Living the Dream: Inside Friendship Village's LGBTQ-Friendly Community With Joe Connelly and Terry Pochert

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(01:13):
Welcome to the Where Do GaysRetire Podcast where we help you
in the LGBTQ community find asafe and affordable retirement place.
Join Mark Goldstein as heinterviews others who live in gay
friendly places around the globe.
Learn about the climate, costof living, health care, crime and
safety, and more.

(01:33):
Now here's your host, Mark Goldstein.
Today we are going to beinterviewing Joe Connolly and Terry
Poachert and they live at aplace called Friendship Village in
Tempe, Arizona.
I've had the pleasure ofmeeting them and actually visiting

(01:57):
the facility, did a tour ofthe facility and it's an independent
assisted living memory care facility.
It has everything.
It's pretty high end, hasquite a few restaurants.
And let me introduce you toboth of these gentlemen.
Terry Poachard and JoeConnolly just celebrated 30 years

(02:20):
together on July 4th.
That was yesterday.
And have been married for 17 years.
Congratulations, guys.
In 2014, they filed a lawsuitto challenge the ban on same sex
marriage and won their caselater that year.
Their case was a footnote inthe obergefell decision in 2015 at

(02:42):
the Supreme Court of theUnited States.
Terry is a retired broadcastengineer from a Detroit based TV
station.
And Joe is a retired technicalwriter in the aerospace industry.
That's Joe and that's Terry.
Welcome, guys.
Welcome to the podcast.
Thank you so much for coming.

(03:03):
Thank you.
Appreciate it.
All right, so let's get tosome background.
The origins of your move.
When, what first drew you toFriendship Village two years ago
and why the independent livinglife plan, community model.
What attracted you guys to that?

(03:24):
Well, we both knew that we'regetting a little bit older and we've
gone, we've gone through thephases of some single family, home
to apartment living to condoliving, slowly downsizing.
And then we had a real goodfriend who was living independently

(03:45):
in their own home.
And then what about 15 years ago?
2008.
2008, we talked to her and she.
We decided to explore someindependent living.
And one of them was Friendship Village.
And she ended up moving out ofher single family home into Friendship
Village.
And then over the course offive to 10 years, we would have dinner,

(04:08):
we would visit, we would takeGod to various restaurants.
And they said, you know, this,this place is pretty nice.
So when it came time to usmaking the decision about the rest
of our lives, where do we go?
What do we want to do?
We said we decided to followher example and moving into Friendship

(04:29):
Village.
And we thought it was going tobe hard because it's a different
way of life from being independent.
And we had to downsize we hadto get rid of furniture and boxes
and do all sorts of stuff like that.
But once we made the decision,it was kind of interesting.

(04:50):
Both of us have commented toeach other when we've gone on some
short trips, well, it feelslike home.
So I think for us, making thattransition to the CCRC kind of concept
was good.
Peter and I went on a tour.
On your tour, on your veryfirst tour, what were the little

(05:14):
things?
Any kind of policy?
A smile from the staff?
What told you that this mightbe considered your next home?
I think we were so comfortablealready when.
Because we had been here foryears and years visiting Joan.
We knew about the culture.
We knew about the environmentand the community.

(05:36):
What I didn't really know wasabout the details.
I didn't know the cost.
I didn't know really very muchabout some of the nuances of it.
And.
And so when we got into themarketing department, they really
stepped us throughunderstanding how this all works.
And as I relayed to you whenwe met here before, I'm not the finance

(05:59):
person in the family, so thefinance aspect really kind of wigged
me out.
And it really was Joan leadingthe way and showing us the way on
how to do it.
We followed her example, so weknew and we felt comfortable because
she made the decision, andthen the marketing team just filled

(06:24):
in the details for us.
Is that what you're looking for?
I think, yeah.
Yeah.
And so you felt verycomfortable when you did that tour?
Yes.
Did you ask any questionsabout whether you would be accepted
as an lgbtq, as a gay couple?

(06:47):
Kind of.
Very interesting.
We never hit it.
Ever since we talked to themarketing folks, and anybody that
we've ever contacted with,they knew we were a couple.
And we really wanted to moveinto a community that was diverse
and very mixed.
We didn't necessarily want tomove into a gay community or a straight

(07:10):
community.
So when we first came in, it just.
Everybody was friendly.
Even if maybe somebody has adifferent political leaning here,
everything seemed to be accepting.
In fact, we know that thereare different political aspects in
this community, but weactually have classes on civil dialogue,

(07:36):
different types of religion.
There's a lot of effort hereto really educate and keep us as
a community, and so we justknew it was safe.
I think the word I would useis respect.
There's respect among peopleof different differing political

(07:57):
views, religious views.
It's just comfortable.
That's good.
That matters a lot.
That makes a big, big difference.
Yeah.
People have to be respectfulfor one another.
If you're living in this Typeof community with a bunch of all
different backgrounds.
And Mark, we actuallyintentionally decided to be our true

(08:22):
authentic self.
I mean, for all of our career,both of us have had, you know, nose
jewelry.
And at work, I hit it.
Terry did too.
But when we moved in here,we're at the point in our life where
we're going to be ourselves.
And we said, you know, theheck with it.
This is who we are.

(08:42):
And so it's, it was liberating.
But it was also comforting toknow that it wasn't an issue for
people.
That's good.
In fact, they say, that's theguy with the nose ring.
And I'm with you.
I mean, I'd be like, I'm tooold for this anything, you know,
frig that.

(09:04):
All right, so let's talk aboutliving essentials without getting
into specifics, the entrancefee and the monthly plan.
So the way this type offacility works, how did you evaluate
the upfront entrance feeversus the predictable monthly fee?

(09:25):
And what peace of mind doesall the all in model give you?
So it's like everything included.
Explain that to us.
Well, it was a little bitscary for us because the entrance
fee into ACCRC Community CareRetirement Community, I think that
stands for.

(09:46):
We visited several communitiesin the area and decided on, of course,
Friendship Village, primarilybecause it was a completely non profit
profit.
But the entrance fee is, is steep.
But for us, we sort ofcompared it.
Okay, we sold our home.
The profits that we got fromselling our home was basically the

(10:08):
entrance fee for us.
And so that's probably truewith a lot of couples.
We can't really put.
I really don't want to saythis is what we paid because different
people pay differentlydepending on whether they're in a
casita, an apartment.
The level, you know, thehigher the level in the apartment
building, it's different fees,but it's basically the cost of your

(10:32):
home moving in.
And then there's a monthly fee.
And we said, oh, this monthlyfee seems awfully high.
But then we.
A portion of that monthly feeis what we call dining dollars.
They actually give us a foodallowance that we would have been
normally spending for food.
And then we started adding up,okay, our monthly budget that we

(10:55):
had in our regular condo.
And it comes out to almost thesame thing that we would have spent
in our regular home.
Buying salt for the water softener.
Pest control is no longer an issue.
People coming and replacingthe air filters for our furnace,
that's not an issue anymore.

(11:15):
House cleaning is not an issueanymore because all that now is included
in our monthly fee.
And it was like, oh, maybe ourmonthly fee isn't so steep after
all because we were paying somuch monthly when we were living
independently in our own home.

(11:36):
So ultimately our financesjust almost transferred.
It wasn't like, oh my gosh, Igotta buy into this and it's gonna
break me.
It.
We just sort of moved into theconcept of this ccrc.
And yeah, as I said earlierthat I'm not the finance person,

(11:57):
this concept kind of weaked me out.
I was pretty nervous aboutdoing this.
And when they sat us down andexplained it and then we looked at
it and as Terry said, he addedup all those fees.
What we're paying is a littlebit more than that.
And what I view thatadditional amount as is really like

(12:19):
a long term care policy in away that we're taking care of for
the rest of our life.
And that's a big deal when youthink about it.
So this gives us theflexibility to move from independent
living to memory care or intoindependent in assisted living and
then to the, you know, health center.

(12:40):
So it's, it's really, it'sreally amazing.
So I took time to reallyadjust my thinking on that and I'm
really very fine with it now.
Yeah, it's, it's a big adjustment.
Like when you first look at itfrom afar, you're like, wow, that's

(13:01):
a, that's a big monthly fee.
And then they give you a sheetto compare your monthly expenditures
that you have now currently inyour situation and the monthly fee,
whether it's included or notin that fee.

(13:22):
And when we started looking atit and putting down, okay, we spend
for electricity, we spend forgas, we spend foreign cleaning person
every two weeks and you addall of those expenses up and it's
like, it's pretty eye opening.
It's like, holy.
We spend that much a month.

(13:44):
And it wasn't really far awayfrom the monthly expense at Friendship
Village.
Absolutely.
Which I was like, wow, to actually.
Worry about paying those billsbecause now it's just included.
Included in everything.
As, as a person ages, it just,it's the relief that we just know

(14:07):
things are going to be takencare of.
Yeah.
So it seems like.
So the only thing you reallypay for is your cell service and
Internet service, right?
That's correct.
Yep.
And is Internet service alsoincluded there?
There is, there's different levels.
There's basic Internet whichis included, but if you want a little

(14:28):
bit higher speed or theability to have wi fi throughout
the campus, we pay anadditional Fee for that.
They call it village gold here.
But even that's a luxury.
You don't even need it if youdon't want to pay for that extra
speed.

