November 27, 2024 • 56 mins
Briana and Shiney join me to explore the ups and downs of balancing career, family, and personal growth. As Briana reflects on the newfound joy of returning to work while managing the demands of family life, Shiney shares how surrounding herself with positive, like-minded individuals has been essential during challenging times. Through our conversations, we underscore the importance of setting boundaries and maintaining authenticity in both personal and professional settings, offering insights into navigating the complexities of dealing with inflexible people and challenging ingrained beliefs.
Ever found yourself questioning the sincerity of those around you? We tackle the exhaustion of discerning genuine intentions and the courage it takes to stand up for oneself amidst social interactions. Listen as we discuss the importance of emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and the guidance of mature influences in managing conflicts and emotions. Shiney and I reflect on how emotional growth can transform heated moments into opportunities for learning and effective communication, illustrating the power of vocalizing feelings and recognizing when apologies are necessary.
Finally, we embrace a mindset of joy and gratitude, exploring how reframing envy and intimidation as compliments can enhance positivity. Discover the joy of sharing personal stories, gifting notebooks, and the inspiration behind our "Virago Library." Connect with us on Instagram and Facebook at Virago24/7 to continue our journey of growth, happiness, and empowerment. Your stories are invaluable, and we look forward to growing our community of strong, supportive women.
Go to my website virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
You can email me at virago247podcast@gmail.com
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Thanks for listening and don't forget to share, share, share!
Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Hello, my Viragos, hi, welcomeBrianna.
(00:49):
Hi, shiny like the sun, yo, howyou doing what you eating over
there?
Shiny, what we eating, she'slike I know, I made myself a
protein-packed snack.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Okay, it looks good.
It actually is really goodbecause it adds texture.
It's yogurt, yogurt, cottagecheese, granola and fresh fruit
it looks so good.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Honestly, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Parfait, if you will yes, and I I feel like when
we're gonna eat something, weshould um make it count.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, that's where I'm at right now you guys look
nice and happy and, thank you,vibrant.
So thank you, thank you.
I'm just kidding, I'm happy.
Thank you for being here today,of course.
So we now start our podcast,every podcast, when it's the
three of us and we do theexamine, and the examine is what
(01:42):
shiny, do you remember?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
it is our highlights and hurdles.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yes, highlights and hurdles so it's a real prayer
that our friend justin told usabout and I was like, oh, that'd
be nice to start off thepodcast with the examine which
is looking around every dayseeing what god is showing you.
Is he, oh, there signs, justthe beauty around you, and then
(02:07):
also acknowledging if there'sany missteps that we've done and
how we could do better in thefuture.
So highlights and lowlights.
Who wants to go first?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
I'll go.
My highlight since we lastrecorded is I started working
and my hurdle is I startedworking and my hurdle is I
started working.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I knew you were going to say that.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Oh my gosh, tell us more.
How is it?
How is the same situation ahighlight?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
It's a highlight because I'm very happy I'm
working at the dental practiceDr Talley's office again, which
I worked there for a long timebefore, and so I'm very happy to
be working with my dad again,for my dad again, and I'm very
happy to be earning a paycheckand there's a sense of freedom,
(03:01):
like I don't know, there'ssomething about being a single
mom when you're, when you'redoing all of these things, that
just makes you feel like abadass bitch, and so this is
like another step to that, likefinancial independence.
So that's really exciting.
And I love dentistry.
I'm, I'm, I like to think I'mreally good at what I do.
However, it's been an adjustmentjuggling, you know, being home,
(03:25):
being a stay at home mom for ayear and a half and having so
much quality time with my kids,and then losing that and just
trying to find the balance.
Um, you know, how much time doI dedicate to work and and how
do I find the time for my kids?
And not just that like, how doI find the time for Brianna?
That's been like how do I findthe time for Brianna?
(03:48):
That's been I'm tired.
So that's been I'm exhausted.
That's been a struggle, yeah,yeah.
So that's my highlights andhurdles Shauna ma'am.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I love that.
I will say that my highlighttruly is being surrounded by
like-minded people and, honestly, I had such a heavy hearted few
weeks.
I'm going through somethingpersonal and I was around a lot
(04:13):
of family was attending awedding and just culturally
there's.
You know, you, you want to lookperfect, you want to sound
perfect.
It's.
It's a lot of pressure,pressure, but today, when I
walked in with that heavy heartrunning around because I'm
always feel like I'm running Ifelt I was greeted with joy and
(04:35):
acceptance and and truly it justfeels so good because being
seen, heard and understood isthe biggest way someone could
love you.
Oh, I love that.
And you guys, you guys are likethat.
Oh, so I will say the highlightis the room of comfort?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
And it's really true, who you, who you surround
yourself with, like, just likeour kids.
We want our kids to be around,kids that are good and a good
role models and don't get intotrouble.
I think it's the same thingwith our friends as adults.
So we want to be around goodinfluences.
And my hurdle was just thatthat I had a big wedding, my I
(05:22):
had two relatives.
I have two relatives gettingmarried Last weekend one did,
and next month I'm going to awedding again.
So it's hard.
It's hard I'm trying to letthat go, but it's hard for me.
So that's my hurdle, all right.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
My highlight I had a birthday, so I'm one year wiser,
thank you, Thank you.
I am a wise 45 years old and itwas.
It was a wonderful night.
You two celebrated with me.
We went to my favorite Italianrestaurant and my best friend
Adrian was there, and my kidsand Philip, and we just had such
(06:02):
a lovely time.
And then that weekend, becausemy birthday was Wednesday,
november 6th for those of youthat want, to know send a gift.
Yeah, I celebrate all the way upuntil Thanksgiving because I do
pay respects to Thanksgiving,but yeah, send a gift, a card,
um, send me a text, if you havemy number, and write it down for
next year.
And then we went to our condoin Tybee for the weekend and it
(06:28):
was just so relaxing, so it justit just brings just calmness
and peacefulness to my spiritwhen we go there.
So that's my highlight and myhurdle.
It's been a few things.
I think you know the electionobviously I don't want to get
(06:49):
into politics, but just we allknow the dynamics on both sides,
and so that's been hard to readthings and stuff and stuff like
that.
And just you know, remindingmyself that I can't put all of
my focus on the government orthis world because of my faith.
I have to remind myself thatGod has a plan for us.
That you know.
(07:10):
We may not understand what'shappening, but we have to just
trust his plan and that's theonly way I can get through.
You know the things that aregoing on in our world, in our
United States of America, sotrue, so, yeah, so those are the
hurdles and yeah, I had to wakeup to, you know people arguing
and people being sad.
Oh, but both are.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
It doesn't matter which way you voted.
Right Like there's still hatredspewing on both sides.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Exactly it's negative for everyone.
So it was a good day and a sadday, but because I don't like, I
hate, you know, that feeling oftension.
I don't think any of us areloving it, except you know.
I'm sure there's a few people,but the majority of us are just
over it.
So, anyways, if you have thatfaith, focus on the Lord, love
it.
Thank you, okay, so we are.
(08:04):
We've been talking.
We talk obviously because weneed to know what we're going to
talk about when we come on thepodcast, and some of our
personal stories are verythere's a common theme and so I
said all right, let's talk aboutthis, because maybe others are
going through it.
So the question is if you aremotivated to learn and grow so
(08:25):
that this podcast is all abouthealing and growing and
community with women andunderstanding who you are and
wanting to better yourself inthe ways that you, you know.
I don't like to say weaknesses,but what does Philip say?
He doesn't use weaknesses.
He doesn't use weaknesses.
Learning opportunities,learning opportunities, learning
(08:45):
opportunities, yeah, so, like,if you are, have that mindset,
we call it a growth mindset.
But if you have that mindset,like we the three of us are, how
do you interact with peoplethat are not on that same
journey.
How do you navigateinteractions with them,
relationships, because somepeople there's some people that
you can just say, hey, I'm notdealing with this, and keep it
(09:08):
moving.
But that's not always the casewith a lot of relationships.
So what can we do as we'regrowing and realizing that these
people may not be on that samepath?
How do we keep our shittogether?
That's what I really want toknow.
Get somebody out.
How do we keep all shittogether and not go to jail for
smacking somebody?
That's a great question andwe're not experts at this?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
because we're not.
That's why it's the subject.
Yeah, the struggle is real.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
The struggle I think, for me and what's going on for
us, that this is the commontheme.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I have a couple scenarios in my life.
One is is a friendship thatdoesn't.
She doesn't have a growthmindset, and I strive to be.
I always want to be learning, Ialways want to be growing.
I never want to be stagnantlike ever or just be still in in
(10:04):
areas that I could go in.
So it's really hard, and andit's it's hard too because
sometimes you can get suckedinto that mindset and that can
be detrimental for yourcharacter or your piece, and so
for me I have.
Just I try to find the positivein everything, and so I have
(10:26):
thought to myself this is anexample of how having a growth
mindset has affected my life,because I'm looking at somebody
who doesn't have a growthmindset or has no desire to
change or sees no flaws in theiractions, and so in a way, it
makes me feel thankful that I amnot like that but complains
(10:46):
about a lot of stuff too right.
Yes, complains about a lot ofthings but does nothing to
change it.
I have a lot of areas in mylife that I'm very frustrated
with.
I'm going through a divorce.
I have two baby daddies.
That can both, at times, bequite difficult.
I've just started a new job andobviously there are trials and
tribulations there, but I thinkthat it's important for me to
(11:11):
make sure that I am alwayspositive.
I'm always looking for areas togrow.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
I got stuck I got caught up in my emotions.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
I'm trying to watch what I say.
I shouldn't do that, but I'mtrying to watch what I say.
I shouldn't do that, but I'mtrying to watch what I say.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
That's why we were talking about it because we're
struggling with this.
Yeah, it's not easy.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I mean, we're still trying to figure it out.
That's why I'm asking thequestion.
That's a good one.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
It brings you down too.
It can affect your mentalhealth, it can affect you.
And then you're like I willstress about like, if people are
venting to me about theirproblems, I will stress about
like how can I fix it?
How can I fix it?
I'm like, bitch, you got thingsin your own life you need to be
fixing.
You can't worry about fixingsomebody else's.
But what I'm trying to say is,even though there are so many
(12:00):
things in my life that are notperfect or nowhere near where I
want them to be, I'm stillmaking moves every day to get to
that point.
And so that's where not havinga growth mindset and having a
growth mindset comes in.
Although my life isn't where Iwant it to be in this moment,
I'm doing things about.
First of all, I'm acknowledgingit, I'm addressing those things
(12:21):
and I'm making moves to getthere.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
That's what I was trying to say Word yeah, no,
that's really good.
And I, you know I've been knownto cut people off and just move
them to the side.
But, like I say, you can't dothat with everyone and it is.
I look inward in a way where mynatural instinct is to cut
someone out, but as a growthminded person, you're learning
(12:46):
that you can't do that, andthat's where a lot of my
frustration comes from is notbeing able to say everything
that you want to say to a personbecause you know they're not
going to receive it period.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
And it's a waste of your energy too, because you're
talking about somebody who hasno desire to change, sees no
flaws in their actions, soyou're cussing them out.
For what?
What's it going to do you?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
know, yeah, and then a lot of those people that are
closed minded, you know, a lotof them may have a lot of
anxiety, a lot of ways that theymanipulate, they don't
communicate well, and it's justall habits that I'm just.
I've just grown so past that.
