April 3, 2024 • 36 mins
Navigating the interwoven complexities of family and work has never been a stroll in the park, and every choice comes with its share of second-guessing. Join me, Lyanette Talley, as I lay bare my own intricate dance of stepping into an interim manager role at Innovative Smiles while fiercely guarding my husband Philip's interests. Our journey together in this episode also weaves through the emotional battlefield that is my stepmother Karen's terminal cancer diagnosis. It's a candid exploration of the push and pull between control and trust, a reflection that many of you, no doubt, can resonate with.
Life's deepest challenges often serve as a catalyst for growth and newfound connections. This episode is no exception as it captures the essence of rekindling lost relationships amidst crisis. You'll hear how an unexpected conversation with my stepmom, Karen, led to a renewed sense of family, and how that rippled through to my siblings and myself. We're peeling back the layers of family dynamics, sharing the moments of vulnerability and the power of compassionate communication that can turn a family crisis into a path toward healing.
Cultural roots run deep, and they often shape our very being without us even knowing. I'll take you on a heartfelt journey back to Cotuí, where my Dominican heritage comes alive through vibrant stories. It's a celebration of the familial bonds and cultural connections that define us, reminding us all of the simple yet profound joys that make up our life stories. So, sit back, and let's share the embrace of our collective histories and the strength they give us as everyday warriors.
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Hey everyone, happy April.
(00:57):
Hope you guys are all doingwell.
I am, I'm doing great.
Yeah, just here to share a fewthings, a few things that have
been going on in my world, a fewthings going on in my head.
Scary in there that head.
But no, hi everyone, I'm heretoday by myself.
I know the past two shows werewith my lovely husband, philip,
(01:20):
and hope you enjoyed our candidconversation about marriage.
So today I'm just honestlygoing to talk from my heart and
I don't have any articles todayI do have.
Well, okay, I'll take it back.
I don't have articles that Ilooked up, but I do have
(01:41):
something I'm going to read thatKaylin wrote years ago, but
we'll get to that.
But I'm just here just to justlet you all know what's been
going on.
So if you've been listening, youknow that I've been at the
office and I've become interimmanager and that I wanted the
position to be, you know,permanent manager.
(02:04):
And you know behind the sceneswe were having lots of
conversations about that and youknow the reason being of me
wanting to stay there at theoffice is to protect Philip, to
have his back.
He trusts me, I know what hewants and we communicate very
(02:24):
well together and work very welltogether.
So that was my reasoning behindit.
Do I want to emerge myself backinto the office?
No, realistically no, but I gotto look out for my husband, so
you know.
And then on the flip side, he'slike trying to look out for me.
I don't want you to get suckedback in.
(02:45):
I want you to focus on yourendeavors and growing your
podcast and being at home forthe kids, and so we've had those
conversations behind the scenes.
And then we did have someinterviews with different
potentials for an office managerand we did find one that we
(03:07):
really, really liked and I wasin the interviews.
He wanted me to be in them togive him feedback, and so I did
meet all of them.
The one that we chose we really, really like, and instead of
throwing her into the practice,of throwing her into the
(03:31):
practice, she has been training.
Yes, someone can be in thedental fields for many, many,
many years, but the way thingsare run in our practice are
different than a differentpractice.
So, instead of throwing someonein there, we are doing baby
steps, and so she's offsitedoing training, learning the
ropes for what Innovative Smileneeds, and I'm there in the
(03:53):
meantime making sure things areafloat and pretty much preparing
the path for her to come in.
So, you know, with a lot ofconversations, and so, you know,
with a lot of conversations,that's what we came to and I had
to respect it.
It kind of, if I'm going to behonest, it was like, oh, I
(04:16):
really just feel like I need tobe there.
However, I had to really checkmyself and it's like is it a
control thing?
Am I holding on too tightly?
Because of, you know, pastmanagers that didn't work out.
So, either way, I respected thedecision because it was, you
know, phillip's decision, but itwas also we have a regional
manager that's over me and andso you know, she felt that
(04:39):
someone else coming in would bebest.
So, not because I'm not doing agood job, it's just more of a
you know, I guess they call itconflict of interest on that
side.
But for Philip it's more of hedoesn't want me to get sucked
back in, because when I'm in I'mall in.
So, yeah, so that's the updateon Innovative Smiles.
(05:02):
I will slowly phase out Comesummertime.
I may work part-time if theyneed me.
So, yeah, so that's where weare.
And some other things have beenhappening personally that I'm
(05:22):
like do I talk about it, do Inot?
Am I going to rub people thewrong way, especially family
members?
But the reason I started thepodcast is it's an outlet for
people to be honest with what'sgoing on in their lives, with
their feelings, with peoplearound them.
People around them, and whatI'll share is based on my
(05:46):
experience, my involvement.
Anything that I don't elaborateon it's because it's not my
story to tell.
So you know a few.
(06:10):
I think it's been a month or so.
I found out that my stepmom isbattling cancer and she's
putting up a really great fightand it is I don't want to say
this word but it is terminal.
There is a chance and she haschosen to fight it and to seek
treatment.
So that's where she is and whenI found it out.
So the backstory on Karen a lotof you know, but if you haven't
(06:33):
listened to every singleepisode, I'll just give you a
quick summary.
So Karen and my dad got marriedwhen I was in elementary school
.
I don't remember the age, butshe's been in my life pretty
much since I could rememberEarly elementary school age
maybe six, five, six, seven,seven, around that age and she
(06:58):
had two children alreadypreviously and then my dad had
two children with my mom andthen when they married they had
a son.
And so there are five of us,two girls, three boys, and I am
the oldest technically of youknow my dad and mom's children,
(07:21):
but I'm second oldest in thelineup of the five of us.
So I haven't always, I haven'talways seen eye to eye with
Karen and I feel, I feel likeearly on I knew that we were
just two different humans, evenat a very, very young age and as
(07:42):
adults.
When I became an adult and gotmarried I thought, okay, maybe
that was a childhood thing, butit's, it's just a personality
thing, the way we see the world,and I don't need to get into
the details of why I decided tokind of step away and all the
you know the things that we gotinto.
(08:05):
It's.
It's irrelevant at this point,but after my dad passed away, I
chose to kind of step away fromthat, for for me personally, for
my peace of mind, everyone hasa different relationship with
her or with each other, but forme personally, I needed to step
away and create distance formyself, and so I did, and you
(08:29):
know we've had contact.
It's not like it was I'd neversee her or I've never talked to
her, it's just very limited.
And so that's how it's been forthe past.
I would say maybe nine years,eight years, eight, nine years.
My dad has been gone for 10years, so you know maybe nine.
And you know see her at specialevents or you know a text here
(08:52):
and there.
