Against All Odds: The Inspiring Journey of Marine Veteran Zach Tidwell

In  a world where challenges can often feel insurmountable, Zach Tidwell's story stands as a beacon of hope and resilience. A Marine Corps veteran, Zach faced unimaginable obstacles after his honorable discharge in 2018. Despite not seeing combat during his service, he returned home to confront a battle of a different kind—one that would test his spirit and redefine his purpose.

Zach's journey took a tragic turn when he found himself in a dark place, struggling with severe mental health issues. In a moment of despair, he attempted to take his own life, resulting in life-altering injuries that left him without sight and hearing. This devastating experience could have easily marked the end of his story, but instead, it became the catalyst for a remarkable transformation.

Determined to rise above his circumstances, Zach embarked on a path of recovery and self-discovery. He embraced sobriety and began to channel his energy into meaningful pursuits. As a self-taught software developer, he has dedicated himself to making the digital world more accessible for individuals with disabilities. His work not only showcases his technical skills but also reflects his deep commitment to helping others navigate their own challenges.

Zach's story is not just about overcoming personal adversity; it is also a powerful reminder of the importance of speaking up about mental health. He emphasizes that many people struggle in silence, often hiding their pain behind a facade of normalcy. By sharing his experiences, Zach hopes to encourage others to seek help and to recognize the subtle signs of distress in themselves and those around them.

In addition to his work as a developer, Zach is also a motivational speaker and is currently working on a podcast titled "Going in Blind." Through this platform, he aims to share his journey and connect with others who may be facing similar struggles. His message is clear: healing is possible, and no one has to face their battles alone.

Zach Tidwell's journey from a dark place to a life filled with purpose and passion is a testament to the human spirit's resilience. His story inspires us to confront our challenges head-on, to seek help when needed, and to support one another in our journeys. As we listen to Zach's story, we are reminded that even in the face of adversity, there is always a path forward—a path illuminated by hope, strength, and the unwavering belief in a brighter future.

In a world that often feels overwhelming, Zach's journey serves as a powerful reminder that we can rise above our circumstances and create a life of meaning and impact.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome to Wake Up with Patty Katter Patty Katter, a place
where light overcomes darkness. Here we share powerful stories
of people who embraced their strength and came out on top.
Get ready to wake up, discover your purpose, and rise.

(00:23):
Hello, everybody. Thanks for tuning in to Wake Up
with Patty Katter. Of course, I'm Patty Katter and
I have Zach Tidwell on the show with me.
Zach, I am so thankful to have you on my show.
We just had a great conversationbefore the show, and you are an
incredibly inspiring person. And I want you to first hand

(00:47):
tell my listeners a little bit about yourself and where you
came from. And we have some exciting news.
You have a podcast, We're going to talk about that, too.
Yeah. OK, Yeah.
And we also talked about this beforehand, that there's a lot
here, so if I go too much into it, tell me.
But to keep it short and sweet, my name is Zach Tidwell, and I'm

(01:10):
a 29 year old Marine Corps veteran.
I deployed twice and thankfully didn't see combat.
But Despite that, I was in a horrible place by the time that
I was honorably discharged in 2018.
And about nine months after that, I had reached the point
where I didn't want to be alive anymore and I shot myself
between the eyes, so left me completely blind and deaf.

(01:34):
In one year. I had to relearn everything and
have struggled with alcoholism along the way and was even
diagnosed with a nasty, incurable genetic disease called
Huntington's disease along the way.
But I'm sober writing a book, I'm a speaker, I'm a
self-taught, award-winning software developer making the

(01:54):
digital world a more accessible place for everyone.
And I do a lot of stuff like this in hopes of keeping other
people from going down the same path that I went down.
Back it's really easy to get in a tough place sometimes like a
dark spot right I actually to beso transparent I try to read

(02:15):
through everybody's biography and I skimmed through yours and
I looked at some of the information but I didn't even
actually realize exactly the part from you were in the
military to you got out you didn't really do any deployments
but you still had some of these dark thoughts for whatever
reasons. So right before we recorded I

(02:37):
actually was making a very shortvideo about how the last couple
of days I wasn't to the spot youknow where I was going to take
my own life or anything like that.
But I'll tell you what, it was freaking even hard to get out of
bed this morning because I was just kind of in this funk.
And I can't quite explain why I was in this funk, but I actually

