September 24, 2025 • 17 mins
Rest represents one of our most fundamental needs, yet access to it remains profoundly unequal. Some can freely embrace rest without judgment, while others face criticism, shame, and real-world consequences for the same basic human necessity. This stark reality forms the foundation of what I call "the politics of rest."
Who gets to rest without being labeled lazy? Who can take mental health days without facing scrutiny? These aren't neutral questions but deeply political ones shaped by systems of privilege, power, and policy. Wealth-holding households enjoy vacations and help with daily tasks without judgment, while economically disadvantaged people, communities of color, women, and immigrants face barriers to the same recovery time. This disparity reveals how rest has become politicized—a resource available to some while denied to others.
I've experienced firsthand how transformative intentional rest can be. After feeling burnout, particularly following the pandemic, I consciously slowed down and reduced my workload. This choice—made possible by my privilege—profoundly improved my wellness journey. Yet I recognize that many cannot make similar choices. For generations, many communities have carried the trauma of not being allowed to slow down, where resting could mean life or death. This history lives on in our bodies and nervous systems today.
Perhaps most provocatively, I suggest that depression might be viewed not as a personal failure but as a reasonable response to unreasonable demands—the body's last-resort mechanism when proper rest is systematically denied. The collapse that comes with depression isn't truly restful, as it's accompanied by shame and self-criticism, but it points to our fundamental need for recovery. Creating a world where rest is accessible to everyone isn't just about personal wellness—it's about justice, equity, and transforming systems that exhaust us by design. What's your experience with rest? I'd love to continue this conversation with you.
- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome to the One Depression is in your
Bed podcast.
Today I'm going to continue theconversation about rest,
focusing on the politics of rest.
Are you interested, curious?
Perhaps you've had enough ofpolitics, especially these days?
Either way, I can understandand I invite you to join me to
listen in to today's episode.
I'm your host, trish Sanders,and I am delighted that you are
here, so let's get started.
(00:21):
I'm your host, trish Sanders,and I am delighted that you are
here, so let's get started.
As I prepared for this episode,I started to notice that I was
having a different experiencethan I usually do.
I'm usually very excited as Iget ready to record the next
episode, and the way I run myepisodes is that I don't have a
master plan in advance, althoughI mentioned this before, I do
have lots of notes.
When I have an idea of anepisode that I want to do, I do
(00:50):
jot them down and I have adocument where that's all
recorded.
But I tend to choose my topicin a more organic way from the
last episode I recorded, so Idon't necessarily know what I'll
be recording five or 10episodes from now.
I've just been seeing whatfeels right after I record each
episode and deciding if it is atopic that I want to talk more
about or if it segues intoanother topic or what have you.
And when I recorded last week'sepisode, which was about rest
and how I was noticing in myselfthat I was having enormous
(01:10):
gratitude for the privilege thatI had to slow down and go on
this eight days of wellness thatI was able to experience a few
weeks ago, where I went on athree-day wellness weekend
followed by a five-day retreattraining on polyvagal theory,
which is about nervous systemwork.
And that gratitude that I hadand that awareness of my
privilege to go and slow down,along with my own experience of
(01:35):
the last several years where Ivery consciously and
purposefully slowed down,reduced my caseload of clients
that I'm working with, tried toslow down in life.
I'm still pretty busy and mycalendar is still pretty packed,
but in so many ways I haveslowed down and I'm in the
process of learning how to slowdown even further, and that has
been so beneficial to my ownwellness journey and my own
(01:56):
healing journey and my ownability to grow and do things in
new and different ways thatreally work better for me, and
so I was really excited about myepisode last week and I was
like, oh my gosh, I can't waitto talk about rest and the
importance and kind of startexploring rest in our society
and our culture.
So I made last week's episodeand I knew that in the next
episode I wanted to talk aboutthe access to rest and strangely
(02:16):
I noticed that I wasn't reallythinking about my episode this
week.
Usually I have ideas pop intomy mind Sometimes, I jot some
thoughts down over the course ofthe week about things that I
want to include when I talk, andnothing was coming.
