November 4, 2025 • 49 mins
What if leadership isn’t about control — but connection?
In this profound Coaches Edition, Kellan Fluckiger and Jem Fuller uncover what it truly means to lead with love in a rapidly changing world. They dismantle the myth of success built on dominance and ego, revealing how presence, compassion, and awareness create deeper transformation than force ever could.
This is not just a conversation about leadership — it’s a blueprint for the future of humanity. Whether you’re a coach, a creator, or a conscious entrepreneur, this dialogue will pull you back to the only place real power exists: here and now, in love.
📘 Important Topics Discussed:
- The Heart of Leadership: Why love and presence are more powerful than authority.
- The Trap of Control: How ego and speed disconnect us from humanity.
- Human Before Leader: Returning to compassion and awareness in the age of AI.
- The Practice of Presence: Simple ways to stay grounded amid chaos.
- Leading with the Soul: Redefining success through empathy and truth.
🔥 Ready to turn your truth into impact?
Join the Dream • Build • Write It Webinar — where bold creators transform ideas into movements.
👉 Reserve your free seat now at dreambuildwriteit.com
Jem helps you design and implement simple, effective and sustainable practises that turn lofty, philosophical concepts into real, beneficial habits. Visit https://jemfuller.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to the show. Tired ofthe hype about living a dream? It's
time for truth. This is theplace for tools, power and real talk
so you can create the life youdream and deserve your ultimate life.
Subscribe, share, create. Youhave infinite power. Hello there,
(00:29):
and welcome to this episode ofyour ultimate life. The podcast has
created to help you create alife of purpose, prosperity and joy
by serving with your gifts,your talents, and your life experience.
I'd like to welcome Jim Fulleras my guest today. Jim, welcome to
the show.
Kellen, thank you so much forhaving me on your show. It's taken
us a little bit to get here,and here we are. So this must be
(00:50):
the moment.
It is absolutely the moment.So I'm excited to get a chance to
visit with you and most of allto let people know who you are and
what you're doing. I don't dointroductions on the show because
it all comes out in a good wayas we talk. So let's start with a
question. How is it that JimFuller makes a choice in his life
(01:12):
to add good to the world, tomake stuff better? How do you do
that?
Well, there's a couple ofquestions that I ask myself regularly,
and one is what would love doin this situation? What would love
do? Now, we've jumped straightinto the deep end of, you know, my
philosophy around life and usas a species and the direction in
(01:33):
which I hope we are evolving,and I hope we are evolving towards
more love and less fear. And,you know, that's the game that I'm
playing. And I know there'slots of actors out there that are
playing on the opposite end ofthe scale, and that's okay, too.
But there's certainly a lot ofus, and it seems to me more and more
that are playing the game oflet's try and tip humanity, you know,
(01:56):
in the right direction, whichI believe is towards more love and
less fear. So that's. That'swhat I ask myself quite often.
What would love do? So I lovethat question. I use it also, both
in coaching and for myself. Sohow do you decide? So you're in a
situation, pick a situation,tell a real story where you ask that
(02:18):
question and it maybe made youdo something a little different.
Like, I like to get things,you know, kind of rubber meets the
road, practical application,because it's easy for us to sit around
and talk about woo stuff andkindness and love and all that good
stuff. And I believe in that,too, don't get me wrong. But pick
a. Pick a situation. Maybethat occurs to you in the last little
(02:40):
while where, where you askthat question and maybe it made you
change or adjust what you weregoing to do or say, I know I'm putting
you on the spot, but no,that's completely fine.
Oh look, I mean, even just tothink about this morning, you know,
I met a, I was introduced toa, a man who lives in Mexico a little
(03:00):
while ago and, and he and Ishared stories and we, we shared
openly about our past and, youknow, quite vulnerably. And he said,
jim, I run a men's group, aninternational men's group. Would
you come and speak to thismen's group about sexual anxiety
and performance anxiety formen? Because it's a topic that no
one talks about, but you know,I think it should be spoken about
(03:22):
and I have my own history withthat. And, and I said in that moment,
I said, you know, of course Isay, yeah, sure, this is my speaker
fee and this is how it works,etc. And blah, blah, blah. And he
said, jim, I can't pay you forthis. And it's, it's at 4:00 in the
morning, your time. Would youcome and do that? And you know, look,
we always make these decisionsas we move, but in that moment I
(03:45):
thought to myself, what wouldlove do? And I felt in that moment
that love would serve and thatwould serve this group of men for
me to just come as a fellowman and share and facilitate a safe
space for us to talk aboutthese things and for me to share
my story. So I woke up atquarter to 4 this morning and I got
(04:05):
on a call, an internationalzoom call with this group of men
and sat with them for a coupleof hours and shared my story and
opened the space for them tostart to venture into what is a hard
topic for a lot of men to talkabout. And so that was a decision
that wasn't business, itwasn't making money, it wasn't like,
how is this going to get mework? It was a decision that came
(04:27):
really from a place of loveand service.
That's fantastic. And I, whenI asked that question, I mean, we
don't prepare and you knowthat listeners, you know that by
a thousand episodes. But it'sexactly right. It's exactly right.
And what do you think? What doyou think that you do? Because so
(04:49):
many times we're going to dosomething or we say we're going to
do something and then lifehappens and then later in the afternoon
or tomorrow or something like,oh man, I forgot X. So what do you
do to prepare yourself so youremember to ask that question because
it's the right question. Youranswer was spectacular. And you know,
(05:11):
it's 7:30 there as we'rerecording this. And so four in the
morning was three and a halfhours ago. So you got up really early
this morning to do that. Whathelps you, you know, like people
tie rings around stringsaround their, you know, to remember
things. What helps youremember it? To ask that important
question.
Yeah, it's. That's a greatquestion, Kellen. And so I've always
(05:33):
loved. I call it habitassociation. And then James Clear
in his book Atomic Habits,called it habit stacking. Same thing
that I've been doing it foryears. So a new habit that I want
to create, I stick it to anexisting habit. So, for example,
I wanted to create the habitof pausing often. So just to pause
(05:53):
in the middle of doing things,stop, pause, breathe for five to
ten seconds, and thencontinue. And I wanted to create
this habit. This was about 15years ago. So I took a sticky note
and I wrote on the stickynote, pause. And I put it in different
places where I wouldhabitually do things every day. Anyway,
so my coffee machine everymorning might have a little ritual
(06:15):
where I go and grind my beansand I make my coffee just the way
I like it. It's a morningritual for me. Right? Right. So I
stick. I put the little stickynote that says pause, and I put it
on the container that's gotthe coffee beans in it so that just
as I open the lid on thecontainer, I smell the coffee beans,
and I've got a little stickynote that said pause. So I pause,
(06:36):
and instead of smelling theroses, I smell the coffee beans.
Right?
Right.
Now that was, that was 15years ago. I don't have the sticky
note there anymore. But nowthere's a habit association, a neural
association. Every time I goto open my coffee beans, guess what
I do? I pause. I had the samesticky note on the top of my laptop.
So every time I'd go to openmy laptop, before opening the laptop
(06:59):
and coming into the meeting,pause, breathe, and continue. I had
one on the inside of my frontdoor of my house, so just before
leaving the house, and I hadone on the dashboard of my car. So
now these places don't havesticky notes anymore. But every time
I go to start my car, I pause,take a few breaths, come into the
(07:20):
moment, and then continue. Andso what that is the pause habit has
been specifically helpfulbecause it's now become habitual
for me to Pause in momentsbefore making decisions. And that
pause I can now insert inthere. Hey, Jim, what would love
do right now?
(07:40):
I love it. Love. There's theword again. That's a fabulous thing
in, in several respects. One,the habit of pausing, the habit of
taking space to consider. Imean, we live in a time of rush,
rush, rush, hurry up, hurryup, get everything done yesterday
and all the rest. What madeyou decide and now that you've been
(08:02):
doing it for all these years,besides having a habit of doing that
into which is like acontainer. You've created an empty
container, and you can put inthere anything you want. And you
put a beautiful question. Whatwould love do? What's another. What's
another thing or two? And thereason I'm asking this is because,
audience, listeners, I wantyou to hear this because your ability
(08:24):
to realize that it doesn'thave everything, doesn't have to
hurry up. And in fact, nothingin that nature grows hurry up. It
grows at the right speed, atthe speed of seasons and at the speed
of sunrise and sunset and atthe speed of rain falling or clouds
moving. That's how theuniverse, which is perfect, works.
(08:46):
And we have inserted thisnonsense about hurry up. So I love
this habit. What's anotherthing maybe that you've inserted
in that pause container in thelast years that has served you really
well?
Gratitude, you know, and. Andwe hear it. Everyone goes, yeah,
yeah, gratitude. And thegratitude practice and the gratitude
(09:06):
journal and the gratitude.There's a reason. There's a reason
that people bang on aboutgratitude being an immediate hack
to a physiological state ofbeing that is of peace and, and,
well, being and feeling good.And it uplifts you. It literally,
all of the right, you know,hormones get released through your
(09:27):
body when you practicegratitude, and you just feel better
in that moment. You know,wherever you're at, you feel a little
bit better when you practicegratitude. So that's been a, you
know, that's been a lovelyhabit to create an insert into that.
That container, the pausecontainer. You know, my friends and
family have often said to me,oh, Gemma, you're a bit much with
(09:48):
all your gratitude, mate.You're so grateful for everything.
It's a little bit much, isn'tit? And I'm like, yeah, but I'm of
the happiest people I know,right? And gratitude is free. So
why. Why would you not? But,you know, it's interesting with the
pause habit is that when wepause, I mean, I know you know this.
When we pause, we're creatingoptions in terms of we're creating
(10:13):
more choice in terms of how werespond. So rather than being reactionary,
we just react, react, react,react, which is the place that our
ego hangs out, which is fine.But rather than reacting to life,
we become better at pausingand responding, and we become actually
more response able, whichmeans we become more responsible,
(10:35):
you know, for the way thatwe're showing up and the way that
we're choosing to interactwith the world around us. And. And
that's been such a fantastichabit to create. And I remember the
inspiration for this habit.Fifteen years ago, I was at a conference
in Sydney, here in Australia,and it was the Global Mindful Leader
Forum. And there were greatleaders from around the world. You
(10:59):
know, the leaders of the Worldbank and some leaders from the UN
and leaders from some of thebiggest companies in America, but
all leaders who understood thebenefit of a mindfulness practice.
