August 28, 2024 • 24 mins
When we talk about patience, what comes to mind is, waiting-annoyance-not getting what you want. In fact, it almost always comes with that frustrating phrase, ‘be patient.’ That's not always what you want to hear. Sometimes you want what you want right now at this minute and you do not want to wait. But you are in control of your patience. You are in control of how you use patience to create ultimate outcomes…and perfect endings.
Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!
Highlights:
Lessons From The Restaurant
The Corporate Career vs The Entrepreneur
Be Proactive
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:03):
It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a
new healthy habit. Kick up yourfeet and listen in. This is
wisdom and chocolate.
Bets Danko (00:13):
This is bets Danko, and you are listening to wisdom
and chocolate. Today we're goingto talk about patience. And I
know that I've spoken about thisbefore, but it's one of those
really special things that whenyou know how to harness it and
use it in your favor, it can besuch a blessing. So when we talk
(00:37):
about patience, a lot of times,what comes to mind is waiting
annoyance. You know, not gettingwhat you want. In fact, it
almost always comes with thisflavor of somebody saying to
you, be patient. And that's notalways what you want to hear.
Sometimes you want what you wantright now at this minute and you
(00:59):
do not want to wait. Am I right?
Of course, I'm right. I'm human.
We all experience these thingsnow. I've had this thing
happening to me recently, whichactually it's not so it's kind
of like the last couple years,but it's gotten, like, really
ramped up recently, and that isevery time I go to the
(01:20):
restaurant, any restaurant I saythe restaurant is, if there's
only one, but no, no matterwhere I go, there's a problem
with my order. And I'm sure youcan tell by listening to me, I
can be pretty direct, like Iknow exactly what I want, and
I'm very specific. I've gotdietary needs that have to be
met and and, so why? You know,dance around a subject. I tell
(01:44):
people exactly what I need, andI'm very brief. And if it seems
like it's going to becomplicated, like I'm asking for
too much, I just don't ask forthat too much. When I want to be
super complicated, eat at home.
Make it myself, right? But whenyou go to a restaurant, there's
somebody in the back theremaking your food, and they're
very good at what they do, or atleast, you hope that they're
(02:05):
very good at what they do. Sohaving them change up the recipe
when that's their specialty justto meet your needs isn't always
super helpful, and can becomplicated. So you follow what
I'm saying. When I'm at home,I'm a little bit more specific,
or I'm a little bit morecareful. We'll put it that way
in what it is that I put in myfood. But when I go to
(02:29):
restaurants, I might tweaksomething ever so slightly, like
I need a gluten free bun on thathamburger. Like it's ever so
slightly follow me, and then thehamburger will come back and
it's raw. It's got things on it.
I didn't ask for there's agluten free bun. I don't get my
(02:52):
dinner salad. Like there's,there's always something. And it
seems like it's getting to thepoint where it's multiple
somethings every single time Iorder. Now, to be totally honest
with you, at the beginning, whenthis started happening
regularly, I was a littleannoyed. It's, you know, if your
food comes to the table witheverybody else's and yours is
(03:14):
wrong, then everybody's eatingwithout you, and then everybody
has to wait for you to finish.
So there's an inconveniencething there. And also, when
you're with people, you'reyou're doing this to
communicate, have a good time,interact with one another over
this meal. So when you are notin the same place as everyone
else because your order isn'tcorrect, it makes things a
(03:36):
little less fun. Makes things alittle more complicated in the
way that you're communicatingacross the table. So initially I
would get really frustrated. Ohmy gosh, what? I swear I said
that, and then you go to all thepeople at the table, didn't I
say this? Didn't I say this?
Like, didn't I ask for thegluten free bun? Didn't I say
(03:58):
that I needed it medium well.
Like, didn't I specify this? Andof course, everybody would say
yes, and it was never that I wasambiguous in what it was that I
was asking for. It was neverthat I wasn't clear in why I
needed those things. I wasalways very specific. And most
of the time, the people who werewaiting on us would repeat back
(04:23):
the things that I said, so youwould think that they knew what
it was I was asking for. Now Isaid I used to get frustrated,
and it's true, it would be moreso early on when this was
happening regularly. Because tobe honest with you, everybody
has it happen every once in awhile, like, you know, a waiter
(04:45):
or waitress can have a roughday, or they're just really
frazzled and they forget towrite something down, or maybe
the cook is really overworkedand so they don't get things
done correctly. And there can beall. Different reasons. So we've
all had it happen, and how wereact really defines who we are
as people, and it defines howthe rest of our night is going
(05:09):
to be. So it's not just aboutthe people around us. It's about
us as well. What we do, how wereact, what we say, does affect
I've been out of town a lot.
