyeah, pray for my siblings that
they can grieve the way theyneed to grieve.
And yeah, I don't know whatelse to say about that A chapter
(09:58):
.
It doesn't feel like achapter's ended.
It feels like a book is doneand I can put that on the shelf
and thank it for all the lessonsand all the wisdom that it
brought me.
So, yeah, so next, my abuela.
She has been, you know, she hasdiabetes and heart issues and
(10:26):
things of that nature, but shegoes to all her appointments and
she takes her medication andshe does what she needs to do to
maintain her health and she hada mini stroke last year and
(10:46):
it's not confirmed.
I never talked to a doctor.
Everything is going through myaunt, which is my late uncle's
wife, his widow, and so she'sthe main person that lives in
Miami with her new husband andher daughter, her stepdaughter,
(11:08):
and so they live the closest tomy grandmother.
And so she fell early this yearand they took her to the
hospital.
She seemed fine.
They released her after a fewdays.
Aunt Jocelyn took her to herhouse and things declined.
(11:28):
I don't know exactly whathappened, but she just wasn't
doing well.
She was kind of speaking likein gibberish and looked like she
just was out of it.
So I think she was havinganother stroke, from what it
sounds like.
But I'm not a professional.
I never talked to any of thedoctors.
I did end up going down therebecause they put her back in the
(11:49):
hospital.
So I did go down there, but Inever saw a doctor.
It was all like nurses andstuff.
And you know, at this pointshe's 86 years old.
What is there to do?
I just look at this is whatwe're dealing with, this is how
she is right now, whether it wasa stroke, whether it was
whatever, like what do we domoving forward?
And so when I went to thehospital she couldn't speak.
(12:13):
Obviously she's on a lot ofpain meds.
Something was going on with herknee so they had to do surgery
so she couldn't walk.
And while I was there and whileI was there she got somewhat
well enough to transfer her to arehab center to help her with
her walking.
So I'm so thankful and I'm soglad that I went.
(12:35):
I'm so glad that I was there toride in the ambulance with her,
because she was very scared and, like I said, she can't really
form sentences.
At that time she couldn'treally form any words except
cuss words, to cuss anybody outthat she wasn't happy with,
(12:55):
which was primarily the nursesthat would come in to clean her
up and stuff.
Those were very clear, veryclear Spanish cuss words, but
anything else she couldn'treally express.
It's like she wanted to saysomething but it's all coming
out in gibberish.
So I was very thankful that Iwas with her to transfer her.
I would come, stay with her andyou can tell that she's kind of
like okay, you can go, but I'mlike, no, I came here for you so
(13:17):
I can sit.
I brought my book, she wouldtake a nap.
So I believe, like a day or twoafter she moved to the rehab,
I'm like, all right, she's in agood place.
Everyone I talked to you knowthe people, the doctor there,
and you know they're shockedbecause they're thinking like
(13:38):
she.
You know how long has she beenthis way.
I said it was shocking to thembecause they're seeing this like
fragile woman in a wheelchairwho can't move, who can't get up
, who can't go to the bathroom,who can't really do anything.
And I'm trying to let them knowthat, no, like two months ago,
she's fine.
She lives alone, she walks, shetakes she doesn't drive, but
(13:59):
she takes the bus to get to herappointment.
She has her friends like she'sindependent, and they were very
shocked about that.
So she was supposed to be therefor three weeks and I believe
she was there for a little bitover that, and the thing to
decide was where is she going togo?
So she doesn't really lovecoming here to Georgia.
And you know we have our lives,me and my brother.
(14:22):
You know we have our lives, meand my brother, and so it's just
it would be hard for us to giveher 100% of our attention and
time.
And you know my other brotherlives in Hawaii and then my
uncle has two kids and they justyou know they have their own
thing going on, that they're notcapable of taking care of her.
So the best option was for herto go to the Dominican Republic,
(14:44):
where she was born and raised,where she's from, where she has
a ton of family.
Her sister still lives there,she has nieces and nephews, it's
a whole tribe of them and so,yeah, so it was a quick.
She got out.
I was hoping to head down toMiami one last time.
You know, a lot of things weredone without really, so I don't
(15:25):
know who decides what happenswith her.
Maybe her sister?
I don't know.
But it was very quick.
Someone from the DominicanRepublic came and got her and I
didn't find this out untilliterally that she was already
in the Dominican Republic.
So I knew she was going.
It just happened faster than Ithought and I thought I would
have time to go down and see her.
(15:46):
So she's not gone.
It's just harder to get to her.
A flight to Miami from where Iam is what?
Like an hour an hour flightversus going to you know another
country, and they don't live ina city, they live out in the
country.
So it's not the easiest oftrips to make it to her, but I
(16:07):
do plan on going.
She was in a wheelchair for thelongest.
I just saw a picture literallylast week of her standing with
her walker, which is like hugebecause she wasn't able to stand
up.
She looks healthier in her face, in her body.
She's lost some weight, shejust looks really, really good.
And we FaceTime and she stillcan't really speak, so it's more
(16:31):
of I love you, she can say thatI miss you, and she gives me
lots of kisses through the phoneand she lights up.
They say when any of thesiblings call, like me and my
brothers or my cousins, shelights up.
So we're doing our best to makesure that we all call her and
(16:54):
she sees our faces, because shegets buried down is what one of
my cousins said about you knowwhat's going on over there.
They're taking great care ofher, but you know, I think she's
sad and I think she knows thatthings are just going to be
different and so I've had a hardtime with that.
(17:15):
I don't want to cry again.
I'm having a hard time withthat.
It's not going to be the same.
My grandmother has literallybeen there since I was born.
My mom tells the story that youknow I was born in 1979.
(17:36):
They didn't do all theultrasounds, they didn't, you
know, to find out the gender andstuff.
So it was always a surprise andmy grandmother bought only pink
things, all pink, everything,all girly stuff.
She's going to be a girl.
She's going to be a girl.
My mom you know, my mom and mydad were teenagers 18 and 19, I
believe when I was born.
And my mom's like, why are youbuying all these things?
(18:01):
What if it's not a girl?
And it's a boy?
And what are we going to do?
She's like, nope, nope, I knowin my heart it's going to be a
girl.
And so my mom says she had tohave a C-section with me.
And so she said she told thedoc I guess the doctor went out
and told everybody that was inthe waiting area that it's a
(18:24):
girl.
And the doctor comes back to mymom.
She's like there was one ladywho was screaming and jumping up
and down and, just like I knewit, because she had bet my mom.
My mom it's not my mom's mom,but the person that raised my
mom and she never called her mom.
She called her, you know, byher name.
So it's someone that that youknow, that raised her from the
(18:46):
time she was, I believe, like 12years old.