And all of a sudden it wasoccurring to me that I was
getting nearer to when I neededto have the episode recorded so
that I could release my weeklyepisodes, and I was like, huh,
that's strange, what's going on?
(02:37):
So I started to think about itand I realized that I was
feeling scared in a way, becauseas a therapist, certainly you
are taught to be neutral, andI'm a couples therapist.
I work with people inrelationship, I work with
families.
Being able to not pick a sideand hold space for everyone is a
key skill in being a therapist,right, and so taking a hard
(02:59):
stance on politics and I don'tmean this in the way of
necessarily picking a politicalparty, although that's one part
of politics, but I mean reallytaking such a hard stand on
something in such a clear way, Irealized felt scary to me.
And I also realized, along withall that I just shared about
how rest has been a privilegethat I've been able to enjoy and
(03:22):
how that felt really importantfor me to talk about, to think
about how to make restaccessible to more people, which
, of course, is what led me totoday's topic I was able to
bring into my awareness that Ibecame a social worker on
purpose.
There's a lot of different waysthat you can go into the mental
health field.
They all have some overlap intraining and some overlap in
service, and then there's also alot of differences.
(03:43):
But I chose to be a socialworker because I believe in
doing social work, I believe insupporting social justice.
So once I was able to realignwith my values, I was able to
feel less scared and much moreexcited, and then I was able to
get ready to record today'sepisode.
So, as I share all of that, Iwant to acknowledge that you, as
a listener, may have a verywide spectrum of reactions to
(04:07):
what I'm sharing, and if you arecurious or interested or agree
with my perspective, or if thisepisode makes you feel seen,
then I welcome you and I hopethat you connect with me on
social media.
My info is linked in the shownotes of the podcast episodes so
you can check that out.
I would love to continue theconversation and I would love to
include your voice and hearyour voice, because my voice is
(04:28):
one of so many and I think it'sreally important to hear as many
different voices as we can,particularly on a topic so rich
as rest is.
And on the other side, if thisconversation makes you
uncomfortable or you staunchlydisagree with me, or maybe you
want to turn this off, or maybeyou've enjoyed previous episodes
of mine and now you're rollingyour eyes, thinking, ugh, she
got political.
Maybe that's you, and if that'swho you are, then I welcome you
(04:51):
too and I extend the sameinvitation to you to please, if
you feel moved, connect with meon social media, go into the
show notes, connect with me,because I want to hear your
voice as well.
We live in a society that has astrong tendency to be very black
or white either, or right orwrong.
Especially today, we live withso much polarization, and the
(05:11):
way I understand that is that weare living in survival modes
and so if you're not with me,you're against me, and then I
have to fight you or run fromyou or hide from you.
And this is the world thatwe're living in today, and I can
talk a lot more about that, butI just want to say for today's
episode that I want to create aspace around this conversation,
and around any and allconversations, where everyone is
(05:32):
invited to participate andeveryone can feel safe enough to
share their perspective, evenif it's completely different
than anyone else's in the room,and so everyone's invited.
And today we're talking aboutrest, because it's an incredibly
important topic for so manyreasons, and one very specific
reason is that rest is one thingthat supports regulation.
So if we're living in thishighly dysregulated society
(05:54):
where everyone is exhausted fromfighting and running and hiding
and feeling powerless, then wereally need a lot of rest as a
society to be able to movesomewhere new from here.
So let's really dive intotoday's conversation.
I've been mentioning access, andyou may or may not be thinking
why is access political?
What does that mean?
And what I mean by that is thathaving access to a certain
(06:15):
resource like health care,including mental health care, or
education, or clean water orrest, is political.
Who is allowed to have accessto these valuable, invaluable
life supporting resources istotally political because it is
shaped by by the policies thatwe have in place, by the laws,
by the rules, by who is in power.
(06:37):
It is shaped by the structure,the system that we all live in,
whether we have consciousness orawareness of it or not.
And when we think about therapyor healing spaces, it is
absolutely governed by who canafford it.
And when you think about rest,who can take a break, who can
take time off, who can afford togo on a vacation and, beyond
(06:58):
vacation, who has access to beable to make their lives more
restful, without judgment orshame?
