February 16, 2024 • 78 mins
Navigating the treacherous waters of personal and professional boundaries, I, Loren Johnson, am your compass in this week's War of the Mind podcast. My journey through the shadows of domestic violence and the grip of heroin addiction has led me to a place of hard-earned wisdom, which I'm here to share. We'll unwrap the complexities of setting limits in relationships and at work, dissecting the impact of discrimination and rumors, and equipping you with the tools like self-awareness and journaling to solidify your personal barricades.
From domestic battlegrounds to the intricate dance of work-life balance, join me as I reflect on the art of self-advocacy and the power of self-discovery. My personal tales of codependency and the transformative echoes of Shine Down's music underscore the episode's exploration of growth. We'll circle around the empowerment that comes with knowing and asserting your worth, inspiring you to carve out space for your aspirations within the framework of healthy relationships.
Concluding with the gritty reality of toxic dynamics, I'll guide you through the maze of manipulative behaviors and the lifelines of support that can anchor us. The episode brings to light my own battles with addiction, the refuge of treatment court, and the reclamation of self-respect. As we close, remember to join the conversation and find solace in the community we've built through the LJ Voice Project. Together, let's fortify our boundaries and keep the flame of hope burning bright.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to War of the Mind podcast with Lauren
Johnson, your weekly dose ofreal life experience for you, by
you Giving listeners the chanceto share their story while
helping others and giving us allthe opportunity to listen or be
silent.
No more Paving the way for Warof the Mind to share these life
(00:24):
stories of struggles to triumphs, failures to promise.
Here we are all one and as onewe can overcome life's journey
towards finding our purpose.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
And we're back here on War of the Mind.
I'm your host, lauren Johnson,and today we are talking about
setting boundaries.
Now, setting boundaries is ayou know, something that you
know is the workplace.
It is at home, with threeromantic relationships, family,
(01:34):
friends Also plays into a partof self-discovery and you know,
building on that and settingboundaries is a crucial aspect
of maintaining healthyrelationships and personal
well-being, as it helpsestablish clear expectations and
(01:56):
limits for oneself.
Boundaries can be physical andI've felt victim of that.
You know I have been inmultiple relationships and I
don't know if I just attractthat or I seek it, but I've been
(02:24):
in two relationships and Iswore after the last one I would
never get into domesticviolence relationship.
And that's what happened in thelast one and it caused a lot of
trauma physically, mentally,emotionally, and so that's why
(02:45):
we're talking about settingboundaries.
And then you know it hasn'tbeen easy and then, when you
know, you get affected by it inthe workplace.
I just rent my office space andI haven't even been here three
(03:07):
months and there's already dramabecause people discriminate
against my background because,being a heroin addict prior, you
know.
So if I carry a bag in here,they think I'm carrying drugs in
(03:29):
here and if I have a guest overto do an interview for my
podcast, word spreads and theythink I'm selling drugs out of
my office, which really suckswhen I'm sitting here doing a
War of the Mind podcast, tryingto help others, and I have to
(03:53):
deal with this drama and thefact that it's just going behind
my back.
And I heard it and then whathappened is I went downstairs
and was just seeing if they hadany handouts for you know events
(04:16):
coming up, because I like to goto home and I heard my name
called like twice.
So I went down the hallway andthese two individuals are
talking about me and Iconfronted them about it and I
said why is my name beingbrought up?
(04:37):
And the one goes we didn't sayanything about your name.
So I, you know, said the hellif you didn't.
I heard it twice and they'relike well, you can't have your
wife here.
I said my wife isn't here.
I had a guest that was supposedto be helping me and has before
(05:04):
.
And my big issue is the onethat is equal to saying my name
is in AA.
And last I checked I thought awas about anonymity and not what
(05:30):
stays what's set in the roomstays in the room and for this
individual to be spreadingrumors about me Sucks, because
you know this was my office, wasmy getaway from the world and
(05:52):
place where I can get myemotions out Audio on paper and
I feel like that was taken awayand because now I don't feel
like the same as I did beforeabout coming to my office, and
(06:13):
especially when you know peopleare talking behind your back
that you don't even know andthey don't even know a story,
and especially when I've bustedmy ass to get to where I'm at
and you know it just happenedtonight and it's, it's uh, I'm
(06:43):
trying to hold back.
It's the trauma that I don'tthink my biggest setback when I
was, you know, trying to getbetter, but then I'd go back to
using was the judgment of others.
(07:06):
And you know I'm keeping tomyself, working on my self and
while I'm researching topics tohave for the show, it's helping
me in my recovery.
But then I have to come to myoffice and have people talking
(07:31):
behind my back and thinking I'mdoing this, saying I'm doing
that just to try and get mekicked out.
Because why?
Because you think you're betterthan me, because I haven't did
anything, said anything, otherthan come in here and do my
(07:56):
podcast and write when I'mresearching, try to get work on
my book, try to work on thisshow and make it as good as
possible, but you know where doyou draw the line, you know
where is it going to hurt.
Worse me sticking it out,staying somewhere where I have
(08:18):
not wanted, or show resiliency,and that resilient and stick it
out and prove to those dramaqueens that they're wrong.
(08:39):
And then the one lady has thenerve to say you look sick, why
don't you go home?
And I think that was absolutelyrude.
And she flat out because of myeye.
Because those of you don't know, I have a blown out eye socket
(09:03):
from domestic violence that Ihave to get fixed surgery, but
they're waiting for the eye tocalm down, but I have an
infection.
So I'm dealing with that.
But for someone to say I shouldgo home because I look sick,
(09:24):
like, yeah, you're just sayingthat because you don't want me
here.
And these are people that don'teven own the place.
They just rent an office and Idon't even know them, never talk
to them and yeah, so you knowthis female wants to play the
(09:48):
anonymity game and break therules.
Well then we'll take the higherout and write people and we'll
just keep plugging away andtrying to get away from those
unhealthy patterns and behaviorssuch as avoidance and
aggression or people pleasing orcultivating self-worthiness and
(10:12):
self-compassion in the processof boundary setting.
Now, boundary setting can bedynamic and ongoing process that
requires regular reassessmentand adjustment as one's needs
and circumstances change overtime.
(10:33):
Getting healthy boundaries iscrucial for maintaining healthy
relationships and personalwell-being.
It requires a process ofself-awareness, communication
and ongoing assessment, andthat's what I've talked about
before the reflection and thejournaling.
Journaling is huge.
(10:54):
If you don't journal, youshould try it, because getting
your emotions down on paper getsthose thoughts out of your head
that you're struggling with,and putting them on paper just
takes away so much, and you knowthere's ways you can if you
(11:19):
can't think of what you want towrite about.
You know just Google journalprompts that you want for
starting a journal or what youwant to write about, and there
are journals that you can buythat have the self-prompt
(11:41):
already in there.
So it's like they havequestions and you can get some
of that art where they want youto draw a picture of this that
comes to mind and I think it'scool, and I'm in the middle of
wanting to make my own journalfor War of the Mind and even a
(12:01):
workbook with a guide for aworkshop, and a lot of this
helps me with my recovery andjust sharing my experiences so
that I can help you.
And so setting boundaries in theworkplace definitely helps.
(12:23):
Maintain a healthy work-lifebalance, can prevent burnout and
improve productivity, isimportant for self-advocacy and
career growth.
So speak up, say what you wantto say, and you know I could
(12:43):
have went down there when I wasdoing my own thing and hearing
that my name and let it go andjust went upstairs, but I felt
like I should stick up formyself because I'm not doing
anything wrong, so I wanted toknow why you're talking about me
behind my back.
And so setting boundaries withfamily and friends that can
(13:08):
strengthen relationships byestablishing clear expectations
mutual respect can bechallenging, especially when
dealing with family dynamics andcultural expectations.
It can be challenging,especially when dealing with
family dynamics.
It may require assertivenessand communication skills as well
(13:30):
as self-awareness and empathy.
Now, one keyword I'm telling youis sticking out that we will
cover is self-awareness.
Self-awareness is huge and itmakes you aware of your
(13:51):
environment.
It definitely makes you awareof yourself and your
self-control and you know,self-awareness allows you to
reflect and look at what you'redoing, right and wrong, where
(14:14):
yourself loves that self-will,self-worth, all that you know.
And in setting boundaries inromantic relationships it's
essential for healthycommunications and mutual
understanding and that's where Idropped the ball.
(14:37):
I didn't set boundaries.
So I will admit I'm guilty ofnot setting boundaries.
I am terrible at it and that'sprobably why I've been in the
situations I've been in, becauseI don't set boundaries and if I
(14:58):
do, I don't stick to them.
If I set them, you know I don'twant to hurt the other person,
so I give in and get what I get,and you know that's on me.
(15:22):
In romantic relationships it canprevent codependency and enable
individual growth.
Now I became very I will behonest.
I came, I was very codependentas well as my wife.
We both were.
I mean, we both relied on eachother and only each other, and
(15:49):
it kind of hurt us because, youknow, we isolated and we're we
still are in love.
I believe we don't see eachother talk to each other right
now because of court, but I'veforgiven her for what she did.
(16:18):
I believe that's what I have todo to move on from the trauma.
Well, I forget it?
Probably not, but it's allowedme to go to domestic violence or
group, which you know takes alot because I'm the only man
(16:41):
there and there's still thatstigma, so can be difficult when
navigating the issues of trust,vulnerability and intimacy.
You know I struggle withintimacy due to sexual assault
(17:04):
when I was a kid and that one Ihave not dealt with and it's I
need to because it's it's causedproblems in relationships in
the past.
