July 9, 2025 • 25 mins
Feeling constantly disappointed by your partner—or feeling like you're always the one disappointing them? This painful dynamic shows up in nearly every relationship, creating a loop of frustration that can feel impossible to escape.
As a therapist and someone who's lived this pattern in my own marriage, I can tell you there's a way out. The breakthrough comes from understanding what's actually happening in your nervous system during these interactions. When you feel disappointed, your body moves into a "fight" response—you take over responsibilities, complain, or try to "fix" your partner. Meanwhile, your partner's system responds with "freeze"—withdrawing, avoiding, or shutting down. Neither response is wrong; both are protective mechanisms trying to keep you safe.
What keeps this cycle spinning are the stories we attach to these experiences. "If I don't do it, nobody will." "I'm always letting them down." "Things will never change." These narratives feel absolutely true, but they're actually interpretations your brain automatically attaches to nervous system responses—and they can be questioned.
The path forward involves regulating your nervous system before approaching conflicts, examining your stories, and getting curious about how you might unconsciously contribute to maintaining the very dynamic you want to change. Most surprising for me was discovering part of my identity was wrapped up in "doing it all"—I was unconsciously resistant to true partnership!
The Imago Intentional Dialogue offers a structured way to break this pattern, creating safety for both partners to explore what's happening beneath the surface. This isn't about putting up with frustration—it's about creating conditions where both partners can grow together toward the relationship you truly want.
Ready to shift this dynamic in your relationship? Subscribe to follow this series, and reach out if you're interested in relationship therapy, coaching, or attending a Getting the Love You Want workshop where you can learn these transformative tools firsthand.
- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".
- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome to the when Depression is in your
Bed podcast.
Do you often find yourselffeeling frustrated or let down
by your partner?
Are you interested in learningsome things that may help you
shift this unpleasant dynamic?
If so, join me today as I talkabout feeling disappointed and
feeling like the disappointmentin relationship.
I'm your host, trish Sanders,and I am delighted that you are
(00:22):
here.
Let's get started.
Your host, trish Sanders, and Iam delighted that you are here.
Let's get started.
In the last episode, I startedto talk about this hidden
relationship dynamic that existsin so many relationships, which
, in Imago Relationship Therapy,we refer to as the dynamic of
the disappointed and thedisappointment, meaning that so
oftentimes in relationship, onepartner consistently feels
(00:44):
disappointed by what's happeningin the relationship, by how
their partner is showing up ornot showing up, and this could
be about the division ofhousehold responsibilities or
about parenting or about theemotional work you know going to
therapy or self-improvement,self-help, that kind of thing
and the other partner can oftenend up feeling like the
disappointment because they seethemselves as being the root
(01:06):
cause of many of the reasonsthat their partner feels
disappointed.
This dynamic is so incrediblycommon.
It has absolutely been presentin my relationship with my
husband, and it still shows upfrom time to time, maybe even
more often than I'd like.
I'm just more aware of it nowand I try to notice it and
respond to it differently nowwhen it does show up, and it is
also present in nearly all ofthe couples that I work with,
(01:27):
and that's why I started talkingabout it in the last episode,
and today I'm going to talkabout how, after you notice that
this dynamic is present in yourrelationship, different things
that you can do to respond in anew way that may actually help
you get the change and thegrowth that you're wanting and
desiring.
The things that I'm talkingabout today are really at the
core of how to respond to justabout every relationship
(01:50):
conflict, but I am going to betalking about them specifically
in regards to this disappointeddisappointment dynamic.
So if you are a regularlistener, you've heard me say
this before and you willdefinitely hear me say it again.
But the very first thing to dowhenever you're in conflict with
your partner as soon as you'reable to do this is to notice
that you're feeling dysregulatedand then figure out what you
(02:14):
need to do to get back tofeeling regulated.
And this is so incrediblyimportant because when your
nervous system is feeling likeit needs to protect itself, so
either it goes into asympathetic, fight or flight
response, which is likesomething bad is happening to me
and I have to do somethingabout it, or if it goes into a
dorsal, collapsed, freezeresponse, the something is
(02:34):
happening to me and I have tohide, avoid it or get away from
it.
You don't have access to thingslike being able to connect or
being able to have empathy orbeing able to be curious.
You only can do those thingswhen your nervous system feels
safe, and so, in this particulardynamic, if you are the partner
who frequently feelsdisappointed, then your nervous
(02:55):
system is very likely findingitself frequently in that
sympathetic, fight or flightresponse and it's the I have to
do something about it.
And, quite honestly, a lot ofthe time, what the disappointed
partner does is picks up theslack, or what they see as
picking up the slack, like doingit all, figuring it out on
their own, that kind of thingand or complaining about their
disappointments and frustrations, very often to their partner,
(03:16):
probably also to their friendsor family or people that they're
close to that they may vent toabout their relationship and
those are do something responses.
There's cues of danger going onhere.
I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I'm feeling like my partner isnot doing their share.
I don't feel like we're workingas a team.
My partner doesn't even knowwhat needs to be done, or they
don't know how to do what needsto be done.
But there are things that canbe experienced as cues of danger
(03:38):
that land in a nervous system,that makes the nervous system
want to protect itself.
So in that sympathetic fight orflight response it does
something and I myself amabsolutely the disappointed
partner quote unquote and myhusband would then by default be
the disappointment, even thoughhe is actually not a
disappointment, but certainly inour dynamic I have absolutely
made him feel like he's thedisappointment, that he's let me
down in some way and in hisnervous system experience he
(04:01):
moves into that dorsal statethat I talked about earlier,
that shut down, freeze, withdraw, and that is a state of when I
feel a danger.
I protect myself by hiding,withdrawing, collapsing, being
invisible.
There's no energy in a dorsalstate.
So this dynamic of thedisappointed and the
disappointment is really fueledby our nervous systems and how
they protect themselves, becausemy nervous system in this
(04:23):
dynamic protects itself by doingmore, by overdoing and again by
complaining.
Complaining can feel productive, but it really usually is not
very productive at all.
Sometimes we think of it asventing, and venting certainly
can be productive in a certaincapacity, but very often in this
particular dynamic, venting isoften not productive.
But me, feeling like I have todo and do more and keep doing is
(04:44):
the way that my nervous systemfeels safe.
I'm doing something, I'm active, and that feels better to me
than not doing anything.
Conversely, in this particulardynamic, my husband feels safe
by hiding and withdrawing andavoiding and that helps him feel
safe.
And that is again animmobilized state.
So there's not energy to dothings.
