March 26, 2024 • 33 mins
I am joined by Lisa Helton, host of The Trusted Friend Podcast. Together we discuss the power of sharing women's stories to inspire, connect, and uplift each other. Lisa highlights the important impact of listening and learning from diverse narratives and she also emphasizes the importance of being a safe space for others to share their experiences.
The Trusted Friend Podcast:
https://thetrustedfriend.podbean.com
The Trusted Friend Website:
https://www.thetrustedfriend.ca/
Find The Trusted Friend on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/thetrustedfriend
And Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090792966814
https://jamelynstephan.com
https://jamelynstephan.com/meet-with-me/
https://www.instagram.com/jamelyn_stephan_coaching/
jamelyn@jamelynstpehan.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm jamielynn Stephan and thisis want to want it episode
(00:02):
number 111.
Share your story with LisaHelton.
Welcome to want to want it apodcast for women of the church
of Jesus Christ of latter daysaints who are ready to ignite
not only their sexual desire,but all of their desires to
create a more fulfilling lifeand marriage.
I'm jamielynn Stephan.
I'm a certified life coach, awife, and a mother of seven
(00:25):
children.
I'm excited to share my personaljourney to desire with you and
teach you how to desire more aswell Hello everybody, welcome to
Want to Want It This Week.
March is Women's History Month.
Except in Canada.
I thought maybe it was inCanada, but apparently that's
(00:45):
October for Canada.
So, but because InternationalWomen's Day is in March,, most
countries in the world celebrateWomen's History Month.
And when I heard that, I waslike, yes! This is the perfect
excuse to get Lisa Helton tocome onto my podcast, because I
have wanted her to come on.
And this just seemed like thevery best way to snag her and
(01:08):
bring her on.
So I've known Lisa, justacquaintances for quite a few
years now.
And, she is fantastic.
And I recently heard about hernew podcast called the trusted
friend and I've listened to itand it is so awesome.
And so before we dive into that,Lisa, do you want to just tell
us a little bit about yourselfso people can get to know you?
(01:31):
What to say about myself in avery short period of time.
I don't know.
Well, I've been married almost32 years this year and I've got
five children.
They're all older and three aremarried to amazing spouses,
which I'm very blessed to havethat happen.
And.
I'm very passionate aboutsharing women's stories.
(01:53):
I'm very passionate about,uniting women and kind of be the
driving force behind a lot ofchange in the world.
Because I think that we have alot of power within us as women.
But I think the power in women,and I think we've noticed even
within like, you know, churchand our church and other
congregations, the driving forcebehind a lot of change and a lot
(02:17):
of things that go on is thewomen.
But I think that especially inlike, I don't think we hold the
market on.
amazing women in the LDS church.
Right.
And I have come to know thateven more and more.
And I've always had friendsoutside of my religion, but now
it's really expanded to when Iget to know all these women from
(02:40):
all walks of life, all over theworld, how absolutely freaking
amazing these women are.
It's just, it's unbelievable.
Like it's my favorite part isinterviewing all of these women.
It's.
Mind blowing and how much faithwhether, no, I don't, you know,
whether I know their religion ornot, but how much faith and
(03:01):
belief in God that they have andhow that belief and that faith
gets them through all of thesetrials.
It's quite remarkable.
Yeah.
So tell me then, like what ledyou to deciding to do a podcast?
Cause you're not really runninga business per se, right?
No, I, I wanted to do thisliterally, if you look at my
(03:24):
email, it says talk mom 32.
So I was 32 years old.
And I'm turning 56 this year.
So it was a long time ago that Iwanted to start, some sort of
talk show as long beforepodcasts even existed and before
blogs even existed.
So, I mean, had I started itback then I would be really
popular.
But I always wanted to interviewwomen.
(03:45):
In fact, I think I remember myfirst interview was with the mom
that was doing homeschool and itwas just like over the phone and
I was recording it.
I had no idea how I was going toget that out to people.
I had, you know, I had publisheda magazine for several years,
with some other women about, youknow, what to make for dinner
and tips and family and how toclean and all this, that sort of
(04:07):
stuff.
But every time I started a newproject, I got pregnant.
So I'm going to stop startingnew projects because I don't
want to get pregnant.
And so, yeah, just, I think thetiming of it.
I don't really know what thedriving force actually, I will
say and I'll probably getemotional but There's a group of
friends, they came into my life.
(04:31):
And a lot of them are in my wardat church.
But I don't know, they just kindof took me into this friendship
and made me feel important.
And for some reason, it gave methe The inner belief in myself
and even though they, theydidn't know that goal or they
(04:52):
didn't say, Hey, you need to dothe podcast or anything like
that.
They have no idea what was goingin my mind, but it gave me that
inner power.
I'm a belief in myself.
Like if this is what friendshipdoes to a person, it changes
their beliefs in themselves.
It changes their direction.
It gives them that kind of likewind behind you to propel you
forward.
Then that's what.
(05:14):
Like it needs to happenworldwide and it needs to
happen.
The more we share our storiesand when we share our stories,
we really connect and we buildthat bridge of commonality
between us.
We, you know, they're just, itbreaks the silence of what we're
going through.
We don't feel so alone in ourstruggles and we feel more like
(05:35):
we can share.
And especially For those thatare listening in, you know, that
are LDS, when you're like reliefsociety, or you're in a, in a
classroom and a religiousclassroom, a study, if you, if
you are open up enough and feelvulnerable enough to share your
stories, to be part of theconversations, then other people
will feel safe to share theirstories.
And other people will feel morewilling to get the help that
(06:01):
they need or not feel so alonein the struggles, because we, as
I've learned through all ofthese interviews.
Nobody knows what goes on behindclosed doors.
Like absolutely not even a closeinkling of what's going on
behind a woman's life or behindclosed doors or what they've
gone on in their past.
(06:21):
And then now that you know, lifeis good now, but they've had all
this trauma before and we haveno idea, we have no idea.
And we're treating people as iflike, we think they're this
perfect persona in church, butwe have no idea what's.
The backstory.
And we need to be more open andvulnerable.
And that doesn't mean to shareyour deep stories, you know,
(06:41):
obviously, you've got to knowyour audience, but.
The more we kind of open up, themore we could actually help each
other and propel the change.
And for like, for my example,nobody knew what my goals were.
Nobody knew anything, but justthat friendship made me think
(07:01):
and analyze myself and my lifeand be like, wow.
I really need to do this.
And I just literally juststarted it.
I didn't have a microphone.
I didn't have nothing.
Luckily I'm tech savvy.
Yeah, that is good.
Very lucky.
I'm tech savvy, but I juststarted recording it and just
started Googling how to do itand how to learn.
(07:22):
And, and then I just starteddoing it.
And I, it's funny.
Cause I remember my son, my, thefirst episode I put out and I'm
having them listen to it alittle bit.
And they're like, Mom, I'veknown you my whole life.
That does not sound like you.
I'm like, well, I guess I have aface for radio.
(07:42):
But then some of them are like,no, mom, I listen to you all the
time.
I'm not listening to yourpodcast.
But yeah, yeah, no, for sure.
So, do you, do you put podcastsout every week?
Is that, that's kind of what I'mseeing.
Yes.
Yeah, I put them out every week.
Sometimes I give myself a breakbecause I think nobody's really
sitting out there sitting thereyet.