And one of the keynotespeakers got up on stage and he was
a short man. He kind of waslike a mixture between the Dalai
Lama and Eckhart Tolle. Buthe's. He emanated this beautiful
(11:22):
presence, you know, and as hewalked onto the stage, the whole
auditorium, thousands ofpeople, just went completely quiet,
you know, and you could hear apin drop in the room. And you know,
when it's just the right timeto hear something, like, you might
have heard that before oryou've read it before, but it wasn't
the right time. It was justthe right time for me to hear this
man speak. And he said twothings that stuck with me. He said,
(11:47):
know the work. He was talkingabout meditation. Know the work,
but do the work. And I feltcalled out in that moment because
I'd been dabbling withmeditation throughout my life, and
I'd been prescribingmeditation to my clients, but I didn't
have a daily practice. And Ifelt called out, and I went, whoa,
okay, all right, I'm going todo the work. And the second thing
(12:07):
he said was, pause often.That's all he said. And I thought,
wow, what does he mean bythat? And I just took it literally.
I just thought, you know what?I'm going to create a habit of pausing
often throughout the day. Andlike you said, Kellen, most of us
wake up in the morning. Youget up, you rub your eyes, you quickly
get out there, you know, youhave your shower or whatever, you
(12:28):
quickly get dressed, you getthe kids ready for school, pack the
lunch boxes, get the kids off,and then you race into your car,
you go to work. And it's onething to the next thing to next thing.
And then you get home at theend of the day and then you take
the kids to sport, and thenyou come home, you cook dinner, clean
the kitchen, get the kids intobed, maybe have a glass of wine and
watch some Netflix to try andswitch off. And then you fall asleep
and then you wake up the nextday and you do it all over again.
(12:49):
And you haven't stopped once.And we are running on this sympathetic
nervous system hyper state ofvigilance pretty much most of our
lives, you know, and until weswitch off with that glass of wine
or a movie or whatever. Butmost of our waking lives we're in
this activated state. And it'snot healthy, you know, it's not healthy.
(13:12):
We need to pause. And what Ifound with these pause moments, they
only take 10 seconds. Theybecome a little micro recalibration
back to your state ofequanimity, back to your calm center.
It's like, ah, that's right.And then continue. And you, you actually
are more functional, moreproductive, more clear, more present
(13:38):
in the next thing that you doafter pausing, right? So if you pause
before going into a meetingwith the board, or if you pause before
going into a one to one withone of your staff members, if you
pause before it, you show upway better in that meeting than you
would have otherwise, right?
Yeah, 100%. So you won't getany disagreement from me at all about
(14:00):
any of this stuff. Why in theworld then? I mean, since this is
true and we'll get back toknow the work and do the work in
a minute, because it appliesnot only to meditation, but other
things. But I want to do thispause. Why have we created a world
and do we continue to insiston a world, a socialization and a
structure that is so theopposite of what breeds health, relaxes
(14:25):
the sympathetic nervoussystem, makes us more effective in
the next conversation andmeeting, so that we have to have
you, me and whoever elsereminding us that that's stupid and
not very productive. Like whyare we perpetuating? And I know you're
speculating here, maybe youthink you have exactly the reason
why the frick is it soimportant for us to do stupid things
(14:48):
so we have to be reminded.
Yeah, well, there's an answerin that last statement that you just
said. But also if we look atit anthropologically, evolutionarily,
in terms of us as a speciesand where we've come from, we have
evolved as a species fromtimes of scarcity, when there wasn't
enough food, there wasn'tenough shelter or there wasn't enough
(15:13):
land, and we had to fight andwe had to scrape to survive. Now,
our wiring, our old humanwiring, is still back in the past,
but times have changed, youknow, through technologies and whether
it was farming or theIndustrial revolution, and now with
artificial intelligences, andwe're in a. In a situation now where
(15:35):
if we. Excuse me for swearing,but if we got our shit together,
we could create completeabundance. If we. If we can. If we
could orchestrate thetechnologies we've got access to
now, let alone in the nextfive years when AI starts solving
some of the bigger problems,we could feed everyone on the planet.
We just haven't figured outhow to orchestrate that yet. Right?
(15:57):
So abundance is right here infront of us, but our old wiring hasn't
caught up to that. So we stillrun a scarcity pattern. I got to
produce more. I got to domore. I got to beat that person.
I got to climb the ladder. Igot to. Da. Da. I've gotta. I gotta.
I gotta. Hang on a second. No,you don't. No, you don't. You know,
and that also just. I know I'mgoing into the next part of the conversation,
(16:17):
Callum, but when I'm coachingmy clients now and showing them how
they can use an AI, that savesthem several hours of a particular
task. So they go, wow, I justdid that in five minutes. That used
to take me two hours. And thenI say, now pause. Rather than going
to the next thing on your todo list. You've got an hour and 55
(16:38):
minutes now that you didn'thave last week. You've got it now.
Stand up, leave your desk, goand find someone, another human being
that's important to you, andspend some time in relationship,
in human to humanrelationship. Go and have a coffee
together, go and sit down andhave lunch. Ask them how they're
feeling. Ask them how theirfamily is. Ask them, like, connect
(17:00):
human to human. Slow down. Youdon't need to produce more, you need
to connect more. That's whatI'm thinking.
That's a perfect next part ofthe conversation, because, you know,
when smartphones came out,they're more connected. And we know
from all kinds of evidencethat we're more isolated. So we're
more connected and moreisolated at the same time. You know,
(17:21):
you see it, kids standing nextto each other, texting instead of
talking, and they're textingto each other, right? I mean, that
kind of stupidity you actuallysee. And I've seen articles about
that, and there's A there's aresistance, especially since we've
developed those habits ofisolation and Covid didn't help,
(17:41):
but we've created thisisolation until there's really a
fear that has developed oftrue face to face interaction. I
think there's some of thatthat we're going to have to fix because
at the end of the day we'rereally social creatures and we're
really built to love and serveeach other. I mean our physical neurotransmitters
(18:05):
fire when we do that. Ourspiritual neurotransmitters. I'm
convinced that there's somekind of energetic or spiritual analog
to dopamine and anandamide andoxytocin and everything. We just
don't know the names of ityet. Right, yeah. So what are we
going to do about thisisolation? Because your advice is
really good. You have an hourand 50 minutes or whatever it is
(18:27):
a long time you didn't have.Instead of producing, go develop,
nurture a different thing.Instead of nurturing your to do list,
nurture your humanness.
Yeah.
How are we going to helppeople actually do that thing? I
know one to one or in groupswhen we coach, we can do it. But
(18:47):
my yearning is to figure outhow we. This AI revolution is going
to change things faster thanwe can even breathe. So how do we
take advantage of that insteadof getting buried by it?
Yeah, well, you know, you andI can, can only do what we can do
and I mean even just havingthis conversation is important. You
(19:08):
know, you dedicating so muchof your life to having important
conversations with people andsharing them, you know, that, that's,
that's a way of doing it andyou know, any of us that feel called
to try and help play our partto help humanity in the right direction
and I believe the rightdirection and quite possibly, and
(19:29):
I don't know what the outcomeof this whole next five to 10 years
is going to be. I don't thinkanybody does, but I'm an optimist
and so I'm hoping that AI willactually give us the time to have
some sort of existentialcrisis of meaning of well, if I'm
not needed 9 to 5 to do thatthing, what's the purpose of life?
And we come back to, oh, it'srelationship, it's community, it's
(19:53):
in person, shared feltexperience, it's sharing stories
around the fire, it's pullingout the guitar and singing together.
It's, it's what we used to dobefore the industrial revolution
a lot more than what we donow. And I'm hoping that we have
a flourishing of humanity inthat way. And so to answer your question
of what can we do to catalyzethat, keep speaking about it. But
(20:17):
for you as a listener at home,just start locally, spend more time
with your loved ones, spendmore time with your community. Reach
out to the friends of yoursthat you hardly ever speak to because
life got so busy. Pick up thephone and just say, hey, I was thinking
about you. I just wanted tosay hi, see how you are, tell you
I love you. You know, make aneffort to reach out and connect.
(20:39):
Because we know from the, thelongest pieces of research on humans,
namely the, the Harvardresearch on adult development, which
has been going for 90 oddyears, the most resounding finding
from that research is that thequality of our life is directly correlated
to the quality of ourrelationships, right? Not how big
(21:01):
your business was, not howmany houses you had. None of that
how good were yourrelationships equals how good was
your life. So let's take thatunderstanding that we have and invest
time in nurturing our relationships.
So that's really good becauselike you said, right time when you
were at that conference. We'veheard this before. Nobody on their
(21:23):
deathbed wishes they'd spentmore time at the office. Duh, right?
And so we hear that thing andwe go, yeah, I gotta spend some more
time in relationships. But itisn't until we have what you said,
some kind of existentialcrisis or something that crams our
own mortality or some of thatrealization down our throats that
(21:43):
we actually do anything aboutit. So yeah, I wanna, I wanna switch
now. I want to give you achance to tell our listeners what
you do. You've given somehints about. You talk about clients
and helping people andinstilling habits in yourself that
you do. You've talked about acouple gratitude and pausing and
the benefits for that. Tell mea little bit about the business and
(22:05):
what you do in a. Yeah, tellme, tell me what you.
Do day to day. So theoverarching phrase that people can,
you know, kind of box orpigeonhole is leadership coach. And
I specialize in communication,so I help leaders communicate more
effectively. Why I love thatis because I love humans. I can't
(22:29):
help it. I just love us, thecrazy, crazy species that we are.
You know, with all of our bitsand bobs, all of our stuff. I can't
help but love humans. And, andI love it when humans get along.
You know, it doesn't meanagree. I'm not saying you have to
agree with each other oneverything. But when humans can get
better at leaning in, lettinggo of the fear and leaning in with
(22:52):
curiosity and seeking tounderstand, and then working together
because we're a team's animal.We only came off the savannah plains
and survived the lions andtigers because we figured out how
to work in teams andcommunicate. That's why we exist
as a species. We're a socialcreature. We need each other. You
know, and Covid made thatvery, very clear to us. The depression
(23:13):
and anxiety and suicide rateswhen people were forced into isolation
went through the roof. Wedon't do well in isolation. I mean,
there's exceptions to therule. Some people go and sit in a
cave forever, but that's anexception to the rule. Generally
speaking, we need each other.And so I'm fascinated in how do we
work better together, how dowe find the common goal, whether
(23:33):
it's in a corporate or whetherit's in a small business or whether
it's in a community. And howdo we communicate and build a culture
of agreed values, you know,agreed mission and vision, you know,
agreed way of being so that wecan achieve something good together.