That's a big question, becausewe have a tendency to judge
people based on many ways of howthey identify or how we perhaps
incorrectly choose to identifythem, whether it's the color of
their skin or their religion ortheir political party
affiliation, their gender, theirsex and so much more, and we
(07:20):
gate who is allowed to havethese resources.
So, when you think of asocioeconomically advantaged
group, wealth-holding households, and we think about the access
that they have to rest orvacation.
When some multi-millionaire,billionaire or beyond goes on
vacation for an extended periodof time, do we call them lazy?
We often look at that with somelonging or jealousy, but if
(07:41):
someone from a socioeconomicallydisadvantaged group needs to
take time off, we might shamethem or blame them or assume
that they're being lazy becausethey're not putting work in.
And again, if we think aboutthe socioeconomically advantaged
people, they often have helpdoing just about everything,
right From childcare to mealpreparation, to everyday tasks
or any number of things, but wedon't think of them as lazy.
(08:04):
And so this tendency to blamethe individual.
Through this very limited andnarrow scope that we again often
incorrectly see through, wemake judgments about people as
an individual rather thanlooking at this larger system
that doesn't allow everyone tohave what they need, including
when it comes to rest.
We might look at a person ofcolor and attach some sort of
(08:25):
blame to their race.
Or we might look at a woman andexpect her to be taking on many
of the householdresponsibilities and the child
care responsibilities and blameher if she is run down or if she
takes time off, or shame herfor that need.
And certainly when it comes topeople with mental health
struggles, we have a strongtendency to blame and shame and
(08:46):
criticize them, as if they havea personality defect because of
who they are, rather thanlooking at this much larger
system that is impacting them.
My personal, professional andpolitical perspective is that
people who are dealing withmental health disorders,
generally speaking and I willalso speak specifically to
depression is that I think that,at least for many, if not all,
(09:09):
and maybe in part as opposed tocompletely, but I think that
people who are suffering withdepression, I don't think of it
as mental illness.
I think of it as perhaps a veryhealthy, reasonable, important
response to a system thatdoesn't allow rest, that expects
us to push and strive and beoverwhelmed and live in chaos
(09:29):
and run on fumes and sometimesour only defense and this is
unconscious, by the way, we'renot choosing this like oh, I'm
going to get depressed, so Idon't have to go to work.
But if you're overwhelmed andyou don't have support and
resources and this is overlysimplistic, by the way, there's
so many different situations Ihope you can follow along and
kind of hear what I mean in abroader way.
But if somebody is mentally illand they need a mental health
(09:51):
day or they need to have aprolonged absence from work
because of their mental healthstruggles, we blame that person
Like they couldn't handle it.
You know there's somethingwrong with them for not being
able to do what the rest of usare able to do.
Yet, as somebody who hasstruggled so deeply with
depression for decades, I knowthat overwhelm and even though
(10:11):
and I've talked about this inprevious episodes and we'll talk
about in future episodes againthe rest that comes with
depression is really not restful, because you're in a survival
state and it's a shutdowncollapse.
But you feel the weightoftentimes.
Certainly, I have felt theweight even when I'm
disconnected and depressed andin my little depressed blanket.
I usually think about it aslike wrapping myself in this
dark blanket of misery anddepression.
(10:33):
It's exhausting because youknow what you're not doing.
You are aware that other peopleare shaming and blaming you and
you are shaming and blaming andcriticizing yourself for not
being good enough, for not beingworthy, for not being able to
do what you think you'resupposed to do.
But maybe we're not supposed tobe like this.
Maybe we're not supposed topush and strive and never let up
.
Maybe depression is oneresponse to a system that isn't
(10:57):
working for us, that isn'tsupporting those of us who don't
have access to these resources.
Again, of course, in today'sepisode we're talking about rest
as a resource, but so manyother resources are blocked from
so many people in our society.
So who gets to rest, who getsaccess, who is not blamed or
shamed or criticized for needingto rest, is incredibly
(11:21):
political.
Black, brown, indigenous people, immigrants, working-class they
have historically been deniedaccess to rest.
They have no other choice butto push to survive, and this is
not something that used to justhappen.
It goes on today and continuesto go on.
Historically, people were notonly not given that used to just
happen, it goes on today andcontinues to go on.
