May 5, 2025 • 68 mins
At 19, Rob Paylor was paralyzed during a championship rugby match. Doctors told him he'd never move again. He chose to fight.
This episode is about resilience, mindset, and the decision to forgive the unforgivable. Rob’s story will challenge your limits—and maybe change your life.
🔑 3 Reasons to Tune In:
- The mindset shift that helped Rob go from zero movement to walking again
- How he used forgiveness as a tool for emotional freedom
- The 15 tools from his book Paralyzed to Powerful that anyone can apply to their own challenges
Thank you for tuning in! If you feel led, please subscribe & share the show to others who you believe would benefit from it.
Keep in touch below!
- Join The Unshakeable Discipline Community!
- LinkedIn | www.linkedin.com/in/ryanacass/
- Instagram | @ryanacass
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And then I just felt this god-awful crunch in my neck
and then just poof, can't moveanything, can't feel anything,
totally clear and conscious inmy mind of what's going on, just
as clear and conscious as I amright now, but 100% numb and
motionless from my collarbonedown, and in an instant I knew
(00:24):
that I broke my neck, that thiswas really bad and there was
like a 99.9% chance that my lifehad just completely changed,
that I was in my worst nightmareand I was not going to wake up
from it.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome to the Wednesday podcast, a weekly
resource thoughtfully crafted tohelp people build and refine
discipline, accomplish theirgoals, fortify their mindsets
and be of service to somebody inthis world.
My name is Ryan Cass and I amyour host, and it is my mission
and commitment to deliveramazing episodes to you every
week where you'll learn frommyself or renowned expert in
(01:08):
their field.
We love helping people win inevery aspect of their lives, and
you can help us win by sharingthe show with somebody that you
believe will benefit from it,subscribing and leaving a rating
and review.
We believe that everybody inthis world is meant to do
something great with their lives, and we're here to help play a
(01:29):
role in that.
Thank you for tuning in andlet's win today.
Imagine your life transformingin a single moment that you
would have never predicted.
Imagine living life walk intothe store today, walking back to
your home, to then, the nextday, those simple liberties are
(01:52):
completely stripped from you.
What would you do?
What would life look like?
Would you be able to see it asa blessing and eventually
inspire people, or would you beupset for the rest of your life?
Imagine your life beingtransformed in a single moment
to then that being the catalystto changing countless lives all
(02:18):
over the world and serving as aninspiration to those to take
full advantage of life, nomatter what happens to you.
And that's what we're about tolearn with our amazing guest,
rob Paylor today, whose lifechanged in an instant and now he
gets to inspire people all overthe world to embrace the small
(02:41):
victories.
To embrace the small victories,to embrace everything for what
is?
To take full advantage of ourpresence here on this beautiful
earth.
Rob, welcome man.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Ryan, thank you for having me and the audio.
Only people can't see it, butI'm blushing as red as a tomato
from that intro.
You got me fired up Veryexcited.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
As red as a tomato.
From that intro you got mefired up, Very excited, Stoked
to be with you Now before we getin your story and really dig
into the influence that you haveon people around the world and
to really take full advantage oftheir lives.
What's the most important thingthat we should know about you?
That we might not read aboutyou on a piece of paper.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Good one.
You know, I think the thingthat is really like my strongest
foundation is my faith, andit's something that's always
been a part of who I am and hascertainly changed over these
last eight years since my injuryhappened, and it's something
that just it gives me purpose inmy life, it gives me meaning in
my life and through all thesecrazy challenges I've been
through, and just the immensityof the ways in which my life has
(03:54):
changed has shown me that mychallenges aren't for nothing,
that all this hardship I'm goingthrough is not meaningless,
that it's rooted in purpose andthere's a plan going on here and
I might not know what's goingon, but it's going to something
good and it's been that trustand that faith that's really
helped me go in here.
So that's something that's justit's really foundational to who
(04:16):
I am and it's helped me througheverything I've gone through.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Did you ever question your faith after May 6th 2017?
You know, it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It matured a lot because I'm Christian and I was
always taught that God had aplan for my life.
I thought that plan was goodand then, you know, we're going
to go into it more, of course.
But my life gets turnedcompletely upside down.
I go from being D1 athlete,national championship competitor
(04:54):
, to I can't feed myself, Ican't breathe, I can't go to the
bathroom by myself and I mightnot ever be able to again, if I
even survive through this.
And I'm thinking about thatplan and I'm like if this is a
part of some plan, it's kind ofmessed up.
I don't know what's going onhere, um, but I always had trust
(05:15):
in that that like I have nocontrol.
Right now I have no controlover my body and my outcomes.
Really, the only thing that Istill have here is that faith
and that trust in that plan.
So I stuck with it.
But it's interesting At first Ikind of like I was so on board
that I thought like God destinedme to get hurt and I was
(05:39):
talking with like a spiritualdirector and I was kind of okay
with that.
I was like I could already seelike some of the fruits really
like being developed from thisand the impact it was making on
other people's lives.
Talking to my spiritualdirector, saying, like you know,
I know this was, like you knowGod wanted this to happen to me.
And he's like stop, god did notbreak your neck.
There was a person on thatfield who broke the laws of the
(06:00):
game.
He has free will and he brokeyour neck.
But your strength, yourfortitude that you're gaining
from this, the inspiration thatis providing to others, that's
God and that really helped me tomature, to be, to live out.
Strong faith Isn't just to liketake the easy road and
(06:20):
everything that you do.
It's.
It's really the opposite.
It's to embrace your sufferingsfor the good of others.
And it really helped me flipthat perspective of suffering
being for something oh my gosh,avoid that at all costs to be
something like.
It's not going to be easy, butthere's a gift within that for
you and for others.
(06:41):
So there was like that maturityprocess that really came in my
faith from all this and thisjust changed the way I really
see the world and the role thatsuffering has in our lives.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I love what you say about seeing the gift that it
delivers and I believe it doestake strong faith to be able to
see that on the other side of amoment or a circumstance or a
series of events, there isalways a either better version
(07:15):
of yourself or a series ofbetter outcomes that you would
have never imagined, or a thenan inspiring story.
But really the the root of that.
If you don't have strong, ifyou don't possess a strong
mindset and that sense of corevalues, then one may always see
(07:43):
a negative event as simply that,or a negative circumstance as
simply that, and not be able tosee and experience the abundance
of gifts that life delivers.
Before we started why all ofthis exists and some of the
(08:05):
things I saw growing up inCalifornia best gifts I could
have ever received in this lifethat just aren't packaged
they're just packaged a littlebit differently.
So what's your take on helpingpeople identify the gifts that
(08:27):
life packages a little bitdifferently for us?
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, it's interesting.
I mean, I think it's almostlike cliche.
Identifying those gifts it'slike no pain, no gain.
You know those kinds of littlesayings and stuff.
Gifts it's like no pain, nogain.
You know those those kinds oflittle sayings and stuff.
Um, there's, there's truth inthat, and if we wake up every
day and go to sleep, put ourpillow, our head on the pillow,
and think like I didn't doanything to challenge myself
(08:54):
today, um, you really didn'tgrow and and you didn't like
receive gifts, those gifts ofthat day if all you're doing is
just kind of like living forcomfort and living for yourself,
um, I think it's good to thinkof those things in which we do
want to grow and it is good forthat to benefit ourselves.
I do Like we shouldn'tcompletely ignore that.
But I think the biggest reasonwe should be doing it is in
(09:17):
service of others.
And if we can take on achallenge, discomfort, growth in
our lives for the service ofothers, it's going to endure,
it's going to hold us moreaccountable, because it's not
like the only person who'sallowing us to say, not, today,
I'm good, I'm going to take arest is just our own internal
(09:38):
dialogue.
We're really responsible topeople or to a mission that's
bigger than ourselves to peopleor to a mission that's bigger
than ourselves.
Here I am today, on day 2,886after my injury, battling
quadriplegia.
I continue to go each day, notjust so I can go from point A to
point B on my feet, but so thatI can provide inspiration to
(09:58):
others, help them overcome theirchallenges.
It gives me so much to whereit's just I can't quit and I
won't quit because I have thisbig commitment in our lives.
So I think it's finding thosetwo critical factors of it must
be uncomfortable and it mustserve others is how we identify
those gifts that might be foundand struggle.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Let's rewind the clock 2,886 days from today.
It's May 6th 2017.
You're a D1 athlete at Calplaying rugby the sport that you
love and your life changes inan instant.
Walk us through that.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Such a huge day and I was thinking about this this
morning, actually just like howcertain days have certain
significances you know birthdays, anniversaries, stuff like that
and it's just amazing how muchmy life changed on this day.
And, like you said, d1 athlete,uc Berkeley rugby player.
Just to give people somecontext, uc Berkeley is by far
(11:03):
the number one rugby program inthe nation.
At the time we're fighting forour 31st national championship,
with the tournament only beingaround for about 45 years.
So you can look at any team atany level in America and I think
the only team that has morehardware than us in any sport is
the Harlem Globetrotters andtheir games are rigged.
So, like we're doing prettygood.
I'm excited.
(11:23):
I'm starting.
I'm a sophomore.
This wasn't an easy or commonthing to do, to be starting on a
team like this in a game likethis as a sophomore.
So I absolutely love this game.
I love this university.
I'm getting into the businessschool there, got my dreams
after that.
It was just a really good timeto be me and I knew that.
(11:46):
I was very grateful for it.
And it was early on in this gamethat I'm competing in a mall,
which is when the big guys wegroup up in a single unit and we
start pushing to advance, theball.
Defense's job is to comestraight in and stop us from
moving forward.
It's kind of like in footballwhen a running back gets stood
up and the lineman moved thepile, like that we're just a
little more organized about it.
And it was totally my moment.
I mean six, five at the time,like 245 pounds.
(12:10):
I'm just on this field to movebodies and we're five meters out
from scoring this thing.
I'm like drooling here,thinking let's go rob, drive
this thing in.
And then as I'm doing that,these opposing players, they
start making these illegal movesand referee's not calling
anything.
So I remember we're in a lineout, I bring the ball carrier
down, I throw my, my shouldersforward and immediately I get
(12:32):
pressure from the side, which isa penalty in rugby, can't do
that or the ref's not calling it.
So you know things happen inrugby and you just got to keep
moving forward.
But this first player who comesin, he finds my head in a
headlock so he's got my chinkind of pinned down to my chest
and in rugby that's an automaticyellow or red card.
You do that, you're gone, butthe ref's not calling it, and I
(12:54):
keep pushing forward.
I keep just kind of moving mylegs and another player comes in
and he chops me down by my legs.
So I start going down and thisarm lock that's around my neck
it continues to improve.
I'm just muscles flexing in theform.
I'm trying to fight upwards butI just can't.
It's a it's a losing battle.
And I remember I just kind ofclosed my eyes, I gripped my
teeth for impact and then I justfelt this God awful crunch in
(13:18):
my neck and then just poof,can't move anything, can't feel
anything.
Totally clear and conscious inmy mind of what's going on, just
as clear and conscious as I amright now, but 100% numb and
motionless from my collarbonedown.
And in an instant I knew that Ibroke my neck, that this was
(13:45):
really bad and there was like a99.9% chance that my life had
just completely changed, that Iwas in my worst nightmare and I
was not going to wake up from itBecause I had no contact sports
.
These things happen.
They're not common, but theyhappen.
I remember I was like're notcommon, but they happen.
(14:09):
I remember I was like thinkingback to stories that I'd seen,
like this the one I thought ofthe time was Eric LeGrand, and
Eric was a Rutgers footballplayer and he was on special
teams cervical spinal cordinjury, paralyzed, and I mean
this guy's got the heart of awarrior.
I mean, he's amazing and he'sgotten a lot more progress back
than he was supposed to, buthe's a quadriplegic and he's in
a chair and he needed to be on avent for some time just so he
(14:32):
could breathe.
And I've started thinking likethat's going to be me, like I
might not even get as far as hedid.
And I just envisioned thisreality where I'm going to just
sit in a house all day.
I won't go back to Cal, I won'tget my degree.
I want to have a job.
Nobody's going to want to marryme I mean, who would want to
(14:53):
marry this?
And my mom's just going tospoon feed me and then she's
going to die and then I'm goingto have some caregiver just keep
me alive and my life's over.
And this all unfolds in a fewseconds, playing out of my head
Medical trainers, doctors comeover.
They're saying, robert, can youmove this, can you feel
(15:14):
anything?
And my answer is just no,nothing.
Get over to the hospital.
X-ray, ct scan, mri.
They cut my jersey off my body.
It's up in my house in the room, actually now stitched together
, and my doctor comes back.
He's got a bad look on his faceand very frankly he says,
(15:35):
robert, you will never walkagain, you will never move your
hands.
We're going to do our best sothat one day you can do
something like pick up a pieceof pizza and bring it to your
face.
And if you can do that, youmade it.
If you can just feed yourself,you beat all the odds.
So I'm sitting here in ahospital bed, can't move or feel
anything below my neck, andthat morning I thought it was
(15:56):
going to be the best day of mylife, the day I become a
national champion.
And now I don't even know ifit's going to be my last day or
not.
And in that moment I didn'thave a lot of choices.
But I knew one thing, andthat's that I just had to give
everything.
I have to get everything I canget out of this injury.
(16:22):
And my doctor finishes theconversation by recommending I
go into emergency spinal fusionsurgery.