And so they had a bet.
She thought it was going to bea boy and my abuela thought it
was going to be a girl, and sothey bet like a case of beer or
something like that, and thedoctor's like there was just one
that was just like going crazyand that was my abuela.
And you know, since my parentswere teenagers, we lived with
her.
My memories, my very youngmemories, were of her and my
(19:12):
love for makeup.
Cause my mom does not wear anymakeup.
Every now and then she'll puton some lipstick, but I love
makeup so much.
And so my mom said when I waslittle, she would my abuela,
before she would go to work, shewould put me on her little
night, her little desk, herlittle vanity, and she put blush
(19:33):
on herself and pretend to putblush on me, and pretend, like
to put, you know, makeup on mewhile she was doing it to
herself.
And so I don't remember, Idon't have those memories, but
my mom said that that's probablywhere I get my love of makeup
and always being, you know,trying to be put together,
because it comes from her, andso she's just always been a big
(19:53):
part of my life every step ofthe way.
You know, when I had Kaylin,that first year I lived with her
and she took care of her whileI finished school, while I
worked.
I didn't have to worry becauseI knew she was in great hands
With the other two kids.
With every delivery she wouldcome to the house and she would
stay for a month or two and helptake care of me and the babies.
(20:15):
And we've just been justconnected and she's like that
with all her grandkids.
But with me I just feel likethis strong bond where she's
just been my angel.
She's been there and the thingis she's feisty, she's feisty,
(20:41):
I'm feisty and we would buttheads.
Feisty, she's feisty, I'mfeisty, and we would butt heads
and she would get frustratedwith me and I would get
frustrated with her.
But that's okay.
Like it was just understoodthat we just adore each other.
So it's hard, you know, causeshe come visit me, she come
(21:01):
visit my brother and stay for,you know, a few months at a a
time and it's just not going tohappen anymore.
So that's been hard, guys.
So the plan is to make a tripas soon as possible.
(21:22):
Make a trip as soon as possible, but I want to be able to bring
my kids with me.
So I don't just want to go onmyself and hopefully see if my
brother, jose, can come and wecan make it a family trip.
If it doesn't pan out, thenit'll just be my immediate
family and my mom, even thoughthat's not her mother.
(21:42):
They've always maintained acordial relationship, even
though, you know, my dad and herdivorced, they've always
maintained a very you know,respectful relationship and they
call each other and talk toeach other, so it's never been
awkward.
My grandmother is just a dolland yeah, so that's been a big
(22:06):
change and that's been reallyhard to digest.
And, guys, I've just been cryinga lot the past few months.
I've been crying a lot, a lot,a lot, a lot, a lot.
And man, it just feels like youfeel like you're doing things
(22:32):
and you're happy and you'rehealthy and your spirit feels
great and your mind is open andfree and you feel at peace.
And then things like thishappen and I just have to remind
myself that it's just part oflife.
It's just it's always going tobe times of where you feel at
(22:57):
peace, and not that I don't feelat peace, but where you know
you're rocking and you'rerolling and then life just
starts lifing and sometimes allat the same time it's like, okay
, well, maybe if I had one thingthat happened for the whole
year and then the next thing canhappen next year.
But no, everything happeningwith this short amount of time
(23:20):
could be overwhelming.
And you know, as humans, you'regetting your feelings and you
have to figure out how to sit init.
I'm learning just to sit in it,cried out, feel the feelings
and keep it moving.
And so I'm crying right now.
(23:41):
But honestly, guys, I've beenreally well the past few weeks,
the past month or two.
So I'm crying because it's sotherapeutic coming on here and
actually saying things out loud,even though I have talked about
these things to my husband, tomy friends, my best friend,
adrienne I love her dearly.
We had lunch a few weeks agoand I hadn't seen her in a while
(24:04):
, you know, and her dad passedaway.
That's October.
So she's been dealing with thatgrief and all the emotions that
come with that, and so we hadlunch and I'm just she's like
how are you?
And I'm just like blah and I'mjust crying and she just reminds
(24:24):
me like our lives aren'tsupposed to be just perfect all
the time, with no everythingbeing happy, with no sadness or
grief or fear or any of thoseother feelings that we don't
like to feel and it's justalways going to be a cycle and
seasons and it is what it is andwe just have to accept it guys.
(24:47):
We have to accept it and keepliving this life.
And while you're in it it justseems really sad and hard and
draining when you're crying allthe time.
But it's life.
And yeah, other thing, kaylinKaylin is doing great.
(25:11):
She is doing great right now isdoing great, she's doing great
right now.
She graduated in November butofficially she walked in June.
So we went to a ceremony, wehad a party here at the house.
It was lovely Around that time.
I'm not going to go into detailbecause there's certain things
(25:32):
that I don't mind talking about,but I do want to protect people
and their stories and whatthey're going through.
But man, I'm an open book, soif it was up to me, I'd just be
letting it all out.
But she did have an episodearound that time, an incident,
and it was big.
And instead of me beingempathetic, which I have been
(25:56):
for the past four years, I'vebeen trying all different
techniques and I went to what Iknow best and it's to be my
authentic self and I kind ofwent off in a big, big, big, big
way and I'm just tired.
At some point people just needto pick themselves up and figure
(26:19):
things out.
And when I see that someone'snot really trying to help
themselves out or they want tojust wallow, but then it's
affecting me.
If it's affecting me, and thenthe siblings and my husband,
it'd be different if it's onlyaffecting that individual.
(26:40):
But when it's affecting othersand it's unnecessary, then yeah,
you're going to have bigproblems from me.
And so we had a big explosionand we've been good since then.
I exploded, she received it.
I don't know how she receivedit.
There's a lot of crying,there's a lot of yelling on my
(27:02):
part, a lot of crying on herpart, but we've been good since
then.
She's stayed in our house, sheis working.
She is a part of a play that isgoing to happen this weekend,
so she's been helping.
She's like a stage manager,helping make sure that
everything's flowing, that propsand things are all ready to go
(27:26):
for this weekend.
So I'm excited to see whatshe's been up to and, yeah, I'm
proud of her.
I don't know if that explosionpushed her to do something or if
she was already going to dothat.
I don't know, but it needed tohappen and it happened and we
(27:47):
shall see.
As of right now, we have apeaceful home and I'm going to
keep it that way because at somepoint our adult children have
to realize that they can go.
Just like I was able to go andI had to go figure things out,
they will too.
So that's where I am.
You got to take ownership ofyour life.
(28:10):
The other two are doingwonderfully.
Your life, the other two aredoing wonderfully.
Corinne is ice skating fiend.
She's an ice skating princess.
