March 22, 2023 • 16 mins
If you think that your husband is so frustrating, this episode might just have you rethinking what’s really on your mind. When finding our way through challenging growth, it’s easy to use our loved ones as a scapegoat. You’ve got the way, if this is the obstacle.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to the You Are Techie podcast,
episode number 164.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Welcome to the You Are Techie podcast, where it's
all about growing in your techso you can find the tech job of
your dreams.
And now your host technologylearning coach, Ellen Tomi.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Hey moms, are you trying to break into tech?
Are you wondering what skillsyou really need to get hired and
how those skills can be worth$45an hour instead of the$25 an
hour you thought when you firststarted thinking about going
back to work?
If so, then the Your techiemembership is for you.
Our combination of courses,coaching and community come with
(00:49):
the mentor support you need tokeep moving forward in your tech
career.
It's like no other membershipprogram available.
We have the exact skillsemployers are looking for.
You'll learn how to maximizeyour income with portfolio ready
skills that hiring managers areseeking.
Not to mention the steps you canskip so you don't find yourself
down that endless tech learningrabbit hole.
(01:09):
Join me as I walk you step bystep through the getting hired
process and tech signup@uteche.com.
That's Y O U A R E T E C H y.com.
I can't wait to see you in ourmembership.
Welcome to the show.
Today we're talking about how tostop yelling at your husband
(01:31):
that is reflecting the title ofthe show.
Stop yelling at Your Husband.
So I assume that because you'relistening to this, maybe you're
someone who's yelled at theirhusband before, but this is
going to go a little bit deeper.
I know I certainly am one ofthose people.
Okay, so I have made acommitment to stop yelling and
(01:52):
I've only broken it like acouple of times.
And so that process, like thatwas a true deep process for me.
I was definitely a yeller.
You know, I come from a court,there's no excuse really, but
the, you know, my background andcoming from sports, coming from
the home environment, those arethings that were kind of just
normal and natural.
(02:12):
And what I found is it reallywas painful, especially to Kevin
and to my oldest daughter.
Like to me, that wasn't reallythat big of a deal.
If somebody yells at me, I waskind of used to it.
So I had to work through thatprocess.
All that to say I've come tolearn a lot when I think about
(02:34):
what I used to yell about andwhy I used to yell and I feel
like it's really relevantinformation, maybe the most
helpful information I can sharewith you.
So I wanna be, you know, that'sa pretty raw thing to share with
you.
Obviously no one, I can't standhere and say I'm proud of that
behavior.
(02:54):
It's definitely behavior thatlooking back has been
detrimental.
So it hurts.
It's really hard.
But I wanna go there because youare likely not as big of a
yeller as me.
Like I, I'll be, I'd besurprised,, you know, if
there was any of you out there,maybe a few, but most of you
probably yell less than me.
But when you feel theinclination to yell, I wanna
(03:15):
just go there and teach you whatthat says about you.
Okay?
And it doesn't say that you're ahorrible person.
It doesn't say that you're anawful mom.
It doesn't say that you don'tlove your husband.
None of those are true.
But what it doesn't say is thatthere is a pain in your life
that you need to address.
(03:38):
If your brain just went to,yeah, his name is whatever your
husband's name is, and he needsto change, I feel you.
But that's not what I mean.
What that means is that there'ssomething in your life that you
are very frustrated about.
That is the learning that youneed.
It is the gift in your life.
(04:01):
So I wanna give you a reallygreat example.
And it's not mind blowing ordifficult or different.
So many of you are learningtech, you're at home, you're,
you know, you're self-paced.
You're doing it on your ownunless you like cut off your
life and go to a bootcamp, whichI get why a lot of people do
that.
It's like, I can't get out ofthis fog that I'm in, so I'm
gonna do that.
But many, for many of us, that'sjust like impossible.
(04:23):
It's, well, if my kids need toget to school, that gun doesn't
work for me.
And maybe there are ways aroundthat.
Maybe you have the help that youneed, that's great.
But for many of us, that'stricky.
So I wanna give you an example.
So the chummy have had someillness in our household and
it's just been kind of tricky.
And so I just got off the, allthe kids off to school.
