November 5, 2025 • 22 mins
Growth doesn’t wait for a finish line. This episode leans into the messy middle—where self-care becomes more consistent, mirrors from friends provide a much needed self-reflection, and you realize you’ve been practicing a new identity long before you felt “ready.” I talk about the milestones that surprised me, like releasing 40 podcast episodes, and the realization that our self-growth can be inhibited when we (unconsciously) keep ourselves stuck in old identities. I begin to wonder about what can shift when you embrace growing into your new identities now and celebrate who you are today instead of waiting until you fully "arrive".
I open up about living with depression and choosing a different lens—one that holds the weight of despair while insisting on hope, possibility, and choice. That’s not sugarcoating; it’s strategy. By tending to the nervous system, slowing down conflict, and inviting co-regulation, new options appear in relationships and daily life. Along the way, feedback becomes a powerful relational growth tool. When listeners and colleagues reflected back “I learned something from listening” or “I see light in you,” it was a mirror that helped me acknowledge and integrate lost parts of myself. Community is more than support; it can be a catalyst for identity change.
You’ll hear why celebrating progress as it happens matters, how visibility can become safe, and why small steps—taken today—beat perfect plans tomorrow. If you’re navigating mental health, relationship stress, or the long arc of healing, this is a grounded invitation to claim more of your true self, not someday, but now. Join our community, share your reflections, and let’s keep building spaces where authenticity and hope can breathe.
If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, and welcome to the When Depression is in
your bed podcast.
Today I'm talking aboutsomething that I've been
discovering as I travel on myown journey of self-growth and
healing, which is the importanceof celebrating who you are
becoming as you're becoming thatperson.
And if you're on your ownjourney of self-growth, please
join me today so we cancelebrate together.
(00:21):
I'm your host, Trish Sanders,and I am delighted that you are
here.
Let's get started.
As my commitment to my ownself-care, and I mean deep,
true, profound taking care of mymind, body, and soul self-care,
as my commitment has grown overthe last several years, I would
say especially over the lastfive or six years, I have had
(00:44):
experiences that have beenindicators to me of the changes
that I have been making.
So as I've been taking bettercare of myself, I have noticed
things shift in my life.
And that has been absolutelylovely.
And over the past year, I'vebeen noticing more and more of
these things popping up fromtime to time.
And over the last severalmonths, things have been
(01:06):
happening with more frequency.
So I've been noticing more andmore the impact of the conscious
life that I'm living and thechoices that I'm making.
And I am not doing it perfectly.
I just really want to say thatbecause I make lots of mistakes
and things are not alwaysamazing and wonderful, and
they're never perfect.
However, the impact of thechoices that I have made become
(01:28):
more and more clear.
And last week I had a bunch ofincredible experiences that
really started to make mequestion, quite honestly, who I
see myself to be at this pointin my life and who I actually am
showing up as in the world.
And even a bit about how otherpeople are seeing me and being
able to be seen by other peopleand be in relationship with
(01:50):
other people has really beenimpacting how I see myself and
these people that I've beeninteracting with have been true
mirrors to me and have helped mesee myself more clearly, I
think, than I ever have beenable to see myself before.
And who I see myself to be, myidentity has been shifting.
And it's been such an incredibleexperience, truly heartwarming,
(02:13):
I would say, heart-filling.
My heart feels full of joy andgratitude for the experiences
I've been having.
And I've been having this mostlyinternal celebration of how far
I've come.
And it felt really special toshare it because it's so deeply
connected to my experience ofcreating this podcast and who I
(02:33):
have become through having thispodcast over the past 10 months.
So I wanted to share with youabout these experiences that I
have had.
Again, they've been popping upfrom time to time over the past
several months.
But this past week there wasjust this flood that I couldn't
deny.
And I really welcomed it becauseit was truly beautiful to start
to see myself in this new way.
(02:54):
And perhaps in some ways it's anold way.
Maybe it's in part who I'vealways known myself to be, but
it's definitely not how I'veidentified for most of my life.
So the very first thing that Iwanted to share is that last
week I released my 40th podcastepisode.
And there's a lot of really coolmilestones.
Some that I've hit, some that Iwill be hitting.
I'll be hitting my year podcastanniversary in January.
(03:16):
So that's not too far away.
But the 40th episode had somespecial meaning to me because I
very clearly remember being partof an online coaching group
right around when I had juststarted the podcast.
And I don't recall if it wasafter I had just released the
trailer or if it was after I hadreleased the first episode, but
it was right there in the verybeginning.
And we were being asked in thatparticular group to share our
(03:40):
accomplishments, to share thingsto celebrate.
And I remember someone in thegroup had shared that they had
released 40 podcast episodes.
And I was in awe.
And I remember so clearlythinking to myself, wow, they're
a real podcaster if they'vereleased 40 episodes.
And as I've been creating andreleasing episodes, I have
realized that I still haven'treally identified myself as a
(04:03):
podcaster.
Like when I think about myself,I'm not like, oh yeah, and I'm a
podcaster.
