March 3, 2025 • 25 mins
In this episode of Walk & Talk, I’m diving into how to recognize the signs when someone just isn’t interested—whether it's short responses, ignoring, game playing, ghosting or even outright telling you. I’ll share some personal stories and rant about how sometimes we can get stuck deciphering mixed signals. Let’s chat about self-awareness, self-worth, and learning to walk away with your head held high. No scripts, no editing, just you and me healing together day by day.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
hello beautiful people! good morning, good afternoon, good night, whatever time it is
(00:05):
I hope you've had or had an amazing day my name is Lorena and welcome back to
another episode of walk and talk and if you are new here thank you for joining
me today. today's topic is something that I feel everybody's dealt with at least
at some point and it's how to recognize when someone is just not that into you
(00:31):
and most importantly like how to take a hint without losing your self-worth
either or beating yourself up about it too much. I want to share my thoughts,
well not so subtle thoughts, on signs and just kind of ghosting and people playing
games and short responses and let's just chat okay so let's start with why do we
(00:58):
feel sometimes like we fail to see the signs and I want to say I've been on
both ends of this I have been one to ghost people I have been one to be very
avoidant when I should have just been direct from the start or playing games
when I maybe wasn't that interested and I've learned from that and obviously I
(01:22):
still feel bad for doing that kind of stuff because I've been on the other
receiver as well where you know some people just don't have those social
skills or they're like me and we're learning and you just don't know so or
other times you just you just avoid the signs you either know that they're there
or you just don't recognize them so I feel like when you're really into
(01:46):
someone your brain loves to mess with you like it'll take the smallest crumb of
attention and spin it into something bigger and either convince us that
there's hope even if the reality isn't like aligned with that feeling and I
think we're all naturally hopeful when it comes to love or attention we don't
(02:09):
want to believe that someone isn't as invested maybe as we are and then we've
heard all those stories about how someone ignored the person they like
because they were too nervous or they didn't realize they were coming across
so distant so I don't know if you've ever been there but I have where I'm
justifying bad behavior or thinking maybe they're just shy maybe they're just
(02:35):
busy maybe they're just scared of rejection but here's the thing most of
the time it's not that deep if they're interested they will make it clear to
you one way or another if someone's constantly making you feel like you're
begging for the bare minimum or like they're not available it's probably time
(02:58):
to take a hint and step back especially in our generation I feel like people are
so quick to assume that because someone has an answer to text in the second like
I personally don't like when people play games of like oh well they took two
(03:18):
hours to respond to me so I'm gonna take another two I hate that like I'm not
like that if someone texts me and I'm genuinely busy I'll be like hey just
letting you know I'm at work or I'm doing this or if I can't answer I won't
but I like to communicate I like to say hey I'm busy I will respond to this in a
bit or later because everybody's on their phone if someone's like ghosting
(03:42):
you or not answering your texts or your snapchat for like a whole day or hour or
a week I unless they're on vacation or maybe on the hospital have a really good
excuse I'm sorry but I just don't believe that you weren't on your phone
or that you just didn't see the message or you just forgot to respond like no we
(04:08):
know you saw it we know it was there we know that you either half swiped
somewhat read it maybe you just didn't want to respond maybe you genuinely
forgot but if you really cared and were interested you would put in the time and
effort to not forget you would put in the time to respond to make that
conversation and I feel like that's somewhat normal so let's just break it
(04:32):
down so here are some of the signs that I feel personally that you know they're
not interested number one ghosting so you know they suddenly disappear no texts
no calls no explanation at first you tell yourself maybe they're just busy
(04:53):
but let's be real we will check their phones as I just gave a whole rant about
everybody does at some point ghosting usually means they're not interested
okay or they just don't have the courage or decency to say it like I said I've
been there I sometimes I've been too scared to say hey you know and I
(05:14):
actually don't like you in this way maybe I just don't hurt their feelings
but I gotta tell you right now from my own experience if you are someone who
goes people just don't if the first thought in your brain is like oh I just
don't hurt their feelings you're hurting them by ghosting them by not giving them
(05:37):
an explanation and I want to give a story on this so that recently happened
to me someone was talking to me and I just didn't it there was nothing wrong
with them they're the sweetest human beings I just didn't feel like I could
