July 31, 2024 • 20 mins
The purpose of Imposter syndrome is to stop you in your tracks so that you don't succeed. Whoa, right? That's not something we want in our lives. We don't need it.
You can control Imposter Syndrome. It's time to understand the root of your fears and override all the negative words you are using to keep you from your dreams. So right now today, start listening to what is going on in your brain, start listening to the words that you're using when you're talking to yourself. And exercise your ability to choose how you react to every aspect of your life.
Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!
Highlights:
The Fear Of Failure.
Imposter Syndrome Holds You Back
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:03):
It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a
new healthy habit. Kick up yourfeet and listen in. This is
Wisdom & Chocolate.
Bets Danko (00:13):
This is bets Danko.
And you are listening to Wisdom& Chocolate. And today we're
going to talk about somethingthat is near and dear to my
heart. Not and that is impostersyndrome. And I say it's not
near and dear to my heart,because for real, it is not
something that is super healthyfor you. So why hold it that
close? Right? So when we'retalking about imposter syndrome,
(00:36):
I think it's really important tostart with a very broad
definition. And that very broaddefinition is, it's low self
esteem, low self confidence. Andnormally, it plays out in
situations. So it's situational.
Right? It has to do with youfeeling like you're not capable,
(01:01):
like you can't rise to theoccasion, in any situation. So
it could be at work, it could bein a relationship, it could be
Oh, my goodness, and taking yourdriver's exam, it can be just
about anything, but it'ssituational. So you may be
feeling wow, I could accomplishanything on one particular task.
But then when it comes to thisspecific thing, like finding a
(01:24):
job, all the sudden you thinkyou can't do it. And it's not
just about low self esteem orlittle self confidence, like we
can break that down. Anytimeyou're talking about those
things, you can break that down.
What exactly are you afraid of?
Right? Because when you have lowself confidence, there's a fear
(01:45):
factor going on. So what are youafraid of when you have imposter
syndrome? So this is what'scrazy weird about this
particular thing, you can beafraid of many different things.
This is sort of an umbrella forlow self esteem. And one of the
main ones, I think, when I talka lot, or talk to a lot of
(02:07):
people, one of the main ones isfear of failure. And this is
what is so crazy to me, becauseyou can break that one down,
too. So what is failure? Failureis basically you judging
yourself and telling yourselfthat you are a failure. It's a
judgment. Instead of recognizingthat in any situation, where you
(02:31):
are going for something, you'reeither going to get the results
that you want, or you're goingto get an opportunity to learn
instead you decide that you'regoing to label yourself through
judgment as a failure and afailure. Judgment is a is a dead
stop. I mean, that's like, bam,you're done, you failed. So
there is no succeeding afterthat, you can reframe your
(02:55):
thoughts and start all overagain. But once you've labeled
yourself a failure, you're done.
That's it, you don't moveforward. So when you have a fear
of failure, and you are notmoving forward, you're basically
designing the end of whatever itwas you were trying to
accomplish. So let's say it hasto do with getting a new job,
(03:18):
because we are creatures wholike to prove ourselves, right,
you're gonna put yourself in aposition of feeling, man, right,
you've set yourself up forfailure because you're afraid of
failing deep, right? So there'sa flipside to this. Because
(03:38):
sometimes imposter syndrome hasto do with a fear of success.
And how does that play out?
Basically, you're afraid ofsucceeding, because then you're
going to have to reprove thatyou can do something over and
over and over again. And you maybe thinking, I got that, right,
because it was a fluke, like, Ididn't know that I could do
(04:02):
that. And I just did it. Butthat doesn't mean I can do it
again. And so you set yourselfup for failure. One more time.
Yikes. Right? Instead of havinga positive attitude, instead of
coming out and saying, Well,yeah, I've not done this before.
