September 23, 2025 • 24 mins
Ever find yourself scrolling, watching, or listening to colleagues and thinking, “Why am I not there yet?” You're not alone. But here’s the thing: comparison doesn’t tell you anything about you. In this episode, I’m unpacking why our brains default to “compare and despair,” how it sometimes helps, and mostly how it gets in our way. If you’ve been questioning your progress against everyone else’s highlight reel, this one’s for you.
What You’ll Learn
- Why your brain is wired to compare—and why that’s not a character flaw
- The difference between productive and harmful comparison (and how to spot which one you’re doing)
- Coaching questions you can use to reframe the trap in the moment
- How to know if what you’re noticing is actually aligned with your goals, or just another shiny object
- A practical way to shift focus back to your own vision so you stop spiraling
Progress over perfection, always.
If this hit home, I’d love to help you quiet the noise and build a week that actually works for you. Book a free 1:1 consult and let’s figure out what balance looks like in your real life.
📌 Book a free 1:1 consult here
👥 Join the FB group here
Keywords
comparison trap, overwhelmed SLP, ADHD productivity, executive functioning, work-life balance, private practice stress, productivity coaching, stop comparing yourself
To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.
Come join the SLP Support Group on Facebook for more tips and tricks!
Follow me on Instagram! @theresamharp
Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
theresa-harp_1_09-19-2025 (00:01):
Hello podcast listeners.
Welcome back to the show.
I'm recording this episode.
It's only the second time I'mrecording using this new
internal podcasting system thatI've come up with and.
So there may be some hiccups,there may be some changes in the
quality.
There may be, I don't know, somemistakes and you'll be here to
(00:29):
hear them.
But today I am talking aboutcomparison.
The comparison trap, right?
So if any of you who arelistening have ever found
yourself looking at.
People around you at what theyhave, at what they do, at how
(00:53):
they behave, and you compareyourself to them and you think
that everybody else has got ittogether, they are further
along.
Why can't I just be like them?
What do they have that I can'tfigure out?
Then this episode is for you.
(01:16):
Okay?
Because let's be honest,everybody at some point in their
life has felt this way.
And I wanna give you a, I think,a little bit of a perspective
shift on not just, I wanna talkabout why this happens, but I
wanna talk about how it canpotentially be useful.
(01:41):
But how overwhelmingly unusefulit is.
Is that even a word?
Right?
How dare I say harmful?
This can be so like.
Anything else?
There's nothing that's, youknow, it's not all good.
It's not all bad.
There's a lot of gray area, butI want to give you some
productive ways to compare andthen help you to get rid of the
(02:07):
unproductive ways that you arecomparing.
Okay?
So.
If you are someone who questionstheir progress, if you've been
questioning your progress andhow it is in relation to the
people around you, this one'sfor you If you are.
Creating your private practiceand looking around at other
(02:28):
people that are creating theirprivate practice or have created
their private practice, andyou're trying to size up like
how far along you are versus howfar along they are.
This is for you.
If you're sitting there writingsession notes and you are
drained and exhausted andstressed, but you look around
and you don't see anyone elsewho looks drained, exhausted,
(02:50):
stressed, this one is for you.
All right.
So have you ever heard of thoseexpressions?
There's two that I hear thatlike float around in my brain,
rent free.
One is that comparison is thethief of joy, and then the other
one is just this phrase, compareand despair and.
(03:16):
I also want you to know that itis completely human and normal
to do this.
We, our brains do this and theydo this in a lot of ways.
They, it comes from a goodplace.
Our mind is doing this for goodreason.
We're trying to keep ourselvessafe.
We're trying to figure out if weare, you know.
(03:38):
Part of that like pack, right?
If you think back to like theprimitive world and the
primitive brain and how early onthat the brain was used to keep
us safe, it was to protectpeople, to protect you and to
keep you in that pack as amember of that pack.
Because if you didn't, youwouldn't survive.
(04:00):
And obviously things haveadvanced tremendously, but our
brain is still gonna brain, andso I want you to know that there
is nothing that has gone wrong.
It's completely human and normalto compare.
I do it.
My brain does it naturally.
I just have to catch it.