give in that time and effort as to where I'm at right now in my life and instead
(05:58):
of maybe communicating that I just stopped responding I didn't think
anything at first and then of course a few weeks went by and I got another
text from this person and they were like hey I just checking in make sure you're
okay and I'm like yeah you're like oh I just wondering like like what happened I
thought like you know you were arriving and whatever and I was like oh so badly
(06:19):
do I just want to block delete go away I've never met them it doesn't matter
but they were friends of friends and stuff and I was like you know what I
have done that I've learned let's not repeat old patterns so I texted them and
I was super honest and straight up I said hey you know what I just realized I
am not in the right mind space for this or for new friendships right now and
(06:45):
blah blah nothing personal and they responded really nicely they're like
hey that's totally okay thank you for letting me know I was kind of
overthinking wondering if I did something wrong but I wish you all the
best and that was it it was fine there was no weird backlash there was no I
don't know what I was worrying about if anything I realized me by not me
(07:06):
responding they were overthinking and I realized I've also been on that end of
the receiver where someone's not responding to me I'm like oh my gosh did
I say something bad that I heard their feelings maybe I didn't like that last
text did they see it that they think it was funny maybe not you know you start
to overthink and kind of question all these little things about yourself that
(07:28):
they're not even thinking like I said sometimes it really isn't even related
to you but you don't know that unless they communicate so if you are one of
those people please just tell them it's it's a lot easier trust me I know it's a
lot easier to also just block but I'm telling you human decency just just give
a response if they don't there's a difference I want to point out if
(07:51):
whether if they take that response or not okay because I've also been that
person that has said hey you know what I'm just not feeling this and they're
like why well I was and this and that and then it's a whole thing you don't
have to respond after that you already gave your response if you want to block
them after go for it but at least try and be honest at first so my second
(08:16):
signed if someone isn't interested would be short responses this one's a little
tricky because it depends as well if they're giving you one word answers or
it just always feels like you're the one driving the conversation and having to
(08:36):
ask questions that's another big hint like if the vibe is more yeah okay lol
then an actual engaging conversation or if they even give you a thumbs up that's
a sign that they're not gonna prioritize talking to you I know for a fact when I
want to talk to someone I will be engaging and I'm not saying it has to be
(09:01):
the case every time for sure you'll have days where maybe there's not much to
talk about or maybe you guys won't talk at all because you're both busy but if
you're in a full conversation especially through texts and it's super short it
most likely means they're not interested no more explanation to that one another
(09:25):
one would be making plans but never following through have you ever dealt
with a person who's always like oh my gosh we should hang out soon but that's
it they never pick a time there's never a place they never say when and like
(09:48):
that's genuinely the end of the conversation I think a lot of people
that have said that to me like oh my god let's catch up say let's go grab a coffee
and never hear from them again you just don't it happens with friendships a lot
and people if you're trying to meet up and date and whatever sometimes family
too and if you're the one constantly following up and they don't seem to care
(10:14):
it's kind of like they're just stringing you along or keeping you as an option
personally if they really wanted to I know if you really want to see somebody
and hang out they will make the effort to plan it right there and then with you
they'll tell you hey these are the days that work for me like even if it's not
(10:36):
soon they will make the effort okay both ways effort to do it because I I'm a
huge planner myself but if like if I can't see someone this week I'll be like
hey you know what I'm free this time next week and maybe the week after I will
give multiple dates and be like hey does any of this work for your schedule if
(10:58):
not let's figure something out I will try my hardest because I'm putting in
that effort you know and I want it reciprocated but if they're just like oh
yeah cool if they're not putting in the effort I'm not saying you have to go and
plan everything or push it either but at least tell me you know a day or a time
or maybe just a suggestion like hey let's go do this it's it's really not
(11:22):
that hard but for some people it is the next one would be game playing some
people just love to play the hot and cold game you know acting like they're
super into you one day and then pulling back the next it's confusing it's
(11:42):
exhausting and it's honestly just rude I I'm over games and all that stuff I just
I can't I can't do it I can't like I don't have the time for it I don't have
the patience and I also don't want to if you're into me just tell me and if
you're not you're not it's that simple and you will know actions over words I