I've been to retreats. I've beenseeing family. There have been a
lot of things that have beengoing on where I have to go, you
(05:30):
know, an hour and a half here,six and a half hours there, and
so I've eaten out a lot, and Ikid you not, every single time
there's an issue with the order,even if I order it exactly the
way it is on the menu, it stillcomes and it's wrong. And the
other night, just two nightsago, I went out to dinner with
(05:52):
extended family, and I ordered asalad, and the waitress, she
said back to me, okay, so youdon't want the croutons and you
do want Italian dressing? Yes,thank you, please. And everybody
else's salad came, and minedidn't, and I didn't say
anything. I just remainedsilent, because inside it was
(06:13):
sort of this, wow. I used to getreally angry about this. I would
get really frustrated aboutthis, and it would sort of ruin
my whole evening, but, you know,they're eating salad, and yeah,
I'm really hungry, but I knowthat my hamburger will show up.
And you know, I'm having thisinternal dialog where I'm
(06:33):
acknowledging that I'm actuallyokay. I don't need to be eating
at the same time everybody elseis I don't need everything to be
perfect. I don't need to besetting myself for up for a
really angry night. What I needis to keep my cool, to stay
patient, to give some grace,even though I don't know what is
(06:56):
going on in the back with thecooks in the front end with like
the person who is serving us. Idon't know what's going on. I
don't know the story, and I'mnot having a personal
relationship with them, so it'snot my place to ask. All I can
do is either say, at thismoment, may I have my salad
please, or kind of go, Hmm, I'mgoing to bask in this moment.
(07:20):
I'm going to see what's going oninside of my mind. And I chose
the latter. And then, of course,eventually something needed to
be said, which was, we did orderthis salad. It didn't come so
please don't put it on the bill.
Eventually something was said,but the patience paid off. The
patience allowed me space toremain happy. The patience that
(07:42):
I showed allowed me opportunityto project compassion and grace
without even knowing what wasgoing on with the people who
were preparing my food. See, wedon't always need to know the
reason in order to givecompassion and grace. In fact, I
believe giving compassion andgrace should be something that
(08:05):
happens all the time, whether ornot there should be a reason,
and maybe there was no reason.
In fact, the waitress said tome, oh my gosh, I literally just
forgot to write your salad down,and all I can do is do what I'm
doing right now is laugh. Whatcan you do? Get angry. It's
already done, and she felt badand she apologized. So why get
(08:31):
upset? You follow what I'msaying when we choose to have a
more pleasant outlook on lifethe whole rest of our day, or
the whole rest of our week,becomes more pleasant as well.
When we choose to not latch onto negative reactions or
negative speech patterns, thenwe end up being happier. I see
(08:55):
all the time now, on the news,on social media, people just
yelling at one another, likeliteral video of people just
yelling hatred at one anotherwithout even thinking about what
it is that they're saying. Infact, a lot of times they're
pointing a finger, saying,you're doing this, you're doing
that, and literally, in thevideo, they're doing the exact
same thing. And you know, thereare times when that's
(09:18):
frustrating, and I get sort ofupset, because I just want
people to get along right, butthey're making a choice. They're
making a choice to be unhappy,to be angry, to be violent,
sometimes to lash out at otherpeople. And remember this,
(09:38):
people hate most in otherpeople, the things they hate
most about themselves. Whoa. Infact, I think it's actually
peoplehate in other people, the things
they dislike about themselves,right? But you can take it as
far as hatred, but think aboutthat a second most of the time
when people are last. Out,there's something about
(10:00):
themselves they're not happywith, and almost always, it's
somewhere along the same vein aswhat it is they're complaining
about. So when you have selfacceptance, when you care about
yourself more, when you'rewilling to back yourself up with
positivity and with facts, whenyou're willing to put yourself
in that position. You arehappier. You allow yourself the
(10:21):
space and the time to be happy.
So why not choose that right nowwhen patience doesn't serve you?
Because I'm sure there arepeople out there right now
going, Well, wait a minute. Thatdoesn't always work, and I know
this sometimes patience doesn'tserve you. Like I had an
(10:46):
acquaintance who worked at oneof the studios in Hollywood, and
I met her for lunch one day, andwe had just been communicating
on the telephone because we hadsimilar jobs. I was working at a
vendor, and she was at thestudio, and so we decided we
would get to know one anotherand maybe take this friendship
into the friendship realm, like,Let's get together for lunch,
(11:07):
let's hang out every once in awhile, right? And so this was
our first meeting in person, andduring the conversation, she
says to me that she doesn't knowwhen she'll get married. She's
been dating this guy for sixyears, and she's been living
with him for four and she'sthinking that maybe he's not
serious. And I'm sorry to laugh,but it's like, yeah, dude's not
(11:32):
serious, man, six years in andyou've been living with him for
four years, why get married he'salready got you, like, what? Why
are you doing that? But she wasliving in a state of constant
Patience, patience until he camearound, patience until he
declared his love for her bysaying, Let's get married. She
(11:54):
was living in patience, butbecause nothing was ever going
to come from that, that patiencewas also leaving her in a place
of pain. It was leaving her in aplace of feeling less than she
didn't feel like she was worthsort of demanding there be a
decision, whatever the decisionmay be. And here's the thing,
(12:17):
when you're not ready to ask forthe decision and and you don't
want to hear what the responseis, then you're not ready to
hear it. But that should tellyou something. If you're not
ready to hear it, then there's apretty good chance that they're
about to tell you, you knowwhat? Yeah, this isn't working,
and I'm not going to marry you,so you got to love yourself a
little bit more. The patienceshould be something that is
(12:40):
given in moments when you knowthat eventually what is coming
to you is going to come.