And you know, and I don't, Idon't mean it and I'm not out to
(17:28):
hurt anybody, that is my lastthing.
I believe in being kind toothers, I believe in sticking up
for others.
It's just I don't think that mytrauma has affected me in my
(18:00):
relationships and that's, youknow, on me, not necessarily all
on me, but it's still myresponsibility to have
self-respect for myself and Ineed to love myself if I'm gonna
(18:22):
be going anywhere, be goinganywhere in my life.
And it's really I don't knowwhat I'm trying to say here.
You know it burns back so muchtrauma when you try to be
(18:58):
intimate and you've beensexually assaulted and you think
like the pleasure is not therelike it's hard to explain, it's
hard to forget, it's probably aresentment I will never get over
(19:20):
.
There's a lot of anger there.
Okay, moving on settingboundaries during self-discovery
.
Now, this helps to establish asense of identity and purpose.
That may involve questioningand reevaluating one's values,
(19:44):
beliefs and relationships.
It can be empowering but alsouncomfortable and challenging.
You know and I'm kind of inthat area, I don't know where
you guys are Perspectives onsetting boundaries vary across
different, different audiencesand require consideration of
factors such as relationships,culture, identity and mental
(20:08):
health.
You know, I think nowadaysmental health is really
prevalent and it's where itshould be.
(20:29):
You know it should be talkedabout and it still isn't fully
there, but it's gaining ground.
And you know, I want to give ashout out to the band Shine Down
, which is one of my favorites.
I'm just not gonna lie, theyare my favorite and my goal is
(20:54):
to meet Brent Smith.
He I don't know him, I've nevermet him, but his music and the
lyrics behind all that is astory of his addiction and stuff
(21:16):
he's been through and I canrelate so much to every single
one of his songs and sometimes,you know, it's hard to listen to
him, even though they are myfavorite because it brings back
so many memories, but at thesame time, it's helped me
(21:38):
through a lot to stay strong,and he's a recovering addict and
I'm just amazed at how stronghe is.
And watching his YouTube videosand or Facebook videos,
whatever and he inspires,absolutely inspires me to get
(22:05):
clean and stay clean, and allthat because he didn't have to
and look where he's at.
I mean, if you to stayed usingI don't know that Shine Down
would be where they're at rightnow and there.
You know those of you don'tthat don't know who they are,
(22:28):
but they're, you know, hard torock the Smith and Myers.
It's also like a break off ofShine Down, but it's Brent Smith
and his guitarist and I amdrawn a blank and he's guitarist
and he's probably gonna.
This will be why they don'tcome on the show ever, because I
(22:49):
can't remember his guitarist.
Anyways, setting boundaries forpersonal growth and well-being.
Setting boundaries is anessential part of personal
growth and self-discovery.
It helps define values, needsand priorities and communicate
(23:12):
them effectively to others.
By setting clear and healthyboundaries, you can protect your
well-being, foster positiverelationships and achieve your
goals.
And then we have some tips andpractice and best practices for
setting boundaries in differentareas of your life.
(23:35):
Now, like we talked about before, setting boundaries in the
workplace, this is anotheraspect of it.
The workplace can be achallenging environment for
setting boundaries, especiallyif you're your people pleaser or
workaholic.
However, setting boundaries inthe workplace is crucial for
(23:56):
maintaining your work-lifebalance, preventing burnout and
advancing your career.
Setting boundaries at workclarify your job
responsibilities and prioritieswith your supervisor.
Communicate your boundariesassertively and respectfully
using eye statements.
Set realistic expectations foryour workload and deadlines and
(24:22):
availability.
Take breaks and prioritizeself-care and activities such as
exercise, mediation, hobbies.
Learn to say no or negotiatecompromises when boundaries are
challenged.
(24:43):
Setting boundaries with friendsand family.
Gaining boundaries with lovedones can be tricky, especially
if you have a history ofcodependency, conflict and guilt
.
However, setting boundarieswith friends family is essential
to maintaining healthy andfulfilling relationships and
(25:04):
respecting each other's autonomyand needs.
Here are some tips for settingboundaries with friends and
family Identify personal valuesand needs and communicate them
clearly to loved ones.
Practice active listening andempathy, and respect your loved
(25:28):
loved ones perspective andfeelings.
You got all that.
Everybody, what we'd sayRespect.
Respect is huge.
Set boundaries for your time,energy and resources, and
prioritize your own self-careand growth.
(25:48):
Learn to say no or negotiatecompromises.
Boundaries challenge.
Seek professional support orcounseling if you're dealing
with complex family dynamics andtrauma.
Now we're getting into thenitty-gritty getting boundaries
in romantic relationships.
This is a hard one, because youlove somebody so much and a lot
(26:17):
of times when you set aboundary, you'll know if you set
a boundary and stick to it,because the other person is
usually gonna be pissed offabout it and not happy about it
and if they're not happy aboutit, you know you set a boundary.
That is probably a good thing.
Studying boundaries in romanticrelationships is crucial for
(26:40):
building a strong and respectfulpartnership and avoiding
codependency or toxicity.
However, setting boundaries inromantic relationships can be
challenging, especially whendealing with issues of trust,
intimacy and vulnerability.
Then some tips for that wouldbe communicate your boundaries
(27:03):
openly and honestly, using Istatements and active listening.
Set boundaries for your time,space and emotional needs, and
respect your partner'sboundaries as well.
Establish clear expectationsand rules for communication,
conflict resolution and personalgrowth.
Practice self-care andself-compassion.
(27:26):
Avoid sacrificing your ownwell-being for the sake of your
relationship and I am guilty ofthat to this day.
Seek professional support forcouples therapy if you're
dealing with the complexrelationship issues or trauma.
(27:47):
Yeah, that one's a tough oneand later we're gonna get into
the toxicity and that can be.
You know, tough when you're ina toxic relationship and you
don't know where to stay in itor get out.
And when you're manipulated, sobad it's tough.
(28:16):
I mean, I won't lie, it's abitch, especially when you're
hearing from everybody else onwhat to do and then you know
what you want to do.
But ultimately it's up to you.
(28:41):
Setting boundaries duringself-discovery is an essential
part of exploring our identityand values and goals and
achieving personal growth andfulfillment.
However, setting boundariesduring self-discovery can be
uncomfortable, challenging andeven scary, as it involves
questioning, reevaluating yourbeliefs and your relationships,
(29:06):
and then tips for that would beidentify your core values,
passions, goals.
Communicate them to yourselfand others.
Practice self-reflection andintrospection and explore
emotions, thoughts and behaviorswith curiosity and compassion.
Set boundaries for your timeand energy and prioritize your
(29:30):
self-care and personal growth.
Learn to tolerate discomfortand uncertainty and embrace
change and growth as part of theself-discovery process and,
like the others, seekprofessional support or
counseling if you're dealingwith mental health issues or
trauma.
(29:50):
Setting boundaries is not goingprocess.
Just remember that.
You know that requiresself-care and self-respect.
As someone who spent decades ofgoing through this and then, as
(30:16):
well as trying to motivatepeople to achieve their fullest
potential, I can tell you thatsetting boundaries is crucial
for success and fulfillment inall areas of your life.
Whether you're dealing with afriend or a family,
relationships or colleagues,knowing how to set boundaries is
(30:40):
can make the world ofdifference in your personal and
professional growth.
Understanding boundaries, youknow, first, is first let's
define what we mean byboundaries.
Boundaries are the limits weset for ourselves and
(31:04):
relationships, defining what isand isn't acceptable behavior.
They help us protect ouremotional and physical
well-being and communicate ourneeds and values about two
others.
You know, without healthyboundaries, we can fall prey to
(31:25):
emotional manipulation andthat's what I was talking about
earlier and burnout andresentment.
That's why learning how to setand maintain boundaries and
stick to them is essential foranyone who wants to lead a
(31:45):
fulfilling and authentic life.
Again, you know.
Some more tips on that would bebe clear and direct.
Don't beat around the bush andbe or use passive, aggressive
language.
State your boundaries clearlyand without apology.
(32:08):
I feel like I'm alwaysapologizing.
I don't know if I owe youpeople, but I'm guilty of that
Guilty of being blamed andtaking it it's always my fault
(32:28):
and then I end up apologizingand don't even know why.
Use I statements instead ofblaming and accusing others for
others.
Focus on your own needs andfeelings.
Say things like I feeluncomfortable when you do, or
(32:50):
say blank.
Say that to yourself.
Be consistent.
Don't waver in your boundariesor make expectations.
Focus on your own needs.
Make expectations thatcompromise your values or well
(33:15):
being.
Don't and then again seeksupport.
If you're trouble setting ormaintaining boundaries with
friends or family, don'thesitate to reach out or to be
too a trusted friend, therapistor coach for support.
(33:36):
Some boundaries in romanticrelationships, I'm telling you,
can be tough, can be some of themost challenging.
When it comes to setting theseboundaries, you know it's easy
to get caught up in theintensity of emotional, that
emotional connection we have andwe say to what's healthy and
(34:03):
appropriate.
You and love.
There's always that talk aboutlove is blind and you know it.
You can see what you see whenyou're in love and people
looking on the outside seesomething else and a lot of
(34:24):
times those people on theoutside are right.
But you got to trust yourselfand to have yourself respect, to
know what's right and what'swrong for yourself.
You know, for romanticrelationships, as we said before
(34:48):
, be clear about your values andneeds.
Before entering a relationship,take the time to define your
values and needs.
This will help you communicateboundaries more effectively.