And honestly, I don't do thatmost days.
Most of the days Kevin ishelping me.
Only when he travels, he does ita lot.
(04:45):
You know, the fact that I got,and I only had to get four, cuz
one is still sick, but onlyfour.
So I got all the kids off andthen I come into the house and
the dishwasher is not unloaded.
And you know what?
Of course it's not unloaded.
We are sick.
Kevin is sick.
We are not feeling well.
We are behind.
It's not happened, okay?
But it does harken back to thistime where I'm like, I've had to
(05:07):
make that choice.
Like do I unload the dishwasheror do I get straight to work and
I'm really angry that I have toget to work or that I have to do
the dishes.
Whatever the choices that Imade, I'm really angry about it.
But why am I angry?
So angry?
I'm gonna yell and maybe I'mgonna yell then, or maybe I'm
gonna get later, but it doesn'treally matter.
But I think that the dishwasherand dishes are a great example
because some of you tell me,you're like, I just can't stand
(05:29):
to have the house dirty or notupdated or not clean, right?
Not kept up.
And I say to you, guess what?
When you're doing something hardin your life and you're
transitioning, you're thinkingthat your house is gonna look
perfect, every day is not goingto happen.
And it would also submit to youthat many of your husbands are
not going to step in and do thework until it seemed a little
(05:49):
out of control.
And so that is the work that youhave to do.
So, yeah, I mean, I wrote a blogon this a long time ago too, and
it's like, keep your playroommessy.
And I mean, it's really funnyyou guys, because my parents, I
think my mom read it and theywould always joke in high school
that my room was a mess.
I think compared to my kids, myroom is not that bad.
But the point is so fine, I'mnot your example for clean.
(06:11):
But my point is that thinkingyou can keep everything neat and
orderly and perfect and thateverything is going to, as
you're transitioning into tech,which is super hard.
Like I don't think people giveit.
It's like, oh, I'll just try it.
No, you can't try it.
It has to be a decision.
And you're just changing yourlife.
(06:32):
It's not just a new job, it's atotally different transition.
So whether you have, you were intech a long time ago or you were
in sort of tech, but you'retrying to level up into that six
figure range, it's a huge, hugetransition.
Even if you're just trying tobreak in and then level up, that
six figure trajectory is hard.
You're gonna have to work like asix figure earner before you
make that amount.
You have to prove that you arethat person before.
(06:54):
Okay?
What does this have to do withyelling at your husband?
The point is that if you feellike you have to yell at your
husband because he maybe didn'tdo the dishes or maybe didn't
pitch in, I want you to justtake a minute.
You are going to have to allowmore pain on his side than you
experience.
Because if you are the personwho's been doing it now, if your
(07:16):
husband already does the dishes,just substitute whatever you do,
okay?
Whatever the thing is, he'sgonna have to physically see how
behind you are or how hard itis.
And you have to not judgeyourself and not call yourself a
failure and not think thatyou're a failure because you're
spending time on the priority,which is getting your work done.
(07:36):
So when people say to me, I onlyhave, I mean, I do say try to
start off for 25 minutes, but Ionly have 25 minutes.
I doubt it.
I bet you can find an hour.
I bet you can find two everynight until you break into tech.
It's worth it.
It's an investment of your time.
But other things are gonna fallby the wayside.
So when they do accept it andit's not his fault, and don't
(07:57):
yell at him.
And that's a gift.
That's a gift to think that whatyou would have been frustrated
with him before.
It's really just that you aremaking a decision.
And that's going to feel like astruggle.
It's going to feel like astruggle because you have this
one identity that a good momdoes, X, Y, Z, a good wife does
(08:18):
X, Y, Z because you're whateveryou're already doing.
Maybe you have to give upreading leisure books.
Maybe you have to give upwatching tv.
Maybe you have to reduce yourworkout time, I hope.
Or it is that you think youneed, maybe you have to reduce
your shower time.
Gross.
But I mean, you know, I don'ttake quick showers,, so,
so maybe you can reduce that.
(08:39):
Maybe you wash your hair everyother day.
Some of you're like, that's whatI do anyway, Ellen, that's how
you maintain good hair.
I don't know how to do it.