Patience does not serve you whenyou're giving it constantly and
never getting a return. So whenit comes to chocolate, which
that's part of the title of theshow, right? So we try to talk
about chocolate in every show.
(13:02):
When it comes to chocolate,sometimes we are giving
ourselves a huge amount ofpatience until we have the
opportunity to get to the storeto buy a healthy chocolate,
right? It's sometimes easier tofind a not so healthy chocolate.
So you've got to have patienceuntil you get to a store that
actually sells the healthierkinds. But then there are also
(13:22):
kinds that may or may not behealthy. You don't really know,
but there's one element of themyou know positively isn't so
great for you. So if you want tokeep eating it, you need to
space it out like tiny littlebit at one time you wait like a
week before you have another andso patience is like your middle
(13:44):
name. You want to savor it, toexperience it, have it just, you
know, super yummy for a longtime. And you have to have
patience so that you don't getyourself sick. And so let me
talk to you about whatchocolate. This is the Ritter
Sport. And this particularchocolate was brought to me from
(14:07):
Germany, and so the whole labelis in German. I have no idea
what it says, except that thetitle of the chocolate.
Chocolate is ALP milk. And soobviously it's a milk chocolate,
like, milk is in the name,right? And when you look at the
picture, it obviously is a milkchocolate. And I really wanted
(14:28):
to taste it. I mean, it wasbrought to me. It was gifted to
me. And I do this podcast, so Ishould at least taste it. But
I'm sensitive to milk. So I hadone teeny little bite, like,
super teeny, and went, Oh mygosh, that is so good. I knew I
couldn't have more. I knew I hadto wait. And I literally waited
a week, and then had anotherteeny, tiny bite, and that
(14:53):
chocolate bar just lasted. Idon't even know how long it was,
a really long time, because. ButI wanted to savor it. And
honestly, she brought me a wholeother chocolate bar at the same
time, and that one was gone,like in record time, but this
one, I knew I needed to take mytime. Sometimes some of the best
(15:14):
stuff takes time to savor.
Sometimes you need to showrestraint rather than demanding
that you get what you want rightnow, because in the long run,
it's healthier for you to wait.
So we want to talk a little bitabout patience and wisdom, and
(15:34):
when it comes to valuingyourself, when things are just
not right, this is where wisdomcomes into play, just like the
story I was just telling youabout the woman who is in the
relationship for six years. Ihave met so many people in this
position. I'm in this greatrelationship. This person says
(15:56):
they want to marry me, but nowthey're saying they're too
young. Or, you know, they needto get their degree first, or
they need to make their firstmillion or all sorts of excuses
for why, you know, as if, whenmarriage happens, all life
stops, and it is always superbaffling to me, because just
saying you're not ready is Cool.
Why the excuses? Why thenonsensical excuses, right? I
(16:19):
love you. I'm not ready tocommit to you on that level.
Cool. Don't move in together.
Like moving in together ismarriage without a license or or
a certificate. Okay? It's thesame thing, but without the the
commitment on paper. So don'tgive the excuses. I don't want
(16:44):
to be married right now, but Ido want to live with you cool,
make it clear, be direct, andthat way, if you're on the
receiving end of something likethat, you can make a stronger
decision. Is this? What I wantdo I want to live with this
person? Do I want to be sort oftried on, like a pair of pants
(17:04):
or or try it out, like a testdrive on a car? Do it? Do I want
to be somebody who is just sortof there for now, knowing that
it's not going anywhere, likeyou need to make that choice for
yourself and then own it? Yeah,I'm cool with that. I'm actually
cool with that, because I don'tthink I want to commit for my
life, but I'm having a good timenow. Make the decision with
(17:29):
honest facts. Know exactly whatit is that you want and you
need, and put wisdom in themiddle of all of that, if your
choice gives you the opportunityto be more fulfilled, to feel
better about yourself, to beuplifted, to feel empowered,
then go for it in the same youknow, we don't have to talk
(17:52):
about relationships here, but wecould talk about the, you know,
working in the corporate world,working yourself up the
corporate ladder. As opposed tobeing an entrepreneur, an
entrepreneur has more controlover their hours, what it is
they're going to do, and howthey're going to do it. When
you're working in the corporateworld, a lot of times you have a
(18:12):
boss, or you are the boss, andthere are rules, and you have to
be at your desk at a certaintime, and lunches at a certain
time, and you have to be at yourdesk, you know, for a certain
amount of time during the day,you don't get to leave until
five or six or seven, dependingon your job, right? And so the
rules many times, are whatpeople go I don't deal well with
rules. I don't deal well with aboss. I want to be my own boss.