He explains that the disc inbetween my C5-6 vertebrae
ruptured into my spinal cord andI had fracturing at my C4-5-6
vertebrae and the damage wouldonly continue unless we really
stabilize this region.
So spinal fusion surgery isnumber one.
Number two was a halo drilledinto my skull to try and get my
spine to set and heal, and hetold me this was a potentially
(16:44):
life-threatening surgery and Ihad about 30 minutes to decide
whether or not I wanted to gointo this thing, because time
was pretty critical at thispoint.
So first phone call I make is tomy um spiritual director same
guy I was talking about earlierand I tell him about what
happened and I want him to senda priest over before I go into
the surgery.
And he gives me this amazingadvice that just gave me so much
(17:08):
power in what was a powerlesssituation.
And he said, robert, throughoutthis journey there's gonna be a
lot of things that you can'tcontrol, but the one thing you
always have control over is yourmindset.
So your positivity, yourambition, your willingness to
take on this challenge every dayand fight is up to you, and
this injury can't take that awayfrom you.
And that just it gave mesomething I could focus on and
(17:31):
something I could control,because I had.
I didn't have the odds on myside.
I did not have some doctorssaying that everything was going
to be okay.
I had no signs of life showingback up in my body, but I had my
mindset and I had that decisionthat we all have at every
second of our lives to just keepmoving forward.
(17:54):
So that gave me a lot ofconfidence to go into the
surgery.
That I can block out thatemotion and that anxiety in the
moment, really singularly focuson that one thing I can control
Just do I go into surgery or doI not?
Um, it gave me that clarity tobe able to go into there and I
remember just saying my prayerswith my family and I said
(18:16):
goodbye to them.
I got rolled into thatoperating room.
They, they put the anesthesiamask over me and I count down
from a hundred, you know, downto zero.
I think I got to 98 and closedmy eyes and that concluded the
day, may 6, 2017, for me.
Wow.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
What a whirlwind, unbelievable, and what a
testament to so many things aswell.
What a testament to so manythings as well, a testament to
everybody, to one no-transcriptexpress appreciation and
(19:03):
gratitude for the smallestthings that we may often take
for granted.
So many times we hear aboutpeople that may have to complain
about a long walk, or theydidn't park close enough to the
grocery store and they had towalk all the way back to the
cart stand, and they had to walkall the way back to the cart
(19:27):
stand.
Imagine, if that was taken fromyou, how much you would love to
have the longest walk in theworld.
Another thing a testament torecreate an entirely new
(20:02):
scenario.
So that's what I think about.
And Rob, being a competitor andplaying rugby at the premier
program in the country, I knowyou love winning.
I know that you love to defyodds.
If someone says you guys can'tbeat this team, this team.
(20:23):
No, we're going to beat thisteam and I'm going to show you
exactly how we're going to do it.
I'm going to take it right toyou at what point, from hearing
the doctor's diagnosis theinitial diagnosis that you're
not going to walk again to thenhaving the discussion with your
spiritual director, are you thenhaving thoughts of all right,
(20:44):
I'm going to beat this thing,I'm going to find a way to make
these legs move again someday,and I'm not going to create this
reality of I'm sitting in achair all day long and nobody's
going to love me, nobody's goingto want to be around me.
At what point does thatdialogue start taking place?
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, it's a hope that I was really always holding
on to and it was as simple as Iremember.
I got strapped into the gurneyand brought into the ambulance
on my way over to the hospital.
He's kind of telling me what'sgoing to happen.
When I get there and ask if Ihave any questions, the first
thing I ask, only thing I ask isam I going to walk again?
(21:30):
And he says I don't know.
And that honestly gave me alittle bit of hope that it
wasn't a flat out no, that therewere people out there, there
was some, be it extremely small,possibility that I could beat
this and I didn't have to be inthat statistical range which is
(21:52):
probably like 98, 99%, that Iwouldn't get any better, that
this would just kind of be mypermanent, my permanent reality.
And I think so much of thatcame from that like competitor's
mindset, from that foundationthat had really been built in me
in athletics because, beingable to play for the Cal rugby
(22:13):
team, we were not taught toaccept mediocrity for our team,
for ourselves as players.
We were taught to be the bestversions of ourselves that we
could possibly be.
I learned that at Cal rugby.
I also played for the numberone high school program in the
nation for for rugby over inSacramento Jesuit high school
very much similar mindset.
It was just we are going to bethe best.
(22:35):
We are not going to acceptanything less that we have to
push to be the best versions ofourselves.
So if, if there was some smallchance that I could beat this
thing, it had to be me, I wasgoing to go for it.
And I think so much of that wasjust like knowing you don't know
how hard I'm willing to workand you don't know those times
(22:56):
when we're 78 minutes into thisrugby match, we're going down to
the wire and I just I can'teven fathom like putting my foot
in front of the other, Um, butI do it again and I do it again
and I pick it a big tackle.
Or you know those times whenit's like okay, time to wake up
at 5am to go run hill sprintswith the team, like little
things like that.
It just builds this fortitudewithin you to where you start
(23:17):
building that confidence aboutyourself that you can put forth
an extraordinary amount ofeffort and dedication that the
studies just haven't seen.
I just I believed in that andalso knew that in the end of the
day, whatever happens, if it'soutside of my control, I have to
have some willingness to beable to let go of that.
(23:39):
But what I could not accept isthat I didn't do everything that
I could.
I couldn't put my head on thepillow at the end of the day,
knowing that I didn't just layit all out there and give
everything.
I had to overcome this.
So it was more just like okay,let's push that away.
I don't need that negativity inmy mindset right now, because
it will absolutely crush me andmy ability to move forward.
What is something that I can do?
(24:00):
And I was fortunate that once Igot out of that surgery
situation, that I could finallystart focusing on those just
little things.
Even if it's just like breathe,eat, If that's what I need to
do to get better, that's whatI'm going to focus on and just
pour absolutely everything Ihave into it, just like I did
when I was an athlete.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I feel like one of the best things that a
competitor, a serious competitorand someone with an indomitable
or unshakable mindset can hearis the word no, and I've
redefined it as no, as newopportunity.
No Meaning when we really wantsomething.
(24:43):
It's never a matter of if.
It's simply a matter of when,because we're not going to stop,
no matter the circumstances.
And I can only imagine hearingthat and then just thinking I am
going to prove you wrong and Idon't care if it takes 2,886
days or 5,000 days.
Gosh, darn it, I'm going towalk unassisted someday.
(25:07):
And you're making those,literally those steps every
single day.
Post-surgery, as I'm sure thisstarts to sink in as okay, this
is like.
Now you're really feeling howdifferent life is.
Talk through those those early,those earliest moments, and
(25:33):
maybe even the first few days,weeks, months post-surgery,
because there were additionalcomplications from there.
But now your new reality isokay, hey, you can't move right
that that much yet.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
What is?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
that like.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Yeah, that's when it got most difficult, um, because
I think anybody can be paralyzedfor a day or a week, or
probably even a month, um.
But as it keeps adding up andyou have that uncertainty
looming in front of you, that'swhen that real mental battle
settles in.
And, you know, I wake up fromthe surgery totally just bleary
(26:12):
eyed, super groggy, but likereally hoping that I would wake
up and they would just find thisabsolute medical anomaly that
would help me to just like wakeup and I'm fine.
And it wasn't the case.
So I'm kind of like OK,yesterday wasn't a bad dream,
this was real, and I had a newdoctor come in and he was a
little bit more optimistic.
He's like your injury is quitesevere, robert, but you do have
(26:36):
some things going for you.
Your athletic background's huge, like what we just talked about
, like that mindset.
That's like the biggestcomponent.
Number two healthy body.
I had some headwinds that weregoing to come my way and my body
would be more prepared to takethat on.
I was young, you know, mynervous system is still
developing.
That's good for thatregeneration and a really strong
(26:56):
support system.
Amazing family, amazing friends, my team right there with me,
just like tens and tens and tensof players in the lobby just
waiting for that first momentthey can come in the door and
see me.
I had a lot of positives goingfor me so that really helped.
But I needed it because I gotpneumonia and that's dangerous
for anybody, right?
But I couldn't cough, Icouldn't like breathe on my own.
(27:18):
My diaphragm was mostlyparalyzed.
So something got stuck in mywindpipe.
I could not cough it out, Iwould just sit there choking on
it.
And then we get someone to slamdown on my lungs to try and
move this out, just so I canstart breathing.
And I remember the first time Itried to eat something I
swallow and it just gets stuckright in my windpipe.
And there I am, I can't coughit out.
(27:39):
I'm like, oh goodness, youcan't eat.
So they shove a tube up my noseand down to my stomach.
It took three days to get inthere because I broke my nose so
many times playing rugby, and Italk about pain.
I don't know if you ever didone of those COVID tests where
it feels like it's poking yourbrain.
I mean that times, times, ahundred, right.
This thing's going all the waydown to my stomach and I just
(28:01):
but I kept going back to thatlike control your mindset piece
that when they're shoving thistube up my nose for an hour,
blood's going down my throatinto my mouth.
I mean I'm just like I'm justcrying, um can't, couldn't grip
the sheets, even if I wanted to.
But, man, what you know, what Ihave, and, uh, you know, for
these breathing treatments,no-transcript.
(28:49):
But what kept me going was thatcontrol your mindset piece.
It's like do you want to eat ornot?
Yes, let them shove this tubedown your nose.
Do you want to breathe or not?
Yes, go into another breathingtreatment.
Whether it's 3 PM or 3am, youhave to do it.
And and that that kept memoving forward through that
period.
And I mean, yeah, I needed itand I got through that and then
(29:13):
eventually could finally startdoing some rehab.
And I mean, just, I rememberhow excited I was to really just
be like, okay, I got throughthat medical period and like now
I'm in the game, this is whereit gets fun Definitely had a
strong dose of humility.
I mean I remember the first PTexercise I ever did was going
(29:34):
from laying on my back to layingon my side and I mean, we're
talking just like just 15minutes of trying as hard as I
can to fling what control I hadin my arms over and hopefully
take that momentum to bring meover.
So you know, if you would haverewinded just a couple of weeks
ago, I'd be putting 405 poundson my back and squatting it, you
(29:54):
know.
Or running a rugby field for 80minutes.
And you know, here I am justtrying to go from my back to my
side in a laying position.
But again, it's kind of likecontrol that mind, your mindset.
What can I control?
If this is the task I need totake on right now, this is what
I'm going to do.
So did I fight those thoughtsof like, why me?
(30:14):
Why am I going through thisHeck?
Yes, absolutely.
But when I could like be in theaction it kind of faded and it
was like I'm just here, anotherathlete, with my coach, a
physical therapist, and we'regetting after it.
So that really helped me tofocus down on what I needed to
do to get better and get throughthose tough moments.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
I want to talk about your perspective on embracing
the small victories and, as Iwas looking through your earlier
videos and following yourjourney, you described that at
the time one of the best days ofyour life, or it felt like one
of the best days of your lifewas when you could wiggle your
toe just a little bit, like themost minuscule movement,
something that I'm sure beforeMay 6th, you would have never
(31:11):
thought twice about that.
All right, I move my toes.
I move people around a rugbyfield, but now something as
simple as moving your toes isequated to one of the best
feelings you've ever had.
What's your perspective?
Around us, embracing the littlethings in life and using that
(31:36):
as fuel to continue movingforward.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Oh my gosh, it's so important and I think it's one
of those, when we talk aboutthose gifts that come out of
adversity, it's definitely oneof the biggest gifts I've
received um is just being ableto keep track of those little
things I have in my life.
Um, because, yeah, like if Iwas wiggling my toes, I mean I
wouldn't even give it a thought.
And uh, you know, here I mean Iwas literally moved to tears by
(32:01):
not even like not just not likeplaying the piano with my toes.
Here, like I mean I'm justflickering one toe.
And I remember because it wasabout six weeks it took me to
get that flicker of movement,and I mean I would just stare at
those bad boys trying to getthem to move.
And it was Father's Day actuallyin June of 2017, when I got
(32:22):
just that little wiggle ofmovement and I mean, and uh, and
I made immediately like tearsrun down my face and I'm
thinking I was told that thiswould never happen and I can
finally wiggle a toe.
And I just thought back of,like, you know, around that time
, like my buddies and everyoneat Cal was like going through
(32:43):
finals, so they're all you knowcomplaining.
You ask them hey, how's yourday going?
Oh, not good.
You know I'm uh, you know I'vejust been in the library for
like eight hours today and Idon't know what's gonna, you
know, happen for this final anduh, and I'm just thinking like
here I am and I'm crying becauseI was able to wiggle my toe.
(33:03):
Right now it's just like such adifferent world.
And don't get me wrong, if Ididn't break my neck, I would
have been probably complainingabout those finals too.
Um, it's almost like I kind ofwoke up from a, from a sleep
that you know, this mask hadbeen taken over my, off my eyes,
and uh was just brought intothis entirely different world.
That showed me just how amazinga normal day is.
(33:26):
I mean, I think we just letthose normal days just kind of
pass by us over and over andover again in our lives, and
it's not until something likethis happens where you can
really realize how lucky you are.
And you know, it's like there'sa common saying like that right,
like you don't know what youhave until you don't have it
anymore, and I think that's justthe absolute worst saying we
could ever live by.
(33:46):
Why should we wait to losesomething before we actually
start showing appreciation forit.
And you don't have to gothrough what I've gone through
to have that perspective in yourlife.