And it's so easy to look at apair who's stuck in this dynamic
(05:04):
and say, well, look, the onepartner is doing it all and the
other partner is doingabsolutely nothing.
And the truth is is that bothpartners are dysregulated and
their nervous systems are bothacting in ways to protect them.
It's not actually good orpositive that the disappointed
partner is quote unquote doingit all, and it's also not good
or helpful or healthy orpositive that the quote unquote
(05:27):
disappointment is not doinganything, because really what's
happening is not an indicator oftheir ability or their
willingness or their desire ortheir longings or anything.
It's really just an indicatorthat both partners are feeling
unsafe.
And so this is so key andnoticing when your nervous
system is feeling unsafe in thisway and then being able to take
(05:47):
a step back and slow down.
For myself, I really learnedthat I had to disconnect with
love for my partner, because ifI reference my 13 year old son,
I do the same thing with him aswell.
I might notice that I'm tryingto help or do or be really
active or push or encourage.
You know, sometimes it feelslike I'm encouraging, but if I
really notice my nervous systemresponse, there is a
forcefulness, there's a push orpushiness that really is
(06:10):
happening and that's not reallyreceived well by my husband or
my son's nervous system becauseit's really a fight response in
me and so it lands poorly forthem.
And so it's really important tostart to realize that when
you're in this dynamic and thosefrustrations are coming up or
that shutdown is coming up,depending on what side of this
dynamic you're on that you needto reach for nervous system
(06:33):
regulation and I've talked aboutthis in other episodes.
You can go back and check themout, or you can do a search and
find lots of information on howto regulate your nervous system,
and I will absolutely talkabout it again.
But just to know that sometimesyou need to disconnect with
love and, instead of focusing onyour partner and what you think
they need to do, to really takea breath and take a moment and
say, hey, I don't think I'mgoing to be helpful in this
(06:54):
situation right now.
I'm going to take a breatherand I'll come back and address
this later when we might have amore helpful conversation that
moves us both towards feelingbetter instead of sort of
getting caught in this dynamicwhere we have been before.
And so this idea of regulatingyour nervous system is
absolutely key.
It's one of the most importantthings to do, and you'll hear me
continually talk about itbecause it's that important.
(07:15):
And the second thing that Imentioned in the last episode
that you can really do that isincredibly important and also
rather challenging at timescertainly is what I called last
time staying out of the story,and what I was referring to is
that when our nervous systemexperiences a queue of danger
for example, a queue of dangerwith my husband might be after
I've had a long, busy day ofdoing things for work and for
(07:39):
myself and for the kids and forthe house and for everything.
And I walk into the room and myhusband's sitting watching
YouTube.
So that is a cue of danger forme a lot of the time, and my
nervous system takes in this cueand it sends a message up to my
brain, and very quickly,without me even thinking about
it or even knowing it'shappening.
A story gets attached.
(07:59):
Often, many stories getattached.
In that particular instance,some of the stories that my
brain might attach is he iswasting time.
The real responsibilitiesalways fall on me.
I'm always doing everything bymyself.
He just gets to relax and restand unwind after the end of his
day and I can't do that, and sothese are things that really can
start to foster thisdisappointed, disappointment
(08:23):
experience, because I can walkinto the room and already feel
disappointed and my husband isjust doing something that's
actually very often really goodself-care.
He's taking a moment at the endof a day to do something that
helps him unwind, and so he isin a perfectly fine space.
Maybe he's letting off somesteam from the day and I walk in
.
My nervous system takes in thiscue of danger seeing him
(08:43):
watching YouTube, and then Iattach all these stories to
what's happening, and then I'malready frustrated and annoyed,
right and so being able tonotice, number one, that my
nervous system has experiencedsomething that made it feel
unsafe, and then, number two,noticing that the stories in my
head are just interpretationsthat are automatically attached
by my brain.
(09:03):
It doesn't mean they're true.
Let me by my brain.
It doesn't mean they're true.
Let me say that again.
It doesn't mean they're true.
If I get through everythingtoday, I will talk in the next
episode a little bit more aboutthe stories in a broader sense,
but just for today, I'm going tostick to the stories and the
disappointed and thedisappointment sense.
But, like myself, I'm theperson in the relationship who
commonly finds themselvesfeeling disappointed.
Then, some common narrativesthat we often hold are things
(09:26):
like if I don't do it, nobodyelse will, or the
responsibilities always fall onme, or if I do ask for help, I
won't get it, or if I ask forhelp, it won't be done correctly
, or it won't be done the way Iwant it to be done, or it won't
be done in the timeframe that Iwant it to be done in, and this
can apply here or in a broadersense but things like things
will never change.
(09:47):
This is hopeless, or the onlyway to change this dynamic is
for me to end the relationship,those kinds of narratives and
really being able to notice thatand know that those narratives
mean that you're dysregulated.
And so what you have to do isgo back to the first point
regulate your nervous system, asI said before, disconnecting
with love, taking a break,taking a breath, a sigh,
(10:13):
allowing your nervous system toreset.
And so, for me, when I'mfeeling safer and grounded and
my nervous system is back inthat safe ventral state, then I
can start to be curious, or Ican communicate differently and
ask for help which I'll talkabout a little bit more in a
moment to have like how tocommunicate about this dynamic,
because it's not all just aboutregulating your nervous system
and putting up with things thatmight, in fact, be frustrating
for you.
I would not be able to be acouples therapist or coach, or
(10:34):
be able to even stay in myrelationship with my husband If,
at the end of the day, mybelief was you just have to
always regulate yourself andjust manage how you feel all the
time, and, by the way, that isactually a common narrative of
the disappointed.
It's another version of I haveto do it all myself, I have to
take care of everything.
So it's very easy to get stuckin these narratives.
But if you start to realizethat these are in fact, just
(10:55):
narratives, and what they areare indicators that you're
feeling dysregulated, then onceyou get regulated, you can be
curious what is going on here?
What do I need to communicateabout this?
In addition to being able tocommunicate with your partner
which I guess I'll talk about ina moment you can also start to
have some curiosity about howyou're contributing or not
contributing to the relationshipexperience you actually want to
(11:16):
have.
And again, it's not that youhave to do it all.
It's that if you focus onyourself, that's way more
empowering and, honestly, muchmore helpful than focusing on
your partner.
And again, there's a wholepiece that your partner also has
to do their work.
So this isn't just about you.
This is like a parallel process.
You and your partner have to bedoing your own work, and I've
(11:38):
done episodes about this, aboutthe importance of taking steps
together, of working inpartnership, how to support that
, because that's how healthyrelationships work, when both
partners are involved.
