April 29, 2025 • 29 mins
After 100 episodes of Virago, Lyanette Talley, reflects on the podcast's journey and the power of speaking your truth as a path to healing. A recent trip to Puerto Rico provided perspective on personal growth and the importance of reconnecting with your roots.
• Celebrating Virago's 100th episode milestone
• Why Lyanette chose not to air a previously recorded episode where a friend wasn't ready to share her full story
• The therapeutic value of speaking your truth and releasing pain
• Understanding the difference between harmful gossip and healing truth-telling
• How fear keeps us protecting those who have harmed us
• Learning to accept criticism and grow from it without letting ego take control
• Setting boundaries while still honoring your authentic experiences
• Recognizing that sharing your story isn't betrayal—it's healing
• Moving forward requires letting go of relationships and comfort zones that no longer serve you
"Your new life will cost you your old one, but the people meant for you will meet you on the other side. Instead of being liked, you'll be loved; instead of being understood, you'll be seen."
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello my fellow Viragos.
It's me LT.
How's it going?
Everything is going.
Everything over here is going,that's all I can say.
I did take a nice little vacayto Puerto Rico and I'll let you
(00:23):
know all about that.
But before we get into it, I'mhere by myself, party of one,
and I am happy to say that thisis Virago's 100th episode,
episode 100.
Cue the confetti, cue the horns, cue the music, cue all the
(00:46):
things.
Um, very exciting.
Uh, episode 100.
And I'm here celebrating alone.
Actually, I'm not alone, I'mwith you guys.
Um, so very exciting I'm.
I'm very proud of Virago and, um, even even with with me not
recording consistently like Idid the first year.
(01:07):
You know, the first two years Iwas pretty consistent with my
weekly podcast.
It's kind of been sporadic thepast two years and I was so hard
on myself a lot of the times.
And then I realized, you know,we're just doing this for fun,
we're conversing for fun, andwhen I realized we made it to
(01:28):
100 episodes, I'm like you knowwhat?
That's better than mostpodcasts, right?
That's better than most thatstart and end quickly.
So proud of Virago.
But, yes, puerto Rico Went toPuerto Rico for spring break.
It was a wonderful visit.
It was me and Phillip and thethree kids and my mom and my
(01:50):
stepdad and Brianna, who's beenon the show, and her oldest, and
I got to see my aunt, who Ihaven't seen in years, which is
my mom's sister and one of mycousins, so it was just a really
good trip.
We stayed on part of the islandthat we're not from, it's
sister and one of my cousins.
It was just a really good trip.
We stayed on part of the islandthat we're not from.
It's the west side of theisland, which is a lot quieter.
(02:11):
I'm from the north part, theSan Juan area, and there's a lot
of hustle and bustle where westayed.
It was very quiet, very country, it was lovely and I needed it
for my soul.
It's one of those things that wehear about, like you know,
seasonal depression or seasonalsadness, and I really believe
(02:35):
that to be true.
I feel like after the holidaysJanuary, february I get into
this like I don't know if it's Iwouldn't, for me personally I
wouldn't say depression, but youknow, you kind of get into
internal and I start thinkingabout what I want for the year
and start.
You know, I try not to dwelltoo much on the things that I
(02:58):
wanted to do the years past.
But you know I'm human, so thatcreeps in.
So I've been kind of in my head, in in my own little world the
past few months, and so going toPuerto Rico was like a
refresher, a reminder of likethis is where I've come from and
this is where I am, and justseeing how far I've come, and it
(03:18):
really puts a lot of things inperspective of no, my life is
good.
Yes, I can internal, go ininward and internalize a few
things and and and startplanning for this year.
And I guess it's just mypattern is I start thinking too
deeply into things and I have torealize what I have, where I've
(03:40):
come from.
And so that's what Puerto Ricodid.
It was lovely, lovely, lovely.
So I want to talk about wherewe left off.
So I know the last episode wedid mention that we wanted Shiny
to come on and she was going totalk to us about some things
that she hasn't spoken about onthe podcast and her and I
(04:00):
actually did record.
It's hard to get the three ofus together me, brianna and
Shiny, you know because we havelives, we all have kids, we work
, and so it's hard to to cometogether to record and so we've
had a lot of, you know, we'vewanted to come together and we
(04:20):
write it down on the calendarand then things come up and it
just doesn't happen.
So, and we write it down on thecalendar and then things come
up and it just doesn't happen.
So Shani and I did record buthonestly, I'm not going to air
it.
I'm not going to air thatepisode.
You can tell she didn't feelquite comfortable speaking her
truth and that's okay.
So this is not coming down onher.
I always want to respectpeople's wishes.
(04:43):
I think she would have beenokay with me releasing it, but
the fact that she was secondguessing certain things, it is
what it is and you know, we'rejust in all different stages in
our journeys and our growth andyou know some of us are just
hesitant to speak up and to tellour story.