And so when I heard this news,it's like hmm, what?
Obviously I'm just like wow,and saddened for my siblings who
you know that's their mother,and just saddened at the
situation and then wanting to bethere, but not knowing my place
(09:16):
of, do I go see her?
What do I do?
And I'll be honest, it was.
It was I don't know why, it wasa struggle, but it was a
struggle for for like a weekstraight I was crying every
single day, trying to figure outhow to be there for her but not
(09:40):
come across as like this fakeperson, because this whole time
I haven't really spoken to her.
And then now, now she gets sick, and then, and then here I come
in swooping and thinking thatyou know, we're tight, I don't
know.
You know, I, the thing that Istruggle with, I battle myself a
lot.
(10:00):
I, if I'm ever like upset aboutsomething, it's because I am
struggling internally withmyself, not anyone else.
It's I was trying to describeit to Philip.
It's like the one side of me ismy human side and the other
side is like the spiritual sidethat wants to do right by people
.
But my human side is everybody,and so just always a battle
(10:23):
within myself, and that's, um,that's where I get very just, um
, sad.
Or when I'm hurting, it'sbecause I don't know what the
right thing to do is.
And so, you know, my siblingswere my sister has been amazing,
you know taking care of hermother.
(10:43):
She had been there, she hadsurgery, so she had been there
for her mom, and then mybrothers were all going.
And then I'm like, well, do Igo?
What do I do?
And I'm like you know what,instead of like guessing let's.
You know, I had sent her, I hadsent Karen a text just letting
her know that I'm praying forher, thinking of her.
So let me call the source, letme call her and see what she
(11:05):
needs from me or wants for me,if anything.
So I called her and you knowshe, we talked, and man, we
talked, and man, she's just sopositive about everything and
just has this positive outlookon.
She understands the prognosis,but she just is like I'm going
(11:26):
to do all I can to be here aslong as I can and just seeing
that side, it was refreshing, tobe honest.
It was like wow, yeah, it'slike refreshing, to be honest.
It was like wow, yeah, it'sjust a different side of Karen,
and it's not even the words,it's the feeling, the feeling
that I felt with her talkingthrough the phone.
(11:47):
So she basically said you know,it's nice, I would love for you
to come, but everyone's herethis weekend and then everyone's
just going to leave and thenI'm just going to feel like
lonely.
So it'd be nice to havevisitors spread out.
I said, perfect.
So you let me know when youwould like me to come in.
So that's how we ended theconversation and so we were in a
(12:08):
group text with my siblings.
And this is where I'm not goingto share every little detail
because it's not my story totell.
But you know, my sister'skeeping us updated and on what's
going on and all the visits andtreatment and stuff and sending
pictures and just keepingeverybody in the loop, the five
of us, and which has been reallynice to just have all of us
(12:30):
communicating, just us, nobodyelse.
And you know, my sister washaving some struggles up there
with family members and I'm notgoing to get into it, it's not
my story to tell but a lot offrustration and I said, you know
, next time you go up there, letme know and we can be together.
And you know and I haven'treally talked to my sister
(12:52):
either there's been kind of youknow, nothing major has happened
, but I'm sure she's felt it andI felt it that, you know, we
just haven't been communicatingthe way we we had in the past,
um, the past few months.
We just, you know, just haven'treally touched base a whole lot
.
So we were able to chat andtext and talk and and really
connect.
And how do I feel and how doesshe feel about everything.
(13:14):
And that was really really nice.
And so she was supposed to goup there and it was like
mid-March and I said, great,I'll go too.
So, like I said, it was astruggle.
The struggle part wasn't oh,I'm going to go see Karen to be
there with her, because her andI had the talk and she was fine
(13:34):
and I'm fine and everything wasgreat.
I felt good, like, okay, good,I get to go see her, see her in
person, and let her know that Icare and that I'm praying for
her.
But a backstory is, she hasshe's the youngest of six and
she has four sisters and she hada brother, an older brother,
and he passed away a few yearsago sisters, and she had a
(13:57):
brother, an older brother, andhe passed away a few years ago.
But with the sisters, you know,I used to get along with them.
And then throughout the years,you know, I started my family.
I butted heads with two of themmaybe, and they don't like my
style of communication.
I don't know, I honestly don'tknow.
So I've distanced myself fromthem too, as they've distanced
themselves from me.
(14:18):
And it's just this, I guess amutual agreement and not to get
all into it and throwing peopleunder buses.
It's just we just are differentpeople, and I'm sure they've
heard a lot of things about methat might be true, may not be
true either, or I don't know.
I don't know the extent.
It's just we keep our distanceand so, not just going up there
(14:41):
to see Karen, but also what Icalled going into like a lion's
den and not knowing what I'mgoing to get, because I haven't
been in communication withanybody from that side of the
family, I feel more like anoutsider and maybe because I've
put myself on the outside and itis what it is.
So there was a lot of prayersand a lot of Lord be with me and
(15:05):
give me the peace, and I'm abig girl and I can handle this.
So, leading up to going to, shelives in Ohio.
My sister got sick and so shewasn't able to come up there,
but her husband and her kidswere already going up there
because it was their springbreak.
But my sister wasn't going tobe there because obviously, for
(15:25):
obvious reasons, you don't wantsick people around someone who's
going through treatment.
And I went up there.
I decided to stay in a hotel sothat I had my space away and it
was great.
The one sister that probablyhas the most animosity towards
me didn't show up, but I got tosee the other three sisters, and
(15:50):
her kids and Karen, and justhad and our good friend Tammy,
and just had some really niceconversations, just laughing and
and and just talking for hours.
And I was there for a weekend,so it was a quick in and out.
(16:11):
Fortunately my sister wascoming the day that I was
leaving.
But you know, we were able justto really talk about how she's
feeling, about the whole thingand decisions that she would
want to make without rufflinganybody's feathers, and it's
just a lot of big things.
(16:31):
And my advice was this isKaren's life.
My advice was this is Karen'slife.
She needs to do what's best forher and not worry about
ruffling anybody's feathers,because she's the one having to
fight this disease and fight andgo through treatment and she's
(16:52):
the one that gets to decide whatshe wants from her life.
And there's just a lot ofpassive aggressiveness in that
part of the family.
And you know, I was very openwith my sister.
I'm like you guys are all verypassive, aggressive, where you
don't really share everything,but you have all these feelings
behind the scenes and you know.
So.
We chatted a little bit aboutthat and she asked me how my
(17:13):
visit was, and I was like youknow it was that.
And she asked me how my visitwas and I was like you know what
.
It was great.
And she was honest.
She said, me and Anthony, ouryoungest brother, we were
praying for you, making surethat everything was going well
because we didn't know.