And so as I came close to my40th episode, I've been
reflecting on this experience.
Because I had this perspectiveof looking at someone from the
outside and thinking, oh, that'swho they are.
They do podcasts.
That's what they do.
I realized that maybe I need tore-identify as someone who is a
(04:24):
podcaster who does podcasts.
And it helped me to start toembrace this new identity and
this new part of me.
And along with that, I've alsobeen having more and more
experiences recently in both myprofessional and my personal
circles of people giving mefeedback that they've been
listening to my podcast andthey've been letting me know
what they like or what resonatedfor them or the things that
(04:45):
they've appreciated or learned.
And it has been a big shift forme because for many, many months
now, I have mostly just beenputting my podcast out into the
world, which has essentiallybeen a big black hole and not
having any idea how it'slanding, who's listening.
I've had very few people tell mewhat they think of it.
And over the past week, I've hadseveral people tell me that
they've been listening.
(05:05):
And the experience of beingheard and seen in this way, I
don't know if this soundsdramatic, but it has literally
taken my breath away.
I haven't known how to respondto people when they give me
usually positive feedback aboutwhat they think of the podcast.
Part of it I've realized as adepressed person, I have often
(05:27):
felt invisible and certainly notworthy, but I've come to realize
that being heard and seen inthis way has been truly healing
for me.
And for me to put myself outthere in the world in this way
has been a huge growthexperience.
And it wasn't so easy for me todo.
And I had to do a lot of workwith the fear of being seen, the
(05:48):
fear of being visible and whatthat meant to me.
And that has all been happeningpreparing to launch the podcast,
and then certainly over the past10 months of actually doing
episodes.
And it really has been such asource of growth for me.
And it has absolutely beencontributing to who I see myself
to truly be.
And then I also had thisexperience last week.
I was talking with one of mydear friends, who's also a
(06:10):
colleague of mine, and someoneelse in our professional circle.
And the person we were talkingto asked what the name of my
podcast was.
So I told them it's whendepression is in your bed.
And they half-jokingly respondedwith something like, Oh, that's
so depressing.
And in that moment, I was filledwith this energy, if I can say
that, and this clarity.
And I responded something to theeffect of, like, yeah, I get it.
(06:32):
Depression can be a very heavytopic.
However, that's not how I talkabout depression.
It's not depressing.
That's the point.
I don't know how well Iexplained myself in that moment,
but looking back, I did havethis moment of clarity that, oh,
this is my mission in doing thispodcast, that I hold a
perspective now on depression,on how to respond to depression
(06:55):
in yourself and in your partnerin a very different way than I
did 10 years ago or 20 yearsago.
And the podcast as I do it isreally what I wish somebody
would have told me all thoseyears ago.
And maybe if I would have beenable to connect with it then,
which I'm not sure exactly if Iwould have been able to or not,
but had I been able to connectwith this information and shift
(07:17):
my perspective, I think I wouldhave been able to be more
hopeful and certainly would havebeen able to do things
differently in a way that reallywould have benefited me and my
relationship, and of course, myhusband as well, and even our
kids for that matter.
And I realize that depressioncertainly can be heavy and can
be painful and difficult.
And I know the darkness and thedespair and the hopelessness.
(07:40):
And there have been parts of mylife that have been an absolute
nightmare.
So I'm not trying to minimizedepression in any way.
I've been there, I've lived it,I know it.
And I also see the other side.
I see lightness, I see hope, Isee possibility.
And the information that I havetoday and the perspective that I
(08:01):
hold today is somethingcompletely different that I
think allows people and empowerspeople, certainly has empowered
me and I think my husband aswell, to be able to make new
choices and have access tothings that felt completely
inaccessible before.
And this perspective shift hashelped me to change my life.
And I realized that I wanted tostart this podcast because if I
(08:24):
can help anybody else change therelationship that they have with
themselves andor therelationship that they have with
their partner, then I definitelywant to do that.
And as much as I love being atherapist and I'm super excited
going into the world ofrelationship coaching as well,
it costs money to do thosethings.
And I'm happy to support whoeverI can in that way.
(08:45):
But a podcast is available andaccessible to everybody.
And if something that I sharecan help somebody, then that
feels like a part of my life'spurpose.
And that's really why I'm here.
And that's who I see myself tobe.
Somebody who has struggled alot, who has come to the other
side.
And I don't mean my life'sperfect by any stretch.
(09:07):
It is far from perfect becauseat the end of the day, I'm still
human, but I've grown so muchand my life looks completely
different than it ever hasbefore.
And I feel like what I havelearned through my own journey
and my own process is somethingthat I can perhaps share with
other people.
And if you can connect to apiece of what I share and it
(09:28):
helps you improve your life inany way, then I'm here for it.
That's exactly why I'm here andwhy I'm sharing this podcast.
And then another experience I'vehad that I think is sort of in
line with that is that I've beengetting feedback recently from
some people.
