Ep 52: How to Control Emotional Eating and Exercise Consistently with Ashley Carlotta

Episode Transcript
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Philip Pape (00:08):
Welcome to the Wits & Weights podcast, where we
discuss getting strong andhealthy with strength training
and sustainable nutrition. I'myour host, Philip pape, and in
each episode, we examinestrategies to help you achieve
physical self mastery through ahealthy skepticism of the
fitness industry, and acommitment to consistent
nutrition and training forsustainable results. Welcome to

(00:31):
another episode of Wits &Weights. Ashley Carlotta is
joining me on the show. Todaywe're going to talk about a very
important topic that I thinkaffects just about everyone to
some extent, and that isemotional eating. As a certified
accountability health coach,Ashley has helped or held
hundreds of clients accountableto eating well, and exercising
consistently. While living inmoderation and practicing

(00:53):
mindfulness. She is the founderof better health by
accountability, where shecoaches men and women all over
the world. Ashley believes thatdaily accountability support is
key to reaching your health andwellness goals. Ashley's
coaching provides dailycommunication, check ins,
guidance and continuousreminders. And her clients find
success with her direct, noexcuses, fun loving style.

(01:17):
Ashley, I'm really excited youare here with to learn a lot
about emotional eating, andaccountability support. And I
want to thank you for coming onthe show.

Ashley Carlotta (01:24):
Hey, thanks for having me.

Awesome. So why don't we just set up that story
about emotional eating? Fromyour personal experience? I
understand that from a youngage, you struggled with using
food as a coping mechanism, andthen eventually learn to eat
more mindfully and intuitively.
So walk us through yourbackstory. What got you here,
what you learned along the wayabout that topic, especially
that inspired you to helpothers?

Yeah, when I was six years old, it's funny,
one of my kindergarten friendsjust actually sent me a video,
she was watching old videos. Iwas overweight, even as a six
year old. And so I didn't evenknow it. Obviously, you're so
little at that time until Istarted comparing myself to the
other girls around me when wehad to be in this show. I had to

(02:10):
wear a leotard and tights and Iwas crying to my mom, I didn't
want to go out on stage. And itwas from then I knew that I was
bigger than other than otherkids my age and just, it took me
through my life like that. LikeI never got control of it. I
always finished everything on myplate. In my teens, I would

(02:30):
watch my peers. And I wouldalmost want to try to copy what
they were doing. Like forexample, we were at Taco Bell.
It's like they would have like ataco and I was not just having a
taco, I was having a taco andburrito, and maybe some of those
churro thingies and maybe nachoslike food was my comfort. And I
didn't even know that that was athing, right? Like emotional

(02:51):
eating wasn't even a term thatanyone ever used. You know, I
had boyfriends that would makecomments. I had one boyfriend
tell me aren't girlfriends, likesupposed to be skinny, we had
been in an argument. I know. Iknow, things that you don't
think somebody would come out ofsomebody's mouth, but it did. So
into my 20s I had just acceptedthat I was an overweight person.

(03:15):
This was my lifestyle. I didn'tknow how to control it had
gotten married. And our hobbyessentially was like going to
breweries and eating the crapfood and having beers. And that
was fun. That's what we did onthe weekends. And it wasn't
until after I had my secondchild. I have three now. But
after I had my second child, Iwas done. I was done with the yo

(03:40):
yo dieting, I was done justrestricting. And then going back
to my old ways I had done it somany times I had tried this
SlimFast Jenny Craigweightwatchers like all of the
things and I knew that I couldlose weight that way if I wanted
to, but I didn't want to gain itback this time. So I just

(04:01):
started asking people questionslike friends around me like I
had to start getting reallyvulnerable about what it was
that was going on. And Irealized that I hadn't really
even opened up to anybody aboutthe fact that I overeat that I
emotionally eat in the eveningsthat I drink too much right
these were all coping mechanismsfor me when I was feeling

(04:23):
stressed or tired or sad evenhappy let's go out and eat more
food you know, no portioncontrol whatsoever and so I
started running actually, Ialways danced to growing up I
danced and stuff but I was likeyou know I'm going to try
something new so with what am Igood friends we started running
first it was like a mile andthen it was two miles and then

(04:43):
we got all the way up to likesix miles and I ran a 10k I
started eating actual food thatwas fueling me you know protein.
I didn't even know what proteinwas and I got into my fitness
pal and I started tracking mycalories and my macros and
putting it all together. And itjust started working for the

(05:04):
first time. And I got down to mygoal weight. And I maintained it
for a couple years, which I hadnever done ever, ever, ever in
my life had I maintained aweight for two years, then we
decided to have another child.
And after I had her, I had, youknow, about 2530 pounds to lose.
And I just, I couldn't find themotivation. I knew what I had to

(05:25):
do. I had done it before I hadmaintain it, but like Monday
would come again. We were. So Idecided, like every normal
person to put myself onInstagram, and let everybody
follow my journey. I have nointention of starting a
business, nothing. But peoplestarted asking me oh my gosh,
like, what are you doing? Whatprogram? Are you on? You know,

(05:45):
what exercise place are yougoing to and all these things,
and I was like, Look, I'm justeating healthy. I'm getting
enough sleep, I'm drinkingenough water. And I'm doing my
at home exercises. And I'm noteven it's not like a whole hour
a day. It's just short, littlespurts. And I'm doing it
consistently. And this is howyou get to where you want to be.
But for me, it was them watchingme and holding me accountable.