(08:03):
Hopefully they get to the pointwhere they're like, where's our
next episode?
But sometimes I have to givemyself a mental break where, as
I'm sure you know, when doingpodcasts, it just can be quite
overwhelming.
And, you know, life gets, youknow.
busy and family and stuff meansmore and my mental health means
more.
So sometimes the occasional timeI've taken a break and that's
(08:23):
where I like just kind of calledit a season.
Next season.
That's right.
You get to just invent it as yougo along.
Well, and that's the thing isthat I'm my own boss.
And at least like my husband Leeis like, you're in charge of
yourself.
Like, why are you pushingyourself so much?
Because there was a time thereI, I was doing four interviews a
week and each interview isaround two hours long.
(08:45):
So It's quite the process.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So from my understanding, justfor my audience to understand,
Lisa talks to these peoplefirst.
So she sets up an appointment,has a conversation, then she
does the interview and it canbe, yeah, a two hour
conversation, but then she editsit down so that it's either in
(09:08):
Kind of pieces so there's a partone part two or down to an hour
and so just just editing a halfan hour podcast for me to go
through and edit takes 45minutes to almost an hour just
to do that part of it so to edittwo hours of conversation and
trying to really chop it down,but take a lot of time so yeah,
(09:30):
it takes me it takes me a fullday.
Edit because of all themarketing and getting it out and
trying to put it out on YouTubenow and because I edit the, the
text, I edit the words that aresaid, and then I edit and add
the sound.
Music and edit the audio.
So that takes me a lot longer.
(09:51):
I'm getting faster at it, butI'm very particular at making
sure that their story is toldand said in a way that they
sound really good.
So I try to get rid of a lot ofthe uhs and ums and stuff
because I don't do it as much onYouTube because when you're
seeing somebody speak, it's alittle different than when
(10:12):
you're just hearing them to heara lot of the ums or the ums.
Common things that we all do.
Yeah.
It's funny because now when Ihear people speak, all I notice
is like their, Like, What theysay, because I'm like so used to
editing it out.
And it's not to get rid of whothey are.
It's just so that people enjoylistening to their story and get
to their story and not get socaught up in the repetition of
(10:36):
certain words.
Yes, right.
Yes, I do chat with them and thereason I chat with them is
because I want to build thatrelationship of trust and I want
to build that kind offriendship.
And get to know them and see ifthey're, you know, how much of
their story they're going totell, because there are some
people that are more interestedin just promoting their business
or their self and not reallytelling their story.
And that's not what my goal is.
(10:58):
And then I interviewed them sothat when I go to interview
them, we already have thisrelationship and they can feel
that they're sharing their storyin a safe place because some
stories are quite heartwrenching and dramatic, and
that's, those are the hard ones.
A lot of tears are shed in thechats.
Which I'm glad that I have thosebecause when I've done some
(11:20):
interviews in person, and it'sbeen a very emotional, all you
hear is me like snifflingthrough the whole thing.
So, you know, it just, it's hardbecause you want to be real, but
you also want to be so that theaudience can listen to it.
Yeah.
And it also does the storyjustice.
And they don't get annoyed byanything so that they actually
that person that sharing theirstory has a safe place.
(11:45):
Yeah.
So like I look at myself and Ifeel like I have a pretty boring
life.
People are like, you have sevenchildren, you should be on a
reality show.
And I was like, that would bethe most boring reality show of
all time.
It would be so dull.
And it's not because I haven'thad experiences and things, but
it's just really easy, I think,to look at yourself and feel
(12:06):
like I don't really have much tosay.
So what's your opinion on.
The kind of the value of allwomen's stories, all people's
stories, what, what are yourthoughts on that?
Well, there's always somethingthat you've lived or done that
paves a way for others.
It's like Brene Brown said, youknow, your story becomes
(12:26):
somebody else's survival guide.
Mm hmm.
And it doesn't have to be sopowerful and dramatic.
There's things that you'velearned that we've all learned
on our path and experiences.
Cause nobody gets out of thislife without shoveling a bit of
crap.
And so, you know, we've all beenthrough something, whether it's,
(12:47):
you know, the loss of a child ordealing with an illness or
mental health or raising sevenkids in today's world and
economy.
And, you know, there's alwayssomething.
That we have gone through thatcan help pave the way and teach
other women.
So that saves them from kind ofmaybe the, all the obstacles
(13:08):
that we went through.
Yeah, actually, I love thatbecause.
That really was something when Iwent into coaching that so much
of my own story and kind ofstruggles became the focus of my
coaching practice.
And I felt so drawn to it andjust kind of like, Oh, if I
could help women kind of skipthe S the slowest process that I
(13:32):
had to go through and skip someof the pain.
Then it's all totally worth it.
Suddenly it just feels like, Iguess it's like alchemizing that
God can do and take this thingthat was so hard and make it a
treasure for you to share withother people.
So, yeah, I do, I do love that.
This is, do you ever interviewmen or ever think about
(13:52):
interviewing men?
Not because you have to, I'mjust curious.
And not to be, you know, crash,but I have no desire to
interview any men and I justbecause I think then it breaks
that bond of friendship that I'mtrying to form with a community
I'm trying to form and not thatwe can't be friends with guys
and not that men aren'timportant.
(14:13):
That's absolutely not true.
I mean, I'm married to, youknow, one of the best men I
know.
And so I can't.
You know, undervalue them,obviously, but for what I'm
trying to do in my purpose is tobuild and strengthen women and
make those connections and onlywomen know what women go
(14:34):
through.
Yeah, you know, like you know,it's just not the, not the vibe
I'm going for.
Right.
Yeah.
So, do you want to share with usjust some of maybe.
Lessons you've learned throughthis, whether it's just in
general or from specific certainwomen that you just feel like, I
mean, I've listened to a lot ofyour interviews and there is,
(14:56):
there's no way that you can comeout of listening to these.
And some of them are just simplylike sharing things that they've
learned as mothers.
It's not necessarily all heavy,but you can't listen to these
interviews without coming out,feeling so much love and respect
and compassion for these women.
And, and so I guess I, I don'twant, I don't want to minimize
(15:20):
it by not letting you talk abouteverybody, but just are there
certain ones that kind of standout to you or that you can think
of right now that you just feellike this was a really powerful
experience for me?
Oh, that's hard.
Cause when I was thinking aboutthat too, I was trying to figure
out what I've learned from eachone of them.
And so some I haven't launchedyet, but I've done over 50
(15:43):
interviews.
So it's a lot of 50 women that.
I've really, it's gonna be hardnot to get emotional, impacted
my life and I'm sure they'reprobably sitting at home like,
who's Lisa?
But when you're going throughthe editing process and you're
listening to these stories,first of all, first hand, and
then editing it and going overit and over it, my love and
(16:05):
respect for them grows strongerand stronger because I'm having
to hear it over and over andover again.
Right.
And so, you know, I'm usuallyediting and depending on the
story, Oh, I'm crying.
I'm crying.
I'm getting emotional because Ifeel for them.
And so I, that's why I trulybelieve.
And I, I think I have it on mywebsite or I don't know.
(16:28):
My website's under construction,but is that when.
There's not a woman we wouldn'tlove if we didn't know their
story.
Yes.
And that was a quote by MarjorieHinkley, you know?