And it feels a little bit weirdto say this out loud because it
feels a little bit like I'mbragging or I shouldn't be
(09:49):
saying this.
There feels like a little bit ofembarrassment and shame that
creeps up, but I will still sayit.
I have been getting feedbackrecently from people that they
see some sort of light in me.
And as somebody who has spent somuch of my life embracing the
darkness inside of me and hasfelt so surrounded by darkness
(10:12):
and depression, for people to betelling me that they see the
light in me has beenmind-blowing.
And I think for that reason,because it has seemed to be the
polar opposite of how I'veidentified for so much of my
life, but also because there isa part of me that has always
held on to hope, even thoughsometimes I have felt very
(10:34):
disconnected from that part ofmyself.
I have always held on to hopefor myself that things would be
better, that I was going to getto the other side of whatever it
was, the depression, thehardship, the challenge, the
whatever.
And then in my relationship,I've held on to hope for us, for
Ben and I.
And something has allowed me todo that.
And I even in this world have somuch hope for what can happen
(10:59):
for the future that we cancreate together.
And if I can bring a message ofhope to people, whether you're
dealing with depression inyourself or you're living with
depression in your partner orboth of you, or even if you're
just feeling overwhelmed andstressed and maybe even
traumatized in the world thatwe're living in today, if I can
share a message of hope andbring some lightness into these
(11:21):
really dark kinds of times, thenthat's really what I want to do.
And I feel that that's who I am.
Whew.
That feels really strange to sayin such a direct way.
And this is why I've beenthinking about who I am and my
identity and how important it isto celebrate.
And going back to the podcastexample, I have not embraced
(11:43):
this identity of me being apodcaster.
It's sort of a parallel to myexperience and all of these
other ways about who I am.
Because I think in my head, tobe a podcaster, maybe it meant I
had to have a certain number ofepisodes, or I had to have been
doing it for a certain amount oftime, or maybe it meant that I
had to have a certain amount ofsubscribers or a certain amount
(12:04):
of downloads.
I'm not really sure.
I didn't have it so clearlydefined, but I know that for all
of this time, whatever I defineda podcaster to be was not me.
I hadn't achieved it yet.
I hadn't gotten there yet.
I wasn't accomplished enough yetto identify as a podcaster.
And all of these experiencesthat I've been having over the
(12:24):
last months, and like I said,particularly last week, I really
had just the most amazingexperience.
I was fortunate enough to be apart of the MAGA Relationships
North America conference thathappened last week in Chicago.
And I was able to be in thiscommunity of people that are
just so incredible and has beensuch a healing place for me and
(12:45):
such a healing community for meover the past decade.
These people and theseexperiences that I had when I
was able to share time withthem, they were able to be a
mirror for where I am today.
And I've had other experiencesrecently that have been very
similar that have helped me seethe progress that I've made, not
through my own eyes, but fromhow other people who I respect
(13:07):
and trust and love, how theyhave seen me and how they have
noticed my growth in ways that Ihad not yet noticed or had not
yet embraced.
So this idea of celebrating whowe're becoming as we're becoming
it has really been on my mindlately because if I waited until
I had, I don't know, X amount ofepisodes or X amount of
(13:29):
downloads before I call myself apodcaster, I think I'd be
shortchanging myself.
And in reality, I don't think wefully arrive.
There's always more in Imago,the type of a relationship
therapy that I do.
We say is there more and we saythere's always more.
And so there's always more thatwe can accomplish.
But as a mom, you know, yeah,there's more that I can do as a
(13:49):
mom.
I'm growing all the time inbeing a mom and being the best
mom I can be.
But I'm definitely a mom, right?
And as a wife or a partner,there's certainly more growth
that I can do, more than I canaccomplish, more than I could
achieve, more spaces that I cangrow into and be an even better
version of the partner I am formy husband.
But a lot of the time, I think,and I'll just speak for myself
(14:12):
and as a depressed person, Ithink that there's this idea of
being a not depressed person orwhat a happy person might be, or
the happy version of yourself,or the person who no longer
struggles with depression, whothat person is.
And that person can feel so faraway from where you are.
And it can feel so far away thatyou think you'll never get
(14:35):
there.
And I know that feeling, and Iknow that hopelessness and
feeling defeated and theimpossibility or what seems like
impossibility of getting towhere you want to be.
And yet, knowing all of that, Iam here today at a place in my
life where I don't know if I'llever fully become any of my
(14:56):
identities, but I do know that Iam and what I would describe as
more of my true self, more of mywhole self, more of my authentic
self than I've ever been in myentire life.
And I got here on purpose.
It wasn't an accident.
And I think that that's reallyworth celebrating.
Even the progress that we makeby accident, or when we look up
(15:18):
one day and we go, huh, this isnew.
You know, I didn't alwaysrespond this way, or this is
better than it used to be.
Those are also momentsabsolutely worth celebrating.
But for many years, I've beenworking on myself and who I am.
And thankfully, I've had thesebeautiful mirrors in this
incredible community andcommunities that I'm a part of,
which are also not accidental.