Or you know we want to edit itso that we don't make others
(05:08):
look bad, and so that's reallywhat it is is that we don't want
especially the one you know usthat care and that have a heart
of.
We don't want people to lookbad.
Me for me, I feel like coming onthis podcast and starting this
and speaking my mind and mytruth and my life, it's been
(05:32):
therapeutic for me.
I'm not saying that everyoneneeds to come on a podcast and
share their truth and speakabout their lives because really
, when you think about it, ourlives involve other people and I
think that's where people arehesitant to come on and speak.
But even aside from the podcast, there's some of us I don't
(05:54):
even want to say it to like noteven one person you know and for
me I've been able to let go ofso much, so much from my past.
I've been able to forgive, I'vebeen able to ask for
forgiveness, I've been able tojust release a lot of things
(06:16):
that I was holding on to, andfor me it's been therapeutic.
But, like I said, not everyoneneeds to come on a podcast to
you know, to speak their story.
But there's definitely somethingto not being afraid to share
about our lives and even if it'sjust to one person, even if
(06:36):
it's just to your closest friend, um, saying things out loud, it
takes the control away fromthose who are a part of our
story or were a part of ourstory.
You know, so many of us, youknow, just want to keep things
quiet because we're afraid tohurt those who have hurt us or
(07:00):
who have had a negative impacton our lives, who have had a
negative impact on our lives,and when I think about it, it
just sounds so insane that we'reafraid that by speaking on
things that have happened to us,by those who wronged us, that
we would turn around and makethose people feel bad.
(07:22):
You know, by saying this iswhat happened to me and so to me
, that just shows what a greatheart you have, that you know
you still care for those whohave had a negative impact on
you.
But also, on the flip side, youknow, here you are suffering
(07:44):
because you're keeping theirsecrets and holding on to their
baggage, and for me, you know,they still have the control.
The fact that you're afraidshows that they have that
control.
You know I've come on here andI've spoken on a lot of things
(08:06):
and and not everybody has likedwhat I've had to say and I've
said it before that I haven'teven said everything that I've
or told stories that I wanted tosay, because you you know you
don't want to hurt people'sfeelings, but also you want to
be honest with.
This is my life and this is howthese people impacted me and
(08:27):
I've even come on here and I'vetold you guys about my struggles
with Kaylin, my oldest, and youknow there have been times that
she's said things that hadtruth to them and some that
didn't.
And the things that had truthto them, I had to put my ego
aside and look in a mirror andacknowledge that there are
(08:51):
things that I could have donedifferently, and I've apologized
for things that I did, that Ididn't know I was doing at the
time.
But now that I do know I can dobetter and I can be better, you
know.
And for the things that had notruth to them, I again had to
(09:12):
put my ego aside and realizethat what she was saying was
coming from a place of hurt andthat I couldn't take it
personally.
And within that, you knowthat's not easy to do because
you want to set the recordstraight and, trust me, there
was times where I'm like no, no,that's not how it happened.
(09:35):
But a lot of times I just hadto pray that she would come to
realize that you know that thethings that she was saying were
out of pain and that she wasmeshing some of the truth with.
You know some of the hurt thatshe was feeling.
(09:56):
I don't know if you know 10years ago that I would have
handled it this way.
Maybe I would have taken itmore personally and let my ego
make things worse by guiltingher or belittling her or
accusing her.
(10:23):
And, like I said, I've hadmoments where, you know, I felt
like I had to defend myself andmy prayers the past few years
have been to speak my mind, tospeak on things that have
happened, but from a place of,you know, a controlled way of
speaking controlled, notemotional and the times that I
(10:48):
have come out of that and I feellike I've overstepped.
You know I've had to apologizeand I will apologize, but all
this to say that Kaylin has aright to speak her truth about
things that affected her,whether I like it or not.
(11:09):
And I have the right to speakmy truth even if it hurts or has
hurt the people that affectedmy life.
And you also have the right tospeak your truth.
You also have the right tospeak your truth even if it
offends those that are a part ofyour story, right?
(11:30):
So what stops us from speakingup?
And the only word that comes tomy mind is fear Fear of being
like guilt, feeling guilty, fearof rejection, fear of
(11:51):
retaliation, fear of, like anybacklash that those who are a
part of our story, that theywould exhibit any of these
things.
And what I've learned and what Ifeel like we all have to
understand, is that we're allhuman, we're all flawed.
(12:13):
Of course we're going to handleall relationships with
perfection.
You know we do our best, butwe're always going to fall short
and and along this like healingjourney, I do give those people
grace, like once you come outof that cycle of blaming and
(12:38):
accusing and guilting and allthese things in this cycle, once
you like get yourself out ofthat, you can look at people
with grace and understanding ofthey did what they could with
what they were given.
Where I have issues with islike if I don't see someone
(12:59):
growing, like this is just who Iam and take me or leave me
that's where I have issues withwith people is not seeing that
growth, is not seeing thatgrowth, but understanding that
as well, so that when people are, you know, accused of me, of
how I've been in their life like, of course, with my kids I'm
sure other things will come upwith my two other ones and
(13:23):
knowing to accept it and tolearn from it and to be better
from it.