I'm now because of coaching, somuch more aware of when it
(04:23):
happens.
When it's happening, I can catchit, I can catch it quicker, so
it's not even happening as muchas it used to.
And it's just been this sort oflike release of pressure and
expectations and it helps me tonot only hit my goals, but it
helps me to feel better in theprocess.
(04:45):
And for me, that's what.
The goals are all about, isfeeling good in the process, is
feeling overall happy andcontent with my life.
Obviously, not every minute ofevery day, but net positive,
right?
I want you to recognize thatcomparison is in many ways
(05:10):
useful comparison.
Can be useful.
So I just talked about like whyit happens and how it was born
out of basically protection andsafety.
But even now, it is possiblethat you can compare yourself to
somebody else or to somebodyelse's achievements or results
(05:33):
and do that in a productive way.
The problem is that it takesconscious.
Effort to do it in a productiveway.
If we let our minds just do whatour minds are gonna do, then we
will not productively compare.
We will just compare to shameourselves, should on ourselves,
(05:56):
put ourselves down.
But it is possible to look atwhat is this thing that somebody
has?
What is this result thatsomebody has created or
achieved, and how did they getthat?
The comparison is coming from aplace of productivity.
It's coming from a place of,okay, I wanna create that.
(06:21):
I see something that I like.
I see something that I want andI want that for myself.
So how can I get it?
Comparison can also be helpfulbecause it can show you
possibility.
There's so many times where wetell ourselves that what we want
is not possible, but then if weopen up our eyes and we're
(06:46):
looking around, we may seepeople around us who have the
thing that they want, that wewant, the thing that, that we're
trying to create, they have it,and so if they have it.
Why can't you have it?
Right?
And that we're asking that in,not in a rhetorical way.
We're asking in like, why?
Like, why can't you tell me allthe reasons why you can't and
(07:09):
let's debunk them?
Tell me all the reasons why youcan and let's amplify them.
So if you're looking around andseeing what's possible, and
you're comparing to see what'spossible.
That's a useful way to compare.
And again, this is just not theway that we naturally do it.
(07:31):
So you, it takes effort.
It takes intention to do it thisway.
Okay.
And when we are comparing, okay.
It is also useful because it canhelp us figure out, it can be
used as sort of like a check-inor an audit for where we're at
(07:52):
right now.
How we feel about that.
Like how happy am I with thelife that I've created right
now?
What about it is working?
What about it isn't working?
Sometimes you don't even knowlike where you, what your
feelings are, what your thoughtsare about it, until you kind of
can see.
(08:15):
What the other possibilitiesare.
And think about it this way too,as SLPs, most of us are trained
like we, we are trained to dothis.
This is what we are trained todo in our clinical work, for
better or for worse.
And I'm not going down thatrabbit hole right now.
But for better or for worse, weare.
Historically have been taught,have been trained to, okay, what
(08:37):
does the data show?
Look at the data, look at thebell curve, look at the standard
score.
What's the standard deviation?
How do these results compare tothe norm?
Right now, I, again, I'm notgonna go down that rabbit hole.
I have thoughts about that and,but that's not the point of this
episode.
The point of this episode isabout the comparison, the act of
(08:59):
comparing and how to do it in apositive way and how to stop, do
it.
Stop doing it in a negative way.
So again, this is sort of how weare taught, how we are trained,
we're conditioned, our brain isconditioned to look at what is
the, what's that average, what'sthat standard and how do I
compare, how do my clientscompare?
(09:21):
So.
All of those are ways and arereasons why it happens are
reasons how it can be useful,right?
Because if we didn't have, inmany cases, you know, if we
didn't have those standardscores, if we didn't have that
comparison, we would be, itcould be more challenging for us
(09:41):
to advocate and get the servicesthat we know and believe our
clients need.
Now, here's the flip side.
Would you ever just base yourclinical decisions purely on
standard scores on an assessmentand discount or ignore all of
(10:05):
the other data, formal andinformal that you have?
I hope that the answer is no.
I hope that the answer is nobecause we know as SLPs that the
objective data, the formal data,the numbers are one piece of the
(10:28):
puzzle.
One piece of the puzzle.
