Unlock the secrets of mastering tough conversations with insights from Neko Zairis, a seasoned law enforcement veteran with 30 years of experience. By tuning in, you'll discover how Neko's unique blend of life lessons and humor can transform your negotiation skills, whether you're navigating high-stakes scenarios or simply seeking to improve everyday interactions. Through insightful discussions, Neko emphasizes the power of active listening and empathy, offering practical strategies like using open-ended questions to uncover what truly matters in any conversation. Expect a touch of lightheartedness too, as Neko's love for dad jokes demonstrates the power of humor in breaking tension and fostering positive connections.
We journey through key strategies for maintaining integrity and clarity in negotiations, drawing on Neko's experiences from the FBI negotiator school to highlight the importance of honesty in building trust. The episode also explores how a positive mindset and proactive approach to mental and physical well-being can transform life's challenges into manageable tasks. With valuable tips for veterans and their families on resilience, kindness, and self-improvement, this episode promises to provide listeners with the tools to create more genuine connections at home, work, and within their communities. Whether seeking to improve your negotiation skills or foster a more resilient lifestyle, this episode offers a wealth of insights to enrich your journey.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuroencoding
science, empowering these braveindividuals to conquer universal
battles procrastination,self-doubt, fear and more.
Together, let's uncover thestrength within you to re-engage
with families and society,forging a new path forward.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
Today we have back a goodfriend, nico Zaras.
He's a seasoned law enforcementveteran with 30 years of
experience in law enforcement,bringing a wealth of knowledge
about managing high-stakessituations and resolving
conflicts with integrity.
Advocate for transitioningveterans, he has a military
(01:12):
family perspective.
Let me slow down.
We're a couple minutes late somy brain is still on overload.
Hold on, neuroencoding worksAll right.
Having a daughter in NationalGuard.
Nico provides a unique lens onthe challenges and
transformations militaryfamilies face.
He's an expert in active threatpreparedness.
(01:32):
Anybody that's seen him on herebefore he's absolutely
fantastic and a proponent ofnegotiations with integrity, and
today we're going to reallydive in negotiations a lot, and
whatever that means in your life.
So, nico, for people that don'tknow you yet, why don't you
just tell us a little bit moreabout yourself?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
My name is Nico Zarris.
I am the owner and CEO of NicoZarris Security and Critical
Behavior Consulting.
I've got about 30 years lawenforcement experience and I'm a
dad of three.
My oldest daughter is in theNational Guard, stationed in
Alaska and currently an activemember in law enforcement now
(02:11):
still, and I'm a lover of dadjokes.
So that's pretty much me in anutshell.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
And I'm just going to say right now well, obviously,
as we always do, ask Nico at theend to share how to reach out
to him.
So he does dad jokes and I cannever go past it, man.
I always have to stop and justtake a listen.
So you know, just to fill mycup and fill my soul a little
bit, why don't we start there?
Give us a dad joke, nico.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Okay, I'll start with the one I was going to end the
show with and then I'll just tryto see if I can figure one at
the end.
So, for starters, how do theelves keep the north pole so
clean?
They use santa tizer.
So yeah, that's just one of theones I use.
(02:58):
Um, like I said, I just if itmakes my kids cringe, the job
well done.
I know, I remember we firsttalked about it.
That's just one of the ones Iuse.
Like I said, if it makes mykids cringe, the job well done.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I know, I remember we first talked about it.
That's exactly why you said it.
Well, I got news for you Oneday, you're going to have 20,000
of those on there.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
You ain't lying.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Absolutely fantastic.
So before we really dive in,guys, I want to just remind
everybody to look up.
In the top right corner there'sa blue QR code.
Please scan that.
It takes you to empowerperformance strategies dot com
for people listening on thepodcast forums later on.
Again, that is our performancestrategies dot com.
You know, we have an amazingmission.
(03:42):
We're rolling and we have somefree e-books for both veterans
and their families, as well asFacebook groups for veterans and
another one for their families.
Just support, it's a greatgroups.
You know, don't go in solitude.
Come join us, be part of themission and let's blow this
thing up.
So, that said, nico, shall weget started?
Absolutely All right.
(04:03):
Fantastic man.
So with your experience in lawenforcement, how has it shaped
your understanding fornegotiation, and especially in
high pressure situations?
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Well, I always use when I get into a situation like
that, I try to understand andrealize that in some cases,
especially in negotiations, it'snot about solving a problem,
it's about actually listening,and I try to revert back to that
(04:33):
whenever I'm in a situationlike that and I allow that
situation, by listening to thatperson's problems, negate the
whether it's the questions I askor what leads me to the next
step to help them helpthemselves.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah, absolutely love that.
And it's not just in thatsituation, right.
I mean we can, in my opinionshould do this in everyday life
with people.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Well, if I may say that, if people ask me how many
negotiations have you beenthrough, I say I don't know.
What time is it?
I mean because every situation,whether it's with your wife,
your best friend, your kid, yourfriend or anybody else, whether
it's with your wife, your bestfriend, your kid, your friend or
anybody else, you have to takeinto consideration that you know
that could very well be theworst day of their life.
(05:11):
You don't know.
So I believe every conversationis, in its own way, a
negotiation.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Right, absolutely, and let's talk about that a
little bit more.
So I mean, whether it's a asomeone's having a bad day or
and let's get a little sillyit's it's what's for dinner,
right?
So, um, what are some of thethe things you know I talk?
We talk about active listening,right, which I think is
absolutely main main focal pointfor this, as you brought up
(05:42):
what is active listening and andhow do people know the
difference between I'm justabsorbing it in compared to
active listening?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Well, let me just start off by saying that ALS
active listening skills is theparamount basic step of all
negotiations.
Everything stems from ALS.
Als is the bottom step in thestep process needed to go to
basically get change in thesituation that you're involved
in right now.
So, basically, instead ofalways like when someone says
(06:14):
something, you go with questionsthat are not yes or no answers,
instead of asking you know, isthe sky blue?
It'd be more like you know,what do you think about the sky?
I mean, try to get more of aresponse from the person you're
talking to and try to stay awayfrom questions that need a yes
or no answer.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
And why do you say that Because?
The reasoning behind it.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Well, the reasoning is because you're there to
listen.
I mean, how many times can youlisten to?
Well, is you know?
How old are you?
All right, 24.
Are you a male?
Yes, are you a female?
Yes, that's it.
But why not ask how do you feelabout the way you are, you know
?
How do you feel about theweather?
Why are we in this situationright now?
And in order for me to help you.
I have nothing to listen to ifall I'm hearing is yes and no.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, and really I think it comes down to learning
about that person's model of theworld.
Yes, so if you're going into aperspective and I train on this
and teach this with my coachingas well if you are just going in
with your model of the world,how often is it going to match
exactly the other person?
(07:21):
So if you're just literallygoing in and saying, hey, you
know, this is what I'm seeing,doesn't mean they're
understanding at all what you'resaying in that sense, because
they're not seeing the samething, because their model of
the world is different, theirperspectives are different or
their blueprint for life, if youwill, is different.
