June 13, 2024 • 41 mins
Have you ever wondered how one can rise above life's most harrowing challenges and still find a purpose to inspire others? Join me, Loren Johnson, on this gripping episode of "War of the Mind" as I recount my journey through the trials that have tested my spirit to its core. From enduring childhood sexual assault and wrestling injuries to surviving traumatic brain injuries and battling addiction, I share the raw, unfiltered moments that shaped who I am today. Through these stories, I illuminate the vital lesson that while resilience may not be innate, it is definitely something we can cultivate.
We also explore my path from serving as a police officer to becoming a motivational speaker and advocate for recovery. Learn about the transformative power of embracing failure, the significance of setting boundaries, and the importance of self-care. Discover the role that counseling, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and the support of a service dog have played in my recovery. I invite you to connect with the resources available at LJVoiceProject and join our community on social media to continue fostering hope and personal growth. This episode is not just a story of survival; it’s a testament to the human spirit's ability to overcome and inspire.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
and welcome back here on another show of war the mind
.
I'm your host, lauren Johnson,and today we're gonna be
covering from a struggles tolook at resilience and
(00:29):
overcoming adversity.
You know, everybody in ourlives are going to have setbacks
and it's how we deal with oursetbacks is what's going to
define us, who we are, and it'sgoing to show growth.
And from setbacks it allows usto learn.
(00:51):
It allows us to grow anddevelop our inner strength and
character, also, along the way,developing wisdom that we didn't
have before.
Uh, growing up I firmly thoughtfailure wasn't an option and
(01:15):
that's just kind of what wastaught to me.
And, um, it took a while for meto adjust to realizing that it
was okay to fail and I'm okaywith it today.
And you know you might get alittle frustrated when you do
(01:37):
fail, that's okay.
Frustration is, you know, a keycomponent of the results of a
setback.
It's how we handle thesituation after we go through
the setback.
You know, in my 20-some yearsof experience in overcoming
(02:23):
adversity and resilience, thatgoes in mental health, addiction
, recovery.
I'm here basically on this showto inspire, educate and empower
the audience to embraceresilience and find strength in
the face of challenges and showyou guys that you're not alone.
And I know you know there's alot of us out there that know
(02:43):
we're not alone.
And I know you know there's alot of us out there that know
we're not alone.
But there's also a select fewthat you know sit at home
thinking they're the only onesgoing through this and they're
wrong.
One individual fight their tailoff and overcome an obstacle,
(03:06):
only to have another setback andstill overcome it, while you
have another individual, say,the exact same stature, what you
thought was the same mentality,and they'll throw themselves a
pity party and they'll be stuckright in that situation and
(03:31):
stuck for a long time.
And that's where there's alwaysdiscussion of whether being
resilient can be taught or ifit's something that we just
either you have it or you don'thave it.
My personal take on it is Ibelieve you either have it or
(03:53):
you don't have it.
I don't believe it's hereditary.
I do believe you can learn tobe resilient to a certain extent
, but as far as being resilientand consistently fighting back
(04:14):
and not giving up, some of thatstuff, you know, just cannot be
taught, but it definitely can belearned.
And one thing I've learned asI've aged is I'm constantly,
constantly learning and tryingto pick up new ideas, new
(04:37):
thoughts, just to better myself.
I refuse to settle, and that'sanother key component of being
resilient is you refuse tosettle.
A little background about myself.
You know I've had my share ofsetbacks, how some might know
(05:05):
sexually assaulted as a kid ontwo different occasions by two
different people.
You know that was a setback fora long time and I could have
laid in my pity for it for therest of my life, but I've chosen
not to.
(05:25):
I've chosen to put a voice outthere for an individual that you
know doesn't have one or havethe connections From there.
You know I wrestled all the wayup through college and I would
(05:48):
have multiple injuries and Icould have been done on the
first one.
I mean, most people would havebeen done on the first torn
shoulder, and this isn'tbragging or anything.
And this isn't bragging oranything.
(06:17):
But I refused to go out on termsof somebody else.
I always had it in my head thatwhen I walked off the wrestling
mat and decided I was going tobe done wrestling, it was going
to be on my terms, the way Iwanted it.
And you know there was yearswhere I just came to my elbow,
shoulder and the beginning ofthe season, and I was still back
on the mat by the end of theseason Because I refused to give
(06:40):
up.
And that's the mentality thatwe try to teach our kids today.
We live in a society todaywhere it's so easy for our youth
to give up and, you know, ohwell, it's just how it is.
Well, it doesn't have to bethat way unless you want it that
(07:03):
way.
Well, it doesn't have to bethat way unless you want it that
way.
You know.
I'm trying to think of someother adversity that I've faced.
Just I've been in two carcrashes, suffered two traumatic
(07:26):
brain injuries.