(12:05):
always say this but it's so true actions over words it is so much easier to scope
out and see if someone is truly into you based on how they're acting versus what
they're telling you and this hot and cold game is just super immature I get
it some people like the chase and maybe you want to try and be all cool and
(12:28):
mysterious and I'm not saying like go and reveal everything about yourself the
first time you guys are talking and give me your entire backstory and all that
but you know it's not that hard to just be consistent in your effort and also
not play games if you like someone like you deserve that like that consistent
(12:55):
effort honestly not someone who's gonna keep you on an emotional rollercoaster
we don't need that we don't we're not doing that anymore okay and then lastly
most importantly now I'm gonna give a story to this one because this is the
one that I've been trying to get to when they're straight up telling you okay if
(13:17):
some people will come out and say and be super honest and say I'm not looking for
anything right now or I just don't feel the same way or I personally am not on
the same vibe or level as you or I just don't feel I feel like we'd be better as
friends whatever it is if that happens believe them please stop trying to think
(13:43):
that you can change their mind it's just don't try to convince yourself into
liking someone like it's not your job and it's also not your job to try to
convince them into liking you back period like there's nothing more to say
to that if someone's straight up it's like hey I don't like you I don't see
this going anywhere stop being the person is like I can fix them I can
(14:06):
change them why don't you like me they just don't you don't need a reason for
everything if you really want a reason I don't know if you really want to ask go
for it but I'm telling you right now you will not get an answer some people just
don't want to they're not looking for anything they just told you you don't
really need an answer for that so like I said if someone tells you straight up
(14:32):
they don't want you believe them okay there was this one quote by Steve Harvey
I'm trying to remember what it said what was it it says something exactly very
similar I hope someone someone else is cool but it was very like oh when
(14:52):
someone when someone shows you their true colors believe them and yeah that
was a dumb quote I just realized because I just said that anyways let's get into
my story based off that so for my little story time because I like to add in
(15:12):
little personal bits in here anyways I went to I wouldn't say a bar it was a
very fancy lounge with one of my girlfriends a while ago and I wanted a
girl's night okay and for me girls night is me and my best friend having dinner
(15:36):
maybe having a drink hanging out going home after watching movies gossiping
whatever face mask girls night okay and so I was we were sitting at one of like
these like round tables bar stools and the place was busy but I'm telling you I
(16:02):
it how do I explain this I just I had a vibe to me and I just I was very closed
off that night I really didn't want anybody talking to us I wasn't there to
get drunk or anything like I simply just wanted to have a night with one of my
girlfriends and so we're talking we're hanging out and this guy approaches me
(16:28):
as we're sitting at the table it's not like we're dancing or walking around and
he tries to talk to me and I said to him straight up I said hey with all due
respect I am here to spend time with my best friend I am NOT looking for any guy
or anything right now have a good night and he didn't take that well or clearly
(16:56):
didn't even hear me because he just stood there and proceeded to ask me a
million questions like oh what's your name what are you doing and this and
that I'm just like I just told you like I'm not interested I don't want that
and so he leaves and he comes back again 20 minutes later and he's like hey I
(17:19):
bought you a drink and I just want to say red flag like I do you don't even
know what I'm drinking I am NOT taking a drink without seeing who made it for all
I know you could have spiked it I'm not trying to say that he did but I am a
very cautious girl and also I just I already told you I don't want a drink I
(17:40):
don't want it and so he puts it on the table and he's like but I already paid
for it I'm like okay then you have it go give it to someone else I literally
grabbed a drink walked over to where the bar was put the drink there and said to
the bartender you can have it and I went back to sit down with my girlfriend and
(18:01):
said hey can you please stop hugging us I am NOT looking for anything right now
I'm just here to spend time with my girlfriends he's like okay okay he leaves
and he comes back again I'm just like this guy's just he just won't stop and
I don't know what he thought that this would do but he's like oh I just want to
(18:25):
say like I I have a lot of money like okay good for you he's like yeah I I'm
here with some clients right now we we'd like to go grab it was it was a pretty
fancy place this isn't like a trashy club or anything like it's a fancy
lounge everyone's dressed very nicely he's like yeah I'm here they're in suits
he's like I'm here with my with some clients and I just I really thought you
(18:50):
were so beautiful and and I'm looking for a wife and then that I'm like yeah I