So you know, I think that's youknow in order to align with
(07:43):
somebody let's talk about thatfor a little bit.
I'm sure it's a major part ofnegotiating on all levels If
you're just going by your modelof the world, it's hard to
really align with somebody, toreally connect and have a good
conversation.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Talk about that.
Advantages from my perspectiveand being a negotiator on the
SWAT team is that I'm going tohave information about the
people that everybody else isn'tgoing to have when they're in a
situation like I would be.
So ultimately, by asking theseopen ended questions, what
you're doing is you're learningmore about them and then you're
(08:18):
looking for that commondenominator.
One of the examples when wetook the program in the
beginning, the instructor got upin the front of the room.
He goes I'm 50 years old, I'min the military, I used to live
in Florida, you know, I trained,I've got this many kids and
(08:38):
what he did was is he opened upa dialogue so that each and
every one of us can look at allright, well, maybe I've never
been to Florida, but I'm afather, so I can relate with
that.
So the more open-endedquestions you ask, the more you
learn about them.
And then you find that commondenominator.
Even if it's not you, it mightbe with somebody that you've
interacted with and you can usethat in your dialogue.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Absolutely.
And it can be a father, itcould be scuba diving, golfing
musician, I like to sing.
Whatever you know, whatever itis, it doesn't have to be some
mind-altering thing, it's justanything.
When you go into, let's say, agrocery store, for instance,
when you're going in there andyou're standing in line and
(09:18):
everybody's bored and all of asudden somebody brings up
something that they feel thesame way about.
You know it's that simple asfar as aligning with somebody
good or bad, but you know it'sthat simple to really align with
somebody.
We do it all day long.
If you're in society, on thephone, whatever the case may be,
it happens.
It happens more often than not.
So maybe just a thought shouldpeople be kind of learning those
(09:40):
skills and working those skillswhen they're out in public, you
know, not necessarily a SWATnegotiator like someone else,
but in everyday life, forveterans and their families, I
think maybe that's a good skill,to just kind of harness.
And you know, get into Nico'sbootcamp.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
We have all kinds of openings in my bootcamps, but
ultimately the key is to be nice.
I know, be kind.
We discussed this in our lastpodcast together.
We're going to discuss it todayand, if you ever invite me
again, be kind is going to be inthe next one, because I would
say absolutely everybody justplease listen and be kind,
because that conversation you'rehaving with that person could
(10:20):
be the difference between themdoing something harmful.
Just be nice and be kind.
So I would be the biggestadvocate of everybody taking
this kind of training, but thenagain, you can expect people to
do that.
So, yes, I would love foreverybody to just take a couple
minutes when you're at thegrocery store in line and
somebody strikes up aconversation, instead of rolling
your eyes and looking at yourgroceries strike up a
(10:40):
conversation, just be kind.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, I love that.
Strike up a conversation, justbe kind.
Yeah, I love that.
It's like you said.
You know it can be somethingsuper simple, but changes
somebody's day.
And here's the beautiful thingthat ripple effect changes that
family's day and maybe thatfamily's friend's day, and
because once you know someone'skind and it connects, the ripple
(11:03):
effect keeps going oncesomeone's kind and it connects.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
The ripple effect keeps going.
I completely agree with you,and I always make a joke
wherever I go.
I was brought up to be agentleman.
I open the door and I alwaysmake a joke.
Oh my God, when somebody saysthank you, I say that's my one
good deed for the day.
It's kind of like I like tomake people laugh and I use that
as a basis.
If that strikes up aconversation, great.
If not, you see somebodywalking away with a smile.
That's a win.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I want to just keep addingon to this about the being kind.
You know I teach a practice, ahack, whatever it is, but it's a
50-foot rule and so when you'rewalking around, just putting
intent on somebody else andsaying in your mind because if
you say it out loud they mightbe calling me, go to come
negotiate and see what's goingon with you but I teach, teach
(11:50):
and I do it myself and this iswhy I teach it, because it's
powerful If you can look atsomebody, another human being,
and just say in your mind I loveyou, and just put that intent
and feel it and you keep doingthat with people around you
within 50 feet.
Here's the experience I hadwith it and this is why I teach
it.
I literally have went intoWalmarts, went into stores
(12:12):
everywhere and just the positive, or that magnetism, if you will
, and it's a science thing, it'snot woo-woo, unicorns and
rainbows, it's a real thing,that magnetism that people
literally just start talking toyou and they're happy and
they're smiling.
And I can't tell you.
There was one day specificallyit was at Walmart and I came
(12:33):
home and told my wife I was likethe weirdest thing happened to
me.
And this is when therealization of it happening in
my aha moment, literally.
I had some of the most amazingconversations with people and
they left smiling.
I saw them again, they werestill smiling.
So, if you can be kind, thankyou, nico.
It really just the rippleeffect continues, it just
(12:55):
continues.
So try that process, you know,and I'd love to hear from people
later on and how that workedfor them.
I think, nico, that is one ofthe main things, because you're
coming in there with that heartspace, with negotiations.
Let's get back into that.
It changes everything right.
Because let's get into theintegrity part.
When you come in there withthat of really trying to serve
(13:18):
help, not only does it make youfeel good but generally will
make the other person feel goodyeah, positive positivity.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
You give off vibes and you have an aura of like
approachability and and I thinkthat's a gift and for some
people it's actually theirsuperpower yeah, yeah, I love
that.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I love that.
I think maybe that'll be mysuperpower today.
There it is I.
I absolutely love it.
So would you say that, withnegotiations again, and let's
keep it fairly simple.
I mean, I know SWAT hasdifferent kinds of negotiations
than the rest of us do every day.
To that perspective, if youwill.
(13:55):
So what do you think some ofthe most important things to
remember?
Besides you know being kind totalk about that, but let's,
let's.
Actually I'm going to just gostraight into integrity, If
that's okay with you, Beautiful,Because I think when you're a
Tegress with within yourself,people feel it.
So talk about negotiations withintegrity.
(14:18):
What, what's, what are some ofthe key points and what what's
important in your just basicthoughts on that?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
So basically, I just about two weeks ago retook a 40
hour FBI negotiator school justto basically hone in on my
skills and and the bottom line,the number one- I'm sorry I got
to interrupt.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
What's that FBI training?
Just to hone?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
in on my skills.
The best of the best in theregion were there.
I mean instructors from alldepartments, from the agencies.
They put us through a four-dayout pre-basic in order to be a
negotiator.
This is just one of theprograms you take.
For some of us it was justbasically a repeat to hone in on
our skills.
But bottom line no questionsasked.
(15:02):
Whenever you're dealing with anykind of a negotiation, number
one rule don't lie.
It's basically that simple,whether you want to look at it
from the integrity perspective,but the bottom line is this you
cannot gain the trust of anybodyyou're talking to if you lie to
them.
If you don't know, you don'tknow.
That's why I always say leaveit up to the open-ended
questions to learn more, becausethere is commonality there.
You don't make up a story offof what they tell you.