(14:48):
Got it.
Got it.
Okay, so you chose anapartment in the newest building.
What drew you to that location?
The floor plan, proximity to amenities.
And how did you make.
How did you make it feel likeit was yours?
In fact, I visited your.
Your apartment.

(15:09):
Thank you for your hospitality.
And it's quite lovely.
I mean, it's.
You wouldn't need anything,you know, more than that.
How did you choose that?
And I would have chosen the same.
And by the way, how did wechoose it?
Well, we made the decision tomove in here about the time that

(15:29):
the building was announced.
And so we got on the waitinglist for the building, and then as
it developed, we startedlooking at the floor plans.
We selected a floor plan, andactually the original floor planner
and apartment we chose wasacross the way from us.
We went back and forth, and weactually looked at where the sun

(15:51):
is coming in.
You know, where is it going tobe hot?
On the patio?
So we strategically made thedecision and really at the last minute
chose this unit because ofcertain things being we get the morning
sun but no afternoon sun.
We like the location, we likethe layout, and it just spoke to
us.

(16:11):
And then once we started theprocess of coming in, they allowed
us to customize, you know, andso we, we enhanced things in the
apartment to make it ours.
So pretty much everything.
Just like a, sort of like a condo.
It's maintenance free for you.

(16:33):
So landscaping, exterior, keepup the housekeeping.
And don't they do, like yourbedding every week or two?
Yeah.
They will do what we call thelarge sheets.
And they do.
Well, we put them in a bag,put them outside the dirt.
We have two sets.
We simply rotate.
It's pretty cool.

(16:55):
So is that weekly?
It's weekly.
Yep.
And we sometimes do it weekly.
And then if we happen to begoing vacation or something, then
we do it every two weeks, whatever.
But it's.
It's pretty cool.
And we can.
They.
They'll even do towels.
Although we do that.
We have a little washer dryer here.
And it works out really,really well.
Yep.

(17:16):
Okay.
And they give you a washerdryer just in case you need to do
that.
And.
Okay.
And now you have.
I saw the, the social activities.
So there's a whole building in.
In there for, you know, if youwant to do weaving, if you want to
do ceramics, if you.

(17:39):
I don't know what else they have.
Wood shop or my goodness, it'spainting, it's pickleball, it's sports.
If you sit in your apartmentor your casita by yourself, it's
your own fault.
There's just everything is going.
So much going on.
And if you have a certaintalent, you can probably find some

(18:00):
people here that.
Doing the same thing.
And you create a little groupand where you go, it's.
It's absolutely amazing.
And every week they send outan agenda.
These are the things that are happening.
And we have majorentertainment on.
On Tuesdays and Friday nightsin an auditorium that are usually
attended by 75 to 150 people.

(18:21):
And it's usually a band,choirs, local talent, sometimes really,
really good talent.
And so even if you're not verymobile, as you were getting older,
there's always stuff to dothat's good.
And you don't have to go veryfar either.
And it's broadcast on aninternal channel for those who cannot

(18:42):
get down to the office.
Oh, wow.
Interesting.
Yeah, so they do, you know,I've seen the pool, I've seen the
gym.
I've seen, you know, all the facilities.
Those restaurants too.
Amazing, the food.

(19:03):
We were recently on a coupleon a cruise and we started commented
to each other, you know, thefood is better here than on the cruise
ship.
It's amazing on the cruiseship too.
Now, you would never think.
I would never think like afacility, an independent assisted
living place would have, you know.

(19:23):
Yeah, they would have a restaurant.
But these restaurants were pretty.
I mean, I've eaten there.
Yeah.
So you guys treated us todinner, which was very, very nice
of you.
And they even have a formal restaurant.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
You're supposed to be dressedup and business.
Business casual.
And it's a great place toentertain guests sometimes.

(19:46):
And they're like, oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
Gourmet restaurant.
Who knew?
You know, and.
Yeah, it's wonderful to haveit right at your fingertips.
You know, when I.
So when Mark, when our friendJoan lived here, she was disabled
and in a scooter.
And so she didn't get offcampus much.

(20:07):
And so when we came over, shealways wanted to get off campus.
We always wanted to stay hereand dine in the restaurant.
So we, we sort of negotiated that.
You know, we do one week out,one week in, and it has always been
amazing.
Always.
The buffet, the salad bar.
There's such a thing as theFriendship Village 15, which means

(20:28):
as soon as you move in, you'regoing to gain £15.
It's a true Thing.
I don't need that.
No.
But that's why we have the fitness.
That's right.
That's right.
Very good.
Okay, so everything is donefor you.
Let's.
Let's get into a little bitabout community and culture.

(20:52):
So everyday inclusivity,though, it's not an LGBT.
It's not a 55 + LGBTQ placecampus, but what everyday signals
or policies on the wall, staffgreetings, bulletin board notices
remind you that you're truly welcome.

(21:12):
I remember reading something,in fact, on my tour, they did mention
something about lgbtq, abouttheir programs that they went through
with Sage.
Yes.
The management, on their own,without the prompting from the pride

(21:33):
group here, went and became sage.
Sage certified.
I. I don't have the nameproperly at the tip of my tongue,
but they got 100 participationfrom the staff.
So we.
When we moved in here on thewelcoming coffee day, because we
had a lot of people moving in.

(21:53):
And in September, October,when they did the coffee, we told
our story about filing thelawsuit, and we got applause from
the staff and from the community.
And after that, we had so manypeople coming up to us telling us
that they have a son or theyhave a daughter or they have a brother

(22:14):
or a grandson, and that isLGBTQ in the community.
And it was really heartwarming.
And that alone said to us, wemade the right decision.
But Terry has an experience.
I'm going to let him explain it.
About the security guard whodrove up and stopped you.

(22:36):
Do you remember?
Oh, yeah.
I was walking over to ourlittle cafe one time, and all of
a sudden, the security usesall these golf carts, you know, zooming
around the community.
And all of a sudden, this guycomes up behind me.
Terry.
Terry.
And I said, oh, what did I do wrong?
It's a security guard tryingto follow me.

(22:56):
And he.
He pulled up beside me, he gotout of the cart, and he came up,
he says.
He gave me a great hug.
He says, my daughter is gay.
I'm so glad you guys are here.
And it was like, oh, my gosh.
Just.
Wow.
Yeah.
So I think it's time for LGBTQpeople, just be who you are.

(23:23):
Be in the community.
I think we affect more peoplethan they affect us.
And I think to be in acommunity where you can just be yourself,
it's phenomenal.
And, of course, I don't knowif you visited the Friendship Village
website.
They actually have a wholesection about diversity, and they're
not ashamed of it.

(23:43):
They're not trying to hidediversity like some businesses are
now.
They actually live it and theymean it.
So it's really been good for us.
That's so important becausethe fear is.
And, you know, you hear allthese stories that, oh, people have

(24:05):
to go into a nursing home, andin the nursing home, they have to
go back into the closetbecause nobody wants to be out.
Nobody kind of understandstheir situation, so they go back
into the closet.
And that's what I think mostof the.
The LGBTQ + community fears.

(24:26):
You know, they don't want tobe stuck into a place where they're
not themselves.
They spent all of their yearscoming out.
That didn't happen overnight.
And who the hell wants to goback into the closet when you get
old?
And I want to be.
If I'm in hospice, I want mypartner there with me, sitting beside

(24:48):
the bed.
And I want the staff to knowthat we're a couple going through
this process of our end oflife together.
And we know here we're goingto be safe, respected.
Oh, there's that word again.
Yep.
Did you guys compare differentplaces when you were looking?

(25:11):
Yes.
And there is a for profitplace in downtown Tempe, and we got
good friends who live there.
So we certainly don't want tospeak negatively because some of
these places are really nice.
And if you'd like to be in aurban downtown area, that's kind

(25:31):
of a cool place.
And one of our friends haspsych problems, so this is entirely
in a single building that shecan navigate without having to go
outside or go walking.
So that ends up being really avery positive thing.
And then we visited in anothercommunity up north north of Scottsdale.

(25:53):
We went through the salespresentation and touring and stuff
like that, and a nice facility.
But then we came to FriendshipVillage, and all of a sudden there
was people everywhere.
People said, hi.
They gave you little name tagsthat says future resident or guest
visitor.
And when they see the littlename tag, all these people come up

(26:15):
and say, are you guys going tomove in?
You know, are you on thewaiting list?
That kind of stuff.
And so we knew this was theplace for us.
And the fact that this is anonprofit place was very intriguing
for us because we knew that wedidn't have to report to shareholders

(26:35):
and.
And things like that as far asthe success of the community.
And there's new buildingsgoing up all the time and improvements,
and the budget is completelyvisible for us to review.
There's long range plans, 5and 10 year plans for this community.
We know that we're going to behere through the rest of our lives.