that's not gonna be me I'm like maybe go talk to somebody else as I said I'm not
looking for anyone and I would appreciate if you please just stop
coming up honestly I'm I'm getting tired of it and he's like oh playing hard to
get I see and I I looked at him and I'm like no I just I'm not interested I'm
(19:13):
not playing hard to get I'm not I'm not playing games I'm I can't ghost you
because you're right in front of me I just I don't want you please like I said
when I'm telling you that I don't want you believe it and this guy just didn't
want to believe that I didn't want him and he wasn't he wasn't bad he was he
was very attractive he was very sweet he was you know I could tell he did have
(19:37):
possibly good intentions but I didn't want that and the way that he just kept
coming up first to drink then bragging about money and now clients and this and
that and then now saying that I'm playing hard to get I'm just buddy no
so unfortunately my girls night was not ruined up we kind of made fun of him
(19:59):
afterwards but we ended up leaving and going to a different spot but this is
what I mean where I'm just like please if someone's straight up telling you
believe them because I've seen a lot of girls be rude to men or vice versa or
men are rude to women when they're not interested but it's very simple to just
(20:24):
tell them in a polite way I'm not interested now like I said however they
want to take it that's on them you can't deal with the aftermath but please just
don't be that person so and I know I've rounded on for a bit but this is kind of
how this part my podcast goes if you if you've been here so I want to talk about
(20:47):
what should you do instead of focusing on whether someone is interested or not
on you because clearly if they've done any of these signs and I'm sure there's
a lot more signs but these are in my opinion the main ones what to do instead
okay stop driving yourself crazy put your phone down stop checking their
location stop checking if they looked at your message or if they viewed your
(21:10):
story they probably didn't and if they did who cares okay first of all value
yourself this is the golden rule please know that you are amazing you don't need
anybody to validate that for you because if someone can't see your worth that's
their loss and not yours and you should know that you should know that you have
(21:30):
worth second of all stop chasing if you feel like you're the only one who's
putting an effort here please stop because you should never have to beg
someone to notice you or spend time with you these are the bare minimum things
and I want to tell you people can feel energy I'm one of those people if you are
(21:53):
manifesting or thinking of something constantly like why aren't they texting
me why haven't they done this one they can feel that it's a thing so just let
it go stop chasing I don't know if you've heard that saying I don't chase I
attract but it's a true manifestation saying because it works because it's an
(22:13):
energy thing which leads me to my third point redirect your energy instead of
obsessing over why someone's ignoring you or why someone hasn't answered you
focus on your hobbies goals friends work there's better things to be doing and
better way to be spending time and I've said this in other episodes but a
(22:34):
person a person wow what was that a person should compliment your world not
be your world so if they're not adding something good to you bye number four
set boundaries please pay attention to the signs early on and set boundaries
(22:56):
for what you're truly willing to tolerate if someone's making you feel
unsure what is up with my asses today if someone is making you feel unsure about
where you stand please don't be afraid to walk away truly it's I feel like a
lot of us like to play the long game and hope and think that things might change
(23:20):
they won't okay they're showing you this is what I mean see they are showing you
who they are so please believe them it's not gonna change and whether if you want
to tolerate that or not it's up to you and last but not least I know this one's
this one's gonna sound weird but let's celebrate the bad experiences because
(23:44):
honestly having bad dates and like awkward interactions kind of teach you
a lot about what you do like and what you don't and what you need and what you
don't need in a relationship what you do want in a partner because that's the
way that I've learned from experience from trial and error from things that
there's things that I didn't even know I liked and didn't and people and partners
(24:06):
and that's exactly how I found out so trial and error that's what we're here
for anyways to conclude this episode just
remember it is not your job to chase someone else especially someone who
doesn't want to be caught you're not being too much you're not being not
(24:31):
enough you're exactly who you are and who you're meant to be and when the
right person comes along you won't have to question how you feel you won't feel
anxious you won't feel desperate you won't feel needy you won't feel confused
they're just gonna accept you as you are and maybe you've heard that a lot and
maybe you're like okay well I've been waiting for a long time but do some
(24:53):
self-reflection that time what can you do to help yourself anyways thank you
for listening to me rant once again I hope you enjoyed this episode I would