(18:35):
I want to, you know, make up myown schedule. I
want to make up my own mind whenI'm going to be at my desk, and
when I'm going to go to lunch,right? I'm going to set my own
appointments to fit my schedule.
And when you're looking at thesetwo examples, patience comes
into play when it's thecorporate world, because you're
working up a ladder, hopefully,hopefully you're at a company
(18:58):
where you can work your way up,because as you work your way up,
you make more money, you getmore responsibility, and you can
become more fulfilled if youplay it right. But if you are on
the entrepreneur side, patiencecomes into play, because a lot
of times what you're startingout you've never started out
before, and so you you have tobuild the road before you start
(19:21):
walking on it. It could takemore time. As a startup is
something that is brand new. Youcould be doing this for six
months, two years, seven years,before it finally takes off and
you're not only supportingyourself, but you're making more
money than you actually need. Soin both scenarios, you need
(19:43):
patience.
But what are you willing to putpatience into? Do you want to
put patience into the corporateworld or into being an
entrepreneur? You need to lookat the wisdom in both scenarios.
Videos. Maybe you're working inthe in the corporate world.
(20:03):
While you are working on theentrepreneurial stuff, you need
to lay all of these plans infront of yourself, do the pros
and cons, figure out what makessense and apply wisdom to this
so that when you are deciding tohave patience, it makes sense
for you. Follow me, patience isnot just something that, yeah,
(20:28):
you have in order to feel good.
It's a tool, and it's a toolthat, when used properly, can
actually uplift you and motivateyou more. And the way you use it
properly is to know why you'reapplying it, and to make very
educated choices as to whenyou're going to apply it and for
how long, because sometimes youcan be patient, and you're
(20:50):
deciding you're going to havepatience through a situation,
but as in the case of the womanwith the six, six year
relationship, maybe two yearsin, you go, You know what? This
isn't worth it to me anymore. Ireally want the picket fence and
the children and the whole thinglike, maybe that's your
opportunity to go at a timelimit, and my time limit is up.
(21:10):
So now I'm going to make a jumpto do something specifically for
me. So being proactive in yourpatience and in your wisdom is a
gift to yourself. Applyingcompassion and grace when others
are just not up to the task canbe so important, so rewarding.
(21:32):
Compassion and grace toward thepeople who are unable to make
the big decisions, you'vealready got the Wisdom
proactively. You've come up withall of the wisdom so that when
you decide to have patience,you've got a term limit on that.
(21:55):
You know what wisdom you areapplying you, and you're
proactively understanding whatit is you're waiting for. And
then when the term comes up andthey're not ready to make a
decision, give them grace. Youwere an active participant in
this. You made a decision tostay there's no point in being
(22:16):
angry. There's no point in beinghurt, you proactively came up
with the wisdom you chose toshow patience, and now it's time
to walk away. It's all cool, andif they're not cool with it,
that's okay. They made adecision too, and you can give
them the grace that comes withinteracting with somebody who
made a decision for themselves.
(22:40):
Don't have shame or guilt. It'stime to move on. So from this
point forward, come up with thewisdom and be proactive with
your wisdom, before you startshowing your patience, and in
moments when patience can reallybe rewarding to you on an
emotional level employ that, youknow, if, if I knew that my food
(23:06):
wasn't going to come out exactlythe way I wanted, I might, you
know, be a little bit moredirect about what it is that I
need, but overall, I'd stillneed to apply patience. So why
not have patience to begin with,right? And give yourself the
opportunity to give thatpatience, to give the compassion
(23:26):
and give the grace, so that youkeep your heart rate down and
you're positive about the entireexperience. You don't know
what's going on with otherpeople, and sometimes even when
you do, you need to give themthe grace that allows them to
make the decisions and themistakes that they need to make
for themselves. With thatblessings to each and every one
(23:52):
of you. Have a beautiful week.
Everyone has something beautifulto bring to the world. And with
that in mind, I designed energydaily. In Energy daily, I help
you slow down and pay attentionto what's going on in your life
so that you can find value atevery turn and design a life
that's more fulfilling. So do alittle extra. Check out energy
(24:14):
daily on betsdanko com and signup today experience the wisdom
that helps to motivate andempower you in relationships,
business, family and mostimportantly, self celebration,
getting the picture, it's wisdomand it's all about you want to
hear the chocolate tune intowisdom and chocolate weekly.