Communicate openly and honestly.
Don't be afraid to express yourneeds and expectations in a
(35:09):
relationship.
Your partner can't read yourmind.
Your partner can't read yourmind and it's not fair to expect
them to you know.
So speak your mind.
Tell them how it is.
Do you think they're doingsomething wrong or you don't
(35:29):
believe what they're saying, oryou think they're spending too
much time on their phone?
When you're trying to have aconversation and asking them to
put the phone away, you knowwhen that's where the focus
comes in and you can't have alegit conversation.
(35:50):
If I'm sitting here talking toyou, you're trying the other
person is trying to multitaskand be on the phone and texting
everybody else while you'retrying to talk to them.
That ain't no civilconversation and you know that
one kind of pisses me off whenthat happens and I just feel
(36:14):
like you know when you're tryingto have a serious conversation,
it takes time to sit down andstop what you're doing, the
other person and focus, and youknow that's where the listening
comes in, and I am a listenerthat won't lie.
(36:34):
You know more tips for romanticrelationships Be clear about
your values and needs.
(36:58):
Take time to define your valuesand needs and a lot of times
this will help communicate yourboundaries more effectively.
Respect each other's autonomy.
Like we said, Trust yourinstincts.
If something feels off anduncomfortable in a relationship,
(37:21):
trust your gut.
Don't dismiss your own feelingsor needs to please someone else
.
And I'm not gonna lie, like Isaid before, I'm victim of that.
I have to work on that and it'slike it says, it's a challenge
(37:47):
and, just like in the workplace,you know you can be
particularly workplace can betricky, as we can often feel
pressure and you know, to pleaseour bosses or colleagues.
And, however, setting clearboundaries at workplace is
(38:10):
essential for preventing burnout, reducing stress and
maintaining a healthy work-lifebalance.
And you know I struggle atbalancing my healthy workplace
and personal life.
A lot of times when I start aproject or dig in, I am all in
(38:38):
and I will not stop until Ifinish, and that takes away time
and my marriage and oh wait,for my personal life and you
know, one of these days.
We're gonna get into theenneagrams and your personality
(39:01):
type and I'm a challenger andyou would not believe you when
you take the test, how spot onyou it is.
And when you read through itit'll explain how your partner
can approach it.
Matches like this type withwhat type they are.
(39:24):
You find it and then you canread through it and it talks
about how you can approach yourpartner, the dos and don'ts, and
it's really helpful.
And I'm a believer in theenneagram.
(39:45):
The first time I ever heardabout it was at church at
Jacobswell and they brought itup there and ever since that I
got you know every book atchurch on enneagram and then I
ended up buying like five moreat BAM and I think I got it down
(40:10):
to a T because it's spot on.
You know, setting boundaries iscrucial to living a fulfilling
life while pursuingself-discovery.
It may be difficult, you know,to establish boundaries with
loved ones, but it's necessary.
(40:30):
You know, to prioritize yourwell-being and our personal
growth.
Remember that settingboundaries is not a one-time
event we have to stick to thembut an ongoing process that
(40:51):
requires practice and patience.
It's not going to happenovernight.
You're going to have to.
You know practice, practice,practice.
It's just like I say, you know,like I was a college wrestler,
and they say it takes 10,000,let's say, because wrestling you
(41:12):
shoot Like double legs and fortakedowns, and it takes, they
say, 10,000 reps to have themuscle memory to naturally do it
without even thinking.
And that's just like practicingsetting boundaries the more you
(41:33):
do it, the more it's going tostick and you're going to find
that you don't budge on yourboundaries.
And it's just like creating ahabit, healthy habits, and you
know, the more you practicethose habits, the more you're
going to stick to them.
And I'm talking healthy habits,not bad habits.
(41:58):
So I'm just thinking what wewant to go into here, kind of
debating.
Here we're taking a quick breakand I'll put on a little bit of
(42:19):
shine down for you.
What do you want to listen tohere?
We'll listen to their new hit,hope or Daylight, and we'll be
back right after this.
Speaker 3 (43:03):
So here we are, all dressed to kill.
Where should we go Into thewild again to face the great
unknown?
And half the midnightconversations you and I broke
spoke.
You saved my life.
(43:26):
I don't want to split twice.
You keep me free from falling.
You saved my life.
You get all alright, I don'tfeel like talking.
(43:48):
You make sure I always see thedeal.
It's amazing what the heartdoes in the world.
(44:09):
Our clues show up.
We'll also let loose the road.
So take me on out, take thewheels and make it bolder from
the past.
We will always live forever ifwe don't look at the past.
You saved my life.
(44:31):
I don't want to split twice.
You keep me free from falling.
You saved my life.
You get all alright.
I don't feel like talking.
(44:51):
You make sure I always see thedeal.
I don't feel like talking.
You make sure I always see thedeal.
I don't feel like talking.
You make sure I always see thedeal.
(45:15):
You make sure I always see thedeal.
It's amazing what the heartdoes in the world.
You make sure I always see thedeal.
(45:39):
You make sure I always see thedeal.
You saved my life.
I don't want to split twice.
You keep me free from falling.
(46:00):
You saved my life.
Make it all alright.
I don't feel like talking.
You make sure I always see thedeal.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
And we're back.
You're on War of the Mind.
Those little shine down for you.
And so next we're going to talkabout toxic relationships.
And this one's a tough one forme because you know I've been in
(46:48):
it and it's tough.
It's especially, you know,myself having a traumatic brain
injury and having to deal withtoxicity in a relationship.
You know this is a hard topicfor me to talk about but I kind
(47:14):
of have to.
And you know setting boundariesin a tox with toxic people.
You know toxic people can havedetrimental effects on our lives
, causing stress, anxiety andharm to our mental, emotional
and physical well-being.
You know it's essential tosetting boundaries with toxic
(47:41):
people to protect yourself andprioritize your well-being.
You know that's where I kind ofmade the mistake.
I didn't set those boundariesand you know it was a
free-for-all.
And you know I don't I'm notmad about it, I just wish it
(48:11):
wouldn't happen to what thesituation had happened between
her and I.
And you know it still doesn'ttake away how much I love her
and how much she means to me andI hope she knows that.
You know me talking about thisisn't to make her look bad.
(48:34):
It's me talking about it sothat I can process it and it's
not make, it's not an issue.
You know, down the road and Ipray we can get past it.
And you know there's a lot ofunknowns right now and that's
(49:01):
why it's probably hard.
And you know I'm in treatmentcourt and I got brought up.
I was asked, you know, if Iknow what it means to be in a
toxic relationship and you knowI said what you know it is and
(49:29):
you know when I first wrote thisout I was, I showed my parents
and I was taken back by thisbecause I everything that it's.
I found out about it because Ifelt like I had researched it
(49:52):
after it being brought up and itbrought back a ton of emotions
and pain and memories and hurtand still hurts.
And, yeah, you know, theobjective of what we're talking
(50:26):
about here is to understand theimportance of studying
boundaries with toxic people andto learn how to identify toxic
behaviors of others and to learnpractical steps for studying
boundaries with toxic people.
Toxic people can be found in allareas of our lives in our
(50:50):
personal relationships,workplace, our social circles
and even our families.
These individuals may havemanipulative, abusive or
controlling behaviors causingstress and harm to our mental
health, emotional and physicalhealth.
By setting boundaries withtoxic people, we can protect
(51:13):
ourselves from their negativeinfluence and prioritize our
well-being.
Identifying toxic behaviors youknow, the first step in
identifying, first step insetting boundaries with toxic
(51:37):
people, is to recognize toxicbehaviors.
These could be include and thisis where it's tough for me
because I feel like all theseapply and, you know, in the
(51:58):
moment when it was happening, Ididn't see it and I don't know
if I can put my thumb on when itstarted, I don't know.
(52:23):
I really don't know if it wasjust always that way.
Like there are times where Ifeel like, you know, maybe I'm a
game to her and then there'stimes where I love this shit out
of her and don't see that partof her and a lot of it is.
(52:48):
You know, her drug abuse andcoming off it.
You know she can be a monsterand I can do, and that's why
she's staying sober and I prayshe's staying sober too.
You know, like I said here, thefirst step in setting
(53:17):
boundaries with toxic people isrecognizing toxic behaviors.
These include manipulative andcontrol verbal and emotional
abuse, gaslighting, which, ifyou don't know, gaslighting has
been all over.
It was all over the news lastyear.
(53:38):
You know, with Trump that'smaking you doubt your own
feelings and thoughts.
So it's basically someone whostarts an argument, fuels an
(53:58):
argument and just to get yougoing and then it starts making
you doubt your own feelings anddecisions and thoughts.
And you know that can be as faras criticizing and belittling,
even blaming you for theirproblems.
(54:18):
You know it can also berefusing to take responsibility
for their actions.
Understanding why boundaries areimportant.
(54:38):
Bodies are essential toprotecting our mental and
emotional physical well-being.
They can help you regaincontrol and power over your own
life, improve your self-esteemand confidence and you know
(54:59):
that's kind of where I'm at ismy self-esteem and confidence
was racked about them when Istarted treatment court and,
like the judge, she is impressedwith where I am and they're
starting to see the real mecoming back that I was before.
(55:25):
I may not be the same person,but coming back to where I have
confidence and self-esteem.
It's something that I lost inmy relationship somewhere along
the way and maybe I didn't haveit going into the relationship.
You know I don't blame her.
(55:48):
I'm not mad at her.
