August 11, 2025 • 33 mins
In From Burnout to Breakthrough, Nicole Richards takes us on her journey from living the “perfect” life on paper to realizing that success without well-being is unsustainable. She opens up about hitting burnout, setting boundaries, and the radical decision to put herself first — without apology.
Along the way, Nicole shares how the power of community, a shift in mindset, and unapologetic self-care helped her reclaim her energy and purpose. She even gives us a sneak peek into her retreats designed for high-achieving women ready to step off the hamster wheel and step into a life that truly feels aligned.
Guiding this conversation are your Work Besties Who Podcast co-hosts, Jess & Claude — one bringing thoughtful questions and deep dives, the other delivering short, sharp, and impactful moments. And yes… somewhere in this episode, Claude disappears for a moment. 👀 Can you spot when?
Whether you’re craving a career reset, dreaming of a wellness retreat, or just need permission to actually rest, this episode is your reminder: self-care isn’t selfish — it’s survival.
Nicole Richards contact info:
https://www.cpa-coaching.com/
You can watch the full episode on Youtube
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Work Besties! Theme Song Written by Ralph Lentini @therallyband
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jess K (00:00):
So I never feel like you've done everything right
career, success,responsibilities but somehow
you're still utterly exhausted.
Claude F (00:09):
It's like you've built the life you were told to want,
but it's burning you out.
Jess K (00:15):
So what now?
Today's guest, nicole Richards,walked away from a life that
looked perfect on paper but wasdraining her.
She's here to tell us whystepping away isn't failure.
It's the first step towardsreal success.
Claude F (00:28):
Make sure you stay till the end.
Nicole reveals the number onemyth about success that's
keeping high-achieving womenstuck in burnout.
Let's get into it.
Hi, I'm Claude and I'm Jess.
We are corporate employees byday, entrepreneurs by night and
work besties for life.
Jess K (00:47):
Join us as we explore how work besties lift each other
up, laugh through the chaos andthrive together in every
industry.
Work besties Hi, Nicole,Welcome.
Nicole Richards (01:00):
Thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to be here today.
Jess K (01:04):
As we mentioned in our opener, you took that this step
back because of burnout.
What exactly caused you to dothis?
Nicole Richards (01:10):
Great question Caused me to do it.
I'm like there's differentlevels to this, right.
The last recent one, where Isaid I don't need this job
anymore, is because I found mypurpose in coaching others right
.
I got my certification as amaster coach last year and a
positivity practitioner,trauma-informed coach because I
was trying to heal out of mymarriage that had ended really
(01:30):
abruptly to me.
But when I look back at it, I'mlike it really didn't, right.
If you really stopped andpaused and looked at your life,
let's be real.
Yeah, it was there and it's thesame thing with the job and
things like that.
One of my biggest burnout whichis what I tell people is my
purpose that has walked methrough this life now is I had a
stillborn five years ago andlike being in the hospital
(01:51):
during COVID right, you don'thave a doctor there.
The nurse is helping me deliver.
It was just all the things.
I have a mask on my face andI'm sitting here wondering what
the hell is this?
I have done everything you'veasked out of me, right, I have
done the job.
I've gotten married, I havethis beautiful son, but this was
my third miscarriage, my thirdloss, and I was like you keep
doing this to me.
What is the purpose?
(02:12):
And I kept trying to find theanswer to this and so, along the
way of my grief, in that I hada sisterhood that just found me
right.
It was like a friend from here,from work right, and that's my
work best friend who's picked meup.
She has been at appointmentswith me on the phone or in
person, just making sure I'mcovered.
She's come to my house afterthe loss just to hold me and cry
(02:34):
with me.
That's so important, thatcommunity.
And she ended up bringing afriend and then someone else
brought another friend.
Next thing, you know, I havefour other women with me making
sure that I was okay and it wasjust like, wow, like you guys
took the time out of your day tosee that I was okay.
That's what like had thegoosebumps tingling Right.
(02:55):
And I've been chasing that forthe last five years.
I've been in coaching programs,I've been in masterminds.
I go to networking events andevery time I've seen myself rise
is because I found my people.
So I'm like why am I not takingthat and doing that for others?
I have all this wealth ofknowledge as a coach and a CPA.
Why not figure out how to dosomething for these women who
have experienced loss in somekind of capacity, whether it's a
(03:16):
transition of their career,right, people have lost their
DEI, roles and things.
They don't know what to do next, or they've lost a loved one,
or they've just lost themselves.
So we're bringing that back andshowing you there's other ways
to survive.
Jess K (03:30):
So you're paying it forward.
Your community helped rebuildyou, so you're now finding ways
for others to build their owncommunity.
That's fantastic.
So we talk a lot about workbesties, and our work besties
tend to ask us a lot ofquestions about burnout.
So how did burnout affect yourrelationships, and did it also
(03:53):
affect your relationships atwork?
Nicole Richards (03:55):
Oh, yes, one of the reasons where I said I
don't need to do this anymore.
I can go help people and justlike, not feel like I'm losing
myself it was the pandemic,right, we went into lockdown and
we worked from home and then Iworked for the federal
government.
So when president Trump came inJanuary and inauguration and
said you have to come back intothe building, and they had just
(04:15):
gotten us back in like twice apay period, so four times a
month, I know I was veryprivileged and I was like,
absolutely not, I've been doingmy job here at home really well
for the last couple of years.
You want me to go back intothis building where people are
going to be toxic?
Right, it's toxic culture, it'sgovernment, it's politics, it's
all the things.
I don't want that for myself.
Right, I have finally healedpast all the nonsense.
(04:37):
When I really look back at mylife and saw how like my ex
treated me and how familymembers treated me and how jobs
have treated me, I realized Ineed to have boundaries and,
yeah, I, I refuse.
That was my point.
I was like, yeah, I'm not goingback, y'all.
Claude F (04:52):
To put that in place.
Boundaries, because it's alwaysso hard for some of us.
Nicole Richards (04:57):
Yeah, yeah.
It's one of those things where,when my boundaries were crossed
, I saw myself go out ofcharacter.
I didn't like who I was whetherI'm snapping at my son or
snapping at another person andI'm like wait, what's going on
here?
So now I do self-coaching.
Where is this feeling coming up?
What is this feeling that I got?
I got upset because I told themno and then they still showed
(05:18):
up with this piece of paper.
Why are they here, right?
Why are they here, right?
What am I making this about?
And oh, when I tap back intosomething that's happened in my
past, someone violated thatboundary before, and this is why
it's making me read.
Our nervous system remembers.
Right, we might've forgotten inthe brain, but our body feels
it right.
You might tense up in yourstomach and you're like oh, I
don't like this feeling.
(05:39):
I want to stop this.
Is this worth my time andenergy?
Because so.
Is this worth my time andenergy?
Because I already told you no.
So now we don't talk.
It depends on the situation andthe relationship, right?
Like if it's someone at work, Ihad no problem telling them no,
I'm not doing that.
You have to tell me why youwant me to do this.
You can't just tell me to putit on the job.
We're going to have aconversation about it.
Tell me the reason.
Tell me how long it wassupposed to do this.
(06:03):
Right, as an employee, I showup and I do my job.
When you bring these othertasks on, where does that fit?
That's a simple conversation.
If you can't answer that, goget somebody else.
Get me someone who can bring methe answer.
Right, because my time isprecious, right?
So that's how I start lookingat my boundaries.
My time is precious.
I've lost a lot of time withall my grief.
(06:28):
Now I'm focused on get the taskdone.
Jess K (06:29):
Let me know what you need.
You left that fast pacedenvironment, which I don't know
how fast paced it was, but itdefinitely was a corporate
environment.
What gave you that courage tostep away?
Nicole Richards (06:36):
So I started my career in a mid-sized firm in
Long Island, new York Jericho tobe specific and then, when I
got married, we moved toCharleston, west Virginia really
Scott Depot, west Virginia.
So going from New York to WestVirginia, you end up not finding
a job that matches New York.
(06:57):
Right, you try to take thefirst thing that you get.
I ended up somewhere wherewe're going to talk about it.
There was panel walls on ahouse and it was a CPA firm.
So I went from a midsize thathas cubicles and all the things
to have an office now, but youwant me to throw out my trash
and people are giving me taxreturns in a plastic bag with
cigarette smells.
I know that's someone's path,but I'm a little bougie and this
(07:21):
is not it for me and me andthat manager, because I'm very
proud of my boundaries in mymouth.
Right, I said I'm not doingcertain things and he didn't
like that.