But if you're always focused onyour partner, you're probably
stuck in that frustration andyou're probably not
communicating very effectively,but also you are missing your
peace.
And in this particular dynamic,it is so common for one partner
(12:01):
to feel disappointed becausethey don't think their partner
is doing it right quote unquoteor they feel like they're not
doing it at all, whatever the itis and it could be household
responsibilities, kidsresponsibilities, relationship
responsibilities, like I saidbefore and if you start to think
, how am I creating a space forthis to be different?
How am I contributing to theenvironment where my partner can
(12:24):
try things?
Or how am I contributing to theenvironment where I'm
communicating in a way where mypartner can hear what my real
needs are?
And so this begins to allow ashift to happen.
So I encourage you to thinkabout what's showing up for you
and what's contributing tokeeping this dynamic the way it
is.
And I can tell you, for me, ahuge part of my identity is
being independent.
(12:44):
I want to be able to feel likeI can handle anything and no
matter what comes at me.
I got it and this, of course,is connected to my childhood
experience and it is veryingrained that I can do it all.
I have to be able to do it all.
It makes me feel safe, as amatter of fact, to think that
way, and so when I'm doing itall quote, unquote my
relationship it supports myidentity that I can do it all.
(13:07):
And so there's a part of meeven though that another part of
me does want my husband to be apartner and I want to feel like
a team and we're working on allthe life things together.
There's also a part of me thatdoesn't really want that.
I want to be able to say thatI'm doing it all, that I can
handle it all.
It's kind of like a badge ofhonor, right?
It's like a gold star for me.
That unconscious piece has keptme locked in that dynamic or
(13:29):
stuck in that dynamic for many,many years, and I was often
blaming my husband for itwithout realizing how much a
part of me actually wantedthings to stay the same.
So this is pretty important andagain, as I mentioned, this is
really related to your childhoodexperience in many ways.
So, thinking about, what wasyour role in your family, what
did you observe between yourparents or your caregivers, or
(13:50):
the adults in your early life.
Can you identify thedisappointed disappointment role
in them?
What did you learn about?
What relationship dynamics aresupposed to look like?
Just start to really questionthese things.
And when you can kind of say,hmm, maybe the story that I
thought it was, that narrativethat my brain attached to my
nervous system experience, maybeit's not totally accurate,
maybe there's something elsethere, and all of a sudden
curiosity can emerge.
(14:10):
And when you'd be curious aboutyour partner's experience, it
can really be helpful both inactually being able to have a
conversation and say, hey, like,what's going on for you, I
actually really want to know.
I want to know what feels good,what hurts, what I'm doing that
is painful for you, what do Ido that can be helpful for you?
Right, like you can have greatconversations that way, and how
to create safety for thoseconversations and that
(14:31):
connection to be able to happenwith your partner.
And I will share a couple ofexamples, one of my own and one
just sort of a general one thatcomes up very frequently in the
couples therapy office.
So several years ago ourwashing machine broke and we
needed to get a new one.
So consciously in my mind Ithought I'm not going to do this
task, I'm going to delegate itright, I want to help.
I want to create a relationshipthat feels like a partnership.
I'm going to ask my husband todo this and he was like sure, no
(14:53):
problem.
He did the research and hefound this washing machine and
it was on sale and it was allgood and I thought he ordered it
.
I had no involvement at all.
I was like great, I didn't wantto do that.
He helped me out, that wasawesome.
Come to find out the next daythat, for whatever reason, he
didn't order it the night beforeand the sale ended and I was
furious.
I laugh now because it's kindof embarrassing to think how
(15:14):
angry I was and fast forward.
By the way, we just waitedanother few days and another
sale came back up and we endedup getting the wash machine and
it wasn't the exact same salebut it was pretty close and it
really was no big deal, noactual harm done.
But I was so angry that myhusband quote unquote made a
mistake that he dropped the balland I had all these stories
(15:35):
going like I have to do itmyself.
If I let anybody else do it,they mess it up.
I can't really trust my partnerto do anything it If I let
anybody else do it, they mess itup.
I can't really trust my partnerto do anything.
It was really awful, butluckily I was able to at some
point eventually step back andsay wait a second, you know, it
could happen to anybody.
It could have happened to me.
Maybe if I was ordering thewashing machine I got tired, or
maybe I put it in the car andforgot to hit the very final
(15:56):
button, right, or whatever it is.
But it's okay that he didn'torder it that night and that the
sale stopped the next day.
Right Again, there's no life ordeath situation happening here.
We got the washing machine injust about the same time and all
was well in the end.
But it was so clear to me how Iwas creating a dynamic where it
wasn't safe for my partner totry, because when you try you
(16:18):
might make a mistake.
And so again going back to thatnervous system when people hide
, withdraw, freeze, collapse toprotect themselves.
This is why Because I was thisbig, scary, frustrated,
disappointed monster that wascoming at him for being human,
for making a totally possiblemistake that anybody could have
made, and so I was able toreally start to see how I was
(16:39):
contributing to him, not tryingand not taking on responsibility
.
Because I was able to reallystart to see how I was
contributing to him not tryingand not taking on responsibility
because I was responding in areally unhelpful way and when I
started to notice that and ownthat, then I started being able
to make shifts and say, okay, ifI want my partner to do things
that I need to create safety forhim to try and maybe make
mistakes sometimes, or for himto do it in a way different than
I do it, which can be hardsometimes, and so really to
(17:00):
start to think what areunconscious things that may be
stopping you from allowing thechange you want to actually
happen?
And also, how are youpotentially keeping things stuck
in that dynamic?
And the second example, justbriefly, that comes up again a
lot for couples is stuff around,household responsibilities like
cleaning or laundry or whatever.
And a lot of partners will sayin the office I want my partner
(17:23):
to help me with theseresponsibilities, I'm feeling
overwhelmed, I'm doing all this,but then, much like with my
experience with a washingmachine, if their partner does
it and they don't do it to theirstandard, that's their right
right.
If you're doing a task, you getto choose when you do it and
how you do it, and it'ssomething that happens so
frequently and there's so muchmore underneath that on both
sides why somebody wants it donetheir way or why they want it
(17:44):
done at a certain time, and whatthat means.
And also, on the flip side,what is happening when someone
is receiving those messages doit my way or do it this way or
do it in this time and how thatagain contributes to things not
changing and actually continuesthings feeling bad, usually for
both partners, not just for one.
(18:06):
And, as I mentioned last time, Iused to think it was so
difficult being me and I couldget on a high horse and get
really validated by a lot ofpeople in my life telling me
like, oh yeah, you do so muchand I feel like, yeah, I do so
much.