I'm more mad at addictionbecause if it wasn't for
addiction, I don't think wewould be where we're at, because
she is the most lovingindividual or is her heart on
(56:15):
her sleeve, and yet she's gotaddiction problem, just like I
do.
And when she's using or comingoff, she's, you know, like I
said, someone you don't want tobe around.
And I will not lie, I'm thesame way and I hate it.
(56:40):
You know I might feel good fora little bit but you know
afterwards it's hell and you'resaying stuff that you don't even
mean and it's just flying outand it's.
You know your goal is whenyou're coming off is to like win
(57:07):
every argument and to say someof the worst things you could
possibly say, just to hurt them.
And it sucks because you wakeup in the morning and you're
like thinking everything's fine,which you totally forgot and
blacked out what you said andsome stuff that said can be
(57:34):
personal and painful.
You know, setting boundaries inthose relationships can reduce
stress and anxiety and you knowthere was a point there where I
(57:58):
had to be on anxiety meds andhigh dose because I couldn't
handle the anxiety Like I can'tlive with chaos and you know
some people's lives they enjoychaos and I'm just not that
person.
(58:18):
And others improve yourrelationships with others.
I lost all my relationships withothers other than with my
parents.
You know, my parents stuck byme all the way through and they
(58:41):
could have easily gave up on meand they didn't.
And I learned a lot from it andlearned a lot on how to be a
parent.
You know my wife she's got theopposite.
She don't get support from herparents and they don't help her
(59:04):
like mine do, you know.
But when my wife's at her worst, she has no problem throwing
that in my face about my parentshelping me that.
You know I'm a baby.
I get help from my parents, butyou know what?
That's just my parents, whothey are.
(59:28):
They refuse to turn their backon their child and they're not
enabling.
They don't.
They don't enable it one bit.
They are also not going to giveup on a kid and put their kid
under a bridge.
And for someone to say thatyou're a baby and you know
(59:56):
Silver Spoon is wrong.
Because I didn't come from arich family.
My dad busted his ass toprovide for the family and so
did my mom, and I never thoughtthat I'd be 39 years old.
Being back at home Going ondisability was severe trauma.
(01:00:20):
I had injury and have myparents having to help take care
of me.
And I have so much guiltbecause my parents probably
didn't plan on retiring andhaving to take care of their
(01:00:41):
middle son.
And I feel like I get the shortend of the stick from my
brothers because you know theysee me just living at home and
think I'm just living the lifeand I'm not.
(01:01:01):
I don't.
I appreciate and think andenjoy every moment I have with
my parents and all the help theygive me.
At the same time, it hurts thatI'm taken away from the
(01:01:21):
retirement and the things theycould be doing without me there
and they should be able to enjoythat retirement without having
to take care of their son andthey yet they still refuse to
give up on me.
You know I go to treatmentcourt every week and my parents
(01:01:46):
are sitting in the courtroomevery single one, every court
date.
You know, if I didn't have themfor support, I know I would
still be back on the streets andusing, and I attribute a lot of
(01:02:09):
my success to them.
Has it been hard?
Yeah, it was my dad hard on meVery, but I feel like that.
That I'm trying to think of theword, that pressure, that heart
(01:02:36):
stuff that he taught me and mymom taught me is probably why I
have the resilience I have toovercome the stuff I had and
have, and if I didn't have thatresilience, I probably wouldn't
be here today.
I you know, when I overdosedone time I I flatlined and
(01:03:08):
they'd bring me back and I'dflatline again and bring me back
, flatline again, and I rememberit clears day and I have
nightmares about it and Iremember them people screaming
at me to breathe and I fought,fought, fought to breathe and
(01:03:31):
then I couldn't take a breathanymore and I'd fade out and it
was gone and I knew I was goneand it was just just in a total
different space and it was quiet.
I could see myself.
(01:03:53):
I almost looked like theNorthern Lights when I was out
and you could hear a pin dropand you know.
And then what was weird is likeI would be.
(01:04:15):
These black things were likepulling me one way and the white
things were pulling me one wayand the white things ended up
taking over and I believe thatwas God and I don't know how
many chances he's got left togive me because he's given me so
many chances to survive.
(01:04:37):
And I'm here for a reason, Ithink, and I guess it's just
offer hope and resilient andpray I help somebody else.
It's.
(01:04:58):
You know, I was fighting for mylife and I remember thinking to
myself I can just stop right nowand not fight and be done.
And I gasped and fought so hard.
I will not lie, that was thehardest fight I've ever had.
(01:05:20):
I've been in fist fights, I'vebeen wrestling matches that were
tough, I've broken my ankles,I've had shoulder surgery and
came back from them and Nothingcompares to trying to fight for
your life and Knowing you diedand flat-lined and you're gone.
(01:05:48):
And then you come back andyou're gone, you come back,
you're gone.
And I ended up in a coma and itwas during COVID and it was
scary.
When I woke up, you know, Iwoke up with a different
(01:06:11):
perspective and scared, and itwas during the time when they
didn't allow visitors.
So there's nothing more lonelythan waking up out of a coma and
no one's there and confused onwhy you're there and what
(01:06:32):
happened and why no one's there,and that's just a tough subject
to talk about.
But it's something I need toget off my chest and you know,
(01:06:53):
in toxic relationships, you know, set clear boundaries Once you
have identified toxic behaviorsand understand the importance of
boundaries, you can startsetting clear boundaries, and
you know there's steps to that.
Identify the behavior that youwant to change.
(01:07:14):
First you want to change andthen you have to decide what
your boundary is, will be, andAn example would be I will not
tolerate verbal abuse and youhave to stick to that boundary
and communicate your boundary ina clear, assertive manner.
(01:07:38):
You know you also have to beconsistent and firm with your
boundary.
You can't let it bend or break.
You know establish consequencesfor crossing the boundary.
If you continue to criticize meas an example, I will leave the
(01:08:00):
conversation.
You know it got to the pointwhere I we would get in such an
argument about stuff like thisand I would have to call my
parents to come get me like Icould have drove, but I was in
no condition to drive because myemotions were just everywhere
(01:08:22):
and I knew where my support wasand I knew where my exit plan
was and I had it all planned soI could have an out.
And I'm not talking out of therelationship, I'm talking out of
what the argument is and my wayout was always call my parents,
(01:08:49):
have them come pick me up andthen go to their place and calm
down and hope she'd calm down.
You know, establish settingboundaries with toxic people can
be challenging, but it'scrucial for protecting your
(01:09:10):
well-being.
By identifying toxic behaviors,by understanding the importance
of boundaries and setting clearboundaries, you can take
control of your life and improveyour relationships with others,
you know.
So that's kind of the we'regoing to stop there for tonight.
(01:09:32):
So just keep in mind, settingboundaries is so important in
your self-discovery and yourjourney in life and having
healthy relationships, whetherit's workplace or romantic
(01:09:55):
relationships and yourself-worth will improve by
setting boundaries.
And setting boundaries issomething that you'll have to do
the rest of your life.
And it's important that you doit because if you don't, other
(01:10:18):
people will take advantage ofyou and manipulate you and
mentally abuse you.
You know, I was told one timethat if I ever left the
relationship they would come atsuicide.
And you know that's somethingthat hains over my head and it's
(01:10:42):
scary because I love thisperson so much and I feel like I
Anybody can tell me what theywant and say that.
You know that's not on me,that's her choice.
But If I choose to leave her, Ifeel like I'm the reason she's
(01:11:06):
doing it and I Don't know if I'dever be able to live with
myself.
And, and you know, as long asshe stays sober and clean, just
like me, I Pray it works out.
But if you know I can't, she'sgot to set that boundary on me
(01:11:31):
too.
And Communicate communicationis huge and relationships,
whether they're romantic or not,you have to be a seriv and
Speak your mind.
You know it can be so hard andchallenging, but you know what
(01:11:53):
you can do it.
Why?
Because Everybody has it inthem to be resilient.
Whether you're at the rockbottom or you're at the top,
we're all gonna face challengesin our life and, like we've
(01:12:16):
ended other shows, we're gonnaend this one.
The same way that a Hope is onething that you can never lose.
A sight of Hope is what willget you through everything, and
you have to remember that andkeep that, because without hope,
(01:12:39):
you ain't gonna have anythingyou can.
You might as well wash yourhands and give up, because
Without, without any hope,there's nothing left.
Hope inspires others to takeaction and Believe in others and
(01:13:06):
, you know, set that tone forfighting.
You know, if you, if you losehope, what's the point?
Hope is everything in our livesand I'm not just saying like,
hoping for, like a present, I'mtalking Hope that inspires you
(01:13:29):
to take action.
You know, and Like our signingoff on here We'll do in a few
minutes, but first of all I wantto, you know, make sure you
guys check out our website,ljvoiceprojectcom, and If you're
(01:13:54):
looking for a motivationalspeaker, I share my story and
you know, check out our website.
It'll pop up the book today.
If you're not ready to booktoday, that doesn't matter,
that's okay and you can Clickyes or no on those cookies.
(01:14:17):
I don't know, I'm not, I'm notreally Want to ask questions
about that.
I don't get it, but that's notmy specialty.
I I just speak on experienceand you know, also, check out
(01:14:39):
our our Facebook, instagram,twitter accounts where we post,
you know, motivational stuff andyeah, so that's all of our
handles for our Instagram,facebook and Twitter and
(01:15:00):
LinkedIn and Pinterest our alllj voice project.
So with that, I want to say,just like we always do, keep
hope alive.
And I want to thank you all forlistening to the show today.