And we got into it at lunch andI said you know what?
I don't need this.
I'd rather be unemployed thandeal with you.
Right?
He started huffing and puffing.
Right, because now he's madthat I put my boundaries up.
(07:43):
He's like give me back my key.
I'm like no problem here.
I left halfway through the day.
I didn't care.
I was like something's going towork out for me.
And I say that because as soonas I got in my car a headhunter
already called me and asked meto come in for an interview with
Ernst Young.
So I went from being at thislittle panel area where we were
(08:07):
taking a chest and the oldschool like receipt tape, like
he might as well have had thevisor right.
Old school accountant like no,I'm too fabulous for it, we're
not doing this.
Um, so going to Ernst and Young, it was just like I'm getting a
small town feel but I'm stillwith a big company.
So I'm getting the benefits oflearning a work-life balance
learning from my supervisorsthere, right?
One of my favorite supervisorsused to say I don't care if
(08:28):
you're going home to wash thepaint and dry, I want you to go
spend that time with your family.
Or go find the spouse that I'mgoing to go home to go to.
I'm going home to my kids, andshe put her boundaries in.
She said I'll pick this back upwhen they're in bed so she'll
work at 10 PM.
That was her prerogative.
Me I'm not doing that, but itwas the fact that she gave me
the permission right, that wasthe most important for me was to
(08:53):
have leaders and supervisorsfor me who are always in that
role.
My boss I loved her.
She hired me, sight on scene.
She saw my resume and decidedthat I was qualified enough to
get a government job and I hadnever had government experience.
I was qualified enough to get agovernment job and I had never
had government experience.
And she took me in and Ilearned so much from her.
I mean, if she she askedsomething and I challenged her,
we could have a healthyrelationship back and forth
(09:14):
about it.
Right, and it was just like wow, someone who's an adult.
Claude F (09:17):
It does happen.
Nicole Richards (09:19):
I've never seen it before, though, right
Outside of the Ernst and Youngexperience, and it was just like
, wow, this is what it's like tohave a conversation.
Jess K (09:25):
You just had two examples to sign that when one
door closes, something bigger isright around the corner.
Nicole Richards (09:29):
Yes, and I mean there was stuff in between.
But even though my boss isreally good, she still has to
deal with the politics above herand she's only limited.
I know you're trying to help usand be our advocates and I see
it and I appreciate it, but Icannot come back into this
environment and that's how thatstory was read.
Jess K (09:48):
So what made you go from that to then starting your
current company?
Nicole Richards (09:53):
So last year, my son has graduated from high
school.
I'm separated.
I don't know what's going on,right?
I'm in the midst of.
Is this a burnout?
I guess it is Just trying outwhat was happening.
I was everything on Instagram,just doom, scrolling right,
trying to figure out life, and Iended up seeing a post about
narcissism and it made merealize how, being an empath
(10:16):
that I am that feels a lot offeelings and picks up energy, I
attract those types of people,right?
So, even though I've told aboutmy great supervisors, I have
not talked about those otherones, right?
The ones where you're likethere's not enough money in the
world that's worth this.
So I looked at myself and Istarted being an adult.
Let's do that.
Quote, quote, unquote.
Right, I have a single momworking at Walmart and I think
(10:39):
my paycheck was $7.50 per hourand I said this is not
sustainable for me and my sonand I just swallowed my pride
and went back in with my parentsand go back to school, and I
did that because I wanted acareer, right?
And it was like oh, accounting2008,.
Everything else was crashingand this seems recession proof.
I know we're in a current stateof crisis.
(11:01):
Whoever listens to that part.
Take a little grain of salt.
Don't just chase whatever'shappening.
Right, choose a thing that's inalignment with yourself.
That's all I'm going to say.
With that and going throughthat, it's just like I can do
this.
Right, I went and did theaccounting and I said I started
with $50,000, right, go from $7an hour to $50,000.
(11:21):
You think you're balling, right?
Oh my gosh.
And then the raises were likethis and like that.
And then I went to WestVirginia and it dropped because
locality changes, right.
So now I got to go dig it backup.
So when I went into government,that was the first time I got to
six figures.
And I'm like it took this longto get to six figures and
everything costs $50 million.
(11:42):
Are you kidding me?
So I picked up Rachel Rogersbook we Should All Be
Millionaires, and that book washave a million dollar vision,
have a million dollar plan, haveall this.
And she's like do what you wantto do to get to your million
dollars.
And I was like oh, no one'sever told me that before.
Have my own dreams and ideasand not negate it and say it's
not possible.
(12:02):
Let's see what's possible.
So, between that and theInstagram about the narcissism,
it all just clicks.
How can I have a business?
That is in my zone of genius?
That comes naturally to me.
It is fulfilling.
I have never felt thisfulfilled Like, no matter how
many T accounts I looked at,debits and credits, there was
nothing that could have everfulfilled me, except watching a
(12:23):
woman who looks stressed out andI say something, I ask a
question, and you see all theenergy and everything lift off
of her right Because it's likewow, no one's ever asked me that
.
Wow, I never thought about that.
You know what?
When you asked me that, itbrought back something in my
past and I said let's massagethat out.
Let's massage these feelingsbecause we've been burying them
(12:45):
and trying to keep up the busywork and it's like no, we need
to feel these feelings, processthem and keep moving forward.
Claude F (12:52):
Earlier you said that you were a positive coach.
Can you explain a little bitmore what it is?
Nicole Richards (13:00):
So a positivity practitioner is someone.
We don't look at it as we'rejust all happy, right.
We look at life as it is whatit is.
It could be worse, it could bebetter.
There is no circumstance that'sgoing to really make life life
right.
Claude F (13:14):
Does it mean that you're looking at a more
positive way of it is what it is.
Nicole Richards (13:20):
No, I'm looking at it as it is, what it is.
How do you want to receive it?
Do you want to sit here and bemad about the situation for the
rest of your life, or are youready to move on from it,
because you can sit here and bemad, right?
I'm not going to force that.
If that's what you choose, allright, let's sit with it.
Right?
We're not saying that we'regoing to ignore it.
We're not pushing it down.
It is what it is.
(13:40):
You're mad.
I can't do anything about thatfor you.
Jess K (13:44):
Thank you, you're welcome.
The positivity is it's gettingyou past it, you're addressing
it, you're positively talkingabout it.
Nicole Richards (13:50):
It's just accepting it, versus like saying
no, no, I'm not mad.
That's the negative right,You're lying.
I don't want to say you'relying.
Claude F (13:58):
I'm fine, no worries, no worries.
Nicole Richards (14:00):
Yes, all the worries in the world are sitting
in your body.
Yes, feeling your neck, yourback, your shoulders your head.
Jess K (14:14):
Yes, your lack of sleeping is my issue usually,
nicole.
It sounds like in your newventure as this positivity
practitioner that you work withhigh achieving, I assume, women.
What red flags do they tend tomiss?
That's causing them to come toyou?
Nicole Richards (14:25):
They can't see a break.
They're like I have to do allthis, I don't have the time.
You can see it, because I'vehad it.
When I start seeing myself movereally, really fast or talking
really fast, it's because mybrain is still doing a whole
brain dump of all of my to-dolists and it's like hold on,
stop trying to leave the to-dolist in your head and just write
it out.
Now let's look at what isreally important.
Some of the stuff we don't evenneed is not even our
(14:46):
responsibility to carry, but weassume we're supposed to be
carrying this load.
When they sense that, it's likeoh so can we just pause and
realize that we're safe rightnow, in this space, to receive
what we're about to receive?
Right, what is it you needright now, in this moment?
Is it you need a nap?
Is it that you want to spendmore time with your kids?
Is it that you want everyone toleave you alone for five
(15:07):
minutes?
Because then let's go work onthat, right, let's not think
about your to-do list, Becausethe to-do list is not going away
.
It's not going to get doneeither.
I want to find someone who'sfinished their to-do list.
I would love to find that oneperson, right, show me the list
you finished, and like we haveto stop it, because as soon as
we do, we're like oh no, I needto find more stuff to put on
(15:28):
here.
This list looks too long, right.
It's like why are we wired thisway?
But society has set us up thisway.
It's not our fault.
It's literally like I've beentold when I rested you're being
lazy, since when Everyone elsegets the rest, whether they're
resting on a golf course or thespa in the middle of the day, I
should be able to do that.
I don't have to confine to thisdesk every single day, right,
(15:49):
my part of my job is living andexperiencing my life.