(06:08):
And I was doing way andWednesdays. And that was just
the missing piece for me ishaving somebody watching what I
was doing so that I couldn'tmake excuses. And from that I
had people asking if I couldhelp them. And I realized that
it's so much more than justdieting. It's, that's I mean,
anybody can diet, right? Butit's more working on the mindset

(06:32):
that comes with that. Why do youwant this? Why are you eating
more than you need to eat? Whyare you having more than the
portion size that you need? Whyare you going and having eight
cookies instead of to sittingdown and joining them, all of
that. And so that's what I helpa lot of people with is planning
how they want to go into ascenario, and then coming back

(06:57):
and reporting how they did. Andonce you practice that over and
over and over, it just starts tobecome routine. And you can get
out of that cycle of choosingfood and drinks for a lot of us
to make yourself feel better.
And that's where I am today. Iit formed into a business I did

(07:19):
taxes and accounting for 12years and never thought I would
be here. But it just goes toshow that they can take the ugly
and you know, use it for good.
But God can do that.

Actually, I mean, thank you for sharing the whole
story there. There's so manylike keywords and themes and
philosophies in there that Ilove that I want to like pick
out because, you know, I knowthis is the root of why you do
what you do today withaccountability. So starting from
that epiphany you had where youfinally got things to work for
the first time. And it was atthat time, it sounds like it was

(07:50):
a knowledge and awareness thingbefore you even get to the
accountability part. What wouldyou how important would you say
that is and how many peopledon't even know what to do
before we even get to, hey, Iknow what to do. And now I need
help getting there.

Yeah, I feel like you do have to come to the
point of just hitting a wall andsaying, I don't want to live
this way anymore. Because thefeelings around it and the
things that I would say tomyself, I was beating myself up.
And so it did I think it tooklike just listening to some
mindset things around it at thetime. It was around my business

(08:23):
and stuff in my tax professionand stuff. And I realized I
thought your thoughts matter.
And if I'm waking up everymorning saying, Ashley, you're a
failure. Ashley, you lookdisgusting. Ashley, why do you
eat so much your pants don'tfit. And you say that over and
over and over. And I do thinkyou have to get to the point to
say you know what, Ashley, youcan do this. You have a choice.
Buckle in, get it done, you cando it. And you do you have to

(08:49):
get to that switch where youmake that decision to say I want
something better for myself, andI'm not going to look back
anymore. Is it going to be easy?
No. But you can do it. You putone foot in front of the other.
Sometimes you back up a littlebit but you keep going and no
longer was I going to say Iscrewed up this Friday. I'm
going to screw up the rest ofthe weekend. And here I am

(09:11):
Monday super pissed at myself.
And so yeah, I think it gets tothat. And, you know, when I talk
to people on Discovery calls inthe beginning and stuff, like
there's a lot of tears, and Ifeel it, I feel their pain and
it just it it makes me so sad.
And I just want to get in thereand you know, I really, really

(09:32):
really want to help them becausethere is hope on the other side
of this. There really is.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's that is so true. I think
the majority of people thatreach out once you dig into that
deeper level of what you talkedabout earlier, the why right?
Get get to the limiting beliefsget to understanding not just
the why I want to lose weight,okay, why do I want to lose
weight? Well, I want to youknow, feel better about myself.
Why do I want that? You know,and you go on and you find the

(09:58):
deeper core how So how canpeople discover that for
themselves as? And is that thefirst step? And then how can
people do that? Yeah,

I think, again, that takes sitting with yourself
and being honest with yourself.
A lot of times, I know,especially for me, it's like,
every time I would thinksomething negatively about
myself or want to change, Ithink in my head, it would be
like, That's too hard. That'sgonna take a long time, and
whatever. And so you do youalmost you have to put pen to
paper and really write why do Iwant to change this? You know,

(10:28):
is it because I want to be ableto keep up with my kids? Is it
because I just want to feelpretty, you know? Or do I want
to feel more tone, I want tofeel strong, I want to have
energy, I don't want to bebeating myself up anymore. And
like, write those things down.
And then you have to figure out,okay, what steps are you going

(10:50):
to take to change that then? Andwho are you going to reach out
to to help you and who are yougoing to be vulnerable with
Intel, that you're doing thisbecause even alongside the
clients that I work with, I verymuch encourage them, talk to
your spouse, talk to a fewtrusted friends have build your
team around you, so that youwon't fail so that they can
encourage you and be acheerleader for when you feel

(11:12):
like you don't want to continueon? They're gonna remind you why
you want it because A, B, C, D,E, and then you're like, Okay, I
can do this, you know, you doyou have to come to that point.
And then you have to figure outwhy. And then you have to
instill the steps to make youactually do it.

Right. Okay, so let's, let's get a little more
focused on the discussion morestrategic and talk about the
emotional eating specifically,because I could go on for two
hours with you about mindset ingeneral. So we often talk about
things like hunger, or cravings,right there. I think there's a
distinction, like, what, there'shunger, there's emotional

(11:51):
eating, there's all theseconcepts, and people tend to
lump everything together. What'sthe difference between, I guess,
true physical hunger and what wecall emotional eating?

