October 7, 2025 • 48 mins
🚨 SHOCKING MEDICAL REVELATION: Dr. Carla Rotering, a pulmonologist with 40+ years of experience, reveals the devastating truth about your mind: 90% of your 80,000-120,000 daily thoughts are negative - and they're systematically destroying your potential.
In this life-changing conversation, discover:
- Why your brain is literally programmed to sabotage your happiness.
- How a medical doctor transformed from fear-based suffering to "living love."
- The hidden "bartering for belonging" pattern keeping you trapped.
- Why you can't create your ultimate life without loving your messy, flawed self.
- The spiritual psychology breakthrough that changes everything.
This isn't just personal development. This is medical-grade transformation.
🎯 READY TO REPROGRAM YOUR 90% NEGATIVE THOUGHTS?
Join the Dream, Build, Write It Challenge - rewrite your mental programming: dreambuilwriteit.com
📚 DR. CARLA'S RESOURCES:
- Website: www.drcarlarotering.com
- Book "Bartering for Belonging" (December release)
- Companion Workbook
- Group transformation programs - check the website for more details.
CONNECT WITH KELLAN OR DR. CARLA AT: YourUltimateLifePodcast.com/Contact
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
At which point I looked at thesky and said, you have got to be
kidding me, because I was a poet.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livinga dream?
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power and real talk so you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life.
(00:28):
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Hello, welcome to this episodeof your ultimate life, the podcast
that we created to help youget excited, live your life, be fun,
have fun, do good stuff, andlive a life of purpose, prosperity
and joy.
I'm blessed again to have aguest I've had before, but love her
(00:51):
every time she comes.
Dr. Carla Rodering.
Carla, welcome to the show.
Thank you, Kellen.
I'm glad to be here.
You know, we were talking justbefore we started about you or today
was a day you're seeingpatients and you've been in medicine
for 40 plus years.
And you are certainly a granddom of, you know, pulmonology and
(01:11):
the work that you do inhelping people's bodies recover.
But, you know, what impressesme more than that about you is your
ability to bring love andkindness and empathy and humanity
and, you know, a bunch ofother words that we could say into
this practice.
How come that's important to you?
(01:33):
Ah, well, you know,retrospectively, Kellen, that's what
called me to medicine in thefirst place.
I wasn't a science girl.
I wasn't declaring myself atthe age of five.
I had sort of an epiphany whenI was in my 20s.
(01:54):
I sort of a downloadinvitation, at which point I looked
at the sky and said, you havegot to be kidding me.
Because I was a poet and amusician and a mother, and I had
no inkling inside of me that Iwould ever even turn towards medicine.
(02:15):
So I got called by heart andsoul into the science and the art
of medicine.
And I knew that I was going tohave to learn some science and I
was going to have to knuckledown and get it done.
I was not going to be able tolove people well or more well than
(02:36):
they were.
And as I got into thatprocess, what I sometimes these days
call the machinery ofmedicine, medicine, I really did
lose sight of the calling fora while and then had an event that
(02:58):
sort of woke me up and led meback home.
But what I know after really40 some years in medicine is that
if I bring my attention toyour body, I'm only showing up as
a partial healer.
That there is an entity knownas Kellen that encompasses more than
(03:23):
meets my eye or my ear andactually extends beyond my understanding.
And so my job as a physicianis to walk in these steps of the
original physician, which issome form of spirit from my understanding
(03:47):
and to offer everything that Ihave, my heart, my spirit, my intellect,
my caring, even into thespaces that I don't yet understand.
Well, just knowing that I cantrust that if I place everything
that I am on behalf of yourwell being, that it will land where
(04:11):
it's meant to land.
You know, when you say allthat, it makes me want to ask the
question.
I mean, in the last, I don'tknow, a couple years, I've had different
medical things.
And so I've been in and out ofdoctors and hospitals and things.
I wonder how many doctors,healthcare providers, but doctors
(04:33):
specifically would hear yousay all that, place all this, including
this, this, this and the otherand a bunch of soft, soft words,
you know, forward in behalf ofthis entity.
How many people talk like thator even think like that and don't
say it?
Yeah, so not a lot of peopletalk like that, but I will say, and
(04:54):
I, and this is actuallyimportant for me to sort of bring
forward more and more all thetime, right?
More and more, all the time.
More and more people who arefinding themselves standing in the
middle of a hallway in somehospital or clinic somewhere saying,
wait, what am I, what am I doing?
(05:16):
This doesn't look or feel likeI thought it was going to look or
feel.
What am I missing?
And then begin to kind ofsearch for more meaning, more purpose.
So the conversations arebubbling up in unexpected places.
Doctors, dining rooms, onlineboards, conversations for physicians
(05:39):
where there's a little moresafety than the grocery store.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, but the other thing that'shappening, I think is that patients
are coming to us with adifferent kind of expectation.
Right.
A different kind of yearningor something more than tablets and
(06:05):
tests and 15 minuteconversations that doesn't touch
what's really hurting insideof them.
So I would suggest thisconversations are rarest hen, Steve,
and I've heard hens aregrowing more teeth.
(06:26):
But secondly, that there aremore than you know and you know,
you can't escape the presenceof miracles, the presence of inexplicable
outcomes, people gettingbetter when they have no business
getting better.
(06:46):
People, people who simply slipaway for no good reason and recognize
that there's something largerat play than my singular contribution
to your well being.
That's fabulous and thanks forsharing that.
I'm glad to hear you say that there's.
There's a little more of thatand people are feeling it and bringing
(07:08):
it to that and then not onlyfeeling it, but giving voice, saying
yes to the nudge, you know, tosay, to speak, to ask.
So tell me what happened tothe poet and the musician after the
calling.
Tell me.
Tell me a little bit aboutthat and what you're doing.
And is there any way to.
No, I won't say is there any.
Of course, there always is.
(07:29):
What are the ways that youhave brought that artistic, poetic,
musical stuff into your life,if not directly into your medicine
over these 40 years?
Yeah, yeah.
So, well, the poetry never left.
(07:50):
And I, you know, I'm a word junkie.
I am half Irish, so I claim tocome by it legitimately from a long
line of storytellers and musicians.
So I've always spoken a littlebit poetically and have always been
(08:11):
a little bit of a storyteller.
And here I would really pointto this.
When you're in any kind ofinterface with another human being,
especially a human being whohas come to my doorstep, laying their
life in front of me andsaying, help me.
One of the ways to reallyrelate to someone that is more impactful
(08:35):
than describing the naturalcourse of the illness is through
story.
Creating a story that thatpatient can relate to and lean into
and understand and carry homewith them and say, this is what I
know now today in a way that'sunderstandable for me.
(08:59):
I also use.
I tell people to listen tomusic, right.
I have a little oatarmamentarium of songs and stuff.
I still play music everysingle day on something that I can
get my hands on.
But listen to music, dancewhen they're washing dishes to their
(09:20):
favorite music, read little quips.
I have a little list ofYouTube videos that are humorous
or sobering or uplifting orbring awareness.
And so I give lists of thatkind of material to patients to help
(09:45):
them beyond physical therapyand their inhalers.
You know, I've never had that.
I've never been in a.
In a place where the only.
Only the thing one doctor toldme is he gave me some medicine.
This is back 12 years ago whenI was in the hospital for a week
with afib and they couldn'tget it to stop.
(10:05):
And they put me on amiodarone.
And he told me not to Google it.
He said, don't look that up.
You know, well advised.
Yeah.
Knowing that I would anyway.
But it's like, you know,scares the crap out of you because
it does.
This is this, you know, allthis stuff.
So that's the Only time anything.
I've never been given any ofthat other stuff.
So I believe you that theconversations are happening more.