Claude F (15:52):
And allowing ourselves to not to do it and not feel
guilty about it.
Nicole Richards (15:57):
Yes, taking the shame and the guilt away is the
most important thing.
We can't move past anything.
We have to get past that.
That, those thoughts, thoughtsabout it.
We don't see an end in sight.
That's what my clients come in.
They don't see an end in sight.
They are like well, when it,when the set, when it settles,
when it clears out, I'll do thenext thing, I'll start my
business.
(16:17):
Whatever that next thing is,it's never going to calm down
when the storm stops.
The next storm is right behindthere.
Matter of fact, there's atornado in it.
It's a flooding right like itdoesn't stop.
Claude F (16:28):
Yeah, I have to say, as you get older you accept a
little bit more about no, don'tfeel like doing it some part a
little bit more, a little bitmore, I don't know.
I think there's a little mixfor other podcasts.
Jess K (16:43):
Been talking about this over other podcasts Gen Z and.
Gen Alpha for sure already havethat in green.
It is a mentality that Gen Xand older millennials definitely
harbor, maybe with the age ofthem, but I don't think it's
just when you get older.
Claude F (16:58):
I think the younger cohorts have already figured it
out, that's true.
Nicole Richards (17:02):
I did meet with someone who was in their 70s
today and she's learning how toprioritize.
She wants to learn how toprioritize herself because she
has put everyone else in frontof her her whole life.
So it's not about being olderat all, it's just you need
someone to give you thepermission, like no one ever
even thought about it.
Claude F (17:20):
Oh.
Nicole Richards (17:20):
I never thought about that before, because no
one's allowed you to stop andpause, breathe and think.
Jess K (17:27):
It almost sounds like you have to work with them to
stop old habits creeping inright Like to recognize it but
then to stop it.
What do you do to do that?
Is there some type of mantra,phrase or trigger that you help
them through?
Nicole Richards (17:38):
We focus on one event at a time.
So we have that awareness thatwe have shame around.
Let's say we're talking aboutthe rest.
We have shame around this.
Okay, let's take that away.
I understand that you feel itright, but why?
Where was the first time?
What were you trying to do here?
And I was trying to do allthese things.
I heard all the wins they had,but they can't even see their
wins because they think of theirto-do list.
(17:59):
So what is it you want out ofyour next chapter?
When we get into that, that'sme saying, okay, you want to
change.
Right, that's the CPA part.
And then, when I'm asking youwhy that's your purpose, why do
you want this?
What are we getting down tothese layers?
What is the reason for this?
Just really trying to gauge it,right, because I need to
understand this.
When I say, all right, let'scome up with a game plan, that's
(18:19):
your action, a right.
And if I hear any objectioncome out of you, I now have the
reason why you wanted to changethe awareness.
You had your reasons why.
So now you're giving me allthese excuses.
It's not adding up, becauseyou're the one who said you
wanted this.
I'm not telling you what to do.
Right, I am guiding you throughwhat you've already said and
I'm stopping you from having thenegative self-talk.
(18:40):
I don't let my clients beatthemselves up because I said I
don't let my friends beatthemselves up, so I'm not going
to sit here and let you talk toyourself that way.
Jess K (18:48):
That's fantastic.
That is so smart.
Self-care isn't really beingselfish and you found ways to
really prioritize that foryourself.
How has honoring your own needsreally helped you show up
better in your relationships,whether personally or
professionally?
Nicole Richards (19:03):
It has been trying.
When I first truly learned howto rest, I was miserable.
It was not easy.
Oh, this is going to be a pieceof cake, because I'm like going
on vacations and I love totravel.
So I was like, oh no.
And I was like, wait, I want myclients to kind of just sit and
do nothing.
So, sitting in the house, Ialmost cried every day.
It was almost like everythingin my life just came out of
nowhere and I'm shutting it out.
Claude F (19:24):
I'm like what.
Nicole Richards (19:26):
What is happening.
I don't know what's going on.
And then I realized it's arelease.
Right, my muscles were so tighteverywhere because I've been on
the go, just moving, moving,moving.
Now I'm sitting in silence.
I'm hearing all the ideas comedown.
You can do this, you can dothat.
Where are you coming from?
Like, what voice is this?
(19:48):
Oh, that's my voice.
Why are we this way?
I just kept doing that, right,and I'm like writing notes to
myself and I'm asking myselfquestions.
Right, I'm not just saying, oh,today I ate bread and then my
son, like, didn't throw thetrash again.
I'm so pissed off.
I'm like why did I cry aboutsomething that happened?
25?
Let's see what those were.
There's a model that I use.
It's called CTFAR.
So we look at that circumstance, right, what is the event that
(20:10):
happened In that event?
It's like what is that firstthought you had?
What is the thought that cameup when you have that thought?
What was the feelings you have?
For me, when I first startedthis, I didn't have feelings,
because that was not somethingthat was allowed in my house.
You're quiet and you're not.
There's nothing else.
So I didn't know how todescribe my feelings.
So it helps me and my clientsto say, okay, what is your
feelings you have?
(20:31):
It's like, I don't know.
I'm happy and it's like, oh,there's more to happy.
It's like, are you content, areyou cheerful?
And it's like, oh, let's dragit out some more.
Are you optimistic?
So that's C, t, f, we go to A.
Your actions, your actionsdetermine, like, how you go
about your day.
Are you walking around morehappily?
(20:52):
Are you being more productive?
What is it you're doing?
And, as a result of that,that's your result from all your
actions.
So, for example, for me, I couldsay today is sunny.
That is my thought about theday.
It might be rainy over there, Idon't know.
I can't see your window, butthis is my feelings about, right
, and my thoughts is like it'ssunny, right, and I'm.
I enjoy the sun, I get excitedabout it.
When the sun is out, I'msmiling, I'm waving at people,
(21:15):
I'm so productive, right, I'mdoing all these things and, as a
result, I'm moving forward inmy business.
But if it was raining outside,nicole is gloomy.
She's like, oh, it's a relaxingday, let's just go get under
that blanket and be still.
As a result, my businessdoesn't go forward.
Nothing gets done.
Looking at it that way andoperating.
(21:37):
I have to look at my life thatway.
Now, if we're going to go hereand think about these thoughts,
we got to realize what's theresult of this.
What is the result we want?
Claude F (21:45):
You were saying earlier, it was horrible that I
could stay still at home.
I wasn't used to it.
How long did it take you tobreak this vicious circle where,
finally, you were like I'm okayto stay home and listening to
my head and doing nothing?
Nicole Richards (22:03):
I would say About a good two, three weeks of
isolation before I said I needto reach out to someone else,
whether that's a therapist, acoach, a friend, right.
And it was like what do we needto do to break that stagnation?
Resting doesn't mean you justlay in bed, right.
It means we look at findingwhat joy is right.
I started going outside ormoving my body in the house.
Let me just do a quick danceoff.
(22:25):
When was the last time I dancedto my music?
I'm just listening to it but Idon't feel the music.
How can I do other things?
My coach tells me sit down andhave a meal and chew slowly.
Put the phone down.
You shouldn't be like pickingup your phone and trying to eat
at the same time.
Go sit away from the computer.
Go feel some fresh air for alittle bit.
What are those things that youcan do to reclaim your time,
(22:48):
reclaim your peace?
Having that conversation withyourself to say it's okay to be
bored.
It's actually fun to be boredbecause I get to learn so much
about myself now.
We used to do this as kids.
You sit in bored, I'm bored.
We'll go get a piece of paperand go color in a book, and then
your imagination is just goingwild.
At that point You're findingsomething to do, and that's all
I'm bringing us back to is ourinner childs are calling us home
(23:08):
.
Jess K (23:08):
So, knowing that this podcast is about work besties
and making sure the work bestieshelp each other, how can work
besties support each other whenone of them is clearly going
through?
Nicole Richards (23:20):
burnout.
That's the one I struggle withright now, even though I don't
work there anymore.
I know that my bestie I lefther behind, right, we've always
had that plan.
We send the memes and thingslike about to be out this job,
we're leaving together.
So when I when seeing her now,I'm like I feel like she's burnt
out and a friend is likethere's boundaries there, right,
(23:40):
I don't coach my friends unlessthey've asked me, so it's kind
of like I sit here and I cangive it from the coach's
perspective, but I'm going togive from the friends, the
bestie friends, and you just bepresent and you check in, you
call, you see them.
If they're out of the patternsthat they normally do, and if
you see them not laughing theway they are, pick up the phone,
have a conversation.
