De-escalate any argument in 90 seconds: Doug Noll

Manage Difficult Conversations & Meetings

The 3-step script to calm angry people (ignore words, read feelings, label)

Episode 273 (Doug is based in California)

In this conversation we explore…

• https://dougnoll.com/why decisions are emotional and what that means for leadership credibility

• the 92-second reset protocol that calms intense situations fast

• a three-step method: ignore words, read emotions, reflect with “you” statements

• the brain science behind affect labeling and rapid de-escalation

• why “active listening” backfires and how to respond effectively instead

• the four relaxation signals that tell you it’s safe to problem-solve

• adopting a compassionate mindset to neutralize personal attacks

• evidence from prisons to boardrooms proving the method’s transferability

• how to prepare for tough meetings with self-labeling and emotion maps

• a practical path to mastery in 8–12 weeks with deliberate practice

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About our guest, Doug Noll:

Doug was born with a set of difficult disabilities: nearly visually blind, color blind, two club feet, poor teeth, left-handed, and too smart for his own good.

He found his life’s calling at 50 years of age when he left a successful civil trial practice to become a peacemaker, mediator, author, and teacher.

Free Offer: Peace Under Pressure Kit

The kit consists of my De-Escalate Advisor, which is a ChatGPT agent that will help you work through intense emotions, my 4- week online video course Dealing With Anger and Aggression, and an invitation to my free Stop Arguments Cold Skool Community.

Either DM me on LinkedIn or Facebook @douglasnoll on Instagram @douglasenoll with YOUR INTENDED MESSAGE 25.

https://dougnoll.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dougnoll/

https://www.instagram.com/douglasenoll/

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Key learning points:

1. Emotions drive decisions; treat people as emotional beings first.

2. The 92-second reset protocol (ignore words, read emotions, reflect with “you” statements) reliably calms people.

3. Affect labeling interrupts the amygdala and engages executive function.

4. Avoid “active listening” formulas; use plain “you feel…” reflections instead.

5. Wait for the four relaxation cues before problem-solving.

6. Mindset shift: see attacks as emotions, not truth; respond with compassion.

7. Practice builds automaticity; mastery is achievable in ~8–12 weeks.

8. These skills scale from prisons to boardrooms and change behavior system-wide.

9. Self-labeling (silently) stabilizes you during tough meetings.

10. Preparation: pre-name likely emotions—yours and theirs—before you enter the room.

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Your Intended Message is the podcast about how you can boost your career and business success by honing your communication skills. We’ll examine the aspects of how we communicate one-to-one, one to few and one to many – plus that important conversation, one to self.

In these interviews we will explore presentation skills, public speaking, conversation, persuasion, negotiation, sales conversations, marketing, team meetings, social media, branding, self talk and more.

 

Your host is George Torok

George is a specialist in communication skills. Especially presentation. He’s fascinated by the links between communication and influencing behaviors. He delivers training and coaching programs to help leaders and promising professionals deliver the intended message for greater success.

 

Connect with George

www.SpeechCoachforExecutives.com

https://superiorpresentations.net/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/georgetorokpresentations/

https://www.youtube.com/user/presentationskills