So if it's true for our clients,if that is true, then how can
that be true for us asindividuals, as humans?
Okay.
Keep that in the back of yourmind, because if you are
somebody who is constantlycomparing, we need to start
(10:48):
unlearning this skill.
We need to start broadening yourhorizons and broadening your
variables that you look at whenyou are comparing.
Okay, so let me talk about someof the ways to build on that.
Some of the ways.
(11:10):
Comparison is incrediblyharmful.
Okay.
How comparison can be harmful,number one is that comparison
does not give you anyinformation about you.
It only gives you informationabout somebody else and our
(11:33):
brain.
However, we'll take thatinformation in and run it
through a filter and apply it toourselves.
So it's almost like we'recomparing apples to oranges,
right?
We're not comparing apples toapples.
This person who you are sizingyourself up against, this person
has very different circumstancesthan you do.
(11:56):
Sure.
There may be some similarities.
You might work in the samesetting.
You might both be, I don't know,have a similar caseload.
You might both be moms.
I don't know.
There are for sure similarities,but there are also lots of
differences and you can't alwayssee them.
You don't always know what theyare.
So if you're compar, if you'recomparing yourself and your
(12:20):
first, second, third chapter ofyour story to somebody else and
their fifth, sixth, seventhchapter.
Of their story.
That's not a fair comparison.
It's just not okay.
That's what we need to startrecognizing now, when you see
(12:46):
what somebody quote unquote has.
Or has achieved or accomplished,and you are measuring it up to
yourself because again, yourbrain's gonna do this.
I wanna give you some tangiblestrategies, some tactical tips
that you can take with you tohelp you start to reframe this
(13:08):
and to get to a point whereyou're, if you are comparing,
you're doing it in a positiveand productive way.
Okay, so.
Few coaching questions for you.
Number one, when you are findingyourself in that comparison
loop, ask yourself what exactlydo I think that they have that I
(13:34):
don't have?
Like let's get to the, let'sactually look at it.
Let's actually bring it up intothe light.
Examine it.
Be curious about it.
What is it?
What is it that your brain istelling you that they have that
you don't?
(13:55):
So it could be.
Something like, well, um, theyhave incredible work ethic, and
I don't, they're they're willingand able to get here on time
every single day and stay lateand get their work done, and
they focus on their work.
And I'm distracted.
(14:15):
I don't have that work ethic.
I'm lazy.
I am, fill in the blanks.
Well, is that really true?
Second.
When you're in this comparisontrap, let's just start, wait.
(14:36):
I know this is number two, butlet's just like take a step back
and ask ourselves, do I evenwant that?
Do I even want that thing?
Like I see that this person hasa private practice and a full
caseload and she's hiring andshe's got an office and she's
(14:59):
got, you know, the populationthat I like and she's got this,
that, and the other.
Right?
And you're comparing what shehas and what she's done to what
you have.
Do you actually want that?
Just because your brain startscomparing and noticing it and
comparing doesn't mean that youactually want that.
(15:22):
So that's really, reallyimportant to get clarity on
because if you take nothing elseaway from this episode, let it
be this, do not chase a resultor a dream or a vision.
(15:44):
That you think you should haveor you should want.
Instead, invest your time insomething that you actually
want.
Something that is meaningful andpurposeful to you, something
that feels right to you.
So I'll give you an example.
(16:05):
I shared this example with acoaching client the other day
when I first started my privatepractice.
I first started out of my homeand I always worked with kids
with hearing loss, and it wasjust me.
And I actually found, I wascleaning out my inbox the other
day and I found an email.
To my husband.
He was not my husband at thetime, but it was several years.
(16:28):
It was like right as I wasstarting the practice, but I
hadn't actually, it wasn'tactually operating at that
point, and it talked about myvision of.
Having a full-time, workingfull-time in my practice, and
then eventually havingemployees, having SLPs that
worked for me and having amultidisciplinary team.
(16:49):
And we all were experts inhearing loss and we all serve
children who were deaf and hardof hearing and worked with their
families, and that was myvision.
And I wanted to be a resourceand a hub for families in my
area who had kids with hearingloss.
And I.
I wanted it.
I believed in it.