Came back from both of themdidn't heal fully, but healed as
best as I, you know, figure,it's the best it's going to get
and I'm okay with that.
(07:47):
The one thing that reallysucked out of the whole deal is
going from, you know, justhaving a traumatic brain injury.
But to have a traumatic braininjury and then causing you to
turn to addiction really put ahuge setback in my life and has
(08:14):
for a long time, I can honestlysay now I've been sober from
alcohol for almost five yearsand sober from heroin for going
on three years.
But it's just, it's stuff likethat that people don't realize,
that can be taken away from you,and I never would have thought
(08:39):
in my wildest dreams one momentI would have been a cop and the
next down the road, a heroinaddict.
That's the effects of pain tomy family, caused pain to my
(09:15):
friends, pushed people away,pushed my kids away.
It was the demon in my closetand I would, you know, have
multiple overdoses, almost 12 ofthem where I was hospitalized.
(09:38):
I would have about 20 of themat home where I didn't go to the
hospital.
I would have a couple where Iwas induced into a coma and that
was during COVID.
(09:59):
And that was when COVID, youcouldn't have visitors.
There's nothing worse thanwaking up from a coma and having
nobody there and talk aboutfeeling alone and you know you
think you're dead already andyou wake up to an empty room in
ICU.
(10:21):
And the biggest thing thatalways separated me from another
drug addict is I refused tocarry that label of being a drug
addict.
I always thought I was betterthan that.
(10:43):
Was I a drug addict?
Yeah, I always thought I wasbetter than that did I.
Was I a drug addict?
Yeah, but in my eyes.
I knew I could overcome it andI knew I could beat it because I
had already beat alcohol.
And so, looking back, I I havea lot of regret.
(11:08):
But if I sat and lived in myregret and pity and felt sorry
for myself, I would get nowherein life moving forward.
And that's kind of what we'repreaching here today with
resilience.
And that's kind of what we'repreaching here today with
(11:29):
resilience.
You know, I can't imagine thepain I put family members, my
wife, my dad, having to find medead and having to revive me or
(11:50):
attempt to revive me, and thenbeing carted off and them
thinking I'm already gone.
It's just, it's reckless andit's a road I wish I never would
have crossed.
But it happened and it's what'smade me who I am today, which
(12:15):
has made me into a better person, a better father to my kids.
I pushed them away.
I haven't had the chance toshare every detail with them,
because there's just a situationwith their mom and I, and what
(12:42):
she's told them are twodifferent things from what's
really happened.
And you know, I just look at itas the kids will find out one
day when they get older andthey'll figure it out.
They're smart, they'reresilient and, uh, you know,
kids are tough and I just praythat they can see through the
(13:07):
lies and understand.
Addiction, mental health,especially nowadays with how
prevalent it is A lot ofsetbacks I've suffered.
I've had acute liver failure uh, just kind of came out of the
(13:32):
blue, and this was after I'dquit drinking for some time.
I've also had a stroke In myleft eye a year ago.
These are all things thataren't minor setbacks.
(13:53):
These are what some wouldconsider major setbacks and I
haven't sat down one time andfelt sorry for myself.
I still continue to have thedrive to better myself, still
(14:14):
continue to want and be hungryfor more, and I know there's
going to be more setbacks inlife.
And I know there's going to bemore setbacks in life.
I mean crap's.
I just filed to get my kidsback and I know, during the
course of trying to get themback, I know there's going to be
(14:36):
setbacks and I have to preparemyself for that.
You know the stroke and theliver failure and the overdoses
(14:57):
they've caused a profoundinfluence on my perspective and
motivation to change.
On my perspective andmotivation to change.
I mean, like we said, some canuse it as a pity party, others
(15:17):
can use it to fuel and motivatethemselves to get better.
And I've always been one totake my setbacks and use them as
fire to overcome these luckysetbacks that I get to deal with
in life.
And we're all going to dealwith them, and some have worse
(15:41):
than others, some have justminor ones.
It's just the cards we weredealt Now evolving perspectives
(16:05):
and failure of growth.
You know, reflecting on theinitial belief that failure was
not an option and how it hasaffected decision-making was a
huge part of growing up.
Making was a huge part ofgrowing up.
(16:32):
But at the same time, it wassomething I didn't know was
going on at the time because,like I said, everything was easy
at that point in my life.
I didn't have to try that hardat wrestling or football.
I didn't have to try that hardat wrestling or football.
I have to try that hard.
Academically I would still havea always, but the direction you
(16:58):
know it took me when I didstart having these major
setbacks was detrimental becauseI didn't know how to deal with
it and thank God I happened tobe one of them people that just
is resilient in their own skin,because I could have easily felt
(17:23):
victim to feeling sorry formyself, just like others do.