And those that we can't control,that aren't mature enough to be
on that same path, like there'sreally nothing we can do about
it.
We can't control them.
There's really, like I said,there's really nothing that we
(13:45):
can do about those people, butfor some reason we're still
stuck, even if we see it bigpicture.
But for some reason, we'restill stuck, even if we see it
big picture.
We see that they're in thewrong or we see that they're not
holding themselves accountable,but yet we just want to keep
(14:05):
these secrets and keep theirstories so that we don't reap
the you know, the aftermath,aftermath, um, the explosion
that, um, that will come fromthose people.
I, you know I'm talking aboutthis because you know it just
opened my eyes that noteveryone's ready and and, like I
said, I love shiny I love shinyand I respect that she's not
(14:28):
ready to speak her, her fulltruth, um, and her journey that
she's been on since she waslittle, and hopefully one day
we'll get to hear that.
But, with wanting to talk aboutthis, I was on Instagram.
We just scrolled throughInstagram and I came upon this
(14:48):
post.
I don't even follow this person, don't know anything about him,
but I was like I was reading, Iwas like this actually pertains
to like this message that wasput on my heart and it's at
Chris Durso.
So I googled him.
He appears to be a pastorsomewhere.
I didn't really go deep into itbut I was like, okay, that
(15:10):
makes sense, because a lot ofwhat he was it's like different
slides, like 20 slides.
I'm going to read them to you,the ones that really that I was
feeling, and so he threw somebiblical stuff in there.
I'm not going to read all of it,but before I read this, before
I read what he posted and I andand I feel like you know it
spoke to me, I just want topreface you know, for the people
(15:38):
that are not on a healingjourney and we all know, if
we're on a healing journey or ifthat's not even on our radar,
deep down, we know.
So, for those that are not on ahealing journey, this is not
going to speak to you and ifyou're not on a healing journey
to you, and if you're not on ahealing journey, this message
hear me.
Hear me loud and clear.
(15:59):
It does not give you permissionto spew hate and call it your
truth or spin the truth to fityour narrative and claim it as
your story.
Because a lot of these messagesthat we see online as your
story, because a lot of thesemessages that we see online, we
know, like I said, there's a lotof us that will read it and we
feel it, but also we still want.
We're in protective mode, we'reprotecting those that have
(16:19):
wronged us.
But there's others out therethat, oh, I'm this healing
journey, but they'll just throweverybody under the bus and not
give a shit.
So I'm not talking to you guysand, deep down, we all know what
category we fall in.
So, for those who are trulywanting to heal and shed pain
(16:40):
and shed hurt and seekforgiveness and be forgiven,
this message is for you and thisis what I saw on Instagram.
So it says they sinned againstyou quietly but labeled your
(17:17):
honesty as gossip.
Spiritual manipulation is a sin.
Silencing is a sin.
Talking about it is not.
There's a difference betweengossip and truth-telling,
between slander and grief.
Gossip talks about others towound.
Truth shares experience to heal.
(17:40):
Gossip seeks attention.
Truth seeks resolution.
Why is it acceptable toprophesy about the future but
forbidden to speak honestlyabout the past or the present.
God doesn't just redeem thefuture, he heals the past.
(18:02):
You can't heal from what you'renot allowed to name.
Silence may feel likeprotection, but often it becomes
a prison.
What you bury to keep the peacemay be burying you.
Silencing survivors is not thesame as seeking unity.
(18:25):
Unity without honesty isn'tpeace, it's performance, and
performance doesn't heal, ithides.
The Bible doesn't hide the truthto protect reputations.
It names people and theiractions Judas betrayed, peter
denied, david abused, cainmurdered, not for gossip, but
(18:50):
for accountability, justice andgenerational clarity.
If telling the truth feels likebetrayal, you've been groomed
to protect dysfunction.
Truth is not disloyalty.
Truth is light, and light isthe beginning of liberation.
And light is the beginning ofliberation.
(19:15):
Therapists will tell you yournervous system cannot release
trauma from what your voice isnot allowed to reveal.
Unspoken pain becomes storedpain.
Suppressed truth becomesembodied stress.
You don't need a microphone tobe honest, but you do need a
safe space to be whole.
(19:35):
You're not obligated to stayquiet just because the truth
makes others uncomfortable.
Your story doesn't make youdivisive, it makes you honest,
and honesty is sacred.
Even if you're the only onewilling to tell the truth,
you're not being rebellious.
You're being responsible.
(19:57):
If telling the truth costs youthe relationship, it was built
on control, not covenant.
Real love doesn't demand silence.
It invites growth.
This is not about revenge, it'sabout regulation.
Speaking up doesn't make youdramatic.
(20:18):
It makes you self-aware.
And self-awareness is thebeginning of healing.
True healing isn't just movingon.