I said, listen, to be honest, Iwas feeling the same way.
I'm a tough girl and a toughcookie, but I have feelings and
(17:34):
emotions behind this toughness.
And I said I cried every singleday, monica, to be honest, and
so I think it's shocking forsome people to hear that.
But I said I pray too, and so Iguess your prayers and my
prayers were answered because itwas a good visit.
(17:55):
But that's what's going on inour world is, you know, caring
and praying for her, and myprayers are for peace and
comfort for her, for whateverhappens, whatever God has in
store, whatever his plan is, isfor everyone to have peace and
(18:17):
comfort, and there's always, youknow, there's a lot of details
that I'm leaving out.
Like I said, not everything ismy story to tell and so, yeah,
it's one of those things of whenyou're estranged from someone
but then you find out thatthey're battling something or
(18:40):
fighting or something hashappened to them.
How do you feel?
What do you do?
What's your place?
And I'm glad I went.
I'm glad I saw her.
I felt a different energy and adifferent spirit coming from
her and I just wish her well.
So lots of I saw her, I felt adifferent energy and a different
spirit coming from her and Ijust wish her well.
So lots of prayers to her andto my siblings.
(19:02):
Yeah, prior to that, all ofthis happening, I just I've been
.
I look in the mirror.
It's weird.
I look in the mirror, I look inthe mirror and I see my dad and
my grandmother, his mom.
I look in the mirror and I'mlike man, as I'm aging, as I'm
getting older, I feel like Ilook very much like them Facial
(19:28):
expressions, like when I firstwake up in the morning.
Just I kind of have similarexpressions as them and just
like, wow, how cool just to lookin the mirror and see my
ancestors, my family.
And there's this Snapchat, ifyou all know.
(19:50):
You guys know Snapchat and likethe little images and your face
changes.
And there was one with a guy.
So my face turned, I lookedlike a man and I'm like, oh my
gosh, I look just like my dadand I look like my brothers, who
have similar features as him.
So crazy.
And you know, so this thingwith Karen happens and it's just
like wow, is this like an endof a chapter, an end of an era?
(20:13):
And it just makes you think man.
Like one of my brothers said,it's like our kids are not going
to be able to experience them.
And you know, kaylin, sinceshe's the oldest, spent a lot of
(20:44):
time with both of them, with mydad and with Karen.
So she was able to learn a lotand it's such a coincidence.
I don't know if it's coincidence, I don't know if I believe in
coincidences, but I was goingthrough my emails and I don't
like clutter.
I don't like clutter in my homeand I don't like clutter in my
(21:04):
emails.
So I was cleaning emails outand I went to the bottom and
I've kept this for since 2019.
And I've kept this since 2019.
So Kaylin wrote something thisbeautiful.
It's called the Taino Projectis what she called it.
So this was back in 2019.
So she had just graduated highschool.
(21:26):
She just started at SCAD, whereshe just graduated yay, in
November and she's walking anddoing the ceremony in June, but
she already has her diploma andwe're very happy for her.
But she wrote this and I saw itand I was laying in bed when I
was cleaning out my emails and Iread it again because it's just
(21:48):
been sitting I haven't deletedit, it's just been sitting there
and I read through it and I waslike, oh my gosh, like
everything is just comingtogether, me feeling like this
connection, because it ebbs andflows with this connection and
this reminder of my dad.
Obviously he'll always be apart of me, but it's not
something that I'm alwaysfeeling, feeling his presence,
(22:11):
but lately I have.
So then I'm reading throughthis and I remember at the time
I wanted to share it, but then,you know, life happened and then
I started the podcast and I waslike, oh, don't forget to that.
And then I forgot to share thisand so I asked Caitlin, are you
okay with me reading this onthe podcast, because it really
(22:35):
just sums up a lot of how I'vebeen feeling.
She just has a beautiful waywith words.
So let me stop crying and Iwill read it to you.
Let me stop crying and I willread it to you.
(22:55):
The town that my mother's sideof the family is from is a small
village in the DominicanRepublic called Cotuí.
Cotuí is a rural town that isso small it is believed that I
am somehow related to everyonewho lives there.
It's a joke in my family thatmy uncle's wife, who was born
and raised in the town, mightaccidentally be a distant cousin
(23:19):
because of how closely all thefamilies in the village are
intertwined.
My family and my uncle's wife'sfamily are kind of related
through marriage of our cousin,20 times removed, and her
brother's, father's uncle'sdaughter's neighbor got married
or something like that, but theyaren't blood related, so it's
fine.
Got married or something likethat, but they aren't
blood-related, so it's fine.
Encotui, mygreat-great-grandfather, abuelo
Pepe, works on his farm, despiteconcerns from relatives that at
(23:40):
the age of 100 and whatever heis too old to work as hard as he
does.
I say 100 and whatever becausewe are unsure of his real age.
When he was born, the systemfor registering births through
the government and getting abirth certificate meant going to
the Capitol and, with smallchildren in the early 1900s, the
(24:01):
journey from a small ruralcommunity to the city couldn't
be made with an infant.
Instead, parents usually waiteduntil the child was about five
or six to get them officiallyregistered.
So although legally he will beturning 106 this month, he's a
couple years older.
He is very healthy, with theexception of cataracts.
If you were wondering Side notethis is my side note he did
(24:26):
pass away in 2021, I believe.
Yeah, that's when he passedaway in his sleep, which is, I'm
sure, a lovely way to go inyour hundreds.
Back to the story.
When Americans talk about theDR, they often describe its
clear blue waters that they swamin on their vacation resort.
(24:46):
When I visited Cotuí at the ageof five, all I saw was farm and
bugs.
Nowhere close to any beaches.
I would get continuously eatenby mosquitoes, so much that I
perfected the relief techniqueof making an X with my nail
instead of scratching it.
That and the inescapable heatwere my takeaways from the whole
(25:07):
experience.
Although it wasn't all bad, Ican never get over how good
their bread and butter tasted.
For my five-year-old self, itwas the best food I have ever
had, which definitely isn't trueknowing how delicious
Dominicans cook rice and beans,but the one bit of Spanish I
always remember learning thereis pan con mantequilla.
(25:31):
By far the best memory I tookback was getting my own cow.
My grandfather, whom I callPapa, said to me you see, that
cow, that's your cow.
And that was that.
A couple years later, papacomes back from a trip to the DR
and I asked him how my cow wasdoing, to which he replied oh
(25:54):
yeah, I think they ate him foryour abuelo Pepe's birthday.
Although it was a bittraumatizing, that cow makes me
feel a bit connected to myfamily and culture.
I was never taught Spanish bymy mother and I can't dance
bachata very well.