(15:39):
I've been very actively creatingcommunity for a long time, and
it didn't seem to be working formany, many, many years.
And as much effort as I wasputting into creating community
and connecting and trying tofind a place where I felt like I
belonged, I was struggling tofind it for a really long time.
And I finally feel like I havecommunities and people that I
(16:01):
connect to and I really feel asense of belonging.
And I realized that if we holdon to who we have always seen
ourselves to be, we don't allowspace for the new version of us
to emerge.
And again, for me, it became soclear through this journey in
podcasting because I didn't seemyself as a podcaster.
(16:22):
I didn't see myself as somebodywho was really sharing their
voice in the world with amessage that felt important
because to me, I was justtalking into a microphone and it
was going into the void for along time.
And now that I'm starting to getfeedback, I'm like, oh, wow,
okay, I guess I am doing this.
Like, this is real.
(16:43):
And as people have started toshow up and share how they see
me, and I'm open, by the way, tofeedback, even if people think
that I should do thingsdifferently or things they want
to see more of or less of, thatI'm certainly open to all sorts
of feedback, but I've beengetting the most delightful
feedback about how people areexperiencing me.
And it feels aligned with a partof myself that I have been
(17:04):
disconnected from for a reallylong time.
And it's helping me to integratethat part of myself and loosen
my grip on some of the ways thatI've seen myself in the past
that have not been as helpful oras accurate.
So today I am celebrating andembracing my identities as I
fill them out.
I'm not sure that I'll ever getto a place where I think I have
(17:27):
fully and finally arrived.
And I think maybe I hope I neverget there.
I sort of have this idea thatthe universe is ever expanding,
and I think that as humans, thatwe are also ever expanding, and
that that's to me what I wouldcall a life well lived.
And so I don't want to wait tocelebrate and acknowledge myself
until I've finally arrived atwhatever imagined version of
(17:51):
myself I wish I could be orthink I should be.
I want to start celebratingtoday because that really
supports my growth process andit allows me to be exactly who I
am today in process,imperfectly.
And maybe it allows you to claimor reclaim a little bit more of
who you actually are and whoyou're actually becoming.
(18:12):
And maybe it'll give you alittle bit of permission to let
go of an identity that you'reholding on to that maybe isn't
serving you as much anymore.
And the last thing that I wantto share is that as I'm talking
about these parts of myself whohave always been there, I think
that I haven't been able tofully embrace.
And I've talked about thisbefore, I think on my very first
episode actually.
(18:32):
I talked about the idea of asunshine warrior.
It's a little figure that Iactually made because I have an
extensive miniature collectionbecause I do sand therapy.
And I took this little happyface figure and I taped a mace
onto his hand, like a medievalweapon onto his hand, and I
called him the sunshine warriorbecause I've always said that
happiness is the only thingworth fighting for.
(18:53):
And I think today I have a veryspecific view of what fighting
means, of what it means to fightfor happiness.
But I still stand by that Ithink that putting effort into
being your whole, full,authentic self and the nervous
system piece feeling safe enoughto be that person and embrace
that person and allow yourselfto become that person is really,
(19:16):
I think, just the best thing toput energy into because when you
embrace your whole self, thenyou allow others to embrace
their whole selves and you haverelationships that feel better.
And when you have relationshipsthat feel better, you create a
family that feels better and acommunity that feels better and
a country that feels better anda world that feels better.
(19:37):
And that is my hope.
And I want to be able to do whatI can to contribute to that.
And if you want to be a part ofmy community, all are welcome.
And I welcome your feedback.
And I'd love to be inconversation with you.
As wonderful is an experience asit is to make episodes and put
them out into the world.
Hearing from you is a reallyvaluable piece of this
(20:00):
experience for me.
And so to be able to open upthat line of communication, I
invite you to go toregulatedrelationships.kit.com
forward slash sunshine.
And you can put in your name andyour email address, and then you
can be a part of my communityand we can have conversations
(20:22):
that help support you inbecoming the you that you really
want to be and help you haverelationships that you really
want to have.
And as you discover more andmore of who you are and you
reclaim your true identity, wecan celebrate all along the way.
In the show notes, there'll alsobe a link if you want to join my
community so that we can havemore conversations and more
(20:42):
celebrations together.
As our time comes to a close, Iask you to keep listening for
just a few more moments becauseI want to thank you for showing
up today.
And I want to leave you with aninvitation as you hit stop and
move back out into the world onyour own unique wellness
journey.
In order to move from where youare today to the place where you
(21:03):
want to be, the path may seemlong or unclear or unknown.
And I want you to know that ifthat seems scary or daunting or
downright terrifying or anythingelse, that is totally okay.
Know that you do not have tocreate the whole way all at
once.
We don't travel a whole journeyin one stride.
(21:23):
And that is why my invitation toyou today is to take a step,
just one.
Any type, any size, in anydirection.
It can be an external step thatcan be observed or measured, or
it could be a step you visualizetaking in your mind.
