March 10, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode of Walk & Talk, I’m getting real about how hard it is to make new friends and navigate social circles—especially when it feels like cliques are everywhere. High school might be over, but some of that drama and nonsense still shows up in adult life too. Join me as I rant about a lot of nonsense, the struggles, share my thoughts on building genuine friendships, and vent a little about the chaos of it all. It’s messy, it’s real, and it’s all here—No scripts, no editing, just you and me healing together day by day.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello beautiful people! Good morning, good afternoon, whatever time it is, I hope you've
(00:05):
had or had an amazing day. My name is Lorena and welcome back to another episode of Walk
and Talk. If you're new here, thank you for joining us today and yeah, let's get into
it. If you know the routine, I usually just kind of go into these episodes with a thought
of something or whatever I'm thinking of a topic for today. I try and do a little to
(00:31):
no editing. So far no editing. But I just want to talk. Let's just talk. And you know
what came to my mind today was how grateful I am to be where I am today. Like having the
people that I do in my life. Because I used to be surrounded by many people. I used to
(00:54):
be a person that I thought everybody had to like me. I was such a people pleaser. I would
be the girl in the crowd that didn't want to be sitting alone. I would be the girl that
was in a relationship. I was the girl that was always looking to find a new friend group
or go out to a party and be extroverted because I felt ashamed if I said I didn't have any
(01:19):
plans that day and just all these little things that I look back now and I gotta say it has
a lot to do with how I grew up and especially more specifically with the schools I went
to. So I'm going to talk about that. I grew up in a private Catholic school and for high
(01:40):
school I went to a public school. So first of all, huge difference. So in my private
Catholic school we had our uniforms, we had certain schedules and you were with the same
30 to 40 people every day. It was like this is who I have for the full year and even for
(02:03):
the coming years we had it was called group A and group B. So for context I lived in Mexico
at the time so it might be different in school system but we had group A and B and we always
saw group B as like our rivalry even though it had nothing to do. We would just always
be competing against each other like which class gets better grades and gets the pizza
(02:28):
party or whatever it is. So for private school I found that it was so clicky. Everybody already
had their clicks and including myself honestly I definitely had my own click and it consisted
a lot about because I was there early on in kindergarten I knew everybody and I'm not
(02:51):
trying to be that person but I did. I knew everybody from people in the older grades,
younger grades, people who worked there, the staff, teachers, my mom even worked as a teacher
there for a bit. I knew everybody and whoever was new I would know because I just knew that
school inside out I basically lived there and I get to know a lot of different people
(03:16):
and because of that I was very thankful that I got to be friends with a lot of people.
Now just because you're friends or in quotation friends doesn't necessarily mean that I'm
going to hang out with that group all the time or tell things tell them certain things
you know. There's a difference between being friends and being acquaintance or going to
(03:37):
school with them. Like I would not be hanging out with all these 30-40 people outside of
school. So I had my own click. We had my small friend group it was four or five of us very
comfortable I was always happy but when it came to birthday parties I would invite everybody
(03:59):
all the girls all the guys I would hand out personal invitations and emails and cards
and the moms would have their Facebook groups and I saw this happen with everybody but here's
the thing a lot of the girls were so mean and they would purposely not invite people
(04:23):
in front of them like there was this one girl who I remember she would go and hand out like
invitation cards to her birthday party in class time and she would be like oh can you
pass this to this person and the girl who was passing it was kind of like she knew this
was an invitation but she also knew she clearly wasn't getting invited and it was like this
(04:47):
like social pressure like people were just like staring at each other like wait am I
getting invited am I not and to make it even like a public thing to me looking back is
crazy like yeah I'm telling everybody that you're not invited but if you were invited
by the way you were so cool like wow I got to go to this party keep in mind we're like
(05:07):
what 12 so it was so interesting and everybody was so clicky and I made one of my best friends
in grade five and I'm gonna give a little bit of story on that she was new she was new
to the school she didn't know absolutely anybody her family had just moved to the area and
(05:27):
obviously I knew all the new people because it's very obvious to spot them when you've
known the same hundred kids for your whole life my life being like 12 15 years old but
at the time and this new girl came in she sat in the back nobody was talking to her
and it really bothered me I was like why aren't people talking to her like she's new she seemed
(05:52):
super sweet like you know let's be inclusive let's invite her and nobody did and this went
on for a few weeks and I know what you're thinking okay why didn't you well one I was