But I'm very confident that Ican accomplish it. Instead of
(04:24):
coming out and saying thesethings or at least saying them
to yourself, you set yourself upfor failure by deciding there is
a failure, and a dead stop thatis going to be happening. Not
super good thing. Another fearthat comes up under imposter
syndrome is a fear of lookinglike a fool. And that's where
you've got all the confidence inthe world and you jump in and
(04:46):
then you don't get it right. Youget a lot of opportunity to
learn from that situation. Butmaybe you didn't want to learn
at the expense of like listeningto everybody else's laughter or
the calm So come up afterwards,right? Like feeling like a fool
isn't comfortable, it doesn'tfeel good. And so when you set
(05:08):
yourself up, by feeling afraidof that, you're basically
setting yourself up forcatastrophe. If it doesn't go,
right, ah, do you see sort of atheme going on here, basically,
your mindset helps you get towhatever it is that your mindset
(05:33):
is all about. So if you'rethinking that you're gonna fail,
chances are, you're going tofail. If you think that you're
going to succeed, you leaveopening for learning and
succeeding, that doesn't meanthat you always get it right,
you may still not get it, right.
But when you're facing it with amore positive attitude, the
chances of you gaining somethingfrom that situation are much
greater. So another thing, andthis is something that a lot of
(05:58):
women, and forgive me for, forstating it this way, but it
tends to be primarily women,they have a fear of a lack of
knowledge. And I've had a lot ofclients, a lot of female clients
who come through and say, I'vegot to get this new certificate,
I've got to go take that newclass, I need to make sure that
(06:18):
I'm in on this, or I'm in onthat, because I need to make
sure that I am qualified, I'mnot going to get this position
or that position unless I haveall of these certifications.
Now, I'm not against education,I think education is fabulous,
and extremely useful. Anddefinitely in many situations,
(06:39):
it is vital. However, when youhave imposter syndrome, and it
drives you to want more and moreand more and more education, so
that you are notlacking knowledge, you're
spending a whole lot of timeeducating in classroom
(06:59):
situations, instead of learningon the job. And most of the
time, when you're affected byimpostor syndrome, you're
actually stopping yourself fromgoing for an opportunity because
you think I've never gone to aclass for that. And this is
something that's very differentbetween most men and women, at
(07:20):
least this is what I haveexperienced. And that is that
women will have a tendency to bevery honest about what they're
educated in. And that many timeswill stifle them. Whereas men
will go, I can do that, I can dothat. Even if they don't have
the education. So this is what Irecommend. See your
(07:40):
possibilities, see what youcould be capable of see what you
could do. If you put your mindto it, and you had a positive
attitude, and then say, I can dothat most of the jobs that I
have gotten in positions whereI'm a supervisor, and that I
have gotten have been because Isaid I can do that. Because I
(08:03):
knew what I was capable of notbecause I had gone to four years
at a university for thisparticular thing or taking a
course or gotten acertification. You know, there
are certain industries wherethose things are vital, and you
have to get thosecertifications. But most of the
time, if you've been introducedto a specific thing, and you're
(08:26):
being offered a job to do thatspecific thing, with just a
little bit of on the jobtraining, and maybe a small
little course here and there,you can do it. But you've got to
get in the door so that you canprove that you can do it. So
when you're feeling unworthywhen you're feeling like you got
(08:47):
this job, but you don't reallydeserve it, you got this
position, but it's really notsomething that you earned, that
also can be stifling. And thatis under the umbrella of
imposter syndrome as well.
Because you do have the ability,you can get through it. But
you're telling yourself thatyou're not worthy. And so you're
(09:07):
slamming the door in your ownface. Wow. Wow. Right, crazy.
And of course, all of thesethings, all of these
descriptions are generalities,because we all experience things
on different levels fordifferent reasons. And some of
us experience many of thesethings, I can say that I've
(09:28):
experienced at least two orthree of those times in my life.
And I can also say that I'verealized that some of them are
completely useless. So let'sjust be done with it. And that's
what I recommend to you reallylook at some of these ways that
impostor syndrome is working inyour life and take a step back.