It can be a step towards actionor towards rest or connection or
self-care or whatever step makessense to you.
(21:47):
I invite you to take a steptoday because getting to a place
that feels better, more joyful,more connected than the place
where you are today is possiblefor everyone, including you, and
even when depression is in yourbed.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please subscribe so
you can be notified when eachweekly episode gets released.
(22:09):
I encourage you to leave areview and reach out to me on
social media attrish.sanders.lcsw.
Your feedback will help guidefuture episodes, and I love
hearing from you.
Also, please share this podcastwith anyone who you think may be
interested or who may getsomething from what I have
shared.
Until the next time we connect,take care of yourself and take a
(22:31):
step.
Hello, and welcome to the When Depression is in
your bed podcast.
Today I'm talking aboutsomething that I've been
discovering as I travel on myown journey of self-growth and
healing, which is the importanceof celebrating who you are
becoming as you're becoming thatperson.
And if you're on your ownjourney of self-growth, please
join me today so we cancelebrate together.
(00:21):
I'm your host, Trish Sanders,and I am delighted that you are
here.
Let's get started.
As my commitment to my ownself-care, and I mean deep,
true, profound taking care of mymind, body, and soul self-care,
as my commitment has grown overthe last several years, I would
say especially over the lastfive or six years, I have had
(00:44):
experiences that have beenindicators to me of the changes
that I have been making.
So as I've been taking bettercare of myself, I have noticed
things shift in my life.
And that has been absolutelylovely.
And over the past year, I'vebeen noticing more and more of
these things popping up fromtime to time.
And over the last severalmonths, things have been
(01:06):
happening with more frequency.
So I've been noticing more andmore the impact of the conscious
life that I'm living and thechoices that I'm making.
And I am not doing it perfectly.
I just really want to say thatbecause I make lots of mistakes
and things are not alwaysamazing and wonderful, and
they're never perfect.
However, the impact of thechoices that I have made become
(01:28):
more and more clear.
And last week I had a bunch ofincredible experiences that
really started to make mequestion, quite honestly, who I
see myself to be at this pointin my life and who I actually am
showing up as in the world.
And even a bit about how otherpeople are seeing me and being
able to be seen by other peopleand be in relationship with
(01:50):
other people has really beenimpacting how I see myself and
these people that I've beeninteracting with have been true
mirrors to me and have helped mesee myself more clearly, I
think, than I ever have beenable to see myself before.
And who I see myself to be, myidentity has been shifting.
And it's been such an incredibleexperience, truly heartwarming,
(02:13):
I would say, heart-filling.
My heart feels full of joy andgratitude for the experiences
I've been having.
And I've been having this mostlyinternal celebration of how far
I've come.
And it felt really special toshare it because it's so deeply
connected to my experience ofcreating this podcast and who I
(02:33):
have become through having thispodcast over the past 10 months.
So I wanted to share with youabout these experiences that I
have had.
Again, they've been popping upfrom time to time over the past
several months.
But this past week there wasjust this flood that I couldn't
deny.
And I really welcomed it becauseit was truly beautiful to start
to see myself in this new way.
(02:54):
And perhaps in some ways it's anold way.
Maybe it's in part who I'vealways known myself to be, but
it's definitely not how I'veidentified for most of my life.
So the very first thing that Iwanted to share is that last
week I released my 40th podcastepisode.
And there's a lot of really coolmilestones.
Some that I've hit, some that Iwill be hitting.
I'll be hitting my year podcastanniversary in January.
(03:16):
So that's not too far away.
But the 40th episode had somespecial meaning to me because I
very clearly remember being partof an online coaching group
right around when I had juststarted the podcast.
And I don't recall if it wasafter I had just released the
trailer or if it was after I hadreleased the first episode, but
it was right there in the verybeginning.
And we were being asked in thatparticular group to share our
(03:40):
accomplishments, to share thingsto celebrate.
And I remember someone in thegroup had shared that they had
released 40 podcast episodes.
And I was in awe.
And I remember so clearlythinking to myself, wow, they're
a real podcaster if they'vereleased 40 episodes.
And as I've been creating andreleasing episodes, I have
realized that I still haven'treally identified myself as a
(04:03):
podcaster.
Like when I think about myself,I'm not like, oh yeah, and I'm a
podcaster.
And so as I came close to my40th episode, I've been
reflecting on this experience.
Because I had this perspectiveof looking at someone from the
outside and thinking, oh, that'swho they are.
They do podcasts.
That's what they do.
I realized that maybe I need tore-identify as someone who is a
(04:24):
podcaster who does podcasts.
And it helped me to start toembrace this new identity and
this new part of me.
And along with that, I've alsobeen having more and more
experiences recently in both myprofessional and my personal
circles of people giving mefeedback that they've been
listening to my podcast andthey've been letting me know
what they like or what resonatedfor them or the things that
(04:45):
they've appreciated or learned.