You just have to have empathyand you have to be able to look
at the struggles that others gothrough, have that perspective
point to compare what you gothrough right now and realize
(34:10):
what you have, be grateful forwhat you have and just have that
general awareness of when youfind yourself complaining about
something, because oftentimes wecomplain about something that
we would mourn if we lost it.
So you think about someone likeoh, you know I got to go on
this, you know I'm going to gorun this 5k today or whatever,
and like I'm super sore, youknow like what are you
(34:33):
complaining about?
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Like what if you?
Speaker 1 (34:35):
couldn't do that.
You, you, I mean you'd you'd bean absolute mess if you
couldn't run that 5k.
So why are you complainingabout it?
I don't know.
It's like it gets on my nervesnow when I, when I think about
little little things like that,those little complaints in our
lives, so it comes down to thesaying um, that's really helped
me to have that like quickperspective shift and it's
called compared to what.
(34:55):
So just be like wow, I'm reallytired, but compared to what.
Or there's a lot of hardshipthat I'm going through right now
, but compared to what, there'sa lot that I can do, there's a
lot that I do have.
So I think that's a good toolfor us all to have in our tool
belt that compared to what, towhen we find ourselves having
(35:15):
those little complaints aboutlife, to just run that through
our mind, realize just how luckywe are to have all those little
things, those little victoriesthat we have in our lives,
because they are gifts and thosethings can be taken away.
So appreciate that every second.
You have them because you're solucky.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
I love that compared to what, and you bring up a
great point and it makes methink of something that I've
heard recently from Sahil Bloom.
He just wrote the Five Types ofWealth and got to have a
conversation with him a fewweeks ago and one thing he
brought up is that we oftencomplain about the very thing
(35:54):
that we prayed and wished formost in life Wow.
So think about people that thathave families and a baby you
(36:38):
praying to again live a happyand healthy life.
That's mixed in there somehowlive a happy and healthy life
that's mixed in there somehow.
And then we're going tocomplain about going back a few
minutes ago, how far we have towalk to get to our car.
It's interesting, but I lovethat.
I'm going to start mentioningthat to people the compared to
(36:59):
what, because that's an instant,instant shift we can create and
get us back to center like, hey, man, totally, we have a lot.
We have a lot of great thingsgoing for us right now.
Gotta look for a minute, removeourselves from the situation,
zoom out just slightly andyou'll see it.
What have been some of the asyou reflect back on this journey
(37:24):
, rob?
What have been in addition tomoving your toes some of the
most victorious or rewardingmoments that you've experienced
thus far.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Yeah, there's been so many and I just like run
through the big ones so to likeupdate everyone on just how
amazing this recovery has gone.
So I went from you know, nomotion at all below my neck,
can't breathe, can't eat, cryingwhen I'm wiggling a toe to
where I spent a year in Coloradoat a hospital and I walked out
(37:56):
of those hospital doors in mywalker and I now have almost
full motion in my upper body andmy fingers.
I can walk 400 yards in mywalker now and I stay on that
grind every day to get more.
And I went back to UC Berkeleyand I graduated and I walked
across that stage to get mydiploma from the number one
(38:18):
public university in the worldand sorry for the UCLA fans out
there, we can talk about thenumber one rankings later, but I
mean huge moments in my life,right, and I think the one that
I draw, that I draw back to andcontinues to inspire me, is when
I took my first steps, like ina harness and everything.
(38:39):
So I go to this awesomehospital over in Colorado and
totally different outlook.
When they talk to me, I meanthese guys are awesome and
they're like Robert, whathappened to you is terrible, but
we don't know where you'regoing to progress from here.
I mean, you might walk intothese doors one day and you very
well might not, but we're goingto give you everything we've
got.
(39:00):
And I remember when I wiggledthat toe it was a few days later
that if I were laying on myback I could lift my knee up
just a few inches off of the mat.
And they saw that and they'relike we're gonna get you walking
and I'm like hold on, like Ican wiggle a toe and kind of
like move my knee a little bit.
I don't.
I don't understand like howthis translates to walking, but
(39:22):
that's where their genius reallycame in and I remember they had
me essentially translates towalking, but that's where their
genius really came in and Iremember they had me essentially
connected to a winch, that'sconnected to a track in the
ceiling to prevent me fromfalling down and I can move back
and forth.
Room probably went like 50yards in a straight line and I
was in this really heavy dutywalker and I had a therapist
behind me, kind of like on arolling stool.
(39:43):
So they're like holding onto myknees to get me locked out, but
I'll kind of guide my feet if Icould get in this walking
motion.
And uh, I mean, gosh right, Ijust can't even explain how
badly you want to walk when youlose that ability to walk, and
you know, for for weeks or youknow, at this point, probably
like a couple months, um, I mean, it's just constant, it all.
(40:04):
I saw I'd watch a movie and Iwouldn't even be thinking about
the plot, I'd just be thinkingabout how the person just stood
up from a park bench, like Iwanted it so badly and prayed
for that moment to just have thechance to walk.
And here I was hoisted up intothe ceiling, um, you know, like
supported so I can be in thatstanding position for the first
time.
And uh, and then, you know, Ikind of got that green light.
(40:28):
Here's my moment.
And I remember my physicaltherapist saying all right, rob,
right knee forward.
And I just I grip my teeth, youknow, squinting my eyes,
grunting like everything I canto get this right knee forward.
And uh, and it just like popsboom forward.
And uh, you know, we're allkind of shocked.
It's like all right, plant itinto the ground.
(40:49):
I do everything I can to likeput that heel firm into the
ground.
Okay, left leg, like everythingI have, everything I have, just
dumping it all into getting thisknee forward.
Boom it goes.
Plant it.
Right leg, plant it.
Left leg, plant it.
And I mean I am like drenched insweat, just like screaming.
(41:09):
I mean like the whole room canhear me, uh, just going nuts on
this thing.
It takes me two hours to gothat 50 yards and back.
And I look back at those videosand, um, I mean it was just
like one of the proudest momentsI've ever had in my life that I
like I took those first steps.
(41:30):
And I remember after, after myrehab, for that day, I just went
back into my room and I justwept, I mean just just crying.
I was so grateful to just havethat chance to give everything I
have and just go 50 yards downand back.
Um, and I, you know, I I nevertry to forget that just like how
badly I wanted that at thatmoment.
(41:52):
And I try to take that, youknow, into my workouts that I do
now and uh, and just everyendeavor I have, to just have
that kind of absolute gratitudeand aggression for what I'm
doing in the moment.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
That's beautiful, and I've loved watching your videos
and seeing the journey and evenseeing you standing up with
your wife in the beach in Hawaiiand making progress on your
journey there.
One thing I'm curious about isthe dream, rob, that okay, hey,
we can walk and run unassisted,and if so, is that being tracked
(42:34):
at that overall big milestone,or are you chasing or do you
create little milestones alongthe way, like, for instance, are
you going towards the big thingright now or are you going
towards, let's get to 600 yards,800 yards, like do you break it
out you?
Speaker 1 (42:54):
have to.
Yeah, you absolutely have tohave both, and so this is kind
of like all like in constructingmy, my vision and my goals.
So I think in goal setting youdo have to have those two things
.
You have to have thatoverarching vision, that end
destination that you want toreach.
Try to quantify it as much asyou can For me, really tough in
my situation.
So for that ultimate vision,that's all I thought about in
(43:16):
the beginning, right, and thatultimate vision for me was to
never need to use my wheelchairagain.
So one day I will stand up outof this thing.
I will never sit back down andI don't really care if that's
like with a walker or crutchesor unassisted, however that
looks.
Obviously, if I can get tounassisted, that's like the
ultimate.
But really just to bewheelchair independent was my
(43:38):
goal, and so that's, like youknow, pie in the sky, that's
what gets you up out of bed inthe morning, something that's a
big stretch goal.
Um, I mean, at the time of myinjury is probably I mean easy
less than 1% that that wouldever happen for me.
But it was kind of like thedumb and dumber question, like,
so you're saying there's achance.
I mean, I was just like, ifthere's any possibility, I'm
(43:59):
going for it.
And you know, like I saidearlier, when you lose your
ability to walk, there's nothingmore that you want.
So that was a that was a greatgoal for me to have and but I
had to break it down from thereand I took the took this
leadership class at UC Berkeley.
The professor's name is DanMulhern and and he has a good
way of explaining it that wasreally the way that I broke this
down to and continue to use itto this day is thinking from
(44:22):
right to left.
So if we think of like a timecontinuum, we you know, it's
like the way that we read wehave our current reality on the
left and then, as we move to theright or in the future and a
lot of the times when weconstruct our goals, I think,
okay, we were like focus a loton the little steps and then we
kind of like lose sight of thatlarger vision.
We need to spend the bulk ofour time in the beginning really
(44:47):
thinking about where we want tobe and then deconstruct from
that point.
So we think from right to left,from future to present.
So what do I need to be able todo before I'm wheelchair
independent.
Well, I think one of the laststeps that there's going to be
for me is really be able to likewalk a mile straight.
I'm going to need to be able toat least walk one mile straight
(45:08):
with no rest, so I have to beable to do that.
Before that I'm going to beable to need to get myself up
off the ground.
That's a big deal for someonewith a mobility impairment.
Before that, I'm going to beable to need to be able to go go
from like a one knee positionto getting my leg up and
supporting myself into thestanding position.
Before that I'm going to needto be able to stand up from a
(45:31):
couch.
Before that I need to be ableto stand up from my bed.
You kind of see how the processworks here.
Everything is predicated fromthat ultimate vision.
Then getting down to my currentreality, which I always have had
to also be very in tune with,because I met a lot of people
who are like I'm not aquadriplegic, this just isn't me
.
I'm going to walk out of this,this hospital, a month.
(45:53):
And because they weren't intune with where they were, they
weren't able to get where theywanted to go.
They just didn't realize howmuch effort it was really going
to take and, uh, and the luckthat they needed to have on
their side too.
So I was in tune with that.
So in the beginning it was likeI need to be able to breathe
and I need to be able to eat.
(46:13):
So I think that's a good way tobreak down those overarching
goals that we want to achieve.
But then it's also important tohave daily goals that we can
can achieve.
Because for me right now youknow I can walk 400 yards it's
not easy to like double yourvolume when you start getting
into kind of like those likeyou're really stretching
yourself that far.
Um, so like my goal is to geton my feet every single day.
(46:37):
That's something I can do.
Uh, want to make sure I'm out ofbed by 7 15 every morning.
That's something that I can do.
I can have that victory andit's putting me on that track to
achieving all those goals thatI have along the way.
So that's how I would recommendsomeone set their goals Spend a
lot of time on the front endthinking about that ultimate
(46:57):
vision.
Get some pen and paper out,thinking from right to left the
milestones that you knew toachieve, and then give yourself
some daily goals too, so thatyou can keep yourself on track,
keep accomplishing those thingsthat you need to do to get to
that ultimate vision.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
The right to left framework is really useful
because you've got your ideal inmind, and then the way I've
always looked at that is if weare going to get to the far
right, what must be true, okay.
Well, if we're going to bewheelchair independent, what
must be true, well, I must beable to get out of bed.
What must be true for me to getout of bed?
(47:33):
And you keep going that way.
I find it to be more fun to takethe right to left approach,
actually, versus, yeah,traditional thinking or not to
say it's flawed, but traditionalis okay, we're going to go left
to right.
Well, right to left, I believe,makes the end goal feel even
(48:02):
more real, or like we're gettingthere.
There's no option, right,mm-hmm, rob, if we break down
the, the root cause of why youare where you are right now and
you mentioned that on May 6thyou were going in to push your
teammates forward and playerscame in and did illegal moves,
(48:25):
weren't called, ultimatelyresulting in where you are right
now the, from what I understand, weren't called, ultimately
resulting in where you are rightnow, mm-hmm, from what I
understand, the man that had youin a headlock.
You've never heard from himtoday, eight years later, and
you talked about forgivenessbefore we got started.
(48:48):
Mm-hmm, forgiveness before wegot started.
What role has forgivenessplayed on this journey, and what
would you have to say to thisman if he ever connected with
you in the future?
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah, forgiveness has been critically important
through this journey and easilyone of the most difficult things
that I've gone through, becausemy instinct as a rugby player
was when someone hits you back,you hit them back harder.
You know, there's kind of liketwo forms of justice on the
rugby field.
There's a referee blowing hiswhistle and then there's justice
(49:28):
that we enact with ourshoulders and I mean I was a big
guy, I was a physical guy.
There's a referee blowing hiswhistle and then there's justice
that we enact with ourshoulders and uh, and I mean I
was a big guy, I was a physicalguy, and uh, if someone put a
cheap shot on me, you know I wasgoing to let let them know that
they can't be doing that.
Um, so here I've been put on myback and there was nothing I
could, I couldn't eat.
I'm fighting for my life.
I literally have.
I had a treatment where myrespiratory therapist we filled
(49:55):
out, we filled up what was likeprobably two cups worth of
phlegm from my lungs and thewhole time he's just saying this
is bad, this is bad.
And he's walking out in theroom and the last thing he says
is you're in trouble, robert,and he just goes and I would
think of moments like that andit's like I'm not in this
situation because I was doingsomething stupid.