(09:48):
Look at it, is it stifling youor helping you to move forward
and why do you have such lowself confidence in these areas?
Step back look at it and Lies itfigure it out. And that's what
somebody did in the 1970s, theynoticed that there was some sort
of syndrome going onspecifically around high level
(10:11):
business women. And not a lot ofpeople could figure out what the
heck was going on, because thesewomen were very capable. So
there were two doctors who wenton the scene started
interviewing these women andrealized that there was a
syndrome called impostorsyndrome. That was around 1978.
And of course, after that, therewere more studies done. And we
(10:33):
found out that it wasn't justwomen who were being affected,
it was men as well. And itdoesn't have to be adults, it
could be teenagers, it could bechildren, it's something that we
all could face at any time. Andwhen we started recognizing that
it was, you know, prettywidespread, that's when
attention was called to it. Butour society was very different
(10:55):
at that time. And I think thatpeople are looking at themselves
differently. Now, with a littlebit more curiosity, a little bit
more of introspection, where wereally want to understand our
thought processes. And it wasn'tjust just get out there, get the
job done, you got a family tofeed, you got to get over it,
(11:16):
you know that there wasn't a lotof that going, or if there isn't
a lot of that going on, ingeneral in our society. And so
that's very different from thattime period. So we're focusing a
lot more on it. So I'm going tosegue right now we're going to
talk about chocolate, there arelessons to be learned from all
(11:36):
things around us, includingchocolate. So when we talk about
chocolate, today, we're talkingabout mostre, Roth chocolate
tears, and these candy bars.
There. It's funny because it'slike in a box. And when you open
it up, they're tiny little candybars inside of it. And so it's
it's like a little surprise whenyou open it up. But the one
we're going to talk about is thechili, dark chocolate. And we're
(11:58):
going to talk about that becauseit is definitely not an
impostor. It is a chocolate thatis unapologetic. It says I'm
here and I deserve to berecognized, acknowledged. And so
it steps forward, and it saysYum, right? You're gonna love
me. And of course you try it.
And you do. And even though it'sgot chili powder in it, it's
(12:22):
it's just the right amount ofkick. But here's the thing. And
this might be the impostersyndrome section of this. This
is one of those chocolates thatwhen I picked it up, even though
it didn't include a lot of thethings that I tried to avoid and
chocolates. It also gave alittle statement saying that it
could contain dairy, it couldcontain nuts. And so if you're
(12:46):
somebody who's very sensitive tothose things, obviously you
can't have this chocolate. Butit looked so pure on the label
that when I turned it over, Iwas shocked to find out that
more was going on. You've got tobe authentic, even if you've got
a few questions on the inside.
So can impostor syndrome begood? Hmm. That's a good
(13:07):
question. Imposter syndrome,maybe gives you the opportunity
to sort of assess what's goingon with you. So maybe in some
ways, it can be good because itopens up understandings of of
who you are and what you're allabout possible. I would say
overall, it's not super helpfulif you want to progress in life.
(13:27):
If you're looking for forfulfillment, probably not super
helpful, because if you'vealways got a question on the
inside, chances are, it'sstifling you on many different
levels. So I would say overall,not super good. Can it be
diagnosed? Technically, I don'tthink that it's an actual mental
(13:49):
health diagnosis. It's somethingthat you might recognize it's
something that a therapist mightsay, you might wonder about
impostor syndrome, because youlook very capable to me, You
sound very capable, and yet, youdon't believe that you are. But
it's not necessarily somethingyou can diagnose. It's an
understanding that your visionof who you are and what you are,
(14:16):
is affecting your outcome. Socan it affect your body and
what's going on with yourphysical self? Absolutely. It
fills you with stress. When youconstantly feel as though you
don't belong somewhere becauseyou're not worthy or you're not
qualified. You are stressed out.
(14:38):
What if somebody figures it out?