She is doing very well,considering that she's only been
doing it less than a year.
It'll be a year in October and,yeah, she's loving it and she's
taking it seriously.
(28:31):
Khalil is taking his footballseriously to the point where
they see him, they know who heis.
He's on varsity, he's playing.
It's exciting.
He went from not playing, beinga part of the other just big
group of football players, toactually being seen, and he's
(28:55):
put in the work over the summerlike a lot he's been working out
.
He's gotten so tall.
Everyone that sees him oh mygosh, khalil, you're so tall.
So I'm so proud of him becausewe had to sit down with him.
It's like listen, if you needto take, if you want to take
this seriously.
You love football so much withevery fiber of your being Can't
just show up to practice andcall it a day and then do
(29:15):
nothing the rest of the day.
So you got to work out, you gotto put extra work in when you
want to do something or benoticed.
Sometimes your talents don'tjust carry you, and he's been an
athlete since he was little.
But but you know there's a lotof people that are athletes and
(29:37):
what separates you fromeverybody else is what you do
when no one's looking.
And so he took our advice andhe's been doing his thing.
So we're excited for him.
And another big change gosh, somany changes.
Do you guys see why I neededsome time alone?
My bootcamp crew, right, thepeople that I talk about all the
(30:03):
time, my girls.
I started working out afterCorinne was born, maybe like a
year after she was born, a yearand a half or so, because I had
gained weight.
I didn't feel good about myself.
At our church that we weregoing to at the time, there was
a pamphlet and in that pamphletthere was a little paragraph
(30:25):
talking about if you want towork out come see us, and it was
literally across the street.
There's a parking lot andthat's where they met every
morning Well, not every morning,I think, it was like three days
a week 5 am and 6 am.
So Philip would go.
I started first and he's like,oh, I want to join this.
(30:46):
So he would go at 5 am and it'sright down the street.
So he would go and we wouldtime it just right because the
kids would still be asleep andthey were little little, and
then I would go at six.
And so it started off just mewanting to lose weight and get
healthier, and it just turnedinto this beautiful community
(31:07):
where we followed her from theparking lot to one gym, to
another gym, to another gym gym,to another gym.
We just followed Rachel aroundand we've become such a
sisterhood, such a tight knitgroup, that it's been one of the
most amazing memories has beenmade with this group.
But Rachel, you know, went backto school as an educator and
(31:31):
she got her degree and so nowshe's working in the school
system and she finally retiredfrom coaching.
Do you know how heartbreakingthat was for all of us?
Now, for me, I haven't beenreally going and working out as
much as I have been in pastyears, so I've been taking it
(31:56):
not as seriously this year.
So for me, I kept tellingeveryone because everyone's like
what are we going to do?
Who do we go to?
Do we go to the coach that'sthere now?
Because there's a coach at thisgym and then there's a coach at
(32:18):
the previous gym that we usedto go to and so she would kind
of sublet the gym I don't knowhow it worked, but it's other
people's gyms that she would goin and we would come and work
out.
So it's like who do we go to?
And I'm like I'm retiring withRachel, so I'm not going
anywhere.
And it's easier for me becauseI haven't really been going, but
it's not that easy because,even though I wasn't going, in
the back of my mind I know thesewomen are still there, I can
show up whenever and they willlike be so excited to see me
(32:39):
because I don't come as often.
And no longer, guys, no longer.
So I've been doing yoga withShiny.
Shiny's been on the show.
So you guys, if you've beenlistening and you've heardani's
voice, she's been doing yoga fora while and she's been loving
it, and I said you know what?
I want to go with you, let'stry it out.
(33:00):
So we've been going, I've beenconsistent, I've been doing
Pilates and I've been walking.
So it's been different, becauseI've always said I'm not a yoga
person, I don't like yoga, Ididn't like it, I don't like
(33:33):
yoga, I didn't like it, but I'mlearning to like.
I said, a lot of people aregoing to that gym.
The previous coach and I mightsign up just to maybe show up on
a Saturday, because I do loveweight training, I love lifting,
it's, I love it, I love it,love it, love it, love it, love
it.
And I'm still young enough thatI can do it.
And actually I shouldn't havesaid that, because I've seen
(33:57):
videos of older women, likeseventies, eighties, still
deadlifting and push pressing.
So I've always aspired to bethat lady, that 80 year old
that's still pushing weights.
So, um, so, yeah, I think Imight go down to that gym and,
um, have a little talk and seeif I can show up, maybe like one
(34:18):
day a week, like Saturdays orlike a Friday or something, but
definitely Saturdays.
And so I'm going to do that.
I'll probably add that to myrotation.
But yeah, it's, it's been a yearof change and this year,
honestly, has gone by really,really, really, really fast.
Um, so lots of change.
And this year, honestly, hasgone by really, really, really,
really fast.
(34:39):
So lots of change.
It feels like a reset, it feelslike all right, went through
this Now, like what do we do?
And then, you know, after Ifinished crying for a few weeks
and just kind of being in myhome and being a hermit, I look
up and I look around and Irealize I'm not the only one.
(35:02):
There's so many people intransition right now, so many
changes happening to a fewpeople that I know right now and
where they are finding a reset,where they're having, you know,
some of the things arehappening to them that are life,
life changing.
My stuff is emotional, but it'snot changing my whole world
(35:24):
completely, you know.
And so for some of these womenit's like life changing stuff
and they're really having toreset and restart and find new
beginnings.
And I don't know if you're inthat boat, but just know that
you are not alone.
And it's a lot of tears beingshed for multiple people where
(35:46):
it's like where do I go now?
What do we do now?
How do I restart?
What's my next step?
And I'm not necessarily there.
I'm not putting myself in thatcamp because you know, like I
said, it's not like my stuff hasbeen heavy and it's been
emotional, but it hasn't alteredmy world with my husband and my
(36:09):
kids and stuff like that.
So, man, this year 2024, I don'tknow what's happening.
I don't know what's happening,but that's what's been going on.
That's why I just needed tojust step away for a little bit.
I feel re-energized, I feelexcited to start talking again.
(36:33):
I need to start doing what Isaid I was going to do with this
podcast and I have lots ofideas and lots of things and I
just have to do it and stopsitting back and stop crying
about it and I just need to putmyself out there because what's
happening in my mind is a battle.
(36:54):
It's a battle, man, and it's a.
Do I stay safe and stay in mylittle safe bubble, or do I put
myself out there and open myselfto people's BS and comments and
criticism and whatever?
And my lovely, lovely husband,he's like, but there's so many
(37:14):
that appreciate what you aresaying and what you will be
doing that you haven't even doneyet.
There will be so many thatappreciate it.
So, f the haters.