love to hear if anyone has any stories that are similar please know that my
DMs comments reviews are always open I'm now streaming on all platforms
thankfully and I hope that you can take care of yourself and learn something
(25:16):
from this I will see you guys on the next episode
hello beautiful people! good morning, good afternoon, good night, whatever time it is
(00:05):
I hope you've had or had an amazing day my name is Lorena and welcome back to
another episode of walk and talk and if you are new here thank you for joining
me today. today's topic is something that I feel everybody's dealt with at least
at some point and it's how to recognize when someone is just not that into you
(00:31):
and most importantly like how to take a hint without losing your self-worth
either or beating yourself up about it too much. I want to share my thoughts,
well not so subtle thoughts, on signs and just kind of ghosting and people playing
games and short responses and let's just chat okay so let's start with why do we
(00:58):
feel sometimes like we fail to see the signs and I want to say I've been on
both ends of this I have been one to ghost people I have been one to be very
avoidant when I should have just been direct from the start or playing games
when I maybe wasn't that interested and I've learned from that and obviously I
(01:22):
still feel bad for doing that kind of stuff because I've been on the other
receiver as well where you know some people just don't have those social
skills or they're like me and we're learning and you just don't know so or
other times you just you just avoid the signs you either know that they're there
or you just don't recognize them so I feel like when you're really into
(01:46):
someone your brain loves to mess with you like it'll take the smallest crumb of
attention and spin it into something bigger and either convince us that
there's hope even if the reality isn't like aligned with that feeling and I
think we're all naturally hopeful when it comes to love or attention we don't
(02:09):
want to believe that someone isn't as invested maybe as we are and then we've
heard all those stories about how someone ignored the person they like
because they were too nervous or they didn't realize they were coming across
so distant so I don't know if you've ever been there but I have where I'm
justifying bad behavior or thinking maybe they're just shy maybe they're just
(02:35):
busy maybe they're just scared of rejection but here's the thing most of
the time it's not that deep if they're interested they will make it clear to
you one way or another if someone's constantly making you feel like you're
begging for the bare minimum or like they're not available it's probably time
(02:58):
to take a hint and step back especially in our generation I feel like people are
so quick to assume that because someone has an answer to text in the second like
I personally don't like when people play games of like oh well they took two
(03:18):
hours to respond to me so I'm gonna take another two I hate that like I'm not
like that if someone texts me and I'm genuinely busy I'll be like hey just
letting you know I'm at work or I'm doing this or if I can't answer I won't
but I like to communicate I like to say hey I'm busy I will respond to this in a
bit or later because everybody's on their phone if someone's like ghosting
(03:42):
you or not answering your texts or your snapchat for like a whole day or hour or
a week I unless they're on vacation or maybe on the hospital have a really good
excuse I'm sorry but I just don't believe that you weren't on your phone
or that you just didn't see the message or you just forgot to respond like no we
(04:08):
know you saw it we know it was there we know that you either half swiped
somewhat read it maybe you just didn't want to respond maybe you genuinely
forgot but if you really cared and were interested you would put in the time and
effort to not forget you would put in the time to respond to make that
conversation and I feel like that's somewhat normal so let's just break it
(04:32):
down so here are some of the signs that I feel personally that you know they're
not interested number one ghosting so you know they suddenly disappear no texts
no calls no explanation at first you tell yourself maybe they're just busy
(04:53):
but let's be real we will check their phones as I just gave a whole rant about
everybody does at some point ghosting usually means they're not interested
okay or they just don't have the courage or decency to say it like I said I've
been there I sometimes I've been too scared to say hey you know and I
(05:14):
actually don't like you in this way maybe I just don't hurt their feelings
but I gotta tell you right now from my own experience if you are someone who
goes people just don't if the first thought in your brain is like oh I just
don't hurt their feelings you're hurting them by ghosting them by not giving them
(05:37):
an explanation and I want to give a story on this so that recently happened
to me someone was talking to me and I just didn't it there was nothing wrong
with them they're the sweetest human beings I just didn't feel like I could
give in that time and effort as to where I'm at right now in my life and instead
(05:58):
of maybe communicating that I just stopped responding I didn't think
anything at first and then of course a few weeks went by and I got another
text from this person and they were like hey I just checking in make sure you're