(10:30):
Except for the last couple ofyears, I wouldn't have considered
in my life me to be a frequentvisitor to health stuff in terms
a lot of it.
But I certainly haven'texperienced that.
And that to me just gives anunderscore to how rare of a gift
and talent you are and thespirits you bring to this.
And I just want to call thatout because I know you're a wordsmith,
(10:50):
I've read some of your worksand your writings and you know, we've
shared the opportunity to do that.
And so I know that about you,but I haven't experienced that in
my entire medical journey.
And so that's a beautiful anda rare thing.
I just wanted to say that.
Well, first of all, thank youso much for just acknowledging that
(11:15):
I don't think that it's common.
I will also tell you that I,as a rare consumer of healthcare
services, have also never experienced.
Experienced that.
And I.
It's my ardent hope that asmedicine begins to change that there'll
(11:35):
be a tipping point in which weunder come to understand that time
and a different kind ofattention is part of what we're meant
to do.
So, so thanks.
And it helps me.
And I've been doing this along, long time and I'm really frustrated
by the process, the machinerythat I referred to of medicine these
(11:59):
days.
It looks different than when I started.
I sometimes grumble, thisisn't what I signed up for.
But I will tell you that it isthose kinds of choices that I've
made.
And I certainly surrenderincome and there's a certain set
(12:19):
of advantages over here that Ihave surrendered.
But boy, I'll tell you, at theend of the day, I'm grateful that
I get to still interface withpeople in their vulnerable moments
from my authentic place.
Just so grateful.
(12:40):
What do you think is driving change?
Like you said, not what Isigned up for.
And it's different now than itwas when you started 40 years ago.
And I, I suspect that thelast, I don't know, five, three,
one year even, has seen aneven greater acceleration of changes
of different kinds, whetherit's the machinery or the content
(13:01):
or whatever.
Yeah, what are some of thethings driving that change, both
humanistic and scientific?
Well, so.
So let's start with thescience, right?
Because the science isreinvented so swiftly, if you aren't
(13:26):
a specialist, and sometimeseven a specialist inside a specialty,
it is overwhelming to attemptto even keep up with scientific leaps
and bounds that are at thethreshold of every single day.
Every single day.
Wow.
So.
And it's not, it's, you know,we used to think of that just in
(13:49):
terms of medications.
Medications would change soswiftly that.
But you'd written threeprescriptions and then it was gone
and there was a new medicationnow you had to learn about.
But these days it's beyond that.
It's, you know, roboticsurgeries and devices that are, that
are really stepping up to dothings that human beings used to
(14:13):
do in a very competent way.
Things like AI, where we knowthat humans, but in combination with
AI, do a way better job ofreading X rays, for instance, than
humans alone.
There's evidence that ifpatients contact their provider,
(14:38):
if you will, through a portal,that AI can actually respond not
only more rapidly, but withmore empathy.
Because we don't have time.
We are now caught in.
And that's just some of it.
Some of it is generational.
You know, all this stuff abouthow different generations really
(14:59):
what, what their operatingsystem is, well, that's not just
confined to whatever work theydo in the world.
It is also deposited inside medicine.
So there's a different set ofvalues, a different work ethic, a
different set of boundariesthat we didn't have at all.
So a different way of beinginside a profession of service.
(15:26):
So there's all of that andthen there's the whole regulatory
out of control costs siloswhere this, this agency is making
a decision that impacts thisagency, but they never have a conversation
and, and they're, and all ofthat gets imposed on clinics and
(15:48):
doctors and hospitals and it'sjust a mishmash of regulation that
consistently makes everysuccessive day harder.
So I'm going to take thatthought and take it out of medicine.
Yes.
Do you think this, thissiloization, I don't think that's
(16:13):
a word, but whatever.
Or this lack of communicationin life is making life our experience
of wandering through.
Is it having the same impactwhere this affects this?
And there's no communicationlike as you describe that with respect
to the context of patient care.
What occurred to me was whatsaid in my head was, well, that's
(16:36):
the same thing that'shappening in, in life too.
Things are disconnected andsiloed and like one, I know what
else you do is you help peoplein a, with your caring and compassion.
That has nothing to do withmedicine about getting rid of, although
you can make an analog.
The diseases, the barriers,the stories, the negativity that
(16:58):
they carry spiritually insteadof just in the body.
And you work as a guide orcoach in that way, too, from your
place of empathy.
So marry those two ideas andtalk about it a little bit.
This siloization, the impactthat that has on the conduct and
flow of our lives and the workthat you feel called to do to help
(17:19):
people get rid of diseases, asit were, but not body diseases.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I do.
I do do work as a coach and as a.
As a mentor and guide andcompanion along the way of progressive
(17:43):
awareness and lifting andlearning and liberating ourselves
from, you know, stale oldbeliefs that have set their limits
upon our lives.
And one of the things that Inoticed, both and I.
And by the way, Kellen, Idon't think that there's anything
(18:04):
remarkably unique about medicine.
It is just the place that Ihave known for such a long time.
And so I speak from that place.
But I think it's just areflection of what's going on, not
just in our country, butaround the globe in terms of being
separated, so separated fromeach other, compartmentalized this
(18:30):
loss of tribe, if you will.
The loss of a sense of havinga place to call home, a sense of
belonging.
Many of us just don't know,don't have a sense that we belong
(18:50):
quite anywhere.
I mean, I'd say 40% of thepeople I know work from home.
Connections are virtual,sometimes very limited in time and
brief, sometimes sustainedover time.
I have a great friendship withsomeone I've never met in person.
(19:13):
Right.
I had conversations with youfor a long time before I ever met
you in person.
Well, maybe that's not true.
It's not true.
We met it.
No, that's not true.
I remember when we met becauseI sat down beside you and said, I
don't know why I need to sitby you, but I need to.
(19:34):
To sit by you.
Do you remember that?
I do remember that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But here's the thing.
Those are kind of boldbehaviors that we don't see a lot
of.
And we happen to be in a groupthat was what was really aligned
with.
With who we in the spaces thatwe operate and would not judge that.
(19:58):
Right.
But for the most part, we arebusy keeping our hearts safe, being
concerned that we're going tohave our heart broken somehow, and
then that will be the end of it.
Protecting ourselves fromenergetically investing in relationships,
(20:25):
in anything called the greatergood, but really sort of moderating
what we allow people to knowabout us in case we'll be judged,
in case someone confronts us,has different points of view.
And I, you know, you know thatmy, I have a belief system that,
(20:48):
that this whole humanexperience is of a spiritual nature
and that we are all here inour own unique and divine way for
a soulful purpose.
(21:08):
I don't hear that kind ofconversation very often anywhere
and without a sense thatthere's meaning to our lives.
And spiritual can be, youknow, for me, it is like I am part
of nature, that's part of myspirituality and stand in nature
(21:29):
and know that I am connectedto all of that.
But for the most part, we'renot connected.
We're in competition.
We're protecting ourselvesfrom each other or keeping safe,
and we're not willing to, toput our hearts at risk for something
deeper and more meaningful.
(21:51):
And so we end up with asuperficial and wondering why life
feels the way it does.
As you were saying that,Carla, I felt called to ask you a
really weird, I don't know,weird, ill defined question, and
that is this.
(22:11):
As you think about when youlook at patients and you come into
them and you, you know, youwant to help them and you lay all
that stuff you said on theline and so beautifully a few minutes
ago, if you're thinking aboutthe audience here, who, who wants
to create a life of purpose,prosperity and joy, or whatever words
they use, and in an un.
(22:32):
Reserved way, an unconstrainedway, a way that lets you, or calls
you to put your heart perhapsat risk, but on the line to express
what you want, what you have,what you wish to give or teach.
What would that be?
(22:57):
So, you know, a little of mystory, Kelan.