But still having to interactwith certain people, I don't
(13:30):
have a choice in certainsituations.
It has been so trying for me.
And then my sweet husband Ilove him, but sometimes I want
to just shake him.
Well, god is probably teachingyou patience.
Well, no shit, sherlock, I don'tcare, it's still hard and it
(13:52):
frustrates me when I can'treally fully I can, I can, I can
say I can fully say it, but Iknow that there's other boxes
and other things that will beopen by the things that I say,
and it'll just keep going on andgoing on, and going on.
So, as the quote, unquote,bigger person, you just have to
just kind of swallow certainthings in order not to just
(14:15):
continue the madness.
I've just been very frustratedthis week.
It's been a very frustratingweek for me, having to just kind
of suck up certain things soand I don't know how to interact
with those people becausenormally I'm like bye, like I
don't need it.
I don't need to be alone inevery situation.
(14:35):
Well, you can, yeah, butthere's consequences sometimes,
and you know we're smart enoughto understand that.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
So I think it's important for us to sit back
when we get in those places andwe're like to play the tape all
the way through.
You know, okay, I sit here andI tell all of my feelings, I get
out and in a way it's going tomake me feel better.
But what is it going to do forthe situation?
If you're dealing with somebodyso close-minded or somebody who
thinks that there's no error intheir ways, what?
(15:03):
What's it going to do?
It's a waste of energy.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yes, I, for me, I I feel the same.
It's very frustrating and harddealing with with people who
think that their way of thinkingis the right way, the only way,
and that I am the problem.
The way I see it is the problemand I'm not thinking clearly,
(15:33):
and that's where the frustrationcomes from for me also.
And Dr Shefali, who is aspeaker and a writer and author,
and she, she says that mostpeople aren't living life,
they're living patterns.
Okay, so the way I was thinkingabout my own life is there are
(15:57):
people who get up every day.
They do the same, you knowsimilar thing every day.
They react to this a certainway, the same way they go to
dinner, they go to the gym, theygo to bed, then the next day,
tuesday, they do the same thingall over again.
Whereas for me, on this journeyand it's gotten, I feel that I
(16:19):
have gotten stronger in myintention every single day and
throughout the day, I have totell myself and change the
narrative, the inner narrative,all the insecurities, all the
negative thoughts that wereprogrammed in me from childhood
(16:43):
and life and the things thathave happened, and recognize
that that's not always true, thestory that's told to us I don't
have to accept it as the truth,because I know my heart and
most people, especially the onesthat don't know you.
I'm their version of whatthey've made me.
(17:05):
So I need to let it go, whichis so hard, and a day like today
, I didn't sleep well.
I was really heavy hearted, Ihad to deal with something that
I felt brought me unnecessarygrief, and many times throughout
the day I knew I needed a nap,I knew I needed to stop, I knew
(17:27):
I could cancel hanging out, Icould cancel the recording, I
knew I could do things to changeit so I can rest.
But just resting wasn'tbringing bringing me any peace.
That idea I know that I had toliterally tell myself what
someone thinks of me is none ofmy business, and how someone
(17:50):
reacts to something is also notmy problem and that's one of the
biggest frustrations I have isthere'll be a scenario and I'll
see it that there are manypossibilities to get out of this
or make it work or bend, and Ithink that that's the character
(18:11):
that I want to be and I want tosurround myself like.
I want to be fluid, that ifsomething happens and and I want
that for my kids too likesomething happens.
What are we going to do aboutit?
Not sit there and fret like arocking chair that goes back and
forth, back and forth, but itdoesn't go anywhere.
And for me it's what you said isyou cut people off when you're
(18:34):
upset, or you walk away Causeyou know that that person's not
right for you?
My whole life I was scared todo that.
This is a very new thing for mefor me to try to have a
boundary or tell myself maybethat person isn't right for me
and that's okay, or maybe thatperson's version of me doesn't
(18:57):
make me feel very good.
And what I said earlier abouthow you guys made me feel good
and that was such a highlightthat's what I want.
I want it to go both ways.
I want to fill your cup up,just like you're filling mine.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
And it is hard to set those boundaries Like.
It hasn't been easy for meeither, but I am.
I always tell myself, I'm like,is that other person sitting
around, being like thinkingabout it?
And and then I feel like ahorrible person when I finally
just set that, that, that wall,and I'm like I'm not doing this
anymore, I'm not dealing withyou anymore, and then I started
(19:39):
second guessing myself, likewhat a horrible human are you
that you can just like, notreally throw someone away, but
just after so many years ofbeing around these people, just
just be done.
But it's.
But when you think about it,it's like there's a lot of
things that were being done toyou from these people and you
swallowed it and you swallowedit, and you swallowed it until
(20:01):
you're just tired, like mybelly's full.
I don't want to swallow.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
I can't take it yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I'm just full of just .
I'm just full of all yourshenanigans and and I'm not
doing it anymore.
So it seems abrupt, but it'smore of a I'm tired.
Yeah, I've allowed you to be,to treat me this way, I've
allowed you to be who you areand it hasn't benefited me.
And here we are and I'm tiredof it.
So for me, right now, myfrustration is more on the
(20:29):
professional side, which is whyI say that you know it's harder
to just to walk away.
I mean, I could walk away, Idon't have to work where I'm
working.
So, yes, you do, I do, it'sjust, it's been, it's been, it's
been tough.
We don't have to go into who,why and stuff, just know it's
professional.
(20:50):
And in dentistry, having thewife in the practice is seen as
very negative.
The wife is always seen as thebitch and the tyrant.
And because a lot of dentistsfor some reason are meek and
mild and don't have a backbone,you know it's mostly men,
because women doctors, I think,are on the flip side, where
(21:12):
they're too hardcore.
Yeah, no, and so you knowpeople come in and think, oh
shoot, the wife is in thepractice and it's, it's a
turnoff.
And then they get to know meand it's, and it's good.
It's like, oh, it's not what weexpected.
And also my husband is not meekand mild.
He's not going to let me getaway with really anything either
(21:33):
, but it's been hard becausethat's already a reputation,
that's already what's expected,yeah.
So I try to just keep my headdown as much as I can, but also
I'm going to be myself and I'mgoing to say what I'm going to
say when something doesn't lookright and it may, and maybe
that's what the reputation is isthat the wife is not going to
(21:54):
wants the husbands wants to havetheir husbands back, and maybe
that's where it stems from.
We feel like we have to protectwhat he has built, and then it
might come across as bitchy.
So, boom, I just had anepiphany just talking about it
right now.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
I'm like so then you're labeled a bitch because
you're not doing what you'resupposed to be doing and I'm
calling you out on your BS.
Yeah, and I just had this.
I just literally had anepiphany Because I'm like I
don't understand.
But now I get it it's not awife problem, it's the you
problem.
It's the you problem.
All the ones that tend to startamazing.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
I think the hard part in situations like these
because I'm with you there iswhen you think about the intent
right.
So like if you're walking inwith a positive intent and you
have good intentions and you'rethere to to be productive and to
help and to, you know, justjust be an asset to whatever it
is you're doing, and you haveall of these good intentions and
you're walking in with withthat mindset, and and then it's
turned into something completelynegative.
(22:58):
It proves number one to me thatI do have a growth mindset,
because I sit back and I analyzeokay, well, where am I in the
wrong in this situation?
And then it's like no, I hadcompletely good intentions, I
wanted to do the right thing,I'm doing the right thing.
So I think the most frustratingpart is the intent behind it.
Like I, if I came in with likemalicious intent or you had any
(23:21):
malicious intent, it would it.
I don't think it would be ashurtful or as frustrating as it
is, because you're like well, Imean, I'm, I'm getting what I
came for.
You know, smoke, but Brianna,but how do you know how?
Speaker 2 (23:34):
how do you know?
I mean, I know you know yourintentions, but how do you know
what the intentions are of theother people?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
I think honestly this this might come off as arrogant
, but I'm good at that sort ofthing.
I genuinely am.
I'm good at seeing people forwho they are.
I'm not quite as good asleonette.
No, I think we're similar.
No, don't you always say that,but we're.
I can see through bullshit.
So, like there are, there arecertain behaviors and there are
certain actions that you can't,you cannot tell me that was good
intentions, and if if so, thenyou need to read or something,
because you can't, you can't.
Just there are certain actionsthat you can't justify or you
can't.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
you can't tell me that those are good intentions,
but the reason I ask that is, weall think differently, but some
people who, I feel, have atendency to prefer to think the
worst for some reason, because Ifeel like when you're like a
hurt person or a sad person, youdon't really like happy people.
(24:40):
Hurt people, hurt people, right.
And I always felt that thereare certain people who just
don't like me.
They see me at yoga and they'relike are you ever not smiling
or is life always perfect?
And if they only knew.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, yeah To me and you know, know, when we're
talking about this, I think thethree of us really reflect on
who we are and how we comeacross.
We really, really are and Ipride myself on that and, like
you said, I'm a BS meter.
I don't, I don't know.
I guess it's a gift from God.
I usually think it's a curse,because I would look around and
(25:16):
be like am I the only one thatsees this person?
Like how do you guys not seethat A thousand percent Like I
feel like maybe I'm crazy.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Maybe I'm crazy.
Is this person getting on yournerves in the same way they're
getting on mine.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
I think what it is is that people just know how to
fake it.
They may feel the same way, butthey don't have the cojones to
like to to stand up and saysomething, and I just always
felt growing up that I'm in thetwilight zone like am I the only
?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
and even as an adult I'm like, hello, yeah, hello,
hello.
I definitely have that feeling.
I do feel people's energy and Imay get a really good sense of
something.
My problem, and it has beenthat I'm working on, is ignoring
yeah, ignoring that red flag orthinking, oh, they didn't mean
(26:07):
it, making excuses.
But you said it earlier, youknow, we, we, we teach people
how to treat us now.
So the problem with that is Ikind of become a doormat, so I
do need to.
It all goes back to boundariesagain, but when I recognize that
(26:28):
someone isn't right for me, Ineed to just slowly do like a
Michael Jackson, like justnicely.
Yeah, and just be cordial andand recognize that everybody
doesn't have to like me.
I don't need everybody to be myfriend and accept that I'm not
(26:49):
right for everyone.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yeah, yeah, and it's so go ahead.
Sorry, no, I was just going tosay I think it's so crazy
because I can tell.
So I don't want people to beperfect.
I accept that we're going tohave our issues and our flaws,
but when you know someone'sheart and going back to
intention, I can see someoneacting a certain way on the
surface, being kind of rude oryou know.
(27:13):
Maybe they're quiet becausethey're having an attitude.
There are certain people thatthat doesn't even bother me, I
can see past that and I'm likeno, there's a reason, and I know
them in this setting, so I knowtheir heart.
There's something happeningthat is making them act this way
(27:33):
.
So it's not that I can't seepast it and that everyone has to
be sunshine and rainbows thatis not what this conversation is
about, it's and so I can seepast that and then I'll know,
hey, what's going on, becauseyou're normally not this way and
even if I don't really know youfor some reason, I can see past
that.
But there's certain people thatwhen they're smiling in your
(27:55):
face and this has been personal,professional, all on french,
all all that they're saying onething, but it's you can tell
it's not coming from a genuineplace, and they're saying it
with a smile and there's no, youknow, quote, unquote little
intent behind it, according tothem, and my, my little senses
start just activating.
(28:17):
So it's not that you have tocome with me all like, because
then I can see sometimes throughthat too.
I'm so.
