January 17, 2024 • 59 mins
As the confetti settles on another festive New Year's celebration, I, Lyanette Talley, alongside Justin, Philip, and Milky, take a heartfelt look at the roads we've traveled and the paths we're carving out for the future. Our heartfelt exchange kicks off with a toast to our goals for 2024!
Journey with us through the world of dating apps where we chuckle over the tug-of-war between a captivating bio and a striking profile pic—a modern-day quandary that just might be reshaping our social finesse. As we swap tales from the trenches of dating and marriage, expect a rollicking ride from the peculiar pet peeves that test our patience in partnerships to the light bulb moments that keep the flames of romance flickering. And let's not skirt around the elephant in the room; we're tackling the nitty-gritty of keeping that spark alive in marriage, from the "dating" of your spouse to navigating the intricate dance of communication and appreciation.
But it's not all laughs and romance—Justin, Philip, and I wade into the heavier currents of marriage, unpacking the hefty luggage of regrets, the sting of infidelity, and the daunting prospect of forgiveness. In a poignant pivot, we contemplate the layered roles of parenting and gender expectations, challenging societal norms and embracing the evolving dynamics of modern families. So refill your glass and join our candid conversation as we face the joys and trials of life with the unguarded honesty you've come to expect from Virago 24-7.
Go to my website virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
You can email me at virago247podcast@gmail.com
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
everyday warriors.
Hello, my men of Virago, hello,hello, how we doing, how we
(00:48):
doing.
Justin, Philip, Milky.
Happy new year, happy new year.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
How you?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
guys feeling in the new year.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Feeling good.
Awesome, we got some news.
What news do we have?
We bought a condo in.
Oh, I thought we were going tohave a baby or something.
Yeah, we did.
It's been a long.
I was just going to ask anygoals, because we don't do
resolutions.
We set goals and if we don'taccomplish it that year, we like
(01:17):
move it to the next year and tothe next year, to the next year
.
So, yeah, we always wanted toown something by the beach.
And we closed yesterday.
Woo congratulations.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Thank you, I totally forgot about that it's scary,
but I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
So cheers to that, yes, cheers.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Cheers to our new free weekend vacation home in
Los Angeles.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Amen to that, family discounts, cheers.
Do you guys have any goals forthe year?
Speaker 4 (01:41):
I have a goal to stay at Tybee Island Cottage.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
I'm.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Airbnb.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Besides that, besides that, I want to read more books
and also I think this is a yearthat I become a full-time
student, and tough, that's right.
Yes, so still not official yet,but it seems like it's coming.
That would be in the fall, thatwould be in the summer, in the
summer, in the week of July,nice.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Got a doctor in the making.
Everybody, yep yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
I love it.
Love it, justin, you want toread more books.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I want to read more books too.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
I'm not a big book reader, but, let's see, I'm a
big book reader.
The one thing on my mind is myTesla.
I think that's a goal for me.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Who are you going to get a Tesla?
Speaker 4 (02:30):
That's my goal.
Oh, we're getting a Tesla, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
It's a drive down to Tabby.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
My other goal would be I'm coaching my son's soccer
team as well as my daughter'ssoccer team, so 14 new girls and
10 new boys in the spring Nice.
I'm very excited about that,very excited.
Nice Continuation from the fall, from the fall, yeah, yeah.
(02:57):
So my goal for that would be toend the season on a high note,
just like we did.
We played really well in ourlast game and so just continue
that growth for all of theplayers.
Look at you, coach Justin.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Coach Machado, I did it for one season and I was like
yeah, like who volunteered mefor this time?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
It was too much.
It's a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
So I give you all the respect.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
All right, Philip, any goals for you?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Again, my goal is to be intentional, continue to I
don't know to be just to grow asa person.
I got to figure out what bookwe're going to read next for our
men's group.
That's going to be the guysgiving me input on what they
want to read.
I got one Starting in February.
Okay, Good, I got one on thelist.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Aw, look at your little men's group.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
It's so cute and we enjoy it.
We really enjoy it.
It's a good fellowship with theguys.
So to continue to grow thatgroup and for me and just be
intentional when it comes to mywork and probably do some
consulting I'm the site is whatI want to do.
I met with my consultant todayand we're going to try to
partner up and do some things.
(04:08):
And we got a business plan andwe actually put things in
writing and give me a website.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's exciting.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
And I did some things like that.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Cool.
Well, your guys show.
Our show was a hit.
We got great feedback, so weneed to do this.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Really yeah.
What are the feedbacks?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
The feedback is that you guys were hilarious and
entertaining, so I am happy tohave you guys back.
And they love Justin.
Yes, they love Justin.
Milky is so cute and I wouldlove to continue to do this with
you guys, so I'm happy to haveyou guys back.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
So keep the same energy, then Keep the same
energy.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Tell your witty stories.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Milky.
Keep drinking, thatmiscalculation, keep drinking.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
So we can hear about your dating stories?
No, I'm reading over thesequestions that were given and
I'm trying to figure out whereto start, because these are
getting a little deeper.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Just go off into the deep end A little deeper.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
So let me just throw one that's not so deep.
And this is from our 13 yearold daughter, and she heard I
was doing this.
She's like I have a question.
Why do men not go deep witheach other when they hang out?
This is from our 13 year oldKorynn.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
I'll say this amongst my friends there's some times
we do get deep.
I know in our sessions we do.
We think a lot.
We have discussions where we'rereally thinking a lot.
I think we go deep.
I think there's just womendon't see that side, because
it's different.
So I don't think I can talk tomy wife or a friend, a
(05:51):
girlfriend in the same way thatI would talk to my homies.
It's very different Wait.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
so you guys go deep.
We just don't know about it.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Yeah, I think, for real, that's what it is.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
Sometimes I feel that also, guys, it takes time for
us to see who we could trustalso so we could talk about a
certain subject, but once wefind that person, it's
definitely very beneficial andit's very therapeutic.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Yeah, I'm going to tell you, we're very lucky to
have people like that in ourlives.
There's a lot of people outthere who don't.
It's tough, but when you dofind it and you can find it in
everyday settings, but when youdo find it it's making that
first step towards vulnerabilityand opening up to a homie.
I'm also like actually thatputs it on the thing I invited
(06:42):
my neighbor who just got marriedand I'm not putting it on blast
because nobody knows him andnobody knows where I live but my
neighbor just got married.
They have two kids together andhe's just in his first marriage
.
Everything he's brand new tothe game and it's very
(07:05):
interesting and I don't think hehas anywhere to talk about it,
but he's a very smart man and Ithink it's so interesting and I
told him about it.
He considered it.
I was very close to getting amirror.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Well, we like new voices.
So just keep working on him,Justin, Because I do want
variety too, because differentperspectives will be fun.
All right, so they go deep guys.
We just don't know about it.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
Yeah, sorry, ladies.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Sorry, sorry, just a point, right I think what Milky
just mentioned is that which isnot as quick to open up maybe as
females will, because I thinkfemales just kind of open up
their emotional beings anyway.
And for us we have to be in theright setting.
You know, and I think it's coolfor us to like with our men's
(07:52):
group that we meet once a monthand we read a book and we're
kind of our book club and youknow, we get into topics and
discussions and we know abouteach other's personal life and
it's really cool.
But you know, and as eachmeeting happens, we get a little
deeper.
But I think females get adeeper a lot quicker and a lot
(08:13):
sooner, and it doesn't matterwho it is or you know what I'm
saying, but for us, yeah, ittakes a little bit.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
Actually you tapped into.
I don't think a guy would liketwo weeks into a friendship and
be like, hey, bro, so like youknow me and the why, and you
start going into like deepthings, what do you feel about
this?
You know, I don't think thatthat's happens.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I mean I think it just we see more super like
surface relationships.
I mean I don't think I wouldafter two weeks go deep, or or
they think or they think I'mgoing deep, but I'm only sharing
what.
I don't get with them about.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I just got back from North Carolina.
I was just sitting on a benchwaiting, you know, having to be
with my brother-in-law, and thislady from Florida decides to
tell me her entire life storyLike just sitting there.
She's lonely.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
No her husband was right oh you can be lonely and
have people around you and stillbe lonely.
Oh, and she was just tellingyou her whole life story A whole
life story.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
I can tell you like I was there for Naples.
Her name was Susan.
She was drunk, but no, she wasa really nice old lady, really
nice old lady, very, very niceold lady who just I don't think
she appreciate you calling herold, but continue.
I know.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Thank you, she knows she knows, she knows she was old
Like what's old.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
What's old, justin?
What's old, I don't know,probably in her in late 67.
You just offended a whole groupof people.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Isn't that?
Speaker 4 (09:42):
old I'm not old.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Just say that for you .
Okay, this one actually this isa good one Shiny wants to know
for the single guy Milky, areyou on dating apps?
Gosh, you're not on dating apps, so this one's not good for you
.
I thought you were on datingapps.
No, because she wanted to knowwhat do you look for?
Do you read the bios or youjust go for looks?
(10:06):
So maybe we can just do ahypothetical Men are looking at
the looks.
Come on now, let's be honest,first and foremost.
Yes, yeah, who's reading bios?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
After you look at the picture.
After you look at the picturesyeah, it's after the picture.
Yeah, but I kind of would saylike oh no, I do.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
I read it for the bios.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
You're not looking at the picture and reading the bio
first and then looking at thepicture.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Okay, what if she's like super hot?
Then the bio doesn't reallymatter.
She can say she, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
It still matters the thing to know what you want to
app for.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Like you, don't like cats.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I hate cats.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
But if she says she likes cats but she's hot, you'd
be like, okay, I'll just takesome allergy medicine.
You say that now.
You say that now, but no, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
I wouldn't do that now.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I know, but back in the day back in the day.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I need to take some Zertec before I talk.
Speaking of old.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Exactly.
I can tell you the reason whyyou don't do dating app and it's
yeah.
I would love to know Because Ifeel like and I might be wrong,
this is just my, my train ofthought.
An example chat, GBT, the newartificial intelligence Like if
I rely on that then I lose myskills and other things in
studying.
So I feel like dating app isjust so easy that it just it
(11:20):
will take away my ability tojust walk to somebody and say
hey, yes, if you walk up to 100people and you might find 50,
that will reject you and stufflike that.
But I'll say that's part of theprocess, you know and.
I just don't want to lose that,I feel like I will, but it's
called.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
It's called Riz.
You don't want to lose yourwrist, riz, riz, look at you,
2023.
He said you're not old, justin,you're not old.
No, I'm here on God.
No cap, no, cap, no cap.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
If the young children were here, they'd be modified.
I love it.
I love it, that's good.
I think that's good.
I mean, yeah, a lot of myfriends have met and gotten
married through dating apps.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
I'm not going to give a shout out to a lot of people.
Every one I know I've all meton apps, On the apps.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
So this is still in the dating realm and this is
also a Chinese question.
Do you recognize if you go forthe same person, and if so, is
it working for you, milky, andthen for the married men?
Did you go in a differentdirection with the person you
married versus the women youdated?
All right, shani, making itdifficult for the men's.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
In my particular experience, there is no trend I
like to.
One of the particular thingsthat I like is just because I
feel like food is my lovelanguage.
Is I like somebody who couldcook?
Just because I just like food.
My Instagram is no less food,but it hasn't been a trend.
(13:01):
I've been with people who don'tcook and I've been with people
who do cook and it's just.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So they're all different yeah it's very
different, very diverse.
Whoever gives you attention,you give attention back.
No, I'm kidding.
No, that's good.
Justin, you dated a lot, I did.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
You did too, Phillip.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
So, did you guys the person that you married?
Are they different than thepeople that you dated or kind of
stuck with your in your lane?
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Yeah, I kind of ended up in my lane, I guess.
I guess you could say yeah, Iended up in my lane, I didn't
stray far, I picked a good girl.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Same.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
No, you can't say that just because I'm here, he's
like same.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Boring.
I mean I think the deal wasdating.
You do have a type.
Well, I had a type, and anytimeI swayed from that type, I
realized why I had a type.
So what's your type?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I don't think the girls he dated were loud.
I think I came with an extrafeature.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
You definitely were the exception to a lot of rules.
That's funny, but yes, there isa type.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
There's definitely a type.
All right, I want to know.
I don't remember asking thisquestion or writing this down.