And so you know, that I had tosort of an existential free fall
when I really came face toface with how far I had wandered,
how much I had lost my way,and landed in a space of utter unknowing.
(23:20):
I had no idea how to find myway back.
But I was devoted totransforming my life.
And so I began that processand over the course, I'd say of about
a decade, really developed,really grew, really learned, really
(23:48):
was willing to see withoutjudging myself, how I was showing
up in the world, the kind ofpresencing that I had brought forward
in my work and began the workof my own personal transformation.
(24:11):
Not for the week of Heart, orperhaps it is, perhaps that's exactly
who it's for.
And then I have been on, andit's a never ending process, by the
way.
I continue to be devoted toexpanding my understanding, expanding
(24:37):
in consciousness, expanding myloving every single day.
And so part of what I'm doingright now, if I can bring this forward
is you know that I'm writing a book.
I do.
And the name of that book iscalled Bartering for Belonging.
Because one of the ways that Ientered into medical school, well
(25:01):
cultivated prior to my entryinto medical school, but certainly
honed these skills there.
It was the perfect, perfectplace to hone these skills was that
I had to barter.
I had to use commoditiesbeyond what anyone else really had
to employ to earn my place onthe planet, my right to take breath.
(25:28):
And then of course, Icompounded that by entering a profession
that wasn't exactly welcomingto women into an area of expertise
that certainly wasn'twelcoming to women.
So I really learned how to becrafty in plying my way into the
(25:52):
places that I wanted to be,thinking that was the path, innocently
believing what I had come tobelieve over time when I had that
awareness that I had sort oflost my way is what I call it.
But you can call it whateveryou want whenever you have that awareness,
(26:13):
whether sudden or slowly overtime that, you know, I use.
I knew a guy once who said,listen, if you're trying to get to
New York and you realize thatyou're, that you're headed towards
Mexico, slowing down is justgoing to take you longer to get to
Mexico.
You are not going to get toNew York.
(26:34):
Right?
So at first I slowed down andthen realized that I needed to turn.
So part of what I do in thisbook is sort of outline a framework
that, that I employed alongwith lots of guidance and mentors.
(26:55):
I got a master's degree inspiritual psychology.
I did work in consciousnessand, and healing.
I did coaching certifications.
I've done lots and lots andlots and lots of trainings because
I was starving hungry for this maturity.
But when I really sat back andlooked at here, here is how I moved
(27:20):
from this space to the spacein which that I now occupy, that
feels liberated and continuesto expand.
And I am the product of that process.
And, and if I could navigatefrom this suffering space over here,
(27:44):
this hidden, bartering, painfilled, fear based suffering space
into a place where I prettymuch am happy, joyful, expansive,
creative, curious, and getangry at my dog sometimes.
(28:05):
I told you before, Ithreatened God with a lawsuit a couple
of years ago.
Right?
But if I could do that, givenwhere I know I want, then I know
that this process will justhelp people.
(28:27):
Just help people be happier,will just help people be more insightful,
will just help people live ina more kind relationship with self,
a more Kind relationship with others.
And when we operate fromkindness and what I call living love,
(28:48):
a little thing on my desk thatsays I am living love.
When we operate from thatspace and we place goodness into
the universe, unconditional,without expectation, because we are
free to do that, because we'refilled now from the inside out.
(29:10):
When we do that, who knowswhat kind of wonders are at hand,
what kind of difference we canmake, what kind of tiny difference
or monumental difference wemight make one day, whether we know
it or not.
You know, there's a couple ofways that that occurs to me.
(29:31):
One is there is the unknown.
What difference will it maketo somebody we place, Excuse me,
I use the phrase add good tothe world all the time and you place
kindness in the universe andbe living love.
And we don't know, like yousaid, if it'll make a little difference
or big difference somewhereout there.
But what we all know,absolutely every time for sure, without
(29:53):
bail, is that by doing thateach time we do it, it changes who
we are.
Yes.
And that difference is theonly one that we get to keep.
I mean, we came into the worldwith nothing, right?
And we're going to go out ofthe world with nothing.
And the only thing we're goingto take with us is what we've made
out of ourselves.
And each conscious choice toadd good to the world, place love
(30:15):
in the universe to be livinglove adds substance to our being.
It's not just a thing we did.
There is so much more of us,not in an aggrandizing way, but that
empathy, that love, thatchoice to be kindness, add something,
texture and richness to thestory that isn't added when we do
(30:40):
the opposite.
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Thank you for really sort of,sort of condensing that into the
big takeaway.
Right.
Well, tell me more about this,Tell me more about this book because
yes, I knew you were writingit and I love it and I'm glad you
(31:00):
are.
I'm so excited to read it andto share it.
And that's one of the reasonsI wanted to have you on today, is
I want you to use this to talkabout your book, about what you teach,
about how you help.
Because it's easy in thisspace that we're in to talk about
woo woo stuff and goodfeelings and love and kindness and
(31:22):
joy and Kumbaya and all the rest.
And people that don't live inor dip their toes often enough in
that space.
It's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, whatever.
But what you're talking aboutis real, it's concrete, it's measurable,
it's truthful.
You described going from aplace of fear based and pressure
based and having to prove andthe daily grind and this and that.
And people know that they'veseen movies or they've lived that
(31:45):
way, or they've destroyedthemselves that way.
And you describe now whileyou're still in practice, you're
not retired and gone offsitting on a hill being a guru, a
place of love and joy andkindness and fun.
So talk more about this, thisbook and this process that's helped
you.
Yeah, yeah.
(32:05):
So I, I, so let me start herebecause I, I really appreciate what
you just said.
I really have been talkingabout what we once called soft skills
or, or people called woo.
These are as I've walked thisjourney, I really have come to recognize
(32:29):
these are the hard skills.
These are 100% skills thatmatter, that make the difference.
See, I can learn science.
I love medicine, by the way.
I, I and I love the science of medicine.
And I, and I stay current andI, if there's a new medication or
(32:51):
a new process or a newprocedure, I want to know about it
and I want to put it on offerfor my patients.
I really love that.
But the distinction for me isthis, these days, that now I really
operate from the intersectionof science and spirit, a different
(33:14):
intersection than before.
And what that really calls meto do is to, to see the essence of
every single person that Iinterface with.
Whether that's in medicine,whether it's somebody I'm mentoring,
whether it's a family member,whoever, someone that I'm coaching,
(33:37):
a talk that I'm giving,whatever I'm doing, it really calls
me to have that be the firstthing I acknowledge.
The first thing that Iacknowledge is that there is, there
(33:57):
is an essence that I can calldivine, you can call soulful, you
can call dignity.
It doesn't matter to me whatyou call it to know that there is
a dignified human being withwhom I'm interfacing, who wants to
walk on this journey.
And so part of this is toreally support.
(34:17):
So the framework that I use,Kellen, in this book is called the
seven Ls and it really isbased on my own process.
And the first one of those isreally begin to understand that we
have a certain way oflistening and looking at the world,
(34:39):
right?
And that those that, thatthere are, that the listenings that
we have inform us about whatwe think about ourselves, what we
think about the world and whatwe think about other people.
And it really happens again,very innocently.
We hear something, it'srelatively neutral.
(35:02):
We make meaning of it.
We decide that it meanssomething about us, and then we plant
it in what I call an echochamber that begins.
That really hosts those neuralloops that continue to tell us things
about ourselves, whetherthey're true or not.
(35:25):
So I say it like this.
If I'm going to buy a whiteMercedes, I go out on the freeway
and I will count white Mercedes.
I'll tell you what models they are.
They are gorgeous.
I come home and you say, howmany Volkswagens did you see?
And I'm like, I don't evenknow what you're talking about.
(35:45):
Like, I didn't look for Volkswagens.