So that's the bread and butterstuff. I work with leaders. What
that's actually spread out toas, you know, as a coach. I mean,
(23:56):
of course there's the booksand the online courses and the, you
know, the group stuff that Ido and the one to one stuff that
I do. But essentially wherethat's got me to now, which is what
really lights me up the most,is the high ticket experience we
do in the Himalayan mountainsin India, out of a village which
has been my second home for 30years. And that's then led to us
(24:19):
being gifted some land in theforest, in the Himalayan mountains
by the temple, which is myfamily home over there, we've been
gifted some land and we'reabout to build a non profit meditation
retreat sanctuary on thisland. And we will be sponsoring to
fly in senior leaders fromfive sectors in different countries
to provide a transformationalexperience for them so that they're
(24:42):
changed and intrinsicallymotivated to go home and embed into
their structure and theirsystems a formula that we have for
how we can do what we do asprofessionals, as people, through
the lens of love. How can Ishow up and do what I do through
a lens of love? What does thatactually practically look like? So
(25:02):
that's our nonprofit, whichwe've just formed, called the center
of Love. And then on top ofthat, the most exciting thing for
me in the last few months isI've just brought together 12 founders
of global movements. Most ofthem are nonprofit, but some are
for profit, but positiveimpact. 12 founders of Global movements
that are fueled by love,trying to make a positive difference
(25:23):
in the world. And my idea wasthat if I bring them together as
the center of Love alliance,the 12 founders, that we can amplify
and multiply each other'swork. So we came together for our
first virtual roundtable justa few weeks ago. We added up the
impact that we've already hadas a group. And we've already directly
(25:45):
impacted 15 million livesaround the world, from India to Europe
to America and Australia. AndI put it to the group and I said,
look, I think we should 10xthat in the next three years. And
they all agreed. So, as agroup of 12 movements, we've decided
to aim for 150 million livesto positively impact in the next
three years. And that's thecenter of Love Alliance. And. And
(26:09):
it's exciting, man. It's. It'sreally exciting. But that's the non
profit that doesn't pay me anymoney. That's just my passion. Right.
You know, it's interesting. Iknow you're not quite done with the
story, I think, but I justwant to note for me and for the audience,
the energy around your face,the way you describe those words,
the language and the movement,even the physical movements, and
(26:29):
the way you say that it'sclear that it's near and dear to
your heart. And I mean, that'sa cliche. It's important, it's meaningful.
It carries the energy ofgrowth and change and back to where
we started right at thebeginning, love, which is the foundation
of everything. What? So now Ihave a. Were you going to say more
(26:51):
about that? Did I interrupt you?
No.
Okay, cool. So now my questionis this. That's magic. 30 years at
a thing in the Himalayas,getting gifted some stuff, creating
the center of love. I mean,that's the stuff of a movie, right?
So you need to get a bookwritten about that. You need to write,
you know, create a movie. Youdo. This is not. This is not something
(27:11):
to just nod and do. So this issaying, what is the journey? So my
next question is you, Jim, youdidn't fall up that mountain. So
I want you to talk to me aboutthe choices and the journey of yourself
that brought you to the placewhere you could create in real life
12 leaders coming together or330 years of a Himalayan retreat.
(27:33):
Like, what are some of thechoices and experiences that have
helped you up that Mountain,because like I said, nobody falls
up the mountain.
Yeah, yeah. Well, that, thatparticular location, which is a very,
very special place on theplanet. If anyone's heard of Mount
Kailash, Mount Kailash is inTibet. And Mount Kailash is considered
(27:58):
the crown chakra of the Chakrasystem, the energy meridian system
of the, of the Earth. AndMount Kailash is considered the crown
chakra. And from Mount Kailashcome four of the biggest rivers in
the world, including theGanges and the Yangtze up into China
and the Indus and, And theserivers provide life to. I can't remember,
(28:20):
Kellen, I think it's like aquarter of the Earth's population
or something.
Yeah, it would be if it'sIndia and China. I mean, that's right,
3 billion right there, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So thismountain is a very holy mountain
to a lot of people. And thevillage that I didn't just fall up
the mountain too, but I gotto. And I'll share that story in
a sec. Is quite closegeographically, quite close. It's
(28:43):
in the same region of theHimalayan mountains. So it's a very
energetically incredibleplace. I was in my late 20s, mid
to late 20s. I had my firstexistential death of ego crisis,
identity crisis. I was livingin squats in London and I had a broken
heart and I'd been an antiestablishment punk living in squats
(29:05):
and you know, screw the systemkind of thing. Anyway, I ended up
back in India. And India forme was a bit of a holy grail. You
know, it was like thismagical, mystical place for me back
in the 90s. And I'd ended upback in India, but really lost, very
lost. And so I ran anexperiment. And this was the choice
(29:27):
that you're asking about. Imade a choice to run an experiment.
I had no idea who I was or whoI wanted to be. I had no idea what
I wanted to do with my life. Iwas just coming out of reasonably
severe drug addiction and hadcome out clean, but lost. And so
I ran an experiment and Isaid, you know what? I'm not going
(29:47):
to have any design on thefuture at all. As in not even tomorrow.
I'm not going to plan. I'mgoing to let go and surrender to
not knowing who I am, whereI'm going or what I'm doing. And
what ensued was a year and ahalf of the most magical tapped in
flow ever. By this fullsurrender, everything just flowed
(30:11):
in a way that's hard toexplain, but was like being in flow
state but for an extendedperiod. Of time. And that doesn't
mean everything was easy, youknow, I had a serious motorcycle
accident in that time. Butthen I had a miracle healing from
this motorcycle accident. Youknow, I had all of the stuff, but
it was in flow state. When Iwas in the south of India, I met
(30:31):
this old hippie, old JohnEnglish guy. He's not around anymore.
And I met him and we used tosmoke weed together down in the south
of India, down in south ofGoa. And Goa was like the party state,
right? Anyway, when we weresaying our farewells after hanging
out for a month or two, hesaid to me, jem, if you're ever up
(30:52):
in Himachal Pradesh, mate, ifyou're ever up in the mountains,
if you ever go near a villagecalled Naga, go up to the Krishna
temple and come and find me.That's me home. Come and find me.
And I was like. And I wrote inthe. In my journal, old John Krishna
Temple, Naga. Six monthslater, I'm on a bus going up the
(31:13):
mountain. And this is back inthe 90s, right? This was before email,
right?
Before. Anyway, there was noInternet. Hey, I'm looking for you.
Yeah, no Internet. And I'msitting on this public bus and I'm
going up this valley inHimachal Pradesh, and I. Licking,
I look in my Lonely Planettravel guide book at the map, and
I saw on the other side of theriver, I saw this town, Naga. Oh,
(31:37):
Naga. That rings a bell. Whydoes that ring a bell? I flick through
my journal, I go to the backof my journal, and sure enough, there
it is. Six months before, I'dwritten, old John Krishna Temple,
Naga. So I got off the bus andI hitchhiked across the river. And
this is on these, you know,these suspension swinging bridges
across a big Himalayan river.
(31:57):
You hitchhiked across aswinging bridge?
I walked over the swingingbridge, and then I hitchhiked.
I just wanted to get clear.Big old bridge with cars on it. Okay,
yeah.
Oh, yeah, no, they have. Theyhave them too. They have them too.
But anyway, so I got across tothe other side, and I start asking
people, krishna Temple. Andthey're like, hanji Upper, upper.
(32:17):
They're saying, go up, go up.I'm walking up this village. It's
on the side of a Himalayanmountain, right? I'm walking up Krishna
Temple, Hanji. I get up to thetop of the village, and then there's
just forest. And then this oneold lady, she points to this little
track in the forest, and shejust points. So I start walking up
this track in the forest andnow it's coming to the end of the
day and it's starting to getdark. And I'm in the forest on the
(32:39):
side of a mountain. I didn'tknow where I was. And I walk for
45 minutes and I come to aclearing and there's this ancient
old temple, Krishna temple,and a little house nearby and a barn
with a cow in it and a young16 year old girl milking the cow.
And she comes out from milkingthe cow with a pail with the milk
(32:59):
in it and she says, namaste.And I said, namaste, Namaste. And
I said, john, John Idahey. Asin john, is he here? I spoke a bit
of Hindi, right? And she says,hanji, like, yes sir, Johnny is here.
And she calls out, oh, John.She calls out, right? And this old
(33:22):
English hippie comestottering. He's stoned. He was always
stoned. He came tottering outof this little cabin and he came
out, he said, hello, hello. Itwas just starting to get dark and
I said, john, it's Jem, Aussiegem from. From down south. And he
goes, oh, hello, mate, youmade it. Come on, I'll put the kettle
(33:42):
on. And he took me inside andI ended up staying that time. I stayed
for a month and then I wentand did a bit more traveling. Then
I came back and lived therefor another three or four months
and they adopted me and theybecame my family and they've been
my Himalayan family eversince. And we've built a small school
there and I've been takingretreats there for 15 years. And
(34:03):
they know my wife now myfamily. And that was the start of
it all. So that's how I fellup that mountain.
What a spectacular story. AndI re. I reiterate the story and the
consequences and the choices.Oh, that should. You've just shared
it with me and all the peoplethat have heard this. But what a
(34:24):
story about choice andconsequence and making choices about
who we are. And you said thatperiod was guided and I guess with
experiences like that, it was.That's amazing. So what do you think's
going to happen with your 12?I know you can't predict the future,
especially when things arechanging as fast as they are. 150
(34:45):
million people, like, Iunderstand numbers like that because,
you know, I've set reallylarge targets for myself to try to
reach people with messages andall that stuff. So what are you guys
going to do? What is the.What. What would love do in actualizing
that commitment?