It's not that you have to comewith me all like because then I
can see sometimes through thattoo.
I'm like that's not genuine.
You're trying to manipulate.
The way you're saying it, theway you're twisting it, the way
you're phrasing it.
That's not so.
I feel like my BS meter isalways on high alert and it gets
very exhausting and I can dealwith someone who's just honest
(28:43):
and in your face about like thisis that, yeah, then the people
that are more secretive abouthow they deal with you thinking
that you're dumb, that I'msmarter than you?
and if I just say it like thisyou know she won't and I'm like
no, you picked the wrong bitchbaby, because no, you picked the
wrong one.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
When someone's lying to you, that is what they're
doing.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
They're undermining your intelligence yeah, they are
, and it's infuriating to mebecause, yeah, and I don't play
those games part of my strugglewith that, like you talked about
, like, just like peacefullywalking away.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
I cannot peacefully walk away.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
I cannot you got it, you got.
You got to say have you seenwhat is the one where angela
bassett burns his clothes, orthe car?
Speaker 2 (29:25):
how stella got her.
No, oh, waiting to exhalewaiting to it?
Speaker 1 (29:29):
was it waiting to exhale?
I think it is waiting to exhale.
That's you.
Yeah, she burned his stuff andlet the matcha walked away and
it just went I can't quietlywalk away if I'm frustrated by
something.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I am a very vocal person and I cannot sweep shit
under the rug.
Yeah, I cannot.
That's probably why I'mdivorced.
I cannot sweep shit under therug.
It gets crowded under there andwhen you hold stuff in and hold
stuff in and you take shit andyou take shit, then it is so
frustrating and then one dayI'll just explode Like, even if
my plan is to walk away andnever see or speak to you again,
(30:07):
I want you to know how you mademe feel.
I want you to know howfrustrated I am and I want you
to know and it and you may takeit with a grain of salt and not
do shit about it, but at least Igot it off my chest, or you may
think twice in the nextsituation that you're in.
But I cannot sweep stuff underthe rug.
If somebody and this it doesn'tmatter if I am in a professional
(30:27):
setting, personal my marriage,my baby daddies, both of them I
just I can't.
I need you to know that I'mfrustrated and I am.
I have to vocalize what I'mfeeling to the person that made
me feel that way.
And I agree with Leonette, Ipride myself on me being
extremely self-aware.
Any altercation that I have, Iguarantee you I am in the bath
(30:49):
or the shower that evening, oras soon as I can after that,
thinking what could I have donedifferently?
And I'm feeling this way aboutthis person and I'm so
infuriated.
But this person.
Are they feeling the same wayabout me?
Are they thinking that I'mfeeling this way about this
person and I'm so infuriatedwith this person?
Are they feeling the same wayabout me?
Are they thinking that I'm abitch?
Are they thinking that I hadill intent?
Or?
You know, I am so self-aware andthere have been many occasions
(31:09):
in my life where I've had to goback and apologize.
Whether it was, you know,because I blew up or said
something I shouldn't have said,or whatever the case may be.
I have gone back and apologize.
And then there are just certainsituations where I'm like I
don't think I could have doneanything differently.
I don't think I could have my.
My heart was completely pure inthat situation.
(31:30):
Bree, I love that you reflect.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
I, I do.
I do the same thing, but my, myissue is that I allow.
I also do.
Don't like to sweep thingsunder the rug, but it really
depends on who you're dealingwith.
If you're dealing with a personwho you can't bring up,
something that's difficult orhard, I become a volcano.
(31:55):
Oh yeah, same Me too.
And that monster that livesinside all of us.
I don't like shiny's monsterLike I love mine.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Mine is just kidding.
Yeah, I don't like mine becausemine comes with very specific
language and words.
I don't have to cuss, but thevocabulary that I use in words I
don't have to cuss, but thevocabulary that I use will put
you in your place and scare you.
It is quite scary.
I don't even have to yell, Ican just be.
(32:29):
I can just literally talk likethis Use my big girl words and
you're like what?
The hell?
She went to college.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
She's using her big girl words.
I turned into a potty mouth.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I learned that recently.
It's so weird because I've beencussing a lot more.
But I do that when I'm justlike I just need to vent, like
that.
But when I'm talking to someone, when I'm finding like I need
to say this to this person, thatgoes out the window.
Except sometimes I'm're prettysorry that effort comes out, but
it's in the past.
But but you like to cuss backto, so, but I don't even cuss in
(33:05):
those situations I get very zenand I'm like this these are my
words and I literally will prayabout it lord, give me the words
, because I know how I can be, Iknow I can fly off the handle
and I don't want to be that waybecause my message is not going
to come across if I'm cussing.
So I pray about it.
To be honest, I say I say aprayer and say give me the words
so that I don't like go crazy,and you can tell too, as
(33:28):
somebody who's been on thereceiving end of it.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
seriously, for me I'll, I'll expose it and I'll
say that your dog is ugly.
Your great mom is bald, likeI'll say the stupidest shit just
out of anger, but for you, youcan tell that it's like you mean
what you're saying and you'vethought about what you're saying
.
And what you're saying, whetheror not it's good, it's coming
from the heart and it's how yougenuinely feel.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
I had to grow into that.
I had to grow into that I usedto like.
That's why your teeth arecrooked.
Yeah, that's why your breathsmells, do you?
Speaker 2 (33:55):
is that, do you think that that's an influence with
Philip?
Yes, because that sounds somature.
Yes, it is mature Because Ifeel, like I become immature.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
I did too, I did too.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
And you know it was Philip.
It's a new thing, but thisimmature side comes out.
Oh yeah, it's like an immaturemonster.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Oh, mine too.
Mine used to be immature andPhilip would look at me.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
He's like I not doing this, I can, I can grow up.
Yeah, monster can grow up.
Yeah, you said dad, being likethat used to be frustrating.
Oh yeah, very.
He's the type of person thatyou could go to him and be like.
I was walking down the streetand john just slapped me across
the face for no reason,unprovoked, and that'll be like
well, it's gonna be okay, let'sjust pray about it.
There's a reason that happenedand this was supposed to teach
you something and I'm like nosir, absolutely fuck not, and it
(34:47):
would be frustrating, becauseyou're like why are you so calm?
Speaker 1 (34:51):
yeah, no it's emotional intelligence.
No, I grew from him because Iused to have a petty, immature
monster.
She's still in there.
She comes out when I'm ventingto you girls.
That's my petty, but on peopleI try to be more constructive
because it hasn't worked for mein the past.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
It's funny to see Leonette vent with dad in the
room.
Sometimes it's kind of likewhich way do I look, which way
do I lean?
Because lean, that'll be likeah, and I'll be like baby, baby.
It just happens.
That's not what we're going todo, baby.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
That's not what we're going to do, Except I'm like.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
I think she's doing it already, so it's happening.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
She came over for dinner and I was just ranting
and raving Like I just had tolet it out.
And that's exactly what he'sdoing.
He's like he gets quiet.
I'm cussing.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
I'm yelling Like that's not what we're going to
do, baby.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
And it wasn't about him.
I'm not yelling at him.
I'm venting about a situationand he's just yo, yeah, no, no,
it's going to be fine.
No, no, we're going to be okay.
It's going to be okay.
No, it could be.
I love you, but it could bevery frustrating.
When you're in the moment Ineed you to be best with me,
damn it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
I need you to be on my side.
You're going to be like, let'slight the torch, yes, and I'm
like yes.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
I want to work.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
But he'll never he will put your torch out.
We're not doing that.
We're not.
God wouldn't want that.
That's the devil, and I'm justlike fuck the devil.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
That's true, that's the devil, fuck the devil, and
you'll be like, well, yeah, yeah, exactly it's funny to see her
venting to him and you're justsitting there like it's not even
.
And then I'll start Exactlyit's funny to see her venting to
him and you're just sittingthere like this.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
But it's not even Like no, leonette, that's not
what we're doing.
And then I'll start from thebeginning and say the same thing
, like okay, it's the end.
And then I'm like and thenanother thing, and then let me,
I'll start from the beginning,just in case you didn't hear me.
It's hilarious.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Let me summarize.
The other night dad wasgrilling and he was like walking
.
We were in the kitchen and hewas on the deck outside grilling
and he would like Leonette's.
Like screaming at me, not at me.
She was like screaming to meand dad would walk in and be
like calm down baby.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
And just like walk right back outside, Four minutes
later he'd walk back in andshe's still screaming about the
same thing, but a different way.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
He was like I, hilarious.
I have to.
That's how I get it out.
I get it out of my systembecause I know I can't do that
to the people that I'mfrustrated with.
Yes, so that when I, you know,started, yeah, I have to have a
conversation.
I'm like, collect your thoughts.
Yes, you let it out about it.
Let's pray about it and we'regonna be okay.
So thank you for you know,understanding and being there,
both of you always encouraging,so I need to let out my immature
(37:46):
to your friends.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
yes, yeah, and that's that's that's my struggle.
Yes, is I have a problem withresponding versus reacting.
I mean, no, I re, I reactversus respond and and on the on
the shelf of like reallyoverreacting sometimes, because
we were talking about this, thatsometimes people can be
(38:11):
contagious and their frustrationor their anxiety or their fear
can somehow creep onto us.
Yeah, a thousand percent.
Yeah, and I think that's theempath part, that we can feel
those feelings and I don't likeit.
So I want to just give it rightback.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
I saw a picture on Facebook the other day and it
was one good like ripestrawberry and one moldy
strawberry, but the ripestrawberry was laying on the
moldy one and it started to mold.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
yeah, and it's like make sure you're aware of who
you surround yourself with sofunny, because I saw the same
one, but it was oranges, likelittle tangerines, and I
literally saved it because I'mlike wanting to share this, you
know, post it or something,because it's true, you start
becoming this ugly version ofyourself and I didn didn't like
being that way.
It just made me feel ugly.
I mean, I feel that there'scertain safe spaces with you,
(39:04):
brie, and with you, shainu,phillip, and there's other
friends where I can just liketotally be myself, just vent and
say it.
However the hell, I want to sayit and you guys receive it,
because you guys know my heartand you understand.
And then also, you give meperspective when you feel like I
need to look at it in adifferent way, and I love that,
(39:27):
like I like it when people don'tjust say, oh yeah, you're right
, you're right, you're the bestand therefore, no, give me
perspective and this is don'tescalate it yeah, yeah, no, I, I
.
So I just appreciate you guyslistening to me.
Appreciate you, yes, because Igot a big ass mouth.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
I love it.
You can't remove yourself fromthat person.
Yeah, that's.
That's where's a huge conflict,because there are certain
situations where you can'tremove yourself.
I have a few in my life rightnow.
One example would would be likea baby daddy.
You know that's true.
You got to deal with it.
They're going to be in my lifeforever for the sake of my
(40:06):
children.
Yeah, you have to learn how to.
I can't freaking stand them orwant to never see their stupid
face again.
I have to next Friday.
Or if there's something goingon with one of my kids, I have
to communicate with them.
(40:26):
So I think that the tricky partin this is Navi.
It's I think I'm dealing with afriendship right now that I'm
in the midst of letting go, andof course, it's hard and it's
sad and I'm going to have togrieve that relationship, but
it's.
I'm at ease about it because Iknow I can walk away.
Why do I ever have to see thisperson again, do I?
(40:46):
There's no reason.