Kate takes care of my hair, shehelps me out.
So really when you want to yell,here's what I recommend.
There's nothing easy about this,but I do feel like it is the
most important thing that youcan understand this concept.
(09:01):
So I'm kind of, I'm kind ofobsessing over the obstacle as
the way by Marcus Aurelius, thatconcept right now.
So you're probably gonna hear mesay that again and again.
But this obstacle, thisfrustration, this pain, this I
wanna yell is the way, it is thesolution.
So don't avoid it, just stop.
If he's physically there, stepaway.
Just say, need a minute, take afew deep breaths and then feel
(09:25):
the frustration.
Now ask yourself this question.
Why am I really mad?
Why am I really frustrated?
What am I actually frustratedabout?
Is it the dishes?
Because they can be done at 6:00AM or 9:00 AM or 5:00 PM and you
can still be a good mom.
(09:47):
It's not the end of the world.
But this learning, thisfrustration is, and this is why
transitioning into tech anddoing something so, or any big
transition, call it, call itchanging careers, call it
(10:07):
starting a company, whateveryour big transition is, you are
going to have to grow as aperson.
And that literally means feelinguncomfortable, usually
frustrated, usually sometimesangry.
And if you can learn thatemotion is a gift free, that is
(10:28):
a gift.
That obstacle is the way togrowth.
Where you have to learn, I amgoing to choose to go do my work
and allow the dishes to not bedone.
I'm going to choose to do mywork.
And here in lies a little bit ofmy challenge that I've been
(10:48):
having in this kind of remoteworkforce thing.
So when I started Euro techy, I,I assumed that everybody would
want remote work.
And they did not.
They did not.
Most of my, it was like 50 50.
Half my students did, half mystudents didn't.
And it was funny for me becauseI always wanted remote work.
Oh, I just wanted remote work.
And most of that is because ofefficiency.
(11:10):
, I knew that I could, Iknew how efficient I could be
and how I could, you know, mykids had naps and I could get
work done then.
And I just knew my routine.
And I knew that if I was justallowed to do my routine, I
could get an amazing amount ofwork done.
And I can, it's true.
But after C O V and theneveryone being home, and then I
was home for all these years, I,it actually sent me into a
(11:31):
depression.
So I suffered postpartumdepression after Gwen, and it
was so painful.
And I was like, what is theproblem?
And it's a little funny andannoying.
So talk about my husband, heknew, he's like, you need to
talk to more people.
You are an extrovert.
I mean, it was likegroundbreaking, right?
But I didn't wanna work fromhome anymore.
I did not wanna work from homeanymore.
(11:53):
And some of you're like, whatdoes this have to do with
anything?
So now I work at a co-workingspace and even if I didn't, I
just get out a lot more and talkto a lot more people and it
works better for me.
I don't think that being anintrovert or an extrovert is
absolutely the thing that youneed to work from home or work
in an office.
I understand the complexitiesthat are involved.
Like it's so much harder to getout the door to go to an office,
(12:17):
like to get myself ready andthen to get the kids ready,
mostly Gwen.
Cuz the other kids getthemselves ready, right?
Like getting her ready andpacking her lunch and all.
That's super hard to get out thedoor.
I know that.
But in some ways it's easier tobe in a space where everyone is
working and everyone is focusedon the same thing.
And I don't have to ignore thedishes cuz I couldn't do them
(12:37):
even physically if I wanted to.
So I do wanna submit in thislike everybody wants to work
from home type of environment.
Now I feel like all my studentsare like, oh, I wanna work from
home or work from home.
I want you to consider that whenyou go into the office, these,
and those are people who go intoan office every day.
We're like, Hey, don't worryabout the dishes.
They're done in the morning orthey're done in the evening.
I don't ever think about it.
(12:57):
But those of you who wanna workremotely, you have to identify
that you have to overcome a lotof household noise in order to
focus on your work.
And I'm not saying that youshouldn't do it, but I do think
that if you just ignore that andtry to pretend like that isn't
something that you have toovercome, that is going to be
hard.
So yes, it's hard to get out thedoor and it's hard to stay
(13:20):
focused when you are at home.
So consider that.