(15:24):
And when you're sitting therefor six hours, eight hours, 12
hours, trying to talk tosomebody from not hurting
themselves or other people, youcan't go back and be like oh,
did I say that?
You can't do that.
It's not fair to you, it's notfair to them.
So the number one rule inintegrity do not lie to the
people you're speaking to.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, I absolutely love that, Because how many
times do we say it's a white lie?
But then something blows upBecause number one, that number
two, the snowball effect right,oh, I lied, not going to cover
up that lie, not going to coverup that lie, and sooner or later
you're going to be caught.
You know, and not only doesthat feel horrible.
(16:04):
If you're integrity, obviouslyyou're like I shouldn't have
done that, right, but it breaksdown everything.
It breaks down everything Imean for you and the other
person that you know thatnegotiation or you know that
relationship is with.
So you know, talk to me aboutyou know, hey, I want to tell
(16:27):
the truth, I want to be inintegrity and maybe some ways
and skills to work kind ofaround that.
So you're for yourself and theother person, but like, but
you're not hurting them, you'renot going to trigger them, for
example, if you want to use thatword.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Well, I'll use that word because that is the word we
use.
So in my world it's hooks andtriggers.
There's things you should talkabout and then there's things
you shouldn't talk about.
But the only way to find out iswith open-ended questions.
When someone's talking to you,they're upset, they need someone
to hear them out.
They're going to let you knowwith their tone, with their
(17:07):
words, what bothers them andthen what they really enjoy
respect and love.
And that is the job, our job tofigure out what those are and
stay tuned on the hooks for thesake of this conversation and
stay away from those triggers.
So that's how we do it.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Yeah, fantastic, would you say that?
I mean, that's probably one ofthe most important things to
really really have intent andreally pay attention to.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Well, not only that, and again, once in my world it's
not just me there's a team, youknow.
There's a person sitting rightnext to me saying, hey, dummy,
don't say that.
You know, and it's kind of like.
And there's people on a boardbehind me saying all right,
these are the things, these arethe things we know, these are
the things that we don't knowyet of.
These are the triggers, theseare the hooks.
So I mean, it's not a me, it'sa we.
(17:57):
There are a team of people thatwant to help that person out.
That is our goal.
That nobody gets hurt.
That's our mission.
When we go into any negotiationand, like you mentioned, you
have to start with ALS.
It's all about active listeningand, if you think about it,
it's like a set of steps.
Every time you progress, you'regoing up a step.
If you lie or something happens, guess what?
(18:21):
Now you have to go all the wayback down to that first step.
So these are the things that wekeep track of.
So integrity, don't lie, goodlistening skills, open-ended
questions these are all thethings that we use, and I try to
use in my every day-to-dayquestions whenever I talk to
anybody.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Right, right, I love that.
You know it's, it's having that, that, that integrity.
And you know the thing that youreally hit with what or hit me,
I should say not literally, butthat really connected with me.
I even got, you know,goosebumps.
It's just you're there to help.
You're you're there to helpbecause the main goal is no one
(19:01):
gets hurt.
You know, including your team,obviously, and that that you
know.
You watch, you watch movies andyou watch this and you watch
that, and there's all this, youknow plotting and all these
different things.
Right, you know, and it's, it's, it's not an integrity
generally.
You know there's oh, let merephrase that there's always one
guy on the team.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Well, that's why it's a movie.
That's why it's a movie.
That's why you make popcorn andenjoy.
My wife will literally likeroll her eyes.
She goes don't you dare I go.
Nope, I'm gonna enjoy, justwith you.
So I keep my comments to myselfand we just enjoy the show.
We leave it at that.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
I bet that I bet that was a skill you literally had
to learn yeah, that was one ofthe toughest things.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Like well, we would.
I'm like, nope, you're watchingthe show with your family, sit
back and enjoy so that I canlaugh at that, because I'm so
guilty of that yeah, and I, mywife and I do it all the time.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
That's crap.
There's no way they do thatit's.
That's why they call itentertainment I just want look,
we're friends, okay.
Um, I want you to watch john qand just report back to me and
all the bowl all right, I'lltake notes, all right in fact,
(20:15):
when we see each other, let'sjust watch it together and you
just kind of go through it.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Absolutely A movie night.
I'm always for a movie night.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Amen, amen.
From your perspective, you know, or let's actually go like
workshops that you do in yourteachings with your company.
You're going to teachpreparation for active threat
scenarios.
So how does maintainingcomposure, which I'm going to go
with as one of the mostimportant things you can do,
really help with clarity underpressure?
Speaker 3 (20:46):
Well, again, when you're looking at anything under
pressure, you have to look atyour mindset and your body and
where you're at physically andmentally.
So I always revert back totaking care of yourself, because
if you can't take care of you,you can't take care of anybody
else.
So that's like the golden rule,so that that is my, my basis,
my, my, my beginning of anything.
Whatever I'm teaching or when Igo to a class, that's what I'm
(21:07):
looking for.
So that's that's how I judge, Imean you.
You have to be mentally andphysically at the top of your
game to be able to handleanything, especially in an
active threat situation.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Yeah, so thank you first of all.
Let's dive into that a littlebit more for our audience.
You know, as far as justnegotiation in general and life,
right, because you know life belife and things are coming at
you all the time, it never stops.
It's how you deal with it,right, and your perspective of
it.
Whether you're going to go, youknow, meet Nico in his uniform,
(21:39):
or you're going to go, you know, meet Nico in his uniform, or
you're going to say, oh, no bigdeal and move on with your day.
It's a very different outcomeeither way.
So talk to me a little bitabout you know what are some of
the things mentally.
Let's break this down mentallyand physically.
You just talked about for ourlisteners what are some things
you can do mentally to stay inthat, in that positive mindset
(22:04):
or, or you know, good mindset.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Well, you look at every situation you go to and
you try to find the positive ineverything, wherever you go,
because, as we notice, when wemeet all different kinds of
people, it's almost like you canfeel the negativity.
So whenever, if you know, Ialways tell everybody that you
know everything that happens ismy fault.
So if I go into somethingnegative, I'm assuming that
(22:29):
people are going to read thatnegative vibe.
So I, what I do, is I,basically, wherever I go, the
second I walk out of my house,I'm positive.
There's a little joke in thedepartment that whenever I key
up on the radio, they're like oh, it's Mr Happy.
So it's kind of like and I wishI was joking because it's kind
of like it starts at the verybeginning.
It just just try to be apositive person, because that
(22:50):
way they're like oh okay, it'slike I can be myself, I can ask
what I want.
When I'm with this person, Idon't have to worry about like,
keeping things from them,because here's somebody that's
coming into all situations witha positive perspective.
So just self-check and realizethat, wherever you go, as long
as you understand and you havethe mindset like you do when you
look at someone, I love you.
(23:11):
I tell everybody whateverhappens today, it's my fault.
So I stay positive, so I giveoff a positive vibe.
That's how I handle it.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
That's, that's, that's fantastic.
So would you say that havingthat, that positive mindset, and
again, whatever that that meansfor the person, um it, it.