(03:00):
said in the video, like, yeah, it was kind of tough to get out
of bed today. I just was like, dragging.
And I was just feeling some really heavy feelings in this
atmosphere of DC where I'm recording at today.
And I said, you don't know, though, a couple hours later,
you could be feeling better. You just have to get through the

(03:21):
next bit, right? So we go in these waves and now
here you are telling me your story about how you are having a
tough time and look at you now like, Oh my gosh.
I talk about this a lot. There's, you know, everybody has
down days or down periods. I, I use the word depression

(03:43):
very sparingly because I think that that devalues, you know,
yeah, if you do have a couple bad days, to me, that's not
depression, that's, that's beingoff a little bit.
I was, I mean, for almost a a year and a half, definitely,
definitely over a year. So for me, it was a bad
combination of head injuries. I was a machine gunner and both

(04:04):
of my, my deployments were into the Pacific.
So like I said, I didn't see combat, but my spouse was
cheating on me during my second deployment.
So I tried dealing that with that when I got back and I just
didn't have any trust left with for her.
So that wound up not working out.
But about a month after I we separated and I filed for

(04:25):
divorce, I was in a really bad motorcycle accident and had a
traumatic brain injury from it. And that's when I really started
to spiral. I'd been, I've been dealing with
it before that I wasn't happy, but I was just keeping myself
super busy. And one of the things that I
would do to do that was taking my dirt bike to the racetrack.
And I was, I had this brain injury and that's I started

(04:49):
struggling trying to fall asleepand stay asleep.
And I became very agitated and very impulsive and started
leaning into alcohol. And obviously that's a
compounding factor. I didn't realize it at the time
because being a grunt, my whole thing was, you know, I'll shut
up and suck it up and grip my teeth through it and get get

(05:10):
through this. And that's not the way that it
works, especially when you startwith mental health, especially
when you start adding a depressant into the mix.
And that accident was in March of 2019.
I was honorably discharged in 2018.
And March 31st of 2019 is when Ishot myself.

(05:31):
And it was really this whole spiral we're looking back, it
was so obvious. And having come back from when I
was taken off of life support, Ihad a bullet hole in my
forehead, found out that I had not only not killed myself, but
I was now I was disabled and would be for the rest of my

(05:51):
life. But there, there's been a lot of
work there. And it's, it's crazy to think
back that for that, that year, I, I felt like everything was
inescapable and all I really, really needed to do was speak up
because that's really what's gotten me through all this
stuff. And it's, that's why I try and
talk about all this is, it is I,I think when you're, you're in

(06:11):
that place, especially we know now that brain trauma like that
can change people's personalities and can cause
these hormone imbalances that lead down those roads.
Obviously I wasn't helping myself by not doing anything.
But if I've been able to get through all of this stuff
through speaking up since, I think that would have saved me
back then. And like I said, that's why I

(06:33):
try and share all this stuff now.
Can I don't know if this is going to be an appropriate
question. Just tell me to shut up if it's
not. So the day that you decided to,
you know, shoot yourself it withthe intention of ending your
life, is there any warning sign that you could see coming up to
it? I mean, it sounds like you had a

(06:54):
lot of adrenaline. You were using alcohol to self
medicate. I'm just wondering about the
signs that maybe family members can kind of watch out for.
Yeah, this is I, I think the warning signs that are typically
talked about are kind of misleading because, and I think
this is probably not a super popular opinion that I hold, but

(07:17):
I don't read comments, so that'sfine.
I, I feel comfortable speaking on this because I've been
through it. I think there is a difference
between someone who thinks that they want to die and someone who
does want to die. I think though, these overt
signs that we hear about of people saying things that kind

(07:37):
of put everyone else on edge or putting these obscure Facebook
posts online, I think that's someone who truly who thinks
that they want to die and are that's those are cries for help.
Whereas personally, in my experience, I was hiding it.
I, I, and this is, I do think there were warning signs looking
back, obviously hindsight is always 2020, but they were more

(08:01):
subversive. Like I, the, the agitativeness
and the impulsiveness. I mean the impulse, both of
those can be tied to head injuries, but I just, I
generally just became a miserable person to be around.
And it became an issue in my life that I was, I was so
abrasive and outside of that, itwas very apathetic and, but I