I have no ties to this personaside from you know the
friendship we built andeverything like that.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
But then there are situations, work situations or
relationships that you have tohave a relationship, and that's
when you have to like, learn.
That's why that's why it's soimportant to grow as a person
absolutely because that's whenyou learn how to calm yourself
and use your big girl words.
I have learned that.
However, it's not always easyand it's not always fun, and I
do get highly frustrated.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
A wise woman told me about two weeks ago that the
cream always rises to the top,and that has played in my head
over and over these past coupleof weeks.
Because I'm like as long as Iknow, my heart is pure.
I'm constantly self-analyzingand looking at situations I
could have done things differentor reacted differently.
(41:29):
As long as I know I have goodintentions and I'm doing exactly
what I need to be doing and I'mexcelling at what I need to be
doing, the cream rises to thetop.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yes, so I want that confidence.
That's what I would like tobuild in myself is the assurance
that it's okay whatever theythink, whatever they say,
whatever they do.
It's not about me, and I knowmy heart, I know my intentions,
I know the people in my lifethat love me and that's what I
(42:01):
want to do.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, and the thing and the thing is, these other
people may not look at us andthink that about us, and that's
okay.
They might think that we havehorrible intentions and that
were whatever they've made up intheir head, and that's okay
because, you know, god sees ourheart and only we know, and he
knows when our heart truly is.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
And a funny little spin on that is, if you're
feeling this way out of whetherit be envy or intimidation, or
you think I'm smarter than you,or you think I'm prettier than
you, that's a compliment.
Carry on with your bad self,because I feel good and let's
just spin it.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
It's a compliment.
They think I'm amazing.
Also, you love me self becauseI feel good and let's just spin
it.
It's a compliment.
They think I'm amazing.
Also, love me is what I'mseeing and this is what's
bringing my anger out in you.
Let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
That's a trick on your confidence.
That's a trick on yourconfidence.
It's good talking about you somuch.
You must be that important,yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
I love it.
I try to find the positive inall situations.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
I'll show you my way so you don't have to be mad.
Just one more thing, and thisis for me personally and I think
it's for all of us Godintentionally removes people.
I've recognized that to makespace for those that maybe I
didn't See or they didn't have abigger.
They were taking up a biggerspace in my life and God's got
(43:21):
my back Exactly.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
And we'll end it at that, and if you guys have any
other ways that we can deal withcomplicated people, challenging
people stupid, mean peoplestupid stupid is kind of harsh,
but mean people or ugly people,manipulative people or hurt
people, then please let us knowvirago247podcast at gmailcom.
(43:48):
We would love for you to giveus input so that we can grow
together yeah now for the viragolibrary.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
We need, like a virago library, music okay, we
do work on that, right what wejust spoke about.
One one evening we were talkingabout a segment called I wrote
a song.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Well, yeah, so we were drinking heavily, not
heavily, not heavily, notheavily, but for some reason it
got us to a giddy state of mind.
And Shiny wants to have whatsong did you write?
So she wrote one, and I didn'tthink she was actually going to
do it.
I did.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
I'm just going to, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna
are you gonna rap it?
Speaker 1 (44:41):
are you gonna sing it ?
Is it country?
Is it rap?
It's country.
Hip-hop, okay, okay it's.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
Oh, now I'm, now I'm getting stage fright.
No, was radio freight radioright, yes, podcast, right you
got this okay, god is good, beeris great and people are crazy
wait is this your real song.
Wait a minute, I didn't write it, I heard it on radio.
(45:07):
I'm not kidding, you know Iwrite okay, I didn't all the
time because I always have anotebook in my purse and I heard
that song and I I literallywrote like the date, lol.
And wrote God is good, beer isgreat, people are crazy, god is
good.
And because I want my friendsto also be writing stuff.
I have a little gift for Brie.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Oh, there's, gifts, yes.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Oh, Brie, In today's vault there's gifts.
I have a little notebook foryour purse.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
Oh, that is so cute.
It's a notebook with prettyflowers.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Guess who's there.
Guess who's there.
The feelings wheel.
Oh, I love this.
Oh my gosh, I need to wear myglasses.
You might need to wear glasses.
Oh, I love it.
It's really shiny.
What is it called?
It's a feelings wheel.
Mm-hmm, let me see.
And it's color-coded and I lovecolor-coded things.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
So wait, so it has.
Okay, I'll have to look and see.
So those, oh, I love that.
Oh, so if you're happy, this iswhat's happening.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
If you're angry, this is why I'm going to color it
real next to you, shiny, thankyou, because if we can name it,
we can tape it.
Yes, thank you so much.
Thank you, shaina, you're sosweet.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
You're so sweet, so I've never heard this country
song before, but I love it.
I think it's my new motto.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
You're so sweet, here's good.
So today I was thinking Peopleare crazy.
Like I said, I really enjoywriting and the three of us are.
You know we don't have a namefor ourselves, but I put
together the hot mamas, I puttogether LBS, which stands for
pounds, and we're the pounds youwant to hold on to.
(46:45):
I like it.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
We're the pounds you want to hold on to A poet and I
didn't even know it.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
Okay, she's bringing some literature to the library.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
I love that the pounds you want to hold on to.
I'm going to text that to myex-husband how much the pounds
you lost.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
We're not.
We're not weight, we're.
We're the weight you want tocarry, Absolutely.
I love that.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
I love you guys.
That's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
So I'll do it.
It's going to be really quick,but I just came up with stuff
that I've researched in.
Even my own stuff, because I'mpersonally working on this is
people think that my smile isjust plastered on my, on my face
, all day long, every day.
But really it's a mindset.
I choose to be happy despiteeverything that's going on, and
(47:41):
even today, where I was heavyhearted, even though it's is it
Friday or free day, I call itfree.
I tell my kids it's notSaturday, it's Friday.
So that's where they came fromSaturday.
Yeah, so one of the things thatmake me happy and I think
everybody here can agree is whenwe write a list and we do
(48:02):
things and we cross it off, howmuch joy that brings it does.
That's a little thing that wecan do and it can be every day.
It could be a to-do list, itcould be a gratitude list, it
could be one day you're like youknow what I really love?
My friends.
I'm going to write their namesdown, Like when we were kids.
We have a crush on a boy, wewrite his name, but we can write
(48:24):
the friends we love.
Their names can make us happy.
Or ideas.
Ideas make us so happy and itmakes us feel pretty brilliant.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Yeah, it does.
I was going to do that today,but I took a nap instead.
That's okay.
You know what Tomorrow's a'sokay.
Tomorrow's a new day.
That sounds like a song.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
I have so much anxiety and so much worry about
the future and so it's so easyfor me to get yes, it's so easy
for me to get like in adepressive state of mind.
So I physically have to write alist of things that I'm
grateful for, and it can besmall things.
It can be when my kids go tosleep and I have 14 minutes to
myself.
That sort of thing Does it helpyou?
(49:02):
That's great, it helps me?
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Yes, cause it's a lot .
It's not happy people that aregrateful, it is grateful people
that are happy.
Oh, I like that and I thinkthat that's.
I think that's a commondenominator for those that are
unhappy is they're concentratingon the things that aren't
working out.
But the truth is we all havethings that aren't working and
(49:25):
things that are difficult andhard.
But if we could concentrate onwhat we have and be grateful,
that does bring you automaticjoy, absolutely.
And so that was.
Gratitude equals happy.
Beer is great.
We already went on that.
Circling back to what we wereall saying about growth mindset,
I think the first step is beingaware that we need one.
(49:49):
Yeah, so when we're lookingtowards people that are
like-minded is that's what wehave in common?
Is that we're self-aware andchecking ourselves, and we may
not check ourselves right inthat moment Because, like I said
, I have a tendency to bereacting lately instead of
quietly pausing and responding.
(50:09):
But I am aware of it and I wantto work on it, love it.
And my last thing was tryingnot to sweat the small stuff.
Oh yeah, these little things.
I sometimes think to myselfwhen I'm sweating something
that's minor, I literally tellmyself I hope this, I forget
(50:29):
this as soon as possible, andtomorrow is a new day, or this
evening is a new evening.
Yeah, I love it and that's allI got.
Speaker 1 (50:39):
Thank you, father of the Virago Library.
I do have one thing that I wantto end with.
It's not really a quote, butit's something that I found on
Pinterest that goes to what wewere talking about.
So it says it says my therapisttaught me that not my therapist
personally, but the person whoever posted this on Pinterest my
(51:02):
therapist taught me that wordsmatter Instead of saying I can't
, say it's not a priority for meright now.
Replace I'm jealous of them with.
I'm inspired by them.
Replace I have to do this with.
I get to do this, brianne, andI talked about that recently.
Replace I failed with this.
(51:23):
Attempt didn't work.
Replace why is this happeningto me with?
What am I learning from this?
Words matter because, even ifyou don't fully mean them, your
brain can't tell the difference.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
I love that, liana.
I want you to send me that.
I'll send it to you, I'll postit.
I love that, leonette.
I want you to send me that I'llsend it to you.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
I'll post it I love that Same.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
Okay, we have time.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
I have a random thought.
Random statement of observationhas nothing to do what we've
talked about.
So I've been driving around youknow our area, peachtree
Corners taking kids to schooland I've observed I've always
observed this, but finally I'mlike we should talk about this
topic.
I want to know why do people,when it's fall and there's
(52:07):
leaves we have a ton of trees inour area and the leaves are
everywhere why do they rake themand put them in a bag for
someone to pick them up, whenit's just part of nature and
it's going to go away eventuallyand like why are you wasting
your time like raking up leaves?
Like we have a yard personthat's a wonderful ass question.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
I'm just saying why are you wasting your time?
I'm scared where this is goingbecause I don't know.
It was just a question I askedmyself so I was afraid, why
aren't her leaves no?
Speaker 3 (52:39):
that's a great question because that can never
be me outside in the fall,breaking down leaves they are
raking leaves.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
They're raking the leaves whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
this is this is you feel?
Very strongly about it.
You drop the mic.
She almost followed it down tothe floor.
She's like why are you rakingthe leaves Mic?
Speaker 1 (53:02):
drop.
Sorry, mic drop, I was sopassionate about the leaves that
, when Mike fell, they're rakingthe leaves and I don't
understand why.
That's a great question.
So we have a yard person and so, phillip, they came yesterday
and so they have the blower.
So we don't have leaves rightnow, but it's not because I
raked them and put them in a bagand waited for a truck to come
(53:24):
pick them up.
What and why?
So, anyways, I just observedand I wanted to bring it to the
table and I need to know why ifyou're a reek, a reek if you're
a leaf raker.
Why are you wasting your time ofmine?
Speaker 3 (53:42):
to write the leaves.
I want to know this actually.
Please respond to this.
Speaker 1 (53:46):
I want to know Right.
And when I say we had so manyleaves on the driveway, it did
not bother me, it did not.
I don't give a shit, Amen.
I'm like this is to me, it'sbeautiful.
Speaker 3 (53:58):
Yes, and if you're my apartment complex thing to this
, saturday morning at 7 am isnot a good time to break the or
blow the leaves.
Thank, you.
Speaker 1 (54:06):
Thank you PSA to you Carson.
Anyways, random thought of theday, just I thought you two
would have an answer, but Iguess not.
Well, part of the why are youraking your leaves club.
Speaker 2 (54:21):
No, I'm part of the.
I'm not raking my leaves, butmy kids did start doing it, so
it's, I'm trying.
I'm trying for the people whothink it's really messy, I'm
trying.