Then I started to realize, ohmy gosh, my partner feels like
I'm frustrated with him all thetime, it seems like, and that
must really be horrible.
So again, this is looking athow you're contributing to the
(18:27):
dynamic that you say you want,and maybe you do really want it.
I mean, I definitely want tofeel like I'm working in
partnership, but understandingwhy that's not quite happening
is key, and so I mentionedalready a few times but how do
you figure all this out?
This is not easy stuffregulating your nervous system
and looking at your stories andstaying out of the stories and
thinking about how you'recontributing.
Well, how do you do all of that?
Well, luckily I have an answerfor you.
I would not be presenting all ofthis and just be like, oh,
(18:48):
figure it out, you're on yourown.
I don't think that would beparticularly helpful, and so
there's not only one way to lookat these things, but what has
been completely transformativefor the way my husband and I
communicate is what, in Imagorelationship therapy, is called
the Imago intentional dialogue,and now it is my hope that my
husband will accept myinvitation to come on an episode
(19:11):
and do a dialogue together foryou, so you can really hear what
it sounds like.
So I'm not going to go into allthe mechanics of it today, but
I will just share a little bitabout why it's helpful, and
you'll hear me talk about Imagoand the Imago intentional
dialogue in many other episodes,for sure.
The intentional dialogue is astructured way of speaking and
listening.
(19:31):
So each partner has a role asthe sender and the receiver, and
in one dialogue you'll haveboth roles, so you'll have the
chance to speak and you'll alsohave the chance to listen, but
you won't be doing it at thesame time, because when people
are having a quote, unquoteregular conversation, they're
often having two simultaneousmonologues.
Right, they're both saying whatthey need, what their problem
is, what their hurt is, at thesame time and no one's really
(19:53):
listening to each other.
Or one person might not besaying anything and might
already be shut down and theother person might just be
talking at their partner and themessage is not getting received
, and this is very unhelpful.
It's very frustrating, verypainful, very difficult for both
partners.
And so this creates thisstructure that helps create
safety and you know what toexpect, you know what you're
supposed to do, you know ifyou're supposed to be speaking,
(20:15):
you know if you're supposed tobe listening and you have these
guidelines that help youunderstand what's kind of like
what's happening and what comesnext.
And when you're in the senderrole or the speaker role, it
helps you focus on exploringyour experience.
And, again, this could benoticing the state of your
nervous system.
It could be noticing thestories that you're telling
yourself.
It certainly could be lookingat your underlying needs and how
(20:37):
you're contributing to thesesituations in unconscious ways.
That might be linked to yourchildhood experience and what
you learn growing up, and ithelps you really understand
these things, because that'swhat you need to understand in
order to make change.
And again, this is one side,but if you flip it, the same
exact thing is true for yourpartner.
Your partner needs tounderstand their needs and
what's underlying their behaviorand what's happening in their
(20:59):
nervous system and all of thosesame things.
Using the intentional dialoguehelps partners understand each
other and validate each otherand empathize with each other,
and it is in that space wherereal change is possible, because
you then come to whatever theconflict is, whatever the
problem is, so to speak,together in a relationship with
somebody.
Of course, you want your ownneeds met and you also want
(21:20):
their needs met, and a lot ofthe time we get caught fighting
and this disappointeddisappointment dynamic is again
at the core of so manychallenges in relationship and
so many relationship conflicts.
But it's not because we want tostay stuck feeling disappointed
and we certainly don't want ourpartners to feel like a
disappointment, any more thanthe partner who's identified as
(21:41):
the disappointment wants theirpartner to feel disappointed all
the time.
Right Like nobody wants that.
We just don't know how to getout of this dynamic, and the
intentional dialogue allows usto start truly mapping what's
actually happening so we can dosomething about it instead of
getting stuck.
And it really does get to thecore needs underneath the
problem, and it also highlightsor shines a light on the places
(22:02):
where each partner needs to grow, because change does in fact
need to happen.
Right Like that's what beinghuman is all about.
We learn, we grow, we expand.
The universe is ever expanding,Humans just the same.
We're ever expanding, andgrowth is doing things in a new
way that creates more of whatyou want, and so we want to
understand what needs to change.
As I said earlier, this is notabout just keep regulating your
(22:22):
nervous system and feelinggrounded so you can put up with
all the junk in yourrelationship.
That is not the message that Iam putting out there at all.
This is a message of if youwant change to happen in your
relationship, there are ways tounderstand what's really
happening underneath the thingthat's causing the problem, so
to speak and there's ways tofigure out a path to grow
through that together with yourpartner, and that's really what
(22:45):
this is all about.
So that is all I'm going to sayabout the intentional dialogue
for today, even though there'sso much more I could say.
But just again, I want you toknow there is actually a way to
explore this dynamic ofdisappointed and disappointment,
because it's really difficultfeeling frustrated all the time
and again it's also reallydifficult feeling like you're
the disappointment regularly,and there are tools that are
(23:11):
totally teachable and not sohard to learn In practice.
They might be hard to usesometimes when our nervous
systems are dysregulated,certainly.
Again, that's why it'simportant to be able to work on
grounding, because then you canconnect and communicate
effectively.
But I want you to know thatit's not some foreign thing that
exists somewhere else that'sonly available to certain people
.
This is something that'savailable to everybody.
And again, I will talk a lotmore about Imago and hopefully
we'll do a demo with my husbandso you can hear it in action.
(23:34):
And if you're interested inlearning more now, you can
always contact me.
I am available for relationshiptherapy and relationship
coaching and I also run Gettingthe Love you Want relationship
retreats and workshops where weteach the Imago Intentional
Dialogue and we practice how tohave conversations in this way
and how to explore frustrationsin a way that actually leads to
(23:55):
things changing andrelationships feeling better.
So stay tuned as I talk aboutall these things and more, and
again next week I will talk alittle bit more about the
stories and what that means, thenarratives we're creating in a
little bit more of a broadersense.
As our time comes to a close, Iask you to keep listening for
just a few more moments, becauseI want to thank you for showing
(24:17):
up today and I want to leaveyou with an invitation as you
hit stop and move back out intothe world on your own unique
wellness journey In order tomove from where you are today to
the place where you want to be.
The path may seem long orunclear or unknown, and I want
you to know that if that seemsscary or daunting or downright
(24:39):
terrifying or anything else,that is totally okay.
Know that you do not have tocreate the whole way all at once
.
We don't travel a whole journeyin one stride, and that is why
my invitation to you today is totake a step, just one, any type
, any size, in any direction.
It can be an external step.
