This episode starts with a simple truth: the holidays hit everyone differently. What unfolded during a long training run on the Ravenel Bridge turned a routine “how’s it going?” into something heavier—something that demanded presence, not performance. When the night later connected to a reported suicidal person, it became clear that endurance didn’t matter nearly as much as paying attention. You may not control the outcome, but one real question, asked with care, can change the direction of someone’s story.
Takeaways:
- Stop asking surface questions—ask ones that invite real answers and listen long enough to hear them.
- Leadership and trust grow when people feel seen, remembered, and safe telling the truth.
- Keep resources ready and be willing to help someone take the next step, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Thank you for tuning in! If you feel led, please subscribe & share the show to others who you believe would benefit from it.
Keep in touch below!
Episode Transcript
Two hard things.
Help one person.
Be good and do good.
Live a life of discipline andyou will always win.
You have all the tools that youneed to succeed.
Welcome to win today.
SPEAKER_03 (00:16):
Thank you so much for tuning in.
My name is Ryan Cass and I'myour host.
My purpose in this world is tohelp push people further and
harder than they believepossible and become unshakable
in what matters most to them intheir lives.
Every week you're gonna learnfrom either myself or renowned
expert in their field, and we'regonna unveil pieces of our
playbook to help you win today.
(00:38):
Please, if you love this show,subscribe and share it with
somebody that will benefit fromit.
Let's dig in.
Have you ever had somebody inyour life, or do you have
somebody in your life that theyseem to be so invested and
interested in in what you havegoing on that it makes you feel
(01:01):
better, it makes you feelvalued, it makes you feel like
life is even more worth livingthan it is right now.
Somebody that they know whenyour birthday is coming up, they
know your recent milestones,they know even what's important
in the lives of others that areclose to you.
(01:25):
Somebody that genuinely, I meangenuinely cares about it.
It's my wish that even by sayingthat, that made you reflect on
at least one person thatrepresents that in your life.
And that's such a beautifulthing to have.
(01:46):
This episode has been on myheart for a few weeks now, and I
believe it's the right time toget it out, especially as we're
in the holiday season, and forsome that can be a very
difficult season while othersare celebrating and being
joyous.
(02:06):
This can often be the time thata lot of folks also reminisce on
memories with loved ones, or atime where they tend to isolate
because this could be tied to ananniversary or something special
that they once had with somebodythat is no longer here.
And it's the intent with puttingthis out that this helps serve
(02:30):
as a tool, as always, but alsothat this helps spark a this
helps spark positivity in atleast one life and perhaps the
one life that really, reallyneeds it right now.
So we're gonna talk about theimportance of genuine care and a
(02:52):
genuine check-in, not just forthe holiday season, but as we're
going into the new year, ifthere's one thing I wish that we
all made a norm in society, isthat we all performed a genuine
check-in with people.
Not the, hey, how's it going?
(03:12):
I'm good, okay, I'm gonna keepwalking, I did my civic duty.
But that we all really investedin what is going on in the lives
of the people we serve, ourfriends, our family, the people
at work, the people that welead.
Imagine what this world wouldlook like if every person that
walked the face of this earthcould tell you not just about
(03:37):
their life, but three to fivethings about the lives of at
least one person that is closeto them.
I see this a lot in thecorporate world as well.
That if there's one thing I wishI could change, not wish I could
change, if there's one thingthat I'm focused on influencing,
(04:00):
is challenging people to reallyget to know the person to their
left and their right besideswhat they do for work.
There's so much more to ourlives than the titles that we
carry, the three letters afterour last names, et cetera.
And those things are way moremeaningful than our occupations.
(04:24):
And that's often what drives howhow we perform, how we show up
to the things in our lives,whether it's work, whether it's
social events, et cetera.
So this is how we can do abetter job with checking in.
And I'm gonna tie it to a recentstory that has sat heavy on my
heart, a recent experience withwhat I'll call as a close call
(04:50):
in my life.
So, with that, going back a fewweeks, as we're now beyond the
run across South Carolina,training for that effort
required a lot of long runs atvarious points in the day.
I would often go and do amarathon before work starting at
(05:13):
2:30 a.m.
and also do some effortsstarting late at night.
