June 21, 2025 • 14 mins
Depression doesn't define your worth, and behind every mask of high-functioning depression lies a person deserving rest and authenticity. We explore how to break free from the performance trap of smiling through your storms while silently suffering inside.
• You are not your diagnosis – mental illness is real but doesn't determine your identity
• Healing isn't linear, and small wins like getting out of bed or taking a shower count
• High-functioning depression means doing all the right things while silently sinking inside
• Being productive doesn't mean you're peaceful, and being available to others doesn't mean you're true to yourself
• Three steps to try: tell the truth to someone you trust, rest without apology, check in with your needs daily
• Speaking positive affirmations like "I am wonderfully made" helps promote better mental health
• Sometimes we must act as if we feel better even when we don't
Would you consider becoming a patron for Win Over Depression? Go to www.patreon.com/TamaraTrotter where as little as $10-$20 per month will help us reach even more people. Also check out our course "14 Days to Mental Health Wellness" in the show notes, packed with episodes, videos, and step-by-step instructions to feel better in 14 days or less.
Win Over Depression Course: '14 Days to Mental Health Wellness"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Win Over Depression, the podcast
where your pain has a voice andyour healing has a home.
I'm your host, tamara Trotter,and I've been where you are
tired, broken and wondering ifjoy is ever coming back.
But let me tell you this youare not your depression, you are
(00:32):
not your darkest day, and hereyou will find real talk, real
tools and real hope.
Each week, we'll explore how torise, one breath, one step, one
win at a time.
Today, we'll be talking aboutthe importance of smiling
through the storm.
(00:52):
Today, I want to remind youthat you are more than enough.
We're going to challenge thestigmas and let you know that
you are never alone in thestruggle.
You are not your diagnosis.
Mental illness is real, but itdoes not get the final say on
your identity.
(01:13):
Maybe you've been diagnosedwith depression, anxiety, ptsd
or something else that felt likea label stamped across your
soul, but I am here to tell youthat it does not define your
worth, because you areresourceful, you are resilient
and you are still here, and thatmy friend is not by accident
(01:37):
when depression tries to makeyou forget who you are.
You got to anchor yourself intruth.
And here's the truth you aremore than a mood, more than a
moment, more than your lowestday.
Say this with me I am notbroken, I am becoming.
I will not be defined by whattried to destroy me.
(01:58):
I am healing, I am whole and Iam here.
I am whole and I am here.
You are valuable.
Your wind today might belistening to this episode, and
that counts.
Your wind might be getting outof bed, brushing your teeth or
even just breathing, and thatcounts too.
Healing isn't linear, but youare still moving and that's
(02:22):
enough.
I'm so glad you joined me today, because that tells me
something about you.
It lets me know that you care,that you want the answers, that
you want to feel better, thatyou want to get to the bottom of
it.
And that's actually the firststep.
Remember, you're not alone.
You're not weak.
Maybe you're going through astorm right now, but just know
(02:44):
that we all go through storms.
There's always going to besomething in our lives that's
going on, whether it's with usprofessionally or personally,
whether it's something that ourkids are going through, maybe
it's elderly parents, butthere's always going to be,
maybe a mini storm.
But if it's a mini storm, justknow that when you put together
(03:07):
the steps that you need to inorder to get through it, and you
plan out those steps.
You definitely will, becausestorms don't last for always,
but you just have to realizethat and just show up every
single day, despite how you arefeeling, because when we show up
(03:27):
, we go up when we just put inthe effort and we decide that,
no matter how drained we'refeeling, that we're still going
to meet our obligations, we'restill going to represent our
best interest, we're still goingto do what is expected of us.
Because, guess what, you arestrong, my friend, and you are
(03:51):
probably much stronger than youthink.
You are not weak for needinghelp.
If you need help, now is thetime to ask Do you have an
accountability partner, someonewho checks in on you and knows
how you're feeling, someone whojust will send a simple text or
give you a phone call and letyou know that they're thinking
(04:11):
about you?
Do you have someone in yourlife who can be an encourager
for you, who's going to tell youto continue to push through,
because healing is possible?
It's personal.
Because healing is possible.
It's personal, but it doesrequire you to be proactive and
to make a decision, one of thethings that I strongly live by
(04:34):
and it's part of my philosophyin dealing with mental health
issues is that giving up isnever an option, no matter how
hard it gets, no matter how youfeel so weak that you cannot
take another step, when all youcan do is get out of bed and
take a shower, put your pajamasback on and get back in the bed.