And it's so true that when weknow each other's stories, no
matter how dramatic or how, youknow, simple, we learn
something, we love them, we growto love them.
(16:50):
One of my most difficult ones, Imean, there's so many, but,
Well, actually yesterday was theanniversary of her daughter's
suicide and that was thepredator next door with Nancy
and her courage to share herstory about her daughter being
sexually abused by her bestfriend's husband for years, and
(17:15):
they were best friends foryears, long before they started
having kids and then because ofit, her daughter at, you know,
very young age as a teenagercommitted suicide, just, you
know, Last year and yesterdaywas the anniversary of that
death.
And, and it's hard not to thinkof these women going through
these things and being sad andlonely.
And like, I just can't evenimagine losing a child, let
(17:37):
alone to such a tragedy.
And that was extremely tough,but her courage to share it
because she's this fightingspirit of mother, like going to
spread the word and get out thewarning signs to other people.
What to watch for to know that.
You know, there are predatorsamong us and they don't look
like, you know, creeps.
(17:58):
They're like normal people.
And so, you know, just to fightfor her daughter's, you know,
spirit and life and give meaningto her life was incredible.
And then of course, anotherdifficult one.
It's hard because there's somany difficult ones actually.
Some of them I've had to takebreaks from to edit because it's
just too much.
(18:19):
And there's a lot of stuff tothat.
Kind of off the interview or,you know, off camera that gets
shared in more details to that.
I'd become aware of.
So that is hard too, but with mydaughter interviewing my
daughter that was hard to kindof hold face because it was an
in person interview, but it washard to not get the emotional
(18:40):
mom and want to kind of, youknow, sweep in there and be all,
but I had to hold space for herto be able to share a story or
she wouldn't have shared it if Igot an all emotional, you know,
mom on her.
And so that was a tough one.
Cause that one, I cried a lotediting because.
When you're not there for yourchild and you see the pain that
(19:01):
they're going through that'shard pill to swallow.
Yes.
But yeah, that was an importantone too for her to share.
And yeah, the feedback that Iget from a lot of these are
quite remarkable.
The one I got from my daughter,like these are just messages
that I get.
They're not reviews or anything,but one was to, you know, thank
you to both of you for being sobrave and willing to share Such
(19:22):
a private trial.
It will help so many.
I was so impressed with how youwere able to let her share her
story on the podcast and not letyour mama mode kick in.
I can't imagine all the emotionsyou were feeling, but I think
she really needed you to turnthat part of you down or off so
she could fully letter story.
Out.
It was so good.
She was so lucky to have you.
I appreciate this so I can bemore aware for my daughters.
(19:46):
Thank you.
And I'm giving you a big hugnext time I see you.
But some of them have beenreally touching and some from
surprising people that I didn'teven know were listening to my
podcast and it actuallysurprises me the feedback from
podcasts that I might not thinkget a lot of like traction but
there's a lot of episodes thatget Feedback that I didn't, I
(20:07):
wouldn't expect feedback fromsometimes because I, and it just
goes to show you that differentstories touch different people
at different times in theirlives, and there's not one
single episode that I have notlearned something from, like not
one.
Yeah, you start listening tothem and you all and you want to
binge listen a little bit.
Well, I appreciate that,Jingwen.
(20:27):
She has a lot of episodesbecause, but I always have to
question myself a little bit.
I'm like, am I listening to thisjust because I have some morbid
curiosity or like, or do Iactually, but you listen and
truly.
You just feel so much love forthese women who have the courage
to come on and really share somereally private, deep things.
(20:54):
Does it make you want to be morevulnerable yourself and share
more about yourself with others?
What does it cause or stirinside of you?
That's a really good question.
It's, it's funny because on onehand, I want to share less that
seems really, really scary.
On the other hand, sometimesit's a little bit like, I don't
even know what I would.
(21:15):
share, right?
Some people have such specificexperiences.
You know, Lisa has a woman onwho was sex trafficked twice,
right?
That's, I mean, my, like, mybrain can't even comprehend that
this is real, right?
As, as I'm listening to this.
So yeah, but I, I think what itreally does for me, Lisa, I feel
(21:38):
like is I look at women, BecauseLisa always says, you know, be
kind, you don't know what'shappening in people's lives.
And I think that is what ithelps me do.
Is it helps me watch my words ina way that's like, I don't know
how you are suffering and Idon't want to add pain to that.
And I think it just gives memore of a feeling of looking
(22:00):
around at all the women I seeand just think, you have an
amazing story.
I don't even know it, but Ibelieve you probably have an
amazing story.
Very powerful.
And I will say though, Jamelyn,you wouldn't become a life coach
if you didn't have a story.
Yes, probably.
I guess.
Because a lot of life coachesthat I've met and a lot of
people there, they all havestories and they all have this
(22:22):
desire to help other women andhelp other people because of
their own experiences.
So because of your experiences,that's the driving force behind,
I'm guessing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Desire to be a life coach.
Yeah.
And if you didn't have a storythat wouldn't, that driver, that
desire wouldn't be there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So tell me this, if you're okayto answer.
(22:44):
You haven't shared your story onyour podcast yet, I, you know, I
just, I don't know why I sharedbits and pieces of it in the
last episode.
I shared one of the mostembarrassing moments in my life.
But yes, I died.
I listened.
Did you hear that?
I did.
my goodness.
Awful.
It's like, yeah, don't trust mewith a phone.
That's for sure.
(23:05):
I've had more, many more littleincidences with phone and my
kids are like, Oh my goodness,mom, stop.
So yeah, it was awful.
But I just, I don't know.
I just, I ran it through my headover and over again.
And I have been through quitethe ordeals in life.
But I just, I think I might haveone of my daughters interview me
(23:27):
or something.
It's different to sit and justkind of tell your story.
Versus maybe having somebody askyou questions.
I thought a lot about it.
I thought about doing it on myanniversary of my launching my
podcast, which will be coming upin May, then it'll be one year.
And I thought of doing it then.
So it's cool.
It's coming.
I just have to find the rightway to tell it.
(23:50):
I tell little bits and piecesthroughout other episodes just
to kind of connect and share,you know, what the commonality
is, but for the most part, but Iwill share my story for sure.
Yeah, I think there is a part ofme Lisa that is like, You know,
some of these women youinterview, I don't know, right,
they're from the States orwhatever, and, and so, as
(24:12):
they're sharing, I have no faceto the people that are involved
in the story, and I think thatis part of, also part of the
reason why I'm like, I don'tknow how much of my story I
would share because I don't,because there's other people
that are in my story.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And it's not because they'reterrible people, or that I'm a
(24:33):
perfect person or anything, butI'm happy to share my mess, it's
hard for me to want to exposethe mess of other people that
maybe has impacted me.
Does that make sense?
Oh, totally I actually got onemessage from another girl said,
Hey, I love the idea of yourpodcast.
I wish I had the courage toshare my story as undoubtedly
there are women out there whofeel isolated like me because of
(24:54):
the highly personal nature,judgmental attitudes and desire
to protect privacy of self andothers.
Are there ways you could dointerviews with a hundred
percent anonymity?
Yes.
And I have done one withanonymity and it's very
difficult because I didinterview her in person and then
I transcribed her audio to text,printed it out, and then had
(25:19):
Rochelle, who we both know, readit.
And then I kind of inserted mylive kind of voice for the
questions into her reading it.