(26:56):
It's Viable.
The thing that scares me, andI kind of like, thought about it.
It's like, what happens if thecompany goes out of business?
Did you think about that?
Yes.
And so this concept of longrange planning was very important
for us.
And we knew two people on theboard of directors of this community,

(27:19):
and both of them.
That was, you know, awesome.
Tom.
The.
They.
They spoke very highly aboutthe place.
And the fact that there was along term vision for the community
is very exciting.
We have some older apartmentsthat are being torn down, and a brand
new building is going up.
Phase three, I think they call it.

(27:40):
And then there's going to be aphase four.
They bought some additionalproperty next to the community for
future expansion.
So we feel very comfortable here.
Awesome.
Awesome.
All right.
So as far as being includedand inclusivity, everything is.

(28:00):
You can't ask for more at this.
At this facility.
You're absolutely right.
All right.
They don't require it, butthey encourage us to wear little
name tags with their names on it.
I've noticed.
Oh, God.
But that helps.
We thought, oh, God, this is silly.

(28:21):
No.
Because I forget everybody'sname as soon as they tell me.
Yeah.
And so we walk around withthese and it helps the staff when
it comes time to putting ourdining dollars in the register and
things like that.
And so we walk out theapartment door sometimes we forgot
our name tag, and we go backand stick our name tags on because
we.

(28:41):
We found it's really, really helpful.
I mean, we were visiting, wedidn't have name tags.
I was like, oh, we're like asore thug out here.
Everybody has my name is youknow, on them.
And you know what I like about it?
Also walking around thehallways, by the way, in the building
where these gentlemen live,they're beautiful, brand new hallways,

(29:07):
and everyone has their namesoutside on their door.
And they have these, like, alittle shelf outside their door with
little tchotchkes.
And you see some pridetchotchkes out there and, you know,
whatever.
And it's just very refreshingto walk around there and see that.

(29:29):
That kind of stuff.
And other neighbors decorate some.
Some of our stuff.
So we have.
We have a Carmen outside, andfrequently a pair of sunglasses will
show up, you know, and wedon't know who it's from.
That's pretty funny.
Okay.
Can you share a specificmoment when a neighbor or staff member

(29:51):
went out of their way tosupport you as an LGBTQ couple?
Boy, that's a tough one.
It.
It feels for me like it's just always.
It's there.
It's natural.
So, like, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, I. I don't think there'sever been a specific incident because

(30:14):
it's always that way.
Well, Terry got hugged by asecurity guard.
Yes, that's one.
That's a good point.
And people applauded when youtold them the story.
Yes.
So that's another one.
Yeah.
And we were very fortunate,too, just recently to be featured

(30:34):
on.
In the local newspaper, frontpage, even that.
And a few people in thecommunity seen that, and they came
up and said, oh, we just seenyou on the.
On the local paper.
And, you know, that's kind ofa new experience for us to have that.
But to actually be recognized,somebody coming up to us, oh, we've

(30:57):
seen you on the paper.
That was, you know, they don'thave to do that.
I mean, also, it was Pride month.
It was.
We got together and we had allsorts of stuff in some bookcases.
So we were able to decorateseveral of the bookcases here that
everybody walks past so theysee that.

(31:17):
And it's often just very, very positive.
We have other neighbors thatdo put little Pride Trotsky out their
door.
It's.
And we just don't have any issues.
It's, you know, so we feel safe.
Yeah.
When you say specificincident, it's almost like it's every

(31:38):
day.
And we've had absolutelynothing negative.
We're going on two years here,and even though we know some of our
friends have completelydifferent political.
But we still sit in the cafetogether and we chit chat and share
breakfast and it's positive.

(32:01):
Right.
Even when we're with peoplewho have completely opposite political
views.
It's very interesting.
It's refreshing in thiscurrent state of political discourse
to be able to carry on thatcivil conversation and disagree,
agree to disagree, and stillrespect and still want to have continued

(32:24):
conversations with those people.
Right.
So that's pretty amazing.
Yeah.
At least that's how we feel.
Actually.
You guys are probably famousnow because of that article.
For 15 minutes.
No, actually, the other nightwe were at dinner with.
With two friends of ours, andthen we went back to their place

(32:46):
afterwards for cocktails andwe would.
And we mentioned FriendshipVillage and we mentioned meeting
you guys and going to your place.
And the way we just describedit, they said, were they just in
the paper?
And I was like, yep, front page.

(33:08):
And it was quite some bigarticle too.
So.
Yeah.
Interesting story about theoriginal lawsuit that we filed many,
many years ago.
We went to probably kind of afamous Chinese restaurant Here called
China Chili's here in Phoenix.
We've been there.
And the day of that, thelawsuit was actually settled.

(33:29):
That was October 17th.
He's got the date.
And we were sitting therehaving dinner, and the next table
was talking about the lawsuit,and we wanted it.
We looked at each other andkind of giggled and says, should
we introduce ourselves to beat a restaurant?

(33:50):
And the neighboring table wastalking about that lawsuit.
And we says.
We looked at each other andsaid, well done.
Yeah.
And just.
Yeah.
And they didn't recognize us.
And that was okay.
Okay.
So outside formal clubs, howeasy has it been to find fellow LGBTQ

(34:16):
+ peers for casual coffee,evening cocktails, or meetups?
And do you know.
I mean, you said you have anLGBT club there, correct?
Correct.
Two weeks before we moved in,we were invited by a resident that
looked at the community apps.

(34:36):
Six months before that, helooked at the community apps, and
he figured out we were a couple.
So we started dialoguing, andhe had us for dinner here.
We had him to dinner at our place.
And then when they formed thegroup, it started two weeks before
we moved in, they invited us.
So we came to the very firstmeeting in September of 2023.

(34:59):
And it was interesting becauseI think a lot of people were nervous.
We have people that in variousstages of being out, so we have people
like us that are totally out.
We have people that are sortof still coming out, and then people
that are maybe some olderpeople that are just.
They've lived their lives acertain way, and they're not comfortable.

(35:21):
So we try to create anenvironment that is welcoming for
all, but we also have a numberof people that want to be allies.
And so when.
Now that the group exists,most people that move in that are
gay, lesbian, transgender, youknow, part of the Alphabet there,

(35:43):
they will come to the group.
And that's how we meet them,is through the.
Really through the group.
So did you have something?
We meet once a month.
They provide the facility.
And when we meet, the villagegives us water, tea, coffee, refreshments.

(36:03):
And just recently, which isreally exc.
They're starting to.
We invite the employees.
And so in some communities,you know, sometimes you want the
employees to be separate fromthe residents.
Here, there's integration ofthe employees with the group.

(36:24):
And.
Wow, that's kind of exciting.
Some of the employees areyoung, so all of a sudden, here's
a couple people that are,like, 25, 30 with the seniors, and
wow.
To be able to.
Their understanding.
To be able to, actually.
And I think it's good forthose employees too, that the employee

(36:47):
can be out.
Right.
So.
And is.
Are we still going to have towork on this in the future?
Probably.
We'll probably have to work onit forever.
To be welcoming, but to bewelcomed both by the residents and
the employees is.
Is kind of exciting.
And the group has got allies,in other words, you know, grandparents

(37:10):
who have got gay kids.
And so the mailing list islike what.
I think it's 44 people now.
Yeah.
On the mailing list.
And that includes allies andthe group.
So it's just.
And we meet once a month andit's just been good.
Great.

(37:30):
And Mark, I want to addsomething to that.
It may be a little bit offtopic, but when discussing the employees,
this is something I didn'texpect and I don't think Terry expected.
When we move in, we havereally developed attachments to the
employees.
We see them every day.
They're in a way part of thisfamily, gay or straight.

(37:52):
So I have to tell you, when welose an employee that they move on.
We miss them.
And, and of course, in allthose cases, they're an employee
of Friendship Village wherewe, we really shouldn't know the
details unless they choose toshare that.
But it's still sad when we.
Because there's people thathave left that was like, where'd

(38:13):
they go?
Their friend.
Your friend.
Yeah.
They really are amazing peopleand welcoming.
I mean, it's just.
And so we do have a little bitof heartache when.
When we realize that someoneis leaving.
So we have a catering managerthat is a member of the community
in Metro Phoenix and we arelosing him.

(38:37):
And I, I think all of us are sad.
Community wise.
We're sad because he's areally good guy.
So.
Yeah.
But we're wishing him his newjob, good future.
So that's good.
Interesting thing too is wehave a server in our little restaurant
that's on the roof, I thinkwhere you guys ate.

(38:58):
And she's going to school tobe nursing.
And Friendship Village hasscholarship fund, helps pay the tuition.
And in one incidence there wasa person that was in food services,
went to school for nursing,end up now being a full blown registered
nurse in the healthcare center.

(39:19):
Can you imagine starting indining services and wanting to stay
all the way through as aprofessional nurse.
Now the healthcare center inthe same community facility.
Yeah.
That's inspiring.
It sure is.
It says something for the community.
It does.
It sure does.
Awesome.