Well, he didn't say thatbecause he doesn't really cuss,
but I'm saying it F the hatersand keep it moving and listen.
(37:35):
I'm a strong mama jama.
I'm a strong woman.
I have always been this way.
But internally I have feelingstoo, guys, and I don't want
people talking crap about me oror stuff like that.
But he's right, who cares?
Um, if that's what they want todo with their life is just go
(37:57):
around talking about otherpeople or posting or writing or
commenting, then so be it,because I want to start doing
videos.
But, man, do you guys read thecomments in some of these videos
?
I was talking to Shiny.
I was talking to Shiny and Iwas like something as simple as
a dog with a baby, because myalgorithm is dogs and babies are
(38:20):
like animals in general, causeI like monkeys they're just
always so sweet or like littlebabies.
And my stuff is very innocentbecause I that's the kind of
stuff that comes through my, myInstagram or my reels.
And I'm on TikTok now becauseCorinne put me on there, but
yeah, it's like innocent stuff.
And then you go to the comments,cause it's like innocent stuff.
And then you go to the comments.
It's like, oh, let's see whatthey're talking.
(38:41):
Why is that dog so close to thebaby?
It's going to maul the baby'sface and blah, blah, blah and
I'm just like whoa, whoa, I waslooking at something cute and
innocent and these people are abunch of haters, or like Shiny
was like, or they'll be likewell, why is that baby grabbing
onto that dog's ear, like that'sanimal cruelty?
(39:01):
So people like to turn somethingso beautiful into something so
like grimy and gross that I'mlike do I want to be a part of
that world?
Do I really really want tosubject myself to that Cause
people will turn something thatit's not into something so ugly
and just ugh.
But I have to realize that it'snot about me, it's about them
(39:26):
and I got to keep doing what Ido and try to get to where I
know I can get to at thispodcast.
So that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not going to worry aboutthose freaking haters.
And here I am.
I don't know if I have haters.
If I do, they're not likesending me any messages.
It's the anticipation of it, andthat's where anxiety sucks,
(39:48):
because it hasn't even happenedyet.
It's stuff that's brewing in myhead that hasn't even come to
fruition even come to fruition.
But I know how this world worksand this world can be very
cruel, and that's okay.
I'm going to be kind, I'm goingto be respectful.
We can speak our truth, we cangive our opinions, but we can do
(40:09):
it in a nice way and some ofthese a-holes don't know how to
do that.
So words of wisdom from myhusband just keep doing you, and
that's what I'm going to do.
So, guys, I think that's it.
Yeah, I think that's everythingthat's been going on since
(40:30):
April until now August.
It's a lot.
It's been emotional and, yeah,that's where we are, and I hope
to start recording again andbeing on here with some friends
and talking about whatever ishappening in our world, because
(40:53):
that's what this podcast isabout.
It's about everyday growth,everyday healing, with everyday
warriors and man.
Is that really happening to menow?
Yeah, when I came up with this,I knew that it would be
(41:14):
something where we can all cometogether as women and feel like
we're not alone.
And I tell you what thispodcast has been very
therapeutic and this is why Icome here and cry.
So I apologize for all thetears and the ugly cry, but I
just wanted to update you all onwhat's been going on and why I
(41:36):
have been MIA and why I havebeen MIA.
So, as you all know, I love agood quote to end the show, and
the one I want to leave you allwith is when you look back on
this past year, don't think ofthe pain you felt, think of the
strength you gained andappreciate how far you've come.
You've been through a lot, butyou've grown a lot too.
(41:59):
Give yourself credit for yourresilience and step forward
again with grace.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago 24-7.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at Virago247, and
(42:25):
on Facebook, at Virago247, andjust connect with us and share
your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
Hi, I am your host, lenette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Well, hello everyone.
(00:49):
I'm still alive.
I'm still here.
How's it going?
It's been quite a while andjust wanted to get on here and
give you all an update on what'sbeen going on the past few
(01:10):
months.
So hope all of you are doingwell.
I know I've had some lapses innot recording or not posting,
and those times have always beenwhen you know I'm busy or it's
summertime and we're travelingand I just didn't have the time
(01:30):
to sit.
This is not the case.
I've had plenty of time, butI've chosen to do other things
with that time, and so I just, Ithink I just needed to
disconnect for a little bit.
And I'm just to disconnect fora little bit and I'm just.
I think it's been what sinceMarch, april, since I've chatted
(01:59):
with you all.
But here I am and been tryingto figure out where to start and
I really don't go back andlisten to my shows.
So I have an idea of what Isaid last time, so hopefully I
can continue with what I saidlast time and what was going on
back then.
But what has happened?
A lot has transpired in thepast few months and let's just
(02:19):
get into it.
Let's just get into it Work.
I've realized that I thinkthere's a lot of people out
there that can put a lot ofthings in their basket and they
could juggle many things theirhome, their home, their children
, their husband, their job,their hobbies, their friendships
(02:41):
like they can juggle all of it.
To me that becomes veryoverwhelming and very exhausting
and it takes a lot of energylike emotional energy out of me.
I've realized.
I've come to realize well, I'vealways known this about myself,
but it's confirming andaffirming that I take on and
(03:06):
feel a lot of energy and itdrains me.
So, with working at the officeand being a manager there and
being all in, if I'm going to dosomething and I put my mind to
it, I will be all in, which thentakes away from me you know,
recording or doing the thingsthat I really like or hanging
out with friends, because thenI'm just like exhausted and what
(03:30):
I want to do with my free timeis come home, have a nice meal.
I've been cooking and watchingmy TV and being alone, and I
know that sounds really bad.
My friend Adrian's always likeyou just disconnect and you just
stay by yourself, and that'snot healthy.
I know it looks that way, butfor me I need it for my sanity,
(03:52):
and I'm not alone.
I have a household of people.
I have Philip that I can talkto and I do talk to him, and I
do have friends that you knowI'll vent to, so I don't isolate
completely, even though it doeslook like that.
So I've realized with working atthe office, yeah, I could have
come and still done the podcast,but you know what?
I didn't because I'm tired andthose and those women at that
(04:16):
practice can wear you down andand and suck all the energy out
of you.
So that's what I've been doingand I'm officially not a manager
anymore as of I think it's beenthe end of June, yeah, the end
of June and or beginning of July, I don't know.
It all blurs together butrecently and so I'm no longer
(04:39):
officially the manager, eventhough I was holding the title
with the new manager.
We were holding that same titleat the same time and just
trying to transition things andso now I have time to talk to
you people, which is very, veryexciting.
And it was hard to let go,because I always want to have my
(05:01):
husband's back and I know whathe wants, I know how he needs
things to be done, and lettinggo of that control and allowing
others to learn what he likesand what he wants and doesn't
like is hard, but he's a big boyand he can handle himself and
(05:21):
he can teach them his ways.