And it's hard because theemotions and.
You know, the fluctuations inthe voice aren't kind of
portrayed as well.
But I did promise her she wantedto share her story.
(25:40):
And I did notice that a weightwas lifted off of her, and she
seemed happier and lighter aftersharing her story.
But the only problem withanonymity is that you don't get
a lot of the emotions and thefluctuations in the tone of
voice with sharing the story.
But my goal is to help others,whatever that means, so they can
share their story.
(26:01):
and feel some sort of peace orthey can share their story and
help others.
And that is my goal.
I've only had one interviewwhere it was already out on
podcast.
It was already launched.
Yeah.
And they needed to change a fewthings because of the
ramifications of the falloutfrom some of the stuff.
And so, that was the only onethat I let actually join me and
(26:23):
edit with me.
Okay.
So that they can kind of deletestuff that might have some, you
know, bad side effects to it.
So, you know, my whole idea isto protect the person that's
sharing their story, but also,you know, help others.
Yeah.
So, whatever it takes.
Okay.
Yeah, so good.
(26:44):
Aren't there microphones thatchange people's voices?
Yeah, but I tried to do that andit just, it didn't sound, it
sounded weirder.
And, and because her story wasso dramatic about being sexually
abused by her brother and stuff,you know, when you change the
voice of that person, it justmakes it sound, I don't know.
Yeah, it was weird.
It would made it weirder becauseI did try that aspect, but it
(27:06):
just made it kind of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So Lisa, let's say you aresomeone who's like, I.
I don't necessarily want toshare my story on a podcast,
but, obviously you're passionateabout women's stories, and what
are other ways that you kind offeel like, or suggestions you
(27:26):
could give of ways that we couldjust do better at sharing our
story, or recording our story,or whatever?
You know so that there is kindof this history of us.
Well, I would definitely say,obviously, write a journal.
Yeah.
Because, you know, if you get tomy age and then you start
(27:46):
forgetting what your story evenis.
Mm hmm.
But I also think it's importantto especially if you have
children, to tell them yourstory.
And I've had my kids say, youknow, Mom, we want to know more
about your, you know, story andyour childhood.
Because I think we live it.
We experience it.
We go through it.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And then we kind of forget aboutit.
And we don't realize thatthere's lots of lessons within
(28:09):
that, you know.
But, and it's funny because, Imean, I don't know if most of
your listeners are LDS, but itmight be journal blossoming.
It says that I need to write myjournal and share my stories
with my daughters.
Oh, okay.
And so it's very powerful thatI'm told to share my stories
with my daughters.
So I've actually given myjournals that I wrote as a
(28:30):
teenager that there's a lot ofMaybe, I don't want to say
inappropriate, but a lot ofmaking out with guys and doing
things that I shouldn't havebeen doing.
But there's a lot of stuff inthere that I've let them just
read.
And I'm sure that afterwards I'mlike, I forgot that was in
there.
And they regret, but.
I just think that there's powerin lessons and learning about my
(28:52):
own personal struggles with selfesteem and self worth and for
them to hear in my own words inmy journal what I went through
and then quietly in their ownminds figure that out and kind
of learn from that without mesitting down and feeling like
I'm preaching to them.
Yes.
But our stories are important.
Very, very, very important.
And it's important for us tolearn about the women in our
(29:13):
life.
And learn what they're goingthrough and to ask the right
questions and ask and be, bethat safe place for people to
share their stories.
Right.
If we are the safe place forpeople to share their stories,
they will open up and they willshare and.
They will feel better and youwill feel connected to them and
you'll feel bonded to them forlife when they share their
stories.
(29:34):
I have so many people, myhusband is always shocked.
My kids are too.
They're like, I've never met aperson, mom, that just couldn't
like meet a person on a planeand become best friends with
them or meet a person in thestore.
Cause I just love, I genuinely,genuinely, and I can be pretty
crash and harsh sometimes.
And especially basketball games,but I genuinely, genuinely love
(29:58):
and care for.
You know, everyone, the womenout there.
And I've had people standing inthe middle of an ice cream shop
in Banff.
And this lady turns around to meand she said, she's just
talking.
And she's like, yeah, and I justhad a miscarriage.
And I'm like, and my husband'slike, what the heck?
Like, she's just sharing likeall this stuff from her.
And I just, you know, gave her ahug and told her I loved her.
(30:19):
And.
my husband's like, how manytimes has that happened?
I'm like, I don't know, I justhave this face that just says,
tell me everything.
Yes.
You know, and I've met women onplanes that have now become
really close friends.
And yeah, it's just, you justhave to open up yourself and be
a safe place and see people forwho they are.
are trying to be And not maybewho they seem like they are on
(30:43):
the outside, right?
Because that's what we wejudged, you know, but I mean
it's hard not to with instagramand social media But as i've
learned it's all And i'm suremost of us know it's all fake.
It's all smoke and mirrors.
It's all Yes You know, peopletrying to be their best, which
is not fake.
I find it's just they're tryingto be who they want to be.
Yeah, it doesn't necessarilymean it's fake.
(31:05):
It's just they're trying to bewho they want to be.
Yeah.
Yes.
And can we have a little morecompassion for.
All of us that are, you know,not necessarily totally want to
be exposed to the world and allof our troubles.
Right.
And then you could be thelistener instead of maybe the
sharer.
Right.
Yeah.
So good.
So, so good.
I cannot thank you enough forcoming on, Lisa.
(31:27):
I really, really would encouragepeople look at the trusted
friend podcast.
It is so well done.
I think men should listen to it.
because it is, it is just goodto sit kind of in the shoes of,
of somebody else and, and listento their experiences.
Some of them are really funnyand lighthearted.
(31:48):
Others just have stories thatyou just can't even believe, but
it is powerful.
It does create inside of you adesire to reach out and support
women.
It gives you so much respect forthe resilience of women.
And absolutely.
You know, I think we, those ofus who are members of the Church
(32:10):
of Jesus Christ of Latter daySaints are really encouraged to
do family history.
And when you read thosehistories and learn about those
women that went before you, yourealize that you stand on the
shoulders of extremely strongwomen.
And it, it really does inspireto listen to these kinds of
stories.
So Lisa, if people wanted to getin contact with you, potentially
(32:33):
share their story or even justbecome one of your friends, what
is the best way for them to findyou?
If they go to my website,there's an actual link to share
your story that they can kind ofgo to and.
Fill out the form and then I'llreach out to them or they can
message me on Instagram.
It's just the trusted friend ison Facebook, social media.
(32:55):
I'm not on really on Tik TOK.
Cause I have no idea how to doTik TOK.
I know I need to do that tobuild the popularity of it, but
I'm like, yeah, no, that's justnot me.
I think word of mouth is goingto help you a lot.
So good.
So it's the trusted friend isyour website.
Yeah.
The trusted friend.
ca.
Okay.
And then the trusted friend onInstagram and Facebook.
And I will link all of that inthe show notes so that it's easy
(33:17):
to find for anyone who wants to,but Lisa, thank you so much for
coming on.
I really, really appreciate youjust encouraging women to share
their stories.
It's what you're doing.
I was kind of nervous aboutthis, but I appreciate it
because I'm not used to being onthis side of it.
Poor Lisa, she has to talk more,but she's fantastic.