(35:07):
Yeah. And you know, for me,this Is the. The place my mind loves
to hang out is in the weavingof worlds and, and seeing how these
things can. Can come to be.And what would love do? Is the question
that I keep asking the groupthat we've recently formed, but already
since just coming together inthe last few weeks, one of the founders
(35:30):
in the group is keynotespeaking at the Vatican in a few
weeks in Rome at a globalhumanitarian event at the Vatican.
And we've put togethersomething for her to speak about
and so she's going to mentionthe center of Love Alliance. So we're
getting our first publiclaunch at the Vatican, of all places,
(35:52):
which is great. And then to.To weave the world. So, for example,
one of the founders has aglobal tech platform that facilitates
good conversations. And whatthey're doing now is that they are
creating a list of people likeyou, actually, Kellen, and I'll put
you in touch with my friend.She's in Canada as well.
(36:13):
Oh, cool.
So am I. Yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah. I'll put you in touch
with her. You might havealready met her, but I'll put you
in touch with. So herplatform, her mission is to get a
million speakers into amillion classrooms around the world.
So the virtual classroom wherethey have a screen and the teachers
go onto a menu of speakers andcan pick speakers. And people like
(36:35):
you and I have gifted a coupleof hours a year only, or 10 hours
a year we've gifted. And theteacher can book you and zoom you
into their classroom so thatthe kids in that classroom can hear
the story of Keller, right? Sothis tech platform already exists.
She's already doing itglobally. She wants to go bigger
million kids in a millionclassrooms. So now I've introduced
(36:58):
her to my friend in Indiawho's built more than 7,000 schools
and put more than 7 millionkids through education, right? So,
boom, there's an automaticconnection. Then I've got another
friend of mine who, anotherone of the founders who's got three
and a half million mums aroundthe world. And so the three and a
half million moms, there's atleast three and a half million kids
there, right? And then I'vegot her in touch with the seven million
(37:21):
students guy. So there's sevenmillion mums there. So I'm weaving
all these worlds together. Andthen there's the. My friend Scarlett
who's, you know, built theChoose Love curriculum for kids,
and that's been downloaded in132 schools. So now we've got a curriculum,
a Choose Love curriculum thatwe can Plug into a global platform
that we can plug into 7000schools in India for a start. That
(37:44):
we can plug into a globalcommunity of mums. Right. So this
is how my mind goes.
So, listeners, if you're notstoked by hearing Jim talk about
these possibilities, andhere's the thing, he just told you
that he started from a placeof having his own struggles. Living
in squats, he called it. AndI'm assuming that means in not very
(38:04):
good circumstances. I don'tknow that word. But you know, he
mentioned addiction to drugs,and that's certainly a world familiar
to me. So if, if he can comefrom that place and decide, I'm going
to make choices that feelenergetically good. And he said,
surrender. And surrender isnot abdication. Surrender is not
(38:26):
giving up. It's giving in tothe urges and. And the nudges within
your heart because you're adivine being. And you just heard
a narrative about how thesethings weave together. And so if
you have the story that youcan't do your version of that, it's
not true, you can. And you canstart today because this day is the
(38:48):
best day. Yesterday is notavailable and tomorrow's not here.
So today is the day. What afabulous story. And thank you for
that marvelous example ofexcitement. I'm going to ask you
a completely differentquestion. So you spend a lot of time,
personal development, helpingothers yourself. Inserting, pause,
(39:09):
inserting gratitude. And Ilove that I. When I talk about gratitude,
you know, anything fast isn'tappropriate. Gratitude is a slow
permeation of our body withthat sense of gratitude. And when
I talk to people about that, Iexperience gratitude all the way
through. That's what changesyou. Anyway, side detour. I want
(39:31):
you to tell me with all thatwork, talk to me about the relationship
you have with your wife.
Oh, what a lovely question. Ican. Even for people who are watching
this. There you go. I'm justgoing to move my screen up. That
picture up on the wall behindme, that's my beautiful wife, Talia.
(39:53):
That's the two of us up in theHimalaya mountains where we run our
retreats together. I feel solucky at having a second shot, a
second chance. I feel reallylucky. And Kellen, when you and I
first met and you shared yourstory with me, you know, it resonated
with me for lots of reasons.And one of the main reasons that
(40:15):
resonated with me is that thatyou slash divine, slash universe,
the whole thing you gave, yougave yourself a second chance and
you didn't waste it. Andthat's how I feel with. With Talia.
You know, I've been marriedbefore and had kids and. And I messed
it up, you know, but I didn'tknow what I was doing. I don't. You
(40:37):
know, it was all meant to be,apparently, because it happened,
but I just didn't know what Iknow now. And I. And I also hadn't
built the deep relationshipwith self that I built before meeting
Talia. So before Talia showedup in my life, I'd been. I'd lost
everything, lost my job, mymarriage, my house, had that midlife
crisis thing, which was amidlife remembering or a midlife
(41:00):
awakening for me. But I wentto work on the relationship with
myself, dedicated every singleday, many, many hours every day to
repair that relationship withmyself and to develop the neurology
and the energy of self love.Once that had started to work, and
I started to actuallybrainwash myself into believing that
(41:23):
I was good enough and that Ideserved love, and I actually started
to believe it. That's whenThalia showed up. And we attract
someone according to the levelthat we're at, right? So I attracted
someone that was at that levelwith me. And together we've been
beautiful, each other'shalves, creating this whole of reflection
(41:46):
back to ourselves, ofourselves in such a beautiful, safe,
vulnerable, and conscious waythat we've continued the evolution
together. And I've been reallylucky enough to explore my version
of functional masculine, andshe's been allowed to surrender into
her version of functionalfeminine. And together, it's just
(42:10):
been really stunning, reallybeautiful. And I was just messaging
her before jumping on yourshow with you and just gratitude
of how grateful I am that wegot put together in this lifetime,
you know, and in this moment,and how grateful I am for her. And
this is daily. We express thisto each other daily. So I feel very
(42:31):
blessed, very lucky.
I ask you that because there'sso many people that, you know, I
interview, mostly one at atime. I've got a new little third
episode a week that I'm nowinterviewing coaches to talk about
coaching and the rise of AI. Ijust finished a book called Coaching
in the Rise of AI andexploring what that's happening with
that, and that'll be out in acouple weeks. But anyway, thank you
(42:53):
for sharing that, because somany people do their thing and they
show up as powerful orimpressive in some way. And the truth
is, they are not theembodiment of the truth they teach.
And consequently, theirrelationship, either with themselves,
their family, or their otherhalf, their. Their Significant other
is in tatters, and it is. It'sa disaster. I didn't know all the.
(43:17):
I did know some of what yousaid because you shared with me some
of that when we talked before,but not very much. And so I wanted
to give you the chance withthat warmth and tenderness that you
showed, to talk about thecompleteness of evolution, because
it isn't complete until welove ourselves deeply. And if at
this moment, we happen to bewith another person in partnership,
(43:41):
until they are truly inpartnership and there is love and
kindness with us in thatrelationship and mutual support.
So you described itbeautifully, and that was fantastic.
Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah, thank you. I mean,and we run our retreats together,
and the feedback that we getfrom the clients that come away with
us is always a version of thesame thing, which is. There's just
(44:06):
something so complete and heldabout having you both hold space
for us while we go on retreatand walk through the mountains. You
know, I'm. I'm therefacilitating most of the content.
Talia's there, and she doesthis beautiful, grounded, mother
energy holding. She just holdsspace for people, you know, and it.
(44:26):
And people, as we're goingthrough retreat, people just feel
drawn to her. They go to herand they just want to sit with her
and share themselves and talk,and it's. It's really quite beautiful.
So. So there's. There's thatand. And something you just reminded
me of. I remember I was in theroom as a student at the school where
I studied coaching many yearsago, and the facilitator said something
(44:49):
that triggered me, becausethis is when I was back in my past
marriage, and my marriage wasnot great. It really not great, but
I was pretending to theoutside world, my life was an Instagram
feed. You know, I had a greatjob, and I'm here, and I've got this
beautiful wife and I've got mykids. And it was all like a veneer,
you know, but at home, it wastoxic and hard and not healthy. And
(45:11):
the facilitator, the teacher,said that relationship that you go
home to is the most importantrelationship. And if it's not healthy,
you can't go out into theworld and do your best work. And
I got triggered by that,because my relationship wasn't healthy,
but I was pretending that itwas. And it wasn't until I found
myself in this relationshipthat I'm in now, the one with self
(45:34):
first and then with Talia,that I really got it. And I'm like,
wow, they were so right. Themost important Relationship is the
one you go home to. And whenthat is flourishing and connected
and safe, then you can go outand be the best version of yourself
in the work that you do in theworld, you know?
(45:56):
So we're about out of time.I'm wondering. What? Didn't I ask
you that you're dying to leteverybody know. Wow.
What am I dying to leteveryone know?
Well, I don't know dying, butwhatever you want to talk about.
And then tell people where tofind you and how to get a hold of
you and how to get a bit more gem.
(46:17):
Yeah. Look, there's one thingthat has been really helpful for
me to keep remembering, andthat is that you made it. We made
it. You've made it now. Inthis moment, you're exactly where
you're supposed to be. You areprecisely the version of you that
you're supposed to be in thismoment. And even if it's hard and
tough right now, you'reexactly where you're supposed to
(46:39):
be now, not where you're goingin the future now. And the acceptance
of I am enough just the way Iam, and I'm exactly who I'm supposed
to be in this moment, just theway I am. And how do I know that?
How do I know that's true?Because reality told me, right? Because
it is reality. Right? Becauseit is so. It is so. There we go.
So apparently I'm exactly whoI'm supposed to be. And there's liberation
(47:03):
in that acceptance. You know,that's the thing I wanted to share
and how people can find me.Jam Fuller Jem with a J j e m fuller.com
Jam Fuller on Instagram JamFuller on LinkedIn Jam Fuller. You'll
find me. There's a couple ofTEDx talks you can look at, the book
the Art of ConsciousCommunication. You can go and find
(47:26):
I'm. I'm approachable, dude.I'm not one of these people that
is, you know, famous and toobusy and never gets back to you.
If, if you shoot me an email,you'll get a reply. So. So reach
out if you want to reach outand have a conversation with me.
Jim, thank you. I appreciateyour energy, your truth. And you're
(47:46):
clearly energized also, justbecause you are who you are, but
also your time with that groupthis morning was a fabulous entree
to our. Our episode thismorning. So thanks for being here
with me today.