You know, there's always thatturning point when you realize
that failure was a natural partof life and that failure gives
(17:54):
you the opportunity for growth.
And not too many of us get thatchance.
Not too many of us get tooverdose and die, be pronounced
dead and still live to talkabout it.
Not many of us get to get incar accidents and live to talk
(18:18):
about it, talk about it.
So I mean those failures haveshaped my life and changed the
course and direction of whereI'm headed, because from where I
was just being a cop to helpingpeople to where I want to head
(18:42):
now and the direction is justamazing, the amount of people I
can help with the setbacks thatI've dealt with and overcoming
these setbacks.
Adversity is tough.
It's not for you know, joeSchmoe, that can't take it.
(19:07):
The reality is everybody'sgoing to face them and it's up
to you on how you handle them,up to you on how you handle them
.
You know you have to be able toembrace failure.
(19:33):
You can't grow if you don'tembrace failure and its role in
the personal development andresilience of yourself, because
if you don't embrace failure andyou just shut it out, it's not
going to help you in the longrun because it's just going to
set you up to fail again.
(19:55):
And when you do fail, you'renot going to know what to do
again.
And that's where I talked aboutyou know, having that
opportunity to learn from ourmistakes.
And then we're going to talkabout piecing together recovery
(20:24):
strategies and support.
You know it's a process offinding a combination of
approaches and strategies thatworked for myself.
I've tried everything in myrecovery and I've tried the
(20:48):
whole ANA, smart Recovery, dbt,cbt, counseling and what's
always helped me is the factthat, if I know there's the
(21:08):
saying you can't help somebodyelse until you can help yourself
.
I 100% agree with that.
But at the same time, I alsobelieve that you can help others
while helping yourself, becauseI know me going out and in
(21:33):
similar situations.
You know it allows me to giveback and it just allows me to
(22:01):
see the other opportunities thatlife has to offer.
And you know, for me it'salways been going out speaking
and if there's one person inthat crowd I can help, then I
did my job.
That's what keeps me movingforward, that's what keeps me
(22:24):
moving forward, that's whatkeeps me fighting, that's what
keeps the drive in me.
It's that competition in methat I fail to lay down.
When I want to lay down, I'mgoing to lay down on my terms.
(22:49):
The biggest thing that played arole in my recovery and
overcoming my setbacks hasalways been my faith, has always
(23:16):
been my faith self-reflection,journaling and ongoing
counseling and essential copingmechanisms.
That to be in treatment courtand had been in it for about a
year and a half and it wasprobably the best decision I
made Kept me accountable.
(23:38):
It wasn't easy, it was work andyou know it's not for everybody
, and that's just a little bitabout that.
Um, now, having these multipleTBIs and struggling, um with
(24:06):
PTSD and trauma.
Um, I was able to get a servicedog for myself, uh, who's fully
trained, trained as a therapydog.
He's just a breath of fresh air.
I can come home and have theworst day anxiety, panic attack
(24:33):
and if I hadn't brought him withme, he instantly knows when
something's wrong.
He instantly knows whensomething's wrong and I almost
feel bad for him because I cansee him taking on my anxiety.
(24:56):
You know, miles, that's hisname, miles.
If he knows I'm having a panicattack or anxiety, he'll
literally tackle me to theground and sit on my chest until
I calm down and it's just thatcompanionship and he's helped
(25:23):
manage my PTSD, panic attacksand my anxiety.
There's so much value in havinga certified service dog or
therapy dog.
He's not just an emotionalsupport dog, he has to be one of
the smartest dogs I've everbought.
And I, you know, bought himonline and drove two hours to
(25:53):
get him and the lady said he was.
You know he could be a seriousdog, but then at the same time,
he was a total goofball kind ofpuppy and that's what I needed
was a dog that's going to bethere and when he throws his
(26:17):
vest on, he knows he's going togo to work and be serious about
it.
Vest on, he knows he's going togo to work and be serious about
it.
But then, at the same time,when he knows I need him to
cheer me up and be happy, he canflip that switch and just make
you laugh.
And so if you qualify for aservice dog, I wouldn't hesitate
(26:39):
to get one.
It's highly recommended and ithelps so much with my PTSD.
You know, healing from traumaand finding strength and setting
(27:02):
boundaries has been probablythe toughest area for me because
, being a guy, I don't liketalking about my trauma.
So, and you know, like, for thesexual assault, it's only been
(27:28):
until recently, the pastprobably five years that it
finally got brought up andtalked about and I'm still
dealing with it.
But there's just some traumathat's gonna take time to heal
(27:50):
and I accept that.
I don't take blame for it.
But I accept it Because thosepast traumas that I blamed on
myself for years are not myfault.