There could have been 200.
What do I know?
It's not relevant because itdoesn't have anything to do with
what I'm looking for.
Right.
When I begin to look forevidence that tells me lies about
myself, I build then thatlibrary of lives that I call an echo
(36:08):
chamber.
So the first step is to reallypay attention to what do I listen
for?
What am I scouting the world for?
What evidence am I trying to find?
Find that will confirm mystory about myself or my story about
you or my story about, youknow, people in general.
(36:31):
About anything, literally anything.
Because I've got a. I've got astory about everything.
It's all judgment, right?
It's all a decision that Imade about this meaning.
But the trick with this firstthing is really this.
Are we able to look at thoselistings and those lookings without
(36:55):
judging them, without callingourselves mourning, without creating
more stuff to hold against ourselves?
Right, More stuff in the echo chamber.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So curiosity.
I mean, can we do that from aplace of just.
Oh, this is really curious.
There I go doing that again.
Oh, there that is again.
Oh, I only saw that becausethat's what I was looking for.
(37:17):
So that's just about becoming aware.
There's nothing to do butbecome aware.
Notice it.
I love that.
It does take practice becauseso much of what we do is automatic
and learned habits.
And 85, 90% of what we do isby habit.
(37:41):
And habits make greatservants, but they make crappy masters.
So, you know, auditing ourhabits and seeing if they're serving
us is, like, a really valuable thing.
And that includes how welisten, our internal dialogue, how
we look at things.
The lenses, there's another l. Right?
What are the lenses you'rewearing as you examine the world?
Right.
(38:01):
And everything else.
Well, that is spectacular.
Keep going.
Well, I was just going to sayyou know, there's a wide variety
of opinion about this, but wehave somewhere between 80 and 120,000
thoughts a day.
Depends on what expert youlisten to.
We have fewer thoughts, by theway, per day these days than we did
(38:24):
40 years ago.
We also have a smallervocabulary than we did 40 years ago.
But here's the thing aboutthese thoughts, however many you
have, 90% of them are negative.
Only 10% of our thoughts everysingle day are positive.
(38:45):
And not only are 90% of thosethoughts negative, but 90% of those
thoughts are redundant.
They are the same things wethought yesterday.
It's the same inner criticbabbling away at us about all the
stuff that we do wrong oreverybody else does wrong every single
(39:08):
day, the same thoughts.
We're going to have the sameones again tomorrow unless we interrupt
those loops.
And so that's why looking andlistening helps us say, oh, there
are my habituated loops.
There are my habituated patterns.
When I see this, every time Isee this, this is what I see.
Every time I hear, every timeI see you raise your eyebrows, I
(39:32):
make it mean this about me.
Okay, I'll be careful.
Right.
So if you, as you, as youbring forth this precious work in
the book with your seven Lsand you've given us a good explanation
of one of them, what is your,like you're offering this.
(39:53):
This is a thing you're doingand putting on offer.
It comes from your ownexperience and your own learning,
your own journey of change,recognizing you were now in a place
that you viewed as unsustainable.
I can't do this.
I don't like it, it's killingme, or whatever the language was,
and then going on a consciousdecade long journey to go somewhere
(40:13):
else.
When you offer this to theworld, what do you, I was going to
say hope or want, what wouldhappen to me or someone else who
heard you in the way you meantto be heard and applied this?
In other words, what does yourneighborhood there look like or what
(40:36):
does the world look like afterpeople hear you and do that?
After you fix us.
And I don't mean that in anegative way at all, but after you
provide this value and we allsay wow and do that, what happens?
Yeah, so I think ultimatelyyou referred to this earlier as you
(40:57):
were talking.
But, but here's, here's whathappens is that we become our own
best friend, our own bestfriend, the love of our own life.
Now that sounds also soft anda little swishy and all of that stuff,
but here's what it does.
(41:20):
It allows us to expand thefield of possibilities of our world,
to see beyond what we think weknow into areas that we might not
have ever considered before,that actually are possible to excavate
(41:42):
the life we're longing to liveand have been afraid to live.
Brush it off, shine a light onit, and take the steps that you need
to live that life.
You know what?
I don't.
I'm sorry.
Please.
So what?
No, no, no, go.
I was just gonna say, you knowwhen you said that.
Become the love of your life.
(42:03):
I don't even think that's weird.
Because if you think abouttrying to live a life you want, you
enjoy, you love what feelsgood every day, try to imagine that
from a place of not liking yourself.
Try to imagine that from aplace of the inner critic, of thinking
you suck all the time.
Like, the idea that you'reliving this life you love from this.
(42:24):
From this sucky place doesn'teven make sense.
So the idea that you do loveyourself and that you.
Your own best friend and youlike that, that has to be part of
living a life you love,because the other can't even, like,
be in the same place.
I would suggest that youcannot create your ultimate life.
(42:49):
Right?
Right.
From a place in which youdon't actually just love the being
that you are with all yourmessiness and flaws and quirks and
all of that stuff.
We have tools for that.
You know, we have self compassion.
(43:11):
We have self awareness.
We have self.
We have ways of liftingourselves out of those old, tired,
weary conversations in whichwe only create limited possibilities
for our lives.
Right.
No ultimate life from that space.
(43:33):
This is my limit.
This is what I can create.
It's nice.
I 100% agree.
So I want to know.
People are going to want.
They're going to hear this,and you're going to take it and use
it in lots of ways.
And they're going to want toknow when the book's coming.
They're going to want to knowwhere to find out more.
Carla.
They're going to want to knowhow to get more juice here.
So we're gonna go.
(43:55):
Even if it's not done yet.
What's your projected releasedate and what are you gonna have
for the people who hear thisafter it comes out in a.
In a.
You know, in October, when.
Where do they go to find more?
Carla.
Get more juice.
Okay.
Yep.
So the book will be publishedin December.
It is.
(44:15):
It will be a compilation ofstories of this really hardy creative
framework with lots ofopportunities to process through
the book, it will come outwith a companion workbook so that
you can work with it on your own.
And then there will beopportunities to engage in some group
(44:38):
work, both online andultimately probably in a destination,
but a couple of variedopportunities to be in learning groups
that will really facilitatethis process and make a difference,
really take you to a placethat you are going to love being.
(44:59):
So you can findme@drcarlarottering.com I have a
LinkedIn page.
I'm on Facebook.
Yeah.
So if I go jump on Facebookand I find.
Find your beautiful face andfollow you.
Are you.
(45:19):
Do you post stuff there thatwill let me know when things are
coming and when to get readyfor the book and possible, you know,
the workbook and possiblyother things if I, if I'm touched
by this and I want to do thaton LinkedIn or Facebook.
Is that a reliable place to beable to follow you, to know when
things are coming and to signup or get in line or something?
(45:39):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I have a new agreement withmyself, which, by the way, I've learned
to honor through this processbecause I no longer am at the bottom
of my own list of things totake care of.
So, yes, I'll be posting aboutonce a week, some I have a couple
(46:02):
of weeks where I'll be postingtwice a week.
You'll know when the book'scoming out, you know, when opportunities
to be engaged are available.
And I am always, and I meanalways open to connection to messaging
and conversations.
I welcome that.
(46:24):
So feel free to contact methrough any of those places, including
direct messaging and stay tuned.
Carla, thank you.
Thank you for being with us today.
Thank you for sharing yourheart and, you know, just being,
being all.
Carla, I, I have the honor andprivilege of knowing you and I love
(46:45):
every second of it.
And thank you for, for beinghere with me today.
Thanks, Kellen, for reallyinviting me.
It's.
It is always good to be withyou always.
Thank you.
I want you all listeners, justtake the time to go here.
Carla's sincerity is unmatched.
(47:06):
Her passion and the truth thatshe teaches, her compassion is unmatched.