(17:10):
I was passionate about it, but Inever actually created it
because as I got going and life,you know, happened and, and I
learned and I grew and changed.
Right.
I realized that that was nolonger what I actually wanted.
(17:32):
Yeah, I might have wanted thatat one point, but I don't want
that now.
And so you have to make surethat what you are comparing
yourself to is something thatactually makes sense for you,
and it's something that youactually want.
And also think about this, theresult that that they have, what
(17:55):
is it costing them and are theyactually happy?
Now we don't need to getinvolved.
Like we, you don't need to getinvolved even internally in
somebody else's thinking,somebody else's circumstances.
So please like do this withrestraint, but just keep in mind
that just because you seesomething that somebody else has
(18:18):
doesn't mean that it came, they,they got it, or that they earned
it in a way that you arewilling.
Or able to create it.
We all have different values.
We all have different needs.
So if somebody really valuescalm and quiet and independence,
(18:46):
um, autonomy.
Me, me having a private practicewith lots of employees and lots
of moving parts is probably not.
The right, the right vision, theright fit for that person.
So you have to really look atlike, what is it costing them to
(19:07):
do that?
Yeah.
Maybe they're all caught up ontheir documentation, but what
are they doing to get there?
Like, are they doing it in a waythat you've, that aligns with
you and your work ethic and yourcircumstances, or are they
operating on.
You know, next to no sleep and abunch of caffeine and never
(19:28):
having any time or breaks to doanything else, right?
Like what is it costing them?
And there is no right or wronganswer here, by the way.
I truly, I don't, I'm not tryingto judge or like has judgment or
shame or anything.
About what somebody else hasachieved or created.
(19:48):
I just want you to recognizethat everything comes at a cost.
Truly everything comes at acost, not just a financial cost.
I'm not talking about financeshere, although that can be part
of it.
Everything comes at a cost.
So you need to figure out is ita cost?
Are those costs costs thatyou're willing to pay, right?
(20:10):
Like are you willing to put thatout?
Only you can decide that.
Okay.
And then the last thing thatI'll offer in terms of
comparison is this.
I told you it's human.
I told you it's normal, right?
So if this thought helps you,great, take it.
And if not, that's fine too.
But one thing that has helped meis recognizing that comparison
(20:35):
is an equalizer.
What do I mean by that?
Comparison is an equalizer.
Sounds pretty counterintuitive.
Sounds like an oxymoron.
What I mean by that is thateverybody does it and the people
that you are comparing yourselfto are sure as SHIT comparing
(20:58):
themselves to somebody else,they are looking at other
people.
The things that they havecreated or the things that they
have achieved, and wondering whythey can't have that, why
they're falling short, whyaren't they measuring up?
Everybody's doing it.
Everybody's comparing themselvesto somebody else.
But if we would pause and try toredirect our energy from the
(21:21):
comparison to the vision andthe, the focus, right?
And to the, the thing that wewant to creating the thing that
we want.
It would be so much happier.
We'd be so much more peacefuland fulfilled.
Just because somebody else hassomething doesn't mean that's
something that you want foryourself, but we're all doing
(21:44):
it, trust me.
Right, and I gave the examplewith my client.
I gave you the example withmoms.
So I have, I have, my kids arefour.
I have, my kids are not four, Ihave four kids four years apart
and they're in elementaryschool.
And so life is, you know, rightnow in a season of life, it's,
it's busy, it's hectic.
And there are times when I amlooking around at.
(22:08):
Obviously I'm a coach and I runmy own coaching business, and
I'm looking around at coacheswho have had their business up
and running for, you know,similar lengths of time, and I'm
seeing in my mind, like lookingat their caseloads, looking at
what they're doing at theirposts, at their emails, at their
podcasts, and thinking, oh mygosh.
Like, oh, should I, I want thatright.
(22:29):
Do I wait?
Why haven't I done that?
Look at what they're doing.
Meanwhile.
I am at the book fair, rightthis past Tuesday.
I was able to take time out ofmy day to go to volunteer at the
book fair for my daughter and bethere for her, and there was
nowhere else.
I would rather be like, that'swhat matters to me right now is
(22:51):
to be able to do that.
