Depression creates a profound disconnect in relationships that can feel impossible to bridge. The path from where you are to where you want to be might seem unclear or overwhelming—but what if crossing that distance requires just one step at a time?
In this illuminating episode, I share the invitation that concludes each of my podcasts—an invitation many listeners may miss but that contains the most transformative message for anyone impacted by depression. By understanding how our nervous systems function during depression, we can break free from the harmful "just try harder" mentality that keeps us stuck.
I reveal how the dorsal vagal state—our body's shutdown response—operates through slower, unmyelinated nerves that make emerging from depression biologically challenging. This isn't a character flaw; it's neuroscience. By asking a simple question—"Do I need rest, or do I need to take one small step?"—we can honor what our nervous systems truly need rather than forcing action that feels threatening.
For those supporting partners with depression, I offer guidance on recognizing and celebrating microscopic progress. Those tiny steps, acknowledged with genuine pride rather than dismissed as insignificant, build momentum toward healing. When we stop beating ourselves up for being "too slow" and start working with our nervous systems instead of against them, we create space for authentic change.
Whether depression affects you personally or someone you love, this episode provides a compassionate framework for moving forward when everything feels stuck. The journey doesn't require giant leaps—just one step, any size, in any direction. Your nervous system already knows what it needs; learning to listen to that wisdom might be the most powerful step you can take.
Subscribe and share this episode with anyone navigating the challenges of depression in relationships. Remember: getting to a place of greater connection is possible, even when depression is in your bed.
- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".
- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome to the when Depression is in your
Bed podcast.
Do you experience times ofdisconnection in your
relationship that stretch onlonger than you'd like them to?
Or perhaps you're someone whogets frustrated with yourself or
your partner when one of yougets stuck in a depressive
episode?
If you're searching for ways toreconnect with your partner and
create a better feelingrelationship together, keep
(00:23):
listening.
In today's episode, you willlearn how to tap into the
brilliance of your own nervoussystem to guide you and your
partner in creating a path fromwhere you are today to the place
where you really want to be,one step at a time.
I'm your host, trish Sanders.
Let's get started.
In today's episode, I'm going totalk about the invitation that
(00:43):
I share in the outro at the endof each one of my episodes.
Now, if you are a new listener,of course, you're not going to
be familiar with the invitationthat I share, but I also know
that, even if you've listened toother episodes before, you may
also not be familiar with theinvitation that I include,
because I am totally aware thatwhen the perceived valuable
content in a podcast seems to beover, people often stop
(01:07):
listening, and that makes totalsense.
You do not necessarily need tohear me week after week ask you
to subscribe and review mypodcast and follow me on
Instagram or social media.
While I do include thoserequests in my outro and I do
encourage you if it makes senseto do those things I include
something in there in addition,and to me it feels really
(01:30):
important and it's a part of themessage that I consciously have
chosen to share, and I wantedto make sure that, if you are
choosing to tune out at the veryend of the podcast, that you
still get to hear the valuableinvitation that I offer, and so
that's why I'm making thisepisode for you today.
So the invitation that I shareis to take a step, and this is
(01:51):
the best invitation that I thinkthat I could offer someone who
is a listener of my podcast,because the story I tell myself
is that if you have chosen tolisten to a podcast that's
called when Depression Is Inyour Bed, you probably either
live with depression yourself oryour partner lives with
depression.
Perhaps both of you, which is,of course, the case for myself
and my partner, or someone elsethat you love in your life lives
(02:14):
with depression, and you may becurious about how you can help
your partner or your loved oneor yourself or improve your
relationship in some way.
And even if you're not livingwith full-blown, diagnosable
depression, there are a lot ofrelationships out there that
have a consistent disconnect anda frequent dissatisfaction with
the relationship because ofthat disconnection and I think
(02:35):
that this applies in thoseinstances as well even when
there's not a full diagnosis.
So when you're in that kind ofsituation, you know that you
don't want to be there anymore.
Right, you know that where youare is no longer satisfying.
It doesn't feel good, it's notthe relationship that you
envisioned for yourself.
But you may not know how to getwhere you want to be.
Or maybe you don't even knowwhere you want to go, maybe
(02:57):
there's not clarity around whatsomething different would even
look like.
But the truth is that if youknow that you don't want to be
where you are, then what youactually need to do is take a
step and you will create yourpath to where you want to be,
one step at a time.
And this is why I really choseto focus on this message,
because there's a lot of thingsthat I hope to convey through
(03:18):
sharing this podcast.
But I myself have repeatedlyneeded to be reminded and often
still do need to be remindedthat I need to just take one
step.
So I started to really use thisidea with myself and I found it
helpful and that's why I wantedto share it with you.
Taking a step can be reallytricky for a person who is
living with depression or whosenervous system is in that dorsal
(03:41):
state of shutdown, withdrawal,collapse, disconnect, and that's
because doing something is theopposite of shutting down, and
if our nervous system feels likewe have to shut down for
protection, then doing somethingand taking action can really
feel like danger and we canreally avoid doing it.
So I have figured out again inmyself what has been helpful for
(04:03):
me in shifting this process,and that's where the invitation
to take a step came from.
I also want to name that peoplewho deal with depression are
often told to just do something.
Or why can't you just dosomething?
Or you're not doing enough, orthey themselves sit with a lot
of self-judgment and shamearound, not being able to do the
things that they themselves mayvery well want to do, or
(04:24):
feeling the burden of the shameand judgment and criticism from
loved ones who maybe are verywell intentioned because they
want the depressed person tofeel better.
But the way they're conveyingthat message is in this like
what's wrong with you?
Why can't you just do something?
It's not that hard sort ofmessage and the invitation to
take a step is different thanthose kinds of messages because
(04:45):
it's not about what you shoulddo or what you have to do.
It really takes into account howthe nervous system functions.
When I started to work with mynervous system instead of
against it, I really had a lotbetter results in what I was
able to do and accomplish andhow I was able to feel about
myself and how I was able tofeel about myself.
In my own experience.
I know what it feels like towant to be somewhere different,
(05:06):
but also feel very incapable,very powerless and stuck and not
really know how to actuallymove forward.
When I started to loosen mygrasp on thoughts like there's
something obviously wrong withme, I'm defective, that I can't
do these things that areseemingly so simple or these
things that I wanna do or thingsthat other people seem to be
able to do without a problem,when I started to kind of move
(05:29):
away from that and justrecognize like okay, that's a
thought that is connected to mynervous system experience and
it's not necessarily true orit's not necessarily the reality
I started to be able to open upsome new possibilities and also
my relationship.
It's a very similar process.