It's moving forward with truth,boundaries and grace.
Healing doesn't mean pretendingit didn't happen.
It means your past no longercontrols your present.
(20:39):
It's clarity without chaos,peace without pretending,
compassion without codependence.
Silence may have offered you asense of safety, but it was
counterfeit.
It kept you quiet, not healed.
It protected their image, notyour heart.
(21:00):
It gave the illusion of peacebut cost you your voice.
You're not hurting them, you'rehealing you.
Healing isn't dishonor.
Truth sets you free.
It's time to experience freedom.
So when I read that, I was like, wow, this is.
(21:30):
One of the purposes of thispodcast was to bring women
together and men but mostlywomen together, to really be
vulnerable and speak our truthand not to hurt people, not to
bash, but to heal and to growand to learn and be better and
(21:54):
do better.
And there are a lot of us thatare seeking that and we have a
lot of people in our lives thatput those barriers in front of
us because they're not on thatsame journey and they probably
never will be on that journey,and I've learned that it's okay
(22:20):
if those people aren't, butyou're not going to stop me from
speaking my truth.
And yeah, they're not made uptruths, they're facts.
And the reason that it hurts isbecause it's the truth, you
know.
And going back to Kaylin, eventhe things that I don't believe
(22:41):
were true and they're not true,they might be true in her mind,
but take emotions out of it andlet's talk about the facts.
Even still, I had to take myego out of it and just be like
okay, this is how she's feeling,I'm not going to take it
personal.
The truth is the truth and oneday she'll figure it out.
(23:02):
And again, the things that weretrue yep, that happened and yes,
I'm sorry and I wish all of uscan get to that point in life is
very hard, because nobody wantsto look into a mirror, no one
wants to be seen as the personthat has caused damage in
(23:22):
someone else's life and that'shard.
I mean, that's a hard pill toswallow, but for me it's like.
But for me it's like I can't beafraid, I can't be in fear.
This is part of healing.
(23:44):
In order for us to heal, ourstories must be told and if
we're somebody that's hurtothers, we have to acknowledge
it and apologize so that we canhelp that person heal and, in
turn, you're being healed.
You know it starts withaccepting and letting go and
(24:08):
apologizing, and I think it allgoes hand in hand.
You know, we're not always theperson that needs to forgive.
Sometimes we're the ones askingfor forgiveness, and that's
okay and it just shows thematurity, the emotional
stability that's within you, theemotional growth, and ideally
(24:36):
we would want everyone to be inthat place.
But again, we can't controlthose people.
So, you know, some of us willnever understand how therapeutic
it is to let it all out.
(24:58):
There are those that will neverget it, that will never get to
a place of understanding.
Their egos will forever be incontrol of their thoughts and
their emotions, of theirthoughts and their emotions.
And you know, for those of usthat are ever learning and ever
(25:18):
growing, it can't be our problem.
It can't be our problem tocarry.
You can't control how otherswill react to what you have to
say.
You can't control how otherswill react to what you have to
say.
And also, you can't fear theirreaction.
(25:46):
You can't allow their reactionor the fear of it keep us from
sharing our stories Because, youknow, this is what has brought
us to this point in our, in ourlives, is our story and in our,
in our testimony, and I am proudto say that.
(26:12):
You know, I've learned this.
It's extremely hard because ifit wasn't, we'd all be doing it
and it's been through.
Just talking to you guys, to myfriends, outside of podcasting,
just letting it out and puttingit out on the table and not
(26:34):
just placing blame butunderstanding that, yes, this
has happened, but how can I moveforward and what can I do
differently and how can I change?
Because we can't stay stuck inthe blame game and we can't stay
stuck in our past.
Speak our story, tell our past,speak our story, tell our truth
(26:55):
, have people see you and hearyou, but also give you words of
wisdom.
You know there's been a lot oftough love and that's why I've
been able to let things go A lotof well.
Yeah, that happened, but okay,why are we still crying about it
?
Type types deal and it opensyour eyes.
(27:15):
It doesn't always feel good,but once you're on the other
side, it's.
It's very freeing, and I justhope that we all get to that
place one day.
And um, yeah, I just wanted toshare that with you guys.
This is going to be a quick,quick podcast.
Um, for my hundredth, hundredthuh episode, quick and to the
(27:40):
point.
Um, I can talk about speakingour truth forever and ever and
ever.
I've done a few shows aboutspeaking our truth.
Um, it's something that's veryimportant to me.
People make you feel bad forwanting to speak on your own
life and things that havehappened to you.
It just blows my mind everytime Like this is my life.
(28:03):
I'm not speaking about yourlife.
I'm speaking about my life thathappened to intertwine with
mine, and now I'm the bad guyfor speaking up on it, and that
should not be the case.
So I'm going to leave you guyswith this.
Your new life is going to costyou your old one.
(28:24):
It's going to cost you yourcomfort zone and your sense of
direction.
It's going to cost yourelationships and friends.