And it has been a big shift forme because for many, many months
now, I have mostly just beenputting my podcast out into the
world, which has essentiallybeen a big black hole and not
having any idea how it'slanding, who's listening.
I've had very few people tell mewhat they think of it.
And over the past week, I've hadseveral people tell me that
they've been listening.
(05:05):
And the experience of beingheard and seen in this way, I
don't know if this soundsdramatic, but it has literally
taken my breath away.
I haven't known how to respondto people when they give me
usually positive feedback aboutwhat they think of the podcast.
Part of it I've realized as adepressed person, I have often
(05:27):
felt invisible and certainly notworthy, but I've come to realize
that being heard and seen inthis way has been truly healing
for me.
And for me to put myself outthere in the world in this way
has been a huge growthexperience.
And it wasn't so easy for me todo.
And I had to do a lot of workwith the fear of being seen, the
(05:48):
fear of being visible and whatthat meant to me.
And that has all been happeningpreparing to launch the podcast,
and then certainly over the past10 months of actually doing
episodes.
And it really has been such asource of growth for me.
And it has absolutely beencontributing to who I see myself
to truly be.
And then I also had thisexperience last week.
I was talking with one of mydear friends, who's also a
(06:10):
colleague of mine, and someoneelse in our professional circle.
And the person we were talkingto asked what the name of my
podcast was.
So I told them it's whendepression is in your bed.
And they half-jokingly respondedwith something like, Oh, that's
so depressing.
And in that moment, I was filledwith this energy, if I can say
that, and this clarity.
And I responded something to theeffect of, like, yeah, I get it.
(06:32):
Depression can be a very heavytopic.
However, that's not how I talkabout depression.
It's not depressing.
That's the point.
I don't know how well Iexplained myself in that moment,
but looking back, I did havethis moment of clarity that, oh,
this is my mission in doing thispodcast, that I hold a
perspective now on depression,on how to respond to depression
(06:55):
in yourself and in your partnerin a very different way than I
did 10 years ago or 20 yearsago.
And the podcast as I do it isreally what I wish somebody
would have told me all thoseyears ago.
And maybe if I would have beenable to connect with it then,
which I'm not sure exactly if Iwould have been able to or not,
but had I been able to connectwith this information and shift
(07:17):
my perspective, I think I wouldhave been able to be more
hopeful and certainly would havebeen able to do things
differently in a way that reallywould have benefited me and my
relationship, and of course, myhusband as well, and even our
kids for that matter.
And I realize that depressioncertainly can be heavy and can
be painful and difficult.
And I know the darkness and thedespair and the hopelessness.
(07:40):
And there have been parts of mylife that have been an absolute
nightmare.
So I'm not trying to minimizedepression in any way.
I've been there, I've lived it,I know it.
And I also see the other side.
I see lightness, I see hope, Isee possibility.
And the information that I havetoday and the perspective that I
(08:01):
hold today is somethingcompletely different that I
think allows people and empowerspeople, certainly has empowered
me and I think my husband aswell, to be able to make new
choices and have access tothings that felt completely
inaccessible before.
And this perspective shift hashelped me to change my life.
And I realized that I wanted tostart this podcast because if I
(08:24):
can help anybody else change therelationship that they have with
themselves andor therelationship that they have with
their partner, then I definitelywant to do that.
And as much as I love being atherapist and I'm super excited
going into the world ofrelationship coaching as well,
it costs money to do thosethings.
And I'm happy to support whoeverI can in that way.
(08:45):
But a podcast is available andaccessible to everybody.
And if something that I sharecan help somebody, then that
feels like a part of my life'spurpose.
And that's really why I'm here.
And that's who I see myself tobe.
Somebody who has struggled alot, who has come to the other
side.
And I don't mean my life'sperfect by any stretch.
(09:07):
It is far from perfect becauseat the end of the day, I'm still
human, but I've grown so muchand my life looks completely
different than it ever hasbefore.
And I feel like what I havelearned through my own journey
and my own process is somethingthat I can perhaps share with
other people.
And if you can connect to apiece of what I share and it
(09:28):
helps you improve your life inany way, then I'm here for it.
That's exactly why I'm here andwhy I'm sharing this podcast.
And then another experience I'vehad that I think is sort of in
line with that is that I've beengetting feedback recently from
some people.
And it feels a little bit weirdto say this out loud because it
feels a little bit like I'mbragging or I shouldn't be
(09:49):
saying this.
There feels like a little bit ofembarrassment and shame that
creeps up, but I will still sayit.
I have been getting feedbackrecently from people that they
see some sort of light in me.
And as somebody who has spent somuch of my life embracing the
darkness inside of me and hasfelt so surrounded by darkness
(10:12):
and depression, for people to betelling me that they see the
light in me has beenmind-blowing.
And I think for that reason,because it has seemed to be the
polar opposite of how I'veidentified for so much of my
life, but also because there isa part of me that has always
held on to hope, even thoughsometimes I have felt very
(10:34):
disconnected from that part ofmyself.