Instead of feeling hopeless andpowerless and thinking that I
(05:51):
couldn't do anything to make myrelationship better and I had no
other options, I started goinginto a very black or white way
of looking at things, which ispart of a survival response.
When I started to be able toloosen my grip and know that
that was the story that wasconnected to my nervous system
state, again new possibilitiesbecame possible for me.
So I started to tune into mynervous system and really think
(06:13):
about what did my nervous systemneed?
What was it trying tocommunicate to me?
When our nervous system goesinto a survival state which is
either sympathetic, mobilized,fight or flight, something is
threatening me, so I have to dosomething about it.
I have to attack or run, fightor flight, right?
Or there's something sooverwhelming and I need to
protect myself by disappearingor withdrawing or collapsing.
(06:34):
It's communicating that it'sfeeling a threat of some kind,
right?
So I started to think aboutthat and I started to tune in
and when I was going into thatvery avoidant shut down dorsal
state.
So I started asking myself thisvery simple question that was
just an either, or.
What do you need this or thiskind of question?
Because I knew that when mynervous system was in dorsal
shutdown, it either went intothat shutdown state because I
(06:56):
had no more resources, I wasdepleted and I needed rest and
restoration, or it wasn't aboutmy energetic needs, like I
didn't have enough energy to dowhat needed to be done.
It was a task that felt too bigor overwhelming.
I didn't know where to start.
And those two differentexperiences that would often be
cues of danger for me and couldvery easily trigger my nervous
system to go into dorsalresponse led to this either or
(07:17):
decision.
So in the first case, if I wasdepleted, I knew that I needed
rest.
That's what my nervous systemwas trying to tell me, and so it
became okay, do you need rest?
Or, in the case when I feltreally overwhelmed and I just
didn't know what to do, I brokedown this big, overwhelming
mountain of things that feltlike too much for me and I just
said, hey, would it feel betterto just take one little step
(07:38):
towards figuring this out?
So my simple choice began withdo you need to take a step
towards rest or do you need totake a small step towards action
?
And I started to notice thatwhen I asked myself this really
simple question, I startedgetting answers.
And I also started to noticethat when my nervous system
legitimately said I need restand I was able to honor that For
(07:58):
example, I got the flu twicethis flu season and both times
my nervous system needed restthere was no chance that I was
going to be able to beproductive and go through items
on my to-do list.
It just wasn't available to me.
So I actually let myself rest.
I wasn't paying attention toall the things that I wasn't
doing or feeling stressed outabout the clients that I had to
(08:19):
cancel or my kids show that Iwas missing.
I didn't have a choice.
I had the flu, I needed to behome resting and I allowed my
rest to be restorative.
So often when people aredepressed certainly this has
been my experience time and timeagain when we take that break
that dorsal gives us, it'sactually one of the gifts of
dorsal.
It's why it exists in ournervous system to help us
(08:40):
replenish and renew and restore.
But when we take a break in anavoidant way.
It doesn't feel very good.
It doesn't feel like rest andrestoration.
It feels like I'm hiding.
I'm holding on for dear life,hoping that everything is going
to be okay when I stop hiding,but the thing that I'm not doing
is hanging over my head anddraining me and depleting me,
even when I'm trying to avoid it.
(09:00):
So it's not a very helpfulstrategy in the long term.
But my nervous system is justdoing what nervous systems do
and I needed to start thinkingabout this more with my
conscious brain.
What do I really want to havehappen here?
So I started to use this simplequestion and I started noticing
that when I gave myself restthat was actually restful.
When I gave myself a break, Iwas actually resting, was done,
(09:21):
resting.
When I felt restored, I actuallyfelt so much more ready to take
on whatever I needed to take on.
And very often, when I saidwhat is the one small step of
action that I want to take, Iwas able to identify something
that felt accessible.
Like, maybe on my to-do listI'd have 10 things to do.
My to-do list usually feelslike it has hundreds of things
to do, but I would just look ata few.
What needs to be done right now, prioritize what needs to
(09:43):
happen.
And maybe I felt like I was notready to take on three or four
of the items on my to-do list,so I would just pick the one
that felt like, oh okay, mynervous system said, yeah, I can
do that, that seems manageableand I would do that.
Even if it seemed like it wasthe tiniest little thing, like
maybe just depositing checksinto my business account, I
would allow myself to feel proudof taking that step, instead of
shaming myself and saying like,oh, but it wasn't such a big
(10:05):
deal, or it just took twominutes, or I could have done
that last week.
I waited so long.
Or other people deposit checksall the time, no problem, this
really isn't such a big deal.
I actually said, you know what?
Maybe it is a simple step, butfor me and for my nervous system
in this moment, it didn't feelsimple, and so I felt really
proud of myself that I was ableto take action and it started to
really feel like self-care.
(10:26):
And occasionally I was able tostring together a few steps like
, okay, what's the next thing onmy to-do list that feels like I
can do it?
And when I felt like I couldn'tdo anymore.
I asked myself okay, do I needrest or do I need to do
something different?
As I started to move from thissimple either or choice, I
started to widen my question andask my nervous system if what I
needed was to take a steptowards rest or if I needed to
(10:48):
take a step towards self-care,connection movement of some sort
or what I would considermanageable action or accessible
action, like doing something onmy to-do list that felt like I
could do it For me.
These were the categories thatI sort of noticed were themes in
the kinds of action and thekinds of steps that felt really
nourishing to my nervous system.
These choices may also feelnourishing to your system, but I
(11:11):
encourage you to check in andreally think about what themes
come up for you, because theremight be something very unique
that is different than what mynervous system needs and what
feels nourishing.
And a really cool thing that Istarted to notice is that when I
asked myself these questionsfirst of all, it was pretty
amazing because my nervoussystem would answer, and I found
that to be pretty amazing.
When I dropped out of my headand really checked in and
(11:33):
attuned to my nervous system.
I got really good information,which was really helpful, and I
also started to notice that I'vehad a feeling of like, well, I
would like to take a steptowards resuming my regular
exercise routine, for example,but part of me said, oh, I want
that, but it just doesn't feeltotally accessible.
Now I was able to either breakthat down into a smaller step
(11:54):
and maybe just do somestretching or go for a walk
around the block, or I was ableto use the tool of visualization
and actually imagine times whenI've been able to exercise
regularly and bring thatexperience into my current
nervous system and let that wakeup and become alive and
actually see myself doingsomething that I've done before,
I have figured out how to do itbefore, and I allow that
(12:16):
experience of ease and what Irefer to as flow, my flow state
when I can take action and itfeels easy or easier because, as
somebody who is a dorsaldweller which is a Deb Dana term
, by the way, and it totallyresonates with my own experience
as somebody who can frequentlybe stuck in dorsal taking action
sometimes feels impossible,even when it's something that I
(12:37):
cognitively know is somethingI'm capable of doing, and I
think that part of this isprobably my ADHD brain as well,
but I started to notice that myADHD type symptoms that really
felt like they were getting inthe way of my functioning were
worse when I was stuck in dorsal.