It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a
new healthy habit. Kick up yourfeet and listen in. This is
wisdom and chocolate.
Bets Danko (00:13):
This is bets Danko, and you are listening to wisdom
and chocolate. Today we're goingto talk about patience. And I
know that I've spoken about thisbefore, but it's one of those
really special things that whenyou know how to harness it and
use it in your favor, it can besuch a blessing. So when we talk
(00:37):
about patience, a lot of times,what comes to mind is waiting
annoyance. You know, not gettingwhat you want. In fact, it
almost always comes with thisflavor of somebody saying to
you, be patient. And that's notalways what you want to hear.
Sometimes you want what you wantright now at this minute and you
(00:59):
do not want to wait. Am I right?
Of course, I'm right. I'm human.
We all experience these thingsnow. I've had this thing
happening to me recently, whichactually it's not so it's kind
of like the last couple years,but it's gotten, like, really
ramped up recently, and that isevery time I go to the
(01:20):
restaurant, any restaurant I saythe restaurant is, if there's
only one, but no, no matterwhere I go, there's a problem
with my order. And I'm sure youcan tell by listening to me, I
can be pretty direct, like Iknow exactly what I want, and
I'm very specific. I've gotdietary needs that have to be
met and and, so why? You know,dance around a subject. I tell
(01:44):
people exactly what I need, andI'm very brief. And if it seems
like it's going to becomplicated, like I'm asking for
too much, I just don't ask forthat too much. When I want to be
super complicated, eat at home.
Make it myself, right? But whenyou go to a restaurant, there's
somebody in the back theremaking your food, and they're
very good at what they do, or atleast, you hope that they're
(02:05):
very good at what they do. Sohaving them change up the recipe
when that's their specialty justto meet your needs isn't always
super helpful, and can becomplicated. So you follow what
I'm saying. When I'm at home,I'm a little bit more specific,
or I'm a little bit morecareful. We'll put it that way
in what it is that I put in myfood. But when I go to
(02:29):
restaurants, I might tweaksomething ever so slightly, like
I need a gluten free bun on thathamburger. Like it's ever so
slightly follow me, and then thehamburger will come back and
it's raw. It's got things on it.
I didn't ask for there's agluten free bun. I don't get my
(02:52):
dinner salad. Like there's,there's always something. And it
seems like it's getting to thepoint where it's multiple
somethings every single time Iorder. Now, to be totally honest
with you, at the beginning, whenthis started happening
regularly, I was a littleannoyed. It's, you know, if your
food comes to the table witheverybody else's and yours is
(03:14):
wrong, then everybody's eatingwithout you, and then everybody
has to wait for you to finish.
So there's an inconveniencething there. And also, when
you're with people, you'reyou're doing this to
communicate, have a good time,interact with one another over
this meal. So when you are notin the same place as everyone
else because your order isn'tcorrect, it makes things a
(03:36):
little less fun. Makes things alittle more complicated in the
way that you're communicatingacross the table. So initially I
would get really frustrated. Ohmy gosh, what? I swear I said
that, and then you go to all thepeople at the table, didn't I
say this? Didn't I say this?
Like, didn't I ask for thegluten free bun? Didn't I say
(03:58):
that I needed it medium well.
Like, didn't I specify this? Andof course, everybody would say
yes, and it was never that I wasambiguous in what it was that I
was asking for. It was neverthat I wasn't clear in why I
needed those things. I wasalways very specific. And most
of the time, the people who werewaiting on us would repeat back
(04:23):
the things that I said, so youwould think that they knew what
it was I was asking for. Now Isaid I used to get frustrated,
and it's true, it would be moreso early on when this was
happening regularly. Because tobe honest with you, everybody
has it happen every once in awhile, like, you know, a waiter
(04:45):
or waitress can have a roughday, or they're just really
frazzled and they forget towrite something down, or maybe
the cook is really overworkedand so they don't get things
done correctly. And there can beall. Different reasons. So we've
all had it happen, and how wereact really defines who we are
as people, and it defines howthe rest of our night is going
(05:09):
to be. So it's not just aboutthe people around us. It's about
us as well. What we do, how wereact, what we say, does affect
I've been out of town a lot.