No, we're in the same boat.
Speaker 1 (54:33):
I think it's beautiful and maybe it brings
them a sense of hey, maybe it'son their to-do list and they're
the people that have to likecheck something off and they
feel accomplished.
I think it's a waste of a dayto rake all these leaves.
Speaker 2 (54:50):
It's.
They fall in love with rakingleaves Rant over I was gonna say
Let me know how about that rant?
Speaker 1 (55:01):
It's a great question to know.
Have a wonderful week, myfellow Viragos, and talk to you
soon.
Bye, bye, bye.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago 24-7.
(55:24):
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at virago247, and
on Facebook, at virago247.
And just connect with us andshare your story.
(55:45):
We'd love to hear from you.
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Hello, my Viragos, hi, welcomeBrianna.
(00:49):
Hi, shiny like the sun, yo, howyou doing what you eating over
there?
Shiny, what we eating, she'slike I know, I made myself a
protein-packed snack.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Okay, it looks good.
It actually is really goodbecause it adds texture.
It's yogurt, yogurt, cottagecheese, granola and fresh fruit
it looks so good.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Honestly, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Parfait, if you will yes, and I I feel like when
we're gonna eat something, weshould um make it count.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, that's where I'm at right now you guys look
nice and happy and, thank you,vibrant.
So thank you, thank you.
I'm just kidding, I'm happy.
Thank you for being here today,of course.
So we now start our podcast,every podcast, when it's the
three of us and we do theexamine, and the examine is what
(01:42):
shiny, do you remember?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
it is our highlights and hurdles.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yes, highlights and hurdles so it's a real prayer
that our friend justin told usabout and I was like, oh, that'd
be nice to start off thepodcast with the examine which
is looking around every dayseeing what god is showing you.
Is he, oh, there signs, justthe beauty around you, and then
(02:07):
also acknowledging if there'sany missteps that we've done and
how we could do better in thefuture.
So highlights and lowlights.
Who wants to go first?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
I'll go.
My highlight since we lastrecorded is I started working
and my hurdle is I startedworking and my hurdle is I
started working.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I knew you were going to say that.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Oh my gosh, tell us more.
How is it?
How is the same situation ahighlight?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
It's a highlight because I'm very happy I'm
working at the dental practiceDr Talley's office again, which
I worked there for a long timebefore, and so I'm very happy to
be working with my dad again,for my dad again, and I'm very
happy to be earning a paycheckand there's a sense of freedom,
(03:01):
like I don't know, there'ssomething about being a single
mom when you're, when you'redoing all of these things, that
just makes you feel like abadass bitch, and so this is
like another step to that, likefinancial independence.
So that's really exciting.
And I love dentistry.
I'm, I'm, I like to think I'mreally good at what I do.
However, it's been an adjustmentjuggling, you know, being home,
(03:25):
being a stay at home mom for ayear and a half and having so
much quality time with my kids,and then losing that and just
trying to find the balance.
Um, you know, how much time doI dedicate to work and and how
do I find the time for my kids?
And not just that like, how doI find the time for Brianna?
That's been like how do I findthe time for Brianna?
(03:48):
That's been I'm tired.
So that's been I'm exhausted.
That's been a struggle, yeah,yeah.
So that's my highlights andhurdles Shauna ma'am.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I love that.
I will say that my highlighttruly is being surrounded by
like-minded people and, honestly, I had such a heavy hearted few
weeks.
I'm going through somethingpersonal and I was around a lot
(04:13):
of family was attending awedding and just culturally
there's.
You know, you, you want to lookperfect, you want to sound
perfect.
It's.
It's a lot of pressure,pressure, but today, when I
walked in with that heavy heartrunning around because I'm
always feel like I'm running Ifelt I was greeted with joy and
(04:35):
acceptance and and truly it justfeels so good because being
seen, heard and understood isthe biggest way someone could
love you.
Oh, I love that.
And you guys, you guys are likethat.
Oh, so I will say the highlightis the room of comfort?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
And it's really true, who you, who you surround
yourself with, like, just likeour kids.
We want our kids to be around,kids that are good and a good
role models and don't get intotrouble.
I think it's the same thingwith our friends as adults.
So we want to be around goodinfluences.
And my hurdle was just thatthat I had a big wedding, my I
(05:22):
had two relatives.
I have two relatives gettingmarried Last weekend one did,
and next month I'm going to awedding again.
So it's hard.
It's hard I'm trying to letthat go, but it's hard for me.
So that's my hurdle, all right.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
My highlight I had a birthday, so I'm one year wiser,
thank you, Thank you.
I am a wise 45 years old and itwas.
It was a wonderful night.
You two celebrated with me.
We went to my favorite Italianrestaurant and my best friend
Adrian was there, and my kidsand Philip, and we just had such
(06:02):
a lovely time.
And then that weekend, becausemy birthday was Wednesday,
november 6th for those of youthat want, to know send a gift.
Yeah, I celebrate all the way upuntil Thanksgiving because I do
pay respects to Thanksgiving,but yeah, send a gift, a card,
um, send me a text, if you havemy number, and write it down for
next year.
And then we went to our condoin Tybee for the weekend and it
(06:28):
was just so relaxing, so it justit just brings just calmness
and peacefulness to my spiritwhen we go there.
So that's my highlight and myhurdle.
It's been a few things.
I think you know the electionobviously I don't want to get
(06:49):
into politics, but just we allknow the dynamics on both sides,
and so that's been hard to readthings and stuff and stuff like
that.
And just you know, remindingmyself that I can't put all of
my focus on the government orthis world because of my faith.
I have to remind myself thatGod has a plan for us.
That you know.
(07:10):
We may not understand what'shappening, but we have to just
trust his plan and that's theonly way I can get through.
You know the things that aregoing on in our world, in our
United States of America, sotrue, so, yeah, so those are the
hurdles and yeah, I had to wakeup to, you know people arguing
and people being sad.
Oh, but both are.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
It doesn't matter which way you voted.
Right Like there's still hatredspewing on both sides.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Exactly it's negative for everyone.
So it was a good day and a sadday, but because I don't like, I
hate, you know, that feeling oftension.
I don't think any of us areloving it, except you know.
I'm sure there's a few people,but the majority of us are just
over it.
So, anyways, if you have thatfaith, focus on the Lord, love
it.
Thank you, okay, so we are.
(08:04):
We've been talking.
We talk obviously because weneed to know what we're going to
talk about when we come on thepodcast, and some of our
personal stories are verythere's a common theme and so I
said all right, let's talk aboutthis, because maybe others are
going through it.
So the question is if you aremotivated to learn and grow so
(08:25):
that this podcast is all abouthealing and growing and
community with women andunderstanding who you are and
wanting to better yourself inthe ways that you, you know.
I don't like to say weaknesses,but what does Philip say?
He doesn't use weaknesses.
He doesn't use weaknesses.
Learning opportunities,learning opportunities, learning
(08:45):
opportunities, yeah, so, like,if you are, have that mindset,
we call it a growth mindset.
But if you have that mindset,like we the three of us are, how
do you interact with peoplethat are not on that same
journey.
How do you navigateinteractions with them,
relationships, because somepeople there's some people that
you can just say, hey, I'm notdealing with this, and keep it
(09:08):
moving.
But that's not always the casewith a lot of relationships.
So what can we do as we'regrowing and realizing that these
people may not be on that samepath?
How do we keep our shittogether?
That's what I really want toknow.
Get somebody out.
How do we keep all shittogether and not go to jail for
smacking somebody?
That's a great question andwe're not experts at this?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
because we're not.
That's why it's the subject.
Yeah, the struggle is real.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
The struggle I think, for me and what's going on for
us, that this is the commontheme.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I have a couple scenarios in my life.
One is is a friendship thatdoesn't.
She doesn't have a growthmindset, and I strive to be.
I always want to be learning, Ialways want to be growing.
I never want to be stagnantlike ever or just be still in in
(10:04):
areas that I could go in.
So it's really hard, and andit's it's hard too because
sometimes you can get suckedinto that mindset and that can
be detrimental for yourcharacter or your piece, and so
for me I have.
Just I try to find the positivein everything, and so I have
(10:26):
thought to myself this is anexample of how having a growth
mindset has affected my life,because I'm looking at somebody
who doesn't have a growthmindset or has no desire to
change or sees no flaws in theiractions, and so in a way, it
makes me feel thankful that I amnot like that but complains
(10:46):
about a lot of stuff too right.
Yes, complains about a lot ofthings but does nothing to
change it.
I have a lot of areas in mylife that I'm very frustrated
with.
I'm going through a divorce.
I have two baby daddies.
That can both, at times, bequite difficult.
I've just started a new job andobviously there are trials and
tribulations there, but I thinkthat it's important for me to
(11:11):
make sure that I am alwayspositive.
I'm always looking for areas togrow.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
I got stuck I got caught up in my emotions.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
I'm trying to watch what I say.
I shouldn't do that, but I'mtrying to watch what I say.
I shouldn't do that, but I'mtrying to watch what I say.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
That's why we were talking about it because we're
struggling with this.
Yeah, it's not easy.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I mean, we're still trying to figure it out.
That's why I'm asking thequestion.
That's a good one.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
It brings you down too.
It can affect your mentalhealth, it can affect you.
And then you're like I willstress about like, if people are
venting to me about theirproblems, I will stress about
like how can I fix it?
How can I fix it?
I'm like, bitch, you got thingsin your own life you need to be
fixing.
You can't worry about fixingsomebody else's.
But what I'm trying to say is,even though there are so many
(12:00):
things in my life that are notperfect or nowhere near where I
want them to be, I'm stillmaking moves every day to get to
that point.
And so that's where not havinga growth mindset and having a
growth mindset comes in.
Although my life isn't where Iwant it to be in this moment,
I'm doing things about.
First of all, I'm acknowledgingit, I'm addressing those things
(12:21):
and I'm making moves to getthere.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
That's what I was trying to say Word yeah, no,
that's really good.
And I, you know I've been knownto cut people off and just move
them to the side.
But, like I say, you can't dothat with everyone and it is.
I look inward in a way where mynatural instinct is to cut
someone out, but as a growthminded person, you're learning
(12:46):
that you can't do that, andthat's where a lot of my
frustration comes from is notbeing able to say everything
that you want to say to a personbecause you know they're not
going to receive it period.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
And it's a waste of your energy too, because you're
talking about somebody who hasno desire to change, sees no
flaws in their actions, soyou're cussing them out.
For what?
What's it going to do you?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
know, yeah, and then a lot of those people that are
closed minded, you know, a lotof them may have a lot of
anxiety, a lot of ways that theymanipulate, they don't
communicate well, and it's justall habits that I'm just.
I've just grown so past that.
But still having to interactwith certain people, I don't
(13:30):
have a choice in certainsituations.
It has been so trying for me.
And then my sweet husband Ilove him, but sometimes I want
to just shake him.
Well, god is probably teachingyou patience.
Well, no shit, sherlock, I don'tcare, it's still hard and it
(13:52):
frustrates me when I can'treally fully I can, I can, I can
say I can fully say it, but Iknow that there's other boxes
and other things that will beopen by the things that I say,
and it'll just keep going on andgoing on, and going on.
So, as the quote, unquote,bigger person, you just have to
just kind of swallow certainthings in order not to just
(14:15):
continue the madness.
I've just been very frustratedthis week.