Hey, so I was going through blah, blah, blah.
(24:01):
Let their minds escape what'sgoing on in their life just for
a few minutes and then saywhat's going on, because now
their guard is down.
Right, they done heard yourmess.
Okay, what's going on with you?
Oh, wait, what?
Yeah, no, we're making thisabout you right now.
Thank you for being there forme in my dilemma that I had.
Now can I be here for you.
(24:21):
Hey, let's go out for a drink.
Hey, let's go out for a food,like, there's so many things.
Hey, let's do somethingtogether outside of the office,
even if it's for like.
We used to take a lap aroundour building when our boss
pissed us off.
Right, let's go for a walk.
Right, we can go back andfinish the day.
We got this.
Jess K (24:39):
I think that's smart You're giving examples of when
you're still working together,but also when you do leave,
because a lot of work besties dogo on to different places and
do different things, but you canstill be there for you
Absolutely yeah, okay.
Why don't we shift a little bitand talk of retreats, where
you're getting a bunch ofindividuals together to help
(24:59):
them?
Can you give us a little bit ofdetails around that and what's
the intent of them?
Nicole Richards (25:03):
Yeah.
So the first one is going to bethis October 10th through the
12th.
It's a three day, two night ina private home in Virginia beach
and we're going to keep itintimate with, like, no crowds,
no overwhelm.
The plan is to bring in aprivate chef and have a wellness
experience and guided coachingsessions where we talk about
investing in your health, wealthand yourself.
Every guest gets a like a restand reset workbook to help them
(25:26):
design a 90 day plan tailoredfor their life.
Right, it's structured, butit's like a gentle structure
because I don't want tooverwhelm them.
We don't need more on theirto-do list.
Right, they're already thinkingabout those things.
But it's like, how do we get tothe next level of clarity and
peace in a strategy that honorstheir boundaries and their
bandwidth?
For example, I was telling oneclient today I today the goal is
(25:48):
to practice boundaries right,we're going to learn how to tell
people no, we're doing roleplays.
Right, because she's like, howam I wait?
you just want me to tell them.
No, I'm like, yes, that'sexactly what I want, like we're
explaining it's not necessaryand you know, like most retreats
that I've been on, it's alwaysbeneficial when the best one has
(26:09):
been.
From my coaching experience,when I got my certification, we
have this time as a communityand I became so close to these
girls All right, these are mysisters for life.
When we talk about the workbesties, the entrepreneur
besties oh my gosh, oh my gosh,someone who's on a journey, we
don't know what we're doing.
It's not like we're looking atan employee handbook and the
(26:30):
boss is telling you what to do.
You are the boss, right?
Having that group of peopletogether so they can have that
moment where we're going to dothis next thing.
This next thing is what for me,is it starting a new business?
Let's do this together.
Now we know each other, we knowwe're so invested.
We're holding you through thejourney.
I met my sisters halfwaythrough our journey.
(26:50):
We have weekly calls, we have agroup text, we have like 30
different group text, chains andthings like that.
For any event, we're planninghey, who's going to this event?
Or hey, I'm going into thisevent and it's just so beautiful
, right?
Because you see how I don'twant to say miserable I was, but
I see my breakthrough, right.
I see where my face was in thepast and I look back at pictures
(27:13):
.
I'm like, wow, that girl was sosad, but it's okay.
She had a lot going on.
But look at her now, look atall these people like been
around her.
So that's what we're offeringwith this retreat is giving her
that moment to say she can do it, and then, in 90 days, use a
plan with somebody else.
And my goal for this is to dothis four times a year, the
first one being virginia beach,the second one being in jamaica
(27:35):
next year, in 2020, and thendoing a cruise in may from
barcelona.
And then the last one is eithergoing to be asia or africa.
Yes, this is I'm.
I'm having so much fun withthis part.
Jess K (27:48):
Getting to marry both of your passions as well.
Yes, it's amazing and who wouldyou expect would be core
candidates to sign up for these?
Nicole Richards (27:59):
retreats.
So it's those high achievingwomen, right?
The ones who don't know to putsomething down and rest, right.
This is normally like a firstgeneration immigrant child it
might be the oldest daughter,it's someone who's like always
had to take on everything, andit's like no girl, you don't.
You don't need to worry aboutyour brother's situation over
there.
Let him worry about that.
(28:20):
You only have control over youand your life.
My coach, right, rachel Rodgers.
She's like it's that easy toget to a million dollars, but
we're overthinking this process,so let me help you.
Jess K (28:29):
That's so exciting.
I'm ready to sign up,especially for the Barcelona or
the Jamaica I'd go to.
Jamaica, I would do Asia orAfrica.
Nicole Richards (28:41):
It's coming, coming.
Jess K (28:43):
I love it.
How can people find out moreabout the details of this Nicole
?
Nicole Richards (28:47):
So they can go on my Instagram at Nicole
Richards 718.
And the information will belinked in my bio.
They can email me at NicoleRichards CPA at gmailcom.
Jess K (28:57):
This has been fantastic.
I just have one final questionfor you.
Someone is listening right nowand they feel trapped in their
high pressure job, or even inworking in the government job,
or maybe even just startingtheir own business.
So they're secretly miserable.
What's that one thing that theycan do today to break free and
(29:20):
have that more freedom in theirlife?
Nicole Richards (29:22):
Get out of the mindset.
It's the mindset.
That was the first thing mycoach said.
Rachel Rogers said to me thisyear was you can't get to your
next level if you don't fix yourmind, if you don't clean that
up.
You're just going to befighting it.
I heard that and was like oh,I've been signing up for all
these programs trying to fixthis.
I don't want to have to do themoney, I just want to help
everybody.
(29:42):
That's how I was before.
I want to help everyone.
It's like help everybody withwhat.
I want to go on vacation withthem.
I'm a cool person with theright people.
Who are they Right?
So I was like, oh, okay.
She said you can't do it unlessyour mind is not until you clean
up your mind.
That makes so much sense, causemy mind trash is really bad,
(30:02):
right, I started thinking aboutall.
I was like where does thatvoice from?
Like you know, as soon as Icame up with an idea no, you
can't do that.
Who's going to come see you?
How dare you?
What in the audacity?
So then they'll sit there andI'm like okay For me.
I've always wanted to be anentrepreneur and I didn't
realize it, but I've alwaysknocked it out of the contention
right Like from college.
(30:23):
Oh, what are you going to dowith?
That Was all the questionspeople used to say all right,
well, I'm just going to get theprincipal accounting job.
But in my mind I'm coming upwith a business idea every time.
Claude F (30:32):
I'm like why am I coming up with these?
Nicole Richards (30:33):
random ideas.
Now I sit in and I'm like, oh,it's because this was always my
path.
I kept listening to everyoneelse's voices.
That was my mind trash.
It wasn't me talking, it waseveryone else talking in my ear,
talking you out of it out ofyour, what you felt was your
design path.
Yep.
Jess K (30:48):
It's fascinating, I love it and I love the mindset of
the mind trash Clear that, trashout.
Nicole Richards (30:55):
Yes don't throw it out.
Claude F (30:58):
I have to start doing it.
Yes.
Nicole Richards (31:03):
So, like my inner child, so she has inner
child wounds and one of them isbeing unlovable or not feeling
worthy.
And so sometimes, when shecomes out with her mind trash
and her negativity, and if I'min the middle of a conversation,
the way my coach did was likeput her in a seat.
Put her in a seat and how arewe going to put her away?
And I said we're going to puther in a car seat in the back
Because she's a child.
So we put her another strap anda muzzle.
(31:29):
You better shut up because westill got time for you.
I have too many things in thefuture to worry about versus
worrying about all the thingsthat happened in my past.
My past got me here.
I am proud of who I am today,so thank you for how you showed
up, but I don't need you Thinkabout how child's in the back of
the car you got to turn around.
Girl, if you don't be quiet.
Claude F (31:48):
You're a child, you're not going to tell me what to do
.
Nicole Richards (31:52):
Yes, yes, so that's why we have to muzzle
with some tape or something else, so I can see her.
She's back there.
Jess K (31:58):
Nicole, thank you so much.
This story has been superpowerful and such a great
reminder that rest is brave andallowed and you should give
yourself permission.
So work besties out there.
We are giving you allpermission and the tools to
pause, put yourself first.
This is something you reallyneed to think about and learn.
Whether it's a full retreatNicole's got a lot of options.
(32:22):
You might see us at one of themor even just that 15 minutes
alone to journal or coloranything.
It really just counts, yeah.