Yeah, true physical hunger is when it
starts to build, you can kind offeel your stomach growling, you
know, maybe like your energy isnot the same as it was. And you
should have enough time, itshouldn't be like a snack, I'm
so hungry, right, it should haveenough time to where you're able
to pause. Think about whatyou're going to eat, pick
fueling foods, hopefully, you'veprepared a little bit mentally

(12:21):
before that. So you don't justgo to your fridge and open it
right. physical hunger is notbased on emotion, it's like I am
hungry, and I need to eat.
emotional hunger can evenhappen. When you're not even
hungry, it can literally just beyou trying to make yourself feel
better in whatever situationthat you have. It also could be
boredom, too. And a lot oftimes, you know, if desk jobs

(12:44):
especially like a lot of peopleare sitting all day long. And
then they're just eating so manymore calories than they would
ever have. Because they're justmindlessly like eating out of
the chip bag, or they have acandy jar right here and things
like that. motional eating, fora lot of I'd say most of the
people that I work with, happensin the evening time. It's almost

(13:05):
like they're tired. They'reexhausted from the day, maybe
they're stressed out from theday. And sometimes I know a lot
of the moms that I work with,too, it's like, you want to
reward yourself for like a longday, right? And it can snowball,
it can start with like, Okay,well, I'm going to treat myself
I'm going to have like a bowl ofpopcorn. And then it's like, oh,

(13:25):
there's a piece of cake left,like, I'm going to have that and
then maybe I'm going to have aglass of wine, or maybe I'm
going to make some hotchocolate. And if a lot of times
you just need to go to bed.
That's really what you need todo. You know, and then I can
also be loneliness like, and Ijust remember back, like sitting

(13:45):
in my apartment, like, you know,maybe a boyfriend broke up with
me or whatever. And I just, Iwould just go to town, I would
just eat whatever was in sightto make me feel better. And so
there is no satisfaction. Whenyou're eating like that when you
are hungry and you eat a mealand you've had proper macros and
all that stuff, you feelsatisfied with emotional hunger.

(14:08):
You don't ever feel like you'vehad enough because there is
really nothing that's going tofill you up. You keep trying to
fill your cup up and thenafterwards you don't feel good.
You feel like crap, because thenyou've just done the same thing
that you wanted to stop for allthese years and months and days.
Right. So those are the maindifferences and I do you feel

(14:30):
that having somebody over yourshoulder when it when you're
going through that and whenyou're first starting to work
through that is so necessarybecause we can just break you
know, promises to ourselves allacross.

Yeah, there's a big, there's a big roadblock,
there's a lot of momentum youhave to get over right. There's
a huge amount of friction there.
So you covered a lot of themechanisms I guess behind
emotional eating, many of whichare internal or their external
reasons. Like the obesogenicenvironment Western society and
food supply how we were raised?

(15:02):
Like, what about those some ofthose things?

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, well, we
have like endless supplies offood around here, right. And I
feel like even even our kids arepoor kids, we just, we, we need
to be on top of it because anyactivity they go to, there's
candy and sweets and crapanywhere they go, right. So
there's that there's thetemptations of just having all
that around you. But thenthere's also, we're not getting

(15:24):
enough sleep. As a society, mostof us don't go to bed on time,
get up, feel good, right. And alot of us are not hydrating
enough. And so a lot of times,you'll think you're hungry, when
you're not even really hungry,you're just dehydrated. And I
and that used to happen for meall the time. Like, I had no
idea that there was like, youknow, somewhat of an amount that

(15:46):
you're supposed to drinkthroughout the day, especially
when you're exercisingconsistently and stuff like
that. It's like sodas, and it'sa lot. So there are all these
other factors. And then there'salso making sure that, you know,
self care, it's like thatphrase, self care, right. And
like you can roll your eyes toand it doesn't need, it doesn't
need to be like going in to geta massage, or something like

(16:06):
that. But it's pausing and makesure that you've done something
for yourself, that sparks joyfor you, right, that could even
be listening to a podcast rightnow, while you're driving home.
You know what I mean? It couldbe anything like that, to where
you feel like you've been ableto relax, and think, because a
lot of times we're not thinking,and we've just been so bombarded

(16:27):
with everything, and then youget home and you know, you still
get get back on your computer,and you just haven't taken time
for yourself. And I thinkespecially as busy
professionals, evenentrepreneurs, right, like,
there's always something thatcould be done. There's, there's
always a reason why you couldjust go to a drive thru, and,
you know, skip your workout orwhatever. Like for me, I could

(16:50):
just go and go and go and workand work and work. But I know
that that's against what Iteach. And so you have to make
things a priority for you. And Ifeel like that's where a lot of
things, it just gets hardbecause people are not
prioritizing these things.
Therefore, they're emotionallyoverwhelmed. They're eating
more.

No, that's great.
There's a lot there. Like youmentioned hydration. So and I've
heard that I've heard it saidyou know that hunger is
sometimes thirst right indisguise, and physic the
physical hunger and theemotional hunger that you made a
distinction between it alsosounds like there is there is
overlap going on in some caseswhere you might actually be
physically hungry. And then youremark you respond in a way as
if you are emotionally hungry,perhaps if you're thirsty or

(17:33):
something like that. Yeah. Soreducing your stress and getting
more sleep. And all these arereally good tips for people
because people don't realize thehuge impact that has on on your
stress and your hormones andeverything else that then leads
to this overwhelm you mentioned.
Yeah. So I mean, so can we, canwe can we actually eliminate
emotional eating itself? Or isthat just an abstract concept.

(17:54):
And what we're trying to do iswork around that end result. You
know, like, we're not trying tofix ourselves so much. We're
trying to maybe take control andfind appropriate ways to plan
and manage our lives, knowingthat that will happen. What's
your take on that?

Oh, it's something that I have to work on
every single day? Absolutely,yeah. And I can feel it
sometimes coming on to like,sometimes in the evenings, it's
like, I'll have dinner. And it'salmost as if I'm wanting to eat
more just to eat, but it is itgoes back to what I said. It's
just like, you're just wantingto make yourself feel better. In
a lot of ways. If you've had acrappy day, like your car broke

(18:29):
down, like all these things, andyou're wanting to do that, so
that you're forgetting aboutwhat's going on around you in
your life. It's like that'snever gonna go away. It does get
easier, the more that youpractice pausing, and asking
yourself, okay, am I physicallyhungry? Okay, no, then why am I
thinking about this? And isthere something else that I can

(18:51):
do instead? Do I? Do I need somealone time? Do I need to get
away from my children for alittle bit? Do I need to go
outside and walk around theblock? Do we need to call a
friend and talk about how I'mfeeling instead of opening up
and getting an ice cream bar outof the fridge? Because I promise
you we're going to eat that inlike, two minutes. And then
you're just going to be on tothe next thing. So yeah, it's
one of those things that Ipromise you, you can overcome.