And you know, settingboundaries, that's a huge weak
(28:18):
spot for me, because I can setthem, but do I always stand firm
on them?
And that's where I fell victimto, you know, repeated abuse,
because I I look for the good inpeople and there's not
(28:43):
everybody's good out there.
There are evil people out thereand take advantage of the weak.
You know it's very importantthat we do set boundaries in our
relationships, our toxicrelationships, and setting
(29:10):
boundaries and learning toprioritize self-care and
maintaining overall well-being.
You have to take care ofyourself.
You can't you can't depend onsomebody else and become
codependent and get through lifehappy, because then you're
(29:38):
basically living on theirhappiness.
So if they're in a bad mood,you're not going to be in the
greatest mood Because it's allgoing to be your fault and you
have to find it in yourself thatyou can find your happiness on
your own, you know, and that's ajourney in itself.
(29:59):
A journey in itself.
(30:31):
So, with my background, I'm, youknow how others recognize their
potential.
And, as a motivational speaker,I initially hesitated because I
didn't think I was good enoughat it, I didn't think I had a
story to tell, I didn't thinkanybody would listen to it.
I mean, who wants to listen tosomebody who had failures?
(30:52):
Who wants to listen to somebodythat has continuous setbacks in
life?
And that's where I was wrong.
And that's where I was wrong.
And, you know, there's a pointin my life where I looked at it
as, yeah, I've had some setbackshere and there, but, like other
(31:17):
people have had worse than me,so I don't really have anything
to share because I'm, you know,my story is so, so small.
Well, it took me, took me agood 40 years to write one heck
of a story, and it's a storythat easily can can change
(31:39):
somebody's life.
You know, my vision of using myexperiences to advocate for
mental health and addictionrecovery and setting boundaries
(32:00):
is just, like I said,motivational speaking and then,
along with that, eventuallybuilding a 24-hour retreat
center for people who are facingadversity Not just recovery,
(32:22):
not just addiction, butadversity and need a place to go
for a while and take a break.
And those are in the beginningstages and it's just it's.
That's the type of stuff I wantto get into and build on, and
(32:42):
build on, because they're needed.
There's never enough of them.
There never will be enough ofthem.
I mean, we still don't evenknow the full effects of COVID
(33:11):
on people from being penned upfor how many years.
You know my target audience formy speaking will be anybody from
high school age, middle schoolage because that's where my
addiction started all the way upto somebody in their 60s who
(33:34):
could struggle from addiction,could struggle from setbacks,
failures.
You know I've lived it.
I've lived it.
I've lived the highs, I'velived the lows and you know I've
had my nice houses and I'vebeen in good professions, but
(34:00):
then, at the same time, I'vealso been homeless and trying to
fight for my next meal.
And never did I think I'd gofrom NCAA college wrestling
All-American to, you know,living on the streets and not
(34:23):
knowing where my next meal isgoing to come.
The main lessons and insightsfrom your personal journey my
personal journey.
You know it is what it is.
It's built me, built me who Iam today.
(34:44):
I wouldn't be as strong as I amand have the inner strength as
I do today had I not wentthrough the things I have.
I'm blessed that I'm stillalive.
I encourage the audience toembrace failure, seek support,
(35:06):
nurture resilience in their ownlives.
I'm here to inspire theaudience to dig deep to find
their inner strength andovercome adversity by sharing
inspiring stories of triumph.
Too many times you know you'rein a room and it's all
(35:30):
negativity and that stuff wearsoff on you.
I've been in classes where it'sjust constant negative,
negative, negative, to whereI've had to get up and walk out
because I just can't deal withall the negativity, because it's
just rubbing off on me.
And so that's a huge thing issharing inspiring stories of
(35:56):
triumph, and so that's going tobe our show today on world of
mind.
Um, I appreciate you guys alllistening.
And uh, conclusion you know wetalked about resilience.
(36:16):
We talked about my pastfailures and overcoming
obstacles, coming over,overcoming adversity, talked
about positive stories andembracing our journey, embracing
our failures.
You know, with the thought ofprovoking a quote or a personal
(36:44):
reflection related to resilienceand finding purpose.
You can always find purpose inlife.
I want to thank for theopportunity to share my story
(37:05):
and to inspire others to makepositive changes in their lives.
You're not alone in this battle.
There's always somebody herefor you, you know.
(37:33):
I just hope that people are ableto reach out if they need to,
and we have a 24-7 websitethat's ljvoiceprojectcom.
There's a contact page on thereand you can shoot us a message
and we'll get back to you andtry and get you on the phone and
(37:54):
talk to you.
If you're looking for amotivational speaker at your
next event, that's also on there.
We have our speaking topics onour website.
So if you're listening to Warof the Mind here today, why
don't you go ahead and head overto ljvoiceprojectcom and see
(38:17):
what we have to offer on there?
