August 20, 2025 • 54 mins
After a summer break, the Virago 24/7 women reunite for a raw, unfiltered conversation about personal transformation. This episode strips away our usual format to make space for honest sharing about the journeys we've been on these past few months.
Briana bravely opens up about her mental health struggles, revealing how she's navigating OCD in ways many don't understand. Beyond the stereotypical cleaning compulsions, she shares the terrifying intrusive thoughts that led her to seek professional help. "If I don't stop the microwave at two seconds, my kids are going to die," she explains, giving listeners a window into the anxiety that drove her to finally try medication. Her powerful realization that "getting sober gave me a sound mind to face all my problems" rather than eliminating them offers wisdom for anyone on a healing journey.
Meanwhile, Shiney reveals her completed divorce and the cultural stigma she's fighting while rediscovering joy. Her words "I'm the happiest I've been in a really long time" challenge conventional wisdom about staying in unhappy marriages. The conversation explores how children truly thrive when they see their parents living authentically happy lives, not when parents remain in tension-filled homes "for the kids."
As the discussion turns to dating after divorce, we share hilarious and horrifying stories about dating apps, mysterious workplace crushes, and the vulnerability of opening your heart after heartbreak. Our consensus? Self-growth comes first, and what's meant to be will find you when you're ready.
This back-to-school special reminds us that growth isn't just for students – it's for everyday warriors committed to evolving rather than merely existing in patterns. Are you in the same place you were a year ago? If so, perhaps it's time for change. Subscribe now to join our community of women supporting each other through life's messy, beautiful transformations.
Go to my website virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
You can email me at virago247podcast@gmail.com
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Thanks for listening and don't forget to share, share, share!
Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Hello everyone, hi, hey, howyou guys doing?
(00:49):
Doing great, how are you?
You know, just living the dream.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah, you are.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Hi Brianna, hi Hi Shiny.
Hello, we're back.
We're back.
It's been a long summer.
It has been so, listen, I knowwe normally have like our little
, we try to have like some kindof format, but today we're going
to throw the format out thewindow, free ball, and we just
want to just catch up on what'sbeen going on this summer.
(01:16):
I did a show two weeks agotalking about myself, so you
know I'm going to let you twotalk because you guys have had
some big stuff going on we have,haven't we?
Speaker 3 (01:26):
yeah, this is the back to school special.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yes, it is, I like it , back to school special.
Do you remember those?
That's good, shiny, all right.
So who wants to start what'sbeen going on with everybody?
Happy summer, back to schoolspecial.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yep, kids are back in school.
Well, kid is back in school.
Getting back on a routine there, working, trying to balance
school schedule and work andboth kids is fun and, yeah,
navigating life.
I went back to a psychiatrist.
(02:12):
That's been like the biggestchange.
Got put on some medication formy crazy mind and yeah, okay,
let's talk about that.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Yeah, well, I was.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
We all know I have a lot of anxiety and depression
issues and I have taken anxietymedication in the past and I've
taken depression medication inthe past.
But I met with a psychiatristbecause the best way to describe
it is I felt like I was.
I wanted to crawl out of myskin and the there's.
(02:50):
So there are so many thingsthat go into OCD control
intrusive thoughts, not evenjust like the cleanliness of
things, but it was.
It was producing a lot ofanxiety, like crippling anxiety.
So I met with a psychiatristand told her that my anxiety was
really bad and my depressionwas creeping in, and she said
that the root of my anxiety iscoming from my obsessive
compulsive disorder.
And so she recommended becauseI've never been medicated for
OCD, she recommended that thatwe take that approach.
(03:13):
So I started that about goingon four weeks now.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Are you OK sharing?
Like, what does that look like?
Because when we, like you said,when we think OCD, we think
someone who washes their handsall the time and has to, you
know, do certain things incertain numbers.
So, what does that look likefor you?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
So that, honestly so I feel like that's where my OCD
started was like the cleanlinessof things.
So like my apartment, I live ina small it's like 900 square
foot apartment, two bedroomswith my two kids and I feel like
that's kind of where it started.
Once I got sober, because I'vealways been kind of a clean
(03:53):
person, but when I was drinkingI was too drunk to give a shit
about anything.
My car was a mess, my apartmentwas a mess and even whenever I
was sober it would drive mecrazy, but then I would just
drink instead of doing anythingabout it.
And then whenever I truly gotsober from alcohol, it was like
I'm talking, if there is a speckof dust, I won't sleep, it will
send me into a full panic.
(04:14):
So that's where it started andI've just been.
I get on these like crazycleaning binges or whatever.
But what really really reallytook over was the intrusive
thoughts.
So like I have a weird thingwith numbers.
If I'm cooking something in themicrowave, for example, if it
(04:36):
doesn't, if I don't stop it, ifI'm not in the kitchen watching
the microwave and stopping it attwo seconds, then my kids are
going to die, and I know thatthat sounds fucking insane but
that is the truth.
Like if I don't do certainthings a certain number of times
, if I don't make sure my dooris locked four times before I
fall asleep, somebody's going tobreak in and murder us all,
like those sorts of things.
(04:56):
And when you think of OCD,that's not the first thing that
pops into your mind.
So I wasn't fully educated oraware of what was happening into
your mind.
So I wasn't fully educated oraware of what was happening.
But the intrusive thoughts area big thing.
But also the control.
So like all of that, thecleaning, the doing things a
certain amount of times that allcomes back to control.
And I'm just realizing that Iam a huge control freak and I
(05:19):
have a lot of issues control orif people aren't doing certain
things my way.
So it was like debilitating.
It was taking over my life, mymind, my thoughts.
So she recommended that I be puton a medication it starts with
a, B I think it's called likeBuspar or something like that
for the OCD.
She said that it would take oneto two weeks for me to start
(05:40):
feeling effects and it wouldtake two to four weeks for it to
truly kick in, for me to feelthe full effects.
So, yeah, how long has it been?
We're coming up on four weeks.
Okay, how do you feel?
I feel a little bit better.
So she wanted me to do it, dothe first round, and then I'm on
five milligrams and then shewas going to boost me up to 10
(06:00):
milligrams.
I definitely think I couldbenefit from five more
milligrams, but I do feel alittle bit of a difference.
I'm I'm able to be a little bitmore calm and when something
happens, I don't think that it'sbecause I'm meant to die that
day.
Life just happens.
So I feel like it's helped memanage, manage it a little bit
better and and let go of controla little bit.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I'm so proud of you, brie, thanks, I think that's
great.
I think it takes so muchcourage for us to first
recognize that we need help andthen to go and get the help and
actually listen to what our youknow, our doctors say that can
help us.
So I'm really, I'm proud of you.
(06:45):
I think that's, that's greatand I think so many people need
help, because I think it's forme.
I feel like it's like fivepoints of help.
It's not just medication, it's,you know, like lifestyle, you
know our attitude, you knowexercise all of our food,
(07:05):
everything and you're you knowit's you're one step closer to
doing it.
You know doing it all andmaking your life better.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I got to get the other points down.
I don't know.
I feel like I put a lot ofrestrictions on myself, like I
want to do this but I can't dothis because of this and and um.
I just want a better quality oflife.
Really, my quality of liferight now is not good.
I struggle financially, Istruggle mentally, I struggle
physically, um.
So I just want a better qualityof life.
(07:34):
So hopefully this will helpease my mind enough to where I'm
able to take steps towards theother things too take steps
towards the other things too.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
That's awesome.
I remember, um Leonette, wewent to that women's uh event I
think it was last year and oneof the things that stayed with
me is she said if you're in thesame exact place, you were a
year ago, that's a problem.
And so many people don'trealize that we're just like not
even living life.
(08:07):
We are just in a pattern.
We're in a pattern and we thinkit's okay, and we get up every
single day and people will dothe same things.
You know pretty prettyregularly, the same events, the
same activities, see the samepeople and not even think like
don't I need change?
Can I improve?
Can my life be better?
(08:28):
So you're already saying it,you know and claiming it.
So I think that that's.
That's great, because that'swhat we all want.
And we're starting a new schoolyear yes, we are.
So we want to encourage all ourlisteners to want the same.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Yeah, I mean, this is what we're all about here is
growth.
That's one thing that I used toget very I don't know if
insecure is the wrong word, butalways wanting more or needing
more, and not necessarily likematerial stuff.
It's just like I always feellike there's something inside of
me that, okay, let's evolvewith this, or like let's change
(09:08):
this, or like let's set a goalfor this.
And it used to be like man,aren't you just kind of just why
can't you just be content?
So it doesn't mean that you'renot content, you just know.
You get to a point where yourealize, as humans, we should
always be evolving, always, andso I had to switch that mindset
of this is part of being human.
The people that stay stagnantwe got to feel a little bit bad
(09:29):
for them just because theyappear to be quote-unquote
content.
Like I think people get thatthat confused.
Like you can be content withyour life but still always want
to improve on your, on yourgrowth and um.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
So anyways, you can be grateful for what you have
and everything, while wantingmore.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
And it's okay to walk and it's not necessarily more,
because I think when peoplethink more, it's like materials,
like bigger this and biggerthat.
It's not that.
It's just more for yourself andmore for your life and and it's
really your purpose.
Like your, what is my purposeand how can I be better with
whatever gift that God has givenme?
So I'm proud of you.
I know that, you know we'vetalked about that a lot with you
(10:12):
and your OCD, and the fact thatyou're actually doing something
is awesome.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Thank you.
Thank you, I'm starting to seea light at the end of the tunnel
.
I'm starting to see a light atthe end of the tunnel, just just
trying to make sure that I'm.
I think that whenever I wastrying to get sober, I'm like
when I get sober, all of myproblems will be solved, life
will be so much better becauseI'm sober.
And then I got sober and allthis shit hit me in the face and
(10:38):
I'm like wait a second, I can't, I can't take it away.
I can't drink the feelings away, I can't be.
I can't take it away.
I can't drink the feelings away.
I can't be numb like I used tobe.
So it was almost like a um, ahard reality check.
Getting sober like gettingsober didn't solve all of my
problems.
Getting sober gave me a soundmind to face all of my problems
and try and tackle all of myproblems.
(10:59):
So trying to navigate that hasbeen challenging and that's what
I'm doing right now.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
It's inspiring.
Thank you, yeah, I love it.
May I share?
Yes, Okay, so I feel like we'vebeen skirting, or I've been
skirting around on living in mytruth outside of my friend
groups.
I have talked about that.
(11:30):
I have, you know, my family ismy friends and and and my in my
kids, and those are the peoplethat know everything that's
going on and have been there forme to support me.