It's going to cost you beingliked and understood, but it
doesn't matter, because thepeople who are meant for you are
(28:45):
going to meet you on the otherside and you're going to build a
new comfort zone around thethings that actually move you
forward.
And, instead of liked, you'regoing to build a new comfort
zone around the things thatactually move you forward.
And, instead of liked, you'regoing to be loved.
Instead of understood, you'regoing to be seen.
All you're going to lose iswhat was built for a person you
(29:10):
no longer are.
Let it go.
Hello my fellow Viragos.
It's me LT.
How's it going?
Everything is going.
Everything over here is going,that's all I can say.
I did take a nice little vacayto Puerto Rico and I'll let you
(00:23):
know all about that.
But before we get into it, I'mhere by myself, party of one,
and I am happy to say that thisis Virago's 100th episode,
episode 100.
Cue the confetti, cue the horns, cue the music, cue all the
(00:46):
things.
Um, very exciting.
Uh, episode 100.
And I'm here celebrating alone.
Actually, I'm not alone, I'mwith you guys.
Um, so very exciting I'm.
I'm very proud of Virago and, um, even even with with me not
recording consistently like Idid the first year.
(01:07):
You know, the first two years Iwas pretty consistent with my
weekly podcast.
It's kind of been sporadic thepast two years and I was so hard
on myself a lot of the times.
And then I realized, you know,we're just doing this for fun,
we're conversing for fun, andwhen I realized we made it to
(01:28):
100 episodes, I'm like you knowwhat?
That's better than mostpodcasts, right?
That's better than most thatstart and end quickly.
So proud of Virago.
But, yes, puerto Rico Went toPuerto Rico for spring break.
It was a wonderful visit.
It was me and Phillip and thethree kids and my mom and my
(01:50):
stepdad and Brianna, who's beenon the show, and her oldest, and
I got to see my aunt, who Ihaven't seen in years, which is
my mom's sister and one of mycousins, so it was just a really
good trip.
We stayed on part of the islandthat we're not from, it's
sister and one of my cousins.
It was just a really good trip.
We stayed on part of the islandthat we're not from.
It's the west side of theisland, which is a lot quieter.
(02:11):
I'm from the north part, theSan Juan area, and there's a lot
of hustle and bustle where westayed.
It was very quiet, very country, it was lovely and I needed it
for my soul.
It's one of those things that wehear about, like you know,
seasonal depression or seasonalsadness, and I really believe
(02:35):
that to be true.
I feel like after the holidaysJanuary, february I get into
this like I don't know if it's Iwouldn't, for me personally I
wouldn't say depression, but youknow, you kind of get into
internal and I start thinkingabout what I want for the year
and start.
You know, I try not to dwelltoo much on the things that I
(02:58):
wanted to do the years past.
But you know I'm human, so thatcreeps in.
So I've been kind of in my head, in in my own little world the
past few months, and so going toPuerto Rico was like a
refresher, a reminder of likethis is where I've come from and
this is where I am, and justseeing how far I've come, and it
(03:18):
really puts a lot of things inperspective of no, my life is
good.
Yes, I can internal, go ininward and internalize a few
things and and and startplanning for this year.
And I guess it's just mypattern is I start thinking too
deeply into things and I have torealize what I have, where I've
(03:40):
come from.
And so that's what Puerto Ricodid.
It was lovely, lovely, lovely.
So I want to talk about wherewe left off.
So I know the last episode wedid mention that we wanted Shiny
to come on and she was going totalk to us about some things
that she hasn't spoken about onthe podcast and her and I
(04:00):
actually did record.
It's hard to get the three ofus together me, brianna and
Shiny, you know because we havelives, we all have kids, we work
, and so it's hard to to cometogether to record and so we've
had a lot of, you know, we'vewanted to come together and we
(04:20):
write it down on the calendarand then things come up and it
just doesn't happen.
So, and we write it down on thecalendar and then things come
up and it just doesn't happen.
So Shani and I did record buthonestly, I'm not going to air
it.
I'm not going to air thatepisode.
You can tell she didn't feelquite comfortable speaking her
truth and that's okay.
So this is not coming down onher.
I always want to respectpeople's wishes.
(04:43):
I think she would have beenokay with me releasing it, but
the fact that she was secondguessing certain things, it is
what it is and you know, we'rejust in all different stages in
our journeys and our growth andyou know some of us are just
hesitant to speak up and to tellour story.
Or you know we want to edit itso that we don't make others
(05:08):
look bad, and so that's reallywhat it is is that we don't want
especially the one you know usthat care and that have a heart
of.
We don't want people to lookbad.
Me for me, I feel like coming onthis podcast and starting this
and speaking my mind and mytruth and my life, it's been
(05:32):
therapeutic for me.
I'm not saying that everyoneneeds to come on a podcast and
share their truth and speakabout their lives because really
, when you think about it, ourlives involve other people and I
think that's where people arehesitant to come on and speak.