I just feel I just always feelvery protective of him and I've
been in protective mode.
So the transition has not beenseamless but, like I said, he is
a big boy and he can handlehimself.
And, yeah, I'm still at theoffice, I'm still working part
(05:43):
time like I was before.
So Corinne just started schoolon Monday, this Monday of this
past week, and yeah, so I get to, you know, hang out with her
and make sure she gets to schooland does her schoolwork,
because she's doing still thathomeschool program and yeah, and
(06:04):
then I get to be here with youall.
So that's that on that.
There's a lot of drama that goesinto that practice.
We call it as the drill turns.
If anybody wants to pick up areality show about dentistry,
it's quite interesting.
I know it might sound veryboring, but there's a lot of
drama that goes on behind thescenes.
(06:25):
And so, yeah, the other thing Iknow that I talked about Karen
and how she was sick with cancerand she did pass away on July
21st, four days after herbirthday, her 65th birthday and
(06:52):
she really wanted to get toHawaii where my youngest brother
lives.
He lives there with his wifeand his daughter and his
soon-to-be baby girl.
There's another baby on the way.
So we're really, really, really, really excited for them and
for us, because I love my niecesand nephews and yeah, so she
(07:15):
really wanted to get there.
I don't know all the ins andouts.
Anthony says that he wants tosee me face-to-face and be able
to tell me.
You know everything thattranspired towards the end.
If you all didn't know, if youguys have not listened to every
episode I have been estrangedfrom Karen, so it was more of
(07:38):
you know they would let me knowwhat was going on.
I try to be there to listen tothem and to my siblings.
And I did go visit her in MarchI believe, and I didn't go back
.
She ended up going to live withmy sister the last few months
and my sister took great care ofher, but she really wanted to
(08:00):
get to Hawaii and Anthony andMonica and, I believe, adam,
they all made it happen.
So Anthony came and they flewto Hawaii and she was able to be
there for another week or so, aweek and a half, and so, yeah,
she passed.
And it's, you know, it's weirdwhen you're estranged from
(08:24):
someone.
And it's, you know, it's weirdwhen you're estranged from
someone, it's trying to figureout, like how you should feel,
what you should feel.
Do you have the permission tofeel any certain kind of way
when you've not had a lot ofinteraction with someone for a
long time, and especiallysomeone that was a big part of
your life since, I mean, sincemaybe first grade, I don't know,
(08:51):
all the years blurred together,but for sure, by the time I was
in first grade that was myfirst memory of Karen, or maybe
a little earlier, but very, veryyoung.
And it's brought, you know,it's brought up some feelings,
some old feelings that I thoughtI had healed from and um it
(09:11):
just yeah, I didn't think I wasgoing to cry.
I am always crying every time.
Every time I'm always crying,I'm always like you know what,
keep it together.
Nobody wants to hear you cry.
But may she rest in peace.
There's no need to say anythingelse than that.
(09:34):
Then rest in peace and, andyeah, pray for my siblings that
they can grieve the way theyneed to grieve.
And yeah, I don't know whatelse to say about that A chapter
(09:58):
.
It doesn't feel like achapter's ended.
It feels like a book is doneand I can put that on the shelf
and thank it for all the lessonsand all the wisdom that it
brought me.
So, yeah, so next, my abuela.
She has been, you know, she hasdiabetes and heart issues and
(10:26):
things of that nature, but shegoes to all her appointments and
she takes her medication andshe does what she needs to do to
maintain her health and she hada mini stroke last year and
(10:46):
it's not confirmed.
I never talked to a doctor.
Everything is going through myaunt, which is my late uncle's
wife, his widow, and so she'sthe main person that lives in
Miami with her new husband andher daughter, her stepdaughter,
(11:08):
and so they live the closest tomy grandmother.
And so she fell early this yearand they took her to the
hospital.
She seemed fine.
They released her after a fewdays.
Aunt Jocelyn took her to herhouse and things declined.
(11:28):
I don't know exactly whathappened, but she just wasn't
doing well.
She was kind of speaking likein gibberish and looked like she
just was out of it.
So I think she was havinganother stroke, from what it
sounds like.
But I'm not a professional.
I never talked to any of thedoctors.
I did end up going down therebecause they put her back in the
(11:49):
hospital.
So I did go down there, but Inever saw a doctor.
It was all like nurses andstuff.
And you know, at this pointshe's 86 years old.
What is there to do?
I just look at this is whatwe're dealing with, this is how
she is right now, whether it wasa stroke, whether it was
whatever, like what do we domoving forward?
And so when I went to thehospital she couldn't speak.
(12:13):
Obviously she's on a lot ofpain meds.
Something was going on with herknee so they had to do surgery
so she couldn't walk.
And while I was there and whileI was there she got somewhat
well enough to transfer her to arehab center to help her with
her walking.
So I'm so thankful and I'm soglad that I went.
(12:35):
I'm so glad that I was there toride in the ambulance with her,
because she was very scared and, like I said, she can't really
form sentences.
At that time she couldn'treally form any words except
cuss words, to cuss anybody outthat she wasn't happy with,
(12:55):
which was primarily the nursesthat would come in to clean her
up and stuff.
Those were very clear, veryclear Spanish cuss words, but
anything else she couldn'treally express.
It's like she wanted to saysomething but it's all coming
out in gibberish.
So I was very thankful that Iwas with her to transfer her.
I would come, stay with her andyou can tell that she's kind of
like okay, you can go, but I'mlike, no, I came here for you so
(13:17):
I can sit.
I brought my book, she wouldtake a nap.
So I believe, like a day or twoafter she moved to the rehab,
I'm like, all right, she's in agood place.
Everyone I talked to you knowthe people, the doctor there,
and you know they're shockedbecause they're thinking like
(13:38):
she.
You know how long has she beenthis way.
I said it was shocking to thembecause they're seeing this like
fragile woman in a wheelchairwho can't move, who can't get up
, who can't go to the bathroom,who can't really do anything.
And I'm trying to let them knowthat, no, like two months ago,
she's fine.
She lives alone, she walks, shetakes she doesn't drive, but
(13:59):
she takes the bus to get to herappointment.
She has her friends like she'sindependent, and they were very
shocked about that.
So she was supposed to be therefor three weeks and I believe
she was there for a little bitover that, and the thing to
decide was where is she going togo?
So she doesn't really lovecoming here to Georgia.
And you know we have our lives,me and my brother.
(14:22):
You know we have our lives, meand my brother, and so it's just
it would be hard for us to giveher 100% of our attention and
time.