(50:15):
You know, like drunk driving orum, you know, just like those,
those like just stupid flukesthat happens Like no, I was
trying to achieve greatgreatness in my life and someone
made an illegal move, um,wrapping me around my neck, and
I was I mean, I was looking atjust flat out empirical evidence
I mean pictures, videos frommultiple angles that I was
(50:36):
driven by my neck, driving myskull into the turf, which
essentially slammed my foreheadagainst my chest and caused all
of this and, um, I mean just theinitial hatred I had in my
heart.
I just I can't even explain it.
Um, so immediately it kind ofcame down to like a moral
dilemma sort of question for me,like we started about in the
(50:57):
beginning of this conversationfaith, very important to me, and
this is something that this wasa teaching that I knew was very
clear.
So that really that helped memake that initial step of just
kind of knowing what's what Ineeded to do.
And in the beginning it was anabsolute fake, until you make it
kind of thing and people wouldask me Rob, what do you think
about this guy and no matter howmuch rage I was feeling
(51:20):
internally, I would just say Iforgive him and I wish him well.
I forgive him and people youknow they'd get into it and it'd
be like, yeah, I know it's bad,but I forgive him and I hope
he's doing okay, no matter whatI felt.
And as time went on, as I saidthose words, it just kind of
slowly burned out that fire ofrage.
And I think that's a goodanalogy to think of it, as that
(51:43):
process of forgiveness is like afire, and initially somebody
starts that fire for us whenwe've been wronged, but then
they're gone and they're nothanging out and we can keep
dumping wood on that fire andbuilding onto that rage as much
as we want, and the only personit's going to burn is us.
But over time, if we choose notto put fuel on that fire, to
(52:08):
say that we forgive them, to notactively engage in those
negative thoughts, it slowlyburns itself out and then we're
finally free and I think, likethat's the true gift of
forgiveness is that freedom andliberation.
It's not just removing guiltfrom the person who did wrong,
it's removing all those negativeattachments from the person who
(52:30):
was wronged and I think if wecan just realize first that it's
always what's best for us andthen realize it's a journey and
we don't have to feel itinternally to be on that path of
forgiveness, we can controlwhat we say and what we actively
engage in and it will, overtime, eventually control the way
(52:52):
that we think and the way thatwe feel.
It can take years, but it willmake a difference in your life
and it is always the right thingto do.
Those are some really importantrealizations that there's not a
lot of generalizations we canmake in life, but one I'm
confident is that forgiveness isalways the answer.
So if this person did reach outto me, it would be that I
(53:14):
forgive him and you know itprobably wouldn't be the longest
conversation.
I mean, I don't.
I don't think to forgivesomeone that you have to be like
best buddies with them, um, butyou gotta.
you gotta eventually get to thatpath of removing those negative
attachments and you can't goaround spreading rumors about
them or allowing those feelingsof hate to control your actions.
I would say that I forgive himand I would have everything that
(53:37):
I've gone through in the backof my mind.
Those moments when a nurse wassaying that I'm you know, I'm in
trouble, and when I'm gettingtubes shoved up my nose and I'm
not getting a lick of sleepthroughout the day, and how it
was all because of his actions.
Those would all still existwith me.
But beyond that would be thatvery intentional decision to
(53:59):
forgive that person.
And I'm just so happy I've madethat choice because I'm looking
ahead of me.
I'm not looking back behind myshoulder over things that are in
the past and what other peopleare doing.
I'm thinking about myself andwhat I can control and just the
amazing things that I still havein front of me.
So, just like such a criticallyimportant decision that I've
made and I've just I've learnedso much from and you know, final
(54:22):
thing I'll say to just wrap up,forgiveness is it doesn't have
to be people that we'reforgiving too.
It can also just be those timeswhen we feel like the world is
just against us and the universejust hates us, we're looking up
in the sky like why To be ableto let go of those things too,
to not give power to thosethings that bring us down.
That's kind of another form offorgiveness that we can access
in our lives that I think thatall of us are struggling with at
(54:46):
some degree at any point in ourlives to just realize that we
have control of what we say andthat will eventually have
control over how we think andhow we feel.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
It's a very liberating feeling, and one
thing that an analogy I like toshare is that everybody's
wearing a backpack in life, thistheoretical backpack, and often
may not realize what all is inthe backpack.
And when then wondering why wemay be upset so easily or angry,
(55:21):
or mentally and emotionallyfatigued, it's like, well,
you're carrying a backpack fullof bricks of this person's
memory and what they did to youfive years ago, and this
limiting belief that you have.
And when we can flip thatbackpack over and, in this case,
(55:44):
forgive somebody, you probablyshed you probably a dozens of
bricks that you're carryingaround.
And what's interesting is thatwe talk about.
Well, rather, what'sinteresting is that we can
paralyze ourselves with ourminds, and not because we're
(56:09):
carrying so many things around.
Your book, paralyzed toPowerful, comes out tomorrow,
eight years later, may 6th.
What are some keys to not allowus to paralyze ourselves and
(56:32):
what's the ultimate aim withthis book that's out now?
Speaker 1 (56:37):
Yeah, yeah, it's such a good way to view our
challenges as those things thatparalyze us, and I realized that
very early on that I wasparalyzed physically, but I had
things that were paralyzing memost emotionally and mentally,
and those are things that we alldeal with.
Um, and in overcoming thisjourney of physical paralysis,
(56:59):
I've gained a lot of tools thathave helped me to overcome those
things that paralyze usmentally and emotionally.
Um, so I lay out 15 differenttools and each chapter is one of
these tools in this book that'shelped me throughout that
journey.
Um, you know, things like we'vediscussed in here, like
perspective and uh, and likevision, Um, but I want to go
back to what's something that wetalked about earlier that I
(57:23):
think so important, because Ithink it's, I think it's one of
the biggest, and it is thatselfless commitment and, um, and
the way it started for me is itwas about five days into my
injury.
I'm hanging out there, butmaybe a little context is that I
used to coach youth rugby campswhen I was playing over at Cal.
Come back to Sacramento.
Adrian was like 10 to 14 yearsold for the campers, and this
(57:45):
one camper's name his name wasTalon and he was like really he
was a smaller player out therebut he had heart and everyone
just kind of rooted for him andI would give him the ball so he
could go score.
And you know, imagine me likeD1 athlete.
I'd pick them up and I'm likesix, five.
You know, everyone else is likeup to my hips and I'm like
(58:05):
bobbing and weaving in betweenthem.
So Talon can have his momentand we had this real bond.
And you know, go back to fivedays after my injury, my high
school is hosting a prayerservice for me.
They're praying for my healingand they're praying for my
strength.
And then my dad shows me apicture on his phone of someone
who I can't recognize.
But he's a kid, probably around15 years old, who's obviously
(58:26):
fighting for his life and hishair is very white and thin.
Who's obviously fighting forhis life and his hair is very
white and thin.
His body's just like skin andbones.
Skin is super pale.
And my dad tells me this kid isTalon and Talon was fighting
stage four cancer.
And this picture wasaccompanied by a caption that
his mom wrote and it read alongthe lines of Talon wanted so
(58:48):
badly to be at the prayerservice to pray for Robert today
, but he's in the hospitalundergoing chemotherapy and he's
wearing his Jesuit rugby shirtthat the team gifted him in his
first round of chemo.
It's his goal that when hebeats his cancer, he wants to go
play rugby, and Robert inspiredhim to do that.
But it closes with this sentencethat's just seared into my soul
and it changed everything forme, and it said stay strong and
(59:13):
keep smiling, Robert.
Your strength helps talent.
Stay strong, too.
Tears just pour down from myface because I realized in that
moment that overcoming thisinjury is not about me, it's
about him.
It's about all those people whoare inspired when I choose to
fight another day.
And um, I mean, here we aretoday on the you know the wind
(59:36):
today podcast.
We're talking about how I'm onday 2,886 today and I'm very
intentional about making mygoals happen on those days and
not letting a day slip me by,and my goal is to be able to
walk again and all that.
But that's not what's motivatedme this many years, because
(59:59):
there is a very possible, infact likely outcome that I will
never walk again and I willspend the rest of my life trying
to get out of this wheelchair,but it's just never going to
happen.
That's the statistics say thereis.
That is a far likely chancethat that will happen.
And I would be okay with thatbecause I would know that I've
(01:00:23):
helped people and that thisinjury didn't beat me,
wheelchair or not, because itdidn't break my spirit, it
didn't break my attitude and init I was given an ability to
inspire people that I neverwould have had if I got up from
that mall.
And it's all rooted in thatselfless commitment and we must
(01:00:46):
have that commitment and we justwe must have that.
We must be working for someoneelse in our lives If we do want
to persevere.
It'll help us, It'll helpothers, but more than anything
it gives us meaning and it givesus purpose in our lives and it
helps others.
And I go back to that kid talenta lot in my mind.
(01:01:07):
He battled cancer for fouryears and then he eventually
passed and he died a winner andhe died a fighter and he's the
greatest example I've ever seenof what it means to live with
that selfless commitment.
Because here he was, about 15years old, battling stage four
cancer and while he's undergoingchemo, he wasn't thinking about
(01:01:28):
himself and he wasn't prayingfor himself, he was thinking
about me and his life ended fartoo early, but he did more than
most of us ever do with ourlives and making an impact on
others because he lived that way.
So he's the greatest personI've ever known in my entire
life.
(01:01:48):
He is my absolute biggestinspiration and I will spend the
rest of my life sharing hisstory and his fighters spirit to
fight not just for himself butfor others, and he's helped me
more than anyone I could everknow.
Just an amazing principle tolive by.
(01:02:09):
That that we all got to, thatwe all got to take to heart.
Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
Amen to Talon, and it's my most sincere wish, rob,
that what you just said thereserves as an invitation and a
call to action to everyone,listening to do something, one
(01:02:33):
thing for one person, because inthat we'll never truly
understand the impact that wereally have in this world.
Look at the story you justshared right there and now, heck
, I can go and tell that storyto others, but it came down to
(01:02:56):
one person, one action and doingsomething that's bigger than
ourselves.
Of course, we want to win inlife.
However we define winning to beand accomplish our goals and,
I'm sure, lead a family, dogreat things, but one of the
(01:03:18):
most rewarding things that wecould ever do in this life is
impact another life positively,and it's my wish that that's the
invitation that you just gaveus right there, and it's my
second most sincere wish thatpeople pick up the book and
absorb all of the learnings andthe lessons that you've packed
in there and that we can trulyexperience all of your wisdom,
(01:03:44):
insights and inspiration.
It's a closing tradition on thepodcast, rob, to end with a
rapid fire session.
Envision that you and I aregoing out to lunch somewhere
cool in northern california andwe're going up three elevator
floors to have lunch on therooftop.
On each floor somebody is goingto enter the elevator for one
(01:04:08):
floor and they're going to getout and they're they're going to
and they've got a question.
The amount of time you have toanswer the question is the
amount of time it takes to go upone elevator floor, all right.
So this is one gem, one step,one book.
So the first person enters theelevator.
Rob, what's one gem that youhave, whether it be a quote or a
mantra that you live your lifeby, that I can put in my back
(01:04:31):
pocket and live my life by aswell.
Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Yeah, it's, I've done harder things.
So it's those little moments inlife that happen to us, when
we're having a tough day, orthose little things like our
phone runs out of battery,forgot your charger at home Just
be able to look at the thingsthat we've overcome, tell
ourselves we've done harderthings and keep us moving
forward.
I think we all need to rememberthat we've done incredible
(01:04:55):
things in our lives.
Speaker 2 (01:04:56):
Yes, sir, next person gets on, rob.
What's one step that I can taketoday to not become paralyzed
by my own thoughts and mind?
Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
It's to start looking up inspirational stories.
My own thoughts in mind, it'sto start looking up
inspirational stories.
I think we all have to spendlike very conscious, deliberate
time looking up stories ofhardship, so we don't get lost
in the minutia of life but justrealize how much, how much we
have that we can be grateful for.
Gotta.
Gotta spend some time lookingup stories of hardship.
Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
Perfect segue into the last one of stories.
What's one book, in addition toyours, that we should pick up
in 2025 to improve our mindsets?
Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl,
absolute stellar book Quote thatI go back to.
A lot from him is that anythingcan be taken from a man but one
thing the last of the humanfreedoms to choose one's
attitude in any given set ofcircumstances.
We're talking like major, majorscientists here and Holocaust
(01:06:00):
survivor just laying out someincredible wisdom that can
benefit all of us.
Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
It's an absolutely incredible book, rob.
It's been such a joy and aprivilege to have the
opportunity to interview you andhear your story.
How can we keep up with you andsupport you, in addition to
getting a copy of the booktomorrow when it releases?
Speaker 1 (01:06:24):
Yeah, absolutely so, for the book I'm going to be
available everywhere you buybooks Amazon, barnes, noble, all
that stuff doing an audio bookas well that I'm narrating
myself.
So look out for that.
Paralyzed to Powerful, and onsocial media I'm everywhere you
know Instagram, facebook,linkedin, twitter, tiktok kind
(01:06:45):
of got a monopoly on the nameRobert Paylor, so just look me
up and posting those dailyupdates to keep people moving
forward.
But just an absolute honor here.
Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
Brian, I can't thank you enough for having me and,
yeah, excited to connect withanybody who would like to so
excited for you, Rob, and againtruly appreciate the opportunity
today and the opportunity forlisteners to really rethink how
(01:07:16):
they view life and take in moreappreciation for what is and all
the little things reallythoroughly inspired by you and
your work and wish that thisserves as an invitation for
people to serve others, embracelife, take advantage of the
(01:07:41):
little things and express moreappreciation for the little
things, not paralyze ourselvesand win today.