(39:40):
All right, let's get to one ofmy favorite subjects, dining and
culinary experiences.
So you have options like TheFireside Restaurant.
Right, that's the fine dining one.
Yes.
The Courtyard buffet, which isa casual, but it's a buffet nonetheless.

(40:02):
You can take as much as you want.
You can eat ice cream.
Ice cream.
Oh, that's where you get the £15.
And then there's the Village Cafe.
Is that where we ate?
You ate the restaurant on theroof, which would have been Starfire
casual dining.

(40:23):
And the cafe is.
And they have a bistro style cafe.
Exactly.
Village Cafe.
And how do you decide where to eat?
And tell us about the creditsthat they give you for food credits.
Sometimes it's very hard to decide.

(40:43):
So what we do is we will lookon the.
There is an app that theVillage has that we.
Where they post the Starfire special.
So we'll look at the specialsfor the week and we'll say, oh, we
want to do that, that and that.
And then we look at the buffet menu.
What's happening there?
And the buffet menu has a,what, a five or six week rotation
of menus?

(41:04):
I think it is.
So we'll look at that and then.
So that charge changes too.
It does.
And then the cafe has astandard menu and then they have
specials.
So it's very difficult attimes to decide what you want to
do.
We just.
Sometimes it's just soup andsalad at the buffet.
Sometimes it's the full buffet.
It just.

(41:24):
And it.
It just what.
Whatever floats our boat that day.
That's what we do, you know, And.
A part of our monthly rent isdining dollars.
And the dining dollarsbasically is encouraging all the
residents to have really onevery, very good meal a day at least.

(41:45):
And so that is how the moneyis kind of allocated, that you have
enough to get you through themonth to have a really.
We probably eat better herethan we ever have.
And then sometimes because wedon't use all our dining dollars
because we just do soup andsalad sometimes, or we do a sandwich
at the cafe.
So that money then is simplydeducted off of our dining dollars

(42:07):
for the month.
So we really just don't haveto worry about it.
In fact, the fact that there'sdining dollars that actually encourage
us as seniors to eat good.
And I'm not sure that if welived in our single family home,
we would eat as good as we do here.
And I think that adds to ourquality of life.

(42:30):
Having well balanced meals ona regular basis and lots of dining
options, I think it keeps usindependent living much longer than
we would be outside of acommunity like this.
And I'll tell you, my meal Ihad salmon, and that was really good.

(42:51):
And that's a standard menu item.
Yeah, I mean, it was.
It was really good.
I was very pleased.
And I took a tour of the.
The buffet area.
So they explained, I believeyou get something like $17 and change
dining dollars per day perperson, right?

(43:13):
Correct.
And if you don't use it, youlose it.
Correct.
Yeah.
But if you don't use it all,it basically goes back to the community.
So it's not like wasting money.
Wasting it.
But we do.
It is kind of fun.
We watch the balance of ourdining dollars go down, and then
you can sort of decide, well,maybe we can pick up some additional

(43:35):
ice cream for some snacks.
So we watch our dining dollarskind of go down a little bit.
And you could see otherresidents do the same thing.
So sometimes if you have oneor two days at the end of your dining
dollar month, they're downthere buying some extra few items.
Right.
Just because you have it.
Exactly.

(43:56):
We're almost ashamed to letanyone know what we have in our freezer
right now.
Mark, another thing I wantedto add.
When we were living in thecondo and I was working, one thing
we did religiously, Saturdaymorning was our time, so we made

(44:16):
breakfast at home, and thatwas every Saturday, unless we were
traveling.
And that was really, for me,quality time with him, because I
was out of the house a lot.
When we moved in here, that changed.
We don't cook at home.
We don't do that Saturdaymorning breakfast thing.
We go down to the cafe.
And now it's not onlySaturday, it's two or three times

(44:39):
a week.
And we see our friend Jim andanother friend Jim, and we're at.
We have a table that we alwayssit at.
It's.
It's our new routine, and welove it.
And then we don't have to cookor clean up.
And if you see somebodysitting alone down there, would you
say, hey, you mind if we join you?
Yeah.

(44:59):
I mean, it's.
It's.
It's improved our quality of life.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's.
It's different.
I always like that kind ofcafe culture, like the European cafe
culture.
You know, you sit down, youpeople watch.
And so it's kind of the same thing.

(45:19):
You know, you sit down at atable with others, feel like you're
on a cruise.
Oh, we should add there's alsoalcohol here.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Yeah, we were gonna.
Oh, I was gonna mention that, too.
So there's the Starfire Roo Brewery.

(45:40):
Oh, my gosh.
They brew own beer so you wouldn't.
Think an independent assistedliving memory care place had their
own brewery that brews theirown beer.
And that's kudos to themanagement of this location.
Seriously, it's like, whoeverheard of that?
Yeah, it's like, yeah, I wentinto the brewery and I was like,

(46:02):
wow, they actually have abrewery here and they have a full
bar.
So.
Have you ever had their beer,by the way?
Yes.
And it changed.
You know, they have sometraditional beers, but then there's
also a couple little special things.
Now the interesting thingthough are the alcohol.

(46:25):
Our dining dollars cannot goto the alcohol.
So if you want alcohol, thatis an additional expense.
And of course, I probablydon't drink very much, so it, it's
not a big deal for me.
But you can create what wecall an Embers account.
And so if you go to the barand order a drink, then that money
is deducted and then you canput an extra hundred dollars on that

(46:48):
account, but that is something extra.
And of course I agree withthat because there's a lot of people
who don't drink.
So why should that be a partof your dining dollars?
Right.
Plus, who wants to drink awayyour dining dollars when they're
supposed to be for nutrition?
Very good point.
You know, there could bepeople there that I'll drink to that

(47:11):
I won't eat, you know, andthen their dining dollars dwindled
because they've drank in it.
Drunken it.
Yeah.
And.
And the cost of the drinks isvery reasonable.
I mean, they'll make prettymuch any.
Didn't I have a martini?
I'm sorry, I thought I had.
Yeah, I had a martini there.
And what was it, six bucks?

(47:34):
Seven?
I think.
Seven bucks.
It's better than 22 bucks whenyou go out.
Exactly.
And yeah, and it was.
And they do have two separateareas too.
They're like little mini bars.
We one we call Del Fuego,which is kind of a little sports
bar.
They couple TV sets in it anda couple games.

(47:55):
And they have another onecalled Embers, which Embers.
Very quiet.
You sit and have a drink andchit chat with people.
And so it's kind of like alittle mini, mini bar.
And that's very nice.
Sometimes, just sometimes I'llhave a drink or a beer or even a

(48:16):
Coke and just sit there in anice calm environment, almost as
if you went out to a bar somewhere.
And yeah, that's.
It's really very, very nice.
And then the rooftop, it's basically.
Even though the restaurant canbe closed, the rooftop is 24 7.
So you can go up there in theevening and, you know, take a beer

(48:38):
up there and sit on the roofand it's just, it's just nice.
And in the winter, do theyhave the fire burning up there?
They have fire pits andheaters too.
Heaters on the roof.
Summertime, there's misters up there.
I mean, it's, it's.
I don't know, it's, it's anamazing place for us and we're even

(49:01):
surprised.
Sometimes a little new thinghappens or, you know, they do a little
Oktoberfest or Cinco de Mayoand they have a little party with
some special food.
There's always something happening.
Awesome.
Yeah.
I mean, between the brewery,the sports bar, the Embers lounge

(49:26):
and all the dining facilities,you can't really ask for more.
I mean, it's, it's great.
It really is.
Yeah.
I was totally impressed.
Yeah.
Mark, I have to say I'm not abig beer person, but I, I'm impressed
with what they have doneupstairs with the, with the brewery.
I'm not a dark beer person.

(49:47):
And they crafted this one beercalled Zombie in a blue dress and
it was 12.5% alcohol and theywouldn't serve it in a standard beer
glass because it was so powerful.
It was a small wine glass andit was potent, but it was very good.
And for me to go on about adark beer like this, this is not.

(50:09):
It must have been really good.
Awesome.
And so we have that all the.
Time and we have a full timebrewmaster, so it's, it's very professional.
Yeah, I met him.
Yeah.
Very, very cool.
And at our meeting lastThursday, Cole mentioned that they
took a, a bunch of beers, Ithink, up to Flagstaff and it.

(50:31):
One of the beers won secondplace in the contest up there.
So yes, it's.
And it's.
And Starfire is open to the public.
It.
Reservations can be madethrough open table.
However, from the menu there'sa. I think it's a 20 upcharge for
outside people who don't livein the community.
But it really isn't.
There's no tipping.

(50:52):
And there's no tipping.
No tipping.
That's a, that's a new thing in.
Anywhere in the community.
Even the housekeeper.
There's no tipping, but theydo encourage.
Near the end of the year, theydo put an employee Christmas fund
together and then people cancontribute to that.