That's that's, that's somethingthat people question a lot. What
if they figure it out? What ifthey realize I'm not as good as
I as they thought I was. Wow,not good for you. Stress, not
good for your muscles, for yourheart, for your digestion for
your brain, and you've got thatwhole you know, Circular thought
(14:59):
thing going on where you'reconstantly recycling through
everything that is going wrongin your life. Man, if you mix
that with imposter syndrome, notsuper great for you. So how do
you overcome it? We're talking alot about what it is and how it
plays out in your life. But howdo you overcome it? Well, the
main thing is you need to startrecognizing what is real. And
(15:22):
what is a belief, when you startrecognizing that you really are
capable when you startrecognizing that you do have an
appropriate amount of education,when you start recognizing that
when people laugh, becauseyou're you haven't gotten it
right, that isn't your problem.
That's their problem. In fact,most of the people who react
(15:45):
that way towards you, they reactthat way. Because they
themselves doubt whether or notthey are capable, they're
showing you their lack of selfesteem, people who hurt or hurt
themselves. So pity them, givethem a little extra compassion.
Don't allow it to rain down onyour parade, don't allow that
(16:10):
allow yourself to progress andmove forward. So one of the
things that people do is go togroup therapy. And that can be
very, very helpful becauseyou're in a group and you're
speaking to many differentpeople. Sometimes getting your
thoughts out and speaking theminto a crowd can help you to
(16:31):
really look at how valid thosethoughts are. You might
recognize it, oh, my goodness, Iwas terrified of public
speaking. But it's not thathard. And and realize that if
there's somebody in the roomthat makes fun of you, or has a
problem with what it is thatyou're saying, again, it's their
(16:51):
problem, it's not your problem.
And being in a group, andspeaking in front of group can
give you that understanding.
Another thing is just goingstraight to therapy, just being
one on one with somebody goingto a life coach, figuring out
your life and and how to live amore fulfilling life. By lifting
yourself up. You can doCognitive Processing Therapy,
(17:15):
which is where you identify yournegative thoughts, because
sometimes people don't evenrealize the dialogue that's
going on inside their own brain.
Sometimes people have theirconstant like all day long,
they're saying to themselves,you're not worthy, you're not
good enough, you're not educatedenough, you're not pretty
enough, you're not strongenough, you're not devoted
(17:37):
enough, like all day long, andyou're with yourself 24/7. So to
hear that all day long, can bevery stifling. You should be
your own best friend, your ownsuperhero, your biggest
cheerleader, that's your job. Ifyou're wondering what is what is
my job in life, what is mymission? What should I be doing,
(17:59):
your mission should be to fillyour life and your thoughts with
positive words. Because then youcan be more fulfilled, and you
can affect the lives of othersin a more positive and uplifting
way. So this whole impostersyndrome thing. Gotta let it go.
Let's get back into reality ofwhat's actually going on. Let's
(18:23):
look deeper at what failureactually is. Let's look more at
the opportunity that is in frontof you, and how you can grab
onto that opportunity and reallyfly. Because imposter syndrome
holds you back. It's stifling.
It's only purpose is to stop youin your tracks so that you don't
(18:46):
succeed. Whoa, right? That's notsomething we want in our lives.
We don't need it. We don't wantit. So right now today, start
listening to what what is goingon in your brain, start
listening to the words thatyou're using when you're talking
to yourself. Start saying toyourself, I can do that. Now if
somebody says I need aneurosurgeon, can you come do
(19:09):
the surgery, obviously, ifyou're not educated in that,
that's not what I'm talkingabout. But if it's you know,
hey, we need somebody to helppaint this swing set. I can do
that. We need somebody who canlearn this computer system and
train other people, I can dothat. Right? There are things
that you can do. Allow yourselfto see that and allow yourself
(19:35):
to say, I can do that and workbeyond imposter syndrome.
Everyone has something beautifulto bring to the world. And with
that in mind, I designed energydaily and energy daily. I help
you slow down and pay attentionto what's going on in your life
so that you can find value atevery turn and design a life
(19:58):
that's more fulfilling. So do alittle extra. Check out energy
daily on BetsDanko.Com and signup today. Experience the wisdom
that helps to motivate andempower you in relationships,
business, family, and mostimportantly, self celebration.
