January 30, 2025 • 14 mins
Are you stuck in the cycle of avoiding your money—ignoring bank statements, putting off financial decisions, or feeling overwhelmed by your finances? You're not alone, and it's not just about willpower—there are deeper reasons behind money avoidance.
In this episode, we're diving into why you might be avoiding your finances and, more importantly, how to shift into a place of confidence and control.
You'll learn:
- The real reasons you avoid money (it's not just procrastination)
- How money avoidance keeps you stuck in stress and guilt
- 3 simple, actionable steps to break free and start feeling empowered with your finances
It's time to stop running from your money and start building a relationship with it—one small step at a time.
Resources & Next Steps:
- Ready to feel more confident with your money using Human Design? Join my FREE 4-part video workshop series where I show you how to use your unique decision-making skills with money.
- 🔗 Sign up now: https://generatealifewelllived.com/create-financial-ease-with-human-design
If you would like to explore how to address money avoidance further, please reach out at support@generatealifewelllived.com.
Loved this episode? Leave a review and share your biggest takeaway.
Want to learn more or connect with me?
Step 1: Join my Facebook Community.
Connect, share, and learn how to relate to your money with other women just like you.
➡️ Join here
Step 2: Grab your free Human Design chart
Curious what your Human Design chart reveals about how you're uniquely designed to make aligned financial decisions?
Step 3: Work with Me
Learn how to trust your choices, honor your worth, and feel financial freedom that lives in your body, not just on paper.
➡️ Schedule your free clarity call here
From my soul to yours,
Erin
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Erin Gray (00:00):
Are you tired of avoiding your money?
Do you feel stuck in a constantcycle of ignoring your finances
and then feel a lot of guiltlater?
Then this episode is for you.
You're listening to Generate aLife Well-Lived podcast.
I'm your friend and confidant,erin Gray.
On this podcast, we willexplore all things money,
business and self-development,including human design.
(00:22):
I hope you enjoy the journeywhere I share everything that I
know and am continuing to learnalong the way, as I honor my
heart's desires while inspiringand encouraging you to do the
same.
So, on today's podcast, we'regoing to talk about avoiding
your money, because this issomething that I have actually
struggled with and also workedthrough.
This is a lot of times whatclients present with as well,
(00:46):
and a lot of women that I'vetalked to.
They experience this, and Iwant to, first and foremost, let
you know that, if this is you,I want you to know you aren't
alone.
There are so many women out inthe world that this is the norm
for them, and I hope thatthrough today's episode, you can
(01:08):
gain some understanding as towhy this happens and also a
couple of tools that you canstart implementing to work
through this.
So let's talk about why weactually avoid money.
A lot of times it comes fromour emotions, right, our actions
follow what we are actuallyfeeling.
(01:29):
So if you're feeling fear oryou're feeling a lot of shame
and guilt, or maybe evenoverwhelm, and a lot of times
clients will have money trauma,which I'm not a therapist I I am
not a trauma informed therapist, but from having an
experiencing it myself and alsorecognizing it in other clients,
(01:51):
we do have.
A lot of us have some type ofmoney trauma and this can be,
you know, either big T trauma orlittle T trauma.
In terms of maybe it'ssomething as simple as little T
trauma, when you asked forsomething you constantly got
told no.
Or it could be big T trauma,like how I had, where there was
(02:13):
a significant event thathappened in my life that
impacted the way that I viewedmoney.
So, whether it's fear, shame,guilt, overwhelm or some type of
money trauma, this is probablythe reason why you might be
avoiding your money.
Also, it comes from you know,think about how we grow up right
(02:36):
A lot of times, our parents,the way that they spoke about
money, not having enough money,being um, maybe saying things
like that's too expensive, justthe way their own money, beliefs
and how their relationship waswith money might have impacted
the way that and probably didimpact the way that we have a
(02:57):
relationship with money.
And in terms of, like, nervoussystem, avoidance is a way or a
representation of the freezeresponse.
So you know they talk aboutlike fight, flight, freeze
Avoidance is a way that ourbodies are protecting us.