thinking of it I just didn't know how to approach it two we didn't have really much opportunities
to talk when you're seated for the whole year like that's kind of it and at lunchtime I
(06:15):
just remember she would disappear so I'm sure I could have had the opportunity but at the
time I didn't and I remember telling my friends like hey like let's invite her and all the
other girls were like no she's new and I just it bothered me it really itched me like what
do you mean like let's be inclusive and all the girls were like no she just she doesn't
(06:36):
even know anybody and like if we're you know talking about certain person she won't know
and this and that and I was like wow people really are this clicky and so I did I didn't
give two craps I walked up to her and I said hey let's hang out and she became my best
friend she was part of my friend group I basically invited her everywhere now everybody knew
(07:01):
her and all of a sudden guess what she's friends with everybody and it was that easy and I
remember she told me she was like hey thank you and I did this with so many girls and
I'm not saying like okay I'm the savior here like no but this happened so many times and
it was all just because of such a simple act of being like would you like to join for lunch
(07:23):
or hey come hang out with us that was it I didn't ask her background I didn't ask where
you're coming from like obviously I found out over time I wasn't but I wasn't judging
her and this happened so many times and I noticed this even outside of private school
when I came to public school and high school in Canada it was so different like everybody
(07:46):
still had their clicks thankfully I somehow ended up meeting a girl who was basically
me out here and knew everybody so I got the opportunity to meet everybody but as I went
along I also met girls and guys that didn't know anybody you would see them sitting at
(08:06):
lunch alone and people would kind of like laugh or just stare at them and I was like
why and it is really hard for a lot of people to come up to others and people are like okay
well yeah like they could also just come up it's not that easy when you're not making
the environment friendly and open like think of a time when you weren't invited somewhere
(08:31):
or you weren't included in something and how did that make you feel now imagine that being
a constant thing it sucks it really does because nobody wants that how many times have you
scrolled on Instagram and seen like oh like these people went on a group trip or they're
out having drinks or something and you weren't invited well two things one did you actually
(08:56):
reach out to them like have you talked to them are they actually your friends and two
have they done the same because effort goes both ways but going back to my point this
is something huge for me because it's just it's shocking to me that people are actually
this closed off and it kind of upsets me and I was talking with this my friend today like
(09:18):
I feel like I personally can be more of a social butterfly if I see that someone's standing
alone or even myself if I'm at a party and I don't know anybody I will go and make friends
I will go up to people I will talk now it's a part of you know you doing your part but
also them doing their part like are people gonna be receptive and inclusive and I've
(09:43):
gotten both I've gotten people who right away were super sweet and we're like yeah come
hang out with us come join us and I've gotten the people who just kind of stare at you awkwardly
and they're like who is this girl or guy why are they talking to us or even at work too
like I've had co-workers where you know you work together you see them every day and you
(10:04):
still don't talk why genuinely why are people so cold why are people so scared to be inclusive
and honestly when I think about it in a bigger picture it's interesting to me how we've also
been in that position I've been an outsider before and I've been an insider so if you've
(10:28):
been in that position and if you haven't I promise you you will you will get both ends
of the shoe if that's the saying or both ends of the coin but it happens and it's going
to happen and I hope that when it does you realize hey there's nothing wrong with making
new people making new friends it's something that it's human nature we all crave and need
(10:51):
connection so why not you know why not make a new friend why not be friendly to a co-worker
why not give a smile to a stranger and that's something I noticed growing up as well from
Mexico to here like in Mexico I will go out on the street and every single person that
(11:14):
you walk by is going to say hello to you it's gonna say good morning it's gonna say good
night it's gonna ask how your day is doing if you go sit at a coffee shop alone someone
was gonna come and make conversation with you or you know what if you're at dinner with
baby two friends and you see other people that they look like they're having fun they're
gonna invite you over I went recently to go like party with some friends and all of a
(11:39):
sudden it started off as two of us by the end of the night there was at least 20 of
us and no it wasn't alcohol related but I mean like the point being everybody was just
so inclusive over there of course there's been cliques and everyone has that side of
it and you know if you've watched Mean Girls it's literally sometimes how high school can
(12:01):
be where it's like everyone's associated with a certain friend group the bank hits the populars
the I don't know the sport people whatever it is you know and it's just so interesting
to me to see that that somehow is still being carried out like after generation through
(12:22):
generation it's still happening and I I really asked myself why like what is it that continues