(24:59):
It can be observed or measured,or it could be a step you
visualize taking in your mind ormeasured, or it could be a step
you visualize taking in yourmind.
It can be a step towards action, or towards rest, or connection
, or self-care, or whatever stepmakes sense to you.
I invite you to take a steptoday, because getting to a
place that feels better, morejoyful, more connected than the
(25:20):
place where you are today ispossible for everyone, including
you.
Today is possible for everyone,including you, and even when
depression is in your bed.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please subscribe so
you can be notified when eachweekly episode gets released.
I encourage you to leave areview and reach out to me on
social media at trishsanderslcsw.
(25:41):
Your feedback will help guidefuture episodes and I love
hearing from you.
Also, please share this podcastwith anyone who you think may
be interested or who may getsomething from what I have
shared.
Until the next time we connect,take care of yourself and take
a step.
Hello and welcome to the when Depression is in your
Bed podcast.
Do you often find yourselffeeling frustrated or let down
by your partner?
Are you interested in learningsome things that may help you
shift this unpleasant dynamic?
If so, join me today as I talkabout feeling disappointed and
feeling like the disappointmentin relationship.
I'm your host, trish Sanders,and I am delighted that you are
(00:22):
here.
Let's get started.
Your host, trish Sanders, and Iam delighted that you are here.
Let's get started.
In the last episode, I startedto talk about this hidden
relationship dynamic that existsin so many relationships, which
, in Imago Relationship Therapy,we refer to as the dynamic of
the disappointed and thedisappointment, meaning that so
oftentimes in relationship, onepartner consistently feels
(00:44):
disappointed by what's happeningin the relationship, by how
their partner is showing up ornot showing up, and this could
be about the division ofhousehold responsibilities or
about parenting or about theemotional work you know going to
therapy or self-improvement,self-help, that kind of thing
and the other partner can oftenend up feeling like the
disappointment because they seethemselves as being the root
(01:06):
cause of many of the reasonsthat their partner feels
disappointed.
This dynamic is so incrediblycommon.
It has absolutely been presentin my relationship with my
husband, and it still shows upfrom time to time, maybe even
more often than I'd like.
I'm just more aware of it nowand I try to notice it and
respond to it differently nowwhen it does show up, and it is
also present in nearly all ofthe couples that I work with,
(01:27):
and that's why I started talkingabout it in the last episode,
and today I'm going to talkabout how, after you notice that
this dynamic is present in yourrelationship, different things
that you can do to respond in anew way that may actually help
you get the change and thegrowth that you're wanting and
desiring.
The things that I'm talkingabout today are really at the
core of how to respond to justabout every relationship
(01:50):
conflict, but I am going to betalking about them specifically
in regards to this disappointeddisappointment dynamic.
So if you are a regularlistener, you've heard me say
this before and you willdefinitely hear me say it again.
But the very first thing to dowhenever you're in conflict with
your partner as soon as you'reable to do this is to notice
that you're feeling dysregulatedand then figure out what you
(02:14):
need to do to get back tofeeling regulated.
And this is so incrediblyimportant because when your
nervous system is feeling likeit needs to protect itself, so
either it goes into asympathetic, fight or flight
response, which is likesomething bad is happening to me
and I have to do somethingabout it, or if it goes into a
dorsal, collapsed, freezeresponse, the something is
(02:34):
happening to me and I have tohide, avoid it or get away from
it.
You don't have access to thingslike being able to connect or
being able to have empathy orbeing able to be curious.
You only can do those thingswhen your nervous system feels
safe, and so, in this particulardynamic, if you are the partner
who frequently feelsdisappointed, then your nervous
(02:55):
system is very likely findingitself frequently in that
sympathetic, fight or flightresponse and it's the I have to
do something about it.
And, quite honestly, a lot ofthe time, what the disappointed
partner does is picks up theslack, or what they see as
picking up the slack, like doingit all, figuring it out on
their own, that kind of thingand or complaining about their
disappointments and frustrations, very often to their partner,
(03:16):
probably also to their friendsor family or people that they're
close to that they may vent toabout their relationship and
those are do something responses.
There's cues of danger going onhere.
I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I'm feeling like my partner isnot doing their share.
I don't feel like we're workingas a team.
My partner doesn't even knowwhat needs to be done, or they
don't know how to do what needsto be done.
But there are things that canbe experienced as cues of danger
(03:38):
that land in a nervous system,that makes the nervous system
want to protect itself.
So in that sympathetic fight orflight response it does
something and I myself amabsolutely the disappointed
partner quote unquote and myhusband would then by default be
the disappointment, even thoughhe is actually not a
disappointment, but certainly inour dynamic I have absolutely
made him feel like he's thedisappointment, that he's let me
down in some way and in hisnervous system experience he
(04:01):
moves into that dorsal statethat I talked about earlier,
that shut down, freeze, withdraw, and that is a state of when I
feel a danger.
I protect myself by hiding,withdrawing, collapsing, being
invisible.
There's no energy in a dorsalstate.
So this dynamic of thedisappointed and the
disappointment is really fueledby our nervous systems and how
they protect themselves, becausemy nervous system in this
(04:23):
dynamic protects itself by doingmore, by overdoing and again by
complaining.
Complaining can feel productive, but it really usually is not
very productive at all.
Sometimes we think of it asventing, and venting certainly
can be productive in a certaincapacity, but very often in this
particular dynamic, venting isoften not productive.
But me, feeling like I have todo and do more and keep doing is
(04:44):
the way that my nervous systemfeels safe.
I'm doing something, I'm active, and that feels better to me
than not doing anything.
Conversely, in this particulardynamic, my husband feels safe
by hiding and withdrawing andavoiding and that helps him feel
safe.
And that is again animmobilized state.
So there's not energy to dothings.
And it's so easy to look at apair who's stuck in this dynamic
(05:04):
and say, well, look, the onepartner is doing it all and the
other partner is doingabsolutely nothing.
And the truth is is that bothpartners are dysregulated and
their nervous systems are bothacting in ways to protect them.
It's not actually good orpositive that the disappointed
partner is quote unquote doingit all, and it's also not good
or helpful or healthy orpositive that the quote unquote
(05:27):
disappointment is not doinganything, because really what's
happening is not an indicator oftheir ability or their
willingness or their desire ortheir longings or anything.
It's really just an indicatorthat both partners are feeling
unsafe.
And so this is so key andnoticing when your nervous
system is feeling unsafe in thisway and then being able to take
(05:47):
a step back and slow down.
For myself, I really learnedthat I had to disconnect with
love for my partner, because ifI reference my 13 year old son,
I do the same thing with him aswell.