It's been a very frustratingweek for me, having to just kind
of suck up certain things soand I don't know how to interact
with those people becausenormally I'm like bye, like I
don't need it.
I don't need to be alone inevery situation.
(14:35):
Well, you can, yeah, butthere's consequences sometimes,
and you know we're smart enoughto understand that.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
So I think it's important for us to sit back
when we get in those places andwe're like to play the tape all
the way through.
You know, okay, I sit here andI tell all of my feelings, I get
out and in a way it's going tomake me feel better.
But what is it going to do forthe situation?
If you're dealing with somebodyso close-minded or somebody who
thinks that there's no error intheir ways, what?
(15:03):
What's it going to do?
It's a waste of energy.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yes, I, for me, I I feel the same.
It's very frustrating and harddealing with with people who
think that their way of thinkingis the right way, the only way,
and that I am the problem.
The way I see it is the problemand I'm not thinking clearly,
(15:33):
and that's where the frustrationcomes from for me also.
And Dr Shefali, who is aspeaker and a writer and author,
and she, she says that mostpeople aren't living life,
they're living patterns.
Okay, so the way I was thinkingabout my own life is there are
(15:57):
people who get up every day.
They do the same, you knowsimilar thing every day.
They react to this a certainway, the same way they go to
dinner, they go to the gym, theygo to bed, then the next day,
tuesday, they do the same thingall over again.
Whereas for me, on this journeyand it's gotten, I feel that I
(16:19):
have gotten stronger in myintention every single day and
throughout the day, I have totell myself and change the
narrative, the inner narrative,all the insecurities, all the
negative thoughts that wereprogrammed in me from childhood
(16:43):
and life and the things thathave happened, and recognize
that that's not always true, thestory that's told to us I don't
have to accept it as the truth,because I know my heart and
most people, especially the onesthat don't know you.
I'm their version of whatthey've made me.
(17:05):
So I need to let it go, whichis so hard, and a day like today
, I didn't sleep well.
I was really heavy hearted, Ihad to deal with something that
I felt brought me unnecessarygrief, and many times throughout
the day I knew I needed a nap,I knew I needed to stop, I knew
(17:27):
I could cancel hanging out, Icould cancel the recording, I
knew I could do things to changeit so I can rest.
But just resting wasn'tbringing bringing me any peace.
That idea I know that I had toliterally tell myself what
someone thinks of me is none ofmy business, and how someone
(17:50):
reacts to something is also notmy problem and that's one of the
biggest frustrations I have isthere'll be a scenario and I'll
see it that there are manypossibilities to get out of this
or make it work or bend, and Ithink that that's the character
(18:11):
that I want to be and I want tosurround myself like.
I want to be fluid, that ifsomething happens and and I want
that for my kids too likesomething happens.
What are we going to do aboutit?
Not sit there and fret like arocking chair that goes back and
forth, back and forth, but itdoesn't go anywhere.
And for me it's what you said isyou cut people off when you're
(18:34):
upset, or you walk away Causeyou know that that person's not
right for you?
My whole life I was scared todo that.
This is a very new thing for mefor me to try to have a
boundary or tell myself maybethat person isn't right for me
and that's okay, or maybe thatperson's version of me doesn't
(18:57):
make me feel very good.
And what I said earlier abouthow you guys made me feel good
and that was such a highlightthat's what I want.
I want it to go both ways.
I want to fill your cup up,just like you're filling mine.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
And it is hard to set those boundaries Like.
It hasn't been easy for meeither, but I am.
I always tell myself, I'm like,is that other person sitting
around, being like thinkingabout it?
And and then I feel like ahorrible person when I finally
just set that, that, that wall,and I'm like I'm not doing this
anymore, I'm not dealing withyou anymore, and then I started
(19:39):
second guessing myself, likewhat a horrible human are you
that you can just like, notreally throw someone away, but
just after so many years ofbeing around these people, just
just be done.
But it's.
But when you think about it,it's like there's a lot of
things that were being done toyou from these people and you
swallowed it and you swallowedit, and you swallowed it until
(20:01):
you're just tired, like mybelly's full.
I don't want to swallow.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
I can't take it yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I'm just full of just .
I'm just full of all yourshenanigans and and I'm not
doing it anymore.
So it seems abrupt, but it'smore of a I'm tired.
Yeah, I've allowed you to be,to treat me this way, I've
allowed you to be who you areand it hasn't benefited me.
And here we are and I'm tiredof it.
So for me, right now, myfrustration is more on the
(20:29):
professional side, which is whyI say that you know it's harder
to just to walk away.
I mean, I could walk away, Idon't have to work where I'm
working.
So, yes, you do, I do, it'sjust, it's been, it's been, it's
been tough.
We don't have to go into who,why and stuff, just know it's
professional.
(20:50):
And in dentistry, having thewife in the practice is seen as
very negative.
The wife is always seen as thebitch and the tyrant.
And because a lot of dentistsfor some reason are meek and
mild and don't have a backbone,you know it's mostly men,
because women doctors, I think,are on the flip side, where
(21:12):
they're too hardcore.
Yeah, no, and so you knowpeople come in and think, oh
shoot, the wife is in thepractice and it's, it's a
turnoff.
And then they get to know meand it's, and it's good.
It's like, oh, it's not what weexpected.
And also my husband is not meekand mild.
He's not going to let me getaway with really anything either
(21:33):
, but it's been hard becausethat's already a reputation,
that's already what's expected,yeah.
So I try to just keep my headdown as much as I can, but also
I'm going to be myself and I'mgoing to say what I'm going to
say when something doesn't lookright and it may, and maybe
that's what the reputation is isthat the wife is not going to
(21:54):
wants the husbands wants to havetheir husbands back, and maybe
that's where it stems from.
We feel like we have to protectwhat he has built, and then it
might come across as bitchy.
So, boom, I just had anepiphany just talking about it
right now.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
I'm like so then you're labeled a bitch because
you're not doing what you'resupposed to be doing and I'm
calling you out on your BS.
Yeah, and I just had this.
I just literally had anepiphany Because I'm like I
don't understand.
But now I get it it's not awife problem, it's the you
problem.
It's the you problem.
All the ones that tend to startamazing.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
I think the hard part in situations like these
because I'm with you there iswhen you think about the intent
right.
So like if you're walking inwith a positive intent and you
have good intentions and you'rethere to to be productive and to
help and to, you know, justjust be an asset to whatever it
is you're doing, and you haveall of these good intentions and
you're walking in with withthat mindset, and and then it's
turned into something completelynegative.
(22:58):
It proves number one to me thatI do have a growth mindset,
because I sit back and I analyzeokay, well, where am I in the
wrong in this situation?
And then it's like no, I hadcompletely good intentions, I
wanted to do the right thing,I'm doing the right thing.
So I think the most frustratingpart is the intent behind it.
Like I, if I came in with likemalicious intent or you had any
(23:21):
malicious intent, it would it.
I don't think it would be ashurtful or as frustrating as it
is, because you're like well, Imean, I'm, I'm getting what I
came for.
You know, smoke, but Brianna,but how do you know how?
Speaker 2 (23:34):
how do you know?
I mean, I know you know yourintentions, but how do you know
what the intentions are of theother people?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
I think honestly this this might come off as arrogant
, but I'm good at that sort ofthing.
I genuinely am.
I'm good at seeing people forwho they are.
I'm not quite as good asleonette.
No, I think we're similar.
No, don't you always say that,but we're.
I can see through bullshit.
So, like there are, there arecertain behaviors and there are
certain actions that you can't,you cannot tell me that was good
intentions, and if if so, thenyou need to read or something,
because you can't, you can't.
Just there are certain actionsthat you can't justify or you
can't.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
you can't tell me that those are good intentions,
but the reason I ask that is, weall think differently, but some
people who, I feel, have atendency to prefer to think the
worst for some reason, because Ifeel like when you're like a
hurt person or a sad person, youdon't really like happy people.
(24:40):
Hurt people, hurt people, right.
And I always felt that thereare certain people who just
don't like me.
They see me at yoga and they'relike are you ever not smiling
or is life always perfect?
And if they only knew.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, yeah To me and you know, know, when we're
talking about this, I think thethree of us really reflect on
who we are and how we comeacross.
We really, really are and Ipride myself on that and, like
you said, I'm a BS meter.
I don't, I don't know.
I guess it's a gift from God.
I usually think it's a curse,because I would look around and
(25:16):
be like am I the only one thatsees this person?
Like how do you guys not seethat A thousand percent Like I
feel like maybe I'm crazy.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Maybe I'm crazy.
Is this person getting on yournerves in the same way they're
getting on mine.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
I think what it is is that people just know how to
fake it.
They may feel the same way, butthey don't have the cojones to
like to to stand up and saysomething, and I just always
felt growing up that I'm in thetwilight zone like am I the only
?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
and even as an adult I'm like, hello, yeah, hello,
hello.
I definitely have that feeling.
I do feel people's energy and Imay get a really good sense of
something.
My problem, and it has beenthat I'm working on, is ignoring
yeah, ignoring that red flag orthinking, oh, they didn't mean
(26:07):
it, making excuses.
But you said it earlier, youknow, we, we, we teach people
how to treat us now.
So the problem with that is Ikind of become a doormat, so I
do need to.
It all goes back to boundariesagain, but when I recognize that
(26:28):
someone isn't right for me, Ineed to just slowly do like a
Michael Jackson, like justnicely.
Yeah, and just be cordial andand recognize that everybody
doesn't have to like me.
I don't need everybody to be myfriend and accept that I'm not
(26:49):
right for everyone.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yeah, yeah, and it's so go ahead.
Sorry, no, I was just going tosay I think it's so crazy
because I can tell.
So I don't want people to beperfect.
I accept that we're going tohave our issues and our flaws,
but when you know someone'sheart and going back to
intention, I can see someoneacting a certain way on the
surface, being kind of rude oryou know.
(27:13):
Maybe they're quiet becausethey're having an attitude.
There are certain people thatthat doesn't even bother me, I
can see past that and I'm likeno, there's a reason, and I know
them in this setting, so I knowtheir heart.
There's something happeningthat is making them act this way
(27:33):
.
So it's not that I can't seepast it and that everyone has to
be sunshine and rainbows thatis not what this conversation is
about, it's and so I can seepast that and then I'll know,
hey, what's going on, becauseyou're normally not this way and
even if I don't really know youfor some reason, I can see past
that.
But there's certain people thatwhen they're smiling in your
(27:55):
face and this has been personal,professional, all on french,
all all that they're saying onething, but it's you can tell
it's not coming from a genuineplace, and they're saying it
with a smile and there's no, youknow, quote, unquote little
intent behind it, according tothem, and my, my little senses
start just activating.
(28:17):
So it's not that you have tocome with me all like, because
then I can see sometimes throughthat too.
I'm so.
It's not that you have to comewith me all like because then I
can see sometimes through thattoo.
I'm like that's not genuine.
You're trying to manipulate.
The way you're saying it, theway you're twisting it, the way
you're phrasing it.
That's not so.
I feel like my BS meter isalways on high alert and it gets
very exhausting and I can dealwith someone who's just honest
(28:43):
and in your face about like thisis that, yeah, then the people
that are more secretive abouthow they deal with you thinking
that you're dumb, that I'msmarter than you?
and if I just say it like thisyou know she won't and I'm like
no, you picked the wrong bitchbaby, because no, you picked the
wrong one.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
When someone's lying to you, that is what they're
doing.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
They're undermining your intelligence yeah, they are
, and it's infuriating to mebecause, yeah, and I don't play
those games part of my strugglewith that, like you talked about
, like, just like peacefullywalking away.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
I cannot peacefully walk away.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
I cannot you got it, you got.