okay and I'm like yeah you're like oh I just wondering like like what happened I
thought like you know you were arriving and whatever and I was like oh so badly
(06:19):
do I just want to block delete go away I've never met them it doesn't matter
but they were friends of friends and stuff and I was like you know what I
have done that I've learned let's not repeat old patterns so I texted them and
I was super honest and straight up I said hey you know what I just realized I
am not in the right mind space for this or for new friendships right now and
(06:45):
blah blah nothing personal and they responded really nicely they're like
hey that's totally okay thank you for letting me know I was kind of
overthinking wondering if I did something wrong but I wish you all the
best and that was it it was fine there was no weird backlash there was no I
don't know what I was worrying about if anything I realized me by not me
(07:06):
responding they were overthinking and I realized I've also been on that end of
the receiver where someone's not responding to me I'm like oh my gosh did
I say something bad that I heard their feelings maybe I didn't like that last
text did they see it that they think it was funny maybe not you know you start
to overthink and kind of question all these little things about yourself that
(07:28):
they're not even thinking like I said sometimes it really isn't even related
to you but you don't know that unless they communicate so if you are one of
those people please just tell them it's it's a lot easier trust me I know it's a
lot easier to also just block but I'm telling you human decency just just give
a response if they don't there's a difference I want to point out if
(07:51):
whether if they take that response or not okay because I've also been that
person that has said hey you know what I'm just not feeling this and they're
like why well I was and this and that and then it's a whole thing you don't
have to respond after that you already gave your response if you want to block
them after go for it but at least try and be honest at first so my second
(08:16):
signed if someone isn't interested would be short responses this one's a little
tricky because it depends as well if they're giving you one word answers or
it just always feels like you're the one driving the conversation and having to
(08:36):
ask questions that's another big hint like if the vibe is more yeah okay lol
then an actual engaging conversation or if they even give you a thumbs up that's
a sign that they're not gonna prioritize talking to you I know for a fact when I
want to talk to someone I will be engaging and I'm not saying it has to be
(09:01):
the case every time for sure you'll have days where maybe there's not much to
talk about or maybe you guys won't talk at all because you're both busy but if
you're in a full conversation especially through texts and it's super short it
most likely means they're not interested no more explanation to that one another
(09:25):
one would be making plans but never following through have you ever dealt
with a person who's always like oh my gosh we should hang out soon but that's
it they never pick a time there's never a place they never say when and like
(09:48):
that's genuinely the end of the conversation I think a lot of people
that have said that to me like oh my god let's catch up say let's go grab a coffee
and never hear from them again you just don't it happens with friendships a lot
and people if you're trying to meet up and date and whatever sometimes family
too and if you're the one constantly following up and they don't seem to care
(10:14):
it's kind of like they're just stringing you along or keeping you as an option
personally if they really wanted to I know if you really want to see somebody
and hang out they will make the effort to plan it right there and then with you
they'll tell you hey these are the days that work for me like even if it's not
(10:36):
soon they will make the effort okay both ways effort to do it because I I'm a
huge planner myself but if like if I can't see someone this week I'll be like
hey you know what I'm free this time next week and maybe the week after I will
give multiple dates and be like hey does any of this work for your schedule if
(10:58):
not let's figure something out I will try my hardest because I'm putting in
that effort you know and I want it reciprocated but if they're just like oh
yeah cool if they're not putting in the effort I'm not saying you have to go and
plan everything or push it either but at least tell me you know a day or a time
or maybe just a suggestion like hey let's go do this it's it's really not
(11:22):
that hard but for some people it is the next one would be game playing some
people just love to play the hot and cold game you know acting like they're
super into you one day and then pulling back the next it's confusing it's
(11:42):
exhausting and it's honestly just rude I I'm over games and all that stuff I just
I can't I can't do it I can't like I don't have the time for it I don't have
the patience and I also don't want to if you're into me just tell me and if
you're not you're not it's that simple and you will know actions over words I
(12:05):
always say this but it's so true actions over words it is so much easier to scope
out and see if someone is truly into you based on how they're acting versus what
they're telling you and this hot and cold game is just super immature I get