But I've gone through ametamorphosis.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh, I like that.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And I know, I know you, you've seen it, leonette,
over the years.
So it's been slow but sure, andI'm I'm happy too about that.
I've been slowly moving forwardand I met with a friend
recently that we were catchingup and she said I can't believe
it.
You said you're going to dothis and this and you're doing
(12:11):
it, and it made me feel better,because we always think that we
could be doing more.
I feel all of us are the kindof people who want more, and
even today I want more money, Iwant more, more time, more
(12:31):
energy, I want better health.
I want all these things and Iknow that what I'm doing, or
what I have been doing, isgetting me, is pushing me in the
right direction.
So I haven't told you know, Ihaven't made a social media
announcement not that I everwould and I haven't told you
(12:56):
know my family, my extendedfamily, but I want to.
I just it's fear's fear oftheir acceptance and truly just
fear of what people will say andI'm trying not to care about
(13:17):
that that I am officiallydivorced.
It's a pretty big deal to meand in my culture and to our
(13:40):
family.
It's been a long time and I wasunhappy and I took it upon
myself to make that change, andnobody else could but me, and
I'm so thankful for my friendsthat are my family, that have
(14:00):
been by my side the whole time,being so supportive and loving
and encouraging that I'll beokay, because I am.
I had all these fears that Iwouldn't be and I can honestly
say that I'm the happiest I'vebeen in a really long time, and
(14:22):
I don't wanna say that, I don'twanna blame him in any ways,
because that doesn't bring meany joy and there's no reason.
It takes.
It takes two and, honestly,marriage is really, really hard
and I think that most of usdon't recognize what a huge
(14:45):
choice life choice that is onthe partners we pick and how we
live our day-to-day life in ourmarriages and our relationships.
So I think I've learned so muchand all the fears that I
thought I'd be judged and orcriticized or talked about, it
(15:08):
actually really doesn't matter.
What is that saying?
Other people's opinion, it'snone of your business.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
So quick question, because you know people
listening is like what's the bigdeal?
Because divorce, you know, it'snot like the 1940s, 50s, 50s,
60s where it was like this taboothing of getting divorced.
Um, nowadays it's just likepeople get married two, three,
five times.
You know what is it about yourculture that makes this so
shameful and to the point thatyou wouldn't even want to tell
(15:39):
your extended family?
Uh, it.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Image is a big deal.
You know, we and and honestly,because of the range marriages,
and they're based onsocioeconomic status, you know,
similar religion, background,everything they they do have a
high success rate.
They, they genuinely do but forfor, you know, but not for
(16:07):
everybody, and I think so manyof us, not even in my culture,
but so many of us, um, just putup with being content or or even
put up with you know what.
I don't have to be happy, orI'm living my life for my
children, but I, I I'mdetermined to want to be
(16:31):
authentically happy from theinside out and I thought to
myself you get one life and whatyou do with it matters.
So I, in the last, I guess, fiveyears and it may have even
started before that, but reallyI've been intentional the last
(16:52):
five years I have been reallythinking about what I do with my
time, matters, who I spend mytime with matters, who I spend
my time with matters, how I take, how I treat myself matters.
All of those things I wasn'tputting at the forefront, the
(17:14):
things that I say to myself.
Just this water bottle Like.
If you look at my water bottle,I have stickers all over it.
I mean you can read it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
It says you are gentle, you are peaceful, you
are loved, you are good.
Oh, those are cute.
You are.
What does that say?
You are kind?
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Oh, words of affirmation.
Well, because the truth is asecret people don't know is the
way I talk to myself inside allday.
Every day is really unkind, andit's it's things that have been
said to me, it's things thathave happened and it's the
(18:02):
conclusions that I've drawn fromit.
It's the assumptions I've made,it's things that I think I was
not worthy of so doing.
All of that just keeps me downand so many people don't know,
and I've said this before I feelthat I get and everyone judges,
(18:25):
but I feel I get pre prejudgments and judged more than
most, because I, the energy thatI put forth and the smile and
the the way I am, makes peoplethink that I have it good or
(18:47):
things are easy or thateverything goes my way, and that
could not be further from thetruth, because it's truly for me
.
I feel that I see the joy ineverything because I truly know
suffering.
I see the joy in everythingbecause I truly know suffering
(19:09):
and I really believe that,really, those who are the most
joyous are because they knowtrue suffering, who are
genuinely, purely happy, becausethey know what it's like to be
down on the ground and feel solow that you don't want to be
there anymore.
(19:29):
So I think that that's like abig, a big assumption that's
made about me and I I have tolike let that go because it
doesn't really matter, becausethe people who really know me
know me and know that I'm doingthe best I can.
So I guess, for for me, leavingmy marriage was so hard that it
(19:55):
took so many years to do it.
It was like it was like thispreparation and I don't, you
know, my, my former spouse, I,you know, wasn't preparing like
I was.
You know, I think that everyonehas levels of of of being
content and what, what we willput up with, or what we think
(20:20):
how we should be, how we shouldbe, and that both of us were
Indian, or both of us have twogreat kids, and, uh, what will
our families think?
All these things that that Iguess he may not have thought of
, but I think, truly.
(20:40):
I think he's happier too, and Ican't speak for him, but this
is just what I think, and ifhe's not, I know he will be.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Then it's not your responsibility whether or not he
is.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Yes, you're right.
Yes, you're right, and I thinkthis huge decision was not taken
lightly, was, uh, was not takenlightly, and my kids, I think,
are.
I think they're okay becausethey see me Okay, and I think
that is a big message I wouldlike to send to anyone that's
(21:15):
going through these kinds ofthoughts, like I am is that our
kids, we always say, are'rehappy when our kids are happy.
It's the actual opposite.
They are happy when they see us, so happy when we are thriving
and we are our best.
They are their best.
(21:37):
They bounce off of us.
It's not the other way around.
Dr Shefali says it's not calledchilding, it's called parenting
.
And every time I make a mistakewhich I do because parents
aren't perfect I tell my kidsI'm parenting for the first time
too.
Or I make mistakes too, or Idon't always have the right or
(22:04):
correct response or reaction.
So please bear with me too.
So I just feel like this wholething has been such a learning
process for me and I know yousee my growth.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Oh my gosh, it's been .
Yeah, you said the past fiveyears.
So the past five years, Iremember when you decided and
you you know we're only talkingto a few people and just the
agony, because I'm sure that'snot an easy.
It doesn't matter what cultureyou're from or background, but
in your situation it was a bigdeal to leave this marriage
(22:43):
because they are going to talkshit about you, and you know
that it's a fact, not it's.
Are they what it like?
No, it is going to happen.
How will I handle that?
And the preparation that you did, a lot of it was emotional
preparation to right, gettingyourself strong so that when you
did decide to to pull the plug,as we like to say that you,
(23:05):
that these comments are, even ifthey're not directed at you,
you know it's being those, theseconversations are being had,
and that's one thing that I, allof us, as humans, need to learn
is that it does.
I don't give a shit what peopleare saying, Like the fact that
I'm on your mind, bravo to you.
That means I'm doing some shitover here to make you want to
(23:25):
talk over there, cause, like,why would I be on your, on your
mind?
And so once I started changingthat mind.
Show for myself.
It's empowering, like the factthat you, like I'm on your radar
.
Hey, that speaks.
That speaks volumes about me,that's all I'm saying, that you,
so I.
I've watched your evolution ofshiny that's what I like to call
(23:48):
it and forever evolving.
But the evolution of shiny hasbeen so great to watch because
it's not easy to just to makethose decisions and I've seen it
with other friends and evenwith you, brianna divorce, like
once you see the person on theother side and, like you said,
you're happy and you're thriving.
But to get to that point, it isagony, because you're thinking
(24:09):
about your kids and you'rethinking.
But to get to that point, it isagony because you're thinking
about your kids and you'rethinking about how it's going to
affect them.
And I love that.
You're understanding that ifwe're good as moms, they're
going to be okay.
And we all like to think ohwell, I'm staying in it for my
kids.
No, and I've said this and Ithink I said it to you, I don't
know if you remember.
No, you're saying it foryourself because you're scared,
(24:30):
like we like to blame it on, oh,the children.
It's going to affect them.
No, it's affecting them nowbecause they don't see you happy
, they don't see daddy happy.
They see, oh well, we're notfighting in front of them.
Well, I sense the energy.
You can sense energy.
Whether you're talking, nottalking, cussing each other out,
it doesn't matter.
Like, the energy is there whenyou're not getting along.
(24:52):
And so I'm proud of both of youbecause I know that was a big
step and the women that I'veseen because you guys are not
the only ones that have gonethrough divorces and there might
be one or two that I'm likethey haven't grown but the ones
that have pulled the plug andthat have moved forward.
It was horrible while they weredoing it, but they're so much
(25:13):
happier now and it needed tohappen, and I'm proud of both of
you.
So that's all I got to say.
Thank you so much, thank you.
Let's pivot.
So, now that we're divorced andwe're happy and we're glowing,
and, yes, we can have more moneyand more stability, but we're
(25:34):
going to get there, right,because you guys just got
divorced officially, it hasn'teven been a year yet for either
of you, right, has it?
No, no, okay, it's been a yearsince I left, but not, yeah.
So that stuff is going to workitself out, because you guys are
always evolving and alwaysgrowing.
So let's talk dating.
Can we?
Are we dating?
(25:55):
Are we on these apps, thesedating apps?
What are we doing?
How does this work?
Post, and what are the feelingsbehind that?
Is it like, are we ready tojust hit the seam, just like
willy-nilly, or is therehesitation?
Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
I am not on any apps.
Well, I am, I've gotten on apps.
I have not gone on a singledate from an app because anytime
, like late at night sometimes,I'll be like, oh, I'm really
lonely, let's see what's outthere.
And then I look and I hatewhat's out there.
I'm like absolutely not.
If I see what kind of stuff,what kind of, I look and I hate
what's out there, I'm likeabsolutely not.
If I see one more, what kind ofstuff?
What kind of stuff?
If I see one more six pack in agym mirror, I'm going to lose
(26:35):
it.
Okay, I can't.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
So I can't do it.
You know what I love, can I sayBree?
I remember Bree saying like hertype one of the she was like I
love a dad bod and I'm like thatI've not heard before.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
I can't.
Yes, yes, I think it'shilarious.
I love it because I wouldn'thave.
I mean, you know, from out Ididn't think so Cause she, I
mean she's rocking, oh my God,Thanks, no you're.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
You're beautiful Bree , so it's, it's.
I think it's adorable.
Actually, I think what we'redoing is stereotyping Brianna
based on how she looks.
Because she's this cute little,we'll take a picture, we're
going to post it so you can seewhat we all look like Cutie,
patootie.