(08:24):
was hiding it. I, I'm sure that's not what
everyone does, but like using the dirt bike for an example,
even after I got out of the Marines, I was going to school
full time and working full time,showing up to both of those and
doing well there and then. I, I was catching myself
withdrawing from things and justnot finding any enjoyment in
anything. So I would try and force myself

(08:46):
out of the house to go to the racetrack, load all my gear up,
drive, pay to get into a racetrack, and then just be
like, man, I really don't want to be here.
And I'd sit there in my truck for a while so that I was still
gone for a couple hours and it looked like I went to ride.
And I did the same thing with snowboarding in the winter, but
drive up to the mountains and try and force myself to get out

(09:07):
and be there. And then not want to be there
and sit in my truck for a couplehours before I drove another
couple hours back home. And it would look like I was
snowboarding. But I think it's looking out for
those those subtle changes in people where it's they're
starting to withdraw from the things that they've always found
joy. And because that's looking back,
I think was probably the biggestone for me outside of me just

(09:28):
kind of turning into an A hole. And, you know, I think that
really this is a more conversation that needs to be
had more. So, boy, I have a lot of pauses
today, but it's because of this topic is actually really,
really, really close to my heart, to my family.

(09:50):
My father, unfortunately, he ended his life.
My cousin did not too long afterthat.
And it's something that I don't talk about publicly a whole lot.
But really like you mentioned, there's not a lot of warning
signs most of the time. And those who I know who
actually followed through, thereare people that I know who talk

(10:13):
about it and that are kind of just like venting or, you know,
who have went out to seek help. But the majority of those and
all of the ones that I know who felt followed through with it,
they went through the motions. So their friends or family, you
know, you, you say, you get a phone call, for example, from a
friend and they're like, how youdoing?

(10:34):
Oh, I'm doing great. How are you?
It's the the motions that peoplego through in life that are
actually not authentic. And I remember being in a spot a
couple years ago where I was going through the motions, like
I had to force myself out of thehouse.
I had to force myself out to go do cardio.

(10:55):
And I think those things are really important things that we
can do and we should do just to keep, you know, continue to push
on sometimes. What was the breaking point for
you? Like when you woke up like that,
how were you feeling and how didyou know that you needed to move
forward? You mean after I shot myself?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, it was. So I was so out of it from the

(11:20):
somehow. So I shot myself between the
eyes. None of the bullet entered my
brain. It broke up.
Some of it. It blew out basically the bridge
of my nose and the lower part ofmy forehead and my right eye
socket. So some of it left my face.
Some of it hit my sinuses and broke up and rode around the
inside of my skull. And that's actually why I'm deaf
in one ear. Some of the bullet fragments are

(11:41):
in the right inner part of my right ear and farther back in my
skull. But I was so messed up from the
concussive force of it and all the medications that I've been
on to keep me in a, you know, keep me on life support and
fully sedated, that I didn't realize I was blind.
And then for a little bit they were telling us that I was going
to get some sight back in my left eye.

(12:04):
So I was so busy and still with because it was just constant
appointments all day every day while I was in there and I was
waiting for facial reconstruction surgery for I was
in the hospital for 51 days. But I think it like day 40 I
finally had that surgery. But one day while I was still in
the ICU, one of the doctors was doing her rounds and just with 0

(12:28):
bedside manner just dropped it on us that I was going to be
completely blind. And my parents weren't there
with me when that happened. But when they came in later, we
were talking and kind of processing like, OK, well, what
might life look like? And my mom was like, well, you
could get a guide dog. And then we went to, oh, well,

(12:48):
maybe you could be a therapist. And my mind went to the chow
halls in my area on base on CampPendleton where I was stationed.
That's the only place that I ever remember noticing it.
But the salt and pepper shakers said in really small print made
proudly by the blind and visually impaired.
And so when my parents started throwing out possible jobs that
I could do, my response was, I'mnot making effing salt and

(13:12):
pepper shakers. And they were like, well, what
are you talking about? And I just, it was that
sentiment of I'm not going to become a bump on a log,
especially because I did this tomyself.
You know, this wasn't an accident.
I'm the reason that I can't do anything and I'm stuck in this
bed right now and I don't I can't feed myself and do all
these other things like I will not not do something meaningful

(13:34):
with my life. And between that and just
wanting my independence back, itjust, it fueled me moving
forward. And 8 1/2 months after I pulled
the trigger, I was snowboarding.That was before I could even
cook for myself or anything likethat.
But a month after that, I was back in college.
And six months after that, I wasback out on my own.