That cow and all of thememories I made with my papa
make me feel like I belong to myculture and as a biracial woman
(26:17):
, black and Latina, I neverreally feel connected enough to
either ethnicity that often.
My papa was an odd person.
When I was younger he gave mefive-foot-long bamboo stick.
I've had it for so long that Idon't remember getting it or why
it was given to me.
It's always been a normalaccessory in my room and I've
(26:40):
never questioned it untilrecently.
Who gives their granddaughter afull-length bamboo stick?
Another odd gift was a framedpicture of a Taino cave painting
that adorns my wall.
Picture of a Taino cavepainting that adorns my wall.
On one of his visits to the DR,papa explored caves that had
paintings drawn by the NativeAmerican tribe from which he
(27:06):
believes my family is descendedProbably about when I was 10 or
11, he gave me a 20-page bookwith a laminated cover that read
the History of Our History.
This mini history book detailsthe Taino culture, traditions,
beliefs, socioeconomic structure, etc.
My grandma said that she had totalk him out of writing a whole
novel on that topic.
Given that I was only a child.
(27:28):
Now that I'm older, I wish hewould have written a textbook on
the subject with all of hiscommentary and personal stories.
I don't know if I would haveread it at all at the time, but
it'd be nice to have.
My childhood was alwayssprinkled with subtle Taino
references.
When it came to my papa, hisnickname for me was Princess
(27:51):
Anacaona and my brother it wasBohechio.
Back in the good old days,bohechio was a Taino cacique or
chief of the region of Aragua,and was the brother of Anacaona.
They lived a peaceful lifeuntil one day out pops, a
certain explorer who got losttrying to get to India.
(28:12):
Out pops a certain explorer whogot lost trying to get to India
.
The Tainos were happy to welcomeand trade with these new
strangers, being they were thefirst people to ever make
contact with these oddly paleforeigners.
Not to be racist, but Iunderstand the Tainos' effort to
try to help the Spaniards.
Imagine never seeing a whiteperson before.
And here comes a boat full ofpeople who don't have enough
(28:33):
food or resources.
My first thought would be toget them something to eat so
they could get their color back.
At first everyone got alongswimmingly.
The Spaniards got food and theTainos thought they made new
friends.
Then one day, cristobal Colon Idon't know why we call him
Christopher Columbus, he wasn'tEnglish and his henchmen decided
(28:57):
to take it over.
Wait for it Everything.
At this point, bohechio haddied and Caonabo Anacaona's
husband was also a cacique ofanother region called Maguana
was taken as a slave.
(29:17):
Ana Caona had taken over as thecacique of Huaragua in her
brother's place after his deathand she led the fight against
the Spaniards.
That's when the Spaniards gotthe neat idea of murdering all
of the Taino officials.
So, like people on the rightside of history always do, they
(29:38):
rounded up the officials to burnthem.
They captured Anacaona and shewas given a choice Live as a
concubine am I allowed to saysex slave or die.
And like the warrior queen shewas, she chose to die with her
people.
The whole thing sounds likesomething out of a fantasy novel
(30:00):
.
Even the names of the Tainoterritory regions sound magical.
This is the great tragedy Igrew up learning about.
I felt the pain of Anakaona asif I was her reincarnated soul.
I cried for the fate of herbrother as if he was my own.
Everything about the Tainosfeels so personal.
I forget that everyone doesn'tsee them that way.
(30:23):
Most times people don't evenrecognize the name of the tribe.
In my junior year of high schoolwe learned US history.
Of course you can't learn aboutthe US without starting from
the time of exploration.
When we learned about Colónlanding in Hispaniola, the
genocide of a whole civilizationwas only a page in a textbook
(30:44):
to everyone else.
I couldn't get over that, forsome reason.
I couldn't get over how peoplejust glanced over one of the
most horrific tragedies in humanhistory Through disease and
violence.
90% of Tainos were wiped fromthe earth like they were nothing
(31:05):
their culture, their children,their traditions, their gods,
their thoughts, theircelebrations, their lives just
vanished.
Thoughts, their celebrations,their lives just vanished.
Three million forgotten graves,three million forgotten ghosts,
a whole civilization reduced toa memory.
(31:29):
I don't bring up my papa'sbelief that we were Tainos often
, but the few times I do it'smet with.
That can't be possible.
They're extinct Like dinosaurs.
To that I say my chances ofbeing descended from the Tainos
are better than most.
The Tainos resided in theisland of Puerto Rico and
Hispaniola.
My mother is both Puerto Ricanand Dominican.
A study was found that 61% ofPuerto Ricans have indigenous
(31:57):
DNA.
Now, I'm not saying thatautomatically means my family is
descended from the Tainos orthat there is such a thing as
someone who exists that ispurely Taino.
However, I like to believe thatI am for two reasons.
One I want to prove that theTainos are a strong and enduring
presence on this earth.
I don't want to look at thetribe as a single page in a
history book, but as a culturethat is relevant and very much
(32:21):
alive.
With this, I want their memoryto survive, and a culture is
best remembered through theirdescendants.
The second reason is being aTaino makes me feel connected to
my grandfather.
The second reason is being aTaino makes me feel connected to
my grandfather.
It makes me feel connected to aculture which, like I said
before, doesn't happen often.
To believe that I am theproduct of my ancestors'
(32:44):
struggle To survive gives mestrength and a reason to keep
living, when I don't understandthe purpose of it.
My mother always says my papawas interested in tribal
symbolism arrows, feathers, themoon.
He said to me once that itdoesn't matter where you are in
the world, we all see the samesun and the same moon.
(33:07):
On the night he died my motherwas in the hospital in Florida
to be with him in his finalmoments.
She said that from the hospitalroom window you could see the
full moon through the window.
When he died she called my dad,who was at home with me and my
siblings.
It was after I should have beenin bed, but I went out into the
(33:29):
dark hallway that was only litby the small laundry room off to
the side.
He told me my papa was gone.
I nodded because I wasexpecting it, but it still hurt
to hear.
Neither of us said anything, orif we did, I don't recall what
was said.
I just remember hugging in thedark with my eyes starting to
(33:51):
fill with tears.
I went back into my room andlaid on my bed that was
underneath two window panes.
As I lay crying, the curtainblinds were faded down and let
in the light of the full moon.
I passed my hand under themoonlight, trying to let it pull
(34:11):
in my hand like water.
Through the blinds I could seethe face of the moon, like the
face of God, looking down at meand reminding me that I am safe.
That night I slept under thesame moon my grandfather saw for
the last time.
I saw the same moon the Tainossaw when they lived in the days
(34:31):
of peace and worked to build acivilization of more than 3
million people.
I saw the same moon they sawwhen they fought for their
survival.
Everyone from the beginning ofhistory has seen the same moon
and the same stars.