What is it about women thatbother you?
It could be anything.
Everything I mean wait what.
It could be anything, but noteverything, justin.
Yeah, what do we do that?
Speaker 3 (14:53):
bother you.
So this happened to me a fewmonths ago I think it was a
holiday or something and I had afriend who came over and so I
lived by myself.
Everything is fine.
She came over and she didn't doanything wrong.
She was polite.
She met a few of my cousinsthat live here.
(15:14):
She met a few of my friends.
We had a great time.
But I noticed something thatbothered me and it's something
that I feel that's very commonand it was like we were supposed
to go out and she took twohours in the bathroom to get
ready and she wasn't ready yet.
Me living by myself, I just hadto sit there for two hours.
(15:36):
Well, me living by myself, justlike in only one bathroom, and
I'm like, okay, well, did shehave beer or?
Speaker 4 (15:43):
anything in the fridge, I'd be like yo.
Can I help myself to slow?
Speaker 3 (15:45):
down.
No, this isn't his.
This is my.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Oh, she was at your place, she was in my place, oh
wait.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
What?
And she took.
So I went to Publix.
I got the prices I needed toget.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
And when I got he ran errands.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
And when I came in she was still getting ready and
I'm like, so I didn't want to belike that guy, like all right,
hurry up, Like we got.
But I'm like, oh my gosh, Okay,what was she doing?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Did she wear a ton of ?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
makeup.
She was putting her man.
That doesn't take that longMakeup and I don't know, but
that was that bothered me.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
That's for the rest of your life, Milky, Just know
that when you pick the one thatyou're going to marry, that's
going to be always yeah don't dothat, so I was thinking about
maybe they getting an apartmentor a house with two bathrooms.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
You think that was yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
And tell her five hours.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
She must be fine, because he's already talking to
accommodations.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Listen, I wear makeup .
I don't wear lashes, but I wearmakeup and I do my hair.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Come to your house already, and it does not take
two hours Huh.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Oh, because she lived out of states.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Oh, she was staying.
She was staying in a gestion,she was visiting oh okay.
He was providing sleepingarrangements.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
No housing, everybody houses, that's it.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So two hours it sounded like you were patient,
does she?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
apologize.
At least she did apologize, butit wasn't like her apology did
not do anything for how I felt Iwas like all right, whatever,
let's just get out of here Untillater.
Oh you were there.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
I know how this story is.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
She's from there.
He forgot he's staying at myplace.
He forgot about it later in theevening.
It did bother him.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
That's why he was talking about the accommodations
right there.
What about you?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
guys For me.
Oh my goodness, what was theword Did you use?
What irritates you the most?
What bothers you?
What bothers you the most whensomeone assumes things?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Well, you've been hating me for years, then
Because I've been assuming a lotover the past few years.
That's the truth We've hadarguments.
But you were highly irritatedwhen I was assuming that's very
true To me, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
My biggest pet peeve is the feeling like someone is
taking advantage of you ordisregarding you or
disrespecting you in certainways.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Did you have that in any of your dating scenarios
where you were like I'm notdoing this, I'm not?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
without a doubt.
I have my rules and I'm justdone.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Give me a story.
What's her name, where she from?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
One example, One little assumption I'm dating
someone and then we're at churchand this girl is singing at our
church and she's singing reallywell.
She's going to sing at ourwedding and we've only been
dating for like I don't know aweek or two.
No, that was a red flag.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
A week or two that was just like oh, that was a
joke.
She knew why you keep, why youkeep going bad, I know I was
like oh no, we're done.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Girl, she's going to sing at our wedding.
We're done.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Maybe she knew.
You know how, when people knowthat they found the wine, she
knew.
Yeah, she wasn't the one.
She didn't need months, shejust needed a week or two, and I
knew two things.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
I knew two things.
Let's see what's not there.
Just take it slow, just don't.
Sometimes women talk too much,too quickly, too early when it
comes to situations.
When it comes to that, just letit.
Just let it be organic, let itjust happen and stuff.
(19:50):
Okay, what do you think aboutthis?
I mean, when you said this well, you know, what do you think
our children's names going to?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
be oh damn.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
You know, this when they start going to that type of
thing, or have you?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
done that Milk people I know.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
I bet I've grown and you milked like that.
I bet you milked like that.
That don't really need to betalked about at that moment.
Yeah, and like hey, that's justTuesday.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Well, remember that situation.
I was telling you um to love.
When I was telling you aboutthe girl I meant and it was like
a week and a half for usmeeting and she was already
talking about how are we goingto divide our financial
situation.
She told me right away shedoesn't want a roommate.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
So I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you, I
actually think that that's kindof sexy.
Like it's hard to get women totalk about stuff like that, yeah
, but like financial.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
But how long were you dating?
We were dating for like a weekand a half or something like
that.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
It's too soon, Justin .
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Can we just like easy breezy just hang out.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
I mean, we get to that point we can talk about.
Yeah, it was like, but notright now.
Girl, calm down.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
I don't know if that's sex.
If I were a guy, that would bea turn off.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
It's just too much.
Let's just like I just met you.
I don't even know you, likethat, I don't even know if we're
going to share finances.
So like, why are we talkingabout this?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Yeah, let's share a meal.
Yeah, let's go Dutch.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
I think women get excited Like this could be the
one, because we're taught to.
That's what we're, that's,that's our end game in our lives
.
It's a man.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I get it, but yeah.
So what is yours, justin?
What are your?
Speaker 4 (21:28):
whatever takes me the most is when you're driving
home from after work and yourwife calls you and tells you hey
, can you go, please pick upthis from here.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
That you don't want to veer, off course.
You just want to get home.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
That drives me in like into a ditch, oh damn.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
My question is does he appreciate it when you bring
it or is like oh okay.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
No, I'm.
Yeah, it's medicine or it'ssuch and such.
They need this for school.
Yeah, all this other stuff.
You don't want to do that.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
What if it's not something?
That's not something, that'snot even worse.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
No, but if it's like oh, but you get a six pack of
beer, oh, yeah, yeah, I'll stopPriority.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Oh my gosh, he said he will drive off the ditch.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
Oh my gosh.
No, that's very irritating.
What women do Dang.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I mean, sometimes I'm like, hey, do you feel I ask
you do?
Are you okay?
Do you feel like picking up?
Yeah, but if you don't, youdon't, it's not that big of a
deal.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
That's true.
You do say that.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
You always say that, but I know the reason.
He always says yes, that was anending.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Do you feel like grilling today?
Do you feel like picking upsome milk?
Speaker 4 (22:52):
Oh man, that's what I do, Do you?
Speaker 1 (22:54):
feel like grilling tonight Because I can season to
me.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
You know, I always want to grill, so that's how it
is.
Yeah, 100%, 100%.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Oh, since you feel like grilling, can you go pick
up the meat and the sides?
What sides would you like?
See, yeah, you gotta be smart,ladies.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
You gotta be smart.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
You gotta just like you know, make them feel like
they're making the decisions Allright.
So on to the next.
We have a lot of Coreyquestions.
He really helped out with thisone.
But before we get to those,shiny had one last question.
It says this is for the marriedmen with the men that you know,
or even milk, milk.
(23:39):
You couldn't chime in, becauseit's either the men that you
know or yourselves.
Do you still see that these menare dating their wives?
Speaker 2 (23:49):
No, oh no, definitely not.
And it's funny, we're readingthis book, right, we're more
like roommates In our, in our um, my other men's group, with the
church and we're reading thisbook called um Wild at Heart.
Wild at Heart, yes, and so oneof the things that Wild at Heart
talks about is pursuing your,pursuing Eve.
(24:13):
Having pursuing Eve and youdating the pursuit that's what
men love.
There's the pursuit of someone,and you know all the movies,
all the shows is about.
You know the guy winning thegirl.
And once you win the girl, thenwhat do you do?
And the author talks about youhave to continue to date your
(24:37):
wife.
You have to continue to pursueyour wife.
You have to continue to do thethings you get to woo her and do
it on a consistent basis.
And most of the guys in thegroup are like, hmm, I already
got it, what do I need to dothat?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
So that's horrible, by the way, I will say this
they're honest.
Yes, we appreciate the honestyand that's what happened and
their focus.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Most people that focus on the kids and then, when
kids are gone, you with yourwife, you're like who are you?
I don't even know you anymore.
You're not the same person Idated 20, 30 years ago.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
That's so sad, yeah, but I feel like that's something
that happens subconsciously.
It's not that they make thedecision to be like oh yeah, but
I also add well, this is aquestion for you, leena, is it
um?
Does the female play a part inthis or no?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
I think so A thousand percent.
I think women get way caught upin these kids and these kids
are not going to be around thatlong, or maybe we don't.
Yeah, I think it goes both ways, to be honest, and I think the
way humans think, it's like,well, if he's not doing, I'm not
going to do it, and then he'sthinking, well, she's not doing
that.
So it's like this vicious cycle.
(25:55):
You have to be very intentional,like when I see that we're not,
um, because people see us beingvery connected.
But it's so intentional too,like if I feel like, damn, it's
been like a month or two that wehaven't like had a one on one,
I'm very vocal about it.
I'm like I need you to ask meout on a date.
I feel like people get marriedand then they're afraid to
(26:15):
communicate, you know.
So it definitely goes both ways.
I think women get way caught upin kids, um, and sometimes
treating the man like they'repart of, like they're the child,
a child too, and and I don'tknow.
I see a lot of things that I'mjust like.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
I'm just going to keep my mouth shut over here.
You know what nickname I hateis when girls call me baby.
I hate that.
You don't like it.
No, I don't like it.
It's like like, like you said,like eventually you're like
that's what I'm going to become.
You're a kid.
Yeah, I just don't know, wow.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
So what do you like?
For them to call you Master?
No, please no.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
My god.
Then we got it yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
But yes, I do agree with you.
Okay, I'm not that it does goboth ways.
I think women we get lax justas much as men do.
I mean, sometimes we have toput forth an effort.
We know that men are visualcreatures.
So if they see something theywant they're going to continue
to want to get it Right.
So I don't know.
I think it goes both ways so,and I might have some haters out
(27:27):
there saying that- it does goboth ways, so it's on both
percent goes both.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
It's on both, just a few effort.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Because it can't be.
Yeah, it's like what do you?
I think it's, I think Milky hasmentioned you know what were
you doing when we were dating Mm.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
hmm, you know it's the same thing.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
What was the guy doing?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah, when was the?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
woman doing.
When was the woman doing whenwe were dating?
Yeah, you know you, you youweren't.
What did you say?
What was the term?
You said you weren't wearingthat.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
Right, right, like what made you, what made me want
to pursue you by then.
And now.
That is not.
You know, it's not.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
So you're trying to say is the women kind of sits
back and still wants to bepursued, but they're not doing
the same things that they did,but but they're still expecting
these results that they hadbefore, right and again.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
I'm not like a marriage counselor or nothing
like that.
I might need you guys once Iget married and ask a lot of
questions.
But my thing is, like we allagreed in the beginning of the
podcast that, guys, we getattracted by the physical right,
mm hmm.
So and then we read the bio.
All this stuff is veryinteresting and all.
So we already know the biocause we've been married to you.
I don't know if I don't want tosound like you.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
You, you are scared that people are going to come
after you.
Milky, I already know whatyou're trying to say.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
We're in a different world, that if we say certain
things, people take it adifferent way.
But the reality of the fact isthat, yes, we as guys, we need
to pursue, but it would justtake a little bit of
encouragement Let me just saythat for us to just do it more
naturally.
Mm.
Hmm, there you go.
I mean, what do you think,justin?
I?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
don't know, I don't think it's dating.
I don't like saying dating mywife, because the relationship
is different when you weredating.
You have a different mindset asa young person trying to find
you know the one, and so sayingthat you're dating, I think it's
more.
I think it's more appropriateto say something like connected,
like make sure that you'reconnecting with you, know your
(29:25):
spouse.
It'll run up on you where it'slike wait, I haven't, we haven't
gone out on on just you and mein two months.
Like that's a long time.
Like that's a long time.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Well, and for me it's not.
It's not necessarily that wehave to go somewhere.
I mean, we can be at home, butwe're still connecting.
Yeah, Like hey, let's just sitover here, turn the TV off,
let's talk.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Let's, let's.