And if I had some ventralenergy that I could pull in and
anchor in, then some of thethings that felt really hard
(12:57):
being scattered or not beingable to take action or follow
through on a step or gettingdistracted or only wanting to do
fun and exciting thingssometimes that feels a little
bit easier when I'm rooted inventral.
So that's a whole other episode, but just a little note.
So the more I asked myselfthese questions, the more I was
able to really take action.
And when I felt like I neededthat true rest, I would actually
(13:18):
take a break, I would take anap, or I would go do something
that felt more fun if that'swhat I felt like I needed, or I
would go for a walk around theblock or I would reach out to my
sister or my cousin or a friendor another family member if I
felt like I really neededconnection.
And I started to noticeprobably not surprisingly,
although it felt reallysurprising to me that when I
(13:39):
responded to my nervous system'sneeds.
I felt better and myfunctioning was significantly
better.
Now, if you're somebody who doesnot experience this stuckness
in dorsal, you might belistening and thinking what is
she talking about?
If I want to do something, Ijust do it, and if that's where
you're at, that is so awesome.
And sometimes I definitely havethat feeling that, oh, I want
(13:59):
to do that.
Yeah, I'm just going to do it.
But for so much of my life thathas not been easily accessible
to me.
So I really have to consciouslyremind myself that taking a
step is really truly good enough.
And even if it feels like it'sa little tiny step, I really
started to notice how proud Ifelt of myself and I consciously
allowed myself to feel proudand celebrate each step that I
(14:20):
took.
And I found and this is alsonot shocking, perhaps but the
more proud I allowed myself tofeel of what I was doing, the
more it encouraged me tocontinue taking more steps.
And, as I've mentioned, I have avery long history of protecting
myself by going into dorsal andby avoiding things and, as a
result, I have some real lifeconsequences that have happened,
(14:41):
like my closets and my garageare way more cluttered than I'd
like them to be, it's true, andmy financesets and my garage are
way more cluttered than I'dlike them to be, it's true, and
my finances are not pristine.
I have not always been the beststeward of money, which is also
very related to my nervoussystem dysregulation.
And so sometimes, when I thinkabout taking a step to sort of
clean up the messes that I havemade over many years from being
(15:03):
dysregulated so often, it canfeel really overwhelming and
that can also make me getdysregulated and make me want to
go into a more avoidant state.
And so I've also really beenable to shift and I'm still
working on this, but I've reallyhad a lot of success.
So, instead of beating myself upfor being imperfect and making
mistakes and not always makingthe very best choices, I started
being able to cultivate somecompassion.
(15:25):
So in my nervous systemcommunicated to me that what I
really needed was to take anaction towards dealing with some
of the mistakes I've made orthe missteps where I was able to
say you know what?
I know I've made mistakes inthe past and I know it's because
I was dysregulated.
And that makes me feel sad andupset and I wish that I would
have been at a place where Icould have done things
differently, but I'm reallyexcited that I'm where I am now
(15:45):
and I can't wait until myclosets are organized and my
garage is all cleared out and Ifeel really empowered about my
finances and I started beingable to take steps towards doing
things that have historicallygotten me overwhelmed very
quickly and kept me in anavoidant state to try to protect
myself.
Taking these steps actuallystarted to feel much safer more
(16:06):
of the time, and that was prettyamazing.
And the more I take steps thatfeel like they're in alignment
with who I am and what I reallywant in the life that I really
want to create for myself, themore capable I feel and the more
empowered I feel to take moresteps, and I keep reminding
myself that it's a journey and Idon't have to get to the end.
I just have to take a stepevery day that's in alignment
with what my nervous systemtruly needs.
(16:28):
I also really want to share withyou a little bit more about
polyvagal theory.
I'm going to get a littlesciencey here for a second.
It's something that I havefound so cool and has been so
helpful in allowing me to haveeven greater self-compassion for
being human, for makingmistakes, for having spent a lot
of my time in dorsal, shutdownand feeling like I'm behind.
(16:49):
I should be further ahead inlife.
If only I had been able to dothis stuff sooner, all of those
kinds of things which I cansometimes get a little bit stuck
in.
I learned about myelinated andunmyelinated nerves.
If hearing me say myelinatedand unmyelinated just made you
check out and you're like, oh, Idon't know if I want to listen
anymore, please, I invite you tojust stay with me for a moment
(17:09):
If you find yourself feelingstuck a lot of the time in
dorsal and you find yourselfbeating yourself up for being
depressed or feeling powerlessor not being able to do the
things that you want to do.
So here we go.
Essentially, a myelinated nerveyou can imagine as a nerve that
has insulation around it, andan unmyelinated nerve is a nerve
that does not have insulationaround it, so to speak, and the
insulation helps messages andsignals get transmitted faster
(17:34):
in myelinated nerves.
And in unmyelinated nerves,which don't have that insulation
, messages travel much slower.
The dorsal vagal state was thefirst of our three nervous
system states to emerge.
It came into existence 500million years ago.
The dorsal vagal state was thefirst of our three nervous
system states to emerge.
It came into existence 500million years ago, so we're
(17:54):
talking about pretty primitivefunctioning right, and that is
part of the reason why a lot ofour dorsal vagal system is made
up of unmyelinated nerves, oragain, if you can imagine,
nerves without insulation, andthis slows down the transmission
of signals.
So what does this mean?
It means that it's actuallyharder for us to get out of the
dorsal vagal state.
It's a slower process, and wecan find ourselves really caught
(18:17):
in this cycle where we think weshould be able to do something
quickly or easily and then wecan't because our unmyelinated
nerves are just busy beingthemselves and transmitting
signals in the slower way thanperhaps we'd like them to.
But our biology is just doingwhat it does.
And then we feel frustrated andupset with ourselves or perhaps
other people or the world, andwe end up going back into
(18:40):
shutdown because we're like,forget it, I tried and it didn't
work, or I didn't get as far asI thought I could or as far as
I wanted to, and we go back intofeeling threatened and we go
back into dorsal shutdown andthen it might take a while for
us to build up the resource tobe able to say, okay, let me try
again, and then we might tryagain, and we have this big goal
and often we fall short andthen we feel bad about ourselves
(19:07):
or others or the world, andthen we fall back into dorsal
and it can become thisincredibly debilitating cycle,
and I would say that's really atthe core of people who are
living with moderate to severedepression, that kind of cycle
that keeps us stuck in a dorsalbagel state.