these trends and why do they kind of continue even when you're done high school or elementary
and there's still always going to be clicks of course with adulthood it's a little different
(12:43):
you know you kind of had your own life you get to choose who your friends with your time
is more limited but I find that after high school a lot of people kind of just stop talking
to each other and that's just what happens and the same with elementary and if you still
(13:03):
have friends from high school and elementary I'm proud of you I have a very few but looking
back at the time in elementary and high school where I was friends with everyone I had you
know a bunch of invites a bunch of friend groups and then looking back now where I maybe
(13:24):
talked to one or two people from there because I've realized like what was the point of that
in my generation snapchat was huge everybody was using snapchat it was like how many streaks
can you have how many people are you snapping you know I'd be on snapchat but you never
(13:44):
actually had any connection with these people or talk to them it was just meaningless pictures
and maybe the odd conversation here and there and I stopped using snapchat and I gotta say
I felt like such an adult because it was such a big part of my high school experience like
that was what was important if you were on snapchat and now it is the furthest thing
(14:10):
I want to be from like do not come close to me if you ask me for my subject it's a no
I would so much rather actually text you once in a while or let's meet up and hang out or
actually call me and let's have a genuine friendship or connection you know I I really
believe that that is how we should be and looking back to all these moments and memories
(14:36):
of friendships and growing and changing it's so interesting to see what we used to focus
on and hyper focus on like oh how many followers does this person have did they know this certain
person well this certain person got invited and the fact that that still carries out to
(14:57):
me to this day is so interesting to me it really is I don't understand it I never will
I maybe I'm crazy but I feel like I live more in a world of like why can't we all just be
friends you know why can't we all just get along and realize that we're all going through
life together no matter what stage you are in life you're gonna go through it at some
(15:22):
point whether you're married relationship kids no kids no friends depression anxiety
super happy super low great job no job school no school like all my friends right now are
in such different places in life I have friends who are no school no work and are depressed
(15:47):
friends who are in school and work friends who are married friends who have kids it's
all over the place but that's my point like I'm not gonna be judgmental and I'm not gonna
be clicky like I'd rather have genuine friendships that are all over the place than to just be
(16:07):
in one spot with one friend group and if you're in a friend group and I want to talk about
this too if you're in a friend group and they're very clicky and they're like nobody can come
into this friend group or hey you can't hang out with other people leave please leave that
friend group because they are not helping you grow and you need to realize as well as
(16:28):
them that you are allowed to have friendships outside of friend groups okay and I'm gonna
say that again you are allowed to have friendships outside of your friend groups just because
you have a best friend or just because you're in a friend group doesn't mean you can't be
friends with other people doesn't mean that you have to dedicate all your time and effort
(16:50):
to this one person you need to have a life outside of these people too and the same goes
with relationships a relationship should complement your world not be your world and that goes
in both areas romantic friends family these are things that you need to understand there's
different people that you're gonna talk to different things about there's different levels
(17:14):
of you that you're gonna there's different people that drain your energy too maybe you
can hang out with certain people more than once a week other people you can only tolerate
once a month you know I've had those friendships too and that's just how it works but you get
to know yourself and I feel like it's more real and genuine and to be honest I've also
(17:34):
been at the rock bottom where I've had no friends I've had periods of my life where
I dropped out of school no job my family was terrible and I just would sit alone super
depressed I did not want to be here I was I was sad I had no friends I had not I genuinely
(17:54):
felt like I had nothing and nobody reached out to me all those times that I was the one
to reach out to others nobody did the same for me and then you kind of start to realize
hey like no one's here to fix you you need to fix yourself and get up and go and find
those friends and that's exactly what I did did it take a long time yes was it what I
(18:20):
wanted no obviously at the time I wasn't motivated I didn't want anything I didn't need anything
I just felt alone and no one's gonna honestly come and rescue you and be like poor you it's
just not gonna happen unfortunately I'm sorry to break that news to you you need to just
(18:40):
get up and learn and grow and put yourself out there if that's what you truly want to
need in your life you know if you're feeling like there's a void don't fill it with temporary
friendships please don't just go and hang out with a guy or a girl just because you
feel lonely don't just go and join a friend group just because you feel like it'll be
(19:02):