(04:56):
If that's all you can do forthat day and depression is going
to win, that's okay.
But you didn't give up.
You still got yourself up, gotin the shower, maybe you grabbed
something to eat and you laidback down.
We are our worst enemy.
Sometimes we punish ourselveswhen the reality is, when you
(05:18):
suffer with a mental illness, itis a sickness.
It is something that we allhave to overcome.
It's just like having the flu,and maybe being depressed is
like having or feeling like youhave the flu all the time.
But when you take care ofyourself, you start to feel
better.
It's no different when you'redealing with mental health.
(05:39):
You have to decide that atleast every single day, I am
going to accomplish at least twoof the goals that I have on my
list.
Maybe it's just vacuuming yourhome for 15 minutes a day, or
maybe it's emptying yourdishwasher or washing your car,
or walking your dog.
(05:59):
All of that counts.
So don't diminish the small winby saying oh, I just walked my
dog, that counts.
It counts toward your healing,every step that you take.
If you went from feeling sadfor an entire minute and then
the next day you got up to 10minutes, that's progress.
(06:20):
So there is something that youcan do in order to feel better.
So there is something that youcan do in order to feel better.
This very episode is one that Ihave lived, one I've had to
survive with a smile on my faceand tears in my heart.
We're talking about highfunctioning depression.
Smiling through the storm, it'swhen you know you're doing all
(06:43):
the right things working,parenting, leading, serving but
on the inside you're silentlysinking.
There's a unique kind ofheartbreak in being praised for
how strong you are whilesecretly feeling so fragile.
Maybe you've been the one whoshows up for everyone, answers
(07:05):
every call, volunteers, praysfor others.
People call you and ask you todo things for them, and you do
it.
And yet when night falls, yousink in the dark feeling of
invisibility.
You cry quietly so no one hearsyou.
You smile publicly so no onehears you.
You smile publicly so no oneasks questions.
(07:26):
You achieve, you perform, youserve and you pour out until
your cup is empty and your soulis tired.
That my friend is smilingthrough the storm, and I want to
say this clearly that kind ofstrength should not be required
to survive.
Too many of us have been taughtto perform wellness, to wear
(07:51):
strength like armor and successlike a mask.
But behind the degrees, thetitles, the caregiving and the
cute selfies, there's a story,there's a storm, there's a
sadness that doesn't go awayjust because we managed to smile
through brunch or gave anencouraging word to someone else
.
But let me tell you what I'velearned being high functioning
(08:15):
does not mean you're healed.
Being productive doesn't meanyou're peaceful and being
available to everyone elsedoesn't mean you're being true
to yourself.
Being available to everyoneelse doesn't mean you're being
true to yourself.
The world has a way ofrewarding your ability to
pretend, but healing can'thappen when we're pretending
lives.
It begins in spaces wherehonesty is honored, in rooms
(08:38):
where your tears are seen assacred and not shameful, in
moments when you finally say Iam not okay If you are nodding
right now or wiping away a tearor taking a deep breath, because
I'm describing exactly whereyou are, then this moment is for
you.
I see you, god sees you, and Iwant you to see yourself, not
(09:02):
the version of you that keeps ittogether for everyone else, but
the version of you who needs torest, who deserves help and who
doesn't have to earn lovethrough performance.
I'll say that again who doesn'thave to earn love through
performance?
You don't have to earn love bybeing useful.
(09:23):
You don't have to prove yourworth by holding everyone else
together.
You are worthy of love, rest,healing and joy, even when
you're not performing well.
So what do you do when you're inthe middle of a storm and still
smiling, when you're tired ofbeing the strong one, when you
want to fall apart but don'tknow how?
(09:45):
Well, here are three things Iwant you to try this week.
Number one try to tell thetruth to someone you trust, even
if it's just one sentence thatsays I'm struggling and I don't
want to hide it anymore.
That simple truth can crack themask and let the light.
In Number two, give yourselfpermission to rest without
(10:09):
apology.
Not just physical rest, butemotional rest.
Put the phone down, say no tothe extra task.
Let the dishes sit.
You matter more than what youdo.
Number three begin a practice ofchecking in with yourself daily
.
Ask yourself, what do I needright now?
(10:31):
Not what does my job need, ormy family or my church or my
friends, but what do I need tofeel safe, supported and seen.
Write those down and, when youhave the opportunity, share them
with someone that you trust.
Say this with me I no longerneed to perform peace, I choose
(10:55):
to pursue it Again.