(51:12):
And then that fund has aalgorithm or a formula to distribute
money to the entire staff,which includes the landscapers and
maintenance people, everybody.
Then when we contribute tothat, then benefits.
So that's kind of.
Their tip ends up being a yearend bonus.
And it's so nice then that toknow that that money then gets distributed

(51:39):
to the entire employees.
You know, if you tip atdinner, sometimes you, you know,
does it go to the line cooksor anything like that.
So it's a.
And if you don't want tocontribute to the Christmas fund,
if somebody is a little tighton their money, then it's all confidential.
Nobody, you know, I think theysaid that one year somebody gave

(52:02):
$5, you know, and then otherpeople will take their dining dollars
and maybe take 20% of it, makea larger donation to that, that fund,
which you would have maybeused as tips, but there's no obligation.
So wouldn't it be nice if theplace that you work for paid you

(52:24):
a livable wage, that youdidn't need a tip?
Yes, that would be quite,quite different.
Okay, so onward.
Let's talk about activities,clubs and hobbies.
So with the creative studios,ceramics, weaving, there's so many

(52:48):
things to do.
Oh, jewelry, painting, woodworking.
Then there's sports,pickleball, shuffleboard, bocce ball.
Art and photography, right?
Yeah, there's photography,quilters, they even have special
machines that do certainthings for, for the quilters to cut

(53:09):
pieces out and stuff like that.
It's the.
They just bought a new planerfor the woodworking shop.
And there's some very.
Once a year they do an artfestival where the employees will
bring all their shares out,either for sale or simply to display.
There's some amazing artists here.

(53:32):
Just absolutely amazing.
And so as you get older.
You.
Still have an outlet for yourcreativity here.
And I'm not sure that you cando that in your own home sometimes.
And, and Terry mentionedemployees, but it's employees and
residents attend.
I say employees, so employeesare included in that.

(53:54):
So it's, it's important thatthey get their showing.
And, and it's, it's reallynice that the employees are included
in this art fair.
And I think it may happentwice a year.
We're not sure.
I've only been to one.
What have you guys gotteninvolved in in any of those?

(54:14):
I'll answer that first.
When I moved in, I was notretired yet, so I was still working.
So I consciously decided notto do anything because I needed to
focus on, on work.
So now that I am retired, I amentering things slowly.
I'm gonna be very methodicalabout what I decide to do.
I have a couple things in mindthat I'm Looking at.

(54:36):
But I haven't made a decision.
I'm sort of.
I'm still adjusting to being retired.
It's kind of a weird.
I am too.
It's a big adjustment.
It is.
And so I'm still trying tofind myself in.
In retirement.
So I'll let you go from there.
I've been in.
We've been very active withthe LGBT group.
You know, we have gone to likethe gay Man's Chorus at Tempe Town

(55:00):
center, organized free busesto go to.
Well, they're not necessarily free.
I think we pay $6 every timewe want to take a bus.
But the.
But there's concerts.
We go to the game in the rodeo.
That's a yearly big thing.
Bunch of us go to the rodeo.
So here comes a friendshipvillage bus pulling up the rodeo

(55:23):
and all senior citizens pile out.
It's great.
It's fantastic.
And so there's activities like that.
I, although I'm taking alittle bit of a break at the moment,
I've been really involved withwhat we call the AV group because
we have an auditorium that hasvideo cameras, microphones, speakers.
We have these performancesthat require all sorts of sound amplification,

(55:47):
things like that.
And we have a little AVcontrol room.
We call it the Crow's Nest.
And there's a lot ofopportunities for stuff.
And so we're doing a littlevacation now.
So I'm taking a little bit ofa break on some of the.
Those volunteer activities.
But it's just like there'salmost too.
Much, almost too much going on.

(56:09):
Do they put on shows in that?
I saw the auditorium.
It was quite nice.
Did they put on shows there?
Every Tuesday and every Fridayevening is a concert, a real professional
concert.
There could be a band, itcould be a choir, the play.
And they.
Yeah, they.
Even residents put on plays,which are a lot of fun.

(56:32):
But most of the entertainmentis very, very professional.
Outside groups come in.
In fact, there's one group,they actually want to come in and
perform all the time becausethey get a good reception.
And it's.
It's not just playing for theold folks.
It's.
It's really entertainment.

(56:52):
Yeah, very cool.
All right, so we have plentyto do between the studios, the LGBT
club, the arts, and oh, the fitness.
So they have a full gym I visited.
Yep.
And a year round pool with a pool.

(57:16):
Indoor pool?
No, it's an outdoor pool.
Is it outdoor?
Yeah, it's outdoor, but it's.
Half of it's under canopy shaded.
So it's really very nice.
And There's a hot tub and part.
Of that fitness center.
Mark.
It's.
I wouldn't call it a full gymbecause they, There are some machines

(57:38):
that are specifically notthere because older people have some
health issues such as knee problems.
And so there's one machinethat they do not and will not ever
have.
And it's.
It's related to the knees.
And I cannot remember whatthat machine is because I was looking
for it and they didn't have it.
And they told me why theydidn't have it.
But also in that fitnesscenter, there are.

(58:00):
There are trained staff thatwill do evaluation.
Evaluations and help you learn.
I'm sorry.
And rehab.
And.
And there's rehab.
So it's.
It's a professional group of rehab.
So you don't.
If you need rehabilitationservices, you can actually have that

(58:21):
done here.
You don't have to go off campus.
Very convenient.
Yeah.
Okay.
So on demand support andhealth care.
So assistant in living safety net.
So as fully independentresidents, how comforting is it to

(58:43):
know that all of theseservices are on call if and when
you need them?
It's.
And you want to tell us alittle bit about.
We're in independent livingright now, but we still have to.
Every day we got to push alittle button on the wall.
It says we're live.
And if we don't on a dailybasis, we get a call at 11am in the

(59:06):
morning and said, hello, guys,are you okay?
And if they don't, we don'tget an answer, all of a sudden somebody
will be knocking at our doorchecking on us.
Yeah.
Again, it was like, gosh,we're independent living.
This sounds a little bitsilly, but think about it.
I mean, wow, somebody check upon you daily.

(59:27):
That would have neveroccurred, never happened.
Living on your own.
And if all of a sudden we needto have some kind of a call button,
that kind of stuff isavailable for us.
And there is full time what wecall AILs or assistance in living,
I think is how.

(59:47):
Assistance in living.
And It's a full 24, seven staff.
That's here.
We had one lady on lastThursday who fell in the public area.
People pulled the little cord,bam, they were there.
So there's this AIL systemalways available for us.

(01:00:09):
Very comforting.
Do they assist you in your ownhome or do you go to the assisted
living area?
They would assist us in ourown home.
So in other words, let's saywe fell in our apartment.
We were able to get to ourlittle cord.
They will come to the apartment.
They will Help us either get awreck, get into a wheelchair, or

(01:00:33):
evaluate the situation, call911 if necessary.
But there is that trainedprofessional kind of that immediate
staff that's included.
Pardon?
Is that included?
Yes, in everything.
The ails are included.

(01:00:53):
But there are some functionsthat they perform that may be additional
costs.
So we have one friend that I think.
Or is it the housekeepingstaff that makes his bed?
That's not the A.
It's the A.
But they use, they coordinatewith the housekeeping.
Yeah.
So I, I will tell you my story.
So when I moved, we moved inhere and two years ago, last year,

(01:01:17):
I had surgery.
And when I had the surgery andthey discharged me from the hospital,
as they were getting ready todischarge me, I wasn't comfortable
coming home because I had a catheter.
So I forced the issue to makethem discharge me to the health center,
which is on the corner outsideof the main complex.

(01:01:39):
I didn't feel confident.
Even though Terry would havebeen there for me.
I felt unsteady and I reallywas not ready to go back to the apartment.
So I went there.
So I went there on.
My surgery was Monday.
I was sent there Tuesday.
By Wednesday.
I had that confidence becauseof the staff and the experience there.

(01:02:02):
Was comforting to know that Ican go there and be in a room that
Terry can walk over to or takea tram over and, and visit me, but
still have, I think I hadunskilled nursing in that case.
It was just someone makingsure that I was okay, doing okay.

(01:02:25):
And then when I got home onthat Thursday, when they, they discharged
me from the health center, Iwas still having issues with the
catheter and I had some blood.
And so we called the A.
And, and the one guy from the,the team came over and he looked
at it and he said, it's okay.

(01:02:47):
And that was so comforting.
I can't tell you how importantit was that I didn't have to call
a doctor and I didn't have togo someplace for someone to tell
me, yeah, that's normal.
And, and now on top of it, wehave an on site clinic run by a company

(01:03:10):
called Corona Health.
And it's.
If I need, if I have a sinusinfection or something, I can go
downstairs.
I don't have to leave campus.
So there's this amazingmedical safety net I feel here.
And then frankly, we're rightnext to a hospital, so the location

(01:03:31):
is amazing.
What hospital is Banner Desert?
Banner Desert.
Okay.
I think I've been there.
Yeah.
Well, so great story.
Because catheters are Very scary.