And I know that from, from,from knowing her and from being in
her presence.
And yes, this is aboutcreating the life you want.
And I can promise you alreadythat if you take advantage of what
you've learned here, what youfelt here, and what you will find
(47:29):
in her material and the bookthat comes and other things, you
will be on a great path toreceive, create and experience your
ultimate life.
Never hold back and you'llnever ask why.
Open your heart in this timearound right you right now.
(47:50):
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto Kellen Fluker media.com if you
want more free tools, go here.
Your Ultimate Life Casubscribe Your heart in the sky and
(48:18):
your feet on the ground.
At which point I looked at thesky and said, you have got to be
kidding me, because I was a poet.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livinga dream?
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power and real talk so you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life.
(00:28):
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Hello, welcome to this episodeof your ultimate life, the podcast
that we created to help youget excited, live your life, be fun,
have fun, do good stuff, andlive a life of purpose, prosperity
and joy.
I'm blessed again to have aguest I've had before, but love her
(00:51):
every time she comes.
Dr. Carla Rodering.
Carla, welcome to the show.
Thank you, Kellen.
I'm glad to be here.
You know, we were talking justbefore we started about you or today
was a day you're seeingpatients and you've been in medicine
for 40 plus years.
And you are certainly a granddom of, you know, pulmonology and
(01:11):
the work that you do inhelping people's bodies recover.
But, you know, what impressesme more than that about you is your
ability to bring love andkindness and empathy and humanity
and, you know, a bunch ofother words that we could say into
this practice.
How come that's important to you?
(01:33):
Ah, well, you know,retrospectively, Kellen, that's what
called me to medicine in thefirst place.
I wasn't a science girl.
I wasn't declaring myself atthe age of five.
I had sort of an epiphany whenI was in my 20s.
(01:54):
I sort of a downloadinvitation, at which point I looked
at the sky and said, you havegot to be kidding me.
Because I was a poet and amusician and a mother, and I had
no inkling inside of me that Iwould ever even turn towards medicine.
(02:15):
So I got called by heart andsoul into the science and the art
of medicine.
And I knew that I was going tohave to learn some science and I
was going to have to knuckledown and get it done.
I was not going to be able tolove people well or more well than
(02:36):
they were.
And as I got into thatprocess, what I sometimes these days
call the machinery ofmedicine, medicine, I really did
lose sight of the calling fora while and then had an event that
(02:58):
sort of woke me up and led meback home.
But what I know after really40 some years in medicine is that
if I bring my attention toyour body, I'm only showing up as
a partial healer.
That there is an entity knownas Kellen that encompasses more than
(03:23):
meets my eye or my ear andactually extends beyond my understanding.
And so my job as a physicianis to walk in these steps of the
original physician, which issome form of spirit from my understanding
(03:47):
and to offer everything that Ihave, my heart, my spirit, my intellect,
my caring, even into thespaces that I don't yet understand.
Well, just knowing that I cantrust that if I place everything
that I am on behalf of yourwell being, that it will land where
(04:11):
it's meant to land.
You know, when you say allthat, it makes me want to ask the
question.
I mean, in the last, I don'tknow, a couple years, I've had different
medical things.
And so I've been in and out ofdoctors and hospitals and things.
I wonder how many doctors,healthcare providers, but doctors
(04:33):
specifically would hear yousay all that, place all this, including
this, this, this and the otherand a bunch of soft, soft words,
you know, forward in behalf ofthis entity.
How many people talk like thator even think like that and don't
say it?
Yeah, so not a lot of peopletalk like that, but I will say, and
(04:54):
I, and this is actuallyimportant for me to sort of bring
forward more and more all thetime, right?
More and more, all the time.
More and more people who arefinding themselves standing in the
middle of a hallway in somehospital or clinic somewhere saying,
wait, what am I, what am I doing?
(05:16):
This doesn't look or feel likeI thought it was going to look or
feel.
What am I missing?
And then begin to kind ofsearch for more meaning, more purpose.
So the conversations arebubbling up in unexpected places.
Doctors, dining rooms, onlineboards, conversations for physicians
(05:39):
where there's a little moresafety than the grocery store.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, but the other thing that'shappening, I think is that patients
are coming to us with adifferent kind of expectation.
Right.
A different kind of yearningor something more than tablets and
(06:05):
tests and 15 minuteconversations that doesn't touch
what's really hurting insideof them.
So I would suggest thisconversations are rarest hen, Steve,
and I've heard hens aregrowing more teeth.
(06:26):
But secondly, that there aremore than you know and you know,
you can't escape the presenceof miracles, the presence of inexplicable
outcomes, people gettingbetter when they have no business
getting better.
(06:46):
People, people who simply slipaway for no good reason and recognize
that there's something largerat play than my singular contribution
to your well being.
That's fabulous and thanks forsharing that.
I'm glad to hear you say that there's.
There's a little more of thatand people are feeling it and bringing
(07:08):
it to that and then not onlyfeeling it, but giving voice, saying
yes to the nudge, you know, tosay, to speak, to ask.
So tell me what happened tothe poet and the musician after the
calling.
Tell me.
Tell me a little bit aboutthat and what you're doing.
And is there any way to.
No, I won't say is there any.
Of course, there always is.
(07:29):
What are the ways that youhave brought that artistic, poetic,
musical stuff into your life,if not directly into your medicine
over these 40 years?
Yeah, yeah.
So, well, the poetry never left.
(07:50):
And I, you know, I'm a word junkie.
I am half Irish, so I claim tocome by it legitimately from a long
line of storytellers and musicians.
So I've always spoken a littlebit poetically and have always been
(08:11):
a little bit of a storyteller.
And here I would really pointto this.
When you're in any kind ofinterface with another human being,
especially a human being whohas come to my doorstep, laying their
life in front of me andsaying, help me.
One of the ways to reallyrelate to someone that is more impactful
(08:35):
than describing the naturalcourse of the illness is through
story.
Creating a story that thatpatient can relate to and lean into
and understand and carry homewith them and say, this is what I
know now today in a way that'sunderstandable for me.
(08:59):
I also use.
I tell people to listen tomusic, right.
I have a little oatarmamentarium of songs and stuff.
I still play music everysingle day on something that I can
get my hands on.
But listen to music, dancewhen they're washing dishes to their
(09:20):
favorite music, read little quips.
I have a little list ofYouTube videos that are humorous
or sobering or uplifting orbring awareness.
And so I give lists of thatkind of material to patients to help
(09:45):
them beyond physical therapyand their inhalers.
You know, I've never had that.
I've never been in a.
In a place where the only.
Only the thing one doctor toldme is he gave me some medicine.
This is back 12 years ago whenI was in the hospital for a week
with afib and they couldn'tget it to stop.
(10:05):
And they put me on amiodarone.
And he told me not to Google it.
He said, don't look that up.
You know, well advised.
Yeah.
Knowing that I would anyway.
But it's like, you know,scares the crap out of you because
it does.
This is this, you know, allthis stuff.
So that's the Only time anything.
I've never been given any ofthat other stuff.
So I believe you that theconversations are happening more.
(10:30):
Except for the last couple ofyears, I wouldn't have considered
in my life me to be a frequentvisitor to health stuff in terms
a lot of it.
But I certainly haven'texperienced that.
And that to me just gives anunderscore to how rare of a gift
and talent you are and thespirits you bring to this.
And I just want to call thatout because I know you're a wordsmith,
(10:50):
I've read some of your worksand your writings and you know, we've
shared the opportunity to do that.
And so I know that about you,but I haven't experienced that in
my entire medical journey.
And so that's a beautiful anda rare thing.
I just wanted to say that.
Well, first of all, thank youso much for just acknowledging that
(11:15):
I don't think that it's common.