That is why, three weeks beforemy 18th birthday, I got a
tattoo on my arm of the moonphases.
(34:53):
I always want to remember thelessons given to me by my
ancestors, the lessons thatteach me to be strong in the
face of terror.
The lessons that teach me toremember that we are all human
beings and not merely thatgroups we label ourselves as.
Most of all, it reminds me ofthe lessons of always
(35:13):
remembering to honor myancestors and their journey, so
that I and my children willcontinue on their story.
I'll see you all next week.
Bye, thank you so much forlistening to Virago 24-7.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
(35:34):
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram, at virago247, and
on Facebook, at virago247, andjust connect with us and share
your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
Hi, I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are
listening to Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior and 24-7 is for all day,
every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage,
(00:24):
children, friendships and reallyanything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
Everyday Warriors.
Hey everyone, happy April.
(00:57):
Hope you guys are all doingwell.
I am, I'm doing great.
Yeah, just here to share a fewthings, a few things that have
been going on in my world, a fewthings going on in my head.
Scary in there that head.
But no, hi everyone, I'm heretoday by myself.
I know the past two shows werewith my lovely husband, philip,
(01:20):
and hope you enjoyed our candidconversation about marriage.
So today I'm just honestlygoing to talk from my heart and
I don't have any articles todayI do have.
Well, okay, I'll take it back.
I don't have articles that Ilooked up, but I do have
(01:41):
something I'm going to read thatKaylin wrote years ago, but
we'll get to that.
But I'm just here just to justlet you all know what's been
going on.
So if you've been listening, youknow that I've been at the
office and I've become interimmanager and that I wanted the
position to be, you know,permanent manager.
(02:04):
And you know behind the sceneswe were having lots of
conversations about that and youknow the reason being of me
wanting to stay there at theoffice is to protect Philip, to
have his back.
He trusts me, I know what hewants and we communicate very
(02:24):
well together and work very welltogether.
So that was my reasoning behindit.
Do I want to emerge myself backinto the office?
No, realistically no, but I gotto look out for my husband, so
you know.
And then on the flip side, he'slike trying to look out for me.
I don't want you to get suckedback in.
(02:45):
I want you to focus on yourendeavors and growing your
podcast and being at home forthe kids, and so we've had those
conversations behind the scenes.
And then we did have someinterviews with different
potentials for an office managerand we did find one that we
(03:07):
really, really liked and I wasin the interviews.
He wanted me to be in them togive him feedback, and so I did
meet all of them.
The one that we chose we really, really like, and instead of
throwing her into the practice,of throwing her into the
(03:31):
practice, she has been training.
Yes, someone can be in thedental fields for many, many,
many years, but the way thingsare run in our practice are
different than a differentpractice.
So, instead of throwing someonein there, we are doing baby
steps, and so she's offsitedoing training, learning the
ropes for what Innovative Smileneeds, and I'm there in the
(03:53):
meantime making sure things areafloat and pretty much preparing
the path for her to come in.
So, you know, with a lot ofconversations, and so, you know,
with a lot of conversations,that's what we came to and I had
to respect it.
It kind of, if I'm going to behonest, it was like, oh, I
(04:16):
really just feel like I need tobe there.
However, I had to really checkmyself and it's like is it a
control thing?
Am I holding on too tightly?
Because of, you know, pastmanagers that didn't work out.
So, either way, I respected thedecision because it was, you
know, phillip's decision, but itwas also we have a regional
manager that's over me and andso you know, she felt that
(04:39):
someone else coming in would bebest.
So, not because I'm not doing agood job, it's just more of a
you know, I guess they call itconflict of interest on that
side.
But for Philip it's more of hedoesn't want me to get sucked
back in, because when I'm in I'mall in.
So, yeah, so that's the updateon Innovative Smiles.
(05:02):
I will slowly phase out Comesummertime.
I may work part-time if theyneed me.
So, yeah, so that's where weare.
And some other things have beenhappening personally that I'm
(05:22):
like do I talk about it, do Inot?
Am I going to rub people thewrong way, especially family
members?
But the reason I started thepodcast is it's an outlet for
people to be honest with what'sgoing on in their lives, with
their feelings, with peoplearound them.
People around them, and whatI'll share is based on my
(05:46):
experience, my involvement.
Anything that I don't elaborateon it's because it's not my
story to tell.
So you know a few.
(06:10):
I think it's been a month or so.
I found out that my stepmom isbattling cancer and she's
putting up a really great fightand it is I don't want to say
this word but it is terminal.
There is a chance and she haschosen to fight it and to seek
treatment.
So that's where she is and whenI found it out.
So the backstory on Karen a lotof you know, but if you haven't
(06:33):
listened to every singleepisode, I'll just give you a
quick summary.
So Karen and my dad got marriedwhen I was in elementary school
.
I don't remember the age, butshe's been in my life pretty
much since I could rememberEarly elementary school age
maybe six, five, six, seven,seven, around that age and she
(06:58):
had two children alreadypreviously and then my dad had
two children with my mom andthen when they married they had
a son.
And so there are five of us,two girls, three boys, and I am
the oldest technically of youknow my dad and mom's children,
(07:21):
but I'm second oldest in thelineup of the five of us.
So I haven't always, I haven'talways seen eye to eye with
Karen and I feel, I feel likeearly on I knew that we were
just two different humans, evenat a very, very young age and as
(07:42):
adults.
When I became an adult and gotmarried I thought, okay, maybe
that was a childhood thing, butit's, it's just a personality
thing, the way we see the world,and I don't need to get into
the details of why I decided tokind of step away and all the
you know the things that we gotinto.
(08:05):
It's.
It's irrelevant at this point,but after my dad passed away, I
chose to kind of step away fromthat, for for me personally, for
my peace of mind, everyone hasa different relationship with
her or with each other, but forme personally, I needed to step
away and create distance formyself, and so I did, and you
(08:29):
know we've had contact.
It's not like it was I'd neversee her or I've never talked to
her, it's just very limited.
And so that's how it's been forthe past.
I would say maybe nine years,eight years, eight, nine years.
My dad has been gone for 10years, so you know maybe nine.
And you know see her at specialevents or you know a text here
(08:52):
and there.
And so when I heard this news,it's like hmm, what?
Obviously I'm just like wow,and saddened for my siblings who
you know that's their mother,and just saddened at the
situation and then wanting to bethere, but not knowing my place
(09:16):
of, do I go see her?
What do I do?
And I'll be honest, it was.
It was I don't know why, it wasa struggle, but it was a
struggle for for like a weekstraight I was crying every
single day, trying to figure outhow to be there for her but not
(09:40):
come across as like this fakeperson, because this whole time
I haven't really spoken to her.