Claude F (32:30):
And this week's calls to action is send this episode
to your work bestie and ask howare we making sure we are not
surviving?
But actually, thriving.
Jess K (32:43):
Until next time, protect your peace and take care of you
first.
Remember whether you'reswapping snacks in the break
room, rescuing each other fromendless meetings or just sending
that perfectly timed meme,Having a work bestie is like
having your own personal hypesquad.
Claude F (33:01):
So keep lifting each other, laughing through the
chaos and, of course, thriving.
Until next time, stay positive,stay productive and don't
forget to keep supporting eachother.
Work besties.
So I never feel like you've done everything right
career, success,responsibilities but somehow
you're still utterly exhausted.
Claude F (00:09):
It's like you've built the life you were told to want,
but it's burning you out.
Jess K (00:15):
So what now?
Today's guest, nicole Richards,walked away from a life that
looked perfect on paper but wasdraining her.
She's here to tell us whystepping away isn't failure.
It's the first step towardsreal success.
Claude F (00:28):
Make sure you stay till the end.
Nicole reveals the number onemyth about success that's
keeping high-achieving womenstuck in burnout.
Let's get into it.
Hi, I'm Claude and I'm Jess.
We are corporate employees byday, entrepreneurs by night and
work besties for life.
Jess K (00:47):
Join us as we explore how work besties lift each other
up, laugh through the chaos andthrive together in every
industry.
Work besties Hi, Nicole,Welcome.
Nicole Richards (01:00):
Thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to be here today.
Jess K (01:04):
As we mentioned in our opener, you took that this step
back because of burnout.
What exactly caused you to dothis?
Nicole Richards (01:10):
Great question Caused me to do it.
I'm like there's differentlevels to this, right.
The last recent one, where Isaid I don't need this job
anymore, is because I found mypurpose in coaching others right
.
I got my certification as amaster coach last year and a
positivity practitioner,trauma-informed coach because I
was trying to heal out of mymarriage that had ended really
(01:30):
abruptly to me.
But when I look back at it, I'mlike it really didn't, right.
If you really stopped andpaused and looked at your life,
let's be real.
Yeah, it was there and it's thesame thing with the job and
things like that.
One of my biggest burnout whichis what I tell people is my
purpose that has walked methrough this life now is I had a
stillborn five years ago andlike being in the hospital
(01:51):
during COVID right, you don'thave a doctor there.
The nurse is helping me deliver.
It was just all the things.
I have a mask on my face andI'm sitting here wondering what
the hell is this?
I have done everything you'veasked out of me, right, I have
done the job.
I've gotten married, I havethis beautiful son, but this was
my third miscarriage, my thirdloss, and I was like you keep
doing this to me.
What is the purpose?
(02:12):
And I kept trying to find theanswer to this and so, along the
way of my grief, in that I hada sisterhood that just found me
right.
It was like a friend from here,from work right, and that's my
work best friend who's picked meup.
She has been at appointmentswith me on the phone or in
person, just making sure I'mcovered.
She's come to my house afterthe loss just to hold me and cry
(02:34):
with me.
That's so important, thatcommunity.
And she ended up bringing afriend and then someone else
brought another friend.
Next thing, you know, I havefour other women with me making
sure that I was okay and it wasjust like, wow, like you guys
took the time out of your day tosee that I was okay.
That's what like had thegoosebumps tingling Right.
(02:55):
And I've been chasing that forthe last five years.
I've been in coaching programs,I've been in masterminds.
I go to networking events andevery time I've seen myself rise
is because I found my people.
So I'm like why am I not takingthat and doing that for others?
I have all this wealth ofknowledge as a coach and a CPA.
Why not figure out how to dosomething for these women who
have experienced loss in somekind of capacity, whether it's a
(03:16):
transition of their career,right, people have lost their
DEI, roles and things.
They don't know what to do next, or they've lost a loved one,
or they've just lost themselves.
So we're bringing that back andshowing you there's other ways
to survive.
Jess K (03:30):
So you're paying it forward.
Your community helped rebuildyou, so you're now finding ways
for others to build their owncommunity.
That's fantastic.
So we talk a lot about workbesties, and our work besties
tend to ask us a lot ofquestions about burnout.
So how did burnout affect yourrelationships, and did it also
(03:53):
affect your relationships atwork?
Nicole Richards (03:55):
Oh, yes, one of the reasons where I said I
don't need to do this anymore.
I can go help people and justlike, not feel like I'm losing
myself it was the pandemic,right, we went into lockdown and
we worked from home and then Iworked for the federal
government.
So when president Trump came inJanuary and inauguration and
said you have to come back intothe building, and they had just
(04:15):
gotten us back in like twice apay period, so four times a
month, I know I was veryprivileged and I was like,
absolutely not, I've been doingmy job here at home really well
for the last couple of years.
You want me to go back intothis building where people are
going to be toxic?
Right, it's toxic culture, it'sgovernment, it's politics, it's
all the things.
I don't want that for myself.
Right, I have finally healedpast all the nonsense.
(04:37):
When I really look back at mylife and saw how like my ex
treated me and how familymembers treated me and how jobs
have treated me, I realized Ineed to have boundaries and,
yeah, I, I refuse.
That was my point.
I was like, yeah, I'm not goingback, y'all.
Claude F (04:52):
To put that in place.
Boundaries, because it's alwaysso hard for some of us.
Nicole Richards (04:57):
Yeah, yeah.
It's one of those things where,when my boundaries were crossed
, I saw myself go out ofcharacter.
I didn't like who I was whetherI'm snapping at my son or
snapping at another person andI'm like wait, what's going on
here?
So now I do self-coaching.
Where is this feeling coming up?
What is this feeling that I got?
I got upset because I told themno and then they still showed
(05:18):
up with this piece of paper.
Why are they here, right?
Why are they here, right?
What am I making this about?
And oh, when I tap back intosomething that's happened in my
past, someone violated thatboundary before, and this is why
it's making me read.
Our nervous system remembers.
Right, we might've forgotten inthe brain, but our body feels
it right.
You might tense up in yourstomach and you're like oh, I
don't like this feeling.
(05:39):
I want to stop this.
Is this worth my time andenergy?
Because so.
Is this worth my time andenergy?
Because I already told you no.
So now we don't talk.
It depends on the situation andthe relationship, right?
Like if it's someone at work, Ihad no problem telling them no,
I'm not doing that.
You have to tell me why youwant me to do this.
You can't just tell me to putit on the job.
We're going to have aconversation about it.
Tell me the reason.
Tell me how long it wassupposed to do this.
(06:03):
Right, as an employee, I showup and I do my job.
When you bring these othertasks on, where does that fit?
That's a simple conversation.
If you can't answer that, goget somebody else.
Get me someone who can bring methe answer.
Right, because my time isprecious, right?
So that's how I start lookingat my boundaries.
My time is precious.
I've lost a lot of time withall my grief.
(06:28):
Now I'm focused on get the taskdone.
Jess K (06:29):
Let me know what you need.
You left that fast pacedenvironment, which I don't know
how fast paced it was, but itdefinitely was a corporate
environment.
What gave you that courage tostep away?
Nicole Richards (06:36):
So I started my career in a mid-sized firm in
Long Island, new York Jericho tobe specific and then, when I
got married, we moved toCharleston, west Virginia really
Scott Depot, west Virginia.
So going from New York to WestVirginia, you end up not finding
a job that matches New York.
(06:57):
Right, you try to take thefirst thing that you get.
I ended up somewhere wherewe're going to talk about it.
There was panel walls on ahouse and it was a CPA firm.
So I went from a midsize thathas cubicles and all the things
to have an office now, but youwant me to throw out my trash
and people are giving me taxreturns in a plastic bag with
cigarette smells.
I know that's someone's path,but I'm a little bougie and this
(07:21):
is not it for me and me andthat manager, because I'm very
proud of my boundaries in mymouth.
Right, I said I'm not doingcertain things and he didn't
like that.
And we got into it at lunch andI said you know what?
I don't need this.
I'd rather be unemployed thandeal with you.
Right?
He started huffing and puffing.
Right, because now he's madthat I put my boundaries up.
(07:43):
He's like give me back my key.
I'm like no problem here.
I left halfway through the day.
I didn't care.
I was like something's going towork out for me.
And I say that because as soonas I got in my car a headhunter
already called me and asked meto come in for an interview with
Ernst Young.
So I went from being at thislittle panel area where we were
(08:07):
taking a chest and the oldschool like receipt tape, like
he might as well have had thevisor right.