(01:03:53):
Especially when you've neverhad one in your whole life.
And oh, they say, okay, nowyou got to have a catheter in for
a week.
You're like, or two weeks,whatever it might be.
And you see blood and you'relike, oh my God, am I dying?
Is it in right?
Is it coming out?

(01:04:14):
Is it okay?
And just to have that comfortand peace of mind of having a professional
or somebody there that's goingto look at it and say, you're fine.
Yeah.
So that alone because we werecalling the doctor.
Is this, is this right?
Should I come back?
Should you check it out?

(01:04:34):
Is it still bleeding?
Blah, blah, blah.
You just, it's not an everyday thing.
You have a catheter.
But.
And I love my primary carephysician who was off campus.
But once, once we got here andlearned that they had the on site
clinic, I, I switched.

(01:04:55):
I mean I really love myprimary care physician.
He was a great guy.
Is a great guy, but theconvenience of this is just so phenomenal.
So do you get differentpeople, different doctors all the
time?
We have, we have one primarydoctor that is on staff and I think
she's in one day a week.

(01:05:17):
But we have physician's assistants.
I think there's twophysician's assistants.
So for me, I don't necessarilycare if I see the doctor or the physician's
assistant.
They're all skilled, they allknow their stuff and I feel very
comfortable with all of them.
So I don't really care if Isee the doctor, but I think once,
maybe in a year.

(01:05:37):
I think you like for an annual physical.
Yeah, I think you do have to see.
And they're just.
It's a great staff.
So yeah, it's.
Can't ask for moreconvenience, you know, right there.
Yeah, it's sort of having ourown little urgent care.
Right?
Yeah.
So right on premise.
And they can writedescriptions and do all that kind

(01:05:57):
of stuff.
And where I use it as myprimary care place for medical.
Terry gets most of his medicalthrough the va so he uses it as urgent
care.
Now do you pay any additionalfor the physicians or is that charged

(01:06:18):
like on Medicare?
Yeah, that would be treatedlike having your regular PCP here
on site.
So if you've got Medicare,United Health, that kind of stuff,
they'll all work through thatkind of insurance.
So that level is kind ofbeyond the AI al the assistance and
living which is a part of the system.

(01:06:38):
And then we have our littlePCP clinic which is kind of cool
to have that on site.
So if you Go.
Let's say you need assistedliving or you need to go to the health
place.
All of that is, is the sameprice, it's all included.

(01:06:59):
Or do they charge Medicare for anything?
Well, there's a few little things.
If you have to move toassistance in living, the state requires
two meals a day, so I'd liketo mention that $17.
So you might be charged for anadditional meal if you go to the
health care center.
The state of Arizona requiresthree meals a day, so you end up

(01:07:22):
having to pay extra for thoseadditional meals.
But because we moved in withwhat we call a life care contract,
it's just everything is takencare of for us.
So we'll have those littleincidental expenses.
I'm thinking like some tubingor some nursing supplies.

(01:07:43):
We might have to pay extra forsomething like that.
But it's just all a part ofthe system.
And if we have questions, wepick up the phone and ask, is this
covered?
Can you help me file my insurance?
Both of us have long term carepolicies and you really don't need
a long term care policy tomove into a system like this.

(01:08:05):
But it's going to allow us tostay in independent living a lot
longer because we can hiresomebody to actually come into our
independent living apartmentand take care of some of our needs.
So it's going to allow us tostay in the apartment probably a
little longer than some other residents.
But that's kind of icing onthe cake for us, our friends.

(01:08:29):
I'm sorry.
Go ahead, Mark.
No, no, no, go ahead.
We took a little cue from ourfriend Joan that lived here.
She had long term care and shenever moved into assisted living
in her final days.
She stayed right in her apartment.
She then started having somemedical issues, went to the hospital
and then she went into thehealthcare center.
And then eventually she, theymoved her in to hospice.

(01:08:52):
So she really livedindependently in her wheelchair.
So she had somebody in themorning and at night.
And so we learned a lot fromher in terms of that.
And so we've decided thatthat's what we're going to do.
Now one of the decidingfactors, I think for us we looked
at another facility that theyasked us about long term care and

(01:09:15):
they said don't get rid of that.
And we were a little curiousabout why they said that and it boiled
down to is if one of us wentinto, let's say assisted living in
that facility, they wouldstart charging our long term care
and then the other personwould continue to pay the monthly
fee in the apartment.

(01:09:36):
French and village is different.
So when you go over to theassisted living, you pay that maybe
$350 more a month for theFleet food Friendship.
Village doesn't charge yourlong term care policy.
But what they do is help theperson in the apartment that's not
in the long in the assistedliving fill out the paperwork and
that money comes back to theperson in the apartment and it sort

(01:09:58):
of subsidizes the personthat's in the apartment.
So many people have given uptheir long term care policies.
We have one friend that is inassisted living now and she gave
it up when she moved in.
And so we just have made thatdecision that we want to keep it
like Joan did for the rest ofour, our lives.

(01:10:18):
It's kind of for us, it's kindof like icing on the cake because
you.
Right.
We paid into the long term cappolicies for 10, 15 years.
So many years.
Not, we're not going to justcancel it.
So we decided to keep that.
Yeah.
But I'm thinking for myself,like for a couple like us, we don't
have long term care.
This would be the perfectanswer really because you're in,

(01:10:43):
you know, independent livingfor such a long time and if you do
need help, you can havesomebody come in for independent
living without even going toassisted living.
Yeah.
And I'm trying to think, tellme if you go into assisted living
that's in a differentbuilding, right?
Correct.
And we call it, in our caseit's called Nun in Camp.

(01:11:05):
Do you get like a room or do you.
Yeah, you will get.
It's like a hospital room.
It might be a little bit smaller.
But then when you're inassisted living, you, your prescriptions
are monitored.
They make sure you take yourpills correctly.
They make sure that you haveat least those two meals a day.

(01:11:28):
The apartment is inspected orcleaned a little bit more regularly
if you need it.
It's an apartment.
It's an apartment.
But it'll like a really small apartment.
I'm trying to find there.
Some of the apartments arelike studios, but yeah.
And there'll be one bedroomtype apartments.
It's.
It's scaled down.

(01:11:48):
And then the bathroom is muchmore designed for assisted living.
Better handrails, differentkind of toilet.
The shower is designed alittle bit differently.
But it's basically the staff.
So then you have staff in thatconcept 24, 7 with you all the time.

(01:12:11):
So it's.
Even if you have to go toassisted living, it's.
You're still in a comfortable place.
And what's so Nice is if I gointo assisted living and Joe is still
independent, it's just awalking distance.
So you're constantly visitingand you're not trapped.
It's not like jail.

(01:12:32):
So you're in assisted living,you're mobile, you can get out, walk
around, use the facilities,that kind of stuff.
And there is a dining area inthat facility.
It's another dining area.
So is it, is it possible to gointo assisted living for a short
period of time and then comeback to independent?

(01:12:54):
Does that happen?
Yes, that's true.
But it's generally the nextstep in a person's life.
So most of the people have.
Then if you go to assistedliving, most likely you're going
to stay there.
Okay, so it's kind of thatnext step.

(01:13:15):
But yes, there's people thathave gone to assisted living and
come back.
So there's actually a personin your place 247 with you?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
This.
The staff at the assistedliving is 247 in their own offices.
Okay.
So it's, it's private.
It's still private?
Oh, yes, it's completely private.

(01:13:36):
You have a little patio, everything.
All the apartments do.
Yeah, it's.
It's just a higher level ofmonitor, higher level of care.
And then after that it'smemory care.
Right.
If you need it.
Not everybody needs memory care.
But then you might go into thehealth care center where you're.

(01:13:59):
If you're more bedridden.
And then believe it or not,the hospice area is right here as
well.
Wow.
So if you're in hospice for amonth, two months, Joe can be coming
and visiting me.
It just takes a little walkover or tram.
So it's just nice to haveeverything com combined.

(01:14:22):
Right.
I know some people that gointo a nursing home then need hospice.
All of a sudden the hospice is15 miles away somewhere.
Everything is just here.
Yeah, sounds.
Sounds really good.
All right, so let's see.
So let's talk about socialconnections and off campus life.

(01:14:47):
Third place hangouts.
Phoenix has a few gay bars.
Yes.
So how do you, how do you.
Do you have like trips to gaybars or.
You know, there's a groupcalled Prime Timers.
Yes.
There's a group called Romeosthat not necessarily gay.

(01:15:10):
It's a retired old man eating out.
But yes, the Prime Timers area gay group.
Not necessarily fromFriendship Village, but there are
many people from FriendshipVillage that are part of that group
and they go to the variousbars in the area on Friday nights.
Yeah.

(01:15:30):
So that's pretty cool.
We also something really interesting.
This would be true not justbecause of Friendship Village, but
we participate in somethingthat Valley Metro has called Ride
Choice.
We can ride anywhere inMaricopa county for $3 using one
of six services which includeLyft and Uber.