I no longer need to performpeace, I choose to pursue it.
I am worthy of rest, even whenI haven't earned it.
Again, I am worthy of rest,even when I haven't earned it.
My smile is beautiful, but itdoesn't have to be a mask.
(11:16):
Again, my smile is beautiful,it doesn't have to be a mask.
You are wonderfully made, andthat is the truth.
Say that every day in themirror when you get up in the
morning.
I am wonderfully made, and thatis the truth.
Say that every day in themirror when you get up in the
morning.
I am wonderfully made.
There is no one like me, and Ilove myself.
(11:37):
When we speak out loud goodthoughts, it helps us to have
good days, better moments, andit gives us a lifetime of joy,
better moments and it gives us alifetime of joy when we are
filled with sadness or when wethrive on negativity.
It does not promote ourwell-being or good mental health
(11:58):
.
Sometimes we have to act as ifwe feel better, even when we
don't, because if we were towait until we felt better to do
anything, we may never getanything done.
I appreciate you walking withme today on this journey.
I want you to remembersomething even in the storm,
(12:20):
even in silence, even behind thesmile, you are seen, you are
strong and you are not alone.
Until next time, be gentle withyourself, be honest with your
heart and be bold enough tochoose healing, even if you have
to cry through the process.
(12:41):
I never want to end my podcastwithout thanking you so very
much for listening.
You continue to be the bestpart of win over depression and
we are continuing to buildmomentum to grow and to expand,
and I am so thankful.
Let me ask you this Would youconsider becoming a patron for
(13:02):
win over depression?
All you have to do is go towwwpatreoncom that's
P-A-T-R-E-O-Ncom, backslashTamara Trotter, that's
T-A-M-E-R-A-T-R-O-T-T-E-R, andas little as $10 to $20 per
month will help us to reach evenmore people.
(13:23):
I know that you are aware thatevery 15 seconds, someone is
committing suicide and in thiscountry, 800,000 people are
taking their lives.
If you are contemplatingsuicide, please don't take your
life.
Your family won't understandand you'll be passing along the
(13:44):
pain that you feel onto thosewho love you the most.
Call your accountabilitypartner, go through these
episodes and write down somehomework assignments.
Call the suicide preventionhotline, but please absolutely
stay in the game of life.
I also have a course called 14Days to Get Through Depression.
(14:08):
14 Days to Mental HealthWellness.
If you are interested, you cango to the show notes and it is
packed with episodes of thepodcast, as well as videos and
step-by-step instructions onwhat you can do to feel better
in 14 days or less.
(14:28):
There is a mood tracker,affirmations and plenty of other
tools that will equip you withthe ability to get to that
better place that you deserve.
Take care and I will see youagain next Friday.
Remember, giving up is never anoption.
Hello and welcome to Win Over Depression, the podcast
where your pain has a voice andyour healing has a home.
I'm your host, tamara Trotter,and I've been where you are
tired, broken and wondering ifjoy is ever coming back.
But let me tell you this youare not your depression, you are
(00:32):
not your darkest day, and hereyou will find real talk, real
tools and real hope.
Each week, we'll explore how torise, one breath, one step, one
win at a time.
Today, we'll be talking aboutthe importance of smiling
through the storm.
(00:52):
Today, I want to remind youthat you are more than enough.
We're going to challenge thestigmas and let you know that
you are never alone in thestruggle.
You are not your diagnosis.
Mental illness is real, but itdoes not get the final say on
your identity.
(01:13):
Maybe you've been diagnosedwith depression, anxiety, ptsd
or something else that felt likea label stamped across your
soul, but I am here to tell youthat it does not define your
worth, because you areresourceful, you are resilient
and you are still here, and thatmy friend is not by accident
(01:37):
when depression tries to makeyou forget who you are.
You got to anchor yourself intruth.
And here's the truth you aremore than a mood, more than a
moment, more than your lowestday.
Say this with me I am notbroken, I am becoming.
I will not be defined by whattried to destroy me.
(01:58):
I am healing, I am whole and Iam here.
I am whole and I am here.
You are valuable.
Your wind today might belistening to this episode, and
that counts.
Your wind might be getting outof bed, brushing your teeth or
even just breathing, and thatcounts too.
Healing isn't linear, but youare still moving and that's
(02:22):
enough.
I'm so glad you joined me today, because that tells me
something about you.
It lets me know that you care,that you want the answers, that
you want to feel better, thatyou want to get to the bottom of
it.