Thank you so much you.
And then I just felt this god-awful crunch in my neck
and then just poof, can't moveanything, can't feel anything,
totally clear and conscious inmy mind of what's going on, just
as clear and conscious as I amright now, but 100% numb and
motionless from my collarbonedown, and in an instant I knew
(00:24):
that I broke my neck, that thiswas really bad and there was
like a 99.9% chance that my lifehad just completely changed,
that I was in my worst nightmareand I was not going to wake up
from it.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome to the Wednesday podcast, a weekly
resource thoughtfully crafted tohelp people build and refine
discipline, accomplish theirgoals, fortify their mindsets
and be of service to somebody inthis world.
My name is Ryan Cass and I amyour host, and it is my mission
and commitment to deliveramazing episodes to you every
week where you'll learn frommyself or renowned expert in
(01:08):
their field.
We love helping people win inevery aspect of their lives, and
you can help us win by sharingthe show with somebody that you
believe will benefit from it,subscribing and leaving a rating
and review.
We believe that everybody inthis world is meant to do
something great with their lives, and we're here to help play a
(01:29):
role in that.
Thank you for tuning in andlet's win today.
Imagine your life transformingin a single moment that you
would have never predicted.
Imagine living life walk intothe store today, walking back to
your home, to then, the nextday, those simple liberties are
(01:52):
completely stripped from you.
What would you do?
What would life look like?
Would you be able to see it asa blessing and eventually
inspire people, or would you beupset for the rest of your life?
Imagine your life beingtransformed in a single moment
to then that being the catalystto changing countless lives all
(02:18):
over the world and serving as aninspiration to those to take
full advantage of life, nomatter what happens to you.
And that's what we're about tolearn with our amazing guest,
rob Paylor today, whose lifechanged in an instant and now he
gets to inspire people all overthe world to embrace the small
(02:41):
victories.
To embrace the small victories,to embrace everything for what
is?
To take full advantage of ourpresence here on this beautiful
earth.
Rob, welcome man.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Ryan, thank you for having me and the audio.
Only people can't see it, butI'm blushing as red as a tomato
from that intro.
You got me fired up Veryexcited.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
As red as a tomato.
From that intro you got mefired up, Very excited, Stoked
to be with you Now before we getin your story and really dig
into the influence that you haveon people around the world and
to really take full advantage oftheir lives.
What's the most important thingthat we should know about you?
That we might not read aboutyou on a piece of paper.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Good one.
You know, I think the thingthat is really like my strongest
foundation is my faith, andit's something that's always
been a part of who I am and hascertainly changed over these
last eight years since my injuryhappened, and it's something
that just it gives me purpose inmy life, it gives me meaning in
my life and through all thesecrazy challenges I've been
through, and just the immensityof the ways in which my life has
(03:54):
changed has shown me that mychallenges aren't for nothing,
that all this hardship I'm goingthrough is not meaningless,
that it's rooted in purpose andthere's a plan going on here and
I might not know what's goingon, but it's going to something
good and it's been that trustand that faith that's really
helped me go in here.
So that's something that's justit's really foundational to who
(04:16):
I am and it's helped me througheverything I've gone through.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Did you ever question your faith after May 6th 2017?
You know, it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It matured a lot because I'm Christian and I was
always taught that God had aplan for my life.
I thought that plan was goodand then, you know, we're going
to go into it more, of course.
But my life gets turnedcompletely upside down.
I go from being D1 athlete,national championship competitor
(04:54):
, to I can't feed myself, Ican't breathe, I can't go to the
bathroom by myself and I mightnot ever be able to again, if I
even survive through this.
And I'm thinking about thatplan and I'm like if this is a
part of some plan, it's kind ofmessed up.
I don't know what's going onhere, um, but I always had trust
(05:15):
in that that like I have nocontrol.
Right now I have no controlover my body and my outcomes.
Really, the only thing that Istill have here is that faith
and that trust in that plan.
So I stuck with it.
But it's interesting At first Ikind of like I was so on board
that I thought like God destinedme to get hurt and I was
(05:39):
talking with like a spiritualdirector and I was kind of okay
with that.
I was like I could already seelike some of the fruits really
like being developed from thisand the impact it was making on
other people's lives.
Talking to my spiritualdirector, saying, like you know,
I know this was, like you knowGod wanted this to happen to me.
And he's like stop, god did notbreak your neck.
There was a person on thatfield who broke the laws of the
(06:00):
game.
He has free will and he brokeyour neck.
But your strength, yourfortitude that you're gaining
from this, the inspiration thatis providing to others, that's
God and that really helped me tomature, to be, to live out.
Strong faith Isn't just to liketake the easy road and
(06:20):
everything that you do.
It's.
It's really the opposite.
It's to embrace your sufferingsfor the good of others.
And it really helped me flipthat perspective of suffering
being for something oh my gosh,avoid that at all costs to be
something like.
It's not going to be easy, butthere's a gift within that for
you and for others.
(06:41):
So there was like that maturityprocess that really came in my
faith from all this and thisjust changed the way I really
see the world and the role thatsuffering has in our lives.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I love what you say about seeing the gift that it
delivers and I believe it doestake strong faith to be able to
see that on the other side of amoment or a circumstance or a
series of events, there isalways a either better version
(07:15):
of yourself or a series ofbetter outcomes that you would
have never imagined, or a thenan inspiring story.
But really the the root of that.
If you don't have strong, ifyou don't possess a strong
mindset and that sense of corevalues, then one may always see
(07:43):
a negative event as simply that,or a negative circumstance as
simply that, and not be able tosee and experience the abundance
of gifts that life delivers.
Before we started why all ofthis exists and some of the
(08:05):
things I saw growing up inCalifornia best gifts I could
have ever received in this lifethat just aren't packaged
they're just packaged a littlebit differently.
So what's your take on helpingpeople identify the gifts that
(08:27):
life packages a little bitdifferently for us?
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, it's interesting.
I mean, I think it's almostlike cliche.
Identifying those gifts it'slike no pain, no gain.
You know those kinds of littlesayings and stuff.
Gifts it's like no pain, nogain.
You know those those kinds oflittle sayings and stuff.
Um, there's, there's truth inthat, and if we wake up every
day and go to sleep, put ourpillow, our head on the pillow,
and think like I didn't doanything to challenge myself
(08:54):
today, um, you really didn'tgrow and and you didn't like
receive gifts, those gifts ofthat day if all you're doing is
just kind of like living forcomfort and living for yourself,
um, I think it's good to thinkof those things in which we do
want to grow and it is good forthat to benefit ourselves.
I do Like we shouldn'tcompletely ignore that.
But I think the biggest reasonwe should be doing it is in
(09:17):
service of others.
And if we can take on achallenge, discomfort, growth in
our lives for the service ofothers, it's going to endure,
it's going to hold us moreaccountable, because it's not
like the only person who'sallowing us to say, not, today,
I'm good, I'm going to take arest is just our own internal
(09:38):
dialogue.
We're really responsible topeople or to a mission that's
bigger than ourselves to peopleor to a mission that's bigger
than ourselves.
Here I am today, on day 2,886after my injury, battling
quadriplegia.
I continue to go each day, notjust so I can go from point A to
point B on my feet, but so thatI can provide inspiration to
(09:58):
others, help them overcome theirchallenges.
It gives me so much to whereit's just I can't quit and I
won't quit because I have thisbig commitment in our lives.
So I think it's finding thosetwo critical factors of it must
be uncomfortable and it mustserve others is how we identify
those gifts that might be foundand struggle.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Let's rewind the clock 2,886 days from today.
It's May 6th 2017.
You're a D1 athlete at Calplaying rugby the sport that you
love and your life changes inan instant.
Walk us through that.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Such a huge day and I was thinking about this this
morning, actually just like howcertain days have certain
significances you know birthdays, anniversaries, stuff like that
and it's just amazing how muchmy life changed on this day.
And, like you said, d1 athlete,uc Berkeley rugby player.
Just to give people somecontext, uc Berkeley is by far
(11:03):
the number one rugby program inthe nation.
At the time we're fighting forour 31st national championship,
with the tournament only beingaround for about 45 years.
So you can look at any team atany level in America and I think
the only team that has morehardware than us in any sport is
the Harlem Globetrotters andtheir games are rigged.
So, like we're doing prettygood.
I'm excited.
(11:23):
I'm starting.
I'm a sophomore.
This wasn't an easy or commonthing to do, to be starting on a
team like this in a game likethis as a sophomore.
So I absolutely love this game.
I love this university.
I'm getting into the businessschool there, got my dreams
after that.
It was just a really good timeto be me and I knew that.
(11:46):
I was very grateful for it.
And it was early on in this gamethat I'm competing in a mall,
which is when the big guys wegroup up in a single unit and we
start pushing to advance, theball.
Defense's job is to comestraight in and stop us from
moving forward.
It's kind of like in footballwhen a running back gets stood
up and the lineman moved thepile, like that we're just a
little more organized about it.
And it was totally my moment.
I mean six, five at the time,like 245 pounds.
(12:10):
I'm just on this field to movebodies and we're five meters out
from scoring this thing.
I'm like drooling here,thinking let's go rob, drive
this thing in.
And then as I'm doing that,these opposing players, they
start making these illegal movesand referee's not calling
anything.
So I remember we're in a lineout, I bring the ball carrier
down, I throw my, my shouldersforward and immediately I get
(12:32):
pressure from the side, which isa penalty in rugby, can't do
that or the ref's not calling it.
So you know things happen inrugby and you just got to keep
moving forward.
But this first player who comesin, he finds my head in a
headlock so he's got my chinkind of pinned down to my chest
and in rugby that's an automaticyellow or red card.
You do that, you're gone, butthe ref's not calling it, and I
(12:54):
keep pushing forward.
I keep just kind of moving mylegs and another player comes in
and he chops me down by my legs.
So I start going down and thisarm lock that's around my neck
it continues to improve.
I'm just muscles flexing in theform.
I'm trying to fight upwards butI just can't.
It's a it's a losing battle.
And I remember I just kind ofclosed my eyes, I gripped my
teeth for impact and then I justfelt this God awful crunch in
(13:18):
my neck and then just poof,can't move anything, can't feel
anything.
Totally clear and conscious inmy mind of what's going on, just
as clear and conscious as I amright now, but 100% numb and
motionless from my collarbonedown.
And in an instant I knew that Ibroke my neck, that this was
(13:45):
really bad and there was like a99.9% chance that my life had
just completely changed, that Iwas in my worst nightmare and I
was not going to wake up from itBecause I had no contact sports
.
These things happen.
They're not common, but theyhappen.
I remember I was like're notcommon, but they happen.
(14:09):
I remember I was like thinkingback to stories that I'd seen,
like this the one I thought ofthe time was Eric LeGrand, and
Eric was a Rutgers footballplayer and he was on special
teams cervical spinal cordinjury, paralyzed, and I mean
this guy's got the heart of awarrior.
I mean, he's amazing and he'sgotten a lot more progress back
than he was supposed to, buthe's a quadriplegic and he's in
a chair and he needed to be on avent for some time just so he
(14:32):
could breathe.
And I've started thinking likethat's going to be me, like I
might not even get as far as hedid.
And I just envisioned thisreality where I'm going to just
sit in a house all day.
I won't go back to Cal, I won'tget my degree.
I want to have a job.
Nobody's going to want to marryme I mean, who would want to
(14:53):
marry this?
And my mom's just going tospoon feed me and then she's
going to die and then I'm goingto have some caregiver just keep
me alive and my life's over.
And this all unfolds in a fewseconds, playing out of my head
Medical trainers, doctors comeover.
They're saying, robert, can youmove this, can you feel
(15:14):
anything?
And my answer is just no,nothing.
Get over to the hospital.
X-ray, ct scan, mri.
They cut my jersey off my body.
It's up in my house in the room, actually now stitched together
, and my doctor comes back.
He's got a bad look on his faceand very frankly he says,
(15:35):
robert, you will never walkagain, you will never move your
hands.
We're going to do our best sothat one day you can do
something like pick up a pieceof pizza and bring it to your
face.
And if you can do that, youmade it.
If you can just feed yourself,you beat all the odds.
So I'm sitting here in ahospital bed, can't move or feel
anything below my neck, andthat morning I thought it was
(15:56):
going to be the best day of mylife, the day I become a
national champion.
And now I don't even know ifit's going to be my last day or
not.
And in that moment I didn'thave a lot of choices.
But I knew one thing, andthat's that I just had to give
everything.
I have to get everything I canget out of this injury.
(16:22):
And my doctor finishes theconversation by recommending I
go into emergency spinal fusionsurgery.
He explains that the disc inbetween my C5-6 vertebrae
ruptured into my spinal cord andI had fracturing at my C4-5-6
vertebrae and the damage wouldonly continue unless we really
stabilize this region.
So spinal fusion surgery isnumber one.
Number two was a halo drilledinto my skull to try and get my
spine to set and heal, and hetold me this was a potentially
(16:44):
life-threatening surgery and Ihad about 30 minutes to decide
whether or not I wanted to gointo this thing, because time
was pretty critical at thispoint.
So first phone call I make is tomy um spiritual director same
guy I was talking about earlierand I tell him about what
happened and I want him to senda priest over before I go into
the surgery.
And he gives me this amazingadvice that just gave me so much
(17:08):
power in what was a powerlesssituation.