So she's like this littlenugget.
How tall are you?
5'4", 11.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Okay, I was giving you a few inches, I know.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
But you know you're just so.
You look like someone who wouldonly get get with someone who
is a gym rat who has abs poppingout of all places.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
That honest to god anytime I've been on an app and
they're like gym is my life.
It's an immediate no for me.
I don't like, um I.
I don't like the six pack, Idon't like really.
I like a little bit of flab, Ilike something.
You know how they say men likesomething to hold on to.
Well, women do too sometimes.
Okay, um, no, I I'm not, andfor some reason.
(27:58):
So before I met my uh dev I meanmy ex-husband I literally was
on the apps and I would go onlike two or three dates a
weekend.
Like I, I loved him.
It was so fun for me and evenif I didn't hit it off with them
, I'm very, I was very blunt, soI would.
At the in the dinner table, I'dbe like, listen, I'm not
feeling this, let's get thecheck, I'm going to go.
(28:18):
One time I told a guy that mymom had just gotten arrested so
I had to leave really fast.
Like I, if I'm not into it, I'mnot going to waste mine.
And so I.
I loved it when I was youngerand while going through my
divorce, I was excited for that.
I'm like oh, I can't wait toget back on the apps.
I can't wait to, you know, blah, blah, blah, because you met
(28:38):
him.
You met him on it.
Yeah, well, that's probably whyI fucking hate it now.
Um, and so I.
I I've gotten on them a coupleof times and the few guys that
I've matched with I will be like, hey, how are you Small talk?
And then I'll just like ghostthem because I don't get back on
the apps.
So I hate them.
(28:59):
The next person that I'm with,I want to meet somebody
organically and I'm more of apersonality person than I am
looks.
Anyway, you don't have to bethe hottest man in the world for
, or you don't have to be likeextremely attractive.
I just want a good person withgood personality.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Well, I think, I think, as as women, yeah,
personality brings out yourattractiveness.
Yes, your confidence, yourhumor, your like whatever, like
just your, how kind you are topeople, how you interact with
people.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
that's sexy yeah, yeah, so the dating apps are not
for me.
Um, unfortunately, I don'tthink I'll be doing any, any
dates from an app, so I'm hopingto just meet someone
organically and go from there.
I'm ready to date.
I feel lonely.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
I feel very lonely, um but you ain't gonna get with
just anybody.
No, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
I, I, I have a crush.
We'll say that I have somebodythat I'm interested in.
Okay, yeah, he's a patient atthe office.
Oh, wow, okay, we're coming out, we're coming.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
He named it.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
He worked at and this is his phone number.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
His address is no.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I'm giving like a home alone look like.
I have someone I'm into, whoI'm attracted to.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
It's actually cute to say on the recording right Like
I saw you on the train you werewearing.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm scared, so we'll see, and
I'm anxious, I'm anxious.
Honestly, I think I did notrealize the damage that my
ex-husband did to me until afterI was out of the marriage and
until I thought about what Iwanted my quote unquote love
(30:57):
life to look like.
I feel like once I met somebodythat I was like, truly,
genuinely interested in, I waslike, oh, my ex-husband really
did a number on me.
I think, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
What are you afraid of?
Like what are we scared?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
of I, genuinely I, I, I don't feel strong enough to
handle another heartbreak at themoment, and although I um,
truly like I know that myex-husband was not, we weren't
meant to be together and thedivorce was the best thing for
me, it still hurt, right Like itwas still a heartbreak.
It was still.
It still felt like a failure.
(31:32):
It's embarrassing.
There's a lot of I feel a lotof shame around.
Not even my divorce, honestly,my wedding.
I feel more shameful that Imarried him than I did divorcing
him, and so I I'm justpetrified of of dealing with all
of that again.
Make it marrying him.
I, I got a beautiful little boyout of it and I don't regret
(31:54):
him for a second, but in thesame breath, I would say that it
was a mistake ever going on asecond date with him.
Oh damn, yeah, second date,yeah, yeah, should have stopped
at the first.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
So so you learned a lot.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
I did, yeah, and, like I said, my son, I got my
son, so I am forever thankfulfor him.
It's it's it's an odd feelingbecause with my oldest I have an
older son who's 12 and his dadand I dated in high school and
we got pregnant with our myoldest son in high school and
I've always been able to lookback at that and been like it
didn't work out.
(32:30):
We were teenagers, it wasn't theway we planned, but I never
regretted it because I alwaysfelt like I was meant to become
a mom at a young age and I can'timagine what road I would have
gone down had I not.
And with my youngest it's adifferent feeling and I think
it's because his dad was soabusive and there's so much hurt
(32:52):
and turmoil and so I mean, Istill deal with it daily.
So I think that it's hard tolook at the bright side of it
when I again, I love my son tothe moon and the stars and if I
had to be with that motherfuckerfor another four years in order
to get him, I would.
But it's hard to to look at thethe positive of it.
(33:14):
It's it's hard and I and I feelembarrassed that that's the
father I gave him, so it's it'sa very different dynamic.
My oldest son's dad is a gooddad.
My youngest son's dad is a.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Well, it's still, it's still fresh, it's still
fresh, it's still fresh.
I just muted your microphonebecause I don't want you to say
something that we can't takeback either, even though I can't
edit all of this no regrets,but you know, hopefully with
time things will change and getbetter once he and and that's
(33:50):
what's scary Will that ever goaway?
Speaker 2 (33:51):
He's not going to change.
I'll never not regret it.
So, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Honestly, I'm not in the best place mentally, so this
is what I've seen, becauseyou're not the first person that
I've seen marry someone withthis dynamic.
Eventually, right now, it feelslike you're the center of their
world and you are.
And there's a lot of you know,a lot of I'm trying to.
(34:18):
I'm trying to be polite, butthere's a lot of nastiness
coming your way.
But eventually they findsomebody else to latch on to and
their attention goes to themand their harassment turns to
them.
And then eventually, as thekids get older, they realize oh,
this is what this parent isexuding and I don't want to be
around that, and that's whathappens.
So you don't have to say a word, you just keep living your life
(34:40):
, you keep growing, you keepmaturing, you keep trying to
find ways to make yourselfbetter internally.
And let the universe handle allof that, because it will happen
.
I've seen it in other people'slives.
It will happen For sure so yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
I have a lot of interesting things to say about
dating apps.
So I've been officially singlefor a little bit I mean not a
year or anything yet.
Officially single for a littlebit, I mean not a year or
anything yet.
But I decided, I think inFebruary, like springtime, to
check them out and I gave a fewof them a try, each taking turns
(35:22):
, I think.
On Tinder, I was on it for likethree hours.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Why?
What's going on on Tinder?
It's terrible, is it it?
Speaker 3 (35:31):
yes, but I wanted to be.
So I have to say that I knowwhat tinder's for and I know
people have their things.
But my best friend from highschool she's a vet veterinarian.
Her name is taryn.
She met her man that like loveof her life they bought a house
together.
They're as happy as can be ontinder there are a lot of
(35:53):
success stories.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
The dating apps, honestly, are great.
I'm just, I'm just.
They're not for me personally.
No, they are good.
No, I don't I don't.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
I don't even think they're good, I just think it's.
It's a little bit of luck.
I think exactly you can be onit and meet a great person, or
you could be on it and meet agreat person, or you could be on
it and meet a lot of reallyinteresting people.
And I met a lot of interestingpeople so far.
I had someone who remember theguy who showed up in my house.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Oh yeah, how could we forget?
Speaker 1 (36:27):
To the point where I'm like tell me what kind of
car he drives, Because you liveright down the street from me.
I'm not like, if I see thatmofo in front of your house, I'm
going to get out of my car.
I'll be like get out of here,yeah.
So I would say the warning isthat you can't underestimate
people.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
You could go on just one date and they can take
things however they want intheir head, things however they
want in their head, and theinternet is such a wonderful
thing that you know it can.
It's can be used for good andit can also be used for bad, and
people can find you.
So you know, if they reallywant to, they will because you
(37:04):
didn't even tell them.
No, nothing, didn't know mylast didn't know my last name,
didn't know my.
You know nothing.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Grand and shiny is not a common name, but that's
still scary.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
But he's out of here, he's been gone.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
He's in her backyard as we speak.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
I think he follows me on social media.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
That's fine.
He can follow you on socialmedia Maybe he listens to the
podcast.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
That's fine.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Hi, what up If I see your car in front of the whole
house?
It's all mofo.
I don't know what you look like, but I got my eyes.
I got my eyes everywhere.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
So the funniest thing about that day we'll say funny
is that he said he was prepared.
He said either he'd be goingout with me that day or he'd be
going home or going like leavingthe property in handcuffs.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
What the Did he say that?
Speaker 3 (37:59):
What the fuck?
He said he was prepared for it.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Oh, he was prepared Like he prepared his mind?
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Was he prepared to have my fist in his face if?
Speaker 1 (38:05):
I cried about a sidekick.
That's scary.
Speaker 3 (38:09):
I didn't know, that I know we're laughing about it
because, well, we have to, wehave to make like.
We have to laugh about itbecause it's really the only way
.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
So he was prepared.
Anybody that's prepared to goto prison.
Yeah, You're psycho.
They went, they.
That means that's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
I know, I, I, I think I'm still in shock that that
even happened, but it just goesto show that you meet a lot of
very interesting people andpeople are very free to do and
say whatever they want.
So that's, I think, one of thethings that I learned just, and
(38:52):
you can also meet very nicepeople too.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
There's married men on there too.
Right, there are A thousandpercent, a thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
That's what's scary about them is like you.
When I don't know, I feel likeI'm such a face-to-face type of
person in that regard, or I'vebecome such a face face type of
person in that regard, or I'vebecome such a face to face
person in that regard Becausebefore, whenever I was younger,
like in my early 20s, it was allabout look, so I would, I would
, I would.
I was dating these men solelybased on the way they looked.
And now I'm like, if I meetsomeone, I can tell within the
(39:24):
first five minutes if we aregoing to hit it off, if we're
not the man that I'm currentlyinterested in.
Within the first four secondsof seeing him, I was like oh, I
like him, so it's yeah.
That's what's scary about theapps.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Can I tell I won't go into like detail.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Well, I don't know what you're about to tell.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
No, I'm just saying that that's like legit the truth
, because she already divulgedthat he's a patient and we both
work at this practice and Iliterally was getting coffee, so
he was sitting in the welcomearea, so I went to get coffee
and she's like, she's liketilting her head towards him.
(40:08):
She's like that guy, I'm goingto marry him, I'm going to marry
that guy.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
And I was like, yes, no, she literally said that, and
I was like yes.