I might notice that I'm tryingto help or do or be really
active or push or encourage.
You know, sometimes it feelslike I'm encouraging, but if I
really notice my nervous systemresponse, there is a
forcefulness, there's a push orpushiness that really is
(06:10):
happening and that's not reallyreceived well by my husband or
my son's nervous system becauseit's really a fight response in
me and so it lands poorly forthem.
And so it's really important tostart to realize that when
you're in this dynamic and thosefrustrations are coming up or
that shutdown is coming up,depending on what side of this
dynamic you're on that you needto reach for nervous system
(06:33):
regulation and I've talked aboutthis in other episodes.
You can go back and check themout, or you can do a search and
find lots of information on howto regulate your nervous system,
and I will absolutely talkabout it again.
But just to know that sometimesyou need to disconnect with
love and, instead of focusing onyour partner and what you think
they need to do, to really takea breath and take a moment and
say, hey, I don't think I'mgoing to be helpful in this
(06:54):
situation right now.
I'm going to take a breatherand I'll come back and address
this later when we might have amore helpful conversation that
moves us both towards feelingbetter instead of sort of
getting caught in this dynamicwhere we have been before.
And so this idea of regulatingyour nervous system is
absolutely key.
It's one of the most importantthings to do, and you'll hear me
continually talk about itbecause it's that important.
(07:15):
And the second thing that Imentioned in the last episode
that you can really do that isincredibly important and also
rather challenging at timescertainly is what I called last
time staying out of the story,and what I was referring to is
that when our nervous systemexperiences a queue of danger
for example, a queue of dangerwith my husband might be after
I've had a long, busy day ofdoing things for work and for
(07:39):
myself and for the kids and forthe house and for everything.
And I walk into the room and myhusband's sitting watching
YouTube.
So that is a cue of danger forme a lot of the time, and my
nervous system takes in this cueand it sends a message up to my
brain, and very quickly,without me even thinking about
it or even knowing it'shappening.
A story gets attached.
(07:59):
Often, many stories getattached.
In that particular instance,some of the stories that my
brain might attach is he iswasting time.
The real responsibilitiesalways fall on me.
I'm always doing everything bymyself.
He just gets to relax and restand unwind after the end of his
day and I can't do that, and sothese are things that really can
start to foster thisdisappointed, disappointment
(08:23):
experience, because I can walkinto the room and already feel
disappointed and my husband isjust doing something that's
actually very often really goodself-care.
He's taking a moment at the endof a day to do something that
helps him unwind, and so he isin a perfectly fine space.
Maybe he's letting off somesteam from the day and I walk in
.
My nervous system takes in thiscue of danger seeing him
(08:43):
watching YouTube, and then Iattach all these stories to
what's happening, and then I'malready frustrated and annoyed,
right and so being able tonotice, number one, that my
nervous system has experiencedsomething that made it feel
unsafe, and then, number two,noticing that the stories in my
head are just interpretationsthat are automatically attached
by my brain.
(09:03):
It doesn't mean they're true.
Let me by my brain.
It doesn't mean they're true.
Let me say that again.
It doesn't mean they're true.
If I get through everythingtoday, I will talk in the next
episode a little bit more aboutthe stories in a broader sense,
but just for today, I'm going tostick to the stories and the
disappointed and thedisappointment sense.
But, like myself, I'm theperson in the relationship who
commonly finds themselvesfeeling disappointed.
Then, some common narrativesthat we often hold are things
(09:26):
like if I don't do it, nobodyelse will, or the
responsibilities always fall onme, or if I do ask for help, I
won't get it, or if I ask forhelp, it won't be done correctly
, or it won't be done the way Iwant it to be done, or it won't
be done in the timeframe that Iwant it to be done in, and this
can apply here or in a broadersense but things like things
will never change.
(09:47):
This is hopeless, or the onlyway to change this dynamic is
for me to end the relationship,those kinds of narratives and
really being able to notice thatand know that those narratives
mean that you're dysregulated.
And so what you have to do isgo back to the first point
regulate your nervous system, asI said before, disconnecting
with love, taking a break,taking a breath, a sigh,
(10:13):
allowing your nervous system toreset.
And so, for me, when I'mfeeling safer and grounded and
my nervous system is back inthat safe ventral state, then I
can start to be curious, or Ican communicate differently and
ask for help which I'll talkabout a little bit more in a
moment to have like how tocommunicate about this dynamic,
because it's not all just aboutregulating your nervous system
and putting up with things thatmight, in fact, be frustrating
for you.
I would not be able to be acouples therapist or coach, or
(10:34):
be able to even stay in myrelationship with my husband If,
at the end of the day, mybelief was you just have to
always regulate yourself andjust manage how you feel all the
time, and, by the way, that isactually a common narrative of
the disappointed.
It's another version of I haveto do it all myself, I have to
take care of everything.
So it's very easy to get stuckin these narratives.
But if you start to realizethat these are in fact, just
(10:55):
narratives, and what they areare indicators that you're
feeling dysregulated, then onceyou get regulated, you can be
curious what is going on here?
What do I need to communicateabout this?
In addition to being able tocommunicate with your partner
which I guess I'll talk about ina moment you can also start to
have some curiosity about howyou're contributing or not
contributing to the relationshipexperience you actually want to
(11:16):
have.
And again, it's not that youhave to do it all.
It's that if you focus onyourself, that's way more
empowering and, honestly, muchmore helpful than focusing on
your partner.
And again, there's a wholepiece that your partner also has
to do their work.
So this isn't just about you.
This is like a parallel process.
You and your partner have to bedoing your own work, and I've
(11:38):
done episodes about this, aboutthe importance of taking steps
together, of working inpartnership, how to support that
, because that's how healthyrelationships work, when both
partners are involved.
But if you're always focused onyour partner, you're probably
stuck in that frustration andyou're probably not
communicating very effectively,but also you are missing your
peace.
And in this particular dynamic,it is so common for one partner
(12:01):
to feel disappointed becausethey don't think their partner
is doing it right quote unquoteor they feel like they're not
doing it at all, whatever the itis and it could be household
responsibilities, kidsresponsibilities, relationship
responsibilities, like I saidbefore and if you start to think
, how am I creating a space forthis to be different?
How am I contributing to theenvironment where my partner can
(12:24):
try things?
Or how am I contributing to theenvironment where I'm
communicating in a way where mypartner can hear what my real
needs are?
And so this begins to allow ashift to happen.
So I encourage you to thinkabout what's showing up for you
and what's contributing tokeeping this dynamic the way it
is.
And I can tell you, for me, ahuge part of my identity is
being independent.