She's always enjoyable to listento.
(33:37):
So thank you so much, Lisa.
Thanks, Jamelyn.
Bye.
Thanks for listening today.
If you like what you hear on thepodcast, and you'd like to learn
more, feel free to head over tomy website.
Jamilin Stephan coaching.com orfind me on Instagram or Facebook
at Jamileh.
(33:58):
step in coaching.
I'm jamielynn Stephan and thisis want to want it episode
(00:02):
number 111.
Share your story with LisaHelton.
Welcome to want to want it apodcast for women of the church
of Jesus Christ of latter daysaints who are ready to ignite
not only their sexual desire,but all of their desires to
create a more fulfilling lifeand marriage.
I'm jamielynn Stephan.
I'm a certified life coach, awife, and a mother of seven
(00:25):
children.
I'm excited to share my personaljourney to desire with you and
teach you how to desire more aswell Hello everybody, welcome to
Want to Want It This Week.
March is Women's History Month.
Except in Canada.
I thought maybe it was inCanada, but apparently that's
(00:45):
October for Canada.
So, but because InternationalWomen's Day is in March,, most
countries in the world celebrateWomen's History Month.
And when I heard that, I waslike, yes! This is the perfect
excuse to get Lisa Helton tocome onto my podcast, because I
have wanted her to come on.
And this just seemed like thevery best way to snag her and
(01:08):
bring her on.
So I've known Lisa, justacquaintances for quite a few
years now.
And, she is fantastic.
And I recently heard about hernew podcast called the trusted
friend and I've listened to itand it is so awesome.
And so before we dive into that,Lisa, do you want to just tell
us a little bit about yourselfso people can get to know you?
(01:31):
What to say about myself in avery short period of time.
I don't know.
Well, I've been married almost32 years this year and I've got
five children.
They're all older and three aremarried to amazing spouses,
which I'm very blessed to havethat happen.
And.
I'm very passionate aboutsharing women's stories.
(01:53):
I'm very passionate about,uniting women and kind of be the
driving force behind a lot ofchange in the world.
Because I think that we have alot of power within us as women.
But I think the power in women,and I think we've noticed even
within like, you know, churchand our church and other
congregations, the driving forcebehind a lot of change and a lot
(02:17):
of things that go on is thewomen.
But I think that especially inlike, I don't think we hold the
market on.
amazing women in the LDS church.
Right.
And I have come to know thateven more and more.
And I've always had friendsoutside of my religion, but now
it's really expanded to when Iget to know all these women from
(02:40):
all walks of life, all over theworld, how absolutely freaking
amazing these women are.
It's just, it's unbelievable.
Like it's my favorite part isinterviewing all of these women.
It's.
Mind blowing and how much faithwhether, no, I don't, you know,
whether I know their religion ornot, but how much faith and
(03:01):
belief in God that they have andhow that belief and that faith
gets them through all of thesetrials.
It's quite remarkable.
Yeah.
So tell me then, like what ledyou to deciding to do a podcast?
Cause you're not really runninga business per se, right?
No, I, I wanted to do thisliterally, if you look at my
(03:24):
email, it says talk mom 32.
So I was 32 years old.
And I'm turning 56 this year.
So it was a long time ago that Iwanted to start, some sort of
talk show as long beforepodcasts even existed and before
blogs even existed.
So, I mean, had I started itback then I would be really
popular.
But I always wanted to interviewwomen.
(03:45):
In fact, I think I remember myfirst interview was with the mom
that was doing homeschool and itwas just like over the phone and
I was recording it.
I had no idea how I was going toget that out to people.
I had, you know, I had publisheda magazine for several years,
with some other women about, youknow, what to make for dinner
and tips and family and how toclean and all this, that sort of
(04:07):
stuff.
But every time I started a newproject, I got pregnant.
So I'm going to stop startingnew projects because I don't
want to get pregnant.
And so, yeah, just, I think thetiming of it.
I don't really know what thedriving force actually, I will
say and I'll probably getemotional but There's a group of
friends, they came into my life.
(04:31):
And a lot of them are in my wardat church.
But I don't know, they just kindof took me into this friendship
and made me feel important.
And for some reason, it gave methe The inner belief in myself
and even though they, theydidn't know that goal or they
(04:52):
didn't say, Hey, you need to dothe podcast or anything like
that.
They have no idea what was goingin my mind, but it gave me that
inner power.
I'm a belief in myself.
Like if this is what friendshipdoes to a person, it changes
their beliefs in themselves.
It changes their direction.
It gives them that kind of likewind behind you to propel you
forward.
Then that's what.
(05:14):
Like it needs to happenworldwide and it needs to
happen.
The more we share our storiesand when we share our stories,
we really connect and we buildthat bridge of commonality
between us.
We, you know, they're just, itbreaks the silence of what we're
going through.
We don't feel so alone in ourstruggles and we feel more like
(05:35):
we can share.
And especially For those thatare listening in, you know, that
are LDS, when you're like reliefsociety, or you're in a, in a
classroom and a religiousclassroom, a study, if you, if
you are open up enough and feelvulnerable enough to share your
stories, to be part of theconversations, then other people
will feel safe to share theirstories.
And other people will feel morewilling to get the help that
(06:01):
they need or not feel so alonein the struggles, because we, as
I've learned through all ofthese interviews.
Nobody knows what goes on behindclosed doors.
Like absolutely not even a closeinkling of what's going on
behind a woman's life or behindclosed doors or what they've
gone on in their past.
(06:21):
And then now that you know, lifeis good now, but they've had all
this trauma before and we haveno idea, we have no idea.
And we're treating people as iflike, we think they're this
perfect persona in church, butwe have no idea what's.
The backstory.
And we need to be more open andvulnerable.
And that doesn't mean to shareyour deep stories, you know,
(06:41):
obviously, you've got to knowyour audience, but.
The more we kind of open up, themore we could actually help each
other and propel the change.
And for like, for my example,nobody knew what my goals were.
Nobody knew anything, but justthat friendship made me think
(07:01):
and analyze myself and my lifeand be like, wow.
I really need to do this.
And I just literally juststarted it.
I didn't have a microphone.
I didn't have nothing.
Luckily I'm tech savvy.
Yeah, that is good.
Very lucky.
I'm tech savvy, but I juststarted recording it and just
started Googling how to do itand how to learn.
(07:22):
And, and then I just starteddoing it.
And I, it's funny.
Cause I remember my son, my, thefirst episode I put out and I'm
having them listen to it alittle bit.
And they're like, Mom, I'veknown you my whole life.
That does not sound like you.
I'm like, well, I guess I have aface for radio.
(07:42):
But then some of them are like,no, mom, I listen to you all the
time.
I'm not listening to yourpodcast.
But yeah, yeah, no, for sure.
So, do you, do you put podcastsout every week?
Is that, that's kind of what I'mseeing.
Yes.
Yeah, I put them out every week.
Sometimes I give myself a breakbecause I think nobody's really
sitting out there sitting thereyet.
(08:03):
Hopefully they get to the pointwhere they're like, where's our
next episode?
But sometimes I have to givemyself a mental break where, as
I'm sure you know, when doingpodcasts, it just can be quite
overwhelming.
And, you know, life gets, youknow.
busy and family and stuff meansmore and my mental health means
more.