Spend a few minutes, 10, 20minutes journaling the hard that
you are willing to accept.
And maybe you are one of thosepeople who, it would just be
better if you were in an officeand you weren't even thinking
about the dishes.
(13:40):
And a lot of times I know thatmany of you don't wanna go into
an office because you wanna beable to pick your kids up from
school, come back, take a call,not worry about it.
But I would submit that you aregoing to have that conversation
with your employer regardless.
So maybe your employers finewith that, maybe they're fine
with you working 30 hours, maybethey're fine with you working 30
(14:00):
during the workday and 10 atnight, or the setup ends.
So you are going to get to knowthese people that you work with.
I know they feel like strangersnow, but you're going to want to
build that relationship withthem.
And the way that you do that islook at your frustrations again
with the dishwasher.
Look at what you are reallyfearful of, right?
(14:24):
So when you're fearful of thedishwasher not being done and
you're yelling at your husbandbecause he didn't help you with
it, what are you really fearfulof?
It could be that you're not agood mom.
It could be that you'll neverhave enough time to do what you
need to do.
Whatever it is, dig into thatbecause that is the answer and
you probably never will haveenough time to do everything you
(14:46):
wanna do.
So what you need to learn arepriorities.
What are the priorities that youcan accept in your life?
And what can you let go of eventemporarily, maybe you say to
him, Hey, for these three monthsI'd like you to do the dishes.
And then after three months,let's revisit and see how far I,
let's see how close I am togetting hired and we'll revisit.
(15:06):
It's gonna be really hard foryou.
It's gonna be really hard forme.
And let's just see where we are.
Let's try to do this really hardthing together.
And then guess what?
He probably won't get it doneevery day because we're human
and no one is perfect.
So then forgive him and forgiveyourself and use that
frustration and anger to dive into yourself and get your growth
(15:29):
instead of yelling.
So stop yelling up your husbandand I'll stop yelling at mine.
Let's do it together, myfriends.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I'll see you next time.
Hey, if you enjoyed listening tothis podcast, you have to sign
up for the UR techie email list.
Imagine being in the tech job ofyour dreams.
Join me to get the strategies,training and neverending support
to get hired.
(15:49):
Sign up@techie.com.
That's why O U A R E T E C Hy.com.
I'll see you start.
You are listening to the You Are Techie podcast,
episode number 164.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Welcome to the You Are Techie podcast, where it's
all about growing in your techso you can find the tech job of
your dreams.
And now your host technologylearning coach, Ellen Tomi.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Hey moms, are you trying to break into tech?
Are you wondering what skillsyou really need to get hired and
how those skills can be worth$45an hour instead of the$25 an
hour you thought when you firststarted thinking about going
back to work?
If so, then the Your techiemembership is for you.
Our combination of courses,coaching and community come with
(00:49):
the mentor support you need tokeep moving forward in your tech
career.
It's like no other membershipprogram available.
We have the exact skillsemployers are looking for.
You'll learn how to maximizeyour income with portfolio ready
skills that hiring managers areseeking.
Not to mention the steps you canskip so you don't find yourself
down that endless tech learningrabbit hole.
(01:09):
Join me as I walk you step bystep through the getting hired
process and tech signup@uteche.com.
That's Y O U A R E T E C H y.com.
I can't wait to see you in ourmembership.
Welcome to the show.
Today we're talking about how tostop yelling at your husband
(01:31):
that is reflecting the title ofthe show.
Stop yelling at Your Husband.
So I assume that because you'relistening to this, maybe you're
someone who's yelled at theirhusband before, but this is
going to go a little bit deeper.
I know I certainly am one ofthose people.
Okay, so I have made acommitment to stop yelling and
(01:52):
I've only broken it like acouple of times.
And so that process, like thatwas a true deep process for me.
I was definitely a yeller.
You know, I come from a court,there's no excuse really, but
the, you know, my background andcoming from sports, coming from
the home environment, those arethings that were kind of just
normal and natural.
(02:12):
And what I found is it reallywas painful, especially to Kevin
and to my oldest daughter.
Like to me, that wasn't reallythat big of a deal.
If somebody yells at me, I waskind of used to it.
So I had to work through thatprocess.