Old school accountant like no,I'm too fabulous for it, we're
not doing this.
Um, so going to Ernst and Young, it was just like I'm getting a
small town feel but I'm stillwith a big company.
So I'm getting the benefits oflearning a work-life balance
learning from my supervisorsthere, right?
One of my favorite supervisorsused to say I don't care if
(08:28):
you're going home to wash thepaint and dry, I want you to go
spend that time with your family.
Or go find the spouse that I'mgoing to go home to go to.
I'm going home to my kids, andshe put her boundaries in.
She said I'll pick this back upwhen they're in bed so she'll
work at 10 PM.
That was her prerogative.
Me I'm not doing that, but itwas the fact that she gave me
the permission right, that wasthe most important for me was to
(08:53):
have leaders and supervisorsfor me who are always in that
role.
My boss I loved her.
She hired me, sight on scene.
She saw my resume and decidedthat I was qualified enough to
get a government job and I hadnever had government experience.
I was qualified enough to get agovernment job and I had never
had government experience.
And she took me in and Ilearned so much from her.
I mean, if she she askedsomething and I challenged her,
we could have a healthyrelationship back and forth
(09:14):
about it.
Right, and it was just like wow, someone who's an adult.
Claude F (09:17):
It does happen.
Nicole Richards (09:19):
I've never seen it before, though, right
Outside of the Ernst and Youngexperience, and it was just like
, wow, this is what it's like tohave a conversation.
Jess K (09:25):
You just had two examples to sign that when one
door closes, something bigger isright around the corner.
Nicole Richards (09:29):
Yes, and I mean there was stuff in between.
But even though my boss isreally good, she still has to
deal with the politics above herand she's only limited.
I know you're trying to help usand be our advocates and I see
it and I appreciate it, but Icannot come back into this
environment and that's how thatstory was read.
Jess K (09:48):
So what made you go from that to then starting your
current company?
Nicole Richards (09:53):
So last year, my son has graduated from high
school.
I'm separated.
I don't know what's going on,right?
I'm in the midst of.
Is this a burnout?
I guess it is Just trying outwhat was happening.
I was everything on Instagram,just doom, scrolling right,
trying to figure out life, and Iended up seeing a post about
narcissism and it made merealize how, being an empath
(10:16):
that I am that feels a lot offeelings and picks up energy, I
attract those types of people,right?
So, even though I've told aboutmy great supervisors, I have
not talked about those otherones, right?
The ones where you're likethere's not enough money in the
world that's worth this.
So I looked at myself and Istarted being an adult.
Let's do that.
Quote, quote, unquote.
Right, I have a single momworking at Walmart and I think
(10:39):
my paycheck was $7.50 per hourand I said this is not
sustainable for me and my sonand I just swallowed my pride
and went back in with my parentsand go back to school, and I
did that because I wanted acareer, right?
And it was like oh, accounting2008,.
Everything else was crashingand this seems recession proof.
I know we're in a current stateof crisis.
(11:01):
Whoever listens to that part.
Take a little grain of salt.
Don't just chase whatever'shappening.
Right, choose a thing that's inalignment with yourself.
That's all I'm going to say.
With that and going throughthat, it's just like I can do
this.
Right, I went and did theaccounting and I said I started
with $50,000, right, go from $7an hour to $50,000.
(11:21):
You think you're balling, right?
Oh my gosh.
And then the raises were likethis and like that.
And then I went to WestVirginia and it dropped because
locality changes, right.
So now I got to go dig it backup.
So when I went into government,that was the first time I got to
six figures.
And I'm like it took this longto get to six figures and
everything costs $50 million.
(11:42):
Are you kidding me?
So I picked up Rachel Rogersbook we Should All Be
Millionaires, and that book washave a million dollar vision,
have a million dollar plan, haveall this.
And she's like do what you wantto do to get to your million
dollars.
And I was like oh, no one'sever told me that before.
Have my own dreams and ideasand not negate it and say it's
not possible.
(12:02):
Let's see what's possible.
So, between that and theInstagram about the narcissism,
it all just clicks.
How can I have a business?
That is in my zone of genius?
That comes naturally to me.
It is fulfilling.
I have never felt thisfulfilled Like, no matter how
many T accounts I looked at,debits and credits, there was
nothing that could have everfulfilled me, except watching a
(12:23):
woman who looks stressed out andI say something, I ask a
question, and you see all theenergy and everything lift off
of her right Because it's likewow, no one's ever asked me that
.
Wow, I never thought about that.
You know what?
When you asked me that, itbrought back something in my
past and I said let's massagethat out.
Let's massage these feelingsbecause we've been burying them
(12:45):
and trying to keep up the busywork and it's like no, we need
to feel these feelings, processthem and keep moving forward.
Claude F (12:52):
Earlier you said that you were a positive coach.
Can you explain a little bitmore what it is?
Nicole Richards (13:00):
So a positivity practitioner is someone.
We don't look at it as we'rejust all happy, right.
We look at life as it is whatit is.
It could be worse, it could bebetter.
There is no circumstance that'sgoing to really make life life
right.
Claude F (13:14):
Does it mean that you're looking at a more
positive way of it is what it is.
Nicole Richards (13:20):
No, I'm looking at it as it is, what it is.
How do you want to receive it?
Do you want to sit here and bemad about the situation for the
rest of your life, or are youready to move on from it,
because you can sit here and bemad, right?
I'm not going to force that.
If that's what you choose, allright, let's sit with it.
Right?
We're not saying that we'regoing to ignore it.
We're not pushing it down.
It is what it is.
(13:40):
You're mad.
I can't do anything about thatfor you.
Jess K (13:44):
Thank you, you're welcome.
The positivity is it's gettingyou past it, you're addressing
it, you're positively talkingabout it.
Nicole Richards (13:50):
It's just accepting it, versus like saying
no, no, I'm not mad.
That's the negative right,You're lying.
I don't want to say you'relying.
Claude F (13:58):
I'm fine, no worries, no worries.
Nicole Richards (14:00):
Yes, all the worries in the world are sitting
in your body.
Yes, feeling your neck, yourback, your shoulders your head.
Jess K (14:14):
Yes, your lack of sleeping is my issue usually,
nicole.
It sounds like in your newventure as this positivity
practitioner that you work withhigh achieving, I assume, women.
What red flags do they tend tomiss?
That's causing them to come toyou?
Nicole Richards (14:25):
They can't see a break.
They're like I have to do allthis, I don't have the time.
You can see it, because I'vehad it.
When I start seeing myself movereally, really fast or talking
really fast, it's because mybrain is still doing a whole
brain dump of all of my to-dolists and it's like hold on,
stop trying to leave the to-dolist in your head and just write
it out.
Now let's look at what isreally important.
Some of the stuff we don't evenneed is not even our
(14:46):
responsibility to carry, but weassume we're supposed to be
carrying this load.
When they sense that, it's likeoh so can we just pause and
realize that we're safe rightnow, in this space, to receive
what we're about to receive?
Right, what is it you needright now, in this moment?
Is it you need a nap?
Is it that you want to spendmore time with your kids?
Is it that you want everyone toleave you alone for five
(15:07):
minutes?
Because then let's go work onthat, right, let's not think
about your to-do list, Becausethe to-do list is not going away
.
It's not going to get doneeither.
I want to find someone who'sfinished their to-do list.
I would love to find that oneperson, right, show me the list
you finished, and like we haveto stop it, because as soon as
we do, we're like oh no, I needto find more stuff to put on
(15:28):
here.
This list looks too long, right.
It's like why are we wired thisway?
But society has set us up thisway.
It's not our fault.
It's literally like I've beentold when I rested you're being
lazy, since when Everyone elsegets the rest, whether they're
resting on a golf course or thespa in the middle of the day, I
should be able to do that.
I don't have to confine to thisdesk every single day, right,
(15:49):
my part of my job is living andexperiencing my life.
Claude F (15:52):
And allowing ourselves to not to do it and not feel
guilty about it.
Nicole Richards (15:57):
Yes, taking the shame and the guilt away is the
most important thing.
We can't move past anything.
We have to get past that.
That, those thoughts, thoughtsabout it.
We don't see an end in sight.
That's what my clients come in.
They don't see an end in sight.
They are like well, when it,when the set, when it settles,
when it clears out, I'll do thenext thing, I'll start my
business.
(16:17):
Whatever that next thing is,it's never going to calm down
when the storm stops.
The next storm is right behindthere.
Matter of fact, there's atornado in it.