Historically, people were notonly not given the opportunity
(11:42):
to rest, but resting could meanliterally life or death, and so
so many people carry in theirbones, in their DNA, this
ancestral trauma that they can'tslow down or recover.
When our body, like I said, wasdepression, I think it could be
a very reasonable, very validresponse to generations of not
being able to slow down whenyour body gives you no other
(12:02):
choice.
But there is a reason whypeople are exhausted.
There is a reason why women areexhausted people of color,
immigrants, indigenous people.
We are carrying beyond personalstress.
We are carrying generations ofhistory that have created very
political, intentional systemsthat continue this oppression.
Now I will just state as I'vestated before, but just to be
(12:23):
very clear I am a whitecisgender woman.
I am not an immigrant, I am notan indigenous person.
These are not perspectives.
I'm speaking from firsthand.
And yet, as a white cis woman,I feel like it's my privilege to
not be able to talk about thesethings, because in so many ways
I haven't been directlyaffected and yet I can see the
system and I can see thesocieties and the people who are
(12:44):
being affected and, of course,as a woman, I do firsthand know
the experience of societysending a message that I have to
and should do it all, be it allto everyone and everything and
not prioritize myself.
I see that in the world, I seethat in my office, I see that in
many places in my life.
So I just want to name thatpiece.
But I know that silence is aprivilege and me staying quiet
(13:05):
doesn't help me and it doesn'thelp anyone else, and I'm here
hopefully to have conversationsin which many people can
participate.
I know right now I do thesesolo episodes, but I'm very much
looking forward to being ableto have conversations with other
people Again those who see theworld from my perspective and
those who see the world fromdifferent perspectives, because
I do think that that's howchange and growth is possible
(13:27):
through regulation andconnection and making a safe
enough place for all, includinga safe enough place for all to
rest when they need, is how wewill change the world.
That's a huge part of thereason I have this podcast to be
able to initiate some of thesekinds of conversations that I
hope serve a piece in helpingthe world shift in a much more
positive way.
So there's so much more to sayand I will continue my
(13:48):
conversation probably in thenext couple of episodes.
I think there's more than justone more episode left here on
this topic, but I'm reallyinterested in hearing how this
lands for you, what you thinkand what your experience is
around rest, because, like Isaid, I wouldn't be here right
now being able to have thispodcast or be able to be living
the life I'm living todaywithout having been able to slow
(14:10):
down over the last few years,which didn't come easily.
There was sacrifice in it,certainly, which I'll save for
another time, but being able tomake that choice and to notice
that I needed to slow down.
I was pushing too hard, I wasoverwhelmed all of the time,
particularly coming out of thepandemic.
I was working quite a lot fromhome and I really got to a sense
of burnout, which is verycommon in mental health
(14:32):
practitioners and maybe shouldbe its own whole, separate
episode.
So I noticed I needed to slowdown and I was sitting in a
position of enough privilegethat I was able to do that for
myself and, as a result, I'vebeen able to see the impact the
hugely positive impact that hashad on me, and I really want to
think about how to make restmore accessible to more people.
(14:52):
So I will continue to talk nexttime about this.
Again, I'm really open tohearing your feedback and I hope
that my perspective opens someconversations that lead to
something new happening thatworks better for many more of us
.
Regardless of who you are, whereyou came from or any other
quality about you, I trulybelieve in equity and I do think
that rest is something that isvitally important for everyone
(15:16):
to have access to, as much asthey need to be able to live a
healthy life and be able to havespace for healing deep, true
healing to occur.
As our time comes to a close, Iask you to keep listening for
just a few more moments, becauseI want to thank you for showing
up today and I want to leaveyou with an invitation as you
(15:36):
hit stop and move back out intothe world on your own unique
wellness journey In order tomove from where you are today to
the place where you want to be.
The path may seem long orunclear or unknown, and I want
you to know that if that seemsscary or daunting or downright
terrifying or anything else,that is totally okay.
(15:57):
Know that you do not have tocreate the whole way all at once
.
We don't travel a whole journeyin one stride, and that is why
my invitation to you today is totake a step, just one, any type
, any size, in any direction.