(03:18):
So it's not laziness.
I've had clients before say Ijust need to stop being so lazy.
It's not laziness, it'sactually your nervous system
trying to protect you and it isa, you know, a response to a
perceived threat.
That is what.
That is what we feel, right, wehave, even though consciously
(03:39):
you may say no, no, no, I, I, Idon't, you know, perceive money
as a threat in our bodies.
We do, and that is why we'reprobably avoiding money.
So how it typically shows up,how it has shown up for myself,
how it has shown up for clientsand this is where you just get
to get curious, right, how doesit show up for you?
(04:00):
It might look like ignoringlooking at your business
finances, maybe not.
If you're doing your own books,maybe not doing your books
yourself, right?
Maybe you are just looking atever so often the bank account,
not actually doing QuickBooks orusing some type of software.
Maybe you're not meeting withyour bookkeeper on a regular
(04:21):
basis and then, from a personalfinance, it might just be.
You know you aren't looking atyour bank account, you aren't
using budgeting software and fora lot of women, what I have
found is budgeting can be a verytriggering word because it
we've been taught it has to comewith restriction.
But I I view budgeting in a verydifferent way now is it's a
(04:42):
form of self-love.
You know we don't want toovereat.
You know, when you think abouthow do we fuel our bodies, it's
the same thing with a budget.
We don't want to overspend, wewant to spend in alignment with
our values.
But a budget can show us, youknow, what do we value If we set
it up in ways that we want to.
You know, use our money in waysthat nourish and light us up.
(05:06):
If you are using your budget inthat way and you're getting to
see, okay, well, maybe I amoverspending in these areas or
maybe I don't value, you know,these areas as much as what I
used to or thought I did.
So it just gives us a way to bemore aware of how we are
spending our money.
I did so.
(05:26):
It just gives us a way to bemore aware of how we are
spending our money.
So it can also look likeprocrastination, which
procrastination is really just aform of resistance, and so
maybe you are, you know, notmaking financial decisions that
you need to make.
Sometimes it can be evenprocrastinating paying bills.
That is another way that itshows up, almost like waiting
(05:48):
till the very last minute to paythe bill.
You know the last day that it'sdue to pay the bill.
And I want you to have, if thisis resonating with you, I want
you to have such compassion foryourself, because this isn't
done consciously.
This is a a recognition ofsomething that's deeper right
(06:08):
there.
There is some subconsciousbeliefs there.
The body doesn't necessarilyfeel safe with money.
Like I said before, it mightfeel like a perceived threat,
and so this is what the bodydoes to keep us safe.
Avoidance, you know, can evenlook like the other way of the
spectrum of like mindless,mindlessly spending, or even
(06:29):
emotional spending.
You know, you may have beenrestricting yourself so much
over the last month or two thatthen you just kind of go all the
way over to the other end ofthe spectrum and you overspend,
and so I just want you torecognize that these are the
ways that we cope, these are theways that we do things to
(06:54):
protect ourselves, to keep ourbody safe, when we really aren't
aware of what is the deeperissue that's going on here.
And one thing I also notice ishow we avoid money is almost
like an abdication ofresponsibility to our advisors.
So, whether that be, you knowyour CPA, or maybe that is your
spouse at home or yourbookkeeper or something like
(07:18):
that.
Like so often I hear women say,oh well, my CPA is taking care
of that and and yes, your CPA isthere to help you and support
you, but not to the point ofwhere you just get to you, but
not to the point of where youjust get to wash your hands of
it and not have to deal with it.
Because I I still think thatthere's an underlying thread
there of feeling maybe possiblydisempowered and also avoidant.
(07:44):
If you recognize, when I'm I'msaying these examples, that you
know how money avoidance showsup for you.
So how do we, once we becomeaware which is always the the
first step in anything right wehave to become aware, you know,
shifting into more an empoweredstance and and understanding and
(08:11):
recognizing where you are.
Like I said, the first step isalways awareness.
So acknowledging that you areavoiding and possibly judging
your behavior like that is acelebration in itself.