It's a flooding right like itdoesn't stop.
Claude F (16:28):
Yeah, I have to say, as you get older you accept a
little bit more about no, don'tfeel like doing it some part a
little bit more, a little bitmore, I don't know.
I think there's a little mixfor other podcasts.
Jess K (16:43):
Been talking about this over other podcasts Gen Z and.
Gen Alpha for sure already havethat in green.
It is a mentality that Gen Xand older millennials definitely
harbor, maybe with the age ofthem, but I don't think it's
just when you get older.
Claude F (16:58):
I think the younger cohorts have already figured it
out, that's true.
Nicole Richards (17:02):
I did meet with someone who was in their 70s
today and she's learning how toprioritize.
She wants to learn how toprioritize herself because she
has put everyone else in frontof her her whole life.
So it's not about being olderat all, it's just you need
someone to give you thepermission, like no one ever
even thought about it.
Claude F (17:20):
Oh.
Nicole Richards (17:20):
I never thought about that before, because no
one's allowed you to stop andpause, breathe and think.
Jess K (17:27):
It almost sounds like you have to work with them to
stop old habits creeping inright Like to recognize it but
then to stop it.
What do you do to do that?
Is there some type of mantra,phrase or trigger that you help
them through?
Nicole Richards (17:38):
We focus on one event at a time.
So we have that awareness thatwe have shame around.
Let's say we're talking aboutthe rest.
We have shame around this.
Okay, let's take that away.
I understand that you feel itright, but why?
Where was the first time?
What were you trying to do here?
And I was trying to do allthese things.
I heard all the wins they had,but they can't even see their
wins because they think of theirto-do list.
(17:59):
So what is it you want out ofyour next chapter?
When we get into that, that'sme saying, okay, you want to
change.
Right, that's the CPA part.
And then, when I'm asking youwhy that's your purpose, why do
you want this?
What are we getting down tothese layers?
What is the reason for this?
Just really trying to gauge it,right, because I need to
understand this.
When I say, all right, let'scome up with a game plan, that's
(18:19):
your action, a right.
And if I hear any objectioncome out of you, I now have the
reason why you wanted to changethe awareness.
You had your reasons why.
So now you're giving me allthese excuses.
It's not adding up, becauseyou're the one who said you
wanted this.
I'm not telling you what to do.
Right, I am guiding you throughwhat you've already said and
I'm stopping you from having thenegative self-talk.
(18:40):
I don't let my clients beatthemselves up because I said I
don't let my friends beatthemselves up, so I'm not going
to sit here and let you talk toyourself that way.
Jess K (18:48):
That's fantastic.
That is so smart.
Self-care isn't really beingselfish and you found ways to
really prioritize that foryourself.
How has honoring your own needsreally helped you show up
better in your relationships,whether personally or
professionally?
Nicole Richards (19:03):
It has been trying.
When I first truly learned howto rest, I was miserable.
It was not easy.
Oh, this is going to be a pieceof cake, because I'm like going
on vacations and I love totravel.
So I was like, oh no.
And I was like, wait, I want myclients to kind of just sit and
do nothing.
So, sitting in the house, Ialmost cried every day.
It was almost like everythingin my life just came out of
nowhere and I'm shutting it out.
Claude F (19:24):
I'm like what.
Nicole Richards (19:26):
What is happening.
I don't know what's going on.
And then I realized it's arelease.
Right, my muscles were so tighteverywhere because I've been on
the go, just moving, moving,moving.
Now I'm sitting in silence.
I'm hearing all the ideas comedown.
You can do this, you can dothat.
Where are you coming from?
Like, what voice is this?
(19:48):
Oh, that's my voice.
Why are we this way?
I just kept doing that, right,and I'm like writing notes to
myself and I'm asking myselfquestions.
Right, I'm not just saying, oh,today I ate bread and then my
son, like, didn't throw thetrash again.
I'm so pissed off.
I'm like why did I cry aboutsomething that happened?
25?
Let's see what those were.
There's a model that I use.
It's called CTFAR.
So we look at that circumstance, right, what is the event that
(20:10):
happened In that event?
It's like what is that firstthought you had?
What is the thought that cameup when you have that thought?
What was the feelings you have?
For me, when I first startedthis, I didn't have feelings,
because that was not somethingthat was allowed in my house.
You're quiet and you're not.
There's nothing else.
So I didn't know how todescribe my feelings.
So it helps me and my clientsto say, okay, what is your
feelings you have?
(20:31):
It's like, I don't know.
I'm happy and it's like, oh,there's more to happy.
It's like, are you content, areyou cheerful?
And it's like, oh, let's dragit out some more.
Are you optimistic?
So that's C, t, f, we go to A.
Your actions, your actionsdetermine, like, how you go
about your day.
Are you walking around morehappily?
(20:52):
Are you being more productive?
What is it you're doing?
And, as a result of that,that's your result from all your
actions.
So, for example, for me, I couldsay today is sunny.
That is my thought about theday.
It might be rainy over there, Idon't know.
I can't see your window, butthis is my feelings about, right
, and my thoughts is like it'ssunny, right, and I'm.
I enjoy the sun, I get excitedabout it.
When the sun is out, I'msmiling, I'm waving at people,
(21:15):
I'm so productive, right, I'mdoing all these things and, as a
result, I'm moving forward inmy business.
But if it was raining outside,nicole is gloomy.
She's like, oh, it's a relaxingday, let's just go get under
that blanket and be still.
As a result, my businessdoesn't go forward.
Nothing gets done.
Looking at it that way andoperating.
(21:37):
I have to look at my life thatway.
Now, if we're going to go hereand think about these thoughts,
we got to realize what's theresult of this.
What is the result we want?
Claude F (21:45):
You were saying earlier, it was horrible that I
could stay still at home.
I wasn't used to it.
How long did it take you tobreak this vicious circle where,
finally, you were like I'm okayto stay home and listening to
my head and doing nothing?
Nicole Richards (22:03):
I would say About a good two, three weeks of
isolation before I said I needto reach out to someone else,
whether that's a therapist, acoach, a friend, right.
And it was like what do we needto do to break that stagnation?
Resting doesn't mean you justlay in bed, right.
It means we look at findingwhat joy is right.
I started going outside ormoving my body in the house.
Let me just do a quick danceoff.
(22:25):
When was the last time I dancedto my music?
I'm just listening to it but Idon't feel the music.
How can I do other things?
My coach tells me sit down andhave a meal and chew slowly.
Put the phone down.
You shouldn't be like pickingup your phone and trying to eat
at the same time.
Go sit away from the computer.
Go feel some fresh air for alittle bit.
What are those things that youcan do to reclaim your time,
(22:48):
reclaim your peace?
Having that conversation withyourself to say it's okay to be
bored.
It's actually fun to be boredbecause I get to learn so much
about myself now.
We used to do this as kids.
You sit in bored, I'm bored.
We'll go get a piece of paperand go color in a book, and then
your imagination is just goingwild.
At that point You're findingsomething to do, and that's all
I'm bringing us back to is ourinner childs are calling us home
(23:08):
.
Jess K (23:08):
So, knowing that this podcast is about work besties
and making sure the work bestieshelp each other, how can work
besties support each other whenone of them is clearly going
through?
Nicole Richards (23:20):
burnout.
That's the one I struggle withright now, even though I don't
work there anymore.
I know that my bestie I lefther behind, right, we've always
had that plan.
We send the memes and thingslike about to be out this job,
we're leaving together.
So when I when seeing her now,I'm like I feel like she's burnt
out and a friend is likethere's boundaries there, right,
(23:40):
I don't coach my friends unlessthey've asked me, so it's kind
of like I sit here and I cangive it from the coach's
perspective, but I'm going togive from the friends, the
bestie friends, and you just bepresent and you check in, you
call, you see them.
If they're out of the patternsthat they normally do, and if
you see them not laughing theway they are, pick up the phone,
have a conversation.
Hey, so I was going through blah, blah, blah.
(24:01):
Let their minds escape what'sgoing on in their life just for
a few minutes and then saywhat's going on, because now
their guard is down.
Right, they done heard yourmess.
Okay, what's going on with you?
Oh, wait, what?
Yeah, no, we're making thisabout you right now.
Thank you for being there forme in my dilemma that I had.
Now can I be here for you.
(24:21):
Hey, let's go out for a drink.
Hey, let's go out for a food,like, there's so many things.
Hey, let's do somethingtogether outside of the office,
even if it's for like.
We used to take a lap aroundour building when our boss
pissed us off.