Someone else who's working fulltime or has this practice that
is hustling and bustling andbooming, might be looking at me.
At the book Fair Thinking, God,I wish I could do that right?
And it's not that one is rightor the other is wrong.
Please hear this right.
It's not that one is right andone is wrong.
(23:12):
It's about what's right for you.
Okay?
I hope that this was helpful.
I.
And make sure if you are not inthe SLP support group on
Facebook, you pop in therebecause this is the topic that
I'm gonna be covering this weekin the group, in posts and a
Facebook Live.
So you're gonna wanna get inthere.
Let me know how I can supportyou in the group.
(23:33):
As always, hope you have a greatweek.
I'll talk to y'all next time.
Hello podcast listeners.
Welcome back to the show.
I'm recording this episode.
It's only the second time I'mrecording using this new
internal podcasting system thatI've come up with and.
So there may be some hiccups,there may be some changes in the
quality.
There may be, I don't know, somemistakes and you'll be here to
(00:29):
hear them.
But today I am talking aboutcomparison.
The comparison trap, right?
So if any of you who arelistening have ever found
yourself looking at.
People around you at what theyhave, at what they do, at how
(00:53):
they behave, and you compareyourself to them and you think
that everybody else has got ittogether, they are further
along.
Why can't I just be like them?
What do they have that I can'tfigure out?
Then this episode is for you.
(01:16):
Okay?
Because let's be honest,everybody at some point in their
life has felt this way.
And I wanna give you a, I think,a little bit of a perspective
shift on not just, I wanna talkabout why this happens, but I
wanna talk about how it canpotentially be useful.
(01:41):
But how overwhelmingly unusefulit is.
Is that even a word?
Right?
How dare I say harmful?
This can be so like.
Anything else?
There's nothing that's, youknow, it's not all good.
It's not all bad.
There's a lot of gray area, butI want to give you some
productive ways to compare andthen help you to get rid of the
(02:07):
unproductive ways that you arecomparing.
Okay?
So.
If you are someone who questionstheir progress, if you've been
questioning your progress andhow it is in relation to the
people around you, this one'sfor you If you are.
Creating your private practiceand looking around at other
(02:28):
people that are creating theirprivate practice or have created
their private practice, andyou're trying to size up like
how far along you are versus howfar along they are.
This is for you.
If you're sitting there writingsession notes and you are
drained and exhausted andstressed, but you look around
and you don't see anyone elsewho looks drained, exhausted,
(02:50):
stressed, this one is for you.
All right.
So have you ever heard of thoseexpressions?
There's two that I hear thatlike float around in my brain,
rent free.
One is that comparison is thethief of joy, and then the other
one is just this phrase, compareand despair and.
(03:16):
I also want you to know that itis completely human and normal
to do this.
We, our brains do this and theydo this in a lot of ways.
They, it comes from a goodplace.
Our mind is doing this for goodreason.
We're trying to keep ourselvessafe.
We're trying to figure out if weare, you know.
(03:38):
Part of that like pack, right?
If you think back to like theprimitive world and the
primitive brain and how early onthat the brain was used to keep
us safe, it was to protectpeople, to protect you and to
keep you in that pack as amember of that pack.
Because if you didn't, youwouldn't survive.
(04:00):
And obviously things haveadvanced tremendously, but our
brain is still gonna brain, andso I want you to know that there
is nothing that has gone wrong.
It's completely human and normalto compare.
I do it.
My brain does it naturally.
I just have to catch it.
I'm now because of coaching, somuch more aware of when it
(04:23):
happens.
When it's happening, I can catchit, I can catch it quicker, so
it's not even happening as muchas it used to.
And it's just been this sort oflike release of pressure and
expectations and it helps me tonot only hit my goals, but it
helps me to feel better in theprocess.
(04:45):
And for me, that's what.
The goals are all about, isfeeling good in the process, is
feeling overall happy andcontent with my life.
Obviously, not every minute ofevery day, but net positive,
right?
I want you to recognize thatcomparison is in many ways
(05:10):
useful comparison.
Can be useful.
So I just talked about like whyit happens and how it was born
out of basically protection andsafety.