Thank you so much for havingme on your show, Matt. I really appreciate
it.
You bet. I want you. Oh, thishas been so good. So so go back and
(48:09):
listen. Listen to the journey.Listen to the choices, and most of
all, love yourself enough tolisten to the nudges. Because those
nudges will lead you in thedirection to create your ultimate
life.
(48:30):
Open your heart. And this timearound, right here, right.
Now, your opportunity formassive growth is right in front
of you. Every episode givesyou practical tips and practices
that will change everything.If you want to know more, go to kellenfluekermedia.com
(48:50):
if you want more free tools,go here. Your Ultimate UltimateLife
ca subscribe share.
Welcome to the show. Tired ofthe hype about living a dream? It's
time for truth. This is theplace for tools, power and real talk
so you can create the life youdream and deserve your ultimate life.
Subscribe, share, create. Youhave infinite power. Hello there,
(00:29):
and welcome to this episode ofyour ultimate life. The podcast has
created to help you create alife of purpose, prosperity and joy
by serving with your gifts,your talents, and your life experience.
I'd like to welcome Jim Fulleras my guest today. Jim, welcome to
the show.
Kellen, thank you so much forhaving me on your show. It's taken
us a little bit to get here,and here we are. So this must be
(00:50):
the moment.
It is absolutely the moment.So I'm excited to get a chance to
visit with you and most of allto let people know who you are and
what you're doing. I don't dointroductions on the show because
it all comes out in a good wayas we talk. So let's start with a
question. How is it that JimFuller makes a choice in his life
(01:12):
to add good to the world, tomake stuff better? How do you do
that?
Well, there's a couple ofquestions that I ask myself regularly,
and one is what would love doin this situation? What would love
do? Now, we've jumped straightinto the deep end of, you know, my
philosophy around life and usas a species and the direction in
(01:33):
which I hope we are evolving,and I hope we are evolving towards
more love and less fear. And,you know, that's the game that I'm
playing. And I know there'slots of actors out there that are
playing on the opposite end ofthe scale, and that's okay, too.
But there's certainly a lot ofus, and it seems to me more and more
that are playing the game oflet's try and tip humanity, you know,
(01:56):
in the right direction, whichI believe is towards more love and
less fear. So that's. That'swhat I ask myself quite often.
What would love do? So I lovethat question. I use it also, both
in coaching and for myself. Sohow do you decide? So you're in a
situation, pick a situation,tell a real story where you ask that
(02:18):
question and it maybe made youdo something a little different.
Like, I like to get things,you know, kind of rubber meets the
road, practical application,because it's easy for us to sit around
and talk about woo stuff andkindness and love and all that good
stuff. And I believe in that,too, don't get me wrong. But pick
a. Pick a situation. Maybethat occurs to you in the last little
(02:40):
while where, where you askthat question and maybe it made you
change or adjust what you weregoing to do or say, I know I'm putting
you on the spot, but no,that's completely fine.
Oh look, I mean, even just tothink about this morning, you know,
I met a, I was introduced toa, a man who lives in Mexico a little
(03:00):
while ago and, and he and Ishared stories and we, we shared
openly about our past and, youknow, quite vulnerably. And he said,
jim, I run a men's group, aninternational men's group. Would
you come and speak to thismen's group about sexual anxiety
and performance anxiety formen? Because it's a topic that no
one talks about, but you know,I think it should be spoken about
(03:22):
and I have my own history withthat. And, and I said in that moment,
I said, you know, of course Isay, yeah, sure, this is my speaker
fee and this is how it works,etc. And blah, blah, blah. And he
said, jim, I can't pay you forthis. And it's, it's at 4:00 in the
morning, your time. Would youcome and do that? And you know, look,
we always make these decisionsas we move, but in that moment I
(03:45):
thought to myself, what wouldlove do? And I felt in that moment
that love would serve and thatwould serve this group of men for
me to just come as a fellowman and share and facilitate a safe
space for us to talk aboutthese things and for me to share
my story. So I woke up atquarter to 4 this morning and I got
(04:05):
on a call, an internationalzoom call with this group of men
and sat with them for a coupleof hours and shared my story and
opened the space for them tostart to venture into what is a hard
topic for a lot of men to talkabout. And so that was a decision
that wasn't business, itwasn't making money, it wasn't like,
how is this going to get mework? It was a decision that came
(04:27):
really from a place of loveand service.
That's fantastic. And I, whenI asked that question, I mean, we
don't prepare and you knowthat listeners, you know that by
a thousand episodes. But it'sexactly right. It's exactly right.
And what do you think? What doyou think that you do? Because so
(04:49):
many times we're going to dosomething or we say we're going to
do something and then lifehappens and then later in the afternoon
or tomorrow or something like,oh man, I forgot X. So what do you
do to prepare yourself so youremember to ask that question because
it's the right question. Youranswer was spectacular. And you know,
(05:11):
it's 7:30 there as we'rerecording this. And so four in the
morning was three and a halfhours ago. So you got up really early
this morning to do that. Whathelps you, you know, like people
tie rings around stringsaround their, you know, to remember
things. What helps youremember it? To ask that important
question.
Yeah, it's. That's a greatquestion, Kellen. And so I've always
(05:33):
loved. I call it habitassociation. And then James Clear
in his book Atomic Habits,called it habit stacking. Same thing
that I've been doing it foryears. So a new habit that I want
to create, I stick it to anexisting habit. So, for example,
I wanted to create the habitof pausing often. So just to pause
(05:53):
in the middle of doing things,stop, pause, breathe for five to
ten seconds, and thencontinue. And I wanted to create
this habit. This was about 15years ago. So I took a sticky note
and I wrote on the stickynote, pause. And I put it in different
places where I wouldhabitually do things every day. Anyway,
so my coffee machine everymorning might have a little ritual
(06:15):
where I go and grind my beansand I make my coffee just the way
I like it. It's a morningritual for me. Right? Right. So I
stick. I put the little stickynote that says pause, and I put it
on the container that's gotthe coffee beans in it so that just
as I open the lid on thecontainer, I smell the coffee beans,
and I've got a little stickynote that said pause. So I pause,
(06:36):
and instead of smelling theroses, I smell the coffee beans.
Right?
Right.
Now that was, that was 15years ago. I don't have the sticky
note there anymore. But nowthere's a habit association, a neural
association. Every time I goto open my coffee beans, guess what
I do? I pause. I had the samesticky note on the top of my laptop.
So every time I'd go to openmy laptop, before opening the laptop
(06:59):
and coming into the meeting,pause, breathe, and continue. I had
one on the inside of my frontdoor of my house, so just before
leaving the house, and I hadone on the dashboard of my car. So
now these places don't havesticky notes anymore. But every time
I go to start my car, I pause,take a few breaths, come into the
(07:20):
moment, and then continue. Andso what that is the pause habit has
been specifically helpfulbecause it's now become habitual
for me to Pause in momentsbefore making decisions. And that
pause I can now insert inthere. Hey, Jim, what would love
do right now?
(07:40):
I love it. Love. There's theword again. That's a fabulous thing
in, in several respects. One,the habit of pausing, the habit of
taking space to consider. Imean, we live in a time of rush,
rush, rush, hurry up, hurryup, get everything done yesterday
and all the rest. What madeyou decide and now that you've been
(08:02):
doing it for all these years,besides having a habit of doing that
into which is like acontainer. You've created an empty
container, and you can put inthere anything you want. And you
put a beautiful question. Whatwould love do? What's another. What's
another thing or two? And thereason I'm asking this is because,
audience, listeners, I wantyou to hear this because your ability
(08:24):
to realize that it doesn'thave everything, doesn't have to
hurry up. And in fact, nothingin that nature grows hurry up. It
grows at the right speed, atthe speed of seasons and at the speed
of sunrise and sunset and atthe speed of rain falling or clouds
moving. That's how theuniverse, which is perfect, works.
(08:46):
And we have inserted thisnonsense about hurry up. So I love
this habit. What's anotherthing maybe that you've inserted
in that pause container in thelast years that has served you really
well?
Gratitude, you know, and. Andwe hear it. Everyone goes, yeah,
yeah, gratitude. And thegratitude practice and the gratitude
(09:06):
journal and the gratitude.There's a reason. There's a reason
that people bang on aboutgratitude being an immediate hack
to a physiological state ofbeing that is of peace and, and,
well, being and feeling good.And it uplifts you. It literally,
all of the right, you know,hormones get released through your
(09:27):
body when you practicegratitude, and you just feel better
in that moment. You know,wherever you're at, you feel a little
bit better when you practicegratitude. So that's been a, you
know, that's been a lovelyhabit to create an insert into that.
That container, the pausecontainer. You know, my friends and
family have often said to me,oh, Gemma, you're a bit much with
(09:48):
all your gratitude, mate.You're so grateful for everything.
It's a little bit much, isn'tit? And I'm like, yeah, but I'm of
the happiest people I know,right? And gratitude is free. So
why. Why would you not? But,you know, it's interesting with the
pause habit is that when wepause, I mean, I know you know this.
When we pause, we're creatingoptions in terms of we're creating
(10:13):
more choice in terms of how werespond. So rather than being reactionary,
we just react, react, react,react, which is the place that our
ego hangs out, which is fine.But rather than reacting to life,
we become better at pausingand responding, and we become actually
more response able, whichmeans we become more responsible,
(10:35):
you know, for the way thatwe're showing up and the way that
we're choosing to interactwith the world around us. And. And
that's been such a fantastichabit to create. And I remember the
inspiration for this habit.Fifteen years ago, I was at a conference
in Sydney, here in Australia,and it was the Global Mindful Leader
Forum. And there were greatleaders from around the world. You
(10:59):
know, the leaders of the Worldbank and some leaders from the UN
and leaders from some of thebiggest companies in America, but
all leaders who understood thebenefit of a mindfulness practice.
And one of the keynotespeakers got up on stage and he was
a short man. He kind of waslike a mixture between the Dalai
Lama and Eckhart Tolle. Buthe's. He emanated this beautiful
(11:22):
presence, you know, and as hewalked onto the stage, the whole
auditorium, thousands ofpeople, just went completely quiet,
you know, and you could hear apin drop in the room. And you know,
when it's just the right timeto hear something, like, you might
have heard that before oryou've read it before, but it wasn't
the right time. It was justthe right time for me to hear this
man speak. And he said twothings that stuck with me. He said,
(11:47):
know the work. He was talkingabout meditation. Know the work,
but do the work. And I feltcalled out in that moment because
I'd been dabbling withmeditation throughout my life, and
I'd been prescribingmeditation to my clients, but I didn't
have a daily practice. And Ifelt called out, and I went, whoa,
okay, all right, I'm going todo the work. And the second thing
(12:07):
he said was, pause often.That's all he said. And I thought,
wow, what does he mean bythat? And I just took it literally.