Right, let's go for a walk.
Right, we can go back andfinish the day.
We got this.
Jess K (24:39):
I think that's smart You're giving examples of when
you're still working together,but also when you do leave,
because a lot of work besties dogo on to different places and
do different things, but you canstill be there for you
Absolutely yeah, okay.
Why don't we shift a little bitand talk of retreats, where
you're getting a bunch ofindividuals together to help
(24:59):
them?
Can you give us a little bit ofdetails around that and what's
the intent of them?
Nicole Richards (25:03):
Yeah.
So the first one is going to bethis October 10th through the
12th.
It's a three day, two night ina private home in Virginia beach
and we're going to keep itintimate with, like, no crowds,
no overwhelm.
The plan is to bring in aprivate chef and have a wellness
experience and guided coachingsessions where we talk about
investing in your health, wealthand yourself.
Every guest gets a like a restand reset workbook to help them
(25:26):
design a 90 day plan tailoredfor their life.
Right, it's structured, butit's like a gentle structure
because I don't want tooverwhelm them.
We don't need more on theirto-do list.
Right, they're already thinkingabout those things.
But it's like, how do we get tothe next level of clarity and
peace in a strategy that honorstheir boundaries and their
bandwidth?
For example, I was telling oneclient today I today the goal is
(25:48):
to practice boundaries right,we're going to learn how to tell
people no, we're doing roleplays.
Right, because she's like, howam I wait?
you just want me to tell them.
No, I'm like, yes, that'sexactly what I want, like we're
explaining it's not necessaryand you know, like most retreats
that I've been on, it's alwaysbeneficial when the best one has
(26:09):
been.
From my coaching experience,when I got my certification, we
have this time as a communityand I became so close to these
girls All right, these are mysisters for life.
When we talk about the workbesties, the entrepreneur
besties oh my gosh, oh my gosh,someone who's on a journey, we
don't know what we're doing.
It's not like we're looking atan employee handbook and the
(26:30):
boss is telling you what to do.
You are the boss, right?
Having that group of peopletogether so they can have that
moment where we're going to dothis next thing.
This next thing is what for me,is it starting a new business?
Let's do this together.
Now we know each other, we knowwe're so invested.
We're holding you through thejourney.
I met my sisters halfwaythrough our journey.
(26:50):
We have weekly calls, we have agroup text, we have like 30
different group text, chains andthings like that.
For any event, we're planninghey, who's going to this event?
Or hey, I'm going into thisevent and it's just so beautiful
, right?
Because you see how I don'twant to say miserable I was, but
I see my breakthrough, right.
I see where my face was in thepast and I look back at pictures
(27:13):
.
I'm like, wow, that girl was sosad, but it's okay.
She had a lot going on.
But look at her now, look atall these people like been
around her.
So that's what we're offeringwith this retreat is giving her
that moment to say she can do it, and then, in 90 days, use a
plan with somebody else.
And my goal for this is to dothis four times a year, the
first one being virginia beach,the second one being in jamaica
(27:35):
next year, in 2020, and thendoing a cruise in may from
barcelona.
And then the last one is eithergoing to be asia or africa.
Yes, this is I'm.
I'm having so much fun withthis part.
Jess K (27:48):
Getting to marry both of your passions as well.
Yes, it's amazing and who wouldyou expect would be core
candidates to sign up for these?
Nicole Richards (27:59):
retreats.
So it's those high achievingwomen, right?
The ones who don't know to putsomething down and rest, right.
This is normally like a firstgeneration immigrant child it
might be the oldest daughter,it's someone who's like always
had to take on everything, andit's like no girl, you don't.
You don't need to worry aboutyour brother's situation over
there.
Let him worry about that.
(28:20):
You only have control over youand your life.
My coach, right, rachel Rodgers.
She's like it's that easy toget to a million dollars, but
we're overthinking this process,so let me help you.
Jess K (28:29):
That's so exciting.
I'm ready to sign up,especially for the Barcelona or
the Jamaica I'd go to.
Jamaica, I would do Asia orAfrica.
Nicole Richards (28:41):
It's coming, coming.
Jess K (28:43):
I love it.
How can people find out moreabout the details of this Nicole
?
Nicole Richards (28:47):
So they can go on my Instagram at Nicole
Richards 718.
And the information will belinked in my bio.
They can email me at NicoleRichards CPA at gmailcom.
Jess K (28:57):
This has been fantastic.
I just have one final questionfor you.
Someone is listening right nowand they feel trapped in their
high pressure job, or even inworking in the government job,
or maybe even just startingtheir own business.
So they're secretly miserable.
What's that one thing that theycan do today to break free and
(29:20):
have that more freedom in theirlife?
Nicole Richards (29:22):
Get out of the mindset.
It's the mindset.
That was the first thing mycoach said.
Rachel Rogers said to me thisyear was you can't get to your
next level if you don't fix yourmind, if you don't clean that
up.
You're just going to befighting it.
I heard that and was like oh,I've been signing up for all
these programs trying to fixthis.
I don't want to have to do themoney, I just want to help
everybody.
(29:42):
That's how I was before.
I want to help everyone.
It's like help everybody withwhat.
I want to go on vacation withthem.
I'm a cool person with theright people.
Who are they Right?
So I was like, oh, okay.
She said you can't do it unlessyour mind is not until you clean
up your mind.
That makes so much sense, causemy mind trash is really bad,
(30:02):
right, I started thinking aboutall.
I was like where does thatvoice from?
Like you know, as soon as Icame up with an idea no, you
can't do that.
Who's going to come see you?
How dare you?
What in the audacity?
So then they'll sit there andI'm like okay For me.
I've always wanted to be anentrepreneur and I didn't
realize it, but I've alwaysknocked it out of the contention
right Like from college.
(30:23):
Oh, what are you going to dowith?
That Was all the questionspeople used to say all right,
well, I'm just going to get theprincipal accounting job.
But in my mind I'm coming upwith a business idea every time.
Claude F (30:32):
I'm like why am I coming up with these?
Nicole Richards (30:33):
random ideas.
Now I sit in and I'm like, oh,it's because this was always my
path.
I kept listening to everyoneelse's voices.
That was my mind trash.
It wasn't me talking, it waseveryone else talking in my ear,
talking you out of it out ofyour, what you felt was your
design path.
Yep.
Jess K (30:48):
It's fascinating, I love it and I love the mindset of
the mind trash Clear that, trashout.
Nicole Richards (30:55):
Yes don't throw it out.
Claude F (30:58):
I have to start doing it.
Yes.
Nicole Richards (31:03):
So, like my inner child, so she has inner
child wounds and one of them isbeing unlovable or not feeling
worthy.
And so sometimes, when shecomes out with her mind trash
and her negativity, and if I'min the middle of a conversation,
the way my coach did was likeput her in a seat.
Put her in a seat and how arewe going to put her away?
And I said we're going to puther in a car seat in the back
Because she's a child.
So we put her another strap anda muzzle.
(31:29):
You better shut up because westill got time for you.
I have too many things in thefuture to worry about versus
worrying about all the thingsthat happened in my past.
My past got me here.
I am proud of who I am today,so thank you for how you showed
up, but I don't need you Thinkabout how child's in the back of
the car you got to turn around.
Girl, if you don't be quiet.
Claude F (31:48):
You're a child, you're not going to tell me what to do
.
Nicole Richards (31:52):
Yes, yes, so that's why we have to muzzle
with some tape or something else, so I can see her.
She's back there.
Jess K (31:58):
Nicole, thank you so much.
This story has been superpowerful and such a great
reminder that rest is brave andallowed and you should give
yourself permission.
So work besties out there.
We are giving you allpermission and the tools to
pause, put yourself first.
This is something you reallyneed to think about and learn.
Whether it's a full retreatNicole's got a lot of options.
(32:22):
You might see us at one of themor even just that 15 minutes
alone to journal or coloranything.
It really just counts, yeah.
Claude F (32:30):
And this week's calls to action is send this episode
to your work bestie and ask howare we making sure we are not
surviving?
But actually, thriving.
Jess K (32:43):
Until next time, protect your peace and take care of you
first.
Remember whether you'reswapping snacks in the break
room, rescuing each other fromendless meetings or just sending
that perfectly timed meme,Having a work bestie is like
having your own personal hypesquad.
Claude F (33:01):
So keep lifting each other, laughing through the
chaos and, of course, thriving.
Until next time, stay positive,stay productive and don't
forget to keep supporting eachother.
Work besties.
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