26. Is It Bad Behaviour - or a Cry for Help? with Nicola McAlister

In today’s episode, Nina is joined by Nicola McAlister - child development consultant, trainer, and founder of The Regulated Child UK. With over 30 years' experience in education and foster care, Nicola shares how to move from reactive parenting to responsive, attuned support using her simple 5-step self-regulation model.

 

They dive into practical ways to reframe 'bad behaviour', reduce stress for both you and your child, and co-regulate through everyday routines like getting dressed, managing transitions, or even surviving the school run!

 

You’ll Learn:

• Why traditional “rewards and consequences” systems often don’t work
• The power of seeing behaviour as a signal, not a problem
• A 5-step framework to support your child’s self-regulation
• Scripts and language you can start using straight away
• How to shift from firefighting behaviour to preventing it
• Why your regulation matters most when things feel hard

 

Nicola's 5-Step Self-Regulation Framework: 

1. Goal - Get specific about what your child needs to do. Break down big routines (like bedtime) into smaller, manageable tasks.
2. Predict - Talk about what might be tricky or stressful before it happens. Help your child anticipate and name challenges.
3. Plan - Collaborate on a plan together. Ask open questions like “What might help?” so your child feels invested and supported.
4. Do - Support your child in the moment with co-regulation. Stay nearby, offer reminders, or use visuals if needed.
5. Review -Afterward, reflect together (without shame). Celebrate what worked or adjust the plan with curiosity and care.

Why This Episode Matters

So often, we react to behaviour without understanding the need underneath. This conversation offers a gentler, more effective approach - one that’s rooted in connection, development, and real-world parenting. If you’ve ever wondered why your child is acting out - or how to support them differently - this episode is a must-listen.

Take Home Action

Pause before reacting. Ask yourself, “How regulated am I right now?”

Your child can only borrow your calm if you’ve got some to give. Start there.

 

Take the Next Step

To learn more about Nicola’s work or explore her coaching and training programs, visit her website.

Looking for more support on your own mindful parenting journey? Nina offers 1:1 coaching, digital resources, and group programs to help you respond (not react), create calmer routines, and feel more confident in your parenting even on the tough days. Find out more here.

Links and Resources 

• Free download: The Regulated Child Self-Regulation Scripts
• Follow Nicola on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn
• Episode Referenced
  • Episode 11. Tired of Doing It All? What Needs to Change? With Eva Rado

Let’s Connect

• Follow Nina on Instagram
• Website: mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au
• Email: [e-mail]