We haven't talked in a while,Like not, not, you know,
obviously we all talk to eachother, but like deep, like deep
things or or big things, Causesometimes we don't have the
energy.
It's like I just want to sitand watch my housewives.
Oh my gosh, it's so good, sogood.
So I was like yeah, so it's notnecessary.
I think people think we have toget up and we have to have the
(30:15):
money and we have to go out.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
That's not it.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
So I like that word connecting but dating sounds so
good too.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Cause dating is so much?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
fun.
That's so much fun I don't mindthe word dating your wife, but
you feel young again.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Okay, you got to connect.
You do need to connect when youdo it.
They are similar.
They are similar but it is.
It is the connection again withyour wife, cause I think we get
so caught up in life I mean dayto day working the grind,
dealing with other people thensometimes you want to just come
(30:52):
home and just disconnect.
But you can't disconnect thatoften from your wife.
You gotta connect and you know,find out what's happening.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
It's very doable and it's very.
You have to be intentional.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
You have to be intentional.
It's not.
You don't get married and allof a sudden, everything is
beautiful, yeah, and you havemore kids and everything's even
better than that.
That's the fairy tale, that'sthe TV.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
So this question kind of goes hand in hand with that.
So what are your expectationsfrom your significant other?
We want them to be sexy and,you know, not provocative but
enticing, yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
What else Dinner?
When I get home, I have laundrycompleted, folded, folded away
and put.
Let's see what else.
Drink ready, drink ready.
Yes, yes, yes, drink ready.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
The children bathed in quiet in their rooms.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
I think they're all in the middle Expectations.
That's a good one.
Who has that question?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
So the rest of these questions are from Corey.
Corey is one of you guys.
He's a guy and he reallyExpectations.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
You know what?
I expect my wife to beintentional, to ask questions,
to Not assume, not assume.
To want to grow and be better.
I definitely want my wife tocontinue to grow and be better
Because I think if you're notgrowing, you're dying, you're
not really living, you're justexisting.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Some people don't like to grow.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
They're just where they are.
That's true.
You know what Most peoplesometimes like to be with each
other.
Hey, we're here.
We've been in this place for along time, it's fine and we're
happy, and we do the same thing.
It's Taco Tuesdays and we dothe same post-sync mode.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I mean, I don't like it, I couldn't live without it.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
I mean, I love routine.
Believe me, I love routine, butI do like to be challenged.
I do like someone to I don'tknow make me better, because I
feel like that's how I grow,because I'm competitive in
nature.
So I like someone to challengeme to improve and grow and be
(33:15):
better than I was the yearbefore.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Besides a home cooked meal.
Oh, the home cooked meal.
Aside from that, because that'sa given.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
The expectation is living up to the commitment.
The expectation isunderstanding there's nothing in
the world that I would ever door we can't do together, and so
just knowing that that is thecommitment part From that day,
(33:47):
that trust is there always andit'll never be broken.
So that commitment part likethey can thin ups and downs
everything, 100% committed.
So I expect the same thing forme.
So when things get bad, yeah,they're bad, but when things get
great, we make an effort tocontinue and to grow from that
(34:07):
and then to continue therelationship growing together.
It's all about that commitment.
So that's my expectation.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
My question is so is this something you discuss
periodically or is thissomething just a one-time
conversation?
My other question is what ifthe year significantly doesn't
agree with your expectation?
Like, how do you handle that?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
That's why it's like you just say it is it something
you discuss 100%?
You have to communicate that.
Because you're notcommunicating, you know what
you're gonna assume.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I don't know.
I think a lot of those need tobe answered, somewhat answered,
because obviously, when you'rePrior to yeah way prior to
marrying somebody and I thinkthat's what people make the
mistake it's like, well, once weget married, maybe this will
change.
It's not gonna change people.
It gets worse, it gets moremagnified.
But is it a one-timeconversation?
No, it's constant.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Yeah, it's multiple conversations.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yeah, it's-.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
The same thing, and you know what?
It's not even the same thing.
Sometimes it's layers, becausethere's different layers of
growth that someone needs I needyou to grow in this, I need you
to grow in this or I need togrow in this but no one has one
little area that they need togrow in.
(35:30):
And I love what Justin said,because I always say that
jokingly with Leonette amarriage is a commitment to grow
together.
And that's what a marriage isit is a commitment to grow
together, good or bad.
You know like I always jokewith Leonette and you know like
she's my ride or die, no matterwhat, I don't have anybody else.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
I know I have Lyanette.
I don't know if I wanna die,but all right, I'm just like why
do I gotta die?
This is right.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
But through good bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad,
bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad,bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad,
bad.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yeah, milky, you're gonna have to communicate a ton,
and when that kind of breaksdown, it's gonna be really
difficult for you.
So you need to find someonewho's willing to come to the
table.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
That wants to communicate.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Because sometimes you're gonna have stupid ass,
difficult conversations and yougotta be willing to like stay in
it.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
I'm going through a weird cycle in these last maybe
three weeks, and it's so.
I'm 36 years old and I alreadywent through the stage of a lot
of my friends getting marriedand now I'm going through the
stage that most of them areactually getting divorced.
Ooh right, and hearing theirstories firsthand, just hearing
(36:52):
it, just listening, and justkinda like like dang, it's so
hard, it's so difficult.
And then sometimes we don't, wedon't or society just don't see
how much guys suffer throughall this stuff, like really
suffer.
And so with my friends I havereally good relationship, just
(37:13):
like I have with you guys.
So the things that I hear isjust this is wow.
And because I know Dr Talley, Iask a lot of the questions that
Phillip says he talks about didyou tell her that?
Did you communicate that?
Did you this and that?
But I noticed a tendency and alot of my friends who've been
(37:34):
divorced is that the female getsto the point that she just
doesn't talk or complain anymore, she just shuts down.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
She's done.
Oh, she done, she been done.
And then he's talking.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
No isn't that too late?
Speaker 3 (37:48):
And I told him like yeah, she just told you.
Then she tells him we're done.
I was like well, she just toldyou that, but she was done a
long time ago.
Oh yeah, a thousand percent,she was done a long time ago.
You just didn't know that.
She's just telling you now.
So where did it?
Speaker 1 (38:01):
like it's, it's it's, it's, but was she asking these
things of him before and thennow?
Now that I'm done, now you wantto come in and do the work?
No, no man.
I've been telling you this,I've been telling you this, I've
told you this yeah, Right,right.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
And and there's been scenarios that that person
started changing and all of asudden that person is done or
but but it's, it's just so.
it's amazing to me how, like shestopped complaining, it means
that she stopped caring, that'sexactly, and but it's just so
sad seeing this and again, likea lot of like society doesn't
(38:37):
see how the guys suffer so much.
And guys also, we don't.
We don't speak about it unlesswe find somebody that we trust.
But from my perspective it's.
I'm just like, wow, I don'tknow, I'm I'm terrified of
divorce.
I'm really terrified, and thatmakes me even be more selective
on the person, what I'm going tobe with and and I'm just like
(38:59):
it's crazy balance.
So when you guys were talkingabout communicating that's why
I'm asking all these questionsand you know it's.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
It's probably it's a lot harder to cause the women.
The way that women date todayis very different from when I
think you dated, I dated.
In what sense, though?
Just the different in in, inhow you date, like again, like
before, when you say, when youwere saying you didn't want to,
you don't want to lose yourwrist because you.
(39:25):
That's why you don't go on theapps.
There's a lot of people who usethat and don't know the social,
don't, don't know how tocommunicate.
They only know how to date andhave a good time and be young
and have fun.
There are some, some adults whoyou know, who really do really
well at finding each other andconnecting and communicating,
but it's not something you know.
I don't think it's somethingyou know.
(39:47):
When I was getting you knowcourting I guess you can call it
that I was ever aware of, likeyou know, you were just dating.
I was 26 years old when I gotmarried.
So you know, think about thatYou're you.
I was a young, young guy, butthat I was I'm very traditional
in that sense Like I wanted toget married young.
I didn't want to have a longlife of you know, trying to
(40:10):
figure out you know who to dateand all this other stuff.
I wanted to get married becausemy most important thing to me
was family.
I wanted a family, and that'show you start down that road.
But the person I found wassomeone who I could trust,
somebody who came from thebackground of you know
commitment, and that's what drewme into.
(40:32):
You know the relationship ofyou know we weren't
communicating all that much.
You know in the very beginning,you know it's different, it's
very different.
In today's world.
I can't even imagine.
I can't either.
Yeah, and women's expectationstoo are they're, they're out
there six three they're outthere, and that's also changed
(40:56):
too.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Well, it's, it's, it's.
They want to be independent,they want both worlds.
They want the traditionalworlds when it benefits them,
and they also want to bemis-independent.
And I feel like you can haveboth, but you just have to find
the right person, and I don'tknow these women.
They, I feel for you, moki, andso continue.
Continue to be as picky as ashow and don't settle.
Speaker 3 (41:22):
I mean, I don't want to be picky, but it's just like
the fear of this is kind offorcing me to be, because you're
not picky, it's selective yeah,it's not picky, it's selective,
like you're not just going torush into it, just just cause,
all right.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
Yeah, cause it's a.
It's a marriage.
It's not just you picking out apet.
You know, you're picking out awife, dang, that's gonna be with
you forever.
So that's not something.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
Or until you divorce.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Well, that's the whole point.
You don't want to be divorced,so your whole end game is to be
with that person forever, and soyou have to be very selective
and and they should be selectiveI mean, I want my daughters to
be as selective as I want Khalilto be Even more so, probably.
And so for me, yeah, that'sthat's talk.
(42:12):
Let's talk about these things.
That's what our biggest thingwith our oldest right now we
wanted to talk and have theseconversations.
Because you can't talk aboutfinancial money when there's a
financial problem.
That's too late, thatconversation is too late.
You can't talk about certainthings by the time there's a
(42:36):
problem, because that's adifferent conversation at that
point, because now you've gotemotions dealing with it, now
you got, like we, about to getkicked out of our apartment.
You know this silly stuff likethat, if you don't talk about it
ahead of time, about money andtalk about you know what are
your goals, what are yourexpectations, because you may
(42:56):
walk into it.
I did that with my first wife.
She had a different expectationof what a marriage was than
what I did.
I didn't know that because wenever had that conversation.
You assume that everyone'sgetting married for the same
reason.
Speaker 4 (43:13):
Hers was not mine and that's why she's my first wife.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
So you know, it's just those things.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
I heard first wife and I had some follow-up
questions.
No, I mean.
So you guys never talked about.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
You and I talked about.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
That's interesting.
So see, you have to talk aboutit.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
Don't assume you have to tackle all the things Faith,
religion, spirituality,whatever you want to call it,
money, children, families, allof that have to be on the table.
Man, what?
Speaker 3 (43:56):
do you guys think about marriage constant before
getting married?
Do you guys think that's asecond thing?
Yes, will you recommend it toanybody who's gonna get married
to just do that?
Speaker 2 (44:08):
It depends on the individual, but I think a lot of
people need it Will benefitfrom it Especially nowadays just
like what Justin just mentionedMost people.
Nowadays.
They don't communicate that way.
You know.
You know they nap, everything'svery easy or you know you don't
have to really interact.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
But didn't you see a marriage counselor before you
got married?
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Yeah, and they told us don't get married.
Speaker 4 (44:31):
And you got married anyway, so listen to your
marriage counselor's table.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Yeah, yeah, I need to talk a little bit more.
I'll have some different thingsthat child is discussing and
doing and stuff like that.
So listen, if you're gonna go tomarriage counseling, you follow
what they do Follow whatthey're doing, be intentional
about you, know what they'resaying and listen, but I think
nowadays, more, even more so,you need to.
(45:00):
Actually, you need to hearsomething other than what
someone else is telling you.
You know, you need to have anobjective viewpoint that says
hey, did y'all think about this?
No, we never thought about this.
No, what about this?
Because you're just in thisbubble, you're in this little
cloud of everything is great,everything is wonderful.
I like the way they clip theirtoenails.
(45:23):
You know everything iswonderful with that person.
And then reality hits andyou're like you know what I was,
like I'm gonna have it.
I was like the way you breathe.
Right, right, you breathe tooloud.
You do breathe too loudsometimes.