(12:44):
I want to be able to feel likeI can handle anything and no
matter what comes at me.
I got it and this, of course,is connected to my childhood
experience and it is veryingrained that I can do it all.
I have to be able to do it all.
It makes me feel safe, as amatter of fact, to think that
way, and so when I'm doing itall quote, unquote my
relationship it supports myidentity that I can do it all.
(13:07):
And so there's a part of meeven though that another part of
me does want my husband to be apartner and I want to feel like
a team and we're working on allthe life things together.
There's also a part of me thatdoesn't really want that.
I want to be able to say thatI'm doing it all, that I can
handle it all.
It's kind of like a badge ofhonor, right?
It's like a gold star for me.
That unconscious piece has keptme locked in that dynamic or
(13:29):
stuck in that dynamic for many,many years, and I was often
blaming my husband for itwithout realizing how much a
part of me actually wantedthings to stay the same.
So this is pretty important andagain, as I mentioned, this is
really related to your childhoodexperience in many ways.
So, thinking about, what wasyour role in your family, what
did you observe between yourparents or your caregivers, or
(13:50):
the adults in your early life.
Can you identify thedisappointed disappointment role
in them?
What did you learn about?
What relationship dynamics aresupposed to look like?
Just start to really questionthese things.
And when you can kind of say,hmm, maybe the story that I
thought it was, that narrativethat my brain attached to my
nervous system experience, maybeit's not totally accurate,
maybe there's something elsethere, and all of a sudden
curiosity can emerge.
(14:10):
And when you'd be curious aboutyour partner's experience, it
can really be helpful both inactually being able to have a
conversation and say, hey, like,what's going on for you, I
actually really want to know.
I want to know what feels good,what hurts, what I'm doing that
is painful for you, what do Ido that can be helpful for you?
Right, like you can have greatconversations that way, and how
to create safety for thoseconversations and that
(14:31):
connection to be able to happenwith your partner.
And I will share a couple ofexamples, one of my own and one
just sort of a general one thatcomes up very frequently in the
couples therapy office.
So several years ago ourwashing machine broke and we
needed to get a new one.
So consciously in my mind Ithought I'm not going to do this
task, I'm going to delegate itright, I want to help.
I want to create a relationshipthat feels like a partnership.
I'm going to ask my husband todo this and he was like sure, no
(14:53):
problem.
He did the research and hefound this washing machine and
it was on sale and it was allgood and I thought he ordered it
.
I had no involvement at all.
I was like great, I didn't wantto do that.
He helped me out, that wasawesome.
Come to find out the next daythat, for whatever reason, he
didn't order it the night beforeand the sale ended and I was
furious.
I laugh now because it's kindof embarrassing to think how
(15:14):
angry I was and fast forward.
By the way, we just waitedanother few days and another
sale came back up and we endedup getting the wash machine and
it wasn't the exact same salebut it was pretty close and it
really was no big deal, noactual harm done.
But I was so angry that myhusband quote unquote made a
mistake that he dropped the balland I had all these stories
(15:35):
going like I have to do itmyself.
If I let anybody else do it,they mess it up.
I can't really trust my partnerto do anything it If I let
anybody else do it, they mess itup.
I can't really trust my partnerto do anything.
It was really awful, butluckily I was able to at some
point eventually step back andsay wait a second, you know, it
could happen to anybody.
It could have happened to me.
Maybe if I was ordering thewashing machine I got tired, or
maybe I put it in the car andforgot to hit the very final
(15:56):
button, right, or whatever it is.
But it's okay that he didn'torder it that night and that the
sale stopped the next day.
Right Again, there's no life ordeath situation happening here.
We got the washing machine injust about the same time and all
was well in the end.
But it was so clear to me how Iwas creating a dynamic where it
wasn't safe for my partner totry, because when you try you
(16:18):
might make a mistake.
And so again going back to thatnervous system when people hide
, withdraw, freeze, collapse toprotect themselves.
This is why Because I was thisbig, scary, frustrated,
disappointed monster that wascoming at him for being human,
for making a totally possiblemistake that anybody could have
made, and so I was able toreally start to see how I was
(16:39):
contributing to him, not tryingand not taking on responsibility
.
Because I was able to reallystart to see how I was
contributing to him not tryingand not taking on responsibility
because I was responding in areally unhelpful way and when I
started to notice that and ownthat, then I started being able
to make shifts and say, okay, ifI want my partner to do things
that I need to create safety forhim to try and maybe make
mistakes sometimes, or for himto do it in a way different than
I do it, which can be hardsometimes, and so really to
(17:00):
start to think what areunconscious things that may be
stopping you from allowing thechange you want to actually
happen?
And also, how are youpotentially keeping things stuck
in that dynamic?
And the second example, justbriefly, that comes up again a
lot for couples is stuff around,household responsibilities like
cleaning or laundry or whatever.
And a lot of partners will sayin the office I want my partner
(17:23):
to help me with theseresponsibilities, I'm feeling
overwhelmed, I'm doing all this,but then, much like with my
experience with a washingmachine, if their partner does
it and they don't do it to theirstandard, that's their right
right.
If you're doing a task, you getto choose when you do it and
how you do it, and it'ssomething that happens so
frequently and there's so muchmore underneath that on both
sides why somebody wants it donetheir way or why they want it
(17:44):
done at a certain time, and whatthat means.
And also, on the flip side,what is happening when someone
is receiving those messages doit my way or do it this way or
do it in this time and how thatagain contributes to things not
changing and actually continuesthings feeling bad, usually for
both partners, not just for one.
(18:06):
And, as I mentioned last time, Iused to think it was so
difficult being me and I couldget on a high horse and get
really validated by a lot ofpeople in my life telling me
like, oh yeah, you do so muchand I feel like, yeah, I do so
much.
Then I started to realize, ohmy gosh, my partner feels like
I'm frustrated with him all thetime, it seems like, and that
must really be horrible.
So again, this is looking athow you're contributing to the
(18:27):
dynamic that you say you want,and maybe you do really want it.
I mean, I definitely want tofeel like I'm working in
partnership, but understandingwhy that's not quite happening
is key, and so I mentionedalready a few times but how do
you figure all this out?
This is not easy stuffregulating your nervous system
and looking at your stories andstaying out of the stories and
thinking about how you'recontributing.
Well, how do you do all of that?
Well, luckily I have an answerfor you.
I would not be presenting all ofthis and just be like, oh,
(18:48):
figure it out, you're on yourown.