All that to say I've come tolearn a lot when I think about
(02:34):
what I used to yell about andwhy I used to yell and I feel
like it's really relevantinformation, maybe the most
helpful information I can sharewith you.
So I wanna be, you know, that'sa pretty raw thing to share with
you.
Obviously no one, I can't standhere and say I'm proud of that
behavior.
(02:54):
It's definitely behavior thatlooking back has been
detrimental.
So it hurts.
It's really hard.
But I wanna go there because youare likely not as big of a
yeller as me.
Like I, I'll be, I'd besurprised,
there was any of you out there,maybe a few, but most of you
probably yell less than me.
But when you feel theinclination to yell, I wanna
(03:15):
just go there and teach you whatthat says about you.
Okay?
And it doesn't say that you're ahorrible person.
It doesn't say that you're anawful mom.
It doesn't say that you don'tlove your husband.
None of those are true.
But what it doesn't say is thatthere is a pain in your life
that you need to address.
(03:38):
If your brain just went to,yeah, his name is whatever your
husband's name is, and he needsto change
But that's not what I mean.
What that means is that there'ssomething in your life that you
are very frustrated about.
That is the learning that youneed.
It is the gift in your life.
(04:01):
So I wanna give you a reallygreat example.
And it's not mind blowing ordifficult or different.
So many of you are learningtech, you're at home, you're,
you know, you're self-paced.
You're doing it on your ownunless you like cut off your
life and go to a bootcamp, whichI get why a lot of people do
that.
It's like, I can't get out ofthis fog that I'm in, so I'm
gonna do that.
But many, for many of us, that'sjust like impossible.
(04:23):
It's, well, if my kids need toget to school, that gun doesn't
work for me.
And maybe there are ways aroundthat.
Maybe you have the help that youneed, that's great.
But for many of us, that'stricky.
So I wanna give you an example.
So the chummy have had someillness in our household and
it's just been kind of tricky.
And so I just got off the, allthe kids off to school.
And honestly, I don't do thatmost days.
Most of the days Kevin ishelping me.
Only when he travels, he does ita lot.
(04:45):
You know, the fact that I got,and I only had to get four, cuz
one is still sick, but onlyfour.
So I got all the kids off andthen I come into the house and
the dishwasher is not unloaded.
And you know what?
Of course it's not unloaded.
We are sick.
Kevin is sick.
We are not feeling well.
We are behind.
It's not happened, okay?
But it does harken back to thistime where I'm like, I've had to
(05:07):
make that choice.
Like do I unload the dishwasheror do I get straight to work and
I'm really angry that I have toget to work or that I have to do
the dishes.
Whatever the choices that Imade, I'm really angry about it.
But why am I angry?
So angry?
I'm gonna yell and maybe I'mgonna yell then, or maybe I'm
gonna get later, but it doesn'treally matter.
But I think that the dishwasherand dishes are a great example
because some of you tell me,you're like, I just can't stand
(05:29):
to have the house dirty or notupdated or not clean, right?
Not kept up.
And I say to you, guess what?
When you're doing something hardin your life and you're
transitioning, you're thinkingthat your house is gonna look
perfect, every day is not goingto happen.
And it would also submit to youthat many of your husbands are
not going to step in and do thework until it seemed a little
(05:49):
out of control.
And so that is the work that youhave to do.
So, yeah, I mean, I wrote a blogon this a long time ago too, and
it's like, keep your playroommessy.
And I mean, it's really funnyyou guys, because my parents, I
think my mom read it and theywould always joke in high school
that my room was a mess.
I think compared to my kids, myroom is not that bad.
But the point is so fine, I'mnot your example for clean.
(06:11):
But my point is that thinkingyou can keep everything neat and
orderly and perfect and thateverything is going to, as
you're transitioning into tech,which is super hard.
Like I don't think people giveit.
It's like, oh, I'll just try it.
No, you can't try it.
It has to be a decision.
And you're just changing yourlife.
(06:32):
It's not just a new job, it's atotally different transition.
So whether you have, you were intech a long time ago or you were
in sort of tech, but you'retrying to level up into that six
figure range, it's a huge, hugetransition.