It obviously affects otherpeople because they wouldn't
mess with you if they didn'tlove you for it, right On the
radio, right, mr Positive?
Absolutely yeah.
(23:41):
So the people around you aregenerally going to be attracted
more to the positivity thannegativity, or you're probably
going to attract the wrongpeople in your life.
How has that affected you inyour life, mr Positive?
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Well as Mr Positive, I realized that you know, like
negative likes negative.
So it's kind of like theyalways tell you to surround
yourself people that are likeminded.
So I believe that negativepeople hang out with negative
people.
There's that negative energy,but it's their energy.
So I figured that I onlyattract people that are positive
and happy, or at least I try toshow people that there is two
sides to a coin, or at least Itry to show people that there is
(24:17):
two sides to a coin.
It depends on how you handlethe situation, which goes right
into the effect of the outcomethat you're looking for, whether
you know it or not.
So, again, it's all about beingkind and being positive
wherever you go, whoever youdeal with, because nobody wants
to hang out with that DebbieDowner.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
No, and you know what ?
I love that you said that,because really you are.
They say that you know theaverage of the five to seven
people around you, and so ifyou're noticing I'm just going
to throw this out there, right,I think you're going to agree
with it If you're noticing, thepeople around you are all crabby
and angry and everything, youmay be there too, and that
(25:00):
self-check, like Nico said, itmight be time for that.
So I also always suggest don'tbe the smartest guy in the room,
because the people around youhere's the psychological part of
that the people around you areeither going to bring you up or
you're going to settle down totheir level to be comfortable,
right.
So don't be the smartest guy orgal in the room.
You always want to be rising.
(25:20):
You always want to be better.
You know, so you can say likenico says you know, I just did
this fbi thing just to hone myskills a little bit, just to get
a little better just a week.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
I had nothing else better to do.
No, it was amazing training andI enjoyed it.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
I I bet I'm sure that was a major gift and like to
just go in there and do that and, of course, being around your
comrades and so on, and, youknow, spreading that positivity
in that room.
That's right, amen.
Let's talk about the physical.
So we've got about four minutesleft and of course, I want to
have people be able to reach outto you and get our final three
(25:54):
tips.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
But the physical how much does that deal with mindset
and being able to calm yourselfand, and really there's the
physiology that goes into allthe negotiations for you,
obviously, but also for you know, our everyday uh, veterans and
or civilians, family well, theonly way I can answer that
(26:16):
question is what works for me,and I realize that you know, in
order for my mental to be whereit is, in order to handle the
situations I do, I need to havemy physical at the top of its
game.
Whether it's my 10,000 steps aday, whether it's, you know,
keeping it under so manycalories a day.
You know the meal portions andstuff like that, which, for a
lot of people, is like wow, thatseems like a lot.
(26:37):
Well, it's what I need.
That's how I keep myself incheck, my mental, because I've
got my physical where I need itto be Push-ups, sit-ups, jumping
jacks, burpees, whatever eachday brings, whether it's the
boot camps that I put on,whether it's the workouts that I
do for myself, all of thathelps me train and it makes me
happy.
Therefore, my mental is whereit needs to be.
(26:58):
So, again, I can only speak onbehalf of myself.
That's how I, that's how I helpme be ready to handle whatever
the situation brings.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, phenomenal.
So there's.
There's a lot of science behindit your physiology.
When you're working out and alot of people know this, but I'm
just going to kind of touchbase on it it releases good
hormones that actually relax you, that calm you and put you in a
better state of mind, andemotionally that all plays in
together.
So when you're handling thingsemotionally better because of
(27:29):
your thoughts, you handle everyday better.
Again, you know it's whetheryou know you get a flat tire and
you, you know it ruins your dayand everybody around you their
day.
Or it's like okay, I got a flattire.
You know life, this is life,okay, move on.
You know.
And how much different is itwhen you have to do the workout,
(27:50):
you eat right, you do thosekinds of things and every day is
just so much simpler instead ofcatastrophic.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
It just helps me get through the stuff that, just
like you said, I've gotten aflat tire, got to fix a flat
tire.
It's just that simple.
Instead of oh my God, my day isruined.
Well, I mean, I get it.
Things need to be now changedto deal with that time you have
to spend.
But it's like no use cryingover spilled milk.
I mean you pick up the mess andthen you move forward and
therefore, for me again, keepingmy physical where it is now,
(28:21):
even at my age, at 55, sorry,that's something in my throat,
it's kind of like and I want tokeep it going at 65 and 75 and
so on, because it's that's whatkeeps me being Mr Happy, because
my physical is where I neededto be and my mental is where I
needed to be to get my job done.
So that's my happy.
So that's, that's how I look atit.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Absolutely love it.
Absolutely love it, and I wouldjust say, my friend, it's a
fantastic way to look at it.
Thank you, I appreciate itBecause otherwise you'd be Mr
Negative.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Yeah, we don't want Mr Negative.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
No one has time for Mr Negative man.
There you go.
All right, brother, we're atthe end of the show.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
So, first of all, do you want to do another dad joke?
Well, you know, if you push me,fine, I'll do one more.
But, um, yes, I do have onemore joke for everybody.
Oh, there's the push, okay.
So what do you call a canopener?
That doesn't work.
This is usually where I grab mycoffee and take a sip, but I'll
just, I'll give you, I'll giveyou a second.
It's called a can't opener.
So again, cringy.
The goal is cringy and Ibelieve I succeeded in that, and
(29:26):
my wife somewhere is rollingher eyes right now upstairs.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
I'm trying to tell you, man, I love when your
wife's on the video and you'relike honey, honey.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Babe.
She's like why God, why me?
And I get it.
That's the goal, that's my winfor the day.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
That's awesome.
So thank you for entertainingus.
You're welcome.
Sorry to the wife.
So how do people reach out toyou?
How do people find out aboutyour trainings, the Greek boot
camp, all of it?
Speaker 3 (29:59):
OK.
So as far as the dad jokes go,it's hashtag Nick business and I
C K B I Z N E S S.
But in regards to any activeshooter, active threat training,
it's N E K O Z A I R I S at.
Gmailcom is my email and dotcom is my website.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Fantastic and you know reach out, you know people.
This is a fantastic man and whodoesn't want to be around him
with his dad jokes andpositivity as well.
I mean it just all goestogether so well.
Absolutely love it.
So can we get three tips to getveterans and their families
further fast?
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Number one always be kind.
Number two there are people outthere that want to help, please
reach out.
And number three put your bodyand your mind in what you
consider the best version ofyourself.
Try to eat better, try to workout.
Try to be a better version ofyourself.
Don't compare yourself to thenext person.
Just be a better version of you.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Absolutely love that.
Yeah, don't compare to otherpeople.
Compare to them forpossibilities, but compare
yourself for growth.
So, with that said, nico, asalways, love you being on the
show.
And time is the most preciousresource we have as human beings
(31:23):
.
We do not get it back.
We do not get it back.
We do not get it back.
So thank you for spending someof your life and time with us
again and spreading such amazinginformation that can help you
just in everyday life.