(19:15):
And there are going to besetbacks. As you start on your
journey, you're not just gonnabe able to snap and fix this
issue, especially if it'ssomething that you've been doing
your entire life. Like, I mean,I had 30 years of doing this. I
mean, obviously, it stemmed fromeven just like a young kid, you
know, like, I would alwaysfinish all of my food. I

(19:36):
sometimes, like looking back, Iwould eat just as much as my dad
would during that time. You hadto do that. Yeah, yeah. So
you're right. It's just one ofthose things that you're always
gonna have to work out bit bybit and some days are going to
be easier than others andthere's going to be times in
your life when it's a lot harderthan other times.

You know, we have to acknowledge that and allow
for it sounds like and justcontinue New. I always like to
say everyday, everyday is areset. Right? Whatever happened
yesterday in the past doesn'tmatter. Yeah, I love that it's
reset. So like one specificexample, you mentioned the ice
cream bar in the in the freezer,is one possible technique to
just not have that in the house?
Or is that is absent andsometimes backfire?

Yeah, abstinence can backfire. In the
beginning, usually with myclients, I tell them, I don't
necessarily want you to cleaneverything out of your fridge
because I do I want you to beable to practice eating when
you're hungry and givingyourself a treat, when you feel
that it's necessary, because Iam I come from very much have a

(20:38):
moderation approach because assoon as you were strict, you
will not stick to what you'redoing. I'm really big on that.
Now, if you know, for example,that Doritos are like a trigger,
right? Like you wonder Ido andyou can't stop. And like
seriously, Pringles, I will sayfor me, especially and I try, I

(20:59):
really don't keep that stuff inthe house that much. Because it
really is true, if I see it, andlet's say I'm thirsty, and I
haven't had lunch yet orsomething. As soon as you have
one crinkle it is really hard tostop for so so for those things,
specifically,

I gotta say, I gotta say, the food, the food
industry designs that that weactually okay, it's the cylinder
you're like, you know, it's justthe right amount. They're super
light and crispy, like,

salty, and they're so good. So in those
cases, yeah, I don't necessarilythink that that's something that
you should keep in your house,if it's going to be something
that triggers you time and timeagain. But for the most part,
like if a neighbor, you know,delivers some brownies, right,
like, I don't necessarily wantyou to just go throw them in the
trash, right? But you know, haveone, enjoy it, if that's your

(21:44):
thing. Again, if you really likeit, I want you to try it. If
it's something that you couldcare less about, don't waste
your calories on eating some,like cranberry roll bar Danish
thing that you're like, I don'teven like that. Yeah, but you
have to set yourself up tosucceed, and you can't have a
bunch of crap all over thehouse, especially when you're

(22:04):
getting started. And you'retrying to be good, because
you're just gonna see it, seeit, see it, see it, you know,
and so it's more about replacingand adding in, you know,
drinking more water, adding inmore fruits, adding in more
vegetables. And then when you'readding all of those good things
in and making sure you'regetting enough protein, you're
not going to be craving all thestuff that you're used to having

(22:25):
for you're just gonna be in sucha better mindset all the way
around.

This, you're just speaking right to my heart.
They're actually like we'realigned on all this totally.
It's exactly the exactly the wayI would say to it's so great.
The idea of replacing we're notrestricting, we're not
eliminating, we're putting inthe things we need to serve our
goals. We need protein if weneed fiber or hungry might need
fiber. Okay, so I can leave roomfor the Coke, you know, or
whatever. Yeah, yeah. So allthat's good strategies, people

(22:51):
need to listen to this a fewtimes to really soak it all in.
What about so there's a, there'san aspect of motional eating, at
least my clients deal with allthe time, if you can even call
it that. And that is, you know,their day to day routine is
locked down. But then they goout on the weekends, right? They
go to a party, they go travelingfor vacation, and things, things
are out of whack, and they aremet with all sorts of new foods,

(23:16):
lots of foods, maybe a buffet,how do somebody thoughtfully and
mindfully plan for those? Andespecially if you're in like a
fat loss phase, right, what areyour calories lower?

Yeah, that is a fantastic question. And that's
something that I work with alot. What I think the best
strategy to do is, is whenyou're going into a party or a
buffet or something like that,to where you know, there's going
to be like all these differentchoices and a lot of foods that
you like probably more decadentones than not, I want you to

(23:47):
look at all of your optionsavailable to you don't just go
in and grab your plate and startgoing oh, have a little bit that
a little bit of that little bitthat no, then you're going to
fill your plate with way toomuch. So look at everything.
Choose what you know, you shouldhave first have some vegetables
or some salad then okay, whatprotein am I going to have? Do I

(24:08):
got steak, chicken fish? What doI have here? Let's put that on
there. And then if you want totry some of the other things,
maybe a little bit of mac andcheese, I'm totally pretending
I'm somewhere right now.

Or exactly what your wish was there? Yeah.