I just thought, you know what?I'm going to create a habit of pausing
often throughout the day. Andlike you said, Kellen, most of us
wake up in the morning. Youget up, you rub your eyes, you quickly
get out there, you know, youhave your shower or whatever, you
(12:28):
quickly get dressed, you getthe kids ready for school, pack the
lunch boxes, get the kids off,and then you race into your car,
you go to work. And it's onething to the next thing to next thing.
And then you get home at theend of the day and then you take
the kids to sport, and thenyou come home, you cook dinner, clean
the kitchen, get the kids intobed, maybe have a glass of wine and
watch some Netflix to try andswitch off. And then you fall asleep
and then you wake up the nextday and you do it all over again.
(12:49):
And you haven't stopped once.And we are running on this sympathetic
nervous system hyper state ofvigilance pretty much most of our
lives, you know, and until weswitch off with that glass of wine
or a movie or whatever. Butmost of our waking lives we're in
this activated state. And it'snot healthy, you know, it's not healthy.
(13:12):
We need to pause. And what Ifound with these pause moments, they
only take 10 seconds. Theybecome a little micro recalibration
back to your state ofequanimity, back to your calm center.
It's like, ah, that's right.And then continue. And you, you actually
are more functional, moreproductive, more clear, more present
(13:38):
in the next thing that you doafter pausing, right? So if you pause
before going into a meetingwith the board, or if you pause before
going into a one to one withone of your staff members, if you
pause before it, you show upway better in that meeting than you
would have otherwise, right?
Yeah, 100%. So you won't getany disagreement from me at all about
(14:00):
any of this stuff. Why in theworld then? I mean, since this is
true and we'll get back toknow the work and do the work in
a minute, because it appliesnot only to meditation, but other
things. But I want to do thispause. Why have we created a world
and do we continue to insiston a world, a socialization and a
structure that is so theopposite of what breeds health, relaxes
(14:25):
the sympathetic nervoussystem, makes us more effective in
the next conversation andmeeting, so that we have to have
you, me and whoever elsereminding us that that's stupid and
not very productive. Like whyare we perpetuating? And I know you're
speculating here, maybe youthink you have exactly the reason
why the frick is it soimportant for us to do stupid things
(14:48):
so we have to be reminded.
Yeah, well, there's an answerin that last statement that you just
said. But also if we look atit anthropologically, evolutionarily,
in terms of us as a speciesand where we've come from, we have
evolved as a species fromtimes of scarcity, when there wasn't
enough food, there wasn'tenough shelter or there wasn't enough
(15:13):
land, and we had to fight andwe had to scrape to survive. Now,
our wiring, our old humanwiring, is still back in the past,
but times have changed, youknow, through technologies and whether
it was farming or theIndustrial revolution, and now with
artificial intelligences, andwe're in a. In a situation now where
(15:35):
if we. Excuse me for swearing,but if we got our shit together,
we could create completeabundance. If we. If we can. If we
could orchestrate thetechnologies we've got access to
now, let alone in the nextfive years when AI starts solving
some of the bigger problems,we could feed everyone on the planet.
We just haven't figured outhow to orchestrate that yet. Right?
(15:57):
So abundance is right here infront of us, but our old wiring hasn't
caught up to that. So we stillrun a scarcity pattern. I got to
produce more. I got to domore. I got to beat that person.
I got to climb the ladder. Igot to. Da. Da. I've gotta. I gotta.
I gotta. Hang on a second. No,you don't. No, you don't. You know,
and that also just. I know I'mgoing into the next part of the conversation,
(16:17):
Callum, but when I'm coachingmy clients now and showing them how
they can use an AI, that savesthem several hours of a particular
task. So they go, wow, I justdid that in five minutes. That used
to take me two hours. And thenI say, now pause. Rather than going
to the next thing on your todo list. You've got an hour and 55
(16:38):
minutes now that you didn'thave last week. You've got it now.
Stand up, leave your desk, goand find someone, another human being
that's important to you, andspend some time in relationship,
in human to humanrelationship. Go and have a coffee
together, go and sit down andhave lunch. Ask them how they're
feeling. Ask them how theirfamily is. Ask them, like, connect
(17:00):
human to human. Slow down. Youdon't need to produce more, you need
to connect more. That's whatI'm thinking.
That's a perfect next part ofthe conversation, because, you know,
when smartphones came out,they're more connected. And we know
from all kinds of evidencethat we're more isolated. So we're
more connected and moreisolated at the same time. You know,
(17:21):
you see it, kids standing nextto each other, texting instead of
talking, and they're textingto each other, right? I mean, that
kind of stupidity you actuallysee. And I've seen articles about
that, and there's A there's aresistance, especially since we've
developed those habits ofisolation and Covid didn't help,
(17:41):
but we've created thisisolation until there's really a
fear that has developed oftrue face to face interaction. I
think there's some of thatthat we're going to have to fix because
at the end of the day we'rereally social creatures and we're
really built to love and serveeach other. I mean our physical neurotransmitters
(18:05):
fire when we do that. Ourspiritual neurotransmitters. I'm
convinced that there's somekind of energetic or spiritual analog
to dopamine and anandamide andoxytocin and everything. We just
don't know the names of ityet. Right, yeah. So what are we
going to do about thisisolation? Because your advice is
really good. You have an hourand 50 minutes or whatever it is
(18:27):
a long time you didn't have.Instead of producing, go develop,
nurture a different thing.Instead of nurturing your to do list,
nurture your humanness.
Yeah.
How are we going to helppeople actually do that thing? I
know one to one or in groupswhen we coach, we can do it. But
(18:47):
my yearning is to figure outhow we. This AI revolution is going
to change things faster thanwe can even breathe. So how do we
take advantage of that insteadof getting buried by it?
Yeah, well, you know, you andI can, can only do what we can do
and I mean even just havingthis conversation is important. You
(19:08):
know, you dedicating so muchof your life to having important
conversations with people andsharing them, you know, that, that's,
that's a way of doing it andyou know, any of us that feel called
to try and help play our partto help humanity in the right direction
and I believe the rightdirection and quite possibly, and
(19:29):
I don't know what the outcomeof this whole next five to 10 years
is going to be. I don't thinkanybody does, but I'm an optimist
and so I'm hoping that AI willactually give us the time to have
some sort of existentialcrisis of meaning of well, if I'm
not needed 9 to 5 to do thatthing, what's the purpose of life?
And we come back to, oh, it'srelationship, it's community, it's
(19:53):
in person, shared feltexperience, it's sharing stories
around the fire, it's pullingout the guitar and singing together.
It's, it's what we used to dobefore the industrial revolution
a lot more than what we donow. And I'm hoping that we have
a flourishing of humanity inthat way. And so to answer your question
of what can we do to catalyzethat, keep speaking about it. But
(20:17):
for you as a listener at home,just start locally, spend more time
with your loved ones, spendmore time with your community. Reach
out to the friends of yoursthat you hardly ever speak to because
life got so busy. Pick up thephone and just say, hey, I was thinking
about you. I just wanted tosay hi, see how you are, tell you
I love you. You know, make aneffort to reach out and connect.
(20:39):
Because we know from the, thelongest pieces of research on humans,
namely the, the Harvardresearch on adult development, which
has been going for 90 oddyears, the most resounding finding
from that research is that thequality of our life is directly correlated
to the quality of ourrelationships, right? Not how big
(21:01):
your business was, not howmany houses you had. None of that
how good were yourrelationships equals how good was
your life. So let's take thatunderstanding that we have and invest
time in nurturing our relationships.
So that's really good becauselike you said, right time when you
were at that conference. We'veheard this before. Nobody on their
(21:23):
deathbed wishes they'd spentmore time at the office. Duh, right?
And so we hear that thing andwe go, yeah, I gotta spend some more
time in relationships. But itisn't until we have what you said,
some kind of existentialcrisis or something that crams our
own mortality or some of thatrealization down our throats that
(21:43):
we actually do anything aboutit. So yeah, I wanna, I wanna switch
now. I want to give you achance to tell our listeners what
you do. You've given somehints about. You talk about clients
and helping people andinstilling habits in yourself that
you do. You've talked about acouple gratitude and pausing and
the benefits for that. Tell mea little bit about the business and
(22:05):
what you do in a. Yeah, tellme, tell me what you.
Do day to day. So theoverarching phrase that people can,
you know, kind of box orpigeonhole is leadership coach. And
I specialize in communication,so I help leaders communicate more
effectively. Why I love thatis because I love humans. I can't
(22:29):
help it. I just love us, thecrazy, crazy species that we are.
You know, with all of our bitsand bobs, all of our stuff. I can't
help but love humans. And, andI love it when humans get along.
You know, it doesn't meanagree. I'm not saying you have to
agree with each other oneverything. But when humans can get
better at leaning in, lettinggo of the fear and leaning in with
(22:52):
curiosity and seeking tounderstand, and then working together
because we're a team's animal.We only came off the savannah plains
and survived the lions andtigers because we figured out how
to work in teams andcommunicate. That's why we exist
as a species. We're a socialcreature. We need each other. You
know, and Covid made thatvery, very clear to us. The depression
(23:13):
and anxiety and suicide rateswhen people were forced into isolation
went through the roof. Wedon't do well in isolation. I mean,
there's exceptions to therule. Some people go and sit in a
cave forever, but that's anexception to the rule. Generally
speaking, we need each other.And so I'm fascinated in how do we
work better together, how dowe find the common goal, whether
(23:33):
it's in a corporate or whetherit's in a small business or whether
it's in a community. And howdo we communicate and build a culture
of agreed values, you know,agreed mission and vision, you know,
agreed way of being so that wecan achieve something good together.