better in the long term because it won't and you know what those relationships don't last
because you need to fill that void within yourself first so keep that in mind don't
take or take my advice just from personal experience when I've been at my lowest I have
been there for myself and I have gotten myself out of those deep dark places and it's gotten
(19:27):
me to where I am today and I've met people along the journey and those people are like
I said on all different levels all different ages but they shape who I am and they truly
feel like genuine friendships would I want a giant girl friend group where we all have
fun and I have a book club yeah that sounds super fun but I also don't really want the
(19:50):
drama that comes with it and I've seen how bigger friend groups work where all of a sudden
everyone's talking bad about each other I've seen it happen it doesn't work especially
if there's guys and girls involved that's even worse because then they start dating
or someone did something with someone and there's just conflict within the friend group
it happens so often and we see it in the movies too all these cliques and big groups and it's
(20:16):
like and also the big thing I find in bigger friend groups there's always people who are
closer in the groups than others because I've been there myself too where it's like let's
say there's 10 of us I'm gonna be closest with two of the girls there or two of the
guys then I might be with the other eight people because it just happens naturally like
that's part of it but if you're gonna go hang out with those people outside of the friend
(20:41):
group be aware that the friend group is gonna be like oh wow I was an i invited and that's
just your fault for being in that friend group like you need to be in a friend group that
is open and understanding of you having a life outside of them too same with relationships
you know it's good to if you're in a relationship to mix your friends and you know get to know
(21:06):
your partners people and all that but also have your own friends also have your own time
also have your life outside of it don't just get consumed by the honeymoon phase and make
your entire life about them because it's gonna hurt you in the long run and you're gonna
feel more lonely you could have a hundred friends and you will feel like you have none
(21:29):
because they're not genuine and because you weren't genuine to yourself so here we are
I gotta be honest I don't know what I just ranted about I just went off I hope some of
that made sense I sometimes feel like I go from one end to another and you know that's
(21:52):
just that's just how my brain works but I hope that you get something out of this either
a good laugh or you're like why did I listen to this or maybe you actually got some incident
you're like hey she has some good points or I'm gonna go reflect on my life choices so
(22:13):
whatever it is I would love to hear from you my DMs my reviews are always open and tune
in every week for a new episode take care
Hello beautiful people! Good morning, good afternoon, whatever time it is, I hope you've
(00:05):
had or had an amazing day. My name is Lorena and welcome back to another episode of Walk
and Talk. If you're new here, thank you for joining us today and yeah, let's get into
it. If you know the routine, I usually just kind of go into these episodes with a thought
of something or whatever I'm thinking of a topic for today. I try and do a little to
(00:31):
no editing. So far no editing. But I just want to talk. Let's just talk. And you know
what came to my mind today was how grateful I am to be where I am today. Like having the
people that I do in my life. Because I used to be surrounded by many people. I used to
(00:54):
be a person that I thought everybody had to like me. I was such a people pleaser. I would
be the girl in the crowd that didn't want to be sitting alone. I would be the girl that
was in a relationship. I was the girl that was always looking to find a new friend group
or go out to a party and be extroverted because I felt ashamed if I said I didn't have any
(01:19):
plans that day and just all these little things that I look back now and I gotta say it has
a lot to do with how I grew up and especially more specifically with the schools I went
to. So I'm going to talk about that. I grew up in a private Catholic school and for high
(01:40):
school I went to a public school. So first of all, huge difference. So in my private
Catholic school we had our uniforms, we had certain schedules and you were with the same
30 to 40 people every day. It was like this is who I have for the full year and even for
(02:03):
the coming years we had it was called group A and group B. So for context I lived in Mexico
at the time so it might be different in school system but we had group A and B and we always
saw group B as like our rivalry even though it had nothing to do. We would just always
be competing against each other like which class gets better grades and gets the pizza
(02:28):
party or whatever it is. So for private school I found that it was so clicky. Everybody already
had their clicks and including myself honestly I definitely had my own click and it consisted
a lot about because I was there early on in kindergarten I knew everybody and I'm not
(02:51):
trying to be that person but I did. I knew everybody from people in the older grades,
younger grades, people who worked there, the staff, teachers, my mom even worked as a teacher
there for a bit. I knew everybody and whoever was new I would know because I just knew that
school inside out I basically lived there and I get to know a lot of different people
(03:16):
and because of that I was very thankful that I got to be friends with a lot of people.