You know, I'm kind of thinking back to
Thanksgiving because we kind ofjust went through that, but it's
like, have a little bit, tasteeverything. If there's a dessert
tray, or you know what I mean?
Look at all of them. Choose yourfavorite habit, enjoy it, and
don't drink too much. You got tokeep having water in between
your drinks. If you're in a fatloss phase, I try to have my
clients limit their drinking asmuch as possible. But I love to

(24:45):
have a drink when I go out withmy friends when I'm traveling
and stuff like that. Drink itslowly, and don't get drunk and
don't get buzzed. Because if youdo, your inhibitions are out the
window and you just don't careand you're not going to be
remembering my wife. Oh, yeah, Ireally want to have more energy
for my kids.

No, you're right.
The the effects of alcoholitself just compounds the whole
thing, right? Yeah. Hey, this isPhilip Pape. And if you feel
like you've put in effort toimprove your health and fitness,
but aren't getting results, Iinvite you to apply for a one on
one coaching to make realprogress and get the body you
desire. We'll work together tofigure out what's missing. So
you can look better, performbetter and feel better, just go

(25:26):
to wits, & weights.com/coaching,to learn about my program and
apply today. Now back to theepisode

you're traveling. That's something I
could talk about for a longtime, too. But I will say my
biggest tip on that is, even ifyou're driving or you're flying,
wherever you're going bring someof your own food, I have a list
of snacks that I send to myclients, it's like make sure
that you have like some proteinbars, make sure that you're
still taking you know, yourprotein powder, or collagen

(25:56):
powder or whatever those thingshandy. So that you can set
yourself up to still succeedwhen you're traveling when you
know you don't know we're goingto be going look at the menu
ahead of time, whether you'retraveling or not, even if you're
just going out to dinner, likeon a date night or whatever it
is, try to look at the menuahead of time. Don't like get
obsessive over it, right? Butjust so that you can go in

(26:17):
saying, Okay, there's thesethree things I might want to
get. I'm gonna see how I feelwhen I get there. But when I get
there, I'm not going to justlike totally order something
else, because I haven't eventhought about it. And now I'm
hungry. And now I'm just goingto do whatever I want to do. You
do have to think ahead. And youdon't want to do it. Like I said
obsessively in the sense whereyou're like, oh my gosh, I'm

(26:37):
worried I have clients that gooh my god, I'm so worried. I'm
going here and I feel like I'mgonna fail. It's like not well,
if you're thinking that then youare but no. Okay, let's talk
about how do you want to go intothis scenario? Do you want to
have a salad? And maybe youdon't feel like a fella? Then
what could you have? Instead,maybe you could order like the
chicken and the brussel sproutswith the rice or whatever. And
then plan how many drinks thatyou're going to have, if you are

(26:59):
plan how you're going toapproach this scenario, if you
decide not to have alcoholthere, which a lot of us don't.
But it's like, you can say no,if your friends are getting a
bunch of appetizers, try this.
Try this. Try this. You'reallowed to say no, and you don't
even have to explain yourselfand you're probably a you're
good good friends, they'reprobably going to pick at you a
little bit, you know, like Imean, and then there's going to
be the ones that totally respectyou. But there's gonna be a lot

(27:21):
of them that are like, Oh, comeon, you're fine. You're fine the
way you are. Come on, have aloose ball or whatever, or
having a great comment. Yeah.
And so I've had all of thosedifferent relationships around
me. And I had to learn thatlike, I am my own person, I can
say no, but I have to go intoit. Knowing that I'm going to

(27:42):
say know ahead of time insteadof us like, oh, okay, whatever.
Yeah, I will try this. I'll trythis. I'll try this. And then
all of a sudden, you're up 700extra calories. And you know, if
you have a goal, you gotta beconsistent.

Yeah, yeah. And in that scenario, there's something
I heard a long time ago, or theway you say it, you can say I
choose not to have that insteadof I can't have it. I love
dieting, say, Oh, I can't havethat. No, no, it's I just choose
not to have that, you know, I'mgonna have this instead. Okay,
so you said a lot of great stuffthere, too. One was about
limiting, you're limiting youralcohol. For example, one of my

(28:15):
clients has struggled with that.
And one thing we're trying iskeeping an index card with her
that that like reminds her shehas two drinks limit so that
when she's had that first drink,and the buzzer is coming in,
it's like, okay, I got one more,right. Yeah. Yeah.

Well to that, though, and I sometimes they
limit to but you're a, again,you're allowing yourself to have
two drinks instead of not havingany.

So this is actually like your allowance that you can
take.

Yeah, it's not.
But yes, it but at the sametime, it is a limited, but it's
how you think about it? Yes.
Yeah.

Yeah. And you mentioned also thinking about
what kinds of food you're goingto have, like, of course, if
you're gonna go to a chainrestaurant or something that has
menus online, you can you can dothat and plan ahead more
precisely, but like you said, ifyou plan to have a salad or lean
meat, vegetables, kind ofsimilar to how you would eat at
home, but just differentoptions. What came to mind
there? Oh, oh, the thought ofhaving just sit through

(29:13):
ingredients you can see, right?
Because in restaurants, likefats, and fats, and sugars and
salts are added in copiousamounts that you can't even see.
To make it delicious, right?
That's their job. So like, ifyou can see it, you might be
better off to who knows? Sookay, good. This is this is
great stuff. So going back toaccountability then and planning

(29:36):
and all of these wonderfulthings. Some people just don't
do it. Some people aren't. Theyaren't accountable. So why not?
Why don't they plan ahead andknowing this unit after they
listen to your podcast? Mostpeople are not going to do that
now. Yeah. Why is that?