And you know my other brotherlives in Hawaii and then my
uncle has two kids and they justyou know they have their own
thing going on, that they're notcapable of taking care of her.
So the best option was for herto go to the Dominican Republic,
(14:44):
where she was born and raised,where she's from, where she has
a ton of family.
Her sister still lives there,she has nieces and nephews, it's
a whole tribe of them and so,yeah, so it was a quick.
She got out.
I was hoping to head down toMiami one last time.
You know, a lot of things weredone without really, so I don't
(15:25):
know who decides what happenswith her.
Maybe her sister?
I don't know.
But it was very quick.
Someone from the DominicanRepublic came and got her and I
didn't find this out untilliterally that she was already
in the Dominican Republic.
So I knew she was going.
It just happened faster than Ithought and I thought I would
have time to go down and see her.
(15:46):
So she's not gone.
It's just harder to get to her.
A flight to Miami from where Iam is what?
Like an hour an hour flightversus going to you know another
country, and they don't live ina city, they live out in the
country.
So it's not the easiest oftrips to make it to her, but I
(16:07):
do plan on going.
She was in a wheelchair for thelongest.
I just saw a picture literallylast week of her standing with
her walker, which is like hugebecause she wasn't able to stand
up.
She looks healthier in her face, in her body.
She's lost some weight, shejust looks really, really good.
And we FaceTime and she stillcan't really speak, so it's more
(16:31):
of I love you, she can say thatI miss you, and she gives me
lots of kisses through the phoneand she lights up.
They say when any of thesiblings call, like me and my
brothers or my cousins, shelights up.
So we're doing our best to makesure that we all call her and
(16:54):
she sees our faces, because shegets buried down is what one of
my cousins said about you knowwhat's going on over there.
They're taking great care ofher, but you know, I think she's
sad and I think she knows thatthings are just going to be
different and so I've had a hardtime with that.
(17:15):
I don't want to cry again.
I'm having a hard time withthat.
It's not going to be the same.
My grandmother has literallybeen there since I was born.
My mom tells the story that youknow I was born in 1979.
(17:36):
They didn't do all theultrasounds, they didn't, you
know, to find out the gender andstuff.
So it was always a surprise andmy grandmother bought only pink
things, all pink, everything,all girly stuff.
She's going to be a girl.
She's going to be a girl.
My mom you know, my mom and mydad were teenagers 18 and 19, I
believe when I was born.
And my mom's like, why are youbuying all these things?
(18:01):
What if it's not a girl?
And it's a boy?
And what are we going to do?
She's like, nope, nope, I knowin my heart it's going to be a
girl.
And so my mom says she had tohave a C-section with me.
And so she said she told thedoc I guess the doctor went out
and told everybody that was inthe waiting area that it's a
(18:24):
girl.
And the doctor comes back to mymom.
She's like there was one ladywho was screaming and jumping up
and down and, just like I knewit, because she had bet my mom.
My mom it's not my mom's mom,but the person that raised my
mom and she never called her mom.
She called her, you know, byher name.
So it's someone that that youknow, that raised her from the
(18:46):
time she was, I believe, like 12years old.
And so they had a bet.
She thought it was going to bea boy and my abuela thought it
was going to be a girl, and sothey bet like a case of beer or
something like that, and thedoctor's like there was just one
that was just like going crazyand that was my abuela.
And you know, since my parentswere teenagers, we lived with
her.
My memories, my very youngmemories, were of her and my
(19:12):
love for makeup.
Cause my mom does not wear anymakeup.
Every now and then she'll puton some lipstick, but I love
makeup so much.
And so my mom said when I waslittle, she would my abuela,
before she would go to work, shewould put me on her little
night, her little desk, herlittle vanity, and she put blush
(19:33):
on herself and pretend to putblush on me, and pretend, like
to put, you know, makeup on mewhile she was doing it to
herself.
And so I don't remember, Idon't have those memories, but
my mom said that that's probablywhere I get my love of makeup
and always being, you know,trying to be put together,
because it comes from her, andso she's just always been a big
(19:53):
part of my life every step ofthe way.
You know, when I had Kaylin,that first year I lived with her
and she took care of her whileI finished school, while I
worked.
I didn't have to worry becauseI knew she was in great hands
With the other two kids.
With every delivery she wouldcome to the house and she would
stay for a month or two and helptake care of me and the babies.
(20:15):
And we've just been justconnected and she's like that
with all her grandkids.
But with me I just feel likethis strong bond where she's
just been my angel.
She's been there and the thingis she's feisty, she's feisty,
(20:41):
I'm feisty and we would buttheads.
Feisty, she's feisty, I'mfeisty, and we would butt heads
and she would get frustratedwith me and I would get
frustrated with her.
But that's okay.
Like it was just understoodthat we just adore each other.
So it's hard, you know, causeshe come visit me, she come
(21:01):
visit my brother and stay for,you know, a few months at a a
time and it's just not going tohappen anymore.
So that's been hard, guys.
So the plan is to make a tripas soon as possible.
(21:22):
Make a trip as soon as possible, but I want to be able to bring
my kids with me.
So I don't just want to go onmyself and hopefully see if my
brother, jose, can come and wecan make it a family trip.
If it doesn't pan out, thenit'll just be my immediate
family and my mom, even thoughthat's not her mother.
(21:42):
They've always maintained acordial relationship, even
though, you know, my dad and herdivorced, they've always
maintained a very you know,respectful relationship and they
call each other and talk toeach other, so it's never been
awkward.
My grandmother is just a dolland yeah, so that's been a big
(22:06):
change and that's been reallyhard to digest.
And, guys, I've just been cryinga lot the past few months.
I've been crying a lot, a lot,a lot, a lot, a lot.
And man, it just feels like youfeel like you're doing things
(22:32):
and you're happy and you'rehealthy and your spirit feels
great and your mind is open andfree and you feel at peace.
And then things like thishappen and I just have to remind
myself that it's just part oflife.
It's just it's always going tobe times of where you feel at
(22:57):
peace, and not that I don't feelat peace, but where you know
you're rocking and you'rerolling and then life just
starts lifing and sometimes allat the same time it's like, okay
, well, maybe if I had one thingthat happened for the whole
year and then the next thing canhappen next year.
But no, everything happeningwith this short amount of time
(23:20):
could be overwhelming.
And you know, as humans, you'regetting your feelings and you
have to figure out how to sit init.
I'm learning just to sit in it,cried out, feel the feelings
and keep it moving.
And so I'm crying right now.
(23:41):
But honestly, guys, I've beenreally well the past few weeks,
the past month or two.
So I'm crying because it's sotherapeutic coming on here and
actually saying things out loud,even though I have talked about
these things to my husband, tomy friends, my best friend,
adrienne I love her dearly.