No, she literally said that andI was like this psychopath.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm like, hey, watch out for her.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
No, I'm kidding, it's going to be mine, she said.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
But that was before we ever even, I ever even said a
word to him.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Yeah, before, Like before I didn't know anything,
anything I knew he.
Obviously I looked to see if hehad a ring on his finger.
I always look to make sure,even before I say somebody's
remotely attractive, I make surewhether or not they have a ring
on their finger.
And I did not see a ring on hisfinger.
And I looked at leonette and Iwas like, oh my god, I want yep,
she's like, he's my type.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
That's him.
I was like girl.
You don't even know this Ididn't know his name.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
I mean it was, it was on the schedule, but he come in
once before, so what?
happened was the first time hecame.
God, I hope he'd never, everget a hold of this, because it's
very obvious.
No, the first time.
It'll be a cute story when youguys get married.
I don't think that's going tohappen, but when the first time
he walked in, you were sittingbehind the desk and I was at my
(41:16):
desk and he walked in and Ilooked at you and I said if I
had a type, it would be him to aT, that's right.
And then the second and then thesecond time he came in, he you
were out there making coffee andI was like, oh, as soon as they
took him back, I was like, oh,I'm going to marry that guy
Surely.
And then I had to go over hisno, marry that guy.
(41:37):
She surely did, and then okay Ihad to go over his no.
So what?
What was it about him?
Please tell me it was the way.
I mean.
He's an attractive man for somereason.
Fuck, he doesn't have for somereason yeah, he's.
Um, for some reason I have aweird fetish with the bald men.
I love a bald guy.
Okay, don't worry, sir, thereare a lot of bald guys in this
(41:58):
world.
Okay, it's not you.
I have a thing for bald men.
I don't, I don't know why.
So he, he was bald.
He just has like a very manlylook about him and I don't know,
I don't know, I genuinely don'tknow.
I just I looked at him and Iwas like holy fuck, I need to
know his name.
I just I looked at him and Iwas like holy fuck, I need to
know his name.
And so then I had to go overhis treatment plan with him.
(42:19):
He carries himself in a verylike rugged, almost like
mysterious way.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (42:27):
That's a that's a great description of him.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
Very like not brooding Is brooding the right
word.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Yes, manly.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Yeah, but in a calm, quiet.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yes, yes, not in a here, I am kind of way yeah very
um, um, what's the word?
Speaker 1 (42:47):
um, unassuming?
Yeah, yeah, okay, just, he'sjust being himself.
He's not coming in with likeany big grandiose.
Speaker 2 (42:55):
Yeah, exactly, personality he's very calm and
whenever he speaks he's like hetalks calmly.
Everything about him is justvery calm, but but he's like a
man you know, I love that, andso he sounds great, I had to go
over a treatment plan with him.
So we went into the office togo over his treatment plan and
we were in there for like anhour just like talking and yeah,
(43:16):
that's, that's, that's all.
Is he six?
Speaker 3 (43:20):
foot.
Wow, yeah, he's tall.
Okay, so there's a big height.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Yeah, oh yeah, there's a big.
Oh, you can pick her up andthrow her around.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
I'm sweating, I'm sweating.
This is the spicy part of theback to school special.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
I hope he's not a podcast guy.
Oh, we only have like fivelisteners.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah, okay, it's only five people.
There's sweat dripping down myback.
No, I don't know.
I don't know what it was, butthere was an instant attraction
and an instant like there was alot of chemistry there, and
we've both spoken about thatsince, like how instant, like
the chemistry was I love thatfor you.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
You know, listen with anything like you said before,
you're you're afraid, so you'releading with fear, so we'll see
how this you know turns turnsout, we'll end up as as good
friends okay, okay, shiny, and I, before we started recording,
said that I have a theory andI'm sure we have.
(44:25):
So many people debate this canmen and women be just friends?
And there are, yes, there are,exceptions to the rules, but the
, for the most part, a man canyou be friends with someone
after you've already been?
no in a romantic.
I don't think I mean, I think.
I think people try it canhappen.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
It can happen.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
It's rare, I mean because I know one of my best
friends is friends with someonethat she had dated before, but
it's really rare I think the manis going to pretend to be your
friend to keep that, that windowor that door open until you're
ready to crack it open and letthem bust in.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
So, while we're on this topic, that's actually that
was one of I've we've beentalking about me getting on
medication for a very long timenow, and it's been well known
that I needed some sort ofmedication and therapy because
of my OCD and anxiety andeverything.
But I think that that's reallywhat did me in was that whole
(45:22):
situation, because we did startseeing each other and things
were.
I don't know, they're justgetting too real, you don't have
to go into detail, they'regetting too real for you, to the
point where and I had a lot ofanxiety surrounding it.
Yeah, you don't want to go intodetail.
They're getting too real foryou to the point where and I had
a lot of anxiety surrounding ityeah, and that's what you don't
want to get your heart brokenagain.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
Yeah, you don't want to get sucked into this like
situation where you're going tobe left heartbroken.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Yeah, exactly, and.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
I'm sure a lot of us can relate to that as women.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
To conclude this portion of our talk.
Yeah, I I feel as if we treadlightly and think it's fine
taking it slow.
We're constantly growing andlearning and it's just to have
fun, why not?
Speaker 1 (46:09):
Exactly?
And one of the things that Itold Brianna and even Phillip
has advised her of this too asthe man we always, we should
always take advice from men.
I know we like to go yeah, welike to go to each other as
women, and that's great, but aman knows a man and what?
Basically, what we've beentelling Brianna is, even if she
(46:29):
wants to pause it right nowbecause she needs to get her
mind right and herself right, aman that is meant to be for you
will be there for you.
It doesn't matter if two yearsgo by and you're just trying to
figure your shit out, becausethat's what you should be doing
right now is trying to figureyourself out, trying to regulate
yourself and he will be therefor you.
(46:50):
So, this whole analyzing oh, ifI don't do it now, what's meant
to be will be, and if he's notmeant for you, the right one's
going to come along.
Getting ourselves right aswomen is number one priority,
and the right man that'ssupposed to be there for you
will be there for you, and ifit's him, it'll happen.
(47:10):
You stop focusing and stophaving anxiety over that part of
things.
I promise you it'll happen theway it's supposed to and the
right time, but your priority isworking on yourself.
That's what I for sure.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Absolutely yeah, so those are my two cents.
What about you?
Shiny and dating no.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
I just want to hear about these bum guys on these.
They're terrible.
So anytime you come across agood story, please share oh well
, I did so.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Two of the guys that I matched with.
This was maybe a month ago, noless than a month ago, after I
had my little freak out withthis guy, I got on the app and I
was like I'm going to just seewhat's out there.
So I matched with these twoguys.
We're having small talk.
I'm talking like hey, how areyou?
Type deal, and within fourminutes both of them were like
(48:10):
yeah, well, I'm really in themood to cuddle.
Or I'm like hey, hey, I'm aboutto go to bed.
And the other guy was like well, that makes me want to cuddle
you and I'm like you don't evenknow my middle name, bro, like
what the fuck okay is cuddlecode for I don't know.
I don't know, but you've nevereven shook my hand.
What do you mean?
You want to cuddle?
That's disgusting to me and Iimmediately cuddle, immediately,
(48:32):
yeah, exactly.
I immediately got off and I waslike, yeah, bump this the
person I end up with.
I want to meet someoneorganically, but that's just me.
The dating apps aren't for me.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
Yeah, I don't like that In this economy free dinner
, but I can't even do that and Idefinitely don't like any
pictures that have been sent myway I immediately delete
pictures that have been sent myway.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
I immediately delete immediate a bunch of creepers
out there.
Speaker 3 (49:00):
It's awful, yeah, but he wants to see all that.
No, no, the woman's body is, Iwill say, is is a work of art.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Oh yeah, so is a man's I was having.
I was having this debate withmy friend the other day.
She's like a woman's.
My friend is bisexual and she'slike a woman's body is so much
better to look at than a man'sand I'm like that's how I know
I'm straight as a board becauseI think a man's body is way more
attractive than a woman's.
Now I like looking at like if awoman's got like a juicy booty
(49:27):
or something, I'll look at herlike damn, I wish that was me
type deal, but not like.
But I think okay.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
So like, for example, if we send a picture to a man
that turns them on right away.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
Oh, a thousand percent.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
If a man is sending a picture to me.
I'm just like that's not.
Yeah, I can see that.
I'm not like.
Do you think I'm justautomatically start getting wet
down?
Speaker 2 (49:46):
there, we're getting ready.
No, come on over.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
No, no, so keep that shit to yourself.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
I don't know I'm not dating, but I wouldn't turn me
on.
That would be such a type ofgirl I've never, I've never
requested, nor have I I've beenlike open or receptive to
receiving dick pics.
I'm not any nude pictures.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
Really, it's not been my thing.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
I'm with you, shiny, I've never done any of that
sexting's fun, but like what,what I'm going to do to you
later, but not like here'swhat's going to be in you later,
type deal.
Speaker 1 (50:18):
That's not my vibe.
Speaker 3 (50:20):
No.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
I don't want to see all that.
Speaker 3 (50:23):
And plus we have children.
Yeah yeah, anybody can grab aphone and I don't have a pen on
my phone.
Speaker 1 (50:29):
I don't have a passcode on my phone so anybody
can.
Just I'm on camera.
I have nothing to hide here.
You want to check something?
Corinne takes my phone all thetime.
Can you imagine if she saw apicture of her father on my
phone.
Oh my God, or me and myself.
I forgot.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Get out of here, no, you know how, if you have an
iPhone and an iPad, like yourtext will come through your iPad
too.
The other day, maddox was likeMom, I want to browse he's not
allowed Facebook or social mediayet.
He's like Mom, I want to grabor I want to browse Facebook
Marketplace on your iPad.
And I was like yeah, sure.
And I was like go get your iPad.
And I was texting with someonenothing like dirty or anything,
(51:05):
but still not something I wantmy son seeing and I was texting
with someone.
And as I'm texting, I'm like,oh my God, maddox has my iPad.
So I like run in his room realquick.
And I'm like Maddox, are youlooking at my text messages?
He's like, no, I would never dothat, but you know like they'll
pop down, like it'll be alittle window popping down.
It wasn't photos or anythingsexual, but still I was like, no
, no, the iPad's cut off, youdon't have to get your own.
(51:27):
No, no, yeah, I'm not a bigsexter that's is.
Speaker 1 (51:34):
That is, that your PSA Don't let your children see
your.
If you're going to get dickpics, make sure you put them in
a folder, because there's appsfor that.