So sometimes the occasional timeI've taken a break and that's
(08:23):
where I like just kind of calledit a season.
Next season.
That's right.
You get to just invent it as yougo along.
Well, and that's the thing isthat I'm my own boss.
And at least like my husband Leeis like, you're in charge of
yourself.
Like, why are you pushingyourself so much?
Because there was a time thereI, I was doing four interviews a
week and each interview isaround two hours long.
(08:45):
So It's quite the process.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So from my understanding, justfor my audience to understand,
Lisa talks to these peoplefirst.
So she sets up an appointment,has a conversation, then she
does the interview and it canbe, yeah, a two hour
conversation, but then she editsit down so that it's either in
(09:08):
Kind of pieces so there's a partone part two or down to an hour
and so just just editing a halfan hour podcast for me to go
through and edit takes 45minutes to almost an hour just
to do that part of it so to edittwo hours of conversation and
trying to really chop it down,but take a lot of time so yeah,
(09:30):
it takes me it takes me a fullday.
Edit because of all themarketing and getting it out and
trying to put it out on YouTubenow and because I edit the, the
text, I edit the words that aresaid, and then I edit and add
the sound.
Music and edit the audio.
So that takes me a lot longer.
(09:51):
I'm getting faster at it, butI'm very particular at making
sure that their story is toldand said in a way that they
sound really good.
So I try to get rid of a lot ofthe uhs and ums and stuff
because I don't do it as much onYouTube because when you're
seeing somebody speak, it's alittle different than when
(10:12):
you're just hearing them to heara lot of the ums or the ums.
Common things that we all do.
Yeah.
It's funny because now when Ihear people speak, all I notice
is like their, Like, What theysay, because I'm like so used to
editing it out.
And it's not to get rid of whothey are.
It's just so that people enjoylistening to their story and get
to their story and not get socaught up in the repetition of
(10:36):
certain words.
Yes, right.
Yes, I do chat with them and thereason I chat with them is
because I want to build thatrelationship of trust and I want
to build that kind offriendship.
And get to know them and see ifthey're, you know, how much of
their story they're going totell, because there are some
people that are more interestedin just promoting their business
or their self and not reallytelling their story.
And that's not what my goal is.
(10:58):
And then I interviewed them sothat when I go to interview
them, we already have thisrelationship and they can feel
that they're sharing their storyin a safe place because some
stories are quite heartwrenching and dramatic, and
that's, those are the hard ones.
A lot of tears are shed in thechats.
Which I'm glad that I have thosebecause when I've done some
(11:20):
interviews in person, and it'sbeen a very emotional, all you
hear is me like snifflingthrough the whole thing.
So, you know, it just, it's hardbecause you want to be real, but
you also want to be so that theaudience can listen to it.
Yeah.
And it also does the storyjustice.
And they don't get annoyed byanything so that they actually
that person that sharing theirstory has a safe place.
(11:45):
Yeah.
So like I look at myself and Ifeel like I have a pretty boring
life.
People are like, you have sevenchildren, you should be on a
reality show.
And I was like, that would bethe most boring reality show of
all time.
It would be so dull.
And it's not because I haven'thad experiences and things, but
it's just really easy, I think,to look at yourself and feel
(12:06):
like I don't really have much tosay.
So what's your opinion on.
The kind of the value of allwomen's stories, all people's
stories, what, what are yourthoughts on that?
Well, there's always somethingthat you've lived or done that
paves a way for others.
It's like Brene Brown said, youknow, your story becomes
(12:26):
somebody else's survival guide.
Mm hmm.
And it doesn't have to be sopowerful and dramatic.
There's things that you'velearned that we've all learned
on our path and experiences.
Cause nobody gets out of thislife without shoveling a bit of
crap.
And so, you know, we've all beenthrough something, whether it's,
(12:47):
you know, the loss of a child ordealing with an illness or
mental health or raising sevenkids in today's world and
economy.
And, you know, there's alwayssomething.
That we have gone through thatcan help pave the way and teach
other women.
So that saves them from kind ofmaybe the, all the obstacles
(13:08):
that we went through.
Yeah, actually, I love thatbecause.
That really was something when Iwent into coaching that so much
of my own story and kind ofstruggles became the focus of my
coaching practice.
And I felt so drawn to it andjust kind of like, Oh, if I
could help women kind of skipthe S the slowest process that I
(13:32):
had to go through and skip someof the pain.
Then it's all totally worth it.
Suddenly it just feels like, Iguess it's like alchemizing that
God can do and take this thingthat was so hard and make it a
treasure for you to share withother people.
So, yeah, I do, I do love that.
This is, do you ever interviewmen or ever think about
(13:52):
interviewing men?
Not because you have to, I'mjust curious.
And not to be, you know, crash,but I have no desire to
interview any men and I justbecause I think then it breaks
that bond of friendship that I'mtrying to form with a community
I'm trying to form and not thatwe can't be friends with guys
and not that men aren'timportant.
(14:13):
That's absolutely not true.
I mean, I'm married to, youknow, one of the best men I
know.
And so I can't.
You know, undervalue them,obviously, but for what I'm
trying to do in my purpose is tobuild and strengthen women and
make those connections and onlywomen know what women go
(14:34):
through.
Yeah, you know, like you know,it's just not the, not the vibe
I'm going for.
Right.
Yeah.
So, do you want to share with usjust some of maybe.
Lessons you've learned throughthis, whether it's just in
general or from specific certainwomen that you just feel like, I
mean, I've listened to a lot ofyour interviews and there is,
(14:56):
there's no way that you can comeout of listening to these.
And some of them are just simplylike sharing things that they've
learned as mothers.
It's not necessarily all heavy,but you can't listen to these
interviews without coming out,feeling so much love and respect
and compassion for these women.
And, and so I guess I, I don'twant, I don't want to minimize
(15:20):
it by not letting you talk abouteverybody, but just are there
certain ones that kind of standout to you or that you can think
of right now that you just feellike this was a really powerful
experience for me?
Oh, that's hard.
Cause when I was thinking aboutthat too, I was trying to figure
out what I've learned from eachone of them.
And so some I haven't launchedyet, but I've done over 50
(15:43):
interviews.
So it's a lot of 50 women that.
I've really, it's gonna be hardnot to get emotional, impacted
my life and I'm sure they'reprobably sitting at home like,
who's Lisa?
But when you're going throughthe editing process and you're
listening to these stories,first of all, first hand, and
then editing it and going overit and over it, my love and
(16:05):
respect for them grows strongerand stronger because I'm having
to hear it over and over andover again.
Right.
And so, you know, I'm usuallyediting and depending on the
story, Oh, I'm crying.
I'm crying.
I'm getting emotional because Ifeel for them.
And so I, that's why I trulybelieve.
And I, I think I have it on mywebsite or I don't know.
(16:28):
My website's under construction,but is that when.
There's not a woman we wouldn'tlove if we didn't know their
story.
Yes.
And that was a quote by MarjorieHinkley, you know?
And it's so true that when weknow each other's stories, no
matter how dramatic or how, youknow, simple, we learn
something, we love them, we growto love them.
(16:50):
One of my most difficult ones, Imean, there's so many, but,
Well, actually yesterday was theanniversary of her daughter's
suicide and that was thepredator next door with Nancy
and her courage to share herstory about her daughter being
sexually abused by her bestfriend's husband for years, and
(17:15):
they were best friends foryears, long before they started
having kids and then because ofit, her daughter at, you know,
very young age as a teenagercommitted suicide, just, you
know, Last year and yesterdaywas the anniversary of that
death.