(13:55):
And I just, I refused to be content with anything less than
what I'd had before. And so I just kept chasing it
and that's carried me through. I still think the worst
depression that I ever went through was in 2021, about two
years after I shot myself. It was I, it was in the middle

(14:16):
of COVID. I was back out on my own.
I was in Denver and didn't know anyone.
And it was in the middle of COVID lockdowns.
And I reached a point just really for no reason, I think I
finally started grieving my sight in addition to all of the
things that I just mentioned. But I just, I started to
struggle and had those irrational thoughts of I don't
want to be here, but I was, I wasn't drinking and I recognized

(14:40):
that. And honestly, I was terrified to
speak up because I thought that I was going to be hospitalized.
I told someone that, but I also knew that if I didn't where I
was going to end up at some point because I was having these
crazy thoughts. And I told my psychologist and
this was a huge, this period turned out to be a very like

(15:00):
Seminole period for me in the sense that when I told her, you
know, no one called the cops on me.
I told her, hey, I'm having these thoughts and I don't
understand why, but I'm not going to act on them like I've
learned my lesson. And we went from talking once a
week to every day and sometimes multiple times a day.
And sometimes it was, you know, taking it minute to minute or

(15:21):
hour to hour on. Just don't give in to these
insane thoughts because I really, I do believe that when
you've reached that point, you are to some degree at a point of
insanity because your whole body, your whole genetic makeup
is geared towards self preservation and reproduction.

(15:42):
And you ending that makes no sense.
That is totally counterproductive to everything
that any biological life is meant to do.
And so, you know, as as we worked through that, I learned
over those couple months that OK, if I, if I speak up and I
show up to do the work, this canand will get better.

(16:04):
Because I did start to climb outof that place and it sucked and
it was miserable to do. And but it did get easier and I
got back to a good place. And that led to further on in
school, which is I hit my first math class and I realized some
of the barriers that people withdisabilities have in the digital

(16:24):
space. Like basically software
developers have to take specificsteps for even like Zoom, like
we're using right now to be accessible to someone who's
blind. I didn't know that at the time,
and I couldn't access a lot of things, especially my college
coursework. And so I started researching
what caused that and found out that it all came down to code
running behind the scenes of each app or website that I was

(16:46):
accessing. And I decided to be drop out and
become part of the solution. So I started teaching myself how
to code. And that's also when I started
struggling with alcoholism. And that lasted for about 2 1/2
years. But along the way with that,
even, you know, I realized I hada problem and I was, I hadn't
realized that I was an alcoholicbefore I shot myself.

(17:08):
And I absolutely was looking back now that became very
apparent. But so when I started drinking,
it was like I just picked up right where I left off from
before. And it at its worst, I was going
on blackout binges for two or three days straight, recovering
for two or three days, and then doing it all over again two or
three days later. But I just kept, I kept teaching

(17:31):
myself how to code throughout that period.
And you know, at some point realized, OK, I need help.
I tried AAI, tried an outpatientrehab facility.
And then I finally swallowed my pride and went to an inpatient
rehab facility and that's when Iwas diagnosed with that genetic
disease that will eventually degrade my brain tissue to the
point that I'm a vegetable and we can't do anything about.

(17:53):
And so it, you know, the self pity kind of was reignited and I
leaned back into my drinking pretty heavily.
I guess that's the worst that itever got was after that.
And but things started to shift in 2023.
It was almost two years after I'd started teaching myself how
to code. My first app came out and it

(18:14):
made. So this is part of part of what
I do now when I say that I'm a software developer.
I created an app. It was just a word puzzle game,
but it looked and functioned normally for those without
disabilities. But whether you were colorblind,
legally blind, totally blind, totally blind and deaf, or had