Getting the picture. It's wisdomand it's all about you want to
(20:19):
hear the chocolate tune intoWisdom & Chocolate weekly
It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a
new healthy habit. Kick up yourfeet and listen in. This is
Wisdom & Chocolate.
Bets Danko (00:13):
This is bets Danko.
And you are listening to Wisdom& Chocolate. And today we're
going to talk about somethingthat is near and dear to my
heart. Not and that is impostersyndrome. And I say it's not
near and dear to my heart,because for real, it is not
something that is super healthyfor you. So why hold it that
close? Right? So when we'retalking about imposter syndrome,
(00:36):
I think it's really important tostart with a very broad
definition. And that very broaddefinition is, it's low self
esteem, low self confidence. Andnormally, it plays out in
situations. So it's situational.
Right? It has to do with youfeeling like you're not capable,
(01:01):
like you can't rise to theoccasion, in any situation. So
it could be at work, it could bein a relationship, it could be
Oh, my goodness, and taking yourdriver's exam, it can be just
about anything, but it'ssituational. So you may be
feeling wow, I could accomplishanything on one particular task.
But then when it comes to thisspecific thing, like finding a
(01:24):
job, all the sudden you thinkyou can't do it. And it's not
just about low self esteem orlittle self confidence, like we
can break that down. Anytimeyou're talking about those
things, you can break that down.
What exactly are you afraid of?
Right? Because when you have lowself confidence, there's a fear
(01:45):
factor going on. So what are youafraid of when you have imposter
syndrome? So this is what'scrazy weird about this
particular thing, you can beafraid of many different things.
This is sort of an umbrella forlow self esteem. And one of the
main ones, I think, when I talka lot, or talk to a lot of
(02:07):
people, one of the main ones isfear of failure. And this is
what is so crazy to me, becauseyou can break that one down,
too. So what is failure? Failureis basically you judging
yourself and telling yourselfthat you are a failure. It's a
judgment. Instead of recognizingthat in any situation, where you
(02:31):
are going for something, you'reeither going to get the results
that you want, or you're goingto get an opportunity to learn
instead you decide that you'regoing to label yourself through
judgment as a failure and afailure. Judgment is a is a dead
stop. I mean, that's like, bam,you're done, you failed. So
there is no succeeding afterthat, you can reframe your
(02:55):
thoughts and start all overagain. But once you've labeled
yourself a failure, you're done.
That's it, you don't moveforward. So when you have a fear
of failure, and you are notmoving forward, you're basically
designing the end of whatever itwas you were trying to
accomplish. So let's say it hasto do with getting a new job,
(03:18):
because we are creatures wholike to prove ourselves, right,
you're gonna put yourself in aposition of feeling, man, right,
you've set yourself up forfailure because you're afraid of
failing deep, right? So there'sa flipside to this. Because
(03:38):
sometimes imposter syndrome hasto do with a fear of success.
And how does that play out?
Basically, you're afraid ofsucceeding, because then you're
going to have to reprove thatyou can do something over and
over and over again. And you maybe thinking, I got that, right,
because it was a fluke, like, Ididn't know that I could do
(04:02):
that. And I just did it. Butthat doesn't mean I can do it
again. And so you set yourselfup for failure. One more time.
Yikes. Right? Instead of havinga positive attitude, instead of
coming out and saying, Well,yeah, I've not done this before.