(01:15:24):
I Appreciate all the views andJust go ahead and don't forget
to share with your friends andfamily and and don't forget to
like us on Facebook, the voiceproject, and we're also on
Twitter at lj voice project.
When we also Check out our emailOur website is lj voice project
(01:15:51):
com.
Email is contact us at lj voiceproject com.
Or we also have Lauren LORNJohnson at lj voice project that
they were also on Instagram.
(01:16:11):
Out those.
I mean just write us on An hour, one page and we can easily get
back to you.
You know, just leave us a phonenumber what's app Phone numbers
on there as well.
So Feel free to contact us thatwe're always available and free
(01:16:33):
to answer.
So I really hope to hear fromyou soon.
Welcome to War of the Mind podcast with Lauren
Johnson, your weekly dose ofreal life experience for you, by
you Giving listeners the chanceto share their story while
helping others and giving us allthe opportunity to listen or be
silent.
No more Paving the way for Warof the Mind to share these life
(00:24):
stories of struggles to triumphs, failures to promise.
Here we are all one and as onewe can overcome life's journey
towards finding our purpose.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
And we're back here on War of the Mind.
I'm your host, lauren Johnson,and today we are talking about
setting boundaries.
Now, setting boundaries is ayou know, something that you
know is the workplace.
It is at home, with threeromantic relationships, family,
(01:34):
friends Also plays into a partof self-discovery and you know,
building on that and settingboundaries is a crucial aspect
of maintaining healthyrelationships and personal
well-being, as it helpsestablish clear expectations and
(01:56):
limits for oneself.
Boundaries can be physical andI've felt victim of that.
You know I have been inmultiple relationships and I
don't know if I just attractthat or I seek it, but I've been
(02:24):
in two relationships and Iswore after the last one I would
never get into domesticviolence relationship.
And that's what happened in thelast one and it caused a lot of
trauma physically, mentally,emotionally, and so that's why
(02:45):
we're talking about settingboundaries.
And then you know it hasn'tbeen easy and then, when you
know, you get affected by it inthe workplace.
I just rent my office space andI haven't even been here three
(03:07):
months and there's already dramabecause people discriminate
against my background because,being a heroin addict prior, you
know.
So if I carry a bag in here,they think I'm carrying drugs in
(03:29):
here and if I have a guest overto do an interview for my
podcast, word spreads and theythink I'm selling drugs out of
my office, which really suckswhen I'm sitting here doing a
War of the Mind podcast, tryingto help others, and I have to
(03:53):
deal with this drama and thefact that it's just going behind
my back.
And I heard it and then whathappened is I went downstairs
and was just seeing if they hadany handouts for you know events
(04:16):
coming up, because I like to goto home and I heard my name
called like twice.
So I went down the hallway andthese two individuals are
talking about me and Iconfronted them about it and I
said why is my name beingbrought up?
(04:37):
And the one goes we didn't sayanything about your name.
So I, you know, said the hellif you didn't.
I heard it twice and they'relike well, you can't have your
wife here.
I said my wife isn't here.
I had a guest that was supposedto be helping me and has before
(05:04):
.
And my big issue is the onethat is equal to saying my name
is in AA.
And last I checked I thought awas about anonymity and not what
(05:30):
stays what's set in the roomstays in the room and for this
individual to be spreadingrumors about me Sucks, because
you know this was my office, wasmy getaway from the world and
(05:52):
place where I can get myemotions out Audio on paper and
I feel like that was taken awayand because now I don't feel
like the same as I did beforeabout coming to my office, and
(06:13):
especially when you know peopleare talking behind your back
that you don't even know andthey don't even know a story,
and especially when I've bustedmy ass to get to where I'm at
and you know it just happenedtonight and it's, it's uh, I'm
(06:43):
trying to hold back.
It's the trauma that I don'tthink my biggest setback when I
was, you know, trying to getbetter, but then I'd go back to
using was the judgment of others.
(07:06):
And you know I'm keeping tomyself, working on my self and
while I'm researching topics tohave for the show, it's helping
me in my recovery.
But then I have to come to myoffice and have people talking
(07:31):
behind my back and thinking I'mdoing this, saying I'm doing
that just to try and get mekicked out.
Because why?
Because you think you're betterthan me, because I haven't did
anything, said anything, otherthan come in here and do my
(07:56):
podcast and write when I'mresearching, try to get work on
my book, try to work on thisshow and make it as good as
possible, but you know where doyou draw the line, you know
where is it going to hurt.
Worse me sticking it out,staying somewhere where I have
(08:18):
not wanted, or show resiliency,and that resilient and stick it
out and prove to those dramaqueens that they're wrong.
(08:39):
And then the one lady has thenerve to say you look sick, why
don't you go home?
And I think that was absolutelyrude.
And she flat out because of myeye.
Because those of you don't know, I have a blown out eye socket
(09:03):
from domestic violence that Ihave to get fixed surgery, but
they're waiting for the eye tocalm down, but I have an
infection.
So I'm dealing with that.
But for someone to say I shouldgo home because I look sick,
(09:24):
like, yeah, you're just sayingthat because you don't want me
here.
And these are people that don'teven own the place.
They just rent an office and Idon't even know them, never talk
to them and yeah, so you knowthis female wants to play the
(09:48):
anonymity game and break therules.
Well then we'll take the higherout and write people and we'll
just keep plugging away andtrying to get away from those
unhealthy patterns and behaviorssuch as avoidance and
aggression or people pleasing orcultivating self-worthiness and
(10:12):
self-compassion in the processof boundary setting.
Now, boundary setting can bedynamic and ongoing process that
requires regular reassessmentand adjustment as one's needs
and circumstances change overtime.
(10:33):
Getting healthy boundaries iscrucial for maintaining healthy
relationships and personalwell-being.
It requires a process ofself-awareness, communication
and ongoing assessment, andthat's what I've talked about
before the reflection and thejournaling.
Journaling is huge.
(10:54):
If you don't journal, youshould try it, because getting
your emotions down on paper getsthose thoughts out of your head
that you're struggling with,and putting them on paper just
takes away so much, and you knowthere's ways you can if you
(11:19):
can't think of what you want towrite about.
You know just Google journalprompts that you want for
starting a journal or what youwant to write about, and there
are journals that you can buythat have the self-prompt
(11:41):
already in there.
So it's like they havequestions and you can get some
of that art where they want youto draw a picture of this that
comes to mind and I think it'scool, and I'm in the middle of
wanting to make my own journalfor War of the Mind and even a
(12:01):
workbook with a guide for aworkshop, and a lot of this
helps me with my recovery andjust sharing my experiences so
that I can help you.
And so setting boundaries in theworkplace definitely helps.
(12:23):
Maintain a healthy work-lifebalance, can prevent burnout and
improve productivity, isimportant for self-advocacy and
career growth.
So speak up, say what you wantto say, and you know I could
(12:43):
have went down there when I wasdoing my own thing and hearing
that my name and let it go andjust went upstairs, but I felt
like I should stick up formyself because I'm not doing
anything wrong, so I wanted toknow why you're talking about me
behind my back.
And so setting boundaries withfamily and friends that can
(13:08):
strengthen relationships byestablishing clear expectations
mutual respect can bechallenging, especially when
dealing with family dynamics andcultural expectations.
It can be challenging,especially when dealing with
family dynamics.
It may require assertivenessand communication skills as well
(13:30):
as self-awareness and empathy.
Now, one keyword I'm telling youis sticking out that we will
cover is self-awareness.
Self-awareness is huge and itmakes you aware of your
(13:51):
environment.
It definitely makes you awareof yourself and your
self-control and you know,self-awareness allows you to
reflect and look at what you'redoing, right and wrong, where
(14:14):
yourself loves that self-will,self-worth, all that you know.
And in setting boundaries inromantic relationships it's
essential for healthycommunications and mutual
understanding and that's where Idropped the ball.
(14:37):
I didn't set boundaries.
So I will admit I'm guilty ofnot setting boundaries.
I am terrible at it and that'sprobably why I've been in the
situations I've been in, becauseI don't set boundaries and if I
(14:58):
do, I don't stick to them.
If I set them, you know I don'twant to hurt the other person,
so I give in and get what I get,and you know that's on me.
(15:22):
In romantic relationships it canprevent codependency and enable
individual growth.
Now I became very I will behonest.
I came, I was very codependentas well as my wife.
We both were.
I mean, we both relied on eachother and only each other, and
(15:49):
it kind of hurt us because, youknow, we isolated and we're we
still are in love.
I believe we don't see eachother talk to each other right
now because of court, but I'veforgiven her for what she did.
(16:18):
I believe that's what I have todo to move on from the trauma.
Well, I forget it?
Probably not, but it's allowedme to go to domestic violence or
group, which you know takes alot because I'm the only man
(16:41):
there and there's still thatstigma, so can be difficult when
navigating the issues of trust,vulnerability and intimacy.
You know I struggle withintimacy due to sexual assault
(17:04):
when I was a kid and that one Ihave not dealt with and it's I
need to because it's it's causedproblems in relationships in
the past.
And you know, and I don't, Idon't mean it and I'm not out to
(17:28):
hurt anybody, that is my lastthing.
I believe in being kind toothers, I believe in sticking up
for others.
It's just I don't think that mytrauma has affected me in my
(18:00):
relationships and that's, youknow, on me, not necessarily all
on me, but it's still myresponsibility to have
self-respect for myself and Ineed to love myself if I'm gonna
(18:22):
be going anywhere, be goinganywhere in my life.
And it's really I don't knowwhat I'm trying to say here.