And he said, robert, throughoutthis journey there's gonna be a
lot of things that you can'tcontrol, but the one thing you
always have control over is yourmindset.
So your positivity, yourambition, your willingness to
take on this challenge every dayand fight is up to you, and
this injury can't take that awayfrom you.
And that just it gave mesomething I could focus on and
(17:31):
something I could control,because I had.
I didn't have the odds on myside.
I did not have some doctorssaying that everything was going
to be okay.
I had no signs of life showingback up in my body, but I had my
mindset and I had that decisionthat we all have at every
second of our lives to just keepmoving forward.
(17:54):
So that gave me a lot ofconfidence to go into the
surgery.
That I can block out thatemotion and that anxiety in the
moment, really singularly focuson that one thing I can control
Just do I go into surgery or doI not?
Um, it gave me that clarity tobe able to go into there and I
remember just saying my prayerswith my family and I said
(18:16):
goodbye to them.
I got rolled into thatoperating room.
They, they put the anesthesiamask over me and I count down
from a hundred, you know, downto zero.
I think I got to 98 and closedmy eyes and that concluded the
day, may 6, 2017, for me.
Wow.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
What a whirlwind, unbelievable, and what a
testament to so many things aswell.
What a testament to so manythings as well, a testament to
everybody, to one no-transcriptexpress appreciation and
(19:03):
gratitude for the smallestthings that we may often take
for granted.
So many times we hear aboutpeople that may have to complain
about a long walk, or theydidn't park close enough to the
grocery store and they had towalk all the way back to the
cart stand, and they had to walkall the way back to the cart
(19:27):
stand.
Imagine, if that was taken fromyou, how much you would love to
have the longest walk in theworld.
Another thing a testament torecreate an entirely new
(20:02):
scenario.
So that's what I think about.
And Rob, being a competitor andplaying rugby at the premier
program in the country, I knowyou love winning.
I know that you love to defyodds.
If someone says you guys can'tbeat this team, this team.
(20:23):
No, we're going to beat thisteam and I'm going to show you
exactly how we're going to do it.
I'm going to take it right toyou at what point, from hearing
the doctor's diagnosis theinitial diagnosis that you're
not going to walk again to thenhaving the discussion with your
spiritual director, are you thenhaving thoughts of all right,
(20:44):
I'm going to beat this thing,I'm going to find a way to make
these legs move again someday,and I'm not going to create this
reality of I'm sitting in achair all day long and nobody's
going to love me, nobody's goingto want to be around me.
At what point does thatdialogue start taking place?
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, it's a hope that I was really always holding
on to and it was as simple as Iremember.
I got strapped into the gurneyand brought into the ambulance
on my way over to the hospital.
He's kind of telling me what'sgoing to happen.
When I get there and ask if Ihave any questions, the first
thing I ask, only thing I ask isam I going to walk again?
(21:30):
And he says I don't know.
And that honestly gave me alittle bit of hope that it
wasn't a flat out no, that therewere people out there, there
was some, be it extremely small,possibility that I could beat
this and I didn't have to be inthat statistical range which is
(21:52):
probably like 98, 99%, that Iwouldn't get any better, that
this would just kind of be mypermanent, my permanent reality.
And I think so much of thatcame from that like competitor's
mindset, from that foundationthat had really been built in me
in athletics because, beingable to play for the Cal rugby
(22:13):
team, we were not taught toaccept mediocrity for our team,
for ourselves as players.
We were taught to be the bestversions of ourselves that we
could possibly be.
I learned that at Cal rugby.
I also played for the numberone high school program in the
nation for for rugby over inSacramento Jesuit high school
very much similar mindset.
It was just we are going to bethe best.
(22:35):
We are not going to acceptanything less that we have to
push to be the best versions ofourselves.
So if, if there was some smallchance that I could beat this
thing, it had to be me, I wasgoing to go for it.
And I think so much of that wasjust like knowing you don't know
how hard I'm willing to workand you don't know those times
(22:56):
when we're 78 minutes into thisrugby match, we're going down to
the wire and I just I can'teven fathom like putting my foot
in front of the other, Um, butI do it again and I do it again
and I pick it a big tackle.
Or you know those times whenit's like okay, time to wake up
at 5am to go run hill sprintswith the team, like little
things like that.
It just builds this fortitudewithin you to where you start
(23:17):
building that confidence aboutyourself that you can put forth
an extraordinary amount ofeffort and dedication that the
studies just haven't seen.
I just I believed in that andalso knew that in the end of the
day, whatever happens, if it'soutside of my control, I have to
have some willingness to beable to let go of that.
(23:39):
But what I could not accept isthat I didn't do everything that
I could.
I couldn't put my head on thepillow at the end of the day,
knowing that I didn't just layit all out there and give
everything.
I had to overcome this.
So it was more just like okay,let's push that away.
I don't need that negativity inmy mindset right now, because
it will absolutely crush me andmy ability to move forward.
What is something that I can do?
(24:00):
And I was fortunate that once Igot out of that surgery
situation, that I could finallystart focusing on those just
little things.
Even if it's just like breathe,eat, If that's what I need to
do to get better, that's whatI'm going to focus on and just
pour absolutely everything Ihave into it, just like I did
when I was an athlete.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I feel like one of the best things that a
competitor, a serious competitorand someone with an indomitable
or unshakable mindset can hearis the word no, and I've
redefined it as no, as newopportunity.
No Meaning when we really wantsomething.
(24:43):
It's never a matter of if.
It's simply a matter of when,because we're not going to stop,
no matter the circumstances.
And I can only imagine hearingthat and then just thinking I am
going to prove you wrong and Idon't care if it takes 2,886
days or 5,000 days.
Gosh, darn it, I'm going towalk unassisted someday.
(25:07):
And you're making those,literally those steps every
single day.
Post-surgery, as I'm sure thisstarts to sink in as okay, this
is like.
Now you're really feeling howdifferent life is.
Talk through those those early,those earliest moments, and
(25:33):
maybe even the first few days,weeks, months post-surgery,
because there were additionalcomplications from there.
But now your new reality isokay, hey, you can't move right
that that much yet.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
What is?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
that like.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Yeah, that's when it got most difficult, um, because
I think anybody can be paralyzedfor a day or a week, or
probably even a month, um.
But as it keeps adding up andyou have that uncertainty
looming in front of you, that'swhen that real mental battle
settles in.
And, you know, I wake up fromthe surgery totally just bleary
(26:12):
eyed, super groggy, but likereally hoping that I would wake
up and they would just find thisabsolute medical anomaly that
would help me to just like wakeup and I'm fine.
And it wasn't the case.
So I'm kind of like OK,yesterday wasn't a bad dream,
this was real, and I had a newdoctor come in and he was a
little bit more optimistic.
He's like your injury is quitesevere, robert, but you do have
(26:36):
some things going for you.
Your athletic background's huge, like what we just talked about
, like that mindset.
That's like the biggestcomponent.
Number two healthy body.
I had some headwinds that weregoing to come my way and my body
would be more prepared to takethat on.
I was young, you know, mynervous system is still
developing.
That's good for thatregeneration and a really strong
(26:56):
support system.
Amazing family, amazing friends, my team right there with me,
just like tens and tens and tensof players in the lobby just
waiting for that first momentthey can come in the door and
see me.
I had a lot of positives goingfor me so that really helped.
But I needed it because I gotpneumonia and that's dangerous
for anybody, right?
But I couldn't cough, Icouldn't like breathe on my own.
(27:18):
My diaphragm was mostlyparalyzed.
So something got stuck in mywindpipe.
I could not cough it out, Iwould just sit there choking on
it.
And then we get someone to slamdown on my lungs to try and
move this out, just so I canstart breathing.
And I remember the first time Itried to eat something I
swallow and it just gets stuckright in my windpipe.
And there I am, I can't coughit out.
(27:39):
I'm like, oh goodness, youcan't eat.
So they shove a tube up my noseand down to my stomach.
It took three days to get inthere because I broke my nose so
many times playing rugby, and Italk about pain.
I don't know if you ever didone of those COVID tests where
it feels like it's poking yourbrain.
I mean that times, times, ahundred, right.
This thing's going all the waydown to my stomach and I just
(28:01):
but I kept going back to thatlike control your mindset piece
that when they're shoving thistube up my nose for an hour,
blood's going down my throatinto my mouth.
I mean I'm just like I'm justcrying, um can't, couldn't grip
the sheets, even if I wanted to.
But, man, what you know, what Ihave, and, uh, you know, for
these breathing treatments,no-transcript.
(28:49):
But what kept me going was thatcontrol your mindset piece.
It's like do you want to eat ornot?
Yes, let them shove this tubedown your nose.
Do you want to breathe or not?
Yes, go into another breathingtreatment.
Whether it's 3 PM or 3am, youhave to do it.
And and that that kept memoving forward through that
period.
And I mean, yeah, I needed itand I got through that and then
(29:13):
eventually could finally startdoing some rehab.
And I mean, just, I rememberhow excited I was to really just
be like, okay, I got throughthat medical period and like now
I'm in the game, this is whereit gets fun Definitely had a
strong dose of humility.
I mean I remember the first PTexercise I ever did was going
(29:34):
from laying on my back to layingon my side and I mean, we're
talking just like just 15minutes of trying as hard as I
can to fling what control I hadin my arms over and hopefully
take that momentum to bring meover.
So you know, if you would haverewinded just a couple of weeks
ago, I'd be putting 405 poundson my back and squatting it, you
(29:54):
know.
Or running a rugby field for 80minutes.
And you know, here I am justtrying to go from my back to my
side in a laying position.
But again, it's kind of likecontrol that mind, your mindset.
What can I control?
If this is the task I need totake on right now, this is what
I'm going to do.
So did I fight those thoughtsof like, why me?
(30:14):
Why am I going through thisHeck?
Yes, absolutely.
But when I could like be in theaction it kind of faded and it
was like I'm just here, anotherathlete, with my coach, a
physical therapist, and we'regetting after it.
So that really helped me tofocus down on what I needed to
do to get better and get throughthose tough moments.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
I want to talk about your perspective on embracing
the small victories and, as Iwas looking through your earlier
videos and following yourjourney, you described that at
the time one of the best days ofyour life, or it felt like one
of the best days of your lifewas when you could wiggle your
toe just a little bit, like themost minuscule movement,
something that I'm sure beforeMay 6th, you would have never
(31:11):
thought twice about that.
All right, I move my toes.
I move people around a rugbyfield, but now something as
simple as moving your toes isequated to one of the best
feelings you've ever had.
What's your perspective?
Around us, embracing the littlethings in life and using that
(31:36):
as fuel to continue movingforward.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Oh my gosh, it's so important and I think it's one
of those, when we talk aboutthose gifts that come out of
adversity, it's definitely oneof the biggest gifts I've
received um is just being ableto keep track of those little
things I have in my life.
Um, because, yeah, like if Iwas wiggling my toes, I mean I
wouldn't even give it a thought.
And uh, you know, here I mean Iwas literally moved to tears by
(32:01):
not even like not just not likeplaying the piano with my toes.
Here, like I mean I'm justflickering one toe.
And I remember because it wasabout six weeks it took me to
get that flicker of movement,and I mean I would just stare at
those bad boys trying to getthem to move.
And it was Father's Day actuallyin June of 2017, when I got
(32:22):
just that little wiggle ofmovement and I mean, and uh, and
I made immediately like tearsrun down my face and I'm
thinking I was told that thiswould never happen and I can
finally wiggle a toe.
And I just thought back of,like, you know, around that time
, like my buddies and everyoneat Cal was like going through
(32:43):
finals, so they're all you knowcomplaining.
You ask them hey, how's yourday going?
Oh, not good.
You know I'm uh, you know I'vejust been in the library for
like eight hours today and Idon't know what's gonna, you
know, happen for this final anduh, and I'm just thinking like
here I am and I'm crying becauseI was able to wiggle my toe.
(33:03):
Right now it's just like such adifferent world.
And don't get me wrong, if Ididn't break my neck, I would
have been probably complainingabout those finals too.
Um, it's almost like I kind ofwoke up from a, from a sleep
that you know, this mask hadbeen taken over my, off my eyes,
and uh was just brought intothis entirely different world.
That showed me just how amazinga normal day is.
(33:26):
I mean, I think we just letthose normal days just kind of
pass by us over and over andover again in our lives, and
it's not until something likethis happens where you can
really realize how lucky you are.
And you know, it's like there'sa common saying like that right,
like you don't know what youhave until you don't have it
anymore, and I think that's justthe absolute worst saying we
could ever live by.
(33:46):
Why should we wait to losesomething before we actually
start showing appreciation forit.
And you don't have to gothrough what I've gone through
to have that perspective in yourlife.
You just have to have empathyand you have to be able to look
at the struggles that others gothrough, have that perspective
point to compare what you gothrough right now and realize
(34:10):
what you have, be grateful forwhat you have and just have that
general awareness of when youfind yourself complaining about
something, because oftentimes wecomplain about something that
we would mourn if we lost it.
So you think about someone likeoh, you know I got to go on
this, you know I'm going to gorun this 5k today or whatever,
and like I'm super sore, youknow like what are you
(34:33):
complaining about?
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Like what if you?
Speaker 1 (34:35):
couldn't do that.
You, you, I mean you'd you'd bean absolute mess if you
couldn't run that 5k.
So why are you complainingabout it?
I don't know.