I have always held on to hopefor myself that things would be
better, that I was going to getto the other side of whatever it
was, the depression, thehardship, the challenge, the
whatever.
And then in my relationship,I've held on to hope for us, for
Ben and I.
And something has allowed me todo that.
And I even in this world have somuch hope for what can happen
(10:59):
for the future that we cancreate together.
And if I can bring a message ofhope to people, whether you're
dealing with depression inyourself or you're living with
depression in your partner orboth of you, or even if you're
just feeling overwhelmed andstressed and maybe even
traumatized in the world thatwe're living in today, if I can
share a message of hope andbring some lightness into these
(11:21):
really dark kinds of times, thenthat's really what I want to do.
And I feel that that's who I am.
Whew.
That feels really strange to sayin such a direct way.
And this is why I've beenthinking about who I am and my
identity and how important it isto celebrate.
And going back to the podcastexample, I have not embraced
(11:43):
this identity of me being apodcaster.
It's sort of a parallel to myexperience and all of these
other ways about who I am.
Because I think in my head, tobe a podcaster, maybe it meant I
had to have a certain number ofepisodes, or I had to have been
doing it for a certain amount oftime, or maybe it meant that I
had to have a certain amount ofsubscribers or a certain amount
(12:04):
of downloads.
I'm not really sure.
I didn't have it so clearlydefined, but I know that for all
of this time, whatever I defineda podcaster to be was not me.
I hadn't achieved it yet.
I hadn't gotten there yet.
I wasn't accomplished enough yetto identify as a podcaster.
And all of these experiencesthat I've been having over the
(12:24):
last months, and like I said,particularly last week, I really
had just the most amazingexperience.
I was fortunate enough to be apart of the MAGA Relationships
North America conference thathappened last week in Chicago.
And I was able to be in thiscommunity of people that are
just so incredible and has beensuch a healing place for me and
(12:45):
such a healing community for meover the past decade.
These people and theseexperiences that I had when I
was able to share time withthem, they were able to be a
mirror for where I am today.
And I've had other experiencesrecently that have been very
similar that have helped me seethe progress that I've made, not
through my own eyes, but fromhow other people who I respect
(13:07):
and trust and love, how theyhave seen me and how they have
noticed my growth in ways that Ihad not yet noticed or had not
yet embraced.
So this idea of celebrating whowe're becoming as we're becoming
it has really been on my mindlately because if I waited until
I had, I don't know, X amount ofepisodes or X amount of
(13:29):
downloads before I call myself apodcaster, I think I'd be
shortchanging myself.
And in reality, I don't think wefully arrive.
There's always more in Imago,the type of a relationship
therapy that I do.
We say is there more and we saythere's always more.
And so there's always more thatwe can accomplish.
But as a mom, you know, yeah,there's more that I can do as a
(13:49):
mom.
I'm growing all the time inbeing a mom and being the best
mom I can be.
But I'm definitely a mom, right?
And as a wife or a partner,there's certainly more growth
that I can do, more than I canaccomplish, more than I could
achieve, more spaces that I cangrow into and be an even better
version of the partner I am formy husband.
But a lot of the time, I think,and I'll just speak for myself
(14:12):
and as a depressed person, Ithink that there's this idea of
being a not depressed person orwhat a happy person might be, or
the happy version of yourself,or the person who no longer
struggles with depression, whothat person is.
And that person can feel so faraway from where you are.
And it can feel so far away thatyou think you'll never get
(14:35):
there.
And I know that feeling, and Iknow that hopelessness and
feeling defeated and theimpossibility or what seems like
impossibility of getting towhere you want to be.
And yet, knowing all of that, Iam here today at a place in my
life where I don't know if I'llever fully become any of my
(14:56):
identities, but I do know that Iam and what I would describe as
more of my true self, more of mywhole self, more of my authentic
self than I've ever been in myentire life.
And I got here on purpose.
It wasn't an accident.
And I think that that's reallyworth celebrating.
Even the progress that we makeby accident, or when we look up
(15:18):
one day and we go, huh, this isnew.
You know, I didn't alwaysrespond this way, or this is
better than it used to be.
Those are also momentsabsolutely worth celebrating.
But for many years, I've beenworking on myself and who I am.
And thankfully, I've had thesebeautiful mirrors in this
incredible community andcommunities that I'm a part of,
which are also not accidental.
(15:39):
I've been very actively creatingcommunity for a long time, and
it didn't seem to be working formany, many, many years.
And as much effort as I wasputting into creating community
and connecting and trying tofind a place where I felt like I
belonged, I was struggling tofind it for a really long time.
And I finally feel like I havecommunities and people that I
(16:01):
connect to and I really feel asense of belonging.
And I realized that if we holdon to who we have always seen
ourselves to be, we don't allowspace for the new version of us
to emerge.
And again, for me, it became soclear through this journey in
podcasting because I didn't seemyself as a podcaster.
(16:22):
I didn't see myself as somebodywho was really sharing their
voice in the world with amessage that felt important
because to me, I was justtalking into a microphone and it
was going into the void for along time.