There's something for everybodyon there.
There's something for everybody, and we also have our blog on
there, along with all the pastpodcast episodes of War of the
Mind.
And if you're looking for us onFacebook, twitter, instagram,
(38:43):
it's LJVoiceProject.
Ljvoiceproject is just our nameon there.
And, yeah, I want to thank thelisteners and thank you for
being the reason why we're herehaving this show, and I
appreciate you listening andkeep hope alive.
and welcome back here on another show of war the mind
.
I'm your host, lauren Johnson,and today we're gonna be
covering from a struggles tolook at resilience and
(00:29):
overcoming adversity.
You know, everybody in ourlives are going to have setbacks
and it's how we deal with oursetbacks is what's going to
define us, who we are, and it'sgoing to show growth.
And from setbacks it allows usto learn.
(00:51):
It allows us to grow anddevelop our inner strength and
character, also, along the way,developing wisdom that we didn't
have before.
Uh, growing up I firmly thoughtfailure wasn't an option and
(01:15):
that's just kind of what wastaught to me.
And, um, it took a while for meto adjust to realizing that it
was okay to fail and I'm okaywith it today.
And you know you might get alittle frustrated when you do
(01:37):
fail, that's okay.
Frustration is, you know, a keycomponent of the results of a
setback.
It's how we handle thesituation after we go through
the setback.
You know, in my 20-some yearsof experience in overcoming
(02:23):
adversity and resilience, thatgoes in mental health, addiction
, recovery.
I'm here basically on this showto inspire, educate and empower
the audience to embraceresilience and find strength in
the face of challenges and showyou guys that you're not alone.
And I know you know there's alot of us out there that know
(02:43):
we're not alone.
And I know you know there's alot of us out there that know
we're not alone.
But there's also a select fewthat you know sit at home
thinking they're the only onesgoing through this and they're
wrong.
One individual fight their tailoff and overcome an obstacle,
(03:06):
only to have another setback andstill overcome it, while you
have another individual, say,the exact same stature, what you
thought was the same mentality,and they'll throw themselves a
pity party and they'll be stuckright in that situation and
(03:31):
stuck for a long time.
And that's where there's alwaysdiscussion of whether being
resilient can be taught or ifit's something that we just
either you have it or you don'thave it.
My personal take on it is Ibelieve you either have it or
(03:53):
you don't have it.
I don't believe it's hereditary.
I do believe you can learn tobe resilient to a certain extent
, but as far as being resilientand consistently fighting back
(04:14):
and not giving up, some of thatstuff, you know, just cannot be
taught, but it definitely can belearned.
And one thing I've learned asI've aged is I'm constantly,
constantly learning and tryingto pick up new ideas, new
(04:37):
thoughts, just to better myself.
I refuse to settle, and that'sanother key component of being
resilient is you refuse tosettle.
A little background about myself.
You know I've had my share ofsetbacks, how some might know
(05:05):
sexually assaulted as a kid ontwo different occasions by two
different people.
You know that was a setback fora long time and I could have
laid in my pity for it for therest of my life, but I've chosen
not to.
(05:25):
I've chosen to put a voice outthere for an individual that you
know doesn't have one or havethe connections From there.
You know I wrestled all the wayup through college and I would
(05:48):
have multiple injuries and Icould have been done on the
first one.
I mean, most people would havebeen done on the first torn
shoulder, and this isn'tbragging or anything.
And this isn't bragging oranything.
(06:17):
But I refused to go out on termsof somebody else.
I always had it in my head thatwhen I walked off the wrestling
mat and decided I was going tobe done wrestling, it was going
to be on my terms, the way Iwanted it.
And you know there was yearswhere I just came to my elbow,
shoulder and the beginning ofthe season, and I was still back
on the mat by the end of theseason Because I refused to give
(06:40):
up.
And that's the mentality thatwe try to teach our kids today.
We live in a society todaywhere it's so easy for our youth
to give up and, you know, ohwell, it's just how it is.
Well, it doesn't have to bethat way unless you want it that
(07:03):
way.
Well, it doesn't have to bethat way unless you want it that
way.
You know.
I'm trying to think of someother adversity that I've faced.
Just I've been in two carcrashes, suffered two traumatic
(07:26):
brain injuries.
Came back from both of themdidn't heal fully, but healed as
best as I, you know, figure,it's the best it's going to get
and I'm okay with that.
(07:47):
The one thing that reallysucked out of the whole deal is
going from, you know, justhaving a traumatic brain injury.
But to have a traumatic braininjury and then causing you to
turn to addiction really put ahuge setback in my life and has
(08:14):
for a long time, I can honestlysay now I've been sober from
alcohol for almost five yearsand sober from heroin for going
on three years.