I've been to retreats. I've beenseeing family. There have been a
lot of things that have beengoing on where I have to go, you
(05:30):
know, an hour and a half here,six and a half hours there, and
so I've eaten out a lot, and Ikid you not, every single time
there's an issue with the order,even if I order it exactly the
way it is on the menu, it stillcomes and it's wrong. And the
other night, just two nightsago, I went out to dinner with
(05:52):
extended family, and I ordered asalad, and the waitress, she
said back to me, okay, so youdon't want the croutons and you
do want Italian dressing? Yes,thank you, please. And everybody
else's salad came, and minedidn't, and I didn't say
anything. I just remainedsilent, because inside it was
(06:13):
sort of this, wow. I used to getreally angry about this. I would
get really frustrated aboutthis, and it would sort of ruin
my whole evening, but, you know,they're eating salad, and yeah,
I'm really hungry, but I knowthat my hamburger will show up.
And you know, I'm having thisinternal dialog where I'm
(06:33):
acknowledging that I'm actuallyokay. I don't need to be eating
at the same time everybody elseis I don't need everything to be
perfect. I don't need to besetting myself for up for a
really angry night. What I needis to keep my cool, to stay
patient, to give some grace,even though I don't know what is
(06:56):
going on in the back with thecooks in the front end with like
the person who is serving us. Idon't know what's going on. I
don't know the story, and I'mnot having a personal
relationship with them, so it'snot my place to ask. All I can
do is either say, at thismoment, may I have my salad
please, or kind of go, Hmm, I'mgoing to bask in this moment.
(07:20):
I'm going to see what's going oninside of my mind. And I chose
the latter. And then, of course,eventually something needed to
be said, which was, we did orderthis salad. It didn't come so
please don't put it on the bill.
Eventually something was said,but the patience paid off. The
patience allowed me space toremain happy. The patience that
(07:42):
I showed allowed me opportunityto project compassion and grace
without even knowing what wasgoing on with the people who
were preparing my food. See, wedon't always need to know the
reason in order to givecompassion and grace. In fact, I
believe giving compassion andgrace should be something that
(08:05):
happens all the time, whether ornot there should be a reason,
and maybe there was no reason.
In fact, the waitress said tome, oh my gosh, I literally just
forgot to write your salad down,and all I can do is do what I'm
doing right now is laugh. Whatcan you do? Get angry. It's
already done, and she felt badand she apologized. So why get
(08:31):
upset? You follow what I'msaying when we choose to have a
more pleasant outlook on lifethe whole rest of our day, or
the whole rest of our week,becomes more pleasant as well.
When we choose to not latch onto negative reactions or
negative speech patterns, thenwe end up being happier. I see
(08:55):
all the time now, on the news,on social media, people just
yelling at one another, likeliteral video of people just
yelling hatred at one anotherwithout even thinking about what
it is that they're saying. Infact, a lot of times they're
pointing a finger, saying,you're doing this, you're doing
that, and literally, in thevideo, they're doing the exact
same thing. And you know, thereare times when that's
(09:18):
frustrating, and I get sort ofupset, because I just want
people to get along right, butthey're making a choice. They're
making a choice to be unhappy,to be angry, to be violent,
sometimes to lash out at otherpeople. And remember this,
(09:38):
people hate most in otherpeople, the things they hate
most about themselves. Whoa. Infact, I think it's actually
peoplehate in other people, the things
they dislike about themselves,right? But you can take it as
far as hatred, but think aboutthat a second most of the time
when people are last. Out,there's something about
(10:00):
themselves they're not happywith, and almost always, it's
somewhere along the same vein aswhat it is they're complaining
about. So when you have selfacceptance, when you care about
yourself more, when you'rewilling to back yourself up with
positivity and with facts, whenyou're willing to put yourself
in that position. You arehappier. You allow yourself the
(10:21):
space and the time to be happy.
So why not choose that right nowwhen patience doesn't serve you?
Because I'm sure there arepeople out there right now
going, Well, wait a minute. Thatdoesn't always work, and I know
this sometimes patience doesn'tserve you. Like I had an
(10:46):
acquaintance who worked at oneof the studios in Hollywood, and
I met her for lunch one day, andwe had just been communicating
on the telephone because we hadsimilar jobs. I was working at a
vendor, and she was at thestudio, and so we decided we
would get to know one anotherand maybe take this friendship
into the friendship realm, like,Let's get together for lunch,
(11:07):
let's hang out every once in awhile, right? And so this was
our first meeting in person, andduring the conversation, she
says to me that she doesn't knowwhen she'll get married. She's
been dating this guy for sixyears, and she's been living
with him for four and she'sthinking that maybe he's not
serious. And I'm sorry to laugh,but it's like, yeah, dude's not
(11:32):
serious, man, six years in andyou've been living with him for
four years, why get married he'salready got you, like, what? Why
are you doing that? But she wasliving in a state of constant
Patience, patience until he camearound, patience until he
declared his love for her bysaying, Let's get married. She
(11:54):
was living in patience, butbecause nothing was ever going
to come from that, that patiencewas also leaving her in a place
of pain. It was leaving her in aplace of feeling less than she
didn't feel like she was worthsort of demanding there be a
decision, whatever the decisionmay be. And here's the thing,
(12:17):
when you're not ready to ask forthe decision and and you don't
want to hear what the responseis, then you're not ready to
hear it. But that should tellyou something. If you're not
ready to hear it, then there's apretty good chance that they're
about to tell you, you knowwhat? Yeah, this isn't working,
and I'm not going to marry you,so you got to love yourself a
little bit more. The patienceshould be something that is
(12:40):
given in moments when you knowthat eventually what is coming
to you is going to come.