And now that I'm starting to getfeedback, I'm like, oh, wow,
okay, I guess I am doing this.
Like, this is real.
(16:43):
And as people have started toshow up and share how they see
me, and I'm open, by the way, tofeedback, even if people think
that I should do thingsdifferently or things they want
to see more of or less of, thatI'm certainly open to all sorts
of feedback, but I've beengetting the most delightful
feedback about how people areexperiencing me.
And it feels aligned with a partof myself that I have been
(17:04):
disconnected from for a reallylong time.
And it's helping me to integratethat part of myself and loosen
my grip on some of the ways thatI've seen myself in the past
that have not been as helpful oras accurate.
So today I am celebrating andembracing my identities as I
fill them out.
I'm not sure that I'll ever getto a place where I think I have
(17:27):
fully and finally arrived.
And I think maybe I hope I neverget there.
I sort of have this idea thatthe universe is ever expanding,
and I think that as humans, thatwe are also ever expanding, and
that that's to me what I wouldcall a life well lived.
And so I don't want to wait tocelebrate and acknowledge myself
until I've finally arrived atwhatever imagined version of
(17:51):
myself I wish I could be orthink I should be.
I want to start celebratingtoday because that really
supports my growth process andit allows me to be exactly who I
am today in process,imperfectly.
And maybe it allows you to claimor reclaim a little bit more of
who you actually are and whoyou're actually becoming.
(18:12):
And maybe it'll give you alittle bit of permission to let
go of an identity that you'reholding on to that maybe isn't
serving you as much anymore.
And the last thing that I wantto share is that as I'm talking
about these parts of myself whohave always been there, I think
that I haven't been able tofully embrace.
And I've talked about thisbefore, I think on my very first
episode actually.
(18:32):
I talked about the idea of asunshine warrior.
It's a little figure that Iactually made because I have an
extensive miniature collectionbecause I do sand therapy.
And I took this little happyface figure and I taped a mace
onto his hand, like a medievalweapon onto his hand, and I
called him the sunshine warriorbecause I've always said that
happiness is the only thingworth fighting for.
(18:53):
And I think today I have a veryspecific view of what fighting
means, of what it means to fightfor happiness.
But I still stand by that Ithink that putting effort into
being your whole, full,authentic self and the nervous
system piece feeling safe enoughto be that person and embrace
that person and allow yourselfto become that person is really,
(19:16):
I think, just the best thing toput energy into because when you
embrace your whole self, thenyou allow others to embrace
their whole selves and you haverelationships that feel better.
And when you have relationshipsthat feel better, you create a
family that feels better and acommunity that feels better and
a country that feels better anda world that feels better.
(19:37):
And that is my hope.
And I want to be able to do whatI can to contribute to that.
And if you want to be a part ofmy community, all are welcome.
And I welcome your feedback.
And I'd love to be inconversation with you.
As wonderful is an experience asit is to make episodes and put
them out into the world.
Hearing from you is a reallyvaluable piece of this
(20:00):
experience for me.
And so to be able to open upthat line of communication, I
invite you to go toregulatedrelationships.kit.com
forward slash sunshine.
And you can put in your name andyour email address, and then you
can be a part of my communityand we can have conversations
(20:22):
that help support you inbecoming the you that you really
want to be and help you haverelationships that you really
want to have.
And as you discover more andmore of who you are and you
reclaim your true identity, wecan celebrate all along the way.
In the show notes, there'll alsobe a link if you want to join my
community so that we can havemore conversations and more
(20:42):
celebrations together.
As our time comes to a close, Iask you to keep listening for
just a few more moments becauseI want to thank you for showing
up today.
And I want to leave you with aninvitation as you hit stop and
move back out into the world onyour own unique wellness
journey.
In order to move from where youare today to the place where you
(21:03):
want to be, the path may seemlong or unclear or unknown.
And I want you to know that ifthat seems scary or daunting or
downright terrifying or anythingelse, that is totally okay.
Know that you do not have tocreate the whole way all at
once.
We don't travel a whole journeyin one stride.
(21:23):
And that is why my invitation toyou today is to take a step,
just one.
Any type, any size, in anydirection.
It can be an external step thatcan be observed or measured, or
it could be a step you visualizetaking in your mind.
It can be a step towards actionor towards rest or connection or
self-care or whatever step makessense to you.
(21:47):
I invite you to take a steptoday because getting to a place
that feels better, more joyful,more connected than the place
where you are today is possiblefor everyone, including you, and
even when depression is in yourbed.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please subscribe so
you can be notified when eachweekly episode gets released.
(22:09):
I encourage you to leave areview and reach out to me on
social media attrish.sanders.lcsw.
Your feedback will help guidefuture episodes, and I love
hearing from you.
Also, please share this podcastwith anyone who you think may be
interested or who may getsomething from what I have
shared.
Until the next time we connect,take care of yourself and take a
(22:31):
step.
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