But even now, it is possiblethat you can compare yourself to
somebody else or to somebodyelse's achievements or results
(05:33):
and do that in a productive way.
The problem is that it takesconscious.
Effort to do it in a productiveway.
If we let our minds just do whatour minds are gonna do, then we
will not productively compare.
We will just compare to shameourselves, should on ourselves,
(05:56):
put ourselves down.
But it is possible to look atwhat is this thing that somebody
has?
What is this result thatsomebody has created or
achieved, and how did they getthat?
The comparison is coming from aplace of productivity.
It's coming from a place of,okay, I wanna create that.
(06:21):
I see something that I like.
I see something that I want andI want that for myself.
So how can I get it?
Comparison can also be helpfulbecause it can show you
possibility.
There's so many times where wetell ourselves that what we want
is not possible, but then if weopen up our eyes and we're
(06:46):
looking around, we may seepeople around us who have the
thing that they want, that wewant, the thing that, that we're
trying to create, they have it,and so if they have it.
Why can't you have it?
Right?
And that we're asking that in,not in a rhetorical way.
We're asking in like, why?
Like, why can't you tell me allthe reasons why you can't and
(07:09):
let's debunk them?
Tell me all the reasons why youcan and let's amplify them.
So if you're looking around andseeing what's possible, and
you're comparing to see what'spossible.
That's a useful way to compare.
And again, this is just not theway that we naturally do it.
(07:31):
So you, it takes effort.
It takes intention to do it thisway.
Okay.
And when we are comparing, okay.
It is also useful because it canhelp us figure out, it can be
used as sort of like a check-inor an audit for where we're at
(07:52):
right now.
How we feel about that.
Like how happy am I with thelife that I've created right
now?
What about it is working?
What about it isn't working?
Sometimes you don't even knowlike where you, what your
feelings are, what your thoughtsare about it, until you kind of
can see.
(08:15):
What the other possibilitiesare.
And think about it this way too,as SLPs, most of us are trained
like we, we are trained to dothis.
This is what we are trained todo in our clinical work, for
better or for worse.
And I'm not going down thatrabbit hole right now.
But for better or for worse, weare.
Historically have been taught,have been trained to, okay, what
(08:37):
does the data show?
Look at the data, look at thebell curve, look at the standard
score.
What's the standard deviation?
How do these results compare tothe norm?
Right now, I, again, I'm notgonna go down that rabbit hole.
I have thoughts about that and,but that's not the point of this
episode.
The point of this episode isabout the comparison, the act of
(08:59):
comparing and how to do it in apositive way and how to stop, do
it.
Stop doing it in a negative way.
So again, this is sort of how weare taught, how we are trained,
we're conditioned, our brain isconditioned to look at what is
the, what's that average, what'sthat standard and how do I
compare, how do my clientscompare?
(09:21):
So.
All of those are ways and arereasons why it happens are
reasons how it can be useful,right?
Because if we didn't have, inmany cases, you know, if we
didn't have those standardscores, if we didn't have that
comparison, we would be, itcould be more challenging for us
(09:41):
to advocate and get the servicesthat we know and believe our
clients need.
Now, here's the flip side.
Would you ever just base yourclinical decisions purely on
standard scores on an assessmentand discount or ignore all of
(10:05):
the other data, formal andinformal that you have?
I hope that the answer is no.
I hope that the answer is nobecause we know as SLPs that the
objective data, the formal data,the numbers are one piece of the
(10:28):
puzzle.
One piece of the puzzle.
So if it's true for our clients,if that is true, then how can
that be true for us asindividuals, as humans?
Okay.
Keep that in the back of yourmind, because if you are
somebody who is constantlycomparing, we need to start
(10:48):
unlearning this skill.
We need to start broadening yourhorizons and broadening your
variables that you look at whenyou are comparing.
Okay, so let me talk about someof the ways to build on that.
Some of the ways.
(11:10):
Comparison is incrediblyharmful.
Okay.
How comparison can be harmful,number one is that comparison
does not give you anyinformation about you.
It only gives you informationabout somebody else and our
(11:33):
brain.
However, we'll take thatinformation in and run it
through a filter and apply it toourselves.