So thank you so much for that.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
The honor is mine.
Thank you for your time andit's always a pleasure to be any
part of anything Michael Colehas to offer.
Thank you, sir.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Thank you, man.
I appreciate that and on thatnote, we're out of here.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Thank you for joining us on another insightful
journey of your Thoughts yourReality podcast with your host,
michael Cole.
We hope the conversationsparked some thoughts that
resonate with you.
To dive deeper into empoweringyour thoughts and enhancing your
reality, visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts shapeyour reality, so make them count
(32:12):
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuroencoding
science, empowering these braveindividuals to conquer universal
battles procrastination,self-doubt, fear and more.
Together, let's uncover thestrength within you to re-engage
with families and society,forging a new path forward.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
Today we have back a goodfriend, nico Zaras.
He's a seasoned law enforcementveteran with 30 years of
experience in law enforcement,bringing a wealth of knowledge
about managing high-stakessituations and resolving
conflicts with integrity.
Advocate for transitioningveterans, he has a military
(01:12):
family perspective.
Let me slow down.
We're a couple minutes late somy brain is still on overload.
Hold on, neuroencoding worksAll right.
Having a daughter in NationalGuard.
Nico provides a unique lens onthe challenges and
transformations militaryfamilies face.
He's an expert in active threatpreparedness.
(01:32):
Anybody that's seen him on herebefore he's absolutely
fantastic and a proponent ofnegotiations with integrity, and
today we're going to reallydive in negotiations a lot, and
whatever that means in your life.
So, nico, for people that don'tknow you yet, why don't you
just tell us a little bit moreabout yourself?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
My name is Nico Zarris.
I am the owner and CEO of NicoZarris Security and Critical
Behavior Consulting.
I've got about 30 years lawenforcement experience and I'm a
dad of three.
My oldest daughter is in theNational Guard, stationed in
Alaska and currently an activemember in law enforcement now
(02:11):
still, and I'm a lover of dadjokes.
So that's pretty much me in anutshell.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
And I'm just going to say right now well, obviously,
as we always do, ask Nico at theend to share how to reach out
to him.
So he does dad jokes and I cannever go past it, man.
I always have to stop and justtake a listen.
So you know, just to fill mycup and fill my soul a little
bit, why don't we start there?
Give us a dad joke, nico.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Okay, I'll start with the one I was going to end the
show with and then I'll just tryto see if I can figure one at
the end.
So, for starters, how do theelves keep the north pole so
clean?
They use santa tizer.
So yeah, that's just one of theones I use.
(02:58):
Um, like I said, I just if itmakes my kids cringe, the job
well done.
I know, I remember we firsttalked about it.
That's just one of the ones Iuse.
Like I said, if it makes mykids cringe, the job well done.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I know, I remember we first talked about it.
That's exactly why you said it.
Well, I got news for you Oneday, you're going to have 20,000
of those on there.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
You ain't lying.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Absolutely fantastic.
So before we really dive in,guys, I want to just remind
everybody to look up.
In the top right corner there'sa blue QR code.
Please scan that.
It takes you to empowerperformance strategies dot com
for people listening on thepodcast forums later on.
Again, that is our performancestrategies dot com.
You know, we have an amazingmission.
(03:42):
We're rolling and we have somefree e-books for both veterans
and their families, as well asFacebook groups for veterans and
another one for their families.
Just support, it's a greatgroups.
You know, don't go in solitude.
Come join us, be part of themission and let's blow this
thing up.
So, that said, nico, shall weget started?
Absolutely All right.
(04:03):
Fantastic man.
So with your experience in lawenforcement, how has it shaped
your understanding fornegotiation, and especially in
high pressure situations?
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Well, I always use when I get into a situation like
that, I try to understand andrealize that in some cases,
especially in negotiations, it'snot about solving a problem,
it's about actually listening,and I try to revert back to that
(04:33):
whenever I'm in a situationlike that and I allow that
situation, by listening to thatperson's problems, negate the
whether it's the questions I askor what leads me to the next
step to help them helpthemselves.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah, absolutely love that.
And it's not just in thatsituation, right.
I mean we can, in my opinionshould do this in everyday life
with people.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Well, if I may say that, if people ask me how many
negotiations have you beenthrough, I say I don't know.
What time is it?
I mean because every situation,whether it's with your wife,
your best friend, your kid, yourfriend or anybody else, whether
it's with your wife, your bestfriend, your kid, your friend or
anybody else, you have to takeinto consideration that you know
that could very well be theworst day of their life.
(05:11):
You don't know.
So I believe every conversationis, in its own way, a
negotiation.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Right, absolutely, and let's talk about that a
little bit more.
So I mean, whether it's a asomeone's having a bad day or
and let's get a little sillyit's it's what's for dinner,
right?
So, um, what are some of thethe things you know I talk?
We talk about active listening,right, which I think is
absolutely main main focal pointfor this, as you brought up
(05:42):
what is active listening and andhow do people know the
difference between I'm justabsorbing it in compared to
active listening?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Well, let me just start off by saying that ALS
active listening skills is theparamount basic step of all
negotiations.
Everything stems from ALS.
Als is the bottom step in thestep process needed to go to
basically get change in thesituation that you're involved
in right now.
So, basically, instead ofalways like when someone says
(06:14):
something, you go with questionsthat are not yes or no answers,
instead of asking you know, isthe sky blue?
It'd be more like you know,what do you think about the sky?
I mean, try to get more of aresponse from the person you're
talking to and try to stay awayfrom questions that need a yes
or no answer.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
And why do you say that Because?
The reasoning behind it.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Well, the reasoning is because you're there to
listen.
I mean, how many times can youlisten to?
Well, is you know?
How old are you?
All right, 24.
Are you a male?
Yes, are you a female?
Yes, that's it.
But why not ask how do you feelabout the way you are, you know
?
How do you feel about theweather?
Why are we in this situationright now?
And in order for me to help you.
I have nothing to listen to ifall I'm hearing is yes and no.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, and really I think it comes down to learning
about that person's model of theworld.
Yes, so if you're going into aperspective and I train on this
and teach this with my coachingas well if you are just going in
with your model of the world,how often is it going to match
exactly the other person?
(07:21):
So if you're just literallygoing in and saying, hey, you
know, this is what I'm seeing,doesn't mean they're
understanding at all what you'resaying in that sense, because
they're not seeing the samething, because their model of
the world is different, theirperspectives are different or
their blueprint for life, if youwill, is different.
So you know, I think that's youknow in order to align with
(07:43):
somebody let's talk about thatfor a little bit.
I'm sure it's a major part ofnegotiating on all levels If
you're just going by your modelof the world, it's hard to
really align with somebody, toreally connect and have a good
conversation.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Talk about that.
Advantages from my perspectiveand being a negotiator on the
SWAT team is that I'm going tohave information about the
people that everybody else isn'tgoing to have when they're in a
situation like I would be.
So ultimately, by asking theseopen ended questions, what
you're doing is you're learningmore about them and then you're
(08:18):
looking for that commondenominator.