But I'm very confident that Ican accomplish it. Instead of
(04:24):
coming out and saying thesethings or at least saying them
to yourself, you set yourself upfor failure by deciding there is
a failure, and a dead stop thatis going to be happening. Not
super good thing. Another fearthat comes up under imposter
syndrome is a fear of lookinglike a fool. And that's where
you've got all the confidence inthe world and you jump in and
(04:46):
then you don't get it right. Youget a lot of opportunity to
learn from that situation. Butmaybe you didn't want to learn
at the expense of like listeningto everybody else's laughter or
the calm So come up afterwards,right? Like feeling like a fool
isn't comfortable, it doesn'tfeel good. And so when you set
(05:08):
yourself up, by feeling afraidof that, you're basically
setting yourself up forcatastrophe. If it doesn't go,
right, ah, do you see sort of atheme going on here, basically,
your mindset helps you get towhatever it is that your mindset
(05:33):
is all about. So if you'rethinking that you're gonna fail,
chances are, you're going tofail. If you think that you're
going to succeed, you leaveopening for learning and
succeeding, that doesn't meanthat you always get it right,
you may still not get it, right.
But when you're facing it with amore positive attitude, the
chances of you gaining somethingfrom that situation are much
greater. So another thing, andthis is something that a lot of
(05:58):
women, and forgive me for, forstating it this way, but it
tends to be primarily women,they have a fear of a lack of
knowledge. And I've had a lot ofclients, a lot of female clients
who come through and say, I'vegot to get this new certificate,
I've got to go take that newclass, I need to make sure that
(06:18):
I'm in on this, or I'm in onthat, because I need to make
sure that I am qualified, I'mnot going to get this position
or that position unless I haveall of these certifications.
Now, I'm not against education,I think education is fabulous,
and extremely useful. Anddefinitely in many situations,
(06:39):
it is vital. However, when youhave imposter syndrome, and it
drives you to want more and moreand more and more education, so
that you are notlacking knowledge, you're
spending a whole lot of timeeducating in classroom
(06:59):
situations, instead of learningon the job. And most of the
time, when you're affected byimpostor syndrome, you're
actually stopping yourself fromgoing for an opportunity because
you think I've never gone to aclass for that. And this is
something that's very differentbetween most men and women, at
(07:20):
least this is what I haveexperienced. And that is that
women will have a tendency to bevery honest about what they're
educated in. And that many timeswill stifle them. Whereas men
will go, I can do that, I can dothat. Even if they don't have
the education. So this is what Irecommend. See your
(07:40):
possibilities, see what youcould be capable of see what you
could do. If you put your mindto it, and you had a positive
attitude, and then say, I can dothat most of the jobs that I
have gotten in positions whereI'm a supervisor, and that I
have gotten have been because Isaid I can do that. Because I
(08:03):
knew what I was capable of notbecause I had gone to four years
at a university for thisparticular thing or taking a
course or gotten acertification. You know, there
are certain industries wherethose things are vital, and you
have to get thosecertifications. But most of the
time, if you've been introducedto a specific thing, and you're
(08:26):
being offered a job to do thatspecific thing, with just a
little bit of on the jobtraining, and maybe a small
little course here and there,you can do it. But you've got to
get in the door so that you canprove that you can do it. So
when you're feeling unworthywhen you're feeling like you got
(08:47):
this job, but you don't reallydeserve it, you got this
position, but it's really notsomething that you earned, that
also can be stifling. And thatis under the umbrella of
imposter syndrome as well.
Because you do have the ability,you can get through it. But
you're telling yourself thatyou're not worthy. And so you're
(09:07):
slamming the door in your ownface. Wow. Wow. Right, crazy.
And of course, all of thesethings, all of these
descriptions are generalities,because we all experience things
on different levels fordifferent reasons. And some of
us experience many of thesethings, I can say that I've
(09:28):
experienced at least two orthree of those times in my life.
And I can also say that I'verealized that some of them are
completely useless. So let'sjust be done with it. And that's
what I recommend to you reallylook at some of these ways that
impostor syndrome is working inyour life and take a step back.
(09:48):
Look at it, is it stifling youor helping you to move forward
and why do you have such lowself confidence in these areas?
Step back look at it and Lies itfigure it out. And that's what
somebody did in the 1970s, theynoticed that there was some sort
of syndrome going onspecifically around high level
(10:11):
business women. And not a lot ofpeople could figure out what the
heck was going on, because thesewomen were very capable. So
there were two doctors who wenton the scene started
interviewing these women andrealized that there was a
syndrome called impostorsyndrome. That was around 1978.