I would say that people think it's just too
hard, and they get overwhelmed,and they feel like is so much
work to go to the store, planwhat they're going to eat,
actually make it actually get tothe gym, and they think they
don't have time. And the realityis that you have time for what

(30:14):
you make time for. And if it'simportant to you, you will do
it. And so a lot of times, I dohave clients that come to me
that say, I know exactly what Ineed to do. I know exactly what
I need to do, but I needsomebody to hold my hand, and I
need somebody watching meessentially knocking the cookie

(30:34):
out of my hand, you know, and Ialways tell them, like when we
get off our first call, andlike, look, this is a
partnership. So I can't make youdo it, right. But it is going to
be a lot easier for you to notmake the excuses to yourself,
when you know that you have toreport to somebody else. And
some people just thrive on thatnot only around just eating, but

(30:57):
around just their business ingeneral, you know, or getting
things done all that. So I feelthat accountability, for me
personally, is one of the onlyways that I actually get things
done, you know, even if it'slike my husband asking me to
like, take somebody to the postoffice. Hey, did you take it to
the post office? Yeah, I didn'tor Nope, I didn't have to thank

(31:19):
you for sure. Sometimes we justneed the support and the
community around us to help usdo what we say we're gonna do.
Yeah,

I mean, that's, that's the big missing piece for
people, right? It's hard to goit alone for a lot of different
things. And I can't imagineanybody would say everything in
my life, I can do it on my ownright? There's something like
you said, even just your spouse,you might be the person hold you
accountable, and you might noteven realize it. And that's
what's happening. So having thatsupport structure, having a

(31:49):
family member or a coach isdefinitely important. I, you
remind me of a client that wasmaking excuses the other day
with me, and she's like, Ididn't do this because this I
didn't do this because it'slike, okay, what are we doing
going forward? I need you tocommit, you know, like, I don't
want to hear at all that's it.
And she knows she makes thoseexcuses. And that's why she has
a coach, at least in the shortterm. It's so funny. What so

(32:10):
then why do you think it's likeit's kind of already dresses in
terms of living a healthylifestyle? Without support? You
know why it's so hard? I guesswe already addressed that. So as
far as the making excuses, howdo you how do you address that?
The example I just gave?

Yeah, well, it's funny. So for some of my
clients, I only hold themaccountable to their fitness. So
I have a fitness one a nutritionand fitness. And then I have a
nutrition only because some someof my clients are like over
exercises to the point where I'mlike, You need to tone it down a
little bit. But so my clientsspecifically with fitness, it's
so funny, like, they will say,they'll say, Well, I couldn't

(32:51):
because this happened and thisand then this and then that's
like, okay, great. So you have a30 minute workout to get done.
So are you going to stay uplater tonight? Or are you going
to get up earlier the next day?
Or where are you going to fitthis in? You know, and they're
always like, Ashley okay, yes,you're right. I do want to do
it. And I do want to get it in,you know, for that. Now, if it's
if it's more tied to like theemotional eating and the binge

(33:16):
stuff, that's when I'm like,okay, look, we need to get on
the phone. And we need to talkthrough this. Because we do a
lot of texting, you know, I do alot of check ins and nudges and
making sure they're on theschedule and all this stuff. But
you do need to talk to somebodythrough that, you know, if
they've had like a really badday, they'll say, Ashley, like,
I totally blew it today, youknow, and a lot of that a lot of

(33:37):
times, that's because theyweren't texting me their food,
like they're supposed to be, youknow, they were totally ignoring
me. And they were in theirsorrows or whatever it was. And
so we do need to hop on a call.
And like you said, I love thereset like we are, we're
starting to we're not startingover. We're just, you know,
we're restarted again,

we're continuing continuing to plan.

We're continuing, nothing happened,
we're not going to look backlike we are just going to have a
really good day today. And,again, a lot of times we have to
talk through what happens. Whathappened to make you go

off? Cause Analysis there. Yeah.

And a lot of times they know once we talk
through it, it's like well, Igot a call from the doctor. And
then my kids teacher emailed meand then this and then they were
just so overwhelmed in that inthe moment. So yeah, it's just
again, it goes back to thathaving that support and having
somebody to talk to about it.
Because usually like when wetell ourselves that we're going
to start eating better or eatwell or go on this diet or take

(34:37):
sugar out or whatever it is. Imean, that lasts not long at all
if you're just only accountableto yourself, because nobody's
checking in on you to see howyou're doing and I think we need
that.

Yeah, and the idea that the accountability being
the right type ofaccountability, something came
to my mind. Sometimes some ofthese fitness apps people use I
should say the food trackingapps. I'm not going to name
names, but they're often builtoff the idea that if you screw
up, you get called out for itand try to make it up in the
next day, right? Yeah, I thinkyou know what I'm saying. And

(35:11):
that can be detrimental too.
Because I've had clients say,Well, I went over by 1000
calories, so I'm gonna eat 700calories today and make up for
it. Aren't you proud of? Don'tdo that. Again. It's a reset. We
continue to plan as if it didn'thappen. Just just execute today
to the

Yeah, you don't punish yourself for doing bad.
Yeah. And that's where we getinto it. Because if you punish
yourself and you only 700calories in that one day, what
do you think's going to happento you the next day? Oh, it's
Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so here's kind of flipping the scenario
completely, maybe a fresh lookat things. If I'm taking a
client or you're taking a clientthrough a muscle building phase,
I assume you have clients thatare eating to gain and gain
muscle, not just fat lossclients, is that right?

Yes. Once in a while, most of the time, though,
mine are wanting to lose.

Okay, I don't know if this would be relevant or
not, because, like, my big focusis strength and muscle building
on here. But let's say they've,they've learned a lot of these
things that you are teaching andtalking about planning ahead,
being accountable. And now theyhave a lot of calories they have
to hit every day to gain weight,and they know about fiber, and
they're eating really well. Intheir diet. They're eating well,

(36:21):
maintenance, now they have togain weight. So they might
actually start adding some sometreats. You know, yeah. Next,
yeah. to process food, right? Isit like the mirror image?
Because we're now doing it? Oris it a little bit more
acceptable? Because we're tryingto get enough calories? You
know, what I mean? Like, what,what's your take?