I don't think that would beparticularly helpful, and so
there's not only one way to lookat these things, but what has
been completely transformativefor the way my husband and I
communicate is what, in Imagorelationship therapy, is called
the Imago intentional dialogue,and now it is my hope that my
husband will accept myinvitation to come on an episode
(19:11):
and do a dialogue together foryou, so you can really hear what
it sounds like.
So I'm not going to go into allthe mechanics of it today, but
I will just share a little bitabout why it's helpful, and
you'll hear me talk about Imagoand the Imago intentional
dialogue in many other episodes,for sure.
The intentional dialogue is astructured way of speaking and
listening.
(19:31):
So each partner has a role asthe sender and the receiver, and
in one dialogue you'll haveboth roles, so you'll have the
chance to speak and you'll alsohave the chance to listen, but
you won't be doing it at thesame time, because when people
are having a quote, unquoteregular conversation, they're
often having two simultaneousmonologues.
Right, they're both saying whatthey need, what their problem
is, what their hurt is, at thesame time and no one's really
(19:53):
listening to each other.
Or one person might not besaying anything and might
already be shut down and theother person might just be
talking at their partner and themessage is not getting received
, and this is very unhelpful.
It's very frustrating, verypainful, very difficult for both
partners.
And so this creates thisstructure that helps create
safety and you know what toexpect, you know what you're
supposed to do, you know ifyou're supposed to be speaking,
(20:15):
you know if you're supposed tobe listening and you have these
guidelines that help youunderstand what's kind of like
what's happening and what comesnext.
And when you're in the senderrole or the speaker role, it
helps you focus on exploringyour experience.
And, again, this could benoticing the state of your
nervous system.
It could be noticing thestories that you're telling
yourself.
It certainly could be lookingat your underlying needs and how
(20:37):
you're contributing to thesesituations in unconscious ways.
That might be linked to yourchildhood experience and what
you learn growing up, and ithelps you really understand
these things, because that'swhat you need to understand in
order to make change.
And again, this is one side,but if you flip it, the same
exact thing is true for yourpartner.
Your partner needs tounderstand their needs and
what's underlying their behaviorand what's happening in their
(20:59):
nervous system and all of thosesame things.
Using the intentional dialoguehelps partners understand each
other and validate each otherand empathize with each other,
and it is in that space wherereal change is possible, because
you then come to whatever theconflict is, whatever the
problem is, so to speak,together in a relationship with
somebody.
Of course, you want your ownneeds met and you also want
(21:20):
their needs met, and a lot ofthe time we get caught fighting
and this disappointeddisappointment dynamic is again
at the core of so manychallenges in relationship and
so many relationship conflicts.
But it's not because we want tostay stuck feeling disappointed
and we certainly don't want ourpartners to feel like a
disappointment, any more thanthe partner who's identified as
(21:41):
the disappointment wants theirpartner to feel disappointed all
the time.
Right Like nobody wants that.
We just don't know how to getout of this dynamic, and the
intentional dialogue allows usto start truly mapping what's
actually happening so we can dosomething about it instead of
getting stuck.
And it really does get to thecore needs underneath the
problem, and it also highlightsor shines a light on the places
(22:02):
where each partner needs to grow, because change does in fact
need to happen.
Right Like that's what beinghuman is all about.
We learn, we grow, we expand.
The universe is ever expanding,Humans just the same.
We're ever expanding, andgrowth is doing things in a new
way that creates more of whatyou want, and so we want to
understand what needs to change.
As I said earlier, this is notabout just keep regulating your
(22:22):
nervous system and feelinggrounded so you can put up with
all the junk in yourrelationship.
That is not the message that Iam putting out there at all.
This is a message of if youwant change to happen in your
relationship, there are ways tounderstand what's really
happening underneath the thingthat's causing the problem, so
to speak and there's ways tofigure out a path to grow
through that together with yourpartner, and that's really what
(22:45):
this is all about.
So that is all I'm going to sayabout the intentional dialogue
for today, even though there'sso much more I could say.
But just again, I want you toknow there is actually a way to
explore this dynamic ofdisappointed and disappointment,
because it's really difficultfeeling frustrated all the time
and again it's also reallydifficult feeling like you're
the disappointment regularly,and there are tools that are
(23:11):
totally teachable and not sohard to learn In practice.
They might be hard to usesometimes when our nervous
systems are dysregulated,certainly.
Again, that's why it'simportant to be able to work on
grounding, because then you canconnect and communicate
effectively.
But I want you to know thatit's not some foreign thing that
exists somewhere else that'sonly available to certain people
.
This is something that'savailable to everybody.
And again, I will talk a lotmore about Imago and hopefully
we'll do a demo with my husbandso you can hear it in action.
(23:34):
And if you're interested inlearning more now, you can
always contact me.
I am available for relationshiptherapy and relationship
coaching and I also run Gettingthe Love you Want relationship
retreats and workshops where weteach the Imago Intentional
Dialogue and we practice how tohave conversations in this way
and how to explore frustrationsin a way that actually leads to
(23:55):
things changing andrelationships feeling better.
So stay tuned as I talk aboutall these things and more, and
again next week I will talk alittle bit more about the
stories and what that means, thenarratives we're creating in a
little bit more of a broadersense.
As our time comes to a close, Iask you to keep listening for
just a few more moments, becauseI want to thank you for showing
(24:17):
up today and I want to leaveyou with an invitation as you
hit stop and move back out intothe world on your own unique
wellness journey In order tomove from where you are today to
the place where you want to be.
The path may seem long orunclear or unknown, and I want
you to know that if that seemsscary or daunting or downright
(24:39):
terrifying or anything else,that is totally okay.
Know that you do not have tocreate the whole way all at once
.
We don't travel a whole journeyin one stride, and that is why
my invitation to you today is totake a step, just one, any type
, any size, in any direction.
It can be an external step.
(24:59):
It can be observed or measured,or it could be a step you
visualize taking in your mind ormeasured, or it could be a step
you visualize taking in yourmind.
It can be a step towards action, or towards rest, or connection
, or self-care, or whatever stepmakes sense to you.
I invite you to take a steptoday, because getting to a
place that feels better, morejoyful, more connected than the
(25:20):
place where you are today ispossible for everyone, including
you.
Today is possible for everyone,including you, and even when
depression is in your bed.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please subscribe so
you can be notified when eachweekly episode gets released.
I encourage you to leave areview and reach out to me on
social media at trishsanderslcsw.
(25:41):
Your feedback will help guidefuture episodes and I love
hearing from you.
Also, please share this podcastwith anyone who you think may
be interested or who may getsomething from what I have
shared.
Until the next time we connect,take care of yourself and take
a step.
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