This is amazing informationbecause what it means is that
our nervous system needs time.
It doesn't mean that we're notgood enough or we're defective
or we're a failure, which areall thoughts that I have
(19:28):
embraced about myself verywholly over the years and
instead it's like oh, ournervous system is just behaving
the way nervous systems behaveand it's not a me problem.
It's just things are not ableto move along as quickly as we
hope they would.
And I think that there's so muchinformation out there about
depression and depressed peoplethat is shaming and judgmental
(19:48):
and critical, and even peoplethat we love can come off with
these messages that are sonegative and harmful and hurtful
.
And, of course, as a depressedperson.
I'm aware that we ourselves canthink these shaming, judgmental
, critical messages and itreally keeps us stuck.
So the idea of taking a stepand really attuning to our
nervous system and saying whatfeels like it's possible today,
(20:10):
what does it feel like I needtoday, and being able to take
that step, can be absolutelytransformative.
And knowing that maybe youcan't take 10 steps today, maybe
the transmission is slow, maybewe need to take a step towards
rest so we can gather ourresources, so that we can do the
things that we really want todo, and we do not live in a
society that honors the slowdown.
(20:37):
We generally live in a societythat values the hustle, the push
yourself, the pull yourself upby your bootstraps, the don't
pay attention to your body, mindover matter.
And that push, that pressure,that striving, can be absolutely
detrimental to any of us.
But when you're a depressedperson that feels threatening,
terrifying and scary so much ofthe time, and so of course we're
going to keep hiding under arock the idea of being able to
shift that and allow ourselves astep, to know that a step is
(21:00):
enough, can be exactly the thingthat starts to open up enough
space for true change to emergeand to know that it might take a
little bit of time.
And that's okay, because if youstart taking one little step
today, you will in fact, besomewhere different in a few
days, a few weeks and a fewmonths, because if you know you
don't want to be where you areanymore, then you have to take a
(21:23):
step to go somewhere new.
As we move towards the end ofthis episode, I just want to say
that obviously this was gearedtowards a person who is living
with depression or living inthat stuck, powerless,
disconnected, collapsedexperience, and if this
experience resonates for you,then I hope that something that
I shared today connects with youin some way, that you can think
about how to take care of yournervous system and take just the
(21:46):
right step for you.
And if the person who'sexperiencing depression is not
you, if it's your partner oranother loved one, I hope that
listening today about what canget someone stuck in that dorsal
, depressed, shutdown experiencehas shed some light on what's
happening and you have greaterunderstanding and, hopefully, a
bit more compassion for theperson in your life.
(22:06):
And I hope that listening tothis episode enhances your
empathy in some way, because itreally is exhausting and
depleting to be stuck indepression, and there's a reason
why it's so hard to take actionand I also know that if you're
the loved one of somebody who'sstuck in that place, it can also
be really depleting andexhausting to figure out how to
(22:27):
do it differently so you bothget more of.
What you need is the waytowards creating a healthier,
more satisfying, more connected,more joyfully alive
relationship and life.
As you think about how to movetowards this much more
satisfying, more enjoyablerelationship that you wanna
create with your partner, I doencourage you to think about how
you can recognize the stepsyour partner is taking.
(22:48):
They might seem microscopic.
I talk about microscopicprogress and a lot of the time
in relationships, especiallywhen you're dealing with
somebody who is stuck in dorsal.
A lot of the time the progressseems small at first, and
recognizing it and celebratingit is so important and being
genuinely proud of your partnerfor making the steps that they
can make can be so incrediblyhelpful and motivating.
(23:11):
I also want to say that if yourpartner is the one living with
depression, you may experiencean urge to share this podcast
with them, and if you want to dothat, if that feels like it
makes sense to you, then that'scertainly a possible option.
I recommend sharing with somecompassion and love, perhaps
explaining that you listened toa podcast that made you feel
(23:32):
curious about what theirexperience was and you wondered
if they were open to listeningto this episode and seeing if
they perhaps connect with any ofit.
And I also would encourage youand you'll know your partner, of
course, better than I know yourpartner but I would encourage
maybe telling them that thisisn't a test or a book report or
something that they feel thatthey're going to be graded on
that.
This is really just you wantingto share something that you
(23:55):
thought potentially could behelpful and letting them know
that you want to work with themin taking steps together to make
your relationship feel betterfor both of you, because it can
feel really pressuring whensomebody says hey, I want to
share this information with youand it's about how you can do
better, be better, feel better.
Even though it sounds nice andI do wish that people could
(24:15):
receive helpful informationSometimes what seems quote
unquote helpful is notexperienced as helpful.
So, again, I recommend sharingthis gently and with curiosity
and openness, as opposed to sortof pushing it on your partner,
even if you don't feel likeyou're pushing it on your
partner, just be a littlecurious and wonder about what
their experience of it might be.
(24:35):
And you can also let them knowthat if they don't wanna listen
to the podcast episode or theydon't wanna listen to it yet,
you are still interested inworking together and figuring
things out as a team, andsometimes just allowing them
that space might create someopenness.
Perhaps they may say a week ortwo later, you know, hey,
actually I am interested in thatpodcast or not.
But if you successfully createa little bit more connection
(24:55):
between the two of you, I wouldsay that matters more than if
they listen to this podcast.
And if you think that any otherdifferent approach of using
this information for yourself orfor your partner would be
helpful, then of course Isupport you and I'd love to hear
about it.
You can connect with me onInstagram, my other social media
that is linked in the shownotes below, but for now I will
(25:15):
leave you with my outro, whichmaybe you'll listen to and maybe
you won't, but either way, Ihope that you and your partner
do continue to take steps sothat you can get from where you
are today to where you want tobe.
As our time comes to a close, Iask you to keep listening for
just a few more moments, becauseI want to thank you for showing
up today and I want to leaveyou with an invitation as you
(25:38):
hit, stop and move back out intothe world on your own unique
wellness journey In order tomove from where you are today to
the place where you want to be.
The path may seem long orunclear or unknown, and I want
you to know that if that seemsscary or daunting or downright
terrifying or anything else,that is totally okay.
(26:00):
Know that you do not have tocreate the whole way all at once
.
We don't travel a whole journeyin one stride, and that is why
my invitation to you today is totake a step, just one, any type
, any size, in any direction.