And of course, after that, therewere more studies done. And we
(10:33):
found out that it wasn't justwomen who were being affected,
it was men as well. And itdoesn't have to be adults, it
could be teenagers, it could bechildren, it's something that we
all could face at any time. Andwhen we started recognizing that
it was, you know, prettywidespread, that's when
attention was called to it. Butour society was very different
(10:55):
at that time. And I think thatpeople are looking at themselves
differently. Now, with a littlebit more curiosity, a little bit
more of introspection, where wereally want to understand our
thought processes. And it wasn'tjust just get out there, get the
job done, you got a family tofeed, you got to get over it,
(11:16):
you know that there wasn't a lotof that going, or if there isn't
a lot of that going on, ingeneral in our society. And so
that's very different from thattime period. So we're focusing a
lot more on it. So I'm going tosegue right now we're going to
talk about chocolate, there arelessons to be learned from all
(11:36):
things around us, includingchocolate. So when we talk about
chocolate, today, we're talkingabout mostre, Roth chocolate
tears, and these candy bars.
There. It's funny because it'slike in a box. And when you open
it up, they're tiny little candybars inside of it. And so it's
it's like a little surprise whenyou open it up. But the one
we're going to talk about is thechili, dark chocolate. And we're
(11:58):
going to talk about that becauseit is definitely not an
impostor. It is a chocolate thatis unapologetic. It says I'm
here and I deserve to berecognized, acknowledged. And so
it steps forward, and it saysYum, right? You're gonna love
me. And of course you try it.
And you do. And even though it'sgot chili powder in it, it's
(12:22):
it's just the right amount ofkick. But here's the thing. And
this might be the impostersyndrome section of this. This
is one of those chocolates thatwhen I picked it up, even though
it didn't include a lot of thethings that I tried to avoid and
chocolates. It also gave alittle statement saying that it
could contain dairy, it couldcontain nuts. And so if you're
(12:46):
somebody who's very sensitive tothose things, obviously you
can't have this chocolate. Butit looked so pure on the label
that when I turned it over, Iwas shocked to find out that
more was going on. You've got tobe authentic, even if you've got
a few questions on the inside.
So can impostor syndrome begood? Hmm. That's a good
(13:07):
question. Imposter syndrome,maybe gives you the opportunity
to sort of assess what's goingon with you. So maybe in some
ways, it can be good because itopens up understandings of of
who you are and what you're allabout possible. I would say
overall, it's not super helpfulif you want to progress in life.
(13:27):
If you're looking for forfulfillment, probably not super
helpful, because if you'vealways got a question on the
inside, chances are, it'sstifling you on many different
levels. So I would say overall,not super good. Can it be
diagnosed? Technically, I don'tthink that it's an actual mental
(13:49):
health diagnosis. It's somethingthat you might recognize it's
something that a therapist mightsay, you might wonder about
impostor syndrome, because youlook very capable to me, You
sound very capable, and yet, youdon't believe that you are. But
it's not necessarily somethingyou can diagnose. It's an
understanding that your visionof who you are and what you are,
(14:16):
is affecting your outcome. Socan it affect your body and
what's going on with yourphysical self? Absolutely. It
fills you with stress. When youconstantly feel as though you
don't belong somewhere becauseyou're not worthy or you're not
qualified. You are stressed out.
(14:38):
What if somebody figures it out?
That's that's, that's somethingthat people question a lot. What
if they figure it out? What ifthey realize I'm not as good as
I as they thought I was. Wow,not good for you. Stress, not
good for your muscles, for yourheart, for your digestion for
your brain, and you've got thatwhole you know, Circular thought
(14:59):
thing going on where you'reconstantly recycling through
everything that is going wrongin your life. Man, if you mix
that with imposter syndrome, notsuper great for you. So how do
you overcome it? We're talking alot about what it is and how it
plays out in your life. But howdo you overcome it? Well, the
main thing is you need to startrecognizing what is real. And
(15:22):
what is a belief, when you startrecognizing that you really are
capable when you startrecognizing that you do have an
appropriate amount of education,when you start recognizing that
when people laugh, becauseyou're you haven't gotten it
right, that isn't your problem.