It can be an external step thatcan be observed or measured, or
it could be a step youvisualize, taking in your mind.
(16:20):
It can be a step towards actionor towards rest, or connection
or self-care, or whatever stepmakes sense to you.
I invite you to take a steptoday because getting to a place
that feels better, more joyful,more connected than the place
where you are today is possiblefor everyone, including you, and
(16:41):
even when depression is in yourbed.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please subscribe so
you can be notified when eachweekly episode gets released.
I encourage you to leave areview and reach out to me on
social media at trishsanderslcsw.
Your feedback will help guidefuture episodes and I love
hearing from you.
(17:01):
Also, please share this podcastwith anyone who you think may
be interested or who may getsomething from what I have
shared.
Until the next time we connect,take care of yourself and take
a step.
Hello and welcome to the One Depression is in your
Bed podcast.
Today I'm going to continue theconversation about rest,
focusing on the politics of rest.
Are you interested, curious?
Perhaps you've had enough ofpolitics, especially these days?
Either way, I can understandand I invite you to join me to
listen in to today's episode.
I'm your host, trish Sanders,and I am delighted that you are
here, so let's get started.
(00:21):
I'm your host, trish Sanders,and I am delighted that you are
here, so let's get started.
As I prepared for this episode,I started to notice that I was
having a different experiencethan I usually do.
I'm usually very excited as Iget ready to record the next
episode, and the way I run myepisodes is that I don't have a
master plan in advance, althoughI mentioned this before, I do
have lots of notes.
When I have an idea of anepisode that I want to do, I do
(00:50):
jot them down and I have adocument where that's all
recorded.
But I tend to choose my topicin a more organic way from the
last episode I recorded, so Idon't necessarily know what I'll
be recording five or 10episodes from now.
I've just been seeing whatfeels right after I record each
episode and deciding if it is atopic that I want to talk more
about or if it segues intoanother topic or what have you.
And when I recorded last week'sepisode, which was about rest
and how I was noticing in myselfthat I was having enormous
(01:10):
gratitude for the privilege thatI had to slow down and go on
this eight days of wellness thatI was able to experience a few
weeks ago, where I went on athree-day wellness weekend
followed by a five-day retreattraining on polyvagal theory,
which is about nervous systemwork.
And that gratitude that I hadand that awareness of my
privilege to go and slow down,along with my own experience of
(01:35):
the last several years where Ivery consciously and
purposefully slowed down,reduced my caseload of clients
that I'm working with, tried toslow down in life.
I'm still pretty busy and mycalendar is still pretty packed,
but in so many ways I haveslowed down and I'm in the
process of learning how to slowdown even further, and that has
been so beneficial to my ownwellness journey and my own
(01:56):
healing journey and my ownability to grow and do things in
new and different ways thatreally work better for me, and
so I was really excited about myepisode last week and I was
like, oh my gosh, I can't waitto talk about rest and the
importance and kind of startexploring rest in our society
and our culture.
So I made last week's episodeand I knew that in the next
episode I wanted to talk aboutthe access to rest and strangely
(02:16):
I noticed that I wasn't reallythinking about my episode this
week.
Usually I have ideas pop intomy mind Sometimes, I jot some
thoughts down over the course ofthe week about things that I
want to include when I talk, andnothing was coming.
And all of a sudden it wasoccurring to me that I was
getting nearer to when I neededto have the episode recorded so
that I could release my weeklyepisodes, and I was like, huh,
that's strange, what's going on?
(02:37):
So I started to think about itand I realized that I was
feeling scared in a way, becauseas a therapist, certainly you
are taught to be neutral, andI'm a couples therapist.
I work with people inrelationship, I work with
families.
Being able to not pick a sideand hold space for everyone is a
key skill in being a therapist,right, and so taking a hard
(02:59):
stance on politics and I don'tmean this in the way of
necessarily picking a politicalparty, although that's one part
of politics, but I mean reallytaking such a hard stand on
something in such a clear way, Irealized felt scary to me.
And I also realized, along withall that I just shared about
how rest has been a privilegethat I've been able to enjoy and
(03:22):
how that felt really importantfor me to talk about, to think
about how to make restaccessible to more people, which
, of course, is what led me totoday's topic I was able to
bring into my awareness that Ibecame a social worker on
purpose.