It can be an external step thatcan be observed or measured, or
it could be a step youvisualize taking in your mind.
(26:22):
It can be a step towards action, or towards rest or connection
or self-care or whatever stepmakes sense to you.
I invite you to take a steptoday, because getting to a
place that feels better, morejoyful, more connected than the
place where you are today ispossible for everyone, including
(26:42):
you, and even when depressionis in your bed.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please subscribe so
you can be notified when eachweekly episode gets released.
I encourage you to leave areview and reach out to me on
social media at trishsanderslcsw.
Your feedback will help guidefuture episodes and I love
(27:03):
hearing from you.
Also, please share this podcastwith anyone who you think may
be interested or who may getsomething from what I have
shared.
Until the next time we connect,take care of yourself and take
a step.
Hello and welcome to the when Depression is in your
Bed podcast.
Do you experience times ofdisconnection in your
relationship that stretch onlonger than you'd like them to?
Or perhaps you're someone whogets frustrated with yourself or
your partner when one of yougets stuck in a depressive
episode?
If you're searching for ways toreconnect with your partner and
create a better feelingrelationship together, keep
(00:23):
listening.
In today's episode, you willlearn how to tap into the
brilliance of your own nervoussystem to guide you and your
partner in creating a path fromwhere you are today to the place
where you really want to be,one step at a time.
I'm your host, trish Sanders.
Let's get started.
In today's episode, I'm going totalk about the invitation that
(00:43):
I share in the outro at the endof each one of my episodes.
Now, if you are a new listener,of course, you're not going to
be familiar with the invitationthat I share, but I also know
that, even if you've listened toother episodes before, you may
also not be familiar with theinvitation that I include,
because I am totally aware thatwhen the perceived valuable
content in a podcast seems to beover, people often stop
(01:07):
listening, and that makes totalsense.
You do not necessarily need tohear me week after week ask you
to subscribe and review mypodcast and follow me on
Instagram or social media.
While I do include thoserequests in my outro and I do
encourage you if it makes senseto do those things I include
something in there in addition,and to me it feels really
(01:30):
important and it's a part of themessage that I consciously have
chosen to share, and I wantedto make sure that, if you are
choosing to tune out at the veryend of the podcast, that you
still get to hear the valuableinvitation that I offer, and so
that's why I'm making thisepisode for you today.
So the invitation that I shareis to take a step, and this is
(01:51):
the best invitation that I thinkthat I could offer someone who
is a listener of my podcast,because the story I tell myself
is that if you have chosen tolisten to a podcast that's
called when Depression Is Inyour Bed, you probably either
live with depression yourself oryour partner lives with
depression.
Perhaps both of you, which is,of course, the case for myself
and my partner, or someone elsethat you love in your life lives
(02:14):
with depression, and you may becurious about how you can help
your partner or your loved oneor yourself or improve your
relationship in some way.
And even if you're not livingwith full-blown, diagnosable
depression, there are a lot ofrelationships out there that
have a consistent disconnect anda frequent dissatisfaction with
the relationship because ofthat disconnection and I think
(02:35):
that this applies in thoseinstances as well even when
there's not a full diagnosis.
So when you're in that kind ofsituation, you know that you
don't want to be there anymore.
Right, you know that where youare is no longer satisfying.
It doesn't feel good, it's notthe relationship that you
envisioned for yourself.
But you may not know how to getwhere you want to be.
Or maybe you don't even knowwhere you want to go, maybe
(02:57):
there's not clarity around whatsomething different would even
look like.
But the truth is that if youknow that you don't want to be
where you are, then what youactually need to do is take a
step and you will create yourpath to where you want to be,
one step at a time.
And this is why I really choseto focus on this message,
because there's a lot of thingsthat I hope to convey through
(03:18):
sharing this podcast.
But I myself have repeatedlyneeded to be reminded and often
still do need to be remindedthat I need to just take one
step.
So I started to really use thisidea with myself and I found it
helpful and that's why I wantedto share it with you.
Taking a step can be reallytricky for a person who is
living with depression or whosenervous system is in that dorsal
(03:41):
state of shutdown, withdrawal,collapse, disconnect, and that's
because doing something is theopposite of shutting down, and
if our nervous system feels likewe have to shut down for
protection, then doing somethingand taking action can really
feel like danger and we canreally avoid doing it.
So I have figured out again inmyself what has been helpful for
(04:03):
me in shifting this process,and that's where the invitation
to take a step came from.
I also want to name that peoplewho deal with depression are
often told to just do something.
Or why can't you just dosomething?
Or you're not doing enough, orthey themselves sit with a lot
of self-judgment and shamearound, not being able to do the
things that they themselves mayvery well want to do, or
(04:24):
feeling the burden of the shameand judgment and criticism from
loved ones who maybe are verywell intentioned because they
want the depressed person tofeel better.
But the way they're conveyingthat message is in this like
what's wrong with you?
Why can't you just do something?
It's not that hard sort ofmessage and the invitation to
take a step is different thanthose kinds of messages because
(04:45):
it's not about what you shoulddo or what you have to do.
It really takes into account howthe nervous system functions.
When I started to work with mynervous system instead of
against it, I really had a lotbetter results in what I was
able to do and accomplish andhow I was able to feel about
myself and how I was able tofeel about myself.
In my own experience.
I know what it feels like towant to be somewhere different,
(05:06):
but also feel very incapable,very powerless and stuck and not
really know how to actuallymove forward.
When I started to loosen mygrasp on thoughts like there's
something obviously wrong withme, I'm defective, that I can't
do these things that areseemingly so simple or these
things that I wanna do or thingsthat other people seem to be
able to do without a problem,when I started to kind of move
(05:29):
away from that and justrecognize like okay, that's a
thought that is connected to mynervous system experience and
it's not necessarily true orit's not necessarily the reality
I started to be able to open upsome new possibilities and also
my relationship.
It's a very similar process.
Instead of feeling hopeless andpowerless and thinking that I
(05:51):
couldn't do anything to make myrelationship better and I had no
other options, I started goinginto a very black or white way
of looking at things, which ispart of a survival response.
When I started to be able toloosen my grip and know that
that was the story that wasconnected to my nervous system
state, again new possibilitiesbecame possible for me.
So I started to tune into mynervous system and really think
(06:13):
about what did my nervous systemneed?
What was it trying tocommunicate to me?
When our nervous system goesinto a survival state which is
either sympathetic, mobilized,fight or flight, something is
threatening me, so I have to dosomething about it.
I have to attack or run, fightor flight, right?
Or there's something sooverwhelming and I need to
protect myself by disappearingor withdrawing or collapsing.