And then now, now she gets sick, and then, and then here I come
in swooping and thinking thatyou know, we're tight, I don't
know.
You know, I, the thing that Istruggle with, I battle myself a
lot.
(10:00):
I, if I'm ever like upset aboutsomething, it's because I am
struggling internally withmyself, not anyone else.
It's I was trying to describeit to Philip.
It's like the one side of me ismy human side and the other
side is like the spiritual sidethat wants to do right by people
.
But my human side is everybody,and so just always a battle
(10:23):
within myself, and that's, um,that's where I get very just, um
, sad.
Or when I'm hurting, it'sbecause I don't know what the
right thing to do is.
And so, you know, my siblingswere my sister has been amazing,
you know taking care of hermother.
(10:43):
She had been there, she hadsurgery, so she had been there
for her mom, and then mybrothers were all going.
And then I'm like, well, do Igo?
What do I do?
And I'm like you know what,instead of like guessing let's.
You know, I had sent her, I hadsent Karen a text just letting
her know that I'm praying forher, thinking of her.
So let me call the source, letme call her and see what she
(11:05):
needs from me or wants for me,if anything.
So I called her and you knowshe, we talked, and man, we
talked, and man, she's just sopositive about everything and
just has this positive outlookon.
She understands the prognosis,but she just is like I'm going
(11:26):
to do all I can to be here aslong as I can and just seeing
that side, it was refreshing, tobe honest.
It was like wow, yeah, it'slike refreshing, to be honest.
It was like wow, yeah, it'sjust a different side of Karen,
and it's not even the words,it's the feeling, the feeling
that I felt with her talkingthrough the phone.
(11:47):
So she basically said you know,it's nice, I would love for you
to come, but everyone's herethis weekend and then everyone's
just going to leave and thenI'm just going to feel like
lonely.
So it'd be nice to havevisitors spread out.
I said, perfect.
So you let me know when youwould like me to come in.
So that's how we ended theconversation and so we were in a
(12:08):
group text with my siblings.
And this is where I'm not goingto share every little detail
because it's not my story totell.
But you know, my sister'skeeping us updated and on what's
going on and all the visits andtreatment and stuff and sending
pictures and just keepingeverybody in the loop, the five
of us, and which has been reallynice to just have all of us
(12:30):
communicating, just us, nobodyelse.
And you know, my sister washaving some struggles up there
with family members and I'm notgoing to get into it, it's not
my story to tell but a lot offrustration and I said, you know
, next time you go up there, letme know and we can be together.
And you know and I haven'treally talked to my sister
(12:52):
either there's been kind of youknow, nothing major has happened
, but I'm sure she's felt it andI felt it that, you know, we
just haven't been communicatingthe way we we had in the past,
um, the past few months.
We just, you know, just haven'treally touched base a whole lot
.
So we were able to chat andtext and talk and and really
connect.
And how do I feel and how doesshe feel about everything.
(13:14):
And that was really really nice.
And so she was supposed to goup there and it was like
mid-March and I said, great,I'll go too.
So, like I said, it was astruggle.
The struggle part wasn't oh,I'm going to go see Karen to be
there with her, because her andI had the talk and she was fine
(13:34):
and I'm fine and everything wasgreat.
I felt good, like, okay, good,I get to go see her, see her in
person, and let her know that Icare and that I'm praying for
her.
But a backstory is, she hasshe's the youngest of six and
she has four sisters and she hada brother, an older brother,
and he passed away a few yearsago sisters, and she had a
(13:57):
brother, an older brother, andhe passed away a few years ago.
But with the sisters, you know,I used to get along with them.
And then throughout the years,you know, I started my family.
I butted heads with two of themmaybe, and they don't like my
style of communication.
I don't know, I honestly don'tknow.
So I've distanced myself fromthem too, as they've distanced
themselves from me.
(14:18):
And it's just this, I guess amutual agreement and not to get
all into it and throwing peopleunder buses.
It's just we just are differentpeople, and I'm sure they've
heard a lot of things about methat might be true, may not be
true either, or I don't know.
I don't know the extent.
It's just we keep our distanceand so, not just going up there
(14:41):
to see Karen, but also what Icalled going into like a lion's
den and not knowing what I'mgoing to get, because I haven't
been in communication withanybody from that side of the
family, I feel more like anoutsider and maybe because I've
put myself on the outside and itis what it is.
So there was a lot of prayersand a lot of Lord be with me and
(15:05):
give me the peace, and I'm abig girl and I can handle this.
So, leading up to going to, shelives in Ohio.
My sister got sick and so shewasn't able to come up there,
but her husband and her kidswere already going up there
because it was their springbreak.
But my sister wasn't going tobe there because obviously, for
(15:25):
obvious reasons, you don't wantsick people around someone who's
going through treatment.
And I went up there.
I decided to stay in a hotel sothat I had my space away and it
was great.
The one sister that probablyhas the most animosity towards
me didn't show up, but I got tosee the other three sisters, and
(15:50):
her kids and Karen, and justhad and our good friend Tammy,
and just had some really niceconversations, just laughing and
and and just talking for hours.
And I was there for a weekend,so it was a quick in and out.
(16:11):
Fortunately my sister wascoming the day that I was
leaving.
But you know, we were able justto really talk about how she's
feeling, about the whole thingand decisions that she would
want to make without rufflinganybody's feathers, and it's
just a lot of big things.
(16:31):
And my advice was this isKaren's life.
My advice was this is Karen'slife.
She needs to do what's best forher and not worry about
ruffling anybody's feathers,because she's the one having to
fight this disease and fight andgo through treatment and she's
(16:52):
the one that gets to decide whatshe wants from her life.
And there's just a lot ofpassive aggressiveness in that
part of the family.
And you know, I was very openwith my sister.
I'm like you guys are all verypassive, aggressive, where you
don't really share everything,but you have all these feelings
behind the scenes and you know.
So.
We chatted a little bit aboutthat and she asked me how my
(17:13):
visit was, and I was like youknow it was that.
And she asked me how my visitwas and I was like you know what
.
It was great.
And she was honest.
She said, me and Anthony, ouryoungest brother, we were
praying for you, making surethat everything was going well
because we didn't know.
I said, listen, to be honest, Iwas feeling the same way.
I'm a tough girl and a toughcookie, but I have feelings and
(17:34):
emotions behind this toughness.
And I said I cried every singleday, monica, to be honest, and
so I think it's shocking forsome people to hear that.
But I said I pray too, and so Iguess your prayers and my
prayers were answered because itwas a good visit.
(17:55):
But that's what's going on inour world is, you know, caring
and praying for her, and myprayers are for peace and
comfort for her, for whateverhappens, whatever God has in
store, whatever his plan is, isfor everyone to have peace and
(18:17):
comfort, and there's always, youknow, there's a lot of details
that I'm leaving out.