But it's just, it's stuff likethat that people don't realize,
that can be taken away from you,and I never would have thought
(08:39):
in my wildest dreams one momentI would have been a cop and the
next down the road, a heroinaddict.
That's the effects of pain tomy family, caused pain to my
(09:15):
friends, pushed people away,pushed my kids away.
It was the demon in my closetand I would, you know, have
multiple overdoses, almost 12 ofthem where I was hospitalized.
(09:38):
I would have about 20 of themat home where I didn't go to the
hospital.
I would have a couple where Iwas induced into a coma and that
was during COVID.
(09:59):
And that was when COVID, youcouldn't have visitors.
There's nothing worse thanwaking up from a coma and having
nobody there and talk aboutfeeling alone and you know you
think you're dead already andyou wake up to an empty room in
ICU.
(10:21):
And the biggest thing thatalways separated me from another
drug addict is I refused tocarry that label of being a drug
addict.
I always thought I was betterthan that.
(10:43):
Was I a drug addict?
Yeah, I always thought I wasbetter than that did I.
Was I a drug addict?
Yeah, but in my eyes.
I knew I could overcome it andI knew I could beat it because I
had already beat alcohol.
And so, looking back, I I havea lot of regret.
(11:08):
But if I sat and lived in myregret and pity and felt sorry
for myself, I would get nowherein life moving forward.
And that's kind of what we'repreaching here today with
resilience.
And that's kind of what we'repreaching here today with
(11:29):
resilience.
You know, I can't imagine thepain I put family members, my
wife, my dad, having to find medead and having to revive me or
(11:50):
attempt to revive me, and thenbeing carted off and them
thinking I'm already gone.
It's just, it's reckless andit's a road I wish I never would
have crossed.
But it happened and it's what'smade me who I am today, which
(12:15):
has made me into a better person, a better father to my kids.
I pushed them away.
I haven't had the chance toshare every detail with them,
because there's just a situationwith their mom and I, and what
(12:42):
she's told them are twodifferent things from what's
really happened.
And you know, I just look at itas the kids will find out one
day when they get older andthey'll figure it out.
They're smart, they'reresilient and, uh, you know,
kids are tough and I just praythat they can see through the
(13:07):
lies and understand.
Addiction, mental health,especially nowadays with how
prevalent it is A lot ofsetbacks I've suffered.
I've had acute liver failure uh, just kind of came out of the
(13:32):
blue, and this was after I'dquit drinking for some time.
I've also had a stroke In myleft eye a year ago.
These are all things thataren't minor setbacks.
(13:53):
These are what some wouldconsider major setbacks and I
haven't sat down one time andfelt sorry for myself.
I still continue to have thedrive to better myself, still
(14:14):
continue to want and be hungryfor more, and I know there's
going to be more setbacks inlife.
And I know there's going to bemore setbacks in life.
I mean crap's.
I just filed to get my kidsback and I know, during the
course of trying to get themback, I know there's going to be
(14:36):
setbacks and I have to preparemyself for that.
You know the stroke and theliver failure and the overdoses
(14:57):
they've caused a profoundinfluence on my perspective and
motivation to change.
On my perspective andmotivation to change.
I mean, like we said, some canuse it as a pity party, others
(15:17):
can use it to fuel and motivatethemselves to get better.
And I've always been one totake my setbacks and use them as
fire to overcome these luckysetbacks that I get to deal with
in life.
And we're all going to dealwith them, and some have worse
(15:41):
than others, some have justminor ones.
It's just the cards we weredealt Now evolving perspectives
(16:05):
and failure of growth.
You know, reflecting on theinitial belief that failure was
not an option and how it hasaffected decision-making was a
huge part of growing up.
Making was a huge part ofgrowing up.
(16:32):
But at the same time, it wassomething I didn't know was
going on at the time because,like I said, everything was easy
at that point in my life.
I didn't have to try that hardat wrestling or football.
I didn't have to try that hardat wrestling or football.
I have to try that hard.
Academically I would still havea always, but the direction you
(16:58):
know it took me when I didstart having these major
setbacks was detrimental becauseI didn't know how to deal with
it and thank God I happened tobe one of them people that just
is resilient in their own skin,because I could have easily felt
(17:23):
victim to feeling sorry formyself, just like others do.
You know, there's always thatturning point when you realize
that failure was a natural partof life and that failure gives
(17:54):
you the opportunity for growth.
And not too many of us get thatchance.
Not too many of us get tooverdose and die, be pronounced
dead and still live to talkabout it.
Not many of us get to get incar accidents and live to talk
(18:18):
about it, talk about it.