We had lunch a few weeks agoand I hadn't seen her in a while
(24:04):
, you know, and her dad passedaway.
That's October.
So she's been dealing with thatgrief and all the emotions that
come with that, and so we hadlunch and I'm just she's like
how are you?
And I'm just like blah and I'mjust crying and she just reminds
(24:24):
me like our lives aren'tsupposed to be just perfect all
the time, with no everythingbeing happy, with no sadness or
grief or fear or any of thoseother feelings that we don't
like to feel and it's justalways going to be a cycle and
seasons and it is what it is andwe just have to accept it guys.
(24:47):
We have to accept it and keepliving this life.
And while you're in it it justseems really sad and hard and
draining when you're crying allthe time.
But it's life.
And yeah, other thing, kaylinKaylin is doing great.
(25:11):
She is doing great right now isdoing great, she's doing great
right now.
She graduated in November butofficially she walked in June.
So we went to a ceremony, wehad a party here at the house.
It was lovely Around that time.
I'm not going to go into detailbecause there's certain things
(25:32):
that I don't mind talking about,but I do want to protect people
and their stories and whatthey're going through.
But man, I'm an open book, soif it was up to me, I'd just be
letting it all out.
But she did have an episodearound that time, an incident,
and it was big.
And instead of me beingempathetic, which I have been
(25:56):
for the past four years, I'vebeen trying all different
techniques and I went to what Iknow best and it's to be my
authentic self and I kind ofwent off in a big, big, big, big
way and I'm just tired.
At some point people just needto pick themselves up and figure
(26:19):
things out.
And when I see that someone'snot really trying to help
themselves out or they want tojust wallow, but then it's
affecting me.
If it's affecting me, and thenthe siblings and my husband,
it'd be different if it's onlyaffecting that individual.
(26:40):
But when it's affecting othersand it's unnecessary, then yeah,
you're going to have bigproblems from me.
And so we had a big explosionand we've been good since then.
I exploded, she received it.
I don't know how she receivedit.
There's a lot of crying,there's a lot of yelling on my
(27:02):
part, a lot of crying on herpart, but we've been good since
then.
She's stayed in our house, sheis working.
She is a part of a play that isgoing to happen this weekend,
so she's been helping.
She's like a stage manager,helping make sure that
everything's flowing, that propsand things are all ready to go
(27:26):
for this weekend.
So I'm excited to see whatshe's been up to and, yeah, I'm
proud of her.
I don't know if that explosionpushed her to do something or if
she was already going to dothat.
I don't know, but it needed tohappen and it happened and we
(27:47):
shall see.
As of right now, we have apeaceful home and I'm going to
keep it that way because at somepoint our adult children have
to realize that they can go.
Just like I was able to go andI had to go figure things out,
they will too.
So that's where I am.
You got to take ownership ofyour life.
(28:10):
The other two are doingwonderfully.
Your life, the other two aredoing wonderfully.
Corinne is ice skating fiend.
She's an ice skating princess.
She is doing very well,considering that she's only been
doing it less than a year.
It'll be a year in October and,yeah, she's loving it and she's
taking it seriously.
(28:31):
Khalil is taking his footballseriously to the point where
they see him, they know who heis.
He's on varsity, he's playing.
It's exciting.
He went from not playing, beinga part of the other just big
group of football players, toactually being seen, and he's
(28:55):
put in the work over the summerlike a lot he's been working out
.
He's gotten so tall.
Everyone that sees him oh mygosh, khalil, you're so tall.
So I'm so proud of him becausewe had to sit down with him.
It's like listen, if you needto take, if you want to take
this seriously.
You love football so much withevery fiber of your being Can't
just show up to practice andcall it a day and then do
(29:15):
nothing the rest of the day.
So you got to work out, you gotto put extra work in when you
want to do something or benoticed.
Sometimes your talents don'tjust carry you, and he's been an
athlete since he was little.
But but you know there's a lotof people that are athletes and
(29:37):
what separates you fromeverybody else is what you do
when no one's looking.
And so he took our advice andhe's been doing his thing.
So we're excited for him.
And another big change gosh, somany changes.
Do you guys see why I neededsome time alone?
My bootcamp crew, right, thepeople that I talk about all the
(30:03):
time, my girls.
I started working out afterCorinne was born, maybe like a
year after she was born, a yearand a half or so, because I had
gained weight.
I didn't feel good about myself.
At our church that we weregoing to at the time, there was
a pamphlet and in that pamphletthere was a little paragraph
(30:25):
talking about if you want towork out come see us, and it was
literally across the street.
There's a parking lot andthat's where they met every
morning Well, not every morning,I think, it was like three days
a week 5 am and 6 am.
So Philip would go.
I started first and he's like,oh, I want to join this.
(30:46):
So he would go at 5 am and it'sright down the street.
So he would go and we wouldtime it just right because the
kids would still be asleep andthey were little little, and
then I would go at six.
And so it started off just mewanting to lose weight and get
healthier, and it just turnedinto this beautiful community
(31:07):
where we followed her from theparking lot to one gym, to
another gym, to another gym gym,to another gym.
We just followed Rachel aroundand we've become such a
sisterhood, such a tight knitgroup, that it's been one of the
most amazing memories has beenmade with this group.
But Rachel, you know, went backto school as an educator and
(31:31):
she got her degree and so nowshe's working in the school
system and she finally retiredfrom coaching.
Do you know how heartbreakingthat was for all of us?
Now, for me, I haven't beenreally going and working out as
much as I have been in pastyears, so I've been taking it
(31:56):
not as seriously this year.
So for me, I kept tellingeveryone because everyone's like
what are we going to do?
Who do we go to?
Do we go to the coach that'sthere now?
Because there's a coach at thisgym and then there's a coach at
(32:18):
the previous gym that we usedto go to and so she would kind
of sublet the gym I don't knowhow it worked, but it's other
people's gyms that she would goin and we would come and work
out.
So it's like who do we go to?
And I'm like I'm retiring withRachel, so I'm not going
anywhere.
And it's easier for me becauseI haven't really been going, but
it's not that easy because,even though I wasn't going, in
the back of my mind I know thesewomen are still there, I can
show up whenever and they willlike be so excited to see me
(32:39):
because I don't come as often.
And no longer, guys, no longer.
So I've been doing yoga withShiny.
Shiny's been on the show.
So you guys, if you've beenlistening and you've heardani's
voice, she's been doing yoga fora while and she's been loving
it, and I said you know what?
I want to go with you, let'stry it out.
(33:00):
So we've been going, I've beenconsistent, I've been doing
Pilates and I've been walking.