That's their problem. In fact,most of the people who react
(15:45):
that way towards you, they reactthat way. Because they
themselves doubt whether or notthey are capable, they're
showing you their lack of selfesteem, people who hurt or hurt
themselves. So pity them, givethem a little extra compassion.
Don't allow it to rain down onyour parade, don't allow that
(16:10):
allow yourself to progress andmove forward. So one of the
things that people do is go togroup therapy. And that can be
very, very helpful becauseyou're in a group and you're
speaking to many differentpeople. Sometimes getting your
thoughts out and speaking theminto a crowd can help you to
(16:31):
really look at how valid thosethoughts are. You might
recognize it, oh, my goodness, Iwas terrified of public
speaking. But it's not thathard. And and realize that if
there's somebody in the roomthat makes fun of you, or has a
problem with what it is thatyou're saying, again, it's their
(16:51):
problem, it's not your problem.
And being in a group, andspeaking in front of group can
give you that understanding.
Another thing is just goingstraight to therapy, just being
one on one with somebody goingto a life coach, figuring out
your life and and how to live amore fulfilling life. By lifting
yourself up. You can doCognitive Processing Therapy,
(17:15):
which is where you identify yournegative thoughts, because
sometimes people don't evenrealize the dialogue that's
going on inside their own brain.
Sometimes people have theirconstant like all day long,
they're saying to themselves,you're not worthy, you're not
good enough, you're not educatedenough, you're not pretty
enough, you're not strongenough, you're not devoted
(17:37):
enough, like all day long, andyou're with yourself 24/7. So to
hear that all day long, can bevery stifling. You should be
your own best friend, your ownsuperhero, your biggest
cheerleader, that's your job. Ifyou're wondering what is what is
my job in life, what is mymission? What should I be doing,
(17:59):
your mission should be to fillyour life and your thoughts with
positive words. Because then youcan be more fulfilled, and you
can affect the lives of othersin a more positive and uplifting
way. So this whole impostersyndrome thing. Gotta let it go.
Let's get back into reality ofwhat's actually going on. Let's
(18:23):
look deeper at what failureactually is. Let's look more at
the opportunity that is in frontof you, and how you can grab
onto that opportunity and reallyfly. Because imposter syndrome
holds you back. It's stifling.
It's only purpose is to stop youin your tracks so that you don't
(18:46):
succeed. Whoa, right? That's notsomething we want in our lives.
We don't need it. We don't wantit. So right now today, start
listening to what what is goingon in your brain, start
listening to the words thatyou're using when you're talking
to yourself. Start saying toyourself, I can do that. Now if
somebody says I need aneurosurgeon, can you come do
(19:09):
the surgery, obviously, ifyou're not educated in that,
that's not what I'm talkingabout. But if it's you know,
hey, we need somebody to helppaint this swing set. I can do
that. We need somebody who canlearn this computer system and
train other people, I can dothat. Right? There are things
that you can do. Allow yourselfto see that and allow yourself
(19:35):
to say, I can do that and workbeyond imposter syndrome.
Everyone has something beautifulto bring to the world. And with
that in mind, I designed energydaily and energy daily. I help
you slow down and pay attentionto what's going on in your life
so that you can find value atevery turn and design a life
(19:58):
that's more fulfilling. So do alittle extra. Check out energy
daily on BetsDanko.Com and signup today. Experience the wisdom
that helps to motivate andempower you in relationships,
business, family, and mostimportantly, self celebration.
Getting the picture. It's wisdomand it's all about you want to
(20:19):
hear the chocolate tune intoWisdom & Chocolate weekly
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