I hear I don't know about that,but I've heard that there's
like they look like somethingelse, but it's where you hide
the pictures.
Speaker 2 (51:51):
I don't know, I've never used one, but I'm sure my
ex-husband could tell you allabout it all right girls, so I
think this is enough for today II think I think we'll end on
the dick pics I love it.
Speaker 1 (52:08):
Um, we will end with dick pics, and what is it?
Speaker 3 (52:12):
Discretion yes, it's advised.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
Yes, pure discretion.
Pg-13.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
Yeah, no, I'm happy to be back.
I know summers are alwayshectic and I like to take my
summers off, but I'm glad thatwe're back.
And, yeah, let's see where thisrest of the year takes us.
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (52:34):
Let's do it yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
I'm in.
I love you ladies.
I'll see you all very soon and,as always, thank you.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
You're welcome, love you too.
Bye, bye, bye.
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Hello everyone, hi, hey, howyou guys doing?
(00:49):
Doing great, how are you?
You know, just living the dream.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah, you are.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Hi Brianna, hi Hi Shiny.
Hello, we're back.
We're back.
It's been a long summer.
It has been so, listen, I knowwe normally have like our little
, we try to have like some kindof format, but today we're going
to throw the format out thewindow, free ball, and we just
want to just catch up on what'sbeen going on this summer.
(01:16):
I did a show two weeks agotalking about myself, so you
know I'm going to let you twotalk because you guys have had
some big stuff going on we have,haven't we?
Speaker 3 (01:26):
yeah, this is the back to school special.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yes, it is, I like it , back to school special.
Do you remember those?
That's good, shiny, all right.
So who wants to start what'sbeen going on with everybody?
Happy summer, back to schoolspecial.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yep, kids are back in school.
Well, kid is back in school.
Getting back on a routine there, working, trying to balance
school schedule and work andboth kids is fun and, yeah,
navigating life.
I went back to a psychiatrist.
(02:12):
That's been like the biggestchange.
Got put on some medication formy crazy mind and yeah, okay,
let's talk about that.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Yeah, well, I was.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
We all know I have a lot of anxiety and depression
issues and I have taken anxietymedication in the past and I've
taken depression medication inthe past.
But I met with a psychiatristbecause the best way to describe
it is I felt like I was.
I wanted to crawl out of myskin and the there's.
(02:50):
So there are so many thingsthat go into OCD control
intrusive thoughts, not evenjust like the cleanliness of
things, but it was.
It was producing a lot ofanxiety, like crippling anxiety.
So I met with a psychiatristand told her that my anxiety was
really bad and my depressionwas creeping in, and she said
that the root of my anxiety iscoming from my obsessive
compulsive disorder.
And so she recommended becauseI've never been medicated for
OCD, she recommended that thatwe take that approach.
(03:13):
So I started that about goingon four weeks now.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Are you OK sharing?
Like, what does that look like?
Because when we, like you said,when we think OCD, we think
someone who washes their handsall the time and has to, you
know, do certain things incertain numbers.
So, what does that look likefor you?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
So that, honestly so I feel like that's where my OCD
started was like the cleanlinessof things.
So like my apartment, I live ina small it's like 900 square
foot apartment, two bedroomswith my two kids and I feel like
that's kind of where it started.
Once I got sober, because I'vealways been kind of a clean
(03:53):
person, but when I was drinkingI was too drunk to give a shit
about anything.
My car was a mess, my apartmentwas a mess and even whenever I
was sober it would drive mecrazy, but then I would just
drink instead of doing anythingabout it.
And then whenever I truly gotsober from alcohol, it was like
I'm talking, if there is a speckof dust, I won't sleep, it will
send me into a full panic.
(04:14):
So that's where it started andI've just been.
I get on these like crazycleaning binges or whatever.
But what really really reallytook over was the intrusive
thoughts.
So like I have a weird thingwith numbers.
If I'm cooking something in themicrowave, for example, if it
(04:36):
doesn't, if I don't stop it, ifI'm not in the kitchen watching
the microwave and stopping it attwo seconds, then my kids are
going to die, and I know thatthat sounds fucking insane but
that is the truth.
Like if I don't do certainthings a certain number of times
, if I don't make sure my dooris locked four times before I
fall asleep, somebody's going tobreak in and murder us all,
like those sorts of things.
(04:56):
And when you think of OCD,that's not the first thing that
pops into your mind.
So I wasn't fully educated oraware of what was happening into
your mind.
So I wasn't fully educated oraware of what was happening.
But the intrusive thoughts area big thing.
But also the control.
So like all of that, thecleaning, the doing things a
certain amount of times that allcomes back to control.
And I'm just realizing that Iam a huge control freak and I
(05:19):
have a lot of issues control orif people aren't doing certain
things my way.
So it was like debilitating.
It was taking over my life, mymind, my thoughts.
So she recommended that I be puton a medication it starts with
a, B I think it's called likeBuspar or something like that
for the OCD.
She said that it would take oneto two weeks for me to start
(05:40):
feeling effects and it wouldtake two to four weeks for it to
truly kick in, for me to feelthe full effects.
So, yeah, how long has it been?
We're coming up on four weeks.
Okay, how do you feel?
I feel a little bit better.
So she wanted me to do it, dothe first round, and then I'm on
five milligrams and then shewas going to boost me up to 10
(06:00):
milligrams.
I definitely think I couldbenefit from five more
milligrams, but I do feel alittle bit of a difference.
I'm I'm able to be a little bitmore calm and when something
happens, I don't think that it'sbecause I'm meant to die that
day.
Life just happens.
So I feel like it's helped memanage, manage it a little bit
better and and let go of controla little bit.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I'm so proud of you, brie, thanks, I think that's
great.
I think it takes so muchcourage for us to first
recognize that we need help andthen to go and get the help and
actually listen to what our youknow, our doctors say that can
help us.
So I'm really, I'm proud of you.
(06:45):
I think that's, that's greatand I think so many people need
help, because I think it's forme.
I feel like it's like fivepoints of help.
It's not just medication, it's,you know, like lifestyle, you
know our attitude, you knowexercise all of our food,
(07:05):
everything and you're you knowit's you're one step closer to
doing it.
You know doing it all andmaking your life better.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I got to get the other points down.
I don't know.
I feel like I put a lot ofrestrictions on myself, like I
want to do this but I can't dothis because of this and and um.
I just want a better quality oflife.
Really, my quality of liferight now is not good.
I struggle financially, Istruggle mentally, I struggle
physically, um.
So I just want a better qualityof life.
(07:34):
So hopefully this will helpease my mind enough to where I'm
able to take steps towards theother things too take steps
towards the other things too.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
That's awesome.
I remember, um Leonette, wewent to that women's uh event I
think it was last year and oneof the things that stayed with
me is she said if you're in thesame exact place, you were a
year ago, that's a problem.
And so many people don'trealize that we're just like not
even living life.
(08:07):
We are just in a pattern.
We're in a pattern and we thinkit's okay, and we get up every
single day and people will dothe same things.
You know pretty prettyregularly, the same events, the
same activities, see the samepeople and not even think like
don't I need change?
Can I improve?
Can my life be better?
(08:28):
So you're already saying it,you know and claiming it.
So I think that that's.
That's great, because that'swhat we all want.
And we're starting a new schoolyear yes, we are.
So we want to encourage all ourlisteners to want the same.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Yeah, I mean, this is what we're all about here is
growth.
That's one thing that I used toget very I don't know if
insecure is the wrong word, butalways wanting more or needing
more, and not necessarily likematerial stuff.
It's just like I always feellike there's something inside of
me that, okay, let's evolvewith this, or like let's change
(09:08):
this, or like let's set a goalfor this.
And it used to be like man,aren't you just kind of just why
can't you just be content?
So it doesn't mean that you'renot content, you just know.
You get to a point where yourealize, as humans, we should
always be evolving, always, andso I had to switch that mindset
of this is part of being human.
The people that stay stagnantwe got to feel a little bit bad
(09:29):
for them just because theyappear to be quote-unquote
content.
Like I think people get thatthat confused.
Like you can be content withyour life but still always want
to improve on your, on yourgrowth and um.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
So anyways, you can be grateful for what you have
and everything, while wantingmore.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
And it's okay to walk and it's not necessarily more,
because I think when peoplethink more, it's like materials,
like bigger this and biggerthat.
It's not that.
It's just more for yourself andmore for your life and and it's
really your purpose.
Like your, what is my purposeand how can I be better with
whatever gift that God has givenme?
So I'm proud of you.
I know that, you know we'vetalked about that a lot with you
(10:12):
and your OCD, and the fact thatyou're actually doing something
is awesome.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Thank you.
Thank you, I'm starting to seea light at the end of the tunnel
.
I'm starting to see a light atthe end of the tunnel, just just
trying to make sure that I'm.
I think that whenever I wastrying to get sober, I'm like
when I get sober, all of myproblems will be solved, life
will be so much better becauseI'm sober.
And then I got sober and allthis shit hit me in the face and
(10:38):
I'm like wait a second, I can't, I can't take it away.
I can't drink the feelings away, I can't be.
I can't take it away.
I can't drink the feelings away.
I can't be numb like I used tobe.
So it was almost like a um, ahard reality check.
Getting sober like gettingsober didn't solve all of my
problems.
Getting sober gave me a soundmind to face all of my problems
and try and tackle all of myproblems.
(10:59):
So trying to navigate that hasbeen challenging and that's what
I'm doing right now.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
It's inspiring.
Thank you, yeah, I love it.
May I share?
Yes, Okay, so I feel like we'vebeen skirting, or I've been
skirting around on living in mytruth outside of my friend
groups.
I have talked about that.
(11:30):
I have, you know, my family ismy friends and and and my in my
kids, and those are the peoplethat know everything that's
going on and have been there forme to support me.
But I've gone through ametamorphosis.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh, I like that.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And I know, I know you, you've seen it, leonette,
over the years.
So it's been slow but sure, andI'm I'm happy too about that.
I've been slowly moving forwardand I met with a friend
recently that we were catchingup and she said I can't believe
it.
You said you're going to dothis and this and you're doing
(12:11):
it, and it made me feel better,because we always think that we
could be doing more.
I feel all of us are the kindof people who want more, and
even today I want more money, Iwant more, more time, more
(12:31):
energy, I want better health.
I want all these things and Iknow that what I'm doing, or
what I have been doing, isgetting me, is pushing me in the
right direction.
So I haven't told you know, Ihaven't made a social media
announcement not that I everwould and I haven't told you
(12:56):
know my family, my extendedfamily, but I want to.
I just it's fear's fear oftheir acceptance and truly just
fear of what people will say andI'm trying not to care about
(13:17):
that that I am officiallydivorced.