So this particular effort wasgoing on a 40-mile bridge run
here in Charleston, SouthCarolina, back and forth across
the Ravenel Bridge, which is theuh two and a half mile span of
bridge, so five miles round tripthat connects downtown
(05:35):
Charleston, the peninsula, tothe neighboring town of Mount
Pleasant.
And it's a beautiful, beautifulbridge that going up, you ascend
roughly 200 feet, and you'relooking over the Charleston
Harbor, picturesque views.
You get to see cargo shipscoming in, you can see cruise
ships coming in, you can seemiles and miles and miles out
(06:00):
into the ocean on a on a greatday.
And there's thousands of peoplethat walk and run this bridge on
a daily basis because of theviews that that it offers.
Unfortunately, this bridge also,with it being as high as it is
off the water, is a destinationfor, I don't even want to call
(06:26):
it a destination, but it is away for people who are
struggling in life anddepressed.
It is it is unfortunately alsoan outlet for those over the
years who have gone to the topof the bridge and and chosen to
(06:49):
end their lives uh by by jumpinginto the water and you're
descending at terminal speed atthat point.
Uh recently there was a studentat College of Charleston, Owen
Kenny, who on Halloween nightwent missing and ultimately
(07:09):
decided to go to the bridge anduh take his life at, I believe,
19 years old, uh so much lifeahead of him.
And this made a lot of headlinesacross the across the state,
across the nation that somebodyso young who has so much life
ahead of him, you know, how howcould this happen?
(07:32):
And it's a question that Ibelieve a lot of us will scratch
our heads on.
How, how, how is this possibleat 19 years old?
And really, how is this possibleever?
How can we prevent these things?
And on the bridge that evening,as we started this 40-mile run
at about 8:30 p.m., we weregoing to be out there for about
(07:52):
six, six hours.
So it was myself, uh, friendsEdwin and Jake, who recently
completed the run across SouthCarolina.
As we were going up and down thebridge, we saw the ribbons for
Owen commemorating his life anda lot of information about how
to be there for somebody in adifficult time.
And it was tough seeing thosethings and just picturing what
(08:16):
Owen could have been goingthrough as he was making that
final walk up the bridge.
And what if somebody had justbeen able to speak to him, speak
some life into him?
Would we be in this situationright now?
Uh we we don't know, but we canimagine, I would imagine, that
maybe if there was that oneperson there at that right time
(08:39):
that we wouldn't have thissituation.
And Edwin and Jake and I weretalking about this, and what
would we do if someone that weknew made that same decision and
how heartbroken we would be andhow personal we would take it,
that man, what if there'sthere's something that we we
could have done?
So at about 10:30 p.m., we'vebeen running for roughly two
(09:03):
hours now.
There was a uh kid that I wouldsay was around 20 years old,
that as we're now descendingback up from the Mount Pleasant
side, going back downtown, is issitting crisscross applesauce in
the in the pedestrian lane onthe on the bridge.
(09:28):
Which I've seen a lot of things,having run the bridge at
literally every hour of the theday over over various days and
stretches that I've been outthere at 12 a.m., I've been out
there at 4, I've been out thereat 6 p.m.
Seen a little bit of everything.
You it typically late at night,you'll see some folks that
(09:50):
choose not to drive home, thankGod, that are stumbling on the
bridge.
I've seen folks that are justgoing up there to enjoy life and
enjoy the view at 3 a.m.
and in the breeze and just bethere when no one else is there.
I've seen folks that are goingup there to take their sunset
(10:13):
photos, their engagement photos,literally everything.
And what I haven't seen issomebody that is just sitting
the way that this kid was.
And it seemed odd to me.
There was something that just inmy heart, right there in that
moment, said, Go talk to thiskid.
Something's not right here.
So we I told Ed and Jake, I'mI'm stopping to talk to this
(10:36):
kid.
And when I stopped and chattedwith him, I asked him, How is he
doing?
And he said, Good.
And it wasn't a convincing good.
And I said, No, tell me, tell mewhat's going on, bud.
Like, how what how can I how canI be of service?
Are you sure you're okay?
And he very softly said, Yeah,I'm okay, no problem, man.
(10:59):
And I knew just back to my mindthis this is not good.
So I continued to press and justoffer support and offered one
more time, you know, is thereanything that I can do for you?
He said, No, but you know, thankyou.
And I said, Alright, brother,I'm praying for you.
God bless.
(11:20):
Kept running.