You know it burns back so muchtrauma when you try to be
(18:58):
intimate and you've beensexually assaulted and you think
like the pleasure is not therelike it's hard to explain, it's
hard to forget, it's probably aresentment I will never get over
(19:20):
.
There's a lot of anger there.
Okay, moving on settingboundaries during self-discovery
.
Now, this helps to establish asense of identity and purpose.
That may involve questioningand reevaluating one's values,
(19:44):
beliefs and relationships.
It can be empowering but alsouncomfortable and challenging.
You know and I'm kind of inthat area, I don't know where
you guys are Perspectives onsetting boundaries vary across
different, different audiencesand require consideration of
factors such as relationships,culture, identity and mental
(20:08):
health.
You know, I think nowadaysmental health is really
prevalent and it's where itshould be.
(20:29):
You know it should be talkedabout and it still isn't fully
there, but it's gaining ground.
And you know, I want to give ashout out to the band Shine Down
, which is one of my favorites.
I'm just not gonna lie, theyare my favorite and my goal is
(20:54):
to meet Brent Smith.
He I don't know him, I've nevermet him, but his music and the
lyrics behind all that is astory of his addiction and stuff
(21:16):
he's been through and I canrelate so much to every single
one of his songs and sometimes,you know, it's hard to listen to
him, even though they are myfavorite because it brings back
so many memories, but at thesame time, it's helped me
(21:38):
through a lot to stay strong,and he's a recovering addict and
I'm just amazed at how stronghe is.
And watching his YouTube videosand or Facebook videos,
whatever and he inspires,absolutely inspires me to get
(22:05):
clean and stay clean, and allthat because he didn't have to
and look where he's at.
I mean, if you to stayed usingI don't know that Shine Down
would be where they're at rightnow and there.
You know those of you don'tthat don't know who they are,
(22:28):
but they're, you know, hard torock the Smith and Myers.
It's also like a break off ofShine Down, but it's Brent Smith
and his guitarist and I amdrawn a blank and he's guitarist
and he's probably gonna.
This will be why they don'tcome on the show ever, because I
(22:49):
can't remember his guitarist.
Anyways, setting boundaries forpersonal growth and well-being.
Setting boundaries is anessential part of personal
growth and self-discovery.
It helps define values, needsand priorities and communicate
(23:12):
them effectively to others.
By setting clear and healthyboundaries, you can protect your
well-being, foster positiverelationships and achieve your
goals.
And then we have some tips andpractice and best practices for
setting boundaries in differentareas of your life.
(23:35):
Now, like we talked about before, setting boundaries in the
workplace, this is anotheraspect of it.
The workplace can be achallenging environment for
setting boundaries, especiallyif you're your people pleaser or
workaholic.
However, setting boundaries inthe workplace is crucial for
(23:56):
maintaining your work-lifebalance, preventing burnout and
advancing your career.
Setting boundaries at workclarify your job
responsibilities and prioritieswith your supervisor.
Communicate your boundariesassertively and respectfully
using eye statements.
Set realistic expectations foryour workload and deadlines and
(24:22):
availability.
Take breaks and prioritizeself-care and activities such as
exercise, mediation, hobbies.
Learn to say no or negotiatecompromises when boundaries are
challenged.
(24:43):
Setting boundaries with friendsand family.
Gaining boundaries with lovedones can be tricky, especially
if you have a history ofcodependency, conflict and guilt
.
However, setting boundarieswith friends family is essential
to maintaining healthy andfulfilling relationships and
(25:04):
respecting each other's autonomyand needs.
Here are some tips for settingboundaries with friends and
family Identify personal valuesand needs and communicate them
clearly to loved ones.
Practice active listening andempathy, and respect your loved
(25:28):
loved ones perspective andfeelings.
You got all that.
Everybody, what we'd sayRespect.
Respect is huge.
Set boundaries for your time,energy and resources, and
prioritize your own self-careand growth.
(25:48):
Learn to say no or negotiatecompromises.
Boundaries challenge.
Seek professional support orcounseling if you're dealing
with complex family dynamics andtrauma.
Now we're getting into thenitty-gritty getting boundaries
in romantic relationships.
This is a hard one, because youlove somebody so much and a lot
(26:17):
of times when you set aboundary, you'll know if you set
a boundary and stick to it,because the other person is
usually gonna be pissed offabout it and not happy about it
and if they're not happy aboutit, you know you set a boundary.
That is probably a good thing.
Studying boundaries in romanticrelationships is crucial for
(26:40):
building a strong and respectfulpartnership and avoiding
codependency or toxicity.
However, setting boundaries inromantic relationships can be
challenging, especially whendealing with issues of trust,
intimacy and vulnerability.
Then some tips for that wouldbe communicate your boundaries
(27:03):
openly and honestly, using Istatements and active listening.
Set boundaries for your time,space and emotional needs, and
respect your partner'sboundaries as well.
Establish clear expectationsand rules for communication,
conflict resolution and personalgrowth.
Practice self-care andself-compassion.
(27:26):
Avoid sacrificing your ownwell-being for the sake of your
relationship and I am guilty ofthat to this day.
Seek professional support forcouples therapy if you're
dealing with the complexrelationship issues or trauma.
(27:47):
Yeah, that one's a tough oneand later we're gonna get into
the toxicity and that can be.
You know, tough when you're ina toxic relationship and you
don't know where to stay in itor get out.
And when you're manipulated, sobad it's tough.
(28:16):
I mean, I won't lie, it's abitch, especially when you're
hearing from everybody else onwhat to do and then you know
what you want to do.
But ultimately it's up to you.
(28:41):
Setting boundaries duringself-discovery is an essential
part of exploring our identityand values and goals and
achieving personal growth andfulfillment.
However, setting boundariesduring self-discovery can be
uncomfortable, challenging andeven scary, as it involves
questioning, reevaluating yourbeliefs and your relationships,
(29:06):
and then tips for that would beidentify your core values,
passions, goals.
Communicate them to yourselfand others.
Practice self-reflection andintrospection and explore
emotions, thoughts and behaviorswith curiosity and compassion.
Set boundaries for your timeand energy and prioritize your
(29:30):
self-care and personal growth.
Learn to tolerate discomfortand uncertainty and embrace
change and growth as part of theself-discovery process and,
like the others, seekprofessional support or
counseling if you're dealingwith mental health issues or
trauma.
(29:50):
Setting boundaries is not goingprocess.
Just remember that.
You know that requiresself-care and self-respect.
As someone who spent decades ofgoing through this and then, as
(30:16):
well as trying to motivatepeople to achieve their fullest
potential, I can tell you thatsetting boundaries is crucial
for success and fulfillment inall areas of your life.
Whether you're dealing with afriend or a family,
relationships or colleagues,knowing how to set boundaries is
(30:40):
can make the world ofdifference in your personal and
professional growth.
Understanding boundaries, youknow, first, is first let's
define what we mean byboundaries.
Boundaries are the limits weset for ourselves and
(31:04):
relationships, defining what isand isn't acceptable behavior.
They help us protect ouremotional and physical
well-being and communicate ourneeds and values about two
others.
You know, without healthyboundaries, we can fall prey to
(31:25):
emotional manipulation andthat's what I was talking about
earlier and burnout andresentment.
That's why learning how to setand maintain boundaries and
stick to them is essential foranyone who wants to lead a
(31:45):
fulfilling and authentic life.
Again, you know.
Some more tips on that would bebe clear and direct.
Don't beat around the bush andbe or use passive, aggressive
language.
State your boundaries clearlyand without apology.
(32:08):
I feel like I'm alwaysapologizing.
I don't know if I owe youpeople, but I'm guilty of that
Guilty of being blamed andtaking it it's always my fault
(32:28):
and then I end up apologizingand don't even know why.
Use I statements instead ofblaming and accusing others for
others.
Focus on your own needs andfeelings.
Say things like I feeluncomfortable when you do, or
(32:50):
say blank.
Say that to yourself.
Be consistent.
Don't waver in your boundariesor make expectations.
Focus on your own needs.
Make expectations thatcompromise your values or well
(33:15):
being.
Don't and then again seeksupport.
If you're trouble setting ormaintaining boundaries with
friends or family, don'thesitate to reach out or to be
too a trusted friend, therapistor coach for support.
(33:36):
Some boundaries in romanticrelationships, I'm telling you,
can be tough, can be some of themost challenging.
When it comes to setting theseboundaries, you know it's easy
to get caught up in theintensity of emotional, that
emotional connection we have andwe say to what's healthy and
(34:03):
appropriate.
You and love.
There's always that talk aboutlove is blind and you know it.
You can see what you see whenyou're in love and people
looking on the outside seesomething else and a lot of
(34:24):
times those people on theoutside are right.
But you got to trust yourselfand to have yourself respect, to
know what's right and what'swrong for yourself.
You know, for romanticrelationships, as we said before
(34:48):
, be clear about your values andneeds.
Before entering a relationship,take the time to define your
values and needs.
This will help you communicateboundaries more effectively.
Communicate openly and honestly.
Don't be afraid to express yourneeds and expectations in a
(35:09):
relationship.
Your partner can't read yourmind.
Your partner can't read yourmind and it's not fair to expect
them to you know.
So speak your mind.
Tell them how it is.
Do you think they're doingsomething wrong or you don't
(35:29):
believe what they're saying, oryou think they're spending too
much time on their phone?
When you're trying to have aconversation and asking them to
put the phone away, you knowwhen that's where the focus
comes in and you can't have alegit conversation.
(35:50):
If I'm sitting here talking toyou, you're trying the other
person is trying to multitaskand be on the phone and texting
everybody else while you'retrying to talk to them.