Recognize that, because wecannot have change unless we
actually become aware of wherewe are.
(08:33):
And I always encourage clientsto take small steps.
I know the self-developmentindustry is, you know, big on
quantum leaping and I alwayscall it like go big or go home.
But I think in the beginningfor the nervous system, when
you're teaching your nervoussystem to feel safe again with
money, to not feel threatenedwith money, I think taking small
(08:54):
steps and consistent steps is amuch more powerful way and
long-term solution.
Because think of your nervoussystem like a rubber band and as
you expand that rubber band, ifit hasn't been stretched on a
consistent basis you stretch ittoo far it'll pop right back.
Right, that's the way I kind oflook at our nervous systems and
(09:18):
so consistently looking at yourbooks or talking about finances
at home or looking at your bankaccount and when I say start
small, I also mean consistently.
So maybe it's something that youput in your calendar that you
do every single day in thebeginning, because not only are
you teaching your body thatyou're safe, you're also
(09:41):
building up the habit that youare the person that takes care
of their money, that looks attheir money, that does what she
says she'll do.
Maybe in the beginning it'sjust something as simple as
thinking about your bank accountor thinking about money and
(10:02):
just recognizing what are thosesensations in your body that are
coming up for you.
What am I feeling?
Is my breathing changing as I'mthinking about money or
thinking about opening my bankaccount, or looking at my P and
L statement and recognizing whatdoes that look like?
What does that feel like foryou and your body?
And then you know, maybe aftera week or two, then next step
(10:27):
would be okay.
Every day I'm going to look atmy bank account.
Every day I'm going to openQuickBooks or I'm going to look
at my Excel spreadsheet whateveryou might be using at the time
and committing to that.
You might be using at the timeand committing to that.
The other thing is, before youactually sit down and do those
(10:48):
things, doing some nervoussystem regulation.
So maybe it's some deep breaths.
What are the things that you docurrently to soothe your
nervous system when you feelthat it's heightened.
You know you can.
If you were to imagine, likeputting your hands on your
forehead and then drawing aheart around your face, that is
(11:11):
helpful.
You can also just put your handon your cheek and hold your
cheek.
You know, the vagus nerve comesright behind your ear earlobe
and so, like pressing on that,what are the things that you can
do to soothe your nervoussystem and also make it
enjoyable?
So I call them money dates thatI have with myself and I bring
(11:34):
my favorite tea and I sit downand then, depending on where I
want to be in the housesometimes I'm in my office,
sometimes I'm at the kitchentable with the sun on my face
but what kind of experience canyou make it that can be
enjoyable and, like I said, youknow, maybe in the beginning
that might be too far of a jumpright.
I didn't start there.
I didn't start with like, oh,I'm going to have just such a
(11:55):
fun time and bring my tea.
You know to come sit and lookat my finances.
I started with okay, for thenext two minutes I'm going to
log into Wells Fargo and I'mjust going to see how my body is
moving and breathing when Ilook at my bank account and that
was enough in the beginning.
Right, that was, that wasenough for the nervous system.
(12:16):
So, wherever you are, I wantyou, and to encourage you, to
start where you are and be okaywith where you are and recognize
that the fact that you arenoticing that you are avoiding
(12:36):
your money is something that isto be celebrated, because we
can't change something we aren'taware of.
Here's what I would encourage todo, because it's one thing to
listen to the podcast, it'sanother to actually take action.
And what is one thing thatyou're going to do over the next
(12:59):
week?
Is it I'm going to commit tolooking at opening my bank
account?
Is it I'm going to have aconversation with my bookkeeper
once a week or once a month,however, you guys have
contracted that I'm going to sitdown and have a conversation
with my spouse with our personalfinances once a week.
(13:21):
What is one thing?
We don't have to name all ofthem, but what's one thing that
you're going to commit to doingover the next week?
And then checking back in andseeing how did that feel?
What did it feel like in mybody when I sat down with my
money?
What did it feel like in mybody when I even started
thinking about to sit down withmy money and just getting some
(13:42):
some clarity on that.