Now just because you're friends or in quotation friends doesn't necessarily mean that I'm
going to hang out with that group all the time or tell things tell them certain things
you know. There's a difference between being friends and being acquaintance or going to
(03:37):
school with them. Like I would not be hanging out with all these 30-40 people outside of
school. So I had my own click. We had my small friend group it was four or five of us very
comfortable I was always happy but when it came to birthday parties I would invite everybody
(03:59):
all the girls all the guys I would hand out personal invitations and emails and cards
and the moms would have their Facebook groups and I saw this happen with everybody but here's
the thing a lot of the girls were so mean and they would purposely not invite people
(04:23):
in front of them like there was this one girl who I remember she would go and hand out like
invitation cards to her birthday party in class time and she would be like oh can you
pass this to this person and the girl who was passing it was kind of like she knew this
was an invitation but she also knew she clearly wasn't getting invited and it was like this
(04:47):
like social pressure like people were just like staring at each other like wait am I
getting invited am I not and to make it even like a public thing to me looking back is
crazy like yeah I'm telling everybody that you're not invited but if you were invited
by the way you were so cool like wow I got to go to this party keep in mind we're like
(05:07):
what 12 so it was so interesting and everybody was so clicky and I made one of my best friends
in grade five and I'm gonna give a little bit of story on that she was new she was new
to the school she didn't know absolutely anybody her family had just moved to the area and
(05:27):
obviously I knew all the new people because it's very obvious to spot them when you've
known the same hundred kids for your whole life my life being like 12 15 years old but
at the time and this new girl came in she sat in the back nobody was talking to her
and it really bothered me I was like why aren't people talking to her like she's new she seemed
(05:52):
super sweet like you know let's be inclusive let's invite her and nobody did and this went
on for a few weeks and I know what you're thinking okay why didn't you well one I was
thinking of it I just didn't know how to approach it two we didn't have really much opportunities
to talk when you're seated for the whole year like that's kind of it and at lunchtime I
(06:15):
just remember she would disappear so I'm sure I could have had the opportunity but at the
time I didn't and I remember telling my friends like hey like let's invite her and all the
other girls were like no she's new and I just it bothered me it really itched me like what
do you mean like let's be inclusive and all the girls were like no she just she doesn't
(06:36):
even know anybody and like if we're you know talking about certain person she won't know
and this and that and I was like wow people really are this clicky and so I did I didn't
give two craps I walked up to her and I said hey let's hang out and she became my best
friend she was part of my friend group I basically invited her everywhere now everybody knew
(07:01):
her and all of a sudden guess what she's friends with everybody and it was that easy and I
remember she told me she was like hey thank you and I did this with so many girls and
I'm not saying like okay I'm the savior here like no but this happened so many times and
it was all just because of such a simple act of being like would you like to join for lunch
(07:23):
or hey come hang out with us that was it I didn't ask her background I didn't ask where
you're coming from like obviously I found out over time I wasn't but I wasn't judging
her and this happened so many times and I noticed this even outside of private school
when I came to public school and high school in Canada it was so different like everybody
(07:46):
still had their clicks thankfully I somehow ended up meeting a girl who was basically
me out here and knew everybody so I got the opportunity to meet everybody but as I went
along I also met girls and guys that didn't know anybody you would see them sitting at
(08:06):
lunch alone and people would kind of like laugh or just stare at them and I was like
why and it is really hard for a lot of people to come up to others and people are like okay
well yeah like they could also just come up it's not that easy when you're not making
the environment friendly and open like think of a time when you weren't invited somewhere
(08:31):
or you weren't included in something and how did that make you feel now imagine that being
a constant thing it sucks it really does because nobody wants that how many times have you
scrolled on Instagram and seen like oh like these people went on a group trip or they're
out having drinks or something and you weren't invited well two things one did you actually
(08:56):
reach out to them like have you talked to them are they actually your friends and two
have they done the same because effort goes both ways but going back to my point this
is something huge for me because it's just it's shocking to me that people are actually
this closed off and it kind of upsets me and I was talking with this my friend today like
(09:18):
I feel like I personally can be more of a social butterfly if I see that someone's standing
alone or even myself if I'm at a party and I don't know anybody I will go and make friends
I will go up to people I will talk now it's a part of you know you doing your part but