So that's the bread and butterstuff. I work with leaders. What
that's actually spread out toas, you know, as a coach. I mean,
(23:56):
of course there's the booksand the online courses and the, you
know, the group stuff that Ido and the one to one stuff that
I do. But essentially wherethat's got me to now, which is what
really lights me up the most,is the high ticket experience we
do in the Himalayan mountainsin India, out of a village which
has been my second home for 30years. And that's then led to us
(24:19):
being gifted some land in theforest, in the Himalayan mountains
by the temple, which is myfamily home over there, we've been
gifted some land and we'reabout to build a non profit meditation
retreat sanctuary on thisland. And we will be sponsoring to
fly in senior leaders fromfive sectors in different countries
to provide a transformationalexperience for them so that they're
(24:42):
changed and intrinsicallymotivated to go home and embed into
their structure and theirsystems a formula that we have for
how we can do what we do asprofessionals, as people, through
the lens of love. How can Ishow up and do what I do through
a lens of love? What does thatactually practically look like? So
(25:02):
that's our nonprofit, whichwe've just formed, called the center
of Love. And then on top ofthat, the most exciting thing for
me in the last few months isI've just brought together 12 founders
of global movements. Most ofthem are nonprofit, but some are
for profit, but positiveimpact. 12 founders of Global movements
that are fueled by love,trying to make a positive difference
(25:23):
in the world. And my idea wasthat if I bring them together as
the center of Love alliance,the 12 founders, that we can amplify
and multiply each other'swork. So we came together for our
first virtual roundtable justa few weeks ago. We added up the
impact that we've already hadas a group. And we've already directly
(25:45):
impacted 15 million livesaround the world, from India to Europe
to America and Australia. AndI put it to the group and I said,
look, I think we should 10xthat in the next three years. And
they all agreed. So, as agroup of 12 movements, we've decided
to aim for 150 million livesto positively impact in the next
three years. And that's thecenter of Love Alliance. And. And
(26:09):
it's exciting, man. It's. It'sreally exciting. But that's the non
profit that doesn't pay me anymoney. That's just my passion. Right.
You know, it's interesting. Iknow you're not quite done with the
story, I think, but I justwant to note for me and for the audience,
the energy around your face,the way you describe those words,
the language and the movement,even the physical movements, and
(26:29):
the way you say that it'sclear that it's near and dear to
your heart. And I mean, that'sa cliche. It's important, it's meaningful.
It carries the energy ofgrowth and change and back to where
we started right at thebeginning, love, which is the foundation
of everything. What? So now Ihave a. Were you going to say more
(26:51):
about that? Did I interrupt you?
No.
Okay, cool. So now my questionis this. That's magic. 30 years at
a thing in the Himalayas,getting gifted some stuff, creating
the center of love. I mean,that's the stuff of a movie, right?
So you need to get a bookwritten about that. You need to write,
you know, create a movie. Youdo. This is not. This is not something
(27:11):
to just nod and do. So this issaying, what is the journey? So my
next question is you, Jim, youdidn't fall up that mountain. So
I want you to talk to me aboutthe choices and the journey of yourself
that brought you to the placewhere you could create in real life
12 leaders coming together or330 years of a Himalayan retreat.
(27:33):
Like, what are some of thechoices and experiences that have
helped you up that Mountain,because like I said, nobody falls
up the mountain.
Yeah, yeah. Well, that, thatparticular location, which is a very,
very special place on theplanet. If anyone's heard of Mount
Kailash, Mount Kailash is inTibet. And Mount Kailash is considered
(27:58):
the crown chakra of the Chakrasystem, the energy meridian system
of the, of the Earth. AndMount Kailash is considered the crown
chakra. And from Mount Kailashcome four of the biggest rivers in
the world, including theGanges and the Yangtze up into China
and the Indus and, And theserivers provide life to. I can't remember,
(28:20):
Kellen, I think it's like aquarter of the Earth's population
or something.
Yeah, it would be if it'sIndia and China. I mean, that's right,
3 billion right there, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So thismountain is a very holy mountain
to a lot of people. And thevillage that I didn't just fall up
the mountain too, but I gotto. And I'll share that story in
a sec. Is quite closegeographically, quite close. It's
(28:43):
in the same region of theHimalayan mountains. So it's a very
energetically incredibleplace. I was in my late 20s, mid
to late 20s. I had my firstexistential death of ego crisis,
identity crisis. I was livingin squats in London and I had a broken
heart and I'd been an antiestablishment punk living in squats
(29:05):
and you know, screw the systemkind of thing. Anyway, I ended up
back in India. And India forme was a bit of a holy grail. You
know, it was like thismagical, mystical place for me back
in the 90s. And I'd ended upback in India, but really lost, very
lost. And so I ran anexperiment. And this was the choice
(29:27):
that you're asking about. Imade a choice to run an experiment.
I had no idea who I was or whoI wanted to be. I had no idea what
I wanted to do with my life. Iwas just coming out of reasonably
severe drug addiction and hadcome out clean, but lost. And so
I ran an experiment and Isaid, you know what? I'm not going
(29:47):
to have any design on thefuture at all. As in not even tomorrow.
I'm not going to plan. I'mgoing to let go and surrender to
not knowing who I am, whereI'm going or what I'm doing. And
what ensued was a year and ahalf of the most magical tapped in
flow ever. By this fullsurrender, everything just flowed
(30:11):
in a way that's hard toexplain, but was like being in flow
state but for an extendedperiod. Of time. And that doesn't
mean everything was easy, youknow, I had a serious motorcycle
accident in that time. Butthen I had a miracle healing from
this motorcycle accident. Youknow, I had all of the stuff, but
it was in flow state. When Iwas in the south of India, I met
(30:31):
this old hippie, old JohnEnglish guy. He's not around anymore.
And I met him and we used tosmoke weed together down in the south
of India, down in south ofGoa. And Goa was like the party state,
right? Anyway, when we weresaying our farewells after hanging
out for a month or two, hesaid to me, jem, if you're ever up
(30:52):
in Himachal Pradesh, mate, ifyou're ever up in the mountains,
if you ever go near a villagecalled Naga, go up to the Krishna
temple and come and find me.That's me home. Come and find me.
And I was like. And I wrote inthe. In my journal, old John Krishna
Temple, Naga. Six monthslater, I'm on a bus going up the
(31:13):
mountain. And this is back inthe 90s, right? This was before email,
right?
Before. Anyway, there was noInternet. Hey, I'm looking for you.
Yeah, no Internet. And I'msitting on this public bus and I'm
going up this valley inHimachal Pradesh, and I. Licking,
I look in my Lonely Planettravel guide book at the map, and
I saw on the other side of theriver, I saw this town, Naga. Oh,
(31:37):
Naga. That rings a bell. Whydoes that ring a bell? I flick through
my journal, I go to the backof my journal, and sure enough, there
it is. Six months before, I'dwritten, old John Krishna Temple,
Naga. So I got off the bus andI hitchhiked across the river. And
this is on these, you know,these suspension swinging bridges
across a big Himalayan river.
(31:57):
You hitchhiked across aswinging bridge?
I walked over the swingingbridge, and then I hitchhiked.
I just wanted to get clear.Big old bridge with cars on it. Okay,
yeah.
Oh, yeah, no, they have. Theyhave them too. They have them too.
But anyway, so I got across tothe other side, and I start asking
people, krishna Temple. Andthey're like, hanji Upper, upper.
(32:17):
They're saying, go up, go up.I'm walking up this village. It's
on the side of a Himalayanmountain, right? I'm walking up Krishna
Temple, Hanji. I get up to thetop of the village, and then there's
just forest. And then this oneold lady, she points to this little
track in the forest, and shejust points. So I start walking up
this track in the forest andnow it's coming to the end of the
day and it's starting to getdark. And I'm in the forest on the
(32:39):
side of a mountain. I didn'tknow where I was. And I walk for
45 minutes and I come to aclearing and there's this ancient
old temple, Krishna temple,and a little house nearby and a barn
with a cow in it and a young16 year old girl milking the cow.
And she comes out from milkingthe cow with a pail with the milk
(32:59):
in it and she says, namaste.And I said, namaste, Namaste. And
I said, john, John Idahey. Asin john, is he here? I spoke a bit
of Hindi, right? And she says,hanji, like, yes sir, Johnny is here.
And she calls out, oh, John.She calls out, right? And this old
(33:22):
English hippie comestottering. He's stoned. He was always
stoned. He came tottering outof this little cabin and he came
out, he said, hello, hello. Itwas just starting to get dark and
I said, john, it's Jem, Aussiegem from. From down south. And he
goes, oh, hello, mate, youmade it. Come on, I'll put the kettle
(33:42):
on. And he took me inside andI ended up staying that time. I stayed
for a month and then I wentand did a bit more traveling. Then
I came back and lived therefor another three or four months
and they adopted me and theybecame my family and they've been
my Himalayan family eversince. And we've built a small school
there and I've been takingretreats there for 15 years. And
(34:03):
they know my wife now myfamily. And that was the start of
it all. So that's how I fellup that mountain.
What a spectacular story. AndI re. I reiterate the story and the
consequences and the choices.Oh, that should. You've just shared
it with me and all the peoplethat have heard this. But what a
(34:24):
story about choice andconsequence and making choices about
who we are. And you said thatperiod was guided and I guess with
experiences like that, it was.That's amazing. So what do you think's
going to happen with your 12?I know you can't predict the future,
especially when things arechanging as fast as they are. 150
(34:45):
million people, like, Iunderstand numbers like that because,
you know, I've set reallylarge targets for myself to try to
reach people with messages andall that stuff. So what are you guys
going to do? What is the.What. What would love do in actualizing
that commitment?
(35:07):
Yeah. And you know, for me,this Is the. The place my mind loves
to hang out is in the weavingof worlds and, and seeing how these
things can. Can come to be.And what would love do? Is the question
that I keep asking the groupthat we've recently formed, but already
since just coming together inthe last few weeks, one of the founders
(35:30):
in the group is keynotespeaking at the Vatican in a few
weeks in Rome at a globalhumanitarian event at the Vatican.
And we've put togethersomething for her to speak about
and so she's going to mentionthe center of Love Alliance. So we're
getting our first publiclaunch at the Vatican, of all places,
(35:52):
which is great. And then to.To weave the world. So, for example,
one of the founders has aglobal tech platform that facilitates
good conversations. And whatthey're doing now is that they are
creating a list of people likeyou, actually, Kellen, and I'll put
you in touch with my friend.She's in Canada as well.