It's a pretty big deal to meand in my culture and to our
(13:40):
family.
It's been a long time and I wasunhappy and I took it upon
myself to make that change, andnobody else could but me, and
I'm so thankful for my friendsthat are my family, that have
(14:00):
been by my side the whole time,being so supportive and loving
and encouraging that I'll beokay, because I am.
I had all these fears that Iwouldn't be and I can honestly
say that I'm the happiest I'vebeen in a really long time, and
(14:22):
I don't wanna say that, I don'twanna blame him in any ways,
because that doesn't bring meany joy and there's no reason.
It takes.
It takes two and, honestly,marriage is really, really hard
and I think that most of usdon't recognize what a huge
(14:45):
choice life choice that is onthe partners we pick and how we
live our day-to-day life in ourmarriages and our relationships.
So I think I've learned so muchand all the fears that I
thought I'd be judged and orcriticized or talked about, it
(15:08):
actually really doesn't matter.
What is that saying?
Other people's opinion, it'snone of your business.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
So quick question, because you know people
listening is like what's the bigdeal?
Because divorce, you know, it'snot like the 1940s, 50s, 50s,
60s where it was like this taboothing of getting divorced.
Um, nowadays it's just likepeople get married two, three,
five times.
You know what is it about yourculture that makes this so
shameful and to the point thatyou wouldn't even want to tell
(15:39):
your extended family?
Uh, it.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Image is a big deal.
You know, we and and honestly,because of the range marriages,
and they're based onsocioeconomic status, you know,
similar religion, background,everything they they do have a
high success rate.
They, they genuinely do but forfor, you know, but not for
(16:07):
everybody, and I think so manyof us, not even in my culture,
but so many of us, um, just putup with being content or or even
put up with you know what.
I don't have to be happy, orI'm living my life for my
children, but I, I I'mdetermined to want to be
(16:31):
authentically happy from theinside out and I thought to
myself you get one life and whatyou do with it matters.
So I, in the last, I guess, fiveyears and it may have even
started before that, but reallyI've been intentional the last
(16:52):
five years I have been reallythinking about what I do with my
time, matters, who I spend mytime with matters, who I spend
my time with matters, how I take, how I treat myself matters.
All of those things I wasn'tputting at the forefront, the
(17:14):
things that I say to myself.
Just this water bottle Like.
If you look at my water bottle,I have stickers all over it.
I mean you can read it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
It says you are gentle, you are peaceful, you
are loved, you are good.
Oh, those are cute.
You are.
What does that say?
You are kind?
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Oh, words of affirmation.
Well, because the truth is asecret people don't know is the
way I talk to myself inside allday.
Every day is really unkind, andit's it's things that have been
said to me, it's things thathave happened and it's the
(18:02):
conclusions that I've drawn fromit.
It's the assumptions I've made,it's things that I think I was
not worthy of so doing.
All of that just keeps me downand so many people don't know,
and I've said this before I feelthat I get and everyone judges,
(18:25):
but I feel I get pre prejudgments and judged more than
most, because I, the energy thatI put forth and the smile and
the the way I am, makes peoplethink that I have it good or
(18:47):
things are easy or thateverything goes my way, and that
could not be further from thetruth, because it's truly for me
.
I feel that I see the joy ineverything because I truly know
suffering.
I see the joy in everythingbecause I truly know suffering
(19:09):
and I really believe that,really, those who are the most
joyous are because they knowtrue suffering, who are
genuinely, purely happy, becausethey know what it's like to be
down on the ground and feel solow that you don't want to be
there anymore.
(19:29):
So I think that that's like abig, a big assumption that's
made about me and I I have tolike let that go because it
doesn't really matter, becausethe people who really know me
know me and know that I'm doingthe best I can.
So I guess, for for me, leavingmy marriage was so hard that it
(19:55):
took so many years to do it.
It was like it was like thispreparation and I don't, you
know, my, my former spouse, I,you know, wasn't preparing like
I was.
You know, I think that everyonehas levels of of of being
content and what, what we willput up with, or what we think
(20:20):
how we should be, how we shouldbe, and that both of us were
Indian, or both of us have twogreat kids, and, uh, what will
our families think?
All these things that that Iguess he may not have thought of
, but I think, truly.
(20:40):
I think he's happier too, and Ican't speak for him, but this
is just what I think, and ifhe's not, I know he will be.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Then it's not your responsibility whether or not he
is.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Yes, you're right.
Yes, you're right, and I thinkthis huge decision was not taken
lightly, was, uh, was not takenlightly, and my kids, I think,
are.
I think they're okay becausethey see me Okay, and I think
that is a big message I wouldlike to send to anyone that's
(21:15):
going through these kinds ofthoughts, like I am is that our
kids, we always say, are'rehappy when our kids are happy.
It's the actual opposite.
They are happy when they see us, so happy when we are thriving
and we are our best.
They are their best.
(21:37):
They bounce off of us.
It's not the other way around.
Dr Shefali says it's not calledchilding, it's called parenting
.
And every time I make a mistakewhich I do because parents
aren't perfect I tell my kidsI'm parenting for the first time
too.
Or I make mistakes too, or Idon't always have the right or
(22:04):
correct response or reaction.
So please bear with me too.
So I just feel like this wholething has been such a learning
process for me and I know yousee my growth.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Oh my gosh, it's been .
Yeah, you said the past fiveyears.
So the past five years, Iremember when you decided and
you you know we're only talkingto a few people and just the
agony, because I'm sure that'snot an easy.
It doesn't matter what cultureyou're from or background, but
in your situation it was a bigdeal to leave this marriage
(22:43):
because they are going to talkshit about you, and you know
that it's a fact, not it's.
Are they what it like?
No, it is going to happen.
How will I handle that?
And the preparation that you did, a lot of it was emotional
preparation to right, gettingyourself strong so that when you
did decide to to pull the plug,as we like to say that you,
(23:05):
that these comments are, even ifthey're not directed at you,
you know it's being those, theseconversations are being had,
and that's one thing that I, allof us, as humans, need to learn
is that it does.
I don't give a shit what peopleare saying, Like the fact that
I'm on your mind, bravo to you.
That means I'm doing some shitover here to make you want to
(23:25):
talk over there, cause, like,why would I be on your, on your
mind?
And so once I started changingthat mind.
Show for myself.
It's empowering, like the factthat you, like I'm on your radar
.
Hey, that speaks.
That speaks volumes about me,that's all I'm saying, that you,
so I.
I've watched your evolution ofshiny that's what I like to call
(23:48):
it and forever evolving.
But the evolution of shiny hasbeen so great to watch because
it's not easy to just to makethose decisions and I've seen it
with other friends and evenwith you, brianna divorce, like
once you see the person on theother side and, like you said,
you're happy and you're thriving.
But to get to that point, it isagony, because you're thinking
(24:09):
about your kids and you'rethinking.
But to get to that point, it isagony because you're thinking
about your kids and you'rethinking about how it's going to
affect them.
And I love that.
You're understanding that ifwe're good as moms, they're
going to be okay.
And we all like to think ohwell, I'm staying in it for my
kids.
No, and I've said this and Ithink I said it to you, I don't
know if you remember.
No, you're saying it foryourself because you're scared,
(24:30):
like we like to blame it on, oh,the children.
It's going to affect them.
No, it's affecting them nowbecause they don't see you happy
, they don't see daddy happy.
They see, oh well, we're notfighting in front of them.
Well, I sense the energy.
You can sense energy.
Whether you're talking, nottalking, cussing each other out,
it doesn't matter.
Like, the energy is there whenyou're not getting along.
(24:52):
And so I'm proud of both of youbecause I know that was a big
step and the women that I'veseen because you guys are not
the only ones that have gonethrough divorces and there might
be one or two that I'm likethey haven't grown but the ones
that have pulled the plug andthat have moved forward.
It was horrible while they weredoing it, but they're so much
(25:13):
happier now and it needed tohappen, and I'm proud of both of
you.
So that's all I got to say.
Thank you so much, thank you.
Let's pivot.
So, now that we're divorced andwe're happy and we're glowing,
and, yes, we can have more moneyand more stability, but we're
(25:34):
going to get there, right,because you guys just got
divorced officially, it hasn'teven been a year yet for either
of you, right, has it?
No, no, okay, it's been a yearsince I left, but not, yeah.
So that stuff is going to workitself out, because you guys are
always evolving and alwaysgrowing.
So let's talk dating.
Can we?
Are we dating?
(25:55):
Are we on these apps, thesedating apps?
What are we doing?
How does this work?
Post, and what are the feelingsbehind that?
Is it like, are we ready tojust hit the seam, just like
willy-nilly, or is therehesitation?
Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
I am not on any apps.
Well, I am, I've gotten on apps.
I have not gone on a singledate from an app because anytime
, like late at night sometimes,I'll be like, oh, I'm really
lonely, let's see what's outthere.
And then I look and I hatewhat's out there.
I'm like absolutely not.
If I see what kind of stuff,what kind of, I look and I hate
what's out there, I'm likeabsolutely not.
If I see one more, what kind ofstuff?
What kind of stuff?
If I see one more six pack in agym mirror, I'm going to lose
(26:35):
it.
Okay, I can't.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
So I can't do it.
You know what I love, can I sayBree?
I remember Bree saying like hertype one of the she was like I
love a dad bod and I'm like thatI've not heard before.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
I can't.
Yes, yes, I think it'shilarious.
I love it because I wouldn'thave.
I mean, you know, from out Ididn't think so Cause she, I
mean she's rocking, oh my God,Thanks, no you're.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
You're beautiful Bree , so it's, it's.
I think it's adorable.
Actually, I think what we'redoing is stereotyping Brianna
based on how she looks.
Because she's this cute little,we'll take a picture, we're
going to post it so you can seewhat we all look like Cutie,
patootie.
So she's like this littlenugget.
How tall are you?
5'4", 11.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Okay, I was giving you a few inches, I know.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
But you know you're just so.
You look like someone who wouldonly get get with someone who
is a gym rat who has abs poppingout of all places.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
That honest to god anytime I've been on an app and
they're like gym is my life.
It's an immediate no for me.
I don't like, um I.
I don't like the six pack, Idon't like really.
I like a little bit of flab, Ilike something.
You know how they say men likesomething to hold on to.
Well, women do too sometimes.
Okay, um, no, I I'm not, andfor some reason.
(27:58):
So before I met my uh dev I meanmy ex-husband I literally was
on the apps and I would go onlike two or three dates a
weekend.
Like I, I loved him.
It was so fun for me and evenif I didn't hit it off with them
, I'm very, I was very blunt, soI would.