also them doing their part like are people gonna be receptive and inclusive and I've
(09:43):
gotten both I've gotten people who right away were super sweet and we're like yeah come
hang out with us come join us and I've gotten the people who just kind of stare at you awkwardly
and they're like who is this girl or guy why are they talking to us or even at work too
like I've had co-workers where you know you work together you see them every day and you
(10:04):
still don't talk why genuinely why are people so cold why are people so scared to be inclusive
and honestly when I think about it in a bigger picture it's interesting to me how we've also
been in that position I've been an outsider before and I've been an insider so if you've
(10:28):
been in that position and if you haven't I promise you you will you will get both ends
of the shoe if that's the saying or both ends of the coin but it happens and it's going
to happen and I hope that when it does you realize hey there's nothing wrong with making
new people making new friends it's something that it's human nature we all crave and need
(10:51):
connection so why not you know why not make a new friend why not be friendly to a co-worker
why not give a smile to a stranger and that's something I noticed growing up as well from
Mexico to here like in Mexico I will go out on the street and every single person that
(11:14):
you walk by is going to say hello to you it's gonna say good morning it's gonna say good
night it's gonna ask how your day is doing if you go sit at a coffee shop alone someone
was gonna come and make conversation with you or you know what if you're at dinner with
baby two friends and you see other people that they look like they're having fun they're
gonna invite you over I went recently to go like party with some friends and all of a
(11:39):
sudden it started off as two of us by the end of the night there was at least 20 of
us and no it wasn't alcohol related but I mean like the point being everybody was just
so inclusive over there of course there's been cliques and everyone has that side of
it and you know if you've watched Mean Girls it's literally sometimes how high school can
(12:01):
be where it's like everyone's associated with a certain friend group the bank hits the populars
the I don't know the sport people whatever it is you know and it's just so interesting
to me to see that that somehow is still being carried out like after generation through
(12:22):
generation it's still happening and I I really asked myself why like what is it that continues
these trends and why do they kind of continue even when you're done high school or elementary
and there's still always going to be clicks of course with adulthood it's a little different
(12:43):
you know you kind of had your own life you get to choose who your friends with your time
is more limited but I find that after high school a lot of people kind of just stop talking
to each other and that's just what happens and the same with elementary and if you still
(13:03):
have friends from high school and elementary I'm proud of you I have a very few but looking
back at the time in elementary and high school where I was friends with everyone I had you
know a bunch of invites a bunch of friend groups and then looking back now where I maybe
(13:24):
talked to one or two people from there because I've realized like what was the point of that
in my generation snapchat was huge everybody was using snapchat it was like how many streaks
can you have how many people are you snapping you know I'd be on snapchat but you never
(13:44):
actually had any connection with these people or talk to them it was just meaningless pictures
and maybe the odd conversation here and there and I stopped using snapchat and I gotta say
I felt like such an adult because it was such a big part of my high school experience like
that was what was important if you were on snapchat and now it is the furthest thing
(14:10):
I want to be from like do not come close to me if you ask me for my subject it's a no
I would so much rather actually text you once in a while or let's meet up and hang out or
actually call me and let's have a genuine friendship or connection you know I I really
believe that that is how we should be and looking back to all these moments and memories
(14:36):
of friendships and growing and changing it's so interesting to see what we used to focus
on and hyper focus on like oh how many followers does this person have did they know this certain
person well this certain person got invited and the fact that that still carries out to
(14:57):
me to this day is so interesting to me it really is I don't understand it I never will
I maybe I'm crazy but I feel like I live more in a world of like why can't we all just be
friends you know why can't we all just get along and realize that we're all going through
life together no matter what stage you are in life you're gonna go through it at some
(15:22):
point whether you're married relationship kids no kids no friends depression anxiety
super happy super low great job no job school no school like all my friends right now are
in such different places in life I have friends who are no school no work and are depressed
(15:47):
friends who are in school and work friends who are married friends who have kids it's
all over the place but that's my point like I'm not gonna be judgmental and I'm not gonna
be clicky like I'd rather have genuine friendships that are all over the place than to just be
(16:07):
in one spot with one friend group and if you're in a friend group and I want to talk about
this too if you're in a friend group and they're very clicky and they're like nobody can come