Now, the second thought that Ihad in my mind, just because
this kid was about 20 years oldand and knowing what Owen had
just done, and I had thisthought, well, what if what if
what if this kid does it?
What if this kid chooses to toend his life right here and I
(11:42):
was the last person to talk tohim?
I I would take it personallyupon myself as if it was my
fault.
So I did have a thought for ahalf a second that I'm gonna rip
this kid off the ground andthrow him on my back, and we
will run, and I'll take him downto the less inclined part of the
(12:03):
bridge, back basically back downthe ground.
And I could be wrong and couldget myself in trouble, that
hopefully the the lawenforcement would understand, or
I could be right, and that couldchange a life, that could save a
life right there.
But we keep running, and we getback to the bottom, we refuel,
(12:27):
and we're going out for anotherlap.
Since we had eight laps to dothat night, we were starting our
fourth lap.
As we're coming back up right towhere that kid was, he's no
longer there anymore.
And I figured, okay, he couldhave gotten up the second that I
stopped talking to him, but Ididn't look back and started
moving.
(12:47):
He would have had to move ratherquick or walk somewhat fast to
get back to the other side ofthe bridge before we ran there,
but it is possible.
Didn't think much of it.
As we're going up now foranother lap, the police show up.
And the police are responding toa call of a kid that they got a
(13:14):
tip was suicidal and was goingto the bridge.
The description that they gavematched the description of the
kid that I just spoke to.
And my heart absolutely sunk inthat moment.
SPEAKER_02 (13:28):
That holy smokes, I was right.
And this kid jumped right afterI spoke with him.
SPEAKER_03 (13:40):
And I start to become an emotional wreck there
in that moment.
And I'm at the end of thebridge, we get I start crying,
and I'm telling I'm apologizingto the police officer and
helping him look around.
Not that there's many places youcan look on the bridge, but I'm
offering my support and reallyjust at this point have a very
(14:00):
heavy heart, and my stomach isjust not sitting well.
It kind of sinks.
I told the police officer I wasgoing to be out there for the
rest of the night, regardless.
Now, even if I didn't want tobe, I was definitely going to be
because I know that he he wasgoing to be coming back and
checking in and monitoring thearea, and I felt that it was my
(14:21):
responsibility to be there aswell.
Run continues.
The police officer comes backabout an hour after now, and
this is about midnight.
And no news, but he was was verygracious in that again and
(14:41):
comforting me, knowing that,hey, you did what you what you
could do.
But in the back of my mind, I'mstill feeling absolutely
horrible.
The rest of the evening goes byand finish up the 40 miles
around 4:30 a.m.
And I called the police to thenspeak to the responding officer
(15:04):
who was still on duty at thetime.
And again, once again, offer mysupport.
And fortunately, they were ableto identify the location of the
kid's cell phone that was nolonger on the bridge anymore.
I remember when I went to gospeak to this kid that he had
his cell phone in his lap and hewas looking out at the water.
(15:26):
And so his cell phone was nolonger near the bridge, meaning
that he was, in fact, at least,at the very least, had not made
the decision to end his liferight there in that moment.
They had not found him yet, butgoing back, going ahead a few
days, uh, there were no therewere no issues where
(15:47):
investigators or detectivescalled, which would have been
the case had he made thatdecision that night.
So that was a a huge sigh ofrelief, but a very scary and
real occurrence that holysmokes, you were right there
(16:10):
when somebody was considering,at the very least, considering
ending their life.
And that following Sunday, thatnext day, I remember staring at
a wall for a very long time, alot of thoughts of taking
personal responsibility forthis, etc., which I understand
(16:32):
now is not fair to put thatweight on my shoulders, but
caring so deeply about humanityand people living their best
lives and helping provide toolsso that people can do that, it
did feel like it was my personalresponsibility in that instance.
Now, I'll never know.
(16:55):
I don't want to say I'll neverknow, but I likely won't know if
that conversation and speakingto that young kid that day was
what made him get up and go downthe other side of the bridge and
not make the decision.
What I do know based off thedecision, the conversation with
(17:16):
the police officer, is this kidwas contemplating taking his
life and either had informedsomebody about it or somebody
else knew about it and tippedoff the police.
What I can believe in my heartis that perhaps speaking to that
kid at least injected some senseof positive life into him in
(17:42):
that he was clearly in a badplace and there was somebody
that came up to offer care andsupport.