You got to say have you seenwhat is the one where angela
bassett burns his clothes, orthe car?
Speaker 2 (29:25):
how stella got her.
No, oh, waiting to exhalewaiting to it?
Speaker 1 (29:29):
was it waiting to exhale?
I think it is waiting to exhale.
That's you.
Yeah, she burned his stuff andlet the matcha walked away and
it just went I can't quietlywalk away if I'm frustrated by
something.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I am a very vocal person and I cannot sweep shit
under the rug.
Yeah, I cannot.
That's probably why I'mdivorced.
I cannot sweep shit under therug.
It gets crowded under there andwhen you hold stuff in and hold
stuff in and you take shit andyou take shit, then it is so
frustrating and then one dayI'll just explode Like, even if
my plan is to walk away andnever see or speak to you again,
(30:07):
I want you to know how you mademe feel.
I want you to know howfrustrated I am and I want you
to know and it and you may takeit with a grain of salt and not
do shit about it, but at least Igot it off my chest, or you may
think twice in the nextsituation that you're in.
But I cannot sweep stuff underthe rug.
If somebody and this it doesn'tmatter if I am in a professional
(30:27):
setting, personal my marriage,my baby daddies, both of them I
just I can't.
I need you to know that I'mfrustrated and I am.
I have to vocalize what I'mfeeling to the person that made
me feel that way.
And I agree with Leonette, Ipride myself on me being
extremely self-aware.
Any altercation that I have, Iguarantee you I am in the bath
(30:49):
or the shower that evening, oras soon as I can after that,
thinking what could I have donedifferently?
And I'm feeling this way aboutthis person and I'm so
infuriated.
But this person.
Are they feeling the same wayabout me?
Are they thinking that I'mfeeling this way about this
person and I'm so infuriatedwith this person?
Are they feeling the same wayabout me?
Are they thinking that I'm abitch?
Are they thinking that I hadill intent?
Or?
You know, I am so self-aware andthere have been many occasions
(31:09):
in my life where I've had to goback and apologize.
Whether it was, you know,because I blew up or said
something I shouldn't have said,or whatever the case may be.
I have gone back and apologize.
And then there are just certainsituations where I'm like I
don't think I could have doneanything differently.
I don't think I could have my.
My heart was completely pure inthat situation.
(31:30):
Bree, I love that you reflect.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
I, I do.
I do the same thing, but my, myissue is that I allow.
I also do.
Don't like to sweep thingsunder the rug, but it really
depends on who you're dealingwith.
If you're dealing with a personwho you can't bring up,
something that's difficult orhard, I become a volcano.
(31:55):
Oh yeah, same Me too.
And that monster that livesinside all of us.
I don't like shiny's monsterLike I love mine.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Mine is just kidding.
Yeah, I don't like mine becausemine comes with very specific
language and words.
I don't have to cuss, but thevocabulary that I use in words I
don't have to cuss, but thevocabulary that I use will put
you in your place and scare you.
It is quite scary.
I don't even have to yell, Ican just be.
(32:29):
I can just literally talk likethis Use my big girl words and
you're like what?
The hell?
She went to college.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
She's using her big girl words.
I turned into a potty mouth.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I learned that recently.
It's so weird because I've beencussing a lot more.
But I do that when I'm justlike I just need to vent, like
that.
But when I'm talking to someone, when I'm finding like I need
to say this to this person, thatgoes out the window.
Except sometimes I'm're prettysorry that effort comes out, but
it's in the past.
But but you like to cuss backto, so, but I don't even cuss in
(33:05):
those situations I get very zenand I'm like this these are my
words and I literally will prayabout it lord, give me the words
, because I know how I can be, Iknow I can fly off the handle
and I don't want to be that waybecause my message is not going
to come across if I'm cussing.
So I pray about it.
To be honest, I say I say aprayer and say give me the words
so that I don't like go crazy,and you can tell too, as
(33:28):
somebody who's been on thereceiving end of it.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
seriously, for me I'll, I'll expose it and I'll
say that your dog is ugly.
Your great mom is bald, likeI'll say the stupidest shit just
out of anger, but for you, youcan tell that it's like you mean
what you're saying and you'vethought about what you're saying
.
And what you're saying, whetheror not it's good, it's coming
from the heart and it's how yougenuinely feel.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
I had to grow into that.
I had to grow into that I usedto like.
That's why your teeth arecrooked.
Yeah, that's why your breathsmells, do you?
Speaker 2 (33:55):
is that, do you think that that's an influence with
Philip?
Yes, because that sounds somature.
Yes, it is mature Because Ifeel, like I become immature.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
I did too, I did too.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
And you know it was Philip.
It's a new thing, but thisimmature side comes out.
Oh yeah, it's like an immaturemonster.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Oh, mine too.
Mine used to be immature andPhilip would look at me.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
He's like I not doing this, I can, I can grow up.
Yeah, monster can grow up.
Yeah, you said dad, being likethat used to be frustrating.
Oh yeah, very.
He's the type of person thatyou could go to him and be like.
I was walking down the streetand john just slapped me across
the face for no reason,unprovoked, and that'll be like
well, it's gonna be okay, let'sjust pray about it.
There's a reason that happenedand this was supposed to teach
you something and I'm like nosir, absolutely fuck not, and it
(34:47):
would be frustrating, becauseyou're like why are you so calm?
Speaker 1 (34:51):
yeah, no it's emotional intelligence.
No, I grew from him because Iused to have a petty, immature
monster.
She's still in there.
She comes out when I'm ventingto you girls.
That's my petty, but on peopleI try to be more constructive
because it hasn't worked for mein the past.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
It's funny to see Leonette vent with dad in the
room.
Sometimes it's kind of likewhich way do I look, which way
do I lean?
Because lean, that'll be likeah, and I'll be like baby, baby.
It just happens.
That's not what we're going todo, baby.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
That's not what we're going to do, Except I'm like.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
I think she's doing it already, so it's happening.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
She came over for dinner and I was just ranting
and raving Like I just had tolet it out.
And that's exactly what he'sdoing.
He's like he gets quiet.
I'm cussing.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
I'm yelling Like that's not what we're going to
do, baby.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
And it wasn't about him.
I'm not yelling at him.
I'm venting about a situationand he's just yo, yeah, no, no,
it's going to be fine.
No, no, we're going to be okay.
It's going to be okay.
No, it could be.
I love you, but it could bevery frustrating.
When you're in the moment Ineed you to be best with me,
damn it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
I need you to be on my side.
You're going to be like, let'slight the torch, yes, and I'm
like yes.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
I want to work.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
But he'll never he will put your torch out.
We're not doing that.
We're not.
God wouldn't want that.
That's the devil, and I'm justlike fuck the devil.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
That's true, that's the devil, fuck the devil, and
you'll be like, well, yeah, yeah, exactly it's funny to see her
venting to him and you're justsitting there like it's not even
.
And then I'll start Exactlyit's funny to see her venting to
him and you're just sittingthere like this.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
But it's not even Like no, leonette, that's not
what we're doing.
And then I'll start from thebeginning and say the same thing
, like okay, it's the end.
And then I'm like and thenanother thing, and then let me,
I'll start from the beginning,just in case you didn't hear me.
It's hilarious.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Let me summarize.
The other night dad wasgrilling and he was like walking
.
We were in the kitchen and hewas on the deck outside grilling
and he would like Leonette's.
Like screaming at me, not at me.
She was like screaming to meand dad would walk in and be
like calm down baby.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
And just like walk right back outside, Four minutes
later he'd walk back in andshe's still screaming about the
same thing, but a different way.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
He was like I, hilarious.
I have to.
That's how I get it out.
I get it out of my systembecause I know I can't do that
to the people that I'mfrustrated with.
Yes, so that when I, you know,started, yeah, I have to have a
conversation.
I'm like, collect your thoughts.
Yes, you let it out about it.
Let's pray about it and we'regonna be okay.
So thank you for you know,understanding and being there,
both of you always encouraging,so I need to let out my immature
(37:46):
to your friends.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
yes, yeah, and that's that's that's my struggle.
Yes, is I have a problem withresponding versus reacting.
I mean, no, I re, I reactversus respond and and on the on
the shelf of like reallyoverreacting sometimes, because
we were talking about this, thatsometimes people can be
(38:11):
contagious and their frustrationor their anxiety or their fear
can somehow creep onto us.
Yeah, a thousand percent.
Yeah, and I think that's theempath part, that we can feel
those feelings and I don't likeit.
So I want to just give it rightback.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
I saw a picture on Facebook the other day and it
was one good like ripestrawberry and one moldy
strawberry, but the ripestrawberry was laying on the
moldy one and it started to mold.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
yeah, and it's like make sure you're aware of who
you surround yourself with sofunny, because I saw the same
one, but it was oranges, likelittle tangerines, and I
literally saved it because I'mlike wanting to share this, you
know, post it or something,because it's true, you start
becoming this ugly version ofyourself and I didn didn't like
being that way.
It just made me feel ugly.
I mean, I feel that there'scertain safe spaces with you,
(39:04):
brie, and with you, shainu,phillip, and there's other
friends where I can just liketotally be myself, just vent and
say it.
However the hell, I want to sayit and you guys receive it,
because you guys know my heartand you understand.
And then also, you give meperspective when you feel like I
need to look at it in adifferent way, and I love that,
(39:27):
like I like it when people don'tjust say, oh yeah, you're right
, you're right, you're the bestand therefore, no, give me
perspective and this is don'tescalate it yeah, yeah, no, I, I
.
So I just appreciate you guyslistening to me.
Appreciate you, yes, because Igot a big ass mouth.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
I love it.
You can't remove yourself fromthat person.
Yeah, that's.
That's where's a huge conflict,because there are certain
situations where you can'tremove yourself.
I have a few in my life rightnow.
One example would would be likea baby daddy.
You know that's true.
You got to deal with it.
They're going to be in my lifeforever for the sake of my
(40:06):
children.
Yeah, you have to learn how to.
I can't freaking stand them orwant to never see their stupid
face again.
I have to next Friday.
Or if there's something goingon with one of my kids, I have
to communicate with them.
(40:26):
So I think that the tricky partin this is Navi.
It's I think I'm dealing with afriendship right now that I'm
in the midst of letting go, andof course, it's hard and it's
sad and I'm going to have togrieve that relationship, but
it's.
I'm at ease about it because Iknow I can walk away.
Why do I ever have to see thisperson again, do I?
(40:46):
There's no reason.
I have no ties to this personaside from you know the
friendship we built andeverything like that.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
But then there are situations, work situations or
relationships that you have tohave a relationship, and that's
when you have to like, learn.
That's why that's why it's soimportant to grow as a person
absolutely because that's whenyou learn how to calm yourself
and use your big girl words.
I have learned that.
However, it's not always easyand it's not always fun, and I
do get highly frustrated.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
A wise woman told me about two weeks ago that the
cream always rises to the top,and that has played in my head
over and over these past coupleof weeks.
Because I'm like as long as Iknow, my heart is pure.
I'm constantly self-analyzingand looking at situations I
could have done things differentor reacted differently.
(41:29):
As long as I know I have goodintentions and I'm doing exactly
what I need to be doing and I'mexcelling at what I need to be
doing, the cream rises to thetop.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yes, so I want that confidence.