At the in the dinner table, I'dbe like, listen, I'm not
feeling this, let's get thecheck, I'm going to go.
(28:18):
One time I told a guy that mymom had just gotten arrested so
I had to leave really fast.
Like I, if I'm not into it, I'mnot going to waste mine.
And so I.
I loved it when I was youngerand while going through my
divorce, I was excited for that.
I'm like oh, I can't wait toget back on the apps.
I can't wait to, you know, blah, blah, blah, because you met
(28:38):
him.
You met him on it.
Yeah, well, that's probably whyI fucking hate it now.
Um, and so I.
I I've gotten on them a coupleof times and the few guys that
I've matched with I will be like, hey, how are you Small talk?
And then I'll just like ghostthem because I don't get back on
the apps.
So I hate them.
(28:59):
The next person that I'm with,I want to meet somebody
organically and I'm more of apersonality person than I am
looks.
Anyway, you don't have to bethe hottest man in the world for
, or you don't have to be likeextremely attractive.
I just want a good person withgood personality.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Well, I think, I think, as as women, yeah,
personality brings out yourattractiveness.
Yes, your confidence, yourhumor, your like whatever, like
just your, how kind you are topeople, how you interact with
people.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
that's sexy yeah, yeah, so the dating apps are not
for me.
Um, unfortunately, I don'tthink I'll be doing any, any
dates from an app, so I'm hopingto just meet someone
organically and go from there.
I'm ready to date.
I feel lonely.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
I feel very lonely, um but you ain't gonna get with
just anybody.
No, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
I, I, I have a crush.
We'll say that I have somebodythat I'm interested in.
Okay, yeah, he's a patient atthe office.
Oh, wow, okay, we're coming out, we're coming.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
He named it.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
He worked at and this is his phone number.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
His address is no.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I'm giving like a home alone look like.
I have someone I'm into, whoI'm attracted to.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
It's actually cute to say on the recording right Like
I saw you on the train you werewearing.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm scared, so we'll see, and
I'm anxious, I'm anxious.
Honestly, I think I did notrealize the damage that my
ex-husband did to me until afterI was out of the marriage and
until I thought about what Iwanted my quote unquote love
(30:57):
life to look like.
I feel like once I met somebodythat I was like, truly,
genuinely interested in, I waslike, oh, my ex-husband really
did a number on me.
I think, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
What are you afraid of?
Like what are we scared?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
of I, genuinely I, I, I don't feel strong enough to
handle another heartbreak at themoment, and although I um,
truly like I know that myex-husband was not, we weren't
meant to be together and thedivorce was the best thing for
me, it still hurt, right Like itwas still a heartbreak.
It was still.
It still felt like a failure.
(31:32):
It's embarrassing.
There's a lot of I feel a lotof shame around.
Not even my divorce, honestly,my wedding.
I feel more shameful that Imarried him than I did divorcing
him, and so I I'm justpetrified of of dealing with all
of that again.
Make it marrying him.
I, I got a beautiful little boyout of it and I don't regret
(31:54):
him for a second, but in thesame breath, I would say that it
was a mistake ever going on asecond date with him.
Oh damn, yeah, second date,yeah, yeah, should have stopped
at the first.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
So so you learned a lot.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
I did, yeah, and, like I said, my son, I got my
son, so I am forever thankfulfor him.
It's it's it's an odd feelingbecause with my oldest I have an
older son who's 12 and his dadand I dated in high school and
we got pregnant with our myoldest son in high school and
I've always been able to lookback at that and been like it
didn't work out.
(32:30):
We were teenagers, it wasn't theway we planned, but I never
regretted it because I alwaysfelt like I was meant to become
a mom at a young age and I can'timagine what road I would have
gone down had I not.
And with my youngest it's adifferent feeling and I think
it's because his dad was soabusive and there's so much hurt
(32:52):
and turmoil and so I mean, Istill deal with it daily.
So I think that it's hard tolook at the bright side of it
when I again, I love my son tothe moon and the stars and if I
had to be with that motherfuckerfor another four years in order
to get him, I would.
But it's hard to to look at thethe positive of it.
(33:14):
It's it's hard and I and I feelembarrassed that that's the
father I gave him, so it's it'sa very different dynamic.
My oldest son's dad is a gooddad.
My youngest son's dad is a.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Well, it's still, it's still fresh, it's still
fresh, it's still fresh.
I just muted your microphonebecause I don't want you to say
something that we can't takeback either, even though I can't
edit all of this no regrets,but you know, hopefully with
time things will change and getbetter once he and and that's
(33:50):
what's scary Will that ever goaway?
Speaker 2 (33:51):
He's not going to change.
I'll never not regret it.
So, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Honestly, I'm not in the best place mentally, so this
is what I've seen, becauseyou're not the first person that
I've seen marry someone withthis dynamic.
Eventually, right now, it feelslike you're the center of their
world and you are.
And there's a lot of you know,a lot of I'm trying to.
(34:18):
I'm trying to be polite, butthere's a lot of nastiness
coming your way.
But eventually they findsomebody else to latch on to and
their attention goes to themand their harassment turns to
them.
And then eventually, as thekids get older, they realize oh,
this is what this parent isexuding and I don't want to be
around that, and that's whathappens.
So you don't have to say a word, you just keep living your life
(34:40):
, you keep growing, you keepmaturing, you keep trying to
find ways to make yourselfbetter internally.
And let the universe handle allof that, because it will happen
.
I've seen it in other people'slives.
It will happen For sure so yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
I have a lot of interesting things to say about
dating apps.
So I've been officially singlefor a little bit I mean not a
year or anything yet.
Officially single for a littlebit, I mean not a year or
anything yet.
But I decided, I think inFebruary, like springtime, to
check them out and I gave a fewof them a try, each taking turns
(35:22):
, I think.
On Tinder, I was on it for likethree hours.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Why?
What's going on on Tinder?
It's terrible, is it it?
Speaker 3 (35:31):
yes, but I wanted to be.
So I have to say that I knowwhat tinder's for and I know
people have their things.
But my best friend from highschool she's a vet veterinarian.
Her name is taryn.
She met her man that like loveof her life they bought a house
together.
They're as happy as can be ontinder there are a lot of
(35:53):
success stories.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
The dating apps, honestly, are great.
I'm just, I'm just.
They're not for me personally.
No, they are good.
No, I don't I don't.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
I don't even think they're good, I just think it's.
It's a little bit of luck.
I think exactly you can be onit and meet a great person, or
you could be on it and meet agreat person, or you could be on
it and meet a lot of reallyinteresting people.
And I met a lot of interestingpeople so far.
I had someone who remember theguy who showed up in my house.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Oh yeah, how could we forget?
Speaker 1 (36:27):
To the point where I'm like tell me what kind of
car he drives, Because you liveright down the street from me.
I'm not like, if I see thatmofo in front of your house, I'm
going to get out of my car.
I'll be like get out of here,yeah.
So I would say the warning isthat you can't underestimate
people.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
You could go on just one date and they can take
things however they want intheir head, things however they
want in their head, and theinternet is such a wonderful
thing that you know it can.
It's can be used for good andit can also be used for bad, and
people can find you.
So you know, if they reallywant to, they will because you
(37:04):
didn't even tell them.
No, nothing, didn't know mylast didn't know my last name,
didn't know my.
You know nothing.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Grand and shiny is not a common name, but that's
still scary.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
But he's out of here, he's been gone.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
He's in her backyard as we speak.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
I think he follows me on social media.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
That's fine.
He can follow you on socialmedia Maybe he listens to the
podcast.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
That's fine.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Hi, what up If I see your car in front of the whole
house?
It's all mofo.
I don't know what you look like, but I got my eyes.
I got my eyes everywhere.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
So the funniest thing about that day we'll say funny
is that he said he was prepared.
He said either he'd be goingout with me that day or he'd be
going home or going like leavingthe property in handcuffs.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
What the Did he say that?
Speaker 3 (37:59):
What the fuck?
He said he was prepared for it.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Oh, he was prepared Like he prepared his mind?
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Was he prepared to have my fist in his face if?
Speaker 1 (38:05):
I cried about a sidekick.
That's scary.
Speaker 3 (38:09):
I didn't know, that I know we're laughing about it
because, well, we have to, wehave to make like.
We have to laugh about itbecause it's really the only way
.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
So he was prepared.
Anybody that's prepared to goto prison.
Yeah, You're psycho.
They went, they.
That means that's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
I know, I, I, I think I'm still in shock that that
even happened, but it just goesto show that you meet a lot of
very interesting people andpeople are very free to do and
say whatever they want.
So that's, I think, one of thethings that I learned just, and
(38:52):
you can also meet very nicepeople too.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
There's married men on there too.
Right, there are A thousandpercent, a thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
That's what's scary about them is like you.
When I don't know, I feel likeI'm such a face-to-face type of
person in that regard, or I'vebecome such a face face type of
person in that regard, or I'vebecome such a face to face
person in that regard Becausebefore, whenever I was younger,
like in my early 20s, it was allabout look, so I would, I would
, I would.
I was dating these men solelybased on the way they looked.
And now I'm like, if I meetsomeone, I can tell within the
(39:24):
first five minutes if we aregoing to hit it off, if we're
not the man that I'm currentlyinterested in.
Within the first four secondsof seeing him, I was like oh, I
like him, so it's yeah.
That's what's scary about theapps.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Can I tell I won't go into like detail.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Well, I don't know what you're about to tell.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
No, I'm just saying that that's like legit the truth
, because she already divulgedthat he's a patient and we both
work at this practice and Iliterally was getting coffee, so
he was sitting in the welcomearea, so I went to get coffee
and she's like, she's liketilting her head towards him.
(40:08):
She's like that guy, I'm goingto marry him, I'm going to marry
that guy.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
And I was like, yes, no, she literally said that, and
I was like yes.
No, she literally said that andI was like this psychopath.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm like, hey, watch out for her.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
No, I'm kidding, it's going to be mine, she said.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
But that was before we ever even, I ever even said a
word to him.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Yeah, before, Like before I didn't know anything,
anything I knew he.
Obviously I looked to see if hehad a ring on his finger.
I always look to make sure,even before I say somebody's
remotely attractive, I make surewhether or not they have a ring
on their finger.
And I did not see a ring on hisfinger.
And I looked at leonette and Iwas like, oh my god, I want yep,
she's like, he's my type.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
That's him.
I was like girl.
You don't even know this Ididn't know his name.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
I mean it was, it was on the schedule, but he come in
once before, so what?
happened was the first time hecame.
God, I hope he'd never, everget a hold of this, because it's
very obvious.
No, the first time.