Well, I think a lot of my clients, when I am
trying to get them to eat more,they get, they're so scared to
eat more, you know, and I alwayspreface it by saying, I'm not
meaning that you need to go eatmore crap, or just calories in
general, we need to really getyou to hit your protein goals.
If your goal is to build muscle,we need to make sure that you
are having enough carbs stoprestricting so much, you know,

(37:01):
but yes, that doesn't meanMcDonald's carbs. That means
like more food in general. Andyou do and I'm sure you
recommend this to your clientsas well. But you kind of have to
do it on in gradual, because ifyou're all of a sudden, like,
Okay, I want you to eat 1000more calories. They're like, Oh,
shit, how do I do that? Youknow? But yeah, sometimes they

(37:21):
do. They'll be like, Well, Imean, I have like, 300 more
today. So maybe I'll do this andthat and and like we've said, In
moderation, that's fine. But no,not every day. Are you supposed
to just like have more ice creamnow to get where you?

Are isn't? Yeah, it's interesting, because it's,
I think about this all time,it's not really a symmetrical
problem, because it's more of alogistical thing on the way up,
right? That then necessarilyemotionally, assuming you've
addressed the emotional stuff.
Obviously, if you have somebodywith a lot of issues, and then
you're like, now let's also eata lot of calories that can be,
it can be a problem. Alright,what about, what about the non

(37:54):
food behaviors? I think weaddressed that a little bit.
Things like hydration, movement,strength training, self care. I
mean, you kind of addressed thatalready. Was there anything else
you want to add there?

Yeah, strength training is big. And I, I'm
personally getting into likingit a little bit more. But I used
to just do cardio, I dance. AndI did like these dance cardio
classes. And I would go running,and I would do Orangetheory
workouts, which some of thoseare good, they do have strength
training in there. But it's alot of just like running and

(38:26):
rowing and all the things andtraining is so important. If you
are listening to this, you needto and that doesn't mean that
you're going to be abodybuilder. And that doesn't
mean that you need to go out andbuy all these things. Like you
just need a few things to besuccessful at doing it and you
need to be consistent with it. Iusually recommend two to three
times a week for my clients,even if it's 20 minutes, like if

(38:49):
you're going to go for a run.
Awesome, do that, but come backand do some strength training
too. So that's my big thing onthat. A lot of times when I talk
to people in the very beginning,I'll ask them, I'll say about
how much water do you get in aday? Usually they can answer me
for one and for two. A lot oftimes, it'll be like a two
o'clock phone call. And they'relike, Oh, I actually haven't
even had any water today. ButI've had three cups of coffee.

(39:11):
So important to drink yourwater. And one thing that we
didn't talk about is like I'm abig believer in having
breakfast. Now sometimes peoplelike to have like a late a
little bit of a later breakfastlike 10 or 11. And I think
that's fine as long as you'regetting enough calories in the
day. But do not skip your firstbig meal and make sure they're

(39:34):
at least getting three meals inlike sometimes I'll have clients
come to me and say, Well, Iusually only eat like one big
meal. I'm like, no, no

Unknown (39:46):
faster, right? Yeah. Or sometimes too small

meals. And I mean, usually there's no
possible way that they're evengetting the like 1200 calories
at that point

or their protein.
Yes. 80 grams of protein a mealor something. Yeah. Yeah.

So people will come to me in the beginning and
say, Well, I mean, I'm just not,I'm just not hungry in the
morning. And I'm like, Look, ifyou are feeling your body well,
and you're exercisingconsistently, you should start
to feel hungry in the morning.
And it should be within abouttwo hours of waking up like
otherwise, you're essentiallyfasting even longer than what
you're, you know, breakfast isyour breaking the fast in the

(40:21):
morning, and I think 12 hours isimportant. 12 to 14 hours, but
not really more than that. Andso that's something I'm big on
addressing, and I'll be like,All right, it's 10 o'clock.
Like, I haven't seen yourbreakfast yet. Oh, okay. Like
they're just not used to it.
What are the other things thatwe talked about sleep? I know,
we all roll our eyes. Becauseyeah, we could all probably use

(40:44):
a little bit more sleep. I know,even me personally, it's like, I
get the kids down to bed. My oldmy older one is like staying up
later now. So it's like, hewants to talk to me until 930 At
night, and it's like, Dude, Ijust want two hours to myself.
But I know for me, if I don't goto bed by 11, when I wake up,

(41:04):
it's just not gonna be good. Andthen the cravings start, you
know, all of those thingstrigger when you haven't had
enough sleep. And you're justnot thinking as well either. And
so even thinking about like, Oh,what am I going to make for
dinner tonight, like, that justfeels so overwhelming, because
you're exhausted. And you canonly focus on one thing at a
time. So sleep is so important.

It is and just funny. You mentioned sleep
because I also, that's onething, I struggle with that to
get like, even seven hours andI'm telling all my clients, they
need a lot of sleep. But it isfunny how being a coach is a
good form of accountability, asyou're just like, I need to set
a example.

I can never stop being a coach now. Because

I'll yeah, all dependent on being a coach. Like
how can I tell my clients

to do this or remind them to do in that if I'm
not doing it, so you got topractice what you preach.

Alright, one more thing, and then I'll get to my
last couple of questions isabout strength training. So I'm
definitely all about theholistic, or I should say whole
body wellness that you talkabout here where everything is
important. But you alsomentioned you have clients that
just do nutrition. I'm curioushow that how you handle that if
they don't do training orexercise? You know, do you still
encourage them to do that aspart of nutrition? How does that

(42:14):
work?