And, and it's hard not to thinkof these women going through
these things and being sad andlonely.
And like, I just can't evenimagine losing a child, let
(17:37):
alone to such a tragedy.
And that was extremely tough,but her courage to share it
because she's this fightingspirit of mother, like going to
spread the word and get out thewarning signs to other people.
What to watch for to know that.
You know, there are predatorsamong us and they don't look
like, you know, creeps.
(17:58):
They're like normal people.
And so, you know, just to fightfor her daughter's, you know,
spirit and life and give meaningto her life was incredible.
And then of course, anotherdifficult one.
It's hard because there's somany difficult ones actually.
Some of them I've had to takebreaks from to edit because it's
just too much.
(18:19):
And there's a lot of stuff tothat.
Kind of off the interview or,you know, off camera that gets
shared in more details to that.
I'd become aware of.
So that is hard too, but with mydaughter interviewing my
daughter that was hard to kindof hold face because it was an
in person interview, but it washard to not get the emotional
(18:40):
mom and want to kind of, youknow, sweep in there and be all,
but I had to hold space for herto be able to share a story or
she wouldn't have shared it if Igot an all emotional, you know,
mom on her.
And so that was a tough one.
Cause that one, I cried a lotediting because.
When you're not there for yourchild and you see the pain that
(19:01):
they're going through that'shard pill to swallow.
Yes.
But yeah, that was an importantone too for her to share.
And yeah, the feedback that Iget from a lot of these are
quite remarkable.
The one I got from my daughter,like these are just messages
that I get.
They're not reviews or anything,but one was to, you know, thank
you to both of you for being sobrave and willing to share Such
(19:22):
a private trial.
It will help so many.
I was so impressed with how youwere able to let her share her
story on the podcast and not letyour mama mode kick in.
I can't imagine all the emotionsyou were feeling, but I think
she really needed you to turnthat part of you down or off so
she could fully letter story.
Out.
It was so good.
She was so lucky to have you.
I appreciate this so I can bemore aware for my daughters.
(19:46):
Thank you.
And I'm giving you a big hugnext time I see you.
But some of them have beenreally touching and some from
surprising people that I didn'teven know were listening to my
podcast and it actuallysurprises me the feedback from
podcasts that I might not thinkget a lot of like traction but
there's a lot of episodes thatget Feedback that I didn't, I
(20:07):
wouldn't expect feedback fromsometimes because I, and it just
goes to show you that differentstories touch different people
at different times in theirlives, and there's not one
single episode that I have notlearned something from, like not
one.
Yeah, you start listening tothem and you all and you want to
binge listen a little bit.
Well, I appreciate that,Jingwen.
(20:27):
She has a lot of episodesbecause, but I always have to
question myself a little bit.
I'm like, am I listening to thisjust because I have some morbid
curiosity or like, or do Iactually, but you listen and
truly.
You just feel so much love forthese women who have the courage
to come on and really share somereally private, deep things.
(20:54):
Does it make you want to be morevulnerable yourself and share
more about yourself with others?
What does it cause or stirinside of you?
That's a really good question.
It's, it's funny because on onehand, I want to share less that
seems really, really scary.
On the other hand, sometimesit's a little bit like, I don't
even know what I would.
(21:15):
share, right?
Some people have such specificexperiences.
You know, Lisa has a woman onwho was sex trafficked twice,
right?
That's, I mean, my, like, mybrain can't even comprehend that
this is real, right?
As, as I'm listening to this.
So yeah, but I, I think what itreally does for me, Lisa, I feel
(21:38):
like is I look at women, BecauseLisa always says, you know, be
kind, you don't know what'shappening in people's lives.
And I think that is what ithelps me do.
Is it helps me watch my words ina way that's like, I don't know
how you are suffering and Idon't want to add pain to that.
And I think it just gives memore of a feeling of looking
(22:00):
around at all the women I seeand just think, you have an
amazing story.
I don't even know it, but Ibelieve you probably have an
amazing story.
Very powerful.
And I will say though, Jamelyn,you wouldn't become a life coach
if you didn't have a story.
Yes, probably.
I guess.
Because a lot of life coachesthat I've met and a lot of
people there, they all havestories and they all have this
(22:22):
desire to help other women andhelp other people because of
their own experiences.
So because of your experiences,that's the driving force behind,
I'm guessing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Desire to be a life coach.
Yeah.
And if you didn't have a storythat wouldn't, that driver, that
desire wouldn't be there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So tell me this, if you're okayto answer.
(22:44):
You haven't shared your story onyour podcast yet, I, you know, I
just, I don't know why I sharedbits and pieces of it in the
last episode.
I shared one of the mostembarrassing moments in my life.
But yes, I died.
I listened.
Did you hear that?
I did.
my goodness.
Awful.
It's like, yeah, don't trust mewith a phone.
That's for sure.
(23:05):
I've had more, many more littleincidences with phone and my
kids are like, Oh my goodness,mom, stop.
So yeah, it was awful.
But I just, I don't know.
I just, I ran it through my headover and over again.
And I have been through quitethe ordeals in life.
But I just, I think I might haveone of my daughters interview me
(23:27):
or something.
It's different to sit and justkind of tell your story.
Versus maybe having somebody askyou questions.
I thought a lot about it.
I thought about doing it on myanniversary of my launching my
podcast, which will be coming upin May, then it'll be one year.
And I thought of doing it then.
So it's cool.
It's coming.
I just have to find the rightway to tell it.
(23:50):
I tell little bits and piecesthroughout other episodes just
to kind of connect and share,you know, what the commonality
is, but for the most part, but Iwill share my story for sure.
Yeah, I think there is a part ofme Lisa that is like, You know,
some of these women youinterview, I don't know, right,
they're from the States orwhatever, and, and so, as
(24:12):
they're sharing, I have no faceto the people that are involved
in the story, and I think thatis part of, also part of the
reason why I'm like, I don'tknow how much of my story I
would share because I don't,because there's other people
that are in my story.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And it's not because they'reterrible people, or that I'm a
(24:33):
perfect person or anything, butI'm happy to share my mess, it's
hard for me to want to exposethe mess of other people that
maybe has impacted me.
Does that make sense?
Oh, totally I actually got onemessage from another girl said,
Hey, I love the idea of yourpodcast.
I wish I had the courage toshare my story as undoubtedly
there are women out there whofeel isolated like me because of
(24:54):
the highly personal nature,judgmental attitudes and desire
to protect privacy of self andothers.
Are there ways you could dointerviews with a hundred
percent anonymity?
Yes.
And I have done one withanonymity and it's very
difficult because I didinterview her in person and then
I transcribed her audio to text,printed it out, and then had
(25:19):
Rochelle, who we both know, readit.
And then I kind of inserted mylive kind of voice for the
questions into her reading it.
And it's hard because theemotions and.
You know, the fluctuations inthe voice aren't kind of
portrayed as well.
But I did promise her she wantedto share her story.
(25:40):
And I did notice that a weightwas lifted off of her, and she
seemed happier and lighter aftersharing her story.
But the only problem withanonymity is that you don't get
a lot of the emotions and thefluctuations in the tone of
voice with sharing the story.