So it's almost like we'recomparing apples to oranges,
right?
We're not comparing apples toapples.
This person who you are sizingyourself up against, this person
has very different circumstancesthan you do.
(11:56):
Sure.
There may be some similarities.
You might work in the samesetting.
You might both be, I don't know,have a similar caseload.
You might both be moms.
I don't know.
There are for sure similarities,but there are also lots of
differences and you can't alwayssee them.
You don't always know what theyare.
So if you're compar, if you'recomparing yourself and your
(12:20):
first, second, third chapter ofyour story to somebody else and
their fifth, sixth, seventhchapter.
Of their story.
That's not a fair comparison.
It's just not okay.
That's what we need to startrecognizing now, when you see
(12:46):
what somebody quote unquote has.
Or has achieved or accomplished,and you are measuring it up to
yourself because again, yourbrain's gonna do this.
I wanna give you some tangiblestrategies, some tactical tips
that you can take with you tohelp you start to reframe this
(13:08):
and to get to a point whereyou're, if you are comparing,
you're doing it in a positiveand productive way.
Okay, so.
Few coaching questions for you.
Number one, when you are findingyourself in that comparison
loop, ask yourself what exactlydo I think that they have that I
(13:34):
don't have?
Like let's get to the, let'sactually look at it.
Let's actually bring it up intothe light.
Examine it.
Be curious about it.
What is it?
What is it that your brain istelling you that they have that
you don't?
(13:55):
So it could be.
Something like, well, um, theyhave incredible work ethic, and
I don't, they're they're willingand able to get here on time
every single day and stay lateand get their work done, and
they focus on their work.
And I'm distracted.
(14:15):
I don't have that work ethic.
I'm lazy.
I am, fill in the blanks.
Well, is that really true?
Second.
When you're in this comparisontrap, let's just start, wait.
(14:36):
I know this is number two, butlet's just like take a step back
and ask ourselves, do I evenwant that?
Do I even want that thing?
Like I see that this person hasa private practice and a full
caseload and she's hiring andshe's got an office and she's
(14:59):
got, you know, the populationthat I like and she's got this,
that, and the other.
Right?
And you're comparing what shehas and what she's done to what
you have.
Do you actually want that?
Just because your brain startscomparing and noticing it and
comparing doesn't mean that youactually want that.
(15:22):
So that's really, reallyimportant to get clarity on
because if you take nothing elseaway from this episode, let it
be this, do not chase a resultor a dream or a vision.
(15:44):
That you think you should haveor you should want.
Instead, invest your time insomething that you actually
want.
Something that is meaningful andpurposeful to you, something
that feels right to you.
So I'll give you an example.
(16:05):
I shared this example with acoaching client the other day
when I first started my privatepractice.
I first started out of my homeand I always worked with kids
with hearing loss, and it wasjust me.
And I actually found, I wascleaning out my inbox the other
day and I found an email.
To my husband.
He was not my husband at thetime, but it was several years.
(16:28):
It was like right as I wasstarting the practice, but I
hadn't actually, it wasn'tactually operating at that
point, and it talked about myvision of.
Having a full-time, workingfull-time in my practice, and
then eventually havingemployees, having SLPs that
worked for me and having amultidisciplinary team.
(16:49):
And we all were experts inhearing loss and we all serve
children who were deaf and hardof hearing and worked with their
families, and that was myvision.
And I wanted to be a resourceand a hub for families in my
area who had kids with hearingloss.
And I.
I wanted it.
I believed in it.
(17:10):
I was passionate about it, but Inever actually created it
because as I got going and life,you know, happened and, and I
learned and I grew and changed.
Right.
I realized that that was nolonger what I actually wanted.
(17:32):
Yeah, I might have wanted thatat one point, but I don't want
that now.
And so you have to make surethat what you are comparing
yourself to is something thatactually makes sense for you,
and it's something that youactually want.
And also think about this, theresult that that they have, what
(17:55):
is it costing them and are theyactually happy?
Now we don't need to getinvolved.
Like we, you don't need to getinvolved even internally in
somebody else's thinking,somebody else's circumstances.