It'll be a cute story when youguys get married.
I don't think that's going tohappen, but when the first time
he walked in, you were sittingbehind the desk and I was at my
(41:16):
desk and he walked in and Ilooked at you and I said if I
had a type, it would be him to aT, that's right.
And then the second and then thesecond time he came in, he you
were out there making coffee andI was like, oh, as soon as they
took him back, I was like, oh,I'm going to marry that guy
Surely.
And then I had to go over hisno, marry that guy.
(41:37):
She surely did, and then okay Ihad to go over his no.
So what?
What was it about him?
Please tell me it was the way.
I mean.
He's an attractive man for somereason.
Fuck, he doesn't have for somereason yeah, he's.
Um, for some reason I have aweird fetish with the bald men.
I love a bald guy.
Okay, don't worry, sir, thereare a lot of bald guys in this
(41:58):
world.
Okay, it's not you.
I have a thing for bald men.
I don't, I don't know why.
So he, he was bald.
He just has like a very manlylook about him and I don't know,
I don't know, I genuinely don'tknow.
I just I looked at him and Iwas like holy fuck, I need to
know his name.
I just I looked at him and Iwas like holy fuck, I need to
know his name.
And so then I had to go overhis treatment plan with him.
(42:19):
He carries himself in a verylike rugged, almost like
mysterious way.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (42:27):
That's a that's a great description of him.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
Very like not brooding Is brooding the right
word.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Yes, manly.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Yeah, but in a calm, quiet.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yes, yes, not in a here, I am kind of way yeah very
um, um, what's the word?
Speaker 1 (42:47):
um, unassuming?
Yeah, yeah, okay, just, he'sjust being himself.
He's not coming in with likeany big grandiose.
Speaker 2 (42:55):
Yeah, exactly, personality he's very calm and
whenever he speaks he's like hetalks calmly.
Everything about him is justvery calm, but but he's like a
man you know, I love that, andso he sounds great, I had to go
over a treatment plan with him.
So we went into the office togo over his treatment plan and
we were in there for like anhour just like talking and yeah,
(43:16):
that's, that's, that's all.
Is he six?
Speaker 3 (43:20):
foot.
Wow, yeah, he's tall.
Okay, so there's a big height.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Yeah, oh yeah, there's a big.
Oh, you can pick her up andthrow her around.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
I'm sweating, I'm sweating.
This is the spicy part of theback to school special.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
I hope he's not a podcast guy.
Oh, we only have like fivelisteners.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah, okay, it's only five people.
There's sweat dripping down myback.
No, I don't know.
I don't know what it was, butthere was an instant attraction
and an instant like there was alot of chemistry there, and
we've both spoken about thatsince, like how instant, like
the chemistry was I love thatfor you.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
You know, listen with anything like you said before,
you're you're afraid, so you'releading with fear, so we'll see
how this you know turns turnsout, we'll end up as as good
friends okay, okay, shiny, and I, before we started recording,
said that I have a theory andI'm sure we have.
(44:25):
So many people debate this canmen and women be just friends?
And there are, yes, there are,exceptions to the rules, but the
, for the most part, a man canyou be friends with someone
after you've already been?
no in a romantic.
I don't think I mean, I think.
I think people try it canhappen.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
It can happen.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
It's rare, I mean because I know one of my best
friends is friends with someonethat she had dated before, but
it's really rare I think the manis going to pretend to be your
friend to keep that, that windowor that door open until you're
ready to crack it open and letthem bust in.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
So, while we're on this topic, that's actually that
was one of I've we've beentalking about me getting on
medication for a very long timenow, and it's been well known
that I needed some sort ofmedication and therapy because
of my OCD and anxiety andeverything.
But I think that that's reallywhat did me in was that whole
(45:22):
situation, because we did startseeing each other and things
were.
I don't know, they're justgetting too real, you don't have
to go into detail, they'regetting too real for you, to the
point where and I had a lot ofanxiety surrounding it.
Yeah, you don't want to go intodetail.
They're getting too real foryou to the point where and I had
a lot of anxiety surrounding ityeah, and that's what you don't
want to get your heart brokenagain.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
Yeah, you don't want to get sucked into this like
situation where you're going tobe left heartbroken.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Yeah, exactly, and.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
I'm sure a lot of us can relate to that as women.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
To conclude this portion of our talk.
Yeah, I I feel as if we treadlightly and think it's fine
taking it slow.
We're constantly growing andlearning and it's just to have
fun, why not?
Speaker 1 (46:09):
Exactly?
And one of the things that Itold Brianna and even Phillip
has advised her of this too asthe man we always, we should
always take advice from men.
I know we like to go yeah, welike to go to each other as
women, and that's great, but aman knows a man and what?
Basically, what we've beentelling Brianna is, even if she
(46:29):
wants to pause it right nowbecause she needs to get her
mind right and herself right, aman that is meant to be for you
will be there for you.
It doesn't matter if two yearsgo by and you're just trying to
figure your shit out, becausethat's what you should be doing
right now is trying to figureyourself out, trying to regulate
yourself and he will be therefor you.
(46:50):
So, this whole analyzing oh, ifI don't do it now, what's meant
to be will be, and if he's notmeant for you, the right one's
going to come along.
Getting ourselves right aswomen is number one priority,
and the right man that'ssupposed to be there for you
will be there for you, and ifit's him, it'll happen.
(47:10):
You stop focusing and stophaving anxiety over that part of
things.
I promise you it'll happen theway it's supposed to and the
right time, but your priority isworking on yourself.
That's what I for sure.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Absolutely yeah, so those are my two cents.
What about you?
Shiny and dating no.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
I just want to hear about these bum guys on these.
They're terrible.
So anytime you come across agood story, please share oh well
, I did so.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Two of the guys that I matched with.
This was maybe a month ago, noless than a month ago, after I
had my little freak out withthis guy, I got on the app and I
was like I'm going to just seewhat's out there.
So I matched with these twoguys.
We're having small talk.
I'm talking like hey, how areyou?
Type deal, and within fourminutes both of them were like
(48:10):
yeah, well, I'm really in themood to cuddle.
Or I'm like hey, hey, I'm aboutto go to bed.
And the other guy was like well, that makes me want to cuddle
you and I'm like you don't evenknow my middle name, bro, like
what the fuck okay is cuddlecode for I don't know.
I don't know, but you've nevereven shook my hand.
What do you mean?
You want to cuddle?
That's disgusting to me and Iimmediately cuddle, immediately,
(48:32):
yeah, exactly.
I immediately got off and I waslike, yeah, bump this the
person I end up with.
I want to meet someoneorganically, but that's just me.
The dating apps aren't for me.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
Yeah, I don't like that In this economy free dinner
, but I can't even do that and Idefinitely don't like any
pictures that have been sent myway I immediately delete
pictures that have been sent myway.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
I immediately delete immediate a bunch of creepers
out there.
Speaker 3 (49:00):
It's awful, yeah, but he wants to see all that.
No, no, the woman's body is, Iwill say, is is a work of art.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Oh yeah, so is a man's I was having.
I was having this debate withmy friend the other day.
She's like a woman's.
My friend is bisexual and she'slike a woman's body is so much
better to look at than a man'sand I'm like that's how I know
I'm straight as a board becauseI think a man's body is way more
attractive than a woman's.
Now I like looking at like if awoman's got like a juicy booty
(49:27):
or something, I'll look at herlike damn, I wish that was me
type deal, but not like.
But I think okay.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
So like, for example, if we send a picture to a man
that turns them on right away.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
Oh, a thousand percent.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
If a man is sending a picture to me.
I'm just like that's not.
Yeah, I can see that.
I'm not like.
Do you think I'm justautomatically start getting wet
down?
Speaker 2 (49:46):
there, we're getting ready.
No, come on over.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
No, no, so keep that shit to yourself.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
I don't know I'm not dating, but I wouldn't turn me
on.
That would be such a type ofgirl I've never, I've never
requested, nor have I I've beenlike open or receptive to
receiving dick pics.
I'm not any nude pictures.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
Really, it's not been my thing.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
I'm with you, shiny, I've never done any of that
sexting's fun, but like what,what I'm going to do to you
later, but not like here'swhat's going to be in you later,
type deal.
Speaker 1 (50:18):
That's not my vibe.
Speaker 3 (50:20):
No.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
I don't want to see all that.
Speaker 3 (50:23):
And plus we have children.
Yeah yeah, anybody can grab aphone and I don't have a pen on
my phone.
Speaker 1 (50:29):
I don't have a passcode on my phone so anybody
can.
Just I'm on camera.
I have nothing to hide here.
You want to check something?
Corinne takes my phone all thetime.
Can you imagine if she saw apicture of her father on my
phone.
Oh my God, or me and myself.
I forgot.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Get out of here, no, you know how, if you have an
iPhone and an iPad, like yourtext will come through your iPad
too.
The other day, maddox was likeMom, I want to browse he's not
allowed Facebook or social mediayet.
He's like Mom, I want to grabor I want to browse Facebook
Marketplace on your iPad.
And I was like yeah, sure.
And I was like go get your iPad.
And I was texting with someonenothing like dirty or anything,
(51:05):
but still not something I wantmy son seeing and I was texting
with someone.
And as I'm texting, I'm like,oh my God, maddox has my iPad.
So I like run in his room realquick.
And I'm like Maddox, are youlooking at my text messages?
He's like, no, I would never dothat, but you know like they'll
pop down, like it'll be alittle window popping down.
It wasn't photos or anythingsexual, but still I was like, no
, no, the iPad's cut off, youdon't have to get your own.
(51:27):
No, no, yeah, I'm not a bigsexter that's is.
Speaker 1 (51:34):
That is, that your PSA Don't let your children see
your.
If you're going to get dickpics, make sure you put them in
a folder, because there's appsfor that.
I hear I don't know about that,but I've heard that there's
like they look like somethingelse, but it's where you hide
the pictures.
Speaker 2 (51:51):
I don't know, I've never used one, but I'm sure my
ex-husband could tell you allabout it all right girls, so I
think this is enough for today II think I think we'll end on
the dick pics I love it.
Speaker 1 (52:08):
Um, we will end with dick pics, and what is it?
Speaker 3 (52:12):
Discretion yes, it's advised.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
Yes, pure discretion.
Pg-13.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
Yeah, no, I'm happy to be back.
I know summers are alwayshectic and I like to take my
summers off, but I'm glad thatwe're back.
And, yeah, let's see where thisrest of the year takes us.
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (52:34):
Let's do it yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
I'm in.
I love you ladies.
I'll see you all very soon and,as always, thank you.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
You're welcome, love you too.
Bye, bye, bye.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com