Like I said, not everything ismy story to tell and so, yeah,
it's one of those things of whenyou're estranged from someone
but then you find out thatthey're battling something or
(18:40):
fighting or something hashappened to them.
How do you feel?
What do you do?
What's your place?
And I'm glad I went.
I'm glad I saw her.
I felt a different energy and adifferent spirit coming from
her and I just wish her well.
So lots of I saw her, I felt adifferent energy and a different
spirit coming from her and Ijust wish her well.
So lots of prayers to her andto my siblings.
(19:02):
Yeah, prior to that, all ofthis happening, I just I've been
.
I look in the mirror.
It's weird.
I look in the mirror, I look inthe mirror and I see my dad and
my grandmother, his mom.
I look in the mirror and I'mlike man, as I'm aging, as I'm
getting older, I feel like Ilook very much like them Facial
(19:28):
expressions, like when I firstwake up in the morning.
Just I kind of have similarexpressions as them and just
like, wow, how cool just to lookin the mirror and see my
ancestors, my family.
And there's this Snapchat, ifyou all know.
(19:50):
You guys know Snapchat and likethe little images and your face
changes.
And there was one with a guy.
So my face turned, I lookedlike a man and I'm like, oh my
gosh, I look just like my dadand I look like my brothers, who
have similar features as him.
So crazy.
And you know, so this thingwith Karen happens and it's just
like wow, is this like an endof a chapter, an end of an era?
(20:13):
And it just makes you think man.
Like one of my brothers said,it's like our kids are not going
to be able to experience them.
And you know, kaylin, sinceshe's the oldest, spent a lot of
(20:44):
time with both of them, with mydad and with Karen.
So she was able to learn a lotand it's such a coincidence.
I don't know if it's coincidence, I don't know if I believe in
coincidences, but I was goingthrough my emails and I don't
like clutter.
I don't like clutter in my homeand I don't like clutter in my
(21:04):
emails.
So I was cleaning emails outand I went to the bottom and
I've kept this for since 2019.
And I've kept this since 2019.
So Kaylin wrote something thisbeautiful.
It's called the Taino Projectis what she called it.
So this was back in 2019.
So she had just graduated highschool.
(21:26):
She just started at SCAD, whereshe just graduated yay, in
November and she's walking anddoing the ceremony in June, but
she already has her diploma andwe're very happy for her.
But she wrote this and I saw itand I was laying in bed when I
was cleaning out my emails and Iread it again because it's just
(21:48):
been sitting I haven't deletedit, it's just been sitting there
and I read through it and I waslike, oh my gosh, like
everything is just comingtogether, me feeling like this
connection, because it ebbs andflows with this connection and
this reminder of my dad.
Obviously he'll always be apart of me, but it's not
something that I'm alwaysfeeling, feeling his presence,
(22:11):
but lately I have.
So then I'm reading throughthis and I remember at the time
I wanted to share it, but then,you know, life happened and then
I started the podcast and I waslike, oh, don't forget to that.
And then I forgot to share thisand so I asked Caitlin, are you
okay with me reading this onthe podcast, because it really
(22:35):
just sums up a lot of how I'vebeen feeling.
She just has a beautiful waywith words.
So let me stop crying and Iwill read it to you.
Let me stop crying and I willread it to you.
(22:55):
The town that my mother's sideof the family is from is a small
village in the DominicanRepublic called Cotuí.
Cotuí is a rural town that isso small it is believed that I
am somehow related to everyonewho lives there.
It's a joke in my family thatmy uncle's wife, who was born
and raised in the town, mightaccidentally be a distant cousin
(23:19):
because of how closely all thefamilies in the village are
intertwined.
My family and my uncle's wife'sfamily are kind of related
through marriage of our cousin,20 times removed, and her
brother's, father's uncle'sdaughter's neighbor got married
or something like that, but theyaren't blood related, so it's
fine.
Got married or something likethat, but they aren't
blood-related, so it's fine.
Encotui, mygreat-great-grandfather, abuelo
Pepe, works on his farm, despiteconcerns from relatives that at
(23:40):
the age of 100 and whatever heis too old to work as hard as he
does.
I say 100 and whatever becausewe are unsure of his real age.
When he was born, the systemfor registering births through
the government and getting abirth certificate meant going to
the Capitol and, with smallchildren in the early 1900s, the
(24:01):
journey from a small ruralcommunity to the city couldn't
be made with an infant.
Instead, parents usually waiteduntil the child was about five
or six to get them officiallyregistered.
So although legally he will beturning 106 this month, he's a
couple years older.
He is very healthy, with theexception of cataracts.
If you were wondering Side notethis is my side note he did
(24:26):
pass away in 2021, I believe.
Yeah, that's when he passedaway in his sleep, which is, I'm
sure, a lovely way to go inyour hundreds.
Back to the story.
When Americans talk about theDR, they often describe its
clear blue waters that they swamin on their vacation resort.
(24:46):
When I visited Cotuí at the ageof five, all I saw was farm and
bugs.
Nowhere close to any beaches.
I would get continuously eatenby mosquitoes, so much that I
perfected the relief techniqueof making an X with my nail
instead of scratching it.
That and the inescapable heatwere my takeaways from the whole
(25:07):
experience.
Although it wasn't all bad, Ican never get over how good
their bread and butter tasted.
For my five-year-old self, itwas the best food I have ever
had, which definitely isn't trueknowing how delicious
Dominicans cook rice and beans,but the one bit of Spanish I
always remember learning thereis pan con mantequilla.
(25:31):
By far the best memory I tookback was getting my own cow.
My grandfather, whom I callPapa, said to me you see, that
cow, that's your cow.
And that was that.
A couple years later, papacomes back from a trip to the DR
and I asked him how my cow wasdoing, to which he replied oh
(25:54):
yeah, I think they ate him foryour abuelo Pepe's birthday.
Although it was a bittraumatizing, that cow makes me
feel a bit connected to myfamily and culture.
I was never taught Spanish bymy mother and I can't dance
bachata very well.
That cow and all of thememories I made with my papa
make me feel like I belong to myculture and as a biracial woman
(26:17):
, black and Latina, I neverreally feel connected enough to
either ethnicity that often.
My papa was an odd person.
When I was younger he gave mefive-foot-long bamboo stick.
I've had it for so long that Idon't remember getting it or why
it was given to me.
It's always been a normalaccessory in my room and I've
(26:40):
never questioned it untilrecently.
Who gives their granddaughter afull-length bamboo stick?
Another odd gift was a framedpicture of a Taino cave painting
that adorns my wall.
Picture of a Taino cavepainting that adorns my wall.