One of the examples when wetook the program in the
beginning, the instructor got upin the front of the room.
He goes I'm 50 years old, I'min the military, I used to live
in Florida, you know, I trained,I've got this many kids and
(08:38):
what he did was is he opened upa dialogue so that each and
every one of us can look at allright, well, maybe I've never
been to Florida, but I'm afather, so I can relate with
that.
So the more open-endedquestions you ask, the more you
learn about them.
And then you find that commondenominator.
Even if it's not you, it mightbe with somebody that you've
interacted with and you can usethat in your dialogue.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Absolutely.
And it can be a father, itcould be scuba diving, golfing
musician, I like to sing.
Whatever you know, whatever itis, it doesn't have to be some
mind-altering thing, it's justanything.
When you go into, let's say, agrocery store, for instance,
when you're going in there andyou're standing in line and
(09:18):
everybody's bored and all of asudden somebody brings up
something that they feel thesame way about.
You know it's that simple asfar as aligning with somebody
good or bad, but you know it'sthat simple to really align with
somebody.
We do it all day long.
If you're in society, on thephone, whatever the case may be,
it happens.
It happens more often than not.
So maybe just a thought shouldpeople be kind of learning those
(09:40):
skills and working those skillswhen they're out in public, you
know, not necessarily a SWATnegotiator like someone else,
but in everyday life, forveterans and their families, I
think maybe that's a good skill,to just kind of harness.
And you know, get into Nico'sbootcamp.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
We have all kinds of openings in my bootcamps, but
ultimately the key is to be nice.
I know, be kind.
We discussed this in our lastpodcast together.
We're going to discuss it todayand, if you ever invite me
again, be kind is going to be inthe next one, because I would
say absolutely everybody justplease listen and be kind,
because that conversation you'rehaving with that person could
(10:20):
be the difference between themdoing something harmful.
Just be nice and be kind.
So I would be the biggestadvocate of everybody taking
this kind of training, but thenagain, you can expect people to
do that.
So, yes, I would love foreverybody to just take a couple
minutes when you're at thegrocery store in line and
somebody strikes up aconversation, instead of rolling
your eyes and looking at yourgroceries strike up a
(10:40):
conversation, just be kind.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, I love that.
Strike up a conversation, justbe kind.
Yeah, I love that.
It's like you said.
You know it can be somethingsuper simple, but changes
somebody's day.
And here's the beautiful thingthat ripple effect changes that
family's day and maybe thatfamily's friend's day, and
because once you know someone'skind and it connects, the ripple
(11:03):
effect keeps going oncesomeone's kind and it connects.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
The ripple effect keeps going.
I completely agree with you,and I always make a joke
wherever I go.
I was brought up to be agentleman.
I open the door and I alwaysmake a joke.
Oh my God, when somebody saysthank you, I say that's my one
good deed for the day.
It's kind of like I like tomake people laugh and I use that
as a basis.
If that strikes up aconversation, great.
If not, you see somebodywalking away with a smile.
That's a win.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I want to just keep addingon to this about the being kind.
You know I teach a practice, ahack, whatever it is, but it's a
50-foot rule and so when you'rewalking around, just putting
intent on somebody else andsaying in your mind because if
you say it out loud they mightbe calling me, go to come
negotiate and see what's goingon with you but I teach, teach
(11:50):
and I do it myself and this iswhy I teach it, because it's
powerful If you can look atsomebody, another human being,
and just say in your mind I loveyou, and just put that intent
and feel it and you keep doingthat with people around you
within 50 feet.
Here's the experience I hadwith it and this is why I teach
it.
I literally have went intoWalmarts, went into stores
(12:12):
everywhere and just the positive, or that magnetism, if you will
, and it's a science thing, it'snot woo-woo, unicorns and
rainbows, it's a real thing,that magnetism that people
literally just start talking toyou and they're happy and
they're smiling.
And I can't tell you.
There was one day specificallyit was at Walmart and I came
(12:33):
home and told my wife I was likethe weirdest thing happened to
me.
And this is when therealization of it happening in
my aha moment, literally.
I had some of the most amazingconversations with people and
they left smiling.
I saw them again, they werestill smiling.
So, if you can be kind, thankyou, nico.
It really just the rippleeffect continues, it just
(12:55):
continues.
So try that process, you know,and I'd love to hear from people
later on and how that workedfor them.
I think, nico, that is one ofthe main things, because you're
coming in there with that heartspace, with negotiations.
Let's get back into that.
It changes everything right.
Because let's get into theintegrity part.
When you come in there withthat of really trying to serve
(13:18):
help, not only does it make youfeel good but generally will
make the other person feel goodyeah, positive positivity.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
You give off vibes and you have an aura of like
approachability and and I thinkthat's a gift and for some
people it's actually theirsuperpower yeah, yeah, I love
that.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I love that.
I think maybe that'll be mysuperpower today.
There it is I.
I absolutely love it.
So would you say that, withnegotiations again, and let's
keep it fairly simple.
I mean, I know SWAT hasdifferent kinds of negotiations
than the rest of us do every day.
To that perspective, if youwill.
(13:55):
So what do you think some ofthe most important things to
remember?
Besides you know being kind totalk about that, but let's,
let's.
Actually I'm going to just gostraight into integrity, If
that's okay with you, Beautiful,Because I think when you're a
Tegress with within yourself,people feel it.
So talk about negotiations withintegrity.
(14:18):
What, what's, what are some ofthe key points and what what's
important in your just basicthoughts on that?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
So basically, I just about two weeks ago retook a 40
hour FBI negotiator school justto basically hone in on my
skills and and the bottom line,the number one- I'm sorry I got
to interrupt.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
What's that FBI training?
Just to hone?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
in on my skills.
The best of the best in theregion were there.
I mean instructors from alldepartments, from the agencies.
They put us through a four-dayout pre-basic in order to be a
negotiator.
This is just one of theprograms you take.
For some of us it was justbasically a repeat to hone in on
our skills.
But bottom line no questionsasked.
(15:02):
Whenever you're dealing with anykind of a negotiation, number
one rule don't lie.
It's basically that simple,whether you want to look at it
from the integrity perspective,but the bottom line is this you
cannot gain the trust of anybodyyou're talking to if you lie to
them.
If you don't know, you don'tknow.
That's why I always say leaveit up to the open-ended
questions to learn more, becausethere is commonality there.
You don't make up a story offof what they tell you.
(15:24):
And when you're sitting therefor six hours, eight hours, 12
hours, trying to talk tosomebody from not hurting
themselves or other people, youcan't go back and be like oh,
did I say that?
You can't do that.
It's not fair to you, it's notfair to them.
So the number one rule inintegrity do not lie to the
people you're speaking to.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, I absolutely love that, Because how many
times do we say it's a white lie?
But then something blows upBecause number one, that number
two, the snowball effect right,oh, I lied, not going to cover
up that lie, not going to coverup that lie, and sooner or later
you're going to be caught.
You know, and not only doesthat feel horrible.