I'm just saying I'm like damnit, why are you breathing?
Why are you breathing so loud?
Why are you?
Speaker 1 (45:44):
breathing so loud man and in my ear.
Okay, so this is for marriedmen and this is an interesting
question and I'm sure you guysare not gonna answer it.
So just speak for the men thatyou know in your lives.
Married men Shout out to Coreyyeah, it's Corey, you're making
this far for them.
If you had a chance to do itover, would you marry the same
(46:07):
woman?
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
Well, I knew you were gonna say that, that's why
you're not gonna so speak for it.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
You did answer it.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
You said you weren't gonna answer it.
Speaker 4 (46:16):
You're completely different.
What?
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Justin, I think I have a strong feeling that a lot
of men would say they would notmarry the same woman if they
had to do it over again.
That's just.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
So would like.
That's hard to answer, that'shypothetical.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
No, not necessarily Because some people in their
minds would probably say Iwouldn't pick her, but because
they've committed to thatmarriage.
They're not gonna go anywhere.
It doesn't mean you're gonna goanywhere, but internally you're
probably like shit, I made thewrong decision, I should have
gone a different route and nowI'm stuck.
I feel in my heart that peoplefeel really stuck in their
(47:02):
marriages.
I really believe thatwholeheartedly.
Speaker 4 (47:05):
That is way more than what.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (47:08):
But who has more of that feeling?
Is it the man or is it thewoman?
Speaker 2 (47:13):
I think it's both.
I think it's the woman be thesame thing?
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 4 (47:15):
Like I think there's a lot of women who can answer
that question.
Yes, just the same.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
And I've yes, I know some of these women.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
Yes, so that's why I say looks can be deceiving.
Yeah, give them Milky's number.
Speaker 3 (47:31):
One hundred.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
No, it does go both ways, but this is a men's panel,
justin.
We're not.
Women are not on trial.
My bad, all right.
Well, if you guys don't want tobe honest, I knew what Phil was
going to say and I don't blamehim for saying, of course,
because you know I wouldn'tmarry me too, but but I wasn't
(47:55):
always the way I am.
We've grown a lot, yes, a lot,a lot, a lot, and I'm sure
there's many times where you'relike what the hell?
Because I know I did.
I was like what the hell?
I remember calling my mom.
I was like what did I do?
Speaker 4 (48:09):
Oh my, this is not fun.
Speaker 1 (48:12):
She's like it's going to get better.
You just hang in there.
I'm like this is like horrible.
Thank you, mom.
Yeah, mama told me just to hangin there.
That was going to get better.
Speaker 4 (48:26):
That was Wednesday.
Yes, today is Still here.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Let's talk about cheating.
Let's talk about some cheating.
Ok, so there's a few things inthe cheating topic.
How often, ok Corey, I didn'tread it all the way through how
often do you think aboutstepping out on your significant
other?
Speaker 2 (48:46):
Like you guys are going to be honest about that.
Never.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
Have you ever, though ?
Have you guys ever thoughtabout it ever?
Speaker 2 (48:57):
No, we have to be honest.
It is when we were datingpeople that we knew we weren't
going to be with so let's gothat route.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
Ok, so you cheated before.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
I thought about it yes, okay, oh no, I cheated.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
You've cheated, justin, you've cheated, yeah, a
long time ago, okay yeah, when Iwas dating, like I mean, I mean
, who did you cheat on?
Did?
Speaker 1 (49:22):
she know, did she know?
Speaker 4 (49:23):
It's not really like, no, no actually no, she never
found out.
She would have never known.
Dang no, what's her name.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
Let's shout her out.
No, no, let her know.
No, get it off your chest,justin.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
She died, she died.
Speaker 3 (49:37):
Get it off your chest let's cleanse your soul.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
She died in 1992.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
No, no, no.
I did not know you've cheated.
Yeah, no, no, yeah.
But like I mean, I don't thinkit really counts because you
were just dating.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
It counts If you were just dating, she would still
would have been heartbroken ifshe would have known no, no,
because we weren't gonna getmarried.
That's your justification.
We weren't gonna get married.
How did you know that?
Did you think that back then?
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4 (50:03):
I mean I wasn't looking to get married.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
That's why you said that, Okay, are you a cheater?
Cheater, pumpkin eater.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
How do you define?
Speaker 1 (50:11):
cheating when you're in a committed relationship and
you go and do things withsomebody else.
Speaker 3 (50:17):
I was.
That is cheating.
I was speaking to the girl whodoes my hair.
We just joke around sometimesand so I was talking to her.
She was doing my hair and Iasked her like so if you wear a
condom, is it consideredcheating?
Speaker 4 (50:31):
Oh my God, this is what you are cheating.
You are whining.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
She was like no.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
She said no.
She said no, whoa no, no, wewere just joking.
Speaker 2 (50:41):
She's a boy, no, no, no, we're just joking around.
Speaker 4 (50:45):
Wow, no, we're just joking around.
Speaker 3 (50:47):
honestly, that's funny it is, I feel like for
guys, well, for me it's veryhard to think about it.
I think about it but to do it,the very app is hard.
But once I do it the first time, it's easy to second, the third
, the fourth time, but I thinkthat's the best way to do it the
third, the fourth time, fifth,you speak from experience, yeah,
(51:08):
I'll be the fifth.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
So just doing it at first is hard, but then, once
it's out of your system, thenit's easier, right?
Speaker 3 (51:17):
but now that I'm thinking, if I've never cheated
when I've been in a seriousrelationship never, and I'm not
saying I won't or nothing, Ijust never been in, I never had
the opportunity to, I don't know.
So if I have the chance or if Icould, I would want to become a
man that I do not do that.
I want to become a man that ishonest.
(51:39):
I want to become a man thatwhen temptation comes, I could
be strong enough to say no, tovalue my partner.
Let me just say this it is very,very hard for a man not to look
at other girls At least that'sthe least.
It's very, very difficult andjust to have a little bit of
grace on us because lust comesfrom the eyes and all that stuff
(52:03):
.
But I do respect the guys whojust who stay strong, and I want
to become that type of person.
So that's why I said that Iwant to read books, because I
want to become that betterperson.
But I understand guys who havedone it and stuff like that.
I mean I gave them a little bitof grace.
(52:24):
I'm not saying it's right, it'sjust that it's very difficult
man are visual creatures.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
So yes, we do see people.
But the key is, he said, we seepeople we see, people, we see
people.
Speaker 4 (52:39):
He's trying to be all like five ladies walking by
with the big old butts and theleggings and their Stanley cups.
Speaker 3 (52:48):
Yes, and we go off and imagine going to LA Fitness.
And again, that was it LAFitness.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
Oh, shout out to LA Fitness.
But I'm just saying even to thegeneral.
Speaker 3 (52:57):
There's a huge, huge problem right now with these
girls on the gym.
It's not what it used to be, ohreally.
There's a huge problem nowbecause all these girls they
want to record themselves and ifthey're going to post something
about themselves, they do it ina very sexy way.
They have sexy clothes andwhatever.
And guys just look and theydon't want to be looked by guys,
(53:22):
but they do want to post thesevideos so guys could respond to
it in social media At the gym,but at the gym it's a huge
problem.
Seriously so now they're havinggyms only for guys, now they're
training gyms only for girls.
So gyms only for context.
Some guys don't want to, theydon't want to be in the video.
So they come up in the videoand now they're like oh, this
person recorded me, posting me.
(53:44):
I'm right behind it.
I don't want to be there.
It's a huge problem.
You are kidding me, but to stickin the topic, though, like
ladies have to understand it.
And it's not that I guess a guydon't want to cheat or anything
, but it's just for some weirdreason the eyes just
automatically just look and itjust happens Everybody, and we
look too.
Well, everybody's lying.
(54:05):
We're not lying.
Speaker 4 (54:06):
How can we believe what I'm saying the people?
What did you?
Speaker 3 (54:08):
say Do we look at the people?
We observe, we observe people.
We just read in the bio, youknow.
Speaker 2 (54:16):
Let's read in the bio .
Speaker 3 (54:17):
But you know what?
Speaker 2 (54:18):
This is the thing, though.
Everyone's going to look,everyone's going to look.
The cat is what are you goingto do?
Don't put yourself in aposition that you have to make a
choice.
That's the biggest thing.
Don't ever put yourself in aposition that you got to make a
choice, so just don't putyourself in that position.
Speaker 4 (54:38):
That's not easy.
Speaker 2 (54:40):
But you know that's.
I think that's the way to avoidtough decisions.
Speaker 1 (54:46):
If someone stepped out on you, could you forgive
them?
Speaker 4 (54:51):
No.
Speaker 1 (54:53):
Zero.
No, it's a wrap.
Speaker 4 (54:55):
No, it's a wrap.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
You guys have a hard moment, but women can kind of I
don't know.
Women need a boom again.
Women forgive men all the timefor cheating and stay with them.
I'm just I don't know why,because that would be very tough
for me.
Speaker 4 (55:13):
No, that's a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
Philip, if I cheated on you, will you forgive me?
Speaker 2 (55:19):
Oh, that'd be hard, baby, that'd be.
Speaker 1 (55:23):
I think you would forgive me.
You think so?
Yeah, I think so.
Don't try to find that out.
Speaker 2 (55:32):
I think you would.
I truly believe you wouldn'tforgive, because you won't
forget and you'll always thinkabout it.
You'll always go back to butyou cheated on me, so you may.
Your heart just breaks.
Speaker 1 (55:52):
I know you may forget .
I know, yeah, you may.
Speaker 2 (55:56):
But you, if you don't forget it, then you really
can't forget it Exactly.
Speaker 1 (56:00):
Have you guys been cheated on when you were dating?
Oh?
Speaker 2 (56:02):
good question.
Speaker 1 (56:04):
That's a great question.
Speaker 2 (56:07):
I want to think I never have been cheated on.
Speaker 1 (56:09):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
But that's probably not true, really yeah.
But I feel good that I don'tthink I have.
Speaker 4 (56:15):
Yeah, I'm over here talking about this.
Yeah, you're like I cheated andshe's like, oh boy, I bet you
don't need to ever cheat andyou're first man and I'm like
damn it, she got me, she got me.
What about you McLeodice thatI've known of, though?
Speaker 3 (56:22):
but I'm pretty sure that I have.
I just never, I never found out, because women are super, super
sleuthing.
They are very, very crafty.
Yes, they are, they are verycrafty.
Yes, they are, they are very,very crafty, they are very
crafty, they are very craftythey are very crafty.
Speaker 2 (56:36):
They are super super sleuthing.
They are very, very crafty.
Speaker 4 (56:41):
Yes, we are.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
Yes, I have oh you have?
I have None of that.
I think about it, I know.
He was so heartbroken, he hadit like yes, that was a good one
, but yes, I have.
Speaker 1 (56:55):
Yes, who cheered on you?
Yes, that was my first Incollege.
Yes, oh, was it La Ronda?
Yes, oh, I knew it.
She sounded like a girl, yes.
Oh, I knew it.
She sounded like a cheater.
Oh my God, sorry for all the LaRondas out there, but that's a
cheating sounding name.
I don't think there's a lot ofLa Rondas but okay, she's out
(57:16):
there listening right now.
Speaker 4 (57:17):
Why are you?
Speaker 1 (57:17):
cheating on Felipe.
I'm not cheating on you.
Yes, yes, I was, oh, and youwere devastated and you've been
back with her, so you do forgive.
Speaker 4 (57:27):
There you go.
You do forgive.
You went back with her right.
I have a track record but Ididn't.
But you what but?
Speaker 2 (57:33):
I didn't forget In the track record.
Speaker 4 (57:36):
Maybe that's already worse.
She's manipulating.
She's trying to get that allpast.
Speaker 1 (57:40):
I'm like no, no, you forgive La Ronda, you're not
gonna forgive me.
No, I'm kidding, I would never,I wouldn't, I wouldn't dare.
I think I just don't understandcheating.
Speaker 4 (57:52):
What if it was a celebrity like?
Speaker 1 (57:53):
in real life.
Okay, well, that's different,justin.
That's different becausethere's a few out there.
No, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
I wouldn't because I seecelebrities as people.
I mean, that's just theirprofession.
I don't see them as anythingbut another human.