Patience does not serve you whenyou're giving it constantly and
never getting a return. So whenit comes to chocolate, which
that's part of the title of theshow, right? So we try to talk
about chocolate in every show.
(13:02):
When it comes to chocolate,sometimes we are giving
ourselves a huge amount ofpatience until we have the
opportunity to get to the storeto buy a healthy chocolate,
right? It's sometimes easier tofind a not so healthy chocolate.
So you've got to have patienceuntil you get to a store that
actually sells the healthierkinds. But then there are also
(13:22):
kinds that may or may not behealthy. You don't really know,
but there's one element of themyou know positively isn't so
great for you. So if you want tokeep eating it, you need to
space it out like tiny littlebit at one time you wait like a
week before you have another andso patience is like your middle
(13:44):
name. You want to savor it, toexperience it, have it just, you
know, super yummy for a longtime. And you have to have
patience so that you don't getyourself sick. And so let me
talk to you about whatchocolate. This is the Ritter
Sport. And this particularchocolate was brought to me from
(14:07):
Germany, and so the whole labelis in German. I have no idea
what it says, except that thetitle of the chocolate.
Chocolate is ALP milk. And soobviously it's a milk chocolate,
like, milk is in the name,right? And when you look at the
picture, it obviously is a milkchocolate. And I really wanted
(14:28):
to taste it. I mean, it wasbrought to me. It was gifted to
me. And I do this podcast, so Ishould at least taste it. But
I'm sensitive to milk. So I hadone teeny little bite, like,
super teeny, and went, Oh mygosh, that is so good. I knew I
couldn't have more. I knew I hadto wait. And I literally waited
a week, and then had anotherteeny, tiny bite, and that
(14:53):
chocolate bar just lasted. Idon't even know how long it was,
a really long time, because. ButI wanted to savor it. And
honestly, she brought me a wholeother chocolate bar at the same
time, and that one was gone,like in record time, but this
one, I knew I needed to take mytime. Sometimes some of the best
(15:14):
stuff takes time to savor.
Sometimes you need to showrestraint rather than demanding
that you get what you want rightnow, because in the long run,
it's healthier for you to wait.
So we want to talk a little bitabout patience and wisdom, and
(15:34):
when it comes to valuingyourself, when things are just
not right, this is where wisdomcomes into play, just like the
story I was just telling youabout the woman who is in the
relationship for six years. Ihave met so many people in this
position. I'm in this greatrelationship. This person says
(15:56):
they want to marry me, but nowthey're saying they're too
young. Or, you know, they needto get their degree first, or
they need to make their firstmillion or all sorts of excuses
for why, you know, as if, whenmarriage happens, all life
stops, and it is always superbaffling to me, because just
saying you're not ready is Cool.
Why the excuses? Why thenonsensical excuses, right? I
(16:19):
love you. I'm not ready tocommit to you on that level.
Cool. Don't move in together.
Like moving in together ismarriage without a license or or
a certificate. Okay? It's thesame thing, but without the the
commitment on paper. So don'tgive the excuses. I don't want
(16:44):
to be married right now, but Ido want to live with you cool,
make it clear, be direct, andthat way, if you're on the
receiving end of something likethat, you can make a stronger
decision. Is this? What I wantdo I want to live with this
person? Do I want to be sort oftried on, like a pair of pants
(17:04):
or or try it out, like a testdrive on a car? Do it? Do I want
to be somebody who is just sortof there for now, knowing that
it's not going anywhere, likeyou need to make that choice for
yourself and then own it? Yeah,I'm cool with that. I'm actually
cool with that, because I don'tthink I want to commit for my
life, but I'm having a good timenow. Make the decision with
(17:29):
honest facts. Know exactly whatit is that you want and you
need, and put wisdom in themiddle of all of that, if your
choice gives you the opportunityto be more fulfilled, to feel
better about yourself, to beuplifted, to feel empowered,
then go for it in the same youknow, we don't have to talk
(17:52):
about relationships here, but wecould talk about the, you know,
working in the corporate world,working yourself up the
corporate ladder. As opposed tobeing an entrepreneur, an
entrepreneur has more controlover their hours, what it is
they're going to do, and howthey're going to do it. When
you're working in the corporateworld, a lot of times you have a
(18:12):
boss, or you are the boss, andthere are rules, and you have to
be at your desk at a certaintime, and lunches at a certain
time, and you have to be at yourdesk, you know, for a certain
amount of time during the day,you don't get to leave until
five or six or seven, dependingon your job, right? And so the
rules many times, are whatpeople go I don't deal well with
rules. I don't deal well with aboss. I want to be my own boss.