(18:35):
no arms or had a spinal cord injury, everyone could use it
because I'd employed all of these underlying practices to
make things, make this stuff accessible.
Holy smokes. Well, well, let's take a quick
commercial break because I want to get back to this topic here
because this is very interestingto me.
How you can do all of these things and still not have your

(18:57):
sight like this is incredible. So stay tuned everybody.
We're going to take a quick commercial break.
When the world watched the heartbreaking withdrawal from
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Out of that chaos came a missionof duty and compassion to stand

(19:18):
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Through sports, health and education programs, we're giving
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(19:39):
theblackfeatherfoundation.org. Volunteer.
Join us in making a difference for these families.
Donate Every Every contribution goes directly to programs that
bring hope to these children. Together, we can turn despair
into opportunity. OK, welcome back.
So Zach, you were telling us a little bit about you developing

(20:01):
code. How in the heck are you doing
this? Because I can see and I can't
figure it out. It's.
Yeah. It's funny because it's
absolutely something that I never would have done when I
could see, like I said, I was a machine gunner when I was in the
Marines. I wanted to be an ER nurse when
I got out. And even when I got back into

(20:23):
college after I shot myself, I was going for clinical
psychology because I was still, for whatever reason, these like
helping others is something thatcalls to me, whatever it is like
that, that working to serve others is for whatever reason
brings me joy. So I, my computer can read

(20:46):
textual information aloud to me.And so when I'm in these apps
and code is all text based, I can, I can write it and I'm have
it, I have to mentally map out alot of this stuff.
But you know, when there's errors in my code, I can just go
character by character until I'mlike, OK, there's a bracket
missing there or whatever. And it's, it's been kind of

(21:06):
wild. Now I'm a huge nerd about it,
but it was it, I think I was so drawn to it because it gave me a
sense of purpose again. And I felt like I had an
identity back. You know, I had lost that when I
lost all my independence and really my, my ability to move
forward towards my goals that I had after the Marines of

(21:28):
becoming an ER nurse. And so when that app came out in
July of 2023, started getting all these positive messages from
people and it started being it was really well received.
And that's when I started to make progress.
And I think it was because I hada sense of purpose and identity
again. And I'd, I'd come full circle
and I'd put something out into the world that was other people

(21:50):
were getting something out of. And so I finally, you know,
after being at the point where Iwas going two or three days
without a drink and it was like pulling teeth to even make it
there. I strung together about a month
of sobriety and then I fell off the wagon a little bit.
And then I made it 2 1/2 months.And then I had my last drink on
December 5th of 2023. And at the very end of that

(22:14):
year, it, my app won two game ofthe year awards for what it, for
what I had accomplished. And it even, it opened up
speaking opportunities for me inthe tech space, which was really
wild. I spoke at a huge tech
conference last year about what I was doing and how I'm able to
accomplish all this despite having no sight and having never
written a line of code when I could see.

(22:36):
And it's so now I'm now I, it's come even more full circle.
And I'm working on some stuff that'll hopefully make education
more accessible to people with disabilities.
And I'm, you know, applying these strategies that I learned
in a, in a more hopefully more impactful context as I work
through the book and the podcastand everything else that I'm

(22:57):
doing and start speaking more onall this stuff.
Because now that I, I am sober, I feel, you know, it didn't feel
right to talk about any of the stuff that I had learned before
because I could talk the talk, but I wasn't walking the walk
because that is still leaning onbooze as a crutch so.
This is really kind of funny to me because I'm picturing a

(23:20):
Marine, right? A grunt.
You were not a Pogue. So you're.
I don't think I've ever heard ofcivilians say that before.
When I say Pogue, people are like, what are you talking
about? And that is so funny.
Yeah, so I'm just picturing you this Marine, right?
And you're like dirty and you know how grunts are, you know,

(23:43):
all into the the mess of things,right in the Marines.
So you never seem to be very interested in computers before
your head injury. Is that right or wrong?
That's correct. I, you know, I played Xbox like
everybody else does, but coding,I think I, I remember actually
looking it up after I'd gotten out of the Marines.