It's like it gets on my nervesnow when I, when I think about
little little things like that,those little complaints in our
lives, so it comes down to thesaying um, that's really helped
me to have that like quickperspective shift and it's
called compared to what.
(34:55):
So just be like wow, I'm reallytired, but compared to what.
Or there's a lot of hardshipthat I'm going through right now
, but compared to what, there'sa lot that I can do, there's a
lot that I do have.
So I think that's a good toolfor us all to have in our tool
belt that compared to what, towhen we find ourselves having
(35:15):
those little complaints aboutlife, to just run that through
our mind, realize just how luckywe are to have all those little
things, those little victoriesthat we have in our lives,
because they are gifts and thosethings can be taken away.
So appreciate that every second.
You have them because you're solucky.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
I love that compared to what, and you bring up a
great point and it makes methink of something that I've
heard recently from Sahil Bloom.
He just wrote the Five Types ofWealth and got to have a
conversation with him a fewweeks ago and one thing he
brought up is that we oftencomplain about the very thing
(35:54):
that we prayed and wished formost in life Wow.
So think about people that thathave families and a baby you
(36:38):
praying to again live a happyand healthy life.
That's mixed in there somehowlive a happy and healthy life
that's mixed in there somehow.
And then we're going tocomplain about going back a few
minutes ago, how far we have towalk to get to our car.
It's interesting, but I lovethat.
I'm going to start mentioningthat to people the compared to
(36:59):
what, because that's an instant,instant shift we can create and
get us back to center like, hey, man, totally, we have a lot.
We have a lot of great thingsgoing for us right now.
Gotta look for a minute, removeourselves from the situation,
zoom out just slightly andyou'll see it.
What have been some of the asyou reflect back on this journey
(37:24):
, rob?
What have been in addition tomoving your toes some of the
most victorious or rewardingmoments that you've experienced
thus far.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Yeah, there's been so many and I just like run
through the big ones so to likeupdate everyone on just how
amazing this recovery has gone.
So I went from you know, nomotion at all below my neck,
can't breathe, can't eat, cryingwhen I'm wiggling a toe to
where I spent a year in Coloradoat a hospital and I walked out
(37:56):
of those hospital doors in mywalker and I now have almost
full motion in my upper body andmy fingers.
I can walk 400 yards in mywalker now and I stay on that
grind every day to get more.
And I went back to UC Berkeleyand I graduated and I walked
across that stage to get mydiploma from the number one
(38:18):
public university in the worldand sorry for the UCLA fans out
there, we can talk about thenumber one rankings later, but I
mean huge moments in my life,right, and I think the one that
I draw, that I draw back to andcontinues to inspire me, is when
I took my first steps, like ina harness and everything.
(38:39):
So I go to this awesomehospital over in Colorado and
totally different outlook.
When they talk to me, I meanthese guys are awesome and
they're like Robert, whathappened to you is terrible, but
we don't know where you'regoing to progress from here.
I mean, you might walk intothese doors one day and you very
well might not, but we're goingto give you everything we've
got.
(39:00):
And I remember when I wiggledthat toe it was a few days later
that if I were laying on myback I could lift my knee up
just a few inches off of the mat.
And they saw that and they'relike we're gonna get you walking
and I'm like hold on, like Ican wiggle a toe and kind of
like move my knee a little bit.
I don't.
I don't understand like howthis translates to walking, but
(39:22):
that's where their genius reallycame in and I remember they had
me essentially translates towalking, but that's where their
genius really came in and Iremember they had me essentially
connected to a winch, that'sconnected to a track in the
ceiling to prevent me fromfalling down and I can move back
and forth.
Room probably went like 50yards in a straight line and I
was in this really heavy dutywalker and I had a therapist
behind me, kind of like on arolling stool.
(39:43):
So they're like holding onto myknees to get me locked out, but
I'll kind of guide my feet if Icould get in this walking
motion.
And uh, I mean, gosh right, Ijust can't even explain how
badly you want to walk when youlose that ability to walk, and
you know, for for weeks or youknow, at this point, probably
like a couple months, um, I mean, it's just constant, it all.
(40:04):
I saw I'd watch a movie and Iwouldn't even be thinking about
the plot, I'd just be thinkingabout how the person just stood
up from a park bench, like Iwanted it so badly and prayed
for that moment to just have thechance to walk.
And here I was hoisted up intothe ceiling, um, you know, like
supported so I can be in thatstanding position for the first
time.
And uh, and then, you know, Ikind of got that green light.
(40:28):
Here's my moment.
And I remember my physicaltherapist saying all right, rob,
right knee forward.
And I just I grip my teeth, youknow, squinting my eyes,
grunting like everything I canto get this right knee forward.
And uh, and it just like popsboom forward.
And uh, you know, we're allkind of shocked.
It's like all right, plant itinto the ground.
(40:49):
I do everything I can to likeput that heel firm into the
ground.
Okay, left leg, like everythingI have, everything I have, just
dumping it all into getting thisknee forward.
Boom it goes.
Plant it.
Right leg, plant it.
Left leg, plant it.
And I mean I am like drenched insweat, just like screaming.
(41:09):
I mean like the whole room canhear me, uh, just going nuts on
this thing.
It takes me two hours to gothat 50 yards and back.
And I look back at those videosand, um, I mean it was just
like one of the proudest momentsI've ever had in my life that I
like I took those first steps.
(41:30):
And I remember after, after myrehab, for that day, I just went
back into my room and I justwept, I mean just just crying.
I was so grateful to just havethat chance to give everything I
have and just go 50 yards downand back.
Um, and I, you know, I I nevertry to forget that just like how
badly I wanted that at thatmoment.
(41:52):
And I try to take that, youknow, into my workouts that I do
now and uh, and just everyendeavor I have, to just have
that kind of absolute gratitudeand aggression for what I'm
doing in the moment.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
That's beautiful, and I've loved watching your videos
and seeing the journey and evenseeing you standing up with
your wife in the beach in Hawaiiand making progress on your
journey there.
One thing I'm curious about isthe dream, rob, that okay, hey,
we can walk and run unassisted,and if so, is that being tracked
(42:34):
at that overall big milestone,or are you chasing or do you
create little milestones alongthe way, like, for instance, are
you going towards the big thingright now or are you going
towards, let's get to 600 yards,800 yards, like do you break it
out you?
Speaker 1 (42:54):
have to.
Yeah, you absolutely have tohave both, and so this is kind
of like all like in constructingmy, my vision and my goals.
So I think in goal setting youdo have to have those two things
.
You have to have thatoverarching vision, that end
destination that you want toreach.
Try to quantify it as much asyou can For me, really tough in
my situation.
So for that ultimate vision,that's all I thought about in
(43:16):
the beginning, right, and thatultimate vision for me was to
never need to use my wheelchairagain.
So one day I will stand up outof this thing.
I will never sit back down andI don't really care if that's
like with a walker or crutchesor unassisted, however that
looks.
Obviously, if I can get tounassisted, that's like the
ultimate.
But really just to bewheelchair independent was my
(43:38):
goal, and so that's, like youknow, pie in the sky, that's
what gets you up out of bed inthe morning, something that's a
big stretch goal.
Um, I mean, at the time of myinjury is probably I mean easy
less than 1% that that wouldever happen for me.
But it was kind of like thedumb and dumber question, like,
so you're saying there's achance.
I mean, I was just like, ifthere's any possibility, I'm
(43:59):
going for it.
And you know, like I saidearlier, when you lose your
ability to walk, there's nothingmore that you want.
So that was a that was a greatgoal for me to have and but I
had to break it down from thereand I took the took this
leadership class at UC Berkeley.
The professor's name is DanMulhern and and he has a good
way of explaining it that wasreally the way that I broke this
down to and continue to use itto this day is thinking from
(44:22):
right to left.
So if we think of like a timecontinuum, we you know, it's
like the way that we read wehave our current reality on the
left and then, as we move to theright or in the future and a
lot of the times when weconstruct our goals, I think,
okay, we were like focus a loton the little steps and then we
kind of like lose sight of thatlarger vision.
We need to spend the bulk ofour time in the beginning really
(44:47):
thinking about where we want tobe and then deconstruct from
that point.
So we think from right to left,from future to present.
So what do I need to be able todo before I'm wheelchair
independent.
Well, I think one of the laststeps that there's going to be
for me is really be able to likewalk a mile straight.
I'm going to need to be able toat least walk one mile straight
(45:08):
with no rest, so I have to beable to do that.
Before that I'm going to beable to need to get myself up
off the ground.
That's a big deal for someonewith a mobility impairment.
Before that, I'm going to beable to need to be able to go go
from like a one knee positionto getting my leg up and
supporting myself into thestanding position.
Before that I'm going to needto be able to stand up from a
(45:31):
couch.
Before that I need to be ableto stand up from my bed.
You kind of see how the processworks here.
Everything is predicated fromthat ultimate vision.
Then getting down to my currentreality, which I always have had
to also be very in tune with,because I met a lot of people
who are like I'm not aquadriplegic, this just isn't me
.
I'm going to walk out of this,this hospital, a month.
(45:53):
And because they weren't intune with where they were, they
weren't able to get where theywanted to go.
They just didn't realize howmuch effort it was really going
to take and, uh, and the luckthat they needed to have on
their side too.
So I was in tune with that.
So in the beginning it was likeI need to be able to breathe
and I need to be able to eat.
(46:13):
So I think that's a good way tobreak down those overarching
goals that we want to achieve.
But then it's also important tohave daily goals that we can
can achieve.
Because for me right now youknow I can walk 400 yards it's
not easy to like double yourvolume when you start getting
into kind of like those likeyou're really stretching
yourself that far.
Um, so like my goal is to geton my feet every single day.
(46:37):
That's something I can do.
Uh, want to make sure I'm out ofbed by 7 15 every morning.
That's something that I can do.
I can have that victory andit's putting me on that track to
achieving all those goals thatI have along the way.
So that's how I would recommendsomeone set their goals Spend a
lot of time on the front endthinking about that ultimate
(46:57):
vision.
Get some pen and paper out,thinking from right to left the
milestones that you knew toachieve, and then give yourself
some daily goals too, so thatyou can keep yourself on track,
keep accomplishing those thingsthat you need to do to get to
that ultimate vision.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
The right to left framework is really useful
because you've got your ideal inmind, and then the way I've
always looked at that is if weare going to get to the far
right, what must be true, okay.
Well, if we're going to bewheelchair independent, what
must be true, well, I must beable to get out of bed.
What must be true for me to getout of bed?
(47:33):
And you keep going that way.
I find it to be more fun to takethe right to left approach,
actually, versus, yeah,traditional thinking or not to
say it's flawed, but traditionalis okay, we're going to go left
to right.
Well, right to left, I believe,makes the end goal feel even
(48:02):
more real, or like we're gettingthere.
There's no option, right,mm-hmm, rob, if we break down
the, the root cause of why youare where you are right now and
you mentioned that on May 6thyou were going in to push your
teammates forward and playerscame in and did illegal moves,
(48:25):
weren't called, ultimatelyresulting in where you are right
now the, from what I understand, weren't called, ultimately
resulting in where you are rightnow, mm-hmm, from what I
understand, the man that had youin a headlock.
You've never heard from himtoday, eight years later, and
you talked about forgivenessbefore we got started.
(48:48):
Mm-hmm, forgiveness before wegot started.
What role has forgivenessplayed on this journey, and what
would you have to say to thisman if he ever connected with
you in the future?
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah, forgiveness has been critically important
through this journey and easilyone of the most difficult things
that I've gone through, becausemy instinct as a rugby player
was when someone hits you back,you hit them back harder.
You know, there's kind of liketwo forms of justice on the
rugby field.
There's a referee blowing hiswhistle and then there's justice
(49:28):
that we enact with ourshoulders and I mean I was a big
guy, I was a physical guy.
There's a referee blowing hiswhistle and then there's justice
that we enact with ourshoulders and uh, and I mean I
was a big guy, I was a physicalguy, and uh, if someone put a
cheap shot on me, you know I wasgoing to let let them know that
they can't be doing that.
Um, so here I've been put on myback and there was nothing I
could, I couldn't eat.
I'm fighting for my life.
I literally have.
I had a treatment where myrespiratory therapist we filled
(49:55):
out, we filled up what was likeprobably two cups worth of
phlegm from my lungs and thewhole time he's just saying this
is bad, this is bad.
And he's walking out in theroom and the last thing he says
is you're in trouble, robert,and he just goes and I would
think of moments like that andit's like I'm not in this
situation because I was doingsomething stupid.
(50:15):
You know, like drunk driving orum, you know, just like those,
those like just stupid flukesthat happens Like no, I was
trying to achieve greatgreatness in my life and someone
made an illegal move, um,wrapping me around my neck, and
I was I mean, I was looking atjust flat out empirical evidence
I mean pictures, videos frommultiple angles that I was
(50:36):
driven by my neck, driving myskull into the turf, which
essentially slammed my foreheadagainst my chest and caused all
of this and, um, I mean just theinitial hatred I had in my
heart.
I just I can't even explain it.
Um, so immediately it kind ofcame down to like a moral
dilemma sort of question for me,like we started about in the
(50:57):
beginning of this conversationfaith, very important to me, and
this is something that this wasa teaching that I knew was very
clear.
So that really that helped memake that initial step of just
kind of knowing what's what Ineeded to do.