(01:15:54):
Wow.
And if you're in a wheelchair,they will have a, a special band
come and pick you up.
So it's $3 if your doctorhappens to be up in Scottsdale, you
go and you call, you get yourLyft ride and it's just three bucks.
You have to register with theValley Metro for it.

(01:16:16):
They give you an account andit's an amazing service that anybody
in a retirement communitiesshould take advantage of.
Now we live in Tempe becauseTempe helps subsidize that.
Not all cities will subsidizeit, but Tempe is good.
And of course Phoenix, theValley Metro system called Right

(01:16:39):
Choice.
You go to valleymetro.govor.com I'm not sure or search for
Ride Choice and it gives youall the cities that participate.
I'm gonna check it out becausePhoenix should participate and I'm
of that age.
Yep.
Yeah.
So a lift for three bucksanywhere in Maricopa County.

(01:17:01):
Yeah.
So can't beat it.
We, we took a lift to theairport from here and it was $45
one time before we learnedabout it.
And when we learned aboutthis, it's three bucks.
I mean and you take up thethree people per trip.
Wow.
So we put money on account oryou can use a credit card on an account.

(01:17:22):
Yeah.
Where I'm coming full circleabout this is that you asked the
question about third place hangouts.
So this gives you the choiceto go out and go to the Mesa or Tempe
Arts center very inexpensively.
You don't have to drive.
You can go meet your friendsoff campus at a bar and you don't

(01:17:44):
have to worry about drinkingand driving.
So we do not have really otherthan the kind of the gay bars in
Phoenix third place hangouts.
You know, I think we've goneto one bar through meeting some people
with our church.
But yeah, so it's, it'sreally, it's an amazing kind of place

(01:18:07):
and ability to have thatoption to get us to those third place
hangouts.
Thanks for letting me know that.
I think you mentioned thatwhen we met but I'm definitely, I
just wrote it down and I'mdefinitely going to check that out.
See if Phoenix has thatbecause Phoenix does.
That's a great service.
Oh yeah.
And do you have to wait longerfor a ride.

(01:18:31):
Yeah.
The biggest difference isyou've got to physically call them
to reserve the ride.
They send you a text link tothe phone, which opens up the Lyft
app so you can follow the carcoming in.
You know the driver's name andthe color of the car and the license
plate number.
So other than the.

(01:18:51):
You can't reserve it on yourcell phone.
But the result of the phonecall is all like, you're on a regular
lift app.
Same thing.
And the one thing I want tokind of.
This may segue into your nextquestion, I think, is I don't want
it to sound like we're on our own.
For transportation atFriendship Village, we have buses,

(01:19:12):
and there's regular bus routesthat take people to.
On certain days to Costco orWalmart or Sam's Club or there's
a.
Actually a route that ittravels that you can get on and get
off.
And you can also, I think,schedule things as well.
It's a very interesting tool.

(01:19:33):
And our friend Joan that wementioned earlier, being disabled,
she took advantage and learnedhow to use this system, and she pretty
much waned her driving.
She had a special van to driveand she could drive.
But she started using theFriendship Village shuttles for a
lot of things like Symphonyand those events.
And it's very reasonable to you.

(01:19:55):
You can't.
You can't operate a vehiclefor what they charge, you know, so
the shuttle.
The Friendship Villageshuttle, you pay for it.
If it's a scheduled ride to,let's say, the symphony.
Yes.
That is $6 complete round trip.
Wow.
But then trip.
Certain shuttles like Costcoare free.

(01:20:18):
There's specific routes thatare daily that are free.
On Sundays, there's at leastthree or four churches where the
shuttle is completely free.
We belong to DayspringMethodist Church.
And 9:30 in the morning, wecould jump on the bus takes us to
church.
Bus waits, church is overwith, come back.
And that shuttle is free.

(01:20:41):
So certain things are free,but, like, easily to get to a church
service is nice becausethey're taking you off site to regular
functions.
I want to know how Costco works.
So if you take the Costcoshuttle, do they wait for you till
you fill up your cart?

(01:21:02):
Yeah, they'll fill up the cart.
They may wait an hour and ahalf or something like that.
Then you put all your littlegoodies in the back of the bus and.
Bring it back and they driveit back to your.
Do they drive you back to your apartment?
They'll actually Take you tothe apartment and they'll actually
drop you off.

(01:21:22):
You move the stuff into your apartment.
Holy moly.
No kidding.
Yeah.
We have never done it yet, butwe know we will be doing it.
We know we will.
Oh, I, I, we go to Costco likeevery two weeks.

(01:21:42):
Yes.
We got to get our toilet paper.
And spend your hundred dollarsevery time we go to Costco.
Minimum a hundred dollars.
Oh, yeah.
We spend way too much.
But okay, that shuttle is very interesting.
I like that.
And I will tell you that yourCostco shopping will go down living

(01:22:03):
here because, you know, mostof the stuff you buy at Costco is
food here, you know, but so itwill change your, your shopping habits
by moving.
And I'm sure it'll change yourgrocery habits as well.
Besides Costco.
Yes.
Yeah, because you're, you getthat food allowance.

(01:22:24):
Right.
And what else do you eat?
It's.
The things that we need aretoilet paper, paper towels, clean.
Maybe some minor cleaning things.
You know, it's, it's really minimal.
And, or if we want to cooksomething special or we're going
to a friend's house and wewant to make something, then we have
to get the things that we need.
So we'll go to fries or, youknow, Costco or wherever.

(01:22:45):
But.
Yeah, but you usually don'tstock your refrigerator.
Our refrigerator is stockedwith leftovers from the restaurants
because we can't, I'm not kidding.
We just went through and frozea bunch of things because we, we're
not going to be able to usethem anytime soon.
So.
Yeah, it's more take out containers.

(01:23:06):
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Awesome.
All right, so if you can giveone piece of practical advice to
another LGBTQ coupleconsidering independent living here,
what would it be?
Move in early.
Do it when.
Don't, don't wait to move in.

(01:23:28):
We know of one person thattried to get in.
You know, Friendship Villagedoes two things.
They do a cognitive test andthey do a financial analysis.
So I will tell you, I wasnervous about the cognitive test.
It really kind of freaked meout because I couldn't remember or
recall some of the things.
And we passed, but it wasstill nerve wracking to go through

(01:23:52):
it then the financial side.
So once they told us that thecognitive, Cognitive past.
And we had the financial.
Even though I was wigged outabout the finances, they told us,
yeah, you can do this.
It was a great comfort.
And I did not want to move inhere as young as I was.
I was 63 at the time, and Ididn't want to be the youngest person

(01:24:15):
here.
But in looking at it, you're.
You're gonna get most the bestbuck for.
For your bang for your buck.
Bang for your buck.
By moving in early and thenprogressing through the system.
Yeah.
See, you have to be completelyindependent living in order to enter

(01:24:37):
the system.
If you wait till you're nolonger independent, well, you're.
You're done.
Yeah.
So that's a huge decision.
Somebody says, but I'm doinggood, I'm healthy, I'm doing this,
you know, and.
But that's.
But you don't know whattomorrow brings.
That's right.

(01:24:58):
So that's the time to make thedecision or at least go investigating
these kinds of facilities.
And for us, we don't have kids.
We just.
We need to be in a system thatwe're going to be taking care of
because we can't rely on other people.
So we have to rely now on thiscommunity to take care of us as we

(01:25:21):
progress through our stages of life.
And I'm sure when you lookinginto everything financially, because
what brings to my attention ormy mind is like, wow, it's such a,
you know, it's a large amountof money that you have to put up,
you know, up front.
And could my money do betterif it's just put into a bank, into

(01:25:45):
a safe investment, blah, blah, blah.
If I lived in a condo or aplace on my own, I'm increasing equity
in my.
In my investment of my condoor my home, whereas here there is
no equity.

(01:26:07):
So I'm sure that was a big concern.
Now, there is severaldifferent plans here at Friendship
Village that some people canbuy into the system that allows their
heirs, if you do pass away, toget a return on some of the capital.
We decided because we don'thave any errors or that need financial

(01:26:33):
support after we die.
That gave us a little bit of abreak on our initial investment into
the system.
That's why it's such a goodidea if somebody's interested in
a community like this, is togo talk to the marketing people and
get the full scoop.
Do it before you need it.

(01:26:53):
Yes.
Right.
Even if you don't decide tomove in, at least you got the facts.
Yep.
And so for a person like meand my husband, we're kind of like,
I'm not going to say nomads,because we've moved quite a bit,
quite a few times and.

(01:27:14):
But once you buy into a placesuch as Friendship Village, that's
it, you're not going anywhere.
Correct.
Yeah.
So you have to really decide.
Yeah.
It's a big, this is your place.
And, and Mark, there arepeople here that still maintain homes
like up north in Flagstaff or Prescott.