But my goal is to help others,whatever that means, so they can
share their story.
(26:01):
and feel some sort of peace orthey can share their story and
help others.
And that is my goal.
I've only had one interviewwhere it was already out on
podcast.
It was already launched.
Yeah.
And they needed to change a fewthings because of the
ramifications of the falloutfrom some of the stuff.
And so, that was the only onethat I let actually join me and
(26:23):
edit with me.
Okay.
So that they can kind of deletestuff that might have some, you
know, bad side effects to it.
So, you know, my whole idea isto protect the person that's
sharing their story, but also,you know, help others.
Yeah.
So, whatever it takes.
Okay.
Yeah, so good.
(26:44):
Aren't there microphones thatchange people's voices?
Yeah, but I tried to do that andit just, it didn't sound, it
sounded weirder.
And, and because her story wasso dramatic about being sexually
abused by her brother and stuff,you know, when you change the
voice of that person, it justmakes it sound, I don't know.
Yeah, it was weird.
It would made it weirder becauseI did try that aspect, but it
(27:06):
just made it kind of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So Lisa, let's say you aresomeone who's like, I.
I don't necessarily want toshare my story on a podcast,
but, obviously you're passionateabout women's stories, and what
are other ways that you kind offeel like, or suggestions you
(27:26):
could give of ways that we couldjust do better at sharing our
story, or recording our story,or whatever?
You know so that there is kindof this history of us.
Well, I would definitely say,obviously, write a journal.
Yeah.
Because, you know, if you get tomy age and then you start
(27:46):
forgetting what your story evenis.
Mm hmm.
But I also think it's importantto especially if you have
children, to tell them yourstory.
And I've had my kids say, youknow, Mom, we want to know more
about your, you know, story andyour childhood.
Because I think we live it.
We experience it.
We go through it.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And then we kind of forget aboutit.
And we don't realize thatthere's lots of lessons within
(28:09):
that, you know.
But, and it's funny because, Imean, I don't know if most of
your listeners are LDS, but itmight be journal blossoming.
It says that I need to write myjournal and share my stories
with my daughters.
Oh, okay.
And so it's very powerful thatI'm told to share my stories
with my daughters.
So I've actually given myjournals that I wrote as a
(28:30):
teenager that there's a lot ofMaybe, I don't want to say
inappropriate, but a lot ofmaking out with guys and doing
things that I shouldn't havebeen doing.
But there's a lot of stuff inthere that I've let them just
read.
And I'm sure that afterwards I'mlike, I forgot that was in
there.
And they regret, but.
I just think that there's powerin lessons and learning about my
(28:52):
own personal struggles with selfesteem and self worth and for
them to hear in my own words inmy journal what I went through
and then quietly in their ownminds figure that out and kind
of learn from that without mesitting down and feeling like
I'm preaching to them.
Yes.
But our stories are important.
Very, very, very important.
And it's important for us tolearn about the women in our
(29:13):
life.
And learn what they're goingthrough and to ask the right
questions and ask and be, bethat safe place for people to
share their stories.
Right.
If we are the safe place forpeople to share their stories,
they will open up and they willshare and.
They will feel better and youwill feel connected to them and
you'll feel bonded to them forlife when they share their
stories.
(29:34):
I have so many people, myhusband is always shocked.
My kids are too.
They're like, I've never met aperson, mom, that just couldn't
like meet a person on a planeand become best friends with
them or meet a person in thestore.
Cause I just love, I genuinely,genuinely, and I can be pretty
crash and harsh sometimes.
And especially basketball games,but I genuinely, genuinely love
(29:58):
and care for.
You know, everyone, the womenout there.
And I've had people standing inthe middle of an ice cream shop
in Banff.
And this lady turns around to meand she said, she's just
talking.
And she's like, yeah, and I justhad a miscarriage.
And I'm like, and my husband'slike, what the heck?
Like, she's just sharing likeall this stuff from her.
And I just, you know, gave her ahug and told her I loved her.
(30:19):
And.
my husband's like, how manytimes has that happened?
I'm like, I don't know, I justhave this face that just says,
tell me everything.
Yes.
You know, and I've met women onplanes that have now become
really close friends.
And yeah, it's just, you justhave to open up yourself and be
a safe place and see people forwho they are.
are trying to be And not maybewho they seem like they are on
(30:43):
the outside, right?
Because that's what we wejudged, you know, but I mean
it's hard not to with instagramand social media But as i've
learned it's all And i'm suremost of us know it's all fake.
It's all smoke and mirrors.
It's all Yes You know, peopletrying to be their best, which
is not fake.
I find it's just they're tryingto be who they want to be.
Yeah, it doesn't necessarilymean it's fake.
(31:05):
It's just they're trying to bewho they want to be.
Yeah.
Yes.
And can we have a little morecompassion for.
All of us that are, you know,not necessarily totally want to
be exposed to the world and allof our troubles.
Right.
And then you could be thelistener instead of maybe the
sharer.
Right.
Yeah.
So good.
So, so good.
I cannot thank you enough forcoming on, Lisa.
(31:27):
I really, really would encouragepeople look at the trusted
friend podcast.
It is so well done.
I think men should listen to it.
because it is, it is just goodto sit kind of in the shoes of,
of somebody else and, and listento their experiences.
Some of them are really funnyand lighthearted.
(31:48):
Others just have stories thatyou just can't even believe, but
it is powerful.
It does create inside of you adesire to reach out and support
women.
It gives you so much respect forthe resilience of women.
And absolutely.
You know, I think we, those ofus who are members of the Church
(32:10):
of Jesus Christ of Latter daySaints are really encouraged to
do family history.
And when you read thosehistories and learn about those
women that went before you, yourealize that you stand on the
shoulders of extremely strongwomen.
And it, it really does inspireto listen to these kinds of
stories.
So Lisa, if people wanted to getin contact with you, potentially
(32:33):
share their story or even justbecome one of your friends, what
is the best way for them to findyou?
If they go to my website,there's an actual link to share
your story that they can kind ofgo to and.
Fill out the form and then I'llreach out to them or they can
message me on Instagram.
It's just the trusted friend ison Facebook, social media.
(32:55):
I'm not on really on Tik TOK.
Cause I have no idea how to doTik TOK.
I know I need to do that tobuild the popularity of it, but
I'm like, yeah, no, that's justnot me.
I think word of mouth is goingto help you a lot.
So good.
So it's the trusted friend isyour website.
Yeah.
The trusted friend.
ca.
Okay.
And then the trusted friend onInstagram and Facebook.
And I will link all of that inthe show notes so that it's easy
(33:17):
to find for anyone who wants to,but Lisa, thank you so much for
coming on.
I really, really appreciate youjust encouraging women to share
their stories.
It's what you're doing.
I was kind of nervous aboutthis, but I appreciate it
because I'm not used to being onthis side of it.
Poor Lisa, she has to talk more,but she's fantastic.
She's always enjoyable to listento.
(33:37):
So thank you so much, Lisa.
Thanks, Jamelyn.
Bye.
Thanks for listening today.
If you like what you hear on thepodcast, and you'd like to learn
more, feel free to head over tomy website.
Jamilin Stephan coaching.com orfind me on Instagram or Facebook
at Jamileh.
(33:58):
step in coaching.
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