That ain't no civilconversation and you know that
one kind of pisses me off whenthat happens and I just feel
(36:14):
like you know when you're tryingto have a serious conversation,
it takes time to sit down andstop what you're doing, the
other person and focus, and youknow that's where the listening
comes in, and I am a listenerthat won't lie.
(36:34):
You know more tips for romanticrelationships Be clear about
your values and needs.
(36:58):
Take time to define your valuesand needs and a lot of times
this will help communicate yourboundaries more effectively.
Respect each other's autonomy.
Like we said, Trust yourinstincts.
If something feels off anduncomfortable in a relationship,
(37:21):
trust your gut.
Don't dismiss your own feelingsor needs to please someone else
.
And I'm not gonna lie, like Isaid before, I'm victim of that.
I have to work on that and it'slike it says, it's a challenge
(37:47):
and, just like in the workplace,you know you can be
particularly workplace can betricky, as we can often feel
pressure and you know, to pleaseour bosses or colleagues.
And, however, setting clearboundaries at workplace is
(38:10):
essential for preventing burnout, reducing stress and
maintaining a healthy work-lifebalance.
And you know I struggle atbalancing my healthy workplace
and personal life.
A lot of times when I start aproject or dig in, I am all in
(38:38):
and I will not stop until Ifinish, and that takes away time
and my marriage and oh wait,for my personal life and you
know, one of these days.
We're gonna get into theenneagrams and your personality
(39:01):
type and I'm a challenger andyou would not believe you when
you take the test, how spot onyou it is.
And when you read through itit'll explain how your partner
can approach it.
Matches like this type withwhat type they are.
(39:24):
You find it and then you canread through it and it talks
about how you can approach yourpartner, the dos and don'ts, and
it's really helpful.
And I'm a believer in theenneagram.
(39:45):
The first time I ever heardabout it was at church at
Jacobswell and they brought itup there and ever since that I
got you know every book atchurch on enneagram and then I
ended up buying like five moreat BAM and I think I got it down
(40:10):
to a T because it's spot on.
You know, setting boundaries iscrucial to living a fulfilling
life while pursuingself-discovery.
It may be difficult, you know,to establish boundaries with
loved ones, but it's necessary.
(40:30):
You know, to prioritize yourwell-being and our personal
growth.
Remember that settingboundaries is not a one-time
event we have to stick to thembut an ongoing process that
(40:51):
requires practice and patience.
It's not going to happenovernight.
You're going to have to.
You know practice, practice,practice.
It's just like I say, you know,like I was a college wrestler,
and they say it takes 10,000,let's say, because wrestling you
(41:12):
shoot Like double legs and fortakedowns, and it takes, they
say, 10,000 reps to have themuscle memory to naturally do it
without even thinking.
And that's just like practicingsetting boundaries the more you
(41:33):
do it, the more it's going tostick and you're going to find
that you don't budge on yourboundaries.
And it's just like creating ahabit, healthy habits, and you
know, the more you practicethose habits, the more you're
going to stick to them.
And I'm talking healthy habits,not bad habits.
(41:58):
So I'm just thinking what wewant to go into here, kind of
debating.
Here we're taking a quick breakand I'll put on a little bit of
(42:19):
shine down for you.
What do you want to listen tohere?
We'll listen to their new hit,hope or Daylight, and we'll be
back right after this.
Speaker 3 (43:03):
So here we are, all dressed to kill.
Where should we go Into thewild again to face the great
unknown?
And half the midnightconversations you and I broke
spoke.
You saved my life.
(43:26):
I don't want to split twice.
You keep me free from falling.
You saved my life.
You get all alright, I don'tfeel like talking.
(43:48):
You make sure I always see thedeal.
It's amazing what the heartdoes in the world.
(44:09):
Our clues show up.
We'll also let loose the road.
So take me on out, take thewheels and make it bolder from
the past.
We will always live forever ifwe don't look at the past.
You saved my life.
(44:31):
I don't want to split twice.
You keep me free from falling.
You saved my life.
You get all alright.
I don't feel like talking.
(44:51):
You make sure I always see thedeal.
I don't feel like talking.
You make sure I always see thedeal.
I don't feel like talking.
You make sure I always see thedeal.
(45:15):
You make sure I always see thedeal.
It's amazing what the heartdoes in the world.
You make sure I always see thedeal.
(45:39):
You make sure I always see thedeal.
You saved my life.
I don't want to split twice.
You keep me free from falling.
(46:00):
You saved my life.
Make it all alright.
I don't feel like talking.
You make sure I always see thedeal.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
And we're back.
You're on War of the Mind.
Those little shine down for you.
And so next we're going to talkabout toxic relationships.
And this one's a tough one forme because you know I've been in
(46:48):
it and it's tough.
It's especially, you know,myself having a traumatic brain
injury and having to deal withtoxicity in a relationship.
You know this is a hard topicfor me to talk about but I kind
(47:14):
of have to.
And you know setting boundariesin a tox with toxic people.
You know toxic people can havedetrimental effects on our lives
, causing stress, anxiety andharm to our mental, emotional
and physical well-being.
You know it's essential tosetting boundaries with toxic
(47:41):
people to protect yourself andprioritize your well-being.
You know that's where I kind ofmade the mistake.
I didn't set those boundariesand you know it was a
free-for-all.
And you know I don't I'm notmad about it, I just wish it
(48:11):
wouldn't happen to what thesituation had happened between
her and I.
And you know it still doesn'ttake away how much I love her
and how much she means to me andI hope she knows that.
You know me talking about thisisn't to make her look bad.
(48:34):
It's me talking about it sothat I can process it and it's
not make, it's not an issue.
You know, down the road and Ipray we can get past it.
And you know there's a lot ofunknowns right now and that's
(49:01):
why it's probably hard.
And you know I'm in treatmentcourt and I got brought up.
I was asked, you know, if Iknow what it means to be in a
toxic relationship and you knowI said what you know it is and
(49:29):
you know when I first wrote thisout I was, I showed my parents
and I was taken back by thisbecause I everything that it's.
I found out about it because Ifelt like I had researched it
(49:52):
after it being brought up and itbrought back a ton of emotions
and pain and memories and hurtand still hurts.
And, yeah, you know, theobjective of what we're talking
(50:26):
about here is to understand theimportance of studying
boundaries with toxic people andto learn how to identify toxic
behaviors of others and to learnpractical steps for studying
boundaries with toxic people.
Toxic people can be found in allareas of our lives in our
(50:50):
personal relationships,workplace, our social circles
and even our families.
These individuals may havemanipulative, abusive or
controlling behaviors causingstress and harm to our mental
health, emotional and physicalhealth.
By setting boundaries withtoxic people, we can protect
(51:13):
ourselves from their negativeinfluence and prioritize our
well-being.
Identifying toxic behaviors youknow, the first step in
identifying, first step insetting boundaries with toxic
(51:37):
people, is to recognize toxicbehaviors.
These could be include and thisis where it's tough for me
because I feel like all theseapply and, you know, in the
(51:58):
moment when it was happening, Ididn't see it and I don't know
if I can put my thumb on when itstarted, I don't know.
(52:23):
I really don't know if it wasjust always that way.
Like there are times where Ifeel like, you know, maybe I'm a
game to her and then there'stimes where I love this shit out
of her and don't see that partof her and a lot of it is.
(52:48):
You know, her drug abuse andcoming off it.
You know she can be a monsterand I can do, and that's why
she's staying sober and I prayshe's staying sober too.
You know, like I said here, thefirst step in setting
(53:17):
boundaries with toxic people isrecognizing toxic behaviors.
These include manipulative andcontrol verbal and emotional
abuse, gaslighting, which, ifyou don't know, gaslighting has
been all over.
It was all over the news lastyear.
(53:38):
You know, with Trump that'smaking you doubt your own
feelings and thoughts.
So it's basically someone whostarts an argument, fuels an
(53:58):
argument and just to get yougoing and then it starts making
you doubt your own feelings anddecisions and thoughts.
And you know that can be as faras criticizing and belittling,
even blaming you for theirproblems.
(54:18):
You know it can also berefusing to take responsibility
for their actions.
Understanding why boundaries areimportant.
(54:38):
Bodies are essential toprotecting our mental and
emotional physical well-being.
They can help you regaincontrol and power over your own
life, improve your self-esteemand confidence and you know
(54:59):
that's kind of where I'm at ismy self-esteem and confidence
was racked about them when Istarted treatment court and,
like the judge, she is impressedwith where I am and they're
starting to see the real mecoming back that I was before.
(55:25):
I may not be the same person,but coming back to where I have
confidence and self-esteem.
It's something that I lost inmy relationship somewhere along
the way and maybe I didn't haveit going into the relationship.
You know I don't blame her.
(55:48):
I'm not mad at her.
I'm more mad at addictionbecause if it wasn't for
addiction, I don't think wewould be where we're at, because
she is the most lovingindividual or is her heart on
(56:15):
her sleeve, and yet she's gotaddiction problem, just like I
do.
And when she's using or comingoff, she's, you know, like I
said, someone you don't want tobe around.
And I will not lie, I'm thesame way and I hate it.
(56:40):
You know I might feel good fora little bit but you know
afterwards it's hell and you'resaying stuff that you don't even
mean and it's just flying outand it's.
You know your goal is whenyou're coming off is to like win
(57:07):
every argument and to say someof the worst things you could
possibly say, just to hurt them.