There's a lot of different waysthat you can go into the mental
health field.
They all have some overlap intraining and some overlap in
service, and then there's also alot of differences.
(03:43):
But I chose to be a socialworker because I believe in
doing social work, I believe insupporting social justice.
So once I was able to realignwith my values, I was able to
feel less scared and much moreexcited, and then I was able to
get ready to record today'sepisode.
So, as I share all of that, Iwant to acknowledge that you, as
a listener, may have a verywide spectrum of reactions to
(04:07):
what I'm sharing, and if you arecurious or interested or agree
with my perspective, or if thisepisode makes you feel seen,
then I welcome you and I hopethat you connect with me on
social media.
My info is linked in the shownotes of the podcast episodes so
you can check that out.
I would love to continue theconversation and I would love to
include your voice and hearyour voice, because my voice is
(04:28):
one of so many and I think it'sreally important to hear as many
different voices as we can,particularly on a topic so rich
as rest is.
And on the other side, if thisconversation makes you
uncomfortable or you staunchlydisagree with me, or maybe you
want to turn this off, or maybeyou've enjoyed previous episodes
of mine and now you're rollingyour eyes, thinking, ugh, she
got political.
Maybe that's you, and if that'swho you are, then I welcome you
(04:51):
too and I extend the sameinvitation to you to please, if
you feel moved, connect with meon social media, go into the
show notes, connect with me,because I want to hear your
voice as well.
We live in a society that has astrong tendency to be very black
or white either, or right orwrong.
Especially today, we live withso much polarization, and the
(05:11):
way I understand that is that weare living in survival modes
and so if you're not with me,you're against me, and then I
have to fight you or run fromyou or hide from you.
And this is the world thatwe're living in today, and I can
talk a lot more about that, butI just want to say for today's
episode that I want to create aspace around this conversation,
and around any and allconversations, where everyone is
(05:32):
invited to participate andeveryone can feel safe enough to
share their perspective, evenif it's completely different
than anyone else's in the room,and so everyone's invited.
And today we're talking aboutrest, because it's an incredibly
important topic for so manyreasons, and one very specific
reason is that rest is one thingthat supports regulation.
So if we're living in thishighly dysregulated society
(05:54):
where everyone is exhausted fromfighting and running and hiding
and feeling powerless, then wereally need a lot of rest as a
society to be able to movesomewhere new from here.
So let's really dive intotoday's conversation.
I've been mentioning access, andyou may or may not be thinking
why is access political?
What does that mean?
And what I mean by that is thathaving access to a certain
(06:15):
resource like health care,including mental health care, or
education, or clean water orrest, is political.
Who is allowed to have accessto these valuable, invaluable
life supporting resources istotally political because it is
shaped by by the policies thatwe have in place, by the laws,
by the rules, by who is in power.
(06:37):
It is shaped by the structure,the system that we all live in,
whether we have consciousness orawareness of it or not.
And when we think about therapyor healing spaces, it is
absolutely governed by who canafford it.
And when you think about rest,who can take a break, who can
take time off, who can afford togo on a vacation and, beyond
(06:58):
vacation, who has access to beable to make their lives more
restful, without judgment orshame?
That's a big question, becausewe have a tendency to judge
people based on many ways of howthey identify or how we perhaps
incorrectly choose to identifythem, whether it's the color of
their skin or their religion ortheir political party
affiliation, their gender, theirsex and so much more, and we
(07:20):
gate who is allowed to havethese resources.
So, when you think of asocioeconomically advantaged
group, wealth-holding households, and we think about the access
that they have to rest orvacation.
When some multi-millionaire,billionaire or beyond goes on
vacation for an extended periodof time, do we call them lazy?
We often look at that with somelonging or jealousy, but if
(07:41):
someone from a socioeconomicallydisadvantaged group needs to
take time off, we might shamethem or blame them or assume
that they're being lazy becausethey're not putting work in.
And again, if we think aboutthe socioeconomically advantaged
people, they often have helpdoing just about everything,
right From childcare to mealpreparation, to everyday tasks
or any number of things, but wedon't think of them as lazy.