Even if you're just trying tobreak in and then level up, that
six figure trajectory is hard.
You're gonna have to work like asix figure earner before you
make that amount.
You have to prove that you arethat person before.
(06:54):
Okay?
What does this have to do withyelling at your husband?
The point is that if you feellike you have to yell at your
husband because he maybe didn'tdo the dishes or maybe didn't
pitch in, I want you to justtake a minute.
You are going to have to allowmore pain on his side than you
experience.
Because if you are the personwho's been doing it now, if your
(07:16):
husband already does the dishes,just substitute whatever you do,
okay?
Whatever the thing is, he'sgonna have to physically see how
behind you are or how hard itis.
And you have to not judgeyourself and not call yourself a
failure and not think thatyou're a failure because you're
spending time on the priority,which is getting your work done.
(07:36):
So when people say to me, I onlyhave, I mean, I do say try to
start off for 25 minutes, but Ionly have 25 minutes.
I doubt it.
I bet you can find an hour.
I bet you can find two everynight until you break into tech.
It's worth it.
It's an investment of your time.
But other things are gonna fallby the wayside.
So when they do accept it andit's not his fault, and don't
(07:57):
yell at him.
And that's a gift.
That's a gift to think that whatyou would have been frustrated
with him before.
It's really just that you aremaking a decision.
And that's going to feel like astruggle.
It's going to feel like astruggle because you have this
one identity that a good momdoes, X, Y, Z, a good wife does
(08:18):
X, Y, Z because you're whateveryou're already doing.
Maybe you have to give upreading leisure books.
Maybe you have to give upwatching tv.
Maybe you have to reduce yourworkout time, I hope.
Or it is that you think youneed, maybe you have to reduce
your shower time.
Gross.
But I mean, you know, I don'ttake quick showers,
so maybe you can reduce that.
(08:39):
Maybe you wash your hair everyother day.
Some of you're like, that's whatI do anyway, Ellen, that's how
you maintain good hair.
I don't know how to do it.
Kate takes care of my hair, shehelps me out.
So really when you want to yell,here's what I recommend.
There's nothing easy about this,but I do feel like it is the
most important thing that youcan understand this concept.
(09:01):
So I'm kind of, I'm kind ofobsessing over the obstacle as
the way by Marcus Aurelius, thatconcept right now.
So you're probably gonna hear mesay that again and again.
But this obstacle, thisfrustration, this pain, this I
wanna yell is the way, it is thesolution.
So don't avoid it, just stop.
If he's physically there, stepaway.
Just say, need a minute, take afew deep breaths and then feel
(09:25):
the frustration.
Now ask yourself this question.
Why am I really mad?
Why am I really frustrated?
What am I actually frustratedabout?
Is it the dishes?
Because they can be done at 6:00AM or 9:00 AM or 5:00 PM and you
can still be a good mom.
(09:47):
It's not the end of the world.
But this learning, thisfrustration is, and this is why
transitioning into tech anddoing something so, or any big
transition, call it, call itchanging careers, call it
(10:07):
starting a company, whateveryour big transition is, you are
going to have to grow as aperson.
And that literally means feelinguncomfortable, usually
frustrated, usually sometimesangry.
And if you can learn thatemotion is a gift free, that is
(10:28):
a gift.
That obstacle is the way togrowth.
Where you have to learn, I amgoing to choose to go do my work
and allow the dishes to not bedone.
I'm going to choose to do mywork.
And here in lies a little bit ofmy challenge that I've been
(10:48):
having in this kind of remoteworkforce thing.
So when I started Euro techy, I,I assumed that everybody would
want remote work.
And they did not.
They did not.
Most of my, it was like 50 50.
Half my students did, half mystudents didn't.
And it was funny for me becauseI always wanted remote work.
Oh, I just wanted remote work.
And most of that is because ofefficiency.
(11:10):
and how I could, you know, mykids had naps and I could get
work done then.
And I just knew my routine.
And I knew that if I was justallowed to do my routine, I
could get an amazing amount ofwork done.
And I can, it's true.
But after C O V and theneveryone being home, and then I
was home for all these years, I,it actually sent me into a
(11:31):
depression.