And that's actually the firststep.
Remember, you're not alone.
You're not weak.
Maybe you're going through astorm right now, but just know
(02:44):
that we all go through storms.
There's always going to besomething in our lives that's
going on, whether it's with usprofessionally or personally,
whether it's something that ourkids are going through, maybe
it's elderly parents, butthere's always going to be,
maybe a mini storm.
But if it's a mini storm, justknow that when you put together
(03:07):
the steps that you need to inorder to get through it, and you
plan out those steps.
You definitely will, becausestorms don't last for always,
but you just have to realizethat and just show up every
single day, despite how you arefeeling, because when we show up
(03:27):
, we go up when we just put inthe effort and we decide that,
no matter how drained we'refeeling, that we're still going
to meet our obligations, we'restill going to represent our
best interest, we're still goingto do what is expected of us.
Because, guess what, you arestrong, my friend, and you are
(03:51):
probably much stronger than youthink.
You are not weak for needinghelp.
If you need help, now is thetime to ask Do you have an
accountability partner, someonewho checks in on you and knows
how you're feeling, someone whojust will send a simple text or
give you a phone call and letyou know that they're thinking
(04:11):
about you?
Do you have someone in yourlife who can be an encourager
for you, who's going to tell youto continue to push through,
because healing is possible?
It's personal.
Because healing is possible.
It's personal, but it doesrequire you to be proactive and
to make a decision, one of thethings that I strongly live by
(04:34):
and it's part of my philosophyin dealing with mental health
issues is that giving up isnever an option, no matter how
hard it gets, no matter how youfeel so weak that you cannot
take another step, when all youcan do is get out of bed and
take a shower, put your pajamasback on and get back in the bed.
(04:56):
If that's all you can do forthat day and depression is going
to win, that's okay.
But you didn't give up.
You still got yourself up, gotin the shower, maybe you grabbed
something to eat and you laidback down.
We are our worst enemy.
Sometimes we punish ourselveswhen the reality is, when you
(05:18):
suffer with a mental illness, itis a sickness.
It is something that we allhave to overcome.
It's just like having the flu,and maybe being depressed is
like having or feeling like youhave the flu all the time.
But when you take care ofyourself, you start to feel
better.
It's no different when you'redealing with mental health.
(05:39):
You have to decide that atleast every single day, I am
going to accomplish at least twoof the goals that I have on my
list.
Maybe it's just vacuuming yourhome for 15 minutes a day, or
maybe it's emptying yourdishwasher or washing your car,
or walking your dog.
(05:59):
All of that counts.
So don't diminish the small winby saying oh, I just walked my
dog, that counts.
It counts toward your healing,every step that you take.
If you went from feeling sadfor an entire minute and then
the next day you got up to 10minutes, that's progress.
(06:20):
So there is something that youcan do in order to feel better.
So there is something that youcan do in order to feel better.
This very episode is one that Ihave lived, one I've had to
survive with a smile on my faceand tears in my heart.
We're talking about highfunctioning depression.
Smiling through the storm, it'swhen you know you're doing all
(06:43):
the right things working,parenting, leading, serving but
on the inside you're silentlysinking.
There's a unique kind ofheartbreak in being praised for
how strong you are whilesecretly feeling so fragile.
Maybe you've been the one whoshows up for everyone, answers
(07:05):
every call, volunteers, praysfor others.
People call you and ask you todo things for them, and you do
it.
And yet when night falls, yousink in the dark feeling of
invisibility.
You cry quietly so no one hearsyou.
You smile publicly so no onehears you.
You smile publicly so no oneasks questions.
(07:26):
You achieve, you perform, youserve and you pour out until
your cup is empty and your soulis tired.
That my friend is smilingthrough the storm, and I want to
say this clearly that kind ofstrength should not be required
to survive.
Too many of us have been taughtto perform wellness, to wear
(07:51):
strength like armor and successlike a mask.
But behind the degrees, thetitles, the caregiving and the
cute selfies, there's a story,there's a storm, there's a
sadness that doesn't go awayjust because we managed to smile
through brunch or gave anencouraging word to someone else
.
But let me tell you what I'velearned being high functioning
(08:15):
does not mean you're healed.
Being productive doesn't meanyou're peaceful and being
available to everyone elsedoesn't mean you're being true
to yourself.
Being available to everyoneelse doesn't mean you're being
true to yourself.
The world has a way ofrewarding your ability to
pretend, but healing can'thappen when we're pretending
lives.