And it sucks because you wakeup in the morning and you're
like thinking everything's fine,which you totally forgot and
blacked out what you said andsome stuff that said can be
(57:34):
personal and painful.
You know, setting boundaries inthose relationships can reduce
stress and anxiety and you knowthere was a point there where I
(57:58):
had to be on anxiety meds andhigh dose because I couldn't
handle the anxiety Like I can'tlive with chaos and you know
some people's lives they enjoychaos and I'm just not that
person.
(58:18):
And others improve yourrelationships with others.
I lost all my relationships withothers other than with my
parents.
You know, my parents stuck byme all the way through and they
(58:41):
could have easily gave up on meand they didn't.
And I learned a lot from it andlearned a lot on how to be a
parent.
You know my wife she's got theopposite.
She don't get support from herparents and they don't help her
(59:04):
like mine do, you know.
But when my wife's at her worst, she has no problem throwing
that in my face about my parentshelping me that.
You know I'm a baby.
I get help from my parents, butyou know what?
That's just my parents, whothey are.
(59:28):
They refuse to turn their backon their child and they're not
enabling.
They don't.
They don't enable it one bit.
They are also not going to giveup on a kid and put their kid
under a bridge.
And for someone to say thatyou're a baby and you know
(59:56):
Silver Spoon is wrong.
Because I didn't come from arich family.
My dad busted his ass toprovide for the family and so
did my mom, and I never thoughtthat I'd be 39 years old.
Being back at home Going ondisability was severe trauma.
(01:00:20):
I had injury and have myparents having to help take care
of me.
And I have so much guiltbecause my parents probably
didn't plan on retiring andhaving to take care of their
(01:00:41):
middle son.
And I feel like I get the shortend of the stick from my
brothers because you know theysee me just living at home and
think I'm just living the lifeand I'm not.
(01:01:01):
I don't.
I appreciate and think andenjoy every moment I have with
my parents and all the help theygive me.
At the same time, it hurts thatI'm taken away from the
(01:01:21):
retirement and the things theycould be doing without me there
and they should be able to enjoythat retirement without having
to take care of their son andthey yet they still refuse to
give up on me.
You know I go to treatmentcourt every week and my parents
(01:01:46):
are sitting in the courtroomevery single one, every court
date.
You know, if I didn't have themfor support, I know I would
still be back on the streets andusing, and I attribute a lot of
(01:02:09):
my success to them.
Has it been hard?
Yeah, it was my dad hard on meVery, but I feel like that.
That I'm trying to think of theword, that pressure, that heart
(01:02:36):
stuff that he taught me and mymom taught me is probably why I
have the resilience I have toovercome the stuff I had and
have, and if I didn't have thatresilience, I probably wouldn't
be here today.
I you know, when I overdosedone time I I flatlined and
(01:03:08):
they'd bring me back and I'dflatline again and bring me back
, flatline again, and I rememberit clears day and I have
nightmares about it and Iremember them people screaming
at me to breathe and I fought,fought, fought to breathe and
(01:03:31):
then I couldn't take a breathanymore and I'd fade out and it
was gone and I knew I was goneand it was just just in a total
different space and it was quiet.
I could see myself.
(01:03:53):
I almost looked like theNorthern Lights when I was out
and you could hear a pin dropand you know.
And then what was weird is likeI would be.
(01:04:15):
These black things were likepulling me one way and the white
things were pulling me one wayand the white things ended up
taking over and I believe thatwas God and I don't know how
many chances he's got left togive me because he's given me so
many chances to survive.
(01:04:37):
And I'm here for a reason, Ithink, and I guess it's just
offer hope and resilient andpray I help somebody else.
It's.
(01:04:58):
You know, I was fighting for mylife and I remember thinking to
myself I can just stop right nowand not fight and be done.
And I gasped and fought so hard.
I will not lie, that was thehardest fight I've ever had.
(01:05:20):
I've been in fist fights, I'vebeen wrestling matches that were
tough, I've broken my ankles,I've had shoulder surgery and
came back from them and Nothingcompares to trying to fight for
your life and Knowing you diedand flat-lined and you're gone.
(01:05:48):
And then you come back andyou're gone, you come back,
you're gone.
And I ended up in a coma and itwas during COVID and it was
scary.
When I woke up, you know, Iwoke up with a different
(01:06:11):
perspective and scared, and itwas during the time when they
didn't allow visitors.
So there's nothing more lonelythan waking up out of a coma and
no one's there and confused onwhy you're there and what
(01:06:32):
happened and why no one's there,and that's just a tough subject
to talk about.
But it's something I need toget off my chest and you know,
(01:06:53):
in toxic relationships, you know, set clear boundaries Once you
have identified toxic behaviorsand understand the importance of
boundaries, you can startsetting clear boundaries, and
you know there's steps to that.
Identify the behavior that youwant to change.
(01:07:14):
First you want to change andthen you have to decide what
your boundary is, will be, andAn example would be I will not
tolerate verbal abuse and youhave to stick to that boundary
and communicate your boundary ina clear, assertive manner.
(01:07:38):
You know you also have to beconsistent and firm with your
boundary.
You can't let it bend or break.
You know establish consequencesfor crossing the boundary.
If you continue to criticize meas an example, I will leave the
(01:08:00):
conversation.
You know it got to the pointwhere I we would get in such an
argument about stuff like thisand I would have to call my
parents to come get me like Icould have drove, but I was in
no condition to drive because myemotions were just everywhere
(01:08:22):
and I knew where my support wasand I knew where my exit plan
was and I had it all planned soI could have an out.
And I'm not talking out of therelationship, I'm talking out of
what the argument is and my wayout was always call my parents,
(01:08:49):
have them come pick me up andthen go to their place and calm
down and hope she'd calm down.
You know, establish settingboundaries with toxic people can
be challenging, but it'scrucial for protecting your
(01:09:10):
well-being.
By identifying toxic behaviors,by understanding the importance
of boundaries and setting clearboundaries, you can take
control of your life and improveyour relationships with others,
you know.
So that's kind of the we'regoing to stop there for tonight.
(01:09:32):
So just keep in mind, settingboundaries is so important in
your self-discovery and yourjourney in life and having
healthy relationships, whetherit's workplace or romantic
(01:09:55):
relationships and yourself-worth will improve by
setting boundaries.
And setting boundaries issomething that you'll have to do
the rest of your life.
And it's important that you doit because if you don't, other
(01:10:18):
people will take advantage ofyou and manipulate you and
mentally abuse you.
You know, I was told one timethat if I ever left the
relationship they would come atsuicide.
And you know that's somethingthat hains over my head and it's
(01:10:42):
scary because I love thisperson so much and I feel like I
Anybody can tell me what theywant and say that.
You know that's not on me,that's her choice.
But If I choose to leave her, Ifeel like I'm the reason she's
(01:11:06):
doing it and I Don't know if I'dever be able to live with
myself.
And, and you know, as long asshe stays sober and clean, just
like me, I Pray it works out.
But if you know I can't, she'sgot to set that boundary on me
(01:11:31):
too.
And Communicate communicationis huge and relationships,
whether they're romantic or not,you have to be a seriv and
Speak your mind.
You know it can be so hard andchallenging, but you know what
(01:11:53):
you can do it.
Why?
Because Everybody has it inthem to be resilient.
Whether you're at the rockbottom or you're at the top,
we're all gonna face challengesin our life and, like we've
(01:12:16):
ended other shows, we're gonnaend this one.
The same way that a Hope is onething that you can never lose.
A sight of Hope is what willget you through everything, and
you have to remember that andkeep that, because without hope,
(01:12:39):
you ain't gonna have anythingyou can.
You might as well wash yourhands and give up, because
Without, without any hope,there's nothing left.
Hope inspires others to takeaction and Believe in others and
(01:13:06):
, you know, set that tone forfighting.
You know, if you, if you losehope, what's the point?
Hope is everything in our livesand I'm not just saying like,
hoping for, like a present, I'mtalking Hope that inspires you
(01:13:29):
to take action.
You know, and Like our signingoff on here We'll do in a few
minutes, but first of all I wantto, you know, make sure you
guys check out our website,ljvoiceprojectcom, and If you're
(01:13:54):
looking for a motivationalspeaker, I share my story and
you know, check out our website.
It'll pop up the book today.
If you're not ready to booktoday, that doesn't matter,
that's okay and you can Clickyes or no on those cookies.
(01:14:17):
I don't know, I'm not, I'm notreally Want to ask questions
about that.
I don't get it, but that's notmy specialty.
I I just speak on experienceand you know, also, check out
(01:14:39):
our our Facebook, instagram,twitter accounts where we post,
you know, motivational stuff andyeah, so that's all of our
handles for our Instagram,facebook and Twitter and
(01:15:00):
LinkedIn and Pinterest our alllj voice project.
So with that, I want to say,just like we always do, keep
hope alive.
And I want to thank you all forlistening to the show today.
(01:15:24):
I Appreciate all the views andJust go ahead and don't forget
to share with your friends andfamily and and don't forget to
like us on Facebook, the voiceproject, and we're also on
Twitter at lj voice project.
When we also Check out our emailOur website is lj voice project
(01:15:51):
com.
Email is contact us at lj voiceproject com.
Or we also have Lauren LORNJohnson at lj voice project that
they were also on Instagram.
(01:16:11):
Out those.
I mean just write us on An hour, one page and we can easily get
back to you.
You know, just leave us a phonenumber what's app Phone numbers
on there as well.
So Feel free to contact us thatwe're always available and free
(01:16:33):
to answer.
So I really hope to hear fromyou soon.
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