So I mean those failures haveshaped my life and changed the
course and direction of whereI'm headed, because from where I
was just being a cop to helpingpeople to where I want to head
(18:42):
now and the direction is justamazing, the amount of people I
can help with the setbacks thatI've dealt with and overcoming
these setbacks.
Adversity is tough.
It's not for you know, joeSchmoe, that can't take it.
(19:07):
The reality is everybody'sgoing to face them and it's up
to you on how you handle them,up to you on how you handle them
.
You know you have to be able toembrace failure.
(19:33):
You can't grow if you don'tembrace failure and its role in
the personal development andresilience of yourself, because
if you don't embrace failure andyou just shut it out, it's not
going to help you in the longrun because it's just going to
set you up to fail again.
(19:55):
And when you do fail, you'renot going to know what to do
again.
And that's where I talked aboutyou know, having that
opportunity to learn from ourmistakes.
And then we're going to talkabout piecing together recovery
(20:24):
strategies and support.
You know it's a process offinding a combination of
approaches and strategies thatworked for myself.
I've tried everything in myrecovery and I've tried the
(20:48):
whole ANA, smart Recovery, dbt,cbt, counseling and what's
always helped me is the factthat, if I know there's the
(21:08):
saying you can't help somebodyelse until you can help yourself
.
I 100% agree with that.
But at the same time, I alsobelieve that you can help others
while helping yourself, becauseI know me going out and in
(21:33):
similar situations.
You know it allows me to giveback and it just allows me to
(22:01):
see the other opportunities thatlife has to offer.
And you know, for me it'salways been going out speaking
and if there's one person inthat crowd I can help, then I
did my job.
That's what keeps me movingforward, that's what keeps me
(22:24):
moving forward, that's whatkeeps me fighting, that's what
keeps the drive in me.
It's that competition in methat I fail to lay down.
When I want to lay down, I'mgoing to lay down on my terms.
(22:49):
The biggest thing that played arole in my recovery and
overcoming my setbacks hasalways been my faith, has always
(23:16):
been my faith self-reflection,journaling and ongoing
counseling and essential copingmechanisms.
That to be in treatment courtand had been in it for about a
year and a half and it wasprobably the best decision I
made Kept me accountable.
(23:38):
It wasn't easy, it was work andyou know it's not for everybody
, and that's just a little bitabout that.
Um, now, having these multipleTBIs and struggling, um with
(24:06):
PTSD and trauma.
Um, I was able to get a servicedog for myself, uh, who's fully
trained, trained as a therapydog.
He's just a breath of fresh air.
I can come home and have theworst day anxiety, panic attack
(24:33):
and if I hadn't brought him withme, he instantly knows when
something's wrong.
He instantly knows whensomething's wrong and I almost
feel bad for him because I cansee him taking on my anxiety.
(24:56):
You know, miles, that's hisname, miles.
If he knows I'm having a panicattack or anxiety, he'll
literally tackle me to theground and sit on my chest until
I calm down and it's just thatcompanionship and he's helped
(25:23):
manage my PTSD, panic attacksand my anxiety.
There's so much value in havinga certified service dog or
therapy dog.
He's not just an emotionalsupport dog, he has to be one of
the smartest dogs I've everbought.
And I, you know, bought himonline and drove two hours to
(25:53):
get him and the lady said he was.
You know he could be a seriousdog, but then at the same time,
he was a total goofball kind ofpuppy and that's what I needed
was a dog that's going to bethere and when he throws his
(26:17):
vest on, he knows he's going togo to work and be serious about
it.
Vest on, he knows he's going togo to work and be serious about
it.
But then, at the same time,when he knows I need him to
cheer me up and be happy, he canflip that switch and just make
you laugh.
And so if you qualify for aservice dog, I wouldn't hesitate
(26:39):
to get one.
It's highly recommended and ithelps so much with my PTSD.
You know, healing from traumaand finding strength and setting
(27:02):
boundaries has been probablythe toughest area for me because
, being a guy, I don't liketalking about my trauma.
So, and you know, like, for thesexual assault, it's only been
(27:28):
until recently, the pastprobably five years that it
finally got brought up andtalked about and I'm still
dealing with it.
But there's just some traumathat's gonna take time to heal
(27:50):
and I accept that.
I don't take blame for it.
But I accept it Because thosepast traumas that I blamed on
myself for years are not myfault.
And you know, settingboundaries, that's a huge weak
(28:18):
spot for me, because I can setthem, but do I always stand firm
on them?
And that's where I fell victimto, you know, repeated abuse,
because I I look for the good inpeople and there's not
(28:43):
everybody's good out there.
There are evil people out thereand take advantage of the weak.
You know it's very importantthat we do set boundaries in our
relationships, our toxicrelationships, and setting
(29:10):
boundaries and learning toprioritize self-care and
maintaining overall well-being.
You have to take care ofyourself.