As always, this is the work thatI do with clients, so if this
is something that you want tohave some support on, I'd be
happy to help you.
You can just email me atsupport at generate a life well
livedcom and we can set up atime for me to help you.
I just want you to know thatavoidance is very typical.
(14:05):
It happens way more than youthink.
You aren't alone, and alsosmall, consistent actions, along
with tending to your nervoussystem, is what builds
confidence, is what builds adifferent way of being with your
money.
Let me know if you've got anyquestions.
(14:26):
I'd love to hear from you, anduntil next time.
Are you tired of avoiding your money?
Do you feel stuck in a constantcycle of ignoring your finances
and then feel a lot of guiltlater?
Then this episode is for you.
You're listening to Generate aLife Well-Lived podcast.
I'm your friend and confidant,erin Gray.
On this podcast, we willexplore all things money,
business and self-development,including human design.
(00:22):
I hope you enjoy the journeywhere I share everything that I
know and am continuing to learnalong the way, as I honor my
heart's desires while inspiringand encouraging you to do the
same.
So, on today's podcast, we'regoing to talk about avoiding
your money, because this issomething that I have actually
struggled with and also workedthrough.
This is a lot of times whatclients present with as well,
(00:46):
and a lot of women that I'vetalked to.
They experience this, and Iwant to, first and foremost, let
you know that, if this is you,I want you to know you aren't
alone.
There are so many women out inthe world that this is the norm
for them, and I hope thatthrough today's episode, you can
(01:08):
gain some understanding as towhy this happens and also a
couple of tools that you canstart implementing to work
through this.
So let's talk about why weactually avoid money.
A lot of times it comes fromour emotions, right, our actions
follow what we are actuallyfeeling.
(01:29):
So if you're feeling fear oryou're feeling a lot of shame
and guilt, or maybe evenoverwhelm, and a lot of times
clients will have money trauma,which I'm not a therapist I I am
not a trauma informed therapist, but from having an
experiencing it myself and alsorecognizing it in other clients,
(01:51):
we do have.
A lot of us have some type ofmoney trauma and this can be,
you know, either big T trauma orlittle T trauma.
In terms of maybe it'ssomething as simple as little T
trauma, when you asked forsomething you constantly got
told no.
Or it could be big T trauma,like how I had, where there was
(02:13):
a significant event thathappened in my life that
impacted the way that I viewedmoney.
So, whether it's fear, shame,guilt, overwhelm or some type of
money trauma, this is probablythe reason why you might be
avoiding your money.
Also, it comes from you know,think about how we grow up right
(02:36):
A lot of times, our parents,the way that they spoke about
money, not having enough money,being um, maybe saying things
like that's too expensive, justthe way their own money, beliefs
and how their relationship waswith money might have impacted
the way that and probably didimpact the way that we have a
(02:57):
relationship with money.
And in terms of, like, nervoussystem, avoidance is a way or a
representation of the freezeresponse.
So you know they talk aboutlike fight, flight, freeze
Avoidance is a way that ourbodies are protecting us.
(03:18):
So it's not laziness.
I've had clients before say Ijust need to stop being so lazy.
It's not laziness, it'sactually your nervous system
trying to protect you and it isa, you know, a response to a
perceived threat.
That is what.
That is what we feel, right, wehave, even though consciously
(03:39):
you may say no, no, no, I, I, Idon't, you know, perceive money
as a threat in our bodies.
We do, and that is why we'reprobably avoiding money.
So how it typically shows up,how it has shown up for myself,
how it has shown up for clientsand this is where you just get
to get curious, right, how doesit show up for you?
(04:00):
It might look like ignoringlooking at your business
finances, maybe not.
If you're doing your own books,maybe not doing your books
yourself, right?
Maybe you are just looking atever so often the bank account,
not actually doing QuickBooks orusing some type of software.
Maybe you're not meeting withyour bookkeeper on a regular
(04:21):
basis and then, from a personalfinance, it might just be.