And in the beginning it was anabsolute fake, until you make it
kind of thing and people wouldask me Rob, what do you think
about this guy and no matter howmuch rage I was feeling
(51:20):
internally, I would just say Iforgive him and I wish him well.
I forgive him and people youknow they'd get into it and it'd
be like, yeah, I know it's bad,but I forgive him and I hope
he's doing okay, no matter whatI felt.
And as time went on, as I saidthose words, it just kind of
slowly burned out that fire ofrage.
And I think that's a goodanalogy to think of it, as that
(51:43):
process of forgiveness is like afire, and initially somebody
starts that fire for us whenwe've been wronged, but then
they're gone and they're nothanging out and we can keep
dumping wood on that fire andbuilding onto that rage as much
as we want, and the only personit's going to burn is us.
But over time, if we choose notto put fuel on that fire, to
(52:08):
say that we forgive them, to notactively engage in those
negative thoughts, it slowlyburns itself out and then we're
finally free and I think, likethat's the true gift of
forgiveness is that freedom andliberation.
It's not just removing guiltfrom the person who did wrong,
it's removing all those negativeattachments from the person who
(52:30):
was wronged and I think if wecan just realize first that it's
always what's best for us andthen realize it's a journey and
we don't have to feel itinternally to be on that path of
forgiveness, we can controlwhat we say and what we actively
engage in and it will, overtime, eventually control the way
(52:52):
that we think and the way thatwe feel.
It can take years, but it willmake a difference in your life
and it is always the right thingto do.
Those are some really importantrealizations that there's not a
lot of generalizations we canmake in life, but one I'm
confident is that forgiveness isalways the answer.
So if this person did reach outto me, it would be that I
(53:14):
forgive him and you know itprobably wouldn't be the longest
conversation.
I mean, I don't.
I don't think to forgivesomeone that you have to be like
best buddies with them, um, butyou gotta.
you gotta eventually get to thatpath of removing those negative
attachments and you can't goaround spreading rumors about
them or allowing those feelingsof hate to control your actions.
I would say that I forgive himand I would have everything that
(53:37):
I've gone through in the backof my mind.
Those moments when a nurse wassaying that I'm you know, I'm in
trouble, and when I'm gettingtubes shoved up my nose and I'm
not getting a lick of sleepthroughout the day, and how it
was all because of his actions.
Those would all still existwith me.
But beyond that would be thatvery intentional decision to
(53:59):
forgive that person.
And I'm just so happy I've madethat choice because I'm looking
ahead of me.
I'm not looking back behind myshoulder over things that are in
the past and what other peopleare doing.
I'm thinking about myself andwhat I can control and just the
amazing things that I still havein front of me.
So, just like such a criticallyimportant decision that I've
made and I've just I've learnedso much from and you know, final
(54:22):
thing I'll say to just wrap up,forgiveness is it doesn't have
to be people that we'reforgiving too.
It can also just be those timeswhen we feel like the world is
just against us and the universejust hates us, we're looking up
in the sky like why To be ableto let go of those things too,
to not give power to thosethings that bring us down.
That's kind of another form offorgiveness that we can access
in our lives that I think thatall of us are struggling with at
(54:46):
some degree at any point in ourlives to just realize that we
have control of what we say andthat will eventually have
control over how we think andhow we feel.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
It's a very liberating feeling, and one
thing that an analogy I like toshare is that everybody's
wearing a backpack in life, thistheoretical backpack, and often
may not realize what all is inthe backpack.
And when then wondering why wemay be upset so easily or angry,
(55:21):
or mentally and emotionallyfatigued, it's like, well,
you're carrying a backpack fullof bricks of this person's
memory and what they did to youfive years ago, and this
limiting belief that you have.
And when we can flip thatbackpack over and, in this case,
(55:44):
forgive somebody, you probablyshed you probably a dozens of
bricks that you're carryingaround.
And what's interesting is thatwe talk about.
Well, rather, what'sinteresting is that we can
paralyze ourselves with ourminds, and not because we're
(56:09):
carrying so many things around.
Your book, paralyzed toPowerful, comes out tomorrow,
eight years later, may 6th.
What are some keys to not allowus to paralyze ourselves and
(56:32):
what's the ultimate aim withthis book that's out now?
Speaker 1 (56:37):
Yeah, yeah, it's such a good way to view our
challenges as those things thatparalyze us, and I realized that
very early on that I wasparalyzed physically, but I had
things that were paralyzing memost emotionally and mentally,
and those are things that we alldeal with.
Um, and in overcoming thisjourney of physical paralysis,
(56:59):
I've gained a lot of tools thathave helped me to overcome those
things that paralyze usmentally and emotionally.
Um, so I lay out 15 differenttools and each chapter is one of
these tools in this book that'shelped me throughout that
journey.
Um, you know, things like we'vediscussed in here, like
perspective and uh, and likevision, Um, but I want to go
back to what's something that wetalked about earlier that I
(57:23):
think so important, because Ithink it's, I think it's one of
the biggest, and it is thatselfless commitment and, um, and
the way it started for me is itwas about five days into my
injury.
I'm hanging out there, butmaybe a little context is that I
used to coach youth rugby campswhen I was playing over at Cal.
Come back to Sacramento.
Adrian was like 10 to 14 yearsold for the campers, and this
(57:45):
one camper's name his name wasTalon and he was like really he
was a smaller player out therebut he had heart and everyone
just kind of rooted for him andI would give him the ball so he
could go score.
And you know, imagine me likeD1 athlete.
I'd pick them up and I'm likesix, five.
You know, everyone else is likeup to my hips and I'm like
(58:05):
bobbing and weaving in betweenthem.
So Talon can have his momentand we had this real bond.
And you know, go back to fivedays after my injury, my high
school is hosting a prayerservice for me.
They're praying for my healingand they're praying for my
strength.
And then my dad shows me apicture on his phone of someone
who I can't recognize.
But he's a kid, probably around15 years old, who's obviously
(58:26):
fighting for his life and hishair is very white and thin.
Who's obviously fighting forhis life and his hair is very
white and thin.
His body's just like skin andbones.
Skin is super pale.
And my dad tells me this kid isTalon and Talon was fighting
stage four cancer.
And this picture wasaccompanied by a caption that
his mom wrote and it read alongthe lines of Talon wanted so
(58:48):
badly to be at the prayerservice to pray for Robert today
, but he's in the hospitalundergoing chemotherapy and he's
wearing his Jesuit rugby shirtthat the team gifted him in his
first round of chemo.
It's his goal that when hebeats his cancer, he wants to go
play rugby, and Robert inspiredhim to do that.
But it closes with this sentencethat's just seared into my soul
and it changed everything forme, and it said stay strong and
(59:13):
keep smiling, Robert.
Your strength helps talent.
Stay strong, too.
Tears just pour down from myface because I realized in that
moment that overcoming thisinjury is not about me, it's
about him.
It's about all those people whoare inspired when I choose to
fight another day.
And um, I mean, here we aretoday on the you know the wind
(59:36):
today podcast.
We're talking about how I'm onday 2,886 today and I'm very
intentional about making mygoals happen on those days and
not letting a day slip me by,and my goal is to be able to
walk again and all that.
But that's not what's motivatedme this many years, because
(59:59):
there is a very possible, infact likely outcome that I will
never walk again and I willspend the rest of my life trying
to get out of this wheelchair,but it's just never going to
happen.
That's the statistics say thereis.
That is a far likely chancethat that will happen.
And I would be okay with thatbecause I would know that I've
(01:00:23):
helped people and that thisinjury didn't beat me,
wheelchair or not, because itdidn't break my spirit, it
didn't break my attitude and init I was given an ability to
inspire people that I neverwould have had if I got up from
that mall.
And it's all rooted in thatselfless commitment and we must
(01:00:46):
have that commitment and we justwe must have that.
We must be working for someoneelse in our lives If we do want
to persevere.
It'll help us, It'll helpothers, but more than anything
it gives us meaning and it givesus purpose in our lives and it
helps others.
And I go back to that kid talenta lot in my mind.
(01:01:07):
He battled cancer for fouryears and then he eventually
passed and he died a winner andhe died a fighter and he's the
greatest example I've ever seenof what it means to live with
that selfless commitment.
Because here he was, about 15years old, battling stage four
cancer and while he's undergoingchemo, he wasn't thinking about
(01:01:28):
himself and he wasn't prayingfor himself, he was thinking
about me and his life ended fartoo early, but he did more than
most of us ever do with ourlives and making an impact on
others because he lived that way.
So he's the greatest personI've ever known in my entire
life.
(01:01:48):
He is my absolute biggestinspiration and I will spend the
rest of my life sharing hisstory and his fighters spirit to
fight not just for himself butfor others, and he's helped me
more than anyone I could everknow.
Just an amazing principle tolive by.
(01:02:09):
That that we all got to, thatwe all got to take to heart.
Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
Amen to Talon, and it's my most sincere wish, rob,
that what you just said thereserves as an invitation and a
call to action to everyone,listening to do something, one
(01:02:33):
thing for one person, because inthat we'll never truly
understand the impact that wereally have in this world.
Look at the story you justshared right there and now, heck
, I can go and tell that storyto others, but it came down to
(01:02:56):
one person, one action and doingsomething that's bigger than
ourselves.
Of course, we want to win inlife.
However we define winning to beand accomplish our goals and,
I'm sure, lead a family, dogreat things, but one of the
(01:03:18):
most rewarding things that wecould ever do in this life is
impact another life positively,and it's my wish that that's the
invitation that you just gaveus right there, and it's my
second most sincere wish thatpeople pick up the book and
absorb all of the learnings andthe lessons that you've packed
in there and that we can trulyexperience all of your wisdom,
(01:03:44):
insights and inspiration.
It's a closing tradition on thepodcast, rob, to end with a
rapid fire session.
Envision that you and I aregoing out to lunch somewhere
cool in northern california andwe're going up three elevator
floors to have lunch on therooftop.
On each floor somebody is goingto enter the elevator for one
(01:04:08):
floor and they're going to getout and they're they're going to
and they've got a question.
The amount of time you have toanswer the question is the
amount of time it takes to go upone elevator floor, all right.
So this is one gem, one step,one book.
So the first person enters theelevator.
Rob, what's one gem that youhave, whether it be a quote or a
mantra that you live your lifeby, that I can put in my back
(01:04:31):
pocket and live my life by aswell.
Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Yeah, it's, I've done harder things.
So it's those little moments inlife that happen to us, when
we're having a tough day, orthose little things like our
phone runs out of battery,forgot your charger at home Just
be able to look at the thingsthat we've overcome, tell
ourselves we've done harderthings and keep us moving
forward.
I think we all need to rememberthat we've done incredible
(01:04:55):
things in our lives.
Speaker 2 (01:04:56):
Yes, sir, next person gets on, rob.
What's one step that I can taketoday to not become paralyzed
by my own thoughts and mind?
Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
It's to start looking up inspirational stories.
My own thoughts in mind, it'sto start looking up
inspirational stories.
I think we all have to spendlike very conscious, deliberate
time looking up stories ofhardship, so we don't get lost
in the minutia of life but justrealize how much, how much we
have that we can be grateful for.
Gotta.
Gotta spend some time lookingup stories of hardship.
Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
Perfect segue into the last one of stories.
What's one book, in addition toyours, that we should pick up
in 2025 to improve our mindsets?
Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl,
absolute stellar book Quote thatI go back to.
A lot from him is that anythingcan be taken from a man but one
thing the last of the humanfreedoms to choose one's
attitude in any given set ofcircumstances.
We're talking like major, majorscientists here and Holocaust
(01:06:00):
survivor just laying out someincredible wisdom that can
benefit all of us.
Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
It's an absolutely incredible book, rob.
It's been such a joy and aprivilege to have the
opportunity to interview you andhear your story.
How can we keep up with you andsupport you, in addition to
getting a copy of the booktomorrow when it releases?
Speaker 1 (01:06:24):
Yeah, absolutely so, for the book I'm going to be
available everywhere you buybooks Amazon, barnes, noble, all
that stuff doing an audio bookas well that I'm narrating
myself.
So look out for that.
Paralyzed to Powerful, and onsocial media I'm everywhere you
know Instagram, facebook,linkedin, twitter, tiktok kind
(01:06:45):
of got a monopoly on the nameRobert Paylor, so just look me
up and posting those dailyupdates to keep people moving
forward.
But just an absolute honor here.
Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
Brian, I can't thank you enough for having me and,
yeah, excited to connect withanybody who would like to so
excited for you, Rob, and againtruly appreciate the opportunity
today and the opportunity forlisteners to really rethink how
(01:07:16):
they view life and take in moreappreciation for what is and all
the little things reallythoroughly inspired by you and
your work and wish that thisserves as an invitation for
people to serve others, embracelife, take advantage of the
(01:07:41):
little things and express moreappreciation for the little
things, not paralyze ourselvesand win today.
Thank you so much you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Boysober
Have you ever wondered what life might be like if you stopped worrying about being wanted, and focused on understanding what you actually want? That was the question Hope Woodard asked herself after a string of situationships inspired her to take a break from sex and dating. She went "boysober," a personal concept that sparked a global movement among women looking to prioritize themselves over men. Now, Hope is looking to expand the ways we explore our relationship to relationships. Taking a bold, unfiltered look into modern love, romance, and self-discovery, Boysober will dive into messy stories about dating, sex, love, friendship, and breaking generational patterns—all with humor, vulnerability, and a fresh perspective.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com