I wouldn't and I don'tunderstand it, because if you
don't want to be with thatperson, then just whatever.
Then just go cheat Like it'snot really cheating, just break
(58:16):
it off and then go do whateveryou need to do.
I don't get it.
Anyways, moving on, come backnext week.
As we continue thisconversation we talk about is it
hard or how hard is it to raiseanother man's child?
How important is for the man tobe the breadwinner?
(58:39):
Can a woman raise a man andfind out which friends I made
Philip get rid of after we gotmarried?
All right, see y'all next week.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago 24-7.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
(59:00):
button and please give us fivestar ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at Virago24-7,
and on Facebook, at Virago24-7.
And just connect with us andshare your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
Hi, I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
everyday warriors.
Hello, my men of Virago, hello,hello, how we doing, how we
(00:48):
doing.
Justin, Philip, Milky.
Happy new year, happy new year.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
How you?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
guys feeling in the new year.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Feeling good.
Awesome, we got some news.
What news do we have?
We bought a condo in.
Oh, I thought we were going tohave a baby or something.
Yeah, we did.
It's been a long.
I was just going to ask anygoals, because we don't do
resolutions.
We set goals and if we don'taccomplish it that year, we like
(01:17):
move it to the next year and tothe next year, to the next year
.
So, yeah, we always wanted toown something by the beach.
And we closed yesterday.
Woo congratulations.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Thank you, I totally forgot about that it's scary,
but I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
So cheers to that, yes, cheers.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Cheers to our new free weekend vacation home in
Los Angeles.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Amen to that, family discounts, cheers.
Do you guys have any goals forthe year?
Speaker 4 (01:41):
I have a goal to stay at Tybee Island Cottage.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
I'm.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Airbnb.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Besides that, besides that, I want to read more books
and also I think this is a yearthat I become a full-time
student, and tough, that's right.
Yes, so still not official yet,but it seems like it's coming.
That would be in the fall, thatwould be in the summer, in the
summer, in the week of July,nice.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Got a doctor in the making.
Everybody, yep yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
I love it.
Love it, justin, you want toread more books.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I want to read more books too.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
I'm not a big book reader, but, let's see, I'm a
big book reader.
The one thing on my mind is myTesla.
I think that's a goal for me.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Who are you going to get a Tesla?
Speaker 4 (02:30):
That's my goal.
Oh, we're getting a Tesla, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
It's a drive down to Tabby.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
My other goal would be I'm coaching my son's soccer
team as well as my daughter'ssoccer team, so 14 new girls and
10 new boys in the spring Nice.
I'm very excited about that,very excited.
Nice Continuation from the fall, from the fall, yeah, yeah.
(02:57):
So my goal for that would be toend the season on a high note,
just like we did.
We played really well in ourlast game and so just continue
that growth for all of theplayers.
Look at you, coach Justin.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Coach Machado, I did it for one season and I was like
yeah, like who volunteered mefor this time?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
It was too much.
It's a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
So I give you all the respect.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
All right, Philip, any goals for you?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Again, my goal is to be intentional, continue to I
don't know to be just to grow asa person.
I got to figure out what bookwe're going to read next for our
men's group.
That's going to be the guysgiving me input on what they
want to read.
I got one Starting in February.
Okay, Good, I got one on thelist.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Aw, look at your little men's group.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
It's so cute and we enjoy it.
We really enjoy it.
It's a good fellowship with theguys.
So to continue to grow thatgroup and for me and just be
intentional when it comes to mywork and probably do some
consulting I'm the site is whatI want to do.
I met with my consultant todayand we're going to try to
partner up and do some things.
(04:08):
And we got a business plan andwe actually put things in
writing and give me a website.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's exciting.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
And I did some things like that.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Cool.
Well, your guys show.
Our show was a hit.
We got great feedback, so weneed to do this.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Really yeah.
What are the feedbacks?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
The feedback is that you guys were hilarious and
entertaining, so I am happy tohave you guys back.
And they love Justin.
Yes, they love Justin.
Milky is so cute and I wouldlove to continue to do this with
you guys, so I'm happy to haveyou guys back.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
So keep the same energy, then Keep the same
energy.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Tell your witty stories.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Milky.
Keep drinking, thatmiscalculation, keep drinking.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
So we can hear about your dating stories?
No, I'm reading over thesequestions that were given and
I'm trying to figure out whereto start, because these are
getting a little deeper.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Just go off into the deep end A little deeper.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
So let me just throw one that's not so deep.
And this is from our 13 yearold daughter, and she heard I
was doing this.
She's like I have a question.
Why do men not go deep witheach other when they hang out?
This is from our 13 year oldKorynn.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
I'll say this amongst my friends there's some times
we do get deep.
I know in our sessions we do.
We think a lot.
We have discussions where we'rereally thinking a lot.
I think we go deep.
I think there's just womendon't see that side, because
it's different.
So I don't think I can talk tomy wife or a friend, a
(05:51):
girlfriend in the same way thatI would talk to my homies.
It's very different Wait.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
so you guys go deep.
We just don't know about it.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Yeah, I think, for real, that's what it is.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
Sometimes I feel that also, guys, it takes time for
us to see who we could trustalso so we could talk about a
certain subject, but once wefind that person, it's
definitely very beneficial andit's very therapeutic.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Yeah, I'm going to tell you, we're very lucky to
have people like that in ourlives.
There's a lot of people outthere who don't.
It's tough, but when you dofind it and you can find it in
everyday settings, but when youdo find it it's making that
first step towards vulnerabilityand opening up to a homie.
I'm also like actually thatputs it on the thing I invited
(06:42):
my neighbor who just got marriedand I'm not putting it on blast
because nobody knows him andnobody knows where I live but my
neighbor just got married.
They have two kids together andhe's just in his first marriage
.
Everything he's brand new tothe game and it's very
(07:05):
interesting and I don't think hehas anywhere to talk about it,
but he's a very smart man and Ithink it's so interesting and I
told him about it.
He considered it.
I was very close to getting amirror.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Well, we like new voices.
So just keep working on him,Justin, Because I do want
variety too, because differentperspectives will be fun.
All right, so they go deep guys.
We just don't know about it.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
Yeah, sorry, ladies.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Sorry, sorry, just a point, right I think what Milky
just mentioned is that which isnot as quick to open up maybe as
females will, because I thinkfemales just kind of open up
their emotional beings anyway.
And for us we have to be in theright setting.
You know, and I think it's coolfor us to like with our men's
(07:52):
group that we meet once a monthand we read a book and we're
kind of our book club and youknow, we get into topics and
discussions and we know abouteach other's personal life and
it's really cool.
But you know, and as eachmeeting happens, we get a little
deeper.
But I think females get adeeper a lot quicker and a lot
(08:13):
sooner, and it doesn't matterwho it is or you know what I'm
saying, but for us, yeah, ittakes a little bit.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
Actually you tapped into.
I don't think a guy would liketwo weeks into a friendship and
be like, hey, bro, so like youknow me and the why, and you
start going into like deepthings, what do you feel about
this?
You know, I don't think thatthat's happens.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I mean I think it just we see more super like
surface relationships.
I mean I don't think I wouldafter two weeks go deep, or or
they think or they think I'mgoing deep, but I'm only sharing
what.
I don't get with them about.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I just got back from North Carolina.
I was just sitting on a benchwaiting, you know, having to be
with my brother-in-law, and thislady from Florida decides to
tell me her entire life storyLike just sitting there.
She's lonely.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
No her husband was right oh you can be lonely and
have people around you and stillbe lonely.
Oh, and she was just tellingyou her whole life story A whole
life story.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
I can tell you like I was there for Naples.
Her name was Susan.
She was drunk, but no, she wasa really nice old lady, really
nice old lady, very, very niceold lady who just I don't think
she appreciate you calling herold, but continue.
I know.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Thank you, she knows she knows, she knows she was old
Like what's old.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
What's old, justin?
What's old, I don't know,probably in her in late 67.
You just offended a whole groupof people.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Isn't that?
Speaker 4 (09:42):
old I'm not old.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Just say that for you .
Okay, this one actually this isa good one Shiny wants to know
for the single guy Milky, areyou on dating apps?
Gosh, you're not on dating apps, so this one's not good for you
.
I thought you were on datingapps.
No, because she wanted to knowwhat do you look for?
Do you read the bios or youjust go for looks?
(10:06):
So maybe we can just do ahypothetical Men are looking at
the looks.
Come on now, let's be honest,first and foremost.
Yes, yeah, who's reading bios?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
After you look at the picture.
After you look at the picturesyeah, it's after the picture.
Yeah, but I kind of would saylike oh no, I do.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
I read it for the bios.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
You're not looking at the picture and reading the bio
first and then looking at thepicture.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Okay, what if she's like super hot?
Then the bio doesn't reallymatter.
She can say she, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
It still matters the thing to know what you want to
app for.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Like you, don't like cats.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I hate cats.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
But if she says she likes cats but she's hot, you'd
be like, okay, I'll just takesome allergy medicine.
You say that now.
You say that now, but no, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
I wouldn't do that now.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I know, but back in the day back in the day.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I need to take some Zertec before I talk.
Speaking of old.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Exactly.
I can tell you the reason whyyou don't do dating app and it's
yeah.
I would love to know Because Ifeel like and I might be wrong,
this is just my, my train ofthought.
An example chat, GBT, the newartificial intelligence Like if
I rely on that then I lose myskills and other things in
studying.
So I feel like dating app isjust so easy that it just it
(11:20):
will take away my ability tojust walk to somebody and say
hey, yes, if you walk up to 100people and you might find 50,
that will reject you and stufflike that.
But I'll say that's part of theprocess, you know and.
I just don't want to lose that,I feel like I will, but it's
called.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
It's called Riz.
You don't want to lose yourwrist, riz, riz, look at you,
2023.
He said you're not old, justin,you're not old.
No, I'm here on God.
No cap, no, cap, no cap.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
If the young children were here, they'd be modified.
I love it.
I love it, that's good.
I think that's good.
I mean, yeah, a lot of myfriends have met and gotten
married through dating apps.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
I'm not going to give a shout out to a lot of people.
Every one I know I've all meton apps, On the apps.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
So this is still in the dating realm and this is
also a Chinese question.
Do you recognize if you go forthe same person, and if so, is
it working for you, milky, andthen for the married men?
Did you go in a differentdirection with the person you
married versus the women youdated?
All right, shani, making itdifficult for the men's.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
In my particular experience, there is no trend I
like to.
One of the particular thingsthat I like is just because I
feel like food is my lovelanguage.
Is I like somebody who couldcook?
Just because I just like food.
My Instagram is no less food,but it hasn't been a trend.
(13:01):
I've been with people who don'tcook and I've been with people
who do cook and it's just.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So they're all different yeah it's very
different, very diverse.
Whoever gives you attention,you give attention back.
No, I'm kidding.
No, that's good.
Justin, you dated a lot, I did.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
You did too, Phillip.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
So, did you guys the person that you married?
Are they different than thepeople that you dated or kind of
stuck with your in your lane?
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Yeah, I kind of ended up in my lane, I guess.
I guess you could say yeah, Iended up in my lane, I didn't
stray far, I picked a good girl.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Same.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
No, you can't say that just because I'm here, he's
like same.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Boring.
I mean I think the deal wasdating.
You do have a type.
Well, I had a type, and anytimeI swayed from that type, I
realized why I had a type.
So what's your type?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I don't think the girls he dated were loud.
I think I came with an extrafeature.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
You definitely were the exception to a lot of rules.
That's funny, but yes, there isa type.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
There's definitely a type.
All right, I want to know.
I don't remember asking thisquestion or writing this down.
What is it about women thatbother you?
It could be anything.
Everything I mean wait what.
It could be anything, but noteverything, justin.
Yeah, what do we do that?
Speaker 3 (14:53):
bother you.
So this happened to me a fewmonths ago I think it was a
holiday or something and I had afriend who came over and so I
lived by myself.
Everything is fine.
She came over and she didn't doanything wrong.
She was polite.
She met a few of my cousinsthat live here.
(15:14):
She met a few of my friends.
We had a great time.
But I noticed something thatbothered me and it's something
that I feel that's very commonand it was like we were supposed
to go out and she took twohours in the bathroom to get
ready and she wasn't ready yet.