I will also tell you that I,as a rare consumer of healthcare
services, have also never experienced.
Experienced that.
And I.
It's my ardent hope that asmedicine begins to change that there'll
(11:35):
be a tipping point in which weunder come to understand that time
and a different kind ofattention is part of what we're meant
to do.
So, so thanks.
And it helps me.
And I've been doing this along, long time and I'm really frustrated
by the process, the machinerythat I referred to of medicine these
(11:59):
days.
It looks different than when I started.
I sometimes grumble, thisisn't what I signed up for.
But I will tell you that it isthose kinds of choices that I've
made.
And I certainly surrenderincome and there's a certain set
(12:19):
of advantages over here that Ihave surrendered.
But boy, I'll tell you, at theend of the day, I'm grateful that
I get to still interface withpeople in their vulnerable moments
from my authentic place.
Just so grateful.
(12:40):
What do you think is driving change?
Like you said, not what Isigned up for.
And it's different now than itwas when you started 40 years ago.
And I, I suspect that thelast, I don't know, five, three,
one year even, has seen aneven greater acceleration of changes
of different kinds, whetherit's the machinery or the content
(13:01):
or whatever.
Yeah, what are some of thethings driving that change, both
humanistic and scientific?
Well, so.
So let's start with thescience, right?
Because the science isreinvented so swiftly, if you aren't
(13:26):
a specialist, and sometimeseven a specialist inside a specialty,
it is overwhelming to attemptto even keep up with scientific leaps
and bounds that are at thethreshold of every single day.
Every single day.
Wow.
So.
And it's not, it's, you know,we used to think of that just in
(13:49):
terms of medications.
Medications would change soswiftly that.
But you'd written threeprescriptions and then it was gone
and there was a new medicationnow you had to learn about.
But these days it's beyond that.
It's, you know, roboticsurgeries and devices that are, that
are really stepping up to dothings that human beings used to
(14:13):
do in a very competent way.
Things like AI, where we knowthat humans, but in combination with
AI, do a way better job ofreading X rays, for instance, than
humans alone.
There's evidence that ifpatients contact their provider,
(14:38):
if you will, through a portal,that AI can actually respond not
only more rapidly, but withmore empathy.
Because we don't have time.
We are now caught in.
And that's just some of it.
Some of it is generational.
You know, all this stuff abouthow different generations really
(14:59):
what, what their operatingsystem is, well, that's not just
confined to whatever work theydo in the world.
It is also deposited inside medicine.
So there's a different set ofvalues, a different work ethic, a
different set of boundariesthat we didn't have at all.
So a different way of beinginside a profession of service.
(15:26):
So there's all of that andthen there's the whole regulatory
out of control costs siloswhere this, this agency is making
a decision that impacts thisagency, but they never have a conversation
and, and they're, and all ofthat gets imposed on clinics and
(15:48):
doctors and hospitals and it'sjust a mishmash of regulation that
consistently makes everysuccessive day harder.
So I'm going to take thatthought and take it out of medicine.
Yes.
Do you think this, thissiloization, I don't think that's
(16:13):
a word, but whatever.
Or this lack of communicationin life is making life our experience
of wandering through.
Is it having the same impactwhere this affects this?
And there's no communicationlike as you describe that with respect
to the context of patient care.
What occurred to me was whatsaid in my head was, well, that's
(16:36):
the same thing that'shappening in, in life too.
Things are disconnected andsiloed and like one, I know what
else you do is you help peoplein a, with your caring and compassion.
That has nothing to do withmedicine about getting rid of, although
you can make an analog.
The diseases, the barriers,the stories, the negativity that
(16:58):
they carry spiritually insteadof just in the body.
And you work as a guide orcoach in that way, too, from your
place of empathy.
So marry those two ideas andtalk about it a little bit.
This siloization, the impactthat that has on the conduct and
flow of our lives and the workthat you feel called to do to help
(17:19):
people get rid of diseases, asit were, but not body diseases.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I do.
I do do work as a coach and as a.
As a mentor and guide andcompanion along the way of progressive
(17:43):
awareness and lifting andlearning and liberating ourselves
from, you know, stale oldbeliefs that have set their limits
upon our lives.
And one of the things that Inoticed, both and I.
And by the way, Kellen, Idon't think that there's anything
(18:04):
remarkably unique about medicine.
It is just the place that Ihave known for such a long time.
And so I speak from that place.
But I think it's just areflection of what's going on, not
just in our country, butaround the globe in terms of being
separated, so separated fromeach other, compartmentalized this
(18:30):
loss of tribe, if you will.
The loss of a sense of havinga place to call home, a sense of
belonging.
Many of us just don't know,don't have a sense that we belong
(18:50):
quite anywhere.
I mean, I'd say 40% of thepeople I know work from home.
Connections are virtual,sometimes very limited in time and
brief, sometimes sustainedover time.
I have a great friendship withsomeone I've never met in person.
(19:13):
Right.
I had conversations with youfor a long time before I ever met
you in person.
Well, maybe that's not true.
It's not true.
We met it.
No, that's not true.
I remember when we met becauseI sat down beside you and said, I
don't know why I need to sitby you, but I need to.
(19:34):
To sit by you.
Do you remember that?
I do remember that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But here's the thing.
Those are kind of boldbehaviors that we don't see a lot
of.
And we happen to be in a groupthat was what was really aligned
with.
With who we in the spaces thatwe operate and would not judge that.
(19:58):
Right.
But for the most part, we arebusy keeping our hearts safe, being
concerned that we're going tohave our heart broken somehow, and
then that will be the end of it.
Protecting ourselves fromenergetically investing in relationships,
(20:25):
in anything called the greatergood, but really sort of moderating
what we allow people to knowabout us in case we'll be judged,
in case someone confronts us,has different points of view.
And I, you know, you know thatmy, I have a belief system that,
(20:48):
that this whole humanexperience is of a spiritual nature
and that we are all here inour own unique and divine way for
a soulful purpose.
(21:08):
I don't hear that kind ofconversation very often anywhere
and without a sense thatthere's meaning to our lives.
And spiritual can be, youknow, for me, it is like I am part
of nature, that's part of myspirituality and stand in nature
(21:29):
and know that I am connectedto all of that.
But for the most part, we'renot connected.
We're in competition.
We're protecting ourselvesfrom each other or keeping safe,
and we're not willing to, toput our hearts at risk for something
deeper and more meaningful.
(21:51):
And so we end up with asuperficial and wondering why life
feels the way it does.
As you were saying that,Carla, I felt called to ask you a
really weird, I don't know,weird, ill defined question, and
that is this.
(22:11):
As you think about when youlook at patients and you come into
them and you, you know, youwant to help them and you lay all
that stuff you said on theline and so beautifully a few minutes
ago, if you're thinking aboutthe audience here, who, who wants
to create a life of purpose,prosperity and joy, or whatever words
they use, and in an un.
(22:32):
Reserved way, an unconstrainedway, a way that lets you, or calls
you to put your heart perhapsat risk, but on the line to express
what you want, what you have,what you wish to give or teach.
What would that be?
(22:57):
So, you know, a little of mystory, Kelan.
And so you know, that I had tosort of an existential free fall
when I really came face toface with how far I had wandered,
how much I had lost my way,and landed in a space of utter unknowing.
(23:20):
I had no idea how to find myway back.
But I was devoted totransforming my life.
And so I began that processand over the course, I'd say of about
a decade, really developed,really grew, really learned, really
(23:48):
was willing to see withoutjudging myself, how I was showing
up in the world, the kind ofpresencing that I had brought forward
in my work and began the workof my own personal transformation.
(24:11):
Not for the week of Heart, orperhaps it is, perhaps that's exactly
who it's for.