You know you aren't looking atyour bank account, you aren't
using budgeting software and fora lot of women, what I have
found is budgeting can be a verytriggering word because it
we've been taught it has to comewith restriction.
But I I view budgeting in a verydifferent way now is it's a
(04:42):
form of self-love.
You know we don't want toovereat.
You know, when you think abouthow do we fuel our bodies, it's
the same thing with a budget.
We don't want to overspend, wewant to spend in alignment with
our values.
But a budget can show us, youknow, what do we value If we set
it up in ways that we want to.
You know, use our money in waysthat nourish and light us up.
(05:06):
If you are using your budget inthat way and you're getting to
see, okay, well, maybe I amoverspending in these areas or
maybe I don't value, you know,these areas as much as what I
used to or thought I did.
So it just gives us a way to bemore aware of how we are
spending our money.
I did so.
(05:26):
It just gives us a way to bemore aware of how we are
spending our money.
So it can also look likeprocrastination, which
procrastination is really just aform of resistance, and so
maybe you are, you know, notmaking financial decisions that
you need to make.
Sometimes it can be evenprocrastinating paying bills.
That is another way that itshows up, almost like waiting
(05:48):
till the very last minute to paythe bill.
You know the last day that it'sdue to pay the bill.
And I want you to have, if thisis resonating with you, I want
you to have such compassion foryourself, because this isn't
done consciously.
This is a a recognition ofsomething that's deeper right
(06:08):
there.
There is some subconsciousbeliefs there.
The body doesn't necessarilyfeel safe with money.
Like I said before, it mightfeel like a perceived threat,
and so this is what the bodydoes to keep us safe.
Avoidance, you know, can evenlook like the other way of the
spectrum of like mindless,mindlessly spending, or even
(06:29):
emotional spending.
You know, you may have beenrestricting yourself so much
over the last month or two thatthen you just kind of go all the
way over to the other end ofthe spectrum and you overspend,
and so I just want you torecognize that these are the
ways that we cope, these are theways that we do things to
(06:54):
protect ourselves, to keep ourbody safe, when we really aren't
aware of what is the deeperissue that's going on here.
And one thing I also notice ishow we avoid money is almost
like an abdication ofresponsibility to our advisors.
So, whether that be, you knowyour CPA, or maybe that is your
spouse at home or yourbookkeeper or something like
(07:18):
that.
Like so often I hear women say,oh well, my CPA is taking care
of that and and yes, your CPA isthere to help you and support
you, but not to the point ofwhere you just get to you, but
not to the point of where youjust get to wash your hands of
it and not have to deal with it.
Because I I still think thatthere's an underlying thread
there of feeling maybe possiblydisempowered and also avoidant.
(07:44):
If you recognize, when I'm I'msaying these examples, that you
know how money avoidance showsup for you.
So how do we, once we becomeaware which is always the the
first step in anything right wehave to become aware, you know,
shifting into more an empoweredstance and and understanding and
(08:11):
recognizing where you are.
Like I said, the first step isalways awareness.
So acknowledging that you areavoiding and possibly judging
your behavior like that is acelebration in itself.
Recognize that, because wecannot have change unless we
actually become aware of wherewe are.
(08:33):
And I always encourage clientsto take small steps.
I know the self-developmentindustry is, you know, big on
quantum leaping and I alwayscall it like go big or go home.
But I think in the beginningfor the nervous system, when
you're teaching your nervoussystem to feel safe again with
money, to not feel threatenedwith money, I think taking small
(08:54):
steps and consistent steps is amuch more powerful way and
long-term solution.
Because think of your nervoussystem like a rubber band and as
you expand that rubber band, ifit hasn't been stretched on a
consistent basis you stretch ittoo far it'll pop right back.
Right, that's the way I kind oflook at our nervous systems and
(09:18):
so consistently looking at yourbooks or talking about finances
at home or looking at your bankaccount and when I say start
small, I also mean consistently.
So maybe it's something that youput in your calendar that you
do every single day in thebeginning, because not only are
you teaching your body thatyou're safe, you're also
(09:41):
building up the habit that youare the person that takes care
of their money, that looks attheir money, that does what she
says she'll do.