Oh, yes. So yeah, on our call, if they are
wanting accountability, just forthe nutrition, I make sure that
they are and have a properworkout plan. And I make sure
that they're getting strengthtraining in I mean, I'm not
doing it for them, obviouslytalk about I'd say, this is
going to be the assumption thatyou're doing these things, while
I'm holding you accountable toeat well, because a lot of

(42:35):
times, you know, people arereally good about exercising,
and then they eat so badly. Andthen they it's like they're
wasting all not wasting becauseit's there's other benefits of
exercise. But they're puttingall this money into these
different programs, but they'redoing in these gyms, and they're
working hard. And they're doingit every day. And they're being
really disciplined about that.
But they're not seeing anyresults because they're not
eating well. So yeah, a lot oftimes I feel like for me,

(42:58):
exercise is always somethingthat I was really good about
doing and I would totally ruinout to be like, I've earned 500
calories yet, so I'm gonna goeat a 2000 Calorie dinner and
go.

Okay, I was wondering about that. Because I
mean, the way I like to put itis, you know, what's more
important in a car is if theengine or that fuel does both,
right. And so the engine is likeyour, your, your strength
training, you know, is givingyou a bigger, powerful, faster
engine and your fuels yournutrition, and they go hand in
hand. So like, for me, I'm alittle bit more hardcore in that
my clients all have to bestrength training like me. But I

(43:35):
was always curious about that,because I have heard coaches
that are like, I don't worryabout their training. I'm a
nutrition coach. And I'm like, Idon't think that's a quite the
best approach. But okay.

Yeah, one thing I have clients that come to me
through some of these otherprograms, and I won't name
names, but if you're told on aprogram that you shouldn't be
exercising for the first twoweeks, or the month, red flag,
like nothing's gonna be tellingyou that you can't exercise and
that means that you're probablynot getting near enough
calories. So just know that.

Yeah, so much stuff out in the fitness industry, we
could like, talk about. Alright,so this is the penultimate
question. I like to askeveryone, and that is, what one
question Did you wish I hadasked, and what is your answer?

Yeah, I would say probably, why should someone
invest in their in themselves?
And why should somebody investin a coach? And my answer to
that would be that you do needto have I feel like some skin in
the game. You know, if you'renot putting like money on the
table to say that you're goingto do something, you're probably
not going to do it. You knowwhat I mean? It has to be a

(44:40):
little bit scary. Anything thatyou go into where you're trying
to create change is going to bea little bit scary because you
kind of have doubts in yourself,right? Like, am I really going
to do this? Am I really going todo this this time? But if you're
reaching out just like forexample, working with a
therapist, right Seems likesomething is going on in your

(45:00):
life that you need help for, andyou're at the point where you're
gonna go get help for it. Andyou're not just gonna go to a
therapist for free. So as healthcoaches, we are not therapists,
but we are there to support youand encourage you and keep you
on track. And it is aninvestment, and you are worth
the investment. But you have toknow that within yourself. And

(45:23):
so, a lot of times people willsay, you know, they'll, they'll
ask me for my price, like,upfront, like before even asking
like about how our coachingworks and stuff. And it's like,
well, let's talk about youfirst. And let's talk about what
you need. And let's talk aboutwhile you're even interested in
this, before we even go into thepricing, you know, what do you

(45:44):
mean, because you can workaround your financial situation
to do anything that you want todo if it's really important to
you. And within reason,obviously. But yeah, you've got
to invest in you have to ask forhealth if you're in that cycle
that you can't get out of,because otherwise you're just
gonna stay there.

There you go. I mean, what's more important in
life than your health? Right?
Yeah. So I mean, the stuffpeople pay for and pay lots of
money for that. Don't get themanything. And importance of your
health. Yeah, so that's, that'sexcellent. Ashley, this has been
awesome. Oh, the last question,of course, is, where can
listeners find out more aboutyou and your work? Sure.

Yeah. If you're interested in my one on one
coaching at all, my website isbetter health by
accountability.com. And I have alittle freebie on there for you
if you want to learn how to livelike a normal person while still
living losing weight withoutdieting. So go grab that. And
then I hang out mostly onInstagram, at Better health by
accountability. And I'm reallygood about getting back to

(46:44):
messages and stuff. So just comesay hi, and if you have any
questions, and I'd love to helpyou.

Awesome. I'm gonna share all that stuff. And as we
were getting ready for thepodcast, Ashley was super
responsive. And I've checked outall her her information and
material and definitelyencourage you to go check out
her website. Better health byaccountability.com. Yes, no,
that's okay. And her Instagramhandle at better health. By
accountability. It's allconsistent. So all right, I want

(47:11):
to thank you for coming on theshow to talk about what I think
is critical, really importanttopic, maybe the heart of this
whole coaching thing and howpeople get their results in
success, and also for helpingmake an impact in the world.
Thank you. Yeah. Well,

I appreciate you having me on here and keep
doing your good work. And I'mgonna keep looking at all your
reels that you do, becausethey're great.

Awesome. Yeah.
There's plenty of podcastepisodes, too. That's my
preferred format is the longform. Yeah. So All right. Thanks
for coming on the show. Ashley.
All right. Have a good day.
Thanks for listening to theshow. Before you go, I have a
quick favor to ask. If you enjoythe podcast, let me know by
leaving a five star review inApple podcasts and telling
others about the show. Thanksagain for joining me Philip Pape

(47:51):
in this episode of Wits &Weights. I'll see you next time
and stay strong.

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Ep 52: How to Control Emotional Eating and Exercise Consistently with Ashley Carlotta

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