Me living by myself, I just hadto sit there for two hours.
(15:36):
Well, me living by myself, justlike in only one bathroom, and
I'm like, okay, well, did shehave beer or?
Speaker 4 (15:43):
anything in the fridge, I'd be like yo.
Can I help myself to slow?
Speaker 3 (15:45):
down.
No, this isn't his.
This is my.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Oh, she was at your place, she was in my place, oh
wait.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
What?
And she took.
So I went to Publix.
I got the prices I needed toget.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
And when I got he ran errands.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
And when I came in she was still getting ready and
I'm like, so I didn't want to belike that guy, like all right,
hurry up, Like we got.
But I'm like, oh my gosh, Okay,what was she doing?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Did she wear a ton of ?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
makeup.
She was putting her man.
That doesn't take that longMakeup and I don't know, but
that was that bothered me.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
That's for the rest of your life, Milky, Just know
that when you pick the one thatyou're going to marry, that's
going to be always yeah don't dothat, so I was thinking about
maybe they getting an apartmentor a house with two bathrooms.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
You think that was yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
And tell her five hours.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
She must be fine, because he's already talking to
accommodations.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Listen, I wear makeup .
I don't wear lashes, but I wearmakeup and I do my hair.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Come to your house already, and it does not take
two hours Huh.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Oh, because she lived out of states.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Oh, she was staying.
She was staying in a gestion,she was visiting oh okay.
He was providing sleepingarrangements.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
No housing, everybody houses, that's it.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So two hours it sounded like you were patient,
does she?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
apologize.
At least she did apologize, butit wasn't like her apology did
not do anything for how I felt Iwas like all right, whatever,
let's just get out of here Untillater.
Oh you were there.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
I know how this story is.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
She's from there.
He forgot he's staying at myplace.
He forgot about it later in theevening.
It did bother him.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
That's why he was talking about the accommodations
right there.
What about you?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
guys For me.
Oh my goodness, what was theword Did you use?
What irritates you the most?
What bothers you?
What bothers you the most whensomeone assumes things?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Well, you've been hating me for years, then
Because I've been assuming a lotover the past few years.
That's the truth We've hadarguments.
But you were highly irritatedwhen I was assuming that's very
true To me, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
My biggest pet peeve is the feeling like someone is
taking advantage of you ordisregarding you or
disrespecting you in certainways.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Did you have that in any of your dating scenarios
where you were like I'm notdoing this, I'm not?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
without a doubt.
I have my rules and I'm justdone.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Give me a story.
What's her name, where she from?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
One example, One little assumption I'm dating
someone and then we're at churchand this girl is singing at our
church and she's singing reallywell.
She's going to sing at ourwedding and we've only been
dating for like I don't know aweek or two.
No, that was a red flag.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
A week or two that was just like oh, that was a
joke.
She knew why you keep, why youkeep going bad, I know I was
like oh no, we're done.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Girl, she's going to sing at our wedding.
We're done.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Maybe she knew.
You know how, when people knowthat they found the wine, she
knew.
Yeah, she wasn't the one.
She didn't need months, shejust needed a week or two, and I
knew two things.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
I knew two things.
Let's see what's not there.
Just take it slow, just don't.
Sometimes women talk too much,too quickly, too early when it
comes to situations.
When it comes to that, just letit.
Just let it be organic, let itjust happen and stuff.
(19:50):
Okay, what do you think aboutthis?
I mean, when you said this well, you know, what do you think
our children's names going to?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
be oh damn.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
You know, this when they start going to that type of
thing, or have you?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
done that Milk people I know.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
I bet I've grown and you milked like that.
I bet you milked like that.
That don't really need to betalked about at that moment.
Yeah, and like hey, that's justTuesday.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Well, remember that situation.
I was telling you um to love.
When I was telling you aboutthe girl I meant and it was like
a week and a half for usmeeting and she was already
talking about how are we goingto divide our financial
situation.
She told me right away shedoesn't want a roommate.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
So I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you, I
actually think that that's kindof sexy.
Like it's hard to get women totalk about stuff like that, yeah
, but like financial.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
But how long were you dating?
We were dating for like a weekand a half or something like
that.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
It's too soon, Justin .
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Can we just like easy breezy just hang out.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
I mean, we get to that point we can talk about.
Yeah, it was like, but notright now.
Girl, calm down.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
I don't know if that's sex.
If I were a guy, that would bea turn off.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
It's just too much.
Let's just like I just met you.
I don't even know you, likethat, I don't even know if we're
going to share finances.
So like, why are we talkingabout this?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Yeah, let's share a meal.
Yeah, let's go Dutch.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
I think women get excited Like this could be the
one, because we're taught to.
That's what we're, that's,that's our end game in our lives
.
It's a man.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I get it, but yeah.
So what is yours, justin?
What are your?
Speaker 4 (21:28):
whatever takes me the most is when you're driving
home from after work and yourwife calls you and tells you hey
, can you go, please pick upthis from here.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
That you don't want to veer, off course.
You just want to get home.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
That drives me in like into a ditch, oh damn.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
My question is does he appreciate it when you bring
it or is like oh okay.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
No, I'm.
Yeah, it's medicine or it'ssuch and such.
They need this for school.
Yeah, all this other stuff.
You don't want to do that.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
What if it's not something?
That's not something, that'snot even worse.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
No, but if it's like oh, but you get a six pack of
beer, oh, yeah, yeah, I'll stopPriority.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Oh my gosh, he said he will drive off the ditch.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
Oh my gosh.
No, that's very irritating.
What women do Dang.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I mean, sometimes I'm like, hey, do you feel I ask
you do?
Are you okay?
Do you feel like picking up?
Yeah, but if you don't, youdon't, it's not that big of a
deal.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
That's true.
You do say that.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
You always say that, but I know the reason.
He always says yes, that was anending.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Do you feel like grilling today?
Do you feel like picking upsome milk?
Speaker 4 (22:52):
Oh man, that's what I do, Do you?
Speaker 1 (22:54):
feel like grilling tonight Because I can season to
me.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
You know, I always want to grill, so that's how it
is.
Yeah, 100%, 100%.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Oh, since you feel like grilling, can you go pick
up the meat and the sides?
What sides would you like?
See, yeah, you gotta be smart,ladies.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
You gotta be smart.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
You gotta just like you know, make them feel like
they're making the decisions Allright.
So on to the next.
We have a lot of Coreyquestions.
He really helped out with thisone.
But before we get to those,shiny had one last question.
It says this is for the marriedmen with the men that you know,
or even milk, milk.
(23:39):
You couldn't chime in, becauseit's either the men that you
know or yourselves.
Do you still see that these menare dating their wives?
Speaker 2 (23:49):
No, oh no, definitely not.
And it's funny, we're readingthis book, right, we're more
like roommates In our, in our um, my other men's group, with the
church and we're reading thisbook called um Wild at Heart.
Wild at Heart, yes, and so oneof the things that Wild at Heart
talks about is pursuing your,pursuing Eve.
(24:13):
Having pursuing Eve and youdating the pursuit that's what
men love.
There's the pursuit of someone,and you know all the movies,
all the shows is about.
You know the guy winning thegirl.
And once you win the girl, thenwhat do you do?
And the author talks about youhave to continue to date your
(24:37):
wife.
You have to continue to pursueyour wife.
You have to continue to do thethings you get to woo her and do
it on a consistent basis.
And most of the guys in thegroup are like, hmm, I already
got it, what do I need to dothat?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
So that's horrible, by the way, I will say this
they're honest.
Yes, we appreciate the honestyand that's what happened and
their focus.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Most people that focus on the kids and then, when
kids are gone, you with yourwife, you're like who are you?
I don't even know you anymore.
You're not the same person Idated 20, 30 years ago.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
That's so sad, yeah, but I feel like that's something
that happens subconsciously.
It's not that they make thedecision to be like oh yeah, but
I also add well, this is aquestion for you, leena, is it
um?
Does the female play a part inthis or no?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
I think so A thousand percent.
I think women get way caught upin these kids and these kids
are not going to be around thatlong, or maybe we don't.
Yeah, I think it goes both ways, to be honest, and I think the
way humans think, it's like,well, if he's not doing, I'm not
going to do it, and then he'sthinking, well, she's not doing
that.
So it's like this vicious cycle.
(25:55):
You have to be very intentional,like when I see that we're not,
um, because people see us beingvery connected.
But it's so intentional too,like if I feel like, damn, it's
been like a month or two that wehaven't like had a one on one,
I'm very vocal about it.
I'm like I need you to ask meout on a date.
I feel like people get marriedand then they're afraid to
(26:15):
communicate, you know.
So it definitely goes both ways.
I think women get way caught upin kids, um, and sometimes
treating the man like they'repart of, like they're the child,
a child too, and and I don'tknow.
I see a lot of things that I'mjust like.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
I'm just going to keep my mouth shut over here.
You know what nickname I hateis when girls call me baby.
I hate that.
You don't like it.
No, I don't like it.
It's like like, like you said,like eventually you're like
that's what I'm going to become.
You're a kid.
Yeah, I just don't know, wow.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
So what do you like?
For them to call you Master?
No, please no.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
My god.
Then we got it yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
But yes, I do agree with you.
Okay, I'm not that it does goboth ways.
I think women we get lax justas much as men do.
I mean, sometimes we have toput forth an effort.
We know that men are visualcreatures.
So if they see something theywant they're going to continue
to want to get it Right.
So I don't know.
I think it goes both ways so,and I might have some haters out
(27:27):
there saying that- it does goboth ways, so it's on both
percent goes both.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
It's on both, just a few effort.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Because it can't be.
Yeah, it's like what do you?
I think it's, I think Milky hasmentioned you know what were
you doing when we were dating Mm.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
hmm, you know it's the same thing.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
What was the guy doing?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah, when was the?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
woman doing.
When was the woman doing whenwe were dating?
Yeah, you know you, you youweren't.
What did you say?
What was the term?
You said you weren't wearingthat.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
Right, right, like what made you, what made me want
to pursue you by then.
And now.
That is not.
You know, it's not.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
So you're trying to say is the women kind of sits
back and still wants to bepursued, but they're not doing
the same things that they did,but but they're still expecting
these results that they hadbefore, right and again.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
I'm not like a marriage counselor or nothing
like that.
I might need you guys once Iget married and ask a lot of
questions.
But my thing is, like we allagreed in the beginning of the
podcast that, guys, we getattracted by the physical right,
mm hmm.
So and then we read the bio.
All this stuff is veryinteresting and all.
So we already know the biocause we've been married to you.
I don't know if I don't want tosound like you.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
You, you are scared that people are going to come
after you.
Milky, I already know whatyou're trying to say.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
We're in a different world, that if we say certain
things, people take it adifferent way.
But the reality of the fact isthat, yes, we as guys, we need
to pursue, but it would justtake a little bit of
encouragement Let me just saythat for us to just do it more
naturally.
Mm.
Hmm, there you go.
I mean, what do you think,justin?
I?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
don't know, I don't think it's dating.
I don't like saying dating mywife, because the relationship
is different when you weredating.
You have a different mindset asa young person trying to find
you know the one, and so sayingthat you're dating, I think it's
more.
I think it's more appropriateto say something like connected,
like make sure that you'reconnecting with you, know your
(29:25):
spouse.
It'll run up on you where it'slike wait, I haven't, we haven't
gone out on on just you and mein two months.
Like that's a long time.
Like that's a long time.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Well, and for me it's not.
It's not necessarily that wehave to go somewhere.
I mean, we can be at home, butwe're still connecting.
Yeah, Like hey, let's just sitover here, turn the TV off,
let's talk.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Let's, let's.
We haven't talked in a while,Like not, not, you know,
obviously we all talk to eachother, but like deep, like deep
things or or big things, Causesometimes we don't have the
energy.
It's like I just want to sitand watch my housewives.
Oh my gosh, it's so good, sogood.
So I was like yeah, so it's notnecessary.
I think people think we have toget up and we have to have the
(30:15):
money and we have to go out.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
That's not it.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
So I like that word connecting but dating sounds so
good too.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Cause dating is so much?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
fun.
That's so much fun I don't mindthe word dating your wife, but
you feel young again.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Okay, you got to connect.
You do need to connect when youdo it.
They are similar.