SPEAKER_02 (17:53):
People make choices.
SPEAKER_03 (17:54):
One of my mentors at Boeing had a list of leadership
rules, and that one is numberfour.
People make choices, meaningthat uh we can have the best
check-ins, the best processes,the best everything in place.
But somebody is still going tomake a decision.
(18:18):
We can lead a horse to water,but we can't make it drink.
We can have all of the tools andeverything in place, but we
cannot force people to do thethings that uh we ultimately
want them to do.
But I suppose the question isare we, are you, uh, doing
things in your life that uhpromote positivity into the
(18:42):
lives of others and your lifetoo?
SPEAKER_02 (18:48):
How you live your life is often an invitation for
the people to your left andright, forward, back, on how to
live their life as well.
SPEAKER_03 (19:00):
I understand that not everybody is gonna be as
forward-facing as as me, and youdon't have to be.
You don't have to be on amicrophone putting out your
message.
You don't sometimes showingpeople the way is simply showing
people the way.
It doesn't have to be spoken,it's just done by your being,
your presence, how you approachlife, what you do.
SPEAKER_02 (19:24):
How you treat others, how you greet others,
how you check in with others.
But here's one thing that as Ishare that story that I
challenge everybody to to do.
SPEAKER_03 (19:40):
And this is the one thing that this is one thing
that I see as such a massive,massive opportunity to create a
more positive world.
SPEAKER_02 (19:53):
All right.
SPEAKER_03 (19:55):
Think about how many times throughout your day that
this Is your conversation withsomebody in passing?
Or even at their desk.
Whatever.
Think about how many timesduring your day is this does
this conversation occur?
Hey, how's it going?
SPEAKER_02 (20:11):
Good.
Okay, cool.
Hey, how was your weekend?
Oh, it was good.
Oh, cool.
How was yours?
Oh, it was good.
Meanwhile, you have no ideawhat's behind that good.
Maybe it is a bunch of goodness,but maybe it's not.
SPEAKER_03 (20:34):
Sometimes the word good is used to mask whatever is
actually going on, but that'sour societal way to avoid
further questioning.
SPEAKER_02 (20:50):
Oh, if I say good, I know this person's not gonna ask
me a follow-up.
Right?
SPEAKER_03 (20:56):
So one thing that I do at work, especially at work,
but in normal life, I'm gonnashare two things.
Two things that I believe we cando to create a more genuine
check-in with people in in thisworld, in our in our families,
in our work lives, etc.
Everything.
(21:17):
Okay, one we can do the standardcheck-in.
Hey, how's it going?
Oh, it's good.
Okay, well tell me tell mewhat's good.
What makes good?
People know at work, especiallyon my team, that as soon as they
say good over the last coupleyears now, I always say, what
makes good?
(21:38):
So part of them, part of them, Ifeel like they were doing an
experiment that if they changedthe description to, oh, I'm I'm
great, that I wouldn't ask andjust assume that, oh, they must
be great.
But now I always ask, well,what's great?
So what I'm working to influencein the team is to share, one, to
(22:02):
be op to openly share howthey're feeling, whether it is
good or not.
And two, to highlight why,because I believe it's important
to celebrate those things.
Oh, I'm good because my son justturned nine and he had his T
ball, well, not T-ball, he hadhis third grade graduation this
past week.
SPEAKER_02 (22:22):
Awesome.
SPEAKER_03 (22:24):
How cool is that?
Now I can follow up on how'sthird grade going when I see
this person next week or thenext day.
What play do they have in thethird grade, etc.?
Right?
So one thing that we can do ifwe want to break this societal
norm of hey, how are you?
(22:45):
I'm good, okay, cool.
What can we do?
Two things.
One, when you're giving yourcheck-in, go a little bit
deeper.
Don't stop it good.
Hey, I'm good, and here's why.
Dot dot dot.
Now I'm creating an invitationfor you.
Maybe you're a little more shy.
(23:07):
And when I'm not good, I alsowill share that too.
I'm not doing so, I'm notfeeling so great right now, man.
Had a tough weekend at home withmy with my family.
Could have been a tough eveningwith the girlfriend, but at
least that person now is moreaware of what's going on, and
(23:27):
they can be more cognizant, moregentle with you during that day.
So this goes both ways, folks.
This goes both ways.
Secondly, is consider asking adifferent question that doesn't
generate a binary response,meaning, how are you doing?