(08:04):
And so this tendency to blamethe individual.
Through this very limited andnarrow scope that we again often
incorrectly see through, wemake judgments about people as
an individual rather thanlooking at this larger system
that doesn't allow everyone tohave what they need, including
when it comes to rest.
We might look at a person ofcolor and attach some sort of
(08:25):
blame to their race.
Or we might look at a woman andexpect her to be taking on many
of the householdresponsibilities and the child
care responsibilities and blameher if she is run down or if she
takes time off, or shame herfor that need.
And certainly when it comes topeople with mental health
struggles, we have a strongtendency to blame and shame and
(08:46):
criticize them, as if they havea personality defect because of
who they are, rather thanlooking at this much larger
system that is impacting them.
My personal, professional andpolitical perspective is that
people who are dealing withmental health disorders,
generally speaking and I willalso speak specifically to
depression is that I think that,at least for many, if not all,
(09:09):
and maybe in part as opposed tocompletely, but I think that
people who are suffering withdepression, I don't think of it
as mental illness.
I think of it as perhaps a veryhealthy, reasonable, important
response to a system thatdoesn't allow rest, that expects
us to push and strive and beoverwhelmed and live in chaos
(09:29):
and run on fumes and sometimesour only defense and this is
unconscious, by the way, we'renot choosing this like oh, I'm
going to get depressed, so Idon't have to go to work.
But if you're overwhelmed andyou don't have support and
resources and this is overlysimplistic, by the way, there's
so many different situations Ihope you can follow along and
kind of hear what I mean in abroader way.
But if somebody is mentally illand they need a mental health
(09:51):
day or they need to have aprolonged absence from work
because of their mental healthstruggles, we blame that person
Like they couldn't handle it.
You know there's somethingwrong with them for not being
able to do what the rest of usare able to do.
Yet, as somebody who hasstruggled so deeply with
depression for decades, I knowthat overwhelm and even though
(10:11):
and I've talked about this inprevious episodes and we'll talk
about in future episodes againthe rest that comes with
depression is really not restful, because you're in a survival
state and it's a shutdowncollapse.
But you feel the weightoftentimes.
Certainly, I have felt theweight even when I'm
disconnected and depressed andin my little depressed blanket.
I usually think about it aslike wrapping myself in this
dark blanket of misery anddepression.
(10:33):
It's exhausting because youknow what you're not doing.
You are aware that other peopleare shaming and blaming you and
you are shaming and blaming andcriticizing yourself for not
being good enough, for not beingworthy, for not being able to
do what you think you'resupposed to do.
But maybe we're not supposed tobe like this.
Maybe we're not supposed topush and strive and never let up
.
Maybe depression is oneresponse to a system that isn't
(10:57):
working for us, that isn'tsupporting those of us who don't
have access to these resources.
Again, of course, in today'sepisode we're talking about rest
as a resource, but so manyother resources are blocked from
so many people in our society.
So who gets to rest, who getsaccess, who is not blamed or
shamed or criticized for needingto rest, is incredibly
(11:21):
political.
Black, brown, indigenous people, immigrants, working-class they
have historically been deniedaccess to rest.
They have no other choice butto push to survive, and this is
not something that used to justhappen.
It goes on today and continuesto go on.
Historically, people were notonly not given that used to just
happen, it goes on today andcontinues to go on.
Historically, people were notonly not given the opportunity
(11:42):
to rest, but resting could meanliterally life or death, and so
so many people carry in theirbones, in their DNA, this
ancestral trauma that they can'tslow down or recover.
When our body, like I said, wasdepression, I think it could be
a very reasonable, very validresponse to generations of not
being able to slow down whenyour body gives you no other
(12:02):
choice.
But there is a reason whypeople are exhausted.
There is a reason why women areexhausted people of color,
immigrants, indigenous people.
We are carrying beyond personalstress.
We are carrying generations ofhistory that have created very
political, intentional systemsthat continue this oppression.
Now I will just state as I'vestated before, but just to be
(12:23):
very clear I am a whitecisgender woman.
I am not an immigrant, I am notan indigenous person.