And then I have been on, andit's a never ending process, by the
way.
I continue to be devoted toexpanding my understanding, expanding
(24:37):
in consciousness, expanding myloving every single day.
And so part of what I'm doingright now, if I can bring this forward
is you know that I'm writing a book.
I do.
And the name of that book iscalled Bartering for Belonging.
Because one of the ways that Ientered into medical school, well
(25:01):
cultivated prior to my entryinto medical school, but certainly
honed these skills there.
It was the perfect, perfectplace to hone these skills was that
I had to barter.
I had to use commoditiesbeyond what anyone else really had
to employ to earn my place onthe planet, my right to take breath.
(25:28):
And then of course, Icompounded that by entering a profession
that wasn't exactly welcomingto women into an area of expertise
that certainly wasn'twelcoming to women.
So I really learned how to becrafty in plying my way into the
(25:52):
places that I wanted to be,thinking that was the path, innocently
believing what I had come tobelieve over time when I had that
awareness that I had sort oflost my way is what I call it.
But you can call it whateveryou want whenever you have that awareness,
(26:13):
whether sudden or slowly overtime that, you know, I use.
I knew a guy once who said,listen, if you're trying to get to
New York and you realize thatyou're, that you're headed towards
Mexico, slowing down is justgoing to take you longer to get to
Mexico.
You are not going to get toNew York.
(26:34):
Right?
So at first I slowed down andthen realized that I needed to turn.
So part of what I do in thisbook is sort of outline a framework
that, that I employed alongwith lots of guidance and mentors.
(26:55):
I got a master's degree inspiritual psychology.
I did work in consciousnessand, and healing.
I did coaching certifications.
I've done lots and lots andlots and lots of trainings because
I was starving hungry for this maturity.
But when I really sat back andlooked at here, here is how I moved
(27:20):
from this space to the spacein which that I now occupy, that
feels liberated and continuesto expand.
And I am the product of that process.
And, and if I could navigatefrom this suffering space over here,
(27:44):
this hidden, bartering, painfilled, fear based suffering space
into a place where I prettymuch am happy, joyful, expansive,
creative, curious, and getangry at my dog sometimes.
(28:05):
I told you before, Ithreatened God with a lawsuit a couple
of years ago.
Right?
But if I could do that, givenwhere I know I want, then I know
that this process will justhelp people.
(28:27):
Just help people be happier,will just help people be more insightful,
will just help people live ina more kind relationship with self,
a more Kind relationship with others.
And when we operate fromkindness and what I call living love,
(28:48):
a little thing on my desk thatsays I am living love.
When we operate from thatspace and we place goodness into
the universe, unconditional,without expectation, because we are
free to do that, because we'refilled now from the inside out.
(29:10):
When we do that, who knowswhat kind of wonders are at hand,
what kind of difference we canmake, what kind of tiny difference
or monumental difference wemight make one day, whether we know
it or not.
You know, there's a couple ofways that that occurs to me.
(29:31):
One is there is the unknown.
What difference will it maketo somebody we place, Excuse me,
I use the phrase add good tothe world all the time and you place
kindness in the universe andbe living love.
And we don't know, like yousaid, if it'll make a little difference
or big difference somewhereout there.
But what we all know,absolutely every time for sure, without
(29:53):
bail, is that by doing thateach time we do it, it changes who
we are.
Yes.
And that difference is theonly one that we get to keep.
I mean, we came into the worldwith nothing, right?
And we're going to go out ofthe world with nothing.
And the only thing we're goingto take with us is what we've made
out of ourselves.
And each conscious choice toadd good to the world, place love
(30:15):
in the universe to be livinglove adds substance to our being.
It's not just a thing we did.
There is so much more of us,not in an aggrandizing way, but that
empathy, that love, thatchoice to be kindness, add something,
texture and richness to thestory that isn't added when we do
(30:40):
the opposite.
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Thank you for really sort of,sort of condensing that into the
big takeaway.
Right.
Well, tell me more about this,Tell me more about this book because
yes, I knew you were writingit and I love it and I'm glad you
(31:00):
are.
I'm so excited to read it andto share it.
And that's one of the reasonsI wanted to have you on today, is
I want you to use this to talkabout your book, about what you teach,
about how you help.
Because it's easy in thisspace that we're in to talk about
woo woo stuff and goodfeelings and love and kindness and
(31:22):
joy and Kumbaya and all the rest.
And people that don't live inor dip their toes often enough in
that space.
It's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, whatever.
But what you're talking aboutis real, it's concrete, it's measurable,
it's truthful.
You described going from aplace of fear based and pressure
based and having to prove andthe daily grind and this and that.
And people know that they'veseen movies or they've lived that
(31:45):
way, or they've destroyedthemselves that way.
And you describe now whileyou're still in practice, you're
not retired and gone offsitting on a hill being a guru, a
place of love and joy andkindness and fun.
So talk more about this, thisbook and this process that's helped
you.
Yeah, yeah.
(32:05):
So I, I, so let me start herebecause I, I really appreciate what
you just said.
I really have been talkingabout what we once called soft skills
or, or people called woo.
These are as I've walked thisjourney, I really have come to recognize
(32:29):
these are the hard skills.
These are 100% skills thatmatter, that make the difference.
See, I can learn science.
I love medicine, by the way.
I, I and I love the science of medicine.
And I, and I stay current andI, if there's a new medication or
(32:51):
a new process or a newprocedure, I want to know about it
and I want to put it on offerfor my patients.
I really love that.
But the distinction for me isthis, these days, that now I really
operate from the intersectionof science and spirit, a different
(33:14):
intersection than before.
And what that really calls meto do is to, to see the essence of
every single person that Iinterface with.
Whether that's in medicine,whether it's somebody I'm mentoring,
whether it's a family member,whoever, someone that I'm coaching,
(33:37):
a talk that I'm giving,whatever I'm doing, it really calls
me to have that be the firstthing I acknowledge.
The first thing that Iacknowledge is that there is, there
(33:57):
is an essence that I can calldivine, you can call soulful, you
can call dignity.
It doesn't matter to me whatyou call it to know that there is
a dignified human being withwhom I'm interfacing, who wants to
walk on this journey.
And so part of this is toreally support.
(34:17):
So the framework that I use,Kellen, in this book is called the
seven Ls and it really isbased on my own process.
And the first one of those isreally begin to understand that we
have a certain way oflistening and looking at the world,
(34:39):
right?
And that those that, thatthere are, that the listenings that
we have inform us about whatwe think about ourselves, what we
think about the world and whatwe think about other people.
And it really happens again,very innocently.
We hear something, it'srelatively neutral.
(35:02):
We make meaning of it.
We decide that it meanssomething about us, and then we plant
it in what I call an echochamber that begins.
That really hosts those neuralloops that continue to tell us things
about ourselves, whetherthey're true or not.
(35:25):
So I say it like this.
If I'm going to buy a whiteMercedes, I go out on the freeway
and I will count white Mercedes.
I'll tell you what models they are.
They are gorgeous.
I come home and you say, howmany Volkswagens did you see?
And I'm like, I don't evenknow what you're talking about.
(35:45):
Like, I didn't look for Volkswagens.
There could have been 200.
What do I know?
It's not relevant because itdoesn't have anything to do with
what I'm looking for.
Right.
When I begin to look forevidence that tells me lies about
myself, I build then thatlibrary of lives that I call an echo
(36:08):
chamber.
So the first step is to reallypay attention to what do I listen
for?
What am I scouting the world for?
What evidence am I trying to find?
Find that will confirm mystory about myself or my story about
you or my story about, youknow, people in general.
(36:31):
About anything, literally anything.
Because I've got a. I've got astory about everything.
It's all judgment, right?
It's all a decision that Imade about this meaning.