(16:04):
If you're integrity, obviouslyyou're like I shouldn't have
done that, right, but it breaksdown everything.
It breaks down everything Imean for you and the other
person that you know thatnegotiation or you know that
relationship is with.
So you know, talk to me aboutyou know, hey, I want to tell
(16:27):
the truth, I want to be inintegrity and maybe some ways
and skills to work kind ofaround that.
So you're for yourself and theother person, but like, but
you're not hurting them, you'renot going to trigger them, for
example, if you want to use thatword.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Well, I'll use that word because that is the word we
use.
So in my world it's hooks andtriggers.
There's things you should talkabout and then there's things
you shouldn't talk about.
But the only way to find out iswith open-ended questions.
When someone's talking to you,they're upset, they need someone
to hear them out.
They're going to let you knowwith their tone, with their
(17:07):
words, what bothers them andthen what they really enjoy
respect and love.
And that is the job, our job tofigure out what those are and
stay tuned on the hooks for thesake of this conversation and
stay away from those triggers.
So that's how we do it.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Yeah, fantastic, would you say that?
I mean, that's probably one ofthe most important things to
really really have intent andreally pay attention to.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Well, not only that, and again, once in my world it's
not just me there's a team, youknow.
There's a person sitting rightnext to me saying, hey, dummy,
don't say that.
You know, and it's kind of like.
And there's people on a boardbehind me saying all right,
these are the things, these arethe things we know, these are
the things that we don't knowyet of.
These are the triggers, theseare the hooks.
So I mean, it's not a me, it'sa we.
(17:57):
There are a team of people thatwant to help that person out.
That is our goal.
That nobody gets hurt.
That's our mission.
When we go into any negotiationand, like you mentioned, you
have to start with ALS.
It's all about active listeningand, if you think about it,
it's like a set of steps.
Every time you progress, you'regoing up a step.
If you lie or something happens, guess what?
(18:21):
Now you have to go all the wayback down to that first step.
So these are the things that wekeep track of.
So integrity, don't lie, goodlistening skills, open-ended
questions these are all thethings that we use, and I try to
use in my every day-to-dayquestions whenever I talk to
anybody.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Right, right, I love that.
You know it's, it's having that, that, that integrity.
And you know the thing that youreally hit with what or hit me,
I should say not literally, butthat really connected with me.
I even got, you know,goosebumps.
It's just you're there to help.
You're you're there to helpbecause the main goal is no one
(19:01):
gets hurt.
You know, including your team,obviously, and that that you
know.
You watch, you watch movies andyou watch this and you watch
that, and there's all this, youknow plotting and all these
different things.
Right, you know, and it's, it's, it's not an integrity
generally.
You know there's oh, let merephrase that there's always one
guy on the team.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Well, that's why it's a movie.
That's why it's a movie.
That's why you make popcorn andenjoy.
My wife will literally likeroll her eyes.
She goes don't you dare I go.
Nope, I'm gonna enjoy, justwith you.
So I keep my comments to myselfand we just enjoy the show.
We leave it at that.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
I bet that I bet that was a skill you literally had
to learn yeah, that was one ofthe toughest things.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Like well, we would.
I'm like, nope, you're watchingthe show with your family, sit
back and enjoy so that I canlaugh at that, because I'm so
guilty of that yeah, and I, mywife and I do it all the time.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
That's crap.
There's no way they do thatit's.
That's why they call itentertainment I just want look,
we're friends, okay.
Um, I want you to watch john qand just report back to me and
all the bowl all right, I'lltake notes, all right in fact,
(20:15):
when we see each other, let'sjust watch it together and you
just kind of go through it.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Absolutely A movie night.
I'm always for a movie night.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Amen, amen.
From your perspective, you know, or let's actually go like
workshops that you do in yourteachings with your company.
You're going to teachpreparation for active threat
scenarios.
So how does maintainingcomposure, which I'm going to go
with as one of the mostimportant things you can do,
really help with clarity underpressure?
Speaker 3 (20:46):
Well, again, when you're looking at anything under
pressure, you have to look atyour mindset and your body and
where you're at physically andmentally.
So I always revert back totaking care of yourself, because
if you can't take care of you,you can't take care of anybody
else.
So that's like the golden rule,so that that is my, my basis,
my, my, my beginning of anything.
Whatever I'm teaching or when Igo to a class, that's what I'm
(21:07):
looking for.
So that's that's how I judge, Imean you.
You have to be mentally andphysically at the top of your
game to be able to handleanything, especially in an
active threat situation.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Yeah, so thank you first of all.
Let's dive into that a littlebit more for our audience.
You know, as far as justnegotiation in general and life,
right, because you know life belife and things are coming at
you all the time, it never stops.
It's how you deal with it,right, and your perspective of
it.
Whether you're going to go, youknow, meet Nico in his uniform,
(21:39):
or you're going to go, you know, meet Nico in his uniform, or
you're going to say, oh, no bigdeal and move on with your day.
It's a very different outcomeeither way.
So talk to me a little bitabout you know what are some of
the things mentally.
Let's break this down mentallyand physically.
You just talked about for ourlisteners what are some things
you can do mentally to stay inthat, in that positive mindset
(22:04):
or, or you know, good mindset.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Well, you look at every situation you go to and
you try to find the positive ineverything, wherever you go,
because, as we notice, when wemeet all different kinds of
people, it's almost like you canfeel the negativity.
So whenever, if you know, Ialways tell everybody that you
know everything that happens ismy fault.
So if I go into somethingnegative, I'm assuming that
(22:29):
people are going to read thatnegative vibe.
So I, what I do, is I,basically, wherever I go, the
second I walk out of my house,I'm positive.
There's a little joke in thedepartment that whenever I key
up on the radio, they're like oh, it's Mr Happy.
So it's kind of like and I wishI was joking because it's kind
of like it starts at the verybeginning.
It just just try to be apositive person, because that
(22:50):
way they're like oh okay, it'slike I can be myself, I can ask
what I want.
When I'm with this person, Idon't have to worry about like,
keeping things from them,because here's somebody that's
coming into all situations witha positive perspective.
So just self-check and realizethat, wherever you go, as long
as you understand and you havethe mindset like you do when you
look at someone, I love you.
(23:11):
I tell everybody whateverhappens today, it's my fault.
So I stay positive, so I giveoff a positive vibe.
That's how I handle it.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
That's, that's, that's fantastic.
So would you say that havingthat, that positive mindset, and
again, whatever that that meansfor the person, um it, it.
It obviously affects otherpeople because they wouldn't
mess with you if they didn'tlove you for it, right On the
radio, right, mr Positive?
Absolutely yeah.
(23:41):
So the people around you aregenerally going to be attracted
more to the positivity thannegativity, or you're probably
going to attract the wrongpeople in your life.
How has that affected you inyour life, mr Positive?
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Well as Mr Positive, I realized that you know, like
negative likes negative.
So it's kind of like theyalways tell you to surround
yourself people that are likeminded.
So I believe that negativepeople hang out with negative
people.
There's that negative energy,but it's their energy.