(06:34):
It's communicating that it'sfeeling a threat of some kind,
right?
So I started to think aboutthat and I started to tune in
and when I was going into thatvery avoidant shut down dorsal
state.
So I started asking myself thisvery simple question that was
just an either, or.
What do you need this or thiskind of question?
Because I knew that when mynervous system was in dorsal
shutdown, it either went intothat shutdown state because I
(06:56):
had no more resources, I wasdepleted and I needed rest and
restoration, or it wasn't aboutmy energetic needs, like I
didn't have enough energy to dowhat needed to be done.
It was a task that felt too bigor overwhelming.
I didn't know where to start.
And those two differentexperiences that would often be
cues of danger for me and couldvery easily trigger my nervous
system to go into dorsalresponse led to this either or
(07:17):
decision.
So in the first case, if I wasdepleted, I knew that I needed
rest.
That's what my nervous systemwas trying to tell me, and so it
became okay, do you need rest?
Or, in the case when I feltreally overwhelmed and I just
didn't know what to do, I brokedown this big, overwhelming
mountain of things that feltlike too much for me and I just
said, hey, would it feel betterto just take one little step
(07:38):
towards figuring this out?
So my simple choice began withdo you need to take a step
towards rest or do you need totake a small step towards action
?
And I started to notice thatwhen I asked myself this really
simple question, I startedgetting answers.
And I also started to noticethat when my nervous system
legitimately said I need restand I was able to honor that For
(07:58):
example, I got the flu twicethis flu season and both times
my nervous system needed restthere was no chance that I was
going to be able to beproductive and go through items
on my to-do list.
It just wasn't available to me.
So I actually let myself rest.
I wasn't paying attention toall the things that I wasn't
doing or feeling stressed outabout the clients that I had to
(08:19):
cancel or my kids show that Iwas missing.
I didn't have a choice.
I had the flu, I needed to behome resting and I allowed my
rest to be restorative.
So often when people aredepressed certainly this has
been my experience time and timeagain when we take that break
that dorsal gives us, it'sactually one of the gifts of
dorsal.
It's why it exists in ournervous system to help us
(08:40):
replenish and renew and restore.
But when we take a break in anavoidant way.
It doesn't feel very good.
It doesn't feel like rest andrestoration.
It feels like I'm hiding.
I'm holding on for dear life,hoping that everything is going
to be okay when I stop hiding,but the thing that I'm not doing
is hanging over my head anddraining me and depleting me,
even when I'm trying to avoid it.
(09:00):
So it's not a very helpfulstrategy in the long term.
But my nervous system is justdoing what nervous systems do
and I needed to start thinkingabout this more with my
conscious brain.
What do I really want to havehappen here?
So I started to use this simplequestion and I started noticing
that when I gave myself restthat was actually restful.
When I gave myself a break, Iwas actually resting, was done,
(09:21):
resting.
When I felt restored, I actuallyfelt so much more ready to take
on whatever I needed to take on.
And very often, when I saidwhat is the one small step of
action that I want to take, Iwas able to identify something
that felt accessible.
Like, maybe on my to-do listI'd have 10 things to do.
My to-do list usually feelslike it has hundreds of things
to do, but I would just look ata few.
What needs to be done right now, prioritize what needs to
(09:43):
happen.
And maybe I felt like I was notready to take on three or four
of the items on my to-do list,so I would just pick the one
that felt like, oh okay, mynervous system said, yeah, I can
do that, that seems manageableand I would do that.
Even if it seemed like it wasthe tiniest little thing, like
maybe just depositing checksinto my business account, I
would allow myself to feel proudof taking that step, instead of
shaming myself and saying like,oh, but it wasn't such a big
(10:05):
deal, or it just took twominutes, or I could have done
that last week.
I waited so long.
Or other people deposit checksall the time, no problem, this
really isn't such a big deal.
I actually said, you know what?
Maybe it is a simple step, butfor me and for my nervous system
in this moment, it didn't feelsimple, and so I felt really
proud of myself that I was ableto take action and it started to
really feel like self-care.
(10:26):
And occasionally I was able tostring together a few steps like
, okay, what's the next thing onmy to-do list that feels like I
can do it?
And when I felt like I couldn'tdo anymore.
I asked myself okay, do I needrest or do I need to do
something different?
As I started to move from thissimple either or choice, I
started to widen my question andask my nervous system if what I
needed was to take a steptowards rest or if I needed to
(10:48):
take a step towards self-care,connection movement of some sort
or what I would considermanageable action or accessible
action, like doing something onmy to-do list that felt like I
could do it For me.
These were the categories thatI sort of noticed were themes in
the kinds of action and thekinds of steps that felt really
nourishing to my nervous system.
These choices may also feelnourishing to your system, but I
(11:11):
encourage you to check in andreally think about what themes
come up for you, because theremight be something very unique
that is different than what mynervous system needs and what
feels nourishing.
And a really cool thing that Istarted to notice is that when I
asked myself these questionsfirst of all, it was pretty
amazing because my nervoussystem would answer, and I found
that to be pretty amazing.
When I dropped out of my headand really checked in and
(11:33):
attuned to my nervous system.
I got really good information,which was really helpful, and I
also started to notice that I'vehad a feeling of like, well, I
would like to take a steptowards resuming my regular
exercise routine, for example,but part of me said, oh, I want
that, but it just doesn't feeltotally accessible.
Now I was able to either breakthat down into a smaller step
(11:54):
and maybe just do somestretching or go for a walk
around the block, or I was ableto use the tool of visualization
and actually imagine times whenI've been able to exercise
regularly and bring thatexperience into my current
nervous system and let that wakeup and become alive and
actually see myself doingsomething that I've done before,
I have figured out how to do itbefore, and I allow that
(12:16):
experience of ease and what Irefer to as flow, my flow state
when I can take action and itfeels easy or easier because, as
somebody who is a dorsaldweller which is a Deb Dana term
, by the way, and it totallyresonates with my own experience
as somebody who can frequentlybe stuck in dorsal taking action
sometimes feels impossible,even when it's something that I
(12:37):
cognitively know is somethingI'm capable of doing, and I
think that part of this isprobably my ADHD brain as well,
but I started to notice that myADHD type symptoms that really
felt like they were getting inthe way of my functioning were
worse when I was stuck in dorsal.
And if I had some ventralenergy that I could pull in and
anchor in, then some of thethings that felt really hard
(12:57):
being scattered or not beingable to take action or follow
through on a step or gettingdistracted or only wanting to do
fun and exciting thingssometimes that feels a little
bit easier when I'm rooted inventral.