But even aside from the podcast, there's some of us I don't
(05:54):
even want to say it to like noteven one person you know and for
me I've been able to let go ofso much, so much from my past.
I've been able to forgive, I'vebeen able to ask for
forgiveness, I've been able tojust release a lot of things
(06:16):
that I was holding on to, andfor me it's been therapeutic.
But, like I said, not everyoneneeds to come on a podcast to
you know, to speak their story.
But there's definitely somethingto not being afraid to share
about our lives and even if it'sjust to one person, even if
(06:36):
it's just to your closest friend, um, saying things out loud, it
takes the control away fromthose who are a part of our
story or were a part of ourstory.
You know, so many of us, youknow, just want to keep things
quiet because we're afraid tohurt those who have hurt us or
(07:00):
who have had a negative impacton our lives, who have had a
negative impact on our lives,and when I think about it, it
just sounds so insane that we'reafraid that by speaking on
things that have happened to us,by those who wronged us, that
we would turn around and makethose people feel bad.
(07:22):
You know, by saying this iswhat happened to me and so to me
, that just shows what a greatheart you have, that you know
you still care for those whohave had a negative impact on
you.
But also, on the flip side, youknow, here you are suffering
(07:44):
because you're keeping theirsecrets and holding on to their
baggage, and for me, you know,they still have the control.
The fact that you're afraidshows that they have that
control.
You know I've come on here andI've spoken on a lot of things
(08:06):
and and not everybody has likedwhat I've had to say and I've
said it before that I haven'teven said everything that I've
or told stories that I wanted tosay, because you you know you
don't want to hurt people'sfeelings, but also you want to
be honest with.
This is my life and this is howthese people impacted me and
(08:27):
I've even come on here and I'vetold you guys about my struggles
with Kaylin, my oldest, and youknow there have been times that
she's said things that hadtruth to them and some that
didn't.
And the things that had truthto them, I had to put my ego
aside and look in a mirror andacknowledge that there are
(08:51):
things that I could have donedifferently, and I've apologized
for things that I did, that Ididn't know I was doing at the
time.
But now that I do know I can dobetter and I can be better, you
know.
And for the things that had notruth to them, I again had to
(09:12):
put my ego aside and realizethat what she was saying was
coming from a place of hurt andthat I couldn't take it
personally.
And within that, you knowthat's not easy to do because
you want to set the recordstraight and, trust me, there
was times where I'm like no, no,that's not how it happened.
(09:35):
But a lot of times I just hadto pray that she would come to
realize that you know that thethings that she was saying were
out of pain and that she wasmeshing some of the truth with.
You know some of the hurt thatshe was feeling.
(09:56):
I don't know if you know 10years ago that I would have
handled it this way.
Maybe I would have taken itmore personally and let my ego
make things worse by guiltingher or belittling her or
accusing her.
(10:23):
And, like I said, I've hadmoments where, you know, I felt
like I had to defend myself andmy prayers the past few years
have been to speak my mind, tospeak on things that have
happened, but from a place of,you know, a controlled way of
speaking controlled, notemotional and the times that I
(10:48):
have come out of that and I feellike I've overstepped.
You know I've had to apologizeand I will apologize, but all
this to say that Kaylin has aright to speak her truth about
things that affected her,whether I like it or not.
(11:09):
And I have the right to speakmy truth even if it hurts or has
hurt the people that affectedmy life.
And you also have the right tospeak your truth.
You also have the right tospeak your truth even if it
offends those that are a part ofyour story, right?
(11:30):
So what stops us from speakingup?
And the only word that comes tomy mind is fear Fear of being
like guilt, feeling guilty, fearof rejection, fear of
(11:51):
retaliation, fear of, like anybacklash that those who are a
part of our story, that theywould exhibit any of these
things.
And what I've learned and what Ifeel like we all have to
understand, is that we're allhuman, we're all flawed.
(12:13):
Of course we're going to handleall relationships with
perfection.
You know we do our best, butwe're always going to fall short
and and along this like healingjourney, I do give those people
grace, like once you come outof that cycle of blaming and
(12:38):
accusing and guilting and allthese things in this cycle, once
you like get yourself out ofthat, you can look at people
with grace and understanding ofthey did what they could with
what they were given.
Where I have issues with islike if I don't see someone
(12:59):
growing, like this is just who Iam and take me or leave me
that's where I have issues withwith people is not seeing that
growth, is not seeing thatgrowth, but understanding that
as well, so that when people are, you know, accused of me, of
how I've been in their life like, of course, with my kids I'm
sure other things will come upwith my two other ones and
(13:23):
knowing to accept it and tolearn from it and to be better
from it.
And those that we can't control,that aren't mature enough to be
on that same path, like there'sreally nothing we can do about
it.
We can't control them.
There's really, like I said,there's really nothing that we
(13:45):
can do about those people, butfor some reason we're still
stuck, even if we see it bigpicture.
But for some reason, we'restill stuck, even if we see it
big picture.