So I figured that I onlyattract people that are positive
and happy, or at least I try toshow people that there is two
sides to a coin, or at least Itry to show people that there is
(24:17):
two sides to a coin.
It depends on how you handlethe situation, which goes right
into the effect of the outcomethat you're looking for, whether
you know it or not.
So, again, it's all about beingkind and being positive
wherever you go, whoever youdeal with, because nobody wants
to hang out with that DebbieDowner.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
No, and you know what ?
I love that you said that,because really you are.
They say that you know theaverage of the five to seven
people around you, and so ifyou're noticing I'm just going
to throw this out there, right,I think you're going to agree
with it If you're noticing, thepeople around you are all crabby
and angry and everything, youmay be there too, and that
(25:00):
self-check, like Nico said, itmight be time for that.
So I also always suggest don'tbe the smartest guy in the room,
because the people around youhere's the psychological part of
that the people around you areeither going to bring you up or
you're going to settle down totheir level to be comfortable,
right.
So don't be the smartest guy orgal in the room.
You always want to be rising.
(25:20):
You always want to be better.
You know, so you can say likenico says you know, I just did
this fbi thing just to hone myskills a little bit, just to get
a little better just a week.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
I had nothing else better to do.
No, it was amazing training andI enjoyed it.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
I I bet I'm sure that was a major gift and like to
just go in there and do that and, of course, being around your
comrades and so on, and, youknow, spreading that positivity
in that room.
That's right, amen.
Let's talk about the physical.
So we've got about four minutesleft and of course, I want to
have people be able to reach outto you and get our final three
(25:54):
tips.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
But the physical how much does that deal with mindset
and being able to calm yourselfand, and really there's the
physiology that goes into allthe negotiations for you,
obviously, but also for you know, our everyday uh, veterans and
or civilians, family well, theonly way I can answer that
(26:16):
question is what works for me,and I realize that you know, in
order for my mental to be whereit is, in order to handle the
situations I do, I need to havemy physical at the top of its
game.
Whether it's my 10,000 steps aday, whether it's, you know,
keeping it under so manycalories a day.
You know the meal portions andstuff like that, which, for a
lot of people, is like wow, thatseems like a lot.
(26:37):
Well, it's what I need.
That's how I keep myself incheck, my mental, because I've
got my physical where I need itto be Push-ups, sit-ups, jumping
jacks, burpees, whatever eachday brings, whether it's the
boot camps that I put on,whether it's the workouts that I
do for myself, all of thathelps me train and it makes me
happy.
Therefore, my mental is whereit needs to be.
(26:58):
So, again, I can only speak onbehalf of myself.
That's how I, that's how I helpme be ready to handle whatever
the situation brings.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, phenomenal.
So there's.
There's a lot of science behindit your physiology.
When you're working out and alot of people know this, but I'm
just going to kind of touchbase on it it releases good
hormones that actually relax you, that calm you and put you in a
better state of mind, andemotionally that all plays in
together.
So when you're handling thingsemotionally better because of
(27:29):
your thoughts, you handle everyday better.
Again, you know it's whetheryou know you get a flat tire and
you, you know it ruins your dayand everybody around you their
day.
Or it's like okay, I got a flattire.
You know life, this is life,okay, move on.
You know.
And how much different is itwhen you have to do the workout,
(27:50):
you eat right, you do thosekinds of things and every day is
just so much simpler instead ofcatastrophic.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
It just helps me get through the stuff that, just
like you said, I've gotten aflat tire, got to fix a flat
tire.
It's just that simple.
Instead of oh my God, my day isruined.
Well, I mean, I get it.
Things need to be now changedto deal with that time you have
to spend.
But it's like no use cryingover spilled milk.
I mean you pick up the mess andthen you move forward and
therefore, for me again, keepingmy physical where it is now,
(28:21):
even at my age, at 55, sorry,that's something in my throat,
it's kind of like and I want tokeep it going at 65 and 75 and
so on, because it's that's whatkeeps me being Mr Happy, because
my physical is where I neededto be and my mental is where I
needed to be to get my job done.
So that's my happy.
So that's, that's how I look atit.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Absolutely love it.
Absolutely love it, and I wouldjust say, my friend, it's a
fantastic way to look at it.
Thank you, I appreciate itBecause otherwise you'd be Mr
Negative.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Yeah, we don't want Mr Negative.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
No one has time for Mr Negative man.
There you go.
All right, brother, we're atthe end of the show.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
So, first of all, do you want to do another dad joke?
Well, you know, if you push me,fine, I'll do one more.
But, um, yes, I do have onemore joke for everybody.
Oh, there's the push, okay.
So what do you call a canopener?
That doesn't work.
This is usually where I grab mycoffee and take a sip, but I'll
just, I'll give you, I'll giveyou a second.
It's called a can't opener.
So again, cringy.
The goal is cringy and Ibelieve I succeeded in that, and
(29:26):
my wife somewhere is rollingher eyes right now upstairs.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
I'm trying to tell you, man, I love when your
wife's on the video and you'relike honey, honey.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Babe.
She's like why God, why me?
And I get it.
That's the goal, that's my winfor the day.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
That's awesome.
So thank you for entertainingus.
You're welcome.
Sorry to the wife.
So how do people reach out toyou?
How do people find out aboutyour trainings, the Greek boot
camp, all of it?
Speaker 3 (29:59):
OK.
So as far as the dad jokes go,it's hashtag Nick business and I
C K B I Z N E S S.
But in regards to any activeshooter, active threat training,
it's N E K O Z A I R I S at.
Gmailcom is my email and dotcom is my website.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Fantastic and you know reach out, you know people.
This is a fantastic man and whodoesn't want to be around him
with his dad jokes andpositivity as well.
I mean it just all goestogether so well.
Absolutely love it.
So can we get three tips to getveterans and their families
further fast?
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Number one always be kind.
Number two there are people outthere that want to help, please
reach out.
And number three put your bodyand your mind in what you
consider the best version ofyourself.
Try to eat better, try to workout.
Try to be a better version ofyourself.
Don't compare yourself to thenext person.
Just be a better version of you.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Absolutely love that.
Yeah, don't compare to otherpeople.
Compare to them forpossibilities, but compare
yourself for growth.
So, with that said, nico, asalways, love you being on the
show.
And time is the most preciousresource we have as human beings
(31:23):
.
We do not get it back.
We do not get it back.
We do not get it back.
So thank you for spending someof your life and time with us
again and spreading such amazinginformation that can help you
just in everyday life.
So thank you so much for that.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
The honor is mine.
Thank you for your time andit's always a pleasure to be any
part of anything Michael Colehas to offer.
Thank you, sir.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Thank you, man.
I appreciate that and on thatnote, we're out of here.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Thank you for joining us on another insightful
journey of your Thoughts yourReality podcast with your host,
michael Cole.
We hope the conversationsparked some thoughts that
resonate with you.
To dive deeper into empoweringyour thoughts and enhancing your
reality, visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts shapeyour reality, so make them count
(32:12):
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
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