into this friend group or hey you can't hang out with other people leave please leave that
friend group because they are not helping you grow and you need to realize as well as
(16:28):
them that you are allowed to have friendships outside of friend groups okay and I'm gonna
say that again you are allowed to have friendships outside of your friend groups just because
you have a best friend or just because you're in a friend group doesn't mean you can't be
friends with other people doesn't mean that you have to dedicate all your time and effort
(16:50):
to this one person you need to have a life outside of these people too and the same goes
with relationships a relationship should complement your world not be your world and that goes
in both areas romantic friends family these are things that you need to understand there's
different people that you're gonna talk to different things about there's different levels
(17:14):
of you that you're gonna there's different people that drain your energy too maybe you
can hang out with certain people more than once a week other people you can only tolerate
once a month you know I've had those friendships too and that's just how it works but you get
to know yourself and I feel like it's more real and genuine and to be honest I've also
(17:34):
been at the rock bottom where I've had no friends I've had periods of my life where
I dropped out of school no job my family was terrible and I just would sit alone super
depressed I did not want to be here I was I was sad I had no friends I had not I genuinely
(17:54):
felt like I had nothing and nobody reached out to me all those times that I was the one
to reach out to others nobody did the same for me and then you kind of start to realize
hey like no one's here to fix you you need to fix yourself and get up and go and find
those friends and that's exactly what I did did it take a long time yes was it what I
(18:20):
wanted no obviously at the time I wasn't motivated I didn't want anything I didn't need anything
I just felt alone and no one's gonna honestly come and rescue you and be like poor you it's
just not gonna happen unfortunately I'm sorry to break that news to you you need to just
(18:40):
get up and learn and grow and put yourself out there if that's what you truly want to
need in your life you know if you're feeling like there's a void don't fill it with temporary
friendships please don't just go and hang out with a guy or a girl just because you
feel lonely don't just go and join a friend group just because you feel like it'll be
(19:02):
better in the long term because it won't and you know what those relationships don't last
because you need to fill that void within yourself first so keep that in mind don't
take or take my advice just from personal experience when I've been at my lowest I have
been there for myself and I have gotten myself out of those deep dark places and it's gotten
(19:27):
me to where I am today and I've met people along the journey and those people are like
I said on all different levels all different ages but they shape who I am and they truly
feel like genuine friendships would I want a giant girl friend group where we all have
fun and I have a book club yeah that sounds super fun but I also don't really want the
(19:50):
drama that comes with it and I've seen how bigger friend groups work where all of a sudden
everyone's talking bad about each other I've seen it happen it doesn't work especially
if there's guys and girls involved that's even worse because then they start dating
or someone did something with someone and there's just conflict within the friend group
it happens so often and we see it in the movies too all these cliques and big groups and it's
(20:16):
like and also the big thing I find in bigger friend groups there's always people who are
closer in the groups than others because I've been there myself too where it's like let's
say there's 10 of us I'm gonna be closest with two of the girls there or two of the
guys then I might be with the other eight people because it just happens naturally like
that's part of it but if you're gonna go hang out with those people outside of the friend
(20:41):
group be aware that the friend group is gonna be like oh wow I was an i invited and that's
just your fault for being in that friend group like you need to be in a friend group that
is open and understanding of you having a life outside of them too same with relationships
you know it's good to if you're in a relationship to mix your friends and you know get to know
(21:06):
your partners people and all that but also have your own friends also have your own time
also have your life outside of it don't just get consumed by the honeymoon phase and make
your entire life about them because it's gonna hurt you in the long run and you're gonna
feel more lonely you could have a hundred friends and you will feel like you have none
(21:29):
because they're not genuine and because you weren't genuine to yourself so here we are
I gotta be honest I don't know what I just ranted about I just went off I hope some of
that made sense I sometimes feel like I go from one end to another and you know that's
(21:52):
just that's just how my brain works but I hope that you get something out of this either
a good laugh or you're like why did I listen to this or maybe you actually got some incident
you're like hey she has some good points or I'm gonna go reflect on my life choices so
(22:13):
whatever it is I would love to hear from you my DMs my reviews are always open and tune
in every week for a new episode take care
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