These are not perspectives.
I'm speaking from firsthand.
And yet, as a white cis woman,I feel like it's my privilege to
not be able to talk about thesethings, because in so many ways
I haven't been directlyaffected and yet I can see the
system and I can see thesocieties and the people who are
(12:44):
being affected and, of course,as a woman, I do firsthand know
the experience of societysending a message that I have to
and should do it all, be it allto everyone and everything and
not prioritize myself.
I see that in the world, I seethat in my office, I see that in
many places in my life.
So I just want to name thatpiece.
But I know that silence is aprivilege and me staying quiet
(13:05):
doesn't help me and it doesn'thelp anyone else, and I'm here
hopefully to have conversationsin which many people can
participate.
I know right now I do thesesolo episodes, but I'm very much
looking forward to being ableto have conversations with other
people Again those who see theworld from my perspective and
those who see the world fromdifferent perspectives, because
I do think that that's howchange and growth is possible
(13:27):
through regulation andconnection and making a safe
enough place for all, includinga safe enough place for all to
rest when they need, is how wewill change the world.
That's a huge part of thereason I have this podcast to be
able to initiate some of thesekinds of conversations that I
hope serve a piece in helpingthe world shift in a much more
positive way.
So there's so much more to sayand I will continue my
(13:48):
conversation probably in thenext couple of episodes.
I think there's more than justone more episode left here on
this topic, but I'm reallyinterested in hearing how this
lands for you, what you thinkand what your experience is
around rest, because, like Isaid, I wouldn't be here right
now being able to have thispodcast or be able to be living
the life I'm living todaywithout having been able to slow
(14:10):
down over the last few years,which didn't come easily.
There was sacrifice in it,certainly, which I'll save for
another time, but being able tomake that choice and to notice
that I needed to slow down.
I was pushing too hard, I wasoverwhelmed all of the time,
particularly coming out of thepandemic.
I was working quite a lot fromhome and I really got to a sense
of burnout, which is verycommon in mental health
(14:32):
practitioners and maybe shouldbe its own whole, separate
episode.
So I noticed I needed to slowdown and I was sitting in a
position of enough privilegethat I was able to do that for
myself and, as a result, I'vebeen able to see the impact the
hugely positive impact that hashad on me, and I really want to
think about how to make restmore accessible to more people.
(14:52):
So I will continue to talk nexttime about this.
Again, I'm really open tohearing your feedback and I hope
that my perspective opens someconversations that lead to
something new happening thatworks better for many more of us
.
Regardless of who you are, whereyou came from or any other
quality about you, I trulybelieve in equity and I do think
that rest is something that isvitally important for everyone
(15:16):
to have access to, as much asthey need to be able to live a
healthy life and be able to havespace for healing deep, true
healing to occur.
As our time comes to a close, Iask you to keep listening for
just a few more moments, becauseI want to thank you for showing
up today and I want to leaveyou with an invitation as you
(15:36):
hit stop and move back out intothe world on your own unique
wellness journey In order tomove from where you are today to
the place where you want to be.
The path may seem long orunclear or unknown, and I want
you to know that if that seemsscary or daunting or downright
terrifying or anything else,that is totally okay.
(15:57):
Know that you do not have tocreate the whole way all at once
.
We don't travel a whole journeyin one stride, and that is why
my invitation to you today is totake a step, just one, any type
, any size, in any direction.
It can be an external step thatcan be observed or measured, or
it could be a step youvisualize, taking in your mind.
(16:20):
It can be a step towards actionor towards rest, or connection
or self-care, or whatever stepmakes sense to you.
I invite you to take a steptoday because getting to a place
that feels better, more joyful,more connected than the place
where you are today is possiblefor everyone, including you, and
(16:41):
even when depression is in yourbed.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please subscribe so
you can be notified when eachweekly episode gets released.
I encourage you to leave areview and reach out to me on
social media at trishsanderslcsw.
Your feedback will help guidefuture episodes and I love
hearing from you.
(17:01):
Also, please share this podcastwith anyone who you think may
be interested or who may getsomething from what I have
shared.
Until the next time we connect,take care of yourself and take
a step.
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