(01:27:35):
And we talked to one couplethat they just decided to sell their
Prescott home.
And I think they're going touse that for, to fund their travel.
The other point that I want tomake about the community is once
you do that financial, getthat financial approval, you are
here for life.
Let's say that through nofault of your own, your investments

(01:27:58):
tank and you can no longerafford that monthly fee, you stay
here for life.
And they do not take at leastmy understanding, they do not take
your Social Security.
So it is a very compassionateway of operating.
And that concerned me when Iheard that and I said to them, I

(01:28:22):
asked the question how manytimes has that happened in the course
of Friendship village?
Which it's 47 years, I think48 years maybe by now.
And the response was about four.
So I can't think of a morecompassionate way for end of life

(01:28:43):
if some, something bad happensto your finances.
I think most people here havethe wherewithal to manage their finances
or if they're into a memoryissue, a family member to manage
that.
This was big for me and, andyes it is a commitment.
You're here for the rest ofyour life.
Now if you buy in and youdecide you do not like it, there

(01:29:06):
is a one year escape.
And what happens is let's saythey customize the unit.
You move in, you don't likeit, you move out.
You will have to wait to getyour money back until that unit is
leased until the new moneycomes in.
And I, it's only fair right inmy, my right.

(01:29:27):
But I'm sure it's going to be released.
There's 132 pretty on thewaiting list.
Yeah but, but there's a yearwaiting list.
Yeah.
They do renovate the units.
I mean we had one guy whoactually exercised the, the claws
and his, his apartment wasvery beautiful, we understand but
the person coming in didn'tlike the paint so they, they had
to redo it and it took timefor him to get his, his money back

(01:29:51):
and he had issues related todiet that he just could not see himself
long term here and that's okay it.
And you know sometimes thathappens or someone, someone else
has left for another reasonand I don't remember the specifics.
So it's a possibility youmight not like it here, but it's

(01:30:12):
rare in my opinion.
And they do have that escape provision.
Exactly within the first yearAnd I'll bet.
I can't say this for certain,but I'll bet if you were in the second
or third year, they'd still.
They would probably still workand, you know, work with you or negotiate
some resolution.

(01:30:33):
And then I also want toexplain about the buy in.
So when we were selling ourcondo, it was crickets.
We had nobody.
We put it on the marketpreview, June, July, August, September,
no one looking at our condo.
And we decided that we wantedto move in.

(01:30:55):
And Friendship Village offerswhat's called a bridge.
And that bridge loan.
As long as our unit was on themarket, they allowed us to move in.
And then once the condos sold,we then anted up the rest of the
money.
And according to the contract,we had to pay a very reasonable interest

(01:31:16):
rate.
Yeah, but we didn't pay any interest.
They just decided, fine.
They did the.
So we had a bridge loan free,even though there was going to be
a 6% interest on it.
We can't guarantee that forsomebody else.
But that was very comforting,too, because we, as a couple, we
needed the funds from the saleof our condo.

(01:31:38):
That's what we do.
Finish the buy in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because we did not want totouch our 401ks and some of our other
retirement, other investments.
We just used the.
Our house asset to the buy in.
Yeah.
And as far as I understand it,for that escape clause, I think it's

(01:32:00):
kind of prorated.
So the more months that youlive there, they lessen the give
back.
Yeah, I. Yeah.
Which is only fair.
Because it's only fair andyou've used it.
That's why you need to beforeyou think you need a community.
Like, let's go talk to themarketing people and the sales people
and get the facts.

(01:32:22):
Yeah, that's the best advice.
Because every community isgoing to be a little bit different.
But visit them.
Get the facts before you need it.
Right.
So for advice and reflection,if you could tweak any amenity policy
or service to make FriendshipVillage even more welcoming, what

(01:32:45):
would you change?
I can't think of anything offthe top of my head.
But what we do have in placeis the resident app.
And if you have an issue withsomething, any resident is free to
make a suggestion.
There's a dining committeethat routinely reviews dining and
food issues.
If there's safety issues, youare free to raise the issue to the

(01:33:09):
staff.
And generally they're very receptive.
So it's not a.
It's not a.
This is the way it is.
It's really resonant.
Driven, in my opinion.
Do you have anything.
You know, the resident appsare kind of interesting.
It's an app on the phone oryour computer, which you always have

(01:33:29):
instant access to almosteverything, all the menus for the
dining stuff, the variouscommittees, the various activities.
If you don't know what's goingon, it's your own fault.
Okay.
One thing that's kind ofinteresting, we had kind of a sensitive
circuit breaker that kepttripping on our dryer.
When you go and fill out thelittle work order on the, on the

(01:33:51):
form, you're always advised tobe completely dressed when you submit
the work order.
Because if you submit the workorder, there's probably going to
be somebody at your door in ahalf an hour.
True.
And it's really the truth.
It's great.
The daytime Monday throughFriday kind of things, when you submit

(01:34:12):
a work order, they're.
They're on top of it.
What happens if you need, likeyou have a light bulb that needs
to be.
And you don't want to climb ona ladder?
Do they come work order ourfurnace filters, you know, all that
stuff?
They'll even help paintpictures and all that stuff.
In fact, they do not want youto climb on ladders.
Yeah, I could see why, like Idid today.

(01:34:38):
Well, my husband actually didtoday, just held his legs while he
went up on the ladder.
So the best advice I've got isget the facts before you need them.
It's a tough thing, thedecision is.
But we're healthy, we'reliving comfortably, we've got a nice
condo, all that sort of stuff.

(01:35:00):
And we're just fortunate thatwe got facts.
And I'm going to circle backto our friend Joan.
She was 75 when she moved in here.
And after she got the facts,she came.
We were having dinner onenight and she was literally crying
about making this decision.
She had to sell her condo inChicago, her house in Alatuki.

(01:35:22):
And she said, I don't want tolive with old people.
And I.
And I think either Terry or Isaid to her, joan, you are an old
people do this.
And we were actually.
She would call us in themiddle of the night or she'd have
to call the fire departmentbecause her scooter died and she
needed to get into bed.
This added 10 years quality toher life.

(01:35:46):
So it.
And we believe that it's goingto do the same for us.
Just the comfort factor ofbeing who we are and living in this
environment, it's really amazing.
So I, I'll see futureresidents and I'll Go up and tell
them what a great decisionyou've made.

(01:36:07):
That's excellent.
I mean.
Yeah.
Looking into the future, wheredo you see yourself or how do you
see yourself if there aregoing to be new clubs, new dining,
new going on?
Do you have any idea?
I forget what.
Somebody asked about someactivity and I said, I don't think
that activity exists.
And I says, but start it.

(01:36:30):
You probably find somebodyhere that will create this activity
for you.
And my, my thing is look for acommunity that looks like it's going
to be here for the next 50 years.
Yeah.
We're constantly seeingimprovements here.
New buildings, going up,dining menus, changing the golf cart

(01:36:53):
security.
There's constantly new carts, upgrades.
We don't see old stuff here.
So to me, we, we see a longterm plan for this community.
And I'm not sure allcommunities are like that.
So that's why you got to investigate.
Do your homework.
Do your homework.

(01:37:13):
Watch podcast.
There you go.
And what I do like about it,it is nonprofit.
Yeah.
And that, that was a bigdecision for us because we knew it
was going to be run differently.
Yeah.
And the way you describe it,it's, it's for the better.

(01:37:34):
But you know, it's likedowntown Tempe, there's a beautiful
concept called Marabella andwe know three, three families that
live there and love it.
And that's a for, that's a for profit.
And so you do your homework.

(01:37:54):
Right.
And for certain, that is, thatis the way to go for us.
This was what we thought wasbest for us.
Do great.
Any words of wisdom other than that?
Guys, to our audience.
You, Joe and I are alwaysopen, either through you or through

(01:38:19):
the podcast.
If somebody really wants toreach out and talk to us personally,
we welcome that.
So if there are people thathave questions that are interested
in the community that we livein, we come and have a meal with
us or talk with us.
We'll be happy to share our experiences.

(01:38:40):
That's great.
And I will share that.
You know, it sounds like we'remaking this out to be like this ideal
place to live.
And it's very good.
It is not without some problems.
We had some move in issues,but the key was that the management
and the staff of this placeacted quickly and fixed them.

(01:39:01):
And the responsiveness of themanagement and the staff is phenomenal.
And it's just, it, it's been agreat experience.
And at this point in our life,we want to be comfortable, we want
to be ourselves.
And we are.
That's wonderful.
That's great.

(01:39:23):
Well, thank you, gentlemen.
I really appreciate theopportunity to speak with you and
to our audience.
And we'll.
We'll talk soon.
Perfect.
Take care.
You too.
Thanks, Mark.
We can get you in here now.
See you soon.

(01:39:43):
Take care.
Thank you for listening to theWhere Do Gays Retire?
Podcast.
If you enjoyed today'sepisode, please subscribe to our
podcast and consider making adonation by clicking the coffee cup
on any page@www.wheredogaysretire.com.
each cup of coffee that youbuy costs $5 and goes towards helping

(01:40:06):
us continue the podcast.
Thank you for your continued support.

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