We see that they're in thewrong or we see that they're not
holding themselves accountable,but yet we just want to keep
(14:05):
these secrets and keep theirstories so that we don't reap
the you know, the aftermath,aftermath, um, the explosion
that, um, that will come fromthose people.
I, you know I'm talking aboutthis because you know it just
opened my eyes that noteveryone's ready and and, like I
said, I love shiny I love shinyand I respect that she's not
(14:28):
ready to speak her, her fulltruth, um, and her journey that
she's been on since she waslittle, and hopefully one day
we'll get to hear that.
But, with wanting to talk aboutthis, I was on Instagram.
We just scrolled throughInstagram and I came upon this
(14:48):
post.
I don't even follow this person, don't know anything about him,
but I was like I was reading, Iwas like this actually pertains
to like this message that wasput on my heart and it's at
Chris Durso.
So I googled him.
He appears to be a pastorsomewhere.
I didn't really go deep into itbut I was like, okay, that
(15:10):
makes sense, because a lot ofwhat he was it's like different
slides, like 20 slides.
I'm going to read them to you,the ones that really that I was
feeling, and so he threw somebiblical stuff in there.
I'm not going to read all of it,but before I read this, before
I read what he posted and I andand I feel like you know it
spoke to me, I just want topreface you know, for the people
(15:38):
that are not on a healingjourney and we all know, if
we're on a healing journey or ifthat's not even on our radar,
deep down, we know.
So, for those that are not on ahealing journey, this is not
going to speak to you and ifyou're not on a healing journey
to you, and if you're not on ahealing journey, this message
hear me.
Hear me loud and clear.
(15:59):
It does not give you permissionto spew hate and call it your
truth or spin the truth to fityour narrative and claim it as
your story.
Because a lot of these messagesthat we see online as your
story, because a lot of thesemessages that we see online, we
know, like I said, there's a lotof us that will read it and we
feel it, but also we still want.
We're in protective mode, we'reprotecting those that have
(16:19):
wronged us.
But there's others out therethat, oh, I'm this healing
journey, but they'll just throweverybody under the bus and not
give a shit.
So I'm not talking to you guysand, deep down, we all know what
category we fall in.
So, for those who are trulywanting to heal and shed pain
(16:40):
and shed hurt and seekforgiveness and be forgiven,
this message is for you and thisis what I saw on Instagram.
So it says they sinned againstyou quietly but labeled your
(17:17):
honesty as gossip.
Spiritual manipulation is a sin.
Silencing is a sin.
Talking about it is not.
There's a difference betweengossip and truth-telling,
between slander and grief.
Gossip talks about others towound.
Truth shares experience to heal.
(17:40):
Gossip seeks attention.
Truth seeks resolution.
Why is it acceptable toprophesy about the future but
forbidden to speak honestlyabout the past or the present.
God doesn't just redeem thefuture, he heals the past.
(18:02):
You can't heal from what you'renot allowed to name.
Silence may feel likeprotection, but often it becomes
a prison.
What you bury to keep the peacemay be burying you.
Silencing survivors is not thesame as seeking unity.
(18:25):
Unity without honesty isn'tpeace, it's performance, and
performance doesn't heal, ithides.
The Bible doesn't hide the truthto protect reputations.
It names people and theiractions Judas betrayed, peter
denied, david abused, cainmurdered, not for gossip, but
(18:50):
for accountability, justice andgenerational clarity.
If telling the truth feels likebetrayal, you've been groomed
to protect dysfunction.
Truth is not disloyalty.
Truth is light, and light isthe beginning of liberation.
And light is the beginning ofliberation.
(19:15):
Therapists will tell you yournervous system cannot release
trauma from what your voice isnot allowed to reveal.
Unspoken pain becomes storedpain.
Suppressed truth becomesembodied stress.
You don't need a microphone tobe honest, but you do need a
safe space to be whole.
(19:35):
You're not obligated to stayquiet just because the truth
makes others uncomfortable.
Your story doesn't make youdivisive, it makes you honest,
and honesty is sacred.
Even if you're the only onewilling to tell the truth,
you're not being rebellious.
You're being responsible.
(19:57):
If telling the truth costs youthe relationship, it was built
on control, not covenant.
Real love doesn't demand silence.
It invites growth.
This is not about revenge, it'sabout regulation.
Speaking up doesn't make youdramatic.
(20:18):
It makes you self-aware.
And self-awareness is thebeginning of healing.
True healing isn't just movingon.
It's moving forward with truth,boundaries and grace.
Healing doesn't mean pretendingit didn't happen.
It means your past no longercontrols your present.
(20:39):
It's clarity without chaos,peace without pretending,
compassion without codependence.
Silence may have offered you asense of safety, but it was
counterfeit.
It kept you quiet, not healed.
It protected their image, notyour heart.
(21:00):
It gave the illusion of peacebut cost you your voice.
You're not hurting them, you'rehealing you.
Healing isn't dishonor.