(18:35):
I want to, you know, make up myown schedule. I
want to make up my own mind whenI'm going to be at my desk, and
when I'm going to go to lunch,right? I'm going to set my own
appointments to fit my schedule.
And when you're looking at thesetwo examples, patience comes
into play when it's thecorporate world, because you're
working up a ladder, hopefully,hopefully you're at a company
(18:58):
where you can work your way up,because as you work your way up,
you make more money, you getmore responsibility, and you can
become more fulfilled if youplay it right. But if you are on
the entrepreneur side, patiencecomes into play, because a lot
of times what you're startingout you've never started out
before, and so you you have tobuild the road before you start
(19:21):
walking on it. It could takemore time. As a startup is
something that is brand new. Youcould be doing this for six
months, two years, seven years,before it finally takes off and
you're not only supportingyourself, but you're making more
money than you actually need. Soin both scenarios, you need
(19:43):
patience.
But what are you willing to putpatience into? Do you want to
put patience into the corporateworld or into being an
entrepreneur? You need to lookat the wisdom in both scenarios.
Videos. Maybe you're working inthe in the corporate world.
(20:03):
While you are working on theentrepreneurial stuff, you need
to lay all of these plans infront of yourself, do the pros
and cons, figure out what makessense and apply wisdom to this
so that when you are deciding tohave patience, it makes sense
for you. Follow me, patience isnot just something that, yeah,
(20:28):
you have in order to feel good.
It's a tool, and it's a toolthat, when used properly, can
actually uplift you and motivateyou more. And the way you use it
properly is to know why you'reapplying it, and to make very
educated choices as to whenyou're going to apply it and for
how long, because sometimes youcan be patient, and you're
(20:50):
deciding you're going to havepatience through a situation,
but as in the case of the womanwith the six, six year
relationship, maybe two yearsin, you go, You know what? This
isn't worth it to me anymore. Ireally want the picket fence and
the children and the whole thinglike, maybe that's your
opportunity to go at a timelimit, and my time limit is up.
(21:10):
So now I'm going to make a jumpto do something specifically for
me. So being proactive in yourpatience and in your wisdom is a
gift to yourself. Applyingcompassion and grace when others
are just not up to the task canbe so important, so rewarding.
(21:32):
Compassion and grace toward thepeople who are unable to make
the big decisions, you'vealready got the Wisdom
proactively. You've come up withall of the wisdom so that when
you decide to have patience,you've got a term limit on that.
(21:55):
You know what wisdom you areapplying you, and you're
proactively understanding whatit is you're waiting for. And
then when the term comes up andthey're not ready to make a
decision, give them grace. Youwere an active participant in
this. You made a decision tostay there's no point in being
(22:16):
angry. There's no point in beinghurt, you proactively came up
with the wisdom you chose toshow patience, and now it's time
to walk away. It's all cool, andif they're not cool with it,
that's okay. They made adecision too, and you can give
them the grace that comes withinteracting with somebody who
made a decision for themselves.
(22:40):
Don't have shame or guilt. It'stime to move on. So from this
point forward, come up with thewisdom and be proactive with
your wisdom, before you startshowing your patience, and in
moments when patience can reallybe rewarding to you on an
emotional level employ that, youknow, if, if I knew that my food
(23:06):
wasn't going to come out exactlythe way I wanted, I might, you
know, be a little bit moredirect about what it is that I
need, but overall, I'd stillneed to apply patience. So why
not have patience to begin with,right? And give yourself the
opportunity to give thatpatience, to give the compassion
(23:26):
and give the grace, so that youkeep your heart rate down and
you're positive about the entireexperience. You don't know
what's going on with otherpeople, and sometimes even when
you do, you need to give themthe grace that allows them to
make the decisions and themistakes that they need to make
for themselves. With thatblessings to each and every one
(23:52):
of you. Have a beautiful week.
Everyone has something beautifulto bring to the world. And with
that in mind, I designed energydaily. In Energy daily, I help
you slow down and pay attentionto what's going on in your life
so that you can find value atevery turn and design a life
that's more fulfilling. So do alittle extra. Check out energy
(24:14):
daily on betsdanko com and signup today experience the wisdom
that helps to motivate andempower you in relationships,
business, family and mostimportantly, self celebration,
getting the picture, it's wisdomand it's all about you want to
hear the chocolate tune intowisdom and chocolate weekly.
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