They are similar but it is.
It is the connection again withyour wife, cause I think we get
so caught up in life I mean dayto day working the grind,
dealing with other people thensometimes you want to just come
(30:52):
home and just disconnect.
But you can't disconnect thatoften from your wife.
You gotta connect and you know,find out what's happening.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
It's very doable and it's very.
You have to be intentional.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
You have to be intentional.
It's not.
You don't get married and allof a sudden, everything is
beautiful, yeah, and you havemore kids and everything's even
better than that.
That's the fairy tale, that'sthe TV.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
So this question kind of goes hand in hand with that.
So what are your expectationsfrom your significant other?
We want them to be sexy and,you know, not provocative but
enticing, yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
What else Dinner?
When I get home, I have laundrycompleted, folded, folded away
and put.
Let's see what else.
Drink ready, drink ready.
Yes, yes, yes, drink ready.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
The children bathed in quiet in their rooms.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
I think they're all in the middle Expectations.
That's a good one.
Who has that question?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
So the rest of these questions are from Corey.
Corey is one of you guys.
He's a guy and he reallyExpectations.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
You know what?
I expect my wife to beintentional, to ask questions,
to Not assume, not assume.
To want to grow and be better.
I definitely want my wife tocontinue to grow and be better
Because I think if you're notgrowing, you're dying, you're
not really living, you're justexisting.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Some people don't like to grow.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
They're just where they are.
That's true.
You know what Most peoplesometimes like to be with each
other.
Hey, we're here.
We've been in this place for along time, it's fine and we're
happy, and we do the same thing.
It's Taco Tuesdays and we dothe same post-sync mode.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I mean, I don't like it, I couldn't live without it.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
I mean, I love routine.
Believe me, I love routine, butI do like to be challenged.
I do like someone to I don'tknow make me better, because I
feel like that's how I grow,because I'm competitive in
nature.
So I like someone to challengeme to improve and grow and be
(33:15):
better than I was the yearbefore.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Besides a home cooked meal.
Oh, the home cooked meal.
Aside from that, because that'sa given.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
The expectation is living up to the commitment.
The expectation isunderstanding there's nothing in
the world that I would ever door we can't do together, and so
just knowing that that is thecommitment part From that day,
(33:47):
that trust is there always andit'll never be broken.
So that commitment part likethey can thin ups and downs
everything, 100% committed.
So I expect the same thing forme.
So when things get bad, yeah,they're bad, but when things get
great, we make an effort tocontinue and to grow from that
(34:07):
and then to continue therelationship growing together.
It's all about that commitment.
So that's my expectation.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
My question is so is this something you discuss
periodically or is thissomething just a one-time
conversation?
My other question is what ifthe year significantly doesn't
agree with your expectation?
Like, how do you handle that?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
That's why it's like you just say it is it something
you discuss 100%?
You have to communicate that.
Because you're notcommunicating, you know what
you're gonna assume.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I don't know.
I think a lot of those need tobe answered, somewhat answered,
because obviously, when you'rePrior to yeah way prior to
marrying somebody and I thinkthat's what people make the
mistake it's like, well, once weget married, maybe this will
change.
It's not gonna change people.
It gets worse, it gets moremagnified.
But is it a one-timeconversation?
No, it's constant.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Yeah, it's multiple conversations.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yeah, it's-.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
The same thing, and you know what?
It's not even the same thing.
Sometimes it's layers, becausethere's different layers of
growth that someone needs I needyou to grow in this, I need you
to grow in this or I need togrow in this but no one has one
little area that they need togrow in.
(35:30):
And I love what Justin said,because I always say that
jokingly with Leonette amarriage is a commitment to grow
together.
And that's what a marriage isit is a commitment to grow
together, good or bad.
You know like I always jokewith Leonette and you know like
she's my ride or die, no matterwhat, I don't have anybody else.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
I know I have Lyanette.
I don't know if I wanna die,but all right, I'm just like why
do I gotta die?
This is right.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
But through good bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad,
bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad,bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad,
bad.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yeah, milky, you're gonna have to communicate a ton,
and when that kind of breaksdown, it's gonna be really
difficult for you.
So you need to find someonewho's willing to come to the
table.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
That wants to communicate.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Because sometimes you're gonna have stupid ass,
difficult conversations and yougotta be willing to like stay in
it.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
I'm going through a weird cycle in these last maybe
three weeks, and it's so.
I'm 36 years old and I alreadywent through the stage of a lot
of my friends getting marriedand now I'm going through the
stage that most of them areactually getting divorced.
Ooh right, and hearing theirstories firsthand, just hearing
(36:52):
it, just listening, and justkinda like like dang, it's so
hard, it's so difficult.
And then sometimes we don't, wedon't or society just don't see
how much guys suffer throughall this stuff, like really
suffer.
And so with my friends I havereally good relationship, just
(37:13):
like I have with you guys.
So the things that I hear isjust this is wow.
And because I know Dr Talley, Iask a lot of the questions that
Phillip says he talks about didyou tell her that?
Did you communicate that?
Did you this and that?
But I noticed a tendency and alot of my friends who've been
(37:34):
divorced is that the female getsto the point that she just
doesn't talk or complain anymore, she just shuts down.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
She's done.
Oh, she done, she been done.
And then he's talking.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
No isn't that too late?
Speaker 3 (37:48):
And I told him like yeah, she just told you.
Then she tells him we're done.
I was like well, she just toldyou that, but she was done a
long time ago.
Oh yeah, a thousand percent,she was done a long time ago.
You just didn't know that.
She's just telling you now.
So where did it?
Speaker 1 (38:01):
like it's, it's it's, it's, but was she asking these
things of him before and thennow?
Now that I'm done, now you wantto come in and do the work?
No, no man.
I've been telling you this,I've been telling you this, I've
told you this yeah, Right,right.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
And and there's been scenarios that that person
started changing and all of asudden that person is done or
but but it's, it's just so.
it's amazing to me how, like shestopped complaining, it means
that she stopped caring, that'sexactly, and but it's just so
sad seeing this and again, likea lot of like society doesn't
(38:37):
see how the guys suffer so much.
And guys also, we don't.
We don't speak about it unlesswe find somebody that we trust.
But from my perspective it's.
I'm just like, wow, I don'tknow, I'm I'm terrified of
divorce.
I'm really terrified, and thatmakes me even be more selective
on the person, what I'm going tobe with and and I'm just like
(38:59):
it's crazy balance.
So when you guys were talkingabout communicating that's why
I'm asking all these questionsand you know it's.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
It's probably it's a lot harder to cause the women.
The way that women date todayis very different from when I
think you dated, I dated.
In what sense, though?
Just the different in in, inhow you date, like again, like
before, when you say, when youwere saying you didn't want to,
you don't want to lose yourwrist because you.
(39:25):
That's why you don't go on theapps.
There's a lot of people who usethat and don't know the social,
don't, don't know how tocommunicate.
They only know how to date andhave a good time and be young
and have fun.
There are some, some adults whoyou know, who really do really
well at finding each other andconnecting and communicating,
but it's not something you know.
I don't think it's somethingyou know.
(39:47):
When I was getting you knowcourting I guess you can call it
that I was ever aware of, likeyou know, you were just dating.
I was 26 years old when I gotmarried.
So you know, think about thatYou're you.
I was a young, young guy, butthat I was I'm very traditional
in that sense Like I wanted toget married young.
I didn't want to have a longlife of you know, trying to
(40:10):
figure out you know who to dateand all this other stuff.
I wanted to get married becausemy most important thing to me
was family.
I wanted a family, and that'show you start down that road.
But the person I found wassomeone who I could trust,
somebody who came from thebackground of you know
commitment, and that's what drewme into.
(40:32):
You know the relationship ofyou know we weren't
communicating all that much.
You know in the very beginning,you know it's different, it's
very different.
In today's world.
I can't even imagine.
I can't either.
Yeah, and women's expectationstoo are they're, they're out
there six three they're outthere, and that's also changed
(40:56):
too.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Well, it's, it's, it's.
They want to be independent,they want both worlds.
They want the traditionalworlds when it benefits them,
and they also want to bemis-independent.
And I feel like you can haveboth, but you just have to find
the right person, and I don'tknow these women.
They, I feel for you, moki, andso continue.
Continue to be as picky as ashow and don't settle.
Speaker 3 (41:22):
I mean, I don't want to be picky, but it's just like
the fear of this is kind offorcing me to be, because you're
not picky, it's selective yeah,it's not picky, it's selective,
like you're not just going torush into it, just just cause,
all right.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
Yeah, cause it's a.
It's a marriage.
It's not just you picking out apet.
You know, you're picking out awife, dang, that's gonna be with
you forever.
So that's not something.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
Or until you divorce.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Well, that's the whole point.
You don't want to be divorced,so your whole end game is to be
with that person forever, and soyou have to be very selective
and and they should be selectiveI mean, I want my daughters to
be as selective as I want Khalilto be Even more so, probably.
And so for me, yeah, that'sthat's talk.
(42:12):
Let's talk about these things.
That's what our biggest thingwith our oldest right now we
wanted to talk and have theseconversations.
Because you can't talk aboutfinancial money when there's a
financial problem.
That's too late, thatconversation is too late.
You can't talk about certainthings by the time there's a
(42:36):
problem, because that's adifferent conversation at that
point, because now you've gotemotions dealing with it, now
you got, like we, about to getkicked out of our apartment.
You know this silly stuff likethat, if you don't talk about it
ahead of time, about money andtalk about you know what are
your goals, what are yourexpectations, because you may
(42:56):
walk into it.
I did that with my first wife.
She had a different expectationof what a marriage was than
what I did.
I didn't know that because wenever had that conversation.
You assume that everyone'sgetting married for the same
reason.
Speaker 4 (43:13):
Hers was not mine and that's why she's my first wife.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
So you know, it's just those things.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
I heard first wife and I had some follow-up
questions.
No, I mean.
So you guys never talked about.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
You and I talked about.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
That's interesting.
So see, you have to talk aboutit.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
Don't assume you have to tackle all the things Faith,
religion, spirituality,whatever you want to call it,
money, children, families, allof that have to be on the table.
Man, what?
Speaker 3 (43:56):
do you guys think about marriage constant before
getting married?
Do you guys think that's asecond thing?
Yes, will you recommend it toanybody who's gonna get married
to just do that?
Speaker 2 (44:08):
It depends on the individual, but I think a lot of
people need it Will benefitfrom it Especially nowadays just
like what Justin just mentionedMost people.
Nowadays.
They don't communicate that way.
You know.
You know they nap, everything'svery easy or you know you don't
have to really interact.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
But didn't you see a marriage counselor before you
got married?
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Yeah, and they told us don't get married.
Speaker 4 (44:31):
And you got married anyway, so listen to your
marriage counselor's table.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Yeah, yeah, I need to talk a little bit more.
I'll have some different thingsthat child is discussing and
doing and stuff like that.
So listen, if you're gonna go tomarriage counseling, you follow
what they do Follow whatthey're doing, be intentional
about you, know what they'resaying and listen, but I think
nowadays, more, even more so,you need to.
(45:00):
Actually, you need to hearsomething other than what
someone else is telling you.
You know, you need to have anobjective viewpoint that says
hey, did y'all think about this?
No, we never thought about this.
No, what about this?
Because you're just in thisbubble, you're in this little
cloud of everything is great,everything is wonderful.
I like the way they clip theirtoenails.
(45:23):
You know everything iswonderful with that person.
And then reality hits andyou're like you know what I was,
like I'm gonna have it.
I was like the way you breathe.
Right, right, you breathe tooloud.
You do breathe too loudsometimes.
I'm just saying I'm like damnit, why are you breathing?
Why are you breathing so loud?
Why are you?
Speaker 1 (45:44):
breathing so loud man and in my ear.
Okay, so this is for marriedmen and this is an interesting
question and I'm sure you guysare not gonna answer it.
So just speak for the men thatyou know in your lives.
Married men Shout out to Coreyyeah, it's Corey, you're making
this far for them.
If you had a chance to do itover, would you marry the same
(46:07):
woman?
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
Well, I knew you were gonna say that, that's why
you're not gonna so speak for it.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
You did answer it.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
You said you weren't gonna answer it.
Speaker 4 (46:16):
You're completely different.