On one of his visits to the DR,papa explored caves that had
paintings drawn by the NativeAmerican tribe from which he
(27:06):
believes my family is descendedProbably about when I was 10 or
11, he gave me a 20-page bookwith a laminated cover that read
the History of Our History.
This mini history book detailsthe Taino culture, traditions,
beliefs, socioeconomic structure, etc.
My grandma said that she had totalk him out of writing a whole
novel on that topic.
Given that I was only a child.
(27:28):
Now that I'm older, I wish hewould have written a textbook on
the subject with all of hiscommentary and personal stories.
I don't know if I would haveread it at all at the time, but
it'd be nice to have.
My childhood was alwayssprinkled with subtle Taino
references.
When it came to my papa, hisnickname for me was Princess
(27:51):
Anacaona and my brother it wasBohechio.
Back in the good old days,bohechio was a Taino cacique or
chief of the region of Aragua,and was the brother of Anacaona.
They lived a peaceful lifeuntil one day out pops, a
certain explorer who got losttrying to get to India.
(28:12):
Out pops a certain explorer whogot lost trying to get to India
.
The Tainos were happy to welcomeand trade with these new
strangers, being they were thefirst people to ever make
contact with these oddly paleforeigners.
Not to be racist, but Iunderstand the Tainos' effort to
try to help the Spaniards.
Imagine never seeing a whiteperson before.
And here comes a boat full ofpeople who don't have enough
(28:33):
food or resources.
My first thought would be toget them something to eat so
they could get their color back.
At first everyone got alongswimmingly.
The Spaniards got food and theTainos thought they made new
friends.
Then one day, cristobal Colon Idon't know why we call him
Christopher Columbus, he wasn'tEnglish and his henchmen decided
(28:57):
to take it over.
Wait for it Everything.
At this point, bohechio haddied and Caonabo Anacaona's
husband was also a cacique ofanother region called Maguana
was taken as a slave.
(29:17):
Ana Caona had taken over as thecacique of Huaragua in her
brother's place after his deathand she led the fight against
the Spaniards.
That's when the Spaniards gotthe neat idea of murdering all
of the Taino officials.
So, like people on the rightside of history always do, they
(29:38):
rounded up the officials to burnthem.
They captured Anacaona and shewas given a choice Live as a
concubine am I allowed to saysex slave or die.
And like the warrior queen shewas, she chose to die with her
people.
The whole thing sounds likesomething out of a fantasy novel
(30:00):
.
Even the names of the Tainoterritory regions sound magical.
This is the great tragedy Igrew up learning about.
I felt the pain of Anakaona asif I was her reincarnated soul.
I cried for the fate of herbrother as if he was my own.
Everything about the Tainosfeels so personal.
I forget that everyone doesn'tsee them that way.
(30:23):
Most times people don't evenrecognize the name of the tribe.
In my junior year of high schoolwe learned US history.
Of course you can't learn aboutthe US without starting from
the time of exploration.
When we learned about Colónlanding in Hispaniola, the
genocide of a whole civilizationwas only a page in a textbook
(30:44):
to everyone else.
I couldn't get over that, forsome reason.
I couldn't get over how peoplejust glanced over one of the
most horrific tragedies in humanhistory Through disease and
violence.
90% of Tainos were wiped fromthe earth like they were nothing
(31:05):
their culture, their children,their traditions, their gods,
their thoughts, theircelebrations, their lives just
vanished.
Thoughts, their celebrations,their lives just vanished.
Three million forgotten graves,three million forgotten ghosts,
a whole civilization reduced toa memory.
(31:29):
I don't bring up my papa'sbelief that we were Tainos often
, but the few times I do it'smet with.
That can't be possible.
They're extinct Like dinosaurs.
To that I say my chances ofbeing descended from the Tainos
are better than most.
The Tainos resided in theisland of Puerto Rico and
Hispaniola.
My mother is both Puerto Ricanand Dominican.
A study was found that 61% ofPuerto Ricans have indigenous
(31:57):
DNA.
Now, I'm not saying thatautomatically means my family is
descended from the Tainos orthat there is such a thing as
someone who exists that ispurely Taino.
However, I like to believe thatI am for two reasons.
One I want to prove that theTainos are a strong and enduring
presence on this earth.
I don't want to look at thetribe as a single page in a
history book, but as a culturethat is relevant and very much
(32:21):
alive.
With this, I want their memoryto survive, and a culture is
best remembered through theirdescendants.
The second reason is being aTaino makes me feel connected to
my grandfather.
The second reason is being aTaino makes me feel connected to
my grandfather.
It makes me feel connected to aculture which, like I said
before, doesn't happen often.
To believe that I am theproduct of my ancestors'
(32:44):
struggle To survive gives mestrength and a reason to keep
living, when I don't understandthe purpose of it.
My mother always says my papawas interested in tribal
symbolism arrows, feathers, themoon.
He said to me once that itdoesn't matter where you are in
the world, we all see the samesun and the same moon.
(33:07):
On the night he died my motherwas in the hospital in Florida
to be with him in his finalmoments.
She said that from the hospitalroom window you could see the
full moon through the window.
When he died she called my dad,who was at home with me and my
siblings.
It was after I should have beenin bed, but I went out into the
(33:29):
dark hallway that was only litby the small laundry room off to
the side.
He told me my papa was gone.
I nodded because I wasexpecting it, but it still hurt
to hear.
Neither of us said anything, orif we did, I don't recall what
was said.
I just remember hugging in thedark with my eyes starting to
(33:51):
fill with tears.
I went back into my room andlaid on my bed that was
underneath two window panes.
As I lay crying, the curtainblinds were faded down and let
in the light of the full moon.
I passed my hand under themoonlight, trying to let it pull
(34:11):
in my hand like water.
Through the blinds I could seethe face of the moon, like the
face of God, looking down at meand reminding me that I am safe.
That night I slept under thesame moon my grandfather saw for
the last time.
I saw the same moon the Tainossaw when they lived in the days
(34:31):
of peace and worked to build acivilization of more than 3
million people.
I saw the same moon they sawwhen they fought for their
survival.
Everyone from the beginning ofhistory has seen the same moon
and the same stars.
That is why, three weeks beforemy 18th birthday, I got a
tattoo on my arm of the moonphases.
(34:53):
I always want to remember thelessons given to me by my
ancestors, the lessons thatteach me to be strong in the
face of terror.
The lessons that teach me toremember that we are all human
beings and not merely thatgroups we label ourselves as.
Most of all, it reminds me ofthe lessons of always
(35:13):
remembering to honor myancestors and their journey, so
that I and my children willcontinue on their story.
I'll see you all next week.
Bye, thank you so much forlistening to Virago 24-7.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
(35:34):
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