So I suffered postpartumdepression after Gwen, and it
was so painful.
And I was like, what is theproblem?
And it's a little funny andannoying.
So talk about my husband, heknew, he's like, you need to
talk to more people.
You are an extrovert.
I mean, it was likegroundbreaking, right?
But I didn't wanna work fromhome anymore.
I did not wanna work from homeanymore.
(11:53):
And some of you're like, whatdoes this have to do with
anything?
So now I work at a co-workingspace and even if I didn't, I
just get out a lot more and talkto a lot more people and it
works better for me.
I don't think that being anintrovert or an extrovert is
absolutely the thing that youneed to work from home or work
in an office.
I understand the complexitiesthat are involved.
Like it's so much harder to getout the door to go to an office,
(12:17):
like to get myself ready andthen to get the kids ready,
mostly Gwen.
Cuz the other kids getthemselves ready, right?
Like getting her ready andpacking her lunch and all.
That's super hard to get out thedoor.
I know that.
But in some ways it's easier tobe in a space where everyone is
working and everyone is focusedon the same thing.
And I don't have to ignore thedishes cuz I couldn't do them
(12:37):
even physically if I wanted to.
So I do wanna submit in thislike everybody wants to work
from home type of environment.
Now I feel like all my studentsare like, oh, I wanna work from
home or work from home.
I want you to consider that whenyou go into the office, these,
and those are people who go intoan office every day.
We're like, Hey, don't worryabout the dishes.
They're done in the morning orthey're done in the evening.
I don't ever think about it.
(12:57):
But those of you who wanna workremotely, you have to identify
that you have to overcome a lotof household noise in order to
focus on your work.
And I'm not saying that youshouldn't do it, but I do think
that if you just ignore that andtry to pretend like that isn't
something that you have toovercome, that is going to be
hard.
So yes, it's hard to get out thedoor and it's hard to stay
(13:20):
focused when you are at home.
So consider that.
Spend a few minutes, 10, 20minutes journaling the hard that
you are willing to accept.
And maybe you are one of thosepeople who, it would just be
better if you were in an officeand you weren't even thinking
about the dishes.
(13:40):
And a lot of times I know thatmany of you don't wanna go into
an office because you wanna beable to pick your kids up from
school, come back, take a call,not worry about it.
But I would submit that you aregoing to have that conversation
with your employer regardless.
So maybe your employers finewith that, maybe they're fine
with you working 30 hours, maybethey're fine with you working 30
(14:00):
during the workday and 10 atnight, or the setup ends.
So you are going to get to knowthese people that you work with.
I know they feel like strangersnow, but you're going to want to
build that relationship withthem.
And the way that you do that islook at your frustrations again
with the dishwasher.
Look at what you are reallyfearful of, right?
(14:24):
So when you're fearful of thedishwasher not being done and
you're yelling at your husbandbecause he didn't help you with
it, what are you really fearfulof?
It could be that you're not agood mom.
It could be that you'll neverhave enough time to do what you
need to do.
Whatever it is, dig into thatbecause that is the answer and
you probably never will haveenough time to do everything you
(14:46):
wanna do.
So what you need to learn arepriorities.
What are the priorities that youcan accept in your life?
And what can you let go of eventemporarily, maybe you say to
him, Hey, for these three monthsI'd like you to do the dishes.
And then after three months,let's revisit and see how far I,
let's see how close I am togetting hired and we'll revisit.
(15:06):
It's gonna be really hard foryou.
It's gonna be really hard forme.
And let's just see where we are.
Let's try to do this really hardthing together.
And then guess what?
He probably won't get it doneevery day because we're human
and no one is perfect.
So then forgive him and forgiveyourself and use that
frustration and anger to dive into yourself and get your growth
(15:29):
instead of yelling.
So stop yelling up your husbandand I'll stop yelling at mine.
Let's do it together, myfriends.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I'll see you next time.
Hey, if you enjoyed listening tothis podcast, you have to sign
up for the UR techie email list.
Imagine being in the tech job ofyour dreams.
Join me to get the strategies,training and neverending support
to get hired.
(15:49):
Sign up@techie.com.
That's why O U A R E T E C Hy.com.
I'll see you start.
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