That's what I would like tobuild in myself is the assurance
that it's okay whatever theythink, whatever they say,
whatever they do.
It's not about me, and I knowmy heart, I know my intentions,
I know the people in my lifethat love me and that's what I
(42:01):
want to do.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, and the thing and the thing is, these other
people may not look at us andthink that about us, and that's
okay.
They might think that we havehorrible intentions and that
were whatever they've made up intheir head, and that's okay
because, you know, god sees ourheart and only we know, and he
knows when our heart truly is.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
And a funny little spin on that is, if you're
feeling this way out of whetherit be envy or intimidation, or
you think I'm smarter than you,or you think I'm prettier than
you, that's a compliment.
Carry on with your bad self,because I feel good and let's
just spin it.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
It's a compliment.
They think I'm amazing.
Also, you love me self becauseI feel good and let's just spin
it.
It's a compliment.
They think I'm amazing.
Also, love me is what I'mseeing and this is what's
bringing my anger out in you.
Let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
That's a trick on your confidence.
That's a trick on yourconfidence.
It's good talking about you somuch.
You must be that important,yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
I love it.
I try to find the positive inall situations.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
I'll show you my way so you don't have to be mad.
Just one more thing, and thisis for me personally and I think
it's for all of us Godintentionally removes people.
I've recognized that to makespace for those that maybe I
didn't See or they didn't have abigger.
They were taking up a biggerspace in my life and God's got
(43:21):
my back Exactly.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
And we'll end it at that, and if you guys have any
other ways that we can deal withcomplicated people, challenging
people stupid, mean peoplestupid stupid is kind of harsh,
but mean people or ugly people,manipulative people or hurt
people, then please let us knowvirago247podcast at gmailcom.
(43:48):
We would love for you to giveus input so that we can grow
together yeah now for the viragolibrary.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
We need, like a virago library, music okay, we
do work on that, right what wejust spoke about.
One one evening we were talkingabout a segment called I wrote
a song.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Well, yeah, so we were drinking heavily, not
heavily, not heavily, notheavily, but for some reason it
got us to a giddy state of mind.
And Shiny wants to have whatsong did you write?
So she wrote one, and I didn'tthink she was actually going to
do it.
I did.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
I'm just going to, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna
are you gonna rap it?
Speaker 1 (44:41):
are you gonna sing it ?
Is it country?
Is it rap?
It's country.
Hip-hop, okay, okay it's.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
Oh, now I'm, now I'm getting stage fright.
No, was radio freight radioright, yes, podcast, right you
got this okay, god is good, beeris great and people are crazy
wait is this your real song.
Wait a minute, I didn't write it, I heard it on radio.
(45:07):
I'm not kidding, you know Iwrite okay, I didn't all the
time because I always have anotebook in my purse and I heard
that song and I I literallywrote like the date, lol.
And wrote God is good, beer isgreat, people are crazy, god is
good.
And because I want my friendsto also be writing stuff.
I have a little gift for Brie.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Oh, there's, gifts, yes.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Oh, Brie, In today's vault there's gifts.
I have a little notebook foryour purse.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
Oh, that is so cute.
It's a notebook with prettyflowers.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Guess who's there.
Guess who's there.
The feelings wheel.
Oh, I love this.
Oh my gosh, I need to wear myglasses.
You might need to wear glasses.
Oh, I love it.
It's really shiny.
What is it called?
It's a feelings wheel.
Mm-hmm, let me see.
And it's color-coded and I lovecolor-coded things.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
So wait, so it has.
Okay, I'll have to look and see.
So those, oh, I love that.
Oh, so if you're happy, this iswhat's happening.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
If you're angry, this is why I'm going to color it
real next to you, shiny, thankyou, because if we can name it,
we can tape it.
Yes, thank you so much.
Thank you, shaina, you're sosweet.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
You're so sweet, so I've never heard this country
song before, but I love it.
I think it's my new motto.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
You're so sweet, here's good.
So today I was thinking Peopleare crazy.
Like I said, I really enjoywriting and the three of us are.
You know we don't have a namefor ourselves, but I put
together the hot mamas, I puttogether LBS, which stands for
pounds, and we're the pounds youwant to hold on to.
(46:45):
I like it.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
We're the pounds you want to hold on to A poet and I
didn't even know it.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
Okay, she's bringing some literature to the library.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
I love that the pounds you want to hold on to.
I'm going to text that to myex-husband how much the pounds
you lost.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
We're not.
We're not weight, we're.
We're the weight you want tocarry, Absolutely.
I love that.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
I love you guys.
That's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
So I'll do it.
It's going to be really quick,but I just came up with stuff
that I've researched in.
Even my own stuff, because I'mpersonally working on this is
people think that my smile isjust plastered on my, on my face
, all day long, every day.
But really it's a mindset.
I choose to be happy despiteeverything that's going on, and
(47:41):
even today, where I was heavyhearted, even though it's is it
Friday or free day, I call itfree.
I tell my kids it's notSaturday, it's Friday.
So that's where they came fromSaturday.
Yeah, so one of the things thatmake me happy and I think
everybody here can agree is whenwe write a list and we do
(48:02):
things and we cross it off, howmuch joy that brings it does.
That's a little thing that wecan do and it can be every day.
It could be a to-do list, itcould be a gratitude list, it
could be one day you're like youknow what I really love?
My friends.
I'm going to write their namesdown, Like when we were kids.
We have a crush on a boy, wewrite his name, but we can write
(48:24):
the friends we love.
Their names can make us happy.
Or ideas.
Ideas make us so happy and itmakes us feel pretty brilliant.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Yeah, it does.
I was going to do that today,but I took a nap instead.
That's okay.
You know what Tomorrow's a'sokay.
Tomorrow's a new day.
That sounds like a song.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
I have so much anxiety and so much worry about
the future and so it's so easyfor me to get yes, it's so easy
for me to get like in adepressive state of mind.
So I physically have to write alist of things that I'm
grateful for, and it can besmall things.
It can be when my kids go tosleep and I have 14 minutes to
myself.
That sort of thing Does it helpyou?
(49:02):
That's great, it helps me?
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Yes, cause it's a lot .
It's not happy people that aregrateful, it is grateful people
that are happy.
Oh, I like that and I thinkthat that's.
I think that's a commondenominator for those that are
unhappy is they're concentratingon the things that aren't
working out.
But the truth is we all havethings that aren't working and
(49:25):
things that are difficult andhard.
But if we could concentrate onwhat we have and be grateful,
that does bring you automaticjoy, absolutely.
And so that was.
Gratitude equals happy.
Beer is great.
We already went on that.
Circling back to what we wereall saying about growth mindset,
I think the first step is beingaware that we need one.
(49:49):
Yeah, so when we're lookingtowards people that are
like-minded is that's what wehave in common?
Is that we're self-aware andchecking ourselves, and we may
not check ourselves right inthat moment Because, like I said
, I have a tendency to bereacting lately instead of
quietly pausing and responding.
(50:09):
But I am aware of it and I wantto work on it, love it.
And my last thing was tryingnot to sweat the small stuff.
Oh yeah, these little things.
I sometimes think to myselfwhen I'm sweating something
that's minor, I literally tellmyself I hope this, I forget
(50:29):
this as soon as possible, andtomorrow is a new day, or this
evening is a new evening.
Yeah, I love it and that's allI got.
Speaker 1 (50:39):
Thank you, father of the Virago Library.
I do have one thing that I wantto end with.
It's not really a quote, butit's something that I found on
Pinterest that goes to what wewere talking about.
So it says it says my therapisttaught me that not my therapist
personally, but the person whoever posted this on Pinterest my
(51:02):
therapist taught me that wordsmatter Instead of saying I can't
, say it's not a priority for meright now.
Replace I'm jealous of them with.
I'm inspired by them.
Replace I have to do this with.
I get to do this, brianne, andI talked about that recently.
Replace I failed with this.
(51:23):
Attempt didn't work.
Replace why is this happeningto me with?
What am I learning from this?
Words matter because, even ifyou don't fully mean them, your
brain can't tell the difference.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
I love that, liana.
I want you to send me that.
I'll send it to you, I'll postit.
I love that, leonette.
I want you to send me that I'llsend it to you.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
I'll post it I love that Same.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
Okay, we have time.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
I have a random thought.
Random statement of observationhas nothing to do what we've
talked about.
So I've been driving around youknow our area, peachtree
Corners taking kids to schooland I've observed I've always
observed this, but finally I'mlike we should talk about this
topic.
I want to know why do people,when it's fall and there's
(52:07):
leaves we have a ton of trees inour area and the leaves are
everywhere why do they rake themand put them in a bag for
someone to pick them up, whenit's just part of nature and
it's going to go away eventuallyand like why are you wasting
your time like raking up leaves?
Like we have a yard personthat's a wonderful ass question.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
I'm just saying why are you wasting your time?
I'm scared where this is goingbecause I don't know.
It was just a question I askedmyself so I was afraid, why
aren't her leaves no?
Speaker 3 (52:39):
that's a great question because that can never
be me outside in the fall,breaking down leaves they are
raking leaves.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
They're raking the leaves whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
this is this is you feel?
Very strongly about it.
You drop the mic.
She almost followed it down tothe floor.
She's like why are you rakingthe leaves Mic?
Speaker 1 (53:02):
drop.
Sorry, mic drop, I was sopassionate about the leaves that
, when Mike fell, they're rakingthe leaves and I don't
understand why.
That's a great question.
So we have a yard person and so, phillip, they came yesterday
and so they have the blower.
So we don't have leaves rightnow, but it's not because I
raked them and put them in a bagand waited for a truck to come
(53:24):
pick them up.
What and why?
So, anyways, I just observedand I wanted to bring it to the
table and I need to know why ifyou're a reek, a reek if you're
a leaf raker.
Why are you wasting your time ofmine?
Speaker 3 (53:42):
to write the leaves.
I want to know this actually.
Please respond to this.
Speaker 1 (53:46):
I want to know Right.
And when I say we had so manyleaves on the driveway, it did
not bother me, it did not.
I don't give a shit, Amen.
I'm like this is to me, it'sbeautiful.
Speaker 3 (53:58):
Yes, and if you're my apartment complex thing to this
, saturday morning at 7 am isnot a good time to break the or
blow the leaves.
Thank, you.
Speaker 1 (54:06):
Thank you PSA to you Carson.
Anyways, random thought of theday, just I thought you two
would have an answer, but Iguess not.
Well, part of the why are youraking your leaves club.
Speaker 2 (54:21):
No, I'm part of the.
I'm not raking my leaves, butmy kids did start doing it, so
it's, I'm trying.
I'm trying for the people whothink it's really messy, I'm
trying.
No, we're in the same boat.
Speaker 1 (54:33):
I think it's beautiful and maybe it brings
them a sense of hey, maybe it'son their to-do list and they're
the people that have to likecheck something off and they
feel accomplished.
I think it's a waste of a dayto rake all these leaves.
Speaker 2 (54:50):
It's.
They fall in love with rakingleaves Rant over I was gonna say
Let me know how about that rant?
Speaker 1 (55:01):
It's a great question to know.
Have a wonderful week, myfellow Viragos, and talk to you
soon.
Bye, bye, bye.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago 24-7.
(55:24):
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at virago247, and
on Facebook, at virago247.
And just connect with us andshare your story.
(55:45):
We'd love to hear from you.
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