it some people like the chase and maybe you want to try and be all cool and
(12:28):
mysterious and I'm not saying like go and reveal everything about yourself the
first time you guys are talking and give me your entire backstory and all that
but you know it's not that hard to just be consistent in your effort and also
not play games if you like someone like you deserve that like that consistent
(12:55):
effort honestly not someone who's gonna keep you on an emotional rollercoaster
we don't need that we don't we're not doing that anymore okay and then lastly
most importantly now I'm gonna give a story to this one because this is the
one that I've been trying to get to when they're straight up telling you okay if
(13:17):
some people will come out and say and be super honest and say I'm not looking for
anything right now or I just don't feel the same way or I personally am not on
the same vibe or level as you or I just don't feel I feel like we'd be better as
friends whatever it is if that happens believe them please stop trying to think
(13:43):
that you can change their mind it's just don't try to convince yourself into
liking someone like it's not your job and it's also not your job to try to
convince them into liking you back period like there's nothing more to say
to that if someone's straight up it's like hey I don't like you I don't see
this going anywhere stop being the person is like I can fix them I can
(14:06):
change them why don't you like me they just don't you don't need a reason for
everything if you really want a reason I don't know if you really want to ask go
for it but I'm telling you right now you will not get an answer some people just
don't want to they're not looking for anything they just told you you don't
really need an answer for that so like I said if someone tells you straight up
(14:32):
they don't want you believe them okay there was this one quote by Steve Harvey
I'm trying to remember what it said what was it it says something exactly very
similar I hope someone someone else is cool but it was very like oh when
(14:52):
someone when someone shows you their true colors believe them and yeah that
was a dumb quote I just realized because I just said that anyways let's get into
my story based off that so for my little story time because I like to add in
(15:12):
little personal bits in here anyways I went to I wouldn't say a bar it was a
very fancy lounge with one of my girlfriends a while ago and I wanted a
girl's night okay and for me girls night is me and my best friend having dinner
(15:36):
maybe having a drink hanging out going home after watching movies gossiping
whatever face mask girls night okay and so I was we were sitting at one of like
these like round tables bar stools and the place was busy but I'm telling you I
(16:02):
it how do I explain this I just I had a vibe to me and I just I was very closed
off that night I really didn't want anybody talking to us I wasn't there to
get drunk or anything like I simply just wanted to have a night with one of my
girlfriends and so we're talking we're hanging out and this guy approaches me
(16:28):
as we're sitting at the table it's not like we're dancing or walking around and
he tries to talk to me and I said to him straight up I said hey with all due
respect I am here to spend time with my best friend I am NOT looking for any guy
or anything right now have a good night and he didn't take that well or clearly
(16:56):
didn't even hear me because he just stood there and proceeded to ask me a
million questions like oh what's your name what are you doing and this and
that I'm just like I just told you like I'm not interested I don't want that
and so he leaves and he comes back again 20 minutes later and he's like hey I
(17:19):
bought you a drink and I just want to say red flag like I do you don't even
know what I'm drinking I am NOT taking a drink without seeing who made it for all
I know you could have spiked it I'm not trying to say that he did but I am a
very cautious girl and also I just I already told you I don't want a drink I
(17:40):
don't want it and so he puts it on the table and he's like but I already paid
for it I'm like okay then you have it go give it to someone else I literally
grabbed a drink walked over to where the bar was put the drink there and said to
the bartender you can have it and I went back to sit down with my girlfriend and
(18:01):
said hey can you please stop hugging us I am NOT looking for anything right now
I'm just here to spend time with my girlfriends he's like okay okay he leaves
and he comes back again I'm just like this guy's just he just won't stop and
I don't know what he thought that this would do but he's like oh I just want to
(18:25):
say like I I have a lot of money like okay good for you he's like yeah I I'm
here with some clients right now we we'd like to go grab it was it was a pretty
fancy place this isn't like a trashy club or anything like it's a fancy
lounge everyone's dressed very nicely he's like yeah I'm here they're in suits
he's like I'm here with my with some clients and I just I really thought you
(18:50):
were so beautiful and and I'm looking for a wife and then that I'm like yeah I
that's not gonna be me I'm like maybe go talk to somebody else as I said I'm not
looking for anyone and I would appreciate if you please just stop
coming up honestly I'm I'm getting tired of it and he's like oh playing hard to
get I see and I I looked at him and I'm like no I just I'm not interested I'm