Truth sets you free.
It's time to experience freedom.
So when I read that, I was like, wow, this is.
(21:30):
One of the purposes of thispodcast was to bring women
together and men but mostlywomen together, to really be
vulnerable and speak our truthand not to hurt people, not to
bash, but to heal and to growand to learn and be better and
(21:54):
do better.
And there are a lot of us thatare seeking that and we have a
lot of people in our lives thatput those barriers in front of
us because they're not on thatsame journey and they probably
never will be on that journey,and I've learned that it's okay
(22:20):
if those people aren't, butyou're not going to stop me from
speaking my truth.
And yeah, they're not made uptruths, they're facts.
And the reason that it hurts isbecause it's the truth, you
know.
And going back to Kaylin, eventhe things that I don't believe
(22:41):
were true and they're not true,they might be true in her mind,
but take emotions out of it andlet's talk about the facts.
Even still, I had to take myego out of it and just be like
okay, this is how she's feeling,I'm not going to take it
personal.
The truth is the truth and oneday she'll figure it out.
(23:02):
And again, the things that weretrue yep, that happened and yes,
I'm sorry and I wish all of uscan get to that point in life is
very hard, because nobody wantsto look into a mirror, no one
wants to be seen as the personthat has caused damage in
(23:22):
someone else's life and that'shard.
I mean, that's a hard pill toswallow, but for me it's like.
But for me it's like I can't beafraid, I can't be in fear.
This is part of healing.
(23:44):
In order for us to heal, ourstories must be told and if
we're somebody that's hurtothers, we have to acknowledge
it and apologize so that we canhelp that person heal and, in
turn, you're being healed.
You know it starts withaccepting and letting go and
(24:08):
apologizing, and I think it allgoes hand in hand.
You know, we're not always theperson that needs to forgive.
Sometimes we're the ones askingfor forgiveness, and that's
okay and it just shows thematurity, the emotional
stability that's within you, theemotional growth, and ideally
(24:36):
we would want everyone to be inthat place.
But again, we can't controlthose people.
So, you know, some of us willnever understand how therapeutic
it is to let it all out.
(24:58):
There are those that will neverget it, that will never get to
a place of understanding.
Their egos will forever be incontrol of their thoughts and
their emotions, of theirthoughts and their emotions.
And you know, for those of usthat are ever learning and ever
(25:18):
growing, it can't be our problem.
It can't be our problem tocarry.
You can't control how otherswill react to what you have to
say.
You can't control how otherswill react to what you have to
say.
And also, you can't fear theirreaction.
(25:46):
You can't allow their reactionor the fear of it keep us from
sharing our stories Because, youknow, this is what has brought
us to this point in our, in ourlives, is our story and in our,
in our testimony, and I am proudto say that.
(26:12):
You know, I've learned this.
It's extremely hard because ifit wasn't, we'd all be doing it
and it's been through.
Just talking to you guys, to myfriends, outside of podcasting,
just letting it out and puttingit out on the table and not
(26:34):
just placing blame butunderstanding that, yes, this
has happened, but how can I moveforward and what can I do
differently and how can I change?
Because we can't stay stuck inthe blame game and we can't stay
stuck in our past.
Speak our story, tell our past,speak our story, tell our truth
(26:55):
, have people see you and hearyou, but also give you words of
wisdom.
You know there's been a lot oftough love and that's why I've
been able to let things go A lotof well.
Yeah, that happened, but okay,why are we still crying about it
?
Type types deal and it opensyour eyes.
(27:15):
It doesn't always feel good,but once you're on the other
side, it's.
It's very freeing, and I justhope that we all get to that
place one day.
And um, yeah, I just wanted toshare that with you guys.
This is going to be a quick,quick podcast.
Um, for my hundredth, hundredthuh episode, quick and to the
(27:40):
point.
Um, I can talk about speakingour truth forever and ever and
ever.
I've done a few shows aboutspeaking our truth.
Um, it's something that's veryimportant to me.
People make you feel bad forwanting to speak on your own
life and things that havehappened to you.
It just blows my mind everytime Like this is my life.
(28:03):
I'm not speaking about yourlife.
I'm speaking about my life thathappened to intertwine with
mine, and now I'm the bad guyfor speaking up on it, and that
should not be the case.
So I'm going to leave you guyswith this.
Your new life is going to costyou your old one.
(28:24):
It's going to cost you yourcomfort zone and your sense of
direction.
It's going to cost yourelationships and friends.
It's going to cost you beingliked and understood, but it
doesn't matter, because thepeople who are meant for you are
(28:45):
going to meet you on the otherside and you're going to build a
new comfort zone around thethings that actually move you
forward.
And, instead of liked, you'regoing to build a new comfort
zone around the things thatactually move you forward.
And, instead of liked, you'regoing to be loved.
Instead of understood, you'regoing to be seen.
All you're going to lose iswhat was built for a person you
(29:10):
no longer are.
Let it go.
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