Maybe in the beginning it'sjust something as simple as
thinking about your bank accountor thinking about money and
(10:02):
just recognizing what are thosesensations in your body that are
coming up for you.
What am I feeling?
Is my breathing changing as I'mthinking about money or
thinking about opening my bankaccount, or looking at my P and
L statement and recognizing whatdoes that look like?
What does that feel like foryou and your body?
And then you know, maybe aftera week or two, then next step
(10:27):
would be okay.
Every day I'm going to look atmy bank account.
Every day I'm going to openQuickBooks or I'm going to look
at my Excel spreadsheet whateveryou might be using at the time
and committing to that.
You might be using at the timeand committing to that.
The other thing is, before youactually sit down and do those
(10:48):
things, doing some nervoussystem regulation.
So maybe it's some deep breaths.
What are the things that you docurrently to soothe your
nervous system when you feelthat it's heightened.
You know you can.
If you were to imagine, likeputting your hands on your
forehead and then drawing aheart around your face, that is
(11:11):
helpful.
You can also just put your handon your cheek and hold your
cheek.
You know, the vagus nerve comesright behind your ear earlobe
and so, like pressing on that,what are the things that you can
do to soothe your nervoussystem and also make it
enjoyable?
So I call them money dates thatI have with myself and I bring
(11:34):
my favorite tea and I sit downand then, depending on where I
want to be in the housesometimes I'm in my office,
sometimes I'm at the kitchentable with the sun on my face
but what kind of experience canyou make it that can be
enjoyable and, like I said, youknow, maybe in the beginning
that might be too far of a jumpright.
I didn't start there.
I didn't start with like, oh,I'm going to have just such a
(11:55):
fun time and bring my tea.
You know to come sit and lookat my finances.
I started with okay, for thenext two minutes I'm going to
log into Wells Fargo and I'mjust going to see how my body is
moving and breathing when Ilook at my bank account and that
was enough in the beginning.
Right, that was, that wasenough for the nervous system.
(12:16):
So, wherever you are, I wantyou, and to encourage you, to
start where you are and be okaywith where you are and recognize
that the fact that you arenoticing that you are avoiding
(12:36):
your money is something that isto be celebrated, because we
can't change something we aren'taware of.
Here's what I would encourage todo, because it's one thing to
listen to the podcast, it'sanother to actually take action.
And what is one thing thatyou're going to do over the next
(12:59):
week?
Is it I'm going to commit tolooking at opening my bank
account?
Is it I'm going to have aconversation with my bookkeeper
once a week or once a month,however, you guys have
contracted that I'm going to sitdown and have a conversation
with my spouse with our personalfinances once a week.
(13:21):
What is one thing?
We don't have to name all ofthem, but what's one thing that
you're going to commit to doingover the next week?
And then checking back in andseeing how did that feel?
What did it feel like in mybody when I sat down with my
money?
What did it feel like in mybody when I even started
thinking about to sit down withmy money and just getting some
(13:42):
some clarity on that.
As always, this is the work thatI do with clients, so if this
is something that you want tohave some support on, I'd be
happy to help you.
You can just email me atsupport at generate a life well
livedcom and we can set up atime for me to help you.
I just want you to know thatavoidance is very typical.
(14:05):
It happens way more than youthink.
You aren't alone, and alsosmall, consistent actions, along
with tending to your nervoussystem, is what builds
confidence, is what builds adifferent way of being with your
money.
Let me know if you've got anyquestions.
(14:26):
I'd love to hear from you, anduntil next time.
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Join award-winning actor and social media madman Kyle MacLachlan on “What Are We Even Doing,” where he sits down with Millennial and Gen Z actors, musicians, artists, and content creators to share stories about the entertainment industry past, present, and future. Kyle and his guests will talk shop, compare notes on life, and generally be weird together. In a good way. Their conversations will resonate with listeners of any age whose interests lie in television & film, music, art, or pop culture.