(19:13):
not playing hard to get I'm not I'm not playing games I'm I can't ghost you
because you're right in front of me I just I don't want you please like I said
when I'm telling you that I don't want you believe it and this guy just didn't
want to believe that I didn't want him and he wasn't he wasn't bad he was he
was very attractive he was very sweet he was you know I could tell he did have
(19:37):
possibly good intentions but I didn't want that and the way that he just kept
coming up first to drink then bragging about money and now clients and this and
that and then now saying that I'm playing hard to get I'm just buddy no
so unfortunately my girls night was not ruined up we kind of made fun of him
(19:59):
afterwards but we ended up leaving and going to a different spot but this is
what I mean where I'm just like please if someone's straight up telling you
believe them because I've seen a lot of girls be rude to men or vice versa or
men are rude to women when they're not interested but it's very simple to just
(20:24):
tell them in a polite way I'm not interested now like I said however they
want to take it that's on them you can't deal with the aftermath but please just
don't be that person so and I know I've rounded on for a bit but this is kind of
how this part my podcast goes if you if you've been here so I want to talk about
(20:47):
what should you do instead of focusing on whether someone is interested or not
on you because clearly if they've done any of these signs and I'm sure there's
a lot more signs but these are in my opinion the main ones what to do instead
okay stop driving yourself crazy put your phone down stop checking their
location stop checking if they looked at your message or if they viewed your
(21:10):
story they probably didn't and if they did who cares okay first of all value
yourself this is the golden rule please know that you are amazing you don't need
anybody to validate that for you because if someone can't see your worth that's
their loss and not yours and you should know that you should know that you have
(21:30):
worth second of all stop chasing if you feel like you're the only one who's
putting an effort here please stop because you should never have to beg
someone to notice you or spend time with you these are the bare minimum things
and I want to tell you people can feel energy I'm one of those people if you are
(21:53):
manifesting or thinking of something constantly like why aren't they texting
me why haven't they done this one they can feel that it's a thing so just let
it go stop chasing I don't know if you've heard that saying I don't chase I
attract but it's a true manifestation saying because it works because it's an
(22:13):
energy thing which leads me to my third point redirect your energy instead of
obsessing over why someone's ignoring you or why someone hasn't answered you
focus on your hobbies goals friends work there's better things to be doing and
better way to be spending time and I've said this in other episodes but a
(22:34):
person a person wow what was that a person should compliment your world not
be your world so if they're not adding something good to you bye number four
set boundaries please pay attention to the signs early on and set boundaries
(22:56):
for what you're truly willing to tolerate if someone's making you feel
unsure what is up with my asses today if someone is making you feel unsure about
where you stand please don't be afraid to walk away truly it's I feel like a
lot of us like to play the long game and hope and think that things might change
(23:20):
they won't okay they're showing you this is what I mean see they are showing you
who they are so please believe them it's not gonna change and whether if you want
to tolerate that or not it's up to you and last but not least I know this one's
this one's gonna sound weird but let's celebrate the bad experiences because
(23:44):
honestly having bad dates and like awkward interactions kind of teach you
a lot about what you do like and what you don't and what you need and what you
don't need in a relationship what you do want in a partner because that's the
way that I've learned from experience from trial and error from things that
there's things that I didn't even know I liked and didn't and people and partners
(24:06):
and that's exactly how I found out so trial and error that's what we're here
for anyways to conclude this episode just
remember it is not your job to chase someone else especially someone who
doesn't want to be caught you're not being too much you're not being not
(24:31):
enough you're exactly who you are and who you're meant to be and when the
right person comes along you won't have to question how you feel you won't feel
anxious you won't feel desperate you won't feel needy you won't feel confused
they're just gonna accept you as you are and maybe you've heard that a lot and
maybe you're like okay well I've been waiting for a long time but do some
(24:53):
self-reflection that time what can you do to help yourself anyways thank you
for listening to me rant once again I hope you enjoyed this episode I would
love to hear if anyone has any stories that are similar please know that my
DMs comments reviews are always open I'm now streaming on all platforms
thankfully and I hope that you can take care of yourself and learn something
(25:16):
from this I will see you guys on the next episode
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