You can't you can't depend onsomebody else and become
codependent and get through lifehappy, because then you're
(29:38):
basically living on theirhappiness.
So if they're in a bad mood,you're not going to be in the
greatest mood Because it's allgoing to be your fault and you
have to find it in yourself thatyou can find your happiness on
your own, you know, and that's ajourney in itself.
(29:59):
A journey in itself.
(30:31):
So, with my background, I'm, youknow how others recognize their
potential.
And, as a motivational speaker,I initially hesitated because I
didn't think I was good enoughat it, I didn't think I had a
story to tell, I didn't thinkanybody would listen to it.
I mean, who wants to listen tosomebody who had failures?
(30:52):
Who wants to listen to somebodythat has continuous setbacks in
life?
And that's where I was wrong.
And that's where I was wrong.
And, you know, there's a pointin my life where I looked at it
as, yeah, I've had some setbackshere and there, but, like other
(31:17):
people have had worse than me,so I don't really have anything
to share because I'm, you know,my story is so, so small.
Well, it took me, took me agood 40 years to write one heck
of a story, and it's a storythat easily can can change
(31:39):
somebody's life.
You know, my vision of using myexperiences to advocate for
mental health and addictionrecovery and setting boundaries
(32:00):
is just, like I said,motivational speaking and then,
along with that, eventuallybuilding a 24-hour retreat
center for people who are facingadversity Not just recovery,
(32:22):
not just addiction, butadversity and need a place to go
for a while and take a break.
And those are in the beginningstages and it's just it's.
That's the type of stuff I wantto get into and build on, and
(32:42):
build on, because they're needed.
There's never enough of them.
There never will be enough ofthem.
I mean, we still don't evenknow the full effects of COVID
(33:11):
on people from being penned upfor how many years.
You know my target audience formy speaking will be anybody from
high school age, middle schoolage because that's where my
addiction started all the way upto somebody in their 60s who
(33:34):
could struggle from addiction,could struggle from setbacks,
failures.
You know I've lived it.
I've lived it.
I've lived the highs, I'velived the lows and you know I've
had my nice houses and I'vebeen in good professions, but
(34:00):
then, at the same time, I'vealso been homeless and trying to
fight for my next meal.
And never did I think I'd gofrom NCAA college wrestling
All-American to, you know,living on the streets and not
(34:23):
knowing where my next meal isgoing to come.
The main lessons and insightsfrom your personal journey my
personal journey.
You know it is what it is.
It's built me, built me who Iam today.
(34:44):
I wouldn't be as strong as I amand have the inner strength as
I do today had I not wentthrough the things I have.
I'm blessed that I'm stillalive.
I encourage the audience toembrace failure, seek support,
(35:06):
nurture resilience in their ownlives.
I'm here to inspire theaudience to dig deep to find
their inner strength andovercome adversity by sharing
inspiring stories of triumph.
Too many times you know you'rein a room and it's all
(35:30):
negativity and that stuff wearsoff on you.
I've been in classes where it'sjust constant negative,
negative, negative, to whereI've had to get up and walk out
because I just can't deal withall the negativity, because it's
just rubbing off on me.
And so that's a huge thing issharing inspiring stories of
(35:56):
triumph, and so that's going tobe our show today on world of
mind.
Um, I appreciate you guys alllistening.
And uh, conclusion you know wetalked about resilience.
(36:16):
We talked about my pastfailures and overcoming
obstacles, coming over,overcoming adversity, talked
about positive stories andembracing our journey, embracing
our failures.
You know, with the thought ofprovoking a quote or a personal
(36:44):
reflection related to resilienceand finding purpose.
You can always find purpose inlife.
I want to thank for theopportunity to share my story
(37:05):
and to inspire others to makepositive changes in their lives.
You're not alone in this battle.
There's always somebody herefor you, you know.
(37:33):
I just hope that people are ableto reach out if they need to,
and we have a 24-7 websitethat's ljvoiceprojectcom.
There's a contact page on thereand you can shoot us a message
and we'll get back to you andtry and get you on the phone and
(37:54):
talk to you.
If you're looking for amotivational speaker at your
next event, that's also on there.
We have our speaking topics onour website.
So if you're listening to Warof the Mind here today, why
don't you go ahead and head overto ljvoiceprojectcom and see
(38:17):
what we have to offer on there?
There's something for everybodyon there.
There's something for everybody, and we also have our blog on
there, along with all the pastpodcast episodes of War of the
Mind.
And if you're looking for us onFacebook, twitter, instagram,
(38:43):
it's LJVoiceProject.
Ljvoiceproject is just our nameon there.
And, yeah, I want to thank thelisteners and thank you for
being the reason why we're herehaving this show, and I
appreciate you listening andkeep hope alive.
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