What?
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Justin, I think I have a strong feeling that a lot
of men would say they would notmarry the same woman if they
had to do it over again.
That's just.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
So would like.
That's hard to answer, that'shypothetical.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
No, not necessarily Because some people in their
minds would probably say Iwouldn't pick her, but because
they've committed to thatmarriage.
They're not gonna go anywhere.
It doesn't mean you're gonna goanywhere, but internally you're
probably like shit, I made thewrong decision, I should have
gone a different route and nowI'm stuck.
I feel in my heart that peoplefeel really stuck in their
(47:02):
marriages.
I really believe thatwholeheartedly.
Speaker 4 (47:05):
That is way more than what.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (47:08):
But who has more of that feeling?
Is it the man or is it thewoman?
Speaker 2 (47:13):
I think it's both.
I think it's the woman be thesame thing?
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 4 (47:15):
Like I think there's a lot of women who can answer
that question.
Yes, just the same.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
And I've yes, I know some of these women.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
Yes, so that's why I say looks can be deceiving.
Yeah, give them Milky's number.
Speaker 3 (47:31):
One hundred.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
No, it does go both ways, but this is a men's panel,
justin.
We're not.
Women are not on trial.
My bad, all right.
Well, if you guys don't want tobe honest, I knew what Phil was
going to say and I don't blamehim for saying, of course,
because you know I wouldn'tmarry me too, but but I wasn't
(47:55):
always the way I am.
We've grown a lot, yes, a lot,a lot, a lot, and I'm sure
there's many times where you'relike what the hell?
Because I know I did.
I was like what the hell?
I remember calling my mom.
I was like what did I do?
Speaker 4 (48:09):
Oh my, this is not fun.
Speaker 1 (48:12):
She's like it's going to get better.
You just hang in there.
I'm like this is like horrible.
Thank you, mom.
Yeah, mama told me just to hangin there.
That was going to get better.
Speaker 4 (48:26):
That was Wednesday.
Yes, today is Still here.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Let's talk about cheating.
Let's talk about some cheating.
Ok, so there's a few things inthe cheating topic.
How often, ok Corey, I didn'tread it all the way through how
often do you think aboutstepping out on your significant
other?
Speaker 2 (48:46):
Like you guys are going to be honest about that.
Never.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
Have you ever, though ?
Have you guys ever thoughtabout it ever?
Speaker 2 (48:57):
No, we have to be honest.
It is when we were datingpeople that we knew we weren't
going to be with so let's gothat route.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
Ok, so you cheated before.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
I thought about it yes, okay, oh no, I cheated.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
You've cheated, justin, you've cheated, yeah, a
long time ago, okay yeah, when Iwas dating, like I mean, I mean
, who did you cheat on?
Did?
Speaker 1 (49:22):
she know, did she know?
Speaker 4 (49:23):
It's not really like, no, no actually no, she never
found out.
She would have never known.
Dang no, what's her name.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
Let's shout her out.
No, no, let her know.
No, get it off your chest,justin.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
She died, she died.
Speaker 3 (49:37):
Get it off your chest let's cleanse your soul.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
She died in 1992.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
No, no, no.
I did not know you've cheated.
Yeah, no, no, yeah.
But like I mean, I don't thinkit really counts because you
were just dating.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
It counts If you were just dating, she would still
would have been heartbroken ifshe would have known no, no,
because we weren't gonna getmarried.
That's your justification.
We weren't gonna get married.
How did you know that?
Did you think that back then?
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4 (50:03):
I mean I wasn't looking to get married.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
That's why you said that, Okay, are you a cheater?
Cheater, pumpkin eater.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
How do you define?
Speaker 1 (50:11):
cheating when you're in a committed relationship and
you go and do things withsomebody else.
Speaker 3 (50:17):
I was.
That is cheating.
I was speaking to the girl whodoes my hair.
We just joke around sometimesand so I was talking to her.
She was doing my hair and Iasked her like so if you wear a
condom, is it consideredcheating?
Speaker 4 (50:31):
Oh my God, this is what you are cheating.
You are whining.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
She was like no.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
She said no.
She said no, whoa no, no, wewere just joking.
Speaker 2 (50:41):
She's a boy, no, no, no, we're just joking around.
Speaker 4 (50:45):
Wow, no, we're just joking around.
Speaker 3 (50:47):
honestly, that's funny it is, I feel like for
guys, well, for me it's veryhard to think about it.
I think about it but to do it,the very app is hard.
But once I do it the first time, it's easy to second, the third
, the fourth time, but I thinkthat's the best way to do it the
third, the fourth time, fifth,you speak from experience, yeah,
(51:08):
I'll be the fifth.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
So just doing it at first is hard, but then, once
it's out of your system, thenit's easier, right?
Speaker 3 (51:17):
but now that I'm thinking, if I've never cheated
when I've been in a seriousrelationship never, and I'm not
saying I won't or nothing, Ijust never been in, I never had
the opportunity to, I don't know.
So if I have the chance or if Icould, I would want to become a
man that I do not do that.
I want to become a man that ishonest.
(51:39):
I want to become a man thatwhen temptation comes, I could
be strong enough to say no, tovalue my partner.
Let me just say this it is very,very hard for a man not to look
at other girls At least that'sthe least.
It's very, very difficult andjust to have a little bit of
grace on us because lust comesfrom the eyes and all that stuff
(52:03):
.
But I do respect the guys whojust who stay strong, and I want
to become that type of person.
So that's why I said that Iwant to read books, because I
want to become that betterperson.
But I understand guys who havedone it and stuff like that.
I mean I gave them a little bitof grace.
(52:24):
I'm not saying it's right, it'sjust that it's very difficult
man are visual creatures.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
So yes, we do see people.
But the key is, he said, we seepeople we see, people, we see
people.
Speaker 4 (52:39):
He's trying to be all like five ladies walking by
with the big old butts and theleggings and their Stanley cups.
Speaker 3 (52:48):
Yes, and we go off and imagine going to LA Fitness.
And again, that was it LAFitness.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
Oh, shout out to LA Fitness.
But I'm just saying even to thegeneral.
Speaker 3 (52:57):
There's a huge, huge problem right now with these
girls on the gym.
It's not what it used to be, ohreally.
There's a huge problem nowbecause all these girls they
want to record themselves and ifthey're going to post something
about themselves, they do it ina very sexy way.
They have sexy clothes andwhatever.
And guys just look and theydon't want to be looked by guys,
(53:22):
but they do want to post thesevideos so guys could respond to
it in social media At the gym,but at the gym it's a huge
problem.
Seriously so now they're havinggyms only for guys, now they're
training gyms only for girls.
So gyms only for context.
Some guys don't want to, theydon't want to be in the video.
So they come up in the videoand now they're like oh, this
person recorded me, posting me.
(53:44):
I'm right behind it.
I don't want to be there.
It's a huge problem.
You are kidding me, but to stickin the topic, though, like
ladies have to understand it.
And it's not that I guess a guydon't want to cheat or anything
, but it's just for some weirdreason the eyes just
automatically just look and itjust happens Everybody, and we
look too.
Well, everybody's lying.
(54:05):
We're not lying.
Speaker 4 (54:06):
How can we believe what I'm saying the people?
What did you?
Speaker 3 (54:08):
say Do we look at the people?
We observe, we observe people.
We just read in the bio, youknow.
Speaker 2 (54:16):
Let's read in the bio .
Speaker 3 (54:17):
But you know what?
Speaker 2 (54:18):
This is the thing, though.
Everyone's going to look,everyone's going to look.
The cat is what are you goingto do?
Don't put yourself in aposition that you have to make a
choice.
That's the biggest thing.
Don't ever put yourself in aposition that you got to make a
choice, so just don't putyourself in that position.
Speaker 4 (54:38):
That's not easy.
Speaker 2 (54:40):
But you know that's.
I think that's the way to avoidtough decisions.
Speaker 1 (54:46):
If someone stepped out on you, could you forgive
them?
Speaker 4 (54:51):
No.
Speaker 1 (54:53):
Zero.
No, it's a wrap.
Speaker 4 (54:55):
No, it's a wrap.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
You guys have a hard moment, but women can kind of I
don't know.
Women need a boom again.
Women forgive men all the timefor cheating and stay with them.
I'm just I don't know why,because that would be very tough
for me.
Speaker 4 (55:13):
No, that's a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
Philip, if I cheated on you, will you forgive me?
Speaker 2 (55:19):
Oh, that'd be hard, baby, that'd be.
Speaker 1 (55:23):
I think you would forgive me.
You think so?
Yeah, I think so.
Don't try to find that out.
Speaker 2 (55:32):
I think you would.
I truly believe you wouldn'tforgive, because you won't
forget and you'll always thinkabout it.
You'll always go back to butyou cheated on me, so you may.
Your heart just breaks.
Speaker 1 (55:52):
I know you may forget .
I know, yeah, you may.
Speaker 2 (55:56):
But you, if you don't forget it, then you really
can't forget it Exactly.
Speaker 1 (56:00):
Have you guys been cheated on when you were dating?
Oh?
Speaker 2 (56:02):
good question.
Speaker 1 (56:04):
That's a great question.
Speaker 2 (56:07):
I want to think I never have been cheated on.
Speaker 1 (56:09):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
But that's probably not true, really yeah.
But I feel good that I don'tthink I have.
Speaker 4 (56:15):
Yeah, I'm over here talking about this.
Yeah, you're like I cheated andshe's like, oh boy, I bet you
don't need to ever cheat andyou're first man and I'm like
damn it, she got me, she got me.
What about you McLeodice thatI've known of, though?
Speaker 3 (56:22):
but I'm pretty sure that I have.
I just never, I never found out, because women are super, super
sleuthing.
They are very, very crafty.
Yes, they are, they are verycrafty.
Yes, they are, they are very,very crafty, they are very
crafty, they are very craftythey are very crafty.
Speaker 2 (56:36):
They are super super sleuthing.
They are very, very crafty.
Speaker 4 (56:41):
Yes, we are.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
Yes, I have oh you have?
I have None of that.
I think about it, I know.
He was so heartbroken, he hadit like yes, that was a good one
, but yes, I have.
Speaker 1 (56:55):
Yes, who cheered on you?
Yes, that was my first Incollege.
Yes, oh, was it La Ronda?
Yes, oh, I knew it.
She sounded like a girl, yes.
Oh, I knew it.
She sounded like a cheater.
Oh my God, sorry for all the LaRondas out there, but that's a
cheating sounding name.
I don't think there's a lot ofLa Rondas but okay, she's out
(57:16):
there listening right now.
Speaker 4 (57:17):
Why are you?
Speaker 1 (57:17):
cheating on Felipe.
I'm not cheating on you.
Yes, yes, I was, oh, and youwere devastated and you've been
back with her, so you do forgive.
Speaker 4 (57:27):
There you go.
You do forgive.
You went back with her right.
I have a track record but Ididn't.
But you what but?
Speaker 2 (57:33):
I didn't forget In the track record.
Speaker 4 (57:36):
Maybe that's already worse.
She's manipulating.
She's trying to get that allpast.
Speaker 1 (57:40):
I'm like no, no, you forgive La Ronda, you're not
gonna forgive me.
No, I'm kidding, I would never,I wouldn't, I wouldn't dare.
I think I just don't understandcheating.
Speaker 4 (57:52):
What if it was a celebrity like?
Speaker 1 (57:53):
in real life.
Okay, well, that's different,justin.
That's different becausethere's a few out there.
No, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
I wouldn't because I seecelebrities as people.
I mean, that's just theirprofession.
I don't see them as anythingbut another human.
I wouldn't and I don'tunderstand it, because if you
don't want to be with thatperson, then just whatever.
Then just go cheat Like it'snot really cheating, just break
(58:16):
it off and then go do whateveryou need to do.
I don't get it.
Anyways, moving on, come backnext week.
As we continue thisconversation we talk about is it
hard or how hard is it to raiseanother man's child?
How important is for the man tobe the breadwinner?
(58:39):
Can a woman raise a man andfind out which friends I made
Philip get rid of after we gotmarried?
All right, see y'all next week.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago 24-7.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
(59:00):
button and please give us fivestar ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at Virago24-7,
and on Facebook, at Virago24-7.
And just connect with us andshare your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
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