(36:13):
Oh, cool.
So am I. Yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah. I'll put you in touch
with her. You might havealready met her, but I'll put you
in touch with. So herplatform, her mission is to get a
million speakers into amillion classrooms around the world.
So the virtual classroom wherethey have a screen and the teachers
go onto a menu of speakers andcan pick speakers. And people like
(36:35):
you and I have gifted a coupleof hours a year only, or 10 hours
a year we've gifted. And theteacher can book you and zoom you
into their classroom so thatthe kids in that classroom can hear
the story of Keller, right? Sothis tech platform already exists.
She's already doing itglobally. She wants to go bigger
million kids in a millionclassrooms. So now I've introduced
(36:58):
her to my friend in Indiawho's built more than 7,000 schools
and put more than 7 millionkids through education, right? So,
boom, there's an automaticconnection. Then I've got another
friend of mine who, anotherone of the founders who's got three
and a half million mums aroundthe world. And so the three and a
half million moms, there's atleast three and a half million kids
there, right? And then I'vegot her in touch with the seven million
(37:21):
students guy. So there's sevenmillion mums there. So I'm weaving
all these worlds together. Andthen there's the. My friend Scarlett
who's, you know, built theChoose Love curriculum for kids,
and that's been downloaded in132 schools. So now we've got a curriculum,
a Choose Love curriculum thatwe can Plug into a global platform
that we can plug into 7000schools in India for a start. That
(37:44):
we can plug into a globalcommunity of mums. Right. So this
is how my mind goes.
So, listeners, if you're notstoked by hearing Jim talk about
these possibilities, andhere's the thing, he just told you
that he started from a placeof having his own struggles. Living
in squats, he called it. AndI'm assuming that means in not very
(38:04):
good circumstances. I don'tknow that word. But you know, he
mentioned addiction to drugs,and that's certainly a world familiar
to me. So if, if he can comefrom that place and decide, I'm going
to make choices that feelenergetically good. And he said,
surrender. And surrender isnot abdication. Surrender is not
(38:26):
giving up. It's giving in tothe urges and. And the nudges within
your heart because you're adivine being. And you just heard
a narrative about how thesethings weave together. And so if
you have the story that youcan't do your version of that, it's
not true, you can. And you canstart today because this day is the
(38:48):
best day. Yesterday is notavailable and tomorrow's not here.
So today is the day. What afabulous story. And thank you for
that marvelous example ofexcitement. I'm going to ask you
a completely differentquestion. So you spend a lot of time,
personal development, helpingothers yourself. Inserting, pause,
(39:09):
inserting gratitude. And Ilove that I. When I talk about gratitude,
you know, anything fast isn'tappropriate. Gratitude is a slow
permeation of our body withthat sense of gratitude. And when
I talk to people about that, Iexperience gratitude all the way
through. That's what changesyou. Anyway, side detour. I want
(39:31):
you to tell me with all thatwork, talk to me about the relationship
you have with your wife.
Oh, what a lovely question. Ican. Even for people who are watching
this. There you go. I'm justgoing to move my screen up. That
picture up on the wall behindme, that's my beautiful wife, Talia.
(39:53):
That's the two of us up in theHimalaya mountains where we run our
retreats together. I feel solucky at having a second shot, a
second chance. I feel reallylucky. And Kellen, when you and I
first met and you shared yourstory with me, you know, it resonated
with me for lots of reasons.And one of the main reasons that
(40:15):
resonated with me is that thatyou slash divine, slash universe,
the whole thing you gave, yougave yourself a second chance and
you didn't waste it. Andthat's how I feel with. With Talia.
You know, I've been marriedbefore and had kids and. And I messed
it up, you know, but I didn'tknow what I was doing. I don't. You
(40:37):
know, it was all meant to be,apparently, because it happened,
but I just didn't know what Iknow now. And I. And I also hadn't
built the deep relationshipwith self that I built before meeting
Talia. So before Talia showedup in my life, I'd been. I'd lost
everything, lost my job, mymarriage, my house, had that midlife
crisis thing, which was amidlife remembering or a midlife
(41:00):
awakening for me. But I wentto work on the relationship with
myself, dedicated every singleday, many, many hours every day to
repair that relationship withmyself and to develop the neurology
and the energy of self love.Once that had started to work, and
I started to actuallybrainwash myself into believing that
(41:23):
I was good enough and that Ideserved love, and I actually started
to believe it. That's whenThalia showed up. And we attract
someone according to the levelthat we're at, right? So I attracted
someone that was at that levelwith me. And together we've been
beautiful, each other'shalves, creating this whole of reflection
(41:46):
back to ourselves, ofourselves in such a beautiful, safe,
vulnerable, and conscious waythat we've continued the evolution
together. And I've been reallylucky enough to explore my version
of functional masculine, andshe's been allowed to surrender into
her version of functionalfeminine. And together, it's just
(42:10):
been really stunning, reallybeautiful. And I was just messaging
her before jumping on yourshow with you and just gratitude
of how grateful I am that wegot put together in this lifetime,
you know, and in this moment,and how grateful I am for her. And
this is daily. We express thisto each other daily. So I feel very
(42:31):
blessed, very lucky.
I ask you that because there'sso many people that, you know, I
interview, mostly one at atime. I've got a new little third
episode a week that I'm nowinterviewing coaches to talk about
coaching and the rise of AI. Ijust finished a book called Coaching
in the Rise of AI andexploring what that's happening with
that, and that'll be out in acouple weeks. But anyway, thank you
(42:53):
for sharing that, because somany people do their thing and they
show up as powerful orimpressive in some way. And the truth
is, they are not theembodiment of the truth they teach.
And consequently, theirrelationship, either with themselves,
their family, or their otherhalf, their. Their Significant other
is in tatters, and it is. It'sa disaster. I didn't know all the.
(43:17):
I did know some of what yousaid because you shared with me some
of that when we talked before,but not very much. And so I wanted
to give you the chance withthat warmth and tenderness that you
showed, to talk about thecompleteness of evolution, because
it isn't complete until welove ourselves deeply. And if at
this moment, we happen to bewith another person in partnership,
(43:41):
until they are truly inpartnership and there is love and
kindness with us in thatrelationship and mutual support.
So you described itbeautifully, and that was fantastic.
Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah, thank you. I mean,and we run our retreats together,
and the feedback that we getfrom the clients that come away with
us is always a version of thesame thing, which is. There's just
(44:06):
something so complete and heldabout having you both hold space
for us while we go on retreatand walk through the mountains. You
know, I'm. I'm therefacilitating most of the content.
Talia's there, and she doesthis beautiful, grounded, mother
energy holding. She just holdsspace for people, you know, and it.
(44:26):
And people, as we're goingthrough retreat, people just feel
drawn to her. They go to herand they just want to sit with her
and share themselves and talk,and it's. It's really quite beautiful.
So. So there's. There's thatand. And something you just reminded
me of. I remember I was in theroom as a student at the school where
I studied coaching many yearsago, and the facilitator said something
(44:49):
that triggered me, becausethis is when I was back in my past
marriage, and my marriage wasnot great. It really not great, but
I was pretending to theoutside world, my life was an Instagram
feed. You know, I had a greatjob, and I'm here, and I've got this
beautiful wife and I've got mykids. And it was all like a veneer,
you know, but at home, it wastoxic and hard and not healthy. And
(45:11):
the facilitator, the teacher,said that relationship that you go
home to is the most importantrelationship. And if it's not healthy,
you can't go out into theworld and do your best work. And
I got triggered by that,because my relationship wasn't healthy,
but I was pretending that itwas. And it wasn't until I found
myself in this relationshipthat I'm in now, the one with self
(45:34):
first and then with Talia,that I really got it. And I'm like,
wow, they were so right. Themost important Relationship is the
one you go home to. And whenthat is flourishing and connected
and safe, then you can go outand be the best version of yourself
in the work that you do in theworld, you know?
(45:56):
So we're about out of time.I'm wondering. What? Didn't I ask
you that you're dying to leteverybody know. Wow.
What am I dying to leteveryone know?
Well, I don't know dying, butwhatever you want to talk about.
And then tell people where tofind you and how to get a hold of
you and how to get a bit more gem.
(46:17):
Yeah. Look, there's one thingthat has been really helpful for
me to keep remembering, andthat is that you made it. We made
it. You've made it now. Inthis moment, you're exactly where
you're supposed to be. You areprecisely the version of you that
you're supposed to be in thismoment. And even if it's hard and
tough right now, you'reexactly where you're supposed to
(46:39):
be now, not where you're goingin the future now. And the acceptance
of I am enough just the way Iam, and I'm exactly who I'm supposed
to be in this moment, just theway I am. And how do I know that?
How do I know that's true?Because reality told me, right? Because
it is reality. Right? Becauseit is so. It is so. There we go.
So apparently I'm exactly whoI'm supposed to be. And there's liberation
(47:03):
in that acceptance. You know,that's the thing I wanted to share
and how people can find me.Jam Fuller Jem with a J j e m fuller.com
Jam Fuller on Instagram JamFuller on LinkedIn Jam Fuller. You'll
find me. There's a couple ofTEDx talks you can look at, the book
the Art of ConsciousCommunication. You can go and find
(47:26):
I'm. I'm approachable, dude.I'm not one of these people that
is, you know, famous and toobusy and never gets back to you.
If, if you shoot me an email,you'll get a reply. So. So reach
out if you want to reach outand have a conversation with me.
Jim, thank you. I appreciateyour energy, your truth. And you're
(47:46):
clearly energized also, justbecause you are who you are, but
also your time with that groupthis morning was a fabulous entree
to our. Our episode thismorning. So thanks for being here
with me today.
Thank you so much for havingme on your show, Matt. I really appreciate
it.
You bet. I want you. Oh, thishas been so good. So so go back and
(48:09):
listen. Listen to the journey.Listen to the choices, and most of
all, love yourself enough tolisten to the nudges. Because those
nudges will lead you in thedirection to create your ultimate
life.
(48:30):
Open your heart. And this timearound, right here, right.
Now, your opportunity formassive growth is right in front
of you. Every episode givesyou practical tips and practices
that will change everything.If you want to know more, go to kellenfluekermedia.com
(48:50):
if you want more free tools,go here. Your Ultimate UltimateLife
ca subscribe share.
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