(24:04):
I was just, I've always been very curious and I was playing
like some app on my phone and I was like, how do people make
these things? So I googled it and saw what
code looked like and I was like,that sucks.
I'm leaving that alone. And of course I end up doing it
a couple years later without being able to see but.
I just wonder, you know, if it weren't for first of all your

(24:25):
head injuries, right? But then then a major head
injury when you shot yourself. I'm just wondering, do you think
that your brain rewired itself at all?
Was it a struggle to learn the code or did it start coming
natural? It definitely didn't come
naturally because especially so all the, the accessibility

(24:48):
issues that I kind of glazed over and I'm doing that because
I know we run on a short timeline here.
Those exists in all of these tools that I have to write code
in and even in finding resourcesbecause I literally taught
myself by reading articles online.
It was I'm just, I've always been very stubborn.
I don't know where the interest came from.

(25:08):
I really, it all stemmed from wanting to make things to, to
decrease these barriers for people with disabilities.
And I think that was more so thefire that was under my butt than
being like, oh, man, this is really cool.
But it became, I was always really creative growing up.
I, I was an artist and I, I was crafty.

(25:29):
And I have found that this fillsthat that bucket for me now
because it is, it's a logic puzzle constantly while you're
creating these things. And it is as nerdy as it is, it
is still a creative outlet because you're starting with a
blank slate for everything. You start with a blank file and
you can build whatever you want with that.

(25:50):
And there's a million ways to goabout it.
And I think that's the itch thatit has scratched for me, outside
of knowing that it's going to have an impact.
And now it's, I mean, I'm, I'm ahuge dork about it.
I wake up excited to do it. That's really funny.
When I was growing up, definitely we're in different
eras here, but I remember just knowing HTML.

(26:12):
I still can't understand it or describe it.
Anybody. I just knew how to create
websites or whatever it was. And then Fast forward, even the
podcasting came naturally. The radio stuff came naturally.
A lot of computer tech stuff. I'm, I'm a big geek, I love

(26:33):
research and all that, but the coding, forget it.
Like that's not anything I even wanted to toy with.
So it's really incredible to hear your story of going from
being a Marine, like not everybody wants to be a Marine,
except, I mean, now let me step back a second.

(26:53):
If you want to join the military, almost every person
I've had on my show says, well, I was going to be a Marine.
I wanted to be a Marine. But then I saw how gritty it is.
Like it's it's not easy. You're going to get.
It's a common sense of it. I mean, it has a reputation for
a reason, yeah. So I do, yeah.

(27:14):
I'll ask you this off record. I'm kind of curious more about
your experience in the Marines, like positive, negative, you
know, because I've heard so manyconflicting stories and, and I
have actually been researching alot about Camp Pendleton between
2016 to 1819. There were a lot of suicides out

(27:36):
of Camp Pendleton during that time.
Yeah, I is. Well, is this what you're
saying? You want to ask me offline or
are you asking me? Yeah.
I mean, it's one of those things, you know, like I want to
ask but I'm like a little nervous to ask because I don't
want to completely throw the military under the bus.
But I am kind of curious about, you know, where you struggling

(27:57):
then? It was, it honestly, it was, it
was stuff, you know, getting cheated on isn't fun.
And I think, you know, I, I, I was coping with it though, until
the, the motorcycle accident andI just started to spiral after
that. And you know, this is another
thing I think because when we'retalking about suicides, whatever

(28:21):
you want to view the person in the most, you know, in the most
positive light possible. But there is a level of
accountability here. Like I am responsible for where
I wound up. I chose not to speak up.
I chose to drink instead. And I didn't have the
self-awareness or the maturity to recognize that that was not

(28:43):
going to lead me anywhere good. So, you know, that is that's on
me. And I'll say this, I being a
boot, you know, my first year and a half in the fleet as an
infantryman was miserable. But that's part of that's doing
your time, right? That's what's part of the
progression. I am so proud of you and I'm so

(29:05):
happy to be connected with you. Yeah.
Thank you so much. Yes, thank you and keep us up to
date. When your book comes out, I want
to hear about it. I want to tell my listeners
about it and I'll even offer youa free commercial.
So keep me in the loop. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you everybody for
listening. Until next time, go back and

(29:26):
listen to some of my show archives and I appreciate all of
you keep going. Thanks for tuning in to Wake Up
with Patty Catter. Patty Catter.
If you enjoyed these stories of resilience and leadership, visit
pattycatter.com to connect with Patty and learn more.
Until next time, stay inspired and keep pushing forward.