So that's a whole other episode, but just a little note.
So the more I asked myselfthese questions, the more I was
able to really take action.
And when I felt like I neededthat true rest, I would actually
(13:18):
take a break, I would take anap, or I would go do something
that felt more fun if that'swhat I felt like I needed, or I
would go for a walk around theblock or I would reach out to my
sister or my cousin or a friendor another family member if I
felt like I really neededconnection.
And I started to noticeprobably not surprisingly,
although it felt reallysurprising to me that when I
(13:39):
responded to my nervous system'sneeds.
I felt better and myfunctioning was significantly
better.
Now, if you're somebody who doesnot experience this stuckness
in dorsal, you might belistening and thinking what is
she talking about?
If I want to do something, Ijust do it, and if that's where
you're at, that is so awesome.
And sometimes I definitely havethat feeling that, oh, I want
(13:59):
to do that.
Yeah, I'm just going to do it.
But for so much of my life thathas not been easily accessible
to me.
So I really have to consciouslyremind myself that taking a
step is really truly good enough.
And even if it feels like it'sa little tiny step, I really
started to notice how proud Ifelt of myself and I consciously
allowed myself to feel proudand celebrate each step that I
(14:20):
took.
And I found and this is alsonot shocking, perhaps but the
more proud I allowed myself tofeel of what I was doing, the
more it encouraged me tocontinue taking more steps.
And, as I've mentioned, I have avery long history of protecting
myself by going into dorsal andby avoiding things and, as a
result, I have some real lifeconsequences that have happened,
(14:41):
like my closets and my garageare way more cluttered than I'd
like them to be, it's true, andmy financesets and my garage are
way more cluttered than I'dlike them to be, it's true, and
my finances are not pristine.
I have not always been the beststeward of money, which is also
very related to my nervoussystem dysregulation.
And so sometimes, when I thinkabout taking a step to sort of
clean up the messes that I havemade over many years from being
(15:03):
dysregulated so often, it canfeel really overwhelming and
that can also make me getdysregulated and make me want to
go into a more avoidant state.
And so I've also really beenable to shift and I'm still
working on this, but I've reallyhad a lot of success.
So, instead of beating myself upfor being imperfect and making
mistakes and not always makingthe very best choices, I started
being able to cultivate somecompassion.
(15:25):
So in my nervous systemcommunicated to me that what I
really needed was to take anaction towards dealing with some
of the mistakes I've made orthe missteps where I was able to
say you know what?
I know I've made mistakes inthe past and I know it's because
I was dysregulated.
And that makes me feel sad andupset and I wish that I would
have been at a place where Icould have done things
differently, but I'm reallyexcited that I'm where I am now
(15:45):
and I can't wait until myclosets are organized and my
garage is all cleared out and Ifeel really empowered about my
finances and I started beingable to take steps towards doing
things that have historicallygotten me overwhelmed very
quickly and kept me in anavoidant state to try to protect
myself.
Taking these steps actuallystarted to feel much safer more
(16:06):
of the time, and that was prettyamazing.
And the more I take steps thatfeel like they're in alignment
with who I am and what I reallywant in the life that I really
want to create for myself, themore capable I feel and the more
empowered I feel to take moresteps, and I keep reminding
myself that it's a journey and Idon't have to get to the end.
I just have to take a stepevery day that's in alignment
with what my nervous systemtruly needs.
(16:28):
I also really want to share withyou a little bit more about
polyvagal theory.
I'm going to get a littlesciencey here for a second.
It's something that I havefound so cool and has been so
helpful in allowing me to haveeven greater self-compassion for
being human, for makingmistakes, for having spent a lot
of my time in dorsal, shutdownand feeling like I'm behind.
(16:49):
I should be further ahead inlife.
If only I had been able to dothis stuff sooner, all of those
kinds of things which I cansometimes get a little bit stuck
in.
I learned about myelinated andunmyelinated nerves.
If hearing me say myelinatedand unmyelinated just made you
check out and you're like, oh, Idon't know if I want to listen
anymore, please, I invite you tojust stay with me for a moment
(17:09):
If you find yourself feelingstuck a lot of the time in
dorsal and you find yourselfbeating yourself up for being
depressed or feeling powerlessor not being able to do the
things that you want to do.
So here we go.
Essentially, a myelinated nerveyou can imagine as a nerve that
has insulation around it, andan unmyelinated nerve is a nerve
that does not have insulationaround it, so to speak, and the
insulation helps messages andsignals get transmitted faster
(17:34):
in myelinated nerves.
And in unmyelinated nerves,which don't have that insulation
, messages travel much slower.
The dorsal vagal state was thefirst of our three nervous
system states to emerge.
It came into existence 500million years ago.
The dorsal vagal state was thefirst of our three nervous
system states to emerge.
It came into existence 500million years ago, so we're
(17:54):
talking about pretty primitivefunctioning right, and that is
part of the reason why a lot ofour dorsal vagal system is made
up of unmyelinated nerves, oragain, if you can imagine,
nerves without insulation, andthis slows down the transmission
of signals.
So what does this mean?
It means that it's actuallyharder for us to get out of the
dorsal vagal state.
It's a slower process, and wecan find ourselves really caught
(18:17):
in this cycle where we think weshould be able to do something
quickly or easily and then wecan't because our unmyelinated
nerves are just busy beingthemselves and transmitting
signals in the slower way thanperhaps we'd like them to.
But our biology is just doingwhat it does.
And then we feel frustrated andupset with ourselves or perhaps
other people or the world, andwe end up going back into
(18:40):
shutdown because we're like,forget it, I tried and it didn't
work, or I didn't get as far asI thought I could or as far as
I wanted to, and we go back intofeeling threatened and we go
back into dorsal shutdown andthen it might take a while for
us to build up the resource tobe able to say, okay, let me try
again, and then we might tryagain, and we have this big goal
and often we fall short andthen we feel bad about ourselves
(19:07):
or others or the world, andthen we fall back into dorsal
and it can become thisincredibly debilitating cycle,
and I would say that's really atthe core of people who are
living with moderate to severedepression, that kind of cycle
that keeps us stuck in a dorsalbagel state.
This is amazing informationbecause what it means is that
our nervous system needs time.
It doesn't mean that we're notgood enough or we're defective
or we're a failure, which areall thoughts that I have
(19:28):
embraced about myself verywholly over the years and
instead it's like oh, ournervous system is just behaving
the way nervous systems behaveand it's not a me problem.
It's just things are not ableto move along as quickly as we
hope they would.