But the trick with this firstthing is really this.
Are we able to look at thoselistings and those lookings without
(36:55):
judging them, without callingourselves mourning, without creating
more stuff to hold against ourselves?
Right, More stuff in the echo chamber.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So curiosity.
I mean, can we do that from aplace of just.
Oh, this is really curious.
There I go doing that again.
Oh, there that is again.
Oh, I only saw that becausethat's what I was looking for.
(37:17):
So that's just about becoming aware.
There's nothing to do butbecome aware.
Notice it.
I love that.
It does take practice becauseso much of what we do is automatic
and learned habits.
And 85, 90% of what we do isby habit.
(37:41):
And habits make greatservants, but they make crappy masters.
So, you know, auditing ourhabits and seeing if they're serving
us is, like, a really valuable thing.
And that includes how welisten, our internal dialogue, how
we look at things.
The lenses, there's another l. Right?
What are the lenses you'rewearing as you examine the world?
Right.
(38:01):
And everything else.
Well, that is spectacular.
Keep going.
Well, I was just going to sayyou know, there's a wide variety
of opinion about this, but wehave somewhere between 80 and 120,000
thoughts a day.
Depends on what expert youlisten to.
We have fewer thoughts, by theway, per day these days than we did
(38:24):
40 years ago.
We also have a smallervocabulary than we did 40 years ago.
But here's the thing aboutthese thoughts, however many you
have, 90% of them are negative.
Only 10% of our thoughts everysingle day are positive.
(38:45):
And not only are 90% of thosethoughts negative, but 90% of those
thoughts are redundant.
They are the same things wethought yesterday.
It's the same inner criticbabbling away at us about all the
stuff that we do wrong oreverybody else does wrong every single
(39:08):
day, the same thoughts.
We're going to have the sameones again tomorrow unless we interrupt
those loops.
And so that's why looking andlistening helps us say, oh, there
are my habituated loops.
There are my habituated patterns.
When I see this, every time Isee this, this is what I see.
Every time I hear, every timeI see you raise your eyebrows, I
(39:32):
make it mean this about me.
Okay, I'll be careful.
Right.
So if you, as you, as youbring forth this precious work in
the book with your seven Lsand you've given us a good explanation
of one of them, what is your,like you're offering this.
(39:53):
This is a thing you're doingand putting on offer.
It comes from your ownexperience and your own learning,
your own journey of change,recognizing you were now in a place
that you viewed as unsustainable.
I can't do this.
I don't like it, it's killingme, or whatever the language was,
and then going on a consciousdecade long journey to go somewhere
(40:13):
else.
When you offer this to theworld, what do you, I was going to
say hope or want, what wouldhappen to me or someone else who
heard you in the way you meantto be heard and applied this?
In other words, what does yourneighborhood there look like or what
(40:36):
does the world look like afterpeople hear you and do that?
After you fix us.
And I don't mean that in anegative way at all, but after you
provide this value and we allsay wow and do that, what happens?
Yeah, so I think ultimatelyyou referred to this earlier as you
(40:57):
were talking.
But, but here's, here's whathappens is that we become our own
best friend, our own bestfriend, the love of our own life.
Now that sounds also soft anda little swishy and all of that stuff,
but here's what it does.
(41:20):
It allows us to expand thefield of possibilities of our world,
to see beyond what we think weknow into areas that we might not
have ever considered before,that actually are possible to excavate
(41:42):
the life we're longing to liveand have been afraid to live.
Brush it off, shine a light onit, and take the steps that you need
to live that life.
You know what?
I don't.
I'm sorry.
Please.
So what?
No, no, no, go.
I was just gonna say, you knowwhen you said that.
Become the love of your life.
(42:03):
I don't even think that's weird.
Because if you think abouttrying to live a life you want, you
enjoy, you love what feelsgood every day, try to imagine that
from a place of not liking yourself.
Try to imagine that from aplace of the inner critic, of thinking
you suck all the time.
Like, the idea that you'reliving this life you love from this.
(42:24):
From this sucky place doesn'teven make sense.
So the idea that you do loveyourself and that you.
Your own best friend and youlike that, that has to be part of
living a life you love,because the other can't even, like,
be in the same place.
I would suggest that youcannot create your ultimate life.
(42:49):
Right?
Right.
From a place in which youdon't actually just love the being
that you are with all yourmessiness and flaws and quirks and
all of that stuff.
We have tools for that.
You know, we have self compassion.
(43:11):
We have self awareness.
We have self.
We have ways of liftingourselves out of those old, tired,
weary conversations in whichwe only create limited possibilities
for our lives.
Right.
No ultimate life from that space.
(43:33):
This is my limit.
This is what I can create.
It's nice.
I 100% agree.
So I want to know.
People are going to want.
They're going to hear this,and you're going to take it and use
it in lots of ways.
And they're going to want toknow when the book's coming.
They're going to want to knowwhere to find out more.
Carla.
They're going to want to knowhow to get more juice here.
So we're gonna go.
(43:55):
Even if it's not done yet.
What's your projected releasedate and what are you gonna have
for the people who hear thisafter it comes out in a.
In a.
You know, in October, when.
Where do they go to find more?
Carla.
Get more juice.
Okay.
Yep.
So the book will be publishedin December.
It is.
(44:15):
It will be a compilation ofstories of this really hardy creative
framework with lots ofopportunities to process through
the book, it will come outwith a companion workbook so that
you can work with it on your own.
And then there will beopportunities to engage in some group
(44:38):
work, both online andultimately probably in a destination,
but a couple of variedopportunities to be in learning groups
that will really facilitatethis process and make a difference,
really take you to a placethat you are going to love being.
(44:59):
So you can findme@drcarlarottering.com I have a
LinkedIn page.
I'm on Facebook.
Yeah.
So if I go jump on Facebookand I find.
Find your beautiful face andfollow you.
Are you.
(45:19):
Do you post stuff there thatwill let me know when things are
coming and when to get readyfor the book and possible, you know,
the workbook and possiblyother things if I, if I'm touched
by this and I want to do thaton LinkedIn or Facebook.
Is that a reliable place to beable to follow you, to know when
things are coming and to signup or get in line or something?
(45:39):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I have a new agreement withmyself, which, by the way, I've learned
to honor through this processbecause I no longer am at the bottom
of my own list of things totake care of.
So, yes, I'll be posting aboutonce a week, some I have a couple
(46:02):
of weeks where I'll be postingtwice a week.
You'll know when the book'scoming out, you know, when opportunities
to be engaged are available.
And I am always, and I meanalways open to connection to messaging
and conversations.
I welcome that.
(46:24):
So feel free to contact methrough any of those places, including
direct messaging and stay tuned.
Carla, thank you.
Thank you for being with us today.
Thank you for sharing yourheart and, you know, just being,
being all.
Carla, I, I have the honor andprivilege of knowing you and I love
(46:45):
every second of it.
And thank you for, for beinghere with me today.
Thanks, Kellen, for reallyinviting me.
It's.
It is always good to be withyou always.
Thank you.
I want you all listeners, justtake the time to go here.
Carla's sincerity is unmatched.
(47:06):
Her passion and the truth thatshe teaches, her compassion is unmatched.
And I know that from, from,from knowing her and from being in
her presence.
And yes, this is aboutcreating the life you want.
And I can promise you alreadythat if you take advantage of what
you've learned here, what youfelt here, and what you will find
(47:29):
in her material and the bookthat comes and other things, you
will be on a great path toreceive, create and experience your
ultimate life.
Never hold back and you'llnever ask why.
Open your heart in this timearound right you right now.
(47:50):
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto Kellen Fluker media.com if you
want more free tools, go here.
Your Ultimate Life Casubscribe Your heart in the sky and
(48:18):
your feet on the ground.
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