So please like do this withrestraint, but just keep in mind
that just because you seesomething that somebody else has
(18:18):
doesn't mean that it came, they,they got it, or that they earned
it in a way that you arewilling.
Or able to create it.
We all have different values.
We all have different needs.
So if somebody really valuescalm and quiet and independence,
(18:46):
um, autonomy.
Me, me having a private practicewith lots of employees and lots
of moving parts is probably not.
The right, the right vision, theright fit for that person.
So you have to really look atlike, what is it costing them to
(19:07):
do that?
Yeah.
Maybe they're all caught up ontheir documentation, but what
are they doing to get there?
Like, are they doing it in a waythat you've, that aligns with
you and your work ethic and yourcircumstances, or are they
operating on.
You know, next to no sleep and abunch of caffeine and never
(19:28):
having any time or breaks to doanything else, right?
Like what is it costing them?
And there is no right or wronganswer here, by the way.
I truly, I don't, I'm not tryingto judge or like has judgment or
shame or anything.
About what somebody else hasachieved or created.
(19:48):
I just want you to recognizethat everything comes at a cost.
Truly everything comes at acost, not just a financial cost.
I'm not talking about financeshere, although that can be part
of it.
Everything comes at a cost.
So you need to figure out is ita cost?
Are those costs costs thatyou're willing to pay, right?
(20:10):
Like are you willing to put thatout?
Only you can decide that.
Okay.
And then the last thing thatI'll offer in terms of
comparison is this.
I told you it's human.
I told you it's normal, right?
So if this thought helps you,great, take it.
And if not, that's fine too.
But one thing that has helped meis recognizing that comparison
(20:35):
is an equalizer.
What do I mean by that?
Comparison is an equalizer.
Sounds pretty counterintuitive.
Sounds like an oxymoron.
What I mean by that is thateverybody does it and the people
that you are comparing yourselfto are sure as SHIT comparing
(20:58):
themselves to somebody else,they are looking at other
people.
The things that they havecreated or the things that they
have achieved, and wondering whythey can't have that, why
they're falling short, whyaren't they measuring up?
Everybody's doing it.
Everybody's comparing themselvesto somebody else.
But if we would pause and try toredirect our energy from the
(21:21):
comparison to the vision andthe, the focus, right?
And to the, the thing that wewant to creating the thing that
we want.
It would be so much happier.
We'd be so much more peacefuland fulfilled.
Just because somebody else hassomething doesn't mean that's
something that you want foryourself, but we're all doing
(21:44):
it, trust me.
Right, and I gave the examplewith my client.
I gave you the example withmoms.
So I have, I have, my kids arefour.
I have, my kids are not four, Ihave four kids four years apart
and they're in elementaryschool.
And so life is, you know, rightnow in a season of life, it's,
it's busy, it's hectic.
And there are times when I amlooking around at.
(22:08):
Obviously I'm a coach and I runmy own coaching business, and
I'm looking around at coacheswho have had their business up
and running for, you know,similar lengths of time, and I'm
seeing in my mind, like lookingat their caseloads, looking at
what they're doing at theirposts, at their emails, at their
podcasts, and thinking, oh mygosh.
Like, oh, should I, I want thatright.
(22:29):
Do I wait?
Why haven't I done that?
Look at what they're doing.
Meanwhile.
I am at the book fair, rightthis past Tuesday.
I was able to take time out ofmy day to go to volunteer at the
book fair for my daughter and bethere for her, and there was
nowhere else.
I would rather be like, that'swhat matters to me right now is
(22:51):
to be able to do that.
Someone else who's working fulltime or has this practice that
is hustling and bustling andbooming, might be looking at me.
At the book Fair Thinking, God,I wish I could do that right?
And it's not that one is rightor the other is wrong.
Please hear this right.
It's not that one is right andone is wrong.
(23:12):
It's about what's right for you.
Okay?
I hope that this was helpful.
I.
And make sure if you are not inthe SLP support group on
Facebook, you pop in therebecause this is the topic that
I'm gonna be covering this weekin the group, in posts and a
Facebook Live.
So you're gonna wanna get inthere.
Let me know how I can supportyou in the group.
(23:33):
As always, hope you have a greatweek.
I'll talk to y'all next time.
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