It begins in spaces wherehonesty is honored, in rooms
(08:38):
where your tears are seen assacred and not shameful, in
moments when you finally say Iam not okay If you are nodding
right now or wiping away a tearor taking a deep breath, because
I'm describing exactly whereyou are, then this moment is for
you.
I see you, god sees you, and Iwant you to see yourself, not
(09:02):
the version of you that keeps ittogether for everyone else, but
the version of you who needs torest, who deserves help and who
doesn't have to earn lovethrough performance.
I'll say that again who doesn'thave to earn love through
performance?
You don't have to earn love bybeing useful.
(09:23):
You don't have to prove yourworth by holding everyone else
together.
You are worthy of love, rest,healing and joy, even when
you're not performing well.
So what do you do when you're inthe middle of a storm and still
smiling, when you're tired ofbeing the strong one, when you
want to fall apart but don'tknow how?
(09:45):
Well, here are three things Iwant you to try this week.
Number one try to tell thetruth to someone you trust, even
if it's just one sentence thatsays I'm struggling and I don't
want to hide it anymore.
That simple truth can crack themask and let the light.
In Number two, give yourselfpermission to rest without
(10:09):
apology.
Not just physical rest, butemotional rest.
Put the phone down, say no tothe extra task.
Let the dishes sit.
You matter more than what youdo.
Number three begin a practice ofchecking in with yourself daily
.
Ask yourself, what do I needright now?
(10:31):
Not what does my job need, ormy family or my church or my
friends, but what do I need tofeel safe, supported and seen.
Write those down and, when youhave the opportunity, share them
with someone that you trust.
Say this with me I no longerneed to perform peace, I choose
(10:55):
to pursue it Again.
I no longer need to performpeace, I choose to pursue it.
I am worthy of rest, even whenI haven't earned it.
Again, I am worthy of rest,even when I haven't earned it.
My smile is beautiful, but itdoesn't have to be a mask.
(11:16):
Again, my smile is beautiful,it doesn't have to be a mask.
You are wonderfully made, andthat is the truth.
Say that every day in themirror when you get up in the
morning.
I am wonderfully made, and thatis the truth.
Say that every day in themirror when you get up in the
morning.
I am wonderfully made.
There is no one like me, and Ilove myself.
(11:37):
When we speak out loud goodthoughts, it helps us to have
good days, better moments, andit gives us a lifetime of joy,
better moments and it gives us alifetime of joy when we are
filled with sadness or when wethrive on negativity.
It does not promote ourwell-being or good mental health
(11:58):
.
Sometimes we have to act as ifwe feel better, even when we
don't, because if we were towait until we felt better to do
anything, we may never getanything done.
I appreciate you walking withme today on this journey.
I want you to remembersomething even in the storm,
(12:20):
even in silence, even behind thesmile, you are seen, you are
strong and you are not alone.
Until next time, be gentle withyourself, be honest with your
heart and be bold enough tochoose healing, even if you have
to cry through the process.
(12:41):
I never want to end my podcastwithout thanking you so very
much for listening.
You continue to be the bestpart of win over depression and
we are continuing to buildmomentum to grow and to expand,
and I am so thankful.
Let me ask you this Would youconsider becoming a patron for
(13:02):
win over depression?
All you have to do is go towwwpatreoncom that's
P-A-T-R-E-O-Ncom, backslashTamara Trotter, that's
T-A-M-E-R-A-T-R-O-T-T-E-R, andas little as $10 to $20 per
month will help us to reach evenmore people.
(13:23):
I know that you are aware thatevery 15 seconds, someone is
committing suicide and in thiscountry, 800,000 people are
taking their lives.
If you are contemplatingsuicide, please don't take your
life.
Your family won't understandand you'll be passing along the
(13:44):
pain that you feel onto thosewho love you the most.
Call your accountabilitypartner, go through these
episodes and write down somehomework assignments.
Call the suicide preventionhotline, but please absolutely
stay in the game of life.
I also have a course called 14Days to Get Through Depression.
(14:08):
14 Days to Mental HealthWellness.
If you are interested, you cango to the show notes and it is
packed with episodes of thepodcast, as well as videos and
step-by-step instructions onwhat you can do to feel better
in 14 days or less.
(14:28):
There is a mood tracker,affirmations and plenty of other
tools that will equip you withthe ability to get to that
better place that you deserve.
Take care and I will see youagain next Friday.
Remember, giving up is never anoption.
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