And I think that there's so muchinformation out there about
depression and depressed peoplethat is shaming and judgmental
(19:48):
and critical, and even peoplethat we love can come off with
these messages that are sonegative and harmful and hurtful
.
And, of course, as a depressedperson.
I'm aware that we ourselves canthink these shaming, judgmental
, critical messages and itreally keeps us stuck.
So the idea of taking a stepand really attuning to our
nervous system and saying whatfeels like it's possible today,
(20:10):
what does it feel like I needtoday, and being able to take
that step, can be absolutelytransformative.
And knowing that maybe youcan't take 10 steps today, maybe
the transmission is slow, maybewe need to take a step towards
rest so we can gather ourresources, so that we can do the
things that we really want todo, and we do not live in a
society that honors the slowdown.
(20:37):
We generally live in a societythat values the hustle, the push
yourself, the pull yourself upby your bootstraps, the don't
pay attention to your body, mindover matter.
And that push, that pressure,that striving, can be absolutely
detrimental to any of us.
But when you're a depressedperson that feels threatening,
terrifying and scary so much ofthe time, and so of course we're
going to keep hiding under arock the idea of being able to
shift that and allow ourselves astep, to know that a step is
(21:00):
enough, can be exactly the thingthat starts to open up enough
space for true change to emergeand to know that it might take a
little bit of time.
And that's okay, because if youstart taking one little step
today, you will in fact, besomewhere different in a few
days, a few weeks and a fewmonths, because if you know you
don't want to be where you areanymore, then you have to take a
(21:23):
step to go somewhere new.
As we move towards the end ofthis episode, I just want to say
that obviously this was gearedtowards a person who is living
with depression or living inthat stuck, powerless,
disconnected, collapsedexperience, and if this
experience resonates for you,then I hope that something that
I shared today connects with youin some way, that you can think
about how to take care of yournervous system and take just the
(21:46):
right step for you.
And if the person who'sexperiencing depression is not
you, if it's your partner oranother loved one, I hope that
listening today about what canget someone stuck in that dorsal
, depressed, shutdown experiencehas shed some light on what's
happening and you have greaterunderstanding and, hopefully, a
bit more compassion for theperson in your life.
(22:06):
And I hope that listening tothis episode enhances your
empathy in some way, because itreally is exhausting and
depleting to be stuck indepression, and there's a reason
why it's so hard to take actionand I also know that if you're
the loved one of somebody who'sstuck in that place, it can also
be really depleting andexhausting to figure out how to
(22:27):
do it differently so you bothget more of.
What you need is the waytowards creating a healthier,
more satisfying, more connected,more joyfully alive
relationship and life.
As you think about how to movetowards this much more
satisfying, more enjoyablerelationship that you wanna
create with your partner, I doencourage you to think about how
you can recognize the stepsyour partner is taking.
(22:48):
They might seem microscopic.
I talk about microscopicprogress and a lot of the time
in relationships, especiallywhen you're dealing with
somebody who is stuck in dorsal.
A lot of the time the progressseems small at first, and
recognizing it and celebratingit is so important and being
genuinely proud of your partnerfor making the steps that they
can make can be so incrediblyhelpful and motivating.
(23:11):
I also want to say that if yourpartner is the one living with
depression, you may experiencean urge to share this podcast
with them, and if you want to dothat, if that feels like it
makes sense to you, then that'scertainly a possible option.
I recommend sharing with somecompassion and love, perhaps
explaining that you listened toa podcast that made you feel
(23:32):
curious about what theirexperience was and you wondered
if they were open to listeningto this episode and seeing if
they perhaps connect with any ofit.
And I also would encourage youand you'll know your partner, of
course, better than I know yourpartner but I would encourage
maybe telling them that thisisn't a test or a book report or
something that they feel thatthey're going to be graded on
that.
This is really just you wantingto share something that you
(23:55):
thought potentially could behelpful and letting them know
that you want to work with themin taking steps together to make
your relationship feel betterfor both of you, because it can
feel really pressuring whensomebody says hey, I want to
share this information with youand it's about how you can do
better, be better, feel better.
Even though it sounds nice andI do wish that people could
(24:15):
receive helpful informationSometimes what seems quote
unquote helpful is notexperienced as helpful.
So, again, I recommend sharingthis gently and with curiosity
and openness, as opposed to sortof pushing it on your partner,
even if you don't feel likeyou're pushing it on your
partner, just be a littlecurious and wonder about what
their experience of it might be.
(24:35):
And you can also let them knowthat if they don't wanna listen
to the podcast episode or theydon't wanna listen to it yet,
you are still interested inworking together and figuring
things out as a team, andsometimes just allowing them
that space might create someopenness.
Perhaps they may say a week ortwo later, you know, hey,
actually I am interested in thatpodcast or not.
But if you successfully createa little bit more connection
(24:55):
between the two of you, I wouldsay that matters more than if
they listen to this podcast.
And if you think that any otherdifferent approach of using
this information for yourself orfor your partner would be
helpful, then of course Isupport you and I'd love to hear
about it.
You can connect with me onInstagram, my other social media
that is linked in the shownotes below, but for now I will
(25:15):
leave you with my outro, whichmaybe you'll listen to and maybe
you won't, but either way, Ihope that you and your partner
do continue to take steps sothat you can get from where you
are today to where you want tobe.
As our time comes to a close, Iask you to keep listening for
just a few more moments, becauseI want to thank you for showing
up today and I want to leaveyou with an invitation as you
(25:38):
hit, stop and move back out intothe world on your own unique
wellness journey In order tomove from where you are today to
the place where you want to be.
The path may seem long orunclear or unknown, and I want
you to know that if that seemsscary or daunting or downright
terrifying or anything else,that is totally okay.
(26:00):
Know that you do not have tocreate the whole way all at once
.
We don't travel a whole journeyin one stride, and that is why
my invitation to you today is totake a step, just one, any type
, any size, in any direction.
It can be an external step thatcan be observed or measured, or
it could be a step youvisualize taking in your mind.
(26:22):
It can be a step towards action, or towards rest or connection
or self-care or whatever stepmakes sense to you.
I invite you to take a steptoday, because getting to a
place that feels better, morejoyful, more connected than the
place where you are today ispossible for everyone, including
(26:42):
you, and even when depressionis in your bed.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please subscribe so
you can be notified when eachweekly episode gets released.
I encourage you to leave areview and reach out to me on
social media at trishsanderslcsw.
Your feedback will help guidefuture episodes and I love
(27:03):
hearing from you.
Also, please share this podcastwith anyone who you think may
be interested or who may getsomething from what I have
shared.
Until the next time we connect,take care of yourself and take
a step.
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