Typically, that's a binaryresponse question.
(23:48):
I'm good, I'm not good, I'm bad,I'm great, I'm amazing, I'm
somber.
But if I ask you, what is yourwhat is your day looked like?
What is your day consisted of?
What is your week?
Tell me about walk me throughyour weekend.
Now we're getting moredescriptive.
Now we're gonna open people up alittle bit more.
(24:12):
Now we might get the non-binaryresponses.
Now we might get some of thedetails that we're really
craving.
It's interesting.
I read a a paper in the AmericanPsychological Association.
The paper is titled, How DoesPerceived Social Support Relate
to Human Thriving?
(24:32):
And it's it was an interestingstat here that people that just
believe that support isavailable to them feel less
loneliness, reduced anxiety,less stress, etc.
So even by going one stepfurther on a check-in, I believe
(24:53):
that that's what can createbelief in that person's life
that, oh wow, there is actualcare for me.
Someone really cares.
Someone asked me how I'm doing,and then they they asked me why
I'm why I'm good.
SPEAKER_02 (25:06):
Wow.
Like they were they're reallythere for me.
They really care.
So go one step further on whatmakes good and or ask non-binary
questions.
SPEAKER_03 (25:24):
And I believe that that's what will also build more
trust, whether it's if you're ina leadership role in the
workforce and you have peoplethat report to you, or you've
got friends, new group of peoplethat you're that you're
connecting with, just show themthat you care.
I believe this is how you showthem show somebody your heart
(25:50):
and make them feel like wow,there's somebody that that that
has a heart for me.
SPEAKER_02 (25:58):
The next thing is become familiar with some
resources that you can offer topeople.
Have those in your back pocket.
SPEAKER_03 (26:10):
Whether it's something that you've used
personally, something thatyou've recommended, or do a
little bit of homework onresources that are out there.
One thing that we have at work,we have an employee assistance
program, we have an office onsite.
And I often will walk peoplethere with their permission.
I'll walk people there andintroduce them to the therapist,
(26:30):
which I've used myself so thatthey can have somebody to talk
to.
Because I understand as wellthat not everybody has wants to
talk to, may not want to talk toyou, or especially if you're
their boss, they may you mightnot be the person.
But again, them seeing thatyou're making the effort to
(26:51):
connect them to a resource, toprovide them a resource, could
make all the difference.
One, another one that I've usedthat I love to recommend to
people is spring health andtelehealth counseling.
I understand that folks maybewant in-person connection, but
sometimes just having someone tovent to.
Now I'm speaking from personalexperience, just having someone
(27:13):
to vent to has been an absolutegame changer and helped me
release a lot of weight that I'mcarrying in the backpack.
We're all, I believe, carrying atheoretical backpack in life
that's filled with experiences.
And I see the negativeexperiences as bricks, and we
(27:34):
all have negative experiences,but it's a matter of, you know,
how long do you do you carry itfor?
How long do you choose to holdit for?
A lot of people that I believeend up making these decisions
about their lives, it's becausethey're tired of carrying the
rucksack full of bricks.
And by checking in with peopleand by being that person that
(27:57):
really cares, you can helpsomebody shed a few bricks from
their backpack and start walkingaround feeling like they've got
a stronger sense of purposeconnection.
SPEAKER_02 (28:11):
Somebody that cares.
SPEAKER_03 (28:32):
What makes a good leader?
And this Marine General, atfirst, I was preparing for a
long answer.
This Marine General had maybethis 10-step routine and this
very in-depth philosophy.
He told Simon, the sign of agood leader is somebody who asks
(28:53):
you how they're doing andfollows it up with, and I and I
care about your response.
Meaning, somebody that says,Hey, I want to know how you're
doing, and I really care aboutwhat you've got to say to me
right now.
The sign of a good leader, thesign of a great leader is
somebody that asks how you'redoing and genuinely cares about
your response.
(29:15):
So my challenge to everyoneright now is that this week you
make it a point to take aconversation further than I'm
good, you're good during acheck-in.
Find out why somebody's good.
Ask a different question thatyields a different response.
(29:36):
And by doing so, you're alsoplanting a seed in that person
to do the same thing.
We change the world one personat a time.
And so I wish that we we improveour check-ins, we make our check
ins great and win today.
Thank you so much.
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The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.