So it's been different, becauseI've always said I'm not a yoga
person, I don't like yoga, Ididn't like it, I don't like
(33:33):
yoga, I didn't like it, but I'mlearning to like.
I said, a lot of people aregoing to that gym.
The previous coach and I mightsign up just to maybe show up on
a Saturday, because I do loveweight training, I love lifting,
it's, I love it, I love it,love it, love it, love it, love
it.
And I'm still young enough thatI can do it.
And actually I shouldn't havesaid that, because I've seen
(33:57):
videos of older women, likeseventies, eighties, still
deadlifting and push pressing.
So I've always aspired to bethat lady, that 80 year old
that's still pushing weights.
So, um, so, yeah, I think Imight go down to that gym and,
um, have a little talk and seeif I can show up, maybe like one
(34:18):
day a week, like Saturdays orlike a Friday or something, but
definitely Saturdays.
And so I'm going to do that.
I'll probably add that to myrotation.
But yeah, it's, it's been a yearof change and this year,
honestly, has gone by really,really, really, really fast.
Um, so lots of change.
And this year, honestly, hasgone by really, really, really,
really fast.
(34:39):
So lots of change.
It feels like a reset, it feelslike all right, went through
this Now, like what do we do?
And then, you know, after Ifinished crying for a few weeks
and just kind of being in myhome and being a hermit, I look
up and I look around and Irealize I'm not the only one.
(35:02):
There's so many people intransition right now, so many
changes happening to a fewpeople that I know right now and
where they are finding a reset,where they're having, you know,
some of the things arehappening to them that are life,
life changing.
My stuff is emotional, but it'snot changing my whole world
(35:24):
completely, you know.
And so for some of these womenit's like life changing stuff
and they're really having toreset and restart and find new
beginnings.
And I don't know if you're inthat boat, but just know that
you are not alone.
And it's a lot of tears beingshed for multiple people where
(35:46):
it's like where do I go now?
What do we do now?
How do I restart?
What's my next step?
And I'm not necessarily there.
I'm not putting myself in thatcamp because you know, like I
said, it's not like my stuff hasbeen heavy and it's been
emotional, but it hasn't alteredmy world with my husband and my
(36:09):
kids and stuff like that.
So, man, this year 2024, I don'tknow what's happening.
I don't know what's happening,but that's what's been going on.
That's why I just needed tojust step away for a little bit.
I feel re-energized, I feelexcited to start talking again.
(36:33):
I need to start doing what Isaid I was going to do with this
podcast and I have lots ofideas and lots of things and I
just have to do it and stopsitting back and stop crying
about it and I just need to putmyself out there because what's
happening in my mind is a battle.
(36:54):
It's a battle, man, and it's a.
Do I stay safe and stay in mylittle safe bubble, or do I put
myself out there and open myselfto people's BS and comments and
criticism and whatever?
And my lovely, lovely husband,he's like, but there's so many
(37:14):
that appreciate what you aresaying and what you will be
doing that you haven't even doneyet.
There will be so many thatappreciate it.
So, f the haters.
Well, he didn't say thatbecause he doesn't really cuss,
but I'm saying it F the hatersand keep it moving and listen.
(37:35):
I'm a strong mama jama.
I'm a strong woman.
I have always been this way.
But internally I have feelingstoo, guys, and I don't want
people talking crap about me oror stuff like that.
But he's right, who cares?
Um, if that's what they want todo with their life is just go
(37:57):
around talking about otherpeople or posting or writing or
commenting, then so be it,because I want to start doing
videos.
But, man, do you guys read thecomments in some of these videos
?
I was talking to Shiny.
I was talking to Shiny and Iwas like something as simple as
a dog with a baby, because myalgorithm is dogs and babies are
(38:20):
like animals in general, causeI like monkeys they're just
always so sweet or like littlebabies.
And my stuff is very innocentbecause I that's the kind of
stuff that comes through my, myInstagram or my reels.
And I'm on TikTok now becauseCorinne put me on there, but
yeah, it's like innocent stuff.
And then you go to the comments,cause it's like innocent stuff.
And then you go to the comments.
It's like, oh, let's see whatthey're talking.
(38:41):
Why is that dog so close to thebaby?
It's going to maul the baby'sface and blah, blah, blah and
I'm just like whoa, whoa, I waslooking at something cute and
innocent and these people are abunch of haters, or like Shiny
was like, or they'll be likewell, why is that baby grabbing
onto that dog's ear, like that'sanimal cruelty?
(39:01):
So people like to turn somethingso beautiful into something so
like grimy and gross that I'mlike do I want to be a part of
that world?
Do I really really want tosubject myself to that Cause
people will turn something thatit's not into something so ugly
and just ugh.
But I have to realize that it'snot about me, it's about them
(39:26):
and I got to keep doing what Ido and try to get to where I
know I can get to at thispodcast.
So that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not going to worry aboutthose freaking haters.
And here I am.
I don't know if I have haters.
If I do, they're not likesending me any messages.
It's the anticipation of it, andthat's where anxiety sucks,
(39:48):
because it hasn't even happenedyet.
It's stuff that's brewing in myhead that hasn't even come to
fruition even come to fruition.
But I know how this world worksand this world can be very
cruel, and that's okay.
I'm going to be kind, I'm goingto be respectful.
We can speak our truth, we cangive our opinions, but we can do
(40:09):
it in a nice way and some ofthese a-holes don't know how to
do that.
So words of wisdom from myhusband just keep doing you, and
that's what I'm going to do.
So, guys, I think that's it.
Yeah, I think that's everythingthat's been going on since
(40:30):
April until now August.
It's a lot.
It's been emotional and, yeah,that's where we are, and I hope
to start recording again andbeing on here with some friends
and talking about whatever ishappening in our world, because
(40:53):
that's what this podcast isabout.
It's about everyday growth,everyday healing, with everyday
warriors and man.
Is that really happening to menow?
Yeah, when I came up with this,I knew that it would be
(41:14):
something where we can all cometogether as women and feel like
we're not alone.
And I tell you what thispodcast has been very
therapeutic and this is why Icome here and cry.
So I apologize for all thetears and the ugly cry, but I
just wanted to update you all onwhat's been going on and why I
(41:36):
have been MIA and why I havebeen MIA.
So, as you all know, I love agood quote to end the show, and
the one I want to leave you allwith is when you look back on
this past year, don't think ofthe pain you felt, think of the
strength you gained andappreciate how far you've come.
You've been through a lot, butyou've grown a lot too.
(41:59):
Give yourself credit for yourresilience and step forward
again with grace.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago 24-7.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at Virago247, and
(42